Last year I tried to get my insurance to cover top surgery. Two different ones strung me along and then canceled at the last minute.

My hope was to sneak in before my needed hysterectomy and before things got worse.

Needless to say it didn't happen.

As things continue to get worse. With the already hard time of money, it just seems like its not going to happen. There are so many people who need money more then me. I have been very privilege with a roof over my head, food, and some healthcare. Fundrasing seems wrong especially with how much would be needed. It also seems most of the fundrasier places are not running anymore? Least that is what it seemed like when I checked.

I have done my best to make peace with this.

However sometimes it just hits me very hard. The fact that I will probably never be comfortable in my body. I try to practice radical acceptance and trying to force myself to like my body. If anything so I can stop dodging photes and mirrors. But its just hard sometimes. I feel wrong in a way that is hard to describe. It's so much harder to press it back down once that Pandora box has open.

I guess I just wanted to toss my story into the abyss. Sort of a sad rant/lamenting I guess. Another issue on the infinity of suffering of America.