I thought this way for years. Turns out men actually want to be men, and I am much happier being a girl!
syl - 5mon
My denial message was "It must be a fetish. I'm disgusting. Why am I like this?" for years.
28
KernelTale @programming.dev - 5mon
mine denial thoughts are "I just want a bit of estrogen as a non-binary person" and "I am just an occasional crossdresser because it's fun". I will see how it will turn out in the future.
6
Szyler @lemmy.world - 5mon
Isn't that an accept of NB and not necessarily denial of trans?
1
KernelTale @programming.dev - 5mon
probably
1
Tamsin - 5mon
God yes. For years and years these were considered the “bad thoughts” and should not be examined more closely.
Shameful fantasies of a happier life… sigh
4
Tywèle [she|her] - 5mon
Both? Both.
2
Mk23simp - 5mon
My form of denial was thinking that I didn't really care about my body or my gender, so I might as well stay as a guy since I'm attracted to girls anyways. And then I didn't actually seek out any relationships with girls anyways. And I didn't pay any attention to my appearance as a guy.
So, in hindsight, I have never been okay with being a guy, I just dissociated.
19
compostgoblin - 5mon
I relate to that too. For a while, I had the mindset of “I don’t really identify with being a man, so I guess I must be non-binary, but I couldn’t be trans, so I may as well just stick with this”. And then I really just kind of put the bare minimum into taking care of myself, because I didn’t really like my appearance.
12
haileyscommit - 5mon
oh that's exactly what I did... every word of it...
7
Clay_pidgin - 5mon
I'm a dude and I don't care what I am, so I guess I happen to have been assigned correctly.
10
A_Union_of_Kobolds @lemmy.world - 5mon
Yes youre cisgender
You can, however, reject the gender binary for a spectrum and place yourself anywhere you see fit. Im generally fine with being a man and I don't have dysphoria, so I too am not trans - but I consider myself non-binary. I have feminine traits im more than happy exploring and remaining more or less who and what I am now, and im fine with he/his pronouns.
But really at the end of the day the only people's business it is are me and my wife.
9
Clay_pidgin - 5mon
For sure!
I'm a dude because I have always had to be something, but I don't think the distinctions are necessary, really. What's even the point?
6
A_Union_of_Kobolds @lemmy.world - 5mon
Patriarchy, mostly.
Having genders is useful, but society needs to be more flexible with how people harmlessly describe themselves, not less. I blame the pulpit for the majority of backwards attitudes about it all, and I suspect many people here would have stories about being bullied for Christ. Especially those who've been homeless.
9
BodePlotHole @lemmy.world - 5mon
That's the jam.
I'm just me. You be you. Anything beyond that should be based on content of character.
4
renamon_silver @lemmy.wtf - 5mon
Now explain trans men
8
idiomaddict @lemmy.world - 5mon
As an afab probable egg, I do think that many cis women might want to be men, just because of the patriarchy. I can’t find it, but there’s a quote I read somewhere about wishing that you could just go on adventures like men do (I have a hazy idea that it was from Sylvia Plath or Audrey Hepburn, but I can't search for clear enough terms to avoid pages and pages of slop). It stuck with me, because I think there are a lot of areas that women are (to varying degrees) locked out of. There are also lots of Mulan-type stories about afab people who pretend to be men for a period of time in order to do something they wouldn’t have been able to do as a woman, then go back to living as women. We obviously don’t know their feelings on gender, but that reads like they’re cis women to me.
10
renamon_silver @lemmy.wtf - 5mon
In my opinion, wanting the benefits of the patriarchy is different than wanting to be a man, with the acknowledgement that there can be some overlap between the two. Where Mulan's military service was temporary and brought about by external pressures, a trans man likely would not need the threat of an elderly family member being drafted to war to make the change, nor want to go back to living as a woman. But at the same time I'm sure there are women like Mulan.
9
RebekahWSD @lemmy.world - 5mon
Yeah. I, cis woman, sit down once a year or so and ask myself a lot of questions (am I happy here, do I still want to be doing x) and one of them is, "am I a woman?" And the answer is "yes, despite how much this society makes that suck ass". In my head I'm a woman. I do wish I had way less tit. I might be getting that soon though. Cancer scares suck ass though.
3
idiomaddict @lemmy.world - 5mon
I honestly can’t tell if I want to be a man, or if I don’t want people to think about my gender (which it seems like happens for men). I know I don’t want to be sexualized and I do want to be treated like “one of the boys” by everyone except my husband, but I can’t tell if it goes further than that. Luckily, I married a bi dude who’s down for whatever, so I don’t have to choose between us if I get a bunch more dysphoric in the future.
2
RebekahWSD @lemmy.world - 5mon
Yeah, I very much get the 'no one else should be thinking about my gender' thing. I'd like a nice slightly less decaying metal body and no one to perceive me unless I want them to!
compostgoblin in egg_irl
[Transfem meme] egg_irl
I thought this way for years. Turns out men actually want to be men, and I am much happier being a girl!
My denial message was "It must be a fetish. I'm disgusting. Why am I like this?" for years.
mine denial thoughts are "I just want a bit of estrogen as a non-binary person" and "I am just an occasional crossdresser because it's fun". I will see how it will turn out in the future.
Isn't that an accept of NB and not necessarily denial of trans?
probably
God yes. For years and years these were considered the “bad thoughts” and should not be examined more closely.
Shameful fantasies of a happier life… sigh
Both? Both.
My form of denial was thinking that I didn't really care about my body or my gender, so I might as well stay as a guy since I'm attracted to girls anyways. And then I didn't actually seek out any relationships with girls anyways. And I didn't pay any attention to my appearance as a guy.
So, in hindsight, I have never been okay with being a guy, I just dissociated.
I relate to that too. For a while, I had the mindset of “I don’t really identify with being a man, so I guess I must be non-binary, but I couldn’t be trans, so I may as well just stick with this”. And then I really just kind of put the bare minimum into taking care of myself, because I didn’t really like my appearance.
oh that's exactly what I did... every word of it...
I'm a dude and I don't care what I am, so I guess I happen to have been assigned correctly.
Yes youre cisgender
You can, however, reject the gender binary for a spectrum and place yourself anywhere you see fit. Im generally fine with being a man and I don't have dysphoria, so I too am not trans - but I consider myself non-binary. I have feminine traits im more than happy exploring and remaining more or less who and what I am now, and im fine with he/his pronouns.
But really at the end of the day the only people's business it is are me and my wife.
For sure!
I'm a dude because I have always had to be something, but I don't think the distinctions are necessary, really. What's even the point?
Patriarchy, mostly.
Having genders is useful, but society needs to be more flexible with how people harmlessly describe themselves, not less. I blame the pulpit for the majority of backwards attitudes about it all, and I suspect many people here would have stories about being bullied for Christ. Especially those who've been homeless.
That's the jam.
I'm just me. You be you. Anything beyond that should be based on content of character.
Now explain trans men
As an afab probable egg, I do think that many cis women might want to be men, just because of the patriarchy. I can’t find it, but there’s a quote I read somewhere about wishing that you could just go on adventures like men do (I have a hazy idea that it was from Sylvia Plath or Audrey Hepburn, but I can't search for clear enough terms to avoid pages and pages of slop). It stuck with me, because I think there are a lot of areas that women are (to varying degrees) locked out of. There are also lots of Mulan-type stories about afab people who pretend to be men for a period of time in order to do something they wouldn’t have been able to do as a woman, then go back to living as women. We obviously don’t know their feelings on gender, but that reads like they’re cis women to me.
In my opinion, wanting the benefits of the patriarchy is different than wanting to be a man, with the acknowledgement that there can be some overlap between the two. Where Mulan's military service was temporary and brought about by external pressures, a trans man likely would not need the threat of an elderly family member being drafted to war to make the change, nor want to go back to living as a woman. But at the same time I'm sure there are women like Mulan.
Yeah. I, cis woman, sit down once a year or so and ask myself a lot of questions (am I happy here, do I still want to be doing x) and one of them is, "am I a woman?" And the answer is "yes, despite how much this society makes that suck ass". In my head I'm a woman. I do wish I had way less tit. I might be getting that soon though. Cancer scares suck ass though.
I honestly can’t tell if I want to be a man, or if I don’t want people to think about my gender (which it seems like happens for men). I know I don’t want to be sexualized and I do want to be treated like “one of the boys” by everyone except my husband, but I can’t tell if it goes further than that. Luckily, I married a bi dude who’s down for whatever, so I don’t have to choose between us if I get a bunch more dysphoric in the future.
Yeah, I very much get the 'no one else should be thinking about my gender' thing. I'd like a nice slightly less decaying metal body and no one to perceive me unless I want them to!