I’m pretty sure ableism has done more to reduce my quality of life than my autism ever will.

“You lack social skills” - maybe some actual peers could have some patience and not turn their nose up at me when I want to be their friend? Then I can learn how to socialize? Just a thought.

“You’re unemployable” - Then maybe college should be affordable so if something bad happens in one semester my life doesn’t get permanently ruined and I just try next semester? No, stop telling me to start my own business. I will function best under the stability of a 9-5.

I know I’m preaching to the choir; but disability issues are class issues too.

Does anyone else feel that their illness/disability has left them mentally and emotionally stunted? After years of being unable to work or have a social life, I'm noticing more and more how people the same ag as me seem so much older. I feel like I'm mentally and emotionally stuck at a younger age after missing out on so many milestones and experiences in life.

I appreciate you khizuo & everyone else here but holy shit this sites been gettin on me something fierce lately god damn. between the very clear racism, chauvinism, ableism, not sure how much more of this shit I can take aaarrgghh

I’m sorry, I’ve locked the post, I really need to rest and eat. But I’m not done addressing fatphobia on the site I promise, I’m still going to work on this.

actually pulling my hair out at the thread on anti-fatness (not at op). god so many hexbears are INSUFFERABLE

Seen a lot more people masking recently, bird flu stuff might be spooking people? Dunno, nice to see people other than me doing it though. Still not even like 1/6 people

genuinely do not know what i expected out of a site with roots in dirtbag left shit. i never interacted with this nonsense a decade ago for this reason. every time i keep hoping things are different and I guess they are a little bit compared to, like, 2014 or whatever but it's just not worth the effort anymore

I guess I didn't get fired??? I'm just logging in as usual, and I haven't received any dire emails.

Ok. Good. Still have no idea why my badge didn't work, but worst case scenario if none of my coworkers can let me in again I'll just WFH New Years Eve. It's not my problem at that point.

@gingerbrat@hexbear.net & @Kuori@hexbear.net, your comments really moved me. It’s all just internet posting but unlike some people I am acutely aware that every letter we see on screen is made by other human beings, ones we can name and recognize, who can name and recognize us. It’s nice to be reminded. Thank you.

Tired of constantly being treated as a nuisance / doormat by "friends"

I've already been extremely exhausted lately, and now I've been hit with COVID, because despite my efforts, most of those around me do not put in any effort at all 😖.

AWA AWAAAAAAAA!!!! :3 🎉🎊✨🎇🎆

::: spoiler just whining again, chronic pain/fatigue I am not looking forward to the eventual point when I can't stand up anymore, but it's coming someday. I can feel it, getting up even one flight of stairs is exhausting now. I used to skip the elevator at work by speedrunning all ten flights and boy do I miss that now! My sternum just hurts all the fucking time, when I do almost anything that requires even a little upper body exertion. It has NOT got much better since I vomited a week ago.

Also my wrists/thumbs are too sore from playing a lot of Dragon Quest! I asked my doc about wrist splints a while ago and he said I could buy some lmao. :::

Went on another walk today and the weather was perfect. Slightly chilly so I wasn't sweating but not too cold that I was shivering

I go when there's like no one out and cross the street if I see someone walking near me so I don't mask (my adoptive parents are very anti vax and mask and I'm afraid of them seeing me with one on and kicking me out) but I still get nervous :/ unfortunately it's that or not walking which helps my circulation so :/

Rough holiday period for me. I'm struggling a lot, but I know I can get through it. Love you all comrades, here's to a better 2025.

Here's a life hack for anyone currently suffering from a chronic pain flareup: your body can actually make you experience menstrual cramps a week before you even get your period, and then for the entirety of your period, making you want to die

Wow, it's almost 2025 now.

Also I didn't mean for this to turn into a vent, I just started adding context and I kept writing :(

I feel like my health hasn't improved by much over last year, but it certainly hasn't got any worse which I'm grateful for. I think I spent the better parts of 2023 and 2024 going through autistic burnout and it was very debilitating. I had a few brief moments of functioning, but most of it was overshadowed by the inability to do anything I could normally do. The burnout is almost certainly attributed to what I was exposed to in the two years prior to 2024.

::: spoiler cw: mentions of medical malpractice, mentions of ED, mild vent

---

In 2022, I was coerced into attending weekly sessions to see mental health "professionals" in an outpatient setting to be given free mental health treatment and diagnoses. The diagnoses were important as it allowed me to get treated for my ADHD as well as successfully apply for disability. The weekly sessions with dismissive psychiatrists and gaslighting psychologists completely shattered my will and evaporated my already near-depleted self-confidence.

I was diagnosed with conditions and was not only not informed of, but also not treated for. I found out about these conditions (substance abuse and eating disorder) via a Freedom Of Information request I had sent in relation to a misogynistic psychiatrist. When questioned, my treating team told me that it was out of fear for their and my safety that I wasn't told about this. There was no consideration to the fact I was underweight due to my financial situation, but rather that it was something wrong with me that they also refused to treat. They just used the diagnoses to withhold my ADHD treatment and force me to do annoying tests (weight tracking, blood pressure) every week.

There were many other problems such as queerphobia, ableism, mismanagement of medications, lying on my medical file, calling my abusive non-contact mother, among other things.... I won't dwell on them here.

I ended up ghosting them halfway through 2023 after I had everything I needed from them—disability payments, adequate enough diagnoses, ADHD treatment—although the damage had been done. I had lost so much of my functioning and was in a worse position than I was before I started "treatment".

Afterwards, I had written a 7000 word essay as my third of fourth complaint with proper medical citations and clear concessions. It outlined exactly what happened and what I would like to happen, and it was meet with "we can't do anything" and "we would like to say we are sorry that you felt mistreated".

That. Completely. Crushed. Me.

---

:::

This year after complaining for two years, I did manage to correct some things on my medical record which might make it slightly less dangerous if I were to be hospitalised. The process was arduous, and I had to do all the research on how to do this myself, but I managed to do it during an intense episode of hyperfocus. I felt so vindicated when I had achieved what that medical institution said was impossible and couldn't be done. If anyone needs tips on how to alter medical records in Victoria, I'm happy to give a few tips privately over matrix.

I'm still sure I have medical PTSD and I still cannot trust therapists now. It's been quite hard to work on that, but I did find a neurodivergent counselor that I've found to be pretty based. Slow progress, but at least it's not getting worse.

I managed to make two friends online this year which is two more than last year I guess. It's the only positive thing to come from moderating a vegan community on lemmy, I end up being forced to talk to people by asking for help modding haha. Socialising is still hard as I'm trying to get used to it again, but I'm feeling positive about it for this new year; after all, I did double how many friends I have :)

The main issue I see that I need to tackle is getting treated for bipolar. It was skipped over when I was receiving forced treatment and I was dismissed whenever I bought it up, but my current counselor and I are working through the symptoms and it seems like I have it and I definitely need to get medical treatment.

I hope everyone is able to stay safe and know that you are loved!

Goodposting: I lifted yesterday! I am gonna do it again today! I think it helps so this rules!

I've always had arthritis, but breaking a few fingers earlier this month has set back my quality of life so much. Everything hurts to do, and it discourages me from doing so much I need to do. I use my fingers all day at work as a prep cook and I'm really dreading work tomorrow

trying to pre study for my final semester of uni to take off some of the cognitive load of the semester since i just can't work as much as the course demands and im being reminded of how difficult it is get stuff done

Update: lifting is pretty exhausting but I do think it helps. I'm doing the fucking ✨ Laundry ✨ today, even! It would be rad if you could just gymrat yourself out of chronic pain, we'll see. I can still walk around and do stuff for now, though.

Was gonna do some cleaning but I’m stuck on the couch now with only like 10% done. At least the mold on my window is gone

is someone calling it “the rona” kind of a yellow flag for anyone else or just me lol

i was doing such a good job combating my demand avoidance and now something broke that needs to be addressed immediately and im so stressed and feel myself regressing to ignoring everything else

My left hand keeps tingling, most likely from poor circulation