HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

oscardejarjayes* (12/8 - 12/14)
Tommasi (12/15 - 12/21)
Shaleesh* (12/22 - 12/28)
SwitchyandWitchy* (12/29 - 1/4)
peanutbuttercupola* (1/5 - 1/11)
Wmill*  (1/12 - 1/18)
Alisu* (1/19 - 1/25)
Disaster_of_Passion* (1/26 - 2/1)
Eco* (2/2 - 2/8)
GayTuckerCarlson* (2/9 - 2/15)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Talking to my dad is fun because he'll call me something like an "industrious lad" meanwhile 20 feet away is the bottle of pills I shove up my ass to make my tits bigger

Shout-out to all those who learn about trans people and stand up for us because for some reason you just really care about trans rights. I'll be waiting for you with your hormones of choice when you're ready

Dec. 6th marks 1 year on HRT. I'm so happy but I don't have anyone IRL to celebrate.

::: spoiler voice dysphoria, transphobia I have dnd tonight and it will be the first time I've spoken out loud since Thanksgiving when my sister told me "you sound like a man pretending to be a woman, but maybe that's just because I know what you are" and yeah ngl I'm having a little bit of a break down. Or a lot a bit of a breakdown. If I'm being honest I don't want to speak ever again in my life. :::

my comment saying that "we cant boil twinks down to youthful looks alone" and that "the old bald twinks time is now" got removed by tiktok for "violating community standards" 🤦 lol

I'm so hot now actually :3 estrogen is so magic

::: spoiler idk this feels weird to post, but positive Very nice actually feeling something on my chest in the shower, very comfy, it feels right. :::

Wokeness really did a number on me. I went to college a good Christian boy and left as a cute commie girl!!!

Got rejected for a job I'm massively overqualified for

How. The fuck. Did my legs get to be this cute? I'm wearing jeans rn and I looked down and saw the cutest legs of all time

Well after much hemming and hawwing I have finally decided to start hrt! I've got an appointment booked, anything I should know? I hear spiro kinda sucks, should I ask for something else?

I fucking hate liberals holy fucking shit

::: spoiler bottom thoughts I want a beautiful, confident woman to be so taken with me that she's unable to hold herself back. I want us both to be a little scared of how much she wants me and to have all the thoughts driven out of my head for once and just exist as a plaything for her to do as she will. And I'll be so flushed and embarrassed but there's nowhere to hide as my heart keeps beating faster and I can't even form a word, just let out breathy, dazed, whining moans for her like a wounded animal :::

I feel like a togepi. I have cracked my egg, but am still hiding under the shell

I'm so fucking sick of being too tall to fit in bath tubs, all I want is to sit in hot water in the privacy of my own home

Lol there was a time when I thought I was a guy

Nips are itchy/sore ITS TITTY TIME LETS FUCKIN GOOOOO

Hey folks!

No big life updates, but just wanted to just confirm that I'm doing alright. Still job hunting, but that's not exactly a unique experience. Other that, I've been enjoying life with my partner and friends. Was able to survive Thanksgiving with the folks (still not out, planning to come out after I land a job or at least move to an apartment that allows cats.)

Also, passed my 1 year HRT anniversary a week ago (although the anniversary of switching from a baby dose to injections is in January.)

On the train back home after my orchi, everything went fine

Estrogen may be simply the best thing that has ever entered my body tbh. It's kind of amazing

I know this is a Hexbear megathread and I’m not supposed to comment with this account and the megathread isn’t about the picture but…

THAT PIE LOOKS FUGGIN AMAZING. I just saved the recipe. Thanks.

Okay have a great day all my trans comrades. ❤️

I've completed a 5 hour course in 3 hours feeding my brain that HVAC knowledge. It was all pretty much review on maintenance and diagnostic procedures but still it's solidifying my knowledge on all the stuff I'll do when I do get a job and start working. Looking forward to having a job, ojalá I'll finally be able to do adult stuff like go on dates I'll have so much HVAC trivia I can share

I could use some encouragement and validation. (Maybe discussion on pros and cons too.) I'm afraid people won't see me as pretty anymore because I'm fatter than I've ever been and I'm thinking about really masculinizing my look.

Letting go of pretty girl privileges is hard when you've already had a lot of people disrespect you in general. I have issues with being passive, so people who hate themselves love to self project on me. People who pick apart women might pick me apart for showing off my manly side. And for being fat while at it.

Being a pretty boy is the vibe I like to have when manlier, I think I like the safety of checking off some "pretty people" boxes that go with societal expectations advertised in magazines. When in reality feeling good about how you look is more about the attitude of feeling cute than how close you look to what you see in magazines. I think I mostly dread not feeling cute because I'm afraid of how others might perceive me and put me down. Trying to seek social "safety" by looking as much like a magazine image as possible was how I felt the most insecure, and I'm doing it right now. Not at the level I used to, but I still am doing it.

For others seeking safety can mean passing on their own shame about their looks, and seeing a gender bender who's fat could either be freeing or lead to them choosing to double down and pass on their feelings of shame.

::: spoiler CW: violence

I've suffered violence over how I look before, and I don't want to get hurt again over daring myself to check off a box that would lead a past violent bully to criticize me. This person hurt me for years, but it's also been years since I last saw them. Checking off "pretty people" boxes feels like armor against violent shit, and I'm not sure how much faith I have that no violence will happen if I drop the armor. :::

Confused the clerk at the grocery store today, got sir'd but then ma'am'ed!! But then back to mister when I gave my name for the money orders :(

But that's my first verified male fail!!!

Me years ago: "Well obviously I'd rather be a different gender, what cisgender man wouldn't rather be a woman? Oh."

Me yesterday: "Well obviously I have what feels like different people living in my head and they have conversations sometimes and most fit nearly into these descriptions of different types of head mates in a plural system. What singlet doesn't? Oh."

I'm truly hopeless sometimes but we get there in the end.

I'd like to kindly inform everyone that I'm doing well.

::: spoiler alcohol, relationship Context: Closeted in a complex relationship. Trying to navigate that and come out soon.

My egg cracked nearly two years ago during the only time I've ever been nearly flat-out wasted. Now when I'm feeling dysphoric or overwhelmed I reach for alcohol to take me back to that place. Just enough to feel something. It's not alcoholism (at least not yet), but it is unhealthy.

I come from a family where the majority suffer from some form of addiction. It makes me wonder why it's so common in my family... and maybe if I'm not the only one. :::

I'm trying to find the courage to come out, knowing that for me the genie cannot go back in the bottle. Several people here have been really helpful in figuring this out. I'm so thankful for each of you 💜

Damn HRT is magic! Gender affirming care in general is magic. Woke up this morning and when we were about to unlock our phone we saw a very eepy and cute girl in the reflection

as if by some dark magic, every single time my partner drinks I end up with a nightmare headache

how is she doing this

pick a common name

get embarrassed when someone else has it too

It's been a while since I've posted here. Not necessarily looking for encouragement or responses, just needing to feel heard.

::: spoiler dysphoria, mental health, relationships I'm closeted and in a relationship that I'm happy in besides my gender identity. I tried to work through that last year, but I was given an ultimatum: transition and divorce or stay together. I thought I could push these feelings down. For a while, I could.

But lately everything feels out of control. Especially painful is my extremely transphobic in-laws saying I would have made a cute girl. That comment on its own has been tearing me apart the past week, along with seasonal depression that already brings out the worst in me. I was feeling really present a few months ago, like maybe things were turning around and I was not trans after all.

I've had a lot of time to think about what coming out would look like. The only thing I can't handle is what feels like betraying my significant other. At the height of it, they said they would probably stay single forever, and I know it would ruin them financially and emotionally. :::

The quiet moments I have with you all and the brief glimpses of gender affirmation when creating a character are holding me together. Hope you all have a good week 💜

Struggling super hard with the last screen of this Celeste level, turns out I just didn't learn a trick I was supposed to earlier. After finding out the new tec I beat it in one sitting. Still need 3 crystal hearts to unlock the core.

::: spoiler sex (depressing)

In front of my friends I have bragged that I have had sex before.

I did not tell them that all of my consentual sexual encounters were at a gloryhole and with strangers and I did not like any of my encounters and I've even cried after them.

And they were done during my egg time back when I just wanted to feel something.

And I'm too ashamed of my body right now to try anything with anyone.

And the one time I had decent sex (the foot fetish guy if you somehow remember), he tried to get my number but I lied and didn't give him my number even though I probably should have. At least I would have a consistent hookup which is better than crying alone all the time dreaming about men.

All in all, I would say at the current point in my life, I feel too traumatised and scared to have sex. I literally could not feel good from it. This is despite me being a fairly horny individual (before hrt). Really ironic, no?

:::

These past mornings been feeling real emotional almost cried just now listening to wizard of earthsea, le guin is so damn good at portraying emotions like fear and doubt

I love being trans

I started job searching and immediately had to stop and call my doctor to order a prescription of anti-depressants

First laser appointment in 30 minutes!!! aaaaaaaaa!!

There was some discussion of weight cycling earlier and I would like to advise everyone that weight cycling is not good for you, and probably won't do you any favors as far as long term body shape goes. If you like to read more about it, here is a short article.

If you are considering using pioglitazone for reasons other than diabetes, you should know that there are health risks associated with it (it may increase your risk of heart problems and bladder cancer) so it requires more care and caution than diying hrt. We also don't know for sure that it has any long term effect on fat redistribution for trans people so there might not be a real benefit in taking it.

Please take good care of yourselves.

Valerate got me on the verge of tears watching a Minecraft speedrun (her coach is so sweet and has the utmost confidence in her and she wins the finals and now they're good friends 😭)

I'm so depressed that when I write a depressing post, I delete it cause I'm too depressed to even bother posting it.

Ok it's probably not place to say it but as of late it's been getting increasingly harder to at a glance easily tell apart my nephews pfp on discord with all my trans femme friends there, if they ever do something it probably be when they move away from Texas and my conservative sister tho

Feeling weird because I've wanted to leave my job since the summer, but things have gotten better recently. Plus I realized that I can't exactly take having an accepting workplace for granted (2 out trans people and a smattering of enbies here) anymore, and I'm getting a raise in the new year.

If I can find a woke place that pays about the same next year I'll probably still leave, but it's more complicated of a calculus than I expected

Thank you to everyone who enjoyed and commented on the previous megathread

It's really annoying when women are drawn with messed up proportions, boobs and butts shouldn't be 5 times the size of someones head.

Update on my previous post, I ended up just going with spiro + estradiol pills. I'll see how it treats me and adjust accordingly.

Pink nail polish?

Arch linux?

Engineering student?

Trans?

All black outfit?

High heel boots?

It's all coming together

I'm going to go back home soon with longer hair*. It remains to be seen whether I can be successfully pressured into cutting it again.

*it's ear length. Yes, the parents have been uptight about ear length hair.

have a doctors appointment soon, probably gonna fuck this one up like the other one but at least my partner will be there to advocate for me this time so we'll see

Your pecan pie is a chef's kiss.

fuck work

I was buying some sexy (?) black boots with heels, and was asked for my student id for a discount.

The photo on it looks like a middle aged man with malnutrition . It looks nothing like me. Estrogen really is magic (I think it also made my skin whiter?!?!)

the dog girls got to me, i now own a collar and i hate to say it but it looks fucking hot

i even got a tag ordered to go with it. shaped like a brass knuckle with the word "BITCH" written on it with my phone #

Dropped my soy curls in the sink

Sweaters

Up with trans

Any other trans folks here in Berlin got a free room/apartment available? Wont have a place in a few weeks :/ mein Deutsch ist nicht güt und ich bin ein student

Holy shit. I have been calling people for a work thing, and I've been doing voice training for 6 weeks and the person, said matter as fact "oh so when will the other lady call me?", because I'm the first lady calling them. Wow.

I was wrong and I was lying to myself and everyone else. I'm sorry for wanting to be a part of your community and not fitting in. I think I need to try to accept myself as a person who deserves to exist before I can decide more about how I want that existence to look.

::: spoiler self harm Tried to end my life unsuccessfully and spent over a week in the hospital. I might be okay being a guy, especially if I can just have the boundaries and restrictions to that lowered. I hate that being a man makes me a worse person. I know it's gross or wrong or whatever but I do find tgirls really attractive, even if I'm not one. :::

Forgot about my local lgbt group the last two weeks but remembered tonight! tbh have kept it only positive in the past but am thinking about sharing more of my problems. idk we'll see what I even have time for. I don't feel like anyone there especially gets me

The real key to quitting energy drinks and soda seems to have been drinking water. And absolute fuck tons of it.

Local group was actually much more understanding of dysphoria then I necessarily expected, it was nice. Glad I shared.

::: spoiler voice dysphoria Although people tell me my voice sounds like a woman's, it absolutely doesn't though?? I sound like a guy in their 20s. And like duh, ofc I sound like that. But multiple people have told me they think I have a nice voice or it sounds like a woman's, I mean I guess they're being nice idk.. :::

::: spoiler questioning, self-doubt So I'm cis I think. But I've have been having some pretty eggy thoughts lately, and occasionally engage in some minor crossdressing (I like skirts), in public even, a few times. Sometimes lipstick/lashes if I'm feeling extra.

I'm going to read Trans Liberation soon which will probably sort me out a bit more

I feel pretty confident I'm not a woman. But I could be non-binary. I guess I worry about taking on a label without "doing the work".

Like I'd probably even just stick to my current pronouns. I don't even mind being called a man, but what does that mean if I'm rocking a skirt, purse, lipstick, jewelry and looking fierce? Could I say I'm non-binary if someone asked? Do I have to change my name?

It feels like stolen valor if I don't actively make a point to stand out (and I don't always care to), but that's probably just brainworms?

:::

upsetting myself by looking at clothes I can't buy for at least another month (want to reduce chances of bedbugs following me to my new place and I need a friend with me because it's scary)

I got cauliflower earlier now Im gonna make chicken wing style florets and fry em. Yum yum

It's bad when someone fucks up rice. Making me regret eating rice is hard hard HARD ! I love rice no matter the form. I even adore plain rice! I don't care if it's cold, old, sticky, wet, hot or not!

Crying tonight because I'm lonely and have no real friends and no one cares about me

why the fuck can other people make connections and friends and everything and i somehow can't.

why am i so fucking broken and so many people just, aren't? like have formed friendships. but not me. I can't.

probably comes down to being fucking miserible and autistic and shit, why the fuck does it effect me like this. but other people not.

::: spoiler dysphoria, negative Dysphoric, dissociating, and drunk in the local Mexican restaurant. Food ruled, everything else less so. Hoping to come out in the new year. The more I think about it, the more it feels like self-preservation to come out. :::

I've kept all of my birthday and Christmas cards for a long time now, and often wished I had sorted them by year instead of just lazily throwing them in a box. But obviously they're all in my dead name and so I'm very likely to bin them all anyway. Oh well :shrug-outta-hecks:

The trans community in 2025 feels a bit like being on the Eastern front. And not because there's a bunch of Nazis who want to kill us. It just you know the gal whose been trans for 3 years giving the gal whose been trans 18months advice giving the gal whose been trans for 9 months (me) whose giving advice to gals who've been trans for 4.5 months advice etc. Each of us a bit more practiced and grizzled with time.

beautiful looking pie and it's vegan! oh me oh my

"you need water to live but if you drink pure water it will kill you" who decided that??? thats so silly

Full time position at work is opening up soon, my manager is getting a (minor, really just straightening out the structure) promotion and has told me and her boss I'm her number 1 pick for the spot. Bump in pay and hours obviously, definitely looking forward to it. Was getting sick of this stupid shit but hopefully in a month work will be better for me. But definitely happy about it, it will look better on the resume and I obviously need full time employment to move out. Unfortunate that it's in this shit state instead of where we're moving. When we get closer to it I'll ask about transferring options.

One of my favourites, Vegan too? Amazing!

I'm so tired I'm crying. And I still have to shower tonight

gender drugs

I've been trying to get into meditation. Yesterday I had a really good experience except for one minor problem: it makes me hyper aware of the mismatch between my brains map of my body and my actual body. Basically it made me dysphoric. Does anyone have any experience with this? It was weird

Might stop taking E, starting to get wicked panicky about the idea of things starting to change.

i'm really worried right now... i think i might be the angriest gamer you've ever heard

Ok let's try it again: Fallout® New Vegas. Take out some letters rearrange some things and you get: t®aNs how did no one see this yet

::: spoiler spoiler My mood keeps yoyoing so bad, crying, normal, bitter and doomer, engaging with everything happily, back to bitterly hating my life. Can it all please just stop and let me keep feeling normal instead of having the floor drop out from under me like every hour :::

::: spoiler dysphoria Crying in bed this morning because I just hope I get to look right and don't have to accept not :::

Dreading being at work literally all day tomorrow, although with doing that I'll squeeze all my hours in 3 days

god I hope I can swing this full time position, going to have to interview and shit, but more money to save and it will look good on my resume. Feel kinda like a loser for being this excited about the possibility but I've fr felt so doomer about getting an actual full time job forever in a way I can't describe.

damn that's a good looking pie. bake 'em away, toys

Youtube recap is only on the desktop site, as a vertical video. Incredible. It should just be a slideshow I skip through myself.

COME OOOOON, send me the boob juice already! Why did it stop for 3 days?

Waiting is so annoying...

For as smart as I think of myself , I don't take care of myself or my house. And when I have bursts of actually doing stuff, it makes me feel happy and that everything is alright.

The negative effects of estrogen are not talked about enough

I nearly fell down the stairs today

The next Yakuza game should just be about tofu imo, everything else is played out by this point. Real estate boring, money yawn, toxic waste snoozville but tofu that be pretty sick. I wanna see people die over soy die for soy and die because of soy and if any series could pull it off it'll be Yakuza

I had a dream where I was for a dude for the first time (that I'm aware of).

Watching Columbo and I think I'll start Columbomaxxing now, gonna start wandering, asking questions, talking about my wife and fucking over rich people

Green tea is so nice, drinking it rn all fancy and refined. I make a gallon of the stuff and just chug that shit enjoying my day

I just moved out and I’m already homesick. I haven’t even been here 7 hours and I already feel a sense of regret and longing to go back to my dads apartment even though it was kind of stressful and we don’t have a great relationship. I still love him and I feel so bad about taking my cat with me because he loved him. Emotions suck. Anyone have advice for dealing with moving related anxiety? Especially in the realm of homesickness and realizing you’ll never live on that space again?

Ordered a pretty expensive hard drive to back up all my shit to, with the plan of deleting a bunch of it off my desktop. Computer has been too full for too long. Got about 30gb in and the clunking and grinding was so loud I heard it through my noise canceling headphones. Deleted my stuff and now the drive won't even recognize on windows. So fucking annoying.

Thats a nice looking pie

Heels report:

Shit is taxing af on my feet muscles. I didn't stumble around (cause these were boots, not like cinderella type heels), but in my offence, I decided that the best way to practice heels would be to buy high heels and go outside in the wilderness and cobblestone pathways.

I couldn't even make it to the grocery store to get pretzels.

But the benefit in terms of aesthetics is obvious. I can start working bit by bit towards gothness.

My theory is genies/jinn don't actually have unlimited comic power and just twist wishes a la "we have x at home" meme. It's like fuck you malicious compliance deal

I'm tired and uncomfortable.

Ough pecan pie 🤤 that looks so good.

Crying a lot the past couple days. Both for a reason and without. Itchy and cuddly as fuck too.

'toughest" 50 y/o guy u know will side eye you for wearing black nails like you couldn't traumatize them with a sleeve tattoo

::: spoiler Question about stim toys that may vaigley relate to kink. Are there specific chew toys to buy that are safe to bite on? I have had some sort of oral fixation for a while, and I am wanting something vaigley dog toy related. Dog toy like is probablely related to some sort of furry identity, and this is spoilered imcase this is somehow related to kinks. :::

I'm going to have to start working out, the horror. Noooooooo

given the sudden enbyphobia present in this space, i no longer feel safe being here and will be deleting my account. goodbye.

Somehow, I completely stopped drinking caffeine. I heard someone say that it reduces lifespan and since then, I have not drunk a sip of anything with caffeine in it. I haven't even felt the urge to drink it anymore.

::: spoiler mention of suicide

Given my mental health history, the prospect of extending my lifespan being the thing that finally breaks my addiction is highly ironic. Like seriously, do I even want to die or what?

...

Please forgive my awful joke, I'm coping.

:::

Following fics as they're being written is overrated. 😒

My social media likes are 🥺 this person is so pretty, 🥺 these animals are so cute, and 🤔 I'll like this to read this later. The first two are understandable but the last one makes me feel like a boomer

We got a number one Victory Royale
Yeah, Fortnite, we 'bout to get down (get down)
Ten kills on the board right now
Just wiped out Tomato Town
My friend just got downed
I revived him, now we're heading south-bound
Now we're in the Pleasant Park streets
Look at the map, go to the marked sheet

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today
You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake
I really love to Chug Jug with you
We can be pro Fortnite gamers

He says
"Hey broski, you got some heals and a shield pot?"
"I need healing and I am only at one HP"
Hey dude, sorry, I found nothing on this safari
I checked the upstairs of that house but not the underneath yet
There's a chest that's just down there
The storm is coming fast and you need heals to prepare
I've got V-Bucks that I'll spend
More than you can contend
I'm a cool pro Fortnite gamer (cool pro Fortnite-)

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today
You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake
I really love to Chug Jug with you
We can be pro Fortnite gamers
La la la, la la
La la la, la la
La la la, la la
Will you be my pro Fortnite gamer? (Pro Fortnite gamer)

Can we get a win this weekend?
Take me to Loot Lake
Let's change the game mode and we can Disco Dominate
Let's hop in an ATK
Take me to the zone
I'm running kind of low on meds, I need to break some stone
Dressed in all his fancy clothes
He's got Renegade Raider and he's probably a pro
He just shot my back
I turn back and I attack
I just got a Victory Royale
A Victory Royale

Take me to your Xbox to play Fortnite today
You can take me to Moisty Mire, but not Loot Lake
I really love to Chug Jug with you
We can be pro Fortnite gamers

shoulders, chest, pants, shoes.

hell yeah good pie

::: spoiler dysphoria That feeling when you see a pretty guy but get dysphoric because you know you don't pass well enough for him to date you :::

HVAC training dipping into water boilers because, back when I did my irl training we covered electric and gas so I'm not to stumped by the names of the components but actually getting to see how a electric one is wired was pretty cool. Knowing the sequence that the current goes and all the safety controls in place neat, a lot of the operations still apply so while I was confused at first I'm glad it was put in for the courses I'm doing

I always shot my shot by being very low key about it and my success rate has been zero. This relationship biz ain't for me just gonna stick to single life and finding cool things that make me happy

Fallout new vegas

that pie must have tasted really good!

I got bored being a mercenary in Warsails so I swore fealty to the Vlandians and used the console to give me the castle and settlement on the new island.

The Vlandians being the pseudo-normans they are had taken it in weeks after starting. It had been in low level rebellion with the Vlandians having to leave a huge garrison to keep it stable.

I head-canoned their King decided to give it to me a Nord to help stop rebellion (I gave 3/4 of their troops back).

Then I sailed to Nord lands with a sack of gold to demand the hand of their most autistic son to be my husband and governor. Found a guy with maxed steward and engineering so going to leave him there building it up while I fight.

I chose Vlandia because they got a foothold in both the Aeserai desert lands and are steadily eating up Battabia and the Western Empire. So i don't have to worry about fighting over the same territory pointlessly.

So based on things I've heard on here, it sounds possible that I'm growing breasts, which would be fantastic, but I'm not on hormones?? And I'm a good bit past puberty age? Is there something else that might make my nipples itch and chest hurt?

first, second, and now third

Game very much feels paradoxical the more you try the less you have it, I'd be lore dumping in dms and had to turn down people before. It gets awkward afterwards and shit just fizzles out

it looks mean

I would eat that pie, the pie looks very delicious! !

Playing Mount and Blade : War Sails, as a Nord and finding out first hand how cool it is to be a Varangian.

staying in the frigid North Sea to kill my cousins who know how to fight at sea for coppers

going to the warm Mediterranean type sea to kill other people's cousin's who don't know how to fight at sea for gold.

Seriously a Drakker (Biggest longship) full of Housecarls is punching your chess opponent in the face. No fancy ballistae or ramming. We're boarding you five minutes ago.

So much fun. I'm an enormously tall lady who keeps paying bards to spread rumours of my tragic destiny foretold by witches. I tricked the Battanians into giving me the Falx Reaper and I brought the Western Emperor Garyos to the Aesari in chains.

Once I get bored/powerful enough I might join the Vlandians who are steadily steamrolling all the other factions.

Agh going to the medic fucking sucks

I think for my next mega I'm gonna find the limit of just how much I can post because I got some feelings on something so goddamn trivial that I need to get of my chest maybe then I can finally think less obsessively about this

I got some pearled barley so im gonna make some tabbouleh and spinach / cabbage soup!!

The manifesting channels are getting better with what they pumping out now, I'm still no closer to getting a job or a gf but the water sounds are calming to put in the background as I sleep

down with cis

Fuck it, when I pie Im gonna take the L

Im a piece of crisp it aint hard to fucking tell

Have you found good lyrics/poetry/some nice general pieces of writing about being trans?

Been listening to Who's afraid of gender while going on a morning walk. So far more digestible than gender troubles ngl. I can do one chapter a day while walking and I feel I'll finish it. Having Buttler's narration is nice it's like I'm a big shot big enough that the author is speaking to me instead of the rest of ya

::: spoiler Ups and downs of being trans in Australia the last 24hrs CW some CW misgendering/discussion of dysphoria etc I was at my local bottle-O (liquor store) last night getting some white wine for my risotto. The manager, who is a gruff gen x-er and I kind of assumed would be baseline mildly transphobic, asked me if I was okay because I wasn't my "usual bubbly self" which is nice that it's what this person thinks I am, the bubbly lady who always chats when I come in. I was feeling pretty flat. Equally a lady at bakery I go to regularly said it was nice to see me.

I was interacting with 2 cis women and a cis man at a social thing, I felt very included when, after the cis man declared he was going to do something his wife asked him not to and then beg forgiveness, the three of us ladies sort of side-eyed, groaned and tutted at this prospect.

Also the man is going bald, one of the ladies gave some head shaving advice she had from her bald husband. She turned looked at me and said something like "well you'll never go bald!" and it was really funny. A lot of cis people who are trying to be inclusive basically don't ever bring up that you're trans, which is fine, but I do have different lived experiences and this was funny in the sort of joke a trans person would make about being trans. She followed it up by telling me my hair was "stunning" and she was envious.

Then I got my blood test to get my estrogen levels checked and I saw another friend who is a cis woman with premature menopause, so we chatted and while it didn't come up I assume she was getting her levels checked too

Really crashing swerve into dysphoria because I've applied for a new job, I sent a CV in and it said I was female. The manager called me just now and was really keen to recruit me. They said something like "we need another male", and I can only assume it was based on my voice and they hadn't read the gender part on my CV. So I had to explain I was a "trans woman" but you know that I didn't particularly want to work in women's health because of the political climate and personal reasons.

I still think they'll hire me given my experience and the demand. But it really sucked, my voice has been getting better and I didn't anticipate that moment of awkwardness (I kind of assumed either they'd realize and be polite or get a mild surprise at the face to face). And now I'm wondering if this is a sincere mistake or if I'm going to have problems. :::

The human mind is a difficult thing, isn't it? I feel so awfully adverse to doing things that bring me happiness. There are so many ways I can think of to myself happy. And yet precisely because of that, I do not want to do them.

Doesn't it sound absurd? It's just the deeper mentality behind my "stupid b*tbh syndrome". It's like an anti-egoism.

Maybe this is why I am so drawn to egoist characters in fiction and egoist philosophies. Those are glimpses of what I yearn for.

Prob because I'm not used to social media but on xhs it be like "your friend" posted this and I'm like who is this again? There's only like a handful of people I seriously talked to on that site but still if I get a follow I follow back and forget

Finally got my old polish off, gonna go for purple 💜. Vegan polish I found at the dollar store (my present for my birthday that I got myself) honestly think I'm done with top/base coat. Whenever I put the protective stuff on it never protects and is a pain to take off, this time it took me a while to take off granted but I was half paying attention to that and just picking at them

* rubs lamp *
"hello I am the genie of the lamp, you get one wish."

"Ahem okay, I wish all wish granting entities were erased and never existed in all timelines possible no exceptions."

"Oh uh... uh... okay.. well, are you sure? Are you sure?"

"Yeah hit me with the tragic twist or whatever but Im standing by it."

Since going on HRT a year ago I stopped taking finasteride. I've had way more hair regrowth since then. But now I'm a year on HRT and I know that the effects of HRT on hair regrowth stop around two years. My hairline is way better, and I almost don't have a receding hairline anymore, but it's still not quite there. Should I start to retake finasteride again in the coming months?

::: spoiler talking about how I used to look First holy shit why would you flashbang me like that

Second of all, every now and again I feel like, oh why would you grow your hair out now you just look fuckin bad. At least before you looked kinda decent for a guy. No I looked fucking horrible back then too. :::

who the heck would actually rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in their ear, this guy is a real character

::: spoiler depression and suicide Holy shit reality is awful. I hate it. I hate living. I don't want to do anything anymore. I want to lay down and die. I'm sick to death of this.

Why the fuck am I not one of the people who loves being trans. Why am I one of the people who the very idea of this makes me want to blow my brains out. It's miserable. Awful existence.

I've been wanting to message someone about being happy about my physical changes starting but I haven't been. I haven't been happy. I'm still fucking miserable and if I message her about it she's going to be all happy and positive and I'm not in the mood. I don't feel good. I don't want to pretend to be. I hate pretending I'm fine.

Family has been asking about how I'm doing lately and I have nothing to tell them. They'd never get why. Fine just tired. Fine just tired. god I hate this. I hate feeling so fucking awful. I just want to lay down and die. That's all I want. I know I'm not going to be cis, or not dysphoric, or not in an awful society with awful people. Just let me lay to rest. Why can't I just have a heart attack or whatever and die. :::

Need to figure out how to steal monster energy drinker valor

::: spoiler [cw: chronic pain / medication stress] so it seems my fibromyalgia has actually come back full swing after stopping my birth control. apparently progesterone can help with fibro and that may be why my flare-ups paused while i was taking it?? kinda miserable about this revelation cause i don't want to take it again but i'm also getting hit very hard with all the pain and everything else that comes with it. just no winning for me i guess :::

Pecan pie? I hope Pe can pi. This is advanced math class. We need Pe to step up and deliver.

I've insulted the future AI gods one too many times, if my ai simulacra doesn't make it into AI heaven then I know why

would you rather have a buffalo?

Still on my breaking bad habit streak now I need to make some good ones, only problem seems it's easier to let go then to grab onto something new just yet

Started depression medication. Not sure how I feel right now. I don't have any appetite and am three times as anxious

I saw a trucker with a big teddy bear in his passenger seat and felt vindicated with carrying my plushie in my passenger seat too

All the self confidence I built up the past few days vanished into thin air because right now I am yearning and lonely. How wonderful. Even if I make mental progress it can all go crashing down so quickly.

Love me some clouds but after a while it gets old, sun finally broke through and I'm photosynthesizing

Interesting that I still find girl to be the most validating label, woman to be a good label, and lady to be a label of ick. Maybe the latter just feels dated to me? Maybe I still see it as a term for someone older than me? I honestly don't know why lol.

This is only a personal thing, though.

I don't know any of the words in this comic, nor do I know what it's from, but I vibe with it.

Book report?:

One of the reasons why I think reverend insanity works despite being so edgy is that the protagonist's outlook on life is surprisingly positive. His goal of pursuing eternal life at any cost, while still enjoying the process along the way makes me root for him. And it's specifically the part about eternal life that resonates with me because of how depressed I've been. Reading about someone who goes "I love being alive so much I want to be alive forever, even if the only company I have is myself" kinda hits hard. Neither does this guy look down on anyone who tries to survive, no matter what dishonorable or psychotic methods they use.

::: spoiler negativity, dysphoria, transphobia, suicide back to bitterly hating my life

this so much. Being trans is horrible. Dysphoric. Transphobia. Either would be horrible enough of their own. FML

Its life ruining. I hate being trans. I'm so dysphoric about so many things. Body. Voice. Social. How I act. Everything is wrong.

Transphobia is obviously FUCKING AWFUL now a days. And its so insidious too. Its everywhere and everyone.

I hate it, I hate it so much, my feelings on it have not gotten better.

Its just awful. There is nothing good about this. Its just suffering. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THIS. I JUST WANT IT TO BE FUCKING OVER. FUCK

I think the only actually redeemable thing here is in the grand scheme of things, I won't be suffering long. Things will either get better or there won't be more things. 1-2 years or like at most 5. I can do it. I can suffer another 5. Just have to keep suffering and hoping it changes. I have to hope life can be livable at some point.

I don't know. I don't know what the point is. T already ruined me. Society. What is the point. I'm not going to be happy. Its gone. Ruined. I don't want to be trans, I don't want to be a woman, I want this whole nightmare of being trans to be over. Of dysphoria. Of everything. Even if I could pass (doubt it) that wouldn't fix it. Nothing can fix this pain. I just want it over. I hate this. I hate everything about it. :::

It's 2:23 pm my time and I ran out of green tea 3 hours ago I was a fool for only making a gallon