HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Shaleesh* (12/22 - 12/28)
SwitchyandWitchy* (12/29 - 1/4)
peanutbuttercupola* (1/5 - 1/11)
Wmill*  (1/12 - 1/18)
Alisu* (1/19 - 1/25)
Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1)
Eco* (2/2 - 2/8)
GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15)
oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Lol, I learned about my partner's (who I live with) pronoun shift from they/them to they/she via looking at discord.

I’ve never regretted starting testosterone but it sucks to be on it for 3 years and still having terrible acne despite great hygiene. I’m almost 21 for gods sake, I already am so insecure about looking young. At least I have professionally done tattoos so people know I’m not actually in my late teens but still frustrating.

discovered a new type of ewwphoria: boymoding around conservative relatives who tell you “if you don’t cut your hair already everyone will think you’re a girl, didn’t you notice all those people calling you ma’am???”

I’m tired of not having any kind of human contact outside of work, where I still have to boymode. I’ve been on HRT for almost a year and a half but still don’t feel confident to be myself yet. I have hope still that will eventually change but it definitely gets to me a lot lately.

I forgot to post because I’m wild busy, but I started E yesterdayyyyyyyyy!!!!! I also started bloodborne, hadn’t touched it since youth when I couldn’t beat the cleric beast. Turns out it’s still hard as shit

Here’s some tunes

https://youtu.be/Wrwf5fj4zNI

::: spoiler transphobia Explain to me why my roomies are trying to draw a line between when it's correct to accept trans people and when it's not?

I respect trans people and am an ally, but some people are just doing it for attention

Okay and? Even if that were true who fucking cares?

Some people try to force other people to be trans

Damn I wonder what it's like for people to try to force you to to be a gender you don't identify with. Really must suck tho :::

Imagine we lived in a socialist society and I could get free education/housing so I could actually focus on studying properly instead of commuting 2 hours a day and constantly being depressed about being too scared of telling my parents I'm trans cause they might threaten me with finances.

Wouldn't it be amazing?

I have couples counseling today and I am terrified I will out myself before I'm ready. Wish me luck 💜

Yo this girl convinced her doctor to up her estrogen tablets to 8mg from 6mg, keep her spirolactone at 50mg and is starting prog now at 10 months!

Being agender I don't have that much to say about my gender, so instrad I will say that Dune is not a challenging read as I have heard. Most of the sci-fi is pretty easy to pick up on from context clues. It is, however, very very long, and at the start of the second half I am kinda losing my motivation to keep reading

i may have lost a luggage with most of my guy clothes and i feel like this is the universe’s way of saying i have to do social transition already

Whoa, I’m lookin pretty cute today :)

It’s… nice feeling less like the person in the mirror is someone else?

Kind of terrible to admit but one of the "good" things about being out to some people is it forces me to shave my face if I'm going to see them. ::: spoiler dysphoria Actually shaving is dysphoric, leaving it to get stubbly is obviously super dysphoric, this forces me to at least try more often. Nothing more humiliating then telling someone I'm a woman while fucking facial hair on me. ::: spoiler dysphoria + whining fucking hate living like this, everything puberty ruined. I am so miserable. I just want to not be like this anymore. I really can't do this. ::: spoiler suicide should just kill myself already i dont want to do this. its too hard, too much, too painful. its not even worth pushing through. :::

::: spoiler mental health Asked my therapist if there's a way for me to pursue a gender dysphoria diagnosis (I just needed some affirmation). "Oh, that's been in your file for almost two years now." :::

UMMMMMMM yeah experiment in pupperhood over. It's a thing now.

::: spoiler bottom surgery, bottom talk I wasnt planning on stopping E even though surgeons tell you to do it. Its bs, they dont tell cis women to get on estrogen blockers or whatever.

But I might... because I really wanna use my clone a dick thingy so I can literally go fuck myself after. And I feel like a few weeks off without an anti androgen would be the best for that. :::

Wish me luck lads, ladies and ladexes. I need it to prevent my parents from noticing my boobs which have grown since last time. My only hope is that since its winter I can easily wear sweaters inside and never be in a shirt. I've even prepared tops with checker patterns to break up the 3D contour of my boobs

And since last time, they never checked my bag, I've decided to even take my vibrator over.

I think I'm going to try laser and voice therapy. It's been a while since I made some actual progress.

Late with the post and I have a headache, it's too cold for this shit

• Waiting
• Get better insurance
• Get up to date health records
• Schedule consult !!!!!!!!!!
• Electrolysis (and more waiting) <--

Take a deep breath, deep breath

Oh vibrator in my bag

Why did you turn on in public ?

Voice update: reading voice is perfect, I no longer drop pitch while reading, my voice is bright, and my vowels are sharp. Spontaneous conversation is still rough but I'm working on it.

Speech therapist said conversation is the hardest thing to do and that I've come a long way fast. She also said that pitch is the only thing I need to focus on, everything else I've already got down.

Sibling smacked my chest earlier sensitive as fuck and can't react

Getting destroyed at work and missed my trans support group for the second week in a row 😮‍💨 I don't know how people enjoy this time of year. I love people and want to have a good time, but there's too much stuff going on for me

::: spoiler guess who just got her ears pierced FUCKIN' MEEEEEEEEE :::

It would be funny if I showed up to my parents' house with pride colored nails, wouldn't it? It's just a question if I have the balls to do it.

I went to a trans community thing and a new girl dropped!

There was a person who'd never attended before and was super early in transition. It was really exciting.

After two years it seemed like my mom had almost adjusted to using my pronouns consistently, but now it looks like she's learned the One Weird Trick where she can just constantly say my name and avoid ever having to use any pronouns for me at all.

Beat Celeste's core, wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. B sides I did for hearts were worse.

Sorry the mega is late, i fell asleep

Holy fuck I need to shave my arms and legs and fucking everywhere I hate it. Haven't felt good at all or I normally try to

Down with cis

UP WITH TRAAAAAAAANNNNNSSS

RAWR

Getting a basic eyeshadow routine down 😄 Feeling good about my progress. I'm so thankful there are a million tutorials on youtube.

Got my dress out of the back of my closet. Wearing it feels natural :)

Went to go message someone but its too late, maybe tomorrow. I got to get better at messaging people. Figuring out how to- what to say is always difficult for me to navigate. Actually makes me really sad thinking about how many of my relationships have vanished because I don't know how.

Oh, something good though, work gave me a $10 gift card which is pretty sweet. Its to subway but I'll regift to my sister.

I keep bumping into shit with my ass at work because I'm not used to being this thicc and it is so affirming

other trans girls talking about how much can still change with your body well past 2 years HRT. I already have such big tits as it is , you mean these things might get bigger? I've only been on HRT for about 19-20 months

Being genderfluid / multigender is so cool. Imagine there are multiple options and you just laugh and say "I will have many options, I do what I want!!" And sail away in your pirate ship

Why did I have to wake up for this useless-ass meeting?

Omg. I was lining up in a local takeaway near where I work on Fridays and the cashier a small woman in her 20s took my order then blurted out "also you're really pretty!" then she blushed and wouldn't make eye contact. I blushed and said "thank you that's so kind".

It's a rougher area than were I live and I worry about being visibly trans sometimes. But here I was in my designer tank top and palazzo pants, with silk scarf, hand bag and high heeled boots, a tasteful combo of red, dark orange, gold and black, next to tradesmen and blue collar workers.

It was really lovely.

(I'm in a relationship. I understand this was flirting etc)

::: spoiler dysphoria+introspection

As long as I'm boymodding I don't think I can genuinely connect with people. Social interaction is a nightmare because I'm always just concealing my true self and feelings.

And all this can be proven by the fact that my interaction with the transphobic friend are much more pleasant because I don't put up a front anymore.

I prefer being derided to the kind of interaction where we both pretend I'm just a guy.

And the other dude starts complaining about how the girls he finds are always so vapid while also saying "women who attract abusers must have have something wrong with them". The irony seems to be lost on him. But I guess since I get along well with these assholes I too must have something wrong with me (I do. I let people walk over me).

:::

Had fun at our queer TRPG/boardgame club last night (played Wingspan), and also at the after-party (invited folks back to our place and we watched Knives Out 3).

We're going to a nearby city for another LGBT boardgame club this weekend, and I will be taking my partner to Torrid for a shopping trip to try out skirts/dresses.

I feel bad and lonely and needing connection but I don't know how I can actually fix it. I know some people at work, I guess, but idk. idk what I'm looking for. Just feel shitty. I don't know what I want to talk about, or do, or anything

Oh and actually as far as work goes, tomorrow is the only day I'll prolly see any of them for the rest of the year. That's cool. I love being friendless and dysphoric.

Got through 2 more chapters of who's afraid of gender 4 and 5, I promised myself I'd do more but damn Mondays just might be an exception. Still halfway through is good, I'll do my best to finish it and 2 other books before the year is over

::: spoiler spoiler I feel awful. Why are there so many things.

Dysphoria (voice, body, treated, name, everything)

Feels very unlikely I'll get promoted to full time. Fucking need full time to move out. Can't be fucking stuck at home.

I just feel terrible. I don't want to keep going :::

I am beset by gender-affirming cramps and bloating

::: spoiler pregnancy/childcare yearnings and hormone journallings as well as a bit pre transition si, could be triggering to some?(long) I really love being a transfem. The longer I spend in transition, the more worthwhile I think this journey is, and I wouldn't want that to be any other way. And god, do I find trans bodies to be so damn beautiful, never really understood the idea that testosterone mutilated my body, or anyone's. I'm just who I am, and used the resources available to me in this world to shape my body in such a way that reflects my mind.

One thing I wish was possible in this time we live in was I wish so much that I could bear a child, or at least, raise one. I'm not alone in this feeling, I know. Infertility is something a lot of people deal with, my reason is only unique in that I wasn't born with a womb. It's funny, because I used to hate children so much pre transition, simply because I hated being alive so much. As I started being fortunate enough to be able to interact in the world as a feminized individual and being recognized as such, I began to love children, and relate to people and life that feels so much more whole.

I try not to be jealous of women who can choose to have a child with such relative ease, of a close family member who is raising a 2 year old, seeing how much love they practice with each other. Something I will make my peace with in time, I think.

I wasn't born in a time where I could bear a child in this body of mine, but maybe I will get to see the beginnings of that if I should live long enough?

I have such a strong maternal instinct, and often find myself drawn to be the mother of many in my friend groups, and I love this. I hope as I keep going through this life that I can find ways to mother and nurture folks as I can. Lot of different ways to be a mother, I suppose. :::

touched up my nails and like from a distance they look fire but if I bring them up close it's noticeable, bleh I gotta find some more vegan nail polish

Plasma center asking if I feel alright to donate I lie yes, actually got the woke mind virus... Spreading wokeness one donation at a time

::: spoiler CW boofing This girl boofed her prog last night. I always find it funny when guides suggest using a sterile needle to pierce the capsule (and I say this as a healthcare worker). Like I'm putting this in my butt? It's a dirty area already. I just used a badge pin. :::

Let's talk about pronouns and their placement, is it like the ingredient listing where the first one is the majority/preferred or am I looking too much into it. I've had people use my neopronouns all of 2 times so by having them second am I signaling use they/them first and then fae or do people just use which ever is easier?

I've been getting an unusual amount of gender euphoria from my name lately. Like I have been realllllly liking it. It's the same name that I have used for over a year but somehow it feels even better on me. I think gender things might be happening to me. Both my gender euphoria and gender dysphoria moments have been getting somewhat more intense.

::: spoiler bodily fluids and/or crying over spilt milk So I yoinked it last night and I don't think anything came out? Which I think is the first time that's ever happened. Of course my volume has gone down a fair bit since getting on HRT, but it seemed fairly consistent until recently—probably correlated with injections?

Still not sure how I feel about it. Less clean up is nice, but it's still strange. Plus I know people are commonly into the fluids so I'd worry about that being a deficiency with any future partner. Maybe I should get on one of the nutmaxxing stacks :::

I hate the depression and dysphoria and giving up on life mood can I go back to either hating all of humanity or worrying about work or something

Also why is my life cycling between those three states like what the fuck

it really seems that much of non-western global regular people cuisine is "dip or scoop tasty stew with crispy bread" and i'm like "omg that's my favorite thing to do"

Mom genders me as a guy typically, but when I joke about sleeping in a bed with my brother without implying anything sexual, I'm suddenly suggesting something inappropriate? The default has been expecting me to give up my bed and sleep with my brother if a guest needs one (guess I get my bed to myself from now on?). Interesting seeing how quickly someone's perception can change.

Doesn't really even make sense to me. Like, why is it okay if we're both guys but not if one of us isn't? Its not like any of us are straight anyways.

::: spoiler negativity, venting no ones ever gonna love me and every time im authentic, most ppl like me a little less :::

Everything feels so stagnant when I'm not working towards my transition. Like I'm just waiting to unbox my real self into existence, then I'll start living my life, and then I'll be worthy of being treated like a girl irl.

::: spoiler searched at airport (off-putting)

Disadvantage of not being legally trans shows up when the airport security guard runs his hands over your body (and even breasts, twice just to be sure). I even thought he was about to take off my shirt and I panicked. Then running over my butt and thighs.

Genuinely what the fuck. How is this even necessary for security? Mfs did a full body all spectrum scan already.

At least the airport people kept misgendering me, so that means that I'm safe from my parents 🙂

:::

Trans

I wonder if they sunk the Titanic in homage to the SS Anne in the Pokémon anime (spoilers).

The post office is transphobic for not delivering my package before the weekend. Actually maybe it won't even arrive this year if this keeps up...

My headache I thought I got from reading so much yesterday is probably me just coming down with something, until I know what it is I'm gonna label it the woke mind virus since I was reading about gender

This was a cursed night shift.

My t4t poly network keeps growing :3

Estrogen continues to be the best thing that ever happened to me

When did you first start to feel the effects of progesterone? I'm two weeks in. (And a year on E and bica if that's relevant)

::: spoiler voice dysphoria I usually don't struggle with voice dysphoria, but during my last session of the day, I got hit with this huge wave of it where it was very uncomfortable to hear myself talk. I really hope this doesn't become a thing now. Basically my entire job is talking. :::

Does laser get rid of the "beard shadow"? Cause I fucking hate that shit.

Lol my life is falling apart lmao

::: spoiler not exactly suicide? Honestly kinda hoping for a nuclear war that instantly obliterates me :::

root mean square titanic

Going to sleep with so many high level ideas kinda hurts my head but it's a good ache like going to the gym my brain is gonna be so big tomorrow

I am just really tired and want to go lay in bed, it is too early though just worn out. Can't think of much to post :/

a fun part of being vegan is pairing different plant milks with different things. Im increasingly stocking more kinds in my house so I can go 'hmmm almond milk with this cereal, unsweetened soy as a cheese sauce base, oat for oatmeal...'

I'm gonna go back into pretending (before it becomes real) that my nail polish is my health bar. Means touching them up every day or so but it's a neat idea I feel

I am really enjoying WarSails no game has really scratched the Assassins Creed Black Flag like this. I wish I could sail outside of combat though, like in ports or just on the world map.

The only problem is that something needs to be tweaked to make large naval battles more common. I've only had two really memorable, touch and go ones. Every other battle the outcome has pretty much been predetermined by ships and numbers, it's just how skillfully it's pulled off. Factions need to have dedicated Sea-Lords and Land-Lords based on their holdings and size. So that in a war they're not just sailing in a straight line to their target but patrolling in big fleets etc.

Still there's some really neat things you can pull off that I'm surprised by. One time I was on the aft of the ship and in heavy waves. the enemy galley was raised up so that for a brief moment I was able to jump the short distance and suddenly be on their ship with falx in hand cutting their sailors down by surprise.

Hey guys it's the cool new liberal superhero

I'm recovered from my gastro it was really short lived but it has ripped through my family with alarming speed.

I went to get some shopping. I decided to wear an elf hat and elf ears. It was funny to see the triple takes I got. "Hey that lady has elf ears!" followed by "Oh hey that lady is a t-slur"

Also long elf ears give me gender euphoria and I worked out why, they make my chin and nose look more in proportion with my face. All the ladies in my family have big noses, it's not just a being trans thing, my chin is though. Also they peak out of my straight black hair and look really cute.

beating Spec Ops: The Line on FUBAR

F4f audio when I'm in transit or on break at work >>>

RoteDisaster really the goat

::: spoiler spoiler ::: spoiler suicide Idk what to do to feel better anymore. I've been having suicidal thoughts almost constantly now. I had maybe an hour break yesterday. It's just constant. Constant misery, constant thinking about killing myself. So dysphoric. Nothing has really helped. I've talked about it, people have given me their input, I've tried distracting myself and it's still mostly miserable and suicidal. There's just nothing. I hate sitting in misery like this. It hurts constantly. I think about killing myself constantly. I have had no motivation to do anything I don't absolutely have to do. I've been playing a bit of Celeste I guess. This is awful and nothing is making it better. :::

Looks like next year I'm closing the long distance gap. 2026 is going to be the year of making things happen.

After two years of waiting for a lot of things to start moving forward again, I'd say it's about time to have things to look forward to. Even electrolysis sounds exciting again, never thought I'd be saying that smh

read up to the current chapter of Dorley, and now I must wait. holy shit, what a good story.

i was also more than halfway through before i realized it is fucking longer than War and Peace.

How is trans healthcare in Canada compared to a solid blue state in the US? With that amendment to their citizenship rules I might be able to get it and it'd be nice to have that as an option

First chapter of who's afraid of gender quite good, talks about the phantasm of gender and has a lot of intersectionality that's quite part of me is "no yeah that makes sense" when you connect the dots of patriarchy, racism, neo/colonialism, and neoliberalism. Gonna take a short break to digest but honestly I'll keep posting as I go along these chapters, probably can do 2 more today

Yesterday was hard.

::: spoiler carshit So! Woke up early to do some last minute Christmas shopping, but my tire sensor was pinging me when I started the car. It's been doing that off-and-on since it go cold and the pressure dropped with the temperature, but I decided I'd deal with it today.

The cap was stuck. So, I put in some elbow grease. Then I ripped the stem right out of the tire.

Okay. Fuck. Okay. I work out a towtruck, set up an appointment with Tiresplus (evidently my account with them is still under my deadname, so extra stress cool cool cool), and then spent the entire rest of the morning waiting in the lobby for a tire change. Turns out, those tire sensors are on the stem. When I ripped it out I actually broke the sensor, so that's another $80.

And that was my whole morning before work. The entire time I was panicky because yesterday was the last day before our holiday break (well, it's a plant shutdown, but I had saved up vacation so it's all paid for me) and if I was late yesterday I wouldn't have been paid for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, or New Years Day. Combine that with the $300 hit I just took fixing this stupidity (the tow, the tire, the sensor) and I'd have blown through a huge chunk of my savings. So so so so scared for six hours yesterday.

But! It worked out.

... still have to do that last minute Christmas shopping tho lol :::

Finally ready to start dating guys. I changed my Tinder settings to include guys and holy shit, I get so much more matches, even though I'm way more selective with guys than with girls.

I have had multiple dreams about being on a sinking ship since I watched titanic (1997) long ago. And sometimes I catch people talking about the relationship between Jack and Rose on my walks.

New When You Fell From Heaven book being published tomorrow - I'm excited about it! (Another book series from the author of Dorley, for the Dorley fans here)

::: spoiler worms and dysphoria I don't think there's anything that could make me feel worse about my body and being male and male puberty and acting male then cis lesbians. I just want to be a woman. And seen as a woman. People looking at me as a woman and not this. Why the fuck did I have to be born male :::

::: spoiler sex and sadness why does everything about this make me so sad. Masturbating makes me feel sad. My fantasies have been sad for a while now. Touching it makes me sad. Fantasizing about a partner makes me sad and anxious. Feel super terrible about the idea of anyone seeing me, obviously that makes it super hard to get, like idk in the mood or anything. It also makes me worry about finding someone, I know its important for most people and its kinda the thing that makes me feel the most broken. I try not to worry about it because that's a future issue but its still a thing. I just hate being sad and dissociating and broken feeling every time and I still feel horny kinda a lot and should do maintenance, idk. :::

Is it normal to already have breast soreness after only a couple weeks?

::: spoiler bodyfat thinking about the last time I went swimming (recently, first time in like two years) and how I could barely keep my limbs underwater compared to sinking like a stone before HRT. my efforts to gain 1% body fat must have worked for that thin full body layer. also meant that I found the water initially way less cold than my friend (even if afterwards it took me soooo long to warm up my core again). those unexpected tangible effects are always a nice surprise. :::

This puppy girl shit is rad actually. Or maybe just because the audio I was listening to was combined with self-harm aftercare. This warrants further investigation

Sometimes it feels like the world ended a long time ago, and I’m the last person alive. Or one of very very few scattered across the globe, and all struggling. Which is probably a me problem. I work from home but I still interact with other people every day, but they feel less “full” somehow. I don’t feel their human-ness as much as I used to and it’s very lonely.

::: spoiler negativity (sorry)

When I interact with people it makes me feel so awful. I don't even want to do an in depth introspection right now. I shouldn't be crying after talking to a friend. It's disrespectful. But I can't help it. I'm cooked 3 ways to sunday*

*idc if it's not an idiom, I just made it

:::

::: spoiler genitals, sex, kink? I might actually be happy with my balls now just because CBT feels so good :::

Yer girl has gastro. How the mighty have fallen.

This might be the fever talking, but I had tapped out of House of the dragon after season 1. But damn if the Dunk and Egg trailer doesn't have me feel ready to get hurt again.

I think I like Dunk and Egg better than anything in game of thrones. I wish he'd just made a seven book series of those to begin with.

Support group wayy more interested in some random actor's life then mine goes crazy

that sounds tuff how are you getting through it

-only person who had anything to say about my week (I'm not that's my problem)

I guess I don't know what I am hoping for. Why would I be a part of the conversation.

Nexperia's China unit switches to local firms for wafer supplies

https://archive.is/20251219102823/https://www.reuters.com/world/china/nexperias-china-unit-switches-local-firms-wafer-supplies-document-2025-12-19/#selection-1071.12-1071.75

The development will allow the Chinese unit, which declared itself independent of Nexperia's European management two months ago, to continue manufacturing Insulated-Gate Bipolar Transistor (IGBT) power chips and modules, switches that regulate current in electric vehicles and industrial equipment.

::: spoiler negativity about family (cis) people just assuming my family will come around and be fine and I'll have a good relationship with them in the future. Like fr a huge part of my problem is being seen as my agab and you think the people who were there for that will forget?? The people who saw me as a boy for the longest will eventually view me as my true gender? I don't even want people to see my pre transition pics but people who took them its going to be fine. Who called me my deadname for decades. Like even at this stage I feel like there's a difference in how long people have known me before in how they treat/feel about me.

I'm not being doomer btw, I just find it frustrating that the cis (mostly) think I'll have a fine relationship at some point and it just won't be like that.

I feel like its because they don't want to admit how they really see us tbh :::

good night

I had no gender thoughts today, was too busy playing Kirby soft and wet. Very simple fan game where you fish. Fish fear me women want me you know the deal

Kind of a bad feeling to see the extra sugar at the end of my bag of spice drops. I know they aren't healthy but looking at a big pile of pure sugar at the end of the bag if not a reminder I wanted

Hi everyone, your local straight dumb ally here. I was hoping the collective could help me with a terminology issue because I got legit thrown by this. I was on a covid dating site and someone described themselves as 'agender'. This is legitimately the first time I've ever even seen this used before so I went hunting for a definition. This the first thing that came up:

https://lgbtqia.fandom.com/wiki/Agender (very cute design btw)

So I get (or at least think I get it for the most part) non-binary as a concept. Any of the 'A' designations, my brain kind of defaults to thinking of it as 'non', or being without. Asexual - without sex, Agender - without gender, etc.. This part is what threw me:

"Those who are agender do not need to transition physically, legally, or socially to be agender.[1][4] Agender individuals can have any type of gender expression and use any set of pronouns (including no pronouns),[6] and the term is not specific to any assigned gender at birth.[7] Some agender people are genderfluid, meaning their gender identity is not static and changes from being agender some of the time to being another gender at other times.[1] The concept of a person who has no gender may challenge the notion of sexuality as a spectrum of "same" and "opposite" gender attraction.[1]"

So they're not trans, but not non-binary, but they can be genderfluid? Is this like Schrodinger's gender? Am I just overthinking this?

::: spoiler negativity I don't think I can ever make peace with being trans, I also don't really know how I can make peace with that. Nothing but horribleness, isolation, dysphoria. Fuck I'm sad. A curse I will never be rid of or be okay with. Distraught over my body, rejected, outcast. Miserable. Going to have a very sad falling asleep. :::

Shaved my arms though. So that's good I guess.

::: spoiler sadness holy fuck I hate this life. Why the fuck. Everything about this hurts so badly. My body. My voice. Everyone around me. ::: spoiler suicide how the fuck have i not attempted yet like literally

why would I stick around for a life of misery i hate every moment of :::

New Avatar was fun and worth seeing in theatres. The plot is the weakest point again and it recycled probably too much from 1 and 2 (but we still love seeing whales fight back and giant blue angelic alien dorks squash marines). Comprador Navi is a good idea. Cameron again writes feminine badasses who maintain their femininity while also being covered in blood and raging.

I had been getting bored of Warsails. I had an idea for a character last night before bed that I really like. My main character is a tall woman. But a cis woman. She's had kids.

I've made a new character who is a trans woman. She is an Aserai called Farah Banu Fasus. I used the character to editor to make her have a very feminine face compared the masculine defaults, then clean shaven, long hair, eye makeup, etc. She looks pretty and clocky. I gave a high pitched voice that does sound like a voice trained voice. She is going to wear dresses and head scarfs in her civilian outfit. She is not going to become a lord/lady. She is going to be a mercenary pirate with a single ship that is funded by legitimate businesses she owns and gang alleyways. My crew is going to be Corsairs and Aserai naval archers.

Plus I can do the pokemon thing of being in a Lesbian relationship now.