HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Disaster_of_Passion* (3/16 - 3/22)
meler* (3/23 - 3/29)
Shaleesh* (3/30 - 4/5)
Carcharodonna* (4/6 - 4/12)
GayTuckerCarlson* (4/13 - 4/19)
Busgirl (4/20 - 4/26)
SwitchyandWitchy* (4/27 - 5/3)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

unlimited genocide on every hair follicle not on my scalp. Except pubes I don't really mind you guys too much. So limited genocide.

That is all

PartnerFiance asked if I want to get married.

But some of our friends also recently announce their engagement like last week and it's a really big deal to them so we're keeping this down low for a bit so they can have their time in the spotlight.

So instead I'm just posting about it on a website for trans communists. I get to be a little excited at least.

::: spoiler more parental drama updates

The audacity of my mom to say

1. "You can tell me anything" (has been only 2-3 weeks since she fucked me over for coming out the closet)
2. "I dreamt that you were crying, is there anything you want to tell me?" (Go fuck yourself mom. You feeling vaguely guilty doesn't undo the damage you did)

I can't even trust that this all isn't a manipulation tactic

:::

::: spoiler bad lifestyle choices

My current lifestyle consists of me constantly switching between caffeine, alcohol, dopamine/internet content and work from about 6 am to midnight and then it takes me an hour of tossing and turning and weeping till I fall asleep.

As you can imagine, it is very healthy.

(please turn the thoughts off I want them gone gone gone gone gone gone)

:::

It's finally happened. I'm switching to injections.

Depression is hitting hard today.

I took a shower in a locker room at a gym after working out!!! This has been a significant milestone!

I was looking for a job. I found a job, and wouldn't you know it, I'm miserable now

Does anyone have the meme thats like

'when you know a trans person long enough you learn they have a second, secret set of pronouns'

I captured a gardevoir and she's a trans girl. I only have girls in my team, if the pokémon follow me they're girls, I don't care what the game says, even the "male" alolan raichu is a girl

I talked last mega about how the dam of my emotional repression was cracking, and was going to break under the rising waters of estrogen.

Instead I went out deep in the forest and picked up a clump of moss. It slowly crept along my skin. Now there’s a thick layer over my whole body. My memories from before I was a moss creature feel stranger and stranger.

::: spoiler current events, transphobia I feel like I'm going fucking crazy. So the 4th circuit just put out a really scary ruling saying out right care bans for adults are a-okay. Even further then what republicans wanted. The NHS in the UK is doing a report into if adult care is going to stay or not (after their report taking care away from kids). What the fuck is happening??!!! ::: spoiler meta If you didn't see that news, it's because no one here cared. Both threads sitting at 20~ votes. One comment each. Even people here don't give a fuck, is this not huge news?? I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm not over reacting am I?? Like these are both big, scary, crazy steps towards just banning us completely??? :::

My two standards of when I'll feel like I'm actually a girl are:

• getting a modicum of attention from sapphic women
• getting harassed by men on the street

Probably not the healthiest things to judge my worth on but it do be like that sometimes

The age of the dominant bottom has begun

Only the coolest megathread gets to see this picture of one of the cats I just took

Nother day with nothing accomplished! Instead of doing my tasks I spent my time yearning for what could have been had I been born in a world with magic (instantaneous perfect sex change) or magic (loving and accepting society)

this isn't about robots in disguise

This is the longest time I've been this depressed. Really struggling right now

Painting on metal canvas

trying to make the news mega beat the trans mega this week by turning the news mega into the trans mega

damn I miss that time

::: spoiler while I'm being shitty about cis ppls body issues (dysphoria) My boss was telling me the other day about how self conscious she is about her top lip being too small, and how expensive filler is for her to be happy with it. Like 500 bucks I guess, one or two injections.

Can you fucking imagine? Like, that's the thing you really hate about your body and how it's fixed? How the fuck do people say my body issues are the same as a cis woman's with a straight face? I've spent that much making sure my body has the right hormone! A fucking lip is too small?? My voice is fucking RUINED by T and you're going to sit here complaining your top lip isn't big enough???

In what world are my issues remotely comparable with this??? God it just pisses me off. Why the fuck do I hate to deal with my fucking ruined voice and my fucking disgusting genitals instead of "my lip is normal sized instead of big" :::

Got to talk with one of the supportive peeps at work today

It was weird/funny to me that my being trans is more normal to her than it is to me. Its more foreign and weird feeling and everything to the trans person then the ally 💔 god I love her. Wish I saw her more.

Finally ordered a bra. Had to get my own Amazon account and free trial of prime so it comes tomorrow since I've been sharing one with my mom hitherto (and paying for it, which feels silly. I guess I do make more money than her. More parentification perhaps?). I hope it fits well enough

i hate how easily i get jealous when my friends are closer with other ppl than they are with me, and also how upset i get if i dont get enough attention

started testing out "galthing" moniker for my it/it's friend

it seems to like it

i'm never puppy stressed when i do my puppy best!

::: spoiler Sadness and sorrow I've been super emotional this week. Crying, or wanting to cry almost non-stop. Is this normal, or is there something wrong with me? Is this just my depression acting up + estrogen making me cry like a baby?

There's no specific reason, I'm just sad in general. Also probably because I got the money I saved up ran out and I have no hopes of building up any income soon... :::

I had to go in for bloodwork today and the lab tech at the clinic was the sweetest old lady. She was so casually kind and good humoured, very good at relieving tension in what's normally a pretty stressful situation for me. After a little joking around she told me that I brightened her day... I really didn't expect going to the clinic for bloodwork to pull me out of the anxious funk I'd been in all morning.

Diving into a long, story driven game again feels good, especially when it's not just to dissociate. I'm about to make katsu tofu too, so it's going to be a good night.

::: spoiler Today sucks.

It really sucks. Fuck today. Kill it and bury in a shallow grave. Let the animals dig it up and desecrate its body. There should be no day today, the calendar should just jump it over. Fuck this shit. I know my feelings and hurt are disproportionate to what is/what exists. But it still hurts. It still hurts a lot. I want to just... I want to just stop it all I want all of everything to stop. Just for today, is that too much to ask? Just make today stop? Make it go away?

::: spoiler slightly horny i was trying to infodump about ww2 to my partner and they were too busy w my hrtitties to pay attention, so these must be the consequences of transitioning I was warned about :::

The first threepack of sports bras I bought fit perfectly in the store then in like 2 washes stretched way out. So for the 2nd threepack (a different brand) I bought some that were a bit too tight when tried on in the store and its been a while since and they havent stretched at all nooooo. maybe third time will be the charm.

Yayyyy transformer thread! We thought it would be about transistors lol we were gonna look for our microelectronics course notes.

I saw a targeted Ad for me that said "struggling to remember the 156 tarot meanings?"

And I thought: No? It's only 78 plus reversals. I can remember all of those, even when I use Thoth deck with it's different meanings. Doesn't everyone just remember the nature of the minor arcana suits and what the separate numbers mean then imagine them as an x-y graph?

Starting to realise not everyone is an Autistic Trans Lesbian...

Spent today working on a denim skirt that I had thrifted using the sewing machine. I used the legs from some some skinny jeans that I had cut into booty shorts to make bondage straps for the skirt, and I've also been sewing on patches that I previously painted.

I can never be truly afraid because my brain just converts horror into horny.

::: spoiler scary horny

Had a terrifying sleep paralysis event. I'm talking waking up at 4 am. Hearing jingling bells and ear piercing machine screams. Some shadowy creature opened my house door and walks upto my bed. I can't see them but they are caressing my hand gently. Then they climb onto my bed, split into a boy and girl then start fucking me front and back.

:::

What the hell ...

At least I can rest assured that I've reached the "monster fucker" stage of girl horny.

got extended hours tomorrow meaning almost 12 hours of answering calls RIP me

Someone tried talking to me!

He was a veteran so I lied about an early flight and left.

I bought trans colored monster cans (1 white, 1 pink, 1 blue), that counts as coming out right?

I’m excited to learn more about transformers

Used to have a crush on the librarian because she was friendly but got over it now going to a different library and noticing how much of a cadence these librarians have that are similar glad nothing came of that crush now or else they would have got me the library cabal

do I go for a sports bra or a bralette first? the homies have gotten to the point where it can hurt a bit when taking stairs too quickly but I don't really feel the need for "support" throughout the day other than that. I'd like it to have a bit of a minimizing effect as well since I'm still boymoding for a bit. 42C/43D if it matters, though that's mostly on account of my ribcage

The needle on my sewing machine broke and now I have to get new ones before sewing on more patches and bondage straps onto my skirt.

Just rewatched matrix revolutions! Whoever says this movie is bad just has no taste! I really can't understand why people hate on the matrix so much, it's literally better than the Lord of the rings. Also Keanu Reeves does a good job of acting. Like the movies make sense like people who say it makes no sense don't seem to have payed attention. Anywho rant over! I'm really excited to watch the animatrix with my friend next week.

I don't know if I am bad at searching or if the hexbear search is bad, but is there a place on here where people have talked about places online that supply HRT meds (specifically spiro)? Or does anyone have any recommendations that they have used and know are legit?

eeeeep we almost forgot our injection!

Gleeb glorp my friends 💚

Holy shit life is fucking depressing. ::: spoiler spoiler It's everything honestly. Mostly being trans and having gone through and suffered all the effects of T puberty. Also how disgusting most people act about it. Also hate work. Hate that I'm probably going to work for the same small company my dad does because I don't have any options. How fucking shit is that. Dad's a chud and so is the company. But I don't have any fucking options because I'm fucking depressed because of being fucking trans. Fuck being trans.

Complained a tiny bit in group before everyone started talking over me. Was trying to talk with the transfem NB at the group. Hate complaining with them there because they have it way worse as far as trans stuff goes. Not that it isn't pretty dogshit for me too. Also idk why people put there flag on "some people are good though!" like that's what matters and not the like 80% who aren't. Like they can't make life horrible enough. Also thinking transition is just a matter of time :agony-shivering: whatever out of time to whine, breaks over. :::

Pharmacies are wild. Got some pills that are the teeniest tiniest pills. Dose is 1/4 tablet a day. How the hell am I supposed to cut this thing into quarters??? Why not just make a pill that has a smaller dose? Sheeesh

:::spoiler familial dynamics criticism discussion

really sincere conversations happening now (elsewhere) talking about being critical of the nuclear family unit, and the dissolution of that idea.

More interestingly to me is the critique of the "found family" trope. Specifically, trying to re-create the nuclear family dynamics within the found family. Such as : seeking a parental relationship / assigning somebody to be your parent. I think this also extends to sibling dynamics as well. (It should also be pointed out that I don't have a problem with people who give a shit about each other, coming together to help each other as a "found family" in terms that don't have a power dynamic.)

I can say that this was also brought up to me by an older non-binary person, who said that they felt it was ageist for people to automatically assign them as their parental figure and demand emotional labor from them.

:::

::: spoiler misanthropy I forget how much I fucking hate people good lord. Honestly one of the biggest factors for this is the ridiculous, baseless shit they believe and spew and control my life with. If they put some fucking thought into their beliefs (and then actions) we'd all be in such a better place but even basic stuff is too much. :::

Also how the fuck am I supposed to overcome this hump to starting voice training

::: spoiler suicide I am genuinely going to kms instead holy shit. Voice training is awful shit. I genuinely, genuinely, genuinely need to kill myself instead. WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO BE TRANS AND DO THIS SHIT :::

Got that thrifted sewing machine working! Tbh, it was already in great condition. Just needed to figure out the needle threading since I've never done it before. Definitely excited as this expands the type of diy projects I can complete,

Down with cis

::: spoiler dysphoria mention)

I found this personal attack aimed at me on the hell site

:::

I'm going out again

The bra I got isn't all that flattering, of course it's a sports bra so that's not really the point but when I put it on I was hoping to be pleased with the way it looked. But my stupid boobs aren't full enough to actually make it look good. I'm getting back on prog (and at 200mg this time) so I hope that kicks things into gear... that and I need to work out and actually develop a body. i'm tired of feeling undesirable :(

::: spoiler trynna do something about depression

Putting this in here so I don't back out. I'm gonna try SSRIs. My psychologist said they might help and I can't live everyday like this.

:::

we like to party

::: spoiler mental health problems I feel awful. The money I saved up when I had a job is gone. I haven't made much progress since, so no money for me for a while. I'm living with my parents for an undetermined amount of time, not that I ever not depended on them financially, but now it's worse.

I just canceled my appointment with my therapist too, maybe I should have saved up all my money, but therapy helped me quite a bit. Lately it kinda felt like a pressure to get more money to at least pay for that, so it was doing more harm than good.

I'm not going to starve or be homeless or anything, so I'm fine. I just want to vent. It's just that I feel very uncomfortable and unable to be myself here.

I spent almost all day rotting and doing nothing. I'm super depressed and can't find any motivation to do anything. That feeling of just being incapable of living in this society. Unable to find a job, or even doing some freelancing or anything really. :::

Good morning beautiful people!

I can't get my estrogen from the pharmacy for a week because I suddenly had to go to another country, and tomorrow my last pills will run out. I had my Pamorelin shot a couple weeks ago and have some bicalutamide pills so my T will still be blocked, but further feminization will be on hold. It sucks and it makes me dysphoric.

::: spoiler self-destrucive behaviour

Can yall give me motivation? I'm dangerously depressed and spiraling again.

If you want deets, it's basically like

1. Sleep late
2. Wake up late
3. Spend time not working
4. Overeat
5. Don't take care of myself
6. Extreme dysphoria
7. Too much substance abuse

Haven't been crying at all recently, but that's not a good thing. It means that I'm distracting myself from thinking too much. And that is interfering with my functionality and also causing financial problems.

(Putting it that way makes me realise how bad things have gotten ...)

:::

I learned that aroflux is a thing. Perhaps when I'm feeling like I might be aro I actually am and when I feel like I might be allo I might actually be that too.

typing this out to keep myself accountable

::: spoiler voice training i've been doing voice training for about a year and a half. our public system pays for 5 trans-related specialist sessions per calendar year so i've had 9 sessions with a speech pathologist over that time. even since my last session (9 months ago?) i've improved my target voice quite a bit and i do really like where it sits now. but i still have a rough time with two main things - endurance (keeping the voice up for a whole day or for consecutive days) and normalisation (making it my automatic/default voice to use).

my speech path gave me some advice and i've tried to look online for tips as well (please provide any if you have more ) and i think the former just comes down to doing lots of practice. which sucks absolute ass. the latter requires me to change my internal monologue voice – i've been trying to do this for months and had no success.

soooo i'm thinking maybe i can record a little self-coach audio playlist for myself and listen/respond back to. it should make sure i'm doing my vocal warmups and that i can do the rest of my morning crap without reading off a resource booklet. my other hope is that listening to my fem voice over and over again drills it into my brain enough that it can be my internal monologue voice as well. it's obviously gonna be a bitch to hear myself talk everyday but idk exposure therapy or something? :::

I am sad. I think I fucked my legends z-a save. The DLC missions are gone, probably because I had some problems with the emulator and opened the game without the dlc after starting the missions. I put the dlc back on and nothing happened. So I'm just locked out of the DLC content.

I have an older save from like 8 days ago, but like, uh I kinda had idk, 20 hours of gameplay or something. Maybe I'll just pkhex all the pokemons I caught onto the older save, because most of the time was spent completing the pokedex anyway, so I'll have almos everything except the missions I had done.

::: spoiler dysphoria complaining trying to wear a shirt after shaving my chest is top 5, maybe top 3 most unpleasant experiences ever :::

::: spoiler spoiler

You know it's kinda crazy that I take psychic damage now everytime I think about my parents. Even the concept of calling myself a woman hurts cause of that (indirectly, feels like I have to confront them). These people managed to curse me with eldritch corruption over a phone call which is quite the feat.

:::

Get you a partner who supports your dreams and who's dreams you support in kind

::: spoiler horny posting

How Ive been feeling lately ♡

A friend who had bottom surgery found it easier to do lying on her side, and wouldnt you know thats her preferred position when we fucked. Another had the standard laying on back legs up easiest and, I didnt ask, but presumably thats her preferred position. Im a little annoyed that after trying a bunch of different ways the easiest for me is doggy 🙄, but it does really help everything line up and go in with less lube... :::

Up with trans!!!

::: spoiler body-specific question that could trigger some dysmorphia for people especially if they have a history of disordered eating

Tit growth has begun and girl is my chest sore!  I sure would like them to not end up massive, because that seems like a pain in the back and I love my t shirts, don't want to have to lose them.  Should I be targeting weight loss to end up with smaller tits overall, body recomposition (heavier muscle building but restricted calories to lean out), or something?  Or is just trying not to get pregnant and avoiding going on progesterone enough?  Or is there just no way to control it?

:::

been watching our diabetic dog since sunday and he's started whining at me in the middle of the night. which of course worried me because i didn't know if it was a blood sugar thing. broke down and called my mom at 1am and she told me to just say "it's bedtime" in a firm voice and what do you know he just chills right out. what a curious lad

the age old tradition of standing in your parlor room eating fried rice as you watch someone park across the street.... taking bites as they see you watching them. (I'm expecting someone)

I know I'm overcommenting, but I'm currently in my "things are happening to me" era.

We had a "field trip" to the in uni labs for implementing quantum communication infrastructure.

The rooms were noisy as hell. Hearing loss guaranteed. And yet the uni determined that it was an acceptable level of noise so no protection was provided. Imagine chucking some PhD student into the "fuck you and your ears" room for hours and days.

Meanwhile the equipment this guy was working on cost 100k-250k eur per box (I saw 8 boxes plus a helium cryogenic chamber with "advanced nano materials").

The stabilised steel table for protecting the equipment (from earthquakes? Missile attacks?) was more expensive than whatever sound insulation would cost.

Mind you, the noise wasn't even from the equipment in the room! It was the room next door!

I've purchased enough dry rations either to last me a year or to share with multiple neighbours and keep them alive for some months. Ok maybe that's a huge overestimate but I have purchased 10 kilos of rice+quinoa on top of about 4 kilos I already have plus a few more kilos of random popular Indian dried grain products my mom sent me.

I don't know why I bother going out. Nobody wants to talk to me

It feels like every nerve in my body is on fire. ::: spoiler suicide I need to kill myself. I am sick of constant pain.

I'm hoping to do it in a year or two. I'm hoping I can stay closeted with work/family for at least another year.

I hate every part of this experience. It is too difficult.

I am glad to have gotten a brief window into the world. The vastness of the universe, evolution, the dinosaurs. The tinyness of atoms. It's all so incredible.

It is such a waste how miserable I've become. I don't want to suffer like this. I am so tied down to my suffering I can't do anything anymore. It's inescapable. There is no way out but suicide. I got a little, tiny slice of life before all this. :::

Have you ever wondered why transformers only can be used with AC? It's cause transformers only react to changes in voltage, not voltage itself.

As it turns out, when we use AC in the grid, we use a sinusoidal voltage. It has the property that the change in a sinusoidal voltage is also a sinusoidal voltage. The shape remains the same which is convenient.

If you use a different shape, you get trouble. It's why electrical grids have to take care of the power quality and keep it as sinusoidal as possible. Those grid AI datacenters? They fuck up the shape of the electricity cause they are digital and digital circuits don't like sinusoids

Went to a show in a different town yesterday with my diy punk/goth clothes/gear. Got a ton of compliments and had some convos with cool folks, but it feels a bit bittersweet since I didn't exchange contacts with anyone of them so it's incredibly unlikely that we'll be able to chat or otherwise make new friends. Of course, I can keep an eye out for other shows at that venue, but I kinda wish I had some more of a non-anonymous/pseudonymous social media presence so I could just swap contacts. I tried making an alternative insta some time back not connected to the Facebook account under my legal name (not out on Facebook, I don't use it anyways), but it got blocked as a duplicate account.

I guess that I just need to be more proactive to ask for folks' contact deets in these scenarios.

::: spoiler silly [sex]

Homosexual?

Heterosexual?

Not having sex-ual?

:::

Day one of voice training: didn't do anything. Thought about it but couldn't bring myself to make a sound.

::: spoiler spoiler ::: spoiler suicide Thought a lot about killing myself today, last few days. This bout of si thoughts has been really bad. :::

Watching Gokudols( 3 Yakuza get unwillingly medically transitioned and have to become idols) it's funny as fuck!

I need everyone to know I'm a weenie

ugh dysphoria is kicking my ass today

::: spoiler geopolitics speculation I doubt it'll happen but the PRC doing a hard-core blockade or actual landings to try and reunify Taiwan I guess is a possibility. Like September or so if the US keeps losing THAAD batteries or components, all of its interceptor missile stocks, maybe a carrier or two sinks (🤞). Its not like there will be a time, provided the US continues to fight Iran, that will be better. Wonder what they would even, like, do. Presumably withdraw from the middle east to move to the Pacific?? I guess Australia, Japan, South Korea would be the people who would try and intervention.

If it would happen, I would expect a two systems one country style deal for Taiwan as well. If they manage to do it without invading or whatever there might not even be any rebuilding to do lol, just a decrease in trade protections with the mainland. :::

One nice way to think about electrical circuits is by using complex numbers and the laplace transform. This of course requires at least 2nd year university level calculus so it is not such a nice way of thinking for lay people.

An easier way to think about them is to think about the mechanical analog. Because one thing you might not know is that all well behaving linear systems have the same math.

So think if a piping system full of some flowing compressible gas.

Pressure = voltage (this is a better analogy than you might realise cause pressure = energy/volume and voltage = energy/charge)

Flow rate = current

The conductivity (opposite of resistivity) of an object is like the thickness of a pipe. Bigger pipe = faster flow. Infinite conductivity also does not exist the same way infinitely wide pipes don't.

Capacitance is like a tank. More pressure = more voltage = more gas you pump into the tank.

Inductance is like a spinning frictionless turbine powered by the gas. You don't need energy to keep it spinning (ideal case), but to change the speed (aka rate of current or flow), you need to add or subtract energy.

A transformer is 2 turbines connected together by a shaft and gearbox! Spin one turbine and the other moves, but you can use gears to change the ratio between torque and rpm! It's the exact same math.

TFW no generator trans mega

Whoever is i on blorp.bot.nu/o/tracha I'm glad u enjoyed the ringtone!

Chainsaw Man will return in Avengers: Doomsday

@sodium_nitride@hexbear.net as promised in response to this comment, a waveform captured hot off of our oscilloscope of our home power. Showing quite a bit of distortion due to devices with poor power factor:

We've been trying to find either the transformer or just the ferrite toroid we have lying around somewhere to demonstrate some transformer stuff but no luck so far :(

Blaming hrt on this, last 3 days I've gotten a headache every afternoon. And just more in general. Is this the artificial hormones come back to bite me?

::: spoiler hornyposting

:::

I just need my mind/thoughts to stop for a god damn minute I'M DONE THINKING

::: spoiler When I played Red Dead Redemption I had some good names for Arthur's horses. CW spoilers In chapter 2 I had a workhorse (Chocolate Roan Dutch Warmblood) called Rocinante, which is Don Quixote's horse literally work horse. I figure Arthur is being self-deprecating about himself.

In chapter 3 I had a race horse (dapple grey thoroughbred) called Gunpowder which was Ichabod Crane in Sleepy Hollow's horse. Arthur references Rip Van Winkle from the same author. Ichabod Crane is kind of awkward and ungainly in the book. Plus I figure it works with the spookier Lemoyne setting.

In Chapter 4 I had a war/work horse (tiger stripe Mustang) I got it by glitching to New Austin when finishing legend of the east. I called it Mazepa after Ivan Mazepa a historic Cossack figure who was tied to the back of a wild horse and left to die. I figured this matched the tension if the chapter as the gang got closer to their doom. Plus a Mustang is a wild horse.

Finally in chapter 5 I rode a war horse (Rose Grey Andalusian) called Babieca which means fool or idiot. It was El Cid's horse. Andalusians are Spanish horses and famously Babieca carried the corpse of El Cid into battle. I figured some gallows humour from Arthur given his condition. :::

::: spoiler silly nonsense to take the edge off

If I were to invent a religion it wouldn't be lovey dovey or hippy dippy. It would be a religion that emphasizes the following:

1. Cool AF mythology. The cooler the better. I want tons of eldritch gods.
2. Pursuit of knowledge and mad science with the ultimate goal of eternal life.
3. Epic WW3 for world conquest (to defeat the imperialists)
4. Democratic centralism
5. Monuments and shit
6. Piracy (both internet piracy and the seizing of vessels bound for the EU)
7. Space exploration with the goal of finding the gods in point 1, killing them to steal their essences (thus powers)

Ok, so I just ended up making a more fun and less sane communist party.

:::

Overall my new job is going well, I learned one department of the building I clean is committed to getting a deal with no down payment at Big Bill Hell's, somehow they piss on top of urinals, first few times I was impressed, but like watching Cirque du Soleil too much now I'm not. Other than physics defying messes no one gives me any trouble like in retail which is still a breath of fresh air, downside I learn way more about people's health than I'd like to and its a bit concerning to observe powerlessly.

I forgot for a second that it was Albania and not Al-bania

I hate dealing with hardware. Give me software any day of the week over this pile of shit. I've been fighting with this pos thing for like a month and its soooo frustrating. I hate dealing with things in meatspace. I don't want to mess with physical shit.

Transformers?!

Let's go!

Transformers do more than 1 thing. Few things I'd like to share Transformers can do

1. Change current in the opposite direction to voltage. If you bump up voltage by 10 times, you cut down current by 10 times. Voltage*current = power and you can't make power out of nothing

2. Transform resistances. If you know ohm's law, it is resistance = voltage/current. You up the voltage by 10 times and cut the current by 10 times. Thus, the resistance is 100 times higher! You can also do it the other way around.

This you can use for loading power correctly. Something from circuit theory is that to give maximum power from a power source you need the "internal resistance" of the source (its internal losses) to be equal to the "external resistance" (the load you connect it to). Or maybe you are aiming for maximum efficiency, so you use the lowest current (which can be adjusted by transforming loaded resistances).

This is the reason Transformers are used in the electrical grid so much

tud

God life is fucking awful. Just actual shit. And I don't have anyone. Fuck me.

I mean have anyone to what, annoy with my garbage. How hopeless and awful and dogshit my life is. Sounds productive already.

::: spoiler suicide Just genuinely need to die. I'm sick of feeling like this. Suffering. I hate living. Just so shit. :::

egh I feel terrible again. At least no si rn. Just bad. Tired of this.

Also tired of there always being a new terrible story. Like 4 this last week.

Wish I had someone/was closer/better friends with more people. idk how to explain it. Just feel lonely I guess? Despite hanging out with a couple guy friends online (which is mostly nice, bit dysphoric but what isn't) and my coworker today. I don't really know what I'm looking for.

E: like I actually do not understand. I got plenty of interaction today. From people I really like and our conversation earlier was super nice. Playing games was super nice. Why do I not feel like the social needs box has been checked.