HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Disaster_of_Passion* (6/29 - 7/5)
Eco* (7/6 - 7/12)
nemmybun* (7/13 - 7/19)
Shaleesh* (7/20 - 7/26)
SwitchyandWitchy* (7/27 - 8/2)
Busgirl* (8/3 - 8/9)
GayTuckerCarlson* (8/10 - 8/16)
SockOlm (8/17 - 8/23)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

::: spoiler harassment

So, why is harassment funny sometimes? Like, today some guy walking past me said "damn, I still wouldn't fuck [unintelligible (possibly 'that')]" in a very overemphasized tone, and it just was kinda hilarious. Like, buddy, I wouldn't fuck you either but ya dont see me whingeing on about it. And I know its supposed to be a put down, and that its rooted in cishet mans self importance that he is the arbiter of who (or rather, what, as the proverbial cishetman doesn't relate to those he finds attractive as people) is "fuckable", but goddamn it was just kinda funny. Like, I'm living rent free in this guys head, all his thoughts about me are about sex and how he doesn't want to have sex with me, and I'm just living my little life over here

Sometimes I feel very basic for the name I chose, it's one of the most common trans girl names and is very close to my birth name but female. But I always loved it and wished it was my name if I was a girl.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we did it, my husband and I moved to a new city in a new state. We checked it out before and loved the community.

I might finally start trying to leave the house as Me. I can finally get a doctor that can get me hormones. It might finally work out

I spent 120 Canadian fun bucks to buy ethereum to buy estrogen and fucked it up because I didn't read a guide and now I don't have girl juice nor do I have my money and now some random crypto asshole has my womoney because I sent it to the wrong bajillion digit crypto wallet. Pity me, and let my woes be a cautionary tale to do the reading lest you hurl money into the void.

Okay so I've seized control of the BBC (so much blood gosh).

Doctor Who. Now played by a tall clocky trans woman. Explicitly brought up in episodes that this regeneration has gender going on.

The doctor doesn't understand because she has had both male and female bodies in the past and is chill. People ask if she's a man and she say "no galifreyan"

Yoo, I'm 6 months hrt!!!!!

10 days hrt woop

::: spoiler venting, transmisogyny Got indefinitely muted and threatened w a ban on a discord server weve been v active in for over 4 years and have a bunch of friends in for being too loud and catty/mean/impatient abt transmisogyny. At one point this server was basically the only place we socialized in and we have a ton of good memories of the ppl there, so were pretty upset that we might now lose all that for being a trans girl :::

Me immediately after my coffee and a bowl: why is my voice so ass in the morning

::: spoiler transmisogyny Update to this: got banned now lovely to know all these ppl we thought we could trust care more abt keeping transmisogynists safe than abt keeping trans girls safe :::

I hate people who go around spreading that they "used" to be trans. Like no, you're either trans or you were confused. There is no way to resolve being trans. You didn't have a "trans phase". You're a bumfuck cis person. Stop spreading this shit. It hurts trans people.

This teenager at work called a 13~ year old, to their face mind you, a cum dumpster. What possessed you to do that. Kid's mom was not happy.

Didn't get fired btw.

Got pretty drunk during some local summerfestival, came out to several of my friends which seems to have went well. Still very drunk, might not be fully happy about it when I stop being drunk but feel like it is definitely a good thing right now.

Glad I started hrt when I did, as long as nothing happens I could be moving out by the end of the year (and always wear hoodies and stuff by fall anyway). And I'll have a whole year head start on it.

I have an appointment in 30 minutes to hopefully get my gender dysphoria diagnosis. I am bricking it tbh. Also I need to think about

• Do i actually want bottom surgery? It scares me quite a lot and idk if it would benefit me that much other than not having to tuck. And the recovery seems quite bad. But it's free though so... maybe? I'd have an orchi in a heartbeat if it were available
• Do i want to apply for a gender recognition certificate (mostly worthless since a the government decided that your gender is your sex in most circumstances) as a woman? I'm not a woman but, if forced to pick one of the two available gender options, F would be the least incorrect. In some imaginary timeline where I can afford to travel internationally, I'd be able to get a passport with an F marker rather than M. You don't need a GRC to change your gender on your driving licence (which is the de-facto state-issued photo id here currently). But, again, you may choose M or F and nothing else.

I've brought up cartoons by allies that depict trans people in transphobic ways, I really like this cartoon because it doesn't do that.

In part because it doesn't have a big arrow to the trans people

But short boy with undercut gives me transmasc vibes, and tall girl with hoop earrings gives me transfem vibes. And I get non binary vibes from the teal topped person between them.

Also I saw a comment where a boomer said. "Why is there three lesbian couples?" Which was really funny.

One thing I've wanted for a long time was to get out of the shower and feel sexy. I realized as I was getting out tonight that I did feel sexy! It was a great feeling. Was just thinking about how hot [blank] and [blank] are and then was like, oh, dang, this is exactly what I'd been wanting forever. So that was a nice thing that happened today.

Finally came out to the other boymoder at work over tacos the other day, it was nice. She very clearly didn't want to talk about our transness though, she is shy tbf. She was surprised I'm trans, which in turn surprised me because I don't feel like it's that subtle.

She's on hrt which is good, really wanted to make sure she was taken care of in that department before I leave. But we mostly talked about other stuff.

My day be so fine

Then boom

::: spoiler spoiler Sudden feeling that I am a fundamentally unlovable freak, forever mangled by male puberty, lacking the divine spark of humanity that rests in every "real" human's heart, and better off dead :::

Being in my body is so comfortable these days. I get to wake up and be like "woah I'm girl shaped!"

on one hand, a coworker complimented my makeup and got jokingly mad it was “better” than hers, on the other a boss dress coded me for looking hot (showing a hint of thigh). transmisogyny is so pervasive in our fucked up world smdh, we don’t even have a strict dress code! fuckers…

Every day my misogynist block list grows longer. Just a few hundred to go until hexbear becomes usable.

So a client asked if I work here, then said there's a woman at the front who needs to talk to a female staff member. At first I was looking around for one of my coworkers to help but then I realized he meant me???

I got confused at which woman he was talking about and thought everything got taken care of so I went to check on something else, and when I came back he was still there with the lady he had actually indicated, he saw me and was like "oh here she is!" Then the lady comes up to me and says she started her period and needed some new clothes...

Thank God my cisf coworker bailed me out and took her to the clothes donations because I legitimately could not form proper sentences during all this. Jesus

Huh, so Estrogen lower ones risk of gout. Funniest pretend excuse for transitioning yet, given I've got a family history of that.

It just dawned on me that my 2 year transiversery for starting hrt was yesterday. It also just dawned on me I’m like 3 days late this week on my shot.

I had a dream last night where ashinadash was posting under a new name.

Also miss Thallo, last time I talked to her was like 18 months ago. She said she'd come back and message me but hasn't. Hope she's okay out there.

Visiting with my mom today. Wearing properish makeup (foundation, mascara, eyeshadow) and an outfit I will describe as "look ma, I've got tits now" so we'll see how it goes. I say 20% chance of her crashing out

Kind of wild to me how many people are full time out pre hrt. I'm going to be close to a year after the move and still debating what I want to do (mostly just work and family).

Hate coming out to family :/

Dentist said I have sharp teeth

I need to find someone who thinks that's sexy

things with my mom went pretty okay. We didn't talk about it at first but then when I was talking about health insurance at my new job she had a bit of a spiel about starting mammograms early since i'm at higher risk of breast cancer due to hers. She did balk at my recollection that guidelines suggest waiting until 5 years of HRT (which is true) but no matter how you cut it seems like i'll be starting at ~30. I don't mind her harping on that so much because I know it's something of a love language for her and she has the good sense to recognize i'm capable of making my own healthcare decisions.

We talked more about my identity and pronouns and stuff. It did feel a little more interrogatey than I would've liked but this time I had confidence in myself which really made a difference. I think we're gonna be okay

::: spoiler honri

Taking selfies and nudes is mental self-care hehe!

:::

ATTENTION NONBINARYIES AND TRANSEGENDERS!!!

DELTARUNE TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::: spoiler alienation I guess?

You know how some people say "oh I feel like I belong!" when they are in a group, or how they show such feelings of belonging clearly in their actions? I'm trying to think, and I dont know if Im capable of feeling belonging. I can do 1-on-1, that makes sense and I can feel connection with a person. But in a group, belonging in a group, its not common experience for me. I dont know the last time I felt it.

There's always an awareness of my performativity. There's always a self censoring of my genuine thoughts and feelings, there's always the knowledge that my continued association with the group is dependent upon my falling within their acceptable parameters. Should I fail in that, should the degree of my existence that lies outside their acceptable parameters reach a critical threshold, I will be disposed of and no longer associated with.

Its really hard to feel safe enough to express my genuine thoughts and feelings. I just want to find people who I belong with, cause as it currently stands I feel deeply isolated from anyone and everyone when it comes to groups.

Anyway, I was in a large group of lesbians, trans and cis, last night. And I didn't feel like I didn't belong, but I did not feel any sense of belonging. A sea of faces that should have made me feel joy to look at, and instead I just feel fear and apprehension and uncertainty and distrust. I dont know what to do or how to perform, and its incredibly difficult for me. There's a reason I like people telling me what to do, it makes things clear, it makes things understandable.

I would really like to feel like I belong one day, for more than just a few weeks or a handful of months. It would be nice if it was along the lines of transness, but really just anything would be nice. Just a space where I dont have to perform and can be truly open and honest.

Want to vent but don't have the energy to write right now.

::: spoiler very quick summary Am sad and lonely and feel unfit for this society. :::

So I got an "official" offer for the job but it was still conveyed verbally. Hoping they get me the offer letter DocuSign today so I can give my two weeks at current job... Although honestly I might just give my two weeks today anyhow. They still need me for a bunch of stuff

Lol nvm just got the DocuSign in my inbox HELL YEAH

Long skirts r great for us in this weather, way less hot and sweaty than pants, dont have to worry as much abt sunscreen or shaving, plus look rly good (in our opinion at least)

I'm moving over 2,000 miles away next month, kind of surreal now that it's so close. Feels like a new season in the life of u/inTheShadowOf is about to start. Exciting!

Literally rhe moment I get out of my exam and think that I get to relax for a day I start thinking bad thoughts again.

Hell, I even started thinking things during the middle of the test.

This is why I just can't let go of distracting myself with cheap dopamine. But it's just so exhausting. Whether I confront my thoughts or not. Whether I try to have personal growth. Nothing helps. The thoughts just do not stop.

how do you pack for a trip as a girl? besides obvious hair care, makeup, skincare, spare estrogen, what am i going to forget?

as always, down with cis

happy pride, my comrades

the question of "would you give John Brown a nuke?" is flawed since you should actually be asking "How many nukes would you give John Brown?"

Jesus, this younger trans girl is going to kill me. I'm going to pride on Saturday, dancing all night at a queer club (literally 10pm to noon Sunday), then going to another pride on Sunday. At some point I may just have to take a nap at the club. I'm actually planning for this like you'd prepare for a marathon, eating super clean, carb loading the day before, making sure I hydrate like crazy, etc

Pride day at work but I'm wearing boymoder chic, oversized black hoodie and all. Probably makes me more conspicuous versus all the people in rainbow stuff

Nothing tbh, I've felt terrible and hopeless.

"Your cheeks look so red, I thought you were wearing makeup" - coworker today

Gosh is there something in the water? Lot more of these funny little comments recently. Ironically the redness is from my lack of makeup, as foundation usually mellows my rosy complexion.

I swear to fuck if I'm getting sick the day before pride I will commit jihad on RFK's brainworms for making infectious illness more rampant

mfw I cant post pics of myself in c/cute cause I would doxx myself

Glad my previous crushes lead to no where, would have been terrible overall. My gf is amazing so like it all worked out in the end.

Recently I've been in touch with a lot of people I knew from university and high school. It's strange to have people tell you how happy you look, how brave and authentic you are etc.

It's like I'm sorry I've been very used to thinking of myself as a sad goblin who wasn't deserving of happiness or love. This is a big change people!

Anyone have any good tips on how to handle strong emotions?

Before I figured out gender and stuff I was so repressed I basically didn't experience emotions except anxiety and self- hate. Then I started actually feeling things, and then hrt made my feelings so much stronger and a couple years in they're even stronger; I am really struggling. I feel completely overwhelmed almost all the time, I feel like I'm close to having another big mental health episode. To be clear, hrt is wonderful in lots of ways and I love being trans and even as much as I'm mentally suffering, it's still easy better than how I was before. But it'd be pretty cool to be able to handle emotions a little better

🎶 I wanna be, your beta b*tch

that no one ever was

to suck them all, is my real test

to drain them is my cause!

My parents found out my younger sister (young teen) has been drinking energy drinks and both flipped their shit. Thank god they didn't find my shit I might slim down more but I gotta keep my E if nothing else.

In honor of pride month I started listening to an audiobook called Dreadnought. It’s about a trans girl who inherits superpowers and it’s really good. I usually only listen to books at work but I ended up listening to it at home while working on my ebike project. I just started book 2 last night and I’m already a few hours into it.

Hope comes from within. If your hope has an external cause then it can die with that cause.

But if your hope has no reason. No source. If it's just there, then it can't be taken away.

Anyway the reason I'm feeling hopeful is cause summer forced me to ditch my boy moding jacket and now it feels much better moving about. I don't think people clock me as a girl, but since I'm not actively hiding it, it's not as bad.

I keep having these random, horrible drops where I feel terrible for no discernable reason. I mean I am dysphoric, but I'm not like super fixated on any one thing... But I just feel completely terrible out of no where.

So I don't want to count my chickens, but I was extended a verbal offer for the trans friendly job!! It should basically be in the bag pending background and reference checks, but I don't expect any issues there. I don't think it'll really hit me until I get a signed offer letter, but I can already feel a twinge of relief of all the shit at my current job I'm not gonna have to deal with anymore

I am conflicted about name stuff, because I'm only "trying on" Ruby atm but I figure I should take this chance to jump ship from my old name. Just a little worried about annoying people at work if I start changing too often

Stayed up way too late again, although this time it was talking geopolitics :doomjak: although it is incredibly refreshing talking politics to someone with actually good takes.

going to see my family for the first time since starting girl mode. nervous as hell, despite them knowing everything, calling me by my name, even my parents got over their initial reaction and are chill-kind about it. nevertheless i’m still freaked out by being perceived. which is frustrating given how being perceived as ME is literally the point of all this, but i internalized a crushing fear of being seen as a kid that is fucking me up to this day. hopefully this is good exposure therapy for enjoying being myself rather than being afraid of it

::: spoiler cw self harm humor babe don't off yourself, you haven't watched the Sopranos yet :::

::: spoiler dysphoria Was feeling good and wanted to take some pictures, unfortunately I am not actually looking as good as I thought. Maybe a shower and shave later will have me looking as presentable as I thought I was.

Also was looking at one of my favorite pictures and realized my adam's apple is visible which kinda ruined it for me. Fuck that stupid pos. :::

It's pride weekend in [nearby largest city] and I'm meeting up there with a trans girl I met at the rave last weekend After the daytime shit is done there's a pride club event that goes from 10pm to noon the next day and I'm going to see how long I can last.

So the other day I was kidnapped by the evil force-femme lesbianism cult* (EFF-LC).

They unwrapped my boymoding clothes and saw that I'm already transing, and already very very gay.

So they told me to either apply to the cult or be executed, cause the cult has to be kept a secret.

Of course, everybody knows that I would never join a cult or condone cult behavior.

Which is why I must clarify that despite the name the EFF-LC is not a cult and only force-femmes eggs

Signing up is free and you get a 3 month discount for the membership

Members get a ton of benefits such as exclusive feminisation perks and walkies in the park

membership is non-cancellable

Since sodium came out, she has inspired me to come out myself.

::: spoiler I own one of the most chud things imaginable, take your guesses now I have a mypillow :catgirl-flop: my chud dad bought it for me. :::

GF dabbing on the haters is real fucking cute I'm not biased or anything so trust me on this chat

I've been involuntarily free from weed for about six weeks now because my dealer left me on read and I'm too embarrassed to double text. Also I don't know any other dealers.

Oh well it's kinda nice. I feel like I have my shit together a bit more when I'm not getting high all the time

Doing my trans duty of watching my friend play Deltarune.

Feels like there are way less people on tinder and grindr than last time I was on there. Where's a girl go for queer casual sec these days?

Given how my parents have acted in the past they would straight up just call me ugly and disgusting if I presented fem around them

Day 11 of estrogen implant, my boobs hurt and I definitely think I'm getting growth.

::: spoiler stuff about... down there So over the past couple months I've been feeling like I want something, or someone, inside me. Probably has something to do with starting prog 3 months ago.

I had tried anal stuff a long time ago and tried it again recently hoping now that I have this urge it would be more fulfilling, but it wasn't really? I can't find my prostate and the only thing that feels somewhat good is when I set my little toy thing to vibrate and I kinda clench around it.

I have found that perineum stimulation is nice, which I think is just putting pressure on the prostate externally? So hopefully that means if I can figure out how to get to it internally that it'll feel good.

I also just feel weird and kinda shameful about all this... like I'm a freak. I get that it's pretty tame all things considered but something about it just makes me sad? I guess this might be some kind of bottom dysphoria :::

I read Nevada and had a lot of fun with it

I got to ride in a seaplane once

Pretty cool, loud as fuck. I got motion sickness and had to focus on the water to get myself feeling okay

There is one singular fly that was let in while we were moving stuff out of my room and its been driving me insane for the last 24 hours.

I don't know if anyone has watched Severance (2022 show) but I'm about half way through the first season and everything is really heating up. Its a sci-fi thriller about people who get their personalities split and have a work "innie" and their "outie" which gets switched between when they leave work. There's a shady giant biotech corp too. Its very detail/story rich I've been reading threads on every episode to decipher what things mean and catch details I forgot about. Anyway its really good and I like it so far and I'm excited to watch the rest of season 1.

Maybe dysphoria is my problem (okay and the job worries)

::: spoiler dysphoria Fuck I hate how I look. Everything about it. There's not really anything I can do to fix it. I hope a haircut helps. When I'm able.

Also wishing I had a pussy so bad :/ :::

shaved everything except the eyebrows and hair, feeling nice and smooth

::: spoiler cw depression stuff also im back on anti-depressants so that's smoothing my peaks and valleys. just don't know tbh, feels like i've been depressed for such a long period of my life that my brain doesn't know how to not be depressed. year without meds and i was in a horrible place again even with transitioning and hrt and everything. i'm just...tired :::

Really glad I've been able to grow my hair out. Even looking at pictures from like 3 months ago shit looks decroded

Were like 99% sure were some kind of asexual. Specifically we like aegosexual, basically meaning we like sex in theory but not in practice

Up with trans

::: spoiler Wow, the TADC finale sure was something. Can't wait for 30 million cis people to entirely miss that Jax is a trans woman in denial, like they already tried to come up with contrived reasons for Zooble's mirror scene without mentioning gender dysphoria. "B-but trans people are like 1% of the population, let's AGAIN come up with literally any explanation that applies to one in a million people as long as that explanation is another one than just admitting somebody is trans and all the trans people pointing that out were right about that all along."

Also, it feels as if the finale did try to make some point about rehabilitative instead of carcereal justice, with the abstractions no longer being locked up in the basement, but being calmed down and floating around peacefully. And i'm fine with Brainscan Jax not having a full redemption arc, there was no time for that. But i do think the limited time they had was spent too much on her and too little on the people she abused mercylessly, especially Ribbit, Ragatha and Gangle, to a lesser degree also Zooble and Pomni who at least got some more amount of screentime.

I watched the finale with some close friends of mine, all of them trans, and literally every one of us has gone through some form of abuse. We were all in agreement that it felt wrong and hurtful to see how Ragatha badly needed comfort and reassurance and almost all of that was, instead, focussed on her abuser. I get that the show would have needed more time to get into this, but it's telling that the pity for abuse victims is just sidelined completely while their abuse was largely treated as a form of comic relief by the general audience, at least up until the finale. I agree with the need for rehabilitation instead of punishment, but there also needs to be restorative justice for this to work. And we did not have that as more than an implication that Pomni will be there for Ragatha after she has recovered from taking care of Jax.

That may sound kinda harsh, but it was our immediate reaction. I also think that Jax is a terrifyingly accurate portrayal of how repping can turn an egg toxic, it was super fucking painful to watch the entire scene inside her mind precisely because it felt so true. I think that was my I Saw the TV Glow moment. I was obviously never as bad as Jax to others, i was especially less misogynist than her, but i've had failed coming outs, i've repped brutally and for way too long, i've done a bunch of stuff to overcompensate that i'm not proud of and i had to confront that hard. And i also liked that Brainscan Jax and her IRL counterpart developed so differently, that one dug herself deeper and deeper into denial while the other is very obviously at most a year from coming out, constantly hanging out at Zooble's bar, looking like the most obvious boymoder and probably already using she / her pronouns and her chosen name online.

It really drives home the point that people aren't onthologically evil, that in spite of both of these "instances" of the same person sharing a common gender identity, socialization and trauma, one of them was able to start healing and the other wasn't, entirely due to both of them living under vastly different conditions and making different choices. :::

::: spoiler vent

Group mate genuinely trying to argue 3 hours before the deadline of a 2 month project that we should cut out all of my work.

The work that I explicitly told everyone I was doing 1 week into the project. The work that no one objected to up until, well, fucking today.

I have an exam in the morning tommorow that I couldn't study for yet because of this fucking assignment.

Not even angry about this anymore.

:::

had to introduce myself to a group of people a while ago and of course i stuttered the whole way through and made a terrible first impression. its sooo difficult to push myself to try to meet new people when i know that my brain will sabotage me and make me look like a complete idiot who cant even say their name

Idk feels like mental health just scrubbing myself down and washing my hair thoroughly, after lathering I just turn off the water and sit down in a chair in the shower scraping and scrubbing everything. It takes maybe an hour just working through both feelings and BO and I usually put on something to listen to during. Afterwards it's shaving and lotion and boom it's like a new me. Skin still little sore little fresh but I'm happy

::: spoiler bonus flying boat Pictured: the Hughes H4 Hercules "Spruce Goose" (helicopter for scale)

With a wingspan of nearly 100 meters, this is the world's largest flying boat and largest wooden aircraft. It was originally going to be a long distance cargo plane for use in world war 2, but wasn't completed in time to be used in the war.

The Spruce Goose was only ever flown on a single test flight in 1947 by Howard Hughes. If you would like to see it in person, it is in a museum in Oregon. :::

What if space cowboys, but instead of flying around on ships that are basically cars, they fly on creatures that are basically horses. Some kind of space creature that provides oxygen and warmth for a human to partner with it. The space cowboy needs their space horse to live. The bond between a space cowboy and space horse comes before all others in the great expanse. Without your space horse, you're dead, immediately exposed to the vacuum of space. Is that anything

Okay, I'm not sick but I didn't sleep as much as I wanted to

This time I'm going to type out a serious comment that isn't shameful and makes me want to delete it.

::: spoiler cw discussion

::: spoiler suicide

So a lot of the things and net communities i used to gravitate towards used to be really ... not sure harmful, but i don't think beneficial if you're suicidal.

I'm going to describe one thing I once did. So I stumbled upon an image on my laptop by accident which is why I was reminded of it.

It was this thing called "* * * * form" (not posting the name for your own sake).

And yes it was a Google form. Where you could RP signing up for a disposal service that'd kidnap you and kill you according to your instructions. Of course the thing was very sexualised in nature (why wouldn't it be? You think I coped with this the normal way?)

What really gets me is the specific screenshot I had on my laptop. It was the responses to a question "How happy are you that your life is coming to an end?" and it was a scale of 1-10. I, along with 30 other people put in 10/10. Even now looking at this question makes me feel like I'd still put a 10/10.

Like, it's been 2 years since then. And I'm still fundamentally just like this. I know 2 years ago things were way less serious. My egg wasn't even fully cracked. Even being somewhat along my transition has changed nothing, except that I'm actually more suicidal right now (external circumstances, not cause I'm trans).

And I'm sure that playing along with such content (that I haven't interacted with in a long time) was like some sort of coping. Just like how I used to be really into gender bender stuff before my egg crack.

I just wish maybe that the things I got into in the past were less sexualised and dealt with my feelings in a more healthy way. Maybe I can still find such content today. But it feels ... too late?

:::

::: spoiler ranting a bit think I'm gonna stop dating women, feels like I have to take initiative all the time or nothing ever happens. Like there are negatives about dating guys as well, but at least they're good at making me feel desired. :::

I am so tired today I can't even make good posts :catgirl-flop:

of course my first day out at work i have weed throat good god my voice is ass

::: spoiler check this thing out ::: I wonder if I could ride one without hurting myself.

Statue play is goated but sadly I do not have magic to turn people into statues while keeping them conscious and also have the ability to turn them back.

it never ends, does it? anyway project hail mary is good i cried a lot

Getting gender envy from that maidservant. How cooked am I chat?

::: spoiler spoiler

:::

I think I've finally got the hang of making my eyebrows both a clean arch shape, and symmetrical. It's surprisingly easy to mess up one while trying to do the other, or at least it was for me. But I like how that small alteration changes my face.

I'm more of a float plane woman myself but flying boats are awesome too. I like the STOL capabilities of many float planes, mostly cause I'd love to be able to hop around between smaller lakes.

I have a really good idea for Deltarune Chapter 8

How do I get into contact with Toby Fox?

Btw thanks for the fun topic. I think the Soviet (cw natopedia) Ekronoplan is very too https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPA33iQkTac

::: spoiler spoiler I just want the depression and background miserable feeling to get another big step better. Come on we already have had a big step of progress but it's still there and I swear I just need a little better. Then I can just be dealing with dysphoria, surgeries, voice training, and work. :::

Cupola in name

Didn't make a cupola thread

I’ve been waiting for this bit

What if I gave up on everything, got a minimum wage job and moved out with my gf?

just noticed I have no vascularity in my hands, so that's nice

Double pride weekend: mostly a success. My friend started feeling real bad about herself shortly after getting into the club and instead of staying out all night we went back to her place and cuddled until we fell asleep. She was doing better today and we had a good time :3

Also definitely got a little sunburnt

::: spoiler voice training/dysphoria Was on a vc with another trans woman the other day and she was gassing me up and tried getting me to do a "super simple" voice exercise she thought would help me a lot. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't figure out what to even do. It was super frustrating and dysphoria inducing.

Why is this always like this. I don't get it, I don't get anything done, I still don't even know how to do it. All it did was make me feel dysphoric.

Imagine if I'd actually been able to understand this two years ago. If training wasn't this horrible or if I was able to power through. I don't even have anything to say. I just feel super hopeless about it. :::

::: spoiler vent

Idk how to deal with this. I want my brother over. But he's got his own life and friends that he wants to spend time on over there. If he knew what I was going through he'd come over out of obligation. But that's just a shitty and selfish thing to inflict upon on him. No I'm not asking for approval from y'all to tell him. I'm just venting.

It reminds me strangely of rakhi. It's an Indian tradition where sisters tie bracelets on their brothers, in exchange for a promise of being "protected". In the end, since I never tied any bracelets, I'm not going to have anyone come and help me. It's only fitting.

Also, funnily enough, I always ended up ripping off the bracelets cause I found them annoying (they're impossible to remove otherwise, and people keep em on for months. This was foreshadowing of how I would sever my familial relations.

Or maybe it's another foreshadowing of being trans cause I was the only who ripped em off and they're a symbol of being a brother

:::

They should make a type of caffeine where you feel great but without feeling like I'm going to run through a wall and not being able to sleep. Caffeine PM.

For terminal

::: spoiler spoiler

I did not know even you went through such troubles at one point. I always saw you as a reliable pillar like person who everyone can rely on. And still you had to face such things before getting to this point.

I hate that this is so common in the trans community. I hate it and hate it! It's so bullshit.

:::

I think my favorite flying boat is the Dornier Do X

finally, uncornerable boatplane

Been thinking about not going further with the private university thingy. It's too expensive idk, and there's the pressure of finishing it soon because it costs money you know, the biggest reason to go to a public university is that it's free and then I don't have any pressure or anything and there are more opportunities and stuff. The only thing is, I'll have to jump through some more hoops to get in and it will take more time

Today I was thinking about how much I absolutely couldn't have repped, how horrifying the idea of being and presenting as a man would be.

I have a little sunburn on my ankle because I took my socks of on the beach and forgot I hadn't put sunscreen there

@peanutbuttercupola@hexbear.net I wrote a reply to this but figured I'd post it as a new comment so it doesn't get buried:

They are! But maybe even more importantly bush and back country flying has increased connection between remote and isolated communities, often indigenous ones. Unfortunately in many cases I'm guessing it also brought imperialism and settler-colonialism to places they otherwise would've struggled to reach. But that doesn't need to be the case. Canada and the USA (in particular in Alaska) made heavy use of bush planes and float planes to exchange resources, deliver mail, and transport people to, from, and in between previously isolated communities that would've required dangerous or extremely long and laborious journeys on land as opposed to a few hours at most in the air. The DHC-2 Beaver is a particularly recognizable example that ruled the Canadians and Alaskan back country with it's relatively large and powerful engine and high lift wing that let it fly lots of cargo (almost 1 ton) and people (6 passengers):

The beaver is one of my favorite planes, but these days it's outclassed in Canada and Alaska by larger turbo-props like the Cessna 208 Caravan which can carry 13 passengers or a bit over a ton of cargo: or the twin engine DHC-6 Twin Otter that can carry up to 20 people or 1.8 tons with a light fuel load:

But it wasn't just capitalist settler colonial states that made use of float planes to link remote communities. The USSR produced and operated my favorite bush plane of all time which still services difficult to access remote villages, the Antonov An-2:

The An-2 could carry over 2 tons of payload and had seating for 12, all from a 1940s design. Being a biplane with very large high lift wings and a very powerful engine, it could fly extremely slowly even compared to the Beaver, which gave it incredible short takeoff and landing capabilities even for a modern bush plane let alone one of its size. But just as or more important than its technical abilities were the way it was used. Flying was a difficult to afford luxury for indigenous communities in the USA and Canada that required trading significant amounts of their resources away to the settlers who would own and operate these planes to earn a profit off of transport fares. In the USSR, these flights were subsidized and their intention was specifically to improve the lives of the communities they served, rather than turn a profit. I don't know how often the float plane variant of the An-2 was used for this, or if there are any still flying passengers, but I did find a video of a wheeled variant still carrying passengers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jvdMAQu9kg

I don't want to talk about it or think about it. Sorry.

I really really like whoever thought these were a good idea https://www.exchangesupplies.org/product/unisharp_fixed_coloured_mugs

::: spoiler suicide Okay so if I don't malefail, at what point do I kill myself? Like one year, two years? :::

::: spoiler cw type mentions

::: spoiler suicide

Am again and again catching myself self-censoring out of fear of being too edgy and cringe. But it's like my s_cide posts and like, I don't even know anymore. What the fuck does a not edgy s**cide post even look like other than just doing it and having an obituary so I don't feel like a larper.

:::

Another day, another comment deleted!

looking at recipes for brown rice to see if my normal method is going to work and then one recipe is like "we threw out a lot of poorly made rice before we found this method!" and like you threw away food that was perfectly fine?

there's this one vegan recipe site, the owner of which lives in Dubai, so i guess the average food blogger is just built different

::: spoiler big Deltarune ch5 spoiler omg they put Mad Mew Mew in there twice, i'm losing it. :::

::: spoiler Deltarune ch5 spoilers So, i just finished the boss fight against Pink / Mad Mew Mew and i gotta say, i didn't have onscreen t4t forehead kissies on my chapter 5 bingo card, but naaaaaaaaaaw. Somebody on here recently said the whole chapter feels like a celebration of queerness and after seeing how that continues even in the bonus / easter egg part of the chapter, after the lesbian date, after two gay romances, after all the hints to Ralsei's transness and other little gems sprinkled throughout the chapter, i can't agree hard enough.

Ah, and a friend of mine just beat the climbing minigame in Castle Town in 22 seconds and apparently that leads to Ralsei having a still totally cis moment by showing up in a frilly pink dress and going "hey Kris, i can be a princess for you if you want that." :::