Shabby Lemmy

3mon

419

GayTuckerCarlson in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

Edvard Munch - Trans Megathread from April 13th, 2026 to April 19th, 2026

Self Portrait with Skeleton Arm, 1896

Edvard Munch is a Norwegian born expressionist painter. His best-known work, The Scream, has become one of the most iconic images of world art. In the late 20th century, he played a great role in German expressionism and the art form that later followed; namely because of the strong mental anguish that was displayed in many of the pieces that he created.

Edvard Munch was born in Norway in 1863, and was raised in Christiania (known as Oslo today). He was related to famous painters and artists in their own right, Jacob Munch (painter), and Peter Munch (historian). Only a few years after he was born, Edvard Munch's mother died of tuberculosis in 1868, and he was raised by his father. Edvard's father suffered from mental illness, and this played a role in the way he and his siblings were raised. Their father raised them with the fears of deep-seated issues, which is part of the reason why the work of Edvard Munch took a deeper tone, and why the artist was known to have so many repressed emotions as he grew up.

In 1885, Edvard Munch traveled to Paris, and was extremely influenced by Impressionist such as Claude Monet, Neo-Impressionist Georges Seurat, and followed by the Post-Impressionists Vincent van Gogh, Paul Cezanne, and Paul Gauguin. In fact, the main style of Munch's work is post-impressionism, and focused on this style.

From about 1892, to 1908, Munch split most of his time between Paris and Berlin; it was in 1909 that he decided to return to his hometown, and go back to Norway. During this period, much of the work that was created by Edvard Munch depicted his interest in nature, and it was also noted that the tones and colors that he used in these pieces, did add more color, and seemed a bit more cheerful, than most of the previous works he had created in years past. The pessimistic toning which was quite prominent in much of his earlier works, had faded quite a bit, and it seems he took more of a colorful, playful, and fun tone with the pieces that he was creating, as opposed to the dark and somber style which he tended to work with earlier on during the course of his career. From this period, up to his death, Edvard Munch remained in Norway, and much of his work that was created from this period on, seemed to take on the similar, colorful approach which he had adopted, since returning home in 1909.

A majority of the works which Edvard Munch created, were referred to as the style known as symbolism. This is mainly because of the fact that the paintings he made focused on the internal view of the objects, as opposed to the exterior, and what the eye could see. Symbolist painters believed that art should reflect an emotion or idea rather than represent the natural world in the objective, quasi-scientific manner embodied by Realism and Impressionism. In painting, Symbolism represents a synthesis of form and feeling, of reality and the artist's inner subjectivity. Along with Austrian artist Gustav Klimt, Edvard Munch is considered as the most prominent Symbolist painters of 20th century.

Many of Munch's works depict life and death scenes, love and terror, and the feeling of loneliness was often a feeling which viewers would note that his work patterns focused on. These emotions were depicted by the contrasting lines, the darker colors, blocks of color, somber tones, and a concise and exaggerated form, which depicted the darker side of the art which he was designing. Munch is often and rightly compared with Van Gogh, who was one of the first artists to paint what the French artist called "the mysterious centers of the mind." But perhaps a more overreaching influence was Sigmund Freud, a very close contemporary. Freud explained much human behavior by relating it to childhood experiences. Munch saw his mother die of tuberculosis when he was 5, and his sister Sophie died of the same disease when he was 14. Munch gives the By the Death Bed and Death in the Sickroom a universal cast by not specifically depicting what he had witnessed. Several versions of The Sick Child are surely his sister.

Edvard Munch passed away in 1944, in a small town which was just outside of his home town in Oslo. Upon his death, the works which he had created, were not given to family, but they were instead donated to the Norwegian government, and were placed in museums, in shows, and in various local public buildings in Norway. In fact, after his death, more than 1000 paintings that Edvard Munch had created were donated to the government. In addition to the paintings that he had created during the course of his career, all other art forms he created were also donated to the government. A total of 15,400 prints were donated, 4500 drawings and water-color art was donated, and six sculptures which Edvard Munch had created, were all turned over to the Oslo government, and were used as display pieces in many locations.

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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

::: spoiler spoiler :::

Tomato Queen - 3mon

I need help dealing with an issue, I am a closeted transwoman living in a Muslim country, currently dealing in college with two cis women who I thought were my friends but now I have to finish a project with them.

::: spoiler rant/seeking advice //cw dysphoria and eating disorders I need help dealing with an issue, I am a closeted transwoman living in a Muslim country, currently dealing in college with two cis women who I thought were my friends but now I have to finish a project with them. I have not came out to them and I do not wish to do that at any point. I have issues with understanding tones or understanding what people are trying to communicate to me, so I have no clue half the time if they are bullying me or if they are being playful, but I am very lonely and do not like being lonely so I stay with them anyway.

Although I do not take HRT, I am very lucky to look like the "defined female beauty standard", unfortunately they keep what I think is "body shaming" me, they treat me like a cis man and keep telling me to cut my hair. A lot of times it feels like my interaction with them is not with me but with what a stereotype of a "man should be" as if I am their "gay best friend" without being allowed to show my queerness or femininity. Kids describe me as talking like Richard from Unikitty.

A few incidents that made not feel good: one time we were walking together chatting about something and then they started walking faster, so I started walking faster too, and then after a few seconds they turned around and yelled "STOP CHASING US", I stopped and later when we met in class I told them to clarify next time when we are supposed to split up, they nodded but never actually clarified when we had to split up. Another thing they often do, but I do not like is that they act controlling to me telling me what and what not to do like one time I spoke with a guy she kept staring at me, later she told me "when I stare at you like that you stop talking". One more thing is that they keep talking to me about my imaginary wife, I never brought up marriage with them ever, they just talk about "your future wife will hate you" "no woman will marry you because you are short and stingy".

About the body shaming, I am very short and skinny, my rib bones are visible, I got shamed a lot for the way I ate as a kid. I also one time had a full bus ride conversation with a middle aged woman who thought I was a cis woman the whole way through. These two make me feel bad about my body. :::

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 3mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Busgirl (4/20 - 4/26)
SwitchyandWitchy* (4/27 - 5/3)
Disaster_of_Passion* (5/4 - 5/10)
sodium_nitride* (5-11 - 5/17)
peanutbuttercupola* (5/18 - 5/24)
Shaleesh* (5/25 - 5/31)

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 3mon

I came out as trans this past weekend and then had one of the best weekends of my life 🙂 Lots of work ahead still, but that feels like the hardest part behind me 🥳

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 3mon

Amazing work!

Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 3mon

Big shout out to tboys!

Three of my friends started testosterone this week, very excited for them!!!

CommunistCuddlefish [she/her] - 3mon

I hate my insurance company. They unironically believe:

The myth of consent:

Doctor: I consent (it's time to up your hormones!)

Me: I consent

Insurance: isn't there someone you forgot to ask? (How dare you try to use insurance? Didn't you know you're supposed to just pay premiums and then never get healthcare so that we can get filthy rich?)

Luigi take the wheel

I got stunlocked at dinner by an ostensibly cishet man I met dropping the phrase "well Nixon was a T-Girl" and that no gods no mayors was their favourite podcast. Okay girl I see you.

OffSeasonPrincess [she/her] - 3mon

Lolita fashion is starting to look appealing, i think id enjoy dressing up like that

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 3mon

You should talk to seryph on tracha, she's big into that and would be great to help you out.

Whats tracha?

Our matrix (bit like discord) server!

ooh, ty!

Busgirl [she/her] - 3mon

How do you join whenever I click on any links it brings me to scammy porn ads

Edie [it/it/its/its/itself, she/her/her/hers/herself] - 3mon

That's very weird. Even without ublock enabled, nothing looks like it should be showing ads?

ⓘ This user is suspected of being a cat. Please report any suspicious behavior.

Clean Chrome install has ads, you can scroll though

Yeah. I can reproduced that. But links brining you to somewhere they aren't supposed to doesn't happen to me.

Huh, I'll have to look at the page with ublock later.

https://matrix.to/#/#tracha-space:matrix.org

Uh but basically make a matrix account, join this space. I use fluffychat on mobile and element on desktop.

Now it's time to get into visual kei too! Mana-sama forever!

Sure, that does seem p cool too :3

moss_icon [any, comrade/them] - 3mon

Ironically I have actually just started to begin dressing this way after wanting to for years now.

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 3mon

@BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net you are such a sweet girl. That's all I wanted to say bridget-vibe

My favourite fact about Public Universal Friend is I don't know their AGAB and I never want to know.

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 3mon

In a better world we would only say unironically "thank you for your service" to working class people not cops or soldiers. Getting rat-salute from people for fixing up their ac or unclogging their toilets.

Lost my estrogen and can't find it. Aaaaaa

Hung out w a bunch of irl trans friends for the first time ever today, we didnt like do a ton of stuff but it was a lot of fun! catgirl-heart

Ah that must feel so good!!

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 3mon

Damn I need some irl trans friends

transition_property [pup/pup's] - 3mon

Every time I have a work meeting I'm shocked I was hired here. Literally everyone else seems to be better at this job than I lmao

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 3mon

Almost textbook presentation of imposter syndrome ☝️

inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 3mon

There's a future me I don't want to let down. I think she deserves a chance!

ConfusedPuppy @lemmygrad.ml - 3mon

(Puppy We will rock you)

Puppy you're a dog make a big bark Playin' in the park gonna be a big dog some day You got a kiss on yo' face In your puppy space Waggin your tail all over the place Barkin'

We will we will pet you We will we will pet you

I went out dressed as a woman for the first time in two years, in a gothic Lolita dress I had just bought. For once I actually felt pretty.

I’m bigender so don’t particularly mind dressing masculine, but I would like to dress feminine every now and then. If only the UK wasn’t so fucked.

Gonna try testing into a union soon, apprenticeship for HVAC hope it goes well. Nervous, I'm signed for the testing at least. 4 of them then interview then drug test if I get in. Been hardly able to do stuff I enjoyed like reading lately same with rest of my interests

segfault11 [she/her, any] - 3mon

Been hardly able to do stuff I enjoyed like reading lately same with rest of my interests

yet you can still find time to yap about sonic 🙄

~jk\ ❤️\ u\ 😚~

I can always make time for you tho cat-trans

sonic is anarchist theory so i'll allow it theory-gary

That's why you're the realest crush

I want to start this off by saying this isn't about this community. You all are great and I love you all very much.

Aside from here though, I feel very alone in this and sad. I feel like when I try to talk about this to people they get frustrated with me for not improving. I feel like reaching out is pointless. I feel like the people irl I've tried with have not made me feel or do better. I don't know what actually can though. But I do feel very lonely with not having people know and see what's going on with me. But I also feel done reaching out.

idk I'm sad and hopeless again. And lonely. Life sucks.

Transgender reporting in for posting. catgirl-salute

Wow, everyone is talking shit about their parents. Canon trans experience.

::: spoiler I just can't imagine why /s :::

I'll tell ya what, its not because people are good.

I have heard legends of trans people with supportive parents.

I only know of one. It seems very rare

I wish all trans friends a good week. Remember to drink a lot of hydrogen hydroxide, take you hormones and organize

RION [she/her] - 3mon

I'll compromise with hydrogen peroxide

As long as you take your hormones and organize

Upon further inspection, hydrogen peroxide is not to be consumed. Unless you're a lib then you're free to do what you want, don't listen to the tankies

Foiled again oooaaaaaaauhhh

Had the very odd realization when talking to my friend that everyone new I met at her party only know me as a girl. Like I have never been anything else to them. A clocky one, maybe, but still. Feels nice

GayTuckerCarlson [she/her] - 3mon

The Sun - 1909

I got a plan for coming out to my parents. Idk if it'll work well, but I'll be doing it with a gift and in a very subtle way. I'll sign it with from your daughter "my new name"

Nice, hope it goes well for you. Thought about coming out with a note and signing it with my new name but ultimately chickened out.

Maybe I'll chicken out too. But well, let's see how it goes

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 3mon

They don't tell you in Sunday school that the first miracle Jesus ever did was turning a boy into a girl

Azarova [they/them] - 3mon

bed rotting needs to be an acceptable reason for PTO

mean [she/her, it/its] - 3mon

It's what Stalin would have wanted!

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 3mon

Mental health day, but bosses can be little tyrants about that too sometimes.

Help, my friend is saying and doing the most egg things ever

Tomorrow is the big day. The day I'm burning my fucking closet.

Hiiiiiiiiii

What a day.

Morning to evening, studying for exam. Night time, exam. Now my brain is cooked.

Best part is, I gotta repeat this process tommorow, and on wednesday too.

But most importantly, I love all my trans comrades!

Firm handshakes and cuddles for everyone!

cuddle

hugs back

How was your day busgirl?

It's been pretty good! My girlfriend called me while I was getting ready for work which was a welcome suprise. I made myself a nice strong cup of coffee to start the day. Work was slow, started a new med today for nerve pain( duloxetine) but it also might help with my depression and being even just a few hours on it already seems to be the case. Gonna go home and make some dinner; how are you?

Oh just the usual. Every morning I convince myself that life is worth living then go about my lonely day. Currently suffering insomnia and coughing.

But there's good parts too. I passed a difficult course with a decent grade.

Awesome! I hope things get better for you

Things will get better for me. And it starts with learning how to deal properly style my hair which is longer than I realised.

firm cuddles 🤔

Would ... would that not be gay crush ?

yes but that just makes it better tbh

SickSemper [she/her, comrade/them] - 3mon

I’ve cried over work stuff twice in the last few days, are the shots finally working kitty-cri

sounds like it, but I hope work stops being so stressful :/

I do tooooo, it sucks. Thankfully talking with my partner helped a bit and made me realize the workload is more my bosses’ fault than a reflection of me as a worker. Still feel on edge, but not quite as bad as before :) ty friend

Glad to hear it! cat-trans

Reporting in that I've received special library privileges today for being a super user, extra computer time for studying since I'm using the free electronic resources the libraries offer. Free udemy subscription, I'm a rare breed they say since not everyone knows about these programs and even fewer people use them biden-megamind this is me you even care

You gotta know when to hold em

Ceres [she/her] - 3mon

know when to fold em

lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 3mon

I dont know when to walk away, or even when to run...

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 3mon

people may assume I wanna be part of a polycule for like sex reasons, but actually I just want a reliable darktide premade

Shaleesh [she/her, comrade/them] - 3mon

I told my parents not to come to my graduation (im getting my undergrad woohoo!) and this is a good thing.

::: spoiler mentions of parental abuse

I sorta haven't talked about it with anyone.

I explained to my mom that I just wanted it to be this way... and also told her, in the gentlest terms possible, that they were/are abusive and Im not ready to reconcile yet. It went over well but I cant help but be dissapointed at how apathetic the reaction was. Its not like I wanted it to be a big fight or anything but I wasn't prepared for it to be this easy. I wasnt expecting the conversation to get added to the "evidence they dont give a shit about me" pile. :::

Good job :cat-trans: I'm sorry your parents suck though :/

::: spoiler Tap for spoiler

Did they like properly internalise or comprehend the idea that they were being abusive? If they didn't, it could explain their reaction.

I often have this problem with my parents so that might be it.

:::

Sorry for taking so long to reply.

::: spoiler spoiler Yes, Im sure that they don't really comprehend it. I've tried to have conversations about it for about six years now and they don't really go anywhere. I feel partially at fault because I let my fear of them get the better of me, however every conversation winds up with the issue being minimized or reframed as "good parenting". :::

Is it trans culture to feel like there's a slur people should be calling you but you were never able to figure out what it was supposed to be

Being out is weird. Being referred to as a woman is weird. I love all this but have to remind myself frequently that I'm not dreaming. Life is good, even though it's still hard.

Yay!!! trans-heart

The Day After - 1895

::: spoiler spoiler Damn, fucking sad and down again. Fuck me. :::

Would you still be up for trying out voice calls in matrix at some point? Maybe we can try to make it work this week?

Let's make our own support group, with Blackjack and trans-tankies.

This sounds like tracha if we added blackjack to it. It would be cool if it had voice channels that we could just hop into like discord. But I think the calling feature can work like that in rooms where it's just one channel per room.

Well, there are safety reasons for not having voice on tracha, aren't there? I'm pretty sure it's against the rules to send audio

Iirc we can't send voice memos cause anybody can listen who's in the server. Calls should require actually joining to listen. But yeah I don't remember the specifics of the policy so I'd have to check.

Yes, I would like that. Thank you. I don't think I can today but this week is fairly empty for me. We should.

Yay! My week is pretty busy but I think Friday is free. As well as earlier in the day tomorrow and I think Thursday.

I'm in a group chat now with a very good friend and someone who I hope might become a very good friend. I'm very happy and life is good. I've never been in a girlchat before and it's so much nicer than I had anticipated

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 3mon

down with cis

Down with cis!

Carcharodonna [she/her] - 3mon

rattlethatlock42 [she/her, comrade/them] - 3mon

moh [it/its] - 3mon

down with cis >:3

down with cis!

DOEN WITH CIS

I think I should make looksmaxxing my new thing. Getting hot should fix all my problems right?

Call me Clavicul-her

Diy FFS w a hammer and sandpaper

::: spoiler cw bodily harm

Use the prying part to cut and peel back the skin, the sandpaper to sand down the jawbone and chin, and the hammery bit to reduce the forehead. Surgeons got nothing on me. :::

the scream, 1908

the original crying wojak

Friend who previously refused to call me my name wants to hang out tomorrow, first time in 6 months, since I asked to be called my new name. Going but we'll see how that is

kristina [she/her] - 3mon

how are the little trans people in my phone doing today

While combing my hair I realised!

I have neck lenght hair now, not ear length as I kept thinking!

That's so exciting! You should probably go get the ends trimmed so it keeps growing healthily

Trans girl who voice trains so she can do a better trump impression

I'm trans FYI

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 3mon

waow-based

::: spoiler suicide, self harm, abuse, generally depressing stuff The only bad thing abt being friends w and in contact w a lot of trans women is how many of them will self harm, be in abusive situations, get harassed/stalked, have extreme trauma and mental health problems and/or attempt to kill themselves, and u cant do much anything abt it :(

Like they were both fine luckily, but this past week i was genuinely worried for a bit that 2 different friends were dead :::

I just want to go back to my family and hug them and shop for dresses with my mom. I don't care about my past grudges, I don't care what they did to me. All I want is a happy ending.

Instead of getting all that, I wake up finding out that my course registrations have somehow been fucked. It's always some bullshit. Shit never be straightforward!

I had a dream last night where I was in an impossibly big church and somehow I got roped into participating in a game which I played really hard and thought I won only for the teacher to gleefully tell me I hadn't and revealed a hidden message with more rules and when I tried to explain she told me she loved making me lose even with my "rules lawyering" which was just playing by the rules I was given.

Most normal church

::: spoiler I have been thinking of how even well meaning allies caricature trans women (CW for that)

It's an okay message overall.

But the woman in the middle is I am going to assume with confidence is meant to be a trans woman. It may also be intentional that she is a trans woman in early transition (that in intention is less clear). But a woman in early transition is going to be the most nervous about using the toilet.

Okay so her head I like a lot, she's got a clocky jaw, but she's shaved close and she's clearly done a good makeup job, the lips, the eyeliner etc, she's growing out her hair and she's done it in a gorgeous way.

Body okay, she's trying fashion, the dress is cute, she's flat chested it's early days. Don't like how intentionally hulking she's drawn, but I can live with it.

But the forearms! I hate them. Clearly the artist has felt she's not obviously trans enough. So they've given her hairy forearms. And it's like forearm hair is normal for all women cis and trans!

But you're telling me this baby trans, with her beat face, her gorgeous hair, and her cute dress who is nervous about the bathroom is not going to shave those arms?

Fuck no! No trans woman was involved in making this. Also any girl who looks like this hit me up you're beautiful. :::

Its offensive and disgusting. There's sooo many examples of shit like this too. A favorite is fucking beards.

Its genuinely because they don't see us as women, but as some third thing.

::: spoiler spoiler Also I hate how "hulking" she is drawn, not only is that something a lot of people are going to be dysphoric about, but because of all the transphobic stereotypes. It literally looks like a terf drawing (except for her head).

Like look at how broad and square she is. Huge hands. Cropped it literally just looks like a transphobic stereotype. "Allies" think that's what we look like and that's okay, and terfs think that's what we look like and its gross. Its literally just men in dresses are valid vs men in dresses are predators.
:::

I hate the stubble or beards it's such a transmisogynistic and inaccurate thing to show.

It's also more non binary coded.

I think if they had made her smaller with hairless arms this would have still conveyed trans woman and been less offensive.

Also a trans woman looks like this forever in their minds.

Not that even if someone looks like this at the beginning with enough time and HRT her face will soften, her bulk shrink, her hips and breasts grow, her body hair thin and her head hair be long and shiny.

Plus she might develop a cool AF style and look so happy.

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 3mon

I hate that too body hair is one of the easiest things to change! Almost everyone owns a damn razor!

::: spoiler spoiler

Who am I am who? Noone and nothing.

Odysseus mode

dog-screm

We can trans if we want to

We can leave your friends behind

'Cause your friends don't trans

And if they don't trans

Well they're no friends of mine

Here's something that's made me too sad for a while.

I really hate that I can't actually be friends with "older" (older then me) women. Or just people in general but I don't care much for being friends with guys. Like I've had a few women in my life who are great, and I've talked a lot with and they've said I can talk about whatever ect.. they're very smart, empathetic, good listeners everything. And at least one I remember called herself my friend. But I do not actually feel like we're friends. They don't (or very rarely) message me first, or talk about their own lives, or anything like that. Even when I ask. And then I'll talk to someone they actually appear to be friends with and they'll be like, "oh yea, she has X going on", "Oh yea when she did Y".

Its not reasonable to be this upset about it but it makes me so sad. Like its no one's fault really, of course someone in a different stage of life isn't going to be close to me, its just so... like I don't have many people right. And then they listen, and talk, and are great people. Even calling themselves my friend. But they aren't really.

And then the people my age do not understand, do not empathize, they are not safe like real adults are.

>get on vc with one of my younger friends
>dude, man, guy

Up with trans!

Up with trans trans-ferret

UP WITH TRANS

up with trans :o

up with trans!

up with trans!!

According to my autocorrect:

Women are so cute

("so" and "cute" were suggested)

I think the autocorrect cooked here.

Women are saying that the same time is next week and also I will admit that you have a good day

women are at work and they don’t know how much i want them

🤔

Women when I think of this is what do your injections even mean

Complete left turn after women lol

Women and it is cause its kinda nice things for others that seem very sweet ending word rhyme and it is cause its kinda nice things for others that seem very sweet ending word rhyme and it is cause help im stuck in a loop

Florn [they/them] - 3mon

Women are so I think the relationship is that the things that it was like that it starts to make a two-year of a two-year and Gyaradosite.

thin mints

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 3mon

Cosplayed again. First time wearing a skirt or any sort of make-up in public and also first time wearing a costume that wasn't just some pre-made kit. Had a few people want to take pictures with me. Also noticed a couple other people in the crowd who appeared to be trans and I wonder if they're also taking advantage of non-judgemental nature of these kinds of events to try out presenting differently than they do in their normal day-to-day. No clue how others see me.

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 3mon

couldn't convict

Is this real?

I mean its an actual video, in that sense its real.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAYjPPE0YMo

I did not watch the whole thing but if you skip to the start of the interrogation (21:20) he does use a new name and he/him. Didn't watch the video though, I don't know why he killed his mom. Wouldn't shock me if this is click/rage bait. I'd imagine there are more factors then just her being transphobic.

A lot of these bodycam and criminal justice channels tend to be very reactionary and spread fear and hatred of vulnerable groups. I suspect, given the title, that this is one of them.

HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 3mon

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

mrosswind [she/her] - 3mon

::: spoiler odd parent situation Sometime last year, I asked my sort-of accepting mom if she would be willing to help me with paying for HRT. She got uncomfortable, and wouldn't directly say no, but effectively refused. Recently, she approached me and started asking about how HRT was going. I'm really not clear on what was happening, but it seemed like her goal was to give me money. She said what she was expecting me to say in a way that felt like she was feeding me lines. She said that [I didn't need any help with HRT, but paying for HRT was impacting my social life, and I wasn't able to have fun because of the financial burden]. I said something vague about how paying for HRT and an extensive social life wasn't affordable to me, but really at this point I've gotten costs down, and I'm mostly fine with socializing cheaply. She sent me enough to cover about six months worth of HRT. Besides that, we haven't and probably won't talk about any trans issues or healthcare.

I really don't know what questions to ask, but does anyone have thoughts about what's going on there? I already try to minimize her presence in my life, so besides that. :::

Two dates this weekend and only one of them stood me up!

My therapist stopped me in the middle of the session to tell me that what we're doing right now isn't working and we need to aggressively target my OCD. It's funny how I couldn't see it, I spent 45 minutes going through 5 days in chronological order with unnecessary detail before I got to the stuff that had really upset me and the massive self harm attack. I regularly take up the whole session just narrating events, I need so much reassurance. Geez even until typing that out just now I didn't realize how much of it I've been seeking.

I'm going to take her suggestion of supplemental options more seriously because I can't keep doing this. It's going to destroy all my relationships if I do

Fellow OCD haver 🙌

ABSOLUTE PAIN

✋🥲🤚

Horse {they/them} - 3mon

got a cute pair of kitten heels for cheap, now i just need to learn to walk properly in them
pray for my ankles

One of them called me "that".

I pretended it was fine at the time but I am very much sad.

Today's my first day of work back noooo 😭

Im interviewing at a peds place later this week, maybe itll be nicer

Udemy having me do a roleplay with AI is embarrassing, idk what I could have accomplished with it in 10 minutes but at least that's done. Tbh had the AI tell me how smart and beautiful I was at the end based off of my HVAC knowledge ::: spoiler spoiler Turns out very che-smile :::

My therapist suggested DBT as a way to deal with what's been going on with me. So I looked it up and saw it's often used for Borderline Personality Disorder, so I start reading about that and... Huh. Lot of stuff here that sounds like me.

On the other hand I don't have much "risky" or "impulsive" behavior. There was the whole getting super drunk at the party recently when I'd been advised to take it slow, and the whole ::: spoiler self harm cutting myself with broken glass I found on the sidewalk ::: thing. Outside that I'm pretty risk averse. I'm a boglehead for chrissakes! Idk I'm gonna bring it up next week and see what she thinks

Question for Burger-American DIYers

How long does your shipment usually take to arrive from order?

Pretty sure my last domestic purchase was under 10 days, although that seller is experiencing some delays iirc so might be longer?

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 3mon

I've only done two orders and both were under a week.

Its been two years~ (can't pic an exact date, prolly late March tbh) since I accepted I was a trans woman.

Read a handful of journal entries from the first six months. I think the rose color glasses have already hit me, I was not doing well back then either. Although I do think about the friends I had then every day still.

Fuck I'm lonely and sad. Two fucking years.

Two years and I've gotten a shitty job, an hrt stockpile, and nothing else. Barely closer to independence. Still miserable every day. No laser. No closer to surgery. Just fucking pain and suffering and misery every fucking day.

::: spoiler suicide WHEN THE FUCK AM I KILLING MYSELF??? :::

It's ok eggnog. If you're on hrt and have a job (even a shitty one) you're still in a relatively decent place. You are young. You will have the time to do laser and everything else. Same goes for surgery.

Everybody had their own pace (which is slowed down by the transphobic society that squeezes us into overworked systems causing huge waitlists and shortages). And of course, the waiting period itself is miserable ... so uh. Yeah this society sucks ass.

I'm trying to comfort you but how do I do that when I can't even comfort myself.

Thank you sodium, I appreciate it

I apreciate you too, friend 🧡

:cat-trans:

Eggnog I forget if you're moving or something in the near future, but if you're going to be in the same place for the next year start laser already. It's one of the best things a trans woman can do.

I still don't have my stupid fucking driver's license. If I had it I'd have started laser already.

Oh well something to keep in mind then.

I do doomjak I just struggle to actually get anything done

I get that. What do you currently have to do still to get your driver's license? Maybe breaking it down to steps will make it less overwhelming.

I have to get my permit again, practice driving (hate this) and take the test (hate this too). It still feels overwhelming and impossible. I've been needing to get it for a long time now and genuinely wanting it for a couple of years at this point. But still haven't. I hate driving.

bruh cri

why is this like this. Have hardly done anything today. Just nothing to do. Not even a particularly bad day. Life is just fuckin, boring and sucky. and dysphoric.

Life fucking sucks.

On days like these, you can try cooking. Make yourself some rice and kidney beans.

Is it possible for E to change ur appetite? I feel like mines been slightly worse now, or possibly ive been more picky abt food now

Life is so fucking ass I'm tired of having to do shit. Literally everything is too much

I don't care. I hate it here. I hate being here. I hate suffering. I hate constantly being unable to do things I want to do, let alone all the things I have to do. Its too much and its been too much for far too long.

Why do we have an option to sort comments by controversial if we can't downvote on Hexbear?

With my Hexbear Pro Platinum Bear subscription I get 2 downvotes a month

Time travel button if you use it to sort posts

Madonna - 1894

I'm making curry and rice for the trans mega tonight. catgirl-salute

Don't need no credit card to ride this train

Its strong and its sudden and its cruel sometimes

This is exactly what I've become oooaaaaaaauhhh

Love and Pain - 1893

Me: When will the exercise endorphins take hold of me?

Also me the second I gain conciousness today: I want to go on a run ...

Family special occasion

"Why do you not feel happy? Why do you not care?"

Cause I still don't get to be myself

(Do not worry, the event was for me so I wasn't ruining it for someone else)

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 3mon

I've been wanting to post a life update for a while now, but I feel like it's been so many small ups and downs that nothing fundamental has changed yet despite so much going on in my personal life that I can't yet draw conclusions or do much outside use the post as a journaling exercise.

Phew. Am upto 1.9 km in my run and I did it in 11 minutes. Not that impressive in the grand scheme of things when I'm huffing and puffing along the way, but hey! I kinda like this.

My goal right now is to work upto 10 km in under 50 minutes once a week.

Coolkidbozzy [he/him] - 3mon

I love munch. There are a bunch of his paintings of redheaded women loving and leaving him at his museum in Oslo. Man had a ROUGH relationship. My favorite painting of his is his massive mural of The Sun. I feel like it captures his love for nature in a way I resonate with

It's a gorgeous day out. I think I'm gonna go get some nice food and have a picnic.

Starting the week by watching episode 1 of Awajima Hyakkei before my boss gets in. Lovely start, though I'm hoping the anthology has some outright happier stories too. Can't wait for the next episode.

Ahh, yuri flag-lesbian-pride

::: spoiler dysphoria, mental health Every cis woman tells me at some point how lucky I am to not have a period. Even if they know it's not true, it's still how lucky I am that I don't bleed. But god I sometimes wish I had a concrete physical sign that I'm on my period. The only flow I have is my tears, and I just wish I knew why they're here. Why now? Why not last week when everything felt so bad and I really needed to? Am I just screwed up like that or is this just a normal part of womanhood? :::

Hitherto the only thing really stopping me from getting better has been myself. But I think that's different now

I want to be better, and so I will be better.

Moss [they/them] - 3mon

I can't wait to go back to college. This summer cannot be over quick enough. I spent the last year out of college and I hated it lol get me back in the classroom. Perhaps I should become a professor

Mud masks are fun, got my mid from the dollar store my face is smoother now. It was one of them hardening ones so I got to peel it off

Hard to say if most of the people in my life are actually intentionally misunderstanding me like it feels like or if I'm just bad at communicating myself.

Also hard to say if most of the people in my life actually don't value me and my thoughts and ideas like it feels like, or if I'm actually devoid of any good ideas.

U have good ideas. I've heard some of them.
People could be misunderstanding you, and communication could be hard, at the same time. I know I struggle a lot where something is super clear in my head but then saying it it comes out in a very strange way, where I dont really make sense to people (or even myself sometimes). That being said, I've heard you communicate complex ideas just fine, so uh yeah ur not bad at communicating things

::: spoiler frustration I got given a warning at my job yesterday for consistently not doing a thing that's extremely scummy and shady. If I get two more I could be fired. This happens not long after I find out that my company is actively scamming clients and has been doing so for years. I'm so sick of work never being a normal experience. It's so frustrating that i have to devote so much time to working and it's always horrific. So anyway I guess I should try and find a new job so I don't have to keep working at this place that is forcing me to be an active participant in extremely shady practices.

I really fucking wish I had a single ounce of a say in anything I get asked to do for work ever. Maybe even a single time. :::

Dance on the Shore

Is it normal for there to be some soreness/pain and a tiny bit of swelling+blue discoloration on an injection site? This is abt 1 day after the injection

Yeah no big deal

Does it look like a bruise? You can sometimes get those at the injection site.

Looks bruise colored, yeah

The_Dawn [fae/faer, des/pair] - 3mon

Repost but I got no comments in the general thread a month ago and was reminded of them again:

When do you just let a ghost be a ghost? I've been seeing this nb very casually for about half a year, maybe a bit longer. It was usually us meeting up once a month for primarily physical connects, they lived pretty far away and had to drive into the city. But they were also a very principled leftist and I enjoyed our time together. Whenever we left it was also a "that was amazing, lets not let it be a month before we see each other again," etc. But inevitably I'd go a month without hearing from them before getting a "sorry! Life is crazy! Are you free saturday?" Text. Last time things felt particularly good/like I was going to maybe be seeing more of them, but that was almost 4 months ago now. I've been sending them a text once a month now since then, and haven't got anything back. I'm considering reaching out on instagram, where we don't follow each other, but I don't wanna be a creep/stalker. I guess I'm just worried cuz I've had friends' phones break/numbers change unexpectedly and assumed they wanted nothing to do with me, only to bump into them and have it all be a big misunderstanding. Bweh.

Call their phone if it rings they most likely haven't changed it

I've been sending them a text once a month now since then, and haven't got anything back.

Before then TBH

So you think more effort would be creepy?

I mean idk, probably not. But I'd let someone go before 4 monthly texts. Not responding at all seems really rude to me, idk. I don't think messaging on insta is a bad idea though because maybe something happened with their phone? But I'd definitely read that as them not wanting anything to do with me.

I definitely have problems letting people go, not really in a creepy way just a "if we were ever close I will still think about you 5/10/20 years down the line and will probably reach out." I let people who like, Actually Break Up With Me off of that, but this just felt so strange. I was kinda picking up vibes that I was just a D appointment for them, but I wanted to believe if that were true they would've just told me.

Yea me too. I've been really sad the last two weeks because this person from 5 years ago hasn't messaged me back.. idk. I think about people from the past a lot too.

I would say give them a call maybe leave a voicemail

Just call or reach out. See what's up. You aren't being a stalker if you already had their info beforehand.

Eh ....

Not really. You already did stuff together. It's not like you're a stranger to them

Oh sorry I meant to respond to a more vaguely phrased response. I probably will just reach out on insta; calling feels really intimate, particularly if they pick up and then have to have a weird breakup convo over the phone they were probably trying to avoid altogether.

Just ask hey do you still wanna hangout or part ways

I like to think that when I'm not wearing my boymodding hoodie, people see me as a girl walking down the street.

Verbalize0517 [she/her] - 3mon

::: spoiler spoiler It’s so frustrating to see “internalized transphobia” get thrown around by “allies” (transphobes) to shut down trans voices who dared express their own personal experience and struggles with dysphoria and transitioning.

It’s gaslighting and transphobia disguised as “progressive.” Conservative opinions but rephrased.

When people like myself say we have a brain-body mismatch, even plenty of leftists try to explain in a round about way that actually that’s wrong and we're just men in dresses. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Like therapy speak, people like to dress up their backwards ass ideas in woke language until they circle back to tongue lashing us for being actually radical, while playing pretend they are. And of course c*s ppl side with whoever makes them feel good and (ideally) beats on transsexuals enough and will happily use “internalized transphobia” as a bludgeon to advance their actual transphobia.

Because NO ONE actually cares to listen to us. EVERYONE SUCKS AND I HATE THEM :::

::: spoiler spoiler Thank you for the reply. It's so crazy but widespread enough that the gaslighting sometimes sinks in and makes me feel crazy. lea-breakdown

You're so right that many just don't care to listen to the transsexual experience. Even just the label itself gets dismissed as "outdated." :::

I also feel the same way you do, it sucks.

Don't tell me that I'm crazy

Don't tell me I'm nowhere

Take it from me

It's hip to be square

My hair looks so fucking shit. One of two things I even kinda like about my body and it looks like shit. There's all these little loose hairs sticking out, the ends look like shit even though I just trimmed them, it's not even, I just look terrible. But getting it cut off makes me feel so sad and I don't want to do that. And also I'm terribly depressed and miserable so taking proper care of it is so much work.

Did you get a haircut? How long was it since you got one? It might be a good idea to get one, it will make your hair look way better. Just ask them to not cut it too much, because you want to have long hair.

Two years, trimmed the ends a few times though. I'll get one soon...

Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 3mon

im venting to my wife and she just goes "I dont wanna wait for our lives to be over 🎶" and im like... wait what does this song mean... Oh damn, it's actually relevant, how does she do that ☺️ https://youtu.be/L_dVEtLPdDE

too much pasta :(((

I feel so much better today. Like a veil has been pulled back and I can see things that were there all along. I'm sure I'll still feel down at times but I think I have it in me to be okay

I do not want to feel any of these emotions. I wish I could burn them out of me, strangle them

Yeah, so fucking nothing happened. She just disregarded everything...

I already want to go home from work bleh

8 more hours to go

I dont really bring up the topic of my identity that much in casual conversation, I guess I feel like its "too much" to spell it out to people, likewise in the sense of sexuality, disability, etc -- and I think stuff like "well everyone doesnt really think about gendered stuff that much" until they do, and then im like hmmmm... when do I tell them.

but its also a sort of, you can tell them but they might not understand. I can only hope that my continued performance conveys my experiences. At a certain point it just becomes transmisia from the other person.

::: spoiler misgendering

anyway I had a nametag that said "he/fae" but people were still she/hering me

Good lord I'd love rib remodeling

::: spoiler cw:addiction, not depressing

I've been doing the running thing semi-frequently and am waiting for the part where I get addicted to it from the natural release of endorphins. Wonder how to speed it up. Already managed to build a very nice walking habbit but that relies on me reading slop webnovels and litsening to music while doing it. So not sure I'm actually addicted yet.

KrupskayaPraxis - 3mon

My dad is a good cook and feel grateful that he cooks for us and that I don't have to cook myself. But I absolutely hate that my dad cooks dinner so late. Even in the weekend we eat at like 8pm. I told my dad I was going clubbing later, and still he didn't take it into account. The food needs time to settle down, so I always end up going out later than I want. I think I need to tell him I want to eat earlier in the weekends, if I'm going out. But he already knows I don't like to eat late so I don't know why he still does it. My brother feels the same way, but he doesn't live at home so he doesn't have to worry about it anymore.

This makes me so irritated, which also ruins my mood if I'm going out

shallot [she/her] - 3mon

She’s just like me fr

Radio

Someone still loves you

This mega is so old no one will see that I'm terribly lonely

Sometimes I really worry things won't work out too.

Four years has already been a long time to correct things and I have at least three or four more to go. When I feel like this, I really try to think about everyone before me who's had to wait longer. Their stories can inspire me. Being alive in a time and where something can happen means something. It's not hopeless.

Or maybe I'm just trying to talk myself out of crying until I get home from work lol catgirl-flop

::: spoiler The annoying thing about asking for CWs A coworker showed me a really triggering article today and I could only say don't show me that. Explaining what to look out for gives context on my very specific and personally embarrassing (sometimes humiliating) trauma.

Ugh writing that last part actually brought the tears :::

meow-hug tyty feeling better today!

MeetMeAtTheMovies [they/them] - 3mon

::: spoiler dysphoria despair I generally feel fine presenting more masculine, but the thought of growing old and looking like an old man is absolutely devastating :::

How do you feel about growing old and looking like an old woman?

More tolerable but it’s really hard to picture. I have a good idea of how I would look as an old man. Significantly less so as an old woman

The easiest way to do that is look at pictures of your grandmas

I think part of it is that I’m almost 400 lbs and both of my grandmas were scrawny. I’ve also been compared to my maternal grandpa my whole life and I can see a lot of his features on me, but I don’t see much of either of my grandmothers at all

I'm actually about the same Im currently 330 and was also compared to my maternal grandpa all my life but now I look much more like my grandma and she's fit you be surprised by how much you'll change

Huh. I’ve been on e for over a year but it’s a low dose and I haven’t really seen any physical changes. The emotional and mental changes have been wonderful. But I put no effort into looking feminine aside from wearing leggings occasionally. Maybe I need to do more stuff like that?

Have you gotten your levels checked?

A higher dose is necessary for more changes also yes changing your wardrobe is immensely helpful also where do you get your leggings?

::: spoiler work I fucking hate work. Can't communism just win already? I'm so sick being so alienated from my labor. I spend so many hours doing this shit for everyone else's benefit but my own. I am the last person who gets asked about anything regarding how I do my job. Any new metric, any new change, any conversation with clients. Every single aspect of the way I keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth is dictated entirely by someone that isn't me. And if I step out of line from this constantly changing work environment I have no control over? Well there goes my ability to pay my landlord every fucking month. I'm exhausted. I just want cuddles and pets and I want my long walks and my friends and I want to listen to music and play video games and read papers and books and I want to make music and care about people and be cared about. Work fucking sucks. And I spend SO much of my life doing it.

Touch, I remember touch

Pictures came with touch

A painter in my mind

Tell me what you see

A tourist in a dream

A visitor, it seems

A half-forgotten song

Where do I belong?

I need something more :::

Telling myself I don't actually care that my family will never accept me and by transitioning I'm basically throwing away everything in my life

The main "everything" I'm thinking of right now is stability and not having to deal with transphobia (I believe the vast majority are transphobic)

Des [she/her, they/them] - 3mon

one of the main reasons i haven't been able to pull the trigger. if i hadn't made some bad moves when i was much younger i could probably roll the dice and weather it but i feel like i'm already in a very vulnerable state for many reasons and can't do this now (if ever). what's wild is i technically came out to my mom like 15 years ago but she dismissed it.

it took me a decade just to figure myself out enough to fully be honest with my (also trans) partner, but maybe because we are both ND and queer and had various traumas

but yeah i would be doing such a 180 right now from looking like a more androynous elder hasan piker-like male bodied person that can literally talk and even intimidate the transphobia out of people to the person i want to be but would lose both the stability and that authority i can use for good..

if it wasn't sus in it's very nature we need like a trans collective community like a couple thousand acres and self sustaining or something

It's nice to see you posting again

anybody else familiar with ancient mythology etc: is it rare for an ancient deity (in this case Inanna/Ishtar) to have so much preserved text? I've been slowly reading Inanna: Queen of Heaven and Earth which is a consolidation of all known text/hymns/etc relating to her and reconstructed as best as possible and there is almost 200 pages. this book is basically a bible, from her earliest baby goddess-hood and hot headed behavior to her final ascension as essentially the "Triple Goddess" (heaven, earth, underworld; essentially a full life cycle).

is any other diety or pantheon this ancient have this much recorded about them? i suppose some of this could be reconstructed/embellished since it's the combined work of two different specialists

i'm seeing the seeds of nearly every semetic religion in here it's really fascinating

I've been listening to lots of podcasts and videos about this kind of thing, if I had to guess it's a combination of the longevity, popularity, and geographic range of her cult.

so just more time to write stuff down?

weird how she basically evaporated from popular mythology eventually. at least what i was taught (u.s.). besides as a side character in the epic of gilgemesh (which was also barely taught).

i suppose that could have something to do with how the various semetic ancient dieties were converted to demons and such by the judeo-christian scriptures? she was spared in her original names but i think some of her aspects became Lilith

also i had no idea she was (at least for a time) the sort of "National Goddess" (embodiment of the nation) of Iraq

I don't think she was spared demonization. I know in Paradise Lost she appears as either Astaroth or Astarte.

Edit: I found the relevant lines

interesting! i last read Paradise Lost almost 15 years ago and didn't remember that passage

i mean she does have some of those classical "sexy demoness" traits in her various vistages (bird wings sprouted from back, bird feet, bull horns).

it's cool to take that stuff back and make it Divine Feminine again instead of naughty succubi

As with Pan, the reason those traits are classically demonic is because they come from old gods.

Feeling like Jesse pinkman but instead of doing a line of coke to psyche myself up it's listening to MCR, lets-fucking-go ~~burn down a house~~ join a union

larrikin99 [none/use name] - 3mon

Making a spreadsheet of which girldinnerdiaries posts pass the bechdel test.

I'll post the new mega thread on my lunch break sorry everyone

I want to play Persona 6 transshork-sad

~~clearly the answer is to play Persona 3 twice~~

That's a great idea. Adding two more playthroughs to the count catgirl-salute

Self portrait with cigarette

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 3mon

I have this week off from classes. But I have no money or plans and I have no idea what to do with myself. I spent all day yesterday deep cleaning my area since I haven't had a chance in a while but that's not exactly relaxing.

Go to the library, see if there's any free events happening in your area, go birdwatching, volunteer somewhere, theres so much to do without money

is it just me or does north african and indian cuisine both go really good mix and matched together

I don't really care that Jet is both a pre-war drug and a post war invention in the Fallout series. Dope, white and speed can all refer to completely different drugs. Why not jet.

Guess who didn't do their injection on injection Friday

overwatch

Thank fuck I don't have to do anything at work today

I think ... I think I'm going to loose my fucking mind because technically I have literally 10 hours 31 minutes of a break between this semester and the next.

Yes, I have my final assignment due on 2359 tommorow, then the first class of the next semester starts on 1030 on monday.

The Kiss - 1897

::: spoiler continued mental health problems

I'm going to be perfectly real. The idea of my parents being against me has been the anvil that broke the camel's back. Things were already difficult enough for me in mental health terms, but little by little, I was making progress.

However, that shit was the thing that really pushed me over an invisible line. Too much. Now I have a severe mental block. I feel like I can't do ... anything anymore. Even making friends or talking to people over text makes me feel wrong.

I know this is a cultural thing. But I feel so indebted to my parents. If they want to protect their reputation within the extended family, then is staying in the closet not something I should do? If they demand for me to mutilate myself to fulfill their wishes, be in a "cis"het marriage as a "man", what argument do I have to resist? How else could I repay my debt? And if I don't repay my debt, how could I steal from my own parents? How could I make my wife suffer through an unhappy marriage? Gotta keep up the act as well as possible. The children need to be taken care of too.

I feel I can only wait for everyone who has a mortal tie with me to die so I can live my own life. Alas I'm not an immortal with a lifespan in the 1000s of years. I'll die before that happens. It's kind of comforting the idea. That I'll die so I never need to aspire to anything.

::: spoiler spoiler You're not indebted, and this does sound cultural. "Culture" can be used as a tool of oppression and abuse. The debt is in your mind, it is not real. If theyre making you feel indebted over the literal actual basics of being parents (feeding, clothing, housing, etc) thats not real.

What do your parents owe you? A child should be happy, healthy, fulfilled if they can, not be used as a way to improve the parents standings in the eyes of extended family.

Instead of debt, theres likely consequences and you listed them for yourself. A life spent doing what her parents told her to do, closeted, miserable, unhappy, not herself, and it sounds like you might be in a loveless marriage with a straight woman. There may indeed be consequences to being yourself too of course - yeah your parents might be shitty about it, but they dont have any more of a say on it then you choose to give them. But you also might be happy, fulfilled, have a body you actually like. :::

The debt is in your mind

Those are the hardest kinds of debts to escape from.

::: spoiler spoiler Also the easiest! Since theres nothing to repay but changing your mind~ :::

🎵I'm a fool to do your dirty work, oh yeah
I don't wanna do your dirty work, no more🎶

I'm an oomf to fein your diddy work, no cap

i successfully bleached my armpit hair, deciding if I want to dye it some fun color... could be purple, yellow, blue. 🤔

Dessa [she/her] - 3mon

Edvard Mvnch

Trve kvlt painting

getheadvard buttmunch

Melancholy, 1894