Shabby Lemmy

1mon

330

The Raven - Trans Megathread from November 10th, 2025 to November 16th, 2025

I was going to illustrate the whole poem by Edgar Allan Poe, but since I wasn't able to do it, have the one drawing, and the poem itself. Keep in mind it is horror literature and has themes of grief and a haunting encounter with a raven.

::: spoiler The Raven CW: Grief, Horror

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. “ ’Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door — Only this, and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had tried to borrow From my books surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore — Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating “ ’Tis some visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door — Some late visiter entreating entrance at my chamber door; — This it is, and nothing more.”

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, “Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you” — here I opened wide the door; — Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before; But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore!” This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!” Merely this, and nothing more.

Then into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, Soon I heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before. “Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore — Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;— ’Tis the wind, and nothing more!”

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore; Not the least obeisance made he; not an instant stopped or stayed he; But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door — Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door — Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore, “Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the Nightly shore — Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning — little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no sublunary being Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door — Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as “Nevermore.”

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing farther then he uttered — not a feather then he fluttered — Till I scarcely more than muttered, “Other friends have flown before — On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

Wondering at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, “Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store, Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster Followed fast and followed faster — so, when Hope he would adjure, Stern Despair returned, instead of the sweet Hope he dared adjure — That sad answer, “Nevermore!”

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust, and door; Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore — What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore Meant in croaking “Nevermore.”

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion’s velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o’er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o’er, She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer Swung by angels whose faint foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. “Wretch,” I cried, “thy God hath lent thee — by these angels he hath sent thee Respite — respite and Nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore! Let me quaff this kind Nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! — Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, Desolate, yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted — On this home by Horror haunted — tell me truly, I implore — Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore — Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore — Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

“Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!” I shrieked, upstarting — “Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! — quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!” Quoth the raven, “Nevermore.”

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted — nevermore!

:::

Join our public Matrix server!

https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms

As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

::: spoiler spoiler :::

Disaster_of_Passion* (11/17 - 11/23) GayTuckerCarlson* (11/24 - 11/30) Eco* (12/1 - 12/7) oscardejarjayes* (12/8 - 12/14) Shaleesh* (12/15 - 12/21) SwitchyandWitchy* (12/22 - 12/28) peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4) Wmill* (1/5 - 1/11) Alisu* (1/12 - 1/18)

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 4w

This is part of my warm-up routine and a practical starting point for building the foundation for a feminine voice. I can try to clarify if anything is confusing.

Breathing

First we practice diaphragmatic breathing for cleaner and more confident voice. I'm sure there's plenty of videos to walk you through if you need, but basically:

Place your right hand on your chest and your left hand under the bottom of the rib cage.
Inhale for 4-5 seconds using your diaphragm (where your left hand is). While inhaling, your chest and shoulders should have as little movement as you can manage. If you're having trouble, it might help to think of it as breathing with your "belly" or like you're inflating a balloon where your left hand is resting.
Hold the breath for a few seconds, then exhale. As you do, your left hand should be falling, your right hand should be relatively still on your chest.

Once you are comfortable with diaphragmatic breathing, you're ready for the first step of the routine, 4-7-8 breathing. Again, there's probably tons of videos on this but it's quite simple, just:

Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for 7 seconds.
Exhale for 8 seconds.

Resonance

This is probably the most important quality for a feminine voice, even more than pitch. This exercise is meant to help you find the correct place to speak from to create brightness in your voice. ALL exercises onward should begin with diaphragmatic breathing.

Say "mmmmmmm" in a natural tone. Your goal is to feel vibration in the front area of your mouth. You should feel vibration in your nose and the areas to the sides of your nose. Some people can also feel it in your roof of mouth, teeth, etc.
Once you feel comfortable with your "mmmm"s, start pairing them with vowels. So breathe -> mmmmmaaay, breathe -> mmmmee, again for mmmmyyy, mmmmmoohh, mmmmmoo
We're using the natural resonance that the mmmmm creates as a target area to speak all our words from.

Once you're comfortable go on to Pitch.

Pitch

In the highest pitch that is comfortable and non-straining, make an affirmative mmhmm, like the noise you'd hum while agreeing with someone.
Do it again, repeating mmhmm three times. So breath then mmhmm mmhmm mmhmm. The pitch should be consistent between the mmhmms.
Once you feel like you got that down, incorporate the resonance section. Breath then mmhmm mmhmm mmhmmmmaaay, mmhmm mmhmm mmhmmmmeeee, etc.

This is my second step in my daily routine, and it's probably the most important step. Also once you get this down, you can "reset" your voice at any time by using your hopefully well-practiced "mmhmm" to bring you back to correct resonance and practice pitch.

Warm-up Routine

4-7-8 breathing for 1-3 minutes
Mmhmm into vowels (mmhmm mmhmm mmhmmmmmaaay, mmhmm mmhmm mmhmmmmmeee, etc)
Say drawn-out knoll (knnooooooollllll on exhale)
Say eeeeeeeeeeee

Do this every morning and whenever you're about to do a practice session. Try maintaining your resonance and pitch while you practice your voice by reading aloud, talking with people, acting out movie scenes or scripts, reading dialogue on games without voice acting, whatever. Reset as often as needed, especially when first getting started. It helps to record yourself so you can catch problem areas to work on. Be kind to yourself.

There's more to a voice that can be practiced but these are the basics to work on first and I don't wanna overload you with too much info at once.

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 1mon

Sign me up again please

EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 4w

hey there trans mega

sorry i haven't been posting much here recently

i fucking love you guys so much. every single one of you

anyway, the reason i haven't been posting much is because i've been a raging mess and i think i destroyed a marriage (for the better)

tithonis [she/her] - 4w

o7 you're doing god's work destroying marriages.

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1mon

I keep forgetting how young some you are yeesh

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1mon

I'm an old lady

shallot [she/her] - 1mon

Hell yeah old lady gang

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1mon

They are babies brought up on ruby and sapphire black and white while I remember playing blue and red

grym [she/her, comrade/them] - 1mon

I don't feel old otherwise being early 30s but trans crowds online lean very young its crazy.

Its also very good and hopeful, its unprecedented to have so many trans people realising and embracing it so young!

I'm super old (mid-twenties).

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 4w

::: spoiler horny talk I was fucking feral horny the last couple days. Haven't felt like that since before androgen blockers, that was some weird shit. :::

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 4w

::: spoiler spoiler Next time hit me up janet-wink :::

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1mon

wow who knew estrogen would give me boobs

I checked on my babies for the first time in a while and turns out they're bigger!!!!

Actually the full story is I turned really fast and felt them moveeeeeeeeeeee

0x2640 - 1mon

girl takes pills that turn her green and it surprised that she turned green /ref

RION [she/her] - 1mon

Vaxxed?

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 1mon

Every day, dozens of times per day, I'm like, "Damn, where did these things come from?" wonder-who-thats-for

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 1mon

Definitely something that catches everyone by surprise when their E levels rise.

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 4w

::: spoiler [horny] [peak shit]

I think I had my first girlgasms today catgirl-heart

Multiple even!

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 1mon

me shopping around for a new interactive novel or a fanfic:

Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1mon

It's a traditional novel rather than an interactive one or a fanfic, but I recently read a very toxic yuri vampire novel if you're still shopping around

toxic yuri with vampires? please tell me more, pup kbity

Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 4w

It's called Bury our Bones in the Midnight Soil, and it features several toxic, lesbian vampires. It has kind of a slow pace with different POVs at different times in history, but the prose is very pretty and it was absolutely worth it doggirl-thumbsup Loved all the POV characters even though some are kinda evil. Not to make excuses, but seeing queer women just taking what they want in a very mysogynist and homophobic society is kinda cathartic

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/215020997-bury-our-bones-in-the-midnight-soil

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 4w

putting it on the list thank you catgirl-happy

Lord_ofThe_FLIES [she/her, they/them] - 4w

did you see the toxic yuri bundle on itch?

the visual novel one? i prefer my toxic yuri in text form ty though catgirl-salute

no it´s all novels! It´s called Poison Lilies November

Welcome to the Poison Lilies Bundle, where we bring together lesbian fiction for the connoisseurs of sicko

say no more sicko-beaming

thank you, sis meow-shark

It feels like my boobs grew 20% larger in the last few weeks. I'm gonna have huge tits and still no one at work will say anything lmao

cissies are fucking clueless tbhtbh

grym [she/her, comrade/them] - 4w

Saaame. I don't understand how nobody has said anything. Despite my baggy clothes and all its kinda hard not to notice something now lmao.

BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 1mon

::: spoiler sex Particularly emotional tonight and wanting to be desirable one day. Not like, I want a partner kinda way, but I want them to look at me and think I'm hot.

I've obviously spent a lot of time really hating how I look and damn I want someone to find me attractive. To desire me. :::

KrupskayaPraxis - 1mon

Same. I want to be desired, instead of ignored

inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 4w

There's something so insidious about trans people who's goal is to convert you to their particular brand of misery. I try to just do my own thing and ignore people like that, but occasionally I'm reminded of how depressing it can be.

Why would anyone spend all of their time trying to narrow down transition to the most trad definition possible? If it's really just what someone personally wants, fine, but it never really stops there. It's always weaponized against the community.

Anyway silly-liberator

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1mon

So, some life updates.

Interview went very well, but still waiting to hear back. I really need to get back on the application train regardless in case a different candidate gets picked.

My partner is deciding to try (feminizing) HRT! I am super happy for them, but they don't have health insurance so I am trying to figure out options. Here's what I have so far, and it'd be good to get feedback:

We can go with Planned Parenthood virtual visits and hope that the payment plans for their income level is reasonable.
We can pursue one of the various online GAHT clinics (Folx, Plume, etc...)
I have insurance and have a big EV stockpile. I can let them borrow my stock until they get insurance. I would need to probably adjust my regime (split my EV dose over 2 injections), so that they could take my spiro since that doesn't come as easily as E and then I could run fine on monotherapy (I have been kinda forgetting most of my spiro doses anyways for the past few months it wouldn't be a big change, it would just alleviate some of my anxiety). I am a little concerned them not getting blood tests in this scenario, but it should be fine short term.

Diy is cheap and blood tests aren't that important tbh. You can also get them without going to pp or an online clinic, which I imagine would be cheaper? To just go get the test then pay a clinic + a test.

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 1mon

The online options like folx and plume are pretty expensive. If planned parenthood is too expensive for you, diying injections is pretty cheap. $100 would get you a vial of injectable estrogen that should last you at least a year. Depending on where you live injection supplies and testing are likely available without seeing a doctor, and at relatively low cost.

Spiro isn't a very powerful antiandrogen, and it might be the case that neither of you actually needs it if you're both on a sufficient dose of estradiol (either valerate from your stockpile or if she gets her own later on).

https://opengatelabs.com/product/estradiol-enanthate-10ml-40mg-ml/

this is what you want if you´re comfortable with injections

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 4w

I hate when I'm told I'm not being realistic when I point out xyz thing about the world that's bullshit.

"That's just how the world works."

Uh, yeah you fuck that's the problem. Why can't people just say yeah it sucks? Is it so wrong for me to want things to be different?

My new bit is I'm just gonna be responding to myself since I'm dialectical doggirl-smart

waow-based fae is so smart and beautiful for this

iridaniotter [she/her] - 1mon

Yes ... Hahah yes....

I'm also inhabiting a corporeal form so that also makes me material

Carrying hair ties in my wallet like I used to carry condoms, the hair ties are significantly more useful

Haven't you heard the ancient Klingon proverb "up with trans"?

Moss [they/them] - 4w

Being non binary sucks when you have a public facing job

Reading a book is so fun everyone should do it, hst-gun get to your local library and apply for a library card if you haven't already

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1mon

I just had an aggressive flashback to a musical episode of the kid's show Arthur, where the main song goes "HAVING FUN // ISN'T HARD // WHEN YOU'VE GOT A LIBRARY CARD"

arthur-punch the memes big enough that it's printed at the counter at my library

waow-based

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 4w

Librarians are cool nuff said

Jekyll Jekyll Hyde!
Jekyll Hyde Hyde Jekyll!
Jekyll Jekyll Hyde Jekyll Hyyyyyde!!

iridaniotter [she/her] - 4w

I do this but I keep stepping on a rake I consciously put in front of myself labeled "YA fiction"

Honestly based still, most of the theory I been reading these past while has had narratives and central figures that feel more like dramas at times. It's how I stayed engaged and how I go from smh to catgirl-cry when something happens to one of the people being written about

Nasalstrip [he/him] - 4w

I wish more people read, I’m so grateful my parents encouraged my reading when I was young cuz it’s one of my favorite things to do. It’s like a movie that lasts for weeks, at least for me. It’s like going to another world once you get into it. Reading dune rn and it was confusing at first but now I love it.

It’s also my favorite way to learn. I’m thinking of buying a Zoology book just to learn more before I choose my major, I want to go into zoology but a lot of people with degrees in that field advise against it

It really do be like a movie, I get so immersed in it and it's like I forget myself and my insecurities for a while. I do like talking to people afterwards all "can you believe this..." For me I had a reading streak when I was younger then dropped off and even believed the "I just can't read I can't concentrate and don't have the time" I did have to put it to the side for a bit but now I'm back.

Also reading in public helps my anxiety like a lot, reading in the park or at the library are my ideal spots now.

Also wish you luck on your studies, I hope you can make time to keep reading for pleasure.

This is on the very top of my list of things to do once I have an actual residence and can prove that I live in the area

rat-salute all in due time then

For now I'm a zlibrary enjoyer

I'm an Anna's archive appreciater myself

omg I didn't know about this site. thanks for pointing it out to me

Np I used to go on library then I couldn't no more so this one has done me well

::: spoiler a tale of ups and downs (CW social transphobia/misgendering Yesterday I looked great. I was wearing a dress, my hair is long, I was waiting in the line for a supermarket check out and an older woman with a young grandchild turned around looked at me "lets let this man go first". It sucked and I cried in the car. What was awful was it didn't seem intentionally mean, like she had a second and assumed man.

I CBT'd myself by telling myself she was old and might have had impaired vision and a 6ft something blob is more likely to be a man.

But then for work I saw a person I had met about 6 months ago when I wasn't fully out or presenting and they were really confused thinking that the appointment had accidentally been moved to another person, because here I am, practicing my voice training, wearing a dress and makeup, long dyed black hair down not in a bun etc. I rather cryptically just said "Oh no that was me, I'm just different now". :::

Lol at another supermarket today an old man said after you ladies to me and another woman in a door way.

SickSemper [she/her, they/them] - 1mon

Downside of accepting my truth is that now I take trans news personally. I was never going to the Olympics but damn is it depressing to see

Real and let me tell you there is not much good

Feels not great! At least before I could just read it and go “oh that’s tough,” now I’m just being legislated out of existence :)

RION [she/her] - 4w

Went to a transfem group last night which was interesting. Got some advice on hormones, joined a discord.

Then last night I had a dream where a girl I work with told me to get my tits out which was, um, huh

My boss stood up for me and it was nice. I don't get others defending me very often

::: spoiler lamenting cringe culture and societal expectations with regards to puppygirls I send one (1) emoji in a discord server and all of a sudden I'm cringe. It was this one

I have these saved to my phone and used one in a dm with a guy and he said they were cute and I agreed. This was like several months ago.

Yesterday I'm in the discord server and same guy makes a reference to that and calls me a doggirl and I respond with the above emoji. Maybe I misread and I was being made fun of idk. And then a few people made things weird.

This group of friends respects my gender identity and that's very nice. But they are all so freaking affected by cringe culture and it frustrates me. Why do you give a shit what's cringe and what's not?

I cannot wrap my mind around what makes it wrong for me to use these emoji. And I cannot wrap my mind around what would make it so wrong if I wanted to be a dog girl. Fuck cringe like actually. Why should I care?

And as a matter of fact, it's been rolling in my head since I just joined this site and after yapping with lilypad about its perspective I was already considering much more than I usually do this past week. And now this happens in discord.

The only prerequisite to being a pup girl is wanting to be, yeah? Fuck it I might as well see what it's like on a site that isn't gonna call me cringe for it. :::

rtstragedy2 [she/her, pup/pup's] - 4w

::: spoiler spoiler cringe culture is largely harmful tbh and i would keep anyone who calls things cringe at a distance personally and not be very open around them about things i'm vulnerable about. if i had to guess as to its function, i would say it is a tool to enforce assimilationism and "respectability."

::: spoiler spoiler Yeah, if you wanna use the emoji you can. Who cares if the discord server is either lightly teasing you or feeling second hand cringe (I dont know which, I wasn't there) :::

Doggirl is never cringe

AshenWolf [she/her] - 4w

a helpful thing I've taken on: "perhaps I am cringe, but that makes me free"

it is a process of fighting the voice that brings on the anxiety, that tells me I look foolish, ridiculous, etc., because while it thinks it may know what's best for me, being cringe really is freeing me, and in that way, it becomes based. I mean that very unironically doggirl-happy

Uh idk if this is weird or anything, but is giving my cousin a heads up my dad's transphobic fair or should I leave it? Our family's are meeting up this week. He deadnames her and shit.

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 1mon

He deadnames her and shit.

Probably should in that case

Okay thanks, that's what I was thinking but I'm still very not sure what's the like polite thing to do :ohnoes:

Deadnaming a person isn't very polite either. It's literally "I'm going to call you by the wrong name because I think your existence isn't worthy of respect".

I know it isn't, obviously, I just tend to not say when someone is being rude behind someone's back generally I guess? Like a coworker called my boss a bitch, actually a few have, but I don't run to her to tell ig. I don't know that doesn't feel like something I should do. But yes this situation is different and that's what I was thinking, just wanted to double check.

Bolshechick [she/her, it/its] - 1mon

::: spoiler Dysphoria? So, occasionally I still hate how I look and can't stand it. But, a lot of the time it's more like I'm a little cute on a good day and not hideous on a bad day.

People tell me I'm beautiful all the time though. Are they just being nice? Or do I have like dysmorphia (as well as a little dysphoria still)? Like it's not just my partners and my friends, strangers (never ever cis men though, thankfully) compliment my appearance most times I go somewhere public. I figure like they see this obviously trans person and it makes them feel good about themselves to say nice things to me, like a charity or something. Idk, does that happen to other people?? Am I pretty??? And if I am, why can't I feel like I am :( :::

bipp [she/her] - 4w

::: spoiler Dysphoria/dysmorphia I feel this way too! I think it's a little of both tbh. Dysphoria and dysmorphia are horrible and it can be really difficult to see yourself through any other lens. I'm constantly worried that when people compliment me, it's in a "be nice to the tr***y" kind of way but it still happens and with total strangers too like you said and I do have lots of days where I don't hate how I look. If I had to guess, I would say that you're just a beautiful girl but it's difficult for you to personally see that because of the aforementioned dysphoria/dysmorphia. I hope that one day you can fully see that in yourself, but I wouldn't really know how that manifests because I'm stuck in the same position :/ cat-trans :::

Bolshechick [she/her, it/its] - 4w

Thank you!

cat-trans

I hope one day you can see yourself like that too!!

I'm really high rn and feel kinda pretty cuz drugs are amazing and the right ones make all my problems go away for a little while

deepfriedwater - 1mon

I don’t know how relatable this is to other L2 English speakers, but I used to truly despise this language. I hated it on principle. I hated what people used it for in the false name of “freedom”. I hated its inconsistencies and its spelling and its grammar. I hated that I was forced to learn it at a young age in order to be able to talk to other people that were forced to learn it in similar circumstances.

But I’ve come around in recent years. I realized that it’s just a language, after all. You can use it to create good and nice and beautiful things. I’d never really delved into English poetry though.

That is to say, thanks for posting this poem. I really dig it and I doubt I would’ve discovered it on my own.

BountifulEggnog [she/her] - 4w

::: spoiler meta, queerphobia People EVEN ON THIS FUCKING WEBSITE excusing queer phobia is fucking disgusting. YOU ARE NOT A DECENT PERSON AND A FUCKING BIGOT. ANYTHING LESS THEN EQUALITY IS NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH.

THIS IS NOT A ISOLATED INCEDENT, THIS IS NOT ONE USER, IT'S FUCKING EVERYWHERE. PEOPLE, LEFTISTS, COMMUNISTS EXCUSING THIS BULLSHIT. WHEN THE FUCK AM I GOING TO BE RECOGNIZED AS EQUAL I HATE IT HERE. I HATE IT ON THIS FUCKING STUPID ROCK :::

KrupskayaPraxis - 4w

::: spoiler hrt problems Fuck the EU, seems like a lot of HRT providers inside the EU were taken offline. It's harder for me to buy meds. Luckily I bought a couple of months worth of E last month, but my bica runs out next month and I want to start prog. I found a provider based in Hong Kong, but I'm almost sure it will be seized by the border guards, since they check everything from Asia. :::

lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's] - 4w

Have u tried teahrt? Iirc they ship internationally, out of the US, and maybe if its coming from there its less likely to get searched? The prog is little fishie suppositories so maybe even if they scan it theyll think its just candy or smth vivian-shrug

Teahrt have shut down their website

Oh... Fuck. I should have stockpiled when i had the chance...

I feel pretty but I wish I was called it more often. People say I "look nice" sometimes but that doesn't feel the same. I've only been called pretty or even cute a handful of times

I know I look good but no one says it to me, they all assume I get told it all the time so they don't bother solidarity you're pretty Meler

::: spoiler CW transphobic language around orchiectomy Me using the word castration: Cool, sexy, dangerous, mystical

Cis people using the word castration: cringe, gross, reactionary, ill-informed

"Did you know that medication might chemically castrate you?"

"Here's hoping otherwise I might have to finish the job myself" (while miming snipping) :::

I do a lot of Tarot now. What is really terrible is AI interpretation is so pervasive, and accepted. I have found it much more persuasive to simply say "I think getting a machine without a soul/divine spark/[insert person specific belief] would impart such dark energy/bad omens/[insert person specific fear] that it would cloud the reading and possibly taint any ones to come, but that's just my [a kooky and mystical presenting trans woman] opinion"

AI art is also really common which I would use similar excuses about the decks being bad luck or cursed.

If a person believes that there are real souls stuck in a void and AI allows you to talk to them, I imagine these arguments won't work.

My therapist told me to draw a self-portrait wearing my first dress (which I somehow got by pure luck). I've been procrastinating for some time, I should just start doing stuff

damn it, I was starting to draw and now my parents are back, it's annoying because i'm using a pic of me wearing it for reference, and if they see that, it's going to be a problem

I think I could be fixed with a hug from a person who understands me.

- the network daemon

It just needed a little eepy time and a kiss on the forehead

I am exhausted. However. I looked cute as fuck over zoom today

How do you approach girls at the clubs when you don't know if they are wlw or/and like trans girls

Florn [they/them] - 1mon

Why do I feel so much more in control while driving than I do while walking or doing anything else physical? I use my body to drive!

Idk if there's anything I can do to feel more embodied. I just need someone to tie me up so I don't have to think about it

Oh shit maybe it's the seat belt hyperflush

Obligatory "From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine" quote.

One thing people often do is integrate our tools into our own mental maps subconsciously if used enough. One example I've seen given is someone with a hat tall enough that they have to duck through doorways starts to do it without any thought after doing it for a while. I've noticed myself physically lead to a side when I've seen like a bug about to hit the windshield even though it wasn't even on a spot that would have hypothetically touched me without a windshield - I just subconsciously thought if I leaned, somehow the car would avoid it. So not surprised you feel at least similar levels of control in a vehicle as other methods. Why you'd feel more is interesting. Maybe the isolation from other people? Maybe just a general feeling that your body has failed you or been unreliable in some ways? Could just be the level of power cars have?

My body is unreliable. I'm too tall, I feel like I can't control my strength and that makes me afraid of breaking things and hurting people by mistake, I'm generally clumsy so that fear is justified. I feel like I intimidate others and maybe even myself.

::: spoiler dysphoria Looking in the mirror to shave and I can't believe this happened to me. I hate it so much.

pcos

Yea I'd hate that shit too. If it's even bad enough to cause this kinda facial hair which I really doubt that's common.

Fucking hate facial hair it's the worst shit ever. Not going to do two cws so just imagine what other one I'd use here. :::

::: spoiler responding to dysphoria What's your skin and hair color like. I felt like that all the time, either having to shave daily or grow a beard and not look at mirrors. But with laser, estrogen and time I have basically no dark stubble at all.

::: spoiler spoiler White with black hairs. And yea I need to shave every day if I want to look decent. As soon as I get a car I'm getting laser. :::

::: spoiler spoiler That's a very fortunate combo. It took more than 6 months but now I only shave once or twice a week and that's a quick once over after a shower incase there's any white bristles, takes less than a minute doesn't need shaving cream. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Yea I know it is. That actually sounds incredible I can't wait. That sounds so genuinely good for me. :::

::: spoiler spoiler It's the same with me, honestly, even after shaving the hairs are still visible. Whenever I get some income I'll save up for laser or something, over the years it's been worse, but I'm not on E yet :::

https://hexbear.net/comment/6660905

@TerminalEncounter@hexbear.net ::: spoiler medical transphobia It is two separate fights, have you read the Skrmetti decision? The cis are not effected.

transgender healthcare is just healthcare, which means it's a fight we can win because it's something everyone needs.

Yea you literally just need to read the Skrmetti decision, they've explicitly carved out that it's fine to prevent us from getting the same care as cis people. Also hrt, laser etc that's true for, but not many surgeries. Srs. I'd imagine vfs. :::

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 4w

::: spoiler cw: dysphoria I got a wedding tomorrow and I don't want to go. Been avoiding all social events with lots of people. But I said I'd go, so I have to. Yeah, I'm avoiding social events because if I can't present as a girl, I'm being perceived as a guy, so I'd rather stay home and be treated as a girl by my friends on the internet.

I have to wear a suit. And, while that's stylish in a way, my body is still very masculine (because no hrt), so I'm going to be feeling bad. Wish I could wear a suit in a fem presenting way, but that's different I guess.

It's going to be like this for a while still. Just got to hold on, it's going to work out eventually :::

Wish I could wear a suit but have volume in my chest

Ishtar [she/her, any] - 1mon

I love all my priestesses, seers, and diviners!

Boobs are amazing.

Now can anyone tell me why the fuck they itch so much?

Also, I gotta say, I hate wearing bras.

Itch means growing! Or at least has been associated with it for me

::: spoiler misgendering It really takes a special kind of not giving a fuck to he/him me throughout a session when my pronouns are listed right next to my name :::

I took slightly more than Im prescribed of E (there was almost nothing left and I had been wanting to try higher again) and now Im fucking crying over nothing all week 😡

Now I remember why I wanted to back off from this much

Curious what your regular dose is vs. this last one. I'm still trying to find the sweet spot for me.

Me (sobbing in bed): can't do this anymore, let's just go to sleep

Mr (checks time): it's 17:45 catgirl-huh

*if you're wondering why I am in bed at this time, it's cause my calender app lied to me and I missed my classes

I have to stay awake and conscious for a few more hours and I find that to be dreadful.

I know that feeling :cuddle:

lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's] - 1mon

::: spoiler sad and venty

Idk. Just sad. Want cuddles and to be held. I feel like i have so many people in my life that its too much/too many, but i also feel like its not enough? Idk. My days are empty cause im unemployed, and i keep getting in my own way. Im not eating right and fluctuate in and out of eating a lot or not eating for a day or two and then eating way too much, and that probably doesnt help. Im just emotional these couple days, which... tracks. Idk. Im just sad rn. Im holding my plushies. I just want to be held and be small. I want the world to stop. I want to take a vacation from this existence and be somewhere that everything isnt happening. I feel socially incompetent and want to explain to people "yeah im not initiating interactions because im socially incompetent and have been burned too many times" but that also is really hard to do. Im feeling real dysphoric and idek why. I mean, i havent shaved in a couple days but like i cant shave every day that hurts my skin too much.

I feel burned out but theres nothing to be burned out over... I spent the past few days and last week hyperfocused on programming and now i feel like shit and i think thats part of it. But like. Idk. I just want to be held. :::

cuddle

headpat

^arf...^

^meowwww^

meow-hug

::: spoiler loneliness, sex No one wants to date or fuck me now I'm trans. I remember having some people that were into me when I was living as a guy, bit because of dysphoria I didn't initiate or reciprocate. But now it's zero. I used to have more matches on dating apps but now it's way less. I decided to go for T4T on Grindr. It's mostly for hookups, but whatever, I need to feel something. Let's see if I lose my virginity this way. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Thats too bad, I've had the opposite but the first year or two would've been brutal if I wasn't with my ex. I have too many matches, its honestly annoying. I wish I could go back to like one a day or two. Im not kidding, Im not bragging, its actually really annoying. T4T on the apps is hard to find so far, but I guess there's literally fewer of us. The transes on the apps also, so far, all seem really shy and awkward??

Most of the sex I've had since transitioning and being single has been T4T sex. Way easier, way more fun, definitely recommend. I dont think grindr is the way to go, but whatever. Im not in your city, I dont know the culture or apps there. :::

I don't know the apps as well, so I hope soemone has better recommendations

Are you in a medium-large city with trans events/meetups? Apps are hell and you have to trawl through a lot of freaked out cis men. Making friends is harder than hookups these days, but it could be a strategy

::: spoiler spoiler Pretty fucked that more people will fuck cis guys then trans women, like cis women have way too many people trying to sleep with them. Like I get where we aren't as in demand as cis women but even less then cis men? How does becoming a woman make people want to date you even less... :::

::: spoiler relationships, loneliness If I don't have a lot of friends, is there any hope for me that I will get a partner? I feel like people don't want to be with someone who's lonely. :::

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 1mon

I've been trying to train my voice solo forever without really succeeding but 1 month with a speech therapist and I'm already reading text with a fantastically femme voice.

Still in awe of people that have done this alone. I understood concepts individually but I really needed guidance to bring it together.

Whenever the dysphoria isn't so bad I should really see a speech therapist...

Same, I made decent progress in my own for the last few years but I had a lot more with my vocal coach

I kinda want this but I don't have money in the moment...

SickSemper [she/her, they/them] - 4w

Any uhhh tips for those who aren’t speaking with a coach?

Thank you so much this is perfect

Sure I'll write something up a little later when I have more time

200+ pages read today, I'm such a smarty pants doggirl-smart

Sad and negative feeling, again. I hope this stops soon but I really don't think it ever really will. If I write more it's only going to be more negativity. Hopefully I have something good to say tomorrow.

0x2640 - 4w

might delete my lemmy accounts soon,,,,,,

they no longer bring joy

if not outright delete then shelf them

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 4w

we will miss you but understand! stalin-heart

We'll miss uuuuu doggirl-cry but also totally understandable taking care of yourself is important cuddle

tactical_trans_karen [she/her, comrade/them] - 1mon

Anybody know if the anti-trans riders went through on the gov shutdown thing?

No. The continuing resolution was a "clean" bill, but there will be definitely anti-trans riders in other appropriations bills down the road.

I'm one chapter away from finishing the book I'm on so time to put the phone down and raise my book one more time, who's with me catgirl-happy

My books are on my phone 0_0

I got an old kindle for some but I just got really hooked on turning the pages ans burying my nose in the book

Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 4w

I feel like my facial hair is growing in quicker since switching to monotherapy and I can’t tell if it’s in my head. doggirl-sweat

It’s making me want to start taking cypro again, but that would ruin the point of having a blood test. doggirl-tears

I have no daylight and I must walk

::: spoiler Today I learned (NSFW sex) Okay so I knew about muffing right, but today I saw a video where a trans woman had two Hitachi wands, each was placed on an inguinal canals and she seemed to really enjoy it. So I placed my one on one side and it felt good but I've got to imagine two would feel much better. I'm like huh what a novel way to cause pleasure without stimulating the penis directly or needing to think about butt stuff. :::

Nipples aren't hurting. Maybe a bit sensitive if I'm like touching them or something. Why is this. Has the estrogen gods decided no boobs? Where's my gender affirming pain at? ::: spoiler spoiler This isn't that serious I'm just impatient while also being scared of changes don't mind me :::

::: spoiler cw for dysphoria and transphobia but it's not details No shit I'm a bad person puberty traumatized me and I've been in massive amounts of pain ever since and probably will be forever and society hates me and did this to me and continues to do this to others. Why the fuck wouldn't I be? Why should I not have a negative view of all these fuckers? :::

::: spoiler spoiler Yea tbh especially lately I've been feeling like society's evilness has just broken my brain :::

Talking with a nurse I ask if she has a pattern on her nails but nah it's just flaking, I was like same showed my at least 2 week old paint. Mine where fine but you get car stuff on like grease/coolant/oil on them it just peels stuff away

FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 1mon

Choosing the name Lenore primarily because it slant rhymes with Nevermore is pretty funny, tbh.

It's apparently short for Eleanor.

She's too sick to hang out. Very disappointed. I'll get to see her and her whole family later this week but that's obviously a different, more closed vibe. What are you going to do I guess. Just sad.

rtstragedy2 [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1mon

I hate flying

Trans girlie has an argument with her parents

"I am going to become a demon who walks the path of solitude"

^^^ many such cases (I'm lying, it's just a me problem)

many such cases

also did u get that from me or is it just a pathowogen cuz i say that all the timeeee

I got it from reading Chinese xianxia novels

waow based

Arch linux is amazing. It breaks for no fucking reason at all (ex - the network daemon* spontaneously decided that it doesn't like me) and completely fucks you up.

Then you spend 10 hours trying all sorts of bs like installing this tool, that tool, editing the configs, looking at the code.

Finally, you give up, ask deepseek and it tells you "restart the daemon". Then you're like "no way it's that simple. I already restarted the whole laptop many times!".

You restart just that 1 process, and voila, it works.

*linux term for program that runs in the background

A patient was showing me Sora, and there's some funny shit. I did laugh at a couple. One AI generated kid pulled the epstein files out of a cereal box, had a tim and eric vibe. It's easier to laugh when you know its all AI, I guess, theres no pretension about it being AI. But a most of it was not funny, a surprising amount was about shit (literal poop), and an unsurprising amount was just racist. Some of it looks very good but it does break down still pretty quickly with fingers and flipping around or really really awkward movements.

Saying that, I can't believe this is their big idea. Each of those videos apparently costs the company $5 to produce and there's just an infinite tube of slop coming out. Never mind the energy and water waste, dont even wanna think of that.

Not going to get to see my cousin at all this trip :/ what I was most excited for of this whole thing.

I'm so sad and disappointed. I tried literally everything to make it work.

Just wish we'd go back home already ffs I don't want to do any of the other shit on our itinerary. I literally just wanted to finally see another trans person irl, have someone who might understand, have a fun day together, but no.

I'm trying to not just post negativity but nothing good ever happens so that makes it harder

Next level my library app not only lets me order books but I can scan the bar code on the back to see if the library has it. Gonna hit up the thrift shops and look for gold then just borrow them from my library for free

Wmill book posting goes hard

This the real hustle culture, making reading the number 1 hobby in my life

Am I really such a stagnant person that doing anything feels like crashing out

I don't like pretending things are okay when they are so far from it. Unfortunately this is like the only space I don't. ::: spoiler late night feelings, rambly and idk how much sense I made here I wish that was different. I feel like people like me more when I do pretend, when I put on the whole mask. I wonder if I'd have "clicked" better in the matrix and made friends. It's too exhausting being fake everywhere else and not having here to talk about my feelings. They feel infinitely more important to me then any stupid thing happening irl anyway. Like what, at work I talk about my job. But who even gives a shit? None of that matters that much to me. It's filler.

I don't know. I feel like I do not fit. I didn't fit in the matrix server. I think it's because of how much I've been suffering.

I wonder if maybe, the amount of suffering is why I'm so alone and can't feel connected. How can I really be connected to people when I feel like this.
:::

Istg if Google tries to show what me or my loved ones look like through an anime lens I'm gonna find their servers and smash them shapiro-gavel gonna delete every single photo of myself now

CliffordBigRedDog [he/him] - 1mon

Speaking of Poe, anyone watch the Fall of the House of Usher show

Ye it was dope

The broke period cycle syncing vs the woke injection day syncing

Update. I thought I had fixed my Internet. Incorrect. Fixing my Internet on arch linux didn't just require me to give the network daemon "a little eepy time and kiss on the forehead".

It required me to (metaphorically) take it out the back and put it down. And then to use a different application entirely.

It turns out I had 2 network managers which were both interfering with each other.

this is incredibly minor and probably kinda whiny, but...

whenever a guy friend of mine sends me a pic there's invariably a pile of laundry in the corner. totally understand having laundry lying around, but c'mon it takes like 3 seconds to crop that out. yes the dog is adorable and yes the food looks tasty, but the pile of dirty boxers in the corner that takes up more space in the pic than the actual subject does kinda detract from it

I think lucid dreams are probably the best, dreamt about the cute librarian I been crushing on. Confessed my feels to her talked through some stuff and got over my crush for her. Irl I know she's married and has kids so being able to work things out like that made me feel good. I also asked about them little audio devices they used to listen to audiobook the type you put a battery in and connect your headphones to and she didn't get back to me on that

What if instead of a raven it was a parrot in Nevermore

🦜 squak nevermore nevermore nevermore squak

A parrot could conceivably actually perfectly mimic Lenore, I think theres some tragicomic angle to this

The parrot emoji helped me read this in my brain

katabat [she/her, they/them] - 1mon

tired.

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 1mon

Nothing boosts your self esteem better than to hear I Love You from a gay drunk guy at the gay club. He also gave me his instagram. Turns out he's a rich Saudi guy lol. Kinda feel bad for him tho, that he has to hide himself.

Turns out today is not e day (fertility preservation just in case) but I saw the hormone doc, gave them my story and I’m scheduled to get them next month! Alhamdulillah, on one hand, I’m telling myself I’m not in a rush and I’m very glad to have gotten over this first step, but on the other, setting that date does make me want to teleport forward a few weeks. Still debating about shots, I might have to just go in the deep end because I don’t want to fuck my liver up. Another step done! Still don’t like hospitals but exposure therapy

Is trimming my own dead ends (dunno how) a bad idea or no? I feel like my hair hasn't been growing as fast lately or I'm impatient but I definitely think the ends look a bit mangled. I trimmed the worst of it back a little bit but I think the ends are still rough, any videos I should look at or anything? Or should I go to a salon. Worried about them taking too much off.

::: spoiler therapy

So I've been wondering recently. What the hell do I do from this point on since I won't have therapy anymore? I was looking forward to it doing ... something. Not sure what. But I don't have that anymore. It doesn't feel like I have any avenue of making "progress" anymore.

My transition is stalled cause I can't even go to the women's section in a clothing store without getting embarrassed and leaving. I haven't come out to anyone in a while. I haven't changed my clothing or style. Ain't been doing voice training. Ain't been making any friends. It's a general sort of stagnation of my life.

Do I need to start putting tasks for myself on the megathread for accountability from people? I feel like accountability is the only thing that really whips me into action.

I wish a tall strong girl could whip me into action catgirl-sorry

Tbh that sounds like a pretty good idea

It's been raining here these past days, had to do some errands got wet and now home. Our glorious dual pack AC unit (means relies on gas heating and electrical AC) is on for heating and it feels so nice. Gonna just get snug in my bed warm and probably read until I get sleepy. New book I'm on is called survival of the richest. I'll try to finish it by tomorrow and head out to the library to pick up some more

How the hell do you develop a personality sunny-breakdown

'Personality', like 'biological individual', is a product of the integration of processes that implement the subject's life relationships. There is, however, a fundamental difference between the two. It is determined by the nature of the very relationships that generate it: these are social relationships specific to human, into which they enter in their objective activity.

[...]

The real basis of a person’s personality is the totality of their—social by nature—relationships to the world, but relationships that are realized, and they are realized by their activity, or more precisely, the totality of their diverse activities.

Aleksei Leontiev?! doggirl-shock

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 1mon

This is such a beautifully haunting and evocative poem, and to think I had never read it in it's entirety till now! Thank you!

The start of this week has been difficult, but I have a long list of things planned to do to make it better. It feels freeing, to know that I have that power. I've usually felt like a passenger in my own life, but as little Switchy comes closer and closer to the surface, the more I feel and understand her needs and desires. And the more and more I can act towards them.

Yes, it is quite a good read. I wanted to make a pdf and a version for print with illustrations and everything but I'm struggling to do stuff lately. Still, I'm glad you could enjoy it.

bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves] - 1mon

::: spoiler quick trach shave update because i just had my first post-op appointment and the bandage is finally off

so the surgery went fine, no issues there. only weird part was that my anaesthetist was playing AI music when i got into the operating room? the first couple of days were more painful than i thought but it wasn't as bad as say, getting my tonsils taken out was. i could still eat and talk, there was just an annoying level of discomfort. oh and there's a section from under my chin that's gone numb too

now that the area is mostly uncovered, i can see there's a shitload of bruising. i didn't know bruises could look like dried blood? i can also see how much prominence has been taken from my neck now, there's barely anything left! while i'm dreading going back into the office with the bruising / medical tape / eventually unhealed scar - my surgeon told me to claim that it's a result of a removed lesion - i'm really looking forward to showing it off to my electro person in a couple weeks. they're one of the few people i talked about it with and are thinking about getting the same surgery in the future. it's really nice having someone to talk about trans things with, even if they're zapping my balls while i do so

anyways, next steps are tape for 6 weeks to flatten the area a bit and silicone gel for 6 months after that (which thankfully can have foundation put on top of). yay! :::

Very nice! One of the only ffs things I've thought about tbh.

Started using my VR headset for like the first time since I started HRT and released I was caught by surprised when I looked down because my boobs were missing.

I am still haunted by those libertarian commercials I saw on YouTube that where just so damn sapphic, I deliberately sought them out and watch enthralled. I have no gaydar like none whatsoever but even I pick up this pretty gay

Going to do my injection now but I can't find my needle 🙃 I could have sworn I packed one, and I absolutely can't leave a fucking needle in this house for my family to find. So now I'm low key extremely stressed tf out.

I did injection today too!

I have to requisition more supplies from work

Honestly they're cheap enough it's not worth the stress of stealing for me. I was shocked at how cheap it is.

I on the other hand have no compunctions taking supplies from work 😌✨️

Okay 10 minutes of panic that I cannot describe and I found it. Thank fucking god. Can you imagine how fucking bad that'd have been? For my dad to find a fucking needle in my room?

I made a pisco sour but I accidentally got whole eggs liquid not egg whites and while it was fine, the mouth feel afterwards is weird.

a friend of mine got me on to pisco and ginger ale and it's surprisingly good

I'm no longer on hyprland! I finally completed my migration to i3. It's all configured now. Best part is ... a lot of things actually work on i3, which means I can ditch windows even for uni purposes. Another amrikan klossed ssource korporate software defeated (I'm going to actually remove windows like ... tommorow. I need to buy backup drives so I can recover things).

Yayy! Hyperland is super fashy iirc, glad youve migrated!

Hyprland was also forcing me to use windows, since some of the things I needed to do for uni work can be done on an X11 system but not wayland. So it was kind of a buy one get one free for fascism.

The only scarier thing than the raven is ::: spoiler spoiler A ghost pumpkin soup for pumpkin hill :::

awrf [pup/pup's] - 1mon

up with trans

Up with trans

@GayTuckerCarlson@hexbear.net any reason you inject every 3 days, dosage?

Also idk how much needle matters, I do 5/8 long straight down instead of half inch at a 45 degree angle, maybe someone else can weigh in on if one is right or if it doesn't matter too much?

Maximum appropriate needle length varies depending on how fat you are - you don't want to go too deep because the abdominal muscle isn't a good injection site. Keep it subcutaneous if you're doing abdominal injections.

Also, @GayTuckerCarlson@hexbear.net, are you using those same 18g needles for injecting, or just for drawing? If you switch to something a little smaller it might be more comfortable for you and you'd be less likely to core a vial.

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1mon

down with cis

Down with cis

Struggling a lot with the feeling that people don't value me, just what I can do for them

AOCapitulator [they/them, she/her] - 1mon

thank you for the raven drawing

I had never read that poem before, or any poem for the last 15 years for that matter, wowee thats a good one! I don't think I've just read a poem like that and enjoyed it before

CommunistCuddlefish [she/her] - 1mon

I do love this poem. It's melodramatic and full of emotion. It does capture the pain and horror of grief. The drawing is wonderful.

I hope all my beautiful gala are having a nice afternoon or evening... or morning.

I know that to point out contradictions, paradoxes, hypocrisy etc in reactionary behavior is kind of lib, fascism is rationally irrational like that Sartre quote about antisemites.

I think about what's going on in the UK with the bathroom supreme court stuff. And obviously there are trans people from the UK with a changed birth certificate, changed password, bottom/top surgery, for who it would be really hard to police which bathroom they went in, but I assume the reactionary project in the longterm is to reverse that.

But that happens and say I an Australian travelling abroad to UK (for the Kill James Bond live show I guess) turn up, try to use the women's loo and someone says I can't go in there and show them my Australian passport that says Female. What are they going to do next? Cause an international incident by inspecting my genitals against my will?

And okay Australia is not an important country (though shots fired at both the UK and Australia I think we're more important than the UK at this point as a military base, bread basket and a strip mine for certain minerals), but what if this happens to a Chinese person, especially one of relative importance or connection? (I understand that while China requires surgery they do already let you change that, so this is not impossible right now).

Again I know the answer is things like this don't get actually enforced unless they're trying to active punish individual and that in the scenarios i outlined, the bathroom inspector would go "okay above my paygrade carry on" etc. But the lib part of my brain is so mad at the illogical rules.

Well, the US misgendered a Brazilian trans deputy on a visa, nothing happened.

Yea, lmao imagine the cis standing up for us

At a certain point though where does national interests trump transphobia like a failed state harassing the citizen of a super power?

Definitely but the USA is nominally still world hegemon. The power is inverted there.

Yes, but if nothing happened with an elected representative, imagine how many fucks they'd give about a rando

They'll mostly punish cis butch women because its actually about policing women and what they look like. They'll decide a butch cis woman is insufficiently feminine and that'll be the basis of it

Oh I dont disagree. I guess what I mean is trans woman or butch cis woman, what happens if the failed state of the UK harasses a foreign national of a growing power? That's the bit my lib part of my brain is itching about.

::: spoiler dysphoria?

Everytime I think of someone looking at me or my body I feel so anxious. I feel super uncomfortable even going out in a shirt. I need a jacket, or hoodie or even a safari vest.

When I was boymodding, I tended to not give a singular fuck about my appearance. I wouldn't mind going outside in shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt (middle of winter while it is snowing). Now I need more coverage during the summer.

::: spoiler spoiler

I know I previously stated that I wouldn't tell my parents until I was financially independent. But fuck. I feel tempted to just go for it. Either they accept me and or they throw me away and I die homeless. Either way, it'd be over.

I feel exactly the same way and unsure what to do

^myaaaa^ catgirl-flop

I'm so eepy

I'm thinking about how long it will take me to get hrt. It's prob going to either be in like march or 2027. Depends on some regulation stuff, but one year wait time buffer is stupid and ridiculous

Last post of the day?

::: spoiler depression

I made a wish to the monkey's paw to live longer. It granted me my wish. The twist? I'd have to spend those years living as myself angery

Florn [they/them] - 4w

::: spoiler depression and suicidal ideation I never actually wanted or expected to live longer, it just kinda happened. Now that the feelings have passed I feel like I'm trying to pick up the pieces and scrape together a life I didn't have before. Even now, feeling down and crashing out a bit, it's nothing like it was before. :::

::: spoiler same cw This is so real. I didn't think id make it past 18, then i did, and didnt think id make it to 21, then i did. Eventually i realized i was trans at like 23, and thought oh ill live i guess? I made it this far and maybe life will be better now? And it is. But now im confronting the idea that theres an at least somewhat decent chance i dont make it past 50. But now its because of the world and not because im depressed and want to die. But when its bad/intense i still have that thought deep down that i was supposed to die at 16 (first attempt) and that im on borrowed time, that im not supposed to be here, and i feel guilty for existing.

And coming out of all that, like, what do you even do with your life? I still dont have goals or know how to have goals, all the time i was supposed to be learning how to have goals i was deeply depressed and the goals meant nothing. They were something to do, not neccessarily something i wanted to achieve. I just float thru the world, except now its because im unsure how to even live a life, not because im trying to actively escape it.

::: spoiler spoiler It does feel like a universal lgbt experience, maybe near universal. I also assumed I would die, usually in a car crash, before 30. I got to 30, this is all way past what I always expected. Its a little weird to have more life than you thought was ever your due :::

I feel this, too. For a long time, I had an utter disdain for ambition. Right now, I guess my ambition is just to get my shit together.

I find it immensely funny that getting my arch linux to connect to the Wifi was a massive pain in the ass taking 10+ hours to debug, while getting it to login into a remote server via vpn was 3 minutes, 2 of which were spent on googling.

Yeah I gave it an honest try with putting Linux mint on my puter but fuck me I couldn't figure out how to fully install or connect it without the Ethernet cable. This shit is for nerds

shallot [she/her] - 4w

wonder-who-thats-for

How does anything work, I was told Linux was gonna be easy 😭

Did you create the live boot usb ok?

I think so but I couldn't get my computer to boot into it so I tried a method where I wouldn't need to use a USB. That got it running but when ever I tried to fully install it it ended with the system taking a long time for anything. I let it install for a day and still nothing

Oof, that’s annoying. Do you know what the boot issue was? My thinkpad was super fussy about booting into the usb. I think I had to set my BIOS to legacy boot to get it to work right.

Never figured it out tbh, I was experimenting with an old Thinkpad also x13e or something since it could barely run windows 10. I got it years ago online and I guess the previous owner installed their own stuff so it should have been east but guess not

Arahnya [he/him, fae/faer] - 4w

My gender is futch twink

Also I put too much ginger in my brownies and it tastes like mint

Played Peak root update with friends and shit was fun

Tomorrow's a reading at the park kinda day, only downside it's gonna be raining all day. Gonna fill my thermos with some hot coco and find a spot free from the rain

::: spoiler negativity and dysphoria god I wish I was a cis woman. An average cis body. Cis voice. Cis socialization.

Transition is too hard. I hate it and can't do it. :::

::: spoiler spoiler This is so fucking hard. It hurts. I hate it and there's no way to make it okay or fix it. Being trans has ruined my life. I can never move to acceptance. It just hurts and sucks and makes life miserable and ::: spoiler suicide I wish I was dead. Being trans is horrible. Horrible, horrible experience. :::

::: spoiler spoiler But like fr I'm going through all this suffering and there's not even a light at the end of the tunnel. Society is always going to be awful and my there's only so much to do to fix my body.

I just wish I was cis. Being trans isn't for me. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Just so you know, I’m glad you’re here. That doesn’t make it any less hard, but I think you’re cool and you should know that. ❤️ :::

Thank you. Today was a rough day.

I’m sorry cuddle

Do 10/20mg doses of E orally exist? I was talking with someone who said she was super depressed on E and she said that's what she took with 20mg Spiro. Is it possible she was taking 1/2mg instead? That seems like it'd make more sense as to why she'd be depressed if her dose sucks

Never heard of anything higher than 2mg pills and 20mg would be an absurd dose

Thanks, I thought so. I'd heard of like 6mg doses but never 20.

Sounds like a small Spiro dose in addition to a ridiculous very large E dose.

I have had many patients who have no idea what meds they take, how much, and for what. I always thought it was weird but they just do what the doctors say and take whatever they get at the pharmacist. I would suspect she was confused when she was telling you or really doesnt know (even though its on the side of the bottle)

I wondered if it was, usually I hear people telling others their Spiro dose is way too high.

It's bizarre to me, especially when it's something so important and how relatively rare this is in the first place. I'm guessing she was too or misremembering something because that didn't really make sense. She has an appointment soon so hopefully she can get her actual dose figured out. She also never did any labs so 🤷

It's also weird because I definitely remember taking meds and knowing how much of what med and what they all were.

Oh shi, new mega soon. See you all there

Sometimes I hate reading books that aren't popular. Cause then who I talk to about them? But I can still post about them on the mega ...

Anyway, I think the best way to read reverend insanity is to consider it as a fable or myth of sorts.

It does have that kind of vibe, especially in the first volume, where the protagonist will do some heinous shit and then literally sit down to impart wisdom to the audience or compose a poem on the spot.

For example, in one chapter the protagonist feeds a child to a bear, then he starts talking about how the Buddha considered all lifeforms to be equal, therefore it makes no difference if a bear eats a human to survive or if a human kills a bear to protect themselves.

Of course, the Buddha would feed his own limbs to the bear to satiate its hunger. But the protagonist of RI is the anti-buddha. He believes in the same things and has the same personal strength of character, but is extremely selfish instead of selfless.

Kinda reminds me of the show Xavier renegade angel, the show is very trippy but it's revealed he's an out of touch white dude with a savior complex that ruins everything around him in an attempt to reach enlightenment.

he's an out of touch white dude with a savior complex that ruins everything around him in an attempt to reach enlightenment.

What? No way, I need to watch the full thing.

It's a real good show, some parts I will admit are hard to watch but the fast humor is something that I go back to and find new things to laugh at

Unfortunately, after the first volume, the story does sorta transform into doing capitalism but with magic.

I loved the war nerds Illiad, it does make me wanna read a version of the Odyssey or Beowulf in that style

Can someone pleeeeeeeeeeeease send me stuff that has the same sound as underscores' wallsocket? I'm starving doggirl-tears

Spooky season continues, QED.

It's always spooky season to me

Quantum electrodynamics?

▪️

::: spoiler spoiler Edit in case anyone here is actually confused and this shitpost response was actively unhelpful: QED (short for quod erat demonstrandum) is often placed at the end of proofs to indicate that they proved what they intended to prove. It is also often indicated via a box, hence the emoji.

What I was “proving” here was my comment from the heat pump mega about every season being spooky if you believe hard enough. Which seems to have disappeared from my profile in voyager wtf?? :::

Thank you! And yes it is spooky season because I believe it is.

💀🦇🧙‍♀️🖤

What if I was a quasigirl o_0?

It would track, you need a lot of dimensions to solve my structure

Finally got LAD: infinite wealth. Gonna play it this weekend prob Friday night, been looking forward to it for a while. I was a big fan of the turned based gameplay of 7 because I'll admit while the engine for 5,0, and kiwami were peak having to deal with the combat for the dragon engine 6, kiwami 2, and LAD Gaiden is less then ideal. Ragdolling enemies fun as shit getting ragdolled less so.

Grinding is gonna be annoying but I'll manage, the story is what intrigues me. Love Ichiban love Kiryu. Eventually I'll get to pirate Yakuza and be done with the series for a while.

Old relationship energy monogamy rocked do hard and nothing casual or new relationship energy or poly has ever come to close to eclipsing it. Only da best 👌

I just checked the wiki. LOTM (the first series) has 54 books covering 1394 chapters. Aka, 25.81 chapters per book.

I've also read 714 chapters of RI. Assuming the chapters are the same length (both webnovels are by the same company under a contract, so it isnt strange to assume that they), that would be 27.65 books, which we can round down to 27.

According to my reading app's statistics, I downloaded the thing 110 days ago.

This comes to me having read an absolutely unholy 0.74 books per day on average.

And I should point out that I didn't even use the app for the first month or so after I downloaded it. Indeed, I checked the Internet metrics. I didn't even download any chapters to read before September 1rst. That was 74 days ago.

This brings up my average rate to 1.09 books per day catgirl-huh

A book a day keeps the doctors at bay

Clash update, event is almost over. Got about 4 months of progress done in two weeks (will be a touch more because I'm placing some big upgrades down last minute, hopefully a month and a half of time saved). About 45 hero levels, each roughly a week long. 2.5 billion loot into walls. Took my walls from like Th14 level to th16. Going to spend a total of 4 weeks at th16, second highest in the game atm. New Town hall is coming like Monday and I'm desperately hoping th17 gets some time reductions because that's where I'm heading right now. So much catching up this event. Plus I grinded 3 other accounts heros pretty much the whole event but didn't record their progress unfortunately. Mostly just unrushing them which I'm very happy with their progress too.

Love the game and finally feel like I'm a high level account now. Because I usually play on and off I've usually been a roughly mid level player the whole time lol. But now I'll be like second highest town hall in the game and even without time reductions I'll be th18 in like 6ish months.

Oh and my heros are finally maxed for my th, they've been behind forever because they're the upgrades that suck the most. Dark elixir is still kinda hard to get and they're super important to have up for attacks so they've been behind for genuinely years

ClathrateG [none/use name] - 1mon

https://www.reddit.com/r/Weird/comments/1ova2jr/hearing_a_raven_speak_russian_is_one_of_the_most/

HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 1mon

A Reddit link was detected in your comment. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.

GayTuckerCarlson [she/her] - 1mon

The Simpsons and James Earl Jones - The Raven

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy: