Shabby Lemmy

5mon

322

GayTuckerCarlson in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

Hilma af Klint - Trans Megathread from February 9th to February 15th 2026

The Ten Largest, No. 2

The Ten Largest Painting Series

Hilma af Klint was a Swedish abstract artist who was way ahead of her time. She might just be the first abstract painter in Western modern art history but did not get recognition until just recently. Lately, there have been several exhibitions of her work; for example, at Moderna Museet in Stockholm and Malmö, Sweden. Hilma af Klint’s The Ten Largest is iconic and has lately been shown all over the world, most notably at Tate Modern in London and a couple of years ago at Guggenheim Museum in New York. It is one of her most important works, and the large scale of the paintings is quite striking.

Hilma af Klint (1862–1944) started as a landscape and portrait painter after graduating from the Royal Academy of Fine Arts in Stockholm in 1887. During her career, she also had an interest in the spiritual world—an interest she later employed in her art. According to the artist, she received messages from the spirits telling her what and how to paint.

The Ten Largest is a group of works comprising ten 10,76 x 7,87 ft (328 x 240 cm) egg tempera paintings. The paintings depict the spiritual evolution of humans, taking us from childhood, through youth, and adulthood to old age. Let’s take a closer look at the history and the meaning of The Ten Largest!

History of the Paintings

Hilma af Klint took precise notes on her work with The Ten Largest, and therefore we know a lot of the meaning and how to understand the paintings through her notebooks. The Ten Largest is part of a larger series of artwork called Paintings for the Temple, a series she was assigned from the spiritual world. We know, from Hilma af Klint’s notes, that there were more spirits involved in the assignment, whom she called “The High Masters.” She saw herself as a channel between the spiritual world and this world.

Af Klint painted The Ten Largest during a 40-day period in 1907, and the spirits were very specific with the timeline. They told her to paint each painting in four days, following each other, which she completed with help from at least two friends. She created the paintings swiftly and spontaneously, with little planning. She completed the whole series in 40 days.
The Meaning

The paintings depict the evolution of human consciousness and the spiritual evolution of the human mind. Each painting should be interpreted as a phase in life. Hilma af Klint was very interested in spiritualism, which was not uncommon in the early 20th century, especially in the cultural circles. The paintings were supposed to give humanity images of life beyond everything, which were not visible otherwise. However, when Hilma af Klint searched for a suitable place to exhibit and show the world these beautiful abstract paintings, she did so in vain. In 1932 she decided that since the world was not ready to take part in and understand the spiritual messages in her paintings, most of her artwork and her notebooks were to be kept from the public for 20 years.

Childhood

Ten Largest No.1

The two first paintings in the series represent childhood. These two works have a blue background. They also depict Hilma af Klint’s fascination with duality. She described in her notebooks two principles in the spiritual world. These principals were not to be understood as opposites but as something forming a whole together. In these paintings describing childhood, we see a lot of individual shapes forming pairs. According to the artist herself, the lily and the color blue represented the feminine principle, and the rose and the color yellow symbolized the masculine principle. We can see a lot of organic forms and shapes in all of The Ten Largest. Furthermore, in the paintings representing childhood, we see a lot of forms associated with plants and vegetation.

Ten Largest analysis source

Biography source

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Sodium_nitride @lemmygrad.ml - 5mon

It is a rabbit hole. Basically Chinese equivalent of wizardry based on Taoism.

The reason I say it is an allegory for capitalism is

It is based on an idea of infinite growth, well beyond the limits of the world. In fact, it is a common trope for characters to get out of their original world and find themselves in a bigger world where they can accumulate even more. This is analogous to the capitalists desire to seek continual pushing of the frontier
It is a "meritocratic" system. Technically, all you have to do is work hard and comprehend the laws of the universe to grow. Ignore the babies born 2 levels above the level you worked your whole life to reach.
Cultivators pursue eternal life, and the higher they climb, the longer they live. They are often obsessed with building everlasting glory and overcoming entropy. If they can't live forever, they'll literally reincarnate, because they will never let go
The higher you climb, the more you can get rid of basic human experiences and weaknesses so you cam climb faster.
Climbing up the ranks is pay to win. If you can dump resources, you can climb fast. Otherwise you are garbage.

In some stories, they go above and beyond with this allegory. The one I am reading right now has the protagonist basically invent monopoly capitalism and instigate wars to fuel his business. All the while he specialises in the power to manipulate and process nature (which is the source of all use values both IRL and in the story).

Actually he might as well be the embodiment of capitalism in the shape of a femboy.

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 5mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22)
Shaleesh* (2/23 - 3/1)
SwitchyandWitchy* (3/2 - 3/8)
Wmill* (3/9 - 3/15)
Disaster_of_Passion* (3/16 - 3/22)
meler* (3/23 - 3/29)

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 5mon

Ive had a vagina for a month now and I gotta say, I love it very much ♡

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 5mon

it rules, doesn't it?

CornWoman [she/her] - 5mon

Just figured out my parents were hiding my girly cloths from me. I can't wait to move out.

lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 5mon

Wtf that's evil... Do you have a safe place to put them where they can't find them?

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 5mon

It is honestly unbelievable to me I have tiny little tits. Like they're only noticeable with my shirt off, but still how wild is that? I can't believe it. Its so weird and a little freaky.

It kinda makes me want to pause hrt and see how things are, idk its so scary. Its freaky. I don't know.

Firstly, if you want to stop you can. You dont need to take HRT to be a woman, you dont need boobs to be a woman

Secondly, I think what's got you feeling anxious and freaky is that changes are happening visibly and youre worried about people noticing. Rest assured, you can hide those for a while. In fact, Im sure soon enough youll be wishing people noticed more.

What do you think is making you want to pause HRT? Breast growth isnt really reversible, are you feeling anxious about that?

I kinda do, being out to select people as a woman is okay I guess, but I am not willing/okay with being out to everyone without hrt.

That's the big thing yea. People noticing. Having to be out, especially before I'm ready. idk how long it will take before I'm ready to be out. I mean thick shirts/sweatshirts if weather permits, I worry about wearing bralettes/sports bras imprinting and the bra being visible. Like that doesn't help me hide if that's visible you know.

Being closeted longer I guess. It not being reversible is freaky too yea, like they're just there now. Every time I take my shirt off and look they're there... and obviously going to be getting more noticeable and its freaky.

Also being out with no voice training/laser is freaky. If I sounded okay I'd be more comfortable. If shaving was easier/I was happier on that front it would be easier too.

SickSemper [she/her, comrade/them] - 5mon

I’ve learned that while imprinting is a thing, it can be avoided with a thin layer. T shirts will show when tight or bending over, but a flannel on top obscures it (while also making you look lesbian :))

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 5mon

That’s the big thing yea. People noticing. Having to be out, especially before I’m ready. idk how long it will take before I’m ready to be out. I mean thick shirts/sweatshirts if weather permits, I worry about wearing bralettes/sports bras imprinting and the bra being visible. Like that doesn’t help me hide if that’s visible you know.

I'm nearly 2 years into HRT and I'm still not ready to be out 🤷‍♀️ Fortunately people are still oblivious or don't want to say anything, which are basically the same for me. I don't do jackets/hoodies except if I want it specifically for the warmth.

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 5mon

I'm in a somewhat similar situation, but there's no way in hell, heaven or purgatory I'll willingly stop hrt. I would do anything before stopping the only thing that made me feel less like I have no hope of ever being satisfied with my own body.

Yea it is, I know its my only hope. I don't "want" to stop, I am just freaking out about it lately.

It's okay to feel like that. What makes us feel uncomfortable is never just us, but other people and society too.

bipp [she/her] - 5mon

I felt the same way upon having that realization. I think part of it is the shock that comes from noticing changes in your body that you're actually present for but idk. Change is scary even if you're at the stage you're at, it can get easier to deal with, but it's always scary.

For what it's worth, I feel really happy about my breast growth now! That panic went away pretty quickly and hasn't come back.

shallot [she/her] - 5mon

That same anxiety is part of what’s got me on pause right now as well, so you’re definitely not alone in this.

Thank god the gossip wasn't me being trans

People are talking about my boss dating this guy in another department. She's insistent they aren't. She did let it slip they both like each other (and they're going out together). Totally not dating though. Whole thing is very funny to me.

Carcharodonna [she/her] - 5mon

I don’t like the way my dog looks at me when I’m naked. She looks almost concerned or scornful, like “What the fuck is this, Carch? Where are your clothes??” And I’m just like, “omg you’re a fucking dog, where are YOUR clothes?? How dare you judge me!” But seriously. How dare she judge me like that.

Your dog tragically cant put its own clothes on, which perhaps your dog was expressing solidarity - "yeah my master never dresses me either and it looks like yours has stopped"

RION [she/her] - 5mon

Had a lovely conversation with a girl I've kinda got a crush on at work. I love talking to her, I feel like I'm much wittier and cooler than I normally am, it all just flows much easier. We're wrapping up and she says that I "lifted her spirits, as usual" which feels great! But then right at the end she says "Yessir"... Two minutes later I've got tears in my eyes in my cubicle. I think my tolerance for boymoding is breaking down...

Woman at my work (another dept) noticed how long my hair has been getting, feels good. Overall pretty happy with my hair

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 5mon

Yay I absolutely love those interactions! I lived for them when I was boymoding especially

Its really frustrating for me when people ask for hrt advice but then don't want to help the people helping them at all. Why ask for advice and then say "oh I'm getting blood tests done when my doc recommends" "my levels are good". Give us the actual information please!

Weekly valerate victim ^ She's 100% not getting the actual trough, levels are almost certainly too low at the end of her cycle (complaining about feeling terrible the last 2 days), but I'll never know for sure! Why ask for advice and help and then defer to "my doc knows better"? Its just so frustrating. We know the issue, how to confirm it and fix but the person asking for help apparently doesn't want it. And its such an easy thing to fix! There's a lot of things that are super hard to fix, but getting blood draws at the actual low and proper E dosing are both so easy and so important. idk I feel bad complaining about it, it doesn't really effect me.

Its frustrating in medicine and healthcare in general because you can explain shit to a patient and they mightve heard something else completely or not thought to bring it up in their history nevermind people who just arent compliant with medications or diet or PT 😭 - at least in the official healthcare system, I do get some people have a lot of anxiety around it and some have actual trauma from bad experiences or historical familial teauma.

The first time I was doing a medicine history with someone and they didnt know why they took what they took was shocking. But some people just trust their doctors and pharmacists or worse trust what they thought the professionals said which sucks for miscommunication and med errors. I had one chemo patient take his prep meds every day between cycles, which includes Zofran. The poor guy got headaches and constipation from too much Zofran all because he thought you had to take it every day instead of cycle day or the day before cycle day.

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 5mon

After I dyed my hair I became less like the spitting image of doggirl-thumbsup and it's sad. The bright side is I'm cute tho doggirl-happy

aanes_appreciator [he/him, comrade/them] - 5mon

idk if this is weird to mention but the oldest person on my team at work is a trans woman in her 40s, and it's actually really heartening to see a trans person who's a lot older than me.

it makes me think of those struggling at my own age, and how they can make it too. Idk she's also just good at her job and everyone is kind to her which, again, is nice to see on this shitass TERF island.

Wisconcom [she/her] - 5mon

I have often questioned my transness, and been afraid to go through with it over fears it would complicate my life even more than it already is. However, for the first time in a while, I feel happy to be a woman.

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 5mon

::: spoiler cw horny fuck, stumbled on a good smut scene in this fic, but im at workkk and this is the type that you, uh....take your time with.

woe is me what shall i read now negative :::

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 5mon

Hangout went well! Very nice meeting all of them irl, got to talk with one of the enbies there and back which was nice, they were very talkative. But it was very nice being in a group of queer people and being out, even if it was a bit weird for me at times.

EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 5mon

::: spoiler weird kink talk i just ruined my mental health for the last 3 odd months because a pretty t girl with an incest kink wanted me to call her sis and i got so emotionally invested in her that i started actually caring for her like a sis until the emotional weight of trying to care for 2 mentally ill t girls broke me

in the aftermath of that messy of a break up where i learned i apparently have an incest kink, i've come to realize that kink is some potent shit but i should still play around with it so I've decided to go all in on the doggirl stuff. i've been cooking up a recipe in my head that's basically just soya chunks that look like dog food. i have no idea why doing this is making me feel good inside but it is so fuck it, i need the mental health boost :::

Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 5mon

If you find kink so potent of a drug I’d be cautious

I think this has more to do with her proverbially burning herself to keep 2 others warm rather than kink and shed perhaps be liable to do it even with vanilla relationships

Fair. I was totally sucked into it last time until it burnt me out, I should be careful doing it again

segfault11 [she/her, any] - 5mon

i thought dating as a queer person would be sending each other 🥺 over and over but it's actually sending each other 😳 over and over

Wearing makeup to work today! It's just foundation and a little bit of tinted lip balm, so hopefully not too obvious. And then finally doing my real ID after since they told me my documents were printed wrong before

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 5mon

::: spoiler There's a thing that libs do that is frustrating... (Individual and systemic transphobia) Where a trans people will talk about something and then in the replies they'll be like "You're confusing gender and sex, you see gender is..."

Obviously cisplaining gender and sex to a trans person is a mess. But it's like fucker we don't an internationally agreed upon definition of both those words, many countries use only one, or use both interchangeably even before we get to languages that aren't English.

In Australia my passport says Sex: F. No mention of anything called gender.

There's been a drama recently because the government is trying to record "sex at birth" on medical records. Which I don't think is good for safety reasons. But I kind of prefer the term "sex at birth" to "Assigned Gender At Birth". Because it's closer to what happened, a doctor said hey "these sexual characteristics were noted" instead of "this person will grow into this defined sociological role" (though I guess they also tried to make that happen).

And this is before pushing that yes even sex is a social construct and sexual characteristics can be altered etc. :::

Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 5mon

not much to report. Still an abberation to cisheteronormativity, the patriarchal and colonialist box which has been foisted upon us.

waow-based

I want to talk about how being nonbinary is a little weird and some conflicting feelings I have about my own body, but I'll wait till tomorrow for the new mega

Moss [they/them] - 5mon

I hate it when I do something right for once, but everyone assumes I fucked up because that's what they expect from me

SerialExperimentsGay [she/her, she/her] - 5mon

turns out giving mechas to the disaster lesbians is a good idea and nothing can go wrong with that

gives mechs to disaster lesbians

2 years and a shojo adventure ending in death of the MC later

capitalism has been destroyed and world peace was achieved

Unironically amazing idea

Hestia [she/her, fae/faer] - 5mon

Being a home owner has caused me nothing but financial stress and anxiety. It’s been holding me back. And now I’m unable to sell the house and have it actually give me money.

So now it’s time to foreclose. And while that’s in the process, I’ll save a bunch of money which I intend to use for electrology school next year catgirl-heart

Nasalstrip [he/him] - 5mon

Instead of feeling lonely and yearning for a boyfriend I will be enjoying a big ass margarita in the bath

What should I do on Valentine's Day to not be crushed by loneliness and self harm

I'm working all day, I usually try not to think about it too much. Idk how much I'll be able to talk with work but if you want to DM me on matrix or something you can. I'll be alone too

Aquire a body pillow, cover it in anime girl/boy pillow cover (option), and hug it real tight.

I have the larger blahaj which may suffice for this purpose

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 5mon

Wallace and gromit marathon

Best date I've ever been on tonight with a second in a week 💚

Story of my life

I know this is completely and totally normal, especially during development, but I noticed in the mirror that my tits/nips are slightly asymmetrical. The hell

Its normal! They even out. One will likely be larger than the other, just like your hands! Have you never noticed your hands are different sizes? Yeah exactly.

They do even out with time and look very close to the same size

Thank you, I'm trying to remember they'll probably even out fine eventually. I mean, if my hands are different sizes, I literally can't tell. Sat here for like 5 minutes trying to decide which was the bigger one.

What do I do if my boobs seem too asymmetric?

Wait for them

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 5mon

It'll be interesting to see if the megathread not being visible on the front page reduces activity. I thought that was happening the past few days but it's hard to be sure.

That's what happened the last time the admins tried this

inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 5mon

Yeah, feels like activity already slowed down this time too. No idea why anyone thinks this is a good idea.

Think of the app users!!!1!

catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 5mon

Is that why we're doing this again? Maybe I'm too old, but I don't get the appeal of having an app for a website (unless there's some lacking accessibility features or something else I'm not considering?)

It’s nice to have my shitposting not cluttering up my normal internet browsing history. I actually use that for stuff.

That makes sense. My phone is for shitposting only 😄

lol I’m using an app and this is making it less good tho :(

I use an app and also prefer it 🤷

Yeah, I had to make some changes to my phones config for it to even open through the app, a little non-intuitive, but it works okay now.

Like actually who cares catgirl-flop

BimboChristmas [she/her] - 5mon

The phrase "I care not for the plight of the femboy." has been stuck in my head and I wish I could remember where I first read it.

>look it up
>top result is femboys being transphobic

wow I hate femboys (they are cis men after all)

I think Cromalin on here was the first person I'd seem that from?

Boss sent out a message reminding us not to spread rumors, so of course that means there's a juicy one floating around. Last time it was the kid making pedophile jokes.

Bit nervous that its me being trans, going to ask her tomorrow morning.

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 5mon

The de-pinning of the mega threads has made it a bit tough to keep up, so I'll have to go through and catch up. Otherwise, my life has been pretty normal. Some complicated stuff happened to a friend, but he's okay now and I don't really want to talk about it.

Had a big project this week working on this plain hat I found at the thrift store and decking it out. I am super proud of it. This is my first time sewing (not very good yet) and painting patches, so I learned some new skills.

::: spoiler hat :::

amazing hat!! I love hand sewinf projects. You did a great job 😊

So tired lately napping every day after work. Slept through my meeting this week :/

Would make an eepy useless gf

I did not buy the makeup

I bought stocking tho

Whole time I had this garter belt but no stocking to go with it. The garterbelt was too lonely 🙁

One should never be without thigh highs 😤😤😤

I want to have thigh highs so bad...

An existence without thigh highs :(

You can get really really long socks, and claim they are for blood circulation. A decent replacement.

I don't think that's going to fly. I want to GTFO, but can't... meh

I got to use that excuse for a little bit. But like, it was the hospital that gave them to me for that reason and one of my parents was there. Unfortunately, both my arms were injured so I couldn't actually put them right, so I didn't really get to take advantage of it to the fullest.

I told one of my students that I was a computer science major in college and they told me I "vibed like a computer science major" 😭😭 chat what does this mean??

Probably that you're cool to be around?

You've got computer science major vibes. Knowledgeable about tech, bit awkward but nice, plus I mean you're trans too lol. I don't know if those first two apply, but speaking from my own experience there :p

GayTuckerCarlson [she/her] - 5mon

Hilma - Primordial Chaos series

sleepi work

my hair has gotten super long again, i'm always torn between being the long haired transmasc or going for a shorter cute haircut. This time its a long wolf cut with curtain bangs and shaved sides, just gotta refresh the bleach.

someone pooped my damn bed again...

😔

NuanceUnderstander [she/her] - 5mon

Forgot my old password , made a new account. Didnt post much in the first place . ::: spoiler depression inside I need an outlet for my love , but I fear it will never come. No way to meet people, not that anyone would have the time and energy for me anyway. I at least just want to be held and comforted and listened to, thats all I’ve ever wanted. Instead , emptiness , unanswered longing for infinity. Nobody to worship, nobody to seek refuge in, nobody to share my thoughts both deep and meaningless with. Just a sad desperate woman, :::

Engineering is one of those kinds of fields where studying it, literally every single week I learn about something genuinely amazing that changes how I think about everything and is so fucking cool and shit. No matter how difficult this road has been for me, no matter how many assholes fill up this field, even though I am truly emotionally exhausted, I will always be hooked on engineering.

::: spoiler current events, transphobia Jesus Christ why!? I miss the days when it was just smears and lies about trans shooters, now the 1/100 times that a killer is trans, they’re immediately put under a microscope. Just when I was feeling better about personal shit, something happens to shake that up
:::

We're cooked

have been cooked for a while now though

It honestly sounded like 764 stuff. I read a book called Amygdalatropolis (huge cw on that book btw), reminds me of these kinds of shooters

Made it through Valentine's Day without hurting myself. Turns out staying in your apartment the whole day and distracting yourself with YouTube and modded Minecraft works pretty well

Support group hangout is tomorrow!

OffSeasonPrincess [she/her] - 5mon

Got some makeup for the first time (disgusting bourgeoisie decadence that upholds the patriarchy, i know) v excited to try it out even if im sure itll look like ass the first time

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 5mon

It doesn't uphold the patriarchy if you're gay, though. im-fuckin-gay

Also, makeup is literally art on your face and that's pretty fuckin cool

Im making fun of terf bullshit, i dont actually think its "patriarchal" for trans women to wear makeup either

I look so much like my mother it's kinda wild... Maybe now she'll believe this is a good thing? That having another daughter isn't bad?

Been feeling weirdly good this week. Like, I told my partner about some of my gender experiences and they could not relate in any way. It was affirming? I am not cis, but no one who knows me has ever been able to tell me that, which has made me doubt myself until now.

It's not perfect. I've come out to them as genderqueer, which feels like an in-between state for me. Still, not bottling up all of my inner thoughts is very freeing. I've been smiling and laughing a lot this week 😄

Being a bloomer is an unfamiliar feeling for me. I could get used to it though 🥰

My ass does not have treat money yet I went to look anyway the other day and was just so happy to explore the rack refrigerantion displays niko-wonderous made a game of it of finding the thermostat sensors and following the pipes and such. So the way my studies say they all run on the same refrigeration circuit and it's the EPR evaporator pressure regulator that helps to send the refrigerant where needed. To get in the back and look at it IRL would be neat but I'll need to get better at either stealth or sweet talking

Heartwarming to see an internet person ramble about their ~~fixation~~ job (do jobs count as hyperfixations o_o?)

I've been trying to make it a hyperfixation ever since no-copyright lost it's appeal to me that and I need money. I got my epa 608 universal I sunk so much time into learning now I just need to go pro

do jobs count as hyperfixations o_o?

side eye

N..no?

Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 5mon

Having bpd and dysphoria fucking sucks

bustin makes me feel shame

rtstragedy2 [she/her, pup/pup's] - 5mon

it shouldnt, it's natural and healthy

i'm just quoting Incel Ray Parker Jr. di...

tell them what I said

My brief bloomer time has ended 😮‍💨 Hopefully it will be back soon. On the plus side, I bought a sponge for makeup today. Small wins, I guess.

I am so, so uncomfortable with asserting myself. It's really frustrating. I got a promotion that requires me to do that a lot and I have not gotten better at it. Very upsetting to constantly be doing something and not get any better at it. I've been doing this new job since the end of summer and don't feel any more confident in doing it. The parts I struggle with, with asserting myself.

Im having a great galpalentines~

Gonna go to the planetarium with my slightly more than friends friend lol

Holy shit I'm mogging so hard in my real ID photo. It may be the best picture taken of me holyyyy

Also the lady processing my paperwork mega clocked me. Asked if there was any info I wanted to change in what I would describe as a knowing fashion and told me that I was going to have to keep my full middle name on my ID without me asking (it's very masculine and my first name is somewhat gender-neutral). I guess it's pretty obvious when my old ID is right there to compare to. But she was very nice and warm to me.

Things are very bad. I'm the most out I've ever been and my world is turning upside down. Fuck.

I've found myself doubting why people want to be around me lately. Almost like everyone expects me to justify my presence. I haven't felt that way in a while, but I hope this is something I can untangle and put away quickly.

Brainworms are the worst.

if it helps I think you're a genuinely kind person and I enjoy spending time with you. You have value and belong here

I appreciate you cat-trans

I think tomorrow I'm gonna try to go to Old Navy by myself and get more girls clothes, or at least try some on. I'll do the foundation and tinted lip balm and hopefully no one will bother me

Comrades, it is unfortunate. The femme and commie in me are fighting to see if I give in to the pressures of capitalist "beauty industry" marketing. Walking on the street seeing delicious valentines makeup sales even though I already bought a cheap "all in 1" pack ... oof

I think I understand my mom a bit more now.

Makeup is fun but obviously beauty standards are intense and theres a lot of pressure you might not have been aware of on you to buy a whole lotta stuff you don't need that isnt even fun

down with cis

Randomly got someone else's foundation in our grocery order. Always had the excuse of sensitive skin to be a reason not even try make-up, but since it was otherwise entirely going to go in the trash, figured might as well see how my skin behaved. Obviously not the right tone, but no clear negative reaction 😠 There goes that excuse? Still not gonna think about it further though...

It may be Friday the 13th but my goofy smile and blissed out state has deflected and bad vibes that have came my way

::: spoiler volcel violation posting hey guys, just got back from subspace after getting my dick sucked by someone who claimed to have never sucked dick before but was a goddamn pro at it apparently. when i finally came back down i didn't know who the fuck i was, my jaw was tingling, i had no idea where i was or what time it was.

that shit's great i got to go back there some time :::

They're calling her the Subspace Emissary

i'd be real bad at that because i came back from Subspace with no idea who or where i was. real basic stuff for a diplomat to know tbh

Me:I hope I get to dream of the cute grunge tomboy I've been talking to crush

Dream: it's the breaking bad dream were chuck from BCS is making me exercise in a garage with stay-out-of-my-territory and waltuh catgirl-cry

yall ever im-fuckin-gay

Ceres [she/her] - 5mon

correcting for a post I deleted earlier:

::: spoiler dysphoria/dysmorphia but positive thoughts, body stuff I needed to draw a character for a Lancer campaign, and because I dont have experience drawing anatomy I figured to take photos of myself in a few poses and trace overtop of them. Initially tracing the photos felt really awful, and any (perfectly normal) skill issues at drawing proportions was being turned into dysmorphia, but I perserved and erased and corrected things until I ended up with a really nice sketch of myself. Its so nice that I don't want to do my original plan of drawing the pilot suit overtop and erasing the body lines, so I'll need to make a copy haha.

But also because the original photos were me in a bra and underwear, the resulting drawing where I omit the bra + underwear is somehow even more intimate to me than a nude photo. its really pretty comfy

I've heard people say that modelling their own face out of clay was a really nice experience and I think this was similar to that. :::

I go back and forth on whether I find electrolysis to be a soothing experience or not. The classical music, quiet office, warm lighting is nice, but then there's the whole electricity thing.

Weird ritual.

Trans Rumplestiltskin character who grants you a wish in return for making your first born trans.

Perhaps Rumplestiltskin would benefit from transitioning herself - that way no one would know her true name.

thonk-trans

Does the name saying thing only apply to her deadname? I would imagine her new name would become her "true" name and it would hold the same power

I was imagining you'd have to guess her new name, but that could go several different ways.

win win

Waiting for my first vial to arrive is annoying, its not even taking that long but im impatient and i want it here now catgirl-flop

slaps you, gently

Look at me girlie

holds you head with both hands

eye contact

faces close in, forehead touching

Repeat with me ...

The workers of the world have nothing to loose but their chains

I turned off autocomplete urls on my browser at the same time as the megathread link on the frontpage was nested, having to do more clicks because I can't remember the exact # of 'a's to add to traaaaans to go straight to this megathread (the only place I frequent) trans-sad

(not actually an issue)

Tra7n10s

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 5mon

Screenshot from Community Pom for PS1. A status screen displays various statistics. To the left, a list of items is displayed. A pill shaped item is selected. A text box labels the item as a "Goodboy Pill" and describes the item as "Apparently, this medicine makes you a good boy...."

What game is this from? And is there a good girl pill?

Community Pom on the PS1 with fan translation. It's a whimisical light action RPG/Zelda-like with some city builder elements. I've only found this pill but I'm still early in the game

Some of my training on HVAC I've dipped into other specialties like fridge repair. It's nice to know all the components and I do feel a bit smug that regular fixers have no means to a leak issue, at most they can get a new one but I know what to do. Now if it makes sense to do it is another thing

I think an alternative if I can't find work would be picking up fridges fixing them and selling them off. It can be as simple as replacing a defrost timer or cleaning some coils idk not to mention I'll do this shit under the table fuck paying taxes and reporting income

I'll do this shit under the table fuck paying taxes and reporting income

I've done my taxes once in my life and it was to claim the covid bucks a few years back, I'm never doing them again

you're like a modern day bonnie and clyde 😳

And I waste government money, I've gotten every covid shot just because I could on medicaid fuck the government

it's not a waste, you're better than all the shit the government would otherwise spend "their" money on ❤️

very kind and this made my day doggirl-happy so thank you really

Out of my element and not offered is microwave repair, I do want this ngl but out of everything electrical I know I know this can get me killed 😔

I am updating the mega body and posting in the comments about Hilma's painting series The Ten Largest. Check for updates

Youth

No. 3 and 4

In the two paintings representing youth, we see a more vibrant orange background. The shapes and lines show more energy and more movement in these than the other phases. Here we also have a lot of blue and yellow, representing the female and male principles. There is also the egg form, and a lot of spirals and seashells.

love it. I can hear the voice of my late mentor saying how "magical" they look and how the shapes are "friends" 🥹

I kinda wanted to go out and celebrate the carnival. But I have nowhere to go and no friends to go out with, at least not here...

Trans bugs bunny

It's probably for the best I'm never going to have the opportunity to name a kid. I'd be naming them like Estrogen or something.

Then you'd have to have the kid with someone named Jakar, or change your own name, so that you could say "Jakar's Estrogen"

::: spoiler kind of freaking out I'm feeling like a disappointment to the people I look up to from a life that's not mine anymore :::

::: spoiler spoiler I realized it was more that i was disappointed in myself and it led me to deciding to actually do a thing that's been a hypothetical for a long-ass time now. And I'm kind of excited about doing it now. :::

::: spoiler rambling and sadness I've been depressed the whole day, unable to do anything. I thought about doing some dumb shit like dying my hair or something like that that's noticeable. Got very frustrated this morning and I kinda want to just give up on everything, I'm being super dramatic about stuff and when I'm complaining people try to give me solutions. I don't want that, I want you to just give me some kind words or something, don't tell me what you do :::

::: spoiler hopelessness, absolute despair I feel so incapable of just being able to exist. I can't do anything properly, I can't find work, I can't work by myself, I have absolutely no income, I can never imagine being able to live by my own efforts, I'm getting old and I only had a job for less than 3 months in my whole life. I feel unfit to exist right now and I just want to stay in bed and cry :::

Furst

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 5mon

It sucks that people were so influenced by the spiritual racist blavatsky during the late 1800s / early 1900s. Reading about Hilma af Klint's life, apparently blavatsky's people admonished her work because they considered mediumism to be "black magic occultism." It's sad that this reprimand caused her to withdraw from her work for four years, but she was way better off doing her own thing anyways.

::: spoiler hrt, boobs So I noticed my nipples hurt a lot 3 days before injection up to injection day, at which point the pain and soreness slowly goes away until it comes back a few days later.

This pattern has repeated itself for the past 3 weeks, not sure what to make of it, but it bothers me a lot between sunday and monday :::

::: spoiler spoiler Breast tenderness in a regular ol cycle follows hormonal cycles~

Most of the time, the week before menstruation is when you see stuff like breast tenderness for cis women. Estrogen isnt at a trough but not its peak either. Maybe youre just responding in a cycle-like phase? 3 days before injection, you're not at your lowest but youre not at peak. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Looking a estrannai it seems like that's around what's happening. The peak is around friday, right before it starts hurting, then it stops as the levels go down.

It bothers me a little between friday night and sunday. Sunday is the worst point, but monday it gets normal again, right after the injection, so lowest point. So I guess I have a weekly instead of menstrual cycle, or a septimanal cycle if you use the latin word for it. :::

::: spoiler depression

According to the beck's depression inventory test my psychologist made me fill out, I have moderate depression, close to severe depression. Accurate kinda I guess? But it feels feels, too linear. You just add up a bunch of nunbers. Is that really the best way to diagnose depression?

::: spoiler spoiler Its a good screening tool, yes. It should be part of diagnosing, the DSM has a bunch of criteria for the official diagnosis of you wanna lookit up. Ultimately, diagnosis matters for the billing code - what to do about the symptoms matters more to you, and you and your psych can figure that out together no matter what the official name for what's going on is ♡ :::

I see. Makes sense. Thanks gor the explanation.

::: spoiler spoiler In my experience the questionnaire is just a tool, what you talk about with your psychologist and the anamnesis (what you talk about in sessions and the first interview) is also very important. A good therapist will take everything you say into account while figuring out the results. :::

Season 4 of breaking bad feels like the peak of the series imo they had 2 no-copyright games in it sega and sonic all star racing and 06. I really don't think they can top that so if I drop it now I got all I wanted out of it

Hilma - Sketch of a White Wagtail. 1919

what's the best linux distro for a depressed transbian?

Debian, arch or nix

Gentoo, or LFS. It'll break often, so it gives you something to focus on to distract from everything. Why have feelings when you can spend 8 hours fixing a broken system? (I definitely am not speaking from experience doggirl-sweat )

I love being a butch for my femme girlfriend, ya'll

::: spoiler mention of kink

Shout out to my early college days where I told some dude about my kink (a real freaky one, nothing mainstream), then one day in the middle of a Turkish fast food chain he decides to blurt out my kink in front of other people. Mf literally couldn't hold it in any longer I guess.

Also shout out to that 1rst week of college where I stood up on the tables and declared to the world that I loved femboys.

I think these things may have contributed to my reputation

I made people think I was "that type" of person (disgusting weeb) on the first week. A while later they all said they got the wrong impression and I was a pretty nice person

hen one day in the middle of a Turkish fast food chain he decides to blurt out my kink in front of other people. Mf literally couldn’t hold it in any longer I guess.

Did he at least blurt out one of his own first?

No, he's wierd and childish bout this stuff

Garterbelt and stocking are a great fit for lying in bed and reading marxist theory.

My body is really 100% in a weekly cycle now. Hormones are so weird

I need to find the exact overlap between the circle of communists and cultivation fans who can actually follow along when I explain how cultivation magic is actually just an unconscious allegory for capitalism.

unconscious allegory for capitalism.

No idea what cultivation is, but please, do say more

scared That's fuckin wild...

Horse {they/them} - 5mon

out of curiosity, what's the one you're reading?

Reverend insanity (I've talked about it a lot on the megas) (yes I still haven't managed to finish it)

Which is funny cuz that all seems pretty antithetical to the original philosophy of daoism

Yeah. I don't think the daoist masters could have envisioned a future where their philosophy and mythology would be used as the set dressing for a genre of fiction pushed through the hyper competitive model of web novel publishing.

I should have said the modern genre and depiction of it.

The traditional mythology is ... I would be hard pressed to say that medieval monks made an allegory of capitalism centuries before capitalism emerged.

But the modern web novel scene is infamous for being full of sociopathic characters that seek nothing but wealth and power. It is kinda interesting to see how the myths and philosophy have been warped into a system of limitless accumulation and growth. And it's in such a way that I've never seen elsewhere.

Like obviously the broader genre (which is called "progression fantasy") also consists of endless grinding, accumulation and growth. And is also an unconscious capitalism allegory. But none of the Japanese or Korean PF authors turned a whole ass religion into their RPG/video game mechanics.

damn my back hurts

The simplest of all the reasons why I like Hilma is that her art is fun. Her color pallette is amazing and her use of shapes is so free

Shaleesh [she/her, comrade/them] - 5mon

Its three in the morning and I gotta be at the place in five hours woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I love being emotionally unwell yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The shit i would be capable of if only I was good at sleeping

I keep trying to ask ppl where they meet queer ppl irl and no one can fucking answer for some reason, they give cryptic ass answers or just the same "well if u meet ppl just in general u will eventually find some cool ppl😇" i wanna see ppl more than like once a week i need actual useful answersssss

I suppose it depends on where you live, but I am near a city and there are queer bars, queer-centered activity/social groups (art, exercise, support groups, etc.), and spaces that are not explicitly for queer people but which seem to draw us in anyway.

Some direct things that have worked for me are

meetup.com
going to left-leaning spaces that have a cork board for local events
my city's Reddit community (usually someone has already asked about it in my case)

Sorry if none of that is new info. All of that has gotten me to events specifically for queer people, not general community things where maybe 1 in 40 people are queer ha

Unfortunately not new info, ive tried all of those and they have been slightly succesful (i see ppl sometimes like i said). Thanks for trying tho

Also im sure once or sometimes even twice a week is already better than it could be going or something maybe im fucking stupid but either way i cant stop dooming

Irl doomed romance:

Felt some feelings towards this guy who I knew isn't gay or attracted to trans girls at all. Never said anything about it to him, nor do I plan to. I just kinda occasionally meet him and bottle up my feelings over beer.

Update: my second kid is getting named Jakar

I hope this is allowed to post on a mega thread but does anyone have recommendations for window AC units? I’m willing to spend up to $400 because summer is absolutely miserable in humid and hot as fuck Wisconsin. Whatever will keep my room the coolest, reduces humidity, lasts decently long, and isn’t super loud. Thanks, sorry this isn’t super related to this thread (although I am trans lol)

Having a really ADHD go of it over the past week or so

*month or so

Do we have a reading list? I read beyond pink and blue and whipping girl and I'm fiending for more

Wow I’m like five minutes into people’s joker and it’s already fucking hilarious

I saw it for the first time last Sunday, it was so good. A movie that needed to exist imo

Hey, your post is what got me to finally sit down and watch it!

Oooo yay I'm glad!!!

::: spoiler dysphoria, puberty Sorry I think I've posted about this recently

I've been getting very into the endocrine system and shit and was looking at stuff and then it hits me how little importance having optimal ratios or weight cycling with [redacted] is or other hormones are compared to the absolute damage T did. ::: spoiler voice training to a good voice would do so much more for me but its so bad. I don't think I can. That's the actual big thing in my transition. Fuck me.

I didn't mean for this to be a voice post but fuck every time I think about it I get so sad and hopeless. :::

I was watching anime with a couple of my roomies yesterday and one of them complimented me on my sense of humor. And i guess that felt really nice

Wow, I am so much better at navigating conflict than I used to be. I guess therapy works 😄

::: spoiler minor venting, holidays Valentine's was a mixed bag. It started off very nice, with me and my gf shopping downtown and picking up a few cute things. The original place we wanted to go to for dinner was packed, so we ended up going to this hole-in-the-wall which turned out quite nice. After dinner though our friends kinda flaked on us. One of our friends had asked us to hang out at 9p, but he didn't show up and the bar was pretty lame, we headed home after an hour, at which point he finally replied to the groupchat that he was ready to go, which was annoying. We did end up picking him up and heading back downtown, but the rest of the night wasn't great. There was a fourth friend we were trying to meet up with, but they basically hopped from bar to bar without telling us so we never actually ran into them. There were a ton of obnoxious undergrads doing this barcrawl, and the stress of the whole thing brought my gf to tears.

We're feeling better now, but I know my gf was very disappointed since this was our first Valetine's together, and it sucks to end it with that bitter taste in our mouths, even if it was neither of our faults. :::

KrupskayaPraxis - 5mon

I never go out with my friend group because only one person in the group doesn't like going out. He's also the type of person to never stay up late. So when we make plans it's never to go out. And he's mostly the person who makes the plans. So when we are on vacation we always have to get up early for some activity, so we have no time in the evening. For example, me and my friends had a blast going out yesterday, and wanted to do that again tonight, but because of his plan which requires to wake up at 8 am, we couldn't.

Luckily me and those friends are planning to go out in the near future, and go to a bar. Maybe this one friend will come, but then it's on our terms.

::: spoiler sex mention

I decided to get dressed up for going out on valentine's day. Thought I'd go to the gay hookup spot I used to go >1 year ago. But now it feels like I'd be lying to the folks there if I hide my gender. And if I don't, I don't think they'd want anything to do with me. I don't think straight men want anything to do with me either. Tf do I do ...

BattleshipPokemon [none/use name] - 5mon

When are they going to maka a transsexual clavicular?

Psychologist still mostly useless since he doesn't actually manage to hook me upto to some healthcare, but at least he told me that I look totally different from my ID photo which is nice Euphoria.

Maybe I should start getting my IDs and accounts updated.

::: spoiler more sex mention cause it's valentines

Life would be easier if my body was receptive to butt stuff. But it isn't. Even getting a octopus tentacle dildo didn’t do anything despite the idea of being fucked by tentacles being hot.

I think I just need SRS or I will Literally never be happy with any sexual experiences. Can't imagine it at all. But also SRS can have complications, subpar results and huge expenses and waitlists and legal barriers ...

::: spoiler General Hedge Knight/Dunk and Egg/A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms spoilers Personally I think Ser Arlan did knight Dunk, but he was delirious and mistaking him for his nephew Roger. And the "monstrous lie" Dunk performed was saying something to go along with that (even if it was just "Yes Uncle"). I think Dunk is too honest to just lie to everyone he meets, whereas an ambiguous knighting like that is more complicated. When he talks about being knighted under a tree with only robins as his witness that feels like it has the authentic ring of truth.

I think while Steffon Fossoway almost certainly went straight to the Targayans to secure his lordship, had they declined he would have fought with Dunk. His fault seems ambition not cowardice, he's angling for the best way to improve his standing. The show also seems to suggest he dislikes the Targaryen's as much as his cousin. His friendship with Tyrell and Lannister knights was probably true as well, hence why he was paid off. Because he could have sourced a team that was a threat. :::

What does this have to do with beings trans...it's not Dunk and Cis

queermunist she/her - 5mon

Been without a car for the past week, just riding my ebike 17-18 miles to work. Daytime wasn't so bad, but one night was so cold I had to turn around and wait at the factory until 3rd shift got off at 6:30 am so someone could take me home.

I really need to change my fking name, being sir'd in emails and over the phone because of my driver's license and insurance and shit just added to the stress of not having a car.

But! Got approved for credit for my repair, got a loaner from the repair place, things might be looking up?

At least I like riding my bike, even if it's still kinda bent out of shape from when I was hit by a car years ago.

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 5mon

some days I just wanna be Rouge the Bat. a button that turns me into Rouge the Bat for a day would fix me.

Kiwami 3 got rid of the good trans rep substory, I know the remastered got rid of a real bad one before and you'd think that with the direction the series was going we get more good ones but not really. 0 had a pretty bad one in one of the phone call substories no one really talks about idk about the directors cut tbh. IW 7 and gaiden didn't have anything that I'm aware of good or bad.

The series is weird honestly them getting rid of harmful shit is good and while they did keep some characters around like the mama from earth angel idk it feels hard to recommend at times the kiwamis do lose a bit of the sauce

Getting so fucking sick of work, going to talk to another place about working there. Hoping they'll pay me more and give me more hours. Dunno how much easier it'll be but if it pays more then at least that's something.

hellinkilla [they/them, they/them] - 5mon

woaw this klint is so cool. i might try to get a print. which one? i like the atoms but not exclusively.

british people driving Lambourghinis

Moonflow (Bitter Karelia) is a fun read so far, I dig it.

Read The Wax Child - kind of a snooze, the prose was weird which I liked but I was never all that excited to read it

Can you ping me when the new mega goes up so I can post my usual