HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

if you have a preferred week please tell me

Eco* (9/15 - 9/21)
Disaster_of_Passion* (9/22 - 9/28)
Carcharodonna* (9/29 - 10/5)
sodium_nitride* (10/6 - 10/12)
peanutbuttercupola* (10/13 - 10/19)
oscardejarjayes* (10/20 - 10/26)
Wmill (10/27 - 11/2)
Shaleesh* (11/3 - 11/9)
Alisu (11/10 - 11/6)

peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Im gonna be modelling on a runway~

Got selected! Doesn't pay. I also dont have to pay anything. I think it'll be fun!

s/o to charlie kirk, the first man to ever cause me to achieve orgasm

Play 911 in reverse and you get towers being constructed and birthing planes and I think that change of perspective is beautiful

Went to trans night at the commie bar last night. Had a good time got compliments and a touch more on my outfit (and height) from multiple people and like damn yall i get it im tall but stfu im not a top spend 30 seconds with me and its obvious lol, im just tall

But i did my eyeliner and makeup last night for the first time since april and it felt so good to wear my armour again! I love it and it just is so funnn! I just need to do it early in the day so i can recover for a couple hours from the intense dysphoria of looking in the mirror...

unexpected downside of charlie kirk biting it: i have a hangover for the first time in like 7 years

etsy witches cursing right wingers does work, keep doing that

I alternate between "Tarot is not real, its a fun parlour game for self-reflection".

And "as a trans woman I have profaned both man and nature to gain mystical foresight like my many sisters before me".

Just a genderfluid tboy wearing a lace croptop and 00's era bedazzled pants

I think a lot about those studies that showed just knowing a trans person is enough to change people's opinion positively on trans right. Like not being friends or family, just knowing of a trans person.

That's why I kind of love being a huge, beautiful, goofy, obviously trans woman with amazing style who, as a meme I once saw said "was a a pleasure in class and I'm determined to make that everyone's problem".

Like I am going to start a conversation with you ostensibly Cis person and you will enjoy it. Then if trans rights ever come down the track as topic, you are gonna remember me and have a positive opinion.

::: spoiler transphobia, hopelessness, ugh I don't regret coming out, but I just wish I could put it on pause just for a day or two so I can breathe. I'm so sick of how people treat me, and I'm so sick of begging people to use my god damn name. I don't even hate my deadname. I actually kind of like it as a name if I'm being honest. But the downright refusal to use the name I'm explicitly asking people to use just feels like a slap in the face every single time. I've told my dad several times now that I don't want to talk about it anymore, and that he can just do what he wants because I'm done feeling like I have to justify myself to him. I asked him if he saw the possibility of a world in which what he was doing was wrong and he said "I am rarely ever 100% certain about anything, but I'm 100% certain you're not a woman." Like at this point trying to talk to him about it is not worth it. But he just keeps fucking bringing it up. Has sent me 5 page long letters written in google docs asking me to see things from his perspective. That he's trying to do what's right for me and that I shouldn't be mad at him for it. The only reason I'm still talking to him at all is because I have $38 in my bank account right now. The financials are kinda shot right now. And sometimes he sends me money. I feel trapped. I just want to leave this god forsaken town in this god forsaken country. I'm so emotionally burnt out and I don't know what to do. :::

Vampire The Masquerade describes vampire sex as "a biting frenzy"

Say no more, sign me up for a biting frenzy

scared the class when talking about charlie kirk the other day, whoops

Amerikkka deserved 9/11

acab includes doctors

::: spoiler Vampireposting (cw: blood) The feminine urge to kiss a woman with a cut and bleeding lip

vs

The feminine urge to bite my lip until it bleeds to tease vampiregf into kissing me :::

we dont understand how in the current state of things in the US people are still telling trans people to go see a doctor for hrt... like are you paying attention at all or???

not like a majority of doctors understand trans healthcare at all anyway xP

I JUST BROKE MY FAVORITE HAIR CLIP AND THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE THIS ONE ANYMORE. FUCK

I have to wash my hands off at work, usually with alcohol. If your hands are wet with alcohol and you touch certain kinds of printing on plastic, you'll get an imprint on your hand

Anyway, I left work with my left hand imprinted with DONT

Trans women have an inherent advantage in doing Tarot and I'm tired of pretending otherwise.

My parents, especially my mom likes to brag by saying that she fully understands me. Imagine all the information she doesn't know about me was actually beamed into her head. It'd hit her like unlimited void.

No but seriously, at this point, if they were to find out just how much I have been suffering for so long, they would be devastated. I think knowing that I am trying get into therapy for ideation would break them from thinking that they failed as parents.

I might just be doing motivated reasoning cause I don't want to tell them, but I think keeping things from them would actually be beneficial for them.

its 2025 we arent still pretending misandry is real right

you know....i do like ginger ale, especially this brand that's basically a cider but spicy, real easy to get white girl drunk with

Haven't been on the bear site for a bit, too busy being gay. Just posting to say I love being trans. I love my genderfluid fiancée, my trans boyfriend, and my enby partner. I love all my trans FWB. I love my trans best friends. I love that I rarely have to ever talk to a cis person. When I was younger, I would never have imagined this would be my life, lol. But I love it!

I love you all little trans people in my phone <3

NORTH

WEST

ZOM

BIE

GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLL

PUTS

HER

PILL

UN

DER

HER

TONGUE

::: spoiler current events + family posting My dad is full on grieving, constantly whining about how this country is so divided, how could someone do this just because of his opinions, wah wah. Mom has watched his clips and liked his speaking style.

Genuinely so cooked. My dad has just been talking all about it, angrily scrolling through comments about it. A couple days left of him being home. He's definitely going to keep talking to me about this.

Obviously Kirk has supported genociding us :::

my gender is that one mysterious faintly androgynous masked antagonist character that always gets gendered as male until near the end of the series where the mask gets removed and it turns out i was a hot girl the entire time

I love yall poly people, I had a good time being poly. But maybe I want to be monogamous and it would be a little nice to have the choice. Wtf is going on in queer kinky dating lol, its like an inversion of mono-poly ratio in cishet vanilla dating.

ngl I am finally feeling better about shaving my body- although I did still cut myself

I ordered a fancy swim suit, I was really apprehensive on the sizing but it's nearly perfect, slightly too tight but preferable to falling off.

It's like culotte pants with a skirt so my junk is concealed. With a separate bikini top. So cute.

I'm ready for summer. Is summer ready for me?

::: spoiler bottom dysohoria This is the first summer where Ive fucking hated having a gock!! I made my peace with her for a long time but tucking has been more a pain in my ass and more annoying and its been so hot out Ive wanted to wear shorts, and Ive worked out a bunch and lost some weight so I wanted to look hot.

Im a top so its always been an uneasy alliance between me and her but getting a good strap has been a godsend. Cant wait until I get the surgeon to morph her into a vagina so we can BOTH be happier. Double sided dildo sounds fun as fuck!! :::

Trying to do Linux now and it's been a process, idk just letting it install now and waiting went with mint

There is apparently a queer romance brewing at work, currently being kept apart by homophobic parents 💔 tbh I thought for sure one was a trans girl. Maybe an egg ya never know.

::: spoiler spoiler Low key does me some psychic damage that this gay guy is more fem then me. I'm straight up just a dude with long hair :kitty-cri-potato: even the one who's not actually fem presenting :::

I told my therapist I've been scrutinizing my appearance more in an almost phrenological way and she said next session we're gonna talk about where I spend time on the internet

Mom found the /r/4tran subscription

Funny, the preoccupation with my brow really kicked off from a YouTube short

And yeah actually the more that I think about it this has been fueled a lot more by /r/transpassing and related subreddits than anything from /r/4tran. I just reflexively discount anything in greentext so I don't think it's that impactful

tomorrow i'll be celebrating 11/9 by going to my first bottom surgery consult

Quitting weed has made me so much more interesting. Now when I'm bored, I think "what should I do? I could write, I could read, I could go for a walk, I could drive somewhere new, I could bake something, I could draw, I could meet up with friends, I could do a workout." When I was addicted, the answer was always "I'll get high and watch things I've already watched and eat a massive amount of food." I actually do things now. It's so much better

Okay chat I have kinda a burning question in my mind that I've been wondering for a while.

Okay, so my cisf friend, several years ago, wanted us all to go to ikea and she got a blahaj and kept like asking me if I knew what it meant (I did not) and kinda smiling/smirking. What did she mean by this? Obviously she knew it was a trans woman thing- so I guess I don't understand?

If I had the death note I would manipulate all the leaders of the western world into flying to the desert in texas, laying down to spell out "God is watching", then they all simultaneously die of a heart attack. It will be televised of course.

Small thing I did over the weekend but on tumblr I periodically bully terfs for the fun of it.

But I clapped back on one terf and someone actually began following my blog. I know it’s a very tiny thing, but I like how someone somewhere out there in the world saw a rando say that hatred against people like them isn’t ok.

Refilling my hormone prescription at the pharmacy and the dispensing chemist asked me step into the consultation room.

I was worried there'd been some sort of fuck up somewhere and I was gonna have to spend all day making phone calls to this or that NHS ward because the WGS, the local gender team, and my local GP had started arguing over who's managing my hormones. Again.

Turns out she just wanted to ask what my preferred pronouns were.

::: spoiler bottom surgery I've got this idea super lodged in my brain that, like, it would be a huge power move if I got an orchi but then also got teste implants. I don't even know 100% what the point would be but the thought is just reeaal stuck in my mind :::

::: spoiler spoiler Of course the night I have to do shit is the one where I feel fucking awful. I can't stop the thoughts. I feel so, so bad about this right now. :::

Does it still count as yearning if I need romantic-cuddles or friend-cuddles?

I think I'm gonna go back to make up and nails tomorrow. Job hunt been stale and this been the longest I went without on the off chance someone picks up my application. I can't keep suppressing myself

It’s a small thing but on tumblr I’ve been dunking on some terfs.

I should literally be doing anything else with my life, but I just like the idea some trans person out there will see the rebuttal and feel a little bit better someone didn’t let transphobia slide.

It took me forever but I finally hunted down a real, physical skirt that is basic. They still exist!

I got my legs and armpits waxed for the first time and just wanna say I'm loving being smooth AF again

DANCE REPORT:

Preliminary results:

1. The "feminine" dance class my uni offers for some reason don't accept beginners
2. One of only 2 guys that know looked at me today and started asking me how the fuck did my parents not notice that I'm transitioning. This is a good sign?
3. I was really satisfied with the look I made. It could be on the very of androgenous if I had longer hair and a girlie face. It's the best I can do right now without raising questions

Main event:

1. I did the dance. TWO OF THEM! This was supposed to just be a hangout so most of the event consisted of the expert dancers dancing with each other while us noobs chatted in the corner.
2. I'm not good at dancing.
3. Holy shit dancing is so horny.
4. 2 of the newbie guys told me that if they have to pay for classes there is no way they will accept dancing with a male partner. Kinda fucking cringe imo. Maybe I just lack the bias cause I'm bi, and also I'm here to dance not to find romance.

sometimes I wish I could have modes of being other than "fiscally irresponsible because I feel like shit" and "fiscally irresponsible because I feel kind of okay, maybe even good"

We shall discover the effects the squats will bring

::: spoiler reference to dysphoria, minor venting. I visited my folks (not out) this week since they're taking care of my cats while I'm between jobs and my current apartment doesn't allow pets. The cats were doing well, but I felt pretty miserable due to anxiety via-a-vie the news as well as the dysphoria of being home and being in boymode. I'm glad to be back home with my partner. :::

Coping with the state of the world by making an alt with a silly name on hexbear dot net.

Venus help me, I'm thirsting over a long time childhood friend who I know damn well isn't into me

so we see a lot of people on here using the term "wrecker" to describe people but like... what does that even mean? we cant find it defined anywhere and we arent online enough to know the lingo. any insight here?

Fuck my tits are sore AGAIN

It's raining. It's thundering. I'm standing by the open window looking out to the cloudy darkened sky while fully nude and munching cereal sipping wine. This is the kind of atmosphere I live for.

Fuck summer. It's rainy season!

::: spoiler midnight sad posting i have yearned for so, so many fucking years

and idk how much longer i can take still being alone :::

cw: Misgendering, alcohol

::: spoiler spoiler

I went on an anniversary weekend trip with my partner and while she went to the liquor store picking up some sparkling wine for us to celebrate with I was standing outside waiting for her with my dog. Guy in a wheelchair comes out of the store, carrying several 6 packs and mini bottles of spirits. Downs one immediately, then asks me for help to get his 6 packs put away into his bag hanging off the back of his wheelchair since he was holding them in his lap. I help him and put his 6 packs securely away in his tote bag. He then tells me I sound like a boy. (I pass, but not my voice). I tell him I'm not a boy and he offers me voice lessons which I politely decline.

Finally, my partner comes out the store and we walk to the hotel as I tell her what happened. We see another trans couple holding hands walking ahead of us and some guy leans out his truck window and pretends to vomit. Terrible start to what was supposed to be a good weekend, rest of the weekend went well, but that definitely soured things for me.

I've had worse happen to me from transphobic scumbags and that stuff is certainly scary, but the casual bullshit you have to deal with on a daily basis as a trans person adds up after awhile and it is getting to me. :::

my partner grabbed a really good username on here years ago and just sits on it. they are too socially anxious about internet communities despite the few interactions on here being very pleasant

also i think browsing was making them blackpilled. so now i just screenshot stuff and run shitposts by them since we chat through text while they are away for work (i literally have copy/pasted emojis from here)

so just pretend i have a little 1ft tall Spock on my shoulder whispering shit into my ear and saying "fascinating" a lot

::: spoiler bizarre dream talk. also piss had a dream where i was in some kind of summer camp or something. idk what to call it. it was almost entirely made up of men and for some reason they grouped me in with the male side i genuinely didn't complain or argue with it. i then remember going into the bathroom while there was like 6 other guys in there and just flooding a urinal with piss. just completely soaking the thing. i needed to flush the damn urinal at least once before finishing.

idk what the point of this is other than me in my dreams absolutely pissmogging the cis boys :::

shadow the hedgehog mod that replaces GUN with ICE is the second best news weve seen today

Down with cis.

::: spoiler sadgirl shit Every day feels pointless without them in my life. I see friends, go to events, work on my hobbies but I'm still so empty. I know I shouldn't even feel this way after our fight. They were completely unreasonable and hurt me so much but my brain won't let go of how things used to be. :::

::: spoiler shoes

I really like shoes. Its one of the more stereotypical things about me. But i have such large feet that finding heels that look on me like they do on other girls is so hard! Like, dont get me wrong, i love my 10cm heel combat boots, they look amazing, but i reaaally wouldnt mind if that were more like 12cm, or even 13 or 14 cm.

Anyway lately ive been wanting my first pair of stillettos, and wanting something hefty, in the 12/13/14cm range. But i cant find anything good! I can find tons of pleaser style shoes, but i dont want a big ol platform up front. I want my toes firmly on the ground thank you very much. Also i wouldnt buy pleasers regardless, the quality has as i understand gone down quite a bit as theyre moving from being a solid working shoe to being a fashion statement, aimed not at workers with the structural considerations but at people wanting to look like strippers.

Tbh some kind of not quite boot but not quite pump would be wonderful, like just a few eyelets like an oxford, but kinda pumpy and with a nice 12-14cm stilletto heel, and no fucking platform thank you very much. I just want the curve and lines of having my feet in an actual heel heel made for my foot length.

But looking for 14cm heels i find either knockoff trash, pleasers, or custom shoes that cost 300 euros and are made to order so they arent returnable.

Anyway. Ya girl wants shoes. SHOE-AZ!

::: spoiler spoiler Seeing the wrong thing can really just put me in such a terrible headspace and doom about stuff

I wish I could get myself to be more careful :::

Transister radio. 📻

Is this anything???

finally watched The Batman (2022). It was good, very noir, very detective, kinda clever actually.

also the soft e-boy version of Bruce Wayne is giving me some toppy feels

I had the worst day in a long time yesterday, first I woke up with a migraine, some guy wanted to rip me off on ebay, one of my cats pooped on the floor, my hacked together water bottle dispenser broke, I locked myself out, then I had to break into my own house which made my neighbors flip out thinking it was a burglar, and lastly I was late to work.

I can really only be me.

I hate being trans. I don't feel like a special snowflake, I feel scared and lonely.

god forbid you ever have to walk a mile in her shoes, cause then you really might know what it's like to crap a poo

Okay the ad algorithm learnt to show me large girl dresses I need to log off this is dangerous.

I love being trans.

I botched my injection today morning and caused myself to go back into that mode. So now I'm having needle problems again.

I even tried again in the evening after getting some prescription lidocaine cream from my pharmacy and it didn't seem to do JACK SHIT.

I think I'll just skip my hormones this week. Already 3 days late with it.

Still blown away at how fast kimchi is to make. Conceptually it’s basically sauerkraut (salty fermented cabbage), but it’s ready in a couple days instead of a couple weeks? Fuck yeah. This shit rules.

I love seeing slander for a novel I haven't even started reading.

I followed a link to goodrx from planned parenthood and holy shit, are these prices real? It says these are cash prices and they’re discounted??? The base prices have to be for manufacturers to scam grift efficiently sell meds to insurance companies right? There’s no fucking way you can only get valerate and oh btw it’s like 2-7x the cost of undergrounds. That’s wild. Surely I’m missing something or doing something wrong here.

I somehow managed to botch a doctor's appointment! New achievement for me

Anyway, I got assigned to this local rural psychologist because my GP now thinks I have ... bipolar disorder.

I didn't even mention my "ideations" out of sheer embarrassment. Imagine being too embarrassed to tell your doctor the problem you went to them for!

The upside of bring addicted to anime is that it distracts me from other things.

The downsides of being addicted to anime is that it distracts me from other things.

::: spoiler spoiler Trans is really good, i’m such a fan :::

more violent protests upon the first world

This is not a drill. This girl has hair scrunchies

Telling myself I want to start listening to more calm, chill music

tiktok gives me a video about uptempo

I'm listening to uptempo now

I have so much mental resilience lately despite how emotionally sensitive I am. I wish I knew how to share it.

Math crankery and philosophy is the funniest shit eveeer.

Spek! My glorious king!

Yesterday night I nearly had a panic attack at uni that I could only calm down by downing beers, today morning I'm straight up just happy.

Hmmmm....

Me yesterday, wondering if I had just gaslit myself into being dysphoric

::: spoiler spoiler Me today, looking at the old men and thinking I'd kms if I looked like that

Also pretty bothered by them downstairs. :::

::: spoiler cursed transphobia enter at your own risk Hi guys whose excited for the new Lego Dragon Alley? It's only 400 US dollars! :::

I was at the hospital to try to get thinner needles. I lied to them that I needed the needles for insulin. Unfortunately, the needles they gave me are useless. However, one thing stuck out to me.

The pharmacist at the hospital told me that she would only give me enough needles to survive through the weekend cause I didn't have a prescription.

This shit is just absurd. So if I didn't visit on a weekend or didn't have an appointment on Monday what and actually had diabetes, what was I supposed to have done?

And what is she even scared that I would do with insulin needles?

i had the actual worst sleep ever, too spicy taco + shampoo that smelled a bit too strong + having to work the next day + a billion nightmares lol i'm tired.

::: spoiler i'm still doing some gamedev stuff it's been a slog trying to get animations working, both to understand the current Bevy system and to figure out what's missing to get basic weapon swinging animations going in the little project I'm working on. I don't think anyone is happy with the current state of Bevy animations and I see a lot of discussion about how to improve it, but, well, no point waiting for the perfect time or perfect engine (since those don't exist) and everything has weak points.

Right now my current understanding is that a basic 3D model animation system needs three things:

1. A way to load keyframe+pose+bone data from somewhere (Some engines have it in-engine, Bevy supports loading from GLTF/GLB which means it'll load your Blender animations and rigs along with your models) and play back a selected animation with basic controls like repeat/pause/etc. In Bevy this is the AnimationPlayer and there's an AnimationClip and it's all tied in to the Gltf class too
2. A way to combine the individual animation clips from 1 into a graph structure to allow for blending of multiple animations or masking of individual bones (this allows you to, for instance, attack and walk at the same time and play both animations and either blend them together or only have individual bones from each move). Bevy has AnimationGraph for this (and in fact even if you don't want to use the blending/masking abilities you still need to make an AnimationGraph from a single clip) which you attach to an AnimationPlayer using AnimationGraphHandle and then the player can control which animations are playing.
3. And a third thing - a state machine of some kind to determine which animations should be playing. Are we idling? Swinging a sword? Getting hit? It all came together when I watched a Unity tutorial and I saw the graph structure in the animation system there - basically it can respond to external triggers and also internal logic to shift between states, which have one or more animations playing. Bevy doesn't currently have something tailor built for this so I'm uh stumbling through making my own.

There are seams and dumb assumptions I made everywhere and I don't have a working demo yet but the code is starting to come together, its just a lot of balancing simplicity vs flexibility for the project I'm working on since I don't plan to re-use this code.

Of course, animating UI and 2D is a whole other thing. :::

::: spoiler some thoughts on adhd I think that since I started ADHD meds my interests have become a lot more stable and long-lasting, which is nice. Previously I think it would be difficult to connect with people about interests and to find people who have things in common with me because I'm constantly into something new and of course I want to talk to people about the things that interest me. idk just a thought I had at 3am :::

::: spoiler sex work, ranting about life, maybe not thinking straight...

Is it weird/bad/inappropriate that im genuinely considering sex work? Like, its been 2 years and no job. My savings arent exactly getting bigger you know? I skip meals a lot (Ive had 3 meals in as many days (and one of those was a side salad) cause i cant justify spending money on food rn... My friends and family feed me sometimes, its pretty nice. Im also just fucking sick of rice and beans day in and day out) and am definitely in the survival mindset. And its like, i have money, but idk how much longer it will last. Like yes i can go buy a car for $5000, but i cant do that and eat and pay rent. Clocks ticking i guess is what im saying, and job hunting continues to be the worst thing ive ever done. And the prospect of having a 9-5 is both appealing (money!) and horrible.

Anyway, i looked into it a bit and tbh the actual hardest part of the job to my uneducated eyes is the whole social media thing. I hate social media, my private life is mine, other people dont get to be a part of that! But ive never operated a business social media account, so idk maybe its different.

And like, im a dyke but i could fuck men for money. Or even just $100/hr for dfk, cbj, being the trans gf who you never have to worry about bringing home to your parents, etc. isnt exactly a "oh fuck no" moment. Like, when guys have tried to pick me up, the shitty part hasnt been that theyre trying to pick me up, its been that they dont understand boundaries and try to pick me up when im busy doing other things or having time to myself. I mean, im not blind, if someone is trying to get me into a car with no plates after following me around i know better than to do that.

Idk, im probably off on some weird train of thought and id actually hate the work. But like, ive blown people i didnt like before and it wasnt upsetting, i can fake an orgasm, im decent at massage and as hookups have shown me i can act all sexy like and sexed up for someone even when im not into them. Most difficult part would tbh be making myself pretty in a heterosexual way, cause like i cant afford laser and all that shit (well, maybe i can now that i have health insurance (after two fucking years of no insurance and being terrified for it)).

Idk, chat am i off on a fucking weird train of thought? Am i delusional and grasping at straws as my money situation slowly deteriorates?

Doggirl when she asks her gf what's her fav cowboy bebop ost and all she knows is tank, real folk blues and idk gotta knock a little harder

::: spoiler spoiler she misinterpreted bad dog no biscuit as a command instead of a title but as previously mentioned said doggirl only knows 3 songs from cowboy bebop :::

Been listening to Queer as folklore by Sacha Coward, I like it so far. It been confirming a lot of suspicions I've had and adding fuel to the fire powering my eventual ttrpg campaign I wanna run some day

The gen x indie dev thing of "dont look up anything online" is a bit tiresome. I get it, they wanna preserve the magic of their own youth and experiences with games. They have a lot of fond memories of exploring on their own. Its cool to do that even now! I just dont like the obscure puzzle thing, like the REALLY bad point and click puzzles where you have to combine an octopus and a bolt to stick down an outhouse to scare the guard so he leaves the key... like that bullshit should be out or accept people are just gonna look stuff up and plan accordingly.

So far I haven't had anything in Silksong that makes me wanna turn to guides. I never feel lost and Ive enjoyed just exploring, I still haven't felt like I even need to look up something online. Just finding fleas on my own is great! I dont know what they did differently than like Dark Souls or Bloodbourne or if its something about me in particular thats changed - whatever it is Ive been having a good time not going online, but not as like a top down command but cause I just like it and thinks its neat! Its still way harder than hollowknight was lol

When ya got old friends floating around but you haven't spoken since changing your name and pronouns and went no contact with ya fam. 😅

::: spoiler Orchiectomy I want an orchiectomy for very practical reasons, no anti-androgen, committing to transition permanently, wearing comfortable pants...

...and the magical power harnessed from intentional castration! :::

My face remains free of break outs and if I'm being honest with myself it's to do with no sweets like cookies. I can put them away but I do suffer when I'm shaving. I guess being treat less has its advantages

I just feel like "I hope your day gets better" actually means "You misjudged the level of rapport we have and I don't feel comfortable with you expressing having had a bad time" and it feels like a punch in the dick every time.

y'know it's a little weird in bg3 that Withers is consistently referred to as a Skeleton when he very clearly is covered in tissue

Thank you father for the drip

(I'm talking about my dad's coat that he gave me)

I shall use this to great effect

(I have figured out a style to tone down my boymodding while still retaining a masculine look)

I have donned the ritual garments and shall dance in their honor

(I am trying to join dancing classes)

Imma try dancing classes at uni. I highly doubt I will stick to them, but I will at least check them out.

The dance courses have sign ups for classes. They have multiple courses for "feminine" dances. Uhhhhhhh, I'm still boymodding.

Anyway, I now have to buy shoes. Can't go to dance class wearing flip flops.

Trying to look up vids of people using pantyhose as a serpentine belt and idk. I see some vids of it working and always hear the anecdotes so I really wanted to see it. The common thing I see with other substitutes is like the water pump barely works and then the whole car overheats after a while though I did see one person add rubber bands around the water pump to increase friction

::: spoiler spoiler The feeling of just being a horrible, miserable, inconsolable piece of shit :::

I watched KPop Demon Hunters because of all the fan art where the girls are gay for each other and I feel a bit hoodwinked... they're all straight in the movie?? I didn't expect an explicit throuple or anything but I figured there'd be a little bit of something that all this was predicated upon...

I only ever drink alcohol when I'm with my friends or when I'm feeling real bad. I strictly limit myself to 1 drink per day so I only feel a little opened up and nothing more.

I downed 4 drinks after dinner and am feeling fine :) ! . Haven't seen my friends since last week.

Fuck I was going to study after dinner. At least a chaopteeeeeeerr. r

Finally getting around to figuring out how to do my signature with my new name and deciding instead of like a Proper Cursive Signature or whatever I'm just gonna do some like obnoxious rockstar bullshit

https://ianwrightsite.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/marx-on-capital-as-a-real-god/

Great minds think alike.

So much music out this week, so little time 😞

I think the dream is getting paid to indulge your to that end I've been pursuing one special thought that has been filling my fantasies for a long time now of thermodynamics in the form of hvac. Ever since I learned frigorific rays were a lie because of a fan made ttrpg game called genius the transgression I kept thinking about heat moving around. I'd picture myself freezing an area by sucking the heat out of it and making a big ass fire ball elsewhere with the heat I removed that shit would be neat.

I remember having a gay dream last night and waking up knowing the more gay dreams I have the closer I'll be in a relationship that wasn't gay. I'm sure of it but don't know why