90
2mon
19

Burgerreich has a weakness.

FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him] - 2mon

frothingfash What part of "These colors don't run!" did you not understand?

36
MaxOS [he/him] - 2mon

michael-laugh

13
corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves] - 2mon

Cardio gang, rise up and outrun ICE

28
came_apart_at_Kmart [he/him, comrade/them] - 2mon

in a way he did double the workforce size of ICE. i mean, body mass alone.

24
GiorgioBoymoder [none/use name] - 2mon

15 push-ups and 14 minute 1.5 mile is EZ but 32 sit-ups? do I get a pad for my butt and can someone hold my feet down?

23
FourteenEyes [he/him] - 2mon

Only sufficiently juicy candidates will make the cut thicc-trump

20
Flyberius [comrade/them] - 2mon

My coccyx is hurting just thinking about it

15
supafuzz [comrade/them] - 2mon

live by the burger, die by the burger

19
SmithrunHills [he/him] - 2mon

Awesome, now let's keep it that way

Not the least bit surprising that the chuds who would willingly sign up for this are just slobs. Fucking losers probably lose it to fantasies of being some hyper macho Nazi super soldier gunning down minorities unchallenged, when in reality they can't even catch up to the weakest of AntiFa's actual super soldiers

19
CthulhusIntern [he/him] - 2mon

They fantasize about a civil war, but in an actual civil war, they would die the moment they have to run into cover.

12
Awoo [she/her] - 2mon

Look, I'm severely out of shape compared to how I used to be. I basically haven't physically trained in years at this point. I am however quite confident that I could meet those standards. The hardest part is the 14 minute mile and a half, I used to do it in 11 minutes, I'm pretty unfit now but I also understand that running is mostly willpower and I'm confident that I could willpower my way through that run even if it would make me physically sick by the end.

These people have to either be incredibly out of shape or they have absolutely zero willpower whatsoever.

15
Horse {they/them} - 2mon

they have absolutely zero willpower whatsoever.

ironic considering triumph of the will is a cornerstone of their ideology's myth making


though i guess the yankee reich would call it woke because it was directed by a woman

8
Awoo [she/her] - 2mon

It's not even that difficult. Just keep going. You can keep going until you literally throw up. Just don't allow the body to stop, it is in your head that you have to and YOU control that with sheer willpower. These dudes are fucking pussies. All that toxic masculinity crap they spew isn't real strength, they're utter weaklings on the inside.

9
SkingradGuard [he/him, comrade/them] - 2mon

They'd actually call it woke because chuds think Nazis are leftists

2
Horse {they/them} - 2mon

words that strike fear deep into the heart of the yankee gestapo:

The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal...

14
Clippy [he/him] - 2mon

iirc the military don't do situps anymore because it seriously damages people's backs/lower spine, so they use planks instead

8
gayspacemarxist [comrade/them, she/her] - 2mon

Join the swoleetariat swole-chonk

6
ClimateStalin [they/them, he/him] - 2mon

I haven’t worked out even a little bit in like 6 months and I’m pretty sure I could pass that test today

Edit: I misread it as 1 mile in 15 minutes, it’s actually about a 9:20 mile which I don’t think I could currently do. The other parts are easy though.

4