I made a previous post about a year ago I think, talking about how I might have adhd. Nowadays I'm pretty sure about that [I never got diagnosed though, that'll be explained shortly]. Recently I've had a couple stress related issues, including a full on mental breakdown, and decided to look around to see if there was something wrong with me Moreso than just being dysphoric and having adhd.
I think...I think I might have BPD too. I just...on the one hand, I'd like to know if my mood swings, anger issues, fear of abandonment, and identity crisises have an explanation beyond just "I suck and I'm the worst." But at the same time...I don't know if I even should get diagnosed for anything.
If I want to medically transition, bam, mental health disqualification/stonewalling
If I want to immigrate, bam, disqualified
And what does that even mean for me ideologically? Adhd is one thing, but I know how people see people with BPD. And I mean, what if thats why I'm a communist? If I was normal would I be something else?
I hate it. I hate not knowing who I am. I like to think i make decisions logically. But I don't. I'm this fucking bundle of chemicals constantly ready to explode.
And then what about medication? If I do get diagnosed do I want to medicate myself? But that's going to change me. I don't want to be changed by pharmaceuticals. I don't even drink coffee because I don't like things fucking with the chemistry in my head. But it's for the best if I don't end up hurting myself and others, right? But this is me. This is all I've known. I can't conceptualize myself without my hyperactivity, my fear of abandonment, my identity issues. I don't want the bad parts of those, but I also want the good parts. If I get medicated then am I just going to be some guy? A guy who just goes to work, comes home, focuses on stuff and who's brain is quiet? That's a functional human being. Maybe that'd be a better person than what I am. But that's not me. I want to be me...
Maeve - 2mon
Healing is a long, lonely road; but better alone for a time, then well, than denial and irreparable schismed self and life. Best to you, my friend. 🫶🫂
If I get medicated then am I just going to be some guy? A guy who just goes to work, comes home, focuses on stuff and who’s brain is quiet?
Communists don't have to be neurodivergent or neurotypical. Anyone can be a Communist as long as they have a grasp on the world. Medications will not necessarily hurt you or make you Capitalist. I've taken energy drinks, eaten coffee beans, taken all sorts of pills to help with stresses and I'm still here, Red as ever.
The important part is that you're still alive. Altho it is bravery that spreads the Communist movement, it is self-preservation that ensures one's survival, so they may one day be brave. Take care of yourself.
5
Orcinus - 2mon
Humans are communal. Pack animals. So it feels so alienating to have traits people hate. That's probably why I became a communist too. And at times I feel like I'm trying to fight for people who hate me. Is that what I'm supposed to tell LGBT people at Burkina, for example? To fight for people who legally persecute them? It's the right call, the enemy is the west. But it's demoralizing when the good guys hate you, makes you feel like education and acceptance is a long ways away. I'm also trans and I think I have ADHD and BPD as well. And I'm never sure if I could even hold a job. Makes me feel I was born way too early, like I belong in the future. Maybe ask yourself, do you have friends here? Are you friends with those who similarly struggle with BPD? Perhaps you would never have met them if not for that. It's a fucked up thing to think about, oppression bringing people together who would otherwise never meet, whose reason for meeting is dependant on oppression that should never have happened. Like how many good people are descended from bad parents or from genociders. We're all byproducts of bad shit. But we're here, in this time and place. I'm happy I have my friends and can look at the world from the perspective of the "useless trash".
4
amemorablename - 2mon
I'm not qualified to say whether you have BPD or much on what that would mean for you. I would just like to comment on this part:
I like to think i make decisions logically. But I don’t.
In my experience, some of the people who are most insistent about being logical have some of the worst reasoning I ever hear. The point being that a lot of people are kind of full of it on the extent of their rationality (I mean among so-called neurotypical people). I don't really have the time right now to get into to the extent that I'd like, but I think there's a lot of confusion over what logical thinking and decision-making even means vs. emotional. Like math proof logic is certainly not what most people are doing most of the time, that's for sure. Some kind of informal reasoning mixed with emotional motives and layered with a system of beliefs is probably closer to what most people are operating on most of the time, no matter how they want to frame it to themselves or others. The reality is more messy than it's sometimes made out to be. People who have "disorders" are delineated by certain kinds of extremes, but that doesn't mean everybody "normal" is on one side of the fence and the people with "disorders" are on the other side. It's more a spectrum thing, as I understand it, and it takes a certain degree of extreme to be diagnosed with a disorder. And then at least in USian ways, to some extent it's simply bureaucracy like: "I will diagnose this person with X disorder because then I can justify to the insurance company treating them for something." That's not to say the person doing the diagnosing is trying to make it up, but they may be trying to justify the need for treatment and disorder designations are a way to justify.
This also isn't to say disorders aren't identifying real clusters of traits and behavior, but that the realities are more complicated than simple poles of have or don't have, and the motives surrounding what qualifies as a disorder are complicated in their own way too. Getting a diagnosis can be more about getting treatment than anything else. To what extent it matters practically speaking, can be more about whether the condition you have is debilitating and whether it is preventing you from making progress toward goals you have (which are presumed by the system to be pro-social ones for them to be valid, or at least what the status quo's idea of pro-social is).
4
bunbun - 2mon
do I want to medicate myself? But that's going to change me. I don't want to be changed by pharmaceuticals. I don't even drink coffee because I don't like things fucking with the chemistry in my head
I've spent a lot of time thinking in the same exact line. Long story short - would you say that a person that's hard of hearing is betraying their nature by wearing hearing aids? A poor sighted one by wearing glasses? Or a paraplegic, with prosthetics?
ADHD means your brains are probably both lacking and leaking neurotransmitters. Fixing that will make your life more manageable. On the off chance that you're lucky and meds are effective for you - absolutely give them an honest try.
King_Simp in comradeship
I'm built different [incorrectly]
So...idk, i guess I'm in a dilemma right now.
I made a previous post about a year ago I think, talking about how I might have adhd. Nowadays I'm pretty sure about that [I never got diagnosed though, that'll be explained shortly]. Recently I've had a couple stress related issues, including a full on mental breakdown, and decided to look around to see if there was something wrong with me Moreso than just being dysphoric and having adhd.
I think...I think I might have BPD too. I just...on the one hand, I'd like to know if my mood swings, anger issues, fear of abandonment, and identity crisises have an explanation beyond just "I suck and I'm the worst." But at the same time...I don't know if I even should get diagnosed for anything.
If I want to medically transition, bam, mental health disqualification/stonewalling
If I want to immigrate, bam, disqualified
And what does that even mean for me ideologically? Adhd is one thing, but I know how people see people with BPD. And I mean, what if thats why I'm a communist? If I was normal would I be something else?
I hate it. I hate not knowing who I am. I like to think i make decisions logically. But I don't. I'm this fucking bundle of chemicals constantly ready to explode.
And then what about medication? If I do get diagnosed do I want to medicate myself? But that's going to change me. I don't want to be changed by pharmaceuticals. I don't even drink coffee because I don't like things fucking with the chemistry in my head. But it's for the best if I don't end up hurting myself and others, right? But this is me. This is all I've known. I can't conceptualize myself without my hyperactivity, my fear of abandonment, my identity issues. I don't want the bad parts of those, but I also want the good parts. If I get medicated then am I just going to be some guy? A guy who just goes to work, comes home, focuses on stuff and who's brain is quiet? That's a functional human being. Maybe that'd be a better person than what I am. But that's not me. I want to be me...
Healing is a long, lonely road; but better alone for a time, then well, than denial and irreparable schismed self and life. Best to you, my friend. 🫶🫂
If it helps, McKay et al's DBT workbook:
https://morethantherapy.org/assets/files/The-DBTTherapySkillsWorkbook.pdf
Communists don't have to be neurodivergent or neurotypical. Anyone can be a Communist as long as they have a grasp on the world. Medications will not necessarily hurt you or make you Capitalist. I've taken energy drinks, eaten coffee beans, taken all sorts of pills to help with stresses and I'm still here, Red as ever.
The important part is that you're still alive. Altho it is bravery that spreads the Communist movement, it is self-preservation that ensures one's survival, so they may one day be brave. Take care of yourself.
Humans are communal. Pack animals. So it feels so alienating to have traits people hate. That's probably why I became a communist too. And at times I feel like I'm trying to fight for people who hate me. Is that what I'm supposed to tell LGBT people at Burkina, for example? To fight for people who legally persecute them? It's the right call, the enemy is the west. But it's demoralizing when the good guys hate you, makes you feel like education and acceptance is a long ways away. I'm also trans and I think I have ADHD and BPD as well. And I'm never sure if I could even hold a job. Makes me feel I was born way too early, like I belong in the future. Maybe ask yourself, do you have friends here? Are you friends with those who similarly struggle with BPD? Perhaps you would never have met them if not for that. It's a fucked up thing to think about, oppression bringing people together who would otherwise never meet, whose reason for meeting is dependant on oppression that should never have happened. Like how many good people are descended from bad parents or from genociders. We're all byproducts of bad shit. But we're here, in this time and place. I'm happy I have my friends and can look at the world from the perspective of the "useless trash".
I'm not qualified to say whether you have BPD or much on what that would mean for you. I would just like to comment on this part:
In my experience, some of the people who are most insistent about being logical have some of the worst reasoning I ever hear. The point being that a lot of people are kind of full of it on the extent of their rationality (I mean among so-called neurotypical people). I don't really have the time right now to get into to the extent that I'd like, but I think there's a lot of confusion over what logical thinking and decision-making even means vs. emotional. Like math proof logic is certainly not what most people are doing most of the time, that's for sure. Some kind of informal reasoning mixed with emotional motives and layered with a system of beliefs is probably closer to what most people are operating on most of the time, no matter how they want to frame it to themselves or others. The reality is more messy than it's sometimes made out to be. People who have "disorders" are delineated by certain kinds of extremes, but that doesn't mean everybody "normal" is on one side of the fence and the people with "disorders" are on the other side. It's more a spectrum thing, as I understand it, and it takes a certain degree of extreme to be diagnosed with a disorder. And then at least in USian ways, to some extent it's simply bureaucracy like: "I will diagnose this person with X disorder because then I can justify to the insurance company treating them for something." That's not to say the person doing the diagnosing is trying to make it up, but they may be trying to justify the need for treatment and disorder designations are a way to justify.
This also isn't to say disorders aren't identifying real clusters of traits and behavior, but that the realities are more complicated than simple poles of have or don't have, and the motives surrounding what qualifies as a disorder are complicated in their own way too. Getting a diagnosis can be more about getting treatment than anything else. To what extent it matters practically speaking, can be more about whether the condition you have is debilitating and whether it is preventing you from making progress toward goals you have (which are presumed by the system to be pro-social ones for them to be valid, or at least what the status quo's idea of pro-social is).
I've spent a lot of time thinking in the same exact line. Long story short - would you say that a person that's hard of hearing is betraying their nature by wearing hearing aids? A poor sighted one by wearing glasses? Or a paraplegic, with prosthetics?
ADHD means your brains are probably both lacking and leaking neurotransmitters. Fixing that will make your life more manageable. On the off chance that you're lucky and meds are effective for you - absolutely give them an honest try.