"That term is gender neutral, dont worry!" Im not "gender neutral", im a woman, and u know that!
99% of the time the "gender neutral" term is masculine anyway, but even if it wasnt, using a "gender neutral" term when id obviously rather be called the equivalent feminine term is not that much better!
Erika3sis [she/her, xe/xem] - 5mon
"Degendering" is a useful word for this. Related to why I strongly prefer being called "xe" to being called "they"!
31
Acute_Engles [he/him, any] - 5mon
Incredibly dumb guy here: how do i pronounce "xe" and is it bad that in my head I'm thinking of
13
Erika3sis [she/her, xe/xem] - 5mon
Usually it's like the xe in xenon, but there are some other variant pronunciations. I don't think there are many people who would take offense to you pronouncing it slightly wrong or differently as long as it's in good faith.
14
Acute_Engles [he/him, any] - 5mon
Thanks!
8
OffSeasonPrincess [she/her] - 5mon
I havent read nearly enough transfeminist theory yet to rly understand that much of it ("degendering" was coined by transfeminists right?) but i love how the little i do get rly helps explain all kinds of things in my life/that i see around me like this already
7
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 5mon
Also like, how fucking rude is it to insist on using a term someone says they don't like.
28
mickey [he/him] - 5mon
"Dude is a gender neutral term!" "I call everyone dude!" Is such a real thing where I came up, and any pushback brings up this defensive response instead of a simple correction on terms. And that's just for calling women and girls dude, absent any kind of trans or NB identities.
Tangentially I've also heard a sheriff's deputy threaten to punch my friend for addressing him as dude, and I had a professor get red in the face when he was chewing me out unprofessionally and I said something like, "you've got to chill out dude." The older generations do not handle younger people's slang use well, then they turn around and act like you're being stuffy if you keep interactions formal and proper.
15
Sanctus - 5mon
True question: is it fucked up if I use "they" if I know nothing about the person but their name? I tend to do that but I have to be honest I don't know if it offends people.
12
Erika3sis [she/her, xe/xem] - 5mon
That's a perfectly fine thing to do. What bothers me is when I list my pronouns extremely clearly and people still call me "they", but even then the extent to which I mind has a lot to do with the vibe of the person calling me "they". When I get they'd on Hexbear/Lemmy, I generally assume that the person is just calling me "they" because they're subconsciously signaling that they don't know me, rather than out of some sort of transphobic impulse to deny my gender. I think there's a sort of "social distance" aspect to "they" that people don't really talk about.
18
Le_Wokisme [they/them, undecided] - 5mon
hmm maybe that distance is part of why i'm a little unenthusiastic about it for myself
7
V112347 [she/her, it/its] - 5mon
If you know nothing else? That's probably fine. If the name is clearly masculine or feminine, I would recommend use masculine or feminine pronouns; names are usually something deliberately chosen and displayed, so gendering based off them is respecting that person's performance of gender.
If you know their pronouns, or if they ask you to stop using gender neutral terms for them, and you keep de-gendering them, that's where we start to get (justifiably) upset.
You're not using your psychic powers to figure out what the persons pronouns are? ... It's not fucked up, but like, you could just do that. (Real answer, I don't think it is)
ⓘ This user is suspected of being a cat. Please report any suspicious behavior.
13
Ceres [she/her] - 5mon
I think its usually fine, depends on the context.
Id agree with Edie's comment too, but I've also been making an effort to just word my sentence to use the person's name or refer to that person as 'that person', or by other identifiers. small benefit of being less ambiguous, maybe itll catch on.
OffSeasonPrincess in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
"That term is gender neutral, dont worry!" Im not "gender neutral", im a woman, and u know that!
99% of the time the "gender neutral" term is masculine anyway, but even if it wasnt, using a "gender neutral" term when id obviously rather be called the equivalent feminine term is not that much better!
"Degendering" is a useful word for this. Related to why I strongly prefer being called "xe" to being called "they"!
Incredibly dumb guy here: how do i pronounce "xe" and is it bad that in my head I'm thinking of
Usually it's like the xe in xenon, but there are some other variant pronunciations. I don't think there are many people who would take offense to you pronouncing it slightly wrong or differently as long as it's in good faith.
Thanks!
I havent read nearly enough transfeminist theory yet to rly understand that much of it ("degendering" was coined by transfeminists right?) but i love how the little i do get rly helps explain all kinds of things in my life/that i see around me like this already
Also like, how fucking rude is it to insist on using a term someone says they don't like.
"Dude is a gender neutral term!" "I call everyone dude!" Is such a real thing where I came up, and any pushback brings up this defensive response instead of a simple correction on terms. And that's just for calling women and girls dude, absent any kind of trans or NB identities.
Tangentially I've also heard a sheriff's deputy threaten to punch my friend for addressing him as dude, and I had a professor get red in the face when he was chewing me out unprofessionally and I said something like, "you've got to chill out dude." The older generations do not handle younger people's slang use well, then they turn around and act like you're being stuffy if you keep interactions formal and proper.
True question: is it fucked up if I use "they" if I know nothing about the person but their name? I tend to do that but I have to be honest I don't know if it offends people.
That's a perfectly fine thing to do. What bothers me is when I list my pronouns extremely clearly and people still call me "they", but even then the extent to which I mind has a lot to do with the vibe of the person calling me "they". When I get they'd on Hexbear/Lemmy, I generally assume that the person is just calling me "they" because they're subconsciously signaling that they don't know me, rather than out of some sort of transphobic impulse to deny my gender. I think there's a sort of "social distance" aspect to "they" that people don't really talk about.
hmm maybe that distance is part of why i'm a little unenthusiastic about it for myself
If you know nothing else? That's probably fine. If the name is clearly masculine or feminine, I would recommend use masculine or feminine pronouns; names are usually something deliberately chosen and displayed, so gendering based off them is respecting that person's performance of gender.
If you know their pronouns, or if they ask you to stop using gender neutral terms for them, and you keep de-gendering them, that's where we start to get (justifiably) upset.
You're not using your psychic powers to figure out what the persons pronouns are? ... It's not fucked up, but like, you could just do that. (Real answer, I don't think it is)
ⓘ This user is suspected of being a cat. Please report any suspicious behavior.
I think its usually fine, depends on the context. Id agree with Edie's comment too, but I've also been making an effort to just word my sentence to use the person's name or refer to that person as 'that person', or by other identifiers. small benefit of being less ambiguous, maybe itll catch on.