It is impossible to wake up until you are fully rested, including by alarm, fire, or intruder.

But when you wake up, you're in a random spot in the wilderness. Every time.

You wake up with a severe headache everytime.

But you have to go through TSA every time

You can only teleport to random places

But you cannot tie knots anymore. Even worse - every knot you touch magically slips open. Be careful not to trip over your shoelaces!

Your cables break every 3 days

Every time you get an error it is unknown error

You can't use anything but maximum super strength, all the time.

but you have multiple personality disorder

You become god.

(Not oc, this is a known joke)

But you will only reply as your worst enemy would do.

... that then gets applied to everyone within 100 metres of you on top of yourself.

It gives one month of bad luck for each time used. If the power is activated to help others without benefit for yourself, then it’s sloppy good luck instead. You are fortunate in a tragic way.

The timer and type is reset each time power manifested

But you can only do so by singing, "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," as loudly as you can.

But you also shift into that humans or humanoids personality

You can now hardly remember anything else (as happened to me, my memory is full of Chinese vocab with no space for anything else).

You are now blind and deaf like Helen Keller. Good luck, she figured it out, you’ll be fine.

Terribly loud non-stop belching

Every time you switch you have to peel off a layer of dead skin line a cocoon.

... provided you are playing Uno and have a reverse card.

But they can't communicate with you

Everyone in your line of sight gets the full radioactive dosage

It cannot be regulated

In long-dead languages they can't understand

Instead you cannot stop staring at their boobs. And yes, that includes your family, bosses and so on.

you can only speak to them in languages they don’t understand.

It's good luck for the first half of your life, then its bad luck the second half

You can control only 1 at a time.

But of an unrelated universe...so schizophrenia with delusions of grandure lol

You have no choice but to see everything, wether you want to or not.

But only over dial-up.

But you are incredibly smart. BOOM GOTEM.

You end up with no superpowers at all

But you lose one of your socks every time you teleport and they're like really cool unique ones that only work as a pair. Heartbreaking.

Butt stuff is marginally less fun.

But you have to start at the beginning.

You have no inhibitive filter, and compulsively blurt out whatever you’re thinking, including whatever the person is thinking when you’re reading their mind.

But only bad music.

But each location has a specific song you must play on an Ocarina....

You don't get to choose the location, it's just a random place you've been before.

You make noise every time you walk

Uncontrollable and overwhelming diarrhea whenever you use any of the chosen superpowers, which is immune to any kinds of “and I’m immune to the side effect” types of loophole powers.

This one doesn't really need a monkey's paw curse since, as written, I'd argue you could only change it once anyway, then you'd be stuck with that power.

Only when jorkin it

But you can only use it at 0°N 0°E

But you cannot defy the laws of thermodynamics, so if you make anything colder, you need to absorb the energy to do so and vice versa. First time using this power and you accidentally made something too cold? Sounds like you just burned to death.

But you heat the random object in 100 metres from you

But you live in Afghanistan

but only anchovy and pineapple pizza

But you have to name it after the person you hate the most.

But what you want is to undo the redo of the side effect, thus creating Hubert's Paradox.

In the eyes of the universe, everything is simply an effect. There are no side-effects, so nothing you can redo despite having that ability.