Welcome to the first weekly disabled community discussion thread for the week of 10/28/2024 — 11/3/2024.
This community is brand new! Everyone is welcome to post new topics and comments. However, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.
Disabled people in the U.S. today experience a poverty rate of approximately 30 percent; comprise 40 percent of the total homeless population; have an active labor market participation rate of less than 20 percent, despite self-reporting a preference to do so at a rate well over 60 percent. Hundreds of thousands of disabled people remain today living in institutional or carceral environments, such as nursing homes or prisons, where conditions tend towards the cruel or barbaric.
Thus, when we ask the question, what is disability, we are not really providing a full answer if we only talk about physiology, biology, or even identity reduced to a cataloging of manifest limitations or functional deficits. In fact, disability – or, to put it perhaps more accurately, disablement – is a dialectical phenomenon arising from existing political, economic, and social relations in society.
While variations in human bodies, minds, and behaviors – up to and including those traits which might be termed ‘impairments’ – have always been an indelible and essential aspect of the human species, disability as we have come to understand it in the modern era is neither eternal nor transhistorical.
The notion that a group of people – with a vast array of completely different traits, capacities, morphologies, and phenotypes – could be lumped together and labeled according to their relative lack of generalized “ability,” in the abstract, is in fact endemic to the particular period of more recent human history signaled by the emergence and dominance of the capitalist mode.
Specifically, what is the relationship between disabled people and the working class, as such?
... we should hold an expansive conception of disability, which understands it both in terms of class location, but also more generally as a phenomenon less immediately relevant to the positions of the classes than to the processes intrinsic to the relations of the classes. In other words, centering the analysis of disability on the processes of labor commodification, exploitation of labor, market competition, and class division.
Put differently, the conditions that reproduce the division of society into separate classes, and in particular, reproduce that class of people whose lives are wholly determined by the commodified value that their labor power can purchase on the capitalist market, are the same conditions that reproduce a subclass of people whose very existence is diminished and devalued according to the relatively diminished and devalued worth of their labor power as measured by the logic of commodified market competition.
Insofar as the value of commodity labor power under capitalism is both a creation and a measure of the rate of exploitation obtaining in the market – that is, the rate at which capitalists can competitively extract surplus value from the productive labors of the working class – then the simple realities of human physiology, let alone the complex realities of biopolitics, mean that there will always be and must necessarily be a constant proportion of the working class whose commodified labor power manifests as a “disability,” with the attendant forms of oppression concomitant thereto.
The struggle against disability oppression should be seen as innately allied with all other struggles born of – and against – capitalist oppression. Specifically, disablement is a form of oppression arising from the system of exploitation of labor, and therefore the historical struggle of the working class against exploitation.
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
btw mod positions are still open (and probably always will be). if you want to be a mod just dm me with your matrix account and/or leave a comment on the post calling for mods which is pinned to the top of the comm. ofc the only requirement is that you identify as disabled and that you are a socialist.
also i’d be especially stoked if any disabled poc are interested in modding, we’ve got to keep the white people in check
34
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 1.1yr
I became disabled after getting covid and I recently learned that my condition will probably not go away. It still feels very surreal. Glad I can now post here though.
34
Luna - 1.1yr
Same 😞. I had a pre-existing condition that had already impacted me, and COVID just made it more severe.
15
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
It's hard as shit making that adjustment and coming to terms with it.
12
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 1.1yr
Thank you
Ya it is hard. I’ve felt a lot of grief over my previous life
9
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
And now I unveil my grand plan behind creating c/disabled — so I can have a space to chronicillnesspost somewhat on-topic
33
Wertheimer [any] - 1.1yr
Neurologist asks, "Do you keep a headache diary?"
"Sure thing, doc, it's right here on hexbear dot net."
"This is ... this is just a picture of a pig shitting on its own testicles."
"Oops, sorry, that one was for the billing department."
32
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
Hehe hope that you will still chronic illness post in the trans mega too.
Think it really helps for non disabled folks to see us too, and I didn’t realize my disability until after I realized my transness!
22
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
Hell, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw you suggest it. We need a place to effortlessly post, not just effort post!
21
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
Second “no masks inside” sign spotted in the wild in my city.
30
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
Vile.
22
nothx [he/him] - 1.1yr
I hope it wasn't a critical place.
9
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
I hate not having energy for anything
30
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
Me too. The spoons just haven’t been replenishing lately.
23
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
Who's deplenishing the spoon supply?
24
GalaxyBrain [they/them] - 1.1yr
I only have the big one
17
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
I only have one spoon but if I use it there will be changes.
14
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
NEED MOAR SPOONS
17
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
get in losers, we're going spoon shopping
11
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
«Sword of Spoon Stealing» «Do you have it?»
11
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Word. Events continue to occur when I am not equipped to deal with them, which is very rude.
18
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
feel this comment to the depths of my soul
8
Grebgreb [he/him, they/them] - 1.1yr
i've gotten overwhelmed and immensely disgusted by how no one cares about covid, especially family who will mention new, bizarre symptoms and immediately ponder "why is everyone so sick now." yet i'm supposed to want to go to holidays with them when i already had trouble connecting with them in the first place.
30
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
I believe at this point everyone knows. I do not buy the ignorance cope after nearly 5 years of year-round everyone-is-sick-what's-going-on. It is very different from a generalized ableism that so many of us are used to, I think. I am still formulating what my life in a world like this looks like, because I do not think we are ever going back to 2019.
19
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
I do wonder. After going through five yeras of pandemic I have come to be very certain that 80+% of people don't understand the germ theory of disease in even the most basic sense and genuinely believe that Covid just vanished one day.
4
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
I have come to some peace with the life I envision being most likely impossible in any western country but especially the US. You still see these sort of brainworms elsewhere but it has really devolved lately I think and as the mask continues to deteriorate here things are only going to get worse. I'd rather try to "live with" COVID in a place where there is at least any consideration of the whole of a social organism; in one of the most "progressive" states in the country my family and closest friends would do literally anything else on earth than accomodate very basic requests like, "if you want to see me, you wear a mask around me" — something completely inoffensive and easy. I just do not see this being such a point of contention anywhere but in these individualism-poisoned hellholes. If there is a will for this most minor of personal accomodations, then there is at least an opportunity to plant the seeds necessary for broader change, and I feel like I can live comfortably with that. But...there isn't even that, here. I'll have to see for myself what it's like anywhere else. Bleak shit.
6
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
15
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Trying to decide if i want to do any holidays this year. Last year i wore a mask inside at all times and had an air purifier in the sleeping room, and i didn't get much pushback. But I also caught covid for the first time this summer and fortunately got away with only a mild persistent cough so idk if i want to risk it or not. : (
13
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
The Anglo is chosen by nurgle. By papa nurgles blessing we claimed this land and he continues to favor us with his gifts. It is your patriotic duty as an American to wallow in filth and toxins.
12
AssortedBiscuits [they/them] - 1.1yr
I think there's two key components:
Covid doesn't have a telltale symptom that screams "you definitely have the Rona." The closest was the inability to smell, but I think that was for the earlier variants(?). By telltale symptom, I mean something like your forehead starts growing a nasty tumor or your skin color turns fluorescent green or your stool glows in the dark. Except for the inability to smell, every other symptom is just a generic "I don't feel so good" symptom. This is why "it's just like a flu" is so pervasive. Because for a lot of people, it really is just like the flu as far as their symptoms are concerned.
The plague rats are pervasive enough that it's impossible to pin down who exactly infected who. If someone got Covid, it's legitimately hard to know who actually gave them Covid. Maybe if they're a complete self-sufficient hermit who only has contact with the same person once a month. But if they have a day job surrounded by plague rat coworkers, they basically can't tell who gave them Covid. This means that the plague rat's conscience is always completely guilt free because no one can definitively prove that the plague rat's criminal negligence infected other people. Like the Covid positive plague rat could cough into some person's face and infect them with Covid and the plague rat will always have an excuse "I didn't give you Covid. How do you know it wasn't the mailman or your coworkers or the cashier at Walmart or the person next to you pumping gas at the gas station or blah blah blah." Always an excuse to worm their way out of culpability.
So, now we're stuck in a situation where most people are half in denial whenever they have Covid because they don't have a nasty forehead tumor but since they can't be socially ostracized for infecting other people, they don't give a fuck.
"I didn't have Covid. It was just the flu. Never mind that I repeatedly coughed in your face. See, you getting Covid doesn't have to do with me because I got the flu, not Covid. See, even the take home tests that's notorious for the amount of false negatives say so. You probably got Covid from your coworker who also repeatedly coughed in your face. Why do you have to be so paranoid and weird about it?"
And when you confront your coworker, they give the same exact response. Nobody wants to accept responsibility.
7
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
Happy Halloween disabled comrades!
27
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
Happy Halloween!
15
BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 1.1yr
I didn't realize until this post that not being able to smell was a disability. I'm not really sure what to think or how to feel about it.
It has bothered me for a while, mostly how it impacts eating/taste. Feel silly saying that. Anyway, I didn't realize it counted as a disability and both that classification and the actual issue are a couple things I'm trying to get my mind around, I guess.
26
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
I think it's really good and important that it's being more and more recognized that disabilities don't need to be totally life defining or fit in a few narrow categories. If there's a gas leak in your house anosimia/being unable to smell immediately becomes a potentially deadly disability. If you're 7'4" and unable to use most cars and airplane seats, you have to buy extremely expensive custom shoes and clothes, you can't stand upright in many public spaces, you've got a disability under the social model of disability.
Like, if you can't smell, that's going to change how you live and may cause issues for you. Like the gas leak thing, natural gas has no natural odor so they dope it with sulphur to give it a distinct and immediately recognizable odor. So in that case you do have a disability.
Like, "your disability is valid" is super cliche, but it is.
15
Wertheimer [any] - 1.1yr
Hi, comrades. Glad to have this comm.
26
Luna - 1.1yr
24
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
Glad you could make it!
23
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
9
kristina [she/her] - 1.1yr
hell yeah im rolling with the crips
my shit is fucked god damn. i look "normal" and look young and people take that out on me when i mention i move very slow and am gradually turning to dust
25
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
Love that we have this comm now.
25
FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
New owl just dropped!
4
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.1yr
Hehe I have been here a while! I just mostly post in the trans mega.
4
ihaveibs [he/him] - 1.1yr
Have construction going on outside my house and its ruining my life at the moment (autism, hypersensitivity to noise). On top of the debilitating noise which no pair of headphones can block out, losing my home as my safe space has been awful. If I don't have the safety of my home as refuge from the world, then I'm pretty fucked. Have been crazy dysregulated, meltdowns constantly, body aches and pains all day. Glad I have somewhere to vent where I won't just be told to get over it.
Hope everyone else is doing alright.
25
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
Does doubling up help? Like earplugs and earmuffs? Or is it the low frequency that is hard to block out?
12
ihaveibs [he/him] - 1.1yr
Yes it's the low frequency stuff. Hammering, scraping, motors constantly running etc. they are tearing up the road to replace water pipes (which obviously is needed, but not being informed and not given information about how long it takes, what exactly they are doing, etc. is very much not helpful for me).
14
Wertheimer [any] - 1.1yr
I went through exactly this last year. Depression, burnout, week(s)long migraines. Since everyone else is minorly inconvenienced by it they think you're overreacting. You're not. It's horrible. I hope your construction finishes soon.
11
ihaveibs [he/him] - 1.1yr
Thanks, it's nice to be validated. This situation has honestly pushed me to the point where I realized I needed to accept being disabled because it has just debilitated me so much. I need to figure out how to navigate this shit so I'm not miserable all the time.
11
theother2020 [comrade/them, she/her] - 1.1yr
I have had this happen. Do you or someone in your household have a vehicle you can hang out in? This has been my answer and it works when I can park the car about a block away from the machinery. For me it’s the vibration because even double headphones inside a closet doesn’t work - especially when I’ve reached my tolerance limit. (Certain pharms take the edge off and I will use in an emergency -but physically moving my body to a safer place works better.)
10
ihaveibs [he/him] - 1.1yr
I work from home which is obviously compounding things. Otherwise I totally would. I'm not on any medication but I am curious if you could share what you take if you are comfortable.
6
theother2020 [comrade/them, she/her] - 1.1yr
For exposures like this, sometimes I’ll take a benz0. My doctor prescribes a small amount for this purpose. One time I was at a hotel/motel (for work travel) and a big rig was running its diesel engine all night in the parking lot outside my window. The hotel said there was nothing they could do. Earplugs plus white noise plus benzos helped me get a couple hours of sleep.
If I can get away from the intrusive sound and vibration, I don’t need to take anything. I have a tolerance level, like an amount of time I can withstand something, but once it’s reached it’s reached.
I hope you find some workarounds and the construction gets finished soon. Try to give yourself some downtime, maybe time in nature, whatever helps you reset.
1
ReadFanon [any, any] - 1.1yr
How much spare cash do you have?
I'd buy some ear defenders to put over my ears and under that either wear some earplugs or in-ear headphones, if I had a pair.
If you have a decent Bluetooth speaker or stereo system, I'd also play brown noise through them to mask some of the construction noise. Obviously if you have in-ear headphones then you can play music or noise through them too.
Ive been doing that, it definitely helps but it doesn't keep all the noise out and any noise that gets in I tend to fixate on :/ Also eventually I want to rip everything off my head and ears after a couple hours anyway lol. I appreciate it and if you have any other suggestions I am totally open to hearing. I also want to be able to learn from other folks in this community
5
FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
Is there a library or something where you could work? If you have online call meetings, they usually have quiet rooms where you can go.
6
ihaveibs [he/him] - 1.1yr
I think that's what I will have to do. Will just have to get over the "agh being around strangers" feeling.
5
Belly_Beanis [he/him] - 1.1yr
Nice now we have a comm where we can plot ways to fuck with ableist asshats!
25
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Me aggressively giving people a crash course in Bipolar disorder when they make the mistake of asking me what I do for work. There is no escape you will learn more than you ever wanted to know about Type II Bipolar Disorder.
::: spoiler mental health
just had a big crash and i haven't left my house for basically anything in a week lol. probably not a great look when next friday is going to be one of the biggest moments in my "career" or whatever and i'm doing nothing to prepare for it
:::
24
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Sorry it hit you at a bad moment comrade.
15
rtstragedy - 1.1yr
hey, I see that neurodivergence is included in here, so I thought I'd make a little post.
::: spoiler self-doubt
Somehow, I got into my head that I should know what I'm doing with work, friends, leftism, gender, sex, kink, etc. I've spent so much time beating myself up over it the past while without knowing - every little mistake, every question of should I X or Y, regretting everything I did in case it was a mistake.
I saw a silly little video today while having decision paralysis at work again (since no one tells me what to do these days...) and I was very moved by it. (https://youtu.be/imdsWyVFyWQ) (even the kinda corporate-sounding "trailblazer" phrasing kinda resonated with me tbh since outside work I'm trying to be radically authentic and there is just no roadmap for that)
Basically, she says in the video that not knowing what you're doing can feel like failure - and oh boy, does it ever the past few months. Anyway, the video was helpful to me because I felt seen, and I finally understand that it's normal to not really know what's right/wrong/optimal/going to produce a good outcome, and that we all feel this way from time to time.
I liked the implication that I can still do meaningful things, even if I'm still making mistakes and even if I'm just guessing how to support the people that matter to me, even if I have no idea how to solve their problems, even if I have no idea what it is that I need.
It was pretty heartfelt and got to me at a good time, while I was busy obsessing over how frustrating it is to have a completely different emotional profile to how people are "supposed" to act.
I don't know why I'm posting here! I'm doing it anyway! Hope it helps someone!
:::
23
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
!!!! I had a hunch it was going to be that channel!!!! 😂 maybe it was the mixture of the HR-y language she uses combined with how fucking relatable and touching she still somehow manages to be, I just knew when you said you were moved and
(even the kinda corporate-sounding "trailblazer" phrasing kinda resonated)
😂🎯
she has a real talent for that, idk how she does it so well
the algorithm started recommending her to me last year and I resisted because the titles and thumbnails give HR Pep Talk vibes. when I finally gave in and watched one, I realized that's not wrong, but it somehow really really works
I hadn't gotten around to watching this one yet, but I'm gonna do it now ❤️ thanks for the rec
4
rtstragedy - 1.1yr
Yeah, I agree, I was surprised how good it was! But yes the HR-y language is normally a huge problem for me, again just surprised it got through to me somehow haha.
I haven't watched a lot of her other videos but occasionally I'll go diving through the backlog and find one that's helpful. Thanks for your post!
3
HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 1.1yr
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
My bpd is interacting in an interesting way with my ME. I’m still kind of recovering or in the middle of a crash but since yesterday I think I am also experiencing mania making it impossible for me to rest. Maybe weed will help me calm down a bit?
22
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 1.1yr
Weed helped. Am comfortably in bed dozing off
18
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 1.1yr
Feeling restless again
16
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.1yr
::: spoiler brainworm
i'm still working out my brainworms regarding my own disabilities i guess. i think my biggest hurdle is how i hold up being able to be highly social when things call for it as evidence that i'm not disabled even though my brain is routinely trying to kill me in several different ways. i'll probably be lurking here for info and stuff regardless of whatever thought poison i have
:::
22
Ildsaye [they/them] - 1.1yr
I recently got a chunky old kitchen timer, that ticks pleasingly low and slow, to help me step back from whatever I'm currently obsessing about and focus on other necessary things for safely predefined five or ten minute stretches. It serves a single purpose, and while it is ticking, so do I. The rest of the time, I am a generalist.
22
Blockocheese [any] - 1.1yr
I used to live near a church that had a bell that rang at 6 am, noon, and 6 pm.
I really loved it because it was a "gentle" reminder of what time it is without me having to check.
I really want a grandfather clock that goes off every hour when/if I get a house
16
FailedAtAdulting [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
That's pretty cool! I used to live near a mosque and every time I heard the call to prayer, it reminded me of what time it is too. Now I either check my watch/phone/clock obsessively or the time literally flies by. I love time blindness... not.
14
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
The Social Security Administration thanks me for having two authentication factors and will provide me with a dead tree letter in 10-20 days that will allow me to actually use my account so I can begin the year+ long process of maybe getting SSI.
21
Wertheimer [any] - 1.1yr
If I recall correctly it took me five months to be approved, and six weeks or more of that was because my doctor's office was shit about corresponding with Social Security. (I got calls from SSA asking things like "Are you sure your doctor has a fax machine?")
So it's possible that your wait won't be a year+. Maybe it's worse these days since Covid is causing a massive increase in the number of SSI applicants, but on the other hand it looks like the application process has been simplified in recent months.
10
imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 1.1yr
bit of a vent post i guess:
in the process of applying for disability allowance... govt wants me to explain every payment into my bank account for the last few months. very cool lol, god forbid i avail of a €230/week payment and still get a bit of support from parents/friends (it's aggressively means tested). on the flip side i qualified for a bridge welfare payment while my disability app is in process, so i can get that much per week for the foreseeable few months at least. still frustrating and humiliating (working as intended).
21
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
It's very similar in the us. They just changed a rule that previously required you to declare meals that someone bought for you as income. It's so cruel.
14
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
I'm a mod???? (jk I already knew).
Hey all I guess this is an impromptu intro for me since I did ask Khizuo if I could help mod when this comm was first created. I figured it would be my way of trying to give back to the hexbear community since it's been an awesome experience. I also thought it would be a good opportunity for me to learn more about the disabled community since I only really know my own struggles. I wanna try my best to be there for y'all.
I'm self- and therapist-diagnosed ASD. I do not have a professional diagnosis because with the political climate currently, I don't wanna get put on a list if the scary stuff does go down. I also don't really have the money to pay for a professional diagnosis
I also come equipped with Persistent Depressive Disorder and social anxiety. I think there's a few others but those are the confirmed ones on my list. I'm a vegan and I'm trying to get more involved with activism in that department, as well as, social justice. I'm a theory bro so when I'm not super duper depressed and not disassociating, I'm usually reading Leftist theory.
I hope everyone is having a good day and thanks for stopping by our apparently rapidly growing comm.There are like 10 more subscribers in the last 24 hours!
21
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
14
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
“After 15 years I am assuming you’ve built up a network” yeah buddy, my home lab 🤓
oh, you meant trying to schmooze and brown nose your way through the worst PMC losers you could ever imagine? sorry no
21
rtstragedy - 1.1yr
me when somebody asks me for references and I suddenly start playing 5D chess trying to figure out who'd actually be willing to do that despite me making no effort to maintain post-working-together relationships (uh for the same reasons lol)
13
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
Honestly I've had success faking them. Employee refs aren't obliged to share anything other than this person knew you, worked with you, and vouches for you, afaik, so ask a friend who is really good at acting, lol.
10
rtstragedy - 1.1yr
my dad has a different last name to me lol (long story), he's always my #1 reference. he is my #1 fan, after all...
11
DragonBallZinn [he/him, they/them] - 1.1yr
Autism here (and probably ADHD too). I honestly feel like I have been denied adulthood. No matter how much I apply, no one even gets back to me and no one is hiring because of their absurdly high standards so I kind of admit it: I am an involuntary NEET.
I've considered just going back to college and doing one of the few avenues this stupid country cares about like some BS engineering I'm bad at, but since it's the only thing porky wants. I have to. Oh, and on top of that I have to beat millions of people in getting an unpaid internship or else my degree won't count in the eyes of employers, AND get perfect grades or else I'll be seen as too stupid to work.
But in the situation I'm in I only get two actual pieces of advice both of which are total dogshit.
"Use your network, bro."
I'm poor I'm a little lacking in the nepotism department. Besides I'm 'early career' so what little networking you can squint and say is 'fair' I don't have. Besides, I've tried cold messaging people on linkedin and lo and behold none of them ever respond, probably because they're too busy to waste time with an unemployable idiot who clearly just wants to use them to get a job. Oh, and I was born and raised in a rural shithole, you don't make a lot of rich friends there even if people weren't too judgmental to even give you the time of day.
"Start your own business, bro."
With what money? Last I checked I'm not some super-talented prodigy at any skill enough to sell it myself even if I had the time to go through years of paperwork just to finally have a .00000000001% chance of having an income at all, we can't all be lucky bastards. Anyone who says this is a spoiled, privileged dipshit that never had to lift a finger in their lives.
Sometimes I think me being poor and the rich being such staunch perfectionists is "disabling" me more than my actual disabilities.
20
nothx [he/him] - 1.1yr
As a kid I was diagnosed with ADHD and later in life began to recognize anxiety and OCD tendencies which I know many times are all related.
I never really considered that all 3 of these things were disabilities until very recently, but the past 2-3 years it’s really become obvious how debilitating these conditions have been for me and can be for others.
I have a partner who was very understanding and receptive to the way I am and eventually led them to acknowledge similarities in their own mental health struggles and seek a diagnosis as well.
Now we are both extremely in tune with our various neurodivergent behaviors and working to assist each other in tough times and embolden each other in the better times.
That all said, I’m happy to be here and looking forward to a great new community!
💚
20
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
Yeah, I never really realized how much it effects my life till I got treatment and I can compare how I do with it well managed to when it is at full power. I think I am on the moderate to severe end untreated. I was talking to some people recently about how I avoid social activities sometimes because I worry will be hard to sit through some kinds of thing.
15
nothx [he/him] - 1.1yr
I was talking to some people recently about how I avoid social activities sometimes because I worry will be hard to sit through some kinds of thing.
This is one of the behaviors that I didn’t realize could be attributed to my neurodivergence. I would expend so much energy forcing myself into social situations that I wanted nothing to do with. Then I end up staying way too long because I fear the optics of leaving.
15
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Same. A few years ago i started refusing invitations to play board games and told people straight that i could hang out but due to adhd could not play or enjoy board games, nor could i be a good player for the other players.
10
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
It is funny that the venn diagram of being a weird internet communist had me making the same realization in the same context for the same reasons.
9
nothx [he/him] - 1.1yr
Is that why I can’t handle group games? TIL.
6
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
Just realized my months supply of meds was 90% cheaper this month for some reason? I only paid $3 something out of pocket instead of the usual ~$30.
Would still cost like $250 without insurance lmao fuck this place
19
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
My prescription got filled a day earlier than they said it would! Now it's only almost a month late instead of a full month.
18
Rojo27 [he/him] - 1.1yr
Crush reacted to a meme I sent her to set myself up to ask her out, but didn't actually answer if she wanted to go out or not
Honestly the long wait and uncertainty probably would have broken me a lot worse a couple months ago, but I'm just going to try take this in stride. Just really want to hang out with her outside of work again since its been a while
17
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
You know one of the most disabling aspects of my AuDHD to me? The hyperfixations. The "ahaha quirky interests" part of it all. When I'm in hyperfixation mode I literally cannot think of anything but what I'm hyperfixating on no matter how much I need to. I literally feel like I completely lose myself and I'm living in a dream and completely disconnected from reality. It's almost physically painful to try to make myself focus on anything else. I actually hate getting hyperfixated on shit because it's a horrible feeling.
17
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
Most recent hyperfixation had me skipping meals.
9
stigsbandit34z - 1.1yr
Does it ever happen to you with people? Absolutely sucks
7
Beetle [hy/hym] - 1.1yr
Sometimes when I meet someone ‘unique’ (someone with a trait set I hadn’t seen before in someone else) I get kind of obsessed and want to know everything about them
7
stigsbandit34z - 1.1yr
I think you just perfectly described something I’ve felt for the longest time but haven’t been able to express
5
Beetle [hy/hym] - 1.1yr
It’s cool to know I’m not alone in that! I don’t really mind it too much to be honest, the obsession is annoying as I sometimes confuse it with love, it takes up a lot of my energy and I can’t just walk up to a person and ask them personal questions about their life, but it’s very rewarding to slowly become friends and learn new things about them.
Also I’ve never related this trait of mine with hyper fixation but the relation explains a lot actually
4
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
Oof, kind of? I mean I'll get hyperfixated on bands or youtubers. Not people who I actually know irl, though.
6
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
yes, I married him, best/worst decision of my life 😅
5
HunterBrandon [none/use name] - 1.1yr
Anyone missing digits? I lost a finger but it's no biggie
17
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
Probably not the answer you were expecting but I lost 2 and now I'm down to 10.
I was born with extra digits lol.
19
Blockocheese [any] - 1.1yr
My circulation has gotten noticeably worse recently and I don't know why (other than being disabled)
It's not just the cold weather making me aware of how cold my extremities are, its washing my face in the shower causing my hands to go numb :(
16
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
Have you been less mobile lately?
14
Blockocheese [any] - 1.1yr
...yeah
This makes more sense now
12
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
Well, hopefully that is the case and getting and around is manageable with your situation. I know the cold has me not wanting to get out of bed much myself. Failing that it is time for some cool gloves
12
Blockocheese [any] - 1.1yr
When it gets really cold I just live under my heating pad 😭
Moving a little more shouldn't be too bad, debating getting compression socks as well since they'll be warm and help with circulation
8
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
I am a large fan of socks of all kinds.
9
Blockocheese [any] - 1.1yr
Even dem socs?
6
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
If I get to crush them under my heel?
3
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
I think if compression socks are being debated the answer is always give them a try. The number of situations where you are questioning compression socks and then you don't want them is very low
7
Blockocheese [any] - 1.1yr
Yeah, I'm gonna get one pair to try and hopefully they make a difference
7
Moonworm [any] - 1.1yr
Any other OCD sufferers got tips to make this terrible disease go away?
16
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
I wish I did. A lot of people in the OCD community recommend ERP, and I was going to try it but it didn't end up happening so I can't vouch for that. It may be something you can look into, though. I'm currently in a relatively good patch with my OCD for the first time in several years and honestly I just think it's because my chronic fatigue makes it so that I no longer have energy to ruminate the way I used to, so that's no advice. I hate OCD so much and I'm sorry you're dealing with it.
14
AdmiralDoohickey [he/him] - 1.1yr
Meds are the only thing that worked for me (although I haven't tried ERP because of the cost). I am on a Zoloft + Abilify + Wellbutrin combo and I almost don't
feel that I have it. Of course I have side effects like interrupted sleep, decreased sex drive, possibly weight gain and some hair loss but OCD is worse than those anyways.
Its short for Exposure and Response Prevention for anybody else that doesn't know
9
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
I've mostly recovered from my most recent crash and now facing a dilemma — I feel like I have way more energy than I really have, and I'm trying to hold myself back from pushing myself too hard and causing another crash, but it's hard. I also need to remember that I still need to be working on trying to get the help I need even though it's no longer an immediate, pressing emergency; because if I don't do it now it will only just spiral into another emergency when a crash happens again. me/cfs is such a pain to deal with lol
16
theother2020 [comrade/them, she/her] - 1.1yr
I’m so glad this exists! I’m not ready to effort post about this yet but some of the less visible disabilities - and more specifically disputed illnesses - think CFS/ME and chronic lyme and but there are many others - I feel like the materialist framework of the left will be a barrier and I have been hesitant to discuss certain conditions feeling they will be mocked. Although the one time I think it was ME came up on Hexbear that I recall, people were good about it.
And now (sadly) long Covid is lending credibility to CFS/ME. So maybe you are with me because mainstream medicine is catching up to Chronic lyme and ME and long covid right? But what about “adrenal fatigue”? I can hear the sound of leftist derision because it’s not real, right? Or what about electrical sensitivity? (an RFKJ level silliness) Or chronic mold injury. The thing is when you have one of these disputed illnesses - and are not believed by the establishment, and often your own family and friends etc - it makes you more sympathetic to sufferers of the other disputed conditions. Solidarity.
15
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
I do not have an official diagnosis (yet), but I am almost entirely sure that I have ME/CFS, possibly from getting COVID although I’m not quite sure if it was that or something else. And I relate a lot to what you said about the failures of left frameworks when it comes to chronic illness. No party that I know of requires masking, which presents an inherent barrier to many disabled people trying to join them. If you ever make the effort post, I would love to read it. Solidarity.
14
ihaveibs [he/him] - 1.1yr
Yeah Lyme fucked me up and my doctor kind of handwaved away my concerns. This was a while ago so I think people were just starting to talk about chronic Lyme. But yeah, wish somebody took it more seriously that I started suffering from heat exhaustion super easily right after getting Lyme and excessively sweating. It's been over a decade and it's still going on.
9
DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] - 1.1yr
Sometimes you even have an "acceptable/seen as real" underlying condition that hasn't been diagnosed yet. For three years doctors diagnosed me with things like depression and ME, but in the end it turned out I actually had thyroid cancer, that's what was causing all my symptoms. They simply hadn't bothered to do any tests.
5
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Thyroids are sketchy as hell. idk why thyroid testing isn't the first thing they do every time. Like if you walk in holding your own severed arm and are like "Yo I had a baking accident can you put this back on?" they should be like "Okay one second, hold up, we need to make sure your thyroid didn't do this" and do some bloodwork.
6
theother2020 [comrade/them, she/her] - 1.1yr
I can relate. You’re absolutely right. I hope you are getting treatment and care.
::: spoiler spoiler
The only time as an adult that I’ve been treated well with compassion and respect was when I was actively undergoing cancer diagnosis in a hospital, and even then not everyone is so fortunate. I have been extremely mistreated and gaslighted by the medical system and have countless stories of the abuse and negligence … the cancer care I have experienced has been markedly different. By no means perfect but respectful.
:::
3
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
For three years doctors diagnosed me with things like depression and ME, but in the end it turned out I actually had thyroid cancer
fucking terrifying – this is the stuff horror stories are made of
so sorry that happened to you.
1
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
I've known people with CFS. The medical profession is this bizarre contradiction because it is perceived to be super duper scientific, but if you actually drill down to it's cultural norms and the beliefs of doctors many of htem are straight up "There are ghosts in your blood. Lose weight" and think that's doing medicine.
And then people will be like "Something is fucking wrong" and their Dr. will tell them "You have wandering uterus, lose weight" and they're like "Hmm this fucker literally does not care if I live or die" and then you go try to find explanations for what's wrong and, like, most people are not equipped to differentiate between woo woo flim flam and plausible stuff. Like medical science should be rigorously investigating weird hard to pin down diseases and symptoms but they don't, leaving unqualified lay people to try to figure things out as best they can because their pain and suffering is real no matter what actual factors are causing it.
It's totally fucked.
5
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
Oh Adderall how I missed thee, it's so quiet in my brain this morning ♥️
15
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
the difference it makes is literally life-changing. it's so hard to wrap my brain around the idea that it's like that all the time for other people.
9
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
Right? I just sat down and tallied up my spending for the last month. I have only been able to do this for the last year. For the other 40ish years of my life it has been totally, utterly possible. For many years I drove myself to crying and distress just trying to add like 50 numbers together. And now thanks to the power of meth it's easy. : |
10
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
I'm having the issue again where I have to make a conscious effort to get up and stretch a bit cause I can suddenly sit perfectly still for hours lmao.
7
Wertheimer [any] - 1.1yr
Got a referral for a specialist that my Medicaid is actually covering. Wait time for an appointment? Six months.
15
Kiagz [she/her] - 1.1yr
Gonna get started on ADHD medication again real soon. Strattera has been completely useless for me, so I'm hoping I can find something else that will actually do something about my awful executive dysfunction. I want to give adderal a try, but they'll only consider prescribing it to me if none of the other medications work, sadly.
14
Luna - 1.1yr
I really need to look into ADHD medication. I avoided it for a while (kind of out of fear), but I feel like they (and anxiety meds) would probably help me function a lot better.
Wishing you luck, and thanks for reminding me 😁
13
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
Stimulants sound scary, but remember they don't function like typical anxiety or depression medications where you need to take it for a while to see effectiveness, and suddenly stopping can be potentially dangerous.
Stims start working in around an hour and you can stop them at any time if the side effects are scary or uncomfortable.
Also having a bad experience on one doesn't mean another won't work for you. Dextroamphetamine made me feel like I was dying, but Adderall which is chemically similar works great!
8
Frank [he/him, he/him] - 1.1yr
I'd like to add, idk if it's an adhd thing or an individual thing, but I don't experience any addiction symptoms from my stimmies, nor do most adhd people I know. I want to say there's something about how the stims effect our brains comparted to notADHD people that's actually biochemically distinct but I'd have to go look it up again.
6
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
This has been my experience too, issues with getting my prescription filled meant I've had to go without for nearly a month after regular use for over a yearand I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms or anything, shit was just a bit harder like it was before meds.
5
StalinStan [none/use name] - 1.1yr
Adhd usually responds well to stimulants treatment so with any luck that will get you sorted.
It works amazingly well mine. I have had very little difficulties managing the stimulants but the pharmacy can be annoying with their stock management
11
MayoPete [he/him, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
I was diagnosed with Autism recently. It feels good knowing there's a name to that "otherness" I've felt all my life, but now I can't figure out if the way I'm feeling is Autistic Burnout or plain ol' Depression
14
imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 1.1yr
I feel this as someone who suffers from both. it can make caring for yourself difficult as "just make yourself go outside/do the thing" can be good advice for someone who is just depressed but can do more harm than good for people like us, just for one example. knowing your spoons/limits is important. my psych sent me this before it's pretty generalised but i found it useful. hope you're taking care of yourself comrade.
15
MayoPete [he/him, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
I'm trying! Working a campaign job right now is not helping lol 🙃
6
SchillMenaker [he/him] - 1.1yr
Fuck. I'm pretty sure I'm just ADHD and not autistic but that chart hits pretty fucking hard.
6
x87_floatingpoint [he/him, it/its] - 1.1yr
What does the chart mean with "behavioral activation"?
6
imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 1.1yr
it's a type of therapy that i'm not exactly familiar with so tbh i'm not really sure/can't speak on it in detail anyway. i think it kind of is related to what i said in that it involves pushing yourself to e.g. do stuff you enjoy that has been difficult because of depression. this will be rewarding if you just suffer from depression but for autistic folks it risks contributing to burnout and just taking a break to restore energy could be better.
4
x87_floatingpoint [he/him, it/its] - 1.1yr
Thanks for the explanation
Am autistic, can confirm that pushing myself to do difficult stuff just leads to more exhaustion... One time had brain fog for two days afterwards (which made it impossible to engage in my special interest of computer programming, too.....) Good to know there's evidence that it doesn't only happen to me.
3
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
6
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
::: spoiler ableism discussion
Just feeling. Very frustrated with ableism today, specifically ableism in communist spaces. The way so many communists are happy to ignore the ongoing pandemic and leave people like me for dead? The way no org even brings up masking? If communists can't get on the same page about A Deadly Pandemic, how the fuck are we supposed to have a revolution lollll
:::
13
Ivysaur - 1.1yr
::: spoiler ableism, misanthropy?
Yes this is basically what is making me take my long mountain sabbatical into the Offline to really soak in the gravy and I don’t know that I will find satisfactory answers. We are all monsters, and now is the time of monsters.
:::
7
khizuo [ze/zir] - 1.1yr
::: spoiler spoiler
I hope you enjoy your mountain sabbatical and find it relaxing!
:::
4
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
Had an interview with the shittiest company on the planet
::: spoiler spoiler
It's Amazon
:::
It was the dumbest shit too. I applied for a driving position yesterday and within hours, had an interview lined up. Today was like 6 of us who interviews for holiday driver positions that are temp to hire and the dude hired us all. Very little in the way of actual interviewing. Even if it's a crummy job I actually sort of wish more people would hire this way because fucking hell, 6 people got at least temporary jobs today. Just cut out the bullshit.
I barely even "masked" too. Just was myself for the most part. Made a comment about how I have a BBA just like him and am trying to start my own business etc etc and I guess he liked that or something. Dude is laid back for being a corpo. It's part time and temp but it's money, right? He said it's easy to do but physically demanding. I've done delivery stuff before and worked in factories. It's gonna be hell on my body but once I get into it it shouldn't be too bad.
I have another interview tomorrow that I will need to heavily mask for, and one I'd rather do. It's IT and they love their neurospicy folks, but don't wanna hire them and don't seem to want to accommodate them etc. Basically they all love the idea of it. It's tech though. I'm good at IT, but not great. I'm fully aware of what level I stand at so I just need to try and sell myself a bit above that. It's a 4 interview process tho so fuck me regardless.
But...
My brother-in-law just graduated and was handed a 6 figure job at our local power company and says he knows a guy and can probably get me in as a journeyman. I'm not sure if it's a union job but this sort of thing usually is. It would be $15 an hour while I work on learning it all over the next 4 years but after that it's basically a guaranteed 6 figures and all the hours I want. I'm asking him for the contact info now actually.
I'm at a point in my life where I probably need to figure it out, get lucky, or just give up and go find a group of people to squat with. I feel like a leech in my own family because I'm not doing anything at all.
12
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
Even if it's not a union job you could probably take that experience and find one with a union later no? I know fuck all about trades so maybe I'm wrong. I'd say go for it if you can.
7
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
From what I heard, the company treats their journeymen well. Basically even without the union perks it would be a good gig. Just hard work in reward with job security out.
The big hurdle is me coming to grips with pretty much dropping what I've been trying to work towards with the web dev thing all this year(very ND friendly if I can get it off the ground) and just going and working a normie job. I'm 41 now and it just seems potentially too late but I also have a way better understanding on where my burnout comes from and being able to work my own speed and being able to take breaks/days off when I want has been really nice over the last couple of months.
9
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
The peace of mind that comes with job security is very nice. I've stuck around at my current job for probably too long for my own good cause it's easy and laid back for the most part, and seemingly nobody else knows how to do it at my company. Doesn't pay enough for the cost of living though, if my living situation changed I might be fucked in the short term.
Sorry to totally change topic on you, but I just realized we talked about ADHD meds for your kid and partner (iirc) a while back. They have any luck finding meds that worked for them?
9
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
Ayee. Nope both wife and kid are unmedicated still. I've given him some caffeine here and there though and that seems to help him but too late in the evening is a no go. I just haven't been keeping on top of it. If/when financial situation changes, I'm considering keeping a stock of mini cans of soda for like 2 a day for him.
We are mostly just keeping an eye on it. He's showed a few signs of possible autism over the last few months though so it's probably gonna get more interesting.
7
blipblip [they/them] - 1.1yr
Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, hope things work out for y'all.
Make sure he's on top of his teeth. I self medicated (unknowingly) with soda for years and wasn't great about it and it did a number on my teeth, spooked me and quit the stuff but then wasn't really functioning very well for years before someone was like hey you're ADHD as fuck.
8
roux [they/them, xe/xem] - 1.1yr
Brushing is something we've been trying to get going too. Like I really need to work on that with him. I have a ton going on and forget and she has the ADHD so it's been a mess.
I'm personally just now getting around to really taking care of my own because I got rewarded with the bone loss thing after years of poor hygiene.
Thanks for the support
5
Kiagz [she/her] - 1.1yr
So, I read a comment on youtube about cleanliness OCD, and I seriously think I have some form of that. I'm not sure if it's bad enough to warrant being called a disorder in my case, though. Will definitely be bringing this up with my therapist the next time I see him.
11
dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.1yr
any PMDD pals here?
fully in what should be the Bad Time, but I'm actually doing pretty well this week, and I'm trying to figure out why so I can try to repeat it! 😅
my best guess, unfortunately, is that my son's illness and absence from school this past week has resulted in reduced outside pressures, which has given me the freedom to hyperfocus on a project I've been struggling to finish for a while.
obviously I don't want my kid to be sick every month, but maybe the secret is to act like he is and just avoid everyone for a week or two every month?? 😂 that doesn't seem tenable. but maybe 🤔 maybe if someone would be offended by "I'm unavailable this week due to health reasons," (family) I can figure out a way to hem and haw about plans during those times and put them off long enough. idk, I'd need a good plan in place to not be stressed about it every time.
if you've read this rambling this far, feel free to chime in with whatever ❤️
Ivysaur in disabled
Disabled Community Megathread 10/28/2024 — 11/3/2024
(Image from the 1977 504 sit-in.)
Welcome to the first weekly disabled community discussion thread for the week of 10/28/2024 — 11/3/2024.
This community is brand new! Everyone is welcome to post new topics and comments. However, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:
Disabled people in the U.S. today experience a poverty rate of approximately 30 percent; comprise 40 percent of the total homeless population; have an active labor market participation rate of less than 20 percent, despite self-reporting a preference to do so at a rate well over 60 percent. Hundreds of thousands of disabled people remain today living in institutional or carceral environments, such as nursing homes or prisons, where conditions tend towards the cruel or barbaric.
Thus, when we ask the question, what is disability, we are not really providing a full answer if we only talk about physiology, biology, or even identity reduced to a cataloging of manifest limitations or functional deficits. In fact, disability – or, to put it perhaps more accurately, disablement – is a dialectical phenomenon arising from existing political, economic, and social relations in society.
While variations in human bodies, minds, and behaviors – up to and including those traits which might be termed ‘impairments’ – have always been an indelible and essential aspect of the human species, disability as we have come to understand it in the modern era is neither eternal nor transhistorical.
The notion that a group of people – with a vast array of completely different traits, capacities, morphologies, and phenotypes – could be lumped together and labeled according to their relative lack of generalized “ability,” in the abstract, is in fact endemic to the particular period of more recent human history signaled by the emergence and dominance of the capitalist mode.
Specifically, what is the relationship between disabled people and the working class, as such?
... we should hold an expansive conception of disability, which understands it both in terms of class location, but also more generally as a phenomenon less immediately relevant to the positions of the classes than to the processes intrinsic to the relations of the classes. In other words, centering the analysis of disability on the processes of labor commodification, exploitation of labor, market competition, and class division.
Put differently, the conditions that reproduce the division of society into separate classes, and in particular, reproduce that class of people whose lives are wholly determined by the commodified value that their labor power can purchase on the capitalist market, are the same conditions that reproduce a subclass of people whose very existence is diminished and devalued according to the relatively diminished and devalued worth of their labor power as measured by the logic of commodified market competition.
Insofar as the value of commodity labor power under capitalism is both a creation and a measure of the rate of exploitation obtaining in the market – that is, the rate at which capitalists can competitively extract surplus value from the productive labors of the working class – then the simple realities of human physiology, let alone the complex realities of biopolitics, mean that there will always be and must necessarily be a constant proportion of the working class whose commodified labor power manifests as a “disability,” with the attendant forms of oppression concomitant thereto.
The struggle against disability oppression should be seen as innately allied with all other struggles born of – and against – capitalist oppression. Specifically, disablement is a form of oppression arising from the system of exploitation of labor, and therefore the historical struggle of the working class against exploitation.
from Keith Rosenthal of Tempest Collective
Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.
btw mod positions are still open (and probably always will be). if you want to be a mod just dm me with your matrix account and/or leave a comment on the post calling for mods which is pinned to the top of the comm. ofc the only requirement is that you identify as disabled and that you are a socialist.
also i’d be especially stoked if any disabled poc are interested in modding, we’ve got to keep the white people in check
I became disabled after getting covid and I recently learned that my condition will probably not go away. It still feels very surreal. Glad I can now post here though.
Same 😞. I had a pre-existing condition that had already impacted me, and COVID just made it more severe.
It's hard as shit making that adjustment and coming to terms with it.
Thank you
Ya it is hard. I’ve felt a lot of grief over my previous life
And now I unveil my grand plan behind creating c/disabled — so I can have a space to chronicillnesspost somewhat on-topic
Neurologist asks, "Do you keep a headache diary?"
"Sure thing, doc, it's right here on hexbear dot net."
"This is ... this is just a picture of a pig shitting on its own testicles."
"Oops, sorry, that one was for the billing department."
Hehe hope that you will still chronic illness post in the trans mega too.
Think it really helps for non disabled folks to see us too, and I didn’t realize my disability until after I realized my transness!
Hell, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw you suggest it. We need a place to effortlessly post, not just effort post!
Second “no masks inside” sign spotted in the wild in my city.
Vile.
I hope it wasn't a critical place.
I hate not having energy for anything
Me too. The spoons just haven’t been replenishing lately.
Who's deplenishing the spoon supply?
I only have one spoon but if I use it there will be changes.
«Sword of Spoon Stealing» «Do you have it?»
Word. Events continue to occur when I am not equipped to deal with them, which is very rude.
feel this comment to the depths of my soul
i've gotten overwhelmed and immensely disgusted by how no one cares about covid, especially family who will mention new, bizarre symptoms and immediately ponder "why is everyone so sick now." yet i'm supposed to want to go to holidays with them when i already had trouble connecting with them in the first place.
I believe at this point everyone knows. I do not buy the ignorance cope after nearly 5 years of year-round everyone-is-sick-what's-going-on. It is very different from a generalized ableism that so many of us are used to, I think. I am still formulating what my life in a world like this looks like, because I do not think we are ever going back to 2019.
I do wonder. After going through five yeras of pandemic I have come to be very certain that 80+% of people don't understand the germ theory of disease in even the most basic sense and genuinely believe that Covid just vanished one day.
I have come to some peace with the life I envision being most likely impossible in any western country but especially the US. You still see these sort of brainworms elsewhere but it has really devolved lately I think and as the mask continues to deteriorate here things are only going to get worse. I'd rather try to "live with" COVID in a place where there is at least any consideration of the whole of a social organism; in one of the most "progressive" states in the country my family and closest friends would do literally anything else on earth than accomodate very basic requests like, "if you want to see me, you wear a mask around me" — something completely inoffensive and easy. I just do not see this being such a point of contention anywhere but in these individualism-poisoned hellholes. If there is a will for this most minor of personal accomodations, then there is at least an opportunity to plant the seeds necessary for broader change, and I feel like I can live comfortably with that. But...there isn't even that, here. I'll have to see for myself what it's like anywhere else. Bleak shit.
Trying to decide if i want to do any holidays this year. Last year i wore a mask inside at all times and had an air purifier in the sleeping room, and i didn't get much pushback. But I also caught covid for the first time this summer and fortunately got away with only a mild persistent cough so idk if i want to risk it or not. : (
The Anglo is chosen by nurgle. By papa nurgles blessing we claimed this land and he continues to favor us with his gifts. It is your patriotic duty as an American to wallow in filth and toxins.
I think there's two key components:
Covid doesn't have a telltale symptom that screams "you definitely have the Rona." The closest was the inability to smell, but I think that was for the earlier variants(?). By telltale symptom, I mean something like your forehead starts growing a nasty tumor or your skin color turns fluorescent green or your stool glows in the dark. Except for the inability to smell, every other symptom is just a generic "I don't feel so good" symptom. This is why "it's just like a flu" is so pervasive. Because for a lot of people, it really is just like the flu as far as their symptoms are concerned.
The plague rats are pervasive enough that it's impossible to pin down who exactly infected who. If someone got Covid, it's legitimately hard to know who actually gave them Covid. Maybe if they're a complete self-sufficient hermit who only has contact with the same person once a month. But if they have a day job surrounded by plague rat coworkers, they basically can't tell who gave them Covid. This means that the plague rat's conscience is always completely guilt free because no one can definitively prove that the plague rat's criminal negligence infected other people. Like the Covid positive plague rat could cough into some person's face and infect them with Covid and the plague rat will always have an excuse "I didn't give you Covid. How do you know it wasn't the mailman or your coworkers or the cashier at Walmart or the person next to you pumping gas at the gas station or blah blah blah." Always an excuse to worm their way out of culpability.
So, now we're stuck in a situation where most people are half in denial whenever they have Covid because they don't have a nasty forehead tumor but since they can't be socially ostracized for infecting other people, they don't give a fuck.
And when you confront your coworker, they give the same exact response. Nobody wants to accept responsibility.
Happy Halloween disabled comrades!
I didn't realize until this post that not being able to smell was a disability. I'm not really sure what to think or how to feel about it.
It has bothered me for a while, mostly how it impacts eating/taste. Feel silly saying that. Anyway, I didn't realize it counted as a disability and both that classification and the actual issue are a couple things I'm trying to get my mind around, I guess.
I think it's really good and important that it's being more and more recognized that disabilities don't need to be totally life defining or fit in a few narrow categories. If there's a gas leak in your house anosimia/being unable to smell immediately becomes a potentially deadly disability. If you're 7'4" and unable to use most cars and airplane seats, you have to buy extremely expensive custom shoes and clothes, you can't stand upright in many public spaces, you've got a disability under the social model of disability.
Like, if you can't smell, that's going to change how you live and may cause issues for you. Like the gas leak thing, natural gas has no natural odor so they dope it with sulphur to give it a distinct and immediately recognizable odor. So in that case you do have a disability.
Like, "your disability is valid" is super cliche, but it is.
Hi, comrades.
Glad to have this comm.
hell yeah im rolling with the crips
my shit is fucked god damn. i look "normal" and look young and people take that out on me when i mention i move very slow and am gradually turning to dust
Love that we have this comm now.
New owl just dropped!
Hehe I have been here a while! I just mostly post in the trans mega.
Have construction going on outside my house and its ruining my life at the moment (autism, hypersensitivity to noise). On top of the debilitating noise which no pair of headphones can block out, losing my home as my safe space has been awful. If I don't have the safety of my home as refuge from the world, then I'm pretty fucked. Have been crazy dysregulated, meltdowns constantly, body aches and pains all day. Glad I have somewhere to vent where I won't just be told to get over it.
Hope everyone else is doing alright.
Does doubling up help? Like earplugs and earmuffs? Or is it the low frequency that is hard to block out?
Yes it's the low frequency stuff. Hammering, scraping, motors constantly running etc. they are tearing up the road to replace water pipes (which obviously is needed, but not being informed and not given information about how long it takes, what exactly they are doing, etc. is very much not helpful for me).
I went through exactly this last year. Depression, burnout, week(s)long migraines. Since everyone else is minorly inconvenienced by it they think you're overreacting. You're not. It's horrible. I hope your construction finishes soon.
Thanks, it's nice to be validated. This situation has honestly pushed me to the point where I realized I needed to accept being disabled because it has just debilitated me so much. I need to figure out how to navigate this shit so I'm not miserable all the time.
I have had this happen. Do you or someone in your household have a vehicle you can hang out in? This has been my answer and it works when I can park the car about a block away from the machinery. For me it’s the vibration because even double headphones inside a closet doesn’t work - especially when I’ve reached my tolerance limit. (Certain pharms take the edge off and I will use in an emergency -but physically moving my body to a safer place works better.)
I work from home which is obviously compounding things. Otherwise I totally would. I'm not on any medication but I am curious if you could share what you take if you are comfortable.
For exposures like this, sometimes I’ll take a benz0. My doctor prescribes a small amount for this purpose. One time I was at a hotel/motel (for work travel) and a big rig was running its diesel engine all night in the parking lot outside my window. The hotel said there was nothing they could do. Earplugs plus white noise plus benzos helped me get a couple hours of sleep.
If I can get away from the intrusive sound and vibration, I don’t need to take anything. I have a tolerance level, like an amount of time I can withstand something, but once it’s reached it’s reached.
I hope you find some workarounds and the construction gets finished soon. Try to give yourself some downtime, maybe time in nature, whatever helps you reset.
How much spare cash do you have?
I'd buy some ear defenders to put over my ears and under that either wear some earplugs or in-ear headphones, if I had a pair.
If you have a decent Bluetooth speaker or stereo system, I'd also play brown noise through them to mask some of the construction noise. Obviously if you have in-ear headphones then you can play music or noise through them too.
ReadFanon is back!
Ive been doing that, it definitely helps but it doesn't keep all the noise out and any noise that gets in I tend to fixate on :/ Also eventually I want to rip everything off my head and ears after a couple hours anyway lol. I appreciate it and if you have any other suggestions I am totally open to hearing. I also want to be able to learn from other folks in this community
Is there a library or something where you could work? If you have online call meetings, they usually have quiet rooms where you can go.
I think that's what I will have to do. Will just have to get over the "agh being around strangers" feeling.
Nice now we have a comm where we can plot ways to fuck with ableist asshats!
Me aggressively giving people a crash course in Bipolar disorder when they make the mistake of asking me what I do for work. There is no escape you will learn more than you ever wanted to know about Type II Bipolar Disorder.
::: spoiler mental health just had a big crash and i haven't left my house for basically anything in a week lol. probably not a great look when next friday is going to be one of the biggest moments in my "career" or whatever and i'm doing nothing to prepare for it :::
Sorry it hit you at a bad moment comrade.
hey, I see that neurodivergence is included in here, so I thought I'd make a little post.
::: spoiler self-doubt Somehow, I got into my head that I should know what I'm doing with work, friends, leftism, gender, sex, kink, etc. I've spent so much time beating myself up over it the past while without knowing - every little mistake, every question of should I X or Y, regretting everything I did in case it was a mistake.
I saw a silly little video today while having decision paralysis at work again (since no one tells me what to do these days...) and I was very moved by it. (https://youtu.be/imdsWyVFyWQ) (even the kinda corporate-sounding "trailblazer" phrasing kinda resonated with me tbh since outside work I'm trying to be radically authentic and there is just no roadmap for that)
Basically, she says in the video that not knowing what you're doing can feel like failure - and oh boy, does it ever the past few months. Anyway, the video was helpful to me because I felt seen, and I finally understand that it's normal to not really know what's right/wrong/optimal/going to produce a good outcome, and that we all feel this way from time to time.
I liked the implication that I can still do meaningful things, even if I'm still making mistakes and even if I'm just guessing how to support the people that matter to me, even if I have no idea how to solve their problems, even if I have no idea what it is that I need.
It was pretty heartfelt and got to me at a good time, while I was busy obsessing over how frustrating it is to have a completely different emotional profile to how people are "supposed" to act.
I don't know why I'm posting here! I'm doing it anyway! Hope it helps someone! :::
!!!! I had a hunch it was going to be that channel!!!! 😂 maybe it was the mixture of the HR-y language she uses combined with how fucking relatable and touching she still somehow manages to be, I just knew when you said you were moved and
😂🎯
she has a real talent for that, idk how she does it so well
the algorithm started recommending her to me last year and I resisted because the titles and thumbnails give HR Pep Talk vibes. when I finally gave in and watched one, I realized that's not wrong, but it somehow really really works
I hadn't gotten around to watching this one yet, but I'm gonna do it now ❤️ thanks for the rec
Yeah, I agree, I was surprised how good it was! But yes the HR-y language is normally a huge problem for me, again just surprised it got through to me somehow haha.
I haven't watched a lot of her other videos but occasionally I'll go diving through the backlog and find one that's helpful. Thanks for your post!
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
My bpd is interacting in an interesting way with my ME. I’m still kind of recovering or in the middle of a crash but since yesterday I think I am also experiencing mania making it impossible for me to rest. Maybe weed will help me calm down a bit?
Weed helped. Am comfortably in bed dozing off
Feeling restless again
::: spoiler brainworm i'm still working out my brainworms regarding my own disabilities i guess. i think my biggest hurdle is how i hold up being able to be highly social when things call for it as evidence that i'm not disabled even though my brain is routinely trying to kill me in several different ways. i'll probably be lurking here for info and stuff regardless of whatever thought poison i have :::
I recently got a chunky old kitchen timer, that ticks pleasingly low and slow, to help me step back from whatever I'm currently obsessing about and focus on other necessary things for safely predefined five or ten minute stretches. It serves a single purpose, and while it is ticking, so do I. The rest of the time, I am a generalist.
I used to live near a church that had a bell that rang at 6 am, noon, and 6 pm.
I really loved it because it was a "gentle" reminder of what time it is without me having to check.
I really want a grandfather clock that goes off every hour when/if I get a house
That's pretty cool! I used to live near a mosque and every time I heard the call to prayer, it reminded me of what time it is too. Now I either check my watch/phone/clock obsessively or the time literally flies by. I love time blindness... not.
The Social Security Administration thanks me for having two authentication factors and will provide me with a dead tree letter in 10-20 days that will allow me to actually use my account so I can begin the year+ long process of maybe getting SSI.
If I recall correctly it took me five months to be approved, and six weeks or more of that was because my doctor's office was shit about corresponding with Social Security. (I got calls from SSA asking things like "Are you sure your doctor has a fax machine?")
So it's possible that your wait won't be a year+. Maybe it's worse these days since Covid is causing a massive increase in the number of SSI applicants, but on the other hand it looks like the application process has been simplified in recent months.
bit of a vent post i guess:
in the process of applying for disability allowance... govt wants me to explain every payment into my bank account for the last few months. very cool lol, god forbid i avail of a €230/week payment and still get a bit of support from parents/friends (it's aggressively means tested). on the flip side i qualified for a bridge welfare payment while my disability app is in process, so i can get that much per week for the foreseeable few months at least. still frustrating and humiliating (working as intended).
It's very similar in the us. They just changed a rule that previously required you to declare meals that someone bought for you as income. It's so cruel.
I'm a mod???? (jk I already knew).
Hey all I guess this is an impromptu intro for me since I did ask Khizuo if I could help mod when this comm was first created. I figured it would be my way of trying to give back to the hexbear community since it's been an awesome experience. I also thought it would be a good opportunity for me to learn more about the disabled community since I only really know my own struggles. I wanna try my best to be there for y'all.
I'm self- and therapist-diagnosed ASD. I do not have a professional diagnosis because with the political climate currently, I don't wanna get put on a list if the scary stuff does go down. I also don't really have the money to pay for a professional diagnosis
I also come equipped with Persistent Depressive Disorder and social anxiety. I think there's a few others but those are the confirmed ones on my list. I'm a vegan and I'm trying to get more involved with activism in that department, as well as, social justice. I'm a theory bro so when I'm not super duper depressed and not disassociating, I'm usually reading Leftist theory.
I hope everyone is having a good day and thanks for stopping by our apparently rapidly growing comm.There are like 10 more subscribers in the last 24 hours!
“After 15 years I am assuming you’ve built up a network” yeah buddy, my home lab 🤓
oh, you meant trying to schmooze and brown nose your way through the worst PMC losers you could ever imagine? sorry no
Honestly I've had success faking them. Employee refs aren't obliged to share anything other than this person knew you, worked with you, and vouches for you, afaik, so ask a friend who is really good at acting, lol.
my dad has a different last name to me lol (long story), he's always my #1 reference. he is my #1 fan, after all...
Autism here (and probably ADHD too). I honestly feel like I have been denied adulthood. No matter how much I apply, no one even gets back to me and no one is hiring because of their absurdly high standards so I kind of admit it: I am an involuntary NEET.
I've considered just going back to college and doing one of the few avenues this stupid country cares about like some BS engineering I'm bad at, but since it's the only thing porky wants. I have to. Oh, and on top of that I have to beat millions of people in getting an unpaid internship or else my degree won't count in the eyes of employers, AND get perfect grades or else I'll be seen as too stupid to work.
But in the situation I'm in I only get two actual pieces of advice both of which are total dogshit.
With what money? Last I checked I'm not some super-talented prodigy at any skill enough to sell it myself even if I had the time to go through years of paperwork just to finally have a .00000000001% chance of having an income at all, we can't all be lucky bastards. Anyone who says this is a spoiled, privileged dipshit that never had to lift a finger in their lives.
Sometimes I think me being poor and the rich being such staunch perfectionists is "disabling" me more than my actual disabilities.
As a kid I was diagnosed with ADHD and later in life began to recognize anxiety and OCD tendencies which I know many times are all related.
I never really considered that all 3 of these things were disabilities until very recently, but the past 2-3 years it’s really become obvious how debilitating these conditions have been for me and can be for others.
I have a partner who was very understanding and receptive to the way I am and eventually led them to acknowledge similarities in their own mental health struggles and seek a diagnosis as well.
Now we are both extremely in tune with our various neurodivergent behaviors and working to assist each other in tough times and embolden each other in the better times.
That all said, I’m happy to be here and looking forward to a great new community!
💚
Yeah, I never really realized how much it effects my life till I got treatment and I can compare how I do with it well managed to when it is at full power. I think I am on the moderate to severe end untreated. I was talking to some people recently about how I avoid social activities sometimes because I worry will be hard to sit through some kinds of thing.
This is one of the behaviors that I didn’t realize could be attributed to my neurodivergence. I would expend so much energy forcing myself into social situations that I wanted nothing to do with. Then I end up staying way too long because I fear the optics of leaving.
Same. A few years ago i started refusing invitations to play board games and told people straight that i could hang out but due to adhd could not play or enjoy board games, nor could i be a good player for the other players.
It is funny that the venn diagram of being a weird internet communist had me making the same realization in the same context for the same reasons.
Is that why I can’t handle group games? TIL.
Just realized my months supply of meds was 90% cheaper this month for some reason? I only paid $3 something out of pocket instead of the usual ~$30.
Would still cost like $250 without insurance lmao fuck this place
My prescription got filled a day earlier than they said it would! Now it's only almost a month late instead of a full month.
Crush reacted to a meme I sent her to set myself up to ask her out, but didn't actually answer if she wanted to go out or not
Honestly the long wait and uncertainty probably would have broken me a lot worse a couple months ago, but I'm just going to try take this in stride. Just really want to hang out with her outside of work again since its been a while
You know one of the most disabling aspects of my AuDHD to me? The hyperfixations. The "ahaha quirky interests" part of it all. When I'm in hyperfixation mode I literally cannot think of anything but what I'm hyperfixating on no matter how much I need to. I literally feel like I completely lose myself and I'm living in a dream and completely disconnected from reality. It's almost physically painful to try to make myself focus on anything else. I actually hate getting hyperfixated on shit because it's a horrible feeling.
Most recent hyperfixation had me skipping meals.
Does it ever happen to you with people? Absolutely sucks
Sometimes when I meet someone ‘unique’ (someone with a trait set I hadn’t seen before in someone else) I get kind of obsessed and want to know everything about them
I think you just perfectly described something I’ve felt for the longest time but haven’t been able to express
It’s cool to know I’m not alone in that! I don’t really mind it too much to be honest, the obsession is annoying as I sometimes confuse it with love, it takes up a lot of my energy and I can’t just walk up to a person and ask them personal questions about their life, but it’s very rewarding to slowly become friends and learn new things about them.
Also I’ve never related this trait of mine with hyper fixation but the relation explains a lot actually
Oof, kind of? I mean I'll get hyperfixated on bands or youtubers. Not people who I actually know irl, though.
yes, I married him, best/worst decision of my life 😅
Anyone missing digits? I lost a finger but it's no biggie
Probably not the answer you were expecting but I lost 2 and now I'm down to 10.
I was born with extra digits lol.
My circulation has gotten noticeably worse recently and I don't know why (other than being disabled)
It's not just the cold weather making me aware of how cold my extremities are, its washing my face in the shower causing my hands to go numb :(
Have you been less mobile lately?
...yeah
This makes more sense now
Well, hopefully that is the case and getting and around is manageable with your situation. I know the cold has me not wanting to get out of bed much myself. Failing that it is time for some cool gloves
When it gets really cold I just live under my heating pad 😭
Moving a little more shouldn't be too bad, debating getting compression socks as well since they'll be warm and help with circulation
I am a large fan of socks of all kinds.
Even dem socs?
If I get to crush them under my heel?
I think if compression socks are being debated the answer is always give them a try. The number of situations where you are questioning compression socks and then you don't want them is very low
Yeah, I'm gonna get one pair to try and hopefully they make a difference
Any other OCD sufferers got tips to make this terrible disease go away?
I wish I did. A lot of people in the OCD community recommend ERP, and I was going to try it but it didn't end up happening so I can't vouch for that. It may be something you can look into, though. I'm currently in a relatively good patch with my OCD for the first time in several years and honestly I just think it's because my chronic fatigue makes it so that I no longer have energy to ruminate the way I used to, so that's no advice. I hate OCD so much and I'm sorry you're dealing with it.
Meds are the only thing that worked for me (although I haven't tried ERP because of the cost). I am on a Zoloft + Abilify + Wellbutrin combo and I almost don't feel that I have it. Of course I have side effects like interrupted sleep, decreased sex drive, possibly weight gain and some hair loss but OCD is worse than those anyways.
Its short for Exposure and Response Prevention for anybody else that doesn't know
I've mostly recovered from my most recent crash and now facing a dilemma — I feel like I have way more energy than I really have, and I'm trying to hold myself back from pushing myself too hard and causing another crash, but it's hard. I also need to remember that I still need to be working on trying to get the help I need even though it's no longer an immediate, pressing emergency; because if I don't do it now it will only just spiral into another emergency when a crash happens again. me/cfs is such a pain to deal with lol
I’m so glad this exists! I’m not ready to effort post about this yet but some of the less visible disabilities - and more specifically disputed illnesses - think CFS/ME and chronic lyme and but there are many others - I feel like the materialist framework of the left will be a barrier and I have been hesitant to discuss certain conditions feeling they will be mocked. Although the one time I think it was ME came up on Hexbear that I recall, people were good about it.
And now (sadly) long Covid is lending credibility to CFS/ME. So maybe you are with me because mainstream medicine is catching up to Chronic lyme and ME and long covid right? But what about “adrenal fatigue”? I can hear the sound of leftist derision because it’s not real, right? Or what about electrical sensitivity? (an RFKJ level silliness) Or chronic mold injury. The thing is when you have one of these disputed illnesses - and are not believed by the establishment, and often your own family and friends etc - it makes you more sympathetic to sufferers of the other disputed conditions. Solidarity.
I do not have an official diagnosis (yet), but I am almost entirely sure that I have ME/CFS, possibly from getting COVID although I’m not quite sure if it was that or something else. And I relate a lot to what you said about the failures of left frameworks when it comes to chronic illness. No party that I know of requires masking, which presents an inherent barrier to many disabled people trying to join them. If you ever make the effort post, I would love to read it. Solidarity.
Yeah Lyme fucked me up and my doctor kind of handwaved away my concerns. This was a while ago so I think people were just starting to talk about chronic Lyme. But yeah, wish somebody took it more seriously that I started suffering from heat exhaustion super easily right after getting Lyme and excessively sweating. It's been over a decade and it's still going on.
Sometimes you even have an "acceptable/seen as real" underlying condition that hasn't been diagnosed yet. For three years doctors diagnosed me with things like depression and ME, but in the end it turned out I actually had thyroid cancer, that's what was causing all my symptoms. They simply hadn't bothered to do any tests.
Thyroids are sketchy as hell. idk why thyroid testing isn't the first thing they do every time. Like if you walk in holding your own severed arm and are like "Yo I had a baking accident can you put this back on?" they should be like "Okay one second, hold up, we need to make sure your thyroid didn't do this" and do some bloodwork.
I can relate. You’re absolutely right. I hope you are getting treatment and care.
::: spoiler spoiler The only time as an adult that I’ve been treated well with compassion and respect was when I was actively undergoing cancer diagnosis in a hospital, and even then not everyone is so fortunate. I have been extremely mistreated and gaslighted by the medical system and have countless stories of the abuse and negligence … the cancer care I have experienced has been markedly different. By no means perfect but respectful.
:::
fucking terrifying – this is the stuff horror stories are made of
so sorry that happened to you.
I've known people with CFS. The medical profession is this bizarre contradiction because it is perceived to be super duper scientific, but if you actually drill down to it's cultural norms and the beliefs of doctors many of htem are straight up "There are ghosts in your blood. Lose weight" and think that's doing medicine.
And then people will be like "Something is fucking wrong" and their Dr. will tell them "You have wandering uterus, lose weight" and they're like "Hmm this fucker literally does not care if I live or die" and then you go try to find explanations for what's wrong and, like, most people are not equipped to differentiate between woo woo flim flam and plausible stuff. Like medical science should be rigorously investigating weird hard to pin down diseases and symptoms but they don't, leaving unqualified lay people to try to figure things out as best they can because their pain and suffering is real no matter what actual factors are causing it.
It's totally fucked.
Oh Adderall how I missed thee, it's so quiet in my brain this morning ♥️
the difference it makes is literally life-changing. it's so hard to wrap my brain around the idea that it's like that all the time for other people.
Right? I just sat down and tallied up my spending for the last month. I have only been able to do this for the last year. For the other 40ish years of my life it has been totally, utterly possible. For many years I drove myself to crying and distress just trying to add like 50 numbers together. And now thanks to the power of meth it's easy. : |
I'm having the issue again where I have to make a conscious effort to get up and stretch a bit cause I can suddenly sit perfectly still for hours lmao.
Got a referral for a specialist that my Medicaid is actually covering. Wait time for an appointment? Six months.
Gonna get started on ADHD medication again real soon. Strattera has been completely useless for me, so I'm hoping I can find something else that will actually do something about my awful executive dysfunction. I want to give adderal a try, but they'll only consider prescribing it to me if none of the other medications work, sadly.
I really need to look into ADHD medication. I avoided it for a while (kind of out of fear), but I feel like they (and anxiety meds) would probably help me function a lot better.
Wishing you luck, and thanks for reminding me 😁
Stimulants sound scary, but remember they don't function like typical anxiety or depression medications where you need to take it for a while to see effectiveness, and suddenly stopping can be potentially dangerous.
Stims start working in around an hour and you can stop them at any time if the side effects are scary or uncomfortable.
Also having a bad experience on one doesn't mean another won't work for you. Dextroamphetamine made me feel like I was dying, but Adderall which is chemically similar works great!
I'd like to add, idk if it's an adhd thing or an individual thing, but I don't experience any addiction symptoms from my stimmies, nor do most adhd people I know. I want to say there's something about how the stims effect our brains comparted to notADHD people that's actually biochemically distinct but I'd have to go look it up again.
This has been my experience too, issues with getting my prescription filled meant I've had to go without for nearly a month after regular use for over a yearand I haven't had any withdrawal symptoms or anything, shit was just a bit harder like it was before meds.
Adhd usually responds well to stimulants treatment so with any luck that will get you sorted.
It works amazingly well mine. I have had very little difficulties managing the stimulants but the pharmacy can be annoying with their stock management
I was diagnosed with Autism recently. It feels good knowing there's a name to that "otherness" I've felt all my life, but now I can't figure out if the way I'm feeling is Autistic Burnout or plain ol' Depression
I'm trying! Working a campaign job right now is not helping lol 🙃
Fuck. I'm pretty sure I'm just ADHD and not autistic but that chart hits pretty fucking hard.
What does the chart mean with "behavioral activation"?
it's a type of therapy that i'm not exactly familiar with so tbh i'm not really sure/can't speak on it in detail anyway. i think it kind of is related to what i said in that it involves pushing yourself to e.g. do stuff you enjoy that has been difficult because of depression. this will be rewarding if you just suffer from depression but for autistic folks it risks contributing to burnout and just taking a break to restore energy could be better.
Thanks for the explanation
Am autistic, can confirm that pushing myself to do difficult stuff just leads to more exhaustion... One time had brain fog for two days afterwards (which made it impossible to engage in my special interest of computer programming, too.....) Good to know there's evidence that it doesn't only happen to me.
::: spoiler ableism discussion Just feeling. Very frustrated with ableism today, specifically ableism in communist spaces. The way so many communists are happy to ignore the ongoing pandemic and leave people like me for dead? The way no org even brings up masking? If communists can't get on the same page about A Deadly Pandemic, how the fuck are we supposed to have a revolution lollll :::
::: spoiler ableism, misanthropy? Yes this is basically what is making me take my long mountain sabbatical into the Offline to really soak in the gravy and I don’t know that I will find satisfactory answers. We are all monsters, and now is the time of monsters. :::
::: spoiler spoiler I hope you enjoy your mountain sabbatical and find it relaxing! :::
Had an interview with the shittiest company on the planet ::: spoiler spoiler It's Amazon :::
It was the dumbest shit too. I applied for a driving position yesterday and within hours, had an interview lined up. Today was like 6 of us who interviews for holiday driver positions that are temp to hire and the dude hired us all. Very little in the way of actual interviewing. Even if it's a crummy job I actually sort of wish more people would hire this way because fucking hell, 6 people got at least temporary jobs today. Just cut out the bullshit.
I barely even "masked" too. Just was myself for the most part. Made a comment about how I have a BBA just like him and am trying to start my own business etc etc and I guess he liked that or something. Dude is laid back for being a corpo. It's part time and temp but it's money, right? He said it's easy to do but physically demanding. I've done delivery stuff before and worked in factories. It's gonna be hell on my body but once I get into it it shouldn't be too bad.
I have another interview tomorrow that I will need to heavily mask for, and one I'd rather do. It's IT and they love their neurospicy folks, but don't wanna hire them and don't seem to want to accommodate them etc. Basically they all love the idea of it. It's tech though. I'm good at IT, but not great. I'm fully aware of what level I stand at so I just need to try and sell myself a bit above that. It's a 4 interview process tho so fuck me regardless.
But...
My brother-in-law just graduated and was handed a 6 figure job at our local power company and says he knows a guy and can probably get me in as a journeyman. I'm not sure if it's a union job but this sort of thing usually is. It would be $15 an hour while I work on learning it all over the next 4 years but after that it's basically a guaranteed 6 figures and all the hours I want. I'm asking him for the contact info now actually.
I'm at a point in my life where I probably need to figure it out, get lucky, or just give up and go find a group of people to squat with. I feel like a leech in my own family because I'm not doing anything at all.
Even if it's not a union job you could probably take that experience and find one with a union later no? I know fuck all about trades so maybe I'm wrong. I'd say go for it if you can.
From what I heard, the company treats their journeymen well. Basically even without the union perks it would be a good gig. Just hard work in reward with job security out.
The big hurdle is me coming to grips with pretty much dropping what I've been trying to work towards with the web dev thing all this year(very ND friendly if I can get it off the ground) and just going and working a normie job. I'm 41 now and it just seems potentially too late but I also have a way better understanding on where my burnout comes from and being able to work my own speed and being able to take breaks/days off when I want has been really nice over the last couple of months.
The peace of mind that comes with job security is very nice. I've stuck around at my current job for probably too long for my own good cause it's easy and laid back for the most part, and seemingly nobody else knows how to do it at my company. Doesn't pay enough for the cost of living though, if my living situation changed I might be fucked in the short term.
Sorry to totally change topic on you, but I just realized we talked about ADHD meds for your kid and partner (iirc) a while back. They have any luck finding meds that worked for them?
Ayee. Nope both wife and kid are unmedicated still. I've given him some caffeine here and there though and that seems to help him but too late in the evening is a no go. I just haven't been keeping on top of it. If/when financial situation changes, I'm considering keeping a stock of mini cans of soda for like 2 a day for him.
We are mostly just keeping an eye on it. He's showed a few signs of possible autism over the last few months though so it's probably gonna get more interesting.
Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate, hope things work out for y'all.
Make sure he's on top of his teeth. I self medicated (unknowingly) with soda for years and wasn't great about it and it did a number on my teeth, spooked me and quit the stuff but then wasn't really functioning very well for years before someone was like hey you're ADHD as fuck.
Brushing is something we've been trying to get going too. Like I really need to work on that with him. I have a ton going on and forget and she has the ADHD so it's been a mess.
I'm personally just now getting around to really taking care of my own because I got rewarded with the bone loss thing after years of poor hygiene.
Thanks for the support
So, I read a comment on youtube about cleanliness OCD, and I seriously think I have some form of that. I'm not sure if it's bad enough to warrant being called a disorder in my case, though. Will definitely be bringing this up with my therapist the next time I see him.
any PMDD pals here?
fully in what should be the Bad Time, but I'm actually doing pretty well this week, and I'm trying to figure out why so I can try to repeat it! 😅
my best guess, unfortunately, is that my son's illness and absence from school this past week has resulted in reduced outside pressures, which has given me the freedom to hyperfocus on a project I've been struggling to finish for a while.
obviously I don't want my kid to be sick every month, but maybe the secret is to act like he is and just avoid everyone for a week or two every month?? 😂 that doesn't seem tenable. but maybe 🤔 maybe if someone would be offended by "I'm unavailable this week due to health reasons," (family) I can figure out a way to hem and haw about plans during those times and put them off long enough. idk, I'd need a good plan in place to not be stressed about it every time.
if you've read this rambling this far, feel free to chime in with whatever ❤️