Disabled Community Megathread from October 6th, 2025 to October 19th, 2025
Disability is indeed a burden, yet I hope for a world where we don't have to carry our individual burdens all alone. Let the mega continue to a be a place where all of us can at least listen and make the burden somewhat lighter.
Friendly reminder to please use
::: spoiler spoiler tags and content warnings [cw]
Hexbear CoC
:::
for sensitive content that falls under Hexbear's Code of Conduct.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
I've recently made complaints to multiple bodies about the crappy medical care I'm receiving. The Patient Advice & Liaison Service and the Integrated Care Board, both of whom wrote back to say it's not their problem and they aren't getting involved, and the GP surgery and my local MP, neither of whom have even bothered responding nearly 2 weeks later.
12
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Complain again and ask them to clarify who your complaint should go to if not them. Make them justify themselves.
But yeah its pretty hard to get a shitty medical practitioner to face consequences
4
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
That sucks, is there anyone else you could contact about it? Maybe the facilities you've been treated at have a complaint line or something? It's awful that you can't even get a response, but I'm proud of you for advocating for yourself after everything, that has to be a struggle in itself. You deserve so much better.
3
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Thanks. I don't think I can deal with it any more at the moment. I just don't have the energy when it's a complete waste of time since no-one cares. I've got so much medical stuff on, I've got a date for my scan where they are apparently going to check my entire abdomen to see if there's a cause of the non-stop UTI feeling and raised "ovarian markers" that showed up in the blood test, plus all my usual shockwave and other appointments. My landlady also pressurised me into moving a heavy item last night and now my knee really hurts too.
4
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
Oh goodness, well definitely prioritize your rest, love. Is the scan for your abdomen happening this week? It would be nice to have an answer to some of your symptoms but I still hope it's nothing serious.
2
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
I think it's the 23rd.
3
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
I became ill on Saturday night and developed a terrible pain all down my left arm and into my back and neck. Painkillers didn't help and I was having trouble breathing, my heart was racing. Eventually the pain got so unbearable I called the NHS non-emergency number for advice and they sent an ambulance. I got carted off to hospital at like 3.45am and had three ECGs, two sets of blood tests and various examinations. My oxygen was worryingly low and my heart rate was far too high. The pain was so severe I was given multiple doses of morphine and eventually had an allergic reaction to the morphine. The reaction was treated and eventually they diagnosed the problem, it was being caused by nerves in my neck and was a complication from my previous stroke. I finally got discharged at 11am, went home and slept all Sunday.
A stroke really is the gift that keeps on giving! I didn't even know you could have such terrible and sudden problems from a stroke you'd had several years previously. And now morphine is off the table in future.
The only bright spot in my weekend is that I came online to find my food aid request had been answered, so at least that's one worry off my plate. Still need help with transport though. And I have an awful headache and still feel ill so can't write much more now.
11
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Oh my
You really got it all this time, that's horrible. I'm sorry you suffered so much over the weekend. Can this pain come back anytime? Please rest up and take care ❤️
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Thanks.
I've been worrying about whether it could come back. I didn't think to ask at the time as I was too tired and unwell. I suppose if it does, I know what it is next time, I was worried this time that it was a heart attack as the symptoms were just like heart attack symptoms are described. But I don't know what I'll do of it does come back as I'm now having allergic reactions to strong painkillers. Just one more thing to worry about.
7
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
An allergy to morphine sounds like one of the most unfortunate allergies one could have, and I'm sorry that this is something you'll have to deal with from now on. Maybe, once you have another appointment with a doctor that is somewhat knowledgeable about the topic, you could ask them. For now, I'm just glad you didn't have a heart attack and I hope you'll never have to suffer through this again
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Thanks.
I am worried about what I'll do for the future. I've never had a reaction to morphine before this. I'd never had a reaction to antibiotics before last week either. Seems I'm reacting to everything now. I always thought I would die from either suicide or another stroke but now anaphylactic shock seems to be the front runner.
5
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
I know I shouldn't be surprised but I can't believe they sent you home after a few hours after all of that! I'm so sorry you had a reaction to another medication, the list just seems to keep growing.
I'm glad you're (relatively) okay now, but my goodness that is a lot, love. Hope you're able to rest up and recover as much as you can. Did they give you any advice on what to look for or symptoms to keep an eye on for the next few days?
Sending hugs
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
No, no advice for the future. Also they always toss you out of hospital as soon as you're physically stable enough to leave, at least in the UK. In fact this time, as soon as arriving by ambulance I was put in a bed in the hospital. After about half an hour of being in the bed, they said they needed the bed and I'd have to go and sit in the waiting room. Sat there very uncomfortable for about 4 hours before being moved to another bed.
5
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
Good grief. Eternal hell fire on these oppressive systems.
5
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Just had a doctor's appointment about the bladder. Got fobbed off as usual. I asked again to be referred to a urologist. "Oh no, we can't do that, they probably wouldn't accept the referral. Try keeping a bladder diary for a few weeks, that might help!" And told to take the folic acid anyway, even though it's making the bladder symptoms much worse. Just useless. Doctors always make it so clear that patients are an inconvenience and they just want to get rid of us as soon as possible so they can collect their paycheque and go bac to their lives.
11
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Guess who woke up at 6 am, sprinted to the bus stop, realised after they got to school that they didn't have the printout, ran to the university library, had to spend 20 minutes navigating their infernal IT system to get the stuff printed, ran back, and got to the lab just in time only to be told I wasn't on the sign up sheet and that this was the SECOND lab session (requiring that I had been there another time I didnt even know about) and i therefore had no way of participating even if my attendance could be noted, and had a full on breakdown in public?
This guy.
Then it turned out I was supposed to be here Thursday.
10
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry you had such a rough start of the week. Please, feel hugged, sweetie. This is rough.
7
BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 2mon
Is popping joints a lot like, a thing? An autism thing, a hyper mobile thing? I'm constantly cracking things, toes, elbows, knees, hip, my back, neck, jaw, fingers in a couple different ways. Is this just a terrible habit I've gotten in to? I feel like I have cracked a lot for a long time and idk just ?? I don't really know what I want to say about it.
10
0x2640 - 2mon
hypermobile thing
we have EDS n it has always happened
8
BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 2mon
Do you (or anyone else reading) have/know of any good resources talking about hypermobility? I've seen a bit on tiktok that has made me think I might be but that's basically it.
8
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
A few instagram posts I saw over the years, but that's basically it. What I can tell you is that the popping isn't a bad thing, and you don't have to worry about having a "bad habit". I do hope someone else knows a little more
7
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
I can tell you the clinical definition and how hypermobility is "diagnosed" but I have no experience with it otherwise.
5
PurrLure [she/her] - 2mon
I’ve found that as I get older, cracking and stretching has become a more socially acceptable way to stim at work without people realizing I’m disabled.
7
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
I was told my joint popping (mostly fingers, toes, and knees) are a form of stim after I got diagnosed. I have some joints that bend a lot more than other people's, but I also have early onset arthritis that causes inflammation in places like my knees and hips. I probably pop various things two or three times an hour, not out of discomfort, more like a habit I can't break. It's weird but I can't not pop my knuckles. My doc said the popping isn't hurting anything, but physical therapy for stuff like my hips and back would supposedly go a long way to help support the joints themselves by building muscle around them. I can't afford that so I mostly just do little stretches at home and make sure I'm not sitting for too long during the day. A lot of that stuff is apparently genetic too, so it can really vary.
4
Dort_Owl [they/them, any] - 2mon
God I hate social posturing. Yes, you're very cool and normal. Yes I am not. I know. I'm not going to change, I'm not trying to fit into the game so stop assuming I'm playing.
9
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
The worst part is the attempted baiting. Like, trying to provoke you into "conforming". It sucks, and you deserve better
5
Dort_Owl [they/them, any] - 2mon
Uh huh, the whole "I'm going to be a disingenuous and passive aggressive asshole and somehow this is a gotcha on you."
8
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
It's just school bullying all over again, urgh. You're good the way you are, owlet, they can't even reach that level of cool you have
8
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Guys I think my education might be bougie as fuck.
There's a wine tasting student club, there's a brunch group
9
0x2640 - 2mon
5
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
You can sign uo for a surfing trip to Morocco or a bunch of other activities that i cannot afford too
5
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
My bladder is no better. I can't get any sleep. And I think someone on lemmy is teasing me with promises of help that don't come through. A person there answered my mutual aid post to say he wants to help but then keeps making excuses. First he turned down every available option like paypal, anything that takes debit/credit cards, and every other type of payment, saying they don't have paypal, debit/credit cards or the other types of payment in his country. Then he said the only thing he can do is a bank transfer but he needs to go somewhere to do it and he can't get there for weeks, and maybe not at all. Like, why even contact me to offer help if nothing is convenient for him? Also I don't think I'd want to give my bank details to a complete stranger anyway. As if this isn't disappointing enough, he posted his offer of help in the thread, but then sent all of his "can't do this payment method..." messages through DMs, which makes it look to everyone else like I am being helped, when I am not. Which means other people who might have helped won't bother now. It's like he's gone out of his way to stop me getting help from other people while giving no help himself. Someone on lemmy once strung me along like that for weeks and got banned, I'm wondering if this is the same person under an alt account. And I find it hard to believe there's a country where they don't even have credit or debit cards.
EDIT: Just checked my account and wow! Someone else came through! Now I don't need to worry about it.
9
Beetle [hy/hym] - 2mon
I’m glad someone came through after all.
In my country it’s somewhat common to not have a credit or US style debit card. We have our own payment system that doesn’t work well on international sites. This is why many people use paypal as it enables us to pay internationally as well.
But that doesn’t discount the fact that this person is being the opposite of helpful by making false promises and not delivering. It must be very exhausting to deal with that on a regular basis :/
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
It is, very. I suggested everything from cards to paypal to crypto to apple pay to google pay, he said he doesn't have any of them and probably can't get to the bank to do a transfer. Why contact me at all then? And why leave a message in the thread saying he's going to help me, and then send private messages saying he doesn't have any payment methods and can't help after all? makes me think he was trying to sabotage my thread for some reason.
6
Beetle [hy/hym] - 2mon
It could definitely be sabotage. Leaving a message in the thread if you’re not even sure you can deliver on it does seem suspicious
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
it wouldn't be the first time either.
7
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
I think we should assume incompetence before malice of our fellow hexbears.
6
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 2mon
I told the girl that I like that I like her this morning and she hasn't responded yet so I'm gonna go kill myself now.
9
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
There are two possibilities
1:She just hasnt seen it yet or doesnt know how to respond
2:She's not into you, in which case thats a good thing because she clearly has awful taste and you should find someone else anyway.
7
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 2mon
She responded. She said she hasn't been in a relationship for 4 years.
I've been dropping hints that I'm interested for the last 2 weeks but we are both autistic so I think there is a communication and social cue issue going on, so that was why I finally got the balls gathered to be straight forward.
7
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Being honest with your intentions is always best, that way there is no confusion and no one ends up feeling tricked or used.
8
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 2mon
Yeah, I'm also bad at picking up when people are interested in me and I have heard the same thing from other autistic people so I went ahead and decided to try direct and honest. Honesty for me is an easy thing anyway.
7
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Honesty is the best policy.
It would be nice if her answer was clearer with regards to whether she's interested though. But think in the absence of a yes we must assume no. Especially when you were direct.
6
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
(Edit: I just got a call, they told me I don't fit bc I seemed too frustrated and tired for the job. I'll be crying in the corner for the day)
Had two very long days traveling to the capital, and while the train ride there was already hiccuppy, the ride back is gonna take me 2 hours more than it should. The workshop for a potential job I attended was great, though apart from moody glucose levels, I also had terrible period cramps while trying to smile at people on the street and chatting them up. It's been a while since my body felt like such a letdown, but at least I had a very understanding crew around me. I hope they can see that I want this job and that I'm motivated. God knows my cramp face doesn't look motivated
9
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Well clearly you dodged a bullet. If they didn't want you they're dangerously mismanaged.
5
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Nah, it's a face to face fundraising kind of job, and they need people who are able to handle the constant rejection of chatting people up on the street and getting turned down. The thing is, I wasn't even frustrated with people not listening, the more frustrating thing was my constant period cramps, but how do you tell the difference from the outside when you don't listen to what I say.
5
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
I'm sad to hear that you were turned down for a facer role. Especially given your long travel and the time you took out to make the attempt at getting hired. Do you have anything else lined up?
But to be entirely fair to my previous assumption, I've yet to see a place with facers that was well run. And if they weren't willing to listen to you say you were making faces because of cramps, they were probably not going to be great to work with. Although my experience is limited to Amnesty international and a local homeless charity.
4
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
It took some time alright, yeah. It's frustrating, but that's what it is. And no, I don't have anything else lined up and to be quite honest, I think I won't look for anything again. Don't feel like wasting time on stuff that doesn't pay off.
I will agree on that one, that is almost always the case. From what I saw, they're surprisingly well organized and managed, but that doesn't mean they don't have shortcomings.
5
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
I understand not wanting to get right back on the horse after an experience like that. I hope the rest of this week and next week treats you better.
3
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Thank you love, and sorry for being so agitated in my comments. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, and I'm sorry if I did
3
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
You had every right to be upset, you lost a job opportunity.
2
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Sorry things didn't work out. Sounds like an awful two days.
4
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Thanks love
I just really wanted this job, and the workshop was fun too, and now I'm back to applying to stuff that I don't want. I'd rather not, tbh
3
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Life sucks. I hope you find something you want to do just as much.
2
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Unfortunate update: Somebody on the train has a medical emergency and we're stopped until an ambulance arrives. That alone is bad enough, but for the rest who wants to sleep on the train, it's a double nightmare bc we're being excessively updated on every step of the way
3
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
Wishing you a good rest and recovery, love. Hope you can get home soon and that the job is a go!
3
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Thank you love ❤️
3
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
Gingerbrat's first mega
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
I was triple checking everything to make sure I got it right, so yipeeh
8
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 2mon
i hate chronic pain
missed fun yearly event again because of it
9
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Nooo, not again
Chronic pain, go leave Spectre alone, hy deserves better
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
My UTI symptoms are worse, it's just becoming unbearable, that combined with the pins and needles I've been getting. I can't take the folic acid I was prescribed as it makes my bladder even worse. I don't think I can stand this much longer.
9
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Sweetie, I'm so sorry
Are there any painkillers you could take to make it a bit more bearable? The appointment for the ultrasound is still a couple of days off, isn't it?
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
The appointment is in another week and a half. Getting lots of morphine and codeine in the hospital last week did relieve it quite a bit, but I seem to be allergic to those now and I take paracetamol so much anyway, I'm trying to cut down on that. It got worse when they prescribed me folic acid so I stopped taking that. Last night my pins and needles were so bad I took another folic acid and it seems to have flared the UTI symptoms up again. Whatever I do to treat one condition, always makes another worse. I wish I could just be put down humanely, I don't see why I am forced to live like this. Especially in a country where they don't even care whether I'm fed or housed.
7
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Nooooooo i missed a lecture on lgbtq health.
8
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Nooo
Can you retake it?
6
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
No it was a one time deal, it was for every semester that wanted to attend. They sometimes invite some person who is an expert in a niche medical field over to hold a lecture. There's been some interesting ones too, like one guy who was giving a lecture on how to do surgery without having access to traditional first world medical equipment, one who explained the differences in practicing medicine "on the mainland" and in Greenland and explained "Greenland diseases" (I.e. diseases that are rare here but common in his Inuit patients in Greenland ).
I'm so mad I missed this one.
7
BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 2mon
It is genuinely so hard not knowing how to have conversations and relationships and shit and still being lonely
8
HexaSnoot [none/use name] - 2mon
I feel that everyday. I love people but am anxious about making efforts to connect.
Edit: I got in contact with a friend after last talking to them years ago. Turns out they're studying Chinese medicine now. I offered a listening ear if they ever want to talk about their favorite medicines. They offered to talk about remedies if i ever need one. I wonder how to spin this into a new convo. (Edit: Advice would be nice.)
They have tons of friends to pay attention to and I don't, so i will need to be the one to catch their attention.
5
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
A fellow student uttered the words "Let's go, chat" as he began doing his lab work.
8
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
4
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Don't like that cops are becoming a central part of the stuffed animal hospital event actually.
"Oh but they have to learn that cops aren't scary either", some of these kids are brown! The police ARE scary!
8
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Cops in general shouldn't be featured in any activities meant for children, especially since there's a lot of kids who already had bad experiences with cops, and there's literally no need to re-traumatize them.
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
In the news today, the UK's benefit nazis are starting a renewed drive to try and bully disabled people into work, even though there already aren't enough jobs for all the able bodied unemployed people. good grief just legalise assisted suicide already instead of killing us slowly with work and starvation.
8
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
A hug for those who need it
7
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Thank you, love
6
BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 2mon
Maybe I'm over thinking this, but any public speaking tips for autistics? I got a promotion at work that involves me teaching, and I'm pretty familiar with the material but speaking is a challenge.
7
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
A friend who's autistic told me the easiest way to do this is to focus on the presentation and not pretend to hold eye contact. If you're required to look at people during the teaching, look at their collarbones or, if they're closer, the bridge of their nose. If holding eye contact isn't a problem either, make sure to tell jokes about the material you're teaching. It lightens the mood for both audience and you. If that also isn't a problem and it's more about getting your voice to work, meditating can help as well as practicing the stuff you wanna say in front of a friend you feel comfortable with.
As for non-autism related tricks to speaking in front of a group, a classmate in high school once said "Just imagine all of them as watermelons", which, thus far, has always worked for me.
Hope some of that helps you out ❤️
7
BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 2mon
focus on the presentation and not pretend to hold eye contact.
I've heard this as well, and I guess focusing on the material is the way to go, it feels a bit like infodumping though and also trying to keep myself from actually doing that.
Thank you I appreciate all the advice
4
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Un_mask_me's tip about breathing exercises could help. If you learn to focus your breathing, you can actively create moments where you take a break and reasses, then go on or move to a new point. Just an idea sweetie ❤️
I'm happy to help
4
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
::: spoiler bit of a long response
I actually have some experience with this. First off, congrats on the promotion! While scary it has to feel like an accomplishment.
I found that the anxiety around speaking publicly always tries to steal my breath. Like I literally can forget to breathe which makes the panic get really bad. I started taking really long, slow breaths in and out through my nose: fill my lungs, hold it for a second, slowly let it out. I'd then speak out loud to myself. Sometimes we start our sentences on a high fast note in order to get the words out, so we can mitigate that with a big inhale, then making sounds or saying a couple words (I'll do like a "Me-me-meow, Okay, Hi There" in the mirror to myself in the bathroom or maybe another room.) It's a lot easier to continue talking than to start. If you have the chance, practice your presentation/talk a few times beforehand, it'll help get pacing down and let your body adjust to the energy level you want to have and even let you plan times to take a breath or pause. My experience with eye contact (which I also struggle with) is that most of your 'audience' are probably focused on understanding what you're saying and aren't expecting direct engagement unless asking a question, or if they're looking at visual aids they'll focus on that. Depending on crowd size, I think it's fine to let your gaze wander around the room, dart from person to person, or even just focus on what's in front of you like a podium or something. What matters is what they hear/take away from your speaking. Lastly, if you're able, wrangling in anxiety or nerves by shaking your arms and hands, doing a couple ankle bends (just hold your foot off the floor and rotate your ankle), or any small movement to get your blood flow up will help. Your body will hopefully respond better to the situation if it's already been warmed up, like stretching before a workout. Any silent stim you can get away with is an added bonus, too. I have a squish toy that is about the size of my palm, so I can literally hold it in my fist or pocket and no one will know. I've held and fiddled with pens that had moving parts on them while speaking to openly stim without people realizing. Sometimes just having something in my hand I can rub my thumb on or tap on can be a big help.
You already know the material, so all that's left is a little confidence and adjustment to your surroundings. I hope this wasn't too wordy, so if there's anything else in particular you struggle with or are worried about that I can touch on let me know. You got this!
:::
6
0x2640 - 2mon
everybody needs a mandated "listen to a disabled person recount their terrible experiences with doctors" once monthly
When you have ADHD so you take meds to help you sleep, but you have ADHD so you forget to take your meds
6
lurker_supreme [he/him] - 2mon
Many such cases
3
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Had my second shockwave therapy session today. I'm still feeling very ill from the weekend, but went anyway. My landlady drove me, but was wearing a strong laundry scent. It gave me a horrific migraine on top of everything else. I lost a lot of my vision during this. When we got home I couldn't see much because of it, and knocked over a small item of furniture. It was undamaged but my landlady yelled and swore at me.
5
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
Hope your migraine fades quickly. Landlady didn't need to yell at you, it was an accident and she's a mean arsehole for exploding like that. Sorry dealing with her is always added stress. Keep us posted, and I hope the therapy proves worth it!
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 2mon
Thank you.
It's one of the many horrors of capitalism. Making housing a scarce and expensive resource that's not easily obtainable for many people, so many of us end up living in less than pleasant situations while many other houses are left empty because no-one can afford them. Sick world.
6
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
Volunteering is fun. But its also useful because since I started med school so many people have asked me to translate their doctors notes into regular language which also is about 50% of the volunteering.
5
Aradino [they/them, comrade/them] - 2mon
I recently quit volunteering for an RSPCA op shop(thrift shop elsewhere). I'll miss it and do want to go back one day. The people, knowing I can help animals in a direct way when we got donated blankets and stuff for the shelter. Its a good feeling, even if a lot of the money just goes to executive salaries.
5
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
You are a very appreciated member of the medical community just for doing that translation work. I wish I had someone like you with me when I go for medical appointments, even though I always have them in my mother tongue, I barely understand what the doctors are saying.
5
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 2mon
went on a fun outing for the first time in a year today
rly tired now
5
gingerbrat [she/her] - 2mon
Oh I'm so happy for you sweetie! Hope you could rest well
4
DragonBallZinn [he/him, they/them] - 2mon
::: spoiler (CW: dealing with grief for a pet.)
My pet is ill and I know she's going to die soon. It's made the past few days absolutely painful. How can I better cope?
:::
I took an important step and worked up the courage to contact a therapist. We’re going to have a consultation tomorrow.
Thanks Hexbear, you have made my current situation tolerable.
5
un_mask_me [any] - 2mon
::: spoiler Glad you found someone to talk through it with
Hope you're able to get through everything okay with some help. Love on them as much as you can and take lots of pictures. Here if you need to chat, comrade. Try to take it one day at a time.
:::
4
DragonBallZinn [he/him, they/them] - 2mon
Thank you, it’s going to be rough.
4
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
I am eating pasta salad with homemade pesto, peas, chickpeas, diced bell peppers and mushrooms.
I made too much. I wont be able to eat this. So I think I'll eat it tomorrow and just make a fancier school lunch for monday.
Edit: actually I could also just have this for dinner. I mean pasta salad is hardly dinner food, but there are no food cops to stop me.
4
Keld [he/him, any] - 2mon
My pills need to look less like each other. Especially my sometimes pills.
My every day pills can look like whatever I just put them in the pill box, but one of my sometimes and another of my sometimes pill having the same size, packaging and shape is dangerous when one of them has overdose potential and the other one has me taking two or three.
They should introduce new pill shapes. Give us some triangles or something.
gingerbrat in disabled
Disabled Community Megathread from October 6th, 2025 to October 19th, 2025
Disability is indeed a burden, yet I hope for a world where we don't have to carry our individual burdens all alone. Let the mega continue to a be a place where all of us can at least listen and make the burden somewhat lighter.
Friendly reminder to please use ::: spoiler spoiler tags and content warnings [cw] Hexbear CoC ::: for sensitive content that falls under Hexbear's Code of Conduct.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
I've recently made complaints to multiple bodies about the crappy medical care I'm receiving. The Patient Advice & Liaison Service and the Integrated Care Board, both of whom wrote back to say it's not their problem and they aren't getting involved, and the GP surgery and my local MP, neither of whom have even bothered responding nearly 2 weeks later.
Complain again and ask them to clarify who your complaint should go to if not them. Make them justify themselves. But yeah its pretty hard to get a shitty medical practitioner to face consequences
That sucks, is there anyone else you could contact about it? Maybe the facilities you've been treated at have a complaint line or something? It's awful that you can't even get a response, but I'm proud of you for advocating for yourself after everything, that has to be a struggle in itself. You deserve so much better.
Thanks. I don't think I can deal with it any more at the moment. I just don't have the energy when it's a complete waste of time since no-one cares. I've got so much medical stuff on, I've got a date for my scan where they are apparently going to check my entire abdomen to see if there's a cause of the non-stop UTI feeling and raised "ovarian markers" that showed up in the blood test, plus all my usual shockwave and other appointments. My landlady also pressurised me into moving a heavy item last night and now my knee really hurts too.
Oh goodness, well definitely prioritize your rest, love. Is the scan for your abdomen happening this week? It would be nice to have an answer to some of your symptoms but I still hope it's nothing serious.
I think it's the 23rd.
I became ill on Saturday night and developed a terrible pain all down my left arm and into my back and neck. Painkillers didn't help and I was having trouble breathing, my heart was racing. Eventually the pain got so unbearable I called the NHS non-emergency number for advice and they sent an ambulance. I got carted off to hospital at like 3.45am and had three ECGs, two sets of blood tests and various examinations. My oxygen was worryingly low and my heart rate was far too high. The pain was so severe I was given multiple doses of morphine and eventually had an allergic reaction to the morphine. The reaction was treated and eventually they diagnosed the problem, it was being caused by nerves in my neck and was a complication from my previous stroke. I finally got discharged at 11am, went home and slept all Sunday.
A stroke really is the gift that keeps on giving! I didn't even know you could have such terrible and sudden problems from a stroke you'd had several years previously. And now morphine is off the table in future.
The only bright spot in my weekend is that I came online to find my food aid request had been answered, so at least that's one worry off my plate. Still need help with transport though. And I have an awful headache and still feel ill so can't write much more now.
Oh my
You really got it all this time, that's horrible. I'm sorry you suffered so much over the weekend. Can this pain come back anytime? Please rest up and take care ❤️
Thanks.
I've been worrying about whether it could come back. I didn't think to ask at the time as I was too tired and unwell. I suppose if it does, I know what it is next time, I was worried this time that it was a heart attack as the symptoms were just like heart attack symptoms are described. But I don't know what I'll do of it does come back as I'm now having allergic reactions to strong painkillers. Just one more thing to worry about.
An allergy to morphine sounds like one of the most unfortunate allergies one could have, and I'm sorry that this is something you'll have to deal with from now on. Maybe, once you have another appointment with a doctor that is somewhat knowledgeable about the topic, you could ask them. For now, I'm just glad you didn't have a heart attack and I hope you'll never have to suffer through this again
Thanks.
I am worried about what I'll do for the future. I've never had a reaction to morphine before this. I'd never had a reaction to antibiotics before last week either. Seems I'm reacting to everything now. I always thought I would die from either suicide or another stroke but now anaphylactic shock seems to be the front runner.
I know I shouldn't be surprised but I can't believe they sent you home after a few hours after all of that! I'm so sorry you had a reaction to another medication, the list just seems to keep growing.
I'm glad you're (relatively) okay now, but my goodness that is a lot, love. Hope you're able to rest up and recover as much as you can. Did they give you any advice on what to look for or symptoms to keep an eye on for the next few days?
Sending hugs
No, no advice for the future. Also they always toss you out of hospital as soon as you're physically stable enough to leave, at least in the UK. In fact this time, as soon as arriving by ambulance I was put in a bed in the hospital. After about half an hour of being in the bed, they said they needed the bed and I'd have to go and sit in the waiting room. Sat there very uncomfortable for about 4 hours before being moved to another bed.
Good grief. Eternal hell fire on these oppressive systems.
Just had a doctor's appointment about the bladder. Got fobbed off as usual. I asked again to be referred to a urologist. "Oh no, we can't do that, they probably wouldn't accept the referral. Try keeping a bladder diary for a few weeks, that might help!" And told to take the folic acid anyway, even though it's making the bladder symptoms much worse. Just useless. Doctors always make it so clear that patients are an inconvenience and they just want to get rid of us as soon as possible so they can collect their paycheque and go bac to their lives.
Guess who woke up at 6 am, sprinted to the bus stop, realised after they got to school that they didn't have the printout, ran to the university library, had to spend 20 minutes navigating their infernal IT system to get the stuff printed, ran back, and got to the lab just in time only to be told I wasn't on the sign up sheet and that this was the SECOND lab session (requiring that I had been there another time I didnt even know about) and i therefore had no way of participating even if my attendance could be noted, and had a full on breakdown in public? This guy.
Then it turned out I was supposed to be here Thursday.
I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry you had such a rough start of the week. Please, feel hugged, sweetie. This is rough.
Is popping joints a lot like, a thing? An autism thing, a hyper mobile thing? I'm constantly cracking things, toes, elbows, knees, hip, my back, neck, jaw, fingers in a couple different ways. Is this just a terrible habit I've gotten in to? I feel like I have cracked a lot for a long time and idk just ?? I don't really know what I want to say about it.
hypermobile thing
we have EDS n it has always happened
Do you (or anyone else reading) have/know of any good resources talking about hypermobility? I've seen a bit on tiktok that has made me think I might be but that's basically it.
A few instagram posts I saw over the years, but that's basically it. What I can tell you is that the popping isn't a bad thing, and you don't have to worry about having a "bad habit". I do hope someone else knows a little more
I can tell you the clinical definition and how hypermobility is "diagnosed" but I have no experience with it otherwise.
I’ve found that as I get older, cracking and stretching has become a more socially acceptable way to stim at work without people realizing I’m disabled.
I was told my joint popping (mostly fingers, toes, and knees) are a form of stim after I got diagnosed. I have some joints that bend a lot more than other people's, but I also have early onset arthritis that causes inflammation in places like my knees and hips. I probably pop various things two or three times an hour, not out of discomfort, more like a habit I can't break. It's weird but I can't not pop my knuckles. My doc said the popping isn't hurting anything, but physical therapy for stuff like my hips and back would supposedly go a long way to help support the joints themselves by building muscle around them. I can't afford that so I mostly just do little stretches at home and make sure I'm not sitting for too long during the day. A lot of that stuff is apparently genetic too, so it can really vary.
God I hate social posturing. Yes, you're very cool and normal. Yes I am not. I know. I'm not going to change, I'm not trying to fit into the game so stop assuming I'm playing.
The worst part is the attempted baiting. Like, trying to provoke you into "conforming". It sucks, and you deserve better
Uh huh, the whole "I'm going to be a disingenuous and passive aggressive asshole and somehow this is a gotcha on you."
It's just school bullying all over again, urgh. You're good the way you are, owlet, they can't even reach that level of cool you have
Guys I think my education might be bougie as fuck. There's a wine tasting student club, there's a brunch group
You can sign uo for a surfing trip to Morocco or a bunch of other activities that i cannot afford too
My bladder is no better. I can't get any sleep. And I think someone on lemmy is teasing me with promises of help that don't come through. A person there answered my mutual aid post to say he wants to help but then keeps making excuses. First he turned down every available option like paypal, anything that takes debit/credit cards, and every other type of payment, saying they don't have paypal, debit/credit cards or the other types of payment in his country. Then he said the only thing he can do is a bank transfer but he needs to go somewhere to do it and he can't get there for weeks, and maybe not at all. Like, why even contact me to offer help if nothing is convenient for him? Also I don't think I'd want to give my bank details to a complete stranger anyway. As if this isn't disappointing enough, he posted his offer of help in the thread, but then sent all of his "can't do this payment method..." messages through DMs, which makes it look to everyone else like I am being helped, when I am not. Which means other people who might have helped won't bother now. It's like he's gone out of his way to stop me getting help from other people while giving no help himself. Someone on lemmy once strung me along like that for weeks and got banned, I'm wondering if this is the same person under an alt account. And I find it hard to believe there's a country where they don't even have credit or debit cards.
EDIT: Just checked my account and wow! Someone else came through! Now I don't need to worry about it.
I’m glad someone came through after all.
In my country it’s somewhat common to not have a credit or US style debit card. We have our own payment system that doesn’t work well on international sites. This is why many people use paypal as it enables us to pay internationally as well.
But that doesn’t discount the fact that this person is being the opposite of helpful by making false promises and not delivering. It must be very exhausting to deal with that on a regular basis :/
It is, very. I suggested everything from cards to paypal to crypto to apple pay to google pay, he said he doesn't have any of them and probably can't get to the bank to do a transfer. Why contact me at all then? And why leave a message in the thread saying he's going to help me, and then send private messages saying he doesn't have any payment methods and can't help after all? makes me think he was trying to sabotage my thread for some reason.
It could definitely be sabotage. Leaving a message in the thread if you’re not even sure you can deliver on it does seem suspicious
it wouldn't be the first time either.
I think we should assume incompetence before malice of our fellow hexbears.
I told the girl that I like that I like her this morning and she hasn't responded yet so I'm gonna go kill myself now.
There are two possibilities
1:She just hasnt seen it yet or doesnt know how to respond
2:She's not into you, in which case thats a good thing because she clearly has awful taste and you should find someone else anyway.
She responded. She said she hasn't been in a relationship for 4 years.
I've been dropping hints that I'm interested for the last 2 weeks but we are both autistic so I think there is a communication and social cue issue going on, so that was why I finally got the balls gathered to be straight forward.
Being honest with your intentions is always best, that way there is no confusion and no one ends up feeling tricked or used.
Yeah, I'm also bad at picking up when people are interested in me and I have heard the same thing from other autistic people so I went ahead and decided to try direct and honest. Honesty for me is an easy thing anyway.
It would be nice if her answer was clearer with regards to whether she's interested though. But think in the absence of a yes we must assume no. Especially when you were direct.
(Edit: I just got a call, they told me I don't fit bc I seemed too frustrated and tired for the job. I'll be crying in the corner for the day)
Had two very long days traveling to the capital, and while the train ride there was already hiccuppy, the ride back is gonna take me 2 hours more than it should. The workshop for a potential job I attended was great, though apart from moody glucose levels, I also had terrible period cramps while trying to smile at people on the street and chatting them up. It's been a while since my body felt like such a letdown, but at least I had a very understanding crew around me. I hope they can see that I want this job and that I'm motivated. God knows my cramp face doesn't look motivated
Well clearly you dodged a bullet. If they didn't want you they're dangerously mismanaged.
Nah, it's a face to face fundraising kind of job, and they need people who are able to handle the constant rejection of chatting people up on the street and getting turned down. The thing is, I wasn't even frustrated with people not listening, the more frustrating thing was my constant period cramps, but how do you tell the difference from the outside when you don't listen to what I say.
I'm sad to hear that you were turned down for a facer role. Especially given your long travel and the time you took out to make the attempt at getting hired. Do you have anything else lined up?
But to be entirely fair to my previous assumption, I've yet to see a place with facers that was well run. And if they weren't willing to listen to you say you were making faces because of cramps, they were probably not going to be great to work with. Although my experience is limited to Amnesty international and a local homeless charity.
It took some time alright, yeah. It's frustrating, but that's what it is. And no, I don't have anything else lined up and to be quite honest, I think I won't look for anything again. Don't feel like wasting time on stuff that doesn't pay off.
I will agree on that one, that is almost always the case. From what I saw, they're surprisingly well organized and managed, but that doesn't mean they don't have shortcomings.
I understand not wanting to get right back on the horse after an experience like that. I hope the rest of this week and next week treats you better.
Thank you love, and sorry for being so agitated in my comments. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, and I'm sorry if I did
You had every right to be upset, you lost a job opportunity.
Sorry things didn't work out. Sounds like an awful two days.
Thanks love
I just really wanted this job, and the workshop was fun too, and now I'm back to applying to stuff that I don't want. I'd rather not, tbh
Life sucks. I hope you find something you want to do just as much.
Unfortunate update: Somebody on the train has a medical emergency and we're stopped until an ambulance arrives. That alone is bad enough, but for the rest who wants to sleep on the train, it's a double nightmare bc we're being excessively updated on every step of the way
Wishing you a good rest and recovery, love. Hope you can get home soon and that the job is a go!
Thank you love ❤️
Gingerbrat's first mega
I was triple checking everything to make sure I got it right, so yipeeh
i hate chronic pain
missed fun yearly event again because of it
Nooo, not again
Chronic pain, go leave Spectre alone, hy deserves better
My UTI symptoms are worse, it's just becoming unbearable, that combined with the pins and needles I've been getting. I can't take the folic acid I was prescribed as it makes my bladder even worse. I don't think I can stand this much longer.
Sweetie, I'm so sorry
Are there any painkillers you could take to make it a bit more bearable? The appointment for the ultrasound is still a couple of days off, isn't it?
The appointment is in another week and a half. Getting lots of morphine and codeine in the hospital last week did relieve it quite a bit, but I seem to be allergic to those now and I take paracetamol so much anyway, I'm trying to cut down on that. It got worse when they prescribed me folic acid so I stopped taking that. Last night my pins and needles were so bad I took another folic acid and it seems to have flared the UTI symptoms up again. Whatever I do to treat one condition, always makes another worse. I wish I could just be put down humanely, I don't see why I am forced to live like this. Especially in a country where they don't even care whether I'm fed or housed.
Nooooooo
i missed a lecture on lgbtq health.
Nooo
Can you retake it?
No it was a one time deal, it was for every semester that wanted to attend. They sometimes invite some person who is an expert in a niche medical field over to hold a lecture. There's been some interesting ones too, like one guy who was giving a lecture on how to do surgery without having access to traditional first world medical equipment, one who explained the differences in practicing medicine "on the mainland" and in Greenland and explained "Greenland diseases" (I.e. diseases that are rare here but common in his Inuit patients in Greenland ). I'm so mad I missed this one.
It is genuinely so hard not knowing how to have conversations and relationships and shit
and still being lonely
I feel that everyday. I love people but am anxious about making efforts to connect.
Edit: I got in contact with a friend after last talking to them years ago. Turns out they're studying Chinese medicine now. I offered a listening ear if they ever want to talk about their favorite medicines. They offered to talk about remedies if i ever need one. I wonder how to spin this into a new convo. (Edit: Advice would be nice.)
They have tons of friends to pay attention to and I don't, so i will need to be the one to catch their attention.
A fellow student uttered the words "Let's go, chat" as he began doing his lab work.
Don't like that cops are becoming a central part of the stuffed animal hospital event actually.
"Oh but they have to learn that cops aren't scary either", some of these kids are brown! The police ARE scary!
Cops in general shouldn't be featured in any activities meant for children, especially since there's a lot of kids who already had bad experiences with cops, and there's literally no need to re-traumatize them.
In the news today, the UK's benefit nazis are starting a renewed drive to try and bully disabled people into work, even though there already aren't enough jobs for all the able bodied unemployed people. good grief just legalise assisted suicide already instead of killing us slowly with work and starvation.
A hug for those who need it
Thank you, love
Maybe I'm over thinking this, but any public speaking tips for autistics? I got a promotion at work that involves me teaching, and I'm pretty familiar with the material but speaking is a challenge.
A friend who's autistic told me the easiest way to do this is to focus on the presentation and not pretend to hold eye contact. If you're required to look at people during the teaching, look at their collarbones or, if they're closer, the bridge of their nose. If holding eye contact isn't a problem either, make sure to tell jokes about the material you're teaching. It lightens the mood for both audience and you. If that also isn't a problem and it's more about getting your voice to work, meditating can help as well as practicing the stuff you wanna say in front of a friend you feel comfortable with.
As for non-autism related tricks to speaking in front of a group, a classmate in high school once said "Just imagine all of them as watermelons", which, thus far, has always worked for me.
Hope some of that helps you out ❤️
I've heard this as well, and I guess focusing on the material is the way to go, it feels a bit like infodumping though and also trying to keep myself from actually doing that.
Thank you
I appreciate all the advice
Un_mask_me's tip about breathing exercises could help. If you learn to focus your breathing, you can actively create moments where you take a break and reasses, then go on or move to a new point. Just an idea sweetie ❤️
I'm happy to help
::: spoiler bit of a long response I actually have some experience with this. First off, congrats on the promotion! While scary it has to feel like an accomplishment.
I found that the anxiety around speaking publicly always tries to steal my breath. Like I literally can forget to breathe which makes the panic get really bad. I started taking really long, slow breaths in and out through my nose: fill my lungs, hold it for a second, slowly let it out. I'd then speak out loud to myself. Sometimes we start our sentences on a high fast note in order to get the words out, so we can mitigate that with a big inhale, then making sounds or saying a couple words (I'll do like a "Me-me-meow, Okay, Hi There" in the mirror to myself in the bathroom or maybe another room.) It's a lot easier to continue talking than to start. If you have the chance, practice your presentation/talk a few times beforehand, it'll help get pacing down and let your body adjust to the energy level you want to have and even let you plan times to take a breath or pause. My experience with eye contact (which I also struggle with) is that most of your 'audience' are probably focused on understanding what you're saying and aren't expecting direct engagement unless asking a question, or if they're looking at visual aids they'll focus on that. Depending on crowd size, I think it's fine to let your gaze wander around the room, dart from person to person, or even just focus on what's in front of you like a podium or something. What matters is what they hear/take away from your speaking. Lastly, if you're able, wrangling in anxiety or nerves by shaking your arms and hands, doing a couple ankle bends (just hold your foot off the floor and rotate your ankle), or any small movement to get your blood flow up will help. Your body will hopefully respond better to the situation if it's already been warmed up, like stretching before a workout. Any silent stim you can get away with is an added bonus, too. I have a squish toy that is about the size of my palm, so I can literally hold it in my fist or pocket and no one will know. I've held and fiddled with pens that had moving parts on them while speaking to openly stim without people realizing. Sometimes just having something in my hand I can rub my thumb on or tap on can be a big help.
You already know the material, so all that's left is a little confidence and adjustment to your surroundings. I hope this wasn't too wordy, so if there's anything else in particular you struggle with or are worried about that I can touch on let me know. You got this! :::
everybody needs a mandated "listen to a disabled person recount their terrible experiences with doctors" once monthly
Absolutely
When you have ADHD so you take meds to help you sleep, but you have ADHD so you forget to take your meds
Many such cases
Had my second shockwave therapy session today. I'm still feeling very ill from the weekend, but went anyway. My landlady drove me, but was wearing a strong laundry scent. It gave me a horrific migraine on top of everything else. I lost a lot of my vision during this. When we got home I couldn't see much because of it, and knocked over a small item of furniture. It was undamaged but my landlady yelled and swore at me.
Hope your migraine fades quickly. Landlady didn't need to yell at you, it was an accident and she's a mean arsehole for exploding like that. Sorry dealing with her is always added stress. Keep us posted, and I hope the therapy proves worth it!
Thank you.
It's one of the many horrors of capitalism. Making housing a scarce and expensive resource that's not easily obtainable for many people, so many of us end up living in less than pleasant situations while many other houses are left empty because no-one can afford them. Sick world.
Volunteering is fun. But its also useful because since I started med school so many people have asked me to translate their doctors notes into regular language which also is about 50% of the volunteering.
I recently quit volunteering for an RSPCA op shop(thrift shop elsewhere). I'll miss it and do want to go back one day. The people, knowing I can help animals in a direct way when we got donated blankets and stuff for the shelter. Its a good feeling, even if a lot of the money just goes to executive salaries.
You are a very appreciated member of the medical community just for doing that translation work. I wish I had someone like you with me when I go for medical appointments, even though I always have them in my mother tongue, I barely understand what the doctors are saying.
went on a fun outing for the first time in a year today
rly tired now
Oh I'm so happy for you sweetie! Hope you could rest well
::: spoiler (CW: dealing with grief for a pet.) My pet is ill and I know she's going to die soon. It's made the past few days absolutely painful. How can I better cope? :::
Thanks Hexbear, you have made my current situation tolerable.
::: spoiler Glad you found someone to talk through it with Hope you're able to get through everything okay with some help. Love on them as much as you can and take lots of pictures. Here if you need to chat, comrade. Try to take it one day at a time. :::
Thank you, it’s going to be rough.
I am eating pasta salad with homemade pesto, peas, chickpeas, diced bell peppers and mushrooms. I made too much. I wont be able to eat this. So I think I'll eat it tomorrow and just make a fancier school lunch for monday.
Edit: actually I could also just have this for dinner. I mean pasta salad is hardly dinner food, but there are no food cops to stop me.
My pills need to look less like each other. Especially my sometimes pills. My every day pills can look like whatever I just put them in the pill box, but one of my sometimes and another of my sometimes pill having the same size, packaging and shape is dangerous when one of them has overdose potential and the other one has me taking two or three.
They should introduce new pill shapes. Give us some triangles or something.
I do agree, but I think the reason why pills are pill shaped is because you need to swallow them. Trying to swallow a triangle sounds... not fun.
I think you could do a reuleaux triangle type deal.
questioning everything now with my symptoms worsening
new mega