Shabby Lemmy

2mon

364

Lasers - Trans Megathread for May 11th through May 17th, 2026

Strap up your safety goggles my siblings, it's time to lase big-cool

::: spoiler What even is a laser

The word itself stands for "light amplified by stimulated emission" ... which explains nothing about what lasers actually are, what they produce and how they work. So let's start from the beginning. What's the difference between laser light and "normal" light?

Laser light is coherent and collimated while normal light is incoherent and uncollimated. It's actually not that hard to understand. Coherence is when a band marches in beat. Incoherence is when you have a crowd of people loudly talking in the background. Collimation is when you walk in a straight line in the same direction as everyone else. Uncollimated people like to follow their own path.

Why does this matter? It matters because laser light sticks together while normal light scatters about. Laser light is a tightly coordinated military parade in tiannamen square while normal light is a bunch of drunk guys after a soccer match.

If I want to send a signal from A to B in 10 seconds, laser light will take it from A to B in 10 seconds. Normal light will take it from A to B and C and D. Some pieces will arrive in 10 seconds, others at 11 seconds, some even at 12.

:::

::: spoiler Cool ass lasers

Double hetero-junction diode lasers:

This image is an electron microscope photo taken on the cross-section of a double hetero-junction diode laser. Despite the name sounding really complex, the concept really just consists of sandwiching one material in between another material. It's a cheese toast in essence. The "cheese" is InGaAsP (Indium Gallium Arsenide Phosphide) and the "bread" is InP (Indium Phosphide). How does it work? The bread and cheese are designed such that light and electricity get squeezed into the cheese and don't leak out of it. The laser light travels horizontally through the cheese layer. So you just put electrical energy into this thing and it squeezes out light like a toothpaste bottle wherever you give it an opening.

And yes, you're seeing this right. The part of the laser that produces light (active layer) is 1.3 microns, or 50 times thinner than human hair. Humanity taught a thing sheet of rust on metal how to think and used that power to make gooner slop. It brings a tear to my eyes.

Dye lasers:

You see that tube with the red liquid on the left side? It's carrying rhodamine 6G, a fluorescent dye. Ya shine light onto it and it glows yellow. You can see the yellow glow in the center window thing, the upper right corner and in the lower left. You can also see the remnant fluorescent glow as the rhodamine is pumped out through the right tube.

Do I have anything interesting to say about dye lasers? Uh, they can cool themselves. Cause the thing producing light (aka the dye solution) is pumped out. So that's neat. You can also just read the wiki cause I know little about these types of lasers.

Pulsed lasers with nonsensically high power outputs:

Some lab in Romania genuinely made a laser with 10 petawatts of power. These days you also have lasers which create femtosecond pulses (1 femtosecond is 1 billionth of a nanosecond). In fact, the other day, I did a lab that used femtosecond lasers. My group mate was waving his hand through the laser and we were collecting data on how transparent his hand was (spoiler, his hand wasn't transparent). Uh ... that goes against the laser safety lesson that comes right after .... forget I said anything!

Anyway, you wonder how they make these ridiculous lasers? They do it by forcing all the power of the laser into short pulses and releasing it at once.

It's like basically pressure cooking the laser medium and releasing all the energy in a whistle. This technique is called "Q-switching" (think of "Q" as the energy retention factor. You make it go up to store energy then release). This Q factor technique however only gets you so far. To make real femtosecond lasers you need to do this thing called "mode-locking" which I'm not going to explain.

Just read more at

https://www.rp-photonics.com/q_switching.html

https://www.rp-photonics.com/mode_locked_lasers.html

:::

::: spoiler Laser safety explanation

It's just a miliwatt laser, what's the big deal? I have a 60 watt light bulb in my house and I don't need any special light bulb safety training. Well remember how laser light goes "from A to B" while normal light goes from "A to B and C and D"? Laser light is amazing when "point B" is a communication device. You're getting the maximum power of the light focused onto the device for it to pick up. That's not what you want when "point B" is a spot in your retina. You don't want maximum power focused onto a spot. You want it spread out.

Not to mention, lasers are beams, so the whole power of the laser goes into your eye or onto your skin instead of like, 1% (cause the rest spread out to other parts of the room)

Lasers come in 4 classes (with some subclasses)

Class 1: Harmless under normal use

Class 2: Your reflexes will protect you if it gets into your eye

Class 3R: Harmful if it gets into your eyes

Class 3B: Even reflections and exposure to skin is harmful

Class 4: Can even set fire to things

Classes 1 and 2 also have a special "1M" and "2M" subclass, which means "it's harmful if you focus the beam into your eyes through some lens".

The general advice for handling lasers is

Don't bring reflective or flammable materials into the room
Use specialized laser safety goggles
Don't enter a room with a turned on laser without authorization (rooms with lasers should have a clear "LASER ON/OFF" sign)
Don't lean over to get a better look at the laser. The laser should remain below your eye level so it doesn't accidentally get into your eyes
Keep the emergency number on speed dial

These rules can be relaxed for low class lasers and if the laser is contained inside a fiber, box or other such system.

A source on the medical effects of laser exposure

:::

::: spoiler Medical photos of laser damage to eyes

::: spoiler content warning

::: spoiler Medical injuries

::: spoiler last warning

Retinal burns:

Hemorrhaging:

Blood pool 1 week after injury:

Corneal burns to rabbit (poor rabbit, what asshole got a fucking rabbit involved with lasers?):

:::

Join our public Matrix server!

https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms

As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

::: spoiler spoiler :::

::: spoiler 'A beautiful flower just wants to bloom' by Me

The old self is dying

and the new cannot be born

The old skin sheds

and the new cannot be shown

A new fire burns in the heart

and has to be kept inside

A beautiful flower just wants to bloom

And it has to hide

:::

Yes, I'm appropriating Gramsci to express myself. This is how it feels like to transition in the closet

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 2mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

peanutbuttercupola* (5/18 - 5/24)
Shaleesh* (5/25 - 5/31)
GayTuckerCarlson* (6/1 - 6/7)
SwitchyandWitchy* (6/8 - 6/14)
Alisu* (6/15 - 6/21)
peanutbuttercupola* (6/22 - 6/28)

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 2mon

Please add me to the end of the list again.

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 2mon

you can sign me back up at the end, thanks!

RION [she/her] - 2mon

So my dad is actually the swaggiest man alive???

I told him and he was just straight up "I support you, thank you for telling me, only you know what's best for you". He didn't seem confused at all, even? I mean I'm sure it was something of a surprise but he was still composed and all.

It was funny too, after most of the big stuff was out of the way we would lapse into talking about taking measurements for stuff around my apartment or if I could look after his and his partner's dog, and then we'd circle back to if I'd ever thought about changing my name in the future (and he even said I shouldn't feel weird about changing my name just because it was something he and my mom gave me years ago).

I guess I shouldn't be surprised—he's always taken that paternal responsibility of putting me and my siblings first seriously. He just wants us to be happy, wherever that takes us. God what a chad I love him

Telling my mom next weekend. She noticed my scars at brunch yesterday, asked about them when she was driving me home, and said she didn't want me to feel like I couldn't talk to her about things (gee, wonder why I might feel that way??) I do think she'll be better this time around, but probably not as good as my dad. We'll see.

SickSemper [she/her, comrade/them] - 2mon

woohoo congratulations! my parents were also extremely shocked at the time, but have since heavily come around to the "just wants us to be happy" train.

after most of the big stuff was out of the way we would lapse into talking about taking measurements for stuff around my apartment

v real, we stayed up late and ended up talking about stand up comedy (?). Conversations work in mysterious ways, in the end i'm so happy you have a good example to take into next weekend!

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 2mon

Yay! That sounds amazing.

Twas indeed. Pogged out of my gourd isaac-pog

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 2mon

No one has really posted about it. But the appeal ruling on Tickle versus Giggle came down in Australia yesterday and it was good. Judges upheld that Roxane Tickle was discriminated against by Sally Glover's app Giggle for Girls for being trans. Actually upgraded it from indirect to direct exclusion. Doubled the award (from 10k to 20k). Basically strengthened Australian case law that trans women are legally the same as cis women in Australia.

I was silly and looking at comments about it on reddit. Most surprisingly good in normal subreddits. Funniest was on r/Auslaw which is a very pedantic legal reddit. Some reactionary complained "this is a loss for women" and the mods removed it and commented "under Australian law trans women are women, so it's a win" or something to the effect. Just very fun to be a laws the law lib about something cool and good like trans rights.

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 2mon

Job hunt is over. Moving to a state with better LGBT protections. Really excited!

meow-bounce

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 2mon

lets-fucking-go Love to see my trans siblings increasing their material conditions

Really excited. Going to be doing neat cancer research.

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 2mon

Why are people genuinely brain dead when it comes to the news

I am concerned about the general trajectory of this country as a trans person

You should read the good news network. A homeless man found a dog's ashes and got given a few thousand dollars. 45 miles of concrete was removed from nature. Also, elections are coming up!

doomjak why do I even bother

I wish I wasn't so optimistic and just stopped searching. I am clearly not going to find what I need.

shallot [she/her] - 2mon

It’s not really that bad, you’re just paying too much attention to social media

:screm-a:

I've been thinking about this a lot. All my suffering, all the times I reached out, all the problems and issues. There isn't anything anyone else can do they haven't already done. There are some more things I can/need to do, but it will still suck.

I am deeply unhappy with the fact I wound up being a trans woman. There's nothing to be done on that front. It is simply awful and will probably remain that way until I die. I whine, and cry, and vent my frustrations in some vain hope.

I'm stupid. I'm stupid for continually posting about it, for messaging people about it, for bothering anyone about it ever again. I am stupid because I will continue to do so even knowing how futile it is. I have thought about everything a million which ways and definitely, 100% have found dozens of things that are objectively, truthfully shit about life and my situation. Many of which I can't fix.

I still don't do basics. I "try". hrt is nice but hasn't fixed the fundamental problems. Me. Plenty of trans women have survived worse. Have done better. And all I do is sit here and complain about how shit everything is. And it is shit. But I am shit too. There's only one way out. But I know what I have to do.

Another horrible day ended with crying about how useless I am and how objectively shit my life is. When the fuck will it stop

inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 2mon

You're undervaluing what you currently do. It took me a while of reading your posts to realize you're quite the unreliable narrator of your own life.

You're living closeted in a place that you don't feel safe at, but you've started HRT anyway.
Beyond starting HRT, you're so knowledgeable about DIY options that you're the first person to respond whenever it's brought up. Always offering to DM to help out too.
You hold a job. Say whatever you want about it, but you still show up and you're good enough to be relied on there.
Deapite your misery, you seem to stay social and even came out to friends.

That sounds like someone who's actually doing quite a bit already. There's more to do, of course, but when is there not? It's also important to consider that thinking about ending things is all consuming. It never starts that way, but it'll take all the space you offer. So much of the energy that could put into other transition things is being funneled into those thoughts.

I have thought about everything a million which ways and definitely, 100% have found dozens of things that are objectively, truthfully shit about life and my situation. Many of which I can't fix.

Maybe the answer is to think less, at least for a bit. There are so many ways to describe the frustrations of transitioning, but too much can impede progress. Treating things as inevitabilities was something I found helpful. Plan in advance, know everything I need to do for the task, and follow the plan at the scheduled time - think about how much I hate it later. It's the only way I got through voice training.

Consider it?

I honestly don't quite get what you mean, I feel like I give people here quite the accurate picture of my life. I do fail to do basics a lot. Hygiene, still don't drive. Those were really the basics I was upset about. I don't usually talk about them because it's quite embarrassing.

That is all true, thank you. I do need to remember how good it is I have a job again.

I can't- idk how to explain it. I can't shut my thoughts off like that. It's really frustrating. I would love to think less about transitioning and all the stressors it brings.

Thank you, I will. I like that as a plan. I'll try and actually follow it. Thank you again, I really appreciate you.

My partner doesn’t drive and they’re older than I am. Driving fucking sucks and is only useful as a tool for your own liberation rather than a marker of how “developed” you are as a person. If you want to be able to go places on your own, then sure driving can be good and useful, but as a fundamental necessity, I hate it so much and think it should never be used to measure one’s own growth. Can you tell cars stress me out and I’ve been in an accident recently?

Also pretty sure 99% of trans gals are up the creek without a paddle when it comes to hygiene in the beginning; I can’t tell if estrogen softened my skin or it’s that I finally started moisturizing. Please feel free to dm about hygiene questions if you don’t want to talk publicly, I’ve had a bit of a crash course in hair/skincare recently so I’m happy to help if I can.

::: spoiler sh etc Echoing what inTheShadowOf said, the spiral can be all-consuming. I had a shitty day yesterday and was really quickly tempted by the void again, unconsciously falling back into old patterns of self destructive behavior and thought. It’s so easy and quick to get back in the cycle of hating myself and the world and extremely difficult to pull yourself away from it. Shutting it off can be hard-impossible, I feel you, we’re in this together :::

I’m also taking the planning advice, treating it like a work assignment. It sucks but I’m still not missing the deadline, you know? The YT channel TransVoiceLessons has a good beginner video, and even though I’m too embarrassed to practice within earshot of my partner, it was a good way to take the first step in a process I don’t love

headpat

::: spoiler spoiler

Real, and I wouldn't try to convince you otherwise. Injustices and loosing the genetic lottery are not things that can simply be erased by a change of perspective.

Plenty of trans women have survived worse. Have done better.

Comparing yourself doesn't help, however, many of these trans women also have a strong community that helps them be resilient and derive inner strength. It is not easy for atomised proles to simply become fix their lives through sheer force of will.

I am currently cleaning up and packing my room. Fuck moving is a lot of effort. Soooo glad to be able to move to a blue state though.

edit: oh maybe I should clarify, I am packing in preparation for the move, but the move will still be a bit

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 2mon

Woooaw, congrats

Wow, packing sucks, but I'm so excited for you! Getting to live in a safer political environment and having a job you won't hate (you're changing your job if you're moving states, right?) will benefit you greatly.

Yea I'll be getting a new job, probably working for the same company as my dad though :/ but at least it'll be something and I can move out. Better then having to find one in this market. Hoping the actual job isn't too bad though I have hopes. I'm excited too, thank you!

Congrats eggnog! It’s a big step and I’m so happy for you

Thank you :cat-trans:

POGGERS CHAMPION lets-fucking-go

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 2mon

Hell yes that's so exciting!!!!! catgirl-heart

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 2mon

That'll be wonderful for you!!

It definitely will! :cat-trans:

Hello trans friends in my computer. I love you all.

Yes, you.

I don't love you, I super duper love you!

trans-heart

Aw. I love you too.

cat-trans

OffSeasonPrincess [she/her] - 2mon

waow-based

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 2mon

erm-this-you

Shaleesh [she/her, comrade/them] - 2mon

a friend said that she sees me as a big sister figure, made me cry a little

transition goal achieved.

Finally got to see my fave coworker today, she gave me a hug and told me she's proud of me and I'm crying again just thinking about it.

Got my white whale TERF banned from a lesbian Facebook group for transphobia

stalin-feels-good

Normally she was good at dog whistles and "just asking questions" but this recent court thing broke her brain

mrosswind [she/her] - 2mon

HRT has massively expanded my capacity to feel emotions just in time for me to spend the last month having them kicked in.

Best decision I ever made.

Struck absolute gold while cleaning

I bought 16 gb of dd5 a couple years ago for $100 a stick, now its $500 lol

With how AI is going this might be the next computer part to become more expensive than gold

I hopefully have plenty of SSD and ram to last me, its ddr4 but that's still completely fine for me

holy shit they want $170 for this thing now

UP WITH TRANS trans-hammer-sickle

Horse {they/them} - 2mon

UP WITH TRANS https://lemmygrad.ml/api/v3/image_proxy?url=https%3A%2F%2Fhexbear.net%2Fpictrs%2Fimage%2Fb400ab3e-aec4-4753-a571-da5716576f8c.png

https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/05067621-f32e-43b4-8a84-0acb36331387.webp

Better_with_Gender [pup/pup's, she/her] - 2mon

UP WITH TRANS!

sending my positive energy

UP WITH TRAAAAAAAAANNNNNNSSSS

::: spoiler sex

I'd like to inform the mega that I'm a natural at giving blowjobs and back when I was going to gloryholes I made many men audibly moan in pleasure despite being a newbie. I could make them cum so fast they'd have to pull out to not get drained in a minute and take a break.

This is very important information and I hope you got something out of it doggirl-happy

::: spoiler Tap for spoiler

If you're wondering how this squares up with me being a lesbian (or half lesbian?) fret not. I felt bad after all those interactions. Let a girl can appreciate her suction prowess, ok?

::: spoiler spoiler girls have dicks, too, so those skills won't go unused as a lesbian :::

::: spoiler spoiler I had the pleasure of tasting girldick and it's awesome :::

::: spoiler spoiler I've had a couple myself and I crave more. I'm going to a queer/trans/furry rave/play party next month and I'm fucking psyched. :::

Indeed, but many of them want to get rid of them and wouldn't like to be succed like a man. It restricts the options a bit you know.

fret not. I felt bad after all those interactions.

Not having quite the effect you were going for :::

mom says she's sorry for reacting so intensely when i tried to come out to her... god, 4 years ago now, but always ALWAYS follows it up with "please try to understand/see it from my perspective", emphasizing that it's such a shock that no one could have seen coming (pay no attention to my childhood alter ego, Jazzy, who I dressed up as to con more pancakes out of my dad. her long girl hair was made out of my sister's fuzzy feather boa). also complained about not having a support network of her own to talk to about this (gee, wonder why i didn't tell anyone else after trying to go to her first (also it's not my fault you don't have friends??))

she just can't get out of her own way and let an apology stand without trying to qualify it with why she behaved that way in the first place, which just makes it feel like she doesn't really believe she was wrong. also says she never said she didn't approve of me taking estrogen while living with her when she definitely did. that's the second ironclad time of her selectively not remembering something that makes her look bad.

and jeez she acts like it's so hard, such a difficult thing to wrap ones head around. well idk lady my dad gave precisely zero doubts and was immediately accepting when i told him, skill difference i guess

I've known I was trans for two whole years :doomjak: and barely more independent then I was. No apartment or anything like that. Certainly no happier. Just the same miserable life as before.

It's weird to think how long I've kept this secret from my family. I hope they aren't too upset with me when I finally tell them.

Change can be an awfully uneven thing, like that Lenin quote. I tried to come out to my mom and that went pretty poorly. Two years later I was jobless, still closeted and living with her, and horribly depressed, feeling like nothing was going to change. I came pretty close to actually trying to end it all.

Then in the span of a few months I got a job, my own apartment, and an HRT regimen! Things are still tough and I have my really bad days. But even the bad days bring me closer to where I want to be just by the passage of time...

I'm really hoping we can move in the next few months and I can get a real job and apartment of my own.

That's what changed everything for me, having independence and control of my own space. I think I started HRT like two weeks after getting my apartment (had to pause a month or two for sperm freezing tho :/). And you're doing better than I was by starting HRT already!

I believe that will be a turning point for you. That space will be crucial, I can't imagining doing this without a home I felt 100% safe and secure in

I really, really tried to be happy today. It's not working.

Why the fuck is my life a constant stream of suffering. I hate (nearly) everyone.

It's because your humours are out of balance and your chakras misaligned :(

(It's cause this world ain't built for trans girls)

The world is specifically built against trans girls, a lot of the time

Real unfortunately :/

::: spoiler horny Woke up this morning and immediately wrapped my arms up around myself and wished someone could enjoy my body... I might be a bottom chat... :::

Welcome to bottom hood. It's the greatest feeling in the world

realest shit that's ever been said

I have a heterosexual cis woman friend who is great, but unfamiliar with queer stuff. When I came out, she immediately accepted me as a woman but in the best way of completing forgetting at times I'm trans. Asking me about my contraception, periods etc. Also immediately understood this meant I was a lesbian, no questions there.

I mentioned I wanted to date a trans woman I know. This was the first time she'd ever heard of T4T. It was amazing to see the look of confusion turn to comprehension to excitement as she processed the concept. And ultimately said "that sounds like it would be really nice to have someone who understands what you're going through"

You have found one true cis ally. If only this was the default level of empathy one could expect from everyone.

She's the best. One time I was at a function for our organisation with her and I said "all women have been so accepting of my transition, well 9 out of 10" and she was like "who is the 1 out of 10? Are they here?" (Looking around as if to start a fight).

GayTuckerCarlson [she/her] - 2mon

True Detective Posting

::: spoiler meme about family

::: spoiler bottom surgery sex PIV feels really really great! Sore for the last couple days, think I bruised my fucking vagina lol. Missionary is great but cowgirl and me on top missionary is better (to me)

Yeah she took my virginity but it aint that big a deal 🙄 lol acting like she's a trophy hunter. I get way wetter than anyone I had been with before, I did not know that amount of uh juice was possible. Potentially, cause I was mostly on top??? :::

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 2mon

::: spoiler more bottom surgery sex ain't it the best? i lean more stone top these days, preferring to trib my partner and get my pleasure that way, but for those who need, nothing is better than a vagina. :::

::: spoiler sex I thought I was a stone top and it ended up being bottom dysphoria 😭 :::

::: spoiler sex So many such cases! i didn't know i was a stone top or a sadist until after bottom surgery 😮‍💨 :::

::: spoiler spoiler ::: spoiler making this a bit about myself sorry good lord I want bottom surgery so bad rn...

Also I know its not actually that important in the big scheme of things but I hope I get wet... :::

::: spoiler spoiler I WANNA HAVE THAT.

More and more I think about getting SRS... Just sounds so awesome to have a pussy. I think I might miss my penis but idk. If I have any trouble for it to work I'll get full SRS, or maybe just add the vagina idk.

But like, it's pretty expensive, public healthcare does like 50 surgeries A YEAR here, in this huge ass country. I might have to do some medical tourism shit. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Was kinda surprised how much more affordable srs is in Thailand or something then in the US. Like 10-15k USD, for good surgeons too. Like that's still a lot but compared to some of the prices I've seen people pay for it here :::

::: spoiler spoiler I just keep thinking about the recovery process... Imagine having a super complicated surgery that takes months to fully heal in a different country, just sounds so stressing :::

::: spoiler spoiler Recovery definitely sounds brutal, at least the clinic I talked to said they usually only have you stay in the country for a couple of weeks (I think one in hospital and then maybe like 2 or 3 at a hotel), then if there's any issues or you need a script after that you can go to a doctor locally. But yea definitely an added stress :/ :::

Hm yeah, but it should be a good idea to have trusty people go with you

::: spoiler spoiler Theres stuff that was more convenient with a gock, masturbating was way faster (less joyful and more a chore) and I could direct the flow of my pee easier, now it sometimes goes in my butt lol. But what I "gave up" is such a tiny secondary thing compared to having a vagina for me. :::

::: spoiler spoiler I relate to a lot off what you said before so this might be for me too. But uhm, let's wait and see where transition takes me :::

anothertranscomrade [they/them] - 2mon

I'm having bottom surgery (inversion) soon. Not looking forward to the recovery, but I'm still elated that I'll have a vagina.

I think two of my favorite stories on /r/smutttt got deleted. This is my personal 9/11

ngl I save a lot (all) of the smut I read on a device, so I can always go back. Don't trust stuff to not get deleted. Only struggle is finding what I'm looking for sometimes but it is there.

I've just backed up some more recent ones... the redditors will never stop me

Dort_Owl [they/them, any] - 2mon

Trans lasers trans lasers possum-party

Lasers are very trans! All the interesting physics happens in the transient regime hehe.

low key shocking how I can just sit and dissociate and now my whole evening is gone, wtf. It was just three hours ago. I did nothing.

Waldoz53 [he/him, any] - 2mon

i am almost 32 why am i still getting crushes on cute people who give me 5 minutes of attention. im not THAT lonely...(i am)

Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 2mon

I'm still like that too, and I'm not even lonely (just a hugeremovedot)

Im all shot, no chaser 😘

All 💯 shot 💉 no 🙅‍♀️ chaser 🏃‍♂️

Me too sister

(not sure what this means but I concur)

You can tell from my posting frequency today that things are exceptionally bad today.

I even went as far as to tell my German friend that I'm hurting being in the closet. He replied with a bunch of Internet brain rot screenshots. Uh ... I ... I'm not sure what to think or say about this. But yeah IRL is cooked for trying to get support.

(Imagine sending AI Charlie kirk memes to someone having a mental crisis)

I'm surprised how much I like some of the effects of hrt. I didn't expect to care much about my skin changing, or notice it but it's definitely noticeable and very nice. Everything feels so much more tactile. Also feel the need to be touched more. Idk I didn't expect that to be an effect I really cared about but it's very nice.

HRT is like if rainbows and sunshine were refined into a vial of injectable oil.

Coworker (the one I hate) wanted to have a "guy to guy" talk earlier, fuck me. And fuck him.

Same coworker was talking to me about money troubles, keep in mind he's in his mid 20s and lives at home. Only expense is his car. Has $30 saved from his last check, plus what we got paid this week. Apparently his car needs a thousand dollars worth of repairs. Like be for real why would you have nothing in savings.

I know why, he told me his dad usually pays for his car stuff.

It's just mind boggling to me to not save when you have such a good opportunity (living at home)

Edit: okay it gets even worse. He told his parents he has 9 grand saved. He actually has 30 dollars. Unbelievable to me.

lol what a clown. that's gotta make you feel a bit better about your situation, because goddamn

last time a coworker requested a "guy to guy" talk, he told me he was getting divorced while having a side relationship with a much younger coworker of ours. men only want to talk to other men when they want to vent without being judged,, unfortunately for them, they seem to be picking women who will Absolutely judge them for being bums!

Eco [she/her, he/him] - 2mon

i think i'm going to finally commit to doing voice training because the dysphoria over it is getting worse

::: spoiler Cw alcohol discussion of sex I got very drunk at a work thing, an equally drunk cis diva asked with sincere curiosity how two trans women have sex, I said I'd report back once I'd figure that out my own self. :::

Having my mom over today. Gonna take the dog for a walk, make this pasta recipe for dinner, and tell her I'm trans (again). Will report back

Silly comment where I'm trying to be upbeat.

::: spoiler cw

::: spoiler suicide

I can't kill myself. There's a cute girl whose smile I have to protect.

She doesn't have a name yet. No one to defend her other than me. If I don't take care of her then who will?

Cam you meet with her? Uh ... she's very shy and takea a long time to get ready. You'll have to wait for a couple of minutes, or maybe days ... or years ... but she'll be ready one day! When you see her you'll know that I was right to protect her!

She'll be so glad u stuck around for her^^

She deserves to be happy, she needs to have the chance to be happy

Busgirl [she/her] - 2mon

Cutie!

::: spoiler nsfw

I might not be a lesbian and just experiencing the bi-cycle. I'm walking round the uni intensely fantasising about tying down a guy and milking him.

BUT I'D PREFER IF (S)HE WAS A FEMBOY OR PRE-OP T-GIRL AND I STILL COULDN'T IMAGINE BEING SAFE BY MARRYING A MAN.

Why was I built like this?

::: spoiler spoiler GENDER IS A LIE, LOVE WHO YOU LOVE. TIE DOWN A FEMBOY. SUCK GIRLDICK. BE HAPPY.

Classic masculine men give me the yikes. Femboys and enbies tho... :::

Ok but have you considered that I don't have anyone and don't feel ready for a relationship?

Take your time, girl, just don't limit yourself with a label

Religion gets wayy too much credit in society. "its my religion" "its their religion" ITS YOUR PERSONAL OPINION! That's how much credit we should give it, and not a hair more! And that is the best case. Realistically, here in the west at least, it more closely means "my ratfuck opinion that I believe because I believe an entire pile of ratfuckery". Quite frankly if your "religion" supports SLAVERY, GENOCIDE, ETC it should be regarded far less then "my personal feeling about this topic". Fucking ridiculous that we give them an elevated position above other OPINIONS. "Oh its really important to them" Like my opinions aren't really important to me? Like my opinions aren't based in something a little more credible then "god". Why does HOW we formed these opinions not matter for shit? So I can carefully form a view from looking at evidence, studies, life experience, hours and hours of research and thought but that matters LESS then someone who just decided what interpretation they wanted to read out of some ratfuck old book? The only thing people have to say is "oh well they believe it really strongly" I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK HOW STRONGLY YOU HOLD SOME RATFUCK OPINION, I CARE IF ITS FYUCKING TRUE!! GIVE ME EVIDENCE FOR ANY OF THIS SHIT OR SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER ABOUT IT!!

Let's make our own religion, with trans rights and communism

I think I'm going to try to stay single for a full year since my last break-up. I really need more close friends, and I want to focus on friendships. I have romantic needs, but who says I can't be a little romantic with friends? And who says romance can't be platonic?

In related news, I'm rapidly coming to the realization that I'm most likely demisexual. Almost certainly somewhere along the ace-spec. Which I should've recognized a long time ago when I learned what it means and just thought "wait but I thought that's how everybody feels."

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 2mon

thought "wait but I thought that's how everybody feels."

I wondered if people just made up sex attraction back when I was in middle school, but I figured it couldn't totally be made up and abandoned that idea relatively quickly. I still was assuming people were exaggerating a ton other than perhaps some outliers. Didn't realize that sexual attraction was really an attraction to sex until my late 20s. Then I found out dudes don't just perform masculinity ironically, but actually value that stuff. I wonder how many other similar misunderstandings I still have just because I assume my own experiences are more common than they really are.

Hate when hexbear is struggling, what else am I supposed to do? Touch grass???

I took out one bag of garbage, packed one box, and my room is a complete mess right now. Even though its not actually a ton I am pretty happy with the progress I made today on it. But I now need to get all the shit off my bed and out of the main area so I can sleep. I am so tired.

pleaaase I want to be there so bad already. I hope its as good as I'm hoping. Still need to decide what exactly my plan is for staying closeted/coming out and what all that looks like... I have time ofc. I just need to decide what is comfy for me rn.

I really need to voice train. That'd make being out feel better. Won't whine about it right now though.

I know I talk about voice a lot, but I think about it even more

Tfw when this is what you end up looking like after your transition instead of a bombshell beauty

But that's all you needed anyway ...

The hope that youd be the hegemonic (unattainable, also racist and zuper white) ideal of feminity is overrated. You CAN and almost certainly will look like someone's mom. And, most likely, the mom you will look like is your own mom lol

segfault11 [she/her, any] - 2mon

i've been in denial for too long - i need to get bangs 😔

Mom made a comment abt our hair and skin looking better than before. As far as shes concerned thats cuz weve been taking better care of them, and thats at least partially true, but could hrt be having an effect on that this early too catgirl-sorry

::: spoiler CW dysphoria My gender feels like a mess right now. I'm definitely not a guy but feel awkward being called or calling myself a girl. It feels comfortable to be referred to with she/her pronouns but I can't really see myself as a woman. Now that I've accepted myself as trans I've started to look back at who I was previously, and how obviously trans younger me was. A lot of my memories are now trans-coded and that gives context for my past, but also brings more questions of my identity as a whole. ::: spoiler trans-coding in media Started watching Evangelion this month for the first time. Leaving thoughts on the show for another time, Shinji felt really trans-coded to me, mainly because some of his behaviour was very trans and what I did when I was younger. I couldn't really relate to guys and kinda inherited behaviour from girls, something I noticed Shinji do. I haven't finished the show so I'm leaving any analysis for afterwards but I did see something about Shinji being originally written as a girl.

::: spoiler dysphoria, transmisogyny, imposter syndrome It took me a while to feel comfortable calling myself a woman. I liked she/her pronouns, I felt unworthy of claiming womanhood, even speaking out the words more quietly when I discussed it with a trusted friend. The latter is ultimately what prompted me examine why I felt that way. I still don't know for sure, I don't understand the mechanisms completely. In hindsight it was silly to not feel worthy when I spent so long as a child yearning to be one of the girls. I would've long since recognized my own condition in anybody else for what it was: being a trans woman. But I think for me, internalized transmisogyny was a big part. I hated the idea of calling myself a woman when I looked, sounded, and acted like that. I didn't want to be seen as what the worst parts of my mind would tell me I was: a man in a dress pretending. Even if the rest of me knew that was wrong. :::

::: spoiler spoiler I feel uncomfortable not knowing what to call myself, I didn't ever relate to being a man but not really with being a woman either. I feel stuck in-between them but don't relate to Non-Binary either. My gender while not something I thought about a lot when I was a child, looking back I felt possibly gender-less and the confusion of 'oh hey actually there is a big difference between boys and girls, stay on your side' makes figuring out my gender now very frustrating. Doesn't help I dress mostly masculine and so get seen as a guy when I'm not, I did dress in an alternative feminine style wearing only skirts, even seen as a girl, though haven't in ages.

cuddle

It is a common trans experience to think that you don't feel like the gender you are transitioning to. Especially in the early days. This is a kind of imposter syndrome arising from a lack of confidence in yourself. Don't worry, as time goes on, that feeling of awkwardness will go away and you will feel more comfortable thinking of yourself as a woman.

Also? Making crackpot theories about characters being secretly trams is fun. My crack theory is that the promised neverland (season 1) is an allegory for being queer in a christian/religious household and the kids being fed to the demons is analogous to the kids being fed to factories/cishet patriarchal marriage/wars.

::: spoiler spoiler Honestly it doesn't really feel like a kind of imposter syndrome I just feel awkward that I can't figure out whatever gender I'll end up as, but you are right its just time needs to go on.

I haven't heard of that show before but that theory might work out? I'm not good at reading subtext or looking further into the meaning of plots (i need to read books more). :::

Imposter syndrome is the only word I could think of and the closest thing to my experience. If that doesn't fit you that's fine. Figuring out the exact source of your awkwardness can take a while.

I haven't heard of that show before but that theory might work out?

It's pretty good. The first season/comic arc that is. There's a lot more to the series that makes it so the allegory works. The demon stuff isn't even the most obvious, it's just the least spoilery example I could give.

::: spoiler spoiler I use she/her and I'm definitely not a woman either (though I am cool being called a girl).

You can be non-binary or agender or whatever else and use she/ her if you want to! Use whatever pronouns and labels feel right :::

::: spoiler spoiler I used to go with Non-Binary a bit before starting HRT and it didn't really fit me, I probably need to see what labels are out there and compare them to how I feel. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Don't be afraid to make up a term either! Like I'm non-binary and transfem, but irl I use a gender that I made up just for me! It's the only thing that really feels right :::

down with cis

DOWN WITH CIS!!!

SAY IT LOUDER!!!

DOWN WITH CIS!

SerialExperimentsGay [she/her, she/her] - 2mon

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 2mon

::: spoiler voice I've been slacking on warm-ups, and I can tell it's regressing my voice a little. It doesn't help that I don't really talk that much over the week. I guess the motivation of not failing pretty girl's expectations was more powerful than my internal motivation. I think the only motivator more powerful is shame. People I talk to most are too supportive and don't ever criticize me when I make mistakes... which I mean is technically a positive but sometimes I think I need a little pain for encouragement. :::

::: spoiler horny I want a pretty girl to degrade me so bad :::

I woke up to read all your comments and it made me happy. catgirl-heart doggirl-kiss

Thank you all for being here!

hypothetically, how would I go about choosing a middle name? It feels impossible even tho choosing a name feels like step 1 trans

I picked a middle name I thought would've been a nice baby girls' name but probably would've been a bit weird to actually give to a kid (think Chastity lol)

Chastity

😭😭

Yeah exactly, I think its that kind of cute name but OBVIOUSLY not one you can actually give someone else lol

Could pick initials first and choose a name to fit that.

Could just go with D.

Could take some family middle-name or combine parents names.

Idk. I'm 4 years into knowing I'm trans and I haven't touched any of my names 🤷‍♀️

Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 2mon

luffy-pog

Its brutal tbh kitty-cri I've been thinking of names that kinda go with my first, also I personally kinda like the idea of having my first name be more of a "name name" and my second being something a bit more out there, or gender neutral maybe? I've had a couple of ideas that go with it nice, although I remembered one option is from a piece of media and I don't want to do that. So I've still got one kicking around, just not super sure.

But yea choosing a middle was wayy harder for me then first.

That's a super sick thought process and I'm stealing it. I have my first one figured out but I've been using it for years while ostensibly cis, so it's the first time i have to actually choose from the infinite possibilities. We got this, I'm sure your names are lovely cuddle

I picked a middle name that works as a modifier for my last name and makes it seem sillier/cooler depending on how normie/rad you are.

picked something that would sound cute hyphenated with my first name and then proceeded to never do that ever

also you're allowed to take forever choosing a name! steps be damned, i was on hrt for like a year and a half before i finally settled on something

::: spoiler dysphoria Want hips so bad niko-cri

also hate my big ass feet :::

coworker shocked at my age, says I have a very round face. SMH I'm trying to doom over here

i frewed up... 2 times... and one of them was in the sink so not ideal!

dad just stopped by to give me some gatorade and saltines though which is very much appreciated.

Laser fun fact?:

You could technically say that a laser has negative temperature. This is what makes laser special compared to every other type of light source. They're really wierd objects from a classical physics standpoint and are purely quantum devices. There is no classical physics way to explain lasers.
The equations to describe a laser are analogous to the equations for describing a spring with a weight going boing boing. Yes, lasers also go boing boing, they just do it so fast you can't see (trust me sis).

::: spoiler sex Freaky sex is like cheating at life. You can literally just channel all your negative emotions, evil thoughts, traumas, insecurities, and shit into sex and then you feel so much better cuz you have all that shit a healthy outlet, AND it makes the sex better!! :::

Honestly true. Gotta try this shit when I stop feeling dysphoric.

Tomato Queen - 2mon

::: spoiler vent I have not felt like [name] in ages, I used to be called by it, and for a while when I heard it in the street, my head turned thinking that is me, I used to believe I was actually me. :::

A bright spot from yesterday: asking my friend "do I still look like a man?" And getting "oh absolutely not", then a bit of laughter, then "that is a crazy question"

Being the oldest sucks for coming out because I'm going to have to deal with all these actual children, and even the oldest one is not old enough to have gotten non dogshit politics. Feels like my younger siblings could pose a big issue when I come out, like my parents being worried about my "influence" or whatever. My "lifestyle". In a way they wouldn't if I was the younger sibling.

If I throw up tonight I'm gonna crash out fr

Moss [they/them] - 2mon

More nudity NOW!!!

Des [she/her, they/them] - 2mon

warm spice blends and legumes where have you been all my life

Saw a post that really pissed me off, and now I'm frustrated that I'm so mad about it because it's definitely going to make it hard for me to sleep. Like it's literally not a big deal, it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but I can't convince my heart to chill. Worst biological reaction ever

Not a post here to be clear

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 2mon

I think my fashion style that I inspire for is quirky henceperson/miniboss that keeps coming back. Still deciding if more fantasy coded or underworld coded

a good friend from childhood just spontaneously reached out. while I put them on the chill side of “will invite to eventual wedding,” I didn’t expect to be coming out so soon

shocker tho, d&d accomplice who moved to the big city is Certified Chill and Not Bigoted

I feel in my bones that we are getting a Deltarune Chapter 5 release date within the next month. And the chapter will release in the next three months. I have no evidence, but I simply accept this as a fact of reality.

Surprisingly wearing a bra(lette) keeps things in place, who woulda thunck. Although I am extremely paranoid about it. But it's nice, at least right now.

I understand now why I don't feel like any revenge or compensation is appropriate from my parents. It's not because they wrong me so greatly they can't pay it back. It's because they didn't wrong me at all. They just showed me their true nature. Any apology or punishment or action is just orthogonal to the actual issue.

Fact is, a person's love for another can only be as profound as their understanding, acceptance and support for that person. Their love is real, this I do not deny. But it is very superficial. I want them to understand and accept and support me so that I can get the deeper kind of love I yearn for, but it cannot be forced. The fact that they have a blood relation to me does not change this.

Of course, I'll still remain alone. Vulnerable. Creatively unfulfilled. But I need to let go of people who I can never again trust will have my back. It's not helpful.

Florn [they/them] - 2mon

On my end, my parents did wrong me insofar as they raised me as conservatives do, treating me and my siblings more like a household project than as people. Their love isn't just superficial, but totally directed toward the version of me they invented in their heads before I was ever born who would fit neatly into a Third Reich propaganda poster of a nuclear family.

As a side note when I first read your post I read "parents" as "partners" and it worked until I hit "blood relation".

Yes, worse than superficial love is delusional love. Watching a version of you that doesn't exist be raised at the expense of the you who does. It's just as fake as the God the conservatives worship

Of course when it comes to being raised, objectively speaking I was also wronged everytime I was beaten. But I could look past all that if all my parents did was just accept me when I came out to them. That's all I asked for. All my life they told me they wanted to know everything about me. The moment I actually told them something about me they lost their mind. So I guess my parents also loved a version of me as fake as yours.

Well ... technically it works even with blood relation lol

I’m going to have to bookmark this one. This seems like a very useful thought.

Why is it Wednesday? It should be at least Thursday, probably Friday

Thursday Friday are my days off this week 💔

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 2mon

Dooming about my life is a waste of time tbh. If I feel hopeless for the future, genuinely what am I studying for?

And I also need to stop comparing my life trajectory to other people who have speced into a different career path and also have different personalities, goals, mental conditions, etc.

Sure, I'm fucking lonely as always. But did comparison get me a romantic partner or a friend or a loving family? No? So what's the point besides just worsening my mental health for no benefits?

::: spoiler Spoiler cw: injections Got a a few drops more of blood leaking out this week. Weird, I might have hit some capillary or something. Got a little spooked for a bit :::

it's very common! no cause for concern to my understanding

::: spoiler cw: blood I wasn't worried because it slowed down after the first few seconds, but it was quite a lot more than usual. Normally it's just a tiny little drop that just dries out, but this time it was enough to actually leak, so I put the alcohol swab over it for a few seconds and it stopped. :::

::: spoiler injection stuff glad you weren't too worried about it; frankly i'm p sure the worst consequence of something like this is becoming too anxious about (the extremely low possibility of) causing damage to do your shots. but yeah what you're talking about happens to me relatively often and that's exactly what i do too. doesn't seem to matter in the slightest levels-wise, just sometimes leaves a lil bruise. :::

Same. One of those weeks I guess

Eat some iron rich foods and recover your blood cells.

Hmmmm beans

I had to confront a misery coping strat I used to use when I had problems coming up, other day just been dealing with shit and my usual sigh 😔 "one day I'll have a gf" and then I was all like "wait I do" 🙂. I'd been in the state for years of first I fix my life 100% then I can find someone but you can find someone now and build your life up with them. Obviously don't rush into anything or stick around with someone harmful but fuck me it's amazing what love and support can do for you and having someone who you can support and love in return feels amazing.

::: spoiler cw: parent issues; negative thoughts I need to have the talk but I just can't really. I can't bring myself to it, even though I thought it through so many times.

Coming out to my parents is inevitable and I need to do it asap, it's been weighing me down so hard to not be treated as I want to. To have to hide clothes, to not be able to go out with the people I want to go out with. It just pains me so much, specially after having a taste of girlmoding for a week. I'm tired, I can't do this anymore, but I can't end it either.

My parents are classic catholic conservatives, they're horrible about so much stuff that's important to me and that I value, they never criticize me directly, but keep trying to convince me of their non-sense. Makes me just want to give up on them. :::

::: spoiler coming out I knew my mom would be cool with it. I KNEW she would, she was always very progressive with LGBT stuff (grandma is a lesbian and was since the 90s lol and she was always supportive), and beyond that she also always supported me in whatever I pursued.

But it was still scary. :::

Yea coming out at the best of times sucks ime

Also death to catholicism

I will wish you the best of luck in coming out. Who knows, maybe it could go better than you're expecting? But also from what I've heard that many times coming out won't go the way you are expecting. However it works better if you hold your ground.

::: spoiler spoiler The way I've heard them talk about trans people... It's just not possible it will go well. :::

If you're gonna come out anyway, why not believe? Learn to do self-suggestion, or delude yourself. Idk.

But joking aside it is actually possible for people to change their tune when it comes to their own children. It happens. Sometimes in the wrong direction (cough cough my parents). But it can be the other way too.

::: spoiler spoiler I need to be prepared to handle the worst, but if I'm surprised by them, it's better. :::

biden-horror My Fellow Trans Posters!

I'm POGGERS and BASED

Thank you and goodnight

mouse - 2mon

::: spoiler tw anxiety, fascism, transphobia, islamophobia a little worried right now, just took a look at the "united states counterterrorism strategy 2026" document released by the us white house.

In addition to cartels and Islamist terror groups, our national CT [counter-terrorism] activities will also prioritize the rapid identification and neutralization of violent secular political groups whose ideology is anti-American, radically pro-transgender, and anarchist. We will use all the tools constitutionally available to us to map them at home, identify their membership, map their ties to international organizations like Antifa, and use law enforcement tools to cripple them operationally[.]

i guess rereading it after a few times it's not as jarringly panic-inducing, but still, it's really hard not to panic, because i honestly don't know what to do. the material base to stop this just doesn't exist. even individually, so few of us have resources or connections that could actually be used to protect us. :::

besides that, i bought some contact mics online today and i'm gonna bike down to the electronics store tomorrow to get some supplies for making noise [music] instruments. my plan is to make some really noisy edm that will pair with some sort of image collage web art. i have a website, but it's pretty boring right now, and i'd like to turn it into more of an art project, bc right now it's basically just a selfhosted linktree + pronouns.page

hello i think lasers are cool though i hated them when i was at uni because my optics lecturer was absolutely uninterested in teaching the class properly

That's quite sad because it's such a beautiful subject.

::: spoiler family stuff (again) My parents are fighting like kids, apparently my dad is upset because my mom dropped something in the pool or something like that. And he's avoiding her... She was crying and all. You're both over 50 years old, wth are you doing? Am I the only emotionally mature person in this house? Anyways, I tried cheering my mom up and got her a chocolate. I hope I made it better for her, but like, dealing with this is one of the reasons coming out is so hard. :::

working with the elderly convinced me that growing up and aging have absolutely nothing to do with one another, unfortunately

Holy shit he sounds like a child

I think he is autistic (don't have to wonder where I got it from lmao) but extremely unhealthy when dealing with frustration, especially when he's working on something.

Thinking about making like an instagram or something?? Idk what app to use, this is the only social media I've used for years. But I'm so fucking pretty now, I spent like an hour yesterday taking pictures of myself cuz I love myself. I want somewhere i can post cute pictures of myself

imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 2mon

if you're going to pick up a more mainstream social media i would say tumblr is a lot less cursed than instagram though not without its own big problems

Oooh, that's a good idea I think. I've never been on there, but from what I hear tumblr seems more queer than other big social media?

it definitely still seems to be true. all capitalist social media is like institutionally cursed and tumblr is definitely in a state of decay but the awfulness is less advanced than like fb or twitter i think. it is a structurally transmisogynistic website and is constantly banning trans women lately. but in the face of that i think there is a really cool queer especially transfem community on there.

Seems like a nice idea, but I've seen a lot of negativity on that app

SockOlm [she/her] - 2mon

Rednote is nice

Seconding, it's very photo oriented

I have an Instagram for my friends/family/work colleagues to see my fits.

Being worried about my personal life, transition, ect?

::: spoiler transphobia No I'm going to worry about the structural genocide we are facing. There is truly always something to feel shit and worry about.

Couple of murders in Seattle which has me worried. More supreme court cases although I don't have an article to post yet. Everyone is on the hunt. I hate this. :::

::: spoiler spoiler A little unrelated, but I was with my friends for a couple of days and had a lot of girlmode time, so then I was at this place with them and I saw this dude with a chud t-shirt (maga hat level shit). I would be preeeeetty fucking scared if I didn't have 6 buff commies as bodyguards. Like, I specifically never used a public bathroom, even when they were with me. It's super scary to think that the city I'm in now is even more full of chuds :::

::: spoiler transphobia I heard about those murders

catgirl-cry :::

::: spoiler spoiler The more I read about both the worse it is, awful :::

No I'm going to worry about the structural genocide we are facing. There is truly always something to feel shit and worry about.

I feel ya. Ignoring it won't make it go away.

::: spoiler spoiler Unfortunately my brain literally only has one solution it likes to think about in high stress situations and it is not helping with this one :::

Ok in that you should definitely take a break.

(I'm also like that so I started taking breaks from the news)

Day 2 of sickness, hoping it's the last. Feeling super lonely, especially as I've had to cancel an event tonight I was looking forward to... And just overwhelmed with wanting to be a girl, to be seen as a girl, to be desired as a girl

Salah [ey/em] - 2mon

I only come to the trans mega for the cool educational topics

Hehe, then you came to the right place. I got tons of crazy universe lore to talk about.

Today I just about collapsed and went to sleep at around 1700 and really woke up around 0045

That's almost 8 hours of sleep. Feels kinda nice!

Besides the usual crying, I almost feel alive.

The more you continue to put off good sleep and proper sleep hygiene, the higher the chance your body is simply gonna stop working properly and force you to get enough rest.

I have come to realise this a lot in the past few months. This is what ... the 2nd or 3rd time that I've simply collapsed? Shouldn't be happening this frequently. It's dangerous.

Given the state of my mental and physical health I genuinely can't handle being in the closet anymore. It's too much for me to bear.

I feel so tempted to try to come out again and cry my heart out, but I know logically it won't work.

You know that thing where you just can't deal with your emotions anymore but you kinda have to anyway?

LASER FUN FACT PT. 2:

When engineers say that "lasers are used in telecommunications", how exactly are they used?

They're use by turning them on and off, or by turning the brightness. This way you can send bits along the fiber network.

Why are lasers better for this than the alternatives? Let's look at the alternative sources of ElectroMagnetic waves

Incandescent: produce light by heating. Turning it on and off is slow because heating is a slow process
Chemical (halogen etc): chemical reactions are faster, but still not as fast as lasers. Lasers have the simplest most fundamental possible reaction, which is electrons gaining and loosing energy. Even a simple chemical reaction at least requires 2 molecules to collide, or 1 to break apart. It's like the difference between drinking milk from your fridge vs buying it from the store. The former is always going to be faster.
Radio wave antennas: these aren't necessarily slower than lasers, but they only work for radio waves. Radio waves are huge compared to visible light or optical waves. They don't fit inside optical fibers. Optical fibers are really the key that made lasers so popular. They are too convenient. The first 2 light sources can fit inside optical fibers but they can't be on/off'd fast enough to support high data rates.

I love when people talk about technical stuff they like. It's cool to get some cool info and see someone excited about it

I need another cishet white boy complaining to me about his life like I need the plague, like jfc fr

Took more pictures of myself yesterday than I did my entire pre-comming out life. I love my body, I love looking at it. Being trans is so cool.

I haven't made an insta or Tumblr or something yet like I talked about earlier, still might. For now I've been posting some on my Facebook lol. Unlimited pics of me being cute on my shitty relatives and people from high school I haven't talked to in a decade

You're living the dream, girl.

Same, girl. It's awesome liking yourself

Y'all ever wonder, would we be better or worse off if the president was a chaser?

SexUnderSocialism [she/her] - 2mon

Considering the Venn diagram of people who desperately want to fuck us and people who want to take away our rights is almost a circle, it probably wouldn't make much of a difference. yea

Imagine Cuomo and Trump fused

Cuomp son or Tromo daughter

Oh no angry-hex

::: spoiler CW slur ,objectification :::

I’m also stunned tbf to that guy

::: spoiler spoiler Tfw you wouldn't be a good looking removed even with a good set of tits :::

tithonis [she/her] - 2mon

Why do you think he's not? Massive chaser vibes.

I try not to think about his mental state too much.

Have lunch plans this weekend with the lesbian at work so that's fun, we usually get something I haven't tried before which is fun. There's a place with Cuban food we might go.

no its not a date she's like my mom's age

Well I found the info for the /r/smutttt stories that got deleted, but I don't think it'll show me the actual content...

If anyone has Princess 1-7 and Heart Chords 1-4 by -_kiitsze_- I will love them forever

::: spoiler sex yeah honestly sex without romance just completely disinterests me. And even with romance, the enjoyment I get out of it is that I'm providing pleasure to the other person or that my body is being appreciated in such an intimate way. Outside of the emotional part, it really doesn't bring me physical pleasure that's any different than any other type of warm human contact.

Now romance on the other hand with the right person, that makes my heart flutter, it makes me lock in and flusters me at the same time, it makes me feel so vividly alive. :::

::: spoiler sex Sex with someone you love is definitely a cut above, especially old relationship energy sex? Where youve been together for so long you know each other's quirks and bodies and stuff, thats peak for sure.

I like sex, I like casual sex, but if I was to make a tier list sex with someone you love deeply and have known for a long time is definitely S tier. Nothing has ever been as good, no one night stand, no short term fling, nothing. :::

My brain be going like:

If I die I'll become a vengeful ghost and haunt people, like sadako!

Wow this feels gender affirming, I wish I could become a cute/scary ghost

I'm so hungry, I'm so hungry that I could cook my sweet potato noodles with bean curd sheets and white fungus recipe!

everything i know about lasers i learned from playing command & conquer as a child. so like you build a big tower and you call it the obelisk of light and when you hear the warm-up sound that's when you know your infantry is fucked. izutsumi-idea

Lol a real laser would have a charge up time in microseconds.

but that sound tho

It's scarier when you realise the lasers irl would be silent and invisible. You'd be marching down the route and all of a sudden your clothes will combust and your flesh will start cooking. A hole will appear on your body but no blood will come out. The only sound you'll hear is sizzling before you go out from shock.

That's pretty fun if you think about it.

HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 2mon

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

I woke up as a bundle of joy today but then reality hit me in the face

Sibling moss is so cruel. They made me stand naked for 7 hours.

(sorry I got the pronouns wrong. My app wasn't showing them oooaaaaaaauhhh )

time moves so slowly when i'm curled up comfy cozy in bed, it's both a blessing and a curse

::: spoiler mental health

Can't even take my anti-depressants in peace! I have to (metaphorically) bang my head against the wall!

Cause my mom decided to tell me "please don't take any anti-depressants or medications for depression. You can overcome it with your mental strength and with our support if you're depressed".

Even though I'm not going to follow her dogshit advice, she managed to give continous psychic damage about trying to improve my mental health cause I think about it everytime I take the med.

I swear. This person was engineered in a lab to be toxic.

Coworker is pissing me off today. The way he got scheduled he has an hour lunch, which he packed. I'm working the same shift he is and he refused to give me half an hour. So now I just hungry so he can fuck around in the office for an hour I guess.

If you think I'm overreacting he's the laziest, most incompetent person I have ever met at this job.

Edit: also I'd like to add I've helped this guy with food a lot. Loaned him money, picked stuff up, stayed late for him, etc.

Continuing on from the previous mega:

Am I allowed to make plum strawberry apricot pies?

Only if I can get a slice

Yes, but i will send a political comissar over if you call them plawbricot pies (she will expropriate the pies in that case).

I'm going to call them plawbricot pies mwahahaha

knock knock

stalin-spoon stalin-gun-2

The party has come for your pies!

shares the pie with the commisar like a good commie

Care-Comrade

EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 2mon

standing in a big ass line of like 200 dudes and all firing your muskets at once must be such an incredible thrill

we did a bayonet charge once in the army (conscription). 'twas only like 20 people but we did a whole shout during it and it was quite thrilling ngl

Conscription is evil

Sorry reflex

it did teach me to hate most authority and most men, so it wasn't a complete failure emilie-shrug

Conscription is bad. National service is bad. But most western states did away with it because of fragging and it teaching poor and radical people how to fight.

conscription is cringe but also waow-based

Thank god I'm gen Z so I get to cope with life by becoming addicted to web novels instead of alcohol. Still barely functional as a person, but at least it's not destroying my liver.

Started taking methyl B supplements today, might be a few days/weeks before I know if they help but we'll see 🤷

I'm so damn tired today. Well all the time really, but it's hitting a lot worse today. catgirl-flop

My online training I've been doing has pathways you can take, they made up of various courses when completed award you a certificate each and when all done another one for the pathway. It's all shit you put up on linkdin but it satisfied the completionists need until you run into courses not finished/courses missing from the pathway list to complete. I wanna complain on the website but idk how to , at least I'm learning about plumbing tho

Injecting hurt this time for some reason, when it usually stings a bit at most. Any idea why?

Sometimes you hit a capillary. Sometimes you hit a nerve. There's lots of piping in your body.

Probably nothing, sometimes it stings. Did you inject soon after wiping the spot with an alcohol swab? Anticipate it and brace (ironically can make it hurt)? Just plain unlucky

Dont think i did either, probs just got unlucky and hit a nerve or something

::: spoiler weight/eating So despite eating fairly reasonably, good frequency etc, I've gained a full 5 pounds! I gotta lose 30 to hit my target now!! I mean, I haven't been aiming particularly hard for that number but it's still where I want to be :/ bruh

Also I've been exercising so even worse! :::

I was thinking thoughts (I know, big mistake) and stumbled upon this one in my mindscape. Had to follow it to the end, wrote a little poem.

I got a bunch of clothes that need washing, but I can't let my parents see them. What do I do about it? Been thinking of washing them by hand and hanging them in my bedroom

::: spoiler food related mental health

I ate food today and I feel like complete shit for doing so. I don't want to eat tommorow but it's a working day and that makes it harder to resist the hunger.

The hunger which I'm not supposed to be resisting either way ...

As you can tell I'M CONSTANTLY TIRED AND DEPRESSED AMD STILL SICK AND CRYING ALL THE TIME RAHGHGH

Feeling my rhetoric skill level up when comforting a friend. Plus it's been a bit since I've seen her so you know I'm getting that first match of the week bonus

Que sera, sera

katamari-roll

Life is meaningless, but that's just fine.

Hey you guys and gals and pals want to hear about peanut butter or photosynthesis next week?

Please upvote one of the replies below:

Night walks really do be hitting different

::: spoiler Touchy subjects, family Had a good session with my therapist, I cried a lot. Lots of stuff about coming out. She offered to act as a mediator between me and my mom. I'm between taking up that offer or making a different plan, that involves calling my supportive friends over first and then talking :::

Who gives a fucking shit about anything?

I do

And I give a fucking shit

about you

and now

for some music

I be complaining too much so I might as well shut the fuck up.

If I may direct you all to the new megathread

I found a YouTube link in your post. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: