HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

SwitchyandWitchy* (12/29 - 1/4)
peanutbuttercupola* (1/5 - 1/11)
Wmill*  (1/12 - 1/18)
Alisu* (1/19 - 1/25)
Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1)
Eco* (2/2 - 2/8)
GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15)
oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22)
Shaleesh* (2/23 - 3/1)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

STABBED MYSELF WITH A NEEDLE, IT'S GIRL TIME!!

Can't believe I'm 2 1/2 months on E.

Hi hi~ I felt like I should post a little update on how things have been going. Unfortunately I'm still super busy so I won't be active (thesis hell is real) but I also wanted to let you all know I'm alive and doing good. Very good actually.

Immediately I'm really proud of where I've gotten even if it's not quite as far as I'd have liked. I currently have more money saved up than I had when I got kicked out 2 years ago and idk, even though its not a lot I'm really really proud of myself for reaching this point. All my grad applications are in and I'm hopeful about my chances too, and I'm getting ready to move for grad school this summer. I'm still really busy though, I kinda gave myself way too much work this semester and I'm still kinda recovering from that which has been messing with my theses more than I'd have liked.

On the trans side I started prog and its been nice (though has definitely had its effects on me), also made some closer irl friendships which have been helpful too.

And the biggest bit is I have a partner now and we're so gay oml. Unfortunately its long distance but we've been spending so much time together and its been so nice and comfortable and its just feels right. We were already best friends for like the past year, but now, ah I love zir so much ze's so perfect and aaahhhhhhh.~ Its been so nice and I'm so happy and excited about everything moving forward.

Came out to my parents back in September (I'm an adult, financially stable, and safe just to put that out there) and they have not taken it well.

::: spoiler spoiler

So when they asked what I wanted for Christmas at the start of September I said "nothing until you access me as your daughter". Well I'm sure you all know how well that went... Transphopes gonna transphobe. Well, they basically ordered me to call them back and tell them what I wanted. Lol. Nope. Thats not how this works. So I didn't. But protecting your peace is difficult, especially with ones parents.

I got a phone call this morning with my dad yelling at me for being selfish etc, etc. So now I'm crying, drinking my coffee, and reading about emotionally immature parents so that I can get on with my life.

But my in-laws have been great (and literally everyone else in my life but my parents) so I am grateful for that.

:::

Also 2.5 months of hrt = tears, lots of tears apparently

Sick and need to be someone's cuddly gf

Oh hey I got a 3.73 this semester, nice.

If a male family member offers me a hand shake at Christmas like they would another male relative, they get me ignoring it and going for the hug where I press my breasts against them and I hold it just an imperceptible moment too long.

They brought this on themselves.

After not drinking caffiene for many weeks, I tried an energy drink again. And now I'm straight up nauseous and panicking. I used to drink this shit daily

Merry Christmas to the queer commies in my phone. Love and support to all of you dealing with misgendering and casual transphobia over the holidays.

Went to a sports game where some 16-yr olds were being belligerent dickheads. When I turned around to stop them from fighting my sibling, they said I looked like a girl :) so far so good, especially for 1 week on E and rocking cold weather gear

Person at the gender clinic sir'd me. Girls what even is this shit lmao.

i don’t have a lot of hard evidence for it but philippines has to be one of the top lesbian countries. i’ve only been here for a bit under a week, but i see signs. here’s the label for some laundry detergent:

i also saw one of those airplane/skymall type magazines showing a lesbian couple going to all the tourism spots they were advertising. i don’t have photos but you have to believe me

i went to my aunt and uncle’s house and in the bathroom there was a painting of a woman by my aunt that would be nsfw to post here

make of this information what you will

A sign now exists because of me ::: spoiler spoiler Back at the library and I'm opening the bathroom door, they changed the hinges and I slam the door open against the wall. Those doors normally took a lot to open and I just thought I got super strong over the weekend :::

Apparently its fucking impossible for my family to keep a door closed so I had to run all over the neighborhood (its fucking freezing) while sick to catch this fucking dog. FUCKING CLOSE THE DOOR GOOD GOD

I started estrogen on the 25th of Feb, this makes Christmas day my 10 month anniversary every year which seems fitting.

Used to be apathetic to Thanksgiving and Christmas, now I actively dislike it :christmas-cool: Between being vegan in a carnist family and the weird ways my in-laws gender activities, I'm at my wit's end. No shade to people who like it, it's just overstimulating to me anymore.

Thinking I will come out in the new year, so I may not have to worry about family activities anymore 🫥

I think my mom looked at my chest area suspiciously

::: spoiler family shit, rambling I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

The Christmas zoom call was SO ass. It was horrendous. No one gave a fuck about my name or pronouns. I've written a letter to my family and asked my sibling if it was fair and they said yes. I still don't know if I should send it.

The whole reason I zoomed instead of visited in person was because I didn't want to be trapped there around so many people I despise, with no way of leaving. It's great to know I made the right choice, because not only did I not hear my name basically at all (except for once from my sibling), but my dad was actively an asshole to me. I guess he simply couldn't help it.

I wore my favorite dress, did my nails all nice, had my name on the zoom set to my name and pronouns. I did everything. No one forgot. No one cared.

I find out from my sibling today that while they were there in person, any time my grandma tried to bring anything up about my gender transition, my dad would shut her down by saying "please, let's just have a good day." So it seems like everyone may have been to afraid to ruin my dad's favorite holiday, so I was the sacrificial lamb. "Let's have a good day." Amazing how I didn't have one of those.

Every single bone in my body is telling me never to talk to my dad ever again and just cut ties. I desperately want to be able to. He is an irredeemable asshole. I genuinely hate him. The only thing keeping me from just doing it is the knowledge that my grandma lived with him. Shes 90 years old and if I ever want to see her again in person, I have to put up with the family nonsense.

It's also a thing where I'm scared of cutting off from pretty much the only family I have left, even if they're bad for me. :::

Used to think I didn't like "Mr" because honorifics are bad. Now I know I just don't like honorifics. Much rather be called bitch than "Ms".

Also, first time to be assumed to be my brother's wife.

I want to stop watching shows and reading stories without queer people. Feels like I've seen enough cishet storylines to last me a life time.

I think about the stories that mean the most to me and, with some exceptions, queerness always plays a role. Those exceptions always include queer fanworks to re-contextualise the characters or the whole story too.

I dyed my hair for the first time! I'm officially blue hair and pronouned up!!

The more openly queer I look, the happier I am :))

Sister's bf trying to get in my good graces

Hey man, how you doin!

:madilene-stare: ppl need to just leave me alone tbh...

Hearing radio ads that go "something something Starbucks... Something something revoke man card" is wild to me. Anyone else remember that period where your gender could be revoked by doing some acts, or that your gender was a card others could take away all that talk if the left is stripping your masculinity was just projection. I am aware these people think in the binary so if not man than woman and we gotta add sexism/misogyny to the mix

A friend I'm really comfortable around is visiting, and as soon as they opened the door and walked in I felt my personality return. It kind of puts in perspective how lonely I actually feel.

I have a few online friends that I talk to a lot and maybe that's why I haven't felt extremely lonely but I really need to find some people irl that I can actually be me around

Work has been fucking awful. So many sick calls, its too busy, they want us to take way too acute patients and we cant get people off our unit. Then we get backed up and theyre mad we cant make a trauma bed appear - like bed coordinator, site manager you made this happen by having us take ortho patients and disposition problem patients.

mewwy cwistmas to all who celebrate

I wanna cry for no reason. This means the E is working

::: spoiler dating, sex I keep seeing content on instagram about dating, romance and hookups and it makes me feel lonely. :::

6 days :) I’m so worn out from family shit that I don’t think I’m noticing many effects . I want to fight my siblings and cry, but they always irritate me so that could easily be separate. Still not drinking but I’m absolutely surrounded by alcohol which sucks. I can’t wait to come out next year and go to my partner’s family for the holidays. They’ve already started calling me she while I’m still “man, dude, boy” to my immediate family… maybe this is the estrogen cuz I kinda feel like crying despite nothing bad really happening. One sibling “they”d me which I guess is progress. It feels shitty and ungrateful to say, but I’m so exhausted I wish I was back home

WHEW they weren't kidding about estrogen making your emotions more intense

I think my boobs are getting sorer? Been about a month since I started injections, maybe that has something to do with it

Got all 175 strawberries in Celeste, all but one B side (the summit).

edit: on the final ascent of the summit B side

Work sucks tonight. 1:10 ratio right now (I have 10 patients) and the other side is gonna go down to 1:10 too soon. This is unit is orgnaized around "team" nursing but Ive been a team of 1 every other shift here its ridiculous. Im basically just waiting for a sentinal event and praying its not on my shift.

I FEEL IT IN MY FINGERS, I FEEL IT IN MY TOES!

::: spoiler spoiler CHRISTMAS IS ALL AROUND ME, AND SO THE FEELING GROWS! :::

I got an email from my registered gender clinic asking about my insurance details so that they know who to charge money for the healthcare they will provide me ... starting 3 years from now (expected wait time).

Since feeling better the last few days, I've also noticed myself being randomly emotional/crying about things again and more often then ever. Several times a day, usually only for a few minutes at most though. Random things, like wanting a partner etc, not the same as my deep sadness. I assume just normal E emotions but it is still a thing.

So it seems recently that my libido is now closer to what it was before HRT than immediately after. Interesting.

Went from 100% to 5% to now 60%.

And I'm feeling deep yearnings.

Getting anxious to see changes happen in the next weeks. I know it will take months for most changes, but still anxious for the earlier ones

Up with trans!

This holiday sucks

Well chat, overall had a good Christmas, obv being closeted sucks super bad but it was still okay. Felt good which is really what matters most. Hope everyone else is okay. Wish my mood was more stable.

Starting to wonder how much my inability to enjoy dancing was actually just dysphoria in a hat

Yuri

Forgot my coffee, sooo tired

Thought of a few of you on the first video of my nightly doomscroll

::: spoiler spoiler It's "emotional dimorphism" and ig biting is a way to regulate the emotion of being overwhelmed by cuteness. ::: spoiler spoiler More of a thing for me now :::

I’m so fucking sick of my towering teen boy coworkers commenting on and joking about my height. I’m stealth but it still makes me feel so shit even if they only know me as a man. Just the audacity too, I’m 21 not one of your friends.

::: spoiler sex Just had a 4some with my tboy bf and 2 other tgirls and omg omg omg omg. Freaky t4t group sex for hours is the greatest thing on earth. I love my removed removed life :::

There is this guy (on reddit) posting pics of him doing body art on his arm with mehndi. Example in the linked picture. As you can guess, the comments consist entirely of people denying that the guy is a guy, or them calling him a twink and talking about how "breedable" he is.

I swear to God you need some thick fucking skin to post pictures of yourself on the Internet if you are even slightly feminine (menhdi is typically associated with Indian women).

Cried a bit at this beautiful short film about being trans: One Day I May | Animated Short Film 2024

I sometimes want the body of a man and other times of a woman. What do I do about this? I love my body and I want to keep all my original body parts, I just want to be able to morph back and forth as I wish. Does anyone relate?

I believe there is no gender affirming surgery for me because I would never change away from the female parts of me without being able to instantly return back to my original body whenever I want.

Experimenting with hair removal because electrolysis is expensive, been intermittently ripping out body hairs for a while now, had a new idea recently while doing so: I've been hearing since I was a kid that you shouldn't disinfect cuts with peroxide or alcohol because it will worsen scarring and make it heal slower, and scarring of the hair follicle is what makes the hair stop growing back, so maybe waxing/epilating+one of those fluids=hair not come back? I assume someone has already thought of and tried this because I never have original ideas but I can't find anything evidence of it online. I tried it anyway and it made the pores sting where hairs were removed but that doesn't necessarily mean anything, I'm maintaining a control group area that's being plucked but not alcohol washed as well but it's definitely too early for a noticeable difference in results. If anyone knows of science about this or can provide a scientifically plausible explanation of why it would or wouldn't work I would appreciate it.

HELLO, WORLD!

Made an ill-advised Google search and LMAO

::: spoiler self harm :::

Can always count on Jeffy B to hook you up

I really wish I had some trans women friends. I need to talk and be talked to more. I had made a few friends here and that was peak, before they left. I think about them every day. And many, many failed attempts.

I'm sad and lonely tonight.

Um so I saw a recording of myself and didn't hate it. I also didn't hate hearing myself. I actually kind of liked hearing myself wtf? So that's cool. I actually felt really comfy as a very obviously trans woman tbh.

the wiggles then: Fruit Salad! Yummy yummy!

the wiggles now: Woke salad! They/them pronouns!

what happened to america?????????

Came out to my partner as gender questioning on Christmas evening. It did not go very well, but it could have been worse. Sometimes when there's conflict, I question whether I actually believe what I'm saying. I'm proud that I stood firm this time that this is something necessary and important to me.

A year on HRT and my boobs are still pretty small and can be confused for moobs from some perspectives. Can I expect more growth this next year?

::: misgendering

was only able to stand up for myself once re: misgendered by family members but the person was very sorry and did their best to make sure not to do it again so we take what we can get right now (im so sleepy when will they go home lol)

:::

I really do not want to return to work after my break. I hate work so much, its so exhausting. Even without full time it feels like it takes everything I have. I've thought about trying to cut back on hours a little, and I definitely would over quitting. It is very disheartening that 30~ has me this tired and done and wanting to quit when I need to work more.

Sick and miserable and trying not to misery post since I already do that a lot

::: spoiler voice dysphoria I will say being sick has made my voice even worse holy fuck :::

Swinging on the bars,

I hit my leg on a pillar,

What harsh winter pains ...

I had a nice, quiet Christmas. I was home from college for the holidays so I was staying at my parents' house^[they accept that I'm trans more or less]^[they are also both liberal religious Catholics]. Then we went over to my grandma's house for dinner^[she's a good cook] and I stayed with her for the night. In short I had a great time.

I have gone from being in love with my boobs to hating them cause they are so fucking itchy all the time and their shape is wierd

::: spoiler silly toxic masculinity Learned through the grapevine that my mother-in-law was going to give me a nice candle for Christmas (she knows I love candles) and my father-in-law shot it down because "that's a gift women give to other women or men they have a crush on." What the fuck? I'm not out, but holy shit what a hyper-specific, meaningless gender rule. I have given men in my family flowers and candles AND THEY LOVE IT! Some cis people are ridiculous. :::

Hackers 1996 trans headcannon : transmasc Acid Burn and transfem Crash Override (or reverse) lesbian t4t couple take down AI data centers

Christmas is over, family ate some of my potatoes and corn muffins, but my pumpkin bread got put to the side and covered up because the table was too full and no one saw it and so no one ate my dang pumpkin bread. 🙄

::: spoiler misgendering Had a little bit of a breakthrough recently. Got dysphoria from being told how refreshing it is to see a cis man care about skincare and fragrances, two of the things I've grown to care about because they feel like femme expression to me. I have never liked being called a man, but that juxtaposition made it crystal clear for me why. :::

Weirdly it put me in a better mood because I feel I'm growing more certain of my identity. Thanks to everyone here who has been helping me navigate this :)

::: spoiler depression, dysphoria I'm getting depressed about my hair again. Also, I have no privacy in this place, I wish I could just go to my room and cry. :::

"Stand users attract other stand users" is true as hell because my friend group is like 95% queer and/or neurodivergent, and that was completely without seeking out each other. I have a lot of friends and we all bonded over being slightly weird, and now looking at things, nearly all of us are either queer or neurodivergent. I think I have two, maybe three friends who are straight and neurotypical, and I have a lot of friends so that's saying something. This is completely unintentional on our behalfs because very few of us knew we were queer and/or neurodivergent growing up together

my wife said "this band is better than nirvana" not realizing hole is courtney love's band hehehe

https://youtu.be/cH_rfGBwamc

"when they get what they want, they never want it again"

I got 3 chapter left of Judith butler and when I done with them gonna feel so fucking smart

Did remember injection Friday and getting it out now.

Tried messaging my cousin again. We've been talking very rarely, it feels very unfortunate for me. She said she loved me so much, but doesn't keep chatting or message first or anything like that. I'm trying not to assume the worst or anything but- I would feel more loved if we just chatted semi often or she messaged me or anything instead of saying it. And yea, we hadn't talked in years and years before I came out to her, but I don't know. I wish we were working towards a friendship. Our moms talk and apparently she is super excited to see me again etc.

My dad is zoom calling me into the family Christmas gathering tomorrow. Oh that end call button is gonna be so tempting the entire time dear god

How to hide hormone shit from family? The danger of them finding out is like the main reason i havent started diy yet (well, also that im a stupid fuh wholl 2nd guess herself every turn without a handholding guide but i can probably overcome that problem). I can maybe ask some other ppl ik to store it at their places but i want other ideas cuz idk if thatd work

Merry (the war on) Christmas everypony!

::: spoiler spoiler

If I have so much trouble connecting with my own family (my mom keeps telling me that I've become so cold and distant) and panic in the presence of people (been stress eating lately even though I'm on vacation), then I'm just cooked.

:::

::: spoiler mention of detrans and suicide

I'm even getting g thoughts of giving up. Whether that means dying or detransitionining, it doesn't matter. But either way, I have not much motivation left to see things through.

Maybe this is just a result of being in the closet for so long. But I'm going to be in the closet for a long time. Can I make it to the end?

:::

::: spoiler dysphoria, misery So genuinely hard for me to accept that this really is my life, that the dysphoria etc is what it is and there's not going to be an answer. There's nothing someone is going to say that makes me okay with my body, that makes voice training not awful, that makes being trans in this society, in this body, not awful. Its just going to keep on sucking, I'm going to keep feeling miserable and disconnected and longing for what I will never have. Nothing is going to make it okay. Its just not okay. Its awful and painful and the worst experience of my life and its not going to go away or stop or anything. Its hopeless and miserable and terrible. I'll never get what I want.

I can't accept it. I can't do this misery and pain and dysphoria. Why can I not be content in my body as it is. As it could be. Why do I have to feel like this.

Life is hell for me. Its not okay and never will be. I hate being trans and I hate living after T puberty. I hate my stupid fucking awful body and voice. Fucking puberty. Forever. Literally nothing can stop the grief, the pain. I keep trying to fix it but it can't be. ::: support group in a few hours. need to decide what to talk about.

Self-suggestion works. I can usually alter my mood greatly just by telling myself different things. So then why do I tell myself negative things so often? What is the point of indulging in sorrow? How stupid of me to put myself down ...

I told my friend in middle school I transitioned 6 years ago!

He started going down a red pill path in uni, and I dunno, I just never corrected him or told him. I think he's literally the last person I was intentionally withholding from (my dad and I just havent talked but if we did Id tell him.

Friends, shortly after I posted my last trans mega I took a big hit to my mental wellbeing and as a result of this I had little desire to POAST alongside you all. This of course is not an issue as there is no obligation to POAST, however I was presented with many chances to talk about one of my favorite musical acts (Above & Beyond) and I did not take any of them. I never get a chance to talk about OceanLab or Above & Beyond.

Low key mad about that.

Anyways, in reply to a comment by @Red_Eclipse@hexbear.net I have this to say:

YES!!!!! Bigger Than All Of Us was wonderful! It didn't beat Group Therapy for me but it didn't dissapoint by any means. What gets me about the new album is the "character" played by Robert Bedford in contrast to the characters played by Zoe Johnston and Justine Suissa. Bedford's voice sounds older, almost tired, and his songs are about what his songs were about 10+ years ago, failed and toxic relationships. Suissa and Johnston don't sound all that different (though Suissa's voice has taken on a timbre that is just gorgeous) but the lyrics in those songs seem to be from the perspective of people who have settled down and/or have kids. Not sure if that contrast is there intentionally or if that's just my interpretation. Like you mentioned, Above & Beyond have an incredible taste in vocalists, Johnston being my favorite of their frequent collaborators. She brings a surreal and unearthly, at times eerie vibe to club music that I really fuck with. Case in point being Gabriel and Dresden's remix of No One On Earth.

I am so itchy. It’s getting to the point where my last three injection sites just stay itchy. They’ll get better over the week, but then when I inject they’ll be big and red and itchy again no matter how much Claritin or Benadryl I swallow or apply topically. Still better than the alternative, but goddamn I wish I could do this without being basically covered in bee stings most of the time.

I was feeling overwhelmed so I had a nap. Simple fix

::: spoiler spoiler ::: spoiler suicide I should kill myself already

I am so sick of this shit. This nightmare.

Why the fuck did I have to be trans

Why am I sticking around for this shit. It's awful. Everything about this is awful. I just want to stop. I hate living, I hate doing anything. I do not want to exist anymore. This is hell. :::

down with cis

Soggy biscuit with all transfems that have been on HRT for long enough is just normal biscuit

tuxedo mask? more like tuxedo masc 😎 🌹

Listening to pure love in kamurocho really do make me feel Hana's VA is gold and Akiyama just got this suaveness to him.

Up with trans.

I hope I find my soulmate before I'm fully done with my transition so I don't have to start disclosing to every new date

I'm doing the thing my dad used to do, where he couldn't find the exact gift that the extended family wanted and so he got the off-brand version. Deal with it nieces and nephews, I have untreated ADHD and didn't remember Christmas shopping until last week! Now you get to relive my childhood!

I made this meme. The bottom part is a depiction of the scene in Aeneid book 5 where the Trojan women get fed up with the quest to colonize Italy and burn the Trojan fleet and Aeneas, out of frustration, decides to let them settle in Sicily.

My brain tells me that connecting and committing with other people is a burden and expenditure. It is a tie that is difficult to abandon and sever. I have no real rebuttals. Maybe it is more efficient to live life functionally alone. I'm used to it anyway.

Complaining about the cis lol ::: spoiler spoiler

I’m so fucking sick of cis people and their insistence on constantly bullying us, making judgements on what WE need, pretending they’re experts, treating us like subhumans who need to disclose we’re secretly monsters to everyone we meet or else we’re literally abusers, refusing to acknowledge how many trans kids die because of lack of transition healthcare, acting like “natural” puberty isn’t permanent either, acting like kids ask for surgeries or medical treatments on a whim or just for fun, going out of their way to pretend transition doesn’t help and we’re all just miserable, “biological men!!1!1!1!” “Biological women!1!1!2!”, and thinking their arrogant asses know everything about us whilst totally refusing to talk to us.

They’re constantly whining about respecting us being so hard! So confusing! “I just don’t get it!!”

Most of all I’m sick of them blaming US for what we’re going through. Blaming US for our misery at their hands and blaming us for our banned healthcare and blaming us for their abuse and blaming us for our deaths. ANYTHING but accountability or learning. It must be because we were too DEMANDING and “pushed pronouns”! We took up “too much space”! Silly me, forgot they wanted us segregated so they could go on living in their shitty conformist black-and-white hellhole. Better than having to utilize an ounce of empathy and put in the effort of rubbing 2 brain cells together to call someone a different pronoun. That’s just too much!

Genuinely I’m just so sick and tired and pissed off and the rage has nowhere to go. They want the world to be a black and white binary conformist shithole and then act like we’re crazy for pointing out that that’s totally incompatible with the human mind and experience. I am so sick of cis people. :::

::: spoiler Warsails Update I'm really liking where my character is. I'm playing her as the unofficial Spy Master for the Sultan of the Aserai Unqid. He's my father-in-law, my character being married to his youngest daughter. My character keeps turning down offers of a Lordship. Instead is officially just a mercenary getting paid for the influence she gains in fighting enemies and pirates. I own a brewery and an olive press in the capital Sanala where my father-in-law rules from, which feed me rumours. I also have a Silversmith at Askar which is just upriver, which lets me monitor that city.

I have taken over an alley way in Sanala and left an Aserai woman called "the Leopardess" with high roguery who I gave a bunch of reformed pirates to be enforcers. I also have an Imperial woman called "the Black" who controls an Alley in the nearby city of Quaryz which the Vlandian aggressor is occupying. What's fun is I set her up prior to a new war, Alleys don't get taken over like workshops if a city changes hands and they feed information out on troop numbers, while lowering security. It's like I have my own spy/stay behind network.

I have recruited an enormously tall Battanian woman who is a former midwife to be my surgeon (which makes sense I've had like 3 kids already with my lesbian wife). I usually play tall characters but this one I have is average size. So it's fun to see this huge woman standing amongst my other sailors and troops. I'm planning once I get enough men to maybe have two ships, one for me and another for my wife. It's pretty fun, my alleys and my workshops pay for my ship and troops, I target Corsairs and take them prisoner to recruit from them. I have a roguery perk which means I don't lose morale from and my surgeon has the perk that means her surgeon skill applies to the enemy casualties which means way more survive after battle. I'm working my way to a perk that lets me upgrade them to Aserai naval archers but for the moment I'm happy with the corsairs.

Watch sci-fi chinese cultivation donghua

There is a Donald Trump reference in there

::: spoiler cw sex, tech (silly)

Ugh, i reach a point where yeah i just wanna go hook up with folks. Ok what do people do? Apps! Try to install. Aurora is broken. Get apkm file from apkmirror. Yay it installs! Go to open app. Oh right my phone broke so im using my old phone which is running gappsless lineage OS. Apps no worky cause need gapps. Dont even have microg.

Chat, i think my phone is working for the volcel police, what do i do? How do i escape and violate the directive?

::: spoiler misery ::: spoiler some suicide talk I really, really enjoyed not feeling surrounded by hopelessness and wanting to kill myself and hating my stupid trans life for a few nights and I'm already back

Why the fuck am I so fucking miserable instead of being happy and normal.

I'm tired of being pathetic and lonely and miserable and alone and just craving something that's missing. It's breaking me. It might have already. I'm so broken and desperate and hopeless and alone.

god I just want to die and not have to push through this anymore. I'm already broken. Please wtf. I feel like there is nobody :::

Early transition just feels like waiting for my real life to start, idk how so many people here have taken it well, ts sucks

Finally got a chance to start reading the cheerleader book I was talking about last week, and I love it so far

All these years I was afraid to be clocked as too femme… wow you really can be secure in getting “dude”d and “man”d way more than I ever suspected lmao. Like I guess I’m not presenting that fem but like I’d have been afraid to go out like this and get called out. What a dummy I was.

is it normal to get chronic headaches after you stop estrogen

my last dose was almost 2 weeks ago and i’ve had headaches for the past 3 days

i haven’t felt this in years 🫠

Oh shit I have a mega to make...

Just watched Tokyo Godfathers with my partner (my second watch, her first). Definitely made me feel things.

Blowing more money on comics/graphic novels and here’s my latest pick up:

Love and Rockets I’ve always heard good things about but never read. Cú is one I saw that looked neat, basically about the legends involving Cú Chulainn in comic form. I picked up the Gaeilge version because it was in stock but also would be great to help me learn it a little better.

Previous to that, I got some newer EC comics since I was obsessed with the original EC stories (from reprints) when I was a kid:

I’ve already read that volume of Epitaphs of the Abyss and loved it. Working through Cruel Universe now.

Also found out about HaruNeko thanks to cuddlefish on tracha and it’s absolutely amazing. Basically it’s a front end to browse and download stuff from free comic/manga sites. You can find pretty much anything on there and it’s available almost instantly. Pretty great stuff.

::: spoiler dysphoria

Advertising for women's products always triggers my dysphoria. And it's all overpriced branded stuff as well, stuff I have no plans of ever buying (especially since I am scared of buying women's products in public).

Also also, I don't feel comfortable enough with my body to even use sports appropriate clothing (cause it would show things). This does not help with doing stuff.

:::

the OP pic is funny b/c Santa looks like he's just posing for the camera whereas his femme companion is holding that ppsh like she means fuckin business

Conmon autistic t4t first date: take gummies, then someone goes on about their special interest for an hour, trauma dumping, then kinky sex, then eat pizza

It's the best

Sometimes I'll pre move out a bunch of possibilities on my daily chess games and then when I get back to the board I don't even recognize what happened.

Germany Manhood