Disabled Community Megathread from July 28, 2025 to August 10, 2025
"All bodies are unique and essential.
All bodies have strengths and needs that must be met.
We are powerful, not despite the complexities of our bodies, but because of them.
All bodies are confined by ability, race, gender, sexuality, class, nation state, religion, and more, and we cannot separate them."
From “What is Disability Justice” (Adapted from Patty Berne’s “Disability Justice – A Working Draft”, Published in Skin, Tooth, and Bone: The Basis of Movement is Our People, A Disability Justice Primer, Second Edition.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
Old lady at the food bank gave me extra fruit because she said I'm a sweetie :)
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 5mon
Bc you are
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
I had my most recent physiotherapy appointment today. They said I need new orthopaedic inserts in my shoes, which the NHS doesn't pay for, I have to find the money for that myself. They also said that as all other treatment so far has failed and I am still debilitated to the point of being barely mobile, they recommend shockwave therapy to try and repair some of the worst injury. However the NHS is gradually cutting funding, and outright stopping paying for treatments that it used to pay for. In fact, just yesterday there was an article online where the journalist was talking about how her elderly father needed his ears syringed and her child needed treatment for warts, both of which the NHS used to treat for free. But now the NHS no longer pays for those and the woman was told her father and child would have to go private.
Well, same thing with the shockwave therapy. Fewer and fewer NHS hospitals are offering this as the NHS gradually gets dismantled, and my local hospital's physio department can't offer this. My physio said she could refer me to go private, but I have to pay for that.
I just despair at the state of this shit hole country. First they took nearly 4 years to diagnose my cancer. They don't warn me the treatment can cause strokes. Then I have a stroke and after all this they stop my disability benefits, leaving me without income. Then, due to long waiting lists, I have to wait so long to start physiotherapy that the damage is already done. Then when I finally get physio, it's too infrequent due to having so many patients and not enough appointments, so the problems I'm having gradually get worse instead of better. Now there's a treatment that could help but I, who have no money, have to pay for it myself. And then this shitty government complains that there are too many disabled people and the benefits bill is too high. THIS IS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY DISABLED PEOPLE! Because it's impossible to get prompt or adequate treatment and so we never get cured, we're left to rot until it's too late and our problems are permanent!
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
But that's stupid and doesn't save any money!
You need to have the machine anyway for kidney stones!
You already have the machine!
It's not even that expensive a machine in relative terms!
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Everything about the way the disabled are treated is stupid and doesn't save money. For instance if they had more physiotherapy appointments to start with I wouldn't have ended up so disabled in the first place. But they'd rather save a bit of money by providing fewer appointments. It's the same with every medical thing in the UK. Cut the NHS down to save money but then people end up sicker, more disabled, can't work and rely on disability benefits. So cut disability benefits. People become homeless and hungry and end up in hospital with malnutrition and hypothermia, and eventually have to be put in a bed and breakfast, and this is all more expensive than just continuing their benefits.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
But this isn't even a short term saving or anything, they ALREADY HAVE THE GIZMO.
It's already in the building! They've got people trained to use them. They aren't and can't get rid of the machine or the training!
They're just being cocks for the sake of it!
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roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 4mon
Got taken off my route yesterday for bullshit so went to a farmer's market that I was sad that I was originally going to miss out on. I spent 2 hours canvassing for both the PSL and my webdev business. Turns out my name is getting out. I ran into 2 people that have heard of my business and/or me. I even had a fellow webdev say from what they saw on my sites, I know what I'm doing. Which is great except I still ain't getting clients... 2 years in and I've made 3 sites I think for people and 2 were freebies.
Some feedback I got was that they can't afford what I charge. Even though I charge less than everyone else around(not by much but after my direct competitor's hidden fees, it's about $500 less up front and $30 less per month hosting). So now I'm considering learning a web builder to start offering budget sites. I did mention to someone that I have a "pay what you can" option that I don't advertise for like-minded people(lefties). I do have some experience with Squarespace but not the biggest fan. I could probably handle it for like making $500 sites in a few days. If they have all the assets up front, I could easily crank one out in a day.
Mental health update: I called in on Thursday before my "weekend" so that ended up being 5 days off. I spent my newly acquired time off playing the fuck out of some Satisfactory. Factory automation games makes my brain happy. I think I'm gonna keep that in mind for when I start to fall down the depression hole in the future. I think I am gonna start over though and speed through to the end with some blueprints I found that build everything. Satisfactory isn't my favorite of the genre and playing it is just making me wanna play Factorio, DSP, or shapes2 again.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
I think you're running into why corporations keep using hidden fees. It's hard to compete with lies when you're honest.
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roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 4mon
Which is incredibly stupid. Is lying that normalized in the NT world?
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
Anything technical you get lying. I have a friend who works for a pretty large webhosting company and according to him a good chunk of the job is just lying to clients in various ways. Either you lie about costs, or you lie about what you can do (Either overplay to sell or underplay because you don't like their idea), etc. etc.
Although his role isn't super consumer facing
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
For what it's worth, I'm glad you had a 5 day weekend, you definitely needed it
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roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 4mon
The thing that sucks is that by the end of it all, I've missed a full week of work. I was sort of productive though. I mowed the yard and it really needed it. And worked on AI-filter proofing my resume. I'm even testing out some lying by adding a bit of backend tech that I really haven't touched. After running my resume through 3 different AI bots to test and improve, one was like "Add MongoDB and Express.js because those are buzzwords that corpos like!" so I did. I've actually done a small bit with Mongo and Postgress but it's database shit so at the end of the day it's all just queries. What cracks me up is when it was like "Put Node.js on there for more buzzword rizz!" because that's just the package manager/delivery system for JS stuff and everything else I have listed obviously suggests I am able to type "npm install xyz" into a terminal. But even that is sort of a lie because I mostly use pnpm instead of npm rofl.
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la_tasalana_intissari_mata [comrade/them] - 4mon
I don't want people to see me or know I exist, I want to walk outside without being perceived or seen
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
Who said that?
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
If I could be invisible on command I'd do it all the time, especially in public
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Moss [they/them] - 4mon
It's so exhausting. I have to live my entire life with a brain that just doesn't work. I break so easily.
Just now I went to empty my laundry out of the washing machine to find that I hadn't turned it on. But I remember perfectly turning the dial, the clicking of it in my hands, and pushing the button to start the wash. I remember hearing it bumping from my room. And none of that ever happened. And then I had a full mental collapse, because I'm remembering things with perfect clarity that never happened, but I can't remember what I did five seconds ago.
If I was normal I could spend my life trying to accomplish things. Trying to have fun and be social and date and work and change the world. But I have to devote all my time and energy to trying to have a functional brain because mine is so broken.
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Moss [they/them] - 4mon
And now I have to go to work and smile at customers and act like I didn't just have a mental breakdown. I wish I could swap my brain and body with a healthy person's. I wish I could live someone else's life.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Me too. I used to have these intense, intrusive (but pleasant) visions where I'm a healthy, able bodied Australian living a fun life (so the total opposite of me in every way.) I wish I really was that person.
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0x2640 - 4mon
oof.... hit right in the relatables
this exact situation happens to us on a fairly regular basis
wish we could say more than mood but... mood
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
I feel this. Except in my case it's my body that is so broken I can't do anything except struggle to get through each day. It's awful being a lump of meat and electrical activity with consciousness.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
I'm getting tired of dealing with dignitas. They're so disorganised and take ages to reply. I became a member a while ago and have been emailing them about things since, like discounts. Last week they finally responded with an official letter, asking for proof of capital/income to determine any possible discount. I've just been waiting for my next bank statement to come through, proving I have no money, to send them. But then today I got an email from them saying they can't find my membership declaration and asking me to rejoin. How disorganised and unprofessional is this? I just don't know if I can keep dealing with them. They take weeks to respond, require an insane amount of identification and verification of everything that would be very expensive to get hold of and now they've lost my membership and want me to go through the joining process again. I don't know how anyone has ever had a successful su1c1d£ with them.
And I'm having trouble getting anywhere near enough donations for the course of shockwave treatment recommended by the physiotherapist. If i could walk around outside again as much as I need to, I wouldn't feel so su1c1d@l in the first place. The fact that treatment exists that could help me so much, but is so hard to obtain, is heartbreaking and so frustrating.
On the plus side I received a letter of support from the neurologist today, confirming my neurological issues. I can use it for my benefit appeal and dignitas.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 5mon
Haven't been too active in this thread lately as I've been feeling absolutely terrible. Not only exhausted from my lowered thyroxine dose but had a bad reaction to my new migraine pills which left me basically bedridden for several days. My landlady and her guests didn't even check on me to see if I needed anything, or if I was still alive. I was just in bed, hungry and ill for several days. So i won't be taking the migraine pills any more, which sucks because they actually drastically reduced the migraines. After like 10 posts on mutual aid and lemmy, someone finally sent me a justeat giftcard so i could order some ready made food, and getting to eat helped a bit. (One of the side effects of the migraine pills was a huge amount of excess stomach acid to the point I was writing around in bed, unable to get up, feeling like I was being burned alive from the inside. So giving the acid some food to digest helped.
I felt a tiny bit better today and managed a short walk outside, just a few minutes. I needed that so much. haven't heard any more from dignitas, they're taking so long to respond. But now I'm feeling a little physically better I don't feel so immediately desperate for assisted suicide. But the universe hates me and so I've probably jinxed myself by saying that.
btw has anyone seen the film "Me before You," about a man going to Dignitas? It's really good!
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Glad someone was able to help you out, comrade, and that you were able to walk outside a bit. I'll have to check out the film, is it streaming somewhere?
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
It's on amazon prime in the UK, don't know about elsewhere.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
I finally got a letter from Dignitas, asking for bank statements to show I'm on a low/no income, to see if they'll give me a discount/free service. I'll have to wait a few weeks until I get my next bank statement before I can send it off though.
I'm so glad my landlady's daughter is leaving today. I really think she's the most horrible person I've ever met. Despite being asked not to spray perfume around and being informed it gives me migraines, she just keeps doing it. I also heard her loudly insulting my appearance, not even trying to keep her voice down. Like, sorry I don't look like a supermodel but I'm kind of ill, you know? I was upstairs ill in bed for several days and not one of them even knocked on the door to ask if I was OK or needed anything. And when I felt well enough to come out, the daughter said, as I walked past her, "You old witch." Totally unprovoked, I hadn't said or done anything to her. She even trained her kids to call me Scary Mary instead of my name.
This horrible woman wastes so much food, too. When she's here, every day she goes to the supermarket and fills the fridge with a ridiculous amount of food, most of which gets thrown away. She doesn't even ask if I want any before throwing it in the bin. I remember once she was going to throw away a whole, unopened rotisserie chicken as she hadn't used it and was going home and didn't want to take it back in the car with her. I asked if I could have it and instead of simply saying no, she screamed in my face, telling me what a worthless waste of space and beggar I am, and how dare I ask her for favours. The next time she was on the phone to my landlady, she had the cheek to pass on a message for me, asking if I could lend her £900 so she could buy a puppy right away as she didn't want to wait until payday! I don't even have money to lend, but if I did why would I give it to someone who throws food away in front of me and insults me continually?
And she is making her children very obese and unhealthy. He elder son is only 11 or 12 and already so obese he can hardly move. She just lets him sit on his device all day and drastically over feeds him, she doesn't care about his health at all. She wastes money on nonsense constantly and then pressures my landlady, who is in debt and living off a pension, to take out more debt to give her money. Just an absolutely terrible person.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
An absolutely terrible person on all fronts, I'm amazed these people actually exist. Sorry you had to deal with her again
I hope dignitas don't take too long to reply when you send them the next bank statement.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Thanks. It's really my landlady's fault for making her such a selfish, spoilt brat. I guess when someone's life is too easy and everything is handed to them on a plate, they never develop any empathy for others.
I'm kind of resigned to the fact that dignitas is going to take a long time for everything, and maybe be unsuccessful though. Right now it's just like something to hope for, for the future. Depending on how bad I'm feeling, how much pain I'm in, sometimes I do feel desperate about accessing it soon but other times I feel I can wait for however long it takes. I have about three weeks till my next bank statement, so I can prove lack of income and capital, then if I send that off and they get it a week later, then I might hear from them a couple of weeks after that if I'm lucky (but it might take longer if they have to spend time making a decision on my finances.) If, after all that, they are willing to do it free, then I have to gather medical evidence, and go through the process of getting accepted for the actual death on medical grounds, which they say usually takes up to 4 months. Then after that raise money to pay for all the necessary ID documents, send off for them and wait. Then the whole fiasco of having no relatives to accompany me and will they not go through with it because of that? Then raising money to travel. The whole thing is kind of overwhelming when i think about it like that, and the lack of relatives seems like it will be a huge stumbling block. So I will just keep on doing whatever i can towards it whenever i can.
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
It is a lot, hope you're doing okay considering everything. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree with Landlady's family. At least they're gone now.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Thank you.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
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CupcakeOfSpice [she/her, fae/faer] - 5mon
I have my first therapy appointment with this person tomorrow. I tried to communicate in subtle and indirect ways that I kinda think about dying all the time. The problem is, if they don't get it, then I may struggle to communicate what I need, but if they do get it, I fear a hospital trip in my near future, and I don't know if I can handle another hospitalization....
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dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 5mon
what has worked for me is telling them you don't have any actual plans to do anything
::: spoiler spoiler
example:
Q: Do you ever feel like harming yourself or want to die?
A: sometimes I just wish I didn't exist, but I know that would hurt the people who care about me, so I just <take a nap, do a chore, etc> to distract myself, and keep telling myself this feeling is temporary, and that usually works
and if you need help with the distraction part, then maybe try telling them that? like:
A: sometimes I just wish I didn't exist, but I know that would hurt the people who care about me, so I just <take a nap, do a chore, etc> to distract myself, and keep telling myself this feeling is temporary, and that sometimes works but it's a struggle, and I wish I had some medication that I could take when I feel like that to help quiet things so I could get my head on straight and remember how much I have to live for
:::
you are so courageous for even trying I believe in you.
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CupcakeOfSpice [she/her, fae/faer] - 5mon
Thank you for the support and advice! I've usually done similar, indicating I don't a plan, and it works. Just when I meet a new person I get nervous.
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CupcakeOfSpice [she/her, fae/faer] - 5mon
Well, I've not been hospitalized, so that's a good deal.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
I don't know about your local jurisdiction, but as far as I know they only hospitalise if there's active ideation and even then it's on the discretion of the care provider.
If you make it clear that it's passive ideation they have no reason to hospitalise you.
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CupcakeOfSpice [she/her, fae/faer] - 5mon
This is usually true, but there was at least one occasion where I went to the "mental health urgent care" because one of my meds was making me severely dehydrated. They referred me to the emergency room, saying they would call ahead and sent a note with me to explain what's going on. When I got to the ER, they put me in one of the psych rooms and were preparing to send me to the local psych ward. I ended up getting my mom involved and both of us had to fight to keep me from going there and to get them to take my trouble seriously. I agree that most of the time they would only hospitalize for active ideation, but sometimes doctors suck.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Why is everything always awful? I just have the constant refrain "I fucking hate being alive!" Going through my head 24/7. Still can't walk, in pain. Struggling to get the donations I need for physiotherapy. Trapped indoors, going insane with frustration.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
I wanna help you get out of the house so bad and it's driving me nuts that I can't do anything but share my thoughts with you. You deserve better
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Thank you. Even having friends to talk to on here improves things a bit.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
I know everyone's going through it rn, and I wish I could cheer you all up with more than words. It's frustrating that I can't make your pains and worries go away, and I feel helpless in the face of all your hurt. But I want you to know I believe in you. No matter what you're struggling with, no matter what you're going through, I believe in you. You can do this, no matter what.
I love you all
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
<3
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angryhemorrhoid [any] - 4mon
I am so sorry, but I need to vent, and the only person I talk to has disappeared with no notice (probably just overwhelmed with life stuff but I hope they're okay. I'm worried.)
I am in overwhelming pain. My chronic intractable pain has been so much worse lately. Probably at least partially due to stress because everything is fucked. I can't afford my next pain medicine refill, and I'm nearly out, and the friend that disappeared usually helps me cover it. I'm disabled and can't work and have literally no money. So I'm just fucked. Even WITH the meds, I've been struggling to handle the pain and it's scary. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to survive without any kind of pain control. Not to mention the withdrawal. I am scared. I am scared I am going to get overstimulated and overwhelmed from the pain that I go all stereotypical autistic meltdown and shutdown and bash my fists into my head and hurt myself, and I feel ashamed and weak that I can't just deal with it like a normal person. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed and in pain and anxious I'm dealing with dissociation, depersonalization, derealization way more often than usual. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to survive. I don't know. I'm fucking scared, I can't take this pain. I'm sorry for whining and being weak especially when so many have it so much worse than me. I don't even know if this makes sense. I can't think.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Sorry to hear this. Life is awful in pain and unable to get the help you need. As gingerbrat said, there's mutual aid, however it's a lottery as to whether anyone will answer or you'll get enough. It's a sick world where we all need to post our sob stories online and compete against each other, hoping someone will choose to help us over the others.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
You are not whining, and there is nothing to be sorry about. You're in chronic pain and that's fucking scary. Don't apologize, I'm glad you shared your story.
As for actual help with your problem, you could try and make a mutual aid request and ask for money so your next refill is covered at least. It's a temporary solution, but maybe your friend will contact you once they're better.
I can't imagine how horrible your pain must be. Just know that I hope you can get your painmeds very soon. Sending a lot of love to you, friend
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SterlingPooper [none/use name] - 4mon
::: spoiler venting
I don't think it's normal to get stuck at the same point every day in my routine, but I also don't know how to address it. I'd rather sit around than take a shower and get dressed, and even though I'd really rather be doing stuff, days like today happen where I don't do anything because I spent all day wondering why I couldn't just get dressed. I'd rather atrophy than like, fight my brain.
It's just kind of what happens now. Time to stretch? Time to wash up? Time to get dressed? No, it's time to lay around until 7pm in leggings and a tank top with unwashed hair constantly in my face. Can't commit to watching anything, going anywhere, doing anything. I just had lunch. I'm gonna pass out in my bed in an hour so that I can be wide awake at 4am. Christ.
There are times it feels like it takes 150% brainpower to function, and people, whether they realize it or not, are expecting 150% from me by treating me like I'm normal. It's a lot.
:::
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
Well, I spoke too soon. Or the universe saw my post and thought "Fuck you, I can't let you feel OK!" I've been up, ill and in agony, all night, and still this morning, due to the stomach problems caused by those blasted migraine pills. Even though I stopped taking them, the problem is not resolving. Now I really need to go to dignitas but they still haven't even responded to my last message. If this doesn't resolve I don't think I can wait months.
Oh, and just from that tiny amount of walking yesterday, my achilles tendon is painfully inflamed again.
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
I'm not sure what to say, just that I'm sorry everything is so damn heavy and difficult.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
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Blockocheese [any] - 4mon
Feeling bad mentally but hoping its just PMDD
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Hope so too, and that it passes quickly comrade
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Blockocheese [any] - 4mon
Thank you, comrade
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
I just used one of the nonsense words i use to remember medical stuff to a real person.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
This has been haunting me.
The'yre gonna think I think there's a threevis. (Note this is not the actual thing I said, but a similarly stupid thing)
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musicenjoyer [it/its, xe/xem] - 5mon
more complaining
::: spoiler spoiler
any response my therapist to me complaining about transmisia/transphobia is that some people were raised in a different time where being trans wasn't talked about. Feel like that's a very weak explanation though.. idk I think it's best if I stop therapy since I've tried other modalities such as DBT without success.
:::
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 5mon
::: spoiler Me getting angry on your behalf
some people were raised in a different time
No shit, therapist. That's not just a weak explanation, it's making excuses for transphobia. Not ok, not acceptable. I'm sorry you had to listen to this shit.
:::
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Belly_Beanis [he/him] - 5mon
It's completely nonsense, too. There have been trans allies across all of human history. People know transphobia is wrong in 2025, they knew it was wrong in 1970, and they knew it was wrong in 1700. It was born out of the same divide and conquer methods used during colonialism.
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un_mask_me [any] - 5mon
Yeesh. You deserve better, comrade. Any chance could ask for a new person or a transfer?
I've also been struggling to find a therapist, but meanwhile, this has been helpful
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 5mon
It's not covid, I just got a nasty cold and am melting out of my nose and throat, but otherwise I'm aliveish. Sorry to any private messages I haven't replied to, I'm playing catchup now that I can think again. Love you all, and achooow
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dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 5mon
bless you ❤️
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
And a merry achoo to you too.
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un_mask_me [any] - 5mon
Yay to not covid! Boo to colds. Hope you recover quickly.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 5mon
Hope you feel better soon!
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
I am a little bit mad about the amount of people who go to the food bank and throw out/hand back the bread.
This many people cant have celiacs, and its weird to be that picky an eater that you're anti bread while taking food from the food bank. I mean you shouldn't be forced, but its bread, its like the default food. Is it because its usually whole grain with seeds?
At least those who just hand it back leave it for others I guess. Throwing it out is just rude.
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dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 5mon
throwing out anything edible is genuinely sinful.
the most charitable outlook would be to assume that they don't know how much other stuff you can make with it than just sandwiches.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
Sure. But sandwiches are great.
I made one with roasted bellpeppers, shredded carrots, homemade falafel and some kind of dressing, all of which i got from the food bank.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
Found an anti free hall to read in but someone is taking notes on something that sounds like a typewriter. It even does the ding.
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Aradino [they/them, comrade/them] - 5mon
I should have made my grocery trip before I built an IKEA bookcase.
But hey! Bookcase! I have unlocked an achievement: place to put things
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Nice! Did you already have stuff to put on it?
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Aradino [they/them, comrade/them] - 4mon
Mostly video games and some movies. Also hung my party flag above it
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Having a place for things is so satisfying
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Can't stop
::: spoiler Thinking
about random stuff from my childhood like the time my parents put me in a tanning bed when I was sick to 'kill the germs'. Been having nightmares about being stuck in that house and it's making me too anxious to sleep.
:::
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
I'm so sorry, this is horrible. That's no way to treat a kid, or anyone. I hope you could find some sleep eventually, but I get being scared by that memory.
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Thanks, it's weird to talk about, but that's one of the tame ones. I actually had a really nice dream during a nap today where I was feeding fruit to giant snails. Wish I could recreate that one on command.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
Remember that one, I'm sure it'll cheer you up in darker times
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Keld [he/him, any] - 5mon
Not really into all the ants in the study hall.
Less ants please.
I dont want to squish ants because I don't want to kill anything, but I also can't handle ants crawling on my stuff. Especially my food and drink.
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
Why is "It interferes with my medication, and you don't want that to happen" not a good enough excuse not to drink.
Why are the only acceptable excuses where you don't get peer pressured for like ten minutes after "I'm an alcoholic" and "I'm Muslim"? Those are both good reasons not to drink, I'm just saying that there are others.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
And even though they're good excuses, not everybody honestly wants to admit they're alcoholic in front of a group of people
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
I didn't even think of that, but yeah!
"No" is a conplete sentence.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
Exactly!
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Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided] - 4mon
that sucks, i was on painkillers for a while and everybody was cool about it.
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mendiCAN [none/use name] - 4mon
if you imagine the pressure you're getting are simply mirrored white lies they use to excuse their own binge drinking, and that they are defending themselves it makes a lot more sense. Peeps just can't help conflating choices different from theirs as a condemnation of their choices.
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 4mon
found a place that i could reasonably get an autism diagnosis from within the year for not too much money and they denied me because I'm in the process of getting diagnosed for DID :/
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
What the heck. Sorry to hear that, especially since you've been looking for a while.
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 4mon
thanks. i think a lot of the private places aren't prepared for low functioning autistic ppl with a lot of trauma, and they're just trying to capitalize on the trend of higher functioning people trying to get an assessment. i guess that's why this place had such a short wait list compared to the places with wait lists i am on
Little tip, since your post doesn't include that "Horizontal Rule" (little line) found in older megathreads, you can view the markdown source of a post or comment by clicking on the... paper
The line is ---------- and the sidebar quote had > in front of it
This isn't important, just wanted to tell.
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un_mask_me [any] - 5mon
Thanks, I made it at 4am after not sleeping. I don't really understand what you mean though, does it look weird?
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 5mon
It's the separation line between the greeting you post and the "in order to participate" sidebar paragraph. It doesn't look weird, it's just the formatting the older megas had.
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un_mask_me [any] - 5mon
Thanks, I guess my copy-paste cleared the formatting for some reason. I think I fixed it now.
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un_mask_me [any] - 4mon
Would any mods be willing/able to take the next mega, pretty please?
Sorry I haven't been as present lately, just a lot going on. I hope you all know that you are still loved, you are still beautiful, and you're still wonderful. We're here for you even if we aren't able to reply to each comment. Keep keeping on and loving on one another.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
<3
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musicenjoyer [it/its, xe/xem] - 4mon
More skin picking tw: discussion of scabs and bleeding
::: spoiler spoiler
I can't stop picking. When the scab hardens it feels tight so I pick at it , then the cycle continues.
:::
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
::: spoiler Just a thought, maybe it'll help you
I used to put band-aids over the spots where I scab picked. Whenever I reached unconsciously for the spots, the band-aid was a good reminder I didn't wanna do it, and if I was looking at the spots, the band-aid told me not to do it. I used children's band-aids to cheer me up a bit.
:::
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Keld [he/him, any] - 4mon
Looking into the price for sign language courses.
I feel like i should know how to sign if I work in healthcare.
Given the prices involved here I feel like this might be a post school thing.
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musicenjoyer [it/its, xe/xem] - 4mon
adhd discussion
::: spoiler spoiler
I don't think I have a reason to doubt that I have ADHD , I keep missing important texts/messages until it's minutes or hours later. For all the energy I have I keep forgetting things.
:::
skin-picking (cw for mentions of blood and skin picking)
::: spoiler spoiler
Keep cutting pimples then picking the scabs so that the skin won't come back. I don't have any trigger for it , I just want my skin to be smooth. Want to keep doing it till it's like acne scars.
:::
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Beetle [hy/hym] - 4mon
If you don’t have a direct trigger for skin picking, it can be a signal that you’re under a lot of stress. I learned that after years of thinking there was no trigger and now I know that the only way to reduce skin picking is to reduce stress, which is sadly not possible for most people in this world.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 4mon
I've been peeling the skin off my fingers for years. I remember at one appointment the doctor thought I had scabies because my fingers are so covered in bloody scabs, I embarrassingly had to tell him I'd done that myself. Didn't know it was caused by stress, but that makes sense. I always just thought it was a bad habit that willpower could stop, but no matter how many times I decided to stop, I never managed to.
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Beetle [hy/hym] - 4mon
Yes it’s basically a coping mechanism for stress which makes it impossible to break the habit without relieving the stress. I think it’s a common issue and it sucks that we’re made to feel ashamed of it instead of getting the right tools and help to deal with the stress that’s causing it.
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woozy [it/its] - 4mon
been getting these bouts of nausea everyday this past week and i'm just sick of it :[
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 4mon
Here, a careful hug to pick up your spirits
If you wanna talk about it, do you have any idea where the nausea might be coming from?
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woozy [it/its] - 4mon
thanks comrade, i think it was probably hormonal or something it's so annoying
un_mask_me in disabled
Disabled Community Megathread from July 28, 2025 to August 10, 2025
"All bodies are unique and essential. All bodies have strengths and needs that must be met. We are powerful, not despite the complexities of our bodies, but because of them. All bodies are confined by ability, race, gender, sexuality, class, nation state, religion, and more, and we cannot separate them."
From “What is Disability Justice” (Adapted from Patty Berne’s “Disability Justice – A Working Draft”, Published in Skin, Tooth, and Bone: The Basis of Movement is Our People, A Disability Justice Primer, Second Edition.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Old lady at the food bank gave me extra fruit because she said I'm a sweetie :)
Bc you are
I had my most recent physiotherapy appointment today. They said I need new orthopaedic inserts in my shoes, which the NHS doesn't pay for, I have to find the money for that myself. They also said that as all other treatment so far has failed and I am still debilitated to the point of being barely mobile, they recommend shockwave therapy to try and repair some of the worst injury. However the NHS is gradually cutting funding, and outright stopping paying for treatments that it used to pay for. In fact, just yesterday there was an article online where the journalist was talking about how her elderly father needed his ears syringed and her child needed treatment for warts, both of which the NHS used to treat for free. But now the NHS no longer pays for those and the woman was told her father and child would have to go private.
Well, same thing with the shockwave therapy. Fewer and fewer NHS hospitals are offering this as the NHS gradually gets dismantled, and my local hospital's physio department can't offer this. My physio said she could refer me to go private, but I have to pay for that.
I just despair at the state of this shit hole country. First they took nearly 4 years to diagnose my cancer. They don't warn me the treatment can cause strokes. Then I have a stroke and after all this they stop my disability benefits, leaving me without income. Then, due to long waiting lists, I have to wait so long to start physiotherapy that the damage is already done. Then when I finally get physio, it's too infrequent due to having so many patients and not enough appointments, so the problems I'm having gradually get worse instead of better. Now there's a treatment that could help but I, who have no money, have to pay for it myself. And then this shitty government complains that there are too many disabled people and the benefits bill is too high. THIS IS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY DISABLED PEOPLE! Because it's impossible to get prompt or adequate treatment and so we never get cured, we're left to rot until it's too late and our problems are permanent!
But that's stupid and doesn't save any money! You need to have the machine anyway for kidney stones! You already have the machine! It's not even that expensive a machine in relative terms!
Everything about the way the disabled are treated is stupid and doesn't save money. For instance if they had more physiotherapy appointments to start with I wouldn't have ended up so disabled in the first place. But they'd rather save a bit of money by providing fewer appointments. It's the same with every medical thing in the UK. Cut the NHS down to save money but then people end up sicker, more disabled, can't work and rely on disability benefits. So cut disability benefits. People become homeless and hungry and end up in hospital with malnutrition and hypothermia, and eventually have to be put in a bed and breakfast, and this is all more expensive than just continuing their benefits.
But this isn't even a short term saving or anything, they ALREADY HAVE THE GIZMO. It's already in the building! They've got people trained to use them. They aren't and can't get rid of the machine or the training!
They're just being cocks for the sake of it!
Got taken off my route yesterday for bullshit so went to a farmer's market that I was sad that I was originally going to miss out on. I spent 2 hours canvassing for both the PSL and my webdev business. Turns out my name is getting out. I ran into 2 people that have heard of my business and/or me. I even had a fellow webdev say from what they saw on my sites, I know what I'm doing. Which is great except I still ain't getting clients... 2 years in and I've made 3 sites I think for people and 2 were freebies.
Some feedback I got was that they can't afford what I charge. Even though I charge less than everyone else around(not by much but after my direct competitor's hidden fees, it's about $500 less up front and $30 less per month hosting). So now I'm considering learning a web builder to start offering budget sites. I did mention to someone that I have a "pay what you can" option that I don't advertise for like-minded people(lefties). I do have some experience with Squarespace but not the biggest fan. I could probably handle it for like making $500 sites in a few days. If they have all the assets up front, I could easily crank one out in a day.
Mental health update: I called in on Thursday before my "weekend" so that ended up being 5 days off. I spent my newly acquired time off playing the fuck out of some Satisfactory. Factory automation games makes my brain happy. I think I'm gonna keep that in mind for when I start to fall down the depression hole in the future. I think I am gonna start over though and speed through to the end with some blueprints I found that build everything. Satisfactory isn't my favorite of the genre and playing it is just making me wanna play Factorio, DSP, or shapes2 again.
I think you're running into why corporations keep using hidden fees. It's hard to compete with lies when you're honest.
Which is incredibly stupid. Is lying that normalized in the NT world?
Anything technical you get lying. I have a friend who works for a pretty large webhosting company and according to him a good chunk of the job is just lying to clients in various ways. Either you lie about costs, or you lie about what you can do (Either overplay to sell or underplay because you don't like their idea), etc. etc. Although his role isn't super consumer facing
For what it's worth, I'm glad you had a 5 day weekend, you definitely needed it
The thing that sucks is that by the end of it all, I've missed a full week of work. I was sort of productive though. I mowed the yard and it really needed it. And worked on AI-filter proofing my resume. I'm even testing out some lying by adding a bit of backend tech that I really haven't touched. After running my resume through 3 different AI bots to test and improve, one was like "Add MongoDB and Express.js because those are buzzwords that corpos like!" so I did. I've actually done a small bit with Mongo and Postgress but it's database shit so at the end of the day it's all just queries. What cracks me up is when it was like "Put Node.js on there for more buzzword rizz!" because that's just the package manager/delivery system for JS stuff and everything else I have listed obviously suggests I am able to type "npm install xyz" into a terminal. But even that is sort of a lie because I mostly use pnpm instead of npm rofl.
I don't want people to see me or know I exist, I want to walk outside without being perceived or seen
Who said that?
If I could be invisible on command I'd do it all the time, especially in public
It's so exhausting. I have to live my entire life with a brain that just doesn't work. I break so easily.
Just now I went to empty my laundry out of the washing machine to find that I hadn't turned it on. But I remember perfectly turning the dial, the clicking of it in my hands, and pushing the button to start the wash. I remember hearing it bumping from my room. And none of that ever happened. And then I had a full mental collapse, because I'm remembering things with perfect clarity that never happened, but I can't remember what I did five seconds ago.
If I was normal I could spend my life trying to accomplish things. Trying to have fun and be social and date and work and change the world. But I have to devote all my time and energy to trying to have a functional brain because mine is so broken.
And now I have to go to work and smile at customers and act like I didn't just have a mental breakdown. I wish I could swap my brain and body with a healthy person's. I wish I could live someone else's life.
Me too. I used to have these intense, intrusive (but pleasant) visions where I'm a healthy, able bodied Australian living a fun life (so the total opposite of me in every way.) I wish I really was that person.
oof.... hit right in the relatables
this exact situation happens to us on a fairly regular basis
wish we could say more than mood but... mood
I feel this. Except in my case it's my body that is so broken I can't do anything except struggle to get through each day. It's awful being a lump of meat and electrical activity with consciousness.
I'm getting tired of dealing with dignitas. They're so disorganised and take ages to reply. I became a member a while ago and have been emailing them about things since, like discounts. Last week they finally responded with an official letter, asking for proof of capital/income to determine any possible discount. I've just been waiting for my next bank statement to come through, proving I have no money, to send them. But then today I got an email from them saying they can't find my membership declaration and asking me to rejoin. How disorganised and unprofessional is this? I just don't know if I can keep dealing with them. They take weeks to respond, require an insane amount of identification and verification of everything that would be very expensive to get hold of and now they've lost my membership and want me to go through the joining process again. I don't know how anyone has ever had a successful su1c1d£ with them.
And I'm having trouble getting anywhere near enough donations for the course of shockwave treatment recommended by the physiotherapist. If i could walk around outside again as much as I need to, I wouldn't feel so su1c1d@l in the first place. The fact that treatment exists that could help me so much, but is so hard to obtain, is heartbreaking and so frustrating.
On the plus side I received a letter of support from the neurologist today, confirming my neurological issues. I can use it for my benefit appeal and dignitas.
Haven't been too active in this thread lately as I've been feeling absolutely terrible. Not only exhausted from my lowered thyroxine dose but had a bad reaction to my new migraine pills which left me basically bedridden for several days. My landlady and her guests didn't even check on me to see if I needed anything, or if I was still alive. I was just in bed, hungry and ill for several days. So i won't be taking the migraine pills any more, which sucks because they actually drastically reduced the migraines. After like 10 posts on mutual aid and lemmy, someone finally sent me a justeat giftcard so i could order some ready made food, and getting to eat helped a bit. (One of the side effects of the migraine pills was a huge amount of excess stomach acid to the point I was writing around in bed, unable to get up, feeling like I was being burned alive from the inside. So giving the acid some food to digest helped.
I felt a tiny bit better today and managed a short walk outside, just a few minutes. I needed that so much. haven't heard any more from dignitas, they're taking so long to respond. But now I'm feeling a little physically better I don't feel so immediately desperate for assisted suicide. But the universe hates me and so I've probably jinxed myself by saying that.
btw has anyone seen the film "Me before You," about a man going to Dignitas? It's really good!
Glad someone was able to help you out, comrade, and that you were able to walk outside a bit. I'll have to check out the film, is it streaming somewhere?
It's on amazon prime in the UK, don't know about elsewhere.
I finally got a letter from Dignitas, asking for bank statements to show I'm on a low/no income, to see if they'll give me a discount/free service. I'll have to wait a few weeks until I get my next bank statement before I can send it off though.
I'm so glad my landlady's daughter is leaving today. I really think she's the most horrible person I've ever met. Despite being asked not to spray perfume around and being informed it gives me migraines, she just keeps doing it. I also heard her loudly insulting my appearance, not even trying to keep her voice down. Like, sorry I don't look like a supermodel but I'm kind of ill, you know? I was upstairs ill in bed for several days and not one of them even knocked on the door to ask if I was OK or needed anything. And when I felt well enough to come out, the daughter said, as I walked past her, "You old witch." Totally unprovoked, I hadn't said or done anything to her. She even trained her kids to call me Scary Mary instead of my name.
This horrible woman wastes so much food, too. When she's here, every day she goes to the supermarket and fills the fridge with a ridiculous amount of food, most of which gets thrown away. She doesn't even ask if I want any before throwing it in the bin. I remember once she was going to throw away a whole, unopened rotisserie chicken as she hadn't used it and was going home and didn't want to take it back in the car with her. I asked if I could have it and instead of simply saying no, she screamed in my face, telling me what a worthless waste of space and beggar I am, and how dare I ask her for favours. The next time she was on the phone to my landlady, she had the cheek to pass on a message for me, asking if I could lend her £900 so she could buy a puppy right away as she didn't want to wait until payday! I don't even have money to lend, but if I did why would I give it to someone who throws food away in front of me and insults me continually?
And she is making her children very obese and unhealthy. He elder son is only 11 or 12 and already so obese he can hardly move. She just lets him sit on his device all day and drastically over feeds him, she doesn't care about his health at all. She wastes money on nonsense constantly and then pressures my landlady, who is in debt and living off a pension, to take out more debt to give her money. Just an absolutely terrible person.
An absolutely terrible person on all fronts, I'm amazed these people actually exist. Sorry you had to deal with her again
I hope dignitas don't take too long to reply when you send them the next bank statement.
Thanks. It's really my landlady's fault for making her such a selfish, spoilt brat. I guess when someone's life is too easy and everything is handed to them on a plate, they never develop any empathy for others.
I'm kind of resigned to the fact that dignitas is going to take a long time for everything, and maybe be unsuccessful though. Right now it's just like something to hope for, for the future. Depending on how bad I'm feeling, how much pain I'm in, sometimes I do feel desperate about accessing it soon but other times I feel I can wait for however long it takes. I have about three weeks till my next bank statement, so I can prove lack of income and capital, then if I send that off and they get it a week later, then I might hear from them a couple of weeks after that if I'm lucky (but it might take longer if they have to spend time making a decision on my finances.) If, after all that, they are willing to do it free, then I have to gather medical evidence, and go through the process of getting accepted for the actual death on medical grounds, which they say usually takes up to 4 months. Then after that raise money to pay for all the necessary ID documents, send off for them and wait. Then the whole fiasco of having no relatives to accompany me and will they not go through with it because of that? Then raising money to travel. The whole thing is kind of overwhelming when i think about it like that, and the lack of relatives seems like it will be a huge stumbling block. So I will just keep on doing whatever i can towards it whenever i can.
It is a lot, hope you're doing okay considering everything. Sounds like the apple didn't fall far from the tree with Landlady's family. At least they're gone now.
Thank you.
I have my first therapy appointment with this person tomorrow. I tried to communicate in subtle and indirect ways that I kinda think about dying all the time. The problem is, if they don't get it, then I may struggle to communicate what I need, but if they do get it, I fear a hospital trip in my near future, and I don't know if I can handle another hospitalization....
what has worked for me is telling them you don't have any actual plans to do anything
::: spoiler spoiler example:
Q: Do you ever feel like harming yourself or want to die?
A: sometimes I just wish I didn't exist, but I know that would hurt the people who care about me, so I just <take a nap, do a chore, etc> to distract myself, and keep telling myself this feeling is temporary, and that usually works
and if you need help with the distraction part, then maybe try telling them that? like:
A: sometimes I just wish I didn't exist, but I know that would hurt the people who care about me, so I just <take a nap, do a chore, etc> to distract myself, and keep telling myself this feeling is temporary, and that sometimes works but it's a struggle, and I wish I had some medication that I could take when I feel like that to help quiet things so I could get my head on straight and remember how much I have to live for :::
you are so courageous for even trying
I believe in you.
Thank you for the support and advice! I've usually done similar, indicating I don't a plan, and it works. Just when I meet a new person I get nervous.
Well, I've not been hospitalized, so that's a good deal.
I don't know about your local jurisdiction, but as far as I know they only hospitalise if there's active ideation and even then it's on the discretion of the care provider. If you make it clear that it's passive ideation they have no reason to hospitalise you.
This is usually true, but there was at least one occasion where I went to the "mental health urgent care" because one of my meds was making me severely dehydrated. They referred me to the emergency room, saying they would call ahead and sent a note with me to explain what's going on. When I got to the ER, they put me in one of the psych rooms and were preparing to send me to the local psych ward. I ended up getting my mom involved and both of us had to fight to keep me from going there and to get them to take my trouble seriously. I agree that most of the time they would only hospitalize for active ideation, but sometimes doctors suck.
Why is everything always awful? I just have the constant refrain "I fucking hate being alive!" Going through my head 24/7. Still can't walk, in pain. Struggling to get the donations I need for physiotherapy. Trapped indoors, going insane with frustration.
I wanna help you get out of the house so bad and it's driving me nuts that I can't do anything but share my thoughts with you. You deserve better
Thank you. Even having friends to talk to on here improves things a bit.
I know everyone's going through it rn, and I wish I could cheer you all up with more than words. It's frustrating that I can't make your pains and worries go away, and I feel helpless in the face of all your hurt. But I want you to know I believe in you. No matter what you're struggling with, no matter what you're going through, I believe in you. You can do this, no matter what.
I love you all
<3
I am so sorry, but I need to vent, and the only person I talk to has disappeared with no notice (probably just overwhelmed with life stuff but I hope they're okay. I'm worried.)
I am in overwhelming pain. My chronic intractable pain has been so much worse lately. Probably at least partially due to stress because everything is fucked. I can't afford my next pain medicine refill, and I'm nearly out, and the friend that disappeared usually helps me cover it. I'm disabled and can't work and have literally no money. So I'm just fucked. Even WITH the meds, I've been struggling to handle the pain and it's scary. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to survive without any kind of pain control. Not to mention the withdrawal. I am scared. I am scared I am going to get overstimulated and overwhelmed from the pain that I go all stereotypical autistic meltdown and shutdown and bash my fists into my head and hurt myself, and I feel ashamed and weak that I can't just deal with it like a normal person. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed and in pain and anxious I'm dealing with dissociation, depersonalization, derealization way more often than usual. I don't know what to do. I don't know how I'm going to survive. I don't know. I'm fucking scared, I can't take this pain. I'm sorry for whining and being weak especially when so many have it so much worse than me. I don't even know if this makes sense. I can't think.
Sorry to hear this. Life is awful in pain and unable to get the help you need. As gingerbrat said, there's mutual aid, however it's a lottery as to whether anyone will answer or you'll get enough. It's a sick world where we all need to post our sob stories online and compete against each other, hoping someone will choose to help us over the others.
You are not whining, and there is nothing to be sorry about. You're in chronic pain and that's fucking scary. Don't apologize, I'm glad you shared your story.
As for actual help with your problem, you could try and make a mutual aid request and ask for money so your next refill is covered at least. It's a temporary solution, but maybe your friend will contact you once they're better.
I can't imagine how horrible your pain must be. Just know that I hope you can get your painmeds very soon. Sending a lot of love to you, friend
::: spoiler venting I don't think it's normal to get stuck at the same point every day in my routine, but I also don't know how to address it. I'd rather sit around than take a shower and get dressed, and even though I'd really rather be doing stuff, days like today happen where I don't do anything because I spent all day wondering why I couldn't just get dressed. I'd rather atrophy than like, fight my brain.
It's just kind of what happens now. Time to stretch? Time to wash up? Time to get dressed? No, it's time to lay around until 7pm in leggings and a tank top with unwashed hair constantly in my face. Can't commit to watching anything, going anywhere, doing anything. I just had lunch. I'm gonna pass out in my bed in an hour so that I can be wide awake at 4am. Christ.
There are times it feels like it takes 150% brainpower to function, and people, whether they realize it or not, are expecting 150% from me by treating me like I'm normal. It's a lot. :::
Well, I spoke too soon. Or the universe saw my post and thought "Fuck you, I can't let you feel OK!" I've been up, ill and in agony, all night, and still this morning, due to the stomach problems caused by those blasted migraine pills. Even though I stopped taking them, the problem is not resolving. Now I really need to go to dignitas but they still haven't even responded to my last message. If this doesn't resolve I don't think I can wait months.
Oh, and just from that tiny amount of walking yesterday, my achilles tendon is painfully inflamed again.
I'm not sure what to say, just that I'm sorry everything is so damn heavy and difficult.
Feeling bad mentally but hoping its just PMDD
Hope so too, and that it passes quickly comrade
Thank you, comrade
I just used one of the nonsense words i use to remember medical stuff to a real person.
This has been haunting me. The'yre gonna think I think there's a threevis. (Note this is not the actual thing I said, but a similarly stupid thing)
more complaining
::: spoiler spoiler any response my therapist to me complaining about transmisia/transphobia is that some people were raised in a different time where being trans wasn't talked about. Feel like that's a very weak explanation though.. idk I think it's best if I stop therapy since I've tried other modalities such as DBT without success. :::
::: spoiler Me getting angry on your behalf
No shit, therapist. That's not just a weak explanation, it's making excuses for transphobia. Not ok, not acceptable. I'm sorry you had to listen to this shit. :::
It's completely nonsense, too. There have been trans allies across all of human history. People know transphobia is wrong in 2025, they knew it was wrong in 1970, and they knew it was wrong in 1700. It was born out of the same divide and conquer methods used during colonialism.
Yeesh. You deserve better, comrade. Any chance could ask for a new person or a transfer?
Not sure
sorry if this is old news to you, but do you know about IFS and the self-therapy book? (goodreads link)
I've also been struggling to find a therapist, but meanwhile, this has been helpful
It's not covid, I just got a nasty cold and am melting out of my nose and throat, but otherwise I'm aliveish. Sorry to any private messages I haven't replied to, I'm playing catchup now that I can think again. Love you all, and achooow
And a merry achoo to you too.
Yay to not covid! Boo to colds. Hope you recover quickly.
Hope you feel better soon!
I am a little bit mad about the amount of people who go to the food bank and throw out/hand back the bread. This many people cant have celiacs, and its weird to be that picky an eater that you're anti bread while taking food from the food bank. I mean you shouldn't be forced, but its bread, its like the default food. Is it because its usually whole grain with seeds?
At least those who just hand it back leave it for others I guess. Throwing it out is just rude.
throwing out anything edible is genuinely sinful.
the most charitable outlook would be to assume that they don't know how much other stuff you can make with it than just sandwiches.
Sure. But sandwiches are great. I made one with roasted bellpeppers, shredded carrots, homemade falafel and some kind of dressing, all of which i got from the food bank.
Found an anti free hall to read in but someone is taking notes on something that sounds like a typewriter. It even does the ding.
I should have made my grocery trip before I built an IKEA bookcase.
But hey! Bookcase! I have unlocked an achievement: place to put things
Nice! Did you already have stuff to put on it?
Mostly video games and some movies. Also hung my party flag above it
Having a place for things is so satisfying
Can't stop ::: spoiler Thinking about random stuff from my childhood like the time my parents put me in a tanning bed when I was sick to 'kill the germs'. Been having nightmares about being stuck in that house and it's making me too anxious to sleep. :::
I'm so sorry, this is horrible. That's no way to treat a kid, or anyone. I hope you could find some sleep eventually, but I get being scared by that memory.
Thanks, it's weird to talk about, but that's one of the tame ones. I actually had a really nice dream during a nap today where I was feeding fruit to giant snails. Wish I could recreate that one on command.
Remember that one, I'm sure it'll cheer you up in darker times
Not really into all the ants in the study hall.
Less ants please.
I dont want to squish ants because I don't want to kill anything, but I also can't handle ants crawling on my stuff. Especially my food and drink.
Why is "It interferes with my medication, and you don't want that to happen" not a good enough excuse not to drink. Why are the only acceptable excuses where you don't get peer pressured for like ten minutes after "I'm an alcoholic" and "I'm Muslim"? Those are both good reasons not to drink, I'm just saying that there are others.
And even though they're good excuses, not everybody honestly wants to admit they're alcoholic in front of a group of people
I didn't even think of that, but yeah! "No" is a conplete sentence.
Exactly!
that sucks, i was on painkillers for a while and everybody was cool about it.
if you imagine the pressure you're getting are simply mirrored white lies they use to excuse their own binge drinking, and that they are defending themselves it makes a lot more sense. Peeps just can't help conflating choices different from theirs as a condemnation of their choices.
found a place that i could reasonably get an autism diagnosis from within the year for not too much money and they denied me because I'm in the process of getting diagnosed for DID :/
What the heck. Sorry to hear that, especially since you've been looking for a while.
thanks. i think a lot of the private places aren't prepared for low functioning autistic ppl with a lot of trauma, and they're just trying to capitalize on the trend of higher functioning people trying to get an assessment. i guess that's why this place had such a short wait list compared to the places with wait lists i am on
i love capitalism baybeee
There's always a catch with capitalism :(
The mega must flow
Little tip, since your post doesn't include that "Horizontal Rule" (little line) found in older megathreads, you can view the markdown source of a post or comment by clicking on the... paper
The line is
----------and the sidebar quote had>in front of itThis isn't important, just wanted to tell.
Thanks, I made it at 4am after not sleeping. I don't really understand what you mean though, does it look weird?
It's the separation line between the greeting you post and the "in order to participate" sidebar paragraph. It doesn't look weird, it's just the formatting the older megas had.
Thanks, I guess my copy-paste cleared the formatting for some reason. I think I fixed it now.
Would any mods be willing/able to take the next mega, pretty please?
Sure
Thank you
Sorry I haven't been as present lately, just a lot going on. I hope you all know that you are still loved, you are still beautiful, and you're still wonderful. We're here for you even if we aren't able to reply to each comment. Keep keeping on and loving on one another.
<3
More skin picking tw: discussion of scabs and bleeding
::: spoiler spoiler I can't stop picking. When the scab hardens it feels tight so I pick at it , then the cycle continues. :::
::: spoiler Just a thought, maybe it'll help you I used to put band-aids over the spots where I scab picked. Whenever I reached unconsciously for the spots, the band-aid was a good reminder I didn't wanna do it, and if I was looking at the spots, the band-aid told me not to do it. I used children's band-aids to cheer me up a bit. :::
Looking into the price for sign language courses. I feel like i should know how to sign if I work in healthcare. Given the prices involved here I feel like this might be a post school thing.
adhd discussion ::: spoiler spoiler I don't think I have a reason to doubt that I have ADHD , I keep missing important texts/messages until it's minutes or hours later. For all the energy I have I keep forgetting things. :::
skin-picking (cw for mentions of blood and skin picking) ::: spoiler spoiler Keep cutting pimples then picking the scabs so that the skin won't come back. I don't have any trigger for it , I just want my skin to be smooth. Want to keep doing it till it's like acne scars. :::
If you don’t have a direct trigger for skin picking, it can be a signal that you’re under a lot of stress. I learned that after years of thinking there was no trigger and now I know that the only way to reduce skin picking is to reduce stress, which is sadly not possible for most people in this world.
I've been peeling the skin off my fingers for years. I remember at one appointment the doctor thought I had scabies because my fingers are so covered in bloody scabs, I embarrassingly had to tell him I'd done that myself. Didn't know it was caused by stress, but that makes sense. I always just thought it was a bad habit that willpower could stop, but no matter how many times I decided to stop, I never managed to.
Yes it’s basically a coping mechanism for stress which makes it impossible to break the habit without relieving the stress. I think it’s a common issue and it sucks that we’re made to feel ashamed of it instead of getting the right tools and help to deal with the stress that’s causing it.
been getting these bouts of nausea everyday this past week and i'm just sick of it :[
Here, a careful hug to pick up your spirits
If you wanna talk about it, do you have any idea where the nausea might be coming from?
thanks comrade, i think it was probably hormonal or something it's so annoying
Oh no, here, more hugs
New mega