Unlimited budget? My tactical umbrella is capable of generating 5MW of electricity from cold nuclear fusion.
42
antrosapien - 2mon
Then you will need a secondary umbrella for primary, watsr and electricity go boom boom together
4
extremeboredom @lemmy.world - 2mon
Thankfully, being shaped like an umbrella, the design already accounts for this by directing rain away from the power output located at the base of the handle. It's Type C!
With my unlimited budget, I have also funded research to increase the official USB-C PD spec to a frankly irresponsible five megawatts of energy throughput.
6
Tolookah @discuss.tchncs.de - 1mon
The clearance you need for 1 Megavolt means that you need something like 45ft between your terminals to avoid arcing. I suggest a slightly higher than 5A limit on your new USB spec
9
extremeboredom @lemmy.world - 1mon
This has me cackling thanks
3
Damage @feddit.it - 2mon
Ok, but can you hold it above your head?
2
actionjbone @sh.itjust.works - 2mon
Why wouldn't they be able to? It's an umbrella.
5
extremeboredom @lemmy.world - 2mon
To be fair, since it is also a 5MW cold fusion reactor, it is also rather heavy, so one does need to be stronger than the average person. It's the ONLY downside to this innovative product. It even folds!
2
actionjbone @sh.itjust.works - 2mon
I assumed that you wouldn't ask for an umbrella that you, yourself, would be unable to carry.
2
extremeboredom @lemmy.world - 1mon
Now that just seems a bit unrealistic, doesn't it? Everyone knows nuclear reactors are quite heavy. Let's not stoop to silliness.
4
actionjbone @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
What are you talking about? I don't know they are quite heavy, so that means everyone doesn't.
4
extremeboredom @lemmy.world - 1mon
You're right, I'm sorry.
My design is flawless otherwise though right??
3
First_Thunder @lemmy.zip - 2mon
Serves as a shield against small calibre bullets. Is able to accurately fire sniper rounds
40
Truscape - 2mon
Kingsman enjoyer?
27
Zahille7 @lemmy.world - 2mon
I mean I was basically gonna comment the Kingsman umbrella lol. It just makes sense. They got guns, bulletproof, video screens, they're strong as hell, and don't they have swords in them too?
11
Evil_Shrubbery @thelemmy.club - 2mon
1
Tactical hand-free design is essential.
2
The top part detaches and is a drone.
36
felsiq - 1mon
I’d put the unlimited budget to work miniaturizing a drone fleet powerful enough to maintain position / reliably follow the user thru storm winds that hold a large umbrella-style cover over you.
I never use umbrellas cuz I feel like they’re annoying to carry and you still get wet, but if it just reliably kept me dry with no extra work on my part I’d be more interested.
13
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 1mon
the song "jesus walks" has to play full volume fron the drone speakers when this happens
1
Quicky - 2mon
Never folds the wrong way or moves unpredictably during strong winds.
13
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
Let's air pass through, but only one-way? Could potentially use it to Mary Poppins out of a situation
8
Zombiepirate @lemmy.world - 2mon
Thermal mask against FPV drones.
And a cool sword, that'd be sick.
12
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
To fight off said drones, no doubt
4
Remy Rose - 2mon
It's absolutely bananas that this would come up now, because I'm almost finished designing one in FreeCAD lol. Is it in the zeitgeist right now or something? Is it because the most recent No Kings had a yellow umbrella theme?
Mind you, I'm very untalented at CAD, just doing it for funsies and to learn the Assembly workbench. I will upload it to ManyFold when it's done and tested though if anyone's interested.
I'm hoping it'll be sturdy enough to survive blunt impacts, and able to slow down some weaker munitions, but it's gonna be on the heavy side. Expecting it to cost roughly $100 worth of parts. You could definitely build it WAY cheaper but I'm going all high quality.
11
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 1mon
Dunno, umbrellas just popped into my head -- probably to do with the rain we have here
Have fun with the modelling!
2
Remy Rose - 1mon
Thanks!! It's rainy here too lol
2
Zak @lemmy.world - 2mon
If you did it today, it wouldn't be the first. Here are some:
The Unbreakable Umbrella is the first one I can recall hearing of. It's heavy (775g) and made of a composite material the manufacturer claims is good for hitting people.
Security Umbrella is another umbrella marketed as suitable for hitting people.
"Bulgarian umbrellas" are poison pellet guns built into umbrellas, intended for murder.
Windlass Steelcrafts sells an umbrella which conceals a rapier. There appear to be several similar products from other companies.
10
ICCrawler @lemmy.world - 2mon
"Stunbrella" is great. Top name. Slap a flashlight in the bottom of the handle, which can also be unscrewed off to unsheath a tanto-knife styled blade for piercing and prying (the flashlight end would essentially be the handle/pommel of this knife.)
3
agent_nycto @lemmy.world - 1mon
Found OP
10
ashenone - 2mon
Its a Mary Poppins umbrella that floats you gently to the ground. And a laser shoots from the top.
10
SmoothIsFast @lemmy.world - 2mon
Wouldn't you want the lasers to shoot from the sides? How likely is there to be an enemy above you as you float to the ground?
4
Truscape - 1mon
Ergonomically, it makes more sense to hold it like a rifle when it's folded.
2
SmoothIsFast @lemmy.world - 1mon
Yeah, but then you'd plummet to the ground...
1
Tracaine @lemmy.world - 2mon
Integrated fleshlight in the handle. Screen on the underside of the umbrella for videos. Bullet resistant outer shell that expands into a small tent.
8
cRazi_man @europe.pub - 2mon
Pump action umbrella
6
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
You got me back with the tent
4
Steve Dice - 2mon
It's just an RV. A regular RV. No bells or whistles. Just an RV. It has a toolbox.
7
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
How do you carry it around
4
Steve Dice - 2mon
It carries you around.
9
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
How do you take it on a flight with you
2
Steve Dice - 2mon
Why would you flight? Just drive it.
5
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 1mon
can you take it on a plane
2
ferric_carcinization - 1mon
If you make it amphibious and go fast enough, it will plane.
4
panda_abyss @lemmy.ca - 2mon
It has a stash of termites inside that can be injected into wooden structures for very slow infiltration of wooden doors and structures.
7
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
Your enemies wont know what hit them.
4
AbouBenAdhem @lemmy.world - 2mon
Reflective inner surface that can double as a solar cooker.
6
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
That could be quite handy in a survival sitation, along with another posters suggestion that it can double as a tent in a pinch
5
Lyra_Lycan @lemmy.blahaj.zone - 1mon
Pretty much everything from Johnny English
6
JargonWagon @lemmy.world - 1mon
Found the middle management testing out their interview question about creativity.
6
Fleur_ @aussie.zone - 1mon
Shield from rain
6
SpookyBogMonster - 1mon
Cover the entire thing in Molle
6
CentauriBeau @lemmy.world - 1mon
It wouldn’t be the first… the KGB assassinated a guy with one at least once.Bulgarian Umbrella
6
Sasuke [comrade/them] - 2mon
It's a smart umbrella with A.I. features that will advice you on when to open your umbrella. If you find yourself in a situation where you encounter rain, and you type in "It's raining" on the touch-handle screen, the umbrella will either tell you to open the umbrella or not open the umbrella depending on what input you give it.
6
Horse {they/them} - 2mon
keeps rain off my head
6
dogs0n @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
I'm gonna stuff that unlimited budget between the fabric layers of mine and take it home with me.
Somehow rain never hits you from the side even when it's windy or your running really fast.
5
spittingimage @lemmy.world - 2mon
A hidden button pops out saw teeth at the edges and starts the whole thing spinning. I will wade through this storm, of my own creation.
4
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
Might be the ultimate zombie weapon depending on battery life
3
robot_dog_with_gun [they/them] - 2mon
i'd probably just copy the penguin
4
PiraHxCx - 2mon
weather forecast
4
NorthWestWind @lemmy.world - 2mon
It has a detachable canopy that can stabilize and move on its own for 5-6 seconds
4
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 2mon
That's pretty cool, it could be a drone of sorts that follows where you point the shaft like a baton
1
AntiOutsideAktion [he/him] - 2mon
it works in the wind
4
Otter - 2mon
Snack compartment
3
Nasan @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
Was gonna say high capacity pez dispenser.
2
lemmyseizethemeans @lemmygrad.ml - 2mon
Has solar panels and a USB c charging outlet
3
Vex_Detrause @lemmy.ca - 1mon
My umbrella will be super light. It will connect on my back and blocks rain whichever the direction it's coming from. Think Dr Oct but only one limb holding an umbrella.
3
tetris11 @feddit.uk - 1mon
thats really cool, and I feel could be made today
1
MonkderVierte @lemmy.zip - 1mon
add a red button to fire the nukes
take the rest of the unlimited budget for expenses.
3
Hadriscus @jlai.lu - 1mon
comes up with tactics as the name implies
2
m532 @lemmygrad.ml - 2mon
Fire avangard missiles
2
Hudell @lemmy.dbzer0.com - 1mon
Make it so it never rains if you have the umbrella with you.
2
rbn @sopuli.xyz - 1mon
In before all life going extinct due to a massive drought.
3
multifariace @lemmy.world - 1mon
What would happen if I wore my rain boots (it always rains where they are worn) and held this umbrella?
2
communism - 1mon
But then you have no need for the umbrella if it's not raining. It just becomes dead weight.
1
PumpkinSkink @lemmy.world - 1mon
I add a chatbot to it.
2
RBWells @lemmy.world - 1mon
The unbrawlah. Any violence ends when you get within a meter or so of the umbrella when open. Not bounces off like a forcefield but like a zone of safety.
2
Sentient Loom - 1mon
It doesn't look like anything. It's an invisibility umbrella.
It also lets you walk through walls.
1
Moidialectica [he/him, comrade/them] - 1mon
it runs its own general circulation model and predicts rain an hour before it even arrives and stays open with no option to close it until an hour passes.
Coincidentally, it also takes a day to re-open, so once it closes, it's not opening again.
tetris11 in asklemmy
You have an unlimited budget to make the worlds first tactical umbrella. What does your umbrella do?
https://lemmy.ml/api/v3/image_proxy?url=https%3A%2F%2Ffeddit.uk%2Fpictrs%2Fimage%2F26851e14-77ea-4cf9-83b9-4c8d32ccd11b.webpUnlimited budget? My tactical umbrella is capable of generating 5MW of electricity from cold nuclear fusion.
Then you will need a secondary umbrella for primary, watsr and electricity go boom boom together
Thankfully, being shaped like an umbrella, the design already accounts for this by directing rain away from the power output located at the base of the handle. It's Type C!
With my unlimited budget, I have also funded research to increase the official USB-C PD spec to a frankly irresponsible five megawatts of energy throughput.
The clearance you need for 1 Megavolt means that you need something like 45ft between your terminals to avoid arcing. I suggest a slightly higher than 5A limit on your new USB spec
This has me cackling thanks
Ok, but can you hold it above your head?
Why wouldn't they be able to? It's an umbrella.
To be fair, since it is also a 5MW cold fusion reactor, it is also rather heavy, so one does need to be stronger than the average person. It's the ONLY downside to this innovative product. It even folds!
I assumed that you wouldn't ask for an umbrella that you, yourself, would be unable to carry.
Now that just seems a bit unrealistic, doesn't it? Everyone knows nuclear reactors are quite heavy. Let's not stoop to silliness.
What are you talking about? I don't know they are quite heavy, so that means everyone doesn't.
You're right, I'm sorry.
My design is flawless otherwise though right??
Serves as a shield against small calibre bullets. Is able to accurately fire sniper rounds
Kingsman enjoyer?
I mean I was basically gonna comment the Kingsman umbrella lol. It just makes sense. They got guns, bulletproof, video screens, they're strong as hell, and don't they have swords in them too?
1
Tactical hand-free design is essential.
2
The top part detaches and is a drone.
I’d put the unlimited budget to work miniaturizing a drone fleet powerful enough to maintain position / reliably follow the user thru storm winds that hold a large umbrella-style cover over you.
I never use umbrellas cuz I feel like they’re annoying to carry and you still get wet, but if it just reliably kept me dry with no extra work on my part I’d be more interested.
the song "jesus walks" has to play full volume fron the drone speakers when this happens
Never folds the wrong way or moves unpredictably during strong winds.
Let's air pass through, but only one-way? Could potentially use it to Mary Poppins out of a situation
Thermal mask against FPV drones.
And a cool sword, that'd be sick.
To fight off said drones, no doubt
It's absolutely bananas that this would come up now, because I'm almost finished designing one in FreeCAD lol. Is it in the zeitgeist right now or something? Is it because the most recent No Kings had a yellow umbrella theme?
Mind you, I'm very untalented at CAD, just doing it for funsies and to learn the Assembly workbench. I will upload it to ManyFold when it's done and tested though if anyone's interested.
I'm hoping it'll be sturdy enough to survive blunt impacts, and able to slow down some weaker munitions, but it's gonna be on the heavy side. Expecting it to cost roughly $100 worth of parts. You could definitely build it WAY cheaper but I'm going all high quality.
Dunno, umbrellas just popped into my head -- probably to do with the rain we have here
Have fun with the modelling!
Thanks!! It's rainy here too lol
If you did it today, it wouldn't be the first. Here are some:
"Stunbrella" is great. Top name. Slap a flashlight in the bottom of the handle, which can also be unscrewed off to unsheath a tanto-knife styled blade for piercing and prying (the flashlight end would essentially be the handle/pommel of this knife.)
Found OP
Its a Mary Poppins umbrella that floats you gently to the ground. And a laser shoots from the top.
Wouldn't you want the lasers to shoot from the sides? How likely is there to be an enemy above you as you float to the ground?
Ergonomically, it makes more sense to hold it like a rifle when it's folded.
Yeah, but then you'd plummet to the ground...
Integrated fleshlight in the handle. Screen on the underside of the umbrella for videos. Bullet resistant outer shell that expands into a small tent.
Pump action umbrella
You got me back with the tent
It's just an RV. A regular RV. No bells or whistles. Just an RV. It has a toolbox.
How do you carry it around
It carries you around.
How do you take it on a flight with you
Why would you flight? Just drive it.
can you take it on a plane
If you make it amphibious and go fast enough, it will plane.
It has a stash of termites inside that can be injected into wooden structures for very slow infiltration of wooden doors and structures.
Your enemies wont know what hit them.
Reflective inner surface that can double as a solar cooker.
That could be quite handy in a survival sitation, along with another posters suggestion that it can double as a tent in a pinch
Pretty much everything from Johnny English
Found the middle management testing out their interview question about creativity.
Shield from rain
Cover the entire thing in Molle
It wouldn’t be the first… the KGB assassinated a guy with one at least once.Bulgarian Umbrella
It's a smart umbrella with A.I. features that will advice you on when to open your umbrella. If you find yourself in a situation where you encounter rain, and you type in "It's raining" on the touch-handle screen, the umbrella will either tell you to open the umbrella or not open the umbrella depending on what input you give it.
keeps rain off my head
I'm gonna stuff that unlimited budget between the fabric layers of mine and take it home with me.
Kill dissidents https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulgarian_umbrella
Somehow rain never hits you from the side even when it's windy or your running really fast.
A hidden button pops out saw teeth at the edges and starts the whole thing spinning. I will wade through this storm, of my own creation.
Might be the ultimate zombie weapon depending on battery life
i'd probably just copy the penguin
weather forecast
It has a detachable canopy that can stabilize and move on its own for 5-6 seconds
That's pretty cool, it could be a drone of sorts that follows where you point the shaft like a baton
it works in the wind
Snack compartment
Was gonna say high capacity pez dispenser.
Has solar panels and a USB c charging outlet
My umbrella will be super light. It will connect on my back and blocks rain whichever the direction it's coming from. Think Dr Oct but only one limb holding an umbrella.
thats really cool, and I feel could be made today
comes up with tactics as the name implies
Fire avangard missiles
Make it so it never rains if you have the umbrella with you.
In before all life going extinct due to a massive drought.
What would happen if I wore my rain boots (it always rains where they are worn) and held this umbrella?
But then you have no need for the umbrella if it's not raining. It just becomes dead weight.
I add a chatbot to it.
The unbrawlah. Any violence ends when you get within a meter or so of the umbrella when open. Not bounces off like a forcefield but like a zone of safety.
It doesn't look like anything. It's an invisibility umbrella.
It also lets you walk through walls.
it runs its own general circulation model and predicts rain an hour before it even arrives and stays open with no option to close it until an hour passes.
Coincidentally, it also takes a day to re-open, so once it closes, it's not opening again.
it automatically closes after an hour.
The umbrella from Kings Avatar.