HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Shaleesh* (7/20 - 7/26)
SwitchyandWitchy* (7/27 - 8/2)
Busgirl* (8/3 - 8/9)
GayTuckerCarlson* (8/10 - 8/16)
SockOlm (8/17 - 8/23)
Eco* (8/24 - 8/30)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Using photos of real corpses for your game for no reason

Least unhinged anti-communist

I dont know what to say but tryna interact more with people to get out of my depressive overwhelmed head so hii:3

Put the water into the body

It comes out of the body

Now you need more water in your body

Tragic cycle of meaningless suffering

there's a foam factory nearby and i was able to get a foam sheet for cheap so i can learn how to build and carve my very own fursuit head

I don't spend as much time here as I used to, but I wanted to tell you all that I love you. This mega is the best place on the entire internet, and you all are the reason. I'll probably come back and read every now and then, but for now, I really need to focus on building community in person. I love you all so much and you will always be a part of who I've become.

hallos:3

I have a girlfriend now after spending a few nights with my friend More details will surely follow after I stop being so busy

She's the one that everybody on the local horny transbian server is going crazy over and i just made her flustered. I think that's a good sign, she already locked me up in the crate in her living room last time i visited her.

The move date is getting ever closer

I have a date scheduled for my driving test too. Just have to practice a bit to make sure I'm comfortable with driving and I'll be a car driving gay soon hopefully

Dysphoric baby trans women accept that people will find them attractive challenge (impossible)

::: spoiler transmisogyny

re: my earlier post where I was complaining about people under the trans masculine umbrella not wanting to be associated with each other

Well, I do personally experience this actually, but it's only for the fucking turf flavored transmisogyny(noir) bullshit (yes this is about that one article that was shared recently in that post about trans masculine ppl) like is it so goddamn hard?? 😠 ridiculous.

:::

prog time prog time prog time

Yay happy cakeday to the account I made when I properly knew I was trans (still took some time to do anything lol)

How to soft launch girlmoding to my friends

God do I even wanna girl mode around them. I don't want to boymode either. I want it to be cold and wear hoodies and shit

I was looking for a job and then I found a job

The heavens know I'm miserable now ...

insane refresh pull

Happiness

::: spoiler nsfw

:::

i need more cute dresses

https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/05067621-f32e-43b4-8a84-0acb36331387.webp

i am two point five weeks into antidepressants and do not feel great

::: spoiler not sad I think I made a post about this the other day but the yearning and low level horniness is so bad rn, at work I kept staring off and thinking about women... god I'm so pathetic I don't know what's come over me.

"low level" maybe this is just E horny I don't know. I need someone so bad. To be intimate. I need intimacy :::

As a service dog, I think if someone told me to "mush" I would do it no questions asked

It's fucking over for baguettes

::: spoiler CPTSD Sometimes, I really think the desire to have a child is pure arrogance. I've known people who have good relationships with their parents, so I guess I've been proven wrong, but I just can't let the feeling go. "Parents" can really break a brain if they're not careful. Antinatalism, etc...

I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to fully untangle past trauma and maladaptive coping strategies. There are certain things buried so deep, that it feels like it's simply become a part of me. Families really freak me out.

:/ :::

Finished reading Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) yesterday. It's very, very affecting, definitely my favourite trans lit novel at this point and probably my favourite novel of the year already, I can't see anything topping it.

By trans lit standards, I feel like this one is a lot more interesting than most of the rest since it's able to be unmistakably and deeply trans without actually being about transness. Which like yeah some of the other novels aren't either, Nevada is about being stuck, several are about misogyny, etc... But they still feel like the transness is an integral part of that theme; Maria is stuck, yes, but she's stuck in her transition. Here the trans elements are important and you can't really remove them, but they aren't core to its themes of unrequited queer love, rather they add to it. And idk, I find that really compelling. I love that the characters are able to be trans, have that be important and not hidden, but also not be the entirety of the book. I love my lit about being trans, but this feels more immediately real to me than any of those besides Nevada. It definitely helps that I relate to it, a lot.

Besides that the actual structure is just pretty cool? The choice of writing a dual Encyclopedia/Eulogy is fantastic and unique, though I think I like it more in theory than in practice. The framing gets dropped more and more as the book goes on, which works in the sense of it emphasising the grief giving way to joy, but imo it leaves the actual encyclopedia elements very bare. I think there's an alternate version of the book where the encyclopedia format is maintained more and tied in closer thematically to the actual main narrative throughline, but tbh idk if that would be a better book than this is. Overall the book is messy at times and you can tell it's Plante's first novel, but for a first novel this is fantastic and I love it. I need to hunt her new one sometime soon.

I don't really belong in this community, but I come with a question that I can't really get answered elsewhere due to my sheer lack of social connections. If it's in any way unacceptable or inappropriate, please tell me so I can correct myself in the future. Thank you <3

::: spoiler CW: Potentially dysphoria triggering discussion about voice(?) My wife is trans. So are a couple of my close friends. One common thing they have amongst all of them is that they feel dysphoria surrounding their voice and how masculine it is. Only one of them has voice trained and sounds pretty damn fem, another isn't training due to a severe speech impediment and self doubt surrounding that but wants to, the other desires to but has problems starting due to severe dysphoria.

Now, all three show some desire to, but to my understanding there is a fairly sizable subset of the transfem community that has no desire to attempt voice training at all. That always struck me as odd, but since it's not part of an experience I can have, I can't really judge in any way. So when it boils down to it, why not voice train? It seems like one of the foremost necessities to pass in a public setting. So why not go for it? :::

I wonder if there's a rom floating around..

Boss at my other gig giving me a list of grievances. My posture is bad, I'm not early enough, my hair isn't up (no one told me it needed to be and it's not a food service job. Also, it's been fine for a month+).

Like I'm quitting soon. I have like two days this week (today and another) and then I'm off, then I'm putting in my two weeks. Get off my back idc.

I've only been going by my new name for a couple weeks and it already makes me sad when I have to put in my old one (I guess it's my deadname, really) in for official legally stuff. Bleh

I don't suppose anyone has any info bookmarked about transdermal vs rectal progesterone dosage/absorption/bioavailability?

I've seen a couple of spray recipes suggest a daily dosage of 6-15mg which seems rather low, given that you'd normally do 100mg or 200mg up yer bum.

i've eaten so much garlic lately that my fingies smell like garlic

down with cis

As it turns out the people on hinge are kinda digging a silly little girl such as myself. Shit is like ivermectin to my worms maybe I do have something going on

::: spoiler you know who you are shut it! I'm still wack and busted :::

lmao i've seen that cover before but never knew it was a metal slug port

Up with trans!

My leg got sore in the injection spot from today. No bruises, or anything but it is mildly painful when walking

::: spoiler venting

So stressed out I can't sleep xwx

Have to find enough money for gas to make it to therapy appointment (or they might charge me the $100 no show/cancelled within 24 hrs fee and cut off my meds lmao), stupid insurance stuff preventing me from getting the CPAP machine I've been waiting 7 months for, eating horrible food or not eating at all, stuck in my horrible horrible room with 30 year old carpet cuz it's better than being around transphobic boomer family I'm stuck living with while they talk about fantastical invading immigrant hordes or stare at me "because they're trying to think of ways to help me" or start yelling at me about finding a job (IM FUCKIGN TRYING)

Been thinking recently about how used to living with little means I've become in the last few years as everything deteriorates. It's cwazy

On the bright side I am now pretty good at fixing things even without tools. I kindaaaa rebuilt my old CPAP's motor and made it run again off of fucking Chapstick as lube and a ball bearing I salvaged out of a computer fan. I'd be using it now if I wasn't concerned it would catch fire, probably while I was asleep and it was blowing air up my nose, if I ran it for more than 15 minutes cuz it got veryyyy veryy warm lol (not exactly factory spec). You should see the horrific solder job I did with a rusty GPU I found and a heat gun that let my boyfriend play The Finals at a good framerate until it broke again hehehe (some power filtering capacitors corroded to nothing but I bridged a previous stage to the output or smth that made the chip stable enough to run)

About to say fuck it and just get up and start grinding on the horrific online "job" (gig work) that pays less and less with each passing year

:::

Was given another monitor like 6+ months ago. Finally put together the stand like three weeks ago. Let it sit on my desk not working for three weeks. Go to mess with it. Unplug and replug the hdmi cable. Got it working last night. Had to fix the settings and now its finally working.

i think my wh40k interest (spiked thanks to Rogue Trader) is taking me into a bad place now. I was just looking at a Howling Banshee squad and was thinking "eh that's not that much money."

there is a certain charm in doing miniature painting tho.... maybe i could paint them in trans colours

It's the 20th anniversary of Persona 3, the best game ever made.

Crazy how time flies~

Sometimes I think my life is garbage, even though I know that I’m overall very lucky and my life is pretty good.

Sometimes I manage to realize how many cool people I’ve managed to know. If I’m very lucky, even when things are hard I can remember that, goddammit, I know some real good folks and I’m glad they’re around, and that’s pretty cool.

Today is both days, but mostly the second. That’s a victory.

Kill every NYT Games editor now

I leave for a few days, in a few days. God I can't wait to escape this house and work for a little while.

aw yea that new thread smell

When you say it's metal slug, is it a reskin or is it actually just one of the metal slug games with that extra cutscene?

Yearning real bad today. Definitely hits different now.

Wild seeing NTs just sitting still :kitty-cri: here I am doing like 4 stims at once

Sad virgin slut with mommy issues.

Looking to be adopted

Loving this theme, we got the pixel art twin towers/OBL/GWB, now we get pixel art Deng :)

When this was released, where would you have actually bought a copy?

Tommorow I'm going to be on boarding my internship.

Excited? A little.

Scared? Quite a bit.

Paid? Not at all.

Hotel? Trivago.

Need to actually learn my lesson and take my pills with water

I have never learned this lesson ever and like half the time my tummy hurts after. Got unlucky this time :/

::: spoiler spoiler ::: spoiler passive suicidal thoughts, dysphoria Fully sick of my shitty little life.

I literally just blame how I look for like 80% of this.

Oh well. There's nothing I can do but suffer. Until hopefully I can come out and put effort in. And hopefully that's enough (and I'm even able to!) or I can gather the courage

I wish I could have someone, and look good, and not feel like killing myself all the time. :::

How it feels to have stupid bitch disease (not great)

::: spoiler CW: kinky/horny Help, the website I buy stuff from is now showing me "pet" leashes, cat/fox ears and tails (the kind that go on THAT place).

On one side, I think it's hilarious that they sell this stuff there, but I really ain't interested in the leash stuff. At least there's some cute paw socks that I kinda like, but that's not very cheap. :::

I just have to make it through the week.

God that's always how it is.

Salty limenade > sweet lemonade

Shadow 05 was so good why did it have to end I think no leftist theory can be complete without playing hours daily of shadow the hedgehog while listening to an audiobook in the background

CAM ON MBAPPE, SCORE SUM FACKIN GOALS

Born2Ride

::: spoiler Monday's post: Terrifying 9.11

I'm not sure if there's a better title for this series, but basically I'll be sharing unlicensed games that have political messaging relevant to the time the game was made. I was originally going to focus on console games but there's exactly one old Windows game I wanted to include so whatever.

Terrifying 9.11 is a bootleg Game Boy Color game developed by Ruanxin (based out of Fuzhou, China) and released sometime 2002 (or possibly end of 2001). The game opens with a video montage of the planes hitting the twin towers while a chiptune rendition of Shir LaShalom plays. Pressing start brings up a little story crawl about 9/11 and the plan to send super soldiers into Afghanistan. Pressing start again opens a map screen and again into an exchange between Bush and Bin Laden. And then finally... Metal Slug. It's a Metal Slug port. A surprisingly decent one!

:::

that game is just peak orientalism turning an innocent song into something scary

What is the difference between bayesian analysis and frequentist analysis?

::: spoiler example of misapplied frequentist analysis where bayesian analysis would be more appropriate

:::

::: spoiler Tuesday's post: Hong Kong 97

Hong Kong 97 is a bootleg Super Famicom "game" released in 1995. Designed by journalist Yoshihisa Kurosawa and developed by an anonymous Enix employee, this aggressively anti-communist and anti-Chinese shock project was made over the course of two days.

The game starts with a language select screen and a low bitrate 5 second clip of I Love Beijing Tiananmen that endlessly loops until you turn the game off. After language select, Mr. Business offers to sell your own original games and you get to keep a third of the profits. How generous! And then a message to dealers about stocking their game. Which yeah. The one thing this game doesn't lack in is audacity.

Above are the cutscenes that play every time before the game begins. I blurred the third image as it contains a pile of corpses that I'm assuming are real.

There's not much game to talk about; you move around and shoot PLA. You die on contact damage, if you're shot, or, if you somehow live long enough, chomped on by the disembodied head of Deng Xiaoping. Oh and when you die, you get hit with a digitized photo of an actual corpse. So yeah, either try not to lose, or, better yet, don't play the game at all and just look at the images I posted so you can think to yourself "what a terrible game I'm not playing"

This is the SCMP interview with Yoshihisa Kurosawa that I pulled most of the background from if you're interested for more info.

Link to the rom CW: pictures of real corpses, awful game

Note: Deng Xiaoping was still alive in 1995 when this game was made, but he did end up dying in 1997. He was 90 in 1995 so that's not like a really out-of-nowhere prediction but still a little weird. :::

I chose some stuff to paint my hair, gonna spend like 15 dollars on it and do it at home

::: spoiler Wednesday's post: Peru: Operación Chavín de Huántar I don't have any info about developers or origin or anything and it's not really a playable game since it's a 10 second cutscene that depicts MRTA guerillas running out of an ambulance and that's it.

As for what the game title is referencing, there's a natopedia page specifically for the operation but this one gives a little more context

In short, Operation Chavín de Huántar was a military operation carried out by the Peruvian Armed Forces in response to a hostage situation at the Japanese embassy's residence. The hostages were being held by the Túpac Amaru Revolutionary Movement (MRTA), a Marxist-Leninist group who demanded a reversal on neoliberal market reforms, the release of political prisons, and improvement in prison conditions in general. To retrieve the hostages, the military dug a tunnel under the building and attacked from underneath. The aftermath of the operation left 2 soldiers dead, 1 hostage dead (none were harmed until the military attacked), and all 14 MRTA members dead, of which 3 members were tortured before death and as many as 8 were summarily executed after surrendering.

Link to the rom :::

::: spoiler spoiler I need someone to beat the shit out of me so that they're obligated to hold and comfort me afterward :::

Sometimes I forget that I'm not a person I don't deserve human rights

My Movie

I found a YouTube link in your post. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

• yewtu.be
• inv.nadeko.net
• yt.artemislena.eu
• piped.video