i'm coming out because its true, i told my partner and the ball is starting to roll. but i don't know what comes next? i hadn't really thought about it before. i've been trying to express myself more + more honestly in general- but i haven't even really thought pronouns in real life. i never really imagined what it would be like or what i would want.
but its true, and i'm closer to understanding. just dunno, theres no blueprint for being me. i guess i can be whatever i want, but im not usually a decision enjoyer. i gotta practice making choices
so uh wtf do? what should i be thinking about? pls help relieve the burden of possibility, anything will help, feeling a little lost :)
Are_Euclidding_Me [e/em/eir] - 4mon
Well first of all, congrats! Learning more about yourself is great! I'm glad you partner is supportive too, that's very nice.
As for next steps, well, it's all up to you, really! You can express your lack of gender in whatever way feels best to you!
But that's not very helpful or actionable advice. So in particular if I were you I'd think about if you want to make any changes to your body and/or presentation. You might not end up changing anything, and that's cool, or you might end up changing quite a lot, and that's cool too. You should think about things like a new haircut, trying some clothes that are marketed to "the other gender" (sorry about that phrasing, I hope you know what I mean though), maybe trying out HRT if that's something that's appealing to you, and perhaps even do a little research about possible surgeries if you're at all curious.
I know for me personally, my transition has looked basically like I'm a binary trans man. I've been on T for years, I've had a hysterectomy and top surgery, I buy my clothes pretty exclusively from the "men's" section, my hair is short (although I do have a mullet, so my hairstyle is at least a tiny bit queer). The only difference between me and a binary trans man is that I'm really not one. I'm very much actually agender. And I use they/them pronouns, I guess.
But yeah, no right or wrong answers here, just try out some stuff and see how you feel! Start as small as you like, but experimentation is pretty key!
And again, congrats on the greater self-knowledge!
i shaved a foot long beard and have been growing my hair out for a bit. i have been enjoying finding how i want to look, and trying to get comfortable with like... being around people and being me w/o stress and terror. getting more feminine (amab) but my goal is, well i dunno, but its fun so far finding out. i dressed way more queer when I was younger so I'm mostly just finding it again.
I guess i also know i don't feel the need to change my body, i've always been indifferent to my body or negative in a gender nonspecific way, but i'm trying to actively practice being in here. i am even eating.
but socially, aside from how i dress, i have no idea what i want. i never really thought i would be "out" so i never considered pronouns much, and i dont use them in my head. i guess in the past i would have preferred not to be referred to at all. So now that i want to exist i have to accept that i will be referred to from time to time. they/them? he/them would be easier because people wouldn't have to change a habit if they didn't want to. does it matter what other people think? i dunno, in the absence of a strong feeling of my own maybe it does?
i just went out for the first time since soft launching my gender and it was mostly just a novelty to be sitting with friends knowing that im identifying and maybe other people can see that i'm identifying and if i was asked i would say im agender… so even tho nobody asked it was enough for the first time. idk what i would do if someone was shitty about it... so uh i hope that doesn't happen for a while and i can be ready
i still forget and use the word man when the accurate term would be person because im just so used to saying man. so it's hard for me to think im going to figure out what i want
sorry i forgot i wasnt writing in my journal! even if nobody reads this i think maybe talking and writing about it might help. thx <3
3
Are_Euclidding_Me [e/em/eir] - 4mon
Sounds like you're doing all the right things! Just keep going then! This all takes time and experimentation and you'll never quite know what feels right until you try some stuff!
Pronouns are tough for me too. I don't like any of them and wish english had a proper third person singular non-gendered pronoun. They/them pronouns are very much a compromise, or the least bad option of a bunch of quite bad options. I also basically don't correct people about my pronouns and only give them in certain contexts where others are also giving pronouns. I'm very quiet about my gender, mostly just letting people gender me as they will. This means I mostly get he/him'd these days, which isn't great, but I hate bringing up my (lack of) gender unprompted.
sorry i forgot i wasnt writing in my journal! even if nobody reads this i think maybe talking and writing about it might help. thx <3
the_robot_from_planet_danger in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
How to agender?
i'm coming out because its true, i told my partner and the ball is starting to roll. but i don't know what comes next? i hadn't really thought about it before. i've been trying to express myself more + more honestly in general- but i haven't even really thought pronouns in real life. i never really imagined what it would be like or what i would want.
but its true, and i'm closer to understanding. just dunno, theres no blueprint for being me. i guess i can be whatever i want, but im not usually a decision enjoyer. i gotta practice making choices
so uh wtf do? what should i be thinking about? pls help relieve the burden of possibility, anything will help, feeling a little lost :)
Well first of all, congrats! Learning more about yourself is great! I'm glad you partner is supportive too, that's very nice.
As for next steps, well, it's all up to you, really! You can express your lack of gender in whatever way feels best to you!
But that's not very helpful or actionable advice. So in particular if I were you I'd think about if you want to make any changes to your body and/or presentation. You might not end up changing anything, and that's cool, or you might end up changing quite a lot, and that's cool too. You should think about things like a new haircut, trying some clothes that are marketed to "the other gender" (sorry about that phrasing, I hope you know what I mean though), maybe trying out HRT if that's something that's appealing to you, and perhaps even do a little research about possible surgeries if you're at all curious.
I know for me personally, my transition has looked basically like I'm a binary trans man. I've been on T for years, I've had a hysterectomy and top surgery, I buy my clothes pretty exclusively from the "men's" section, my hair is short (although I do have a mullet, so my hairstyle is at least a tiny bit queer). The only difference between me and a binary trans man is that I'm really not one. I'm very much actually agender. And I use they/them pronouns, I guess.
But yeah, no right or wrong answers here, just try out some stuff and see how you feel! Start as small as you like, but experimentation is pretty key!
And again, congrats on the greater self-knowledge!
i shaved a foot long beard and have been growing my hair out for a bit. i have been enjoying finding how i want to look, and trying to get comfortable with like... being around people and being me w/o stress and terror. getting more feminine (amab) but my goal is, well i dunno, but its fun so far finding out. i dressed way more queer when I was younger so I'm mostly just finding it again.
I guess i also know i don't feel the need to change my body, i've always been indifferent to my body or negative in a gender nonspecific way, but i'm trying to actively practice being in here. i am even eating.
but socially, aside from how i dress, i have no idea what i want. i never really thought i would be "out" so i never considered pronouns much, and i dont use them in my head. i guess in the past i would have preferred not to be referred to at all. So now that i want to exist i have to accept that i will be referred to from time to time. they/them? he/them would be easier because people wouldn't have to change a habit if they didn't want to. does it matter what other people think? i dunno, in the absence of a strong feeling of my own maybe it does?
i just went out for the first time since soft launching my gender and it was mostly just a novelty to be sitting with friends knowing that im identifying and maybe other people can see that i'm identifying and if i was asked i would say im agender… so even tho nobody asked it was enough for the first time. idk what i would do if someone was shitty about it... so uh i hope that doesn't happen for a while and i can be ready
i still forget and use the word man when the accurate term would be person because im just so used to saying man. so it's hard for me to think im going to figure out what i want
sorry i forgot i wasnt writing in my journal! even if nobody reads this i think maybe talking and writing about it might help. thx <3
Sounds like you're doing all the right things! Just keep going then! This all takes time and experimentation and you'll never quite know what feels right until you try some stuff!
Pronouns are tough for me too. I don't like any of them and wish english had a proper third person singular non-gendered pronoun. They/them pronouns are very much a compromise, or the least bad option of a bunch of quite bad options. I also basically don't correct people about my pronouns and only give them in certain contexts where others are also giving pronouns. I'm very quiet about my gender, mostly just letting people gender me as they will. This means I mostly get he/him'd these days, which isn't great, but I hate bringing up my (lack of) gender unprompted.