Hello disabled comrades! Sorry about the last mega going a bit long. It looks like we are all busy . I hope everyone is doing well! Anywho, here's the new one.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
Keld [he/him, any] - 9mon
My school has a club for disabled students to get together, and none of the mobility disabled students show up because the area of campus it takes place isn't very accessible.
I don't have any follow up to that.
16
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
Is there some way you can bring that up to your school? That seems like a complete failure on their part.
6
Keld [he/him, any] - 9mon
I have brought it up to the organizers, but the student support (I dont know what they'd be called in English) is located in the same area so they just said that if anyone with mobility issues had issues they'd have known by now since they would tell them.
Mind you, I genuinely don't know how anyone in a scooter or wheelchair or with a walker is supposed to get to the student support given that the door into the building requires you to press the handicap accessible door opening button, which very briefly unlocks the door that you then have to open like a normal heavy door.
8
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
Out here trying to answer the tough questions like "What the fuck is wrong with you", "Why are you so negative", "When are you going to actually live your life", "Why can't you just do [endless list of capitalist, ableist, unaffordable bullshit]". Let me get right on that, guys, my bad.
/s if needed for context, I haven't been able to sleep and I'm about to start throwing things
16
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
People not only lack understanding about the difficulties of living with physical and mental illnesses and neurodivergence, they don't even want to understand. No understanding towards people in poverty either. I've had similar comments and it always comes from a place of selfishness, the person who says these things doesn't want their life impacted, even a little, by what you're going through. No matter how hard it is for you, they want you to cover it up, mask your problems and act happy so they can feel good.
11
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
Yes, exactly. I've just flat out been telling people to Fuck Off and leave me be. It makes me think of this old tweet:
"...my love of being alone stems from me knowing if I'm alone then no one is around to disturb me or alter any of my emotions. Everything is up to me, no one is there to misunderstand me, judge me, etc. It's peaceful. A peace I don't feel with other humans"
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
That definitely resonates. If all I had to contend with was my medical issues, I could cope. But other humans make it so hard - making me appeal for my basic income, making me fight to keep my medical treatments, insulting me because I'm unemployed, etc. Why can't humans just be kind to each other? We all have challenges. I guess it's because society brainwashes people to see life as a competition and a zero sum game. They think "if someone else gains an income which they didn't work for, or gains some medical treatment they didn't pay for, then I have directly lost out. That money came out of my pocket, I worked for that." Blaming their fellow poors for existing instead of blaming the millionaire and billionaire leeches at the top who are sucking everyone dry.
5
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
I hear that. I'm fine being 'abnormal' if this is what is normalized. It costs nothing to be a decent human being...maybe that's why capitalists avoid it so much. Kindness and decency are not transactional, so it goes against those pesky brain worms.
5
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
That's actually a good point. I never thought of it like that but yes their brains probably are too transactional for common human decency.
3
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
Thanks for chatting with me earlier, I think I was in a worse state than I realized. I appreciate you
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
I appreciate you too! I find chatting with people in a similar situation who understand is much more helpful than chatting with a therapist who doesn't care and just wants their paycheque.
4
HexaSnoot [none/use name] - 9mon
Is this discrimination? I feel this is a case where people feel they're right to be disrespectful just because you look a hint neurodivergent or disabled.
The other day I was petting someone's dog at the park. Their owner was a total stranger. We talked about their dog for a while. They were around a group having a picnic, and the group offered me food. The dog and the owner went off to the side, and he asked me to sit with him. Completely unprompted, they asked me if I'd ever been in "the looney bin." I wondered if this was a very isolated person with poor social skills deperately looking for people to relate to, so i asked them why they were asking me that.
They said they've lived with people whove been 51/50'd.
(Okay, so they hadn't been hospitalized, they just think they have the right to deeply invade a total strangers privacy as long as they've been hospitalized.)
I said thats personal information. Right away, they asked me what direction was my home and where I lived.
That was genuinely scary, and now I fear this guy will one day see me around the neighborhood and follow me home.. Why would a total stranger feel entitled to getting such answers from me? My only guess is that they think as long as someone's disabled in some way they get be deeply distespectful and invade their privacy.
BTW, I look like a younger woman and this man was almost 50 years old. I was looking very well put together that day, so it's not like I looked worrying.
So I looked at your other post about this, and idk if its so much discrimination (though he definitely says sus/racist/ableist shit) as it may be intimidation.
I'm pretty concerned about this random fucking guy isolating you, negging you and then asking where you live. I feel like if he didn't know he was being weird and inappropriate he wouldn't have pulled you off to the side away from his friend group like that. Perhaps if you weren't read as a much younger woman I would have a different perspective, but yeah this reads to me like misogynistic creeper behavior.
10
HexaSnoot [none/use name] - 9mon
How is it intimation and negging? He said pulling away from the crowd was for us to be in the shade, so idk if he knew he was doing something wrong.
4
ratboy [they/them] - 9mon
Well 1: sounds like you now feel intimidated (scared in your words) because he was interested in where you live,2: he was making racist and ableist remarks towards you that could understandably be interpreted as denigrating or make someone feel uncomfortable, so negging. I have had enough personal experiences as well as having heard many anecdotes from femme friends about predatory men where this kind of behavior would put my hackles up. But there are probably other things that you didnt share that might change my interpretation of things.
Trust your gut. Regardless of what his intentions were, or if he sincerely didnt realize he was being inappropriate, or if he was being discriminatory, he scares you and you want to avoid him, you dont owe anyone your time. More than anything I say all this as opposed to focusing on whether or not its discrimination BC I care about your safety, especially if you know you might be a very trusting or naive person. I don't mean naive insultingly BTW I am myself and because I'm autistic I often miss a ton of social cues like when someone is flirting with me or insulting me subtly so I just take everyones word in good faith when I shouldnt
Edit: I may not have used negging in the correct sense but I think the insulting remarks paired with the other questions and behaviors are signs of creep behavior
7
ThermonuclearEgg - 9mon
Can it be ruled out that they knew exactly what they were doing, but tried to justify it with that as an excuse?
6
HexaSnoot [none/use name] - 9mon
No, it can't be ruled out.
4
Barabas - 9mon
I’ll echo ratboy in that this seems like creeper behaviour. Especially since he started asking where you live after being rebuffed. Some people justify creeping on much younger people by being a ‘saviour’.
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Well, another shitty day in a shitty life. I spoke yesterday about my difficulty getting a doctor's appointment. My landlady said she'd drive me down there first thing so I could try to get an appointment in person. It's just at the end of the road but due to my foot/shoe situation I can't really walk down there myself. She was hanging her washing on the line first and it's a nice day so I decided to wait outside by the car. A man with a huge, out of control dog off the lead came along and the dog rushed over, backed me against the car and was jumping up at me really aggressively, up on his hind legs, pushing me against the car with his paws. I repeatedly asked the man to put his dog on a lead and he completely ignored me. Then the dog got back down and started trying to weave in and out of my legs, at which point it tripped me and I fell flat on my face. The man then towered over me and yelled "If you kick my dog again, I'll kick you." I said "I didn't kick your fucking dog, it tripped me up." The man made a shocked face and in a pearl-clutching tone of voice said "Language!" At this point I'm on the floor and struggling to get up due to my disabilities. He didn't offer any help and I was so upset and intimidated at this point I said "I'm calling the police." He laughed and in a mocking tone of voice said, "Calling the police. Idiot." He then walked just a few steps down the road and hovered there for a few moments, I assume trying to intimidate me. Eventually he left and I thought there is no point even trying to call the police, they won't do anything and I can't identify him, I don't even know what breed of dog that was. My landlady came out and helped me up, I told her what had happened and she agreed there was no point calling the police. But now I'm scared to go out alone in case I see him again.
We went to the doctor and as usual tons of patients were there clamouring for an appointment and by the time I got to the front they were all gone. I explained the situation and begged for an appointment, the receptionist told me to try again tomorrow. I told her I've tried to get appointments multiple times and never can, she didn't care. Eventually I was almost crying and finally she said she would get a doctor to phone me when he finished the morning surgery. He phoned before the surgery closed for lunch, a new doctor I'd never spoken to before. And he was actually nice, and agreed to up my dose to what it was before. I asked him if he could do the prescription right away as I want to get started as soon as possible and he said yes. So just now, when they reopened after lunch I went back to get the prescription. And he had not done it. And he'd gone home for the day so I can't get it today.
Why is everything always so difficult and awful? I really think I must have done something bad in a past life.
14
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
"If you kick my dog again, I'll kick you." I said "I didn't kick your fucking dog, it tripped me up." The man made a shocked face and in a pearl-clutching tone of voice said "Language!"
Threatening physical harm? totally cool. using spicy words? the civility of it all
sorry to hear that comrade, hope things go okay soon
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Thanks. I've been the victim of violence of several occasions before (always have to live in rough areas due to lack of money) so it's really triggering for me and now I'm anxious about leaving the house again. The police, I know from experience, are never interested so it's not like anything would be done about it.
7
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
I must have done something bad in a past life.
You did not, but I get the feeling. The doctor sounds like a full blown asshole and it's infuriating that he too didn't write the prescription. I hope you can get it today.
And from what you and others posted from the UK these last few weeks, this just seems to be the tip of the iceberg. This isn't gonna get better I fear
The dude with the dog was fucked up, and I'd be afraid of him too. How fucked some people are to be this cruel is beyond me but then again, you saw it. If you want to, I know a few tips and tricks to at least make the dog respect you and not trip you or shove you against a car, should you ever run into one like this again. (I'm not a trainer, just grew up with a very big and opiniated dog.)
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
I'll have to wait until next week for my prescription now as it's the weekend. Doctors just don't care, all they want is their paycheque.
I'd certainly like some tips to deal with scary dogs, thanks. There are so many of them around here. I'm more scared of the bloke though. The dog was just out of control but the bloke was malevolent and knew exactly what he was doing. This is one of the many problems with being poor, having to live in a shitty area filled with dangerous people and dogs. It's like in Ready Player One, all the poor people crammed in together, in the worst areas, developing behavioural problems because of their awful environment, while the trillionaires get all the nice areas and plenty of space. That book was prescient.
6
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
Forgot it was Saturday already :/ good luck next week then, I hope it turns out to be more fruitful
Unfortunately, you're right. The attitude of the owner reflects on the animal. So like you said, cram a lot of people together, and the according repercussions will take place, and the pets will be just as impacted as the rest. Given how you describe the owner, I'm gonna assume he has a way of making the dog follow orders. The most important part is that while all dogs respect authority (given that they're pack animals by breed), the fine tuning of how a dog is taught is up to the owner. Since you can't know how the owner treats his dog outside of your unfortunate encounter, just go with these few things that, from personal experience, work with (almost all) dogs. (My choice of words stems from how I was taught to handle dogs and I am fully aware that this is not the best terminology to describe how to deal with the animals since it is very toxic.)
Do not back away when a dog you don't know approaches you: Even if the dog is scary, which a lot of the untrained ones are, do not take a step back or try to get out of its way. Any type of "submissive" behavior will draw attention to yourself. Instead, keep up your usual posture. You do not need to pretend to be full of confidence, just sure of yourself as you are. They can tell when you're posturing.
Don't force eye contact: Dogs will reciprocate eye contact and while you can "establish dominance" by making eye contact, this can also backfire with aggressive animals. If you notice a dog, don't look at it for too long. If you mistime it, or can't avoid looking at it, stay calm and keep looking them in the eyes. Do not try to be kind or rough with your look, just looking at them is enough. At some point, most dogs avert their eyes and will respect you bc you didn't blink first. Your patience will always be longer than that of the dog.
If a dog starts jumping at you: Don't try to push it away with your hands. Worst case, it'll try to bite you, best case, you get drool all over your hands. Leave your hands and arms at your sides and don't raise them above your shoulder height. It'll look like you're scared (which you are, but don't let the dog know). There is two things that you can try in these moments (and I thoroughly recommend not to touch the animal unless it bites you first):
Say "Down" when it's jumping at you (on hind legs and front paws leaning on you) or "No" for anything else it might do, in the firmest voice you have. No hesitation, this is an order and the dog has to obey you. Imagine, if you will, the firmest drill sergeant you ever saw in a movie or so, and mimic the authority with your voice. You are in charge, and the dog has to follow your order. If you do it right, it should back away and look at you for a moment, or just walk away from you immediately. Make sure to keep an eye on the animal as it backs away and walks away for a few more seconds so it knows you're making sure it doesn't try anything.
Last resort, fair warning, doesn't always work, don't try with very big dogs: If a dog tries to bite you (be it in a playful or aggressive manner), you should still work with verbal commands. If it actually does bite you, make sure that it can't bite anything other than your lower arm. This way, you can keep it away from your chest and face, avoiding harsher injuries. Your lower arm can take quite a lot of physical trauma, and while it will hurt, this is better than the alternatives. Let's take your example: The dog jumps you while you're leaning against the car, and it takes a bite at you. Most important thing is to be quick here. Grab it by the fur on the sides of the throat/neck (most dogs have a lot of fur there) and push it down to the ground. This is uncomfortable for the dog but does not cause any permanent damage. While you're doing this, use the verbal command as well, "Down" or "No". And this time, really make eye contact, and don't let go until the dog looks away from you. This is by no means the safest way of handling a situation like this, but I've unfortunately had to do this with Anatolian and German Shepherd Dogs and they do get the message.
I really hope you never need to try the last one, I myself am not proud of this either, but the result is usually that the dog will respect you from then on out. You proved you're able to stand your ground. As a more cheerful side note, the last option is what I used on a youngster ASD once when he bit my lower arm, and while his owner could never control him, the dog would greet me joyfully and always be proper when it saw me afterwards.
Please also do not take my advice as the one-all-be-all solution to handling aggressive or jumpy dogs. There's probably a lot of guides online that will contradict what I told you. There's plenty of ways to handle dogs without escalation. What I can say for certain, however, is that dogs, no matter if aggressive or not, respect you standing your ground. Treat them with respect in kind, and they will usually leave you be, no matter how fucked up their owners are.
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Thanks for the advice. I hope I won't need it again but there are so many out of control dogs around here, I might.
5
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
I hope so too
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
3
Keld [he/him, any] - 9mon
Actually now that I think about it. It's super weird that literally the only building on that particular campus not to have automatic doors is the one housing support for disabled students.
14
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
I agree, but I also admit that I'm pessimistically biased. I hope it's not deliberate, but it's very strange. Especially the "if there was a problem we'd know". Seems rather dismissive.
6
Keld [he/him, any] - 9mon
They were supposed to move to a different campus, but something went wrong and now they're in the singular building on that campus not to have automatic doors.
If it's deliberate it took a lot of effort to get it arranged. I think they just didn't give a shit.
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
I wanted to reply to a comment from the last megathread but I'm too late so i'll put it here:
It's horrific what they're trying to do, just barbaric. I know it's kind of meaningless irl, but I really hope things work out in your favor comrade, you've suffered enough. Hugs if wanted
Thank you. Solidarity isn't meaningless to me at all. This is the only place I can talk about my issues without people trying to shout me down, or tell me I'm wrong or ungrateful. Even on the Scope (disability) forum when I've spoken about my issues accessing treatment or benefits, I've had other disabled people tell me to be grateful I live in a country where accessing medical treatment and benefits is even possible, tell me I must be doing something wrong because they've had no issues accessing benefits and medical treatment, and tell me that being in the UK I have nothing to complain about. I think this is the only site where people live in the real world instead of in denial.
Also, today I got my second menstrual period since finding this site. Previously I'd gone nearly a year without a period and thought I had gone through an early menopause. But after several months of eating enough food, thanks to the help I've received from people on here, I've had two months of regular periods. Turns out I wasn't menopausal at all, just malnourished due to my benefits being stopped and the food from the food bank being so sparse and non-nutritious. So thank you comrades, for helping me to improve at least one aspect of my health.
13
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
5
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
2
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
3
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
As if everything else isn't enough, now I have an extra worry. I made a post asking for help getting some items I need. Someone responded - I thought in a PM, asking for my name and address to send the things to, which I supplied. After 2 days I realised it hadn't been a PM, it was on the public lemmy forum. My name and address were broadcast up there for 2 days. I am really worried about this. I know there are people on lemmy who despise me for being a benefit claimant and asking for help. I've been trolled on there, teased with promises of help that never materialise, and told to unalive myself along with instructions on how to do so (these incidents were reported to moderators, one person was banned and another had his comments deleted.) But I'm worried now someone will have taken my details and use them for some nefarious purpose or to report me to the DWP for getting assistance on here. If that happens, it will be the final straw. I can't cope with getting in legal trouble just for asking for help getting food and supplies.
12
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
5
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
That is definitely scary, and dealing with all of that on top of your IRL struggles...I know it's just empty hopium, but maybe it wasn't seen by certain accounts if you or the community have them blocked, or that the comment was collapsed and not immediately visible. Really hope it went unnoticed, comrade.
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Me too.
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
My endocrinologist has just discharged me. It's infuriating. I'm a thyroid cancer patient and it's really difficult to keep my dose of meds at a comfortable level. If it gets too high I get palpitations and heart tremors, sweat profusely, anxiety and even delusions, insomnia and am at higher risk of having another stroke. If it gets too low I get so tired I fall asleep in the middle of the day, so brain foggy I can't concentrate on anything, my hair falls out, I get swollen and puffy and I'm at higher risk of the cancer coming back. There's no good dose, it's a constant balancing act, always changing the dose when my blood levels eventually get too high or low.
The GP was struggling with managing it so referred me back to the endo, again. The endo lowered the dose and has just sent me a letter discharging me without even waiting for the latest round of blood tests to come back. I don't feel well at all and don't want to be discharged. But this always happens, with the oncologist as well, as soon as they feel I'm somewhat more stable they discharge me and when I get sick again the GP has to refer me again and I have to wait ages to be seen again. So stupid. I'll be having cancer treatment my whole life, I'll never be cured so why can't they just keep me as a patient?
No wonder people are so long-term sick in this country. The government whinge about people not working but how can we when our ailments are never adequately dealt with?
EDIT: I've been feeling in a much worse mood than usual lately, really frustrated. I've just realised it's probably because of the endo lowering my dose. I want to speak to the GP about raising it again but they've changed their appointments system to an online form I can't work out how to use. Why does everything always have to be so difficult?
EDIT: I've just had another realisation, I'm having all the symptoms of too low thyroxine and have been for a while. I've been feeling so tired lately, much more than usual, even more difficulty concentrating than usual, feeling more depressed and frustrated than usual. Significant increase in my cardiac symptoms. Also some weight gain. I'd noticed I'd gained a little weight but I assumed it was because I've finally been able to eat properly these past few months. But putting it all together, this seems to have been caused by my dose being lowered. I want to go back to the original dose but the endo has discharged me and I've been begging and pleading with the GP's receptionist to make me an appointment but she's not bothered at all. I'm so tired I can barely even do my usual basic daily activities, which admittedly weren't much to start with but now I can hardly do anything. I can't live like this, I hope some doctor somewhere helps me.
12
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
So you just get shuffled around even when you're clearly not physically well? Those doctors deserve the fuckin wall. I just want to wrap you in the biggest bear hug and squeeze until all the bad stuff fades into the background.
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Thank you.
3
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
I'll join for the hug <3
3
Moss [they/them] - 9mon
I'm going to end college as a nervous depressed wreck, which is really upsetting to me because I started as a pretty mentally healthy and motivated student. Now I'm desperate to scrape by a pass, get a degree and get the fuck out of here. Doesn't help that my housemates cause me a massive amount of anxiety so the only place I feel safe is when I go to visit my parents.
11
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Sorry to hear that. It seems society sets everything - education, employment, housing, etc - up to be as stressful and difficult and mind-destroying as possible.
7
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
waah i have mandatory therapy tomorrow (too late to cancel without being charged) but im genuinely so depressive i really dont want to
maybe it's the autism but i really never found therapy very helpful
11
imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 9mon
::: spoiler rambling about my own experiences with therapy
im autistic with chronic depression and i think regular old talk therapy with some dude with a bachelor's degree is not very useful for people like me, I've said before i see it at best as akin to writing in a journal with some accountability. however i was lucky enough to do DBT a few years ago and it's honestly the most successful mental health intervention I've ever undergone. doing structured group therapy and 1 to 1 sessions with actual psychologists, designed for people like me by someone who suffered in similar ways (Shout-out Marsha Linehan) instead of by some out of touch eggheads, actually turned things around for me in some significant ways and I found it to be a night and day experience with regular old therapy in terms of the progress I made. I have much less difficulty managing my emotions and doing interpersonal interactions than before and I'm less jaded with therapy as a general concept, I still think a lot of it, most of it, is bullshit capitalist conditioning but good therapy can exist. the shitty thing is how out of reach it is for a lot of folks who need it, the affordable option is usually some asshole telling you to drink more water and exercise or whatever.
9
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
im planning to look into dbt when i get disability aid, thanks for sharing your experiences
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Me neither. In fact, I found it a source of extra stress. Most therapy is nonsense. All the therapy I had consisted of things like making lists of reasons why I shouldn't be depressed, and making daily timetables for myself. Absolute nonsense. I only stuck it out to help me with my benefit claim.
9
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
I only stuck it out to help me with my benefit claim.
literally the only reason im going. i ended up barely talking today because i was too depressed to bother
literally all her advice boils down to "feel your feelings" and "try to do one productive thing a day" and otherwise she just kinda nods along and goes "wow yea that does suck :(" and like what's the poooiint i can legit get more insight from talking to a fucking ai chat bot
9
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Oh god, she sounds like my shitty therapist with the "do one productive thing today," yeah because that's going to change our lives. Mine was all about "make a daily timetable for yourself and stick to it," why? What is that supposed to do? She even said I could write hours and hours of tv watching per day in it, as long as I stick to it. Absolutely ridiculous. Oh look my timetable says watch TV for the next 6 hours. I don't feel like it right now but I must obey the timetable. That will make me cured. Honestly therapy is just nonsense for therapists to make money and the government to say they're providing a service. It doesn't actually help anyone.
6
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
it's frustrating too because so many times when you try to talk about mental health struggles with people, they just terminate their thoughts with "go to therapy"
i'm lucky enough that it's free where i live, i can't imagine paying for this shit lmao
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Me neither. And I was on the waiting list for 5 years for this latest round of shit. I think therapy only helps people with minor, easily solvable problems.
6
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
well yea, the most popular type of therapy right now is legit just "gaslight yourself into thinking things are fine" lmaaao
8
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
That is exactly it.
6
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
I'm so sorry this is so fucked up for you. And yes, you shouldn't be forced to do this just so you get benefits
4
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
got over my money anxiety enough to buy myself a weighted plushie, hopefully it'll help with the grief and anxiety. and if it doesn't it's still cute
10
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
What's the point in life if you can't have a little enjoyment once in a while? Good for you!
5
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 9mon
thank you comrade
5
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
Oh that's so sweet and I'm glad you bought something for yourself! Would love to see the plushie
My support person has to keep telling me not to do drugs as part of their job description, but they're also always smelling of weed.
It feels insincere.
Also I don't even want to do drugs, I barely want to take my pills.
rah rah rabble rabble
10
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
This reminds me of my landlady's GP. She has chronic knee trouble to the point she has to walk with a cane sometimes, and the GP won't do any tests because she's overweight. He just keeps telling her to lose weight. But the GP himself is obese.
6
0x2640 - 9mon
and the GP won't do any tests because she's overweight. He just keeps telling her to lose weight
big yikes
4
Keld [he/him, any] - 9mon
Unacceptable doctor behavior, but also landlady. A moral conundrum.
4
Frogmanfromlake [none/use name] - 9mon
Reading ukpolitics and seeing British libs defend disability cuts wasn’t a good idea lol it just made me angrier
9
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
It makes me feel absolutely hopeless. Also I don't understand why they don't just legalise assisted suicide if they want rid of us, many of us would take it. They don't want to pay disability benefits but most of them also wouldn't employ a disabled person. If we end up on the streets due to poverty they are angry about that, they don't want to see homeless people and put spikes everywhere so homeless people can't sleep there. If we shoplift food due to no money they are angry. If someone commits suicide themselves they are angry "Oh how could you do this? Don't you know people care about you? Some poor person had to find the body!" But they also don't want us committing suicide in a clinic where nobody else has to see. Just what do these fuckers want us to do exactly?
6
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
It took all my spoons but I made my first ever mega thread here! Pleas clap... but for real, sorry about the lag in weekly megas.
9
Kuori [she/her] - 9mon
also nothing to apologize for, i think we're all cool with how things are run in this comm
8
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
Awesome! I've been mostly chilling as a dormant mod but did notice the last thread was getting stale but was also still very active so wasn't sure what to do. Then un_mask_me dmed me and so I figured I could do something rofl.
7
Kuori [she/her] - 9mon
personally i wouldn't mind if the mega becomes a every other week or even monthly mega, if that would make it easier on y'all. or alternatively i'm sure some of us would be willing to share mega duties like over in the trans comm.
either way thanks to you and the rest of the team for your efforts! this is the coziest comm imo, so whatever you're doing now is working perfectly.
7
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
Would you be able to expand a bit more on how it's done in /c/trans?
3
Kuori [she/her] - 9mon
oh yeah of course! (sorry for the late reply.)
so the trans mega is hosted on a volunteer basis; every week there's a pinned comment asking if anyone would like to sign up and for what dates as well as a list of those who are currently signed up. users are free to make the topic about whatever, lots of people choose a special interest of theirs but we don't really need that aspect. imo this works well, worst case scenarios have been the person in charge of the list forgetting to contact someone (and thus just throwing up a mega about nothing to take its place for the week) or someone not having a topic ready (so they just talk about something less involved, though again i don't think we need this - it could be treated as a "if you'd like to, otherwise just nbd" sort of thing and serve us just fine)
here's the pinned comment with list as an example.
1
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
Just realized I never replied to this lol. Thank you!
2
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
I'm a rabble-rouser
::: spoiler Tbh...
It took me 3 days to get up the courage to message someone, cause I just had this desire to make sure the Disabled comrades weren't left behind or left out. I'm here to support, and figured it wouldn't hurt to ask, since, ya know, we're stronger together and one person shouldn't have to do everything alone. I really do appreciate you and the mod team.
:::
6
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
Never hesitate to message any of us.
I'm terminally online if I'm not at work so I'm usually available.
6
Kuori [she/her] - 9mon
we got ourselves a fuckin' revolutionary over here!
boys, rattle 'em
e: but really, you are an MVP
4
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
Ayyy will a fourth Thank you be enough? haha
6
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 9mon
I demand thanks! lol
5
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
Thank you thank you thank you
5
Frogmanfromlake [none/use name] - 9mon
I tried writing a short story about a topic that i have a lot of anxiety over and think I put myself into a depression because of it lol
9
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Do we get to read it?
3
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Someone on lemmygrad who has seen my mutual aid posts contacted me to say he's writing an article on his substack on Sunday, not sure what about, poverty/disability benefits I think. He said if I make a mutual aid post on Sunday and send him a link, he'll link it in his article and his 1300 subscribers will see it. I am thinking about it, on the one hand it could be a great way to get new potential donors. On the other hand, it could expose me to more chance of the DWP seeing it and me getting in trouble. I'm not supposed to be getting financial assistance (I'm supposed to just starve, apparently). He said his subscribers are mostly leftists but he doesn't know them all and he can't guarantee someone wouldn't report it. I don't know. maybe I could make a new email address to use in the post and take the post down after a few days.
What a way to live. Not getting money from the DWP but not allowed to get it from outside sources either.
Maybe I could just mention my PIP appeal in the article (which isn't means tested, you're allowed to have other income on that) and simply not mention my UC appeal (which is means tested.)
9
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
From a privacy perspective, a different email might be a good option. Anything that might protect you when seeking aid is probably worth it, when taking everything into consideration. Hope the article goes well, and things work out in your favor.
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Thanks. Yes, I think I might make an email address of my username, and just use that instead of my long-time personal email address.
Thank you for your comments on the last thread they mean a lot to me and made me feel significantly better about my situation
8
Belly_Beanis [he/him] - 9mon
Remember: disabilities aren't a competition. People who try and one up others are reactionary.
9
Kuori [she/her] - 9mon
happy to be of assistance comrade. glad you're feeling better!
7
RandallThymes [undecided, comrade/them] - 9mon
It’s now the time of year where indoor and outdoor temperatures are within a reasonable range of each other, so I don’t start sneezing and sweating the moment I move from one to the other.
I previously thought this was a symptom of autistic hyper-sensitivity but it might actually be non-allergic rhinitis. Or maybe they both relate or present with each other.
On one hand I think it’s fascinating, on the other I’m fed up of making everyone uncomfortable whenever I enter a room or train with the air con on and look like I’m here to infect everyone with the flu.
8
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Now that my periods have returned, I'm back to messy stained bedsheets. So I decided to try a pair of those "period pants" that supposedly prevent leaks. I saw them - Bodyform Intima wear - on sale on the sainsburys site - usually £22 but reduced to £8. I thought if they work and prevent leaks and stains that will be a good investment. And would save money in the long run by maybe not needing pads any more. So I bought a pack. When I got them and opened them, they were awful. Clearly not the size on the label, badly made, ill fitting and very uncomfortable to the point of being unwearable. Of course I can't afford to waste money, especially since it's from a gift card that someone kindly donated to me - so I emailed sainsburys about it and asked for a refund. They wrote back that it's not their problem and I need to contact the manufacturer. I wrote back that this is illegal, they have to deal with me as they sold it, they can't pass the buck to the manufacturer. Now they're ignoring me.
EDIT: They wrote back and politely told me to go and fuck myself. But I found a bodyform online claim form and submitted a claim, hopefully they will give me a refund.
7
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
Hopefully they'll give you something, at least store credit or another coupon maybe. Really no need to be such asshats about it to you.
Glad to hear you got your monthlies back, even though they can be a hassle. Uterus owners deserve more grace for the lifelong struggle that is menstruation (and menopause). It costs us more to exist just by having those parts and their functions to deal with.
7
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
I'd forgotten how exhausting they are. I've felt like falling asleep all day. I saw a news report that the labour government are thinking about stopping free period products in schools. What are the kids supposed to do? Just to save a few pennies, while MPs award themselves a pay rise. Makes me so angry!
6
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
It's so frustrating, and cruel. Where I grew up in amerikkka, period products were not provided, and it was common for people to bring entire boxes of tampons and pads to school so we could share and always have some on hand. I'm grateful my mom would get the boxes with all sizes to keep in my locker, because we all shared constantly. The school nurse didn't stock them, and usually your best bet to find stuff was with other students or the lady coaches for the different sports teams. At my public highschool there were actual dispensers in the restroom that took coins, usually a quarter, where you could buy individual ones that were the worst quality. It makes me sick thinking about it again. They really are out to make things worse for everyone just to turn a profit.
I turn into a bloated lump when I get mine, like it saps all the energy out of me. Hope you can rest through it without too much fuss.
6
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
That is awful. My school was a miserable place but at least they gave us a free pad when we needed one.
4
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
I'm for one sad you have to endure periods again, on the other hand, it's a relief to know you're finally getting better/enough food!
I think it's interesting that you actually got period products at school, or that people shared their products like @un_mask_me@hexbear.net said. It's shit, but it's better than no help at all. When I was in school, nobody talked about this stuff, and if you just so happened to bleed through something, the best that happened was everyone ignored it, but usually people just got laughed at and you had to try to cover it up so you wouldn't get bullied. Bullied for a regular body function.
4
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
That's awful. Sorry to hear you had to go through that. My school was a miserable, bully-infested hell on earth but at least they didn't make us bleed through our clothes or make fun of periods.
3
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
At this point, it's ancient history, but I thank you nonetheless
You get a lot better at hiding you have your period, and while this is not a thing that I'm particularly fond of, it's handy when you want to project a false image of confidence and strength. And at least in official settings, this saved my ass before.
3
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
The interesting thing is, we were a poor district, and even if you hated someone or weren't part of a group, most of us had this unspoken rule that certain things were off-limits. I'm so sorry you were bullied, kids can be just as cruel as adults. I think there's a solidarity that comes from the shame of forced poverty, and I learned at a young age that those who have less are far more giving than those who have every need met. It makes it sound like school was cool, but it feels like such a small thing when daily fights, drugs, SA, and gun violence were regular occurrences where I grew up. In my freshman year of high school (ages 14-16) they had a specific classroom set aside for all of the teen mothers who brought their babies to school with them, because there was nowhere else for them to go...oof, the stories I could tell. Looking back, I was probably radicalized long before I learned about history and theory. Went on a tangent, but my original point is what matters. We're stronger together.
2
gingerbrat [she/her] - 9mon
And I couldn't agree more
2
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Well, my fantasies of getting a big response to my mutual aid post due to the substack post didn't come to fruition. Someone I already know from this site sent me a sainsburys voucher for which I'm immensely grateful. One other anonymous person tried to send me what I believe was an amazon voucher but there were technical difficulties which meant I can't access it and I have no idea who they are so I can't let them know. I was fantasisising that the response to the substack post would be so good I'd never have to make another post. Now I don't know if I'll get through the next month without making another one. I don't know how to get it more views, I don't think the bumping does anything.
7
sallyXDeng [she/her] - 9mon
had to do an MRI scan earlier and it freaked me tf out, I didn't realize how like, horrified I was of enclosed spaces until that happened, legit started freaking out and hyperventilating when i first went inside and had to leave it for a short bit. it was legit so freaky to me, all i could do was just look up the entire time and it was such a tiny space, at first for some reason i even thought i wouldn't be able to breath in it. also didn't help with all the loud noises also being distressing and the fact had to be still the entire time (+ this all lasted for an entire hour), but at least that's all over now though
7
Kuori [she/her] - 9mon
that's how i found out i was claustrophobic too. sorry you went through that.
7
un_mask_me [any] - 9mon
It's crazy how medieval modern medicine seems sometimes, MRIs sound so awful
5
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
They are so terrifying. I had one once that I had to end early due to claustrophobia. The next time I needed one I refused to get in until they agreed to give me a general anaesthetic. You could ask for that next time.
5
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 9mon
Well, this has been my worst week in a while. As if my health issues being exacerbated (hypothyroid symptoms thanks to the endocrinologist lowering my dose, and worse migraines than usual) and being threatened by that dog's owner wasn't enough, now I've lost my wallet. No idea where it could be. My landlady and I have searched the house and car and it's nowhere. I can only assume it must have fallen out of my pocket while we were out. Eventually I had to concede defeat and cancel my bank card. Not that there's any money on there. But I had lots of other things in there too. My disabled person's bus pass, I'll have to cancel that now and wait for a new one, I hope they don't charge for a replacement. Just when I've been able to start wearing shoes again and could actually get some use out of it. My ferry pass which was paid for a while ago and still had 9 journeys left on it. My nectar card, library card and various other cards. Most can be replaced although it's a nuisance but the ferry pass won't be replaced, that's just money down the drain.
The only hopeful thing is criticalresist8 over at lemmy has published his substack post, with a link to my mutual aid post. Maybe my post might get more views. Maybe it might even publicise mutual aid to people who didn't know about it and get more views for everyone there who needs help. If anyone wants to read it:
::: spoiler Existential dread
I can't anymore. I just can't. Every day I wake up, I'm just crushed by everything. No matter what I do, no matter how much I try to change things, I'm stuck and pray that I don't wake up the next day. Can't find a place in therapy, there's no free spots anywhere, not even on waiting lists, and I can't get another doctor's appointment for another issue that's making me lose my mind. Every day I need to get up, look for jobs, apply, get rejected and repeat. I've been living like this for almost 2 years, and I just can't take it anymore. The only time when I don't feel like shit is when I'm fast asleep and don't notice anything. I'm exhausted, I'm terrified, I can't talk to friends anymore for multiple different reasons that are to varying degrees my fault, and I just don't want to deal with this anymore. My mental health was always nonexistent but at least I had so much to do I could just ignore it. Sorry for the bleakness comrades, but thanks for reading.
:::
roux in disabled
Disabled Community Megathread 3/23/25 — 3/30/25
Hello disabled comrades! Sorry about the last mega going a bit long. It looks like we are all busy
. I hope everyone is doing well! Anywho, here's the new one.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
My school has a club for disabled students to get together, and none of the mobility disabled students show up because the area of campus it takes place isn't very accessible. I don't have any follow up to that.
Is there some way you can bring that up to your school? That seems like a complete failure on their part.
I have brought it up to the organizers, but the student support (I dont know what they'd be called in English) is located in the same area so they just said that if anyone with mobility issues had issues they'd have known by now since they would tell them. Mind you, I genuinely don't know how anyone in a scooter or wheelchair or with a walker is supposed to get to the student support given that the door into the building requires you to press the handicap accessible door opening button, which very briefly unlocks the door that you then have to open like a normal heavy door.
Out here trying to answer the tough questions like "What the fuck is wrong with you", "Why are you so negative", "When are you going to actually live your life", "Why can't you just do [endless list of capitalist, ableist, unaffordable bullshit]". Let me get right on that, guys, my bad.
/s if needed for context, I haven't been able to sleep and I'm about to start throwing things
People not only lack understanding about the difficulties of living with physical and mental illnesses and neurodivergence, they don't even want to understand. No understanding towards people in poverty either. I've had similar comments and it always comes from a place of selfishness, the person who says these things doesn't want their life impacted, even a little, by what you're going through. No matter how hard it is for you, they want you to cover it up, mask your problems and act happy so they can feel good.
Yes, exactly. I've just flat out been telling people to Fuck Off and leave me be. It makes me think of this old tweet:
That definitely resonates. If all I had to contend with was my medical issues, I could cope. But other humans make it so hard - making me appeal for my basic income, making me fight to keep my medical treatments, insulting me because I'm unemployed, etc. Why can't humans just be kind to each other? We all have challenges. I guess it's because society brainwashes people to see life as a competition and a zero sum game. They think "if someone else gains an income which they didn't work for, or gains some medical treatment they didn't pay for, then I have directly lost out. That money came out of my pocket, I worked for that." Blaming their fellow poors for existing instead of blaming the millionaire and billionaire leeches at the top who are sucking everyone dry.
I hear that. I'm fine being 'abnormal' if this is what is normalized. It costs nothing to be a decent human being...maybe that's why capitalists avoid it so much. Kindness and decency are not transactional, so it goes against those pesky brain worms.
That's actually a good point. I never thought of it like that but yes their brains probably are too transactional for common human decency.
Thanks for chatting with me earlier, I think I was in a worse state than I realized. I appreciate you
I appreciate you too! I find chatting with people in a similar situation who understand is much more helpful than chatting with a therapist who doesn't care and just wants their paycheque.
Is this discrimination? I feel this is a case where people feel they're right to be disrespectful just because you look a hint neurodivergent or disabled.
The other day I was petting someone's dog at the park. Their owner was a total stranger. We talked about their dog for a while. They were around a group having a picnic, and the group offered me food. The dog and the owner went off to the side, and he asked me to sit with him. Completely unprompted, they asked me if I'd ever been in "the looney bin." I wondered if this was a very isolated person with poor social skills deperately looking for people to relate to, so i asked them why they were asking me that.
They said they've lived with people whove been 51/50'd.
(Okay, so they hadn't been hospitalized, they just think they have the right to deeply invade a total strangers privacy as long as they've been hospitalized.)
I said thats personal information. Right away, they asked me what direction was my home and where I lived.
That was genuinely scary, and now I fear this guy will one day see me around the neighborhood and follow me home.. Why would a total stranger feel entitled to getting such answers from me? My only guess is that they think as long as someone's disabled in some way they get be deeply distespectful and invade their privacy.
BTW, I look like a younger woman and this man was almost 50 years old. I was looking very well put together that day, so it's not like I looked worrying.
For extra context, more on this strange encounter here.
So I looked at your other post about this, and idk if its so much discrimination (though he definitely says sus/racist/ableist shit) as it may be intimidation.
I'm pretty concerned about this random fucking guy isolating you, negging you and then asking where you live. I feel like if he didn't know he was being weird and inappropriate he wouldn't have pulled you off to the side away from his friend group like that. Perhaps if you weren't read as a much younger woman I would have a different perspective, but yeah this reads to me like misogynistic creeper behavior.
How is it intimation and negging? He said pulling away from the crowd was for us to be in the shade, so idk if he knew he was doing something wrong.
Well 1: sounds like you now feel intimidated (scared in your words) because he was interested in where you live,2: he was making racist and ableist remarks towards you that could understandably be interpreted as denigrating or make someone feel uncomfortable, so negging. I have had enough personal experiences as well as having heard many anecdotes from femme friends about predatory men where this kind of behavior would put my hackles up. But there are probably other things that you didnt share that might change my interpretation of things.
Trust your gut. Regardless of what his intentions were, or if he sincerely didnt realize he was being inappropriate, or if he was being discriminatory, he scares you and you want to avoid him, you dont owe anyone your time. More than anything I say all this as opposed to focusing on whether or not its discrimination BC I care about your safety, especially if you know you might be a very trusting or naive person. I don't mean naive insultingly BTW I am myself and because I'm autistic I often miss a ton of social cues like when someone is flirting with me or insulting me subtly so I just take everyones word in good faith when I shouldnt
Edit: I may not have used negging in the correct sense but I think the insulting remarks paired with the other questions and behaviors are signs of creep behavior
Can it be ruled out that they knew exactly what they were doing, but tried to justify it with that as an excuse?
No, it can't be ruled out.
I’ll echo ratboy in that this seems like creeper behaviour. Especially since he started asking where you live after being rebuffed. Some people justify creeping on much younger people by being a ‘saviour’.
Well, another shitty day in a shitty life. I spoke yesterday about my difficulty getting a doctor's appointment. My landlady said she'd drive me down there first thing so I could try to get an appointment in person. It's just at the end of the road but due to my foot/shoe situation I can't really walk down there myself. She was hanging her washing on the line first and it's a nice day so I decided to wait outside by the car. A man with a huge, out of control dog off the lead came along and the dog rushed over, backed me against the car and was jumping up at me really aggressively, up on his hind legs, pushing me against the car with his paws. I repeatedly asked the man to put his dog on a lead and he completely ignored me. Then the dog got back down and started trying to weave in and out of my legs, at which point it tripped me and I fell flat on my face. The man then towered over me and yelled "If you kick my dog again, I'll kick you." I said "I didn't kick your fucking dog, it tripped me up." The man made a shocked face and in a pearl-clutching tone of voice said "Language!" At this point I'm on the floor and struggling to get up due to my disabilities. He didn't offer any help and I was so upset and intimidated at this point I said "I'm calling the police." He laughed and in a mocking tone of voice said, "Calling the police. Idiot." He then walked just a few steps down the road and hovered there for a few moments, I assume trying to intimidate me. Eventually he left and I thought there is no point even trying to call the police, they won't do anything and I can't identify him, I don't even know what breed of dog that was. My landlady came out and helped me up, I told her what had happened and she agreed there was no point calling the police. But now I'm scared to go out alone in case I see him again.
We went to the doctor and as usual tons of patients were there clamouring for an appointment and by the time I got to the front they were all gone. I explained the situation and begged for an appointment, the receptionist told me to try again tomorrow. I told her I've tried to get appointments multiple times and never can, she didn't care. Eventually I was almost crying and finally she said she would get a doctor to phone me when he finished the morning surgery. He phoned before the surgery closed for lunch, a new doctor I'd never spoken to before. And he was actually nice, and agreed to up my dose to what it was before. I asked him if he could do the prescription right away as I want to get started as soon as possible and he said yes. So just now, when they reopened after lunch I went back to get the prescription. And he had not done it. And he'd gone home for the day so I can't get it today.
Why is everything always so difficult and awful? I really think I must have done something bad in a past life.
Threatening physical harm? totally cool. using spicy words? the civility of it all
sorry to hear that comrade, hope things go okay soon
Thanks. I've been the victim of violence of several occasions before (always have to live in rough areas due to lack of money) so it's really triggering for me and now I'm anxious about leaving the house again. The police, I know from experience, are never interested so it's not like anything would be done about it.
You did not, but I get the feeling. The doctor sounds like a full blown asshole and it's infuriating that he too didn't write the prescription. I hope you can get it today.
And from what you and others posted from the UK these last few weeks, this just seems to be the tip of the iceberg. This isn't gonna get better I fear
The dude with the dog was fucked up, and I'd be afraid of him too. How fucked some people are to be this cruel is beyond me but then again, you saw it. If you want to, I know a few tips and tricks to at least make the dog respect you and not trip you or shove you against a car, should you ever run into one like this again. (I'm not a trainer, just grew up with a very big and opiniated dog.)
I'll have to wait until next week for my prescription now as it's the weekend. Doctors just don't care, all they want is their paycheque.
I'd certainly like some tips to deal with scary dogs, thanks. There are so many of them around here. I'm more scared of the bloke though. The dog was just out of control but the bloke was malevolent and knew exactly what he was doing. This is one of the many problems with being poor, having to live in a shitty area filled with dangerous people and dogs. It's like in Ready Player One, all the poor people crammed in together, in the worst areas, developing behavioural problems because of their awful environment, while the trillionaires get all the nice areas and plenty of space. That book was prescient.
Forgot it was Saturday already :/ good luck next week then, I hope it turns out to be more fruitful
Unfortunately, you're right. The attitude of the owner reflects on the animal. So like you said, cram a lot of people together, and the according repercussions will take place, and the pets will be just as impacted as the rest. Given how you describe the owner, I'm gonna assume he has a way of making the dog follow orders. The most important part is that while all dogs respect authority (given that they're pack animals by breed), the fine tuning of how a dog is taught is up to the owner. Since you can't know how the owner treats his dog outside of your unfortunate encounter, just go with these few things that, from personal experience, work with (almost all) dogs. (My choice of words stems from how I was taught to handle dogs and I am fully aware that this is not the best terminology to describe how to deal with the animals since it is very toxic.)
I really hope you never need to try the last one, I myself am not proud of this either, but the result is usually that the dog will respect you from then on out. You proved you're able to stand your ground. As a more cheerful side note, the last option is what I used on a youngster ASD once when he bit my lower arm, and while his owner could never control him, the dog would greet me joyfully and always be proper when it saw me afterwards.
Please also do not take my advice as the one-all-be-all solution to handling aggressive or jumpy dogs. There's probably a lot of guides online that will contradict what I told you. There's plenty of ways to handle dogs without escalation. What I can say for certain, however, is that dogs, no matter if aggressive or not, respect you standing your ground. Treat them with respect in kind, and they will usually leave you be, no matter how fucked up their owners are.
Thanks for the advice. I hope I won't need it again but there are so many out of control dogs around here, I might.
I hope so too
Actually now that I think about it. It's super weird that literally the only building on that particular campus not to have automatic doors is the one housing support for disabled students.
I agree, but I also admit that I'm pessimistically biased. I hope it's not deliberate, but it's very strange. Especially the "if there was a problem we'd know". Seems rather dismissive.
They were supposed to move to a different campus, but something went wrong and now they're in the singular building on that campus not to have automatic doors. If it's deliberate it took a lot of effort to get it arranged. I think they just didn't give a shit.
I wanted to reply to a comment from the last megathread but I'm too late so i'll put it here:
It's horrific what they're trying to do, just barbaric. I know it's kind of meaningless irl, but I really hope things work out in your favor comrade, you've suffered enough. Hugs if wanted
Thank you. Solidarity isn't meaningless to me at all. This is the only place I can talk about my issues without people trying to shout me down, or tell me I'm wrong or ungrateful. Even on the Scope (disability) forum when I've spoken about my issues accessing treatment or benefits, I've had other disabled people tell me to be grateful I live in a country where accessing medical treatment and benefits is even possible, tell me I must be doing something wrong because they've had no issues accessing benefits and medical treatment, and tell me that being in the UK I have nothing to complain about. I think this is the only site where people live in the real world instead of in denial.
Also, today I got my second menstrual period since finding this site. Previously I'd gone nearly a year without a period and thought I had gone through an early menopause. But after several months of eating enough food, thanks to the help I've received from people on here, I've had two months of regular periods. Turns out I wasn't menopausal at all, just malnourished due to my benefits being stopped and the food from the food bank being so sparse and non-nutritious. So thank you comrades, for helping me to improve at least one aspect of my health.
As if everything else isn't enough, now I have an extra worry. I made a post asking for help getting some items I need. Someone responded - I thought in a PM, asking for my name and address to send the things to, which I supplied. After 2 days I realised it hadn't been a PM, it was on the public lemmy forum. My name and address were broadcast up there for 2 days. I am really worried about this. I know there are people on lemmy who despise me for being a benefit claimant and asking for help. I've been trolled on there, teased with promises of help that never materialise, and told to unalive myself along with instructions on how to do so (these incidents were reported to moderators, one person was banned and another had his comments deleted.) But I'm worried now someone will have taken my details and use them for some nefarious purpose or to report me to the DWP for getting assistance on here. If that happens, it will be the final straw. I can't cope with getting in legal trouble just for asking for help getting food and supplies.
That is definitely scary, and dealing with all of that on top of your IRL struggles...I know it's just empty hopium, but maybe it wasn't seen by certain accounts if you or the community have them blocked, or that the comment was collapsed and not immediately visible. Really hope it went unnoticed, comrade.
Me too.
My endocrinologist has just discharged me. It's infuriating. I'm a thyroid cancer patient and it's really difficult to keep my dose of meds at a comfortable level. If it gets too high I get palpitations and heart tremors, sweat profusely, anxiety and even delusions, insomnia and am at higher risk of having another stroke. If it gets too low I get so tired I fall asleep in the middle of the day, so brain foggy I can't concentrate on anything, my hair falls out, I get swollen and puffy and I'm at higher risk of the cancer coming back. There's no good dose, it's a constant balancing act, always changing the dose when my blood levels eventually get too high or low.
The GP was struggling with managing it so referred me back to the endo, again. The endo lowered the dose and has just sent me a letter discharging me without even waiting for the latest round of blood tests to come back. I don't feel well at all and don't want to be discharged. But this always happens, with the oncologist as well, as soon as they feel I'm somewhat more stable they discharge me and when I get sick again the GP has to refer me again and I have to wait ages to be seen again. So stupid. I'll be having cancer treatment my whole life, I'll never be cured so why can't they just keep me as a patient?
No wonder people are so long-term sick in this country. The government whinge about people not working but how can we when our ailments are never adequately dealt with?
EDIT: I've been feeling in a much worse mood than usual lately, really frustrated. I've just realised it's probably because of the endo lowering my dose. I want to speak to the GP about raising it again but they've changed their appointments system to an online form I can't work out how to use. Why does everything always have to be so difficult?
EDIT: I've just had another realisation, I'm having all the symptoms of too low thyroxine and have been for a while. I've been feeling so tired lately, much more than usual, even more difficulty concentrating than usual, feeling more depressed and frustrated than usual. Significant increase in my cardiac symptoms. Also some weight gain. I'd noticed I'd gained a little weight but I assumed it was because I've finally been able to eat properly these past few months. But putting it all together, this seems to have been caused by my dose being lowered. I want to go back to the original dose but the endo has discharged me and I've been begging and pleading with the GP's receptionist to make me an appointment but she's not bothered at all. I'm so tired I can barely even do my usual basic daily activities, which admittedly weren't much to start with but now I can hardly do anything. I can't live like this, I hope some doctor somewhere helps me.
So you just get shuffled around even when you're clearly not physically well? Those doctors deserve the fuckin wall. I just want to wrap you in the biggest bear hug and squeeze until all the bad stuff fades into the background.
Thank you.
I'll join for the hug <3
I'm going to end college as a nervous depressed wreck, which is really upsetting to me because I started as a pretty mentally healthy and motivated student. Now I'm desperate to scrape by a pass, get a degree and get the fuck out of here. Doesn't help that my housemates cause me a massive amount of anxiety so the only place I feel safe is when I go to visit my parents.
Sorry to hear that. It seems society sets everything - education, employment, housing, etc - up to be as stressful and difficult and mind-destroying as possible.
waah i have mandatory therapy tomorrow (too late to cancel without being charged) but im genuinely so depressive i really dont want to
maybe it's the autism but i really never found therapy very helpful
::: spoiler rambling about my own experiences with therapy
im autistic with chronic depression and i think regular old talk therapy with some dude with a bachelor's degree is not very useful for people like me, I've said before i see it at best as akin to writing in a journal with some accountability. however i was lucky enough to do DBT a few years ago and it's honestly the most successful mental health intervention I've ever undergone. doing structured group therapy and 1 to 1 sessions with actual psychologists, designed for people like me by someone who suffered in similar ways (Shout-out Marsha Linehan) instead of by some out of touch eggheads, actually turned things around for me in some significant ways and I found it to be a night and day experience with regular old therapy in terms of the progress I made. I have much less difficulty managing my emotions and doing interpersonal interactions than before and I'm less jaded with therapy as a general concept, I still think a lot of it, most of it, is bullshit capitalist conditioning but good therapy can exist. the shitty thing is how out of reach it is for a lot of folks who need it, the affordable option is usually some asshole telling you to drink more water and exercise or whatever.
im planning to look into dbt when i get disability aid, thanks for sharing your experiences
Me neither. In fact, I found it a source of extra stress. Most therapy is nonsense. All the therapy I had consisted of things like making lists of reasons why I shouldn't be depressed, and making daily timetables for myself. Absolute nonsense. I only stuck it out to help me with my benefit claim.
literally the only reason im going. i ended up barely talking today because i was too depressed to bother
literally all her advice boils down to "feel your feelings" and "try to do one productive thing a day" and otherwise she just kinda nods along and goes "wow yea that does suck :(" and like what's the poooiint i can legit get more insight from talking to a fucking ai chat bot
Oh god, she sounds like my shitty therapist with the "do one productive thing today," yeah because that's going to change our lives. Mine was all about "make a daily timetable for yourself and stick to it," why? What is that supposed to do? She even said I could write hours and hours of tv watching per day in it, as long as I stick to it. Absolutely ridiculous. Oh look my timetable says watch TV for the next 6 hours. I don't feel like it right now but I must obey the timetable. That will make me cured. Honestly therapy is just nonsense for therapists to make money and the government to say they're providing a service. It doesn't actually help anyone.
it's frustrating too because so many times when you try to talk about mental health struggles with people, they just terminate their thoughts with "go to therapy"
i'm lucky enough that it's free where i live, i can't imagine paying for this shit lmao
Me neither. And I was on the waiting list for 5 years for this latest round of shit. I think therapy only helps people with minor, easily solvable problems.
well yea, the most popular type of therapy right now is legit just "gaslight yourself into thinking things are fine" lmaaao
That is exactly it.
I'm so sorry this is so fucked up for you. And yes, you shouldn't be forced to do this just so you get benefits
got over my money anxiety enough to buy myself a weighted plushie, hopefully it'll help with the grief and anxiety. and if it doesn't it's still cute
What's the point in life if you can't have a little enjoyment once in a while? Good for you!
thank you comrade
Oh that's so sweet and I'm glad you bought something for yourself! Would love to see the plushie
it's this one
It's perfect!
My support person has to keep telling me not to do drugs as part of their job description, but they're also always smelling of weed. It feels insincere.
Also I don't even want to do drugs, I barely want to take my pills. rah rah rabble rabble
This reminds me of my landlady's GP. She has chronic knee trouble to the point she has to walk with a cane sometimes, and the GP won't do any tests because she's overweight. He just keeps telling her to lose weight. But the GP himself is obese.
big yikes
Unacceptable doctor behavior, but also landlady. A moral conundrum.
Reading ukpolitics and seeing British libs defend disability cuts wasn’t a good idea lol it just made me angrier
It makes me feel absolutely hopeless. Also I don't understand why they don't just legalise assisted suicide if they want rid of us, many of us would take it. They don't want to pay disability benefits but most of them also wouldn't employ a disabled person. If we end up on the streets due to poverty they are angry about that, they don't want to see homeless people and put spikes everywhere so homeless people can't sleep there. If we shoplift food due to no money they are angry. If someone commits suicide themselves they are angry "Oh how could you do this? Don't you know people care about you? Some poor person had to find the body!" But they also don't want us committing suicide in a clinic where nobody else has to see. Just what do these fuckers want us to do exactly?
It took all my spoons but I made my first ever mega thread here! Pleas clap... but for real, sorry about the lag in weekly megas.
Awesome! I've been mostly chilling as a dormant mod but did notice the last thread was getting stale but was also still very active so wasn't sure what to do. Then un_mask_me dmed me and so I figured I could do something rofl.
personally i wouldn't mind if the mega becomes a every other week or even monthly mega, if that would make it easier on y'all. or alternatively i'm sure some of us would be willing to share mega duties like over in the trans comm.
either way thanks to you and the rest of the team for your efforts! this is the coziest comm imo, so whatever you're doing now is working perfectly.
Would you be able to expand a bit more on how it's done in /c/trans?
oh yeah of course! (sorry for the late reply.)
so the trans mega is hosted on a volunteer basis; every week there's a pinned comment asking if anyone would like to sign up and for what dates as well as a list of those who are currently signed up. users are free to make the topic about whatever, lots of people choose a special interest of theirs but we don't really need that aspect. imo this works well, worst case scenarios have been the person in charge of the list forgetting to contact someone (and thus just throwing up a mega about nothing to take its place for the week) or someone not having a topic ready (so they just talk about something less involved, though again i don't think we need this - it could be treated as a "if you'd like to, otherwise just nbd" sort of thing and serve us just fine)
Just realized I never replied to this lol. Thank you!
I'm a rabble-rouser
::: spoiler Tbh... It took me 3 days to get up the courage to message someone, cause I just had this desire to make sure the Disabled comrades weren't left behind or left out. I'm here to support, and figured it wouldn't hurt to ask, since, ya know, we're stronger together and one person shouldn't have to do everything alone. I really do appreciate you and the mod team. :::
Never hesitate to message any of us.
I'm terminally online if I'm not at work so I'm usually available.
we got ourselves a fuckin' revolutionary over here!
boys, rattle 'em
e: but really, you are an MVP
Ayyy
will a fourth Thank you be enough? haha
I demand thanks! lol
Thank you thank you thank you
I tried writing a short story about a topic that i have a lot of anxiety over and think I put myself into a depression because of it lol
Do we get to read it?
Someone on lemmygrad who has seen my mutual aid posts contacted me to say he's writing an article on his substack on Sunday, not sure what about, poverty/disability benefits I think. He said if I make a mutual aid post on Sunday and send him a link, he'll link it in his article and his 1300 subscribers will see it. I am thinking about it, on the one hand it could be a great way to get new potential donors. On the other hand, it could expose me to more chance of the DWP seeing it and me getting in trouble. I'm not supposed to be getting financial assistance (I'm supposed to just starve, apparently). He said his subscribers are mostly leftists but he doesn't know them all and he can't guarantee someone wouldn't report it. I don't know. maybe I could make a new email address to use in the post and take the post down after a few days.
What a way to live. Not getting money from the DWP but not allowed to get it from outside sources either.
Maybe I could just mention my PIP appeal in the article (which isn't means tested, you're allowed to have other income on that) and simply not mention my UC appeal (which is means tested.)
From a privacy perspective, a different email might be a good option. Anything that might protect you when seeking aid is probably worth it, when taking everything into consideration. Hope the article goes well, and things work out in your favor.
Thanks. Yes, I think I might make an email address of my username, and just use that instead of my long-time personal email address.
@Kuori@hexbear.net and @Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net
Thank you for your comments on the last thread
they mean a lot to me and made me feel significantly better about my situation
Remember: disabilities aren't a competition. People who try and one up others are reactionary.
It’s now the time of year where indoor and outdoor temperatures are within a reasonable range of each other, so I don’t start sneezing and sweating the moment I move from one to the other.
I previously thought this was a symptom of autistic hyper-sensitivity but it might actually be non-allergic rhinitis. Or maybe they both relate or present with each other.
On one hand I think it’s fascinating, on the other I’m fed up of making everyone uncomfortable whenever I enter a room or train with the air con on and look like I’m here to infect everyone with the flu.
Now that my periods have returned, I'm back to messy stained bedsheets. So I decided to try a pair of those "period pants" that supposedly prevent leaks. I saw them - Bodyform Intima wear - on sale on the sainsburys site - usually £22 but reduced to £8. I thought if they work and prevent leaks and stains that will be a good investment. And would save money in the long run by maybe not needing pads any more. So I bought a pack. When I got them and opened them, they were awful. Clearly not the size on the label, badly made, ill fitting and very uncomfortable to the point of being unwearable. Of course I can't afford to waste money, especially since it's from a gift card that someone kindly donated to me - so I emailed sainsburys about it and asked for a refund. They wrote back that it's not their problem and I need to contact the manufacturer. I wrote back that this is illegal, they have to deal with me as they sold it, they can't pass the buck to the manufacturer. Now they're ignoring me.
EDIT: They wrote back and politely told me to go and fuck myself. But I found a bodyform online claim form and submitted a claim, hopefully they will give me a refund.
Hopefully they'll give you something, at least store credit or another coupon maybe. Really no need to be such asshats about it to you.
Glad to hear you got your monthlies back, even though they can be a hassle. Uterus owners deserve more grace for the lifelong struggle that is menstruation (and menopause). It costs us more to exist just by having those parts and their functions to deal with.
I'd forgotten how exhausting they are. I've felt like falling asleep all day. I saw a news report that the labour government are thinking about stopping free period products in schools. What are the kids supposed to do? Just to save a few pennies, while MPs award themselves a pay rise. Makes me so angry!
It's so frustrating, and cruel. Where I grew up in amerikkka, period products were not provided, and it was common for people to bring entire boxes of tampons and pads to school so we could share and always have some on hand. I'm grateful my mom would get the boxes with all sizes to keep in my locker, because we all shared constantly. The school nurse didn't stock them, and usually your best bet to find stuff was with other students or the lady coaches for the different sports teams. At my public highschool there were actual dispensers in the restroom that took coins, usually a quarter, where you could buy individual ones that were the worst quality. It makes me sick thinking about it again. They really are out to make things worse for everyone just to turn a profit.
I turn into a bloated lump when I get mine, like it saps all the energy out of me. Hope you can rest through it without too much fuss.
That is awful. My school was a miserable place but at least they gave us a free pad when we needed one.
I'm for one sad you have to endure periods again, on the other hand, it's a relief to know you're finally getting better/enough food!
I think it's interesting that you actually got period products at school, or that people shared their products like @un_mask_me@hexbear.net said. It's shit, but it's better than no help at all. When I was in school, nobody talked about this stuff, and if you just so happened to bleed through something, the best that happened was everyone ignored it, but usually people just got laughed at and you had to try to cover it up so you wouldn't get bullied. Bullied for a regular body function.
That's awful. Sorry to hear you had to go through that. My school was a miserable, bully-infested hell on earth but at least they didn't make us bleed through our clothes or make fun of periods.
At this point, it's ancient history, but I thank you nonetheless
You get a lot better at hiding you have your period, and while this is not a thing that I'm particularly fond of, it's handy when you want to project a false image of confidence and strength. And at least in official settings, this saved my ass before.
The interesting thing is, we were a poor district, and even if you hated someone or weren't part of a group, most of us had this unspoken rule that certain things were off-limits. I'm so sorry you were bullied, kids can be just as cruel as adults. I think there's a solidarity that comes from the shame of forced poverty, and I learned at a young age that those who have less are far more giving than those who have every need met. It makes it sound like school was cool, but it feels like such a small thing when daily fights, drugs, SA, and gun violence were regular occurrences where I grew up. In my freshman year of high school (ages 14-16) they had a specific classroom set aside for all of the teen mothers who brought their babies to school with them, because there was nowhere else for them to go...oof, the stories I could tell. Looking back, I was probably radicalized long before I learned about history and theory. Went on a tangent, but my original point is what matters. We're stronger together.
And I couldn't agree more
Well, my fantasies of getting a big response to my mutual aid post due to the substack post didn't come to fruition. Someone I already know from this site sent me a sainsburys voucher for which I'm immensely grateful. One other anonymous person tried to send me what I believe was an amazon voucher but there were technical difficulties which meant I can't access it and I have no idea who they are so I can't let them know. I was fantasisising that the response to the substack post would be so good I'd never have to make another post. Now I don't know if I'll get through the next month without making another one. I don't know how to get it more views, I don't think the bumping does anything.
had to do an MRI scan earlier and it freaked me tf out, I didn't realize how like, horrified I was of enclosed spaces until that happened, legit started freaking out and hyperventilating when i first went inside and had to leave it for a short bit. it was legit so freaky to me, all i could do was just look up the entire time and it was such a tiny space, at first for some reason i even thought i wouldn't be able to breath in it. also didn't help with all the loud noises also being distressing and the fact had to be still the entire time (+ this all lasted for an entire hour), but at least that's all over now though
It's crazy how medieval modern medicine seems sometimes, MRIs sound so awful
They are so terrifying. I had one once that I had to end early due to claustrophobia. The next time I needed one I refused to get in until they agreed to give me a general anaesthetic. You could ask for that next time.
Well, this has been my worst week in a while. As if my health issues being exacerbated (hypothyroid symptoms thanks to the endocrinologist lowering my dose, and worse migraines than usual) and being threatened by that dog's owner wasn't enough, now I've lost my wallet. No idea where it could be. My landlady and I have searched the house and car and it's nowhere. I can only assume it must have fallen out of my pocket while we were out. Eventually I had to concede defeat and cancel my bank card. Not that there's any money on there. But I had lots of other things in there too. My disabled person's bus pass, I'll have to cancel that now and wait for a new one, I hope they don't charge for a replacement. Just when I've been able to start wearing shoes again and could actually get some use out of it. My ferry pass which was paid for a while ago and still had 9 journeys left on it. My nectar card, library card and various other cards. Most can be replaced although it's a nuisance but the ferry pass won't be replaced, that's just money down the drain.
The only hopeful thing is criticalresist8 over at lemmy has published his substack post, with a link to my mutual aid post. Maybe my post might get more views. Maybe it might even publicise mutual aid to people who didn't know about it and get more views for everyone there who needs help. If anyone wants to read it:
https://criticalresist.substack.com/p/f8ea42e3-3d66-4e81-b29c-bf39387e38d5?postPreview=paid&updated=2025-03-30T09%3A58%3A56.959Z&audience=everyone&free_preview=false&freemail=true
yippee
::: spoiler Existential dread I can't anymore. I just can't. Every day I wake up, I'm just crushed by everything. No matter what I do, no matter how much I try to change things, I'm stuck and pray that I don't wake up the next day. Can't find a place in therapy, there's no free spots anywhere, not even on waiting lists, and I can't get another doctor's appointment for another issue that's making me lose my mind. Every day I need to get up, look for jobs, apply, get rejected and repeat. I've been living like this for almost 2 years, and I just can't take it anymore. The only time when I don't feel like shit is when I'm fast asleep and don't notice anything. I'm exhausted, I'm terrified, I can't talk to friends anymore for multiple different reasons that are to varying degrees my fault, and I just don't want to deal with this anymore. My mental health was always nonexistent but at least I had so much to do I could just ignore it. Sorry for the bleakness comrades, but thanks for reading. :::
New mega