7mon

SwitchyandWitchy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

Electromagnetism - Trans Megathread from December 29th, 2025 to January 4th, 2026

Hi everyone and everymany! For this mega I've decided to finally make the continuation of my first ever mega! This week it's all about electromagnetism! I'm going to focus on the very basics though, since this is such a big topic and I started this late. Hopefully I'll continue off of this to yap about electric motors, generators, solenoids, etc. in a future mega.

::: spoiler Electromagnetism

What is an Electromagnetism?

As it turns out, electricity and magnetism are fundamentally linked. Every electric or magnetic phenomena you've ever encountered is due to the electromagnetic force, and the electric and magnetic fields that it gives rise to. In fact, electromagnetism is one of the 4 fundamental forces in physics: gravity, electromagnetism, the weak nuclear force, and the strong nuclear force. Actually, under some conditions, it appears that the weak force and electromagnetism combine into one force, however that is well outside the scope of my understanding. Electromagnetism is also the origin of the discovery of quantum physics.

Charge

The fundamental unit of electromagnetism is charge. If this reminds you of charging a battery, that's not a coincidence. You might be aware protons and electrons are electrically charged particles. This means that they have a non-zero electrical charge. Specifically they both have opposite charges of +1.6x10^-19^ coulombs (C) for a proton, and -1.6x10^-19^C for an electron. A coulomb is a unit of electrical charge. You may be more familiar with the unit mAh or milliamp-hours, which is also a unit of charge equal to 3.6 coulombs. Also, it's probably what the charge capacity of the battery in your phone is given in. If your phone has a 5000mAh battery, then it has a charge capacity of 18000 (5000*3.6) coulombs. Which means that the fully charged battery has the potential to flow 1.125x10^23^ (18000/1.6x10^-19^) electrons through the circuits it is powering before it needs to be charged again.

But what is charge? I said it's the fundamental unit of electromagnetism, but what does that mean? It basically means that the charge of a particle or object describes the strength of its interactions with the electromagnetic field, in a very similar way to how mass describes the strength with which an object interacts with the gravitational field. In fact the equations for the force of gravity and the electrostatic force (the force between two stationary charged particles, also called the coulomb force) is basically the same. For gravity, the force of attraction is given by the equation F=G*m~1~*m~2~/r^2^, where G is the gravitational constant, m~1~ and m~2~ are the masses of the two objects, and r is the distance between them. The electrostatic force of repulsion is given by the equation F=k~e~*q~1~*q~2~/r^2^. The only differences are that instead of the gravitational constant G, we're using Coulomb's constant k~e~, and the electric charges of each of the two particles q~1~ and q~2~.

Current

Current is just the movement of charges. That's it. Real simple. If you take electrons and flow them through a wire, you have current. Specifically, current is a measure of how quickly charge is moving. The common unit of current is an Amp, short for Ampere. Going back, we talked about the unit of charge milliamp-hours (mAh), which gives a clue as to what an amp is. An amp is a coulomb per second, which means a wire carrying a 1 amp current will have 1 coulomb worth of electrons moving past every point along the wire, every second. So a milliamp-hour means the amount of charge that flows over an hour with a current of 1 milliamp (one thousandth of an amp).

Magnetism

"But Switchy, this is electromagnetism, how does magnetism come into the picture?" Well sorry for keeping you waiting, I had to explain current first, and to explain current I had to explain charge. Magnetism, and specifically electromagnetism arises as a result of moving charges (current). As it turns out, any moving charged particle has a circular magnetic field around it:

Moving charge is just current, and this is how electromagnets work: make a loop of wire and pass a current through it and it will act as a magnetic dipole so long as the current is flowing:

Electromagnetic Induction

Kind of like how a moving charge (current) creates a magnetic field around it, a moving/changing magnetic field will create an electric field and try to induce a current if there are charges present. In general, the magnetic field doesn't "want" to change. So if there are charges that can be moved so that an otherwise changing magnetic field stays the same, then those charges will experience a force that will cause them to move and form a current (if they are able to move freely) that creates a magnetic field that opposes the change.

There is so much more I want to talk about, and I'd love to go into much more depth, but I need to get some sleep. I'd love to yap about electrical potential/voltage, electromagnetic waves and their particle duality, the birth of quantum physics, etc. etc. But I also do have some goals in mind with these threads, and this is some basic background that combined with the magnet mega I made before, should lay much of the foundation to talk about electric motors and other cool stuff in a later mega. :::

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::: spoiler spoiler :::

peanutbuttercupola* (1/5 - 1/11) Wmill* (1/12 - 1/18) Alisu* (1/19 - 1/25) Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1) Eco* (2/2 - 2/8) GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15) oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22) Shaleesh* (2/23 - 3/1) SwitchyandWitchy* (3/2 - 3/8)

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 7mon

::: spoiler spoiler https://hexbear.net/post/5485694/6311639 this is my previous reccs posts that I stand by, but I also have stuff to add!

Fields of Asphodel currently reading this, bought it during the christmas sales, and it's very sweet. It's a retelling of the Persephone myth where it's not a kidnapping but Zeus forces you into an arranged marriage with Hades instead and you have a wide array of responses you can field. All the romance options are so fucking cute and sweet and I think it's rotting my teeth a bit. The prose does meander slightly but it's not tedious.

Relics of the Lost Age is a lovely puzzle trilogy, fully out now the third game is free. You're an Indiana Jones-y type, with a fully customizable protagonist, you will always be white passing I'm pretty sure. You can shoot/punch a lot of nazis and do "historical" archeology stuff while racing against nazis most of the games. The romances really pick up after the first game, but the series is mostly about puzzling and shooting the KKK and nazis.

Tale of the Crowns is a game about you being a godly ordained ruler of Not-Assyrian Empire. This one is mostly about romance and you will get locked into a route after the first few chapters, it's still in development but it's just very cozy and sweet, especially if you try to be a kindly ruler. Also I'm waiting on the opportunity to put all the royals into a blender inshallah , they are written in a perfectly believable manner and thus make me murderous.

Shattered Eagle This one is about you being an advisor in a falling Rome-But-Gender-Roles-Reversed empire and it has an actual route for you being trans with historically correct HRT to boot. Every other chapter is a flashback into you and the Empresses rise to power and other chapters are you trying to keep a crumbling over-extended empire together by fixing problems and getting political allies. There's a lot of choicing and consequencing in this one. The romance takes a bit of a backseat but they're excellent even so, especially Julia, my beloved.

Spices of the Heart for something a bit more frisky. You're a recently hired head chef of a Michelin starred restaurant and get to deal with all that entails. The romances are a big part of this one with fully interactive sex for pretty much all the romance options thus far. It is very much "The Writer's Fully-Disclosed Fetish" and I'm personally very thankful for it. You can get fucked with a whisk while a cleaning crew is in the next room, the game is a lot of fun.

Remember You Will Die This one is a bit...different. You play as a mercenary in a Cyberpunk city, the writing is very self-reflective and your character has a lot of issues, it's kind of heavy at times and deals with some bad shit, both mentally and in the outside world. It is very good though, the cyberpunk vibes are there, but I would mostly call it (hurt/very little comfort) right now. The comfort that's in there? Oh it's good. all the content warnings though.

That's a good start I think catgirl-sorry Let me know if you need more, I have like....so many. CW: Reddit and there's more here! :::

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 7mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 7mon

Put me in for another round coach!

Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 7mon

A couple years ago I thought I was a man, felt so alone all the time, had few friends, had never been on a date or anything like that.

Now, at the end of this year, I'm celebrating with all my trans friends and my several amazing partners. I'm a girl and I feel cute and sexy as fuck! I'm surrounded by love and support. Being trans is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I love it so much trans-heart

Hell yes we love to see it! cat-trans

inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 7mon

Getting through an entire year is never easy - good job, everyone.

Onto the next transshork-happy

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 7mon

I need 26 to be better

Also might have to be out, fuck

RION [she/her] - 7mon

Ya I've realized recently that I pretty much have a hard deadline to come out (whenever it gets too warm to wear sweaters comfortably)

I'm not there yet, but I am worried that's where I'll be by summer/fall

Moss [they/them] - 7mon

I've gotta come out in 2026 or I think things will be extremely bad for me

cat-trans

catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 7mon

Best wishes for your next year :)

I love my tboy bf's mustache and chest hair so much, they're so sexy. I love how happy they are when I tell them that. They love their body now and I love it so much. Trans joy is beautiful

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 7mon

Told a guy I recently met that I am trans. He reacted well. It's almost feels like good people exist but I must not fall into these illusions.

When I'm left to my own devices with nothing to distract me I feel like I'm always close to tears. But it's hard to tell if I'm in a worse mood than usual or if HRT is making me actually feel emotions I was suppressing before. Honestly I feel like it's the latter. So glad I got on injections

Probably is cause I also feel the same

Same. I think its the later too.

Sucks, I was suppressing those for a very good reason (life is fucking rough)

::: spoiler Misandry and sexual harassment I hate men. They never fail to make me uncomfortable when I'm walking alone. It doesn't even matter what time of day it is. Monday morning? Perfect time for men to be fucking creeps both on my short walk to and from somewhere.

The persistence is what really gets me. It says a fucking lot that I wouldn't think much of it if it was a single attempt, but the persistent "hey, I'm talking to you" is disgusting. Asking my name, trying to match my speed walking - fuck off.

I'm expected to go about my work day like everything's fine too. I'm sure I could get time to myself if I told my supervisor, but I actually have things to do today lol. It'll just create more work later.

Once again, I hate men. :::

I know there's a more nuanced take I'll get back to in a day or so, but today was especially egregious and I am so tired. trans-sad

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 7mon

::: spoiler family shit, transphobia my mom contacted me just yelling and fucking yelling for daring to be so cruel as to be mad at my sister for being transphobic to me. Just the fucking like, it's like she looked up a fucking guide to How To Self-Righteously Jerk Off and Pretend You Have The Moral High Ground While Being Transphobic to Your removed Child.

"I'm tired of walking on eggshells," "you're being intentionally cruel and manipulative by telling me you're hurt," "it's unreasonable for you to put a timeframe on me not slurring you," "you're twisting my words and only seeing things in black and white," "I have to unlearn everything about you"

I'm soooooo fucking sorry that's it's soooooo hard for you to treat your fucking child with basic humanity. That must be sooooo fucking hard for you.

I just don't even fucking know how a person can act this way.

~~death to cis~~ :::

Nasalstrip [he/him] - 7mon

Cis people are so dramatic and unbearable bruh. They pretend we’re all idiots who whine and complain and “force” everyone around us to treat us like people but in reality we have to constantly fucking coddle and accommodate them like they’re toddlers, and even then they’re throwing tantrums. So many trans people, like my brother, just don’t even bother and let their parents call them their deadname because it’s so much effort otherwise. Why do the think gender decides your personality and personhood?? It does to an extent but Jesus Christ it’s not like transitioning is gonna change who you are at your core like we’re some kind of shapeshifters lmfao. I hate how may cis parents say shit like “I feel like my son/daughter is dead!”, “I don’t know you anymore!”, “you’re a different person!”

They’re so whiny. If I had a kid I’d be doing everything I could to make them happy, and so many cis parents are too feeble to even handle using a different name and pronouns, and instead of putting in effort they just start blaming and whining like children. It’s so pathetic.

Sorry to rant, I’m sorry about your situation. Stuff like that makes me so angry.

~~death to cis~~

SO FUCKING TRUE ::: spoiler spoiler

"I'm tired of walking on eggshells," "you're being intentionally cruel and manipulative by telling me you're hurt,"

The actual nerve of a person to say both of these things in one conversation.

Its because cis people are evil, selfish, and compassionless. :::

::: spoiler spoiler

Death to cis

No need to cross it out

:::

I'm sorry you have to deal with this transshork-sad

Down with cis.

Carcharodonna [she/her] - 7mon

I really have been trying to fight back against loneliness and depression over the holidays, but I feel like I'm losing the battle. My normal online social outlets seem dead and I'm not really in a position to meet people and make friends IRL, so basically I'm losing any kind of human connection I ever had at all. I'm also constantly worried about life stuff and the state of the world to the point where it's hard to motivate myself to do the basic things I need to be doing to move forward. It's probably in my head but everything just feels so hopeless.

Des [she/her, they/them] - 7mon

i feel this so much. my job has been grinding me into dust too which i guess (?) distracts me from some of these feelings. no more ear buds allowed at work, i've used one conservatively for 8 years now without any manager saying anything, so the bad thoughts are a never ending torrent now because my job is both hectic and very lonely (grocery store so skeleton crewed that every department is basically a solo job now)

i hate this feeling that I have to retreat even from places like this because it seems a red hot laser beam of death projected by the amerikkkan security state could fall upon us for daring to shitpost

i guess in a choice between nearly total social isolation (except for my partner who is mostly away at work) or some terrorist charge for being trans online i unfortunately will have to choose isolation

deepfriedwater - 6mon

just had my first male-fail, i’m so happy!!

holiday season hadn’t been too kind to me and I’ve been skipping on the depression walks. but yesterday i managed to drag myself out for a quick walk in the dark.

it’s freaking cold; i put on a lot of layers, a beanie on my head, and a scarf around my neck and face. you could only see my eyes and my longish hair flowing from the sides of the beanie, which gave me a rather androgynous look.

as i was walking along the sidewalk, i approached a car trying to back out of a garage. there was someone outside directing the driver and they said something like “hang on, let the lady cross”

way to unintentionally make my entire year

::: spoiler smut read my first smutty book the other day and cannot stop thinking about it, the scenes, the dynamics. Tickled my brain in all the right ways. I need more. :::

::: spoiler spoiler oh yea lets-fucking-go might i interest you in a truly excellent treasure trove of smut https://archiveofourown.org/

i also have like a million interactive fiction games i could recommend catgirl-happy :::

::: spoiler spoiler Ooh, yea I need to check out AO3.

Yes please do, I'd like any of your recs. I vaguely remember the vampire game from a while back. :::

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 7mon

Yeah, I'm saving this for later, TY

Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 7mon

Tale of the Crowns is soo good.

It issssss catgirl-heart .

It has the most realistic bottom on bottom romance convos I've seen thus far too.

I’m assuming you are romancing the sorcerer/ess

it's fairly telling that you instantly clocked them catgirl-smug

~oh,~ ~Rozerîn,~ ~my~ ~beloved~ catgirl-heart

Ao3 is so peak 🙏

::: spoiler horny I need to get back to reading mine, I'm going absolutely feral lately and I'm in heat. :::

up with trans

Trans be like

stonks-up

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 7mon

Up the ra trans

mean [she/her, it/its] - 7mon

What do you think tra means comrade?

Busgirl [she/her] - 7mon

::: spoiler spoiler body changes

::: just found out I can suck my own nipples now!! Whoohoo and I can make them touch each other!!

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 7mon

::: spoiler spoiler Mine are too small (or chest too broad) for that angery :::

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 7mon

Found the GNC store in my town, so far it's just whey protein and creatine. This stuff is probably gender non confirming for some people at least 🤔

One of my bf's other gfs just started hrt and I'm so excited for her!!!

Somehow I'm the girl who's been on estrogen the longest out of everyone in my trans poly extended universe community (several off the trans mascs have been on T longer than I've been on E though).

KrupskayaPraxis - 7mon

i think I might be straight after all. Thought I was bisexual, but the further I go in my transition I realised it was envy. I think I'm only sexually attracted to men

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 7mon

I get on the bi cycle pretty regularly. It is 100% possible youre just straight but its pretty common for bi people to go back and forth instead of always in "gender doesnt matter hot people are hot" modern. When I swing towards men I always fear that after everything I went through to come out as straight on the other side feels like a fate worse than death lol

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 6mon

::: spoiler horny stuff I kinda like lesbian stuff with other girls cause then a girls always on top and I am very into that :::

I'm wishing a very trans new year for you all. I'm determined to be out this year, let's surround ourselves with accepting and loving people so that we can all be happy being ourselves.

I had three whole mugs of schoppen, so I don't even know what I'm talking about. Let's be happy or something.

My bimonthly desire to pack a bag and find the absolute cheapest way to live and just do that with my savings

segfault11 [she/her, any] - 7mon

i want to do this and have the savings but i worry that i’ll end up wasting it all to spend months staring at my phone in a shitty motel room

ngl I think this year was worse then last, way more consistently miserable then 24. 24 ended pretty badly though tbf. But all the early optimism is long gone now. I don't think more then a few days went by in 25 without me posting or thinking about just ridiculous, unmanageable sadness.

At least I am moving to a blue state next year. Its nice. I am going to start laser. I meant to this past year but didn't. I'm going into this year with much more substantial savings and a job, and even got a couple of bumps upward. That's good. Some materially good things have happened, but overall my satisfaction has not improved.

Those are some really big positives for next year! I'm mostly excited for you to hopefully find some good trans community next year and in an area where you can feel safe being out. It makes such a difference!

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 7mon

Yeahhhh I think I might be pan in some capacity. There's live music at the bar I'm at and I'm finding the guy at the mic super cute. I've never found a guy cute like this before

Welcome to gay

Florn [they/them] - 7mon

There's something about musicians tbh, I felt like this watching a drummer and he wasn't even really my type

moooood tbhtbh

pan gang gang flag-pan-pride

basically haven't slept the past couple days, but at least it's because I've been hyperfocused on yuri instead of because of, y'know, everything else.

Got my bottom bits waxed and ouch but excited for the smoothness once the pain goes away. Doing a polar plunge on New Year's Day and wearing a bikini for the first time, as well.

EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 7mon

I just bought a ton of spices from the local indian grocery store today and tomorrow I'm going to try my hand at making a from scratch vegetarian Rogan Josh and I am so fucking hyped. I got a spice grinder and multiple whole spices. This is going to be fucking delicious

down with cis

up with sis (me, i’m a sister now)

How the fuck is it already 2026!? I am going to throw up! Holy shit!

it's so 2025over

Its closer to 2050 now than 2000

Doesn't feel like 26. Honestly 2025 didn't feel like it should be 25 either, I wonder how far back I'd have to go for a year to feel like it..

::: spoiler sad Really struggling right now. It's hard to imagine what a happy life can look like as my longterm relationship feels like it's ending because of my identity and I'm not even confident that I'm trans. At least, not confident enough to blow up my entire life over it. I have always been unhappy--why would I think that HRT would change that?

By all accounts, I have an incredibly stable life that I should be fulfilled by. It is completely wasted on me. This sucks. :::

I have always been unhappy--why would I think that HRT would change that?

If you are trans then gender affirming care will change that. Cause then you are addressing one of the root causes of your pain.

Of course, you might not be trans in the binary sense (ex - gender fluid, NB, agender), or even trans at all! But think about this in medical terms. Consider all possible diagnosises, and consult a doctor.

::: spoiler spoiler This is a helpful thought. I take an anti-depressant because I'm depressed, B12 because im-vegan , and maybe eventually HRT because maybe I have gender dysphoria. It does appear that simple to me, it's just when I think outside myself it gets very complicated. Maybe I should just see if I can get a prescription to find out whether it will help.

Thanks for the insight 💜 :::

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 6mon

This is true but I'd like to add that gender affirming care doesn't necessarily solve depression. It will help in probably almost all cases, and sometimes that really is the only thing driving depression and it does completely solve it. I just wanted to put that out there.

shallot [she/her] - 6mon

I’m in a really similar position and it fuckin sucks 🫂

catter [comrade/them, she/her] - 6mon

cat-trans I've come to loathe being called brave in all this as well. I don't want to be brave or courageous or thick skinned, I just want to have a happy life where I feel normal 😮‍💨

Wow yeah same

Nasalstrip [he/him] - 6mon

I’ve been depressed both before and years into transition but I’d still say it’s helped significantly.

Before I wouldn’t go out, I never would have considered college, I wanted to be in bed and covered by blankets all the time, I didn’t have any hobbies, I even went online for the rest of highschool because I felt so dysphoric and out of touch with my peers who treated me like a girl instead of a 17 year old man.

I’m 21 now and been on T 3 years and had surgery the same time I started T and even though I do still deal with depression symptoms I’m significantly better. I’m way more cheerful, I’m much happier going out and being treated as my real self, I enjoy my hobbies, i started college and got a job, I can finally speak without the agony of knowing I sound like a lady, I can get out of bed in the morning, it’s given me the willpower to address other medical issues, etc.

I know it’s different from trans men and women but I just wanted to share that while transitioning may not erase depression, especially if you’ve had it for pretty much your whole life like I have, it helps a huge amount, like a colossal thunderstorm being reduced to a cloudy day.

Thank you so much for sharing 💜 the last time I felt truly happy consistently was before puberty, so I would say depression has followed me for most of my life. I'm glad that transitioning has helped you so much! Maybe it could help me too.

It is insightful, also, that you want to be masculine, whereas I cannot stand masculinity for myself. It's easy for me to think that no one could want to be a man / masc, but actually it's just my own desire to be feminine. Not a very cis thought haha. Thank you again, this was helpful :)

It's so nice hearing about this! And I'm so glad things have turned around so much cat-trans

If I could ask, did you go through phases of struggling to get back into hobbies after periods of depression? And if so, how did you deal with it?

I'm currently struggling with this where I'm doing a lot better now, but I've been neglecting the things that bring me joy long enough that I'm struggling to pick them back up.

Definitely, there’s been times when it takes up to a year for me to even get back into a hobby again. Unfortunately adhd medication (Vyvanse) is the only thing that really helped me, but even on days where I take Vyvanse and caffeine I’ll bolt up a game I like, get tired of it in minutes, and go back to bed and chill out for an hour or two, and then when I get up again I feel a lot better, like a reset.

Sorry I can’t help more, I doubt going back to bed will help many others when it comes to depression symptoms.

A lot of the time when I can’t pick something back up it’s because of executive dysfunction worsened significantly by depression, so I usually just have to brute force it or engage with people/videos/pictures related to those hobbies so my interest is sparked again

Thank you, that sounds similar to my own patterns. I guess I should probably look into actually medicating my ADHD...

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 7mon

People are calling him the most based hexbear alive

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 7mon

My partner just put in an order for custom converses that are in the trans pride colors and have good girl written on them (across the pair).

Edit: I am also doing post-holiday online shopping, putting in orders for dresses from Killstar and a pair of knee-high boots from Demonia. My New Year's resolution is to be a total knock out goth baddie.

marcie (she/her) - 7mon

What if I'm actually a psychopath that transitioned purely because it will get me many dates with tall beautiful trans lesbians 🤔

This is some advanced level imposter syndrome.

What if I told you that wanting to be gay with women isn't a cis thought?

What if every trans woman feels this way 🤔 very recursive

waow-based

rafflesia [she/her, it/its] - 7mon

happy new year to all my trans comrades! cat-trans

Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 6mon

I swear to God my new gf went from flat as a board to b cups literally over night. Estrogen is fucking magic. I'm so happy for her!!

My nipples have hurt/itched like crazy today, fuck

They're growing~

I know! -lots of feelings

Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 6mon

::: spoiler Weight stuff

I love my mum, but it's sad to see how disparaging she can be about her own body. She complains so much about how fat she's getting because she sometimes needs to get medium instead of small at the age of 60. But that's not even chubby, she's just not as skinny as she used to be. I get that's not what she wants, but I wish she would be a little bit kinder when talking about herself. doggirl-gloom

She's given me some nice clothes that are too small for her now though, so at least there's an upside for me. :::

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 6mon

Making friends is hard

TRANS MEGA TREAD ON MY PICKUP

Going to my parent's house cause my brother is sad and lonely

He refuses to spend time with me. He doesn't feel lonely anymore cause his schooling restarted.

Fucking ... ok I guess ...

I just wanted some hugs and cuddling and to teach him about digital circuit design. He plays Minecraft instead and sleeps on the sofa to avoid me! Suit yourself you bastard!

Happy new years!

::: spoiler sexual changes Already noticing that my orgasms feel way different. Wowwow why'd i put this off for so longgg :::

What is up with my mom? She opened my bag (again). In the corner you can see my bras. Did she see them? Is she staying quiet? I cannot reconcile this with her personality of making a big deal about everything. Am I misjudging her personality, or did she literally not pay attention to the contents of my bag???

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 7mon

If they were expecting stuff made of fabric and saw stuff made of fabric, they may have just ignored other details? I've had my mom get confused by one of my tanks with a built-in bra that I accidentally left in the dryer and when I just got embarrassed and gave no explanation, she just assumed it was some sort of shape-wear for men 🤷‍♀️

Perhaps ...

A friend of mine chastised me for taking a class during surgery recovery, but its the time I had (otherwise Im working) and Im not really used to just resting and laying around. I gotta take the stupid class as a prereq for NP school later. Im more used to people asking for more and more and being the bottomless well or the invincible rock and going and being there even when no one else can, first time someone's expressed concern for me 😬 It feels very weird and unnatural and uncomfy

You do gotta take care of yourself tho.

Im supposed to, and Id never tell anyone else to live the way I do, but Im also the one who can take it and I do feel a duty to keep pressing because I remember what its like without anyone to be a provider very far from the big cities.

::: spoiler mental health, family shit was managing to get a little better, but my mom texted me today like "hey your sister is wondering why you haven't messaged her, she doesn't know you're upset with her you should reach out" and idk it just brought every single emotion crashing back. idk mom if she doesn't realize that being casually cruelly transphobic to a tgirl might make her upset, that sounds like a fucking her problem.

i'm so tired of people thinking it's my responsibility to reach out and my peace with people who hurt me. every single time. if I don't want to talk to someone who hurts me, if I don't like someone who hurts me, then actually it's me who's a fucking bitch. and even if I wasn't hurt it's still a fucking two-way street. they'll go one about how I'm "strong and brave and resilient" or what the fuck ever but to them it's just an excuse they can use to beat me to shit "because I can take it." I'm so exhausted.

down with cis. :::

Down with cis

I just wanna go out and be with people. Why must my immune system fail me at this of all times of the year? catgirl-cry

Influenza A has been really bad this year

I should start getting my flu shot

Yeah. I get mine for free. I live in Canada but even this year when they started charging for shots where I live, I got it free because of my union.

It really has been, a family member got it and may have given it to us :(

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 6mon

My gf just started another run through of Cyberpunk 2077 after effectively 100%ing the game (and Phantom Liberty).

blocky-wat

So emotional lately. Estrogen please kitty-cri-screm be nice to me... cried multiple times tonight. I am so emotionally drained.

Hobbies are a scam because what do you mean I spent $200 and could literally just keep burning money

why did I do this to myself

Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 7mon

some hobbies are expensive for sure. My hobby rn is trying to mend a million clothes that are disintegrating and have holes in them, like socks.

what hobby just curious?

RC. I've got an old brushed stampede I'm upgrading to a brushless motor. Just that was half of it, then bought a new steering servo, new body, some new bearings and gears. Trying not to spend more unless I have to. But my dad and some siblings are getting into it again and I do think its fun.

That sounds extremely fun. I can see how it could get expensive but at the same time sounds like it's worth it for the enjoyment you get out of it.

I've thought about getting into RC planes/drones, but never actually made the attempt. Maybe someday...

It can get very expensive, but yes. I'm waiting on a spur gear and then hopefully I can test it out. Hoping for 50~ mph on a 2s (I have no real way of testing this). But should be much better then stock. And if its not enough I can do 3s.

Planes or FPV drones both look super cool, I've looked into them quite a bit. I think a beginner plane is maybe $100-200, if its something you really want to try I don't think that's too bad.

50mph on 2s would be so extreme, and I'd imagine really high current. Might be worth going for shorter gearing if you can fit a 3s in.

OMG HOW DID I MISS THIS IN MY OWN MEGA?!?!? That's exciting! I have some RC projects on the horizon too I can't wait to share. And that'll be one hell of an upgrade. Have you driven a brushless car before? They can be so wildly fast. The stampede looks fun too, I have a somewhat similar looking monster truck that's way too fast (4-cell LiPo powered, the wheelie bar is necessary). Is the body you're getting already painted? I love painting them and I picked up an affordable air brush last year which I'm itching to use (I have to build a little mini paint booth tho and first I have to make space for it).

I was a bit disappointed you never said anything tbh, I had planned on DMing. No I have never, only ever drove my stampede. I got everything together today but it was already dark, we'll see if I have enough light after work tomorrow for a test run. 4s on a 1/10 or 1/8? Either way that's awesome. Already painted yes. My current body was painted by my dad and I'd rather not completely destroy it (I'll send you a pic maybe tomorrow).

Aww I wish I had seen it earlier, I'm glad you said something cuddle

The 4s monster is 1/8th. I think it would be uncontrollable if it was 1/10th lol. It's also got a hobbywing motor and esc in it! A rather large one though, I think the motor is a 42mm diameter rather than 36mm. And it's loooong. I've also got a 1/10 short course truck I need to rebuild (rust got to it unfortunately) that has a hobbywing motor/esc in it. I forgot what size though.

Depending on how hot that motor is geared, the plastic transmission may not be long for the world. Though I've been surprised how well some of the stronger plastic transmissions hold up. And 2s is reasonable at least.

I think Im gonna try and knit myself something while Im laid up after bottom surgery... I got time to do stuff.

I felt sick, sad and tired most of the day, but I am so grateful for my partner, and honestly I feel blessed for being trans. I know that things are getting darker for most of the world, but I just want to say that we're all in this together, and that staying alive as a trans person is a fundamentally political act and a small victory that can serve to erode the patriarchal superstructure of capitalist society.

I’m not sure I want to do this anymore. It’s going to cost me my marriage and I don’t even think I’ll be happy in the end; in fact I think I’ll be less happy. I wish I had never figured this out about myself, or that I’d learned it 20 years ago. Ahhhhh.

Oh this is worse. This is way worse. This is so much worse.

tithonis [she/her] - 6mon

You sound like me when my marriage was imploding. Being trans was the least of the issues with that relationship, it just brought into clarity exactly how my partner saw me (it's not good!)

I haven't spoken to my ex since before the divorce was even final. Life is way better now and I don't know how. ::: spoiler relational trauma But at the time I felt like I was dying. Like I was having to strangle a puppy to death with my bare hands. Getting punched in the gut 24/7 for a while. It was the worst 12 months of my life. But out of the ashes of that I've been able to build a life I never thought I'd be able to. Life is fucking strange. :::

If you have anyone outside your marriage you can talk to about it, do it. I promise it gets better.

cat-trans It seems like we are in the same boat. I'm so sorry you're going through this 💜

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 6mon

I went to a trans clown rave last night. Highly recommend shaking your ass and getting sweaty with other trans cuties in your local area.

OffSeasonPrincess [she/her] - 7mon

::: spoiler dysphoria i keep trying to tell myself i wont look like a hideous man forever but its so hard to actually believ it ::: catgirl-cry

Happy new year cuties and beauties!

See yall tommorow sibs.

Litsen to the cutie, people. Hydrate yourself. Don't only drink booze.

Everyone wants a badass domme until she starts telling you to stay hydrated, maintain a healthy sleep schedule, eat healthy food, get back on your exercise regime

No I still want her but I also need her to enforce the sleep schedule

ties you down to bed at bed time

did you just dom me in my own mega?

Honestly, respect.

A domme sub relationship but we both help each other stay healthy? That's just a good marriage basically. Where can I sign up lol?

On the contrary, this is exactly the kind of motivation I need.

Doesn't have anyone to drink booze with award

I will think of you tonight as the new year rolls in cuddle

Thank you switchy cuddle Trying not to sad post too hard but I am quite lonely tbh.

I am too today, I wanted to do all the social things but I've been sick on and off for what feels like half the month. Spent the last 3 new years nights alone and it looks like this will be another one. But at least I have online friends to turn to! And I can snuggle up with my plushies and and read a book or watch a movie.

Aw that sucks, I was sick for a few days but thankfully cleared up now. I think the last time I spent it with friends was 6 years ago. Spent one with my little sister in there. Otherwise its just me myself and I :/

Thanks, I'm glad it didn't last long for you at least!

Oof. Sorry. You can pretend I'm by your side (and I'm the cutie).

Thank you, I think I will cat-trans

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 6mon

My friends told me my voice is different. But it's still sounding a little "nasal"

Hung out with my friend and his wife for new years and decided to stay comfy and just wear my tank top and I was much more uncomfortable about my boobs being obvious for a while. I technically have never come out to this friend and his wife is sort of a coworker and I don't want people knowing I'm trans at work, so those contribute but I still wish I didn't feel weird about it. Doesn't help my moms chastised me, saying I should cover up more before my friends arrived and acted like the only reason why people wear clothing that doesn't hide tits is to try to sexually attract people. I don't get how can lesbians be so misogynistic at times (they also seem to not understand the difference between gender and sexual orientation).

Ain't no way! We got electromagnetism mega now! What's next, special relativity mega?

I kinda wanna cover some more electromagnetism stuff at some point. But ultimately I wanna yap about some of the practical applications of it that are special interests of mine (electricity, and magnetic machines). A history of electronic control as told by telephone switching technology is an idea I've been thinking about more.

Wow ...

Problem is I got too much rizz actually, gonna have to donate it to the less fortunate but then that's charity and we don't do that here only mutual aid 😔

Spare any rizz for the rizzless?

You've more than your share of rizz we gotta give to the truly in need, means test the rizz

Packing right now and the extra effort it's taking to hide all my HRT and makeup so my family doesn't find it is a lot more mentally stressful than I thought it would be

Does 9/11 count as "doomed yaoi" or is that a weird take

Who is the yaoi even between? Osama and Bush?

The towers themselves

The towers? Dunno

yes, it counts

ngl chat I haven't wondered if my depression is bipolar 2 or something in a while I should probably read about that or something

Feeling like a sickly victorian child this week, just in time to have a socially acceptable reason to skip New Years get-togethers. In other news, I really gotta make some friends that I'm actually excited to celebrate stuff with lol

There was this cute trans comic I was reading. I haven't touched it in a while because I keep getting jealous of the little kid who gets so much support and love and tries things. It's pathetic.

I don't think it's pathetic to feel that way. It sounds pretty normal and expected to have that reaction

It's not just the jeolousy, but the fact that I can't even look at the trans media I used to consume anymore without feeling like shit.

I feel I got less a sexual orientation and more like a sexual matrix.

yessssss exactly

I'm glad someone else understood I didn't fully get it either because catgirl-flop but it feels right

::: spoiler sex We fucked and this chick got off and started playing gunz wtf

I played gunz in middle school I didnt even know it was still online :::

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 6mon

You ever start listening to a new youtuber for a while and just really vibe with them and then you see they trans lets-fucking-go this just goes to my hypothesis that only trans people are interesting cis people stinky

Ideal partner would be someone overly online who spoke in Maoist standard english. My last two crushes were overly online so it's possible I just have a type 🤔

Edie [it/its, she/her] - 7mon

MSSE i$ fun when it'$ juSSt like a SSingle word, adding KKK in ameriKKKa for e卐ample. But quiKKKKKKly beKKKome$ hard to read a$ RedWiᛋard alSSo pointed out

ⓘ Thi$ uSSer i$ SSuSSpeKKKted of being a KKKat. PleaSSe report any SSuSSpiciou$ behavior.

I'd like to hear this in person to be honest, who ever can pull that off has won my heart

was browsing through my youtube subscriptions and found a channel that must have changed it's name at some point. funny nerdy video game and D&D skits with some video essays.

called Door Monster now. main lead is Kyle. i did a double take when checking out the newest videos. holy shit Kyle transitioned (and is still Kyle which she introduced herself as in her funny coming out video).

my brain immediately just thinks "Ky-lee" though for some reason

from sleepy nerdy boi to well rested gorgeous witchy woman. now I'm bingeing the entire channel. think Nostalgia Critic style skits but actually good.

also Kyle has hinted at having very good politics.

There's been a couple of channels I've watched transition, very sweet and always a bit of a surprise to me. Put on a newer video and it's clearly a different voice speaking.

literally true here i'm genuinely blown away by her voice training but being an actor no doubt helps.

but yes i am enjoying the gender euphoria through mirror neuron activation very much.

Party last night ended up being a bit of a downer. I didn't see the news about Venezuela on my phone until after it was over, but there was a lot of heavy conversation about a mutual friend's struggles and more insight into the drama of how an activist group that my partner is a part of fragmented. Heavy stuff.

Having a small party at our place (pizza + drinks + maybe a movie) and my partner is wearing a skirt for the first time! It's one of mine, nothing too special, just a skater skirt from Amazon. However, it looks great on her. I was just thrifting this morning, and a top that I had picked out for her was actually a perfect fit for her and the skirt.

meow-bounce

queermunist she/her - 7mon

Caught some kind of 24-hour thing at the family gathering I guess. I'm at the end of it now, I think, but I was mildly uncomfortable all day yesterday! Talking was basically no-go, unless I went really deep, and uh, no lol

Fortunately my sickness ended up being mostly one/two days which isn't too bad

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 7mon

::: spoiler discussion of sex drive horniess I started prog 2 weeks ago. Due to relationship and family holiday circumstances, I can't have sex and I can't easily find the quiet time to masterbate.

Especially because I now tend to need to use the magic wand to get a spectacular orgasm versus a mediocre one. I also like to watch softcore BDSM stuff which again too noisy.

I'm going feral. It weird because before E I'd have erections which I don't this feel like an erection right behind my eyes.

My friend is complaining about relationship stuff and I'm thinking "I need to physically torture a twinkle until he cries" (so I guess I am a bit homoflexible). :::

::: spoiler reflection bdsm Huh I think I am a switch but in that I'd never sub for a man and I'd be hesitant to Dom a woman. But would enthusiastically do the opposite. Well more enthusiastically with a woman. But I met a trans man recently who I would like to be so mean too. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Masturbation for me is usually about the act to preserve skin/clearing out prostate gunk. It is nice to get comfy with myself but most of the time its more like a chore. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Yeah I sometimes joke it's penis-preserving-masturbation. If do it manually or hurriedly it's definitely a chore.

I find with time, a magic wand, privacy and the right media (softcore BDSM involving trans people) I can get a full body melting sensation and often back to back orgasms.

So it's like I need a clear schedule and some quiet. :::

The trans coffin in dark souls 2 rocks, got remorse after character creation just take on the ogres and hope in. That and being able to respec your character is pretty nice.

Literal gatekeepers

A troop of combat savvy trans people could take them on with bows and arrows and afterwards you got your trans coffin that doesn't get used up. Honestly make a covenant out of it all

rogan josh notes for next time:

actually remember the bay leaves
fry the onions less, in a wider pan, using less oil
buy whole cardamom pods
add some more brightness/sweetness. More cardamom, mace, and cloves should do
sub yogurt and butter for vegan equivalents
more star anise too. not traditional or authentic but very tasty
go slightly easier on the dye powder stuff

Well, great thing about doing injections is that the injection needles are actually useful. They are better for digging under my skin than using the nail cutter or scissor.

Please do not judge me. The itch of ingrown hairs makes me act irrationally.

Also, I am somewhat over my fear of needles now. Cause my mental state is just better now. I feel significantly happier currently. I guess being around people feels nice, even if they are my family.

The itch of ingrown hairs makes me act irrationally.

I feel this in my soul. I am a menace with tweezers.

Ugh my boobs are still so tiny

Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 7mon

yea doggirl-cry

So I want to get some boots because I think they'd look nice, but I really hate how it feels when the boot shaft is too high, which to me is anything above this. Does anyone have good recommendations for shorter boots? Ideally something androgynous and without a big heel or platform

What's your size?

12W/10.5M 🙃

Honestly, that's not too bad, as a lot of women's shoe brands top out at 12. Will take a look and get back to you.

Yeah as a girl with 13 feet this is my pain

Same.

catgirl-flop

mendiCAN [none/use name] - 7mon

golly that's a lotta shoes to buy

I had the surgery

Waow thank you meow-hug

There are different measurements for men and women? Wtf? I thought shoe size was just a scale with numbers that go up.

Women's is just men's +1.5 for whatever reason

Okay then, pointlessly gendered but whatever

US sizing is weird. Despite using US sizing my whole life, I've known my EU size better than my US size for like a decade now.

::: spoiler family shit I've "calmed down" so to speak from a couple days ago,,, I'm still pissed, still can't stop thinking about it, like itching at a wound, but I'm not like freaking out. Managed to sleep. It was kind of inevitable that it was going to come to this, but I've fully decided to cut my family out. There are a few things that make it so I can't divest immediately, a few things that need to fall in place as an alternate support structure, but I've got a plan and should be able to get the ball rolling on it in the summer. There's just no hope for people who look for excuse after excuse for why it's okay for them to hurt you. Sometimes you have to cut off a sick branch so that the tree can grow strong. Or something, idk I'm not an arborist. :::

::: spoiler cw kink someone made a mod for Morrowind where if you taunted an npc there was a chance they would say, "Don't bully me. I'll cum.", and the memory of the mod pops into my head in the most inopportune moments thinking-about-it :::

I think winter time might rule. I naturally come off as pretty androgynous, and with layers + mask + earrings I have had people treat me veeeerrrrry differently at the store. Until I talk 😮‍💨 Then they honestly seem to get kind of angry with me? I don't have vocal dysphoria, but I'll probably voice train anyway to keep myself safe.

I'm thinking of pivoting from design to communication in a science communicator kinda way for my master's degree, and focusing on maybe trans-related info, just some random thoughts that had been popping up in my head. It's either that or going for another bachelor's but in biochemistry or biomedicine or something, because I realized I like looking up info about the human body, hormones, medicine and even food, nutrients. So like, I wanna work in relation to those areas, maybe directly, or maybe just in a scientific dissemination way. But I think working in a lab or doing a more objective type of study/work than a visual thing could be easier and a better fit for me.

Not sure why I went for design actually, but uh, now I have this degree and there is no work, the most I can find is just some terrible social media positions or some highly competitive UI/UX ones. I'm tired and don't know what to do. Maybe I should focus on getting some income first, I can try getting to a public university later.

I got drunk and played around in the local elementary school playground. Mfs have a whole obstacle course.

What a nice new years night.

I've never been drunk but that sounds wonderful

I am not currently dooming about trans. But I am dooming about homework kobeni-sweat

I lowkey haven’t even checked my final grades for my college courses and the semester finished 2 weeks ago 🪦

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 6mon

::: spoiler comfortable situation at the airport (mention of groping)

This time I didn't get groped by airport security guards! Nice. It would have been especially bad since my dad was with me.

Still, the guards made me freak out about being outed at the fucking airport security check cause they started to go through my bag.

It was all over a bottle of face mask rub that I forgot about.

shallot [she/her] - 7mon

Friendship ended with nixos, now arch is my best friend

(I just want my damn dotfiles and also the wiki is so good)

It might be time to install Arch on my desktop again. I literally don't use Windows so I've got an entire partition I can free up.

Hell yeah

I don't know what I'd do without the arch wiki

Same I’d be so fucked lol

Which flavor of arch and which desktop environment? I've been loving Cachy with KDE Plasma, as a former Windows user 🙂 It's everything I liked about Windows minus all the extremely agitating minutia lol

Just arch-flavored arch with hyprland + waybar + wofi. There are some rough edges where I need to git gud but I like it so far. This is my first time away from kde in like a decade lol.

The install was hella janky cause my network was all fucked so I booted into the nixos live usb, curl’d an arch iso, dd’d it onto the live usb, and yolo’d from there.

awrf [pup/pup's] - 7mon

Just a heads up if you didn't already know, Hyprland is written by [1] a transphobic 4chan chud [2]

Yea, he sucks. Frankly a lot of devs suck; I’ll still use FOSS if it’s good. Idk.

Although that said I’m also considering checking out sway, since I might be able to reuse some of my configs on my work machine. Idk how readily that’d work without more research, but maybe?

Well it took like a week but it just froze up on me during a workspace switch, so I’m definitely in the market for something more reliable

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 7mon

I have finished the cheerleader book, and it is very, very good! I am once again prompting you to check it out.

So I finished The Good Place and now I'm close to having an existential crisis. So how is everyone else doing?

Cried a lot today.

Liked the good place, don't watch many shows but that one was worth it.

I couldn’t finish the show cuz of this, I have OCD and when I was young I’d freak tf out over the idea of death and I don’t want that again 😭 season 1 was great though lol

“JASON figured it out?!”

Every now and again just gotta pluck that big ass hair sticking out of my eyebrows just to feel good but then I wonder how did that one come about and why down the line another appears anyway

::: spoiler weight + mention of self-harm

Me being forced to eat by my parents

Me being forced wear proper clothes outside instead of letting me freeze myself.

It is affecting my caloric balance. More calories = more disgusting belly fat.

I will compensate for this with an adequately self harming lifestyle.

Otherwise, the judgemental people in my imagination will laugh at me.

I've been wanting to tell my friend about my self harm relapses but she's continually stressed about a bunch of things and I'm apprehensive about adding to it. Especially because I'll be coming clean to a lie of omission/creatively deceptive phrasing. There's also a much bigger lie I'll have to tell about how/when it happened but that one is pretty much mandatory or I know she'll feel guilty and that's the last thing she needs right now.

We're hanging out this weekend, I'll see if there's a good moment for it

::: spoiler self harm Yea, that's always tough especially when you haven't been talking about it meow-hug in addition to how hard relapsing is. Sorry you've been struggling with it lately.

Also always hate having to lie about details like that. :::

Skipped dinner last night to read some philosophy very-smart at least I think it's philosophy still haven't broke through the foreword and intro yet. Honestly good call gonna eat my oats and ponder reality I'll post any breakthroughs with a spoiler for the insufficiently woke.

brain saw it as "skinny dipped to read philosophy" at first glance and that sure is a lot different,,,

I don't doubt that is another form of philosophy more advance that I'm unaware of just yet

We must become a naked part of the forest to philosophize about about it an-eco-heart

If I get laser, how much do I need to let my hair grow before hand?

My provider gives instructions to shave the morning of, so I'm not sure if you need to grow out the hair at all.

Huh ...

same with my provider, essentially if you have long hairs the laser will just burn those and not go under the skin, if i remember correctly.

just do a wet shave the morning of and it should be fine

I shave the night beforehand; laser does not require growing out your hair like electrolysis does.

For folks that are in the US: I don't know if it's a glitch or bad timing, but Juvia's Place has almost everything 45% off, and concurrently has a coupon code that stacks. So, if you want some quality makeup that's 77.5% off, then idk how long your window is, but go for it:

https://www.juviasplace.com/

Thank you but also my wallet negative

Makeup Post

Going to head out soon to burn some Christmas money going makeup shopping with my partner. I've been using this morning to go through my extant products and consider what I'd benefit from. I was thinking about trying to look for a new foundation/concealer, but double-checking my Juvia's Place (good quality drugstore price brand focusing on women of color) "I Am Magic" I think I am going to try to wear it a bit more before making a new investment. The tone match is really good with it, and the reason I stopped using it was because I thought it was a bit hot/thick, but now that I've gotten better with application I think I should be able to make better use of it.

On the other hand, I realized that at some point I mixed up my Juvia's Place "I Am Magic" concealer shade (I guess I though the number was a linear scale), so I do need to fix that and replace it. The Juvia's Place contour sticks also look neat, so I may look at getting color matched for a contour/sculpt pair as well. I am also looking for some different lip liners as well as a dark nude lipstick to try out some gradient lip effects and maybe another nail shade.

To make this a less navel-gazey, I really recommend anyone trying to get into makeup go to a makeup store to get color matched. I tend to shop at Ulta (has both drugstore and premium brands), and at the locations I've gone to (in towns in a relatively rural red state), the staff has been kind and gender affirming.

EDIT: From what I've found, Stef Sanjati's 101 makeup video is an amazing resource for transfems (link: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=Vr5ALBA342c). She has had FFS and thorough facial hair removal, so I personally have to adjust some of the recommendations (heavier on the color corrector, more contouring on the forehead), but everyone has different face and eye shapes so things like blush and contour application have a learning curve regardless. Of course, she has light skin, so that also requires a grain of salt.

EDIT2: If folks have good recommendations for tutorials for darker skinned transfeminine makeup and as well as transmasculine makeup, I would appreciate it because I have some IRL friends who would be interested.

I've been so emotional today as well, frustratingly I can't even really pinpoint anything to talk about. Everything with work ended up working out both for today and the weekend though so that's good.

::: spoiler sad/horny I HATE feeling horny when I'm emotional like this, doing any kind of anything just upsets me so bad further. WHY do I have to feel horny and have emotions at the same time. :::

When people ask for time off, my boss just drops them from the schedule without even making the hours available. This obviously leaves us short any time anyone requests time. I'm so fucking annoyed. At least leave the shift up so maybe we won't be screwed. Also I have people complaining to me they want hours. I am so unreasonably pissed at her. I don't even want to fucking work and then she does this. So now I'm probably just fucked tomorrow. I don't even want to work it. I didn't want to work it with an appropriate amount of staff. Fuck you too I guess.

I hate work. I wanna quit. I've been wanting to quit. Its not even all this I just fucking hate it. I also feel hopeless about getting something decent. Fuck work. Why is this so hard for me

God I really wanna quit too. I hope we both get to do so on our own terms.

I'll get to quit this year but still, fuck. Also no guarantees I'll get something better. Fuck work

New youtuber I'm watching does an ad for some couples app "you just pay for this service and put it on 2 phones and get to know each other" k-pain mfw I only have one phone

put it on your one phone twice to get to know yourself centrist

who needs meditation and dairies when I can just use my phone even more

they say the touchscreen is a window into the soul 😌

Communism is when no phone and capitalism is many phone I'm some sort of soc dem with the one phone boohoo

Moonstruck_Theorist [comrade/them] - 6mon

Got a more femme haircut that I'm loving. It was my first haircut in over a year, and it's exciting to have a longer look that I like!

I'm stir crazy from the holidays. Eager to give meeting people IRL another go.

tamagotchicowboy [he/him] - 6mon

My basement shitsploded to celebrate new Years' due to tree roots getting into some of the drains, since I'm basically the live in repair man I had to snake them out, patch that up and clean up the terrible mess. Hopefully the fix lasts through the winter.

I see my retail hell job's hours are tanking low af and while snooping around I saw they eventually plan to let people go rather than the typical Jan-April give workers 4hrs a month see who quits. I lucked out on this last year since I was on the only closer, this year they managed to retain a few workers who have actual connection to the community, so I'm seeing the drop. I can make utility payments using my online job and ebay flipping, but anything else is going to be a challenge.

Shower/shave before sleep is goated, before anyone says wet hair just put a towel on your pillow. Got a date later tonight in my dreams so gonna be showing up fresh 😌

The downside of having boobs. They hurt when squeezed. They hurt during cuddling and even during hugs. Such tragedy.

They will become less sensitive with time fortunately. But yeah it's intense in the beginning.

My partner has been on HRT (diy) for about 6 weeks now, and I keep accidentally bumping her boobs in an uncomfortable way while we're in bed. I wasthe same way earlier on. It is a struggle.

Every now and again I'll get on a kick of reading all the science of transness I can find, stuff about hrt and the causes of dysphoria and the biology of it all and its all very interesting and information I would like to know. Even just tonight I feel like I learned some useful things.

However, not all of it is good for my brainworms/pessimism. idk how much more I should elaborate.

Also if anyone has anything I should read pls gib. To save you the effort, yes transfemscience

Being trans has been a thing for as long as people have been around, its just a way of being human~ there was a time we were honored in temples or led important rituals/led people in general

It sounds like you should read some fiction. While I'm inclined to recommend the trans cheerleader book again, maybe you need something unrelated to transness - have you read the murderbot diaries?

I just have an insecurity/worm thats been faintly digging around for a while but its okay.

I have actually read more fiction in this last week then the last like year before tbh. Actually haven't, haven't even heard of it until now.

Oh they're good; the first one is "All Systems Red" by Martha Wells. They're short scifi books. The main character is a security robot who hacked itself to gain control over its body/actions, and doesn't feel like it fits in with regular people.

I love these books so much!!

::: spoiler dysphoria Didn't mean to start off the year like this already but whatever

Took my shower. Actually felt pretty decent getting out, happy with my hair. "oh I must be so cute right now" I thought to myself. I look in the mirror. I see my belly. No hips. A horrible beard shadow. My hair looks horrible. My bangs look horrible. Stretch marks. Acne/scars. Overall just some stupid butt ugly guy with awful fucking hair. Why am I stuck like this. Its just awful. Why do I look like a guy. Why am I so ugly. It just hurts so badly.

Why couldn't I have started when I was younger. why did I have to wait until I had a stupid fucking man's body before deciding to try and be a woman. :::

::: spoiler spoiler We are all very bad at judging how we look, through the fog of dysphoria.

When I look in the mirror I just see my dad, maybe more yassified with more estrogen but every year I think I look more like him. My sister says I look more and more like her, I try to listen to her lol

I remember not thinking I had a waist hip ratip that was femme until lately but I actually did in my own personal transition photos years ago... I just literally couldnt see it. It only took about a year or so and it started small but it was there. :::

::: spoiler sadness, dysphoria There is a sadness, a misery, over everything.

I feel doomed to dissociate, to daydream, to otherwise wish my life was different my whole life away. Its so awful now and realistically will still be in the future. I can only think about a hypothetical future where I'm happy. I don't think its actually coming though. I can't work hard enough. I can't suffer through voice training enough. I'm not outgoing enough. I can't do what it takes. I'm too big.

This magical better future is never coming. I can't do enough to get there. I can barely tread water. Why can't I just be there. Having a job I don't hate, friends, an SO, my own place. BUT NO ITS TOO FUCKING HARD, ITS TOO MUCH, ITS NOT FUCKING HAPPENING. I'M SITTING IN THIS FUCKASS HOUSE FEELING MISERABLE INSTEAD. I'M NOT THERE AND NEVER WILL BE. I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME :::

Once I finish my current Web novel, I will take a long break from reading web novels and force myself to do actually interesting things. Things I can talk to people on dates about (lol, who knows how much longer I will spend boymodding before trying romance?)

Wayhaven is good.

How do you know the reverend insanity fanart is legit, and not just something the fans stole from another series?

They draw the protagonist as a femboy or maid.

HexaSnoot [none/use name] - 7mon

Pickled/fermented foods are one of the best categories of foods. What do you suggest I try?

Things I like:

-pickled/fermented veggies. (So far kimchi, saurkraut, pickles, relish. I'd like to try pickled mushrooms and carrots.)

-Non-alchoholic kombucha

-Miso soup

Things I dislike/don't want:

-alcohols

-I ate a full medium-sized bowl of stinky tofu hoping that by the end I'd acquire the taste for it, and I didn't. To me it just kept on tasting like garbage, and I say that with no hate it's just not for me.

-I wouldn't try that European fermented and canned fish(Forgot what its called. I worry I'll react like youtubers who immediately gagged when it was opened three feet away from them.)

Maybe I'd try:

Fermented fish in other forms? I know theres fish pastes that you mix with a liquid and dip your food in. I doubt I'd like it, but if I end up liking it I'll be really happy.

+1 for pickled onions. But also pickled beets are amazing. Super nice and earthy.

Yes I have a suggestion for many different types of pickled vegetables. Have you tried pickled red onions? its pretty easy to make! I add extra garlic bc I like eating the pickled garlic. Also pickled jalapeno or habanero, carrot, and onionn in a jar together... I also do cucumber salad where you salt the cucumber, squeeze out the juices / rinse with water, add vinegar, soy sauce, and sugar. Pickled ginger but I havent made that yet, but I enjoy it immensely (I love ginger)

I like pickled ginger. Someone told me that it's good for nausea when nothing else is working, and that it works better if you chew it up before swallowing it. And if you don't want to chew, it'll still help if you swallow a thin strip of pickled ginger whole with water.

I think I'll eventually try the rest of what you mentioned. I'm most curious about pickled red onion.

I am so incredibly tired, I want to nap but it's too late for that, and too early to sleep.

Disco Elysium is probably the only game where enabling cheat mode has want me to play more of it not less. The story is always great but seeing so many things and so many stuff about the world and the characters I normally wouldn't is giving a new life for this game to me niko-wonderous

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 6mon

::: spoiler self harm urges Perhaps nothing will help me. The situation is awful. The dysphoria is awful. The effort required to not feel as dysphoric is awful. I want to relapse. Cut myself. I am trying everything else I can think of. What used to work. But it really is that horrible, people really don't have words to take it away, hmm. God I crave the feeling again. Something to make this pain better. God I hate being trans. The dysphoria is so bad. The effort is so bad. Everything is bad and horrible. And I'm alone. :::

Got my new humidifier going full blast and omg finally this is soothing. No wonder it's taking me so long to get healthy again after catching a couple illnesses this month, it's way too dry in my house.

::: spoiler mental health spiraling

Sigh, mental health taking a hit again. Lonely feelings already back. Physical health also in bad shape (fever)

Plus, I'm getting paranoid ... I think. I've been peeling my skin too much and I hope it doesn't become a pattern of self-harm.

I've also been thinking that I should start making friends with cis girls. But I feel incredibly inferior to them. I can't even bring myself to approach them or talk to them.

Why oh why am I closing myself off even more after starting transitioning? I was told it would be the opposite.

Sometimes I make comments then delete them cause I don't want to open a can of worms. And sometimes, it's too shameful even by my standards bleh

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 6mon

::: spoiler CW anxious thoughts OCD alcohol So I have had a tremor all day, it's almost certainly because the coffee I had at a cafe must have been much stronger than what I'm used to.

But I've been drinking more alcohol than normal due to holiday period. When I don't really drink.

So I couldn't shake an intrusive thought/obsession that it could be getting alcohol withdrawal. Even though it's so unlikely.

I ended up caving and doing a shot of pisco to check and it's not better so I checked that off but I'm still feeling anxious and I feel gross. And I'm disappointed I gave into that checking impulse because that's what you're not meant to do. :::

In Mount and Blade Bannerlord, if you take a Town from another Culture you suffer a -3 penalty to loyalty. If you appoint a governor not of their culture it's another -1. If loyalty drops low enough it affects the economy, building projects and an open rebellion can happen. So the solution is quite realistic and pragmatic. You appoint a local comprador to be governor (+1 loyalty). You throw celebrations in the short term to try to win the population over with bread and circuses. You keep a huge garrison which increases security which slowly drags loyalty up and prevents rebellion. Over time you pay off all the local important political figures to support you getting further loyalty. You build law courts and other projects to improve loyalty. You have kingdom wide laws that improve loyalty through granting certain rights etc. Finally with enough time the occupied settlement is a relatively stable and loyal part of your empire, it won't be as loyal as your core but enough to rule over ( like 70/100 instead of 90/100).

So that's why it feels like every second player commenting on reddit/forums is like "Why can't I just do genocide?"

You have kingdom wide laws that improve loyalty through granting certain rights etc.

i do kinda enjoy that you're usually the only lord trying to push through Forgiveness of Debts, Tribunes of the People and Trial by Jury. all of these take power away from the nobility and cant have that! very realistic

pineapple-stroll on my way to abolishing sefdom

Is mpreg a trans related topic 🤔?

I genuinely don't want to transition. I don't want to learn or do all the things. Spend the money. The pain. Deal with all of it. I just dont want to actually transition. I hate the thought of doing it. Of that I am doing it.

In all likelihood I'm going to get forced out of the closet eventually by breast growth, or just dysphoria driving me insane and making me come out. I don't want to. Especially with how I look/sound. I don't want to put in all the effort.

Manifestation videos are now falling to the trappings of video game mechanics, the vids that will let you fast track your manifestations are now behind members only and the rest of us wondrous chumps have to wait longer niko-concern I'll keep my hope and wonder alive as I move back to listening to video game OSTs at least I'll have that

I like the dream like trances I get in, it'll be like behold the Gundam model I've been working on for weeks look how good the paint job is niko-wonderous and then me going how could I have been working on this for that long I literally just pulled it out the ether niko-what anyway I think I should get into models now

::: spoiler Warsails Update I haven't done this for a while. our We managed to push the hated Vlandians out of our lands, I ended up lord of Quyaz through the trick of giving up my castle right before the vote. The town was pretty devastated by their occupation and it's the frontline for any Vlandian or Western Empire Naval invasion. So it wasn't the best prize. But it's also the closest town to the strait into this fictional Mediterranean so it's strategically very important. I had to spend some years building the walls up, but finally I'm working on civic projects and the town is growing but it's still only average wealth. The funny thing is now that I have good walls, a strong garrison and a fleet that can intercept any invasion, the Vlandians are not so keen.

I got the perk that lets me recruit land based bandit parties so I travel North once in a while to recruit Sea raiders as well. I got the perk that lets me turn bandit troops into normal troops. Was kind of the end of an era. Promoting instantly 70 something Corsair Chiefs into Barriyah (naval archers). I turn the Sea raiders into Nord Berserkers which is a fun aesthetic to have. These random Bear skin wearing Nords with two handed axes. Still I managed to suggest and support a bunch of policies. Including amnesties for pirate, so now whenever I check into my town there's always some random Corsairs for me to grab and train into Naval Archers. Feels like my character had a good arc of bringing pirates over to my faction.

Had an amazing battle where I was trying to break a siege by sea through their blockade. Some 700 men versus my 200. I had 2 big ships and a medium one. I lashed my three together to make a floating defense. They managed to instantly break one of my ballistae with a naval ram, something I didn't know could happen. But I raked in 40 kills at least with one ballista. The tallest ship I have is equipped with arrow barrels so the archers there just kept firing the whole time. Devastated their little boats. Still the melee on the decks was touch and go but we won with like 50 dead and twice that wounded. I limped into the port with SEVEN lords and TWENTY-FIVE captured ships.

After a hiatus of 5 years my wife at 30 is pregnant with her 7th child, an auspicious gift!