Shabby Lemmy

2mon

412

The Planet Venus - Trans Megathread for May 25 through May 31, 2026

Image credit to Kevin Gill on Wikimedia Commons

The planet Venus is the easiest of the planets to spot with the naked eye from here on earth. Due to her high albedo and proximity to the sun she will appear at dusk, heralding the appearance of the stars before disappearing through the night, only to return at dawn as the stars fade into the morning light.

::: spoiler She may also harbor life. Conditions on her surface are rightly described as "hellish". The high temperatures, pressures, intense volcanism and presence of chemicals such as sulfuric acid are notorious for "killing" probes in a matter of minutes. Earthlings would probably not fare much better.

Phosphine is a gas produced by either volcanic or biological processes. In 2020, phosphine was detected in the upper atmosphere of Venus in concentrations higher than what could be accounted for by volcanic processes alone. Now, there have been published studies attempting to disprove these observations but, despite what the shitheads at Wikipedia say, the presence of phosphine has been validated by repeat observations.

This discovery has lead to some renewed interest in...

Fuck it, its not that serious, I can write this like I'm posting on hexbear, because I'm posting on hexbear.

Look at this picture okay?

An image of venus in the visible spectrum

Thats her, thats Venus, thats what she actually looks like to the naked eye. If you stood before her, in all her terror and glory, this is what you would see (more or less). Virtually every other picture you have ever seen of Venus has been some kind of false color image, usually in the ultraviolet spectrum, maybe in the infrared or really high or low ends of the visible spectrum with the contrast jacked way, way up.

a picture of venus in the ultraviolet spectrum

This is an image of Venus, taken by Mariner 10, in the ultraviolet range.

The dark lines are areas where UV light is being absorbed. We don't know whats doing that. We call it the "unknown ultraviolet absorber" and we don't really know what it is. We have been staring at this thing for nearly a century and we don't know what it is. Its prevalent enough to impact Venus's weather cycle, its intensity waxes and wanes over time, it moves around, and best guesses have it absorbing about 50% of all UV light hitting Venus.

And we have no idea what it is.

The discovery of phosphine has lead to a reexamination of old data and... okay here's the arxiv link and here's the direct link to the pdf. If you have gotten this far and can parse astrobiological scientific journal articles you should read this because the argument it makes is rock-solid and very, very thoroughly detailed. If that's not your jam here's a youtube link to a lecture by Astrobiology rockstar Sara Seager about astrobiological study on Venus, it covers most of the same content.

Basically, there is a whole lot of really specific, really weird things going on in the atmosphere of Venus. No feasible combination of abiotic factors are able to form a model that explains all of them. Carl Sagan once proposed that the Unknown UV Absorber was microbial in nature and that seems to get more and more likely every day.

We won't know for sure until we get some in-situ studies going on. Thankfully there are a handful on the way, including one planning on launching either this or next year. Its not sexy, basically a probe will fall through the atmosphere and use a laser to check for organic molecules, but its going to be the first of many. And its lead by Sara Seager, the aformentioned astrobio rockstar.

I just think about this a lot. We may have been looking at life, elsewhere in the universe, since before we were even human.

and it will have been on Venus, marscucks btfo lmao :::

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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

::: spoiler spoiler :::

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2mon

God damn I literally hate people so much. I hate bigotry, I hate misogyny, patriarchy, I hate the fucking excuses for it.

::: spoiler transphobia One particular thing has been seeing cis women genuinely argue and believe they are more oppressed.

And it's just, fucking hell. I hate people. I hate how many people treat this like a choice, or a game, or whatever. I am suffering and trying my best to not have it get worse. That is it.

But nope, cis people will never ever take transsexual suffering legitimately apparently.

I think it's funny when people say things similar to this in different contexts. I saw something where someone was hating on xenogenders and stuff because it's bad optics essentially and comments were full of people saying our oppressers will never care about our suffering. Which is funny, if only because I say the same thing all the time, with a qcompletely different take away. They're saying it because like, who cares if someone identifies as a xenogender or whatever and I'm saying it because it's one of the biggest reasons I hate humanity and the sheer hopelessness of my (our) situation. That people truly do not care about our suffering, our dysphoria, our medical care.

Anyway. I just hate people. That's been the thought tonight. People are shit and there's always a million fucking excuses. I don't give a fuck! My culture was shit, my education was shit, my religion was shit, fuck I am still surrounded by it. I actually tried. Something hardly anyone with the opportunity does. You can fucking hand someone education and they ignore it. I, I fucking accepted it as a teenager even through fucking crying that I'd be tormented in hell forever. But these dipshits can't. People can't do that. They can't even accept black and white science that some people get born in the wrong bodies. Fuck people man. These fucking bastards. And, and these willfully ignorant fucks control every aspect of my life. They control government. Employment. Housing. They make up society as a whole.

These people gobble up misinformation for breakfast. Anything that could possibly be interpreted as supporting their preconceived fucking feelings gets parroted endlessly, even after being debunked. There was a fucking study that shows people believe things more strongly after being shown evidence they're wrong! What the fuck?

How can there truly be any hope for me when the people are so shit????? :::

Jesus I get off topic if I type a comment for too long, hopefully this is somewhat comprehensible. Tldr I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE (except you all and like two people I've met)

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 2mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

GayTuckerCarlson* (6/1 - 6/7)
SwitchyandWitchy* (6/8 - 6/14)
Alisu* (6/15 - 6/21)
peanutbuttercupola* (6/22 - 6/28)
Disaster_of_Passion* (6/29 - 7/5)
Eco* (7/6 - 7/12)

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 2mon

This cute old lady was gendering me correctly out of nowhere and the other person, that knows me as deadname "corrected" her like 5 times and she insisted so much. It made me happy somehow

tithonis [she/her] - 2mon

Finding random people who embrace you for who you really are is always a fountain of joy. At some point getting deadnamed crosses from tragedy into farce.

RION [she/her] - 2mon

My best friend made a list of all the ways she wished her boyfriend would support her but isn't. Then she says "oh you're doing every single one of those btw"??????????

Girl... this is literally one step away from the "I wish I could date someone just like you (but not you!)" trope. How cooked am I?

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 2mon

Have yall cuddled or has she tried to kiss you yet?

Cuddled a few times but not recently. She's still with her bf for now (but imminently breaking up with him due to aforementioned issues) and isn't the kind to cheat (I wouldn't want it to start like that either)

Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 2mon

I hate being mentally ill and trans. People get the wrong idea. It's like no, I hate myself for other reasons!! Being trans is actually cool and awesome and I love it and it's a big source of joy. I fixed that part of myself! Sadly the rest of me is still broken.

OffSeasonPrincess [she/her] - 2mon

Being trans didnt cause the mental illness but not being allowed to transition for the first 20 years of our life and getting treated like an outcast for reasons we couldnt comprehend sure did

Very true. I'd still at least be audhd and some other shit regardless of anything gender related. But all of that sure didn't help

I hate being mentally ill and trans.

Me too, me too.

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 2mon

big mood tbh

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 2mon

Real and baller.

I uh came out to my mom again... Like with help and everything from my therapist.

It went exactly like I expected: "Insert non-violent I don't approve because god christian bullshit"

So yeah, I won't get any real respect and love in this house, no. But it will be fine for now.

cuddle

I'm sorry :meow-hug:

It's not too bad. Some things take time, at least I can be myself safely

I did not know Venus was built like that.

Shaleesh [she/her, comrade/them] - 2mon

Shes amazing and I love her.

(Assumes transfem/nb viewer)

Listening to two coworkers chatting about laser hair removal and IPL and stuff and wanting so badly to join them but I just can't...

I get compliments in public a lot, like almost every time I go somewhere. I assume I'm not like extremely pretty or cool and most are just people being nice to the very obvious removed. But still, it's pretty nice. Makes me feel good.

I also get a lot of people pointing at me, laughing to their friends, saying shit like "what is that thing" and stuff. Honestly, I like that too. It also makes me feel good. Like, I GET noticed. Gender presentation is art, and my art is not boring. All great art has its vocal haters. It doesn't bother me that my gender is beyond the comprehension of the average slop feeding amerikkkan hog

Up with trans!

up with trans

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 2mon

Up with trans!!!

Carcharodonna [she/her] - 2mon

UP WITH TRANS

nine99 [they/them] - 2mon

got asked recently for the first time if i was a man or a woman by a security pat-down person hexbear-non-binary

i guess growing my hair out and taking care of my skin goes a longer way than i thought

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 2mon

A lot of cishet dudes take terrible care of themselves, so I think you're onto something.

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 2mon

I had an amuse-bouche of T4T for the first time on the weekend and god I can't wait until my ex and I are living in different places which is very soon.

GayTuckerCarlson [she/her] - 2mon

amuse-bouche

After all, T4T often involves mouth amusers.

rafflesia [she/her, it/its] - 2mon

the last few times i've been to the endocrinologist they've taken my blood but didn't check the hormone levels? puzzled

wtf give me my blood back then

Next time bring garlic.

Parents leave > I get happy > they come back > I get sad

What could ever be the cause of my depression, I wonder

"I think I should stop trying to calculate my identity/orientation and just try to enjoy life freely. "

pronoun field is mandatory to fill in

catgirl-cry

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 2mon

I accidentally called my gf my fiancee when introducing her to one of my friends which is a bit of a slip since we've talked a fair bit about getting married and I've said that I am looking to propose sometime once I get settled in the new job and I'm able to bank a few paychecks to buy us bands. She was so happy. I love her so much.

mrosswind [she/her] - 2mon

TRANS BROKEN ARM SYNDROME DEFEATED

(fingers healed enough to grip a vial while drawing)

Today is a year since I really got my life back. I'm so proud of myself for how far I've come. I barely recognize who I was before. This is how it should be.

Congratulations!!!!! crab-party

Because I'm a perfidious Australian trans woman, I'm getting an estrogen implant soon.

Reading about implants it's wild how dog shit most trans medicine is.

Like you should just go to the doctor and be like "One trans feminine sex change please", they read you all the risks, then bang they put in an estrogen implant and a long lasting anti-androgen like gosrelin (just for the first go while the estrogen builds up), then 6 months later, another estrogen implant and a progesterone one (we don't have bio-identical ones yet), then like every 6 months like getting your oil changed they top you up.

They should also offer this for menopausal women and a comparable testosterone regime for trans masculine types. Plus it should be free.

And like lots of injectable medicines, insulin, GLP-1s, auto immune things, all come in dose able injector pens. Why not estradiol? Why are we drawing up with a needle and vial? Like I should be able to twist device to my dose, put a cap on then press it to my thigh or tummy etc.

(Obviously the answer is misogyny, transphobia, transmisogyny and transemasculation.

SickSemper [she/her, comrade/them] - 2mon

Learn from my example comrades, I worried and waited too long to go to a local trans group and now the only person I know is moving kitty-cri kitty-cri-screm

Gotta seize the moment and not let yourself get in your own way (mileage may vary depending on mental state but that’s how I got here in the first place)

Started reading Manhunt today and already hooked hehe

We love transfem horror

I identify as a goth baddie now, I just need a couple tattoos

Picking a name is so hard :((( like I want it to mean something but I don't want it to be too common or indivisible from some other cultural thing. I'm also divided on keeping it starting with an R because my sister asked me if I could keep the R and that pisses me off the more I think about it. But otoh the R is familiar and I'm somewhat attached to it

Funny enough, Riona is actually in the running

inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 2mon

Appreciating my queerness and being trans bridget-smug

Going to a queer thing today and I’m going to try to look girl. Should be fun, still nervous but I gotta get over that eventually

Had a call with my cousin, another cousin and my aunt. Literally all of them unprompted complimented my hair. Feels nice haha

lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 2mon

::: spoiler down (short) I need to recharge. To be cozy and held. To treat myself nicely. I dont know how to have that, how to do that. Im scared and sad... Melancholic. I want to be happy again.

Down with the cis!

down with cis

DOWN THE CIS

Down with cis!

DOWN WITH CIS

I was trying to find some old photos to do a transition comparison. And the problem is I was really good at not having my photo taken. Like I hated it. So the only ones are like group shots or stuff like that. Photos of me appear, but they're from the time I thought I was non-binary, so I look better in them (great physical shape, long hair, fashion) and a little happy, which means a poorer comparison.

Could do without ever seeing a "trans positive" artpiece thats just a blatant transmisogynistic caricature but "positive" ever again

So much of it is just gross fetishization, of a struggle TME people don't understand

Eating peaches while nude. The juices drip down my cleavage. I'd feel so sexy if I didn't have a gut. Sigh

::: spoiler downer I dont think I'm supposed to be a part of society or social circles. I dont know how to interact with people. I dont even know who i am half the time. And the times I do its a mask. Im tired of trying to exist in this world. Ill wake up tomorrow and keep going. But. Its just hard, with the people and social and everything. im so tired from trying to make existence work.

Sudden burst of enlightenment:

Men are for pleasure and women are for love

I think I finally figured it out

(If it sounds wierd and gross it's because I'm doing a gender reversed quote of an ancient Greek quote I remember hearing at some point)

It sounds like you owe it to yourself to test this hypothesis.

I don't have any control or test subjects. Where can I pick them up?

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 2mon

My disgust of ai slop has gotten me back into writing that plus feeling helpless under capitalism, it's my world my story I can shape it how I see fit. Yeah I might borrow ideas but I'll use them with tender love and care and make something for me to show I have agency and I'm not being swept away in the deluge of troubles of everyday blackbeard-writing

I love you gay people

One particular thing has been seeing cis women genuinely argue and believe they are more oppressed.

Yeah that sucks

::: spoiler I though Talia Bhatt really nailed things in her book Trans/Rad/Fem when having to explain this (CW SA, slurs, transphobia, misogyny, homophobia) All regimes sooner or later need an external threat to divert attention to, a foreign enemy for its people to focus on so that the extant tyranny seems preferable, even tame by comparison, and the transsexual is the Gendered Empire’s very own Vandal. She is the menace against whom any violence can be justified, both the failed man who can be beaten senseless and the failed woman who can be r***d with impunity, against whom no amount of harm is unjustifiable.

Speaking in plain terms, the tr-nny is constructed as the union of f-g and wh*re. :::

Great book

::: spoiler spoiler

And, and these willfully ignorant fucks control every aspect of my life. They control government. Employment. Housing. They make up society as a whole.

I do agree with this even if I disagree with misanthropy as a whole. Not only is the standard for the level of general education that adults are expected to have for things unrelated to their jobs abysmal, but people have such a poor attitude towards education. They do not see it as a blessing, civic duty or worthy of pursuit for its own sake. They see it as a chore in the best of cases, or as a threat to their own worldview that must be avoided in the worst cases.

They're saying it because like, who cares if someone identifies as a xenogender or whatever and I'm saying it because it's one of the biggest reasons I hate humanity and the sheer hopelessness of my (our) situation.

How can there truly be any hope for me when the people are so shit?????

You gotta look for hope internally and find out all the ways in which you can negate the disadvantages that people put on you.

That is of course really hard+dependent on luck and the fact that we gotta do it just to end up 3 steps behind the place where others start is ridiculous.

:::

civic duty or worthy of pursuit for its own sake.

This 💯, it is.

It is very weird to me to not be misanthropic, given our situation we were put into purely because the majority of people. They forced/continue to force me to suffer like this of course I hate them. Very confusing to not.

There's not sadly but ty for the advice. :::

It is very weird to me to not be misanthropic, given our situation we were put into purely because the majority of people.

I'll summarise my yap comment I made.

I stopped being misanthropic when I stopped expecting things from others. I just took any standards I had and threw them out in the trash.

So fucked up how all the stereotypical names are the ones that sound cute to me smdh

God I'm an idiot.

I was trying to replace a metal collar with a similar one because my old one broke, i had it's circumference from my emails, but the one I wanted to buy only had diameter and for whole ass moment I was like "well shit"

Then I was like wait... math!

It kind of drives me insane when even trans women buy into the line "trans woman of a certain age need to get their PSA screening". (prostate blood test for cancer)

Because actually we don't know that. And doing a screening test is not a neutral action.

I worked in public health a lifetime ago, and for a while there was a real heavy debate on whether we stopped doing PSA screening on cis men. Because the data was showing it was actually hurting more people than it saved, due to false positive and unnecessary invasive procedures. Now the test got better and MRIs meant follow-up tests could be less invasive (than needle biopsy), but for a while it was a thing.

So like everything in trans medicine it's not been studied enough and simply needs to be. Given trans women actually actively do the treatment for prostate cancer (testosterone blocking), my gut is we'd be more like to have false positive than true positive. But I also know we have like zero studies on this topic.

(screening is also different to a diagnostic test if you have symptoms).

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2mon

Cypro is the traditional treatment for prostate cancer, but there are forms that are resistant to T blockers. Only ones I saw were when it was very well developed and grown quite a bit not like something you randomly pick up. Prostate cancer is T driven so if youre on blockers or you had an orchie, the chances of developing it should more or less be zero I suppose. If you had some cancer brewing and it wasnt resistant to T deprivation... well if you take HRT or get an orchie you already were doing the standard treatment. I suppose its possible for someone who had it in full bloom to transition past when deprivation would be useful? But that seems very very niche and presumably youd have been screened once pre anything (pre egg crack probably).

Oh definitely a trans woman or a cis man with T could always get a non testosterone driven prostate cancer. Just like there's non hormonal breast cancer.

It's just whether large scale asymptomatic screening for that is actually cost effective, useful and not outright harmful, given the overwhelming majority is testosterone driven. If someone had symptoms, having tests would still be indicated.

But ultimately the answer is there needs to be more studies into trans health. There simply is no data. And everyone wants to apply either set of cis guidelines to trans people, when we should have our own science driven ones.

The one that gets me is that there is studies on men with MS getting testosterone being beneficial. But if youre a trans man with MS they make you stop taking T. Wild.

Cis people are evil :very-smart:

yea

They'll take any opportunity to blame HRT.

Trans individuals don't even get the same level of basic healthcare as cis people but to some we're the source of all evil and taking over the world.

Wish we were.

Yeah that always seemed like a weird recommendation to me, considering our hrt.

I think there's a predilection to prefer overtesting vs. undertesting, even if it leads to worse outcomes statistically, because medical professionals not catching something feels like such a betrayal. False positives otoh kinda feel like the cost of doing business?

I decided at least for today, if I feel eepy, I go to sleep.

So on that note

doggirl-sleep mi mi mi mi

soyaEnjoyer [they/them, she/her] - 2mon

Went to a protest against the ehrc guidance last night and I am tired as shit today. But also kind of pumped.

::: spoiler CW: voice dysphoria Really wish I could shout without sounding like a fucking man though. :::

Finally shaved (body) and took care of myself, very nice.

Also low key felt like my body hair wasn't as bad as it was pre hrt, possible?

I really should look at the list of effects for this amount of time I know by now more should be picking up? (8 months)

It's definitely the HRT, I'm a little ahead of you and like my arms are so thinned out and the hair there is so soft and fluffy, it kind of doesn't bother me, like it really used to.

possible?

Very! I don't even shave my body anymore. The hair I have left is light and thin enough it doesn't bother me (I know this can vary person to person)

Very exciting! Always good to know I'm not imaging changes. I'd love to not have to shave anymore, such a pain.

felt like my body hair wasn't as bad as it was pre hrt, possible?

Quite likely given how long you've been on hrt!

how long

Weird to think of it that way, but I guess 8 months isn't nothing either

That's good news though!

I'm always bewildered when I notice my brother's leg hair because I used to have more body hair than him and now its not even close to what he has.

2 years in and there's still some darker hairs, but there is a lot less and they are a lot thinner and slower growing than before. I still want laser for some parts other than my face, but it wouldn't have to do much for me to be content with the results (other than face).

Tried on foundation and powder and obliterated my beard shadow somehow

Goated, love this for you. Uhh what powder?

Just regular fixing powder, blue white tones so it makes me look pale

So last week after my injection I said it would be a good week and it was a nice week, specially yesterday. Well, this week is starting the same way, let's hope it's a good one.

I'm gonna be coming out to my parents, all of my friends already know, just need to start with the family.

My therapist is going to be mediating the talk with my mom, I think that's all I need. I'm really tired of pretending, I don't want to keep being unhappy, I deserve to be happy and to be myself.

I'm excited for you. And yes, you do deserve to be happy

Every now and again I see a piece of transphobia that really frustrates/saddens/gets to me. Hate this

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 2mon

mfw I did not achieve the noble path and must repeat the cycle of suffering kitty-cri-screm

You see a big hole in the ground. Very dark inside. What do you do?

A) Where there's a hole there's a goal! jump in right away

B) I'm a cautious person so I'm going to observe the hole first. [This doesn't accomplish anything it just makes you look smart] spend 2 minutes "pondering" before choosing another option

C) What an unusual hole! Surely the municipality will take care of it? [Do you know the emergency/service numbers of this strange dimension you've arrived in?] give up and try another option

D) Where ... where am I? [Realise that you don't know remember anything from before you saw the hole. You are strangely compelled to go in the hole anyway] pick another option

E) This is how horror movies start. I'm outta here. [Lol I'm not letting you leave] pick another option

oh shit im feeling it

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 2mon

<lesbians uselessly>

like fuuuck i am so not cut out for this

ok but what if you are??!?!?!?!?!?

it's an interesting hypothesis to be sure but I'm not sure the evidence pans out ,,

You can collect more evidence by dating girls. The evidence you have right now is insufficient. Have you even done bayseian analysis on it?

interpretation of existing evidence is part of the issue ^_^;

Interpret it in a way that makes you look good. All the scientists are doing it! P-hack your way into glory!

,,, the metaphor has gotten far enough away from me that I don't know if I can continue in my vagueries ^_^;

what we're dealing with is a classic case of "Autistic Lesbian doesn't know if Very Close Friend is sending signals or if this is like coincidence," with some added layers of complication

today will ::: spoiler spoiler not ::: be the day that i start voice training again

I haven't been reading the in game messages, which is why I didn't realise I caused a minor diplomatic crisis on the local server because I randomly invaded another sect just to test out the game mechanic.

I didn't even know diplomacy was a thing in this game.

Maybe I should not have been given the position of sect leader.

Oh well, it's not like I can be held accountable for my actions :)

This must be what Donald Trump feels like

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2mon

It's good to be gay

Facts

::: spoiler weight Up 12lbs award

If it's going to good places I guess I don't mind, I'll forever wish I had less tummy though :::

I feel completely awful.

::: spoiler Depression, sadness, SI I swear I was doing okay. Literally everything kinda ok, but then today all of a sudden I just get absolutely fucking destroyed by depression. Hadn't had any crisis like this in idk 3 months? But today every little fucking thing feels like a huge mountain in my way. Literally nothing changed, but I've been crying for hours. I mean, a lot happened tuesday, but it's been a few days and I should have reacted sooner.

Wednesday I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, he raised my meds and this is the second day on the new dose. Like I was doing fine, if maybe still a little sad, but it had been months since I had any SI thoughts and today out of nowhere they come back, it's just so weird, it feels so weird.

I'm happy with my transition overall, maybe a little lonely, maybe I want to move out, but it's not that big of a deal really. maybe rejection caught up to my feelings? Idk... I have just been crying for hours and no signs of stopping :::

::: spoiler content warning

She's so me fr fr 😭

Interview in about an hour and a half, feeling very very nervous doggirl-sweat

There'll be an executive level person in there which is kinda freaky. But one way or another this should be the last interview... it's the trans friendly job so I really hope I get it. Pls send good vibes

You'll do well. I can vibe it.

Good luck Rion! Wishing you the best.

My gf says she'd love me if I was a worm, but not if I was a juggalo. buggy-disappointed

::: spoiler voice dysphoria Ugh usually I don't have voice dysphoria too bad but it's bad today and I'm having to listen to myself talk for 8 hours of today :::

I told my therapist that I feel like I'm at least a little hot now—my logic being that I think I look okay (sometimes) in the mirror and pictures now, and since I know I'm a tougher judge of myself than any outside observer, I've got to be a little better than just okay. Thus, mild hotness.

She responded that I'm a total babe and that plenty of people would eat me up, and that I should have no trouble dating if I want to. I of course looooove hearing that but I know it's best she doesn't do it too often or I'll just get hooked on fishing for her validation every week.

But it does make me think maybe I'll try putting myself out there soon? I just have a few things I wanna sort out first—chiefly more makeup skills (including better color correction on my upper lip) and a better/more consistent girl voice

If you feel like dating, or even just want to try, go for it! Just make sure that you stay safe.

Yeah tbh I feel like I'd get abused pretty easily... But if I'm going out somewhere I've got a friend or two that would come with I bet

::: spoiler CW transphobia Seeing Blanchard's typology come back really hard lately in transphobic/terf/transmedicalist speech, someone called me AGP, which is the first time I've heard that in years, WTF? :::

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 2mon

::: spoiler transphobia Yeah, I'm AGP.
Always Getting Pussy :::

::: spoiler (extreme?) piercing I just learned you can get like corset piercings on the back of your thighs and honestly I'm like a little obsessed,,, I'd been trying to think of what tattoos to get on my legs but maybe I've been thinking about this the entirely wrong way,,, :::

::: spoiler sharps kink I ADORE them, and it makes my sadist heart happy. You can get them on your back and even temporary :::

::: spoiler spoiler I knew about the back ones and it was never really my jam, but,,, ough the idea of them on the back of the thighs just has me feeling some kind of way panting :::

Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.

::: spoiler need of the day easily winning an argument with a girl thanks to my wordcel rhetorical talents but then she starts doing progressively flirty things to fluster me until my brain crumbles and i'm just a dumb little mess for her :::

................

Hmmmmmmmm

Another day without me having prog.

How tf do I even get that shit in europe DIY without breaking the law?

(no I am not going to publicly admit to breaking the law, FBI-kun)

nothing to do with your post but here's a cool website i found haha

I've looked at these websites before and I don't think a single one of them ships from inside the EU, which creates customs problems.

does it actually have to be shipped from eu or are you just stressing?

i'm in the uk and normally use unitedpharmacies (ships from hong kong), but i've also used rupills (russia) at least twice and probably some others. i never had any sort of issue

it might reassure you to find out what the actual law is about importing medicines and speak with other diy'ers in your country

Speaking to diy'ers in my country might be the only solution I guess

I have gotten packages seized at customs, and them giving me fines citing the exact legal statue I broke on imports when importing progesterone. I don't remember the number, but it was there.

Also, none of the DIY sites appear to be based in europe. As far as I know from googling, even birth control pills don't tend to be OTC in europe, much less prog.

oh shit i'm so sorry. maybe there's a trans/diy sub for your country on r*ddit. or if you're feeling brave, maybe there's an irl group that you can get to (it's absolutely fine if you're more comfortable introducing yourself as your given name and agab - we all started from the same place)

i hope you can figure something out

oh shit i'm so sorry.

Nah girl. I'm not expecting people on the mega thread to remember specific details of my medicine importing adventures.

if you're feeling brave, maybe there's an irl group that you can get to

There probably is. It's another thing to look into at some unspecified point in the future.

(it's absolutely fine if you're more comfortable introducing yourself as your given name and agab - we all started from the same place)

No no. At least in a trans DIY group I gotta use my correct pronouns (I don't have a new name at all, cause I can't decide).

Lord_ofThe_FLIES [she/her] - 2mon

Hey, there a trans diy discord that´s really good if you want. If you import and pay with crypto it shouldn´t be possible for cops to prove that you ordered a package so you can deny that it´s yours. Problem is only when ordering with your normal bank card. Medicineapo has prog and is EU but it´s super expensive

That sounds good. Medicineexpo. Or medicineapo?

I tried to get needles on that website before realising it was B2B lol. I can try to get prog from medicineexpo, and I'll check out the discord (send link plz).

I can see one that has prices in Euros and sells prog. You on tracha?

Unrelated, but TIL progesterone helps with production of sperm and with prostate health

imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 2mon

i use myaphrodite dot shop they are based in Portugal i think. stock issues atm but should be resolved within a few weeks

Oh really? That's great! If it works out I'll let you know catgirl-heart

@peanutbuttercupola@hexbear.net

I actually didn't realize voice training would make the apple less prominent, thank you.

@Alisu@hexbear.net @sodium_nitride@hexbear.net

Interview went decent I think? The exec lady was a little hard to read at times but I got some smiles and even a "that was funny" after I said something (which was intended to be funny)

I really think the biggest pitfall for me is just getting blown out by someone with more experience given the state of the job market rn, but there are also plusses to my experience level (more moldable, cheaper)

Should hear end of next week 👀

Hope it works out! Love to see trans friends doing well

Interview went decent I think?

nice

The exec lady was a little hard to read at times but I got some smiles and even a "that was funny" after I said something (which was intended to be funny)

This could honestly range from "you fucked up big time" to "she's gonna name you her heir".

but there are also plusses to my experience level (more moldable, cheaper)

girl TT

I mean I feel like they will factor that into the decision making tho right?

It might, but that's just sad ...

乁⁠[⁠ ⁠◕⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠◕⁠ ⁠]⁠ㄏ it do be like that sometimes

Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 2mon

I had a dream once about the goddess venus. In the dream she was a multi-faceted being, one of her identities also included a trans masc version. That version is either lucifer or jesus. Idk but in my dreams it made sense!! 😂

In the same dream I decided that Eris was actually very cool, because honestly she was disrupting what was a really toxic family. Its like...yeah girl, I get it lol

::: spoiler silly, taking the piss a little, flawed logic Satan means adversary, hasatan is Lucifer, Jesus' teachings were adversarial to power structures at the time (and today), Jesus is an opposer and adversary, Jesus is Satan is Lucifer. Or something. Idk I'm not a christian.

Jesus was the first vampire and the lance of longinus piercing him created the second generation of vampires 🧛‍♀️

mean [she/her, it/its] - 2mon

in fairness I think there is a male version of Aphrodite but I don't know a lot about that.

::: spoiler depresso posting girl who always fucks everything up because she can't care for others in the right way

oh look it's me it's me it's me :::

::: spoiler death note finale

Stuck the landing and killed it. Matsuda delivering the death blows was so satisfying. Incredible rant by light at the end. Chefs kiss to Ryuk writing his name in the notebook. Death Note is a legendary anime for a reason. What else is there to say

People always say theyd simply kill bad people if they had an irl death note (kinda ignoring the point of the manga or show lol). Some people think they'd be clever and choose to kill no one, but Ryuk will kill the owner if he finds them too boring... it really is better to simply ignore the death note at all costs. And if you accidentally pick it up, find some way of being entertaining I guess.

I never knew I needed to roleplay as a girl character in a video game until I did it. Shit be gas yo.

Better_with_Gender [pup/pup's, she/her] - 2mon

::: spoiler Possibly Dysphoria I think that most people who look at me have no idea what gender I am. A lot of people I walk by end up staring at me and its awkward. I'm not sure how its happening, my outfits are usually pretty masculine so is it my face and barely visible chest that people see?

I'm not sure though it feels like I really should work on my outfits so they are more euphoric at least. :::

KrupskayaPraxis - 2mon

::: spoiler Grindr Why do people on Grindr cancel so much? Another trans girl was supposed to come over and I even gave her my address. But she never responded to my question when she'll come over and it's past the meet up time I proposed. She's not responding to my messages either. This is like the third time this happened. :::

dorkiectomy [she/her] - 2mon

You know you’ve been looking at too many programming books on thrift books when it starts to recommend you gender books out of nowhere

Good recommendations, I hope?

Yes :)

Maybe it's a bit embarrassing to be so emotionally reliant on yall. It's not like you're my parents. But I don't want to become distant to you guys, gals and enbies. You're too cool. I just gotta try better to take care of myself.

You're human, and we're a social species. You don't have to feel bad about needing people.

I hope you do take better care of yourself; transitioning isn't the only way to grow as a person.

you can do it! 😎

::: spoiler sex stuff

Recently the smell of the fluids produced by my genitals has become very strange and strong. Honestly kinda scary, but also exciting?

Silly girl does SL1 against Artorias—chunks 90% of his health down first try but then lets him buff and gets killed.

Many such cases!

Ceres [she/her] - 2mon

My favourite planet waow

A specific wavelength (~1010 in the NIR) of blackbody radiation from the surface of Venus can pass through its clouds unimpeded, meaning with the right filter you can photograph the surface nightside of the planet.

Credit to Tom on the c/Astrophotography discord

the yearning is unreal haha hah...

The biological mechanism for this must be insane. How tf my brain wake me up at 5:40 every morning with an error of only 10 minutes?

5:40 was my old alarm. I haven't had it for a month at least.

Shit got etched into my brain which is just fascinating.

IIRC, internal circadian rhythm is based on multiple cyclical chemical reactions (or at least the same concept, be perhaps involving a cyclical cascade of transcription factors?). I think cycles have a period of like 25 hours though, so it requires morning light to override it to keep it on track. So if you are in a cavern with no sunlight exposure, you're circadian rhythm will drift off of the cycle you're used.

No clue how your brain reads that rhythm and determines when to wake you up though.

Theres a few hormones we think are the main regulators of sleep. Melatonin (its endogenous, not just a thing you pick up at the store), adenosine, seratonin and cortisol.

Cortisol will spike at 0200H for more or less everyone, so if youre not asleep its gonna contribute to the tired but wired feeling of being awake. Its at its lowest, in a regular sleep cycle, at around midnight.

Melatonin just gets produced more and more in darkness, the longer the darkness the more melatonin builds up. It tells you youre tired and helps you actually fall asleep. If you keep blue lights on or theres bright lights, you wont produce as much melatonin.

Adenosine isnt like a primary sleep hormone but the longer youre awake the more it build up, the sleepier you feel. If you drink caffeine, its an adenosine receptor blocker, which is why people feel awake with it. But caffeine can have quite a long half life and still be cycling around if you have one at 3 PM and youre trying to sleep at 10 PM say.

Serotonin, not a primary sleep hormone but it does get used to produce melatonin. Cycling serum seratonin makes you feel awake, happy, alert. Through the day itll start getting converted to melatonin, which makes you feel ssleepy. If your seratonin activity is messed up, itll mess up your melatonin. So if someone had depression, anxiety disorder, even some clinical disordered eating - it can all fuck with your sleep on a hormonal level. Which is terrible because poor sleep can make mood worse, and good sleep can make mood vastly, VASTLY improve.

So if she's awake every day at 0540H, its cause all these hormones are in a cycle and shes helped set it presumably after a good long while using that alarm.

So if someone had depression, anxiety disorder, even some clinical disordered eating - it can all fuck with your sleep on a hormonal level. Which is terrible because poor sleep can make mood worse, and good sleep can make mood vastly, VASTLY improve.

not-built-for-this

Well, yeah, thats why Ive been telling you your sleep should be a much much higher priority for you lately you goofball

life feels like a big tease ::: spoiler cw: general disliking of being trans [transphobia, dysphoria], climate change Expanding on a comment below.

Life fucking teased me so hard. I was born a white guy in America. Like 8 privileges right there to set me up. I was smart. I enjoyed computers and took to programming easily. Should have been able to just get my bachelor's in CS or software or something and been set. Fucking, money and opportunity and whatever I want.

Shortly after my HS programming class my depression got worse. Started working my shit job and doing shit in school. Constant laying in bed wishing I was a woman.

Cut to present day. Now I'm a depressed, dysphoric trans woman. I hate nearly everything about my body, my voice. I am still single. No real career path or plan. I hope to have enough money to rent a one bedroom apartment and live on my own. America is trying to genocide us, and by extension me. Everyone is transphobic, and I am trans.

While these kind of main, day to day issues are my big problem, climate change is also looming. Growing up I was taught, and believed, that climate change was not real. However the more I read on the subject, the more I learn, the more I believe it is going to get really bad really soon. Fast enough that certainly, a large part of my "natural" life span will be effected greatly or cut short. Another big rugpull of expectations- it is going to genuinely be the worst thing that has ever happened. :::

::: spoiler more sex stuff/bodily functions not producing anything when I cum is so weird, I think weirder then having breasts now.. I knew it could happen and I'm not upset about it or anything but it's weird. Feels a little anticlimactic now.

I'm a little bit more nervous for it to stop getting hard though, mostly because that's the only way it's been/I've been able to cum

It's just so weird, it's been doing those things and it's looking like it won't do at least one anymore already. Idk change is weird for me. And again it's not something I care too much about it's just a weird change.. :::

::: spoiler spoiler If it stops getting hard and that ends up being a problem for you, there's medicine to fix that and it's easy to get a prescription for. :::

::: spoiler spoiler I always forget that's an option, thank you :::

You're welcome

::: spoiler spoiler It's when completely different liquid starts coming out when you cum, that it's really weird (see my lower post).

Also I get orgasms now without being erect which is wild. :::

I'm getting very close to my savings goal I made a while back before our move, which feels really good. I am a bit worried about my little nest egg once I move out, I'm going to actually have expenses and several big things.

Apartment, car, if I need furniture, laser, and more saving for surgery. It feels like it could be depleted very fast. Obv I'll have a job but still.

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2mon

::: spoiler death note Since L died it feels like Death Note is spinning out of control. This sibling(?) rivalry that is no where Near as interesting as the L/Kira cat and mouse is center stage, and now we are bringing in underground bases, plane hijackings, spy satellites, fucking missiles, and gimp masks to top it all off. The show has lost the plot about what made this all good

Nears whole existence cheapens Ls character as the world greatest detective. L comes across as a unique savant genius detective who can instantly see through whatever tricks light does, but actually there's 2 people capable of doing that and the second person is a young teenager

I don't think the author ever intended for near to be as smart as L. I was pretty sure that near and mello together were supposed to have an edge over L, especially since they were working off more information than L started with.

I've also heard that near's deductions were way more logical in the manga and the anime cut some important shit out. But I never actually read the mamga, which maybe I should.

::: spoiler spoiler Near is literally PLAYING WITH FUCKING TOYS. Look at my follow up to L dawg :::

Success! Didn’t die, got called pretty, will go again. I mostly stood around, but I’m just glad to have practiced existing as myself. This is nothing but practice and every bit helps

ngl I do believe a lot of my feeling super good recently was the trip + excited for the trip, I'm feeling a lot more "Eh" now. I don't feel awful or anything just complete middling.

There comes a time in every arch girlie's life where her boot becomes broken so badly that she just decides to fucking give up.

This little arch girlie's lightdm.service doesn't start on boot, meaning her display is toast. Forget using the desktop environment, she can't open a single app with a GUI.

All she can do is stare at the deepseek troubleshooting advice and decide to switch to windows for a while

i just started using ootb shit at some point, used to really enjoy the tinkering but I'm just using straight up Kubuntu on my laptop now and Cachy on desktop

I feel tempted myself. Using arch is a lot of work

Cachy is nice cause you get the trappings of arch within a Just Works experience. i'm a big time KDE Plasma acolyte now too.

LadyCajAsca [she/her, comrade/them] - 2mon

I use EndeavourOS (another Arch-based distro) and rEFInd, on a dual boot (Windows is as small as I can make it, I don't update it intentionally). EndeavourOS' installer is way easier and rEFInd to me is more stable than GNU Grub

it's maybe petty but i quit using endeavour when they started shipping genAI desktop wallpapers. I find dual booting way too treacherous as windows BSOD has caused irretrievable data loss on a separate BTRFS drive before!

ah yeah dual boot is.. not ideal but that has been my status quo in my system and I learnt my mistake and next time I get a new device I would rather VM my windows needs.

Huh, I never heard of those genAI desktop wallpapers, I searched it up and got one photo in SDDM that sucked that was specifically to EndeavourOS. Technically, you can just remove the endeavourOS branding and extra apps and you have base Arch (I think, anyway?), and I don't even use their wallpapers... I'm not going to comment on moving away because of genAI. I think it's fine, if you prefer your current system, anyway.

This girl's passwords are stored on the arch llinux and she can't access any of her accounts catgirl-cry

Junior was clearly mistake because the solution to the problem was trivial. Junior has eyes but could not see mount tail.

Leiri [she/her] - 2mon

What desktop environment do you use? Some can easily be started from the comandline. Do you have the console login instead of the gui, or is it completely missing? If it is missing you can use "ctrl+alt+f3/f4/..." to swap to one. From there you can try to manually start the lightdm service with "systemctl start lightdm.sevice" or check why it failed if it did.

I3wm

Also dropping to tty is alt+F1-9 for me

Is there any specific reason you are still using xorg over wayland? Also did you manage to fix your problem?

Yes, I fixed my problem.

Is there any specific reason you are still using xorg over wayland?

I don't remember catgirl-huh

Nice I only switched after my xorg config broke, but especially if you use multiple monitors or play games Wayland is way better. If you want to switch, sway should generally support i3 configs and work similarly.

Aparantly I already had sway installed. I'll switch to it on my login. But honestly it shouldn't make a difference cause the only things I run are like python and librewolf

E horny is weird because I've never really wanted to kiss before

guess what I've been wanting to do nearly all day

Oh, oh yeah, absolutely. I was completely indifferent to kissing before, now it's great

I've been six months on prog now and at first I was like I don't get why people talk about horny, now I'm like I need to bite the world.

I need to find a gf before I start prog fr... I don't even think of myself as a sexual person really but just the need

Counterpoint, having fat boobs will help with finding a girlfriend.

(I understand you are hiding top growth and so this is largely a joke)

:kitty-cri: god I need fat boobs and a gf to play with them..

::: spoiler cw: family / bigotry / vent coming to the realisation that my mother is never going to see me as anything other than her confused and broken son. she'll never use my pronouns and it's been fucking years. or my name. she'll tolerate but never advocate for me. she'll continue to consume the slop which tells her that the greatest threat to her safety is a trans person taking a piss and that actually iran and palestine deserved it and disabled people are just lazy and that overexploited workers should just be quiet. i'll never get through to her politically. she'll always vote for the worst people possible, parrot the most appalling takes, and assure herself that it's just politics and that "it was hard for us, too". she's the one family member i'm not nc with but i think i'm done. :::

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=52u4bA39Wx8

::: spoiler sadposting Job hunting is really getting to me. I really need to find a new job because my current one is horrible. It's just awful. And I fucking. Hate. Jobhunting. So I guess I have to remind myself that what I'm feeling right now is probably more a biproduct of the current circumstances than anything else.

I miss when I felt like my life was going somewhere. I used to have goals and plans. I used to feel like I could pull some meaning out of my life. But I think I'm doomed to just going to work, going to sleep, and not doing much of anything else. And then one day I'm just going to die. And maybe a few people will cry. And that will be it. I just want to be loved and cared about. I want to be surrounded by people I care about and who care about me. I feel so isolated all the time. I fucking need out of this town and I need friends. I need community.

And I fucking hate working this god awful job at this scummy-ass company where nothing I do will ever actually be useful to anyone and I'm just some vehicle to extract invoice payments from clients through. I want to actually be tangibly useful to someone in a way that's not incredibly fake and made up. :::

If I stared into space and then waved, would Venus wave back?

LisaTrevor [they/them, she/her] - 2mon

anyone here heard of/read Estro Junkies?
I need more chronically online trans people to discuss this absolutely unhinged book with

summary here

Been in a depressed funk for awhile but I see glimmers of hope to pull myself out of it.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping myself occupied with video game piracy and Kirby and the Forgotten Land. Such a great comfy game.

Big fan; can't wait to see what becomes of the next Venus lander.

WhoaSlowDownMaurice [they/them, undecided] - 2mon

I looked at the planet, I said "Venus? More like Ven-SUS!"

Impasta syndrome spaghetti-code

Horror movies have been hitting hard lately, watched Speak no Evil 2024 (then the end +most of the 2022 original) and fuck that had me feeling the emotions and intensity.

Pretty good watch, first half hour is kinda a bore and I don't much care for the ending of the remake, I prefer the original.

::: spoiler spoiler 2022 has a bad ending where the couple gets killed :::

I'm really tired I need to get to sleep, I'm falling asleep writing this. Maybe I'll write more of my thoughts k. The two movies tomorrow. Goodnight mega.

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 2mon

I spent some amount of time in class without my dysphoria jacket. People ... didn’t seem to notice?

If they ain't even noticing or gendering me differently what's the point in making changes?

Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2mon

the changes are for you. you don't decorate your house so the neighbors have a nice view, you do it so you feel at home

and they will notice eventually but cis people are totally clueless, particularly when it comes to subtle changes. a switch will flick and strangers will be hitting you with "miss" and "ma'am" before you know it (in my experience anyway)

I wanna join the girl club tho ...

(How do I get rid of the imposter syndrome if people don't even gender me correctly?)

good news, you're in it! doggirl-thumbsup

wrt the second bit, uhhh wanna know a sad secret?

::: spoiler imposter syndrome doesn't go away due to external validation. that's one of those internal wars to wage, unfortunately :::

I've been waging that war for so long I ran out of ammunition. My factories are grounded to dust, my economy sanctioned and my tanks in disrepair.

have trans women learned nothing from communism?

you march those factories into the mountains this instant and engage in a decades-long guerilla campaign right now young lady!

::: spoiler the actual secret of course is to retool them to produce nothing but self-love and affirmation. shit sucks! doggirl-gloom :::

I tried the self-affirmation thing so much but it only works right up until I see an actual girl on the street and it's like

"wow I'm trash"

Maybe some more concrete changes would help you feel genuine.

Yup. If you don't tell cis people, most are impressively good at ignoring obvious signs. Its funny when you're out to some cis people and they are also baffled by how others don't notice.

Pretty much everyone told you as much last week: https://hexbear.net/comment/7178550

Meanwhile, I've had someone I knew visited my parents house for the first time in like 5 years and I was hanging out with him and my siblings and he specifically was confused by who I was for a while, despite all of the context. Obviously some major changes happened and I'm sure the same is true for you. And I'm gonna guess you're happy to have those changes.

True or false: the most transgender meal is the croque madame

False

I'm transgender and have never even heard of such a thing

It's a sandwich that becomes a woman once you add an egg to it.

Wish I could walk around with a giant sign that said "if u treat me like a person you'll be disappointed" above my head. I'm tired of existing. My social life is terrifying. My work life is confusing. My personal life is empty. I have a couple folks I talk to every day and those two are wonderful. But I just. I want to be ok and understand how to act. I want to have an identity. My identity is so fucked. Its almost entirely social it feels like. Everyone thinks I have stable identity cause they only see the one social identity I have with them. Its hard when friend groups merge or people meet cause then I have to be two people at the same time. I'm so scared of everything. I just want to curl up and be held and told its ok, the social interactions are all ok. Im tired of being so afraid of everyone. I just want to be not like I am. I want to be ok. I want to feel secure in myself. I want to feel secure in my relationships. I want to have people around me who understand me and know me. But thats hard when you purposefully hide as much of yourself as you can from others. I dont know how to be vulnerable except with strangers... Even in my fantasies people have to pry vulnerability from me with threats and violence. I'm never able to be truly vulnerable and secure in that vulnerability in my fantasies, let alone in real life. I dont know how to be. I dont even know who "i" is half the time.

::: spoiler CW discussion of genitals and bottom surgery, masturbation etc So as soon I decided I wanted bottom surgery and I realized I had bottom dysphoria, it's like I read my genitals the riot act.

Suddenly I'm not longer getting full erections, I can masturbate only slightly erect by rubbing my glans between my thumb and index finger. And get whole body orgasms with gushing clear liquid that tastes feminine (like when I've eaten pussy).

So I'm like okay penis/clitoris, you've earned yourself a delay, lets see how this pans out, testicles probably still got to go soon. :::

::: spoiler stray death note thoughts

I don't think DN after L dies had to be bad, if it was handled better it could have been just as good as the rest of the show. Its primary weakness is introducing two completely new characters to replace L in the last several episodes. I think it would have been much more satisfying if the remaining task force was able to finish the job on their own, maybe Naomi gets brought on the task force instead of killed early on and she leads the investigation.

In speaking of Naomi the women in the show are handled so poorly or outright vindictively. Basically every person that interacts with Misa is shown to call her stupid, Naomi is a really interesting and smart character that's killed because she might advance the plot too quickly, and her death Light acts more cruel to her than most other killings in the show. Kiyomi Takada is thrown away just as quickly as she's introduced and also given one of the worst death in the show, forced suicide by self immolation. This contrasts with L and every other task force member killed just being given a simple heart attack

During the finale credits we see Misa standing on the ledge of a tall building, my headcanon is that she doesn't jump, but it would be in line with the shows writing to disrespect her one last time and kill her in such a way

Matsuda has a similar dynamic to Misa, where most people in the show look down on on him as a sort of comic relief character at best or down right incompetent at worst, but he's given a cathartic 'redemption' by being the one to shoot Light and trying to go in for the final execution. Misa is given no redemption or revenge, just kicked down throughout the show down to the final closing credits. It should have been her writing Lights name in the notebook

kitty-cri

In conclusion, death note is a show about how everyone in Japan hates idol women

The end of any Persona game makes me cry, no matter how many times. It's so cheesy, but I really care about those characters. phantom-thieves

I am so booooooooooooooored.

There's nothing to do. Well, nothing that I want to do anyway. Is this my depression getting worse, or just short-term side-effects from increasing my antidepressant dose?

::: spoiler no content warning, just yap

The first few stages of cultivation involve you getting pregnant with a ghost baby and giving birth and making your ghost baby grow up into a ghost adult.

This isnt a joke or a reinterpretation or anything. Male cultivators are literally pregging themselves and honestly that's the easiest way to understand the (early) stages. Same with females and enbies

In the later stages then you make a whole universe inside your womb. Fun stuff.

Sometimes I gotta shut the fuck up and stop acting like everything is wrong in the world.

I don't understand why my emotions are like this tho.

Trauma usually, is what I’ve found when I can’t understand why I’m reacting a certain way

Well, youre under a lot of stress and sleep deprivation. It tracks you might have a bare nerve

I think I'll take a break from socials.

i hope you'll go to an irl trans group and find some community

Social worker pointed me to one. I'll go there when I have time

Everything is wrong tho?

Not for me. The world others are living in might be hellish but I am not so misfortunate

I have read too many of your posts to think everything is okay with you, Sodium :meow-hug:

I am somewhat lonely on this fine Sunday

The other day I got so lost that I ended up seeing a red firetruck with big American flags on it. It was right there! Driving by without a care in the world.

I'm a complete pile of nerves for tomorrow omg... screm-a aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa aaaa

Good luck Alisu!

Hoping for the best for you :cat-trans: it's so scary but I'm hopeful for you!

Thanks, it's real scary, but I think it will work

I've been wanting to yap but just haven't been very talkative lately.

I did my injection and took my prog a little while earlier. The prog is kicking in and taking me off to dreamland. Night traa mega. See you in the next mega.

Thank you for the Venus mega @Shaleesh@hexbear.net!!!

::: spoiler dysphoria I really wish two things

I didn't have to voice train and just had a good voice

and I wasn't so stressed about money and worried about living on the edge

man I hate just slowly feeling worse and worse. And I hate voice dysphoria.

I need life to hurry up and not be shit or be over or something. :::

I've thought over things and I want to reword my previous comment. I shouldn't have started typing while drunk.

::: spoiler long

he reason I don't feel anything about getting a masters (which to be clear, I'm more than a year away from. The end of lectures isn't the end of the program, as you have to write a thesis after) or bachelors

Is that all I've gotten out of it are debt and depression so far. I'm so deep in debt. Even if I go into a PhD after the masters, it'll barely pay more than a supermarket job. In an ideal world both should pay the same and both should be high paying jobs. But in this world, supermarket pay means you can forget about paying your debt, your parents, your little brother's college education and your own rent at the same time. I won't even be getting student discounts (as far as I can tell), meaning my rent goes up even more.

So all in all, that's about 4 more years minimum of this same bs pretty much. Then after that? If the job market isn't toast (it is) I might have a chance to join the upper middle class. Yippie. I get to exploit people while living alone and sipping oatmilk and my work might be used to upgrad some military bs even without my knowledge. Worthless. What did I even achieve for society?

I endured all this because I love engineering. Even if I time travelled knowing everything I'd still do this. But look at how much time I waste doing other things. I could put I'm way more hours. Do I actually love engineering? Or do I love the idea of being one? It feels like I'm lying if I say the first. Now to be fair, who the fuck goes through all this for something they don't actually love? But I know I could be doing better. I know I have some potential I'm not tapping into. Because I've grown so tired of everything.

He'll, I don't even if know if I really love this or if it's just because that's what was beaten into me as a child. Because I don't have anything else. I should be pulling myself outta bed with a smile on face excited to go learn. Instead I'm crying and typing.

what did I even achieve for society

Society is undeserving of our contribution

I cannot say bring myself to say that

The one that is currently withholding one of your sex hormones from you?

What could you possibly owe them if they fuck you over like that

o_o

(Idk girl)

I should reread Empowered I never actually finished it

I don't know what I need. I oscillate in life from absolute soul crushing procrastination to pure exhaustion. Today I collapsed onto the floor. Didn't even get to sleep.

I was in a room with 2 dipshits who kept using their "outdoors voice" yapping about bs.

I swear to God. You can see I'm on the fucking floor out of sleep deprivation, you can't find a different room to blabber?

Like a sim????

Honey, you HAVE to sleep better. Like more than pretty much anything else in your life considering how dire youve described it

Omg that falling down animation.

Nah, if it was like that I'd have cracked my skull on the floor lol*. This would be a different conversation.

I'm more so talking about falling down while sitting on the floor.

I was sitting on the floor cause I couldn't stand up anymore.

*maybe not. The floor was soft and cozy.

Honey, you HAVE to sleep better.

Yeah but I can die slowly instead. It's not a big deal. I don't really care about the future.

And I really don't care. It's not a joke or sarcasm.

I don't care that much about my long term health and shit like that, but not sleeping properly makes the present miserable.

Been ruminating again, going to try and distract myself ig. On the final boss of DK country returns. Next game is probably super Mario galaxy (played a bit of galaxy a while ago but definitely didn't beat it, maybe the first section or something).

::: spoiler suicide, misanthropy and dysphoria I think rn the only two things that make me truly suicidal are 1. My hatred of others, caused by their cruelty, willful ignorance, control over me, injustice, etc. And 2. My completely broken body and how dysphoric it makes me.

I have at least some hope of 2 getting better. Yes my voice is fucked forever and that's what matters most. Yes I'm huge. But I will almost certainly have breasts. Fat redistribution, eventually. Random little things like better skin, less body hair ect. I'll get laser on my face. Bottom surgery exists and I could probably get it. There's still a lot of important things that won't be fixed but at least some things on that front can get better.

However the human condition is what it is. The gleefully evil people will always be there. The vast majority who do not care and are prejudice will still be there. Even if the target switched (which I doubt), people will be the same. How much happier is that supposed to make me.

I will not forgive or forget the cruelty society has shown us. I truly do not know how to cope with it. FUCK PEOPLE. :::

Nevermore

that's so raven

Paramore 🤘

New mega

https://hexbear.net/post/8652602

The joy I feel when Persona 6 information finally leaks. catgirl-cry

It's pretty fucked up they make trans people pay taxes.

I've been a big fan of MUNA since before transition and knowing I was a lesbian (I know shut up).

And whenever a new album for a band comes out we're creatures of extremes panning or glazing it in the moment.

But I truly think this is their best album.

Like the songs they've done videos for (dancing on the wall, eastside girls, wannabeher) are great, in particular I think Wannabeher is my favourite with Eastside girls a close second with it's "gender confirmation care" line).

But some of the others songs, Big Stick (about US imperialism), Girl's girl and Mary Jane are straight bangers too

Worth checking out if not listening to it. They are gay and have gender going on.

No way

Given the band started with 3 she/her-s, and now has 1x she/her, 1 x she/they and 1x they/them. It's pretty fitting.

Fuck Big Stick alone is worth checking out, a bop that's less than 3 minutes that concisely connects social media, consumer culture, surveillance state, US soft power and it's support of Israel.

oh shit im doing the mega

HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 2mon

I found a YouTube link in your post. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: