HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Tommasi (12/15 - 12/21)
Shaleesh* (12/22 - 12/28)
SwitchyandWitchy* (12/29 - 1/4)
peanutbuttercupola* (1/5 - 1/11)
Wmill*  (1/12 - 1/18)
Alisu* (1/19 - 1/25)
Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1)
Eco* (2/2 - 2/8)
GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15)
oscardejarjayes* (2/16 - 2/22)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

How convenient that while I'm in my misanthropy arc there's jackoffs on this site showing blatant disregard for trans youth getting healthcare, despite me explaining it to them.

Genuinely fuck cis people. Humanity is my fucking problem. People, even fucking here, even after I explain it don't give a shit. Fuck them.

I have a suggestion.

I just got fixed today!

the thing they don't tell you about taking control of your own life is that now you have to do a bunch of shit

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who commented on my recent losing-of-shit re: tiddy. I kinda just fucked off and disappeared for a handful of days, and I’m still kinda vibing my way through things, but I’m most likely gonna jump back on.

I think I’ve just got some lingering appearance brain worms where, like, every trans girl is cool and valid and pretty except me, who is clearly a stinky jackass and a poser and basically an ogre or at least some kind of minor sewer demon.

Experimenting with moisturizer, each limb is getting a different treatment so I can compare.

I have come to report that I have thrifted new sweaters and am feeling cute as FUCK today wearing one of them

::: spoiler cw not kink but kink adjacent i guess? ¹ Its my day tomorrow. I need to be kinder to myself. And treat myself well. And celebrate myself. So I got myself a chewtoy stimtoy, a pink bone that i can gnaw on. And a washable plushie with a squeaker in it. I jus wanna curl up and chew on a bone and squeaky my plushie, itll be cozy and perfect, and a good step toward learning to celebrate myself better

::: spoiler footnote 1 Idk japanese but i thought the image was cute. If anyone knows, what does this say?

Enby intern at work calling me "man" "guy" "boy" today like it's a competition to unwittingly misgender me. And I couldn't correct them because it wasn't in private and I didn't want other people hearing.

Usually I don't mind getting referred to as a man at work because only a few people know otherwise. But the fact that:

• I've intentionally never referred to myself as a man with them
• I've had no pronouns in my email signature and no name tag at all for months
• we were having a conversation about a coworker who's recently come out as nonbinary and how the intern could just tell even beforehand
• earlier I'd made a point about how I've been a fan of the singular they when you didn't know a person's gender since elementary (true story, kid me was based)
• and, of course, they're nonbinary and should presumably know a thing or two about assumptions

Made it just very not good for me. I know it's not their fault and they almost certainly don't mean anything by it but still. I thought about it on the train ride home and then laid in bed and then did things to myself that would probably get this comment removed under the new rules.

I did call a friend which helped a little, she was quite supportive

Getting gender euphoria from being dressed like a punk and walking out in the rain. I don't know why, I've always felt happier when the weather is kind of bad. Maybe it's the same reason I love blasting music, it gives me something else to focus on. Wondering if anyone else has a similar experience?

Tinder pisses me off. I asked this girl how she was and she responded 'good'. I then asked her what made her day so good, and then she replied with 'huh?'. Like it's not that hard to understand what I meant. She didn't say her 'day' was good, so maybe I shouldn't've said 'day' but still, it's not that hard to understand. So I responded with a question mark and whwn I looked back a couple hours later, she unmatched me. WTF

Woke up in the middle of the night and cried for an hour and a half.

Can't believe this is all I have going for me in my life. Just this stupid fucking job. No school, no other job, no plans, no SO or even really friends. Hope that I can get to a blue state and find a job and move out and start actually living.

::: spoiler weed, mental health Been scared to try weed because for a while it could put me out of a job, but I just switched to a place that doesn't care. So I tried it last night. Wow. It felt like being a kid again. For a brief moment, I enjoyed my hobbies, found things funny, and generally "felt" again. I could tell it was wearing off when my smile faded away. Chronic depression sucks. :::

That gave me some hope that I can feel joy. I can be happy. Did some makeup (badly lol) today and that feeling of joy was there. I'll have to wipe it off soon, but oh my goodness, I see me in the mirror

I keep FUCKING forgetting my support group meets, god that pisses me off. Not like I could have used it after this week

Current unhealthy fixation: uploading pictures I'm in to LLMs and asking how many women are in the photo

ChatGPT most consistently reads me as a woman. Gemini doesn't but I'm having trouble getting clean results because it makes you use a Google account to upload images

Lunch lady told me "oh it's unfair that you have better nails than me "

I know she gassing me up but I'll take it

sometimes work is just saying "I can't fix that problem, it's not related to what I do and everything even vaguely related on my end is correct" fourteen different ways in a row until your coworker stops asking "why haven't you fixed this problem yet"

The age old question

Thank you for the selfie tips. I will try to use them for nudes

I got another compliment that acknowledged my trans-ness but like in positive way. I was attending my potential new work and someone introduced me to one of the other workers. They said something like "wow she's tall". And it's like I'm tall because I'm a trans woman, and it sometimes makes me feel bad, but here it felt really good, something about society and it's expectations etcs

bought some ~vegan~ hard peppermint candies, and they're oh so good

I think its kind of cute when I'm talking about my problems and stressors to cis people, and they very empatheticly tell me they understand (in a, "I've been through that" kinda way), and then slightly correct themselves that "except for being trans, obviously".

I finally got a library card

My hardest fit is my knock off snuggie called "the comfy" it's a extra big hoodie basically and I love being in it when I go out

up with trans

Venting about adhd

::: spoiler spoiler I am genuinely so sick of having adhd. I have constant issues getting my medication (oh, you had to make an appointment for this refill! Oh, you have to wait a full fucking month to get a refill so you will inevitably miss days!), constantly lose all my shit, just lost my wallet with all my cash, my debit card, my ID, my social security number, AND my fucking passport because I’m moving and put the important shit in one place, vividly remember putting it in my bag, and it’s still lost, wtf is wrong w me, I’m constantly putting off assignments, I’ve had an essay due for days and I’m only halfway done and don’t have my Vyvanse right now and I just straight up don’t care and don’t want to do it.
:::

:::

::: spoiler emotional breakdown, maybe something resembling a panic attack idk I saw something on this site last night that kind of destroyed me. It triggered something within me that I don't think has ever happened before. I've obviously been sad and distraught before but this was something else. I couldn't breathe, form sentences, or really move any part of my body because I was so completely overwhelmed. Like my very core just ached. Pre-estrogen, the only time I could cry was when I was completely overwhelmed and it physically hurt to cry. What happened last night was somehow worse. I wasn't bawling. I was being torn apart from the inside out. And I wish I had words to describe what the fuck happened to me.

Yeah so I guess that's a content warning I need to respect the hell out of in the future and never go near. :::

::: spoiler cw kink

:::

Hello eyery-nyan

:::spoiler patriarchy disguised as matriarchy, transphobia, bioessentialism, and anti feminism (additional content warning reveal below)

:::spoiler inc*st mention

The (actually quite patriarchal) "matriarchy girl boss" people really make me super uncomfortable 😭 its so sad how this messaging just flies over people's heads who dont know any better, like some of these replies are likely bots, but its so easy for these grifting terfy types to just dial it in and for people to gloss it over and run with it. Like just swiping a few pictures deep and we have "the pill causes inc*st" disguised as feminism.

Unfortunately a few people close to me are in a group that heavily plays into these tropes, i went to the group once and never went again. She keeps inviting me but its one of those "women and non binary female identifying" spaces where everyone is expected to share their period cycle.

:::

::: spoiler benign journal posting

Im moving to a much nicer place this week! Much effort soon

I have to wake up early for work tomorrow and Im staying up late anyway

Ive been getting too high recently :::

::: spoiler drunkies

Ams drunkiesss. Went out with my sweetie for my rebirthdayyy, we got pizza and cute dessert. It was so nice!!!! And we had such a lovely timeeeee!!!! An den we went and picked up my meta from their workkk, and we three went to a bar and had drinkies and talked and had such funnnnnn!!!! It was really nice!!! I struggle on my rebirthday an dis made it betters. I hade such a good time djus da twee of us. It was so nice! Ams happy! Normally on my rebirthday im sad and crying. Dis yår ams happy and full of joys! Is success! And i ordereds mysewf a plushie wif a squeaker in it and a pink dog bone chewtoy stimtoy for to gnaw onnnnn! Ams happy, not used to happy on my rebirthday. Ams so happy! Ams happiest pup to ever bark! ARF!

all my game, all my charisma disappears the second I'm talking to this one girl

I never really was into writing a diary. I don't like that kind of schedule. I would always just forget at the end of the night and give up. But sometimes, like tonight, I write a few thousand words about how I'm doing. I think it really helps. I'm pretty optimistic right now, despite it all.

back in my woke misanthropy phase instead of my broke dysphoria depression phase

Down with cis

been drinking hot apple cider with pieces of clove, cinnamon, smashed ginger, and also a 1/16 wedge of lemon. usually I add orange but the lemon is good too!

::: spoiler brain stuff, kink/horny reflexively over-analyzing myself is really annoying. yearning today and slipped into daydream, and couldn't even sit in it because brain decided to bust in like "hey are you sure you actually wanna be tenderly dommed by a lesbian or are you just desperate for any way to try and validate your womanhood?" like girl please be quiet, it's okay a) for me to be horny and want nice things and b) if it's both, it can be both and that can still be okay.

me really needs to stop picking on me sometimes. :::

need to shower and take care of myself. still don't. hurts so much. barely did anything with my time off work. might ask someone to cover part of my shift tomorrow. i dont wanna do anything. dysphoria and misery eating me alive last couple days.

I really wish I could hire Hollywood makeup artists, they can do some amazing things. If Taylor Swift can be The Man, I could look straight out of my dreams.

::: spoiler cw kink? maybe?

ohwao :::

::: spoiler mental health Chat what does it mean when it feels like I live in an eternal present, like a period of limbo waiting for my life to begin again while my memory recedes past the horizon first emotionally and then in content, estranging myself from my life history, causing me to feel incoherent as an individual, despite the (baseless?) assurances of my friends? How do you even fix this? The only time this year I did think I felt like I was becoming someone, I was just becoming someone else! :::

::: spoiler cw:transphobia

Sigh my friend is so mean and openly transphobic towards me. Like in a "I'm being transphobic and this is not a joke" way, in the kind of matter of fact way that you tell someone that it's raining today. Add on top of that the constant and intentional misgendering (did not deny it when I told him to stop)

In the past 4 weeks this is the singular individual I've had an extended conversation with.

I'm not sure what to do about the fact that this university that openly prides itself for lgbtq acceptance and is obviously full of young people is just so full of open transphobia as well (the previously mentioned friend is only one of many).

It's not even something I haven't talked about here before. It just feels like it's normal for anyone to look down upon me. That's just my natural position.

:::

I'm at work, so haven't gotten to see them yet, but my pair of 3D printed magnetic horns in the Trans colors came in today. Looking forward to rolling into work tomorrow with them on my hoody. Super excited!

It's time to become the pride demon of this little town, as if my pins and casual outfits weren't enough.

::: spoiler cw: depression, I feel so hopeless about finding a job, or getting any income. Sometimes it really just feels like I'm incapable of having a formal job, finding work sucks, I'm slightly qualified, but no one wants to give a job to someone with a degree and no experience.

But I'm also terrible at doing any other stuff for money. I've had some ideas of stuff to do, like freelancing, trying to do some art comissions and all that. But then my confidence is non-existent and I'm afraid to promote my work, because, to me, it looks like I suck at it. Then when nothing happens, I just keep beating myself down.

Honestly, I don't feel like I'll ever be able to be completely financially independent. Yeah, I'll just go cry until I manage to sleep... :::

Feel like shit, ofc.

Also sounds like someone else more qualified might apply for that spot, that'd suck. My resume is ass and I need all the help with it I can get. Need to move out of my parents house. Can't fuckin do that without a job, can't fuckin get a job without experience.

Also feel super dysphoric. Hate this stupid bullshit of an experience. Nearly relapsed last night. At least I didn't I guess.

Sometimes I'll dress up super femme on weekends, explicitly just to sit around all day. Going all in with clothing, makeup, hair, etc., just for myself.

Youtube stop recommending me everything that has trans in the title, please

Was having a good morning. A great morning. Probably the best I have felt in a little bit. Then I had something extremely stressful happen at work and now I'm stressing again. Won't know more until Monday afternoon so that's stressful too. Time to just stress tf out for the next little bit here. Maybe all weekend. god I need this fucking job too. It is my only reference ever. I don't think I will be fired but it is so incredibly important that I'm not. I would genuinely be so fucked. I am- despite my depression posting- trying to build my life. I don't think they will, I would be shocked, but it cannot happen. Holy fuck. Why are my fucking stress levels always so fucking high.

Oh how difficult it is to cry myself to sleep when I have insomnia ...

Sorry for the too many comments?

::: spoiler cw:horny

I have a great desire these days to explore my femininity and sexuality, but I don't have anyone to do things with. Like not just sex, but also just showing things off.

Maybe I have a secret exhibitionism desire? I did used to play this game where I made the playable femboy character max out his exhibitionism stat by prowling around town naked at night.

:::

Our mood for the day is hug

11 months on hrt and still no booba 😔 but i swear some of my hair loss has reversed

::: spoiler mental health stuff + mention of suicide

I'm getting mild panic attacks again. Stress eating constantly. Anything to take my mind off my thoughts.

Then I read someone talk about a suicide attempt from a fellow sister and I got even more panicked. Straight up zoning out and thinking what if I tried to OD? Just one bad day and I'll end up in the hospital? This made things worse.

:::

::: spoiler mental health wish I could just be more stable. have a foundation that wasn't so easy to break. it's been two weeks since thanksgiving but I'm still as beat down as I was since then. I wake up and I'm broken down, trauma dreams every night. having trouble working, and I'm afraid my boss is gonna start noticing. can't turn the bad part of my brain off. I haven't started drinking or smoking like I did the last couple of times I felt like this, but it hardly feels like a victory. just want to be able to bounce back. I could deal with feeling bad if it didn't last so long, wasn't so persistent, if I could bounce back. :::

Thank you for the tips. We will continue to take pics from above tho because it looks cute that way big head and all :)

2 is a coincidence, but 3 is a pattern. I can't believe that there is now a third mortal rival of the protagonist who got transed in reverend insanity. That's 3 rivals out of 3! Being this guy's rival is faster for transistioning than hrt!

I swear the author is deliberately fucking around.

I need to get back to skincare, got this pimple on my cheek that makes shaving bit rough. It's going down now but prefer not to get pimples

Mount and Blade : Warsails update.

Currently I'm a lord in the Vlandian Kingdom. I had thought they were going to steam roll the main peninsula but after quick gains in Battanian and Western Empire lands, the lords have all committed to an exhaustingly Pyrrhic war in the South against the Aeserai. We've got one of their cities and 3 castles making a decent foothold. But can't seem to go further. Dethert keeps trying to seek peace but his lords don't like it. But fighting on desert coasts and rivers has been fun.

I have a Drakkar (huge longship) called Golden Wyrm with a Serpent figurehead, it came pre-named and I like it. I have a Lodya which is a large cross between a longship and galley called Black Dragon with a Dragon Figurehead. I captured a Dromakion which is a large galley with Ballistae called Silver Dragon. I'm thinking of keeping it and calling it Red Dragon, giving it the Dragon Figure head and renaming my Lodya Black Raven.

Hello just wanted to point out that your "THE POSE" link doesnt work On TERF island coz Imgur blocks Brits after being threatened with Online Safety Act fines :^{

Yeah I'm AMAB.

Assigned Mum At Beginning-of-my-transition-oh-my-god-girls-my-age-who-have-been-transitioning-longer-than-me-are-looking-for-maternal-advice

More like VP(ee)N

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