#womeninmalefields is describing common situations and phrases that women experience and turning them upside down by switching genders.
The analogy to this one would be a man telling a surgeon to surgically tighten a woman's vagina after giving birth. This is a common and disgusting joke.
325
klemptor @startrek.website - 1.1yr
Common and disgusting, but unfortunately not always a joke. You probably know this but for the benefit of others who may not be aware, the Husband Stitch is a real thing that used to be pretty commonly done regardless of what the woman wanted and often without her foreknowledge or consent. It's an extra stitch or two placed when sewing a woman back up after a vaginal tear or episiotomy during labor. The purpose is to make the woman "tighter" so her husband can still enjoy having sex with her even though she's given birth, which is staggeringly misogynistic and cruel. And it usually results in really painful sex for the woman because her vaginal opening is artificially small plus now it has inflexible scar tissue. It's a horrific thing to do to a woman, especially after giving birth.
287
felykiosa @sh.itjust.works - 1.1yr
still enjoy having sex with her
If you need that to enjoy your partner you don't deserve them. That disgusting
83
š¦š¦š¦ - 1.1yr
Thank you for providing additional information!
68
chonglibloodsport @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Another thing to note is that the episiotomy itself is no longer a recommended procedure for routine births. The incision lengthens recovery time and brings complications of its own.
47
qyron - 1.1yr
Unfortunately, medical violence is a thing and many professionals, even when saying the episiotomy is a decision for the woman, put it in such a way that the message conveyed is that the episiotomy makes giving birth easier and quicker. What is witheld is that it makes it easier for them.
Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.
45
Seleni @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Speaking as someone who would have been stillborn if not for a C-section, there are some surgical procedures that are kind of important.
30
qyron - 1.1yr
A C-section is a surgical act and extremely important as it has the potential to save lifes, both of mothers and children.
The matter at hand is not about deeming all medical acts performed during a delivery as useless but to acknowledge that many are performed routinely without need and even without the agreement, previous information or consent of the woman and mother to be.
One such is that oh-so-important act being routenily abused, with doctors pushing it to women with the argument that it is the safest way to plan the delivery. But planning a delivery is only a concern for the physician. If a pregnancy is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the delivery will be complicated, why point women to an unnecessary surgical act?
30
uis @lemm.ee - 1.1yr
"If a ... is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the ... will be complicated, why point ... to an unnecessary surgical act?"
Minzdrav, is that you? /j
Americans, please, for love of everyone you love, nationalize your healthcare.
2
Boomer Humor Doomergod - 1.1yr
Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.
How can a woman give birth without the machine that goes PING?
12
qyron - 1.1yr
Which one?
3
uis @lemm.ee - 1.1yr
Seventh. Or you mean the machine?
1
qyron - 1.1yr
Which machine?
2
TheDoozer @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
I was under the impression it was forthe woman's benefit, that it is easier for a cut to heal than a tear. Is that not the case? Is the risk of tearing overblown?
9
NielsBohron - 1.1yr
I think you actually have that backward. In general, a jagged tear heals quicker than an incision because there is more surface area in contact between the two pieces, so a larger number of cells can be working to repair the tissue. That said, I'm not a doctor and it's been 10 years since my wife and I looked into this before our first kid, so I may be misremembering.
20
medgremlin @midwest.social - 1.1yr
These days, an epesiotomy is done to direct the tear. If the tear is allowed to happen spontaneously, it can go through nerves, arteries, and pelvic floor muscles, greatly increasing the chances of permanent problems with things like prolapses or fistulas at worst, and more commonly, long term problems with incontinence.
8
5ibelius9insterberg - 1.1yr
Nope, you got it right: my wife had to c-sections and afaik they cut just enough tissue to make possible to tear it apart. It healed very well.
7
NielsBohron - 1.1yr
Glad your wife healed well; my wife had three c-sections and the first one was done by a very old-school OB in an emergency situation, so she never stood a chance. That said, even old-school c-sections are better than my wife and son dying in childbirth, so I'm still grateful for modern medicine, but it would have been nice if it was a little more "modern"
7
Croquette @sh.itjust.works - 1.1yr
Were the second and third child almost guaranteed to be born by C-section? My GF first childbirth had 2 incidents that had risks for the second pregnancy. We were a bit scared for the second birth. But it when the opposite way. She almost gave birth in the car. There wasn't even an hour and a half between the first real contractions and the birth of our child.
I'm asking because I am curious to hear about different experiences than mine
2
theneverfox @pawb.social - 1.1yr
Itās not about the surface area, a tear heals without creating a straight line of inflexible scar tissue in flexible tissue. You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you donāt have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you donāt have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet
In general, itās the opposite though - a sharp cut heals much faster than a rip, thereās far less damage to repair
4
NielsBohron - 1.1yr
Thanks for the explanation!
You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you donāt have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you donāt have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet
Isn't this a function of the surface area, though?
3
theneverfox @pawb.social - 1.1yr
I meanā¦sort of? I canāt say thatās wrong, but I also donāt think itās the full picture
Like imagine a cut rope. Gluing the ends together joins it with a weak point, but if you unravel the ends and weave them back together, you can create a very strong connection, even without glue
Yes, the surface area in the latter is far greater, but in addition to the surface area you have the structure - the weave itself grants strength, because when you pull the rope the fibers compress against each other, making it stronger than just surface area contact
I think itās kinda like that, surface area certainly plays a big part, but I think itās more than that. It lets the muscles reweave themselves - as opposed to the skin and the uterus lining, which are cut in straight lines to minimize damaged surface area - theyāre more like cloth than rope, you stitch them up in neat lines
3
u/lukmly013 š¾ (lemmy.sdf.org) - 1.1yr
Yep, a useful comment. I had no idea about such a thing.
44
latenightnoir @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
... Jesus fucking Christ...
36
StopTouchingYourPhone @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
To add to your "for the benefit of others" explanation, this is also not a historical relic. It's still happening.
I work with refugees and a lot of women escaping fundie warzones are living with variations of this nightmare. So much mutilation, as little girls, preteens, post-giving-birth... Infections are common, tearing is common, and sex is torture. I've been doing this job long enough that I recognize the walk.
29
uis @lemm.ee - 1.1yr
Unholy fuckery! This makes me glad to live in country, where to get an operation you need to visit 9001 doctors and get 100500 approvals.
3
Lauchmelder @feddit.org - 1.1yr
Jesus Christ, what kind of sick person comes up with stuff like that?
90
valkyre09 @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
After the mother gives birth to a healthy baby boy, the father leans to the doctor and whispers āhow long until we can have sex?ā. The doctor replies, āI clock off at 3.ā
114
Luminocta @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
I worked for a man that thought it would be a funny thing to say soon after the delivery.
Look, I'm a guy. I laughed, until his (now ex) said that he actually said it.
I mean come on. It's funny as a joke, you don't ACTUALLY say that to a delivery nurse, my god.
32
JaggedRobotPubes - 1.1yr
Yeah, people who act like it could never be funny are insufferable and people who actually do it are psychos.
8
š¦š¦š¦ - 1.1yr
Men š¤·š»
29
captainlezbian @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Not just a joke. Itās a thing that used to be more common but is still sometimes done.
42
FindME @lemmy.myserv.one - 1.1yr
I had a doctor straight-faced tell an entire class of college students about it, and how it was a good thing. This was within the last 15 years. I would bet it is still far more common we'd want to imagine.
7
SeekPie - 1.1yr
Thanks for explaining it, wouldn't have understood it otherwise.
40
ILikeBoobies @lemmy.ca - 1.1yr
Thanks for explaining it
3
LANIK2000 @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Jesus christ, it feels like everyday I learn a new dreadful horror about American life. How the fuck have we not run out of these creepy facts yet? The country is soo fucked up, I swear to god... It's honestly hard to belive it's a real place, it didn't really sink in how much of a shit hole it is until I saw it my self... It's a twilight world where pain is a virtue for some reason.
72
captainlezbian @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Wait, was/is that only a thing hereā½
9
Cethin - 1.1yr
Edit: misread. I thought you asked what this was about. Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't just here.
Men would sometimes have doctors add an extra stitch to women after childbirth to make them tighter. I think I've even heard sometimes doctors did it without concent of either party. Some women didn't even know it was done until they had complications and found out.
19
DokPsy @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
It's called the husband stitch and it is exactly as horrid as it seems if not moreso. Hopefully a dying trend.
13
RizzRustbolt @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
One of America's most popular songs is about eldritch gods living under the Appalachian Mountains.
5
riwo - 1.1yr
i dont get it :<
somewone pws explain the joke to me
45
will_a113 @lemmy.ml - 1.1yr
Not sure if it was ever actually done or just urban legend but there used to be something called āthe husband stitchā where an OBGYN would add another stitch while repairing an episiotomy (when a woman tears a bit giving childbirth) supposedly to make her vagina tighter. A lot of things there donāt add up, but thatās what the joke is about.
70
yannic @lemmy.ca - 1.1yr
Oh, it's real. This was offered for my sister-in-law.
104
InEnduringGrowStrong - 1.1yr
Not too long ago, this was also "offered" in the case of my sister.
The extra yucky part is it was offered to her husband without even her knowledge or consent.
64
ChexMax - 1.1yr
Husband stitch that doctor's mouth so they never make that suggestion again. Men should not be allowed near OB.
27
InEnduringGrowStrong - 1.1yr
"I can punch you in the face so you need the stitches" would be my answer.
Although odds are I'd only come up with it a few days later in the shower.
If someone was wondering, there is nothing NSFW in that post.
23
wreel - 1.1yr
Jesus fucking Christ. There are some real monsters practicing medicine.
10
Alice @beehaw.org - 1.1yr
Why do people think it's an urban legend when women describe how they've been medically and sexually abused? š
6
ADTJ @feddit.uk - 1.1yr
Why is your comment so adversarial when previous commenter literally said they weren't sure?
That's not the same as dismissing women's accounts so please don't equate them
2
Alice @beehaw.org - 1.1yr
I didn't mean them specifically. I assume the reason they're not sure is because they've heard people call it a myth before, as have I. And I think it's shitty that people do that.
3
Noel_Skum @sh.itjust.works - 1.1yr
Circumcision, fgm, the so-called husband stitchā¦ wtf, people? If youāve got genitals youāre happy with it seems a challenge just to keep them intact against the lunatics who want to chop and stitch. What is wrong with humans?
30
unexposedhazard @discuss.tchncs.de - 1.1yr
Probably even more dangerous in the back tbh
17
Tikiporch @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Husband bad. Good old Boomer Humor.
16
GiantFloppyCock - 1.1yr
This isnāt boomer humor, itās highlighting a misogynistic practice by flipping gender roles - pretty non-boomer imo.
124
Tikiporch @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Oh, right! It's only boomer humor if Wife Bad.
15
Viking_Hippie @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
Way to fail at detecting sarcasm while being sarcastic š¤¦
46
Tikiporch @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
I'm devastated. Y'all really teaching me a lesson here.
7
queermunist she/her - 1.1yr
It's clearly making fun of boomer humor. š
25
Tikiporch @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
"Clearly"
1
stembolts @programming.dev - 1.1yr
You're right. "Clearly" is relative to the effectiveness of your brain cells, I understand your particular frustration given what your brain cells have produced in this conversation.
3
FabledAepitaph @lemmy.world - 1.1yr
For reals. I'm mid-30s and I only remember hearing about this when I was younger. I'd completely forgotten about it, and never would have asked for or suggested it happen.
Good job bringing it back to the forefront so misogynistic men can know of it and use it to torment a fresh, new generation of women.
If your partner jokes about having surgery done to you without your consent, just leave them--whether you're a man or a woman.
Track_Shovel in 196
Stitch rule
#womeninmalefields is describing common situations and phrases that women experience and turning them upside down by switching genders.
The analogy to this one would be a man telling a surgeon to surgically tighten a woman's vagina after giving birth. This is a common and disgusting joke.
Common and disgusting, but unfortunately not always a joke. You probably know this but for the benefit of others who may not be aware, the Husband Stitch is a real thing that used to be pretty commonly done regardless of what the woman wanted and often without her foreknowledge or consent. It's an extra stitch or two placed when sewing a woman back up after a vaginal tear or episiotomy during labor. The purpose is to make the woman "tighter" so her husband can still enjoy having sex with her even though she's given birth, which is staggeringly misogynistic and cruel. And it usually results in really painful sex for the woman because her vaginal opening is artificially small plus now it has inflexible scar tissue. It's a horrific thing to do to a woman, especially after giving birth.
If you need that to enjoy your partner you don't deserve them. That disgusting
Thank you for providing additional information!
Another thing to note is that the episiotomy itself is no longer a recommended procedure for routine births. The incision lengthens recovery time and brings complications of its own.
Unfortunately, medical violence is a thing and many professionals, even when saying the episiotomy is a decision for the woman, put it in such a way that the message conveyed is that the episiotomy makes giving birth easier and quicker. What is witheld is that it makes it easier for them.
Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.
Speaking as someone who would have been stillborn if not for a C-section, there are some surgical procedures that are kind of important.
A C-section is a surgical act and extremely important as it has the potential to save lifes, both of mothers and children.
The matter at hand is not about deeming all medical acts performed during a delivery as useless but to acknowledge that many are performed routinely without need and even without the agreement, previous information or consent of the woman and mother to be.
One such is that oh-so-important act being routenily abused, with doctors pushing it to women with the argument that it is the safest way to plan the delivery. But planning a delivery is only a concern for the physician. If a pregnancy is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the delivery will be complicated, why point women to an unnecessary surgical act?
"If a ... is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the ... will be complicated, why point ... to an unnecessary surgical act?"
Minzdrav, is that you? /j
Americans, please, for love of everyone you love, nationalize your healthcare.
How can a woman give birth without the machine that goes PING?
Which one?
Seventh. Or you mean the machine?
Which machine?
I was under the impression it was forthe woman's benefit, that it is easier for a cut to heal than a tear. Is that not the case? Is the risk of tearing overblown?
I think you actually have that backward. In general, a jagged tear heals quicker than an incision because there is more surface area in contact between the two pieces, so a larger number of cells can be working to repair the tissue. That said, I'm not a doctor and it's been 10 years since my wife and I looked into this before our first kid, so I may be misremembering.
These days, an epesiotomy is done to direct the tear. If the tear is allowed to happen spontaneously, it can go through nerves, arteries, and pelvic floor muscles, greatly increasing the chances of permanent problems with things like prolapses or fistulas at worst, and more commonly, long term problems with incontinence.
Nope, you got it right: my wife had to c-sections and afaik they cut just enough tissue to make possible to tear it apart. It healed very well.
Glad your wife healed well; my wife had three c-sections and the first one was done by a very old-school OB in an emergency situation, so she never stood a chance. That said, even old-school c-sections are better than my wife and son dying in childbirth, so I'm still grateful for modern medicine, but it would have been nice if it was a little more "modern"
Were the second and third child almost guaranteed to be born by C-section? My GF first childbirth had 2 incidents that had risks for the second pregnancy. We were a bit scared for the second birth. But it when the opposite way. She almost gave birth in the car. There wasn't even an hour and a half between the first real contractions and the birth of our child.
I'm asking because I am curious to hear about different experiences than mine
Itās not about the surface area, a tear heals without creating a straight line of inflexible scar tissue in flexible tissue. You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you donāt have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you donāt have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet
In general, itās the opposite though - a sharp cut heals much faster than a rip, thereās far less damage to repair
Thanks for the explanation!
Isn't this a function of the surface area, though?
I meanā¦sort of? I canāt say thatās wrong, but I also donāt think itās the full picture
Like imagine a cut rope. Gluing the ends together joins it with a weak point, but if you unravel the ends and weave them back together, you can create a very strong connection, even without glue
Yes, the surface area in the latter is far greater, but in addition to the surface area you have the structure - the weave itself grants strength, because when you pull the rope the fibers compress against each other, making it stronger than just surface area contact
I think itās kinda like that, surface area certainly plays a big part, but I think itās more than that. It lets the muscles reweave themselves - as opposed to the skin and the uterus lining, which are cut in straight lines to minimize damaged surface area - theyāre more like cloth than rope, you stitch them up in neat lines
Yep, a useful comment. I had no idea about such a thing.
... Jesus fucking Christ...
To add to your "for the benefit of others" explanation, this is also not a historical relic. It's still happening.
I work with refugees and a lot of women escaping fundie warzones are living with variations of this nightmare. So much mutilation, as little girls, preteens, post-giving-birth... Infections are common, tearing is common, and sex is torture. I've been doing this job long enough that I recognize the walk.
Unholy fuckery! This makes me glad to live in country, where to get an operation you need to visit 9001 doctors and get 100500 approvals.
Jesus Christ, what kind of sick person comes up with stuff like that?
After the mother gives birth to a healthy baby boy, the father leans to the doctor and whispers āhow long until we can have sex?ā. The doctor replies, āI clock off at 3.ā
I worked for a man that thought it would be a funny thing to say soon after the delivery.
Look, I'm a guy. I laughed, until his (now ex) said that he actually said it.
I mean come on. It's funny as a joke, you don't ACTUALLY say that to a delivery nurse, my god.
Yeah, people who act like it could never be funny are insufferable and people who actually do it are psychos.
Men š¤·š»
Not just a joke. Itās a thing that used to be more common but is still sometimes done.
I had a doctor straight-faced tell an entire class of college students about it, and how it was a good thing. This was within the last 15 years. I would bet it is still far more common we'd want to imagine.
Thanks for explaining it, wouldn't have understood it otherwise.
Thanks for explaining it
Jesus christ, it feels like everyday I learn a new dreadful horror about American life. How the fuck have we not run out of these creepy facts yet? The country is soo fucked up, I swear to god... It's honestly hard to belive it's a real place, it didn't really sink in how much of a shit hole it is until I saw it my self... It's a twilight world where pain is a virtue for some reason.
Wait, was/is that only a thing hereā½
Edit: misread. I thought you asked what this was about. Yeah, I'm sure it wasn't just here.
Men would sometimes have doctors add an extra stitch to women after childbirth to make them tighter. I think I've even heard sometimes doctors did it without concent of either party. Some women didn't even know it was done until they had complications and found out.It's called the husband stitch and it is exactly as horrid as it seems if not moreso. Hopefully a dying trend.
One of America's most popular songs is about eldritch gods living under the Appalachian Mountains.
i dont get it :<
somewone pws explain the joke to me
Not sure if it was ever actually done or just urban legend but there used to be something called āthe husband stitchā where an OBGYN would add another stitch while repairing an episiotomy (when a woman tears a bit giving childbirth) supposedly to make her vagina tighter. A lot of things there donāt add up, but thatās what the joke is about.
Oh, it's real. This was offered for my sister-in-law.
Not too long ago, this was also "offered" in the case of my sister.
The extra yucky part is it was offered to her husband without even her knowledge or consent.
Husband stitch that doctor's mouth so they never make that suggestion again. Men should not be allowed near OB.
"I can punch you in the face so you need the stitches" would be my answer.
Although odds are I'd only come up with it a few days later in the shower.
Yikes.
Itās not a joke nor a myth.
Worth the read.
If someone was wondering, there is nothing NSFW in that post.
Jesus fucking Christ. There are some real monsters practicing medicine.
Why do people think it's an urban legend when women describe how they've been medically and sexually abused? š
Why is your comment so adversarial when previous commenter literally said they weren't sure?
That's not the same as dismissing women's accounts so please don't equate them
I didn't mean them specifically. I assume the reason they're not sure is because they've heard people call it a myth before, as have I. And I think it's shitty that people do that.
Circumcision, fgm, the so-called husband stitchā¦ wtf, people? If youāve got genitals youāre happy with it seems a challenge just to keep them intact against the lunatics who want to chop and stitch. What is wrong with humans?
Probably even more dangerous in the back tbh
Husband bad. Good old Boomer Humor.
This isnāt boomer humor, itās highlighting a misogynistic practice by flipping gender roles - pretty non-boomer imo.
Oh, right! It's only boomer humor if Wife Bad.
Way to fail at detecting sarcasm while being sarcastic š¤¦
I'm devastated. Y'all really teaching me a lesson here.
It's clearly making fun of boomer humor. š
"Clearly"
You're right. "Clearly" is relative to the effectiveness of your brain cells, I understand your particular frustration given what your brain cells have produced in this conversation.
For reals. I'm mid-30s and I only remember hearing about this when I was younger. I'd completely forgotten about it, and never would have asked for or suggested it happen.
Good job bringing it back to the forefront so misogynistic men can know of it and use it to torment a fresh, new generation of women.
If your partner jokes about having surgery done to you without your consent, just leave them--whether you're a man or a woman.
The adding "rule" makes anything cool rule.