Shabby Lemmy

10mon

251

Music | Trans Megathread from October 6th, 2025 to October 12th, 2025

Originally, I was going to make one about "strange" music, but then I realized I can do whatever I want so I'm just going to plug some music I like or find funny. Unfortunately, I'm still a normie ahh scrub who gets all my music from youtube. Though, as a good girl, I'm going to use alternative front-ends to protect your privacy.

I might keep adding more stuff through the week.

::: spoiler Jim E. Brown

Jim E. Brown

The "19-year old alcoholic" from Britain is renowned for his smash hits like I'm quitting prozac to continue drinking and I FIND SEX ABHORENT. :::

::: spoiler Carlos Ivan

Carlos Ivan

Self proclaimed bard who occasionally does unhinged ASMR. Examples of his work would be his song Slutty Pumpkin or his ASMR Hostage flirts with you during bank robbery (Good lord he has such a sexy voice in that one).

:::

::: spoiler Opeth

Opeth

Listening to this Band is the closest thing I have to being a "metal fan". All I really know about them is that some of their fans are salty because they stopped being metal like many years ago. Idk about the drama though. Their Blackwater park seems to be the one that fans think is their masterpiece (???). But I like stuff such as Face of Melinda, Harlequin Forest and April Ethereal.

:::

::: spoiler Microtonal Music

Sevish

They make microtonal and macrotonal music. Such music is characterized by the use of a tonal scale different from the European 12 tones. Long story short, the frequency spectrum can be divided into octaves. By definition, an octave is a factor of 2 difference (so 100 hz is 1 octave below 200 hz). In the European scale, each octave of sound is divided into 12 tones. But you can use more, or less. The most extreme examples I've seen are Fuschiamarine which uses only 7 tone divisions to Desert Island Rain which has 313 divisions! Other stuff from them is Who knows and Zero Nothings, the latter of which is polyrhythmic ((meaning it has multiple rhythms at once) and microtonal (22 tones), thereby causing professional musicians pain and suffering.

There's more musicians out there that do microtonal music (and also the entirety of Africa, Middle East, India, etc).

Maybe I'll put some stuff in the coming days.

:::

::: spoiler Classical Latin covers of Modern songs

Yes, this is a thing. It doesn't need to exist but I'm glad it does. My favs are the cover of Gas Gas Gas and Everyone wants to rule the world. The channel is called the_miracle_aligner and they do other languages as well.

:::

::: spoiler Mushroom plays keyboard

Mushrooms plays keyboard. Pretty baller, don't you think?

I wonder what it's thinking about

::: spoiler Post-rock

You can tell I'm getting eepy cause I won't even explain what post-rock is. Here's a playlist someone else made. Sorry for my laziness.

:::

::: spoiler Miku covers

We all know what Hatsune Miku is. Funny story, at one point I purchased a miku poster and my Mom really liked it for some reason. It's hanging in her bedroom thousands of kilometers away from my house right now.

Anyway, I like the miku covers of After Dark and Little Dark age. They're both made by astrophysics

:::

::: spoiler Manbo-p

Japanese Songwriter that uses vocaloids for singing. Their songs are always centered around some absurd story and video, but usually contain some sort of interesting message in there. They have so many songs that I like that I'm just going to make a big list. The song titles should give you an idea of the insanity. Be sure to turn on english subtitles!

A kappa is boiling slugs in my kitchen. A song that can be interpreted to be about loneliness in a "modern" lifestyle.
Clownish Linda and the sinking planet. I'm not going to explain every song. Go watch it.
Hey zombie, eat me rather than that meat.
Proof Geometric Construction Can Solve All Love Affairs. A song about how math nerds are unhinged and insane.
Sweet float apartment. This is just your average low income housing complex. Also, the songwriter's sister made a cover
A classy, tactful Fire Extinguisher. Love song between a girl and fire extinguisher.

:::

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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.

Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.

::: spoiler spoiler :::

peanutbuttercupola* (10/13 - 10/19) oscardejarjayes* (10/20 - 10/26) Wmill (10/27 - 11/2) Shaleesh* (11/3 - 11/9) Alisu (11/10 - 11/16) Disaster_of_Passion* (11/17 - 11/23) GayTuckerCarlson* (11/24 - 11/30) Eco* (12/1 - 12/7) peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4)

lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 9mon

::: spoiler im kinda rambling idk im sorry i feel you quite a bit, your words make sense, but i also just woke up from a nap and hopefully i make sense

idk what I'm saying

For someone who doesnt know what shes saying your words make a lot of sense!

I have a long history of thinking gender roles -- that is, "I am a boy so I must do this, I am a girl so I must do that" were complete and utter bullshit because there's no sensible basis for them. People are people and can do what they want, obviously.

They are bullshit. To my eyes, the gender system functions a bit differently tho (and like, also want to say i could be so fucking wrong here like please dont take me as an authority on any of this). I see it as arising more as i do this labour, which gives me an identity facet i will call "boy". I am a boy. I have a penis. When baby have penis i call it boy. It is a boy so therefore it shall do this labour. And i draw it back to what i view as the only biologically neccessary division of reproductive labour: in order to physically reproduce, someone has to impregnate, and someone has to be impregnated(and gestate, etc.). Most of the labour division is bullshit, but that one is directly dependent on physical characteristics. Hopefully thru technology we can leave that division behind too. The more we can destroy gender the more we can be free to just exist as we naturally want to exist, and genders can become more akin to subcultures than strict social organizing dividers and tools of oppression.

Now, the first two roles are often genderized as womens' work, while the latter two are genderized as mens' work? But I don't believe any of those roles are actually gendered.

Yeah! So like, to my eyes they shouldnt be gendered, but they have been and so that becomes the system we have to work within. I guess to share from my life: to the cishets i will always be a trans woman, but to my friends or on here, i can carve out areas where i dont have to be "a woman" in the sense of the reproductive labour i do because that labour isnt gendered. Like here i use it/its and pup/pups because i dont want to be a woman-with-a-capital-W here. I have different genders in different spaces, and theyre all me, and theyre all the same and different. I am still a woman, im just also not a woman at the same time (ik it doesnt make sense im sorry). Im pretty privilidged to have such spaces as this and such friends. In such spaces, the definitions of woman and man become much more self-applied and seem to mostly derive from the cultural actions rather than reproductive labour. The labour aspect also forms differently in different subcultures; one of my friends views womanhood as very much a thing of strength and protection rather than weakness and being protected because of where and how she grew up, and what she wants womanhood to mean. Like, its a dialectic between the culture of a gender (the markers, the laws, etc.) and the labour divisions, and both of these take part in creating gender. Idk i feel like im spewing nonsense here doggirl-sweat

I guess what im trying to say is that our understandings of womanhood have the hegemonic components that are passed down thru the hegemonic culture, but also the "real" or directly observed components that derive from what we and those around us have to do to survive and what we want to do with our lives. And they each shape the other.

And that separate thing has to do with some physical feelings regarding what changes puberty wrought upon my body and some emotional feelings about how people have treated me by lumping me in with the category of Men (Man as the oppressor) even while simultaneously observing that I am very very different from others in that category.

Maybe it's also complicated by the fact that if I could be magically thrown into a cis woman's body I'd keep acting largely the way I do now. The only thing that I think would change is I wouldn't feel these twinges of dysphoria and (I hope) people would treat me differently, but I'm also aware that since women get systemically oppressed to shit I'd be trading one set of problems for another.

So, i feel this quite hard. Growing up the school i went to around when puberty hit tried very hard to teach us about misogyny. It wasnt explicitly terfy, but it was pretty steeped in "men=opressor woman=opressed". Being a repressed trans girl in that environment wasnt great... I was very different from the other boys (and they saw this and made sure i knew it). I already hated my body and especially my genitals, but all of their bs they applied to me was just icing on the cake.

And like, abolishing the divisions of labour is wonderful! But it doesnt change the physical issues i have with myself. And similar to you i would keep acting the way that i do, because the way i act is not gendered. It becomes gendered by others when they see a person in a skirt doing it, but it alone isnt gendered. Driving my friend to doctors appts? Not a gendered thing. Cooking? Not a gendered thing. Until others observe it and then it becomes gendered. People took my cooking much more seriously and thought it tasted better when i was seen as a man, and when seen as a woman it becomes seen as lesser, or expected. Or like, the way i walk gets gendered as feminine, and either praised or derided based on how the observer genders me. (It was actually something i worked really hard to suppress (among other things) growing up cause i associated it with the mocking and the hitting and the slurs. Part of coming out meant no longer policing my mannerisms or how i move thru the world, and just acting more "naturally", which is in some ways "feminine" and in some ways "masculine", but those divisions are applied to me generally, or are divisions ive reproduced internally. Everything i do is womany cause im a woman, but also im not a woman (ikikik its confusing and it makes sense in my head but idk how to make it into words that make sense)).

Ultimately gender systems are pretty silly and it sucks that we have to exist within them. Sorry for going on so long, i am nothing if not a windbag lol.

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 10mon

HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

peanutbuttercupola [she/her] - 9mon

Yes hello I would like to do the megathread next week.

gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 9mon

you are banned from doing the mega next week, sorry

segfault11 [she/her, any] - 9mon

i’ve transcended gender meow-shining

SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 9mon

A lot of my medical shit says "sex: unknown" lol

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 9mon

:waow-based:

Horse {they/them} - 9mon

absolute fucking goals tbh

TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 9mon

Every once in a while Ill catch myself in my peripheral vision in the mirror and always be a little shocked when the hot tall chick is me. Also my butt got big, the squats and deadlifts are paying off

0x2640 - 9mon

if you negatively comment on peoples appearances, use fat as an insult, misgender people, or be ableist towards people just becauss "oh theyre fascist so its okay" you should rethink your choices

most of this website needs to hear this, btw

What if people is myself

SwitchyandWitchy [she/her] - 9mon

Self hate is different category I think but very much still worth working against.

sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 9mon

Ah but have you considered that I don't have any principles?

:very-smart:

RION [she/her] - 9mon

The thing with AOC telling people to laugh at Stephen Miller because he's short really sticks in my craw, and I'm not even short! Or a guy!

What's even worse is when people say it's okay that good people get caught in the crossfire because "they know we're just attacking the evil in the bad ones, so it shouldn't bother the good ones at all!" damn homie I didn't know self-esteem was that easy

people using agab language should consider not doing that

rtstragedy2 [she/her, pup/pup's] - 9mon

my doctor used the term AMAB/AFAB this week when talking about results for a test, since there are different expecged "normal" ranges based on that. Of course she then proceeded to say that they are using the female range for me because tons of research is now showing that for this particular test hormonal makeup is a better predictor of what's healthy.

I know that for a lot of things this is true, but surely this isn't the case for everything though in a medical context. What terms would be appropriate instead, then, for those cases where years of the wrong hormones does matter?

Tbh this image was kinda just a reaction to societal norms; when someone uses the term amab for me in normal conversation, its a silencer placed on tim to make it more pallatable. But i do think medical areas are ones where there is grey area and wiggleroom. Ultimately, your comfort and health is the priority.

For medical terms tho, i do think that amab and afab fail to represent the divergent nature of trans bodies. Amab refers to cis men and trans women. However our bodies are very very different, and as your doctor recognizes. The issue with amab afab is that it is totalizing and obscures these differences. Its not effective to talk about amab or afab bodies when the majority of features of these bodies diverge with the cis norm. To me, i would rather the doctor speak about specific parts and functions. But even then, we run into issues. For example the cowpers glands begin to behave much more like the bartholins glands when on estrogen, so to talk about the cowpers gland is both correct and incorrect: it is positioned as a cowpers gland would be, but functionally it is closer to a bartholins gland.

So i guess my answer is that i dont know. For me i would like my doctor to talk about specific body structures and functions. Calling me amab ignores the changes that have occured to my body. Calling me amab implies that my body can be treated like a cis male body when it cannot.

Yeah that's kinda where I was landing. Outside of contexts which are medically relevant it seems like it's used just to other trans people entirely.

At least no one says "biological X" anymore that I have to deal with, ha. Because I'd have some words with even a doctor who did, for the reasons you described. Really these terms in medicine are not addressing the core issue imo: how I was assigned at birth isn't an indicator of X or Y, the (incorrect) hormones my body naturally produced and the anatomy that those hormones grew are the differences, right? Kind of a mouthful, though.

These assignment terms break down for intersex folks as well, because you can't assume hormonal makeup based on how someone was assigned, since a doctor can just make it the heck up or the external anatomy can just not match pubescent development as well.

Anyway sorry it's been something I was wondering about after hearing it yesterday and the thread here made me curious again.

Theres no need to apologize doggirl-happy

biological X

Ugh that term kept me from understanding myself for so fucking long, fuck those people.

And yeah, male/female/intersex are also socially constructed categories based on how well one conforms to the bimodal distribution of traits, with the acceptable areas being socially defined. Like, see the women in sports who win and then do the testing and find "oop youve got an xy chromosome so even tho youre a cis woman you arent (ferengi voice) feeemale". Really, were all just a collection of physical characteristics and thats what doctors should be looking at and engaging with, not this male/female shorthand that at best doesnt represent the estimated 2% of the population that is intersex in some way and at worst actively harms patients.

Erika3sis [she/her, xe/xem] - 9mon

Not counting jokes based on, quotes including, or simple mentions of the AGAB terms, I have apparently only ever used them with their actual meanings once since joining Hexbear, in a comment that I wrote about a year and a half ago:

[...] I'm sure that a lot of other enbies can attest to how cis people always seem to [...] immediately disregard any enby whom they can clock as AMAB, [...]

I still stand by my prescriptions I wrote about nine months ago that "AMAB" and "AFAB" should be used exactly the same as the full phrases spelled out (so no talk of "AMABs" or "AMAB people", only "persons AMAB"), and that when talking about biological sex we should have a pona mindset about it: focusing on the exact biological and physiological features salient in context, instead of making up the umpteenth euphemism for a false dichotomy.

XiaCobolt [she/her] - 9mon

Yeah I only ever ever use it first person past tense, e.g. "when I was assigned male at birth". Like that was a past event for me that unfortunately has had complications for me a woman.

But never as an adjective or for another person who I don't know their deal and whether they'd use it.

wrrauuff :3

maow catgirl-heart

tocopherol [any] - 10mon

I played a show recently and the opening group was a riot grrl punk band all 14, the drummer had a shirt with the trans flag with an AK saying "trans rights by any means necessary". Their parents were there to support them, it was heartwarming. Some of the youth is alright, it does make me really sad though with the world they have been forced into.

My mother talking about my great-uncle (who everyone had assumed was gay but actually was bisexual and had something gender going on): so yeah he was a drama teacher and would dress as a woman in every play they performed, my dad, your grandfather would affectionately says he was a [t-slur]

Me: wait why is this the first I'm hearing about this?

Her: anyway I have a bunch of his vinyl records from the 50s

Me: GIVE THEM TO ME

::: spoiler CW I guess societal transphobia I feel kind of fucked up by this, like there's an alternative timeline where things were a bit more progressive in the latter half 20th century and my great aunt could have lived openly as a trans woman (or non-binary) and I having known her all my life got to see her as a normal role model and transitioned in my teens/20s while she was still alive. :::

::: spoiler spoiler cat-trans this whole story is tragic and beautiful. We all need more trans role models. And idk but for me being able to recontextualize one of my family members as trans would be a blessing; im so glad you finally got to learn about this aspect of her existence!

Side note, how were the records?

::: spoiler spoiler Yeah it's kind of bittersweet the whole thing. My mum literally told me this a few hours ago I haven't seen them yet. I'm curious if there's any insights there to my aunt. :::

WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 9mon

I think a some people in our family assume something is up with our great-uncle. Mostly because he's a bit more effeminate in a way similar to lots of gay men, so people suspect he's gay/bi. But nothing confirmed.

Okay two transgenderisms

I cleaned my room last few days, it looks much better now :)

I can't wait to get my next shot, I was looking at the graphs and first shot barely gets you anywhere.. I just wanna feel estrogen already...

mendiCAN [none/use name] - 9mon

omg you had your first shot?! I'm so happy for you holy shit default-dance

Yes, Friday! ty cat-trans

There's lots of reasons injections are superior but what I love about pills is feeling the tablets dissolve every morning and that it's fine to have a sneaky extra one now and then for a snack.

Letting a pill dissolve like that is very ritualistic, I take melotonin the same way and its a very nice vibe, I imagine taking estrogen that way is even better

Australia produces something good once in awhile.

Medical Journal of Australia: Cass Review does not guide care for trans young people

However, trans people are not a moral, philosophical or social issue. They are people. The statement “some people are transgender” is a demographic fact, not an ideological position.

iridaniotter [she/her] - 9mon

The scientists think their enemy is arguing from a shared underlying comprehension of the world farquaad-point

The article is good for peers that haven't lost the plot, but you're not going to defeat people who want to eradicate trans people by telling them tautologically that trans people are people. For them, they're obviously not. And like, it is a response to these people, and scientists tend to think they can defeat right-wingers with facts and logic, so I think they actually are trying to do this?

I don't think they're necessarily trying to do that.

The MJA is a magazine for doctors, average people don't read (even the average doctor doesn't read it).

I don't think they're trying to convince entrenched transphobes or the public.

What it does do is make it (fractionally) harder for Australian politicians to do transphobia, because the Australian medical establishment has rejected the Cass report.

It's also clever because Australians love thinking we're better than the UK and the USA. We can dust our hands if active transphobia and just let social murder sort us out.

Edit like Bourgeois institutions are a flimsy shield but it's still a good thing that Australia's supreme court has recently in two separate cases affirmed trans people have the same rights as Cis people of the gender they identify as.

One of the things that makes me most misanthropic tbh, most people dgaf about facts or evidence.

Not that it'll change the minds of transphobes. The Cass review is on the level of that "vaccines cause autism" study and we'll still have people referencing it decades from now.

Definitely, as I mentioned in another post its more useful as a sign that there hasn't been institutional capture by transphobes. Reactionaries don't need data or studies.

Had the meeting today, it went pretty well. Only two other people there and both in very different situations then me. But hopefully there will be more people next week. Its nice to introduce myself as myself instead of coming out later.

Also I work literally all day tomorrow kitty-cri more money to keep saving though.. but fuck I didn't realize I was signing up for 14 hours

Congrats! Its so much easier when you can just be yourself! Cant wait until you get some of the nice HRT changes too~

It is! I can't either cat-trans just worried abt family... explaining my situation got me all worried again.

I've decided. I'm going to become a catgirl.

wtf

Puppygirls support catgirlification

mystery-emote trans-hydra

doggirl-happy solidarity catgirl-happy

objectively true doggirl-smart

cat-trans

Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 9mon

catgirl-salute

EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 9mon

i just tried eating soya chunks for the first time the other day and my impressions were

this shit tastes like dog food
this stuff is fucking good

i think this might mean i might be a dog girl now come to think of it

so what ur sayin is u kno what dog food tastes like doggirl-smug

This feels like an appropriate time to admit that I tried cat food when I was younger and had cats in the house.

Was it good? I never tried our cats food.

It wasn't really bad but bland. It smelled great to me but the smell really didn't match the lack of flavor.

Edit: accidentally said it was bad not bland catgirl-flop

Aww, needed some more flavor for ya? I never liked the smell of cat food, seemed unappetizing. Guess thats why im a puppygirl and not a catgirl vivian-shrug

Yeah, I understood then why they would always get excited for canned tuna.

Fun fact: I would always "pretend" to be a cat as a child. Well, the adults thought I was pretending.

doggirl-smug

scared no... doggirl-sweat

Admit it, its disgustingly delicious isnt it? (Or maybe just delicious...)

I'm so hot (it's the fever)

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 9mon

one of us! kbity

Welcome to the clowder! catgirl-heart

hell yeag!! catgirl-heart cat-trans

i think i might just have found a place i would be a shoe in for if i went and got a job there that would get my t girl surgeries covered

it's a bit of a stretch but i might be able to get my surgeries covered after all doggirl-smart

Yay I hope it works out!

::: spoiler meds

I got some meds! Hopefully life gets better for me! Stimulants for executive function, prep for all the sex im not having, and antibiotics for after all the sex im not having lol.

yayayayayay hope they help

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 10mon

down with cis

SexUnderSocialism [she/her] - 10mon

0x2640 - 10mon

GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 10mon

Carcharodonna [she/her] - 9mon

::: spoiler meds update

So, i think ln these meds im a bit better at actually making decisions! That doesnt mean im making good decisions, but i am making decisions! Im peeing when i need to pee instead of many hours later, im taking out the trash because im no longer forgetting about the trash in between noticing it and putting my shoes on. Im also now choosing to sit on my phone out of habit instead of choosing to do the other things i could be doing. This is kinda weird tbh. Feel abnormal and normal all at once.

yayayayayay :D

Im making food because im hungry! You have no idea how amazing that is for meeee!

AHHHH I JUST MADE MYSELF FOOD BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY AND THEN STOPPED EATING BECAUSE I WAS FULL!! AND THEN I CLEANED EVERYTHING UP AND THEN SOME!! WTF IS GOING ON IN MY BRAIN THIS IS AMAZINGGG!!

woaaaaa!!!! das... woa!!!!!! pawesome!!!!!! yipppeeee :D proud of u pup

Im gonna get a steel mace to work out with, not because I believe in it and not because I dont already have a kettlebell but because I love the idea of using a medieval weapon to work out with

SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 10mon

I ate all my nice chocolate :(
Now I have to get more :(

JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 9mon

Finally got a call back from my job search! It's a cancer research postdoc in a state/city that I actually want to live in. Super excited and a bit nervous of course.

meow-bounce

I need to wrangle reference letters now (won't be hard depending on the timeline) and prepare a short research presentation (also shouldn't be hard, but it's definitely nerve-wracking).

niko-dance Congrattssss!!! youve got this!! lets-fucking-go

Ocommie63 [she/her] - 9mon

Just got my first piercing the other day it looks so good!!!

Congraats! What kind of piercing did you get?

I got an earlobe piercing, and I got this pink gem stud

RION [she/her] - 10mon

My progesterone should be arriving today :progchamp:

Excited! Apprehensive! Undecided on boofing! I'll see how taking it orally goes first I guess

fuck that actually hurts. The rush last week must have covered that up. Also I had a bit of a bubble, worked it out though but hopefully I got my full dose last week. Also I know the rubber is "self healing" but I was surprised that I couldn't even see a dot where I poked it last week.

end of week one of E, nothing to report yet. Other then damn near crying for a few hours last night, dunno if that's hormone related though.

Good job!

It took me about 2 weeks for the mental stuff to come online but for me the emotional stuff did happen pretty fast and yeah I cried a lot too. Especially in public which was incredibly embarassing because Id spent a long time suppressing tears and being told not to cry in public..

Thank you!

Oh wow that's so soon for me then :cat-trans: God I hope end of this week/next I start seeing that, so soon..

good job!!!! pwoud of u :3

I cried too. Might be a combination of big changes + massive shift in hormonal profile. It's a good crying tho. Those painful tears will drain away and leave you with happiness.

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 10mon

Dear god I hate job hunting. I can't hardly put out a single application before feeling like I've been completely robbed of my humanity. God forbid I get even one interview, too.

accurate garf-chan

Trans cat girl to trans cat girl communicatoon

we hate people

sighs

Real

There's some good ones but overall I am very unimpressed. Makes it easier to swallow some things at least.

CupcakeOfSpice [she/her, fae/faer] - 9mon

Hi. I've not really engaged with the trans community on here yet.

::: spoiler CW: Imposter syndrome and current-event fears I am not really "out" in my everyday life, so I feel like I don't have a lot of experiences in common with people here. I guess my fear of coming out is itself an oppression, but I haven't been beaten by cops or discriminated against in a hospital. And with the government trying to make trans folks into terrorists, I'm more and more just wanting to stay in my little closet... Am I a bad trans? I guess I'm just a bad revolutionary; I'm scared of what could happen, even if the risk to me is relatively little. :::

::: spoiler spoiler I'm out to a few safe people and that's it, not family and not work. Definitely is! I'm not coming out to family and work until I have to or it gets closer.

No you aren't cat-trans staying safe in the closet is perfectly acceptable, if that's what you want. :::

::: spoiler spoiler You can post here if you want~ youre still trans, come hang out on the trans mega

Youre the only one who can guage what is safe and isnt for you. I will only say that you will probably be happier if you were out and taking whatever other steps you want (plenty of trans women do not take hormones and plenty dont want to have any surgeries, its not a requirement to be trans to do either). But I cant say if thats worth your sense of safety, youre the only one who can make that judgement call. I know for me, the euphoria of being called a woman, having people use my name, and having people say ma'am or use she/her with me was worth the risks - and I couldnt bear to boymode anymore anyway.

Oppression and being sad and dysphoria aren't the inherent conditions of being transgender - I really believe this. Yes theyre part of our experience because society sucks. The real inherent condition of being trans is euphoria and joy, like true deep joy. Every day I get to wake up and be a woman! Its still, despite everything, a great feeling and it still hasn't been dulled. You are part of this joy and euphoria as far as you want to take it
🏳️‍⚧️💙💝🤍💝💙🏳️‍⚧️ :::

::: spoiler spoiler

You are absolutely not a bad trans! meow-hug cat-trans

Fear of coming out is so real, and like, it took me years to do so. Not having experiences in common isnt a reason to not participate here, id think its more of a reason to participate here ^join^ ^us^. This mega is for trans people to talk about basically whatever we want, not just trans specific stuff!

::: spoiler spoiler Take things step by step, that's a basic tenet of dialectics. You cannot become a good revolutionary if you are unable to take care of your personal safety. So don't beat yourself up for still being in the closet. :::

::: spoiler spoiler I'm only out to family and maybe a couple friends? And I guess the creepy delivery guy who clocked me as trans. I've been here for years at this point and have been on HRT for 1.5 years. Doesn't seem worth the tradeoff for me for now given where I live and my work.

Being trans doesn't mean you have to be some revolutionary. You can just want to live your life like most people. :::

SickSemper [she/her, comrade/them] - 9mon

::: spoiler spoiler I was there a month or two ago. The safety of the closet is tempting, but I eventually realized the stress that would leave on me if I was still closeted 5-10 years from now, so I ripped the bandaid off. I’m also not out publicly fwiw, I’ve told two people total and I don’t dress femme. Nevertheless it’s given me peace of mind that you might find if you end up coming out to a partner or close trusted friend :::

::: spoiler spoiler Yeah, I'm out to a few friends, and my mom knows but just pretends like she doesn't. I have a therapist and psych med-provider who knows, but yeah. I'm looking into attending one of those queer affirming churches in town (I think we have two, so I'm drowning in options (unironically so compared to some areas)) and that might be helpful. For now, though, the closet shall help me stay out of USian concentration camps... hopefully. :::

meler [she/her, pup/pup's] - 9mon

Libraries may simply be the best thing to exist

I glanced down and thought I'd accidentally typed liberals

Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 9mon

Hard agree some of the best people work there and without one I'd be so uneducated

Have the online meetup with my local support group tomorrow night. Have never participated in a group like this before so idk, probably a lot of listening and trying to figure things out.

My dream job was and still is Saturday Morning Cartoon Villain

You have a dope costume, you get to be hilarious, you get a subby sidekick, there's no expectation or pressure that you ever actually succeed, and your evil plans can be as low stakes as ruining a local pond or destroying the biosphere. Total blue sky. Plus if you stick around long enough you get to team up with the heroes to take down some super duper evil villain if you ever get bored of the evil schtick.

would be so great, you'd get to beat up cops and seduce the heroes in your civilian form only to pull the rug out from beneath them, oh the delicious drama catgirl-smug

Hero: Was it all lies?

Villain: Yes lmao i would never fuck a cop

do supervillains have alter-egos? me n da mates were having this serious discussion last night and thought about it, we concluded supervillainy is way more freeing than heroism. heroes have to have a paying job, villains just need to dream big.

i mean if you wanna woo the heroes you gotta atleast go outside to the coffee shop once in a while kris-love

down with ukkk

MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 9mon

england-cool

lea-finger-guns I would

The marxist analysis of this meme:

The atomised proletariat class increasingly lack the means to reproduce themselves as their past generations did. This has lead to the yearning amongst its more marginal members for a convenient, low cost and standardised method of finding partners.

The above meme uses the symbolism of computers and piracy to convey this yearning, while sodium replying with "I would" conveys her agreement with this yearning, knowing full well deep down that all hope is lost and she will die alone catgirl-cry

CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 9mon

Sandwich

Ok i dont like when the meds leave my system. It isnt bad, but i can feel myself get more energetic and exhausted all at once, my thoughts become more chaotic and disjointed, my ability to manage things goes back to normal, and my emotional responses get more anxiety oriented and like the anxiety gets turned up a bit.

many such cases

trying to do brat taming right now by telling her how delicious the pancakes i'm making are and that she can't have any

You can tame a brat by seeming to get pissed at her nonsense, then tying her up in the bedroom then leaving and eating her ice cream in front of her. Then not even having sex, just untie her. Works for me

blackbeard-writing <-- me taking notes right now

::: spoiler reference to SI, mental health

listening to the music i used to listen to like 3, 4, 5, years ago... at first it was fun. but now i just feel sad and empty and depressed and like "yeah you know what the earth is really alluring". fuck i used to be so depressed. it changed so slowly, i dont even remember it changing. its kinda a shock. the songs hit hard. they remind me of all the painful things. all the empty things. the nothingness that was my existence.

Shaleesh [she/her, comrade/them] - 10mon

Up with trans!

My friend is a genuis

Smartest Benito Mussolini I've ever heard of.

Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 9mon

19 days 19 days 19 days

0_o

What's happening in 19 days?

b̶̢̡̲̥͉̤̱͉̳̮͗̐̄̃̃̌̾̅͜ơ̵̡̢̨̢̝̣̜͙̩͇̺͖͋̍̋̓̈́̆̔́̔͝t̴̘̞̋̃̆̋̆̂͠ţ̵̘͖͇̦̟͔͇̩͍͙̉͑͒̉̊͌̾̑̈̈́͋͊̌̈́̚o̴̡̮̤̻̤̪̜̒̈́̈̀͗̈̈́̒̇̕͜͝͝ͅm̴̧̰̥̦͊̌̀̀͋͆̎̊̌͝͝ ̴͕̖̳̟̊͊̊s̶̫̮̭͈̲̈u̴̢̥̺̲͎̠̟̦̗̬̮̙̖̗̣̓ŗ̸̨̙̯͓̖͙͇̞͇̊̇͑͒̇͋̓̈̚͝g̵̡̧̬̪̻̯͍͓̳͌͆̓̎̂̅̕̚͝ȅ̶̦̦͖̰͙͉̞͓̠̞̱̤̳̂͒̊̍̎͑͐̓̉r̸̢͖̟͕͈̹͙͈̪̻̪͙̰̫͆̔̃͂̉͝͠y̷̧̢̙͙̪̘͆̇͘

I love getting to take an Employee Satisfaction Survey at work. Not because they'll do anything with the feedback, they won't, I just enjoy getting paid to spend four hours anonymously telling my employers off about how much they suck.

"This survey will take approximately 20 minutes to take," girl you gave me an open comment field with no character limit, it is going to take 20 minutes to answer one question

I remember a couple nights ago I was pretty shook, woke up to an endless void and was pretty scared. Think is I'm pretty sure I just forgot how to open my eyes is all, scary void stuff hasn't happened anymore

I had sleep paralysis with scary shit a few times, usually its like an evil presence I can sense nearby. Usually, I try to hit it or bat it away and eventually I do but immediately realize - I was just having weird sleep paralysis hallucinations.

I love me some sleep paralysis 🥺 but sleep demons don't visit me no more so it's usually just a small fuck up like this or sometimes hearing someone talking to me

Been kinda eepy all day long, despite a good night of sleep. Some muscle tightness and sweating but that seems to be the extent of things. I cleaned a little bit tho, as a "well why dont i do this" feeling, instead of thinking about cleaning and feeling terrible that i wasnt. So that was nice.

::: spoiler Another update Soooo the meds are wearing off and it sucks. Feel unstable and shitty when theyre wearing off. And just weird. Im also more awake now than ive been all day...

Love to grow confident in your self expression over the course of several weeks only to suddenly be disgusted by it all and want something completely different. Great. Really great!

im probably plural but i have a headmate so idrc about that rn

I did some hardcore hiking for the past 3 days and my legs are so done. I had plans for more hiking today but spent the morning in bed, made it out around 1pm to get lunch, then went to a spot with a short touristy walk only to find most of the area was closed due to a bear sighting angery

I was trying to find directions to this fun haunted house I this town and Google maps sponsored served me up an adoption agency

Does Google maps think you want to adopt, or does it think you want to be adopted soviet-hmm

Google overheard me being called mommy lol

Trying to discuss the self with a friend but I'm an undereducated Vygotskian and she is trying to explain Kant's necessity for an "I". No idea what any of this means. Fuck my baka life etc. catgirl-flop

"I" is a strange loop

Yeah I mean I think we're speaking completely different languages. I'm concerned with the construction of a person, she's concerned with the metaphysical basis for rational thought. And then equating the two. I think.

I guess I could just share this to /c/music but this 17 minute instrumental from 1988, laden with synths, samples, and bass guitars, was actually the thing that first got me into music from the late USSR way back when — which helped me reevaluate my attitudes towards the country and coooommunism in general. So I probably would've become a commie way later without this track, and it is still to this day so fucking sexy to me that I need you all to listen to it.

Mugi and Mio approved cxu ne @AernaLingus@hexbear.net

HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 9mon

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

::: spoiler spoiler So I recently came out to this woman at work right, super supportive. I've been wanting to talk with her about being trans and stuff but haven't known what to say. She doesn't come around super often but I got a few minutes with her earlier this week and I explained this to her. She said to just message her whatever random thing to start the conversation. Tried writing something and she just responds with something short that doesn't really go anywhere

kitty-cri I just want to talk to people, and have it work, and it just doesn't. idk how to talk to people. build relationships.

I am so sad right now :::

::: spoiler spoiler imagine going through the rest of my life dealing with all of this fucking shit :::

::: spoiler spoiler You WILL find your little tribe and group, and it'll rock :::

::: spoiler spoiler The problem isn't finding people. This person at work for example, she's great and everything. The problem is me, not knowing how to talk about what I want to talk about, not knowing how to start conversations, form relationships. Plus all the trans shit I've whined about for a year and half.

Idon't need more people. i need to know how to connect with them and have a fulfilling relationship. fuck me :::

Also make sure you have everything you need for week 2 of your shot

I do, I have almost exactly 1 year of stuff

Today is injection today for me and you! Dont forget

Thank you, I won't. I'll get the stuff ready here soon.

::: spoiler spoiler Being trans and being autistic are two of the biggest causes of pain in my life and I really don't know how I'm supposed to cope with it. Fucking ridiculous. :::

::: spoiler eating/weight My eating habits have been trash lately. Get up, work all day, don't eat anything until like 6:30 or later. AND I'VE STILL GAINED FUCKING WEIGHT

tf am I hungry and not eating all day and still getting fatter kitty-cri maybe its water weight bc I do drink a shit ton of water at work but that seems like cope.

like I was just hoping to get rid of my tummy fat and getting it back on my hips/thighs kitty-cri-screm :::

Good news! I added more music to the thread!

Bad news, it's all weeb flavored catgirl-disgust

But please hear it out! It's good! I promise catgirl-cry

Bad news, it's all weeb flavored

thats just more good news :3

i am rubber you are glue is just a childish way to say this is projection and in this essay i will

I have resigned myself to never understanding thread safety

Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 9mon

I'm starting a personal project of doing illustration and book design for small public domain horror stories. First one I'm doing is The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. I just wanna post it on the internet, but, honestly, maybe I'll set up ko-fi and let people tip me if they want, but I'll make them all free

Minecraft finally added copper tools and armour...

...girllll the boycott!

Do you think that microsoft intentionally called their things "Bedrock Dedicated Servers" so that when you google BDS minecraft that comes up first?

I haven't played minecraft in a while. But this latest update sounds like probably the most revolutionary game change they've done in years. All the recent updates have been fun new biomes to find, or end game activities for your advanced character or cute little hobbies.

But surface copper is so ubiquitous and now it can be turned into armor that is better than leather, vegan and easier to make? Copper weapons and tools have stone level effects but greater durability? The real early game survival is changed. You could spend much longer in the copper age, also go into caverns more prepared when looking for iron etc.

blinks in heavily modded 1.7 "what this about new updates now?"

Sometimes I like to play Vanilla Skyrim and Minecraft as a palette cleanser or tolerance break for mods.

we dont really think this changes much just because... minecrafts "survival" is so barebones in the first place to begin with. there is no reason nor anything stopping you from getting iron within the first like... half an hour of gameplay. its cool that it exists but it does feel pretty useless in our opinion, because the timeline of start to iron/diamond is so small to begin with. and this isnt even like "speedrunning" or anything like you find iron within the first day or two pretty easily without even looking for it.

Fair people play the game differently, I used to really focus on having a really functional yet aesthetic base/house etc in the early game that'd expand as I got further. I understand others move more quickly.

::: spoiler cw: therapy stuff + transphobia

Eyyy, I feel hopelessness and despair again! Right on time too, I need to go to the psychologist tommorow and was wondering if I would be in the correct headspace.

The only one of my friends who was chill with my transition decided today that he will use slurs and be transphobic ironically while chatting with me. I hadn't heard from him for like a month. Actually, I'm not sure how ironic it was.

Naturally, I played into it further worsening the situation. I really do hate myself don't I? My brain just naturally picks the option that hurts me more.

*hugs*

::: spoiler spoiler Ironic racism, ironic transphobia, ironic sexism - is still bigotry. Most if not all people should just take it out of their wheelhouse of things to say especially people not in the affected group. :::

hedd616 - 9mon

hello kids and kittens

I'm not trans but I bet you guys already know about Liniker (Brazilian singer), right? RIGHT?

'Cause you totally should

bless ya!

Yes!! Liniker is amazing!! Another bearsite user recommended liniker e os caramelows to me a long time ago (like a year?) and intimidade and tudo have a permanent spot in my regular listening playlist

Also your link is broken just btw

Thanks for let me know!

suddenly overwhelmed with melancholy yearning and still have five hours until I'm off work,,, guess it's gonna be a day catgirl-flop

Edie [it/its, she/her] - 9mon

[mirror/your pronouns] are of course "mirror your pronouns", but a literal reading would make it "mirror" and "your pronouns" (like "she" and "her")

I really like [your pronouns], [mirror] has been a joy to be around

mirror pronouns. my pronouns are mih\ehs

::: spoiler dysphoria Particularly bothered and made sad by my voice today and yesterday, but frustratingly not able to find the words to explain how. Just that it hurts more then anything and I feel very hopeless about being able to change it. My broke ass is grinding out money for surgery and shit but voice, which is far more important to me, feels unattainable. ::: spoiler si Not rn as I want to see what hrt does for me but definitely thinking a lot about killing myself over it in the future.

Just really hoping E makes training more bearable because I literally do not know what to do if it doesn't

ruined my fucking life :::

shallot [she/her] - 9mon

Not that long ago HRT seemed unattainable, but here you are on it anyway! You can do this too!!! ❤️

::: spoiler spoiler My voice never really pitched up on E just by the E alone and no training, its not like T for trans men. Theyre on that for a few months and get a deeper voice the bastards 🙄. I took a paid voice training lesson after doing it on my own for a few years, and a lot of the exercises feel goofy as hell but my pitch is going up and my resonance or timber or whatever is sounding more femme and Ive just been doing homework for a couple weeks after the one lesson. Theres no real short cut, just time spent training every day (I do 30 minutes a day with exercises) and I did find the voice training coach more useful than a youtube video - but I also did make a lot of progress self training, and apparently Im quite advanced for never having had a coach. Also apparently singing in a catholic choir benefitted me, but thats a long story.

E will turn down the dysphoria knob on your psyche, and that'll make things easier. It did for me anyway. If youre like me, youll be surprised afterwards how much constant background pain it was and that when it goes away how much easier it is to do... anything. And feel anything but sad or pissed off. E was like a constant low grade antidepressant pretty quickly too.

Voice is the one thing you have complete control over in transition. No genetics bbullshit. Just the work youre willing to put in and the cringe and silliness of the exercises you can tolerate. You will get a more femme voice and it can sound how you want it to sound if you train. Its not like breast size, hip to waist ratio, shoe size, height, facial hair - none of that bullshit. Its pure effort and resilience against cringe. :::

::: spoiler worse Would 100% seriously kill someone to have my voice change in a few months of E. Fuck. A few years kitty-cri ngl that sounds horrible and I think I would actually rather kill myself. Yea, a lot of the trans women who have voices I'd be happy with sang. I stopped when my voice changed.

I need to try training on my own but paying for a voice coach, if they could help me, wouldn't be out of the question. Honestly the reason I've turned people down in the past who wanted to help me is I'm just going to give up and cry a few minutes in.

resonance or timber or whatever is

Yea I don't understand it either tbh

I hope so. I feel- very aware of the background pain so if there's more 😭 I've been telling myself I'd give E a month and then try training again and hope its less painful.

It doesn't feel like cringe or sillyness, it feels like actual pain.

Just the work youre willing to put in

yea tbh I don't think I am willing to go through the pain of training if its anything like the last time and should just plan on killing myself over this :::

Care-Comrade

::: spoiler spoiler Stick to your plan of a month on E and try again then. It took me years because while I self-trained, I was never as serious about it as Ive been with paid training. And I do vocally pass, I get ma'am and miss on the phone or a drive through - I just want to sound more femme for myself, its not just about vocally passing anymore for me. I know the feeling of crying and pain when I started training the first time, I was never able to watch myself on film or listen to a recording of myself ages before I cracked my egg. When I first voice trained I had to have my roommate out and my ex out and then I hid in the baseroom bathroom with a fan outside and managed to train for 15 minutes - I know exactly how you feel. I also thought of suicide more than once. At one point, I had a plan and a method and changed my mind when I decided to at least finish the bottle of sublingual estrogen

And please give yourself at least 6 months on E before you do anything more rash, eggnog. You should see nice body changes by then like really soft skin and the start of some breast growth. :::

cat-trans ::: spoiler spoiler Thank you- I'm glad you like my plan. Obviously vocally passing is super important to me but so is more then that, and sounding femme enough for myself. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

I will. Right now my eyes are set on a year, I should be moved by then. god I can't wait for soft skin and breast growth.
:::

Shaleesh [she/her, comrade/them] - 9mon

::: spoiler trauma I guess Theres these men my apartment building who yell all the time. I can hear my downstairs neighbor as though he were in the same room. I dont like it when I hear men yell. I have a very bad reaction when I hear men yell. I miss not having to hear men yell when Im home. :::

CommunistCuddlefish [she/her] - 9mon

Thank you for this, I loved Jim E Brown!

Sevish was interesting. I liked the polyrhythmic song. I will leave this microtonal offering with a giant warning that I loathe this song and it makes me physically sick to listen to because the artist takes the blessing that is microtonality and uses it to make deliberatlely dissonant music. I think it's really cool that it exists though, AND, Jute Gyte seems to be a comrade who donates a lot of money from his music to various charities, including the Trevor Project, Doctors Without Borders, NAACP.

If you'd like some other experimental music, here's some ::: spoiler noise music I adore (HEADPHONE WARNING FOR BOTH, THEY'RE LOUD SO LISTEN AT LOW VOLUME!):

Wriggle Like a Fucking Eel SO EXCITING AND ENERGETIC! CW for drugs

Kakapo by Merzbow (so peaceful. Good nap music)

Heavier topics: ::: spoiler considering discussing gender with therapist and how that relates to trauma, a lot of pain For a very long time I have considered my gender stuff separate from various traumas and struggles I've had, and I'm not out to most people in my life although sometimes I think people have an inkling anyway, but lately talking it over with a friend has got me thinking it's actually quite relevant to my experience of life and could provide some missing context, because my therapist and I are both confused about why I have taken some disasters so much harder than other people take comparable disasters.

My fears are these:

I got so much shit to deal with already, now I have to do this too? I wanted to deal with the most distressing problems first.
Is he going to be upset at me for withholding relevant information for so long? Probably not since he's very compassionate and patient, but maybe this is huge.
I don't actually know how relevant this is. I initially came to him to talk about violence and abuse, not gender. I worry that he'd want to pivot from the things that are making me very miserable to focus on something that is still a source of unhappiness, but is much much less of a problem for me than the things I'm most sad about in life.
I'm not well versed in gender theory and especially considering how gender constructs are also cultural and racial, there's extra complexity to it and I'm wary of having white models applied to me. To that end, I should read up more, shouldn't I? But I straight up do not feel capable of doing any academic readings or processing more emotions on top of all the agony and grief I feel about the other things that have been happening in my life and haunting me since I was a child that aren't related to gender, so I don't even know how to talk about it.

IF "gender is a performance" as I've heard (but more and more I have uncertainty about and think there's something innate), then what am I, one who does not perform at all because I can't be fucked to put in the effort to act in any way different from myself?

As things get worked through, you come to having to deal with other aspects of your whole deal. Its rarely linear, its rarely not connected to anything else - why would it be? Youre a person not a series of characteristics
No he wont be upset, especially if thats the compassionate vibe you got. Effective therapy leads to a therapeutic relationship and trust takes time to build. It probably wouldve been more concerning if you knew all your problems and then dumped them on a stranger but at least that stranger would've been a therapist I suppose.
Almost all trans people Ive met, and myself, score highly on ACEs (adverse childhood events). Its not a surprise that you might have some gender thoughts
Ive found reading more has helped me understand myself and fit myself into the context of trans history! And its nice to see weve always been around and the struggle is not new nor is it dead. If youre not up to reading theory, dont. Maybe read a shorter book if you wanna like Beyond Pink or Blue by Feinberg. Theres always videos you can watch too.

I get why people say gender is a performance, but it isnt for me. Gender for me is embodied and instinctual. I don't struggle anymore to do and say and move how I feel is natural now that I'm out and have been on HRT for a while. My sister pointed out that after coming out to her I did way more girly mannerisms but I didnt have to learn or pick them up (besides background noise we all do), I just had to stop holding myself back. Being a man was a performance for me, being a woman just comes naturally.

Im going based on your pronouns here - femininity has a wide basis, there's the hegemonic social definition of tradwife, pretty, young, maternal, maddona-wh*re, etc. But it was never just that, thats the white patriarchal hegemonic distinction used to turn women into free domestic and reproductive labour (reproductive here meaning reproducing class relations and society, which I suppose is a super set of actual biological reproduction lol). Femininity to me is closer to what like the author of Manhunt called it, gentleness and violence and tenderness and self-flagellation. Anyway its a wide enough thing that it can fit a butch and a lipstick femme and theyre both women (if they wanna be).

My gender is something I feel, for me its deeper than performance. And if women ot gender didnt exist I would invent it so I could be a woman :::

Thank you for your comment and when you lay it out clearly points 1 - 3 especially just seem so obvious, so thanks for putting them up clearly for me to see.

::: spoiler gender stuff, maybe more than you want to think about rn idk.

So first off my understanding of gender so you know where im coming from: As i understand it, gender arises out of divisions of reproductive&perpetuative labour (how do we reproduce ourselves physically, emotionally, socially, etc.). These divisions are informed by sexual characteristics, but rarely neccessitated/defined by them. This division of labour intersects with various other systems (class, race, etc.) and participates in the formation and dialectic of the cultural/legal/etc. superstructure.

what am I, one who does not perform at all because I can't be fucked to put in the effort to act in any way different from myself?

As i understand the word performance here, it means to perform an action, or set of actions, that align with (or dont align with) a specified gender. Basically im talking divisions of reproductive&perpetuative labour (e.g. child rearing) and the superstructural/cultural actions (e.g. getting your nails done). Its not about an acting/masking performance, its about the specific actions we perform that comprise what we call gender. In other words I think gender as a social construct is primarily rooted in the performance of specific actions, not the performance of a perscribed role (though that can certainly also occur). So you acting as yourself and expressing gender in the ways you do (or not expressing gender at all) is itself performative in that you are performing (or not) specific actions. Tbh i dont like the "performance" phrasing of it all, it doesnt flow naturally and lends itself to perscriptive bs in my experience, and i prefer looking at gender as a dialectic between labour divisions and cultural/social/legal/etc. (super)structures.

Idk, if that is of interest to you to dig into then i can say more and link some lit, but also totally understand if its more than you want to deal with rn.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I had to read it a few times to try to understand what you were saying because it seems very academic and unfamiliar, but I think I get the gist of it. And that is interesting... but I have confusion as well.

::: spoiler negative feelings Honestly, I feel like I'm at such a horrible dead end with other disasters in my life I may as well glance at gender from time to time because I am full of despair and expect that I'm not getting those other things unfucked no matter how much or how little I try. :::

::: spoiler gender role confusion I have a long history of thinking gender roles -- that is, "I am a boy so I must do this, I am a girl so I must do that" were complete and utter bullshit because there's no sensible basis for them. People are people and can do what they want, obviously.

The role I tend to perform in close relationships is that of caretaker + supporter (emotional) + provider + protector (in physical or nonphysical conflicts ). Why? Because people I love get hit with bad luck or abuse and need someone to step in for whatever reason, and since I find their suffering so distressing and I have (had) a ton of energy, I would step in to help out. Now, the first two roles are often genderized as womens' work, while the latter two are genderized as mens' work? But I don't believe any of those roles are actually gendered. All of it is taking care of my loved ones, and there's no gender about that. All of them are just expressions of one deeper drive for me anyway which is: I love people and want them to have good lives instead of suffering. Providing money for my disabled loved ones? That wasn't me being the Man Who Goes to Work to Provide, it was just me going out and getting resources with which to take care of my loved ones who couldn't work. Protector? That's not Man as Warrior, it's just part of caretaking — the world is a harsh place and sometimes I have to get into conflicts to take care of my loved ones, because they're too beaten down to do it themselves.

Where am I going with this? I guess here: I have an inkling that someone could look at my pattern of behavior throughout my life and say "oh, you act this way because you're a woman and that's what women do" even though half those behaviors are supposedly what men do. That might be the "performing specific actions" thing. And I would say to that, "no, I just act this way because that's my personality and by all accounts talking with my parents I've been this way my whole life. The womanhood is a separate thing."

idk what I'm saying. Thanks for reading

Words hard, but your writing is interesting and the concepts are cool, thank you! I think you laid it out well, going to need to let it digest so I've got nothing more to say in response right now.

Words so harddd doggirl-cry but im glad it was at least a little interesting doggirl-happy I also want to stress that this is just my conception of gender, and it fits into a larger conception including sex and physical characteristics and more, and that above all i am not an authority and certainly have places that my understanding is flawed or out right wrong.

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 10mon

When you want to talk about transgenderism but you don't know what to say about it

My transgender ideology life

I had a thought of something to post but by the time I got back to my phone I forgot.

::: spoiler edit: doom Oh I mean there's this:

https://hexbear.net/post/6346660

Post reminding me the best years to be queer are probably already behind us :sadness: so that's fun. I swear I had something not terrible to post :::

Licorice spice apparently is a light antiandrogen. I used to slurp down licorice spice tea by the gallon full! All before I cracked my egg. After I started HRT, no more cravings. Apparently I was self medicating before I even knew consciously

self medicating with licorice goes hard

::: spoiler inj I need a long term solution for injections. I can't have injection troubles every week forever, can I? :::

It seems like biting down hard on fingers works as a temporary solution. At this rate I'm going to be left with visible bite marks on my body over time crush . Pretty sexy ngl.

Ok jokes aside my finger looks and feels fucked. I think I damaged a nerve no-no-no-wait-wait-wait . It hurts a lot more than the needles. Worth it.

I forget, are you doing IM or SubQ? I cant do IM at all, but subq is doable for me without much struggle due to the shorter needles.

I'm doing SubQ, but I've had less pain and trouble with thicker needles for some reason.

Huh thats really interesting! I miss being able to use 31g insulin needles like i did with diy, it was so much easier. If thicker needles are easier maybe those plus airlock+ztrack for to keep it from leaking? Idk im sorry i dont have more advice/ideas.

SerialExperimentsGay [she/her, she/her] - 9mon

Have you looked into shotblockers? I've never used them bc i don't have the same issue, but a friend of mine who used to really struggle with injections swears by them. They are these small studded rubber thingies you press around the injection site and it sounds as if they're a much healthier, more controllable way to do what you're doing with your finger.

Megathread's almost over. Twas beautiful. I'm shedding a tear.

Don't cry because it's over, cry because it happened :)

Don't cry because it happened, cry because because you forgot to take your hormones and then took them later and the see-sawing effect has made you weepy without a clear reason...

::: spoiler MACROTONAL MUSIC

In addition to microtonal tunings theres also macrotonal tunings! One i think is really cool is bohlen-pierce. Basically, instead of an octave divided into 12 equal steps, bohlen-pierce is a tritave (an octave + a fifth) divided into 13 equal steps! It sounds really cool and theres a bit of music out there that uses it. Because its not octave based it lends itself better to modal music than chord progressions with harmony on top and whatnot imo. This is because the logical "a1" and "a2" in bohlen pierce resonate differently than in 12tet or any octave based tuning; they are the "same" note in 12tet (one is half the wavelength of the other), while in bohlen pierce they arent divisible that way.

I really want a custom velocity sensitive midi board thats suited for bohlen pierce but theyre really expensive...

I fucking rocked this crying makeup look tonight. I wish I could post a picture but its literally my face and opsec or whatever.

sister gifted me the Final Fantasy Tactics remake catgirl-heart

I am very excited FFT is like my favourite game of all time, I had spreadsheets made planning out my first playthrough of the remake for like a week before it was even released, haha

SockOlm [she/her] - 9mon

(from the creator of dungeon meshi) catgirl-happy

aaaaaa catgirl-heart

::: spoiler gross Holy fuck I hate showers. I've not felt great about it for a while and had hoped getting into a good routine with it would make it easier. Lately it's not been like as hard as it's ever been but it still sucks and is a pretty miserable experience I have to force myself into. :::

Nothing gets me feeling like a child again than having such violent coughing fits that the professor sends me home. Also sneezing out blood.

Ah the good old days.

ok which one of you wrote a funny cute soft trans gay fic and put disco elysium references and true facts about my-hairdo everywhere in it?

cause im not complaining it's great

Ty for the linky cat-trans

waow-based

I did my nails in the style of the trans pride flag in recognition of my transiversary! The blue is a tad too light and not as shimmery as I had hoped but I am so, so, so pleased with myself.

Hey just so y’all know it appears that open gate is actually closed gate until the 20th.

I also have a Miku poster I got recently and also enjoy astrophysics the albums first sounds of future past and the second summoning are prob my top most listened albums

Glad you enjoyed my rec

That feeling when a fantasy book about the occult has a better understanding of dialectical materialism better than a large chunk of western leftists. doggirl-lol

But srsly, I didn't expect the author to be like "oh yeah, BTW, the plot of this story is building up to a world war spurred on by conflict over colonial holdings and a crisis of the class system caused by free trade policies"

second

nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 9mon

Ohh Opeth is one of my fav bands. Blackwater Park and Ghost Reveries are equally peak for me. Watershed was good, but then Heritage onward (until their newest album The Last Will and Testament) are... I didn't think they were bad but none of them really stuck with me. It's sad since I though Damnation was a great album but I feel like they couldn't surpass or even match that.

You might like piah mater who is very clearly and heavily inspired by Opeth.

Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 9mon

I luv music NIN - Discipline

Also like Sin

Reznor did most of the original soundtrack for Lost Highway which I loovee, some other ppl added to the soundtrack too. They also did the Quake soundtrack.

For a few months I was listening to this fan made compilation album which combined a few of their newer albums around the twin peaks return era and bad witch, but it has since been removed 😭 yt always takes down all the cool fan stuff.

Nevermind I found it lol

I found YouTube links in your comment. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

Link 1:

Link 2:

Link 3:

::: spoiler Trans-representation in LOTM update

Only canonically confirmed trans woman in the series was ruthlessly bullied, exploited then killed.

Her last request before dying? Asking her best friend to say her new girl name.

niko-cri

Also, aparantly, the author's favorite magic from the series "coincidentally" changes your gender into female. I think the author might be an egg or want to be gnc/nb. It would explain all the attention they place on the trans girl magic class.

I'll be honest. I've come around to yuri in recent times a lot more than expected.

I think I was just super obsessed with men because I associated it with femininity, but now that even my figure has started to turn somewhat feminine, I just feel a lot more chill about everything. I still like men, don't get me wrong.

I promise I will add some more music to the megathread today.

I just need to read "fundamentals of metal-oxide-semiconductor Field-effect Transistor" first.

Speaking of academics, when I was younger, I found it really annoying how we would be taught about photosynthesis again and again every grade.

I've started to notice a similar thing with some subjects even in uni.

My trans-sister is learning about transistors, oh how it ~~warms~~ electrifies my heart.

LadyCajAsca [she/her, comrade/them] - 9mon

I know that this isn't like the music thread but I have to spread the FDJ by IFA Wartburg propaganda, I wanna know more about it but like apparently it's a parody of the DDR/FDJ and like, in my profile I found a Kasane Teto vocaloid of it and it's been my like theme music since I rediscovered it last week, I wanna know if there are similar music~~

::: spoiler cw:si (but not super depressing)

I don't want to go to the psychologist next week. I don't even want to think about those kinds of thoughts anymore.

I really really cherish these moments of mental peace I get and I don't want to ruin it by going to some guy that didn't even read my medical file (he never mentioned gender dysphoria)

I wish I had actual control over the scheduling. I want to go to the psychologist when I actually desperately need help. Not when everything is going fine.

In some sense, that isn't logical. Of course I should go to him when I'm more lucid so we can tackle my problems more effectively. But I don't trust this guy's skills. Why did he refer me to some external organisation for a diagnosis? What's his job then? And on top of that, I also fucked up by not actually managing to find the org he was talking about.

Ngl, fuck "papa" Nurgle. I thought I was in the clear, but nah, the throat demons reared their ugly gremlin heads up again and I'm practically singing the whopping cough theme song. It goes "cough cough cough (x 1000)" if you didn't know.

Sometimes, you got memories in your mind that are so fucked up you can only wonder if it is a hallucination. Obviously, I don't trust my memories, cause I don't trust anyone, not even myself. But like, why is that memory there?

Oh baby, it's not me, it's you. I'm type O negative, universally compatible, but you're a duck.

Since I won't stop obsessing over LOTM until I've finished the books, I'll start writing about it in spoiler tags to spare everyone from my geeking out. And also I guess to prevent literal spoilers

::: spoiler cw:LOTM

I have to praise the LOTM world building for introducing (to me at least) many unique aspects I've rarely seen in other works. The scariest, and funniest is the fact that knowledge in that universe is incredibly dangerous unless you've acquired it by following the proper steps. If a person in that world tells you something you aren't supposed to know, you will literally die or turn into a monster.

This is a reference to the pain that a person receives from being spoiled for their fav show. :::

Man eater

Baller song. Nice melody and kinda gender affirming. "You either wanna be with me or be me" << that lyric just makes me go crush cause it feels so true.