The winter holidays can be hard on a lot of us especially with strained or no family relations. What are your coping mechanisms, traditions, celebrations, things you do to get through the season?
Mouselemming @sh.itjust.works - 1mon
Some people, having escaped the toxicity of the family and church they grew up in, find themselves missing some of the ritual/songs/awe of celebrating in a sacred space. If you live in the US and want to find a trans-positive Christmas Eve service, GayChurch.org is a good place to start. Then call and talk to a person who can confirm whether it's a place you'll be comfortable.
Not pushing this on anyone, just in case you don't want to throw the Baby Jesus out with the bathwater. I don't know if something similar exists for other religions/countries but maybe someone does?
11
dandelion (she/her) - 1mon
a good place to start if you're struggling to find something near you might be Unitarian Universalist churches, they usually have a Christmas service, and are usually very LGBT+ friendly
5
dandelion (she/her) - 1mon
avoiding blood family (everyone gets so worked up about it, but cutting my parents out of my life is one of the best things I did, and I regret reconnecting with one of my parents ten years later - people should feel more free to not talk to your family if they treat you poorly)
embracing chosen family and spending time with people who are kind and loving (organizing a friendsgiving, going to parties, hanging out, etc.)
when I was younger holidays were a significant trigger for me, so sometimes I would just walk alone and get lost in the woods or wander aimlessly in the city, anything to feel safe and like I was escaping "home" where the holiday trauma resided. It gave me a sense of bodily autonomy and safety, I guess.
I still don't celebrate Christmas, and avoiding triggers is still a major coping strategy. Sometimes I try to create my own traditions or reclaim things - like burning a pine-scented candle in December, or getting a small potted tree, or making a nice meal. Focused mostly on rewards that don't trigger me too badly or put me back in bad places mentally.
I suspect most of us will have used drugs (particularly alcohol) to help cope; I don't particularly love or recommend it, but then when you need that level of coping it's usually hard not to use that tool. I bet ketamine therapy would be helpful to a lot of us during these times. If in a psychologically safe enough context, I think low doses of psychedelics can be helpful as well.
During the hardest times, I would sprint until I was in pain, and then kept running - that became a coping strategy, running is drugs even if also unpleasant.
The reduced sunlight can also be a problem in the winter and using a therapeutic SAD lamp can be helpful (I especially found it helpful pre-transition, it even had a doping effect for me).
9
Berengaria_of_Navarre @lemmy.world - 1mon
Well it's been fine for the last few years because I live in a different country from my parents (they don't know I'm trans but are still deeply toxic people) and don't have the funds to visit them. So Christmas is just me, my partner and my kids. Just the way I like it.
Before that we had Christmas and new year's with friends where we'd all make a different part of dinner and meet up at whoever's house was most suitable and just have a giant feast with home-brewed ale.
6
__反いじめ戦隊 - 1mon
Host them for strangers you haven't met! Potlucks, gift giving, parties, etc.! Making New friends and comrades along the cheer🍻!
2
Jul (they/she) - 1mon
Ignore the holiday and enjoy the days off work with hobbies. Either that or enjoy it with friends/chosen family who also don't have family around. I'm used to not being near my family, but my ex's family has been near for several years. Now I plan to just chill with projects or play a game or something.
NelDel in trans
How do you get through the holidays?
The winter holidays can be hard on a lot of us especially with strained or no family relations. What are your coping mechanisms, traditions, celebrations, things you do to get through the season?
Some people, having escaped the toxicity of the family and church they grew up in, find themselves missing some of the ritual/songs/awe of celebrating in a sacred space. If you live in the US and want to find a trans-positive Christmas Eve service, GayChurch.org is a good place to start. Then call and talk to a person who can confirm whether it's a place you'll be comfortable. Not pushing this on anyone, just in case you don't want to throw the Baby Jesus out with the bathwater. I don't know if something similar exists for other religions/countries but maybe someone does?
a good place to start if you're struggling to find something near you might be Unitarian Universalist churches, they usually have a Christmas service, and are usually very LGBT+ friendly
avoiding blood family (everyone gets so worked up about it, but cutting my parents out of my life is one of the best things I did, and I regret reconnecting with one of my parents ten years later - people should feel more free to not talk to your family if they treat you poorly)
embracing chosen family and spending time with people who are kind and loving (organizing a friendsgiving, going to parties, hanging out, etc.)
when I was younger holidays were a significant trigger for me, so sometimes I would just walk alone and get lost in the woods or wander aimlessly in the city, anything to feel safe and like I was escaping "home" where the holiday trauma resided. It gave me a sense of bodily autonomy and safety, I guess.
I still don't celebrate Christmas, and avoiding triggers is still a major coping strategy. Sometimes I try to create my own traditions or reclaim things - like burning a pine-scented candle in December, or getting a small potted tree, or making a nice meal. Focused mostly on rewards that don't trigger me too badly or put me back in bad places mentally.
I suspect most of us will have used drugs (particularly alcohol) to help cope; I don't particularly love or recommend it, but then when you need that level of coping it's usually hard not to use that tool. I bet ketamine therapy would be helpful to a lot of us during these times. If in a psychologically safe enough context, I think low doses of psychedelics can be helpful as well.
During the hardest times, I would sprint until I was in pain, and then kept running - that became a coping strategy, running is drugs even if also unpleasant.
The reduced sunlight can also be a problem in the winter and using a therapeutic SAD lamp can be helpful (I especially found it helpful pre-transition, it even had a doping effect for me).
Well it's been fine for the last few years because I live in a different country from my parents (they don't know I'm trans but are still deeply toxic people) and don't have the funds to visit them. So Christmas is just me, my partner and my kids. Just the way I like it.
Before that we had Christmas and new year's with friends where we'd all make a different part of dinner and meet up at whoever's house was most suitable and just have a giant feast with home-brewed ale.
Host them for strangers you haven't met! Potlucks, gift giving, parties, etc.! Making New friends and comrades along the cheer🍻!
Ignore the holiday and enjoy the days off work with hobbies. Either that or enjoy it with friends/chosen family who also don't have family around. I'm used to not being near my family, but my ex's family has been near for several years. Now I plan to just chill with projects or play a game or something.