And it's not like my family could afford to do anything about it, even if I'd known. Like, maybe I could have... seen a therapist a few times a year, or something, on the local government's dime as part of basic public healthcare, but even something like having sets of both boys' and girls' clothes wasn't something we could afford, or keeping my hair short... haircuts that don't look like a toddler did it cost money, so do hair ties to put it up and hats to hide it in.

Social transitioning is expensive. Being trans is expensive. If you looked at me, you'd see a cis woman. Part of that's safety concerns because I live in the most conservative part of my country. But most of it's just that I can't afford anything that'd be necessary to present more masculine. But I simultaneously live in fear of being thrown out of a ladies toilet for looking too masculine, because I can't afford makeup and skincare products (or nice skirts) either and I don't know how to use 'em anyway. (Well, I do have a tube of red lipstick I can apply... not too badly... for special occasions. I'm a femme presenting communist living through a time of rising fascism, a bold red lipstick is a must.)

I hate gender fluidity. I hate transphobia. I hate gender roles. I hate sexual dimorphism. I wish I was just a plain old cishet woman.