Hi disabled comrades! Sorry the mega is late this week. I've been super busy and kind of overwhelmed. I hope everyone is well.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
::: spoiler CW: pet death
my dog was put down this morning, and i feel pretty weird about it honestly. he was pretty young, but had chronic back issues and was on pain meds, and it got to the point where it randomly paralyzed him. anyway, given the autism, i don't think im processing the grief at all yet. but i am pretty sad. and unfortunately the main way i've dealt with being really sad so far is to give him a hug.
i swear to god that my snake has been climbing around and being extra silly to make me feel better, but he isn't really one for cuddles
:::
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
Sorry for your loss comrade
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
I'm so exhausted by how difficult everything is. On top of everything else, I haven't been able to get my migraine meds. Last week the neurologist agreed that the GP wasn't prescribing me enough (he objects because of the cost - I'm a drain and a burden on the NHS according to the pharmacist) so she wrote me a hospital prescription for 16. I also filled out a repeat request at the GP for my usual 8. So I should have had 24 today. Instead, I have none. The hospital have lost the prescription from the neurologist, and the GP surgery didn't include the migraine med on my repeat prescription. Now I have to deal with all this and go without in the meantime. Why is every bloody thing in this life a constant battle? Why can't anything ever be easy and simple?
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hexbee [she/her] - 10mon
It's so exhausting; everyday is a new battle with no end in sight
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
It makes me wonder why we're here. Is this purgatory? Did we do something bad in a past life? Is this a simulation that we're meant to be learning from? If we are just evolved pondslime and life is meaningless then why struggle on.
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
Kinda feels like we're living in a system designed to be in direct opposition of the human spirit.
I'm curious; I want to see how far I can get before my body and mind give out.
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hexbee [she/her] - 10mon
The only meaning I find is in other people, but the system pushes us apart so aggressively that it's quite easy to lose sight of that as well
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
It keeps us in survival mode so we can't think about uniting and changing the sytem.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
I don't know if life has any meaning, I sincerely doubt it tbh, but I do think seeing a rainbow out of the kitchen window while you're doing the dishes is a reason to struggle on. So is a beautiful sunset, even if you only catch a glimpse of it, or a dorky little puppy or kitten stumbling over their own feet, or watching little birds take a bath in a puddle. I know, cheesy af.
Life may be meaningless, grueling and unnecessarily cruel most of the time. But even all the fucked up isms that make it so hard can't stop the sun from looking gorgeous during golden hour. And sometimes, when it all gets too much, I like to remind myself if that fact. I don't know if it'll help anyone else, but I sure hope it makes it all seem a little less grim. At least for a moment.
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Ivysaur - 10mon
I also remember the animals and nature when I am feeling big despair, and it helps me.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
There certainly are beautiful moments in life, even lovely scenery or uplifting music would make life worthwhile, if it wasn't for the fact that there is so much stress that it more than cancels out the beauty. Every day there is so much grimness to contend with it drowns out most of the beauty. If I wasn't in constant pain and always worried about impending homelessness and hunger, and so aware of all the suffering of other people and animals, then the world could seem a beautiful place. Part of me wishes I could just mentally block all the awfulness out but I wouldn't really want to end up like Trump or Musk or someone who doesn't care about anything but themselves. If only I could be physically healthy and guaranteed to always have my basic needs met, that would be fine and I could then concentrate on making a difference in the world. But it's impossible when I'm always in survival mode.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Of course it is in a situation like yours, I get it. I'd want you and everyone else to be healthy too, so you could go and walk to the beach and look at the waves.
Only reason I brought up natural phenomena like rainbows or sunsets wasn't to give you a reason to carry on. I meant it as a way of taking a brief pause from all the depressing shit around us. Sure the world isn't much better suddenly, but these breaks can help carry the load.
I hope that made some sense, it sounded much better in my head.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
I do know what you mean. I live by the seaside and I can feel briefly uplifted by being out in nature. I guess I'm just more down in the dumps than usual right now because I can't do that due to my feet at the moment.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
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hexbee [she/her] - 10mon
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Aradino [they/them, comrade/them] - 10mon
Adhd meds very soon! Woo. It's finally over.
Should be a week and a day at most
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
Hope they help!!
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
I finally got referred for an actual autism diagnosis, but they require you to have someone else talk about how you were in early childhood...
Both of my parents were negligent and didn't really pick up on anything, so idk how that's gonna go
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
Sorry to hear that. Official people do like making everything as difficult as possible. Do you have anyone else you could ask, who knew you as a child? Maybe an old teacher, friend or family friend? Even a doctor who treated you for other things at the time?
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
nope, unfortunately moved cross country in my teens and i don't really remember anyone bc i have childhood memory issues from trauma lol
im probably just going to have to coach my mother on things and hope for the best
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Kuori [she/her] - 10mon
tired of migraines. tired of nausea. tired of this fucking medication goddamn
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roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 10mon
I've also been super fucking busy. I'm working on like 3 community projects right now, in early possible planning stages for 2 more. I also have work and am working on 2 websites. One I started an pretty much finished yesterday which is kind of nuts. But I'm doing so much right now, I'm getting to a point where I fear burnout might state to set in. I'm on high alert for signs and taking occasional low effort/mental health days though.
The good news is that I'm so busy that I barely have time for the bad thoughts!
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
How is everyone doing? Feels like people are really going through it; even the well-off normies I encounter irl are struggling to maintain the "everything's fine" routine.
I'm thinking of y'all and genuinely wish you a wonderful week!
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
It's like the powers that be have got everyone in a state of homeostasis, where they've lowered everyone's living conditions as much as they possibly can without triggering a revolution. People are miserable and struggling, but the majority are fed and managing just enough that they haven't started lopping off heads yet.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
I'm ready for lopping off some heads if you are!
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
Very much so. Let's build a guillotine and get Musk, Bezos, Trump, Gates and the rest of them lined up.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
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MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 10mon
this image has been getting so much mileage out of me lately.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Oooh I love it!
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
The general attitude where I'm at is "just gotta work harder" when "times are tough", without actually acknowledging that 'the times' have been crafted specifically to oppress and restrain any movement forward. The blame is all in the wrong places. Mostly I wanted to know how the individuals here were doin, considering the already marginalized nature of this community.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
You're right. It's getting like Ready Player One, where a few people have everything and the rest have no chance of getting anything.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Mostly I wanted to know how the individuals here were doin, considering the already marginalized nature of this community.
Tbh, not good but also not as bad as it could be. My physical health hasn't been all good but it's not debilitating me these last few months. Mental health is a different topic, and I loathe seeking out a psychiatrist of any sort. I don't feel like my attitude towards the world as it is needs "a different perspective", thus CBT doesn't appeal to me. I don't need help reframing the state of the world in my mind in a more positive light. I need a revolution to get out of my depression. I need liberty, freedom and the end of capitalism for everyone (including myself) so that I can stop wishing for death every time I go to sleep. Haven't found a therapist yet who didn't have CBT or anything similar written on their portfolio, so I doubt I'll try to get therapy at all.
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
I feel this, and I hear you. I'd assume therapy's not really helpful when the problems only have solutions outside of yourself, and you never know what brainworms each individual person may carry on top of that.
I truly hope for a better future, despite reality. Maybe we're closer to mobilizing than it seems. One can dream.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Thank you
As to the personal brain worms, I do know I have quite a lot of those, so eventually I do want therapy for those. I do think with better material conditions, therapy can be very helpful.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
It's been a rough week for all of us, I figure, so here's a hug for all of you lovely comrades
@khizuo@hexbear.net you mentioned you got your T last week. May I ask how your experience has been? I hope it's all you've hoped for <3
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khizuo [ze/zir] - 10mon
I've been really enjoying it so far, I mean I don't think anything has truly changed yet but I do feel better emotionally these days. Which may be placebo for all I know, but I don't really care.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
I'm so happy for you! And I hope it'll only get better
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
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Bruja [she/her, love/loves] - 10mon
I've been super busy and kind of overwhelmed.
Mood. Reading the comments here does help with feeling less alone. Still appreciate you starting this and keeping it going.
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khizuo [ze/zir] - 10mon
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Blockocheese [any] - 10mon
Im gonna start doing some light workouts to hopefully help with my chronic pain
Really hoping it helps with my circulation (to then help with the pain) because it's been awful recently
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9to5 [any, comrade/them] - 10mon
Me when I get only one upbear despite my grandma calling me pretty yesterday
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
really bad depression day, i was already emotionally exhausted and then really bad stuff happens, lmao
does anyone here have suggestions on what to do on really bad depression days? most of the suggestions seem like platitudes i either dont have the energy for or don't apply to me
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imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 10mon
it becomes an acceptance thing on really bad days for me and just trying to remind myself that tomorrow will probably be better and I won't feel that way forever. i am NEET so i don't have to worry about managing to go to work or class or whatever. I'll normally try and push myself do one thing like cleaning a little or taking a basic shower and then try to heap on the praise cause i did good considering the day. ideally then have some comfort food and videogame or jerma stream for the rest of the day to attempt mindful distraction. occupying myself even just with media or food is always better than staring at the wall dissociating if i can manage it. if I'm on a really bad day it's kinda just about passing the time until tomorrow cause tomorrow will probably be better, and avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms. all pretty dependent on how bad my burnout is burning out. I'm super accustomed to dealing with depression but if I'm dysregulated and having mood swings and stuff it's much harder and the ways to cope vary. idk if you're autistic but if you are i found this really helpful which they showed me in DBT:
the key takeaway i think is that forcing yourself to do stuff can be really effective on depression, but can make burnout worse. so it's a balancing act there, if your burnout is bad let yourself prioritise taking it easy, resting, seeking comfort. again idk if you're autistic but someone might find it useful anyways. solidarity 💜
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
i am autistic so that's very helpful, thank you very much
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
Sorry it's a bad day. At least it's almost tomorrow? The hard part of this question is that it's going to be a different answer for different people. On really bad days I end up sleeping as much as possible and I turn into a lump of whatever blanket is closest. I will seek out at least a few minutes of something that makes me laugh/smile, like memes or a video/song, basically comfort food for the brain. Forcing myself to walk around, even if it's laps around my room, also helps to get some of the anxious energy out. I guess I'm saying that I usually try to accommodate as opposed to ignore the depression.
Anything in particular that makes you chuckle every time you see it?
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
thanks, yea that's basically what i've been doing
laughter is a good idea. i will watch the 10 hour "get stickbugged" video
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
A classic! I am partial to the huh cat meme Hoping it's a better day tomorrow comrade
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TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her] - 10mon
that one is good too
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DragonBallZinn [he/him, they/them] - 10mon
For all my autistic comrades, I think I made something of a breakthrough. Doubt it'll be life-changing but it's something.
I've delved into some research in autism and a lot of resources point out it's a nervous system issue as well as a mental issue. I learned a bit about the vagus nerve and how its hard to function because of fear. Part of my basement dwelling antics come from perhaps a confused and misguided way of trying to get myself to relax. I've told myself for years but I really need to look into grillpilling to cut out unnecessary stress.
And also when reading up on some of the symptoms, it seems like ADHD is holding me back moreso than autism, which is surprising and I could be wrong but that could be a good thing for me to focus my energy towards.
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Kuori [she/her] - 10mon
which is surprising
unmedicated, adhd can for sure eat you alive. the executive dysfunction alone can be like having an anchor shackled to your neck. it's shocking how different the reality is vs. the common perception honestly
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Barabas - 10mon
Currently doing an ADHD evaluation (with a side of autism) and was a bit taken aback when the person doing my evaluation started to concernedly tell me that me being a fuckup isn't my fault. I still have a couple of interview sessions to go and a load of evaluations to hand in so it seems a bit premature.
Is that something that the people evaluating usually do?
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Elysium [he/him, any] - 10mon
This is regarding different medical diagnoses than what you've written about above, but:
I've had therapists, nurses and I think one doctor say this to me. I can't recall anyone saying it who wasn't like "caring for me" in some capacity. By which I mean an evaluator, assuming they're qualified in the field that they evaluate people within, could provide some level of care, but that isn't their function in the moment.
Which brings me around to "I think the sentiment, if genuine, is great. However, I would also hope it is warranted so it isn't out of place or making assumptions about your feelings that you don't feel."
Therapists I've spoken to and a specialized nurse (for different things) have sort of nicely paused me mid speaking or commented after I finished things like "Well, it's not your fault. You have a genuine disability that makes X things harder for you than most people." Things along those lines since I have a tendency to self-blame. But they offered that statement within the context of me blaming myself or at least sort of "feeling bad for myself." So it was sort of gentle reminder to try to actively not blame myself or spiral into "self pity."
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Barabas - 10mon
The context was going over "tics" and the things that I tell myself (out loud). She went on to talk about how I have a disability that causes my issues and how I should stop being so hard on myself.
Feels like accepting that I have a genuine disability is letting myself off the hook too much, which may be why I'm sceptical. It just seems too easy. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
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MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 10mon
Wish someone would tell me that. I had a follow up on my ADHD assessment and all I keep getting is gatekeeping.
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Barabas - 10mon
Sounds rough, hope that you can get through all the hoops they throw out.
Been about a year since I first applied and I've gone through three rounds of pre-assessment. Which is why it is surprising to me to get this "you have a chemical imbalance" talk halfway through the actual assessment.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
I tried wearing normal shoes - trainers - today. Just for a few minutes. It's rubbed my surgical wounds open and made them sore. I guess I'm going to be stuck like this for ages yet.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Ouch, not again :( This has been going on for so long, you don't deserve this
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
It feels itchy now too. I just want to be able to walk around outside without worrying and pain.
And today my period came. I thought I'd gone through the menopause. For the past two years I've had a period only every few months, and they've been so light they've been barely there, and totally pain free. This year so far I'd had nothing and I thought it was finally over. I was relieved and perfectly content to be an old crone. But today I've got a proper, heavy flowing and painful period for the first time in about 2 years. I guess it's not over yet. Actually, I don't even know whether it's the menopause or whether these period issues are caused by my other health issues. I haven't had any other menopause symptoms like hot flushes, so who knows.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Again, for lack of a better reaction, ouch. How the heck does this shit always accumulate? Like, isn't one issue enough? No, of course not, you need to have period pains on top of everything else too. Urgh. Feel hugged <3 carefully, naturally.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
Thanks. Actually I've just had a thought that hadn't occurred to me before. This whole time I've just been assuming that my periods had become almost non-existent because of the menopause. But the fact that I've just had a proper, full period after several months of eating decent food, has made me re-think this. For months before finding mutual aid, I was literally starving. And for a while before that I wasn't getting good nutrition either. Even when I am in receipt of my full benefits, they're quite a low amount so I was often eating cheap, poor quality food and sometimes going hungry. These past few months, because of hexbear, I've been able to eat two meals a day, including nutritious things like vegetables and protein. After a few months of eating like this, I get a normal, heavy period. Now I'm wondering if my periods had actually stopped due to malnutrition. I just assumed it was the menopause because I turned 40 when this started. In fact, I never got any of the other menopause symptoms like hot flashes. But I just thought maybe the universe had decided that I've suffered enough health-wise already and decided to make the menopause easy for me.
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gingerbrat [she/her] - 10mon
Malnutrition can fuck up so many parts of the body, so it wouldn't be surprising if this was tied to it. As frustrating as periods can be, I'm glad you're finally getting more nutritious food into your system. It might also help with the rest of your health issues, even if it doesn't cure you.
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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 10mon
I think malnutrition is what started all my health issues. As a kid, I spent the last 5 years of school with a poor and negelctful single mother who couldn't afford to feed me and also couldn't be bothered to even try. So I started pretending she'd paid for school dinners. Either you could bring a packed lunch or your parents could pay for school dinners, but I didn't get either. So every lunch time I would just get in the queue for school dinners and take one even though nobody had paid for me. It was usually the only meal I would get all day. But all they served was spring rolls and chips, usually. A few years after leaving school I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer which was the start of all my problems. Just recently a study came out showing that thyroid cancer can be caused by long-term selenium deficiency. Guess which foods are really low in selenium? Spring rolls and chips.
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un_mask_me [any] - 10mon
Not sure what else to say except that you deserved and deserve better. Hopefully the better food, as gingerbrat said, will help with the healing or at least with getting things to a better baseline.
khizuo in disabled
Disabled Community Megathread 2/25/25 — 3/2/25
Hi disabled comrades! Sorry the mega is late this week. I've been super busy and kind of overwhelmed. I hope everyone is well.
As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
::: spoiler CW: pet death my dog was put down this morning, and i feel pretty weird about it honestly. he was pretty young, but had chronic back issues and was on pain meds, and it got to the point where it randomly paralyzed him. anyway, given the autism, i don't think im processing the grief at all yet. but i am pretty sad. and unfortunately the main way i've dealt with being really sad so far is to give him a hug.
i swear to god that my snake has been climbing around and being extra silly to make me feel better, but he isn't really one for cuddles :::
Sorry for your loss comrade
I'm so exhausted by how difficult everything is. On top of everything else, I haven't been able to get my migraine meds. Last week the neurologist agreed that the GP wasn't prescribing me enough (he objects because of the cost - I'm a drain and a burden on the NHS according to the pharmacist) so she wrote me a hospital prescription for 16. I also filled out a repeat request at the GP for my usual 8. So I should have had 24 today. Instead, I have none. The hospital have lost the prescription from the neurologist, and the GP surgery didn't include the migraine med on my repeat prescription. Now I have to deal with all this and go without in the meantime. Why is every bloody thing in this life a constant battle? Why can't anything ever be easy and simple?
It's so exhausting; everyday is a new battle with no end in sight
It makes me wonder why we're here. Is this purgatory? Did we do something bad in a past life? Is this a simulation that we're meant to be learning from? If we are just evolved pondslime and life is meaningless then why struggle on.
Kinda feels like we're living in a system designed to be in direct opposition of the human spirit.
I'm curious; I want to see how far I can get before my body and mind give out.
The only meaning I find is in other people, but the system pushes us apart so aggressively that it's quite easy to lose sight of that as well
It keeps us in survival mode so we can't think about uniting and changing the sytem.
I don't know if life has any meaning, I sincerely doubt it tbh, but I do think seeing a rainbow out of the kitchen window while you're doing the dishes is a reason to struggle on. So is a beautiful sunset, even if you only catch a glimpse of it, or a dorky little puppy or kitten stumbling over their own feet, or watching little birds take a bath in a puddle. I know, cheesy af.
Life may be meaningless, grueling and unnecessarily cruel most of the time. But even all the fucked up isms that make it so hard can't stop the sun from looking gorgeous during golden hour. And sometimes, when it all gets too much, I like to remind myself if that fact. I don't know if it'll help anyone else, but I sure hope it makes it all seem a little less grim. At least for a moment.
I also remember the animals and nature when I am feeling big despair, and it helps me.
There certainly are beautiful moments in life, even lovely scenery or uplifting music would make life worthwhile, if it wasn't for the fact that there is so much stress that it more than cancels out the beauty. Every day there is so much grimness to contend with it drowns out most of the beauty. If I wasn't in constant pain and always worried about impending homelessness and hunger, and so aware of all the suffering of other people and animals, then the world could seem a beautiful place. Part of me wishes I could just mentally block all the awfulness out but I wouldn't really want to end up like Trump or Musk or someone who doesn't care about anything but themselves. If only I could be physically healthy and guaranteed to always have my basic needs met, that would be fine and I could then concentrate on making a difference in the world. But it's impossible when I'm always in survival mode.
Of course it is in a situation like yours, I get it. I'd want you and everyone else to be healthy too, so you could go and walk to the beach and look at the waves.
Only reason I brought up natural phenomena like rainbows or sunsets wasn't to give you a reason to carry on. I meant it as a way of taking a brief pause from all the depressing shit around us. Sure the world isn't much better suddenly, but these breaks can help carry the load.
I hope that made some sense, it sounded much better in my head.
I do know what you mean. I live by the seaside and I can feel briefly uplifted by being out in nature. I guess I'm just more down in the dumps than usual right now because I can't do that due to my feet at the moment.
Adhd meds very soon! Woo. It's finally over.
Should be a week and a day at most
Hope they help!!
I finally got referred for an actual autism diagnosis, but they require you to have someone else talk about how you were in early childhood...
Both of my parents were negligent and didn't really pick up on anything, so idk how that's gonna go
Sorry to hear that. Official people do like making everything as difficult as possible. Do you have anyone else you could ask, who knew you as a child? Maybe an old teacher, friend or family friend? Even a doctor who treated you for other things at the time?
nope, unfortunately moved cross country in my teens and i don't really remember anyone bc i have childhood memory issues from trauma lol
im probably just going to have to coach my mother on things and hope for the best
tired of migraines. tired of nausea. tired of this fucking medication goddamn
I've also been super fucking busy. I'm working on like 3 community projects right now, in early possible planning stages for 2 more. I also have work and am working on 2 websites. One I started an pretty much finished yesterday which is kind of nuts. But I'm doing so much right now, I'm getting to a point where I fear burnout might state to set in. I'm on high alert for signs and taking occasional low effort/mental health days though.
The good news is that I'm so busy that I barely have time for the bad thoughts!
How is everyone doing? Feels like people are really going through it; even the well-off normies I encounter irl are struggling to maintain the "everything's fine" routine.
I'm thinking of y'all and genuinely wish you a wonderful week!
It's like the powers that be have got everyone in a state of homeostasis, where they've lowered everyone's living conditions as much as they possibly can without triggering a revolution. People are miserable and struggling, but the majority are fed and managing just enough that they haven't started lopping off heads yet.
I'm ready for lopping off some heads if you are!
Very much so. Let's build a guillotine and get Musk, Bezos, Trump, Gates and the rest of them lined up.
Oooh I love it!
The general attitude where I'm at is "just gotta work harder" when "times are tough", without actually acknowledging that 'the times' have been crafted specifically to oppress and restrain any movement forward. The blame is all in the wrong places. Mostly I wanted to know how the individuals here were doin, considering the already marginalized nature of this community.
You're right. It's getting like Ready Player One, where a few people have everything and the rest have no chance of getting anything.
Tbh, not good but also not as bad as it could be. My physical health hasn't been all good but it's not debilitating me these last few months. Mental health is a different topic, and I loathe seeking out a psychiatrist of any sort. I don't feel like my attitude towards the world as it is needs "a different perspective", thus CBT doesn't appeal to me. I don't need help reframing the state of the world in my mind in a more positive light. I need a revolution to get out of my depression. I need liberty, freedom and the end of capitalism for everyone (including myself) so that I can stop wishing for death every time I go to sleep. Haven't found a therapist yet who didn't have CBT or anything similar written on their portfolio, so I doubt I'll try to get therapy at all.
I feel this, and I hear you. I'd assume therapy's not really helpful when the problems only have solutions outside of yourself, and you never know what brainworms each individual person may carry on top of that.
I truly hope for a better future, despite reality. Maybe we're closer to mobilizing than it seems. One can dream.
Thank you
As to the personal brain worms, I do know I have quite a lot of those, so eventually I do want therapy for those. I do think with better material conditions, therapy can be very helpful.
It's been a rough week for all of us, I figure, so here's a hug for all of you lovely comrades
@khizuo@hexbear.net you mentioned you got your T last week. May I ask how your experience has been? I hope it's all you've hoped for <3
I've been really enjoying it so far, I mean I don't think anything has truly changed yet but I do feel better emotionally these days. Which may be placebo for all I know, but I don't really care.
I'm so happy for you! And I hope it'll only get better
Mood. Reading the comments here does help with feeling less alone. Still appreciate you starting this and keeping it going.
Im gonna start doing some light workouts to hopefully help with my chronic pain
Really hoping it helps with my circulation (to then help with the pain) because it's been awful recently
Me when I get only one upbear despite my grandma calling me pretty yesterday
really bad depression day, i was already emotionally exhausted and then really bad stuff happens, lmao
does anyone here have suggestions on what to do on really bad depression days? most of the suggestions seem like platitudes i either dont have the energy for or don't apply to me
it becomes an acceptance thing on really bad days for me and just trying to remind myself that tomorrow will probably be better and I won't feel that way forever. i am NEET so i don't have to worry about managing to go to work or class or whatever. I'll normally try and push myself do one thing like cleaning a little or taking a basic shower and then try to heap on the praise cause i did good considering the day. ideally then have some comfort food and videogame or jerma stream for the rest of the day to attempt mindful distraction. occupying myself even just with media or food is always better than staring at the wall dissociating if i can manage it. if I'm on a really bad day it's kinda just about passing the time until tomorrow cause tomorrow will probably be better, and avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms. all pretty dependent on how bad my burnout is burning out. I'm super accustomed to dealing with depression but if I'm dysregulated and having mood swings and stuff it's much harder and the ways to cope vary. idk if you're autistic but if you are i found this really helpful which they showed me in DBT:
the key takeaway i think is that forcing yourself to do stuff can be really effective on depression, but can make burnout worse. so it's a balancing act there, if your burnout is bad let yourself prioritise taking it easy, resting, seeking comfort. again idk if you're autistic but someone might find it useful anyways. solidarity 💜
i am autistic so that's very helpful, thank you very much
Sorry it's a bad day. At least it's almost tomorrow? The hard part of this question is that it's going to be a different answer for different people. On really bad days I end up sleeping as much as possible and I turn into a lump of whatever blanket is closest. I will seek out at least a few minutes of something that makes me laugh/smile, like memes or a video/song, basically comfort food for the brain. Forcing myself to walk around, even if it's laps around my room, also helps to get some of the anxious energy out. I guess I'm saying that I usually try to accommodate as opposed to ignore the depression.
Anything in particular that makes you chuckle every time you see it?
thanks, yea that's basically what i've been doing
laughter is a good idea. i will watch the 10 hour "get stickbugged" video
A classic! I am partial to the huh cat meme Hoping it's a better day tomorrow comrade
that one is good too
For all my autistic comrades, I think I made something of a breakthrough. Doubt it'll be life-changing but it's something.
I've delved into some research in autism and a lot of resources point out it's a nervous system issue as well as a mental issue. I learned a bit about the vagus nerve and how its hard to function because of fear. Part of my basement dwelling antics come from perhaps a confused and misguided way of trying to get myself to relax. I've told myself for years but I really need to look into grillpilling to cut out unnecessary stress.
And also when reading up on some of the symptoms, it seems like ADHD is holding me back moreso than autism, which is surprising and I could be wrong but that could be a good thing for me to focus my energy towards.
unmedicated, adhd can for sure eat you alive. the executive dysfunction alone can be like having an anchor shackled to your neck. it's shocking how different the reality is vs. the common perception honestly
Currently doing an ADHD evaluation (with a side of autism) and was a bit taken aback when the person doing my evaluation started to concernedly tell me that me being a fuckup isn't my fault. I still have a couple of interview sessions to go and a load of evaluations to hand in so it seems a bit premature.
Is that something that the people evaluating usually do?
This is regarding different medical diagnoses than what you've written about above, but:
I've had therapists, nurses and I think one doctor say this to me. I can't recall anyone saying it who wasn't like "caring for me" in some capacity. By which I mean an evaluator, assuming they're qualified in the field that they evaluate people within, could provide some level of care, but that isn't their function in the moment.
Which brings me around to "I think the sentiment, if genuine, is great. However, I would also hope it is warranted so it isn't out of place or making assumptions about your feelings that you don't feel."
Therapists I've spoken to and a specialized nurse (for different things) have sort of nicely paused me mid speaking or commented after I finished things like "Well, it's not your fault. You have a genuine disability that makes X things harder for you than most people." Things along those lines since I have a tendency to self-blame. But they offered that statement within the context of me blaming myself or at least sort of "feeling bad for myself." So it was sort of gentle reminder to try to actively not blame myself or spiral into "self pity."
The context was going over "tics" and the things that I tell myself (out loud). She went on to talk about how I have a disability that causes my issues and how I should stop being so hard on myself.
Feels like accepting that I have a genuine disability is letting myself off the hook too much, which may be why I'm sceptical. It just seems too easy. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Wish someone would tell me that. I had a follow up on my ADHD assessment and all I keep getting is gatekeeping.
Sounds rough, hope that you can get through all the hoops they throw out.
Been about a year since I first applied and I've gone through three rounds of pre-assessment. Which is why it is surprising to me to get this "you have a chemical imbalance" talk halfway through the actual assessment.
I tried wearing normal shoes - trainers - today. Just for a few minutes. It's rubbed my surgical wounds open and made them sore. I guess I'm going to be stuck like this for ages yet.
Ouch, not again :( This has been going on for so long, you don't deserve this
It feels itchy now too. I just want to be able to walk around outside without worrying and pain.
And today my period came. I thought I'd gone through the menopause. For the past two years I've had a period only every few months, and they've been so light they've been barely there, and totally pain free. This year so far I'd had nothing and I thought it was finally over. I was relieved and perfectly content to be an old crone. But today I've got a proper, heavy flowing and painful period for the first time in about 2 years. I guess it's not over yet. Actually, I don't even know whether it's the menopause or whether these period issues are caused by my other health issues. I haven't had any other menopause symptoms like hot flushes, so who knows.
Again, for lack of a better reaction, ouch. How the heck does this shit always accumulate? Like, isn't one issue enough? No, of course not, you need to have period pains on top of everything else too. Urgh. Feel hugged <3 carefully, naturally.
Thanks. Actually I've just had a thought that hadn't occurred to me before. This whole time I've just been assuming that my periods had become almost non-existent because of the menopause. But the fact that I've just had a proper, full period after several months of eating decent food, has made me re-think this. For months before finding mutual aid, I was literally starving. And for a while before that I wasn't getting good nutrition either. Even when I am in receipt of my full benefits, they're quite a low amount so I was often eating cheap, poor quality food and sometimes going hungry. These past few months, because of hexbear, I've been able to eat two meals a day, including nutritious things like vegetables and protein. After a few months of eating like this, I get a normal, heavy period. Now I'm wondering if my periods had actually stopped due to malnutrition. I just assumed it was the menopause because I turned 40 when this started. In fact, I never got any of the other menopause symptoms like hot flashes. But I just thought maybe the universe had decided that I've suffered enough health-wise already and decided to make the menopause easy for me.
Malnutrition can fuck up so many parts of the body, so it wouldn't be surprising if this was tied to it. As frustrating as periods can be, I'm glad you're finally getting more nutritious food into your system. It might also help with the rest of your health issues, even if it doesn't cure you.
I think malnutrition is what started all my health issues. As a kid, I spent the last 5 years of school with a poor and negelctful single mother who couldn't afford to feed me and also couldn't be bothered to even try. So I started pretending she'd paid for school dinners. Either you could bring a packed lunch or your parents could pay for school dinners, but I didn't get either. So every lunch time I would just get in the queue for school dinners and take one even though nobody had paid for me. It was usually the only meal I would get all day. But all they served was spring rolls and chips, usually. A few years after leaving school I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer which was the start of all my problems. Just recently a study came out showing that thyroid cancer can be caused by long-term selenium deficiency. Guess which foods are really low in selenium? Spring rolls and chips.
Not sure what else to say except that you deserved and deserve better. Hopefully the better food, as gingerbrat said, will help with the healing or at least with getting things to a better baseline.
That weekend anxiety be hittin different