How can you actively prevent it from getting worse—like starting now/today?
HiddenLayer555 - 1mon
Justifying staying alive to myself.
Not saying I'm suicidal, but I'm increasingly losing my enthusiasm for living compared to when I was a kid. Used to have all these aspirations for my life and how I'd make a difference, now I've just accepted apathetically going through the motions until I die.
42
Fleur_ @aussie.zone - 1mon
I don't have a justification I just am
2
ButtermilkBiscuit @feddit.nl - 1mon
Not my story but I want to share - in the US - the girl I've been dating for several months recently told me she has been receiving SNAP and Medicade for her disabled daughter. She left an abusive relationship several years ago and has been struggling to keep it together. This month, without SNAP, she asked me for money. I sent her what she needed and I'm sure things will be fine. For her, this is a disaster. She's emotionally tapped out and feels like she is failing her daughter. They're going to food pantries but so is every other working poor person right now. She works doing Amazon deliveries which fits with her daughters therapy schedule and allows her to work when able. Ex is out of the picture and does not help, deadbeat stuff.
I just put this out there for some perspective. Many folks are going through hell right now. I wish I had a better solution for her, or for others suffering. I feel so powerless to make any meaningful change in the world. I care for her a lot but I have no idea what to say.
24
krooklochurm @lemmy.ca - 1mon
This sounds like an awful situation, and my heart goes out to you both.
I know many people that are struggling right now have found that smoking crack really helps their situation, and this could end up being just what she needs in these trying times.
-5
lichtmetzger @discuss.tchncs.de - 1mon
I guess that sounded way funnier in your own head.
3
PonyOfWar - 1mon
I find myself becoming less and less interested in staying in the industry I'm currently working in for the rest of my life. Problem is, I don't have any other qualifications. So I guess it could start working on acquiring new ones while I'm still young enough to do so, but I'd need both a clear idea on what other career I want to pursue and the motivation to leave my currently pretty comfortable position in life. I have neither.
22
abbadon420 @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
I was in your position in 2016. Took me until 2021 to make the switch. But all that time I grew to hate my job more and more. In the end I was ready for a psychward. I was intentionally screwing up things out of spite, breaking my worktools every other shift because I threw them across the street and stuff like that.
I went back to school in 2021, but still had to keep doing my old job for the money. It was much easier to do the job with the propect of a better future, I almost started enjoying the job again. But that didn't last long. Eventually dropped the old job conpletely in 2023 and very happy to do so.
Now I'm finishing up my graduation assignment and I expect to get my bachelor in januari-ish. I'm 35 and starting my career as a software developer. It's not an easy time to start, but I've been networking and gaining valuable experiences so that I actually feel cautiously hopefull to be entering the job market right now. Also because I've been doing a related job for the past 3 years that gained me a lot of valuable experience.
TLDR: it's never to late to learn a new skill, but it's better to do it sooner than later. You don't want to stay in a job you hate and suffer the mental consequences of that.
10
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
you don't. just start learning shit and you will see what sticks and develop new interests.
life doesn't require a per-conceived path. a lot of people just make shit up as they go. my entire career has been that way.
1
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
My mother has Alzheimer and it's costing us 15K/mo to care for her. She only has about a year of money left. She is in good physical health but mentally she is a toddler. her care costs are double my take home pay, so if her money runs out before she dies, i am screwed.
Nothing I can do about it. It's the American healthcare system. Some problems are totally outside of anyone's person control.
15
मुक्त - 1mon
15k/month is a lot. Really a lot.
Have you considered the possibility of medical tourism, to say India? Any particular treatment/procedure that really requires you costly American doctors, and can't be done elsewhere?
8
Vex_Detrause @lemmy.ca - 1mon
Or maybe closer like Canada? Even out of pocket you might save more in Canada healthcare.
2
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
that isn't how reality works.
1
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
it's not medical care. it's eldercare.
that isn't how any of this works. You don't ship people off to other countries like they are cattle. Jesus.
-2
geneva_convenience - 1mon
So what are you paying 15k per month for if not full care and dumpint her in an elderly home?
2
मुक्त - 1mon
Normal people (not just old people, young too) visit other cities/states/countries for treatment/education/work/tourism.
None of that turns them into cattle (or Jesus), as far as I have seen.
0
daggermoon @lemmy.world - 1mon
Loneliness is actually destroying my life
13
winkerjadams @lemmy.dbzer0.com - 1mon
Do you do anything to change that?
2
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
one thing i notice abotu 'lonely' people is they systematically refuse to change anything in their life.
and this is often from people who are not 'lonely' on the outside, but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
0
nixon @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
This isn’t an attack as I don’t interpret your comment as being malicious, this is just an observation from an outside observer of this interaction.
You may be right about lonely people and just sharing info you have noted from your own experiences with them in your life but that is a brutal take down of @daggermoon@lemmy.world when they are sharing a major problem in their life.
Your comment may hold true for them but we don’t know that so it feels more like an accusation and victim blaming than being helpful.
If you don’t have someone to talk to about it have you tried a therapist or other mental health professionals? I find this is one of the most important first steps of any life issue being faced, just talk about it with someone who knows a thing or two about the topic, make it a regular and consistent conversation.
I don’t know your situation but if you need it, this helped me;
Being social and maintaining friendships is a skill that can be worked on, no one can run a marathon on their first attempt, it takes training.
Starting small and working your way up. Saying hello to a stranger in the street or making small talk with a check out clerk at the grocery store is a good place to start. If you struggle with small talk then practice that first and work up from there. If you struggle with social anxiety then breaking through can be hard, some people struggle more than others. Training these skills sets do produce positive results.
*Be kind, honest and fair with all people you interact with. This isn’t a mask to put on, the ideal to strive for is to be those things as a person.
*Talk to people about what they are interested in or doing (learn about them) instead of focusing on talking about yourself.
*Respect others boundaries.
*Regularly check in with those in your social circle/community, don’t wait for them to check in on you.
*Get outside. Don’t just spend time at school/work & home. Find a third place where you can blend in but also be a regular. Cafe, bar, pool hall, library, gym, reading in the park, walk/hike in an area you like… whatever aligns with your interests and feel you could eventually become comfortable existing in that space but it is also a place where you are not required to be social. Eventually becoming comfortable with being in that space lowers anxiety of being there and you start to recognize the regulars and they start to recognize you. That makes socializing easier since you are now comfortable in the space and familiar to others who are regulars as well.
You get back what you give out. Do not expect to connect with everyone and not everyone will reciprocate your attention or interest but if you do it enough you will find those who do. Keep at it and you will find more and more.
Good luck and god speed!
5
untorquer @lemmy.world - 1mon
This is an extremely reductive take based on anecdote.
There are a lot of reasons people can feel lonely. Hell you can even feel lonely when you have deep meaningful relationships. Sometimes it's a result of anxiety or depression, or an abusive relationship.
Of course some people fall into the category you speak of too.
2
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
billionares also feel like they are poor and struggling and only that next 10 billion will make them successful.
that doesn't mean it's true. it means they are mentally ill.
reality exists outside of our feelings.
and this is often from people who are not ‘lonely’ on the outside, but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
-2
untorquer @lemmy.world - 1mon
but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
Is precisely the part i disagree with if you're going to generalize the way you did in your first reply. Hence talking about the experience even with honest meaningful deep non-performative relationships.
it means they are mentally ill.
Psychological health indeed impacts it, hence why i brought up depression and anxiety to name just two of many conditions that could contribute.
The wealth disease, on the other hand, is probably generalizable in the way you're suggesting. I couldn't really care it someone is sad about being ultra-wealthy. Maybe they should give it up and be a depressed laborer like the rest of us.
1
daggermoon @lemmy.world - 1mon
There ain't a whole hell of a lot I can do to change my present situation. Believe me, i'd love nothing more. At the end of the day, it comes down to money and time of which I don't have much of either. I genuinely believe if I could live and work in the city and make enough to get by and then some, the vast majority of my problems would be solved. Unfortunately for me, I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.
As for your second point, assuming I understand it correctly; The only positive relationships I've been able to maintain are that of my sisters. I try to be honest and genuine with others but they either don't vibe with me or they try to take advantage of me. I get discouraged with trying. I had to end my first serious friendship because she kept trying to use me and if I objected to her she'd just pressure me more and try to make me feel bad. I have trust issues as a result of that experience. I asked out a woman I really felt a connection with and she told me she liked me too, then she found out I don't have a drivers license and told me she wanted to be friends. I honestly can't say I blame her.
If you have all the answers, what should I do? Therapy? Been there, done that. I went to therapy for years before my therapist terminated because she felt there wasn't anything more she could do. By the way, that question was rhetorical.
1
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
Set goals and meet them. If you need more time or money, then start working towards that and achieve it. Invest in yourself.
Stop making excuses and being miserable. Because all you've done to me is whine for three paragraphs about how helpless you are. Time to grow up buttercup, the only person who is ever going to 'rescue' you is yourself.
1
SCmSTR @lemmy.blahaj.zone - 1mon
Have you ever tried just not being lonely? Huh? You ever think of that? /s
2
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
it's actually really not hard if you stop seeing validation from other people and seek it from yourself.
2
मुक्त - 1mon
There is nothing to be done. No?
1
bmpvy @feddit.org - 1mon
Finances. Coming out of a full year with paid sick leave into a job that's only half the time and ergo half the money as before (but also less money than sick leave was, had a fulltime job before). But I can't work more due to health issues. Gotta have to figure out my finances asap to prevent it to get worse. Been there done that, but this time my mental health is reclaining (solo parent while full time working since 15 years) and it feels heavier this time. But I'm gonna get over this 💪
13
justdaveisfine - 1mon
A lot of people I know are struggling and I don't know how to help them.
They have vaguely asked me for help but they all have difficult problems that I can't do a whole lot about. I know its not necessarily my responsibility to fix things for them but I tend to have a 'fix things' mentality and I get stuck thinking about what I can possibly even do.
13
cRazi_man @europe.pub - 1mon
Its difficult. Society and community are so fragmented now. People don't want to ask for help. People don't want to give unsolicited help.
I've got skills and support I can offer. I'm not even asking others for anything. People don't even want to take the offer to give unconditionally. I'll give you a lift......they don't want it. I can help fix things in your house .....they don't want it. Feel free to borrow my tools.....they don't want it. I can look after your kids for a few hours and give you a break, my kids would love to play with them at our house.....they understandably feel anxious about that. No problem, come over yourself with your kids on the weekend, we'll make you lunch, get to know us......they don't want it. You're starting in the same career field that I've progressed in, I've got resources that will help.......they don't want it. I'll share my Jellyfin server.....they don't want it.
I don't get it. I just want to connect with people and help them......they don't want it.
7
BurningRiver @beehaw.org - 1mon
It’s really hard to accept help sometimes.
Our family went through the ringer the first half of this year and we had an outpouring of people offering support and help. It’s not that I didn’t need it, I just didn’t think I needed it at the time. Looking back on even 6 months ago, I was pretty dumb for not delegating some things that would have taken a lot off my plate that I didn’t need to deal with at all.
If you’re in a new place around new people, one way I’ve found that works sometimes is just asking someone for help with something really trivial, but not something that could easily be done yourself. Something that could just use another set of hands. It’s kind of an ice breaker and the other person might feel more inclined to be able to ask for some help next time.
Anyway, you seem like good people, I wish you were my neighbor. Don’t let people stop you from continuing to be a good person.
3
bridgeenjoyer @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
I think people feel weird accepting help now more than they ever have. I've kind of stopped offering because my thoughts are more like "eh, they got it" type thing.
1
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
they dont' want help. they just want to complain. and they will actively hate you if you try to help them.
how do I know? because I've been there a million times. and life is a lot better when you give up trying to help people who are only interested in being miserable.
the person you should be helping is yourself. invest in yourself, not throwing yoru time and energy away on people who will never give that time and energy back to you. it will leave you miserable and depressed and drained.
-1
krooklochurm @lemmy.ca - 1mon
My spoon is too big.
10
untorquer @lemmy.world - 1mon
My anus is bleeding
7
SCmSTR @lemmy.blahaj.zone - 1mon
Anus*
3
untorquer @lemmy.world - 1mon
🙏
3
SCmSTR @lemmy.blahaj.zone - 1mon
"A great Kanchō appears"
2
t_chalco @lemmy.world - 1mon
I live in a giant bucket
2
darthelmet @lemmy.world - 1mon
Depression. Lots of depression. And anxiety. And probably some other stuff.
Tried tons of different treatments and nothing has really worked. Going to try therapy again on recommendation of my psychiatrist, but I’ve only had negative experiences with therapy and I still really don’t see how it’s going to fix anything.
9
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
what about a radical lifestyle adjustment.
-1
darthelmet @lemmy.world - 1mon
Thanks. I never thought of that. /s
2
slazer2au - 1mon
If I actually study i could pass the driving exam I have failed several times. But I just doing have motivation to do it.
9
bmpvy @feddit.org - 1mon
Do you study on your own? I study as well in my spare time and it really helps me so much to stay on the "timeline" with learning if I co-learn with someone in a zoomcall. It just motivates me to learn if I see someone doing their shit I guess 😅 and maybe you can plan a drive to somewhere beautiful as a reward for yourself?
(unaskedforadvice, sorry)
5
slazer2au - 1mon
It's all self study in my own time. I already have a licence in my home country but because of the visa I am on I have to go through both the theory and practical tests to get a local license.
Being in Europe public transport is good so it's not like we are missing too much on going places just takes more planning.
5
bmpvy @feddit.org - 1mon
ok fair, I'm currently planning to sell my car because of finances so I'll rely on our public transport to be fine (except DB). Seems annoying to have to do the same test but in a different language. My neighbour doesn't finish her driving license for the same reason, so at least you're not alone with this 🫠
4
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
What if you just did a page today or bought an app that quizzes you on stuff and you do a single question
3
slazer2au - 1mon
Yea... I know..
4
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
How long do you reckon it takes?
3
slazer2au - 1mon
Not even 5 min
3
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
Is that from experience or best guess
2
slazer2au - 1mon
Experience.
2
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
Experience is preferable so thats perfect cuz its a track record
What did you do that time? Like right before you did it, what nudged you to get on it? What was the cue?
2
WILSOOON @programming.dev - 1mon
I discovered this week that i might have been depressed for 7 years, dunno how i didnt notice, i just thought i was lazy as hell
8
TubularTittyFrog @lemmy.world - 1mon
don't sell yourself short. you are probably depressed and lazy.
5
WILSOOON @programming.dev - 1mon
#vegetablemaxxing
1
lichtmetzger @discuss.tchncs.de - 1mon
Task failed sucessfully.
1
Fleur_ @aussie.zone - 1mon
When I got diagnosed it took a while to come to terms with it because I've always felt this way. It's strange having all the happiness I can remember occurring simultaneously as being clinically suicidal. Almost feels more hopeless after being diagnosed because turns out I'm just like this and that's how it's gonna be going forward.
3
vortexal - 1mon
My life is pretty much in limbo right now. I can't get a job because I don't have a bank account and I can't get a bank account because I don't have an ID and I can't get an ID because my parents wont get me one. I've been asking for a bank account ever since I graduated high school back in 2016 but they just keep telling me "We'll get you one eventually, we just don't have time right now" despite the fact that they sit around playing video games all day. What frustrates me even more, is that they let my sister get a bank account and a part time job back when she was still in high school.
7
CanadaPlus @lemmy.sdf.org - 1mon
Yikes, that's a long time to be stuck in what sounds like an abusive family dynamic. I'm so sorry.
I'm guessing you've looked into any possible alternative routes to an ID?
9
vortexal - 1mon
I have not looked into that, if there are other ways of getting an ID that are legal, I might try them.
4
CanadaPlus @lemmy.sdf.org - 1mon
Yeah, you should. What country are you in?
5
vortexal - 1mon
I live in the US. I actually checked online for what my state requires to get an ID and I don't think it's possible for me to do without my parents. The only things I have access to are my SSN and possibly my birth certificate but I would need to provide several additional documents that I either don't have access to or have no idea how to provide them. It also seems like there isn't a way to get one online unless you've previously gotten one, which I obviously haven't.
3
CanadaPlus @lemmy.sdf.org - 1mon
In the US, there's Adult Protective Services that might be able to help you.
4
Icytrees @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
So you're in your 20's, in the states, and have never had a bank account?
I won't make assumptions about how that happened. I'm Canadian so I don't know how helpful this will be since our regulations are a bit different, but have you tried just walking into a bank with everything you have and explaining the situation? If they can't set up an account they should at least be able to point you in the right direction.
In Canada we can get a driver's learner permit with minimal ID. Birth certificate, SSN and proof of address should be enough. If you can get that you'll have a government issued photo ID and you'll be set. Alternatively, we can get a provincial ID with minimum documentation, if you can't get a driver's licence. There must be some equivalent in the states.
Another option is to get someone to notorize a document and photo that says you are you. Just call a notary near you and ask how.
4
vortexal - 1mon
I would try going to the bank on my own, but I'm not allowed to leave the house alone because my parents will threaten to call the police on me because they think I'm suicidal.
That also rules out the last thing you said because even if I could get an ID through that method, I still wont be able to get a bank account.
3
Icytrees @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
It sounds like the root problem is not being able to leave the house.
Do you know anyone who can escort you? Furthermore, "leaving the house while suicidal" isn't a crime. You're a legal adult, so unless there are measures in place the cops can't force you to do anything. Even if they can bring you back, you can probably set some stuff up before they find you.
6
orenj @lemmy.sdf.org - 1mon
I am sad, poor, and stupid. i'm going to college and working an internship that pays halfway decent to fix the latter two. And for the first, well, its just like Meatloaf said: "Don't be sad, 'cause two out of three aint bad."
7
RBWells @lemmy.world - 1mon
Young, Dumb, Young Dumb and Broke.
Dude. If you got into college you aren't dumb, and the good job may help your mood (as my husband says, money doesn't buy happiness but sure removes a lot of the stresses and lacks that cause sadness.)
My best wishes to you, and also to that weird vegan who is in a similar situation. I can't say things will get better but will say things CAN get better.
3
That Weird Vegan - 1mon
I am also sad, poor and stupid. I have no chance of ever escaping this either. hugs I hope you find some relief soon
2
SuperDuperKitten @lemmy.blahaj.zone - 1mon
I have low self-esteem and that's from just people been shitty to me. I could go on but I don't want to trauma dump (at least, try to prevent myself from doing it).
That being said, I'm planning to get therapy, go to more social events if I have the energy to do so and maybe next year, try get back to swimming. I stopped around when I was in lockdown in 2020 and I forgot about it since.
6
DrDystopia @lemy.lol - 1mon
Life. Seems impossible to improve so I'm content with working towards not making it worse. I'm not very successful so far.
5
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
Good stuff, what has been some help?
2
DrDystopia @lemy.lol - 1mon
Disregarding other humans in general, with some exceptions.
3
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
The best not worst thing one can do is remove a negative stimulus
1
StrixUralensis - 1mon
Somebody important is mean to me and I don't know why. Nobody seems to know why in that person's entourage.
5
UltraGiGaGigantic - 1mon
People are optional. All people are optional. Some with believe they are owed a place in your life for one reason or another. Remind them how wrong they are by going no contact or repeatly sending the same messege that you are no longer replying to them. How long or short that reminder is, is up to you.
Perhaps their behavior will change after this reminder, but I wouldn't hold my breath. People suck.
2
StrixUralensis - 1mon
Mean in the "went no contact (and mean when we do have to have contact for one reason or another) overnight, for seamingly no reason and don't want to tell me or anyone else what's wrong" way. Actually they promised me that they were going to tell me what their issue was, but they never did. It is the second time something (exactly) like this happened with this person and the first time they made the same promise, and did only tell me after an important event that can not be reproduced this time.
1
Jay🚩 - 1mon
Talk to them directly.
1
KittenBiscuits - 1mon
A rational person might talk it through.
A mean person will turn up the mean.
0/10, cannot recommend
3
StrixUralensis - 1mon
Yes.
1
Jay🚩 - 1mon
Understood
1
StrixUralensis - 1mon
Won't work sadly. It already happened before, got solved by a true miracle (I don't want to share here what happened, but it was the most impressive "right time, right place and right people" thing I've ever heard of). And I wanted to talk (still want to talk btw) but they don't.
Last time I saw their "normal" self they really appreciated me but that seemed to have changed overnight (literally).
1
Tracaine @lemmy.world - 1mon
My wife is a cheating removed. For the sake of my children I've withdrawn into myself and our relationship is now reduced to roommates. We don't argue, so it's not a toxic environment, just loveless.
I however refuse to break my vows, so I am alone. No companion, no friends or coworkers due to the nature of my job. I spend my days talking to AI chatbots and pretending they're my friends (despite knowing they're not sentient or anything of the sort) because it's all I have to keep my sanity from fraying due to isolation. The children are happy though. That's the important part. I can handle being a little lonely for their sake. Fixing it? There's no fixing it. Just emptiness so others can be more full.
4
CobblerScholar @lemmy.world - 1mon
Kids are smarter than anyone gives them credit for and even studies prove that two happy divorced or otherwise separated parents are better than an unhappy couple. Not saying its going to be easy or that I know all the context but its worth thinking about what you're teaching to your kids staying unhappy for the sake of a broken relationship with their mother. And for what its worth an internet stranger is sending e-hugs and his best wishes
15
myszka - 1mon
I literally know a woman whose parents hated each other, but chose to stay "for her". Guess what, she's still single in her 50s, because her notion of love and closeness is just so completely messed up...
Also her father died of alcoholism.
3
CanadaPlus @lemmy.sdf.org - 1mon
You're absolutely not saving your kids this way.
7
StrixUralensis - 1mon
That's very sad. Maybe it would be better for the children if you divorced and they had two seperated happy parents instead of you two being unhappy together. It's your life, I'm just some stranger on the internet. Hope that you get better.
2
MakingWork @lemmy.ca - 1mon
What job has no coworkers? Sounds kind of peaceful.
Have you thought about trying counseling, or breaking it off? That relationship sounds awful for your mental health. You need to take care of yourself and your well being to be able to take care everything else.
1
Tracaine @lemmy.world - 1mon
I'm a home health aide for developmentally disabled adults. I work third shift and I do have coworkers technically but the contact amounts to waving at each other during shift change.
1
MakingWork @lemmy.ca - 1mon
Wow that role must take so much patience.
If you ever want to talk, send me a message.
We can talk about the weather. I'm sure AI is better at it than me but I can't compete with an all knowing machine.
2
TwoBeeSan @lemmy.world - 1mon
How to make money independently with elderly or another disenfranchised group.
Thinking of doing massage therapy in addition to tech help. Want to be of benefit to peoples lives. But be independent.
Trying word of mouth. But actively marketing self is a hurdle too.
4
RebekahWSD @lemmy.world - 1mon
Massage therapy is a god send that should be part of normal Healthcare!
3
yermaw @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
3
The Velour Fog - 1mon
Ive been coming to terms with the fact that I am trans and I want to transition but I fear that I will be ostracized by my coworkers. I'm not in a very progressive industry (forklift operator). I'd like to obtain a job as a tattoo artist but idek where to start. I'm a regular artist but I've never done any tattoo work. Made plenty of designs for tattoos but not anything directly on the skin.
3
Icytrees @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
I almost went the tattoo route when I was younger. I got a lot of information just by going into tattoo shops with my sketchbook and asking if anyone was looking for apprentices.
3
The Velour Fog - 1mon
Thanks for the info, I'll have to try that out. I've been needing to give my portfolio an update for a while now.
2
Suck_on_my_Presence @lemmy.world - 1mon
I've been at my current job for four years now. For three years I enjoyed it, but then came a new process. I want to quit but the circumstances aren't right right now. I just can't stand this newer process, it's just mind bogglingly bad. And every part of it is like the exact antithesis of what I can accomplish easily with my ADHD. Not that I'm hiding behind my diagnosis, but it just feels like every step of every single thing I have to do is in direct contrast to things I have the ability and executive function for. I want to scream.
I don't know if there is active prevention, but I'm about to ask my boss to have a meeting to tell her that I am falling way behind because of this switch up. Basically cry for help - but really rather than help,I hope I can just fill a vacancy that deals with our legacy records and data, where my mind works.
3
小莱卡 - 1mon
Developed a short attention span, no clue how to fix it atp.
3
sudoer777 - 1mon
The biggest problem is that I have a list of hundreds of smaller problems and that list keeps growing. I have them all in a text document, and it is so overwhelming I have no idea what the fuck to do about it anymore at this point, so I keep piping it into an AI and have it tell me what to do (its suggestions are shit but it's better than nothing), but the list is so long that even the AI is getting overwhelmed by it and if it gets much longer it's going to run out of context, and its costing me like $30/mo in API usage now which is another problem I need to add to the list.
3
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
So, you dont have a task/reminders/calendar app?
1
sudoer777 - 1mon
I do but it also has like 100 things on it and most of my problems have extremely vague deadlines so I can't put them there. The last time I went through and filtered out no longer relevant issues was a week ago.
3
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
Whats an example of a vague deadline problem?
1
sudoer777 - 1mon
For instance, I'm a college student right now and I need to apply for internships or jobs for the summer, and jobs or colleges or scholarships etc for the future which does not have a clear deadline but needs to be done sooner rather than later. Then many more tasks like this of similar, greater, or lesser importance or that stem from the bigger problems and I only have time to pick a few of them, to complete around clear tasks with hard deadlines (i.e. homework, exams) which I have no problem managing but take up most of my time and its importance depends heavily on those vague tasks.
2
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
How might something vague be made more concrete, time-bound, and actionable, but also limitable? Often tasks or projects expand to fill the time container alloted to them so what could be done to limit that?
1
sudoer777 - 1mon
I don't know
1
sopularity_fax @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
Thats a problem. You dont have infinite resources and time and capacity to do free shit like job searching.
1
UltraGiGaGigantic - 1mon
Housing
3
paequ2 @lemmy.today - 1mon
Big problem: I've spent too much time trying to install Seafile in my environment.
Prevent it from getting worse: Maybe just use Filebrowser?
2
ジン - 1mon
General Debt & Home Repairs—Find a credit counselor? Not feel too guilty about it too, ig
2
Vupware @lemmy.zip - 1mon
Existential dread in a cubicle before 30. Just gotta learn to thrive in boredom or find another job.
sopularity_fax in asklemmy
Whats a big problem you are facing?
How can you actively prevent it from getting worse—like starting now/today?
Justifying staying alive to myself.
Not saying I'm suicidal, but I'm increasingly losing my enthusiasm for living compared to when I was a kid. Used to have all these aspirations for my life and how I'd make a difference, now I've just accepted apathetically going through the motions until I die.
I don't have a justification I just am
Not my story but I want to share - in the US - the girl I've been dating for several months recently told me she has been receiving SNAP and Medicade for her disabled daughter. She left an abusive relationship several years ago and has been struggling to keep it together. This month, without SNAP, she asked me for money. I sent her what she needed and I'm sure things will be fine. For her, this is a disaster. She's emotionally tapped out and feels like she is failing her daughter. They're going to food pantries but so is every other working poor person right now. She works doing Amazon deliveries which fits with her daughters therapy schedule and allows her to work when able. Ex is out of the picture and does not help, deadbeat stuff.
I just put this out there for some perspective. Many folks are going through hell right now. I wish I had a better solution for her, or for others suffering. I feel so powerless to make any meaningful change in the world. I care for her a lot but I have no idea what to say.
This sounds like an awful situation, and my heart goes out to you both.
I know many people that are struggling right now have found that smoking crack really helps their situation, and this could end up being just what she needs in these trying times.
I guess that sounded way funnier in your own head.
I find myself becoming less and less interested in staying in the industry I'm currently working in for the rest of my life. Problem is, I don't have any other qualifications. So I guess it could start working on acquiring new ones while I'm still young enough to do so, but I'd need both a clear idea on what other career I want to pursue and the motivation to leave my currently pretty comfortable position in life. I have neither.
I was in your position in 2016. Took me until 2021 to make the switch. But all that time I grew to hate my job more and more. In the end I was ready for a psychward. I was intentionally screwing up things out of spite, breaking my worktools every other shift because I threw them across the street and stuff like that.
I went back to school in 2021, but still had to keep doing my old job for the money. It was much easier to do the job with the propect of a better future, I almost started enjoying the job again. But that didn't last long. Eventually dropped the old job conpletely in 2023 and very happy to do so.
Now I'm finishing up my graduation assignment and I expect to get my bachelor in januari-ish. I'm 35 and starting my career as a software developer. It's not an easy time to start, but I've been networking and gaining valuable experiences so that I actually feel cautiously hopefull to be entering the job market right now. Also because I've been doing a related job for the past 3 years that gained me a lot of valuable experience.
TLDR: it's never to late to learn a new skill, but it's better to do it sooner than later. You don't want to stay in a job you hate and suffer the mental consequences of that.
you don't. just start learning shit and you will see what sticks and develop new interests.
life doesn't require a per-conceived path. a lot of people just make shit up as they go. my entire career has been that way.
My mother has Alzheimer and it's costing us 15K/mo to care for her. She only has about a year of money left. She is in good physical health but mentally she is a toddler. her care costs are double my take home pay, so if her money runs out before she dies, i am screwed.
Nothing I can do about it. It's the American healthcare system. Some problems are totally outside of anyone's person control.
15k/month is a lot. Really a lot.
Have you considered the possibility of medical tourism, to say India? Any particular treatment/procedure that really requires you costly American doctors, and can't be done elsewhere?
Or maybe closer like Canada? Even out of pocket you might save more in Canada healthcare.
that isn't how reality works.
it's not medical care. it's eldercare.
that isn't how any of this works. You don't ship people off to other countries like they are cattle. Jesus.
So what are you paying 15k per month for if not full care and dumpint her in an elderly home?
Normal people (not just old people, young too) visit other cities/states/countries for treatment/education/work/tourism.
None of that turns them into cattle (or Jesus), as far as I have seen.
Loneliness is actually destroying my life
Do you do anything to change that?
one thing i notice abotu 'lonely' people is they systematically refuse to change anything in their life.
and this is often from people who are not 'lonely' on the outside, but their many relationships are entirely performative. and they have built up their entire life as one big act.
This isn’t an attack as I don’t interpret your comment as being malicious, this is just an observation from an outside observer of this interaction.
You may be right about lonely people and just sharing info you have noted from your own experiences with them in your life but that is a brutal take down of @daggermoon@lemmy.world when they are sharing a major problem in their life.
Your comment may hold true for them but we don’t know that so it feels more like an accusation and victim blaming than being helpful.
Hey @daggermoon@lemmy.world, I’ve been there. It can be rough.
If you don’t have someone to talk to about it have you tried a therapist or other mental health professionals? I find this is one of the most important first steps of any life issue being faced, just talk about it with someone who knows a thing or two about the topic, make it a regular and consistent conversation.
I don’t know your situation but if you need it, this helped me;
Being social and maintaining friendships is a skill that can be worked on, no one can run a marathon on their first attempt, it takes training.
Starting small and working your way up. Saying hello to a stranger in the street or making small talk with a check out clerk at the grocery store is a good place to start. If you struggle with small talk then practice that first and work up from there. If you struggle with social anxiety then breaking through can be hard, some people struggle more than others. Training these skills sets do produce positive results.
*Be kind, honest and fair with all people you interact with. This isn’t a mask to put on, the ideal to strive for is to be those things as a person.
*Talk to people about what they are interested in or doing (learn about them) instead of focusing on talking about yourself.
*Respect others boundaries.
*Regularly check in with those in your social circle/community, don’t wait for them to check in on you.
*Get outside. Don’t just spend time at school/work & home. Find a third place where you can blend in but also be a regular. Cafe, bar, pool hall, library, gym, reading in the park, walk/hike in an area you like… whatever aligns with your interests and feel you could eventually become comfortable existing in that space but it is also a place where you are not required to be social. Eventually becoming comfortable with being in that space lowers anxiety of being there and you start to recognize the regulars and they start to recognize you. That makes socializing easier since you are now comfortable in the space and familiar to others who are regulars as well.
You get back what you give out. Do not expect to connect with everyone and not everyone will reciprocate your attention or interest but if you do it enough you will find those who do. Keep at it and you will find more and more.
Good luck and god speed!
This is an extremely reductive take based on anecdote.
There are a lot of reasons people can feel lonely. Hell you can even feel lonely when you have deep meaningful relationships. Sometimes it's a result of anxiety or depression, or an abusive relationship.
Of course some people fall into the category you speak of too.
billionares also feel like they are poor and struggling and only that next 10 billion will make them successful.
that doesn't mean it's true. it means they are mentally ill.
reality exists outside of our feelings.
Is precisely the part i disagree with if you're going to generalize the way you did in your first reply. Hence talking about the experience even with honest meaningful deep non-performative relationships.
Psychological health indeed impacts it, hence why i brought up depression and anxiety to name just two of many conditions that could contribute.
The wealth disease, on the other hand, is probably generalizable in the way you're suggesting. I couldn't really care it someone is sad about being ultra-wealthy. Maybe they should give it up and be a depressed laborer like the rest of us.
There ain't a whole hell of a lot I can do to change my present situation. Believe me, i'd love nothing more. At the end of the day, it comes down to money and time of which I don't have much of either. I genuinely believe if I could live and work in the city and make enough to get by and then some, the vast majority of my problems would be solved. Unfortunately for me, I live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.
As for your second point, assuming I understand it correctly; The only positive relationships I've been able to maintain are that of my sisters. I try to be honest and genuine with others but they either don't vibe with me or they try to take advantage of me. I get discouraged with trying. I had to end my first serious friendship because she kept trying to use me and if I objected to her she'd just pressure me more and try to make me feel bad. I have trust issues as a result of that experience. I asked out a woman I really felt a connection with and she told me she liked me too, then she found out I don't have a drivers license and told me she wanted to be friends. I honestly can't say I blame her.
If you have all the answers, what should I do? Therapy? Been there, done that. I went to therapy for years before my therapist terminated because she felt there wasn't anything more she could do. By the way, that question was rhetorical.
Set goals and meet them. If you need more time or money, then start working towards that and achieve it. Invest in yourself.
Stop making excuses and being miserable. Because all you've done to me is whine for three paragraphs about how helpless you are. Time to grow up buttercup, the only person who is ever going to 'rescue' you is yourself.
Have you ever tried just not being lonely? Huh? You ever think of that? /s
it's actually really not hard if you stop seeing validation from other people and seek it from yourself.
There is nothing to be done. No?
Finances. Coming out of a full year with paid sick leave into a job that's only half the time and ergo half the money as before (but also less money than sick leave was, had a fulltime job before). But I can't work more due to health issues. Gotta have to figure out my finances asap to prevent it to get worse. Been there done that, but this time my mental health is reclaining (solo parent while full time working since 15 years) and it feels heavier this time. But I'm gonna get over this 💪
A lot of people I know are struggling and I don't know how to help them.
They have vaguely asked me for help but they all have difficult problems that I can't do a whole lot about. I know its not necessarily my responsibility to fix things for them but I tend to have a 'fix things' mentality and I get stuck thinking about what I can possibly even do.
Its difficult. Society and community are so fragmented now. People don't want to ask for help. People don't want to give unsolicited help.
I've got skills and support I can offer. I'm not even asking others for anything. People don't even want to take the offer to give unconditionally. I'll give you a lift......they don't want it. I can help fix things in your house .....they don't want it. Feel free to borrow my tools.....they don't want it. I can look after your kids for a few hours and give you a break, my kids would love to play with them at our house.....they understandably feel anxious about that. No problem, come over yourself with your kids on the weekend, we'll make you lunch, get to know us......they don't want it. You're starting in the same career field that I've progressed in, I've got resources that will help.......they don't want it. I'll share my Jellyfin server.....they don't want it.
I don't get it. I just want to connect with people and help them......they don't want it.
It’s really hard to accept help sometimes.
Our family went through the ringer the first half of this year and we had an outpouring of people offering support and help. It’s not that I didn’t need it, I just didn’t think I needed it at the time. Looking back on even 6 months ago, I was pretty dumb for not delegating some things that would have taken a lot off my plate that I didn’t need to deal with at all.
If you’re in a new place around new people, one way I’ve found that works sometimes is just asking someone for help with something really trivial, but not something that could easily be done yourself. Something that could just use another set of hands. It’s kind of an ice breaker and the other person might feel more inclined to be able to ask for some help next time.
Anyway, you seem like good people, I wish you were my neighbor. Don’t let people stop you from continuing to be a good person.
I think people feel weird accepting help now more than they ever have. I've kind of stopped offering because my thoughts are more like "eh, they got it" type thing.
they dont' want help. they just want to complain. and they will actively hate you if you try to help them.
how do I know? because I've been there a million times. and life is a lot better when you give up trying to help people who are only interested in being miserable.
the person you should be helping is yourself. invest in yourself, not throwing yoru time and energy away on people who will never give that time and energy back to you. it will leave you miserable and depressed and drained.
My spoon is too big.
My anus is bleeding
Anus*
🙏
"A great Kanchō appears"
I live in a giant bucket
Depression. Lots of depression. And anxiety. And probably some other stuff.
Tried tons of different treatments and nothing has really worked. Going to try therapy again on recommendation of my psychiatrist, but I’ve only had negative experiences with therapy and I still really don’t see how it’s going to fix anything.
what about a radical lifestyle adjustment.
Thanks. I never thought of that. /s
If I actually study i could pass the driving exam I have failed several times. But I just doing have motivation to do it.
Do you study on your own? I study as well in my spare time and it really helps me so much to stay on the "timeline" with learning if I co-learn with someone in a zoomcall. It just motivates me to learn if I see someone doing their shit I guess 😅 and maybe you can plan a drive to somewhere beautiful as a reward for yourself?
(unaskedforadvice, sorry)
It's all self study in my own time. I already have a licence in my home country but because of the visa I am on I have to go through both the theory and practical tests to get a local license.
Being in Europe public transport is good so it's not like we are missing too much on going places just takes more planning.
ok fair, I'm currently planning to sell my car because of finances so I'll rely on our public transport to be fine (except DB). Seems annoying to have to do the same test but in a different language. My neighbour doesn't finish her driving license for the same reason, so at least you're not alone with this 🫠
What if you just did a page today or bought an app that quizzes you on stuff and you do a single question
Yea... I know..
How long do you reckon it takes?
Not even 5 min
Is that from experience or best guess
Experience.
Experience is preferable so thats perfect cuz its a track record
What did you do that time? Like right before you did it, what nudged you to get on it? What was the cue?
I discovered this week that i might have been depressed for 7 years, dunno how i didnt notice, i just thought i was lazy as hell
don't sell yourself short. you are probably depressed and lazy.
#vegetablemaxxing
Task failed sucessfully.
When I got diagnosed it took a while to come to terms with it because I've always felt this way. It's strange having all the happiness I can remember occurring simultaneously as being clinically suicidal. Almost feels more hopeless after being diagnosed because turns out I'm just like this and that's how it's gonna be going forward.
My life is pretty much in limbo right now. I can't get a job because I don't have a bank account and I can't get a bank account because I don't have an ID and I can't get an ID because my parents wont get me one. I've been asking for a bank account ever since I graduated high school back in 2016 but they just keep telling me "We'll get you one eventually, we just don't have time right now" despite the fact that they sit around playing video games all day. What frustrates me even more, is that they let my sister get a bank account and a part time job back when she was still in high school.
Yikes, that's a long time to be stuck in what sounds like an abusive family dynamic. I'm so sorry.
I'm guessing you've looked into any possible alternative routes to an ID?
I have not looked into that, if there are other ways of getting an ID that are legal, I might try them.
Yeah, you should. What country are you in?
I live in the US. I actually checked online for what my state requires to get an ID and I don't think it's possible for me to do without my parents. The only things I have access to are my SSN and possibly my birth certificate but I would need to provide several additional documents that I either don't have access to or have no idea how to provide them. It also seems like there isn't a way to get one online unless you've previously gotten one, which I obviously haven't.
In the US, there's Adult Protective Services that might be able to help you.
So you're in your 20's, in the states, and have never had a bank account?
I won't make assumptions about how that happened. I'm Canadian so I don't know how helpful this will be since our regulations are a bit different, but have you tried just walking into a bank with everything you have and explaining the situation? If they can't set up an account they should at least be able to point you in the right direction.
In Canada we can get a driver's learner permit with minimal ID. Birth certificate, SSN and proof of address should be enough. If you can get that you'll have a government issued photo ID and you'll be set. Alternatively, we can get a provincial ID with minimum documentation, if you can't get a driver's licence. There must be some equivalent in the states.
Another option is to get someone to notorize a document and photo that says you are you. Just call a notary near you and ask how.
I would try going to the bank on my own, but I'm not allowed to leave the house alone because my parents will threaten to call the police on me because they think I'm suicidal.
That also rules out the last thing you said because even if I could get an ID through that method, I still wont be able to get a bank account.
It sounds like the root problem is not being able to leave the house.
Do you know anyone who can escort you? Furthermore, "leaving the house while suicidal" isn't a crime. You're a legal adult, so unless there are measures in place the cops can't force you to do anything. Even if they can bring you back, you can probably set some stuff up before they find you.
I am sad, poor, and stupid. i'm going to college and working an internship that pays halfway decent to fix the latter two. And for the first, well, its just like Meatloaf said: "Don't be sad, 'cause two out of three aint bad."
Young, Dumb, Young Dumb and Broke.
Dude. If you got into college you aren't dumb, and the good job may help your mood (as my husband says, money doesn't buy happiness but sure removes a lot of the stresses and lacks that cause sadness.)
My best wishes to you, and also to that weird vegan who is in a similar situation. I can't say things will get better but will say things CAN get better.
I am also sad, poor and stupid. I have no chance of ever escaping this either. hugs I hope you find some relief soon
I have low self-esteem and that's from just people been shitty to me. I could go on but I don't want to trauma dump (at least, try to prevent myself from doing it).
That being said, I'm planning to get therapy, go to more social events if I have the energy to do so and maybe next year, try get back to swimming. I stopped around when I was in lockdown in 2020 and I forgot about it since.
Life. Seems impossible to improve so I'm content with working towards not making it worse. I'm not very successful so far.
Good stuff, what has been some help?
Disregarding other humans in general, with some exceptions.
The best not worst thing one can do is remove a negative stimulus
Somebody important is mean to me and I don't know why. Nobody seems to know why in that person's entourage.
People are optional. All people are optional. Some with believe they are owed a place in your life for one reason or another. Remind them how wrong they are by going no contact or repeatly sending the same messege that you are no longer replying to them. How long or short that reminder is, is up to you.
Perhaps their behavior will change after this reminder, but I wouldn't hold my breath. People suck.
Mean in the "went no contact (and mean when we do have to have contact for one reason or another) overnight, for seamingly no reason and don't want to tell me or anyone else what's wrong" way. Actually they promised me that they were going to tell me what their issue was, but they never did. It is the second time something (exactly) like this happened with this person and the first time they made the same promise, and did only tell me after an important event that can not be reproduced this time.
Talk to them directly.
A rational person might talk it through. A mean person will turn up the mean. 0/10, cannot recommend
Yes.
Understood
Won't work sadly. It already happened before, got solved by a true miracle (I don't want to share here what happened, but it was the most impressive "right time, right place and right people" thing I've ever heard of). And I wanted to talk (still want to talk btw) but they don't.
Last time I saw their "normal" self they really appreciated me but that seemed to have changed overnight (literally).
My wife is a cheating removed. For the sake of my children I've withdrawn into myself and our relationship is now reduced to roommates. We don't argue, so it's not a toxic environment, just loveless.
I however refuse to break my vows, so I am alone. No companion, no friends or coworkers due to the nature of my job. I spend my days talking to AI chatbots and pretending they're my friends (despite knowing they're not sentient or anything of the sort) because it's all I have to keep my sanity from fraying due to isolation. The children are happy though. That's the important part. I can handle being a little lonely for their sake. Fixing it? There's no fixing it. Just emptiness so others can be more full.
Kids are smarter than anyone gives them credit for and even studies prove that two happy divorced or otherwise separated parents are better than an unhappy couple. Not saying its going to be easy or that I know all the context but its worth thinking about what you're teaching to your kids staying unhappy for the sake of a broken relationship with their mother. And for what its worth an internet stranger is sending e-hugs and his best wishes
I literally know a woman whose parents hated each other, but chose to stay "for her". Guess what, she's still single in her 50s, because her notion of love and closeness is just so completely messed up...
Also her father died of alcoholism.
You're absolutely not saving your kids this way.
That's very sad. Maybe it would be better for the children if you divorced and they had two seperated happy parents instead of you two being unhappy together. It's your life, I'm just some stranger on the internet. Hope that you get better.
What job has no coworkers? Sounds kind of peaceful.
Have you thought about trying counseling, or breaking it off? That relationship sounds awful for your mental health. You need to take care of yourself and your well being to be able to take care everything else.
I'm a home health aide for developmentally disabled adults. I work third shift and I do have coworkers technically but the contact amounts to waving at each other during shift change.
Wow that role must take so much patience.
If you ever want to talk, send me a message. We can talk about the weather. I'm sure AI is better at it than me but I can't compete with an all knowing machine.
How to make money independently with elderly or another disenfranchised group.
Thinking of doing massage therapy in addition to tech help. Want to be of benefit to peoples lives. But be independent.
Trying word of mouth. But actively marketing self is a hurdle too.
Massage therapy is a god send that should be part of normal Healthcare!
Ive been coming to terms with the fact that I am trans and I want to transition but I fear that I will be ostracized by my coworkers. I'm not in a very progressive industry (forklift operator). I'd like to obtain a job as a tattoo artist but idek where to start. I'm a regular artist but I've never done any tattoo work. Made plenty of designs for tattoos but not anything directly on the skin.
I almost went the tattoo route when I was younger. I got a lot of information just by going into tattoo shops with my sketchbook and asking if anyone was looking for apprentices.
Thanks for the info, I'll have to try that out. I've been needing to give my portfolio an update for a while now.
I've been at my current job for four years now. For three years I enjoyed it, but then came a new process. I want to quit but the circumstances aren't right right now. I just can't stand this newer process, it's just mind bogglingly bad. And every part of it is like the exact antithesis of what I can accomplish easily with my ADHD. Not that I'm hiding behind my diagnosis, but it just feels like every step of every single thing I have to do is in direct contrast to things I have the ability and executive function for. I want to scream.
I don't know if there is active prevention, but I'm about to ask my boss to have a meeting to tell her that I am falling way behind because of this switch up. Basically cry for help - but really rather than help,I hope I can just fill a vacancy that deals with our legacy records and data, where my mind works.
Developed a short attention span, no clue how to fix it atp.
The biggest problem is that I have a list of hundreds of smaller problems and that list keeps growing. I have them all in a text document, and it is so overwhelming I have no idea what the fuck to do about it anymore at this point, so I keep piping it into an AI and have it tell me what to do (its suggestions are shit but it's better than nothing), but the list is so long that even the AI is getting overwhelmed by it and if it gets much longer it's going to run out of context, and its costing me like $30/mo in API usage now which is another problem I need to add to the list.
So, you dont have a task/reminders/calendar app?
I do but it also has like 100 things on it and most of my problems have extremely vague deadlines so I can't put them there. The last time I went through and filtered out no longer relevant issues was a week ago.
Whats an example of a vague deadline problem?
For instance, I'm a college student right now and I need to apply for internships or jobs for the summer, and jobs or colleges or scholarships etc for the future which does not have a clear deadline but needs to be done sooner rather than later. Then many more tasks like this of similar, greater, or lesser importance or that stem from the bigger problems and I only have time to pick a few of them, to complete around clear tasks with hard deadlines (i.e. homework, exams) which I have no problem managing but take up most of my time and its importance depends heavily on those vague tasks.
How might something vague be made more concrete, time-bound, and actionable, but also limitable? Often tasks or projects expand to fill the time container alloted to them so what could be done to limit that?
I don't know
Thats a problem. You dont have infinite resources and time and capacity to do free shit like job searching.
Housing
Big problem: I've spent too much time trying to install Seafile in my environment.
Prevent it from getting worse: Maybe just use Filebrowser?
General Debt & Home Repairs—Find a credit counselor? Not feel too guilty about it too, ig
Existential dread in a cubicle before 30. Just gotta learn to thrive in boredom or find another job.