New mega

I haven't posted in here before but today I just needed a place to speak my peace and I hope that is alright.

I am 37 years old. I was a Chef for 15 years. My family was poor and when my father stole the savings we had for college I attended Job Corp to get my culinary degree. Seeing that they have now been defunded kind of made me think about where I am and how I was so grateful for that opportunity even if my body has fallen apart.

I have Porphyria, COPD, Heart Failure, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, Lupus, and Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. Many of these conditions were unknown to me until my state finally expanded medicaid. Since then I have undergone alot of testing and seem to be collecting new diagnoses like Pokemon.

I had filed for Disability 2 years ago and have many conditions that should qualify me according to their own website. Instead NC has given me the run around for years, denied me twice, i filed again and have now been waiting a year with almost no contact from them despite constant calls and messaging and emails.

Last July I became homeless due to my savings running out and being unable to work. I used the last of my money on a car so that I wouldn't be living on the street. I have been driving for Lyft to stay alive and afford my food, gas, and medicines. Constant doctor visits and hospitalizations have made it impossible to keep up with even those lately and my car is now falling apart as well. No AC with the Carolina summer coming up, a failing transmission, and god knows what else that is keeping me from passing inspection now and unable to renew my registration because of it. Even if I could afford it.

The system is literally killing me and Trump and the Republicans have made it somehow even more unforgiving. This month I even lost my food stamps as NC told me I didn't work enough to qualify.

As i type this I sit here feeling what I think is the beginning of blood clots forming again in my lung and leg and I don't know if I even want to go to the hospital again because I am not seeing a point.

I only keep going for my Partner, my Mother, and my little brother but I really don't feel anything for me anymore. I am so tired and don't see the end of this tunnel like I used to. All i see is the end of the month approaching while i am hospitalized and unable to work enough to pay for the impossible bills that have accrued from Disability constantly delaying my approval.

I see me, on the street because my car is unable to be registered, unable to work to afford my medicines, and still dying here either way.

Sorry for the downer comment but I needed somewhere to vent and I am sure many of you have seen similar struggles and I don't want to feel so alone.

I'm back to be able to wear shoes comfortably at last. My surgical wounds have pretty much healed and aren't painful any more. The black cloud is my bloody tendon, still inflamed. But at least I'm able to walk around outside for about 5 minutes a time, three times a day. Better than being trapped indoors permanently, but still frustrating. I am so desperate to be able to walk more. But it's thanks to this community helping me get the things I needed that my surgeries are finally over and healed, and my landlady's car is usable again and for that I couldn't be more thankful.

Sorry I've been afk lately. As I said in a comment below I am ok with adding new mods and having volunteers do the megas. I don't thnk the other still active mods would mind but I don't wanna make that decision solo. I'm gonna try to message them in the mod chat about it.

For me, the reason I'm been pretty quiet on here lately is because I was trying to get my PSL chapter going, then got involved in an anarchist collective and we are working on a few Panthers inspired projects. Last week we spent a lot of time trying our best to provide food, water, medical aid and transportation to a local unhoused encampment since the city decided they wanted to put all the unhoused into a concentration camp. Trying to not get to into it, they used tax money to proved essentially tin cans for the homeless to live in but there are only spots for 50 people and we have well over 100. The encampment got torn down and now we don't have any way to communicate with probably 75% of them and we are trying to figure out next steps. The city funded camp only has room for 50 but also does not let anyone stay there during the day, doesn't allow safe use sites as a safety net, and also only allows a small amount of personal belonging. One couple we were helping had 3 dogs and they only let them take 2. In the end, they also arrested one of them over ancient charges from her past. Essentially the whole thing is an excuse for law enforcement to use violence against the unhoused.

We have a few other things we are working on but that sort of took center stage. ACAB. Humans deserve dignity. Housing and food is a human right and should not be treated as a commodity.

Received a 40k hospital bill from my time in the ICU today because Medicaid didn't want to cover it. I love America so much

Worst part about support groups is that often everyone else ends up getting better except me, then they move on

this month marks a year since i cut out my abusive ex and started getting treatment for depression/anxiety, and im pretty proud of how far i've come with that, so that's pretty cool

i do not like that unemployment has become a meme thing to make fun of people for lately

I am very happy about the new mega, thank you

My surgery was quite the ordeal, and I'm still recovering, but I honestly regret going through with it. I just wanna curl up and die. There're moments when I don't feel any pain and think it's fine, and then I just try to move even the tiniest bit and the wound explodes with pain. My doctor told me this was to be expected, but honestly, I don't think it was necessary to do it. Anyway, suffering and recovering over here, hope your week is treating you better.

these tariffs are killing us we are already disabled and broke and now the things we need to be slightly less disabled cost like twice as much woof

I'm just gonna go live in an anarchist commune.

I've basically had free reign to contribute to this group I am organizing with these last 2 days and it's felt so meaningful and impactful. I'm working on a website for a food co-op we are starting, and also working on helping set up a sponsored free breakfast program and it's been so rewarding. I feel like I'm being seen for my skills I'm able to contribute and also being treated as a human. They are giving me feedback and actual meaningful praise that doesn't feel like corpo jargon bullshit. I really hope this co-op takes off and we can create enough surplus that I can possibly quit my job and work for this full time. I'm not sure how NGO's and non-profits manage all that. I might bring it up in our meeting tomorrow evening.

In any case, these last 2 days have been amazing for my mental health and now I gotta go back to my regular job. I'm trying to stay positive about it though.

Hi everyone, I'm Onandrah

I'm a proud trans woman and disabled refugee currently living in a settlement camp in . I fled Uganda after the passing of the anti-gay bill..it became too dangerous for someone like me to live freely and safely. Now, I'm doing my best to survive and hold on to hope even in very difficult conditions.

I also live with HIV, which adds another layer to my daily struggles especially with limited access to healthcare and support. Being in a space like this, where we can speak openly and support one another, means a lot.

Sometimes life feels like too much, but I'm still here. And if you’re still here too, I want you to know you’re not alone. I see you. I’m rooting for all of us.

Sending love and strength from Gorom Camp in South Sudan. Onandrah

I wanted to say that all your kind comments as well as the conversations with all of you really picked up my spirits these last few days. I'm usually a very negative person when it comes down to me, and I tend to lash out at people around me when I'm feeling scared or in pain, often in immensely cruel ways. I had such a moment just this week, and was thinking of how I'm no better than my mother, but then you lot chimed in and really changed my perspective. I'm grateful to all of you, those who needed help as much as those who gave it. I'm just as conflicted as everybody else, I have my horrible moments, but I can also be a good person. So, ahm, thanks comrades, for making me feel human again.

I went to my posts surgery checkup and according to my doctor, it's healing slowly, but that's to be expected with my medical history. She was happy to see that I got through the worst of the pain and am on the mend. However, she was highly confused when she realized my surgical stitches had already dissolved completely, even though the wound isn't done healing. Apparently, I am, was, and probably will be a freak of nature all my life, and I quite enjoy the "surprising the doctors" energy I have. Still can't sit, but that'll get better soon.

Might be a bit redundant, but, as we head into the weekend again I want you all to remember that you matter, you are loved, and you belong! Thank you for being such an awesome community and always lovin on one another; it's lovely to witness. Ya'll inspire this awkward gremlin on the other side of the screen.

Med students are having chatgpt do their ethics exams. I don't have a comment. Just a statement.

I am so sick of having to deal with prescriptions. This month there were more issues. I got my script and struggled to even find a pharmacy that could fulfil it. It took days to find a pharmacy that had the exact thyroid and cancer meds that I need. And it was a pharmacy further away than usual, my landlady drove me there to get it but it pissed her off that she had to help me with yet another thing. Another bother is that i asked the GP surgery - even wrote them a letter asking - that they put my thyroid and cancer meds on a separate script from the other items. But they ignored this and put all the items together. The pharmacy didn't have the other items in stock. This means we have to go back there another day to collect the other things. Why can't the damn GP surgery just do as I ask for once?

And I'm struggling to stay in laundry disinfectant. Because I'm immunocompromised and riddled with infections, I have to wash my laundry in medical grade disinfectant. My skin infections are so bad and so persistent that I've been hospitalised because of them on multiple occasions and of course had multiple surgeries on my foot infections. The laundry disinfectant helps a lot. But it's not provided on the NHS, that's another thing I have to pay for myself. No money of course. I've made about 3 mutual aid posts and two lemmy posts asking for help with this.

And my period has started just 2 weeks after the last one.

I'm so tired, why does everything always have to be a struggle?

Inside me there are two wolves. One wants a nap, the other one has drunk so much garbage my blood type is caffeine.

The disabled comm could maybe use some new mods. Only roux and AshenWolf have posted lately (both 2 days ago). khizuo posted 24 days ago, hexbee 1 month ago, and ReadFanon 4 months ago (and Ivysaur is a deleted account). Some of them may be online, just not posting. But if they aren't, we will be down to only Roux once AshenWolf leaves.

I've been focused on my health lately, and I just got out of the hospital (maintenance, not emergency). Even if I don't improve my condition I've at least been improving my reaction to it and stress from it, blahblahblah. That said, I'm basically under house arrest since I'm so goddamn fatigued, and I may have a long trial-and-error period with new medications coming up. I know I'm doing what's best for both my physical and my mental health but it's a major bummer to not be able to be involved in any organizing at a time like this. I hope that I can achieve some sort of stability soon and can pick things back up, even if it's not on the front lines. @Frank@hexbear.net had a great comment here a while back that I'm trying to keep in mind:

Whenever folks express dismay that they can't do cool activism stuff on the front lines i try to remind them that an army marches on it's stomach and there's lots of logistics things that need to be done that don't involve marches and protest camps. Handling phones, making food, taking care of kids, coordinating intelligence, teaching classes and sharing expert knowledge. Many people can fight for a cause in ways that go beyonf the highly visible stereotypes of what protesting looks like but our society makes people think they're useless if they can't play tennis with tear gas cannisters.

gingerbrat has taken up the mantle of being a super-supporter of everyone, and that gives me peace ❤️❤️❤️

🫂 thank you for being the kind light that everyone needs

I'm sorry I'm not here to echo that kindness constantly, but all of you, please know that I do think of you and do wish endless blessings upon all of you ❤️

Was helping my sibling out yesterday with some health insurance stuff, their treatment had been stalled so needed to see their primary care provider but the mf was in a different system all together. Navigating the insurance site to change it was a nightmare so I was coaching them what to say on the phone and I think we got a doctor that exists. Beforehand I was just calling up clinics to confirm if these doctors even were real and it was a pain... pretty sure the insurance site was just using ai to scrape local doctors around here not really checking to see if they were real and that rightly pisses me off. At least the lady on the phone was way more helpful

My screaming neighbour got interrupted by another neighbour who started slamming om her door screaming at her. Violence has been threatened, stuff has been thrown in both directions.
I am not equipped for this.

I've been reporting companies to the Powers That Be for discriminatory practices during interviews that violate the Civil Rights Act and ADEA and actually had some success in having them investigated with their posts flagged/removed on online job boards. Small victories.

::: spoiler what are support systems, what is identity, mention of suicide I would (half-jokingly) be interested in a case study about friendship and support systems and what kinds of correlations there are and what factors contribute to a support system forming.

I think my brain is a little cooked in that I really don't see a way to meet new people and make friends, at least in my current ways of approaching things. I have a strong tendency to show up to things, look around, and if someone doesn't talk to me or something doesn't catch my interest, I end up leaving, because I just feel weird standing there thinking to myself, "should I talk to someone, who should I talk to, how do I decide" Like showing up to things by myself feels useless, I'm completely on rails.

I have yet to get to a Pride event this year. I consistently have conflicts or am burnt out. But that's I guess my only chance to meet people remotely like me. Hell, I'd be posting this in the trans comm, but posting there really spikes my rejection sensitivity. I don't have the energy to do that to myself or ruin the community for other queers.

It's especially tough because I came out to my pre-COVID friends online and they liked the post and went on with life. Selfishly, I thought at least one person might want to reconnect, or at least say "so that's where you've been!"

I thought about killing myself. I felt like I was already dead. It's not like anyone was reaching out to me anyway.

And now, if I say anything, I'm bringing up old shit. I'm being dramatic.

I don't know what I consider a support system, but off the cuff, I'd say I don't really have one. I have my family, who I can talk to sometimes. But nobody is experiencing this in real time with me. Nobody checks in on me, nobody reaches out if I go quiet.

Maybe deleting my old account was a form of self-rejection. But also, nobody in the trans mega cared when I did post. People invalidated my feelings at times. People gatekept. I felt like I had to prove that I was dysphoric in order to be accepted. That made me more dysphoric.

I just want to find a space where my gender is actively being affirmed, not just "oh I accept you regardless" but like actually having girly conversations and doing girly things. And calling each other girly nicknames, and doing our hair and makeup and going shopping. Or something. :::

sleepy. I would like to be less sleepy. Please fix this.

I should be doing chores but I'm completely , just laying in bed cuddling

I'm tired

i did something really really hard yesterday, had a meltdown and threw up from the stress, but i did it. and there seems to be this expectation from the people around me, that cos i did it once i can do it again, indefinitely. but it takes me like, a week to recover from this sorta thing, or else i get super burnt out

like in highschool i would throw up from stress every morning and that didn't stop until i started skipping 50% of my classes

i was not built for life i think

One of my neighbours is clearly not well, so she sometimes just screams for several minutes at a time. She sometimes repeats this in intervals over an hour or so. She's not in distress and she neither wants nor needs help. She just screams. It's not that big a deal except when she does it when I'm trying to sleep. She's loud enough that earplugs don't really solve the issue.

I don't really know what to do here. I'm thinking of trying to sound proof my apartment but that feels a bit silly. I could also tell her to duck into her closet when she needs to scream, but I don't know her well.

I´m listening back to recordings of my patient interactions for my notes, and wondering aloud why none of my patients have punched me square in the face. My voice is so fucking annoying.

I forgot to eat all day so now I'm hungry but it's too late to eat. This is a conundrum. I should eat smarter

Hey again friends. Thank you for holding space for one another .. it's powerful just to be here with all of you.

I’m still in Gorom Camp with my trans sisters and things remain incredibly tough. We’re struggling to find safety and food, and I’m doing my best to keep my head above water while living with HIV and limited care.

If anyone has any ideas or knows of mutual aid resources I can reach out to or even just some kind words... it would mean so much. Sending strength to every disabled and neurodivergent soul out here trying to survive another week...💜

They say youth is wasted on the young. Well, I say health is wasted on the healthy. All these people with able bodies and good health, ruining it with junk food or other habits, sitting indoors doomscrolling all day when they could be outside doing activities. I wish to be able bodied again. I want to hike for miles along the coast instead of sitting around frustrated.

After quitting this job, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I definitely don't have 40 hours of anything (except sleep) in me each week, let alone being at a place I hate doing things I don't want to do.

New megathread tomorrow, if anybody is interested in making it do say so, otherwise I'll make it.

how can I cope with being hopeless, I don't want to explain my situation, I don't want to be lectured about how I can get out of my situation, I just want to cope without being addicted to some substance.

Thanks for the new mega, hope everyone is hanging in there okay

not sure what i should do relating to disability aid. called them, got put on hold for over an hour before giving up. emailed them, got ignored for 3 weeks. i guess i should try to go in person.

but this isn't even for deciding if im actually disabled or not. this is supposed to be the super short/simple check to see if im not lying about having no money. THEN they have to spend over a year deciding if i'm actually disabled, which im not sure if they will since im applying for depression/anxiety/autism

sigh

Bleh, not relevant and I shouldn't clog up this mega

I finally fell asleep about two hours after I wrote the last post. While they were fighting I was on my phone scrolling (and posting) wondering if I should intervene. Anyway things cleared up. I got my sleep. I read about Chinese history and boned up on anatomy (hehehe).

When I told them how the screaming of our common neighbhor sometimes woke up my other neighbhour told me how to buy weed in this apartment block thing since weed helps her sleep. Honestly that was nice of her, but also totally useless.

Sometimes people decide to throw garbage in a spot on the ground rather than a dumpster, doesn't matter who did ot first, everyone else did it.
that spot on the ground with piles of trash on it is me.