i'm making a list and checking it twice, if you don't sign up i'm not gonna be nice. sign up to make a damn mega

if you have a preferred week please tell me

nemmybun (9/8 - 9/14)
Eco* (9/15 - 9/21)
Disaster_of_Passion* (9/22 - 9/28)
Carcharodonna* (9/29 - 10/5)
sodium_nitride* (10/6 - 10/12)
peanutbuttercupola* (10/13 - 10/19)
oscardejarjayes* (10/20 - 10/26)
Wmill (10/27 - 11/2)
Shaleesh* (11/3 - 11/9)
Alisu (11/10 - 11/6)

peanutbuttercupola* (12/29 - 1/4)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

Recent conversations with my mum (who is mostly cool): I understand you're a woman but why when you were younger you were interested in [perfectly normal activity that is in fact a cliche that autistic trans women enjoy it so much] or [toxically masculine compensation that brought me no joy].

Yes mum I still love trains, no I don't do misogyny anymore.

Yooo a small child came up to me in the dollar store for a first bump before she ran off , kid knew how cool I was/am

Okay, new mega so I'll post my things now:

Looks like the move is official, I was waiting to post until it was signed but they're telling my younger siblings later and wouldn't if we weren't actually moving since they aren't expecting one of them to take it well. So that's obviously pretty cool, I'm a bit worried about getting a job again and reintergrating that way but it shouldn't be a huge deal. Hope there's good facilities there. Very hopeful I'll be able to get some good experience and build my (very pathetic) resume a bit over this next year.

Bad news, my irl friend feels like she's getting more and more distant. Hasn't sent me anything in a week, yes I've messaged. I just feel so sad. If it's real and I'm not just being over sensitive to rejection it's definitely because I asked for her to use my name and pronouns. She never did and just awkwardly apologized. I knew this would happen. Why did I delude myself into thinking she might be cool about it. Six years.. Basically my only irl friend... Idk if anyone else from work is interested in being friends outside of work. Fuck I'm alone

::: spoiler sad about the state of things and how people treat us (cw mention of violence, sex)

Last week my friend got hatecrimed (shes ok, a couple of her friends have concussions, thats about it). Then today some guy tried to solicit sex from me (while i was wearing a rather queer outfit and shoes that added 10cm to my 193cm height, i thought i looked like a femme who could stomp your head in) and when i ignored him he followed me and drove slowly after me, drove around the block multiple times to follow me and keep talking to me, when i stopped for a cig outside my apt he was suddenly there driving from the opposite direction (meaning he either knows where i live or he guessed i was gonna stop there or he quickly circled around to head me off). It was midday, broad daylight.

Im just sad. Frustrated. My neighborhood is safe. Except it isnt. My world is fine. Except it isnt. Just a fucked reminder that even in queer-safe/friendly neighborhoods, cis men feel entitled to my body, entitled to buy sex from me.

And my friend! She doesnt feel safe anywhere now! She deserves better than that! I deserve better than that, than this.

This just sucks.

I love my Cis Italian girl friends. I was telling one of them how the best thing about transition was every woman I met being nice to me.

Then I corrected "well 9 out of 10 women" and immediately she was like "who are the 1 out of 10? Do I know them?" (While looking around the function) like she was ready to start a fight then and there.

Today is the day I decided 5 years ago to socially transition! Never looked back, best decision of my life. I hadn't even started HRT yet

up with trans

::: spoiler You locked the thread just as I did my big post! I had really lovely weekend. I met up with a fashion designer I like and hadn't seen since I transitioned. He helped me style a really cute outfit with his stuff. Looking like an art teacher, pottery class, druid fusion that has been getting lots of compliments.

I had tasty food, like mommos, bao and paella. I got my new vinyl record player set up and it worked without any issues. Then I went to a queer women's lunch event and met lots of lovely lesbians, queer women, trans women and non binary etc.

It's funny because I've been getting into Tarot, even though I'm a historical materialist, secularist, atheist etc. Which means I don't really believe in it, it's mostly for fun, which is why it's hilarious I'm keep getting really prescient draws (must be the chaos magick inherent to being trans).

After this lovely day, I shuffled the deck and drew The Star (an auspicious card of self-healing and burdens let go), and I was like lol...

Also previously I mentioned how my cis woman friend had shared her alopecia with me, as an example of the amount of overlap cis and trans women have with their body issues. Well on the weekend I listened to a trans woman and a cis woman compare the process of their breast augmentations (the latter having had developmental issues with her breasts).

This morning I was talking to an entirely different friend my age about my estrogen dose and she revealed how she was having to take supplemental estrogen gel for premature menopause. Like us girls are all in this together.

:::

being a woman is so fucking wack. i spent like 20 minutes the other day carefully picking out an outfit just to meet up with my grandfather to grab lunch at carl's Jr. and got totally overdressed and then i got to work later and there's just some guy there who looked at cargo shorts and a t shirt that said "deez nuts" on it and called it a fit

waking up in the morning fucking stinks. why did we all collectively decide this was ok? because of some farmers?

I got called ma'am in a drive through! Sometimes the little wins feel so large.

Guess who's workplace replaced men's and women's signs with "male" and "female" 🥰

Feeling sad that when someone brings up that transphobia, homophobia, queerphobia are not chill, we get accused of being wreckers, I feel like we will always be at the periphery of any political movement.

I don't want to start a struggle session, I just want to vent.

down with cis

I can't pick between men and women. I'm gonna have to be in a thruple to get one of each. But what if my partners were also bi? The man of the relationship would only have 2 girls, so we need to add an extra man, and be in a 4-couple.

It would be mathematically perfect. I can see no flaws. 4 is not too many relationship dynamics to keep track of either.

The power set of 4 is 16. That means that there are 16 possible subsets you can make out of 4 people. So you can get a group of 3 people, or 2 people, and each such group can have its own unique dynamic.

But 4 of those subsets are just the individuals themselves. And one of those sets is the empty set. So really there are 11 possible distinct dynamics.

If you want to know how many of those possible dynamics involve you personally (in a 4-couple), it is the powerset of 3, minus 1 (the empty set). The powerset of 3 gives every group that doesn't contain you in it. So you can have a unique dynamic with each of these groups. This number turns out to be 7.

I believe that is just at the cusp of what a person can handle. 7 is not too many dynamics.

With 5 people on the other hand, the same formula gives 26 whole dynamics for everyone! And 15 of them involve you! It's too many dynamics. Most of them will just end up being copies of one another, or unexplored.

BTW, to get the powerset of a number, just take 2^number. Also, this is all based on what I think is reasonable about what a person can handle. Not to mention, that not every poss

Journal posting

::: spoiler spoiler

Well I should come out to my whole family tomorrow.

Some know, some don't

I expect everyone will be chill

I also have to set up an appointment for hormone testing, and do some paperwork for school I need to do these quickly

:::

I have insurance now.... Now i just have to conquor my executive function to be able to get on the list for bottom surgery... And get laser... And electro for my downstairs... And laser on my legs if i can afford it... Oh and i need a job still. So maybe none of this is even possible... Maybe stim meds are the first step...

HRT appointment set up

I'm off the DIY

An older lady at work told me she loves my hair cut (I just haven't gotten it cut in over a year and it's just long now, past my shoulders).

::: spoiler politics, my dad Dad complaining about how far left the democrat establishment is, and how they're so much further left then voters. His evidence of this? Them backing Zohran when 63% of dems don't support him. "oh really, I thought he was pretty popular" -dad admits he is quite popular in NYC. WELL THAT'S WHAT FUCKIN MATTERS ISN'T IT? :::

Hair removal protip: Looking for cheap or free electrolysis for face or body hair? Look for your nearest electrology school. They're always on the lookout for new models and if you want work done somewhere where two people can work at the same time like legs or arms, you're even more valuable to them.

::: spoiler horny God I'm such a fucking sub. How do people not want to be dommed :::

Last week I told my therapist I thought I might actually have a chance at being hot one day... after deliberating for a moment she says "I didn't want to say anything before you did but honestly you're kind of a babe" and it felt SO SO SO WONDERFUL, legitimately the most elation I can remember feeling in years. And I rode that high for a few days but now I'm back to being wary about how I look.

My friend and her roommate are gonna help me with makeup soon, maybe that'll work as another hopium injection if it looks good. still terrified that I'm gonna look in the mirror and see a man in makeup though

smelly farters in the stinks

The need to be someone's extremely cuddly gf

After being in a pile of naked trans people over the weekend, I now have COVID

I'm pretty sure me picking up a battle standard and leading a charge against an enemy shield wall would fix my depression

Round #2 of coming out to my sister

Still the same reaction of "I thought I knew pretty much everything about you but I didn't really see this coming" and "I don't mean to invalidate you but are you sure this is what you want? There are so many other things that go into identity than just gender", now with the added bonus of "if you're pursuing this medically you should tell dad and [our brother] before you 'get too far along'"

I would soooo much rather she do the "okay, whatever" approach. Would be infinitely better than the handwringing "☝️🤓 of course it's your decision and you're valid but you should think about this!!!"

After checking the syllabus for my master's, why the hell will even be charged for 2 years of tuition? My 2nd year consists entirely of internships and a research projection. They are charging me tuition to provide the university with labor? Is this a joke?

been full of very heterosexual thoughts recently and idk what to think about that. idk, i always feel guitly somehow for being "too straight" like somehow I'm not allowed to be a straight trans woman and that "straight" actually means I'm just bi with a mild male preference usually? idk. i've felt hung up on this for many many months because all my IRL friends are poly transbians and I'm out here being the monogamous for boys bitch and I feel super weird about it and idk why i can't just say "i like men" and feel like I won't get judged for it

I've approached a fork in my life where I either become avoidant towards all relationships or set some really firm boundaries and actually stand up for myself. Both lead to zero friends probably.

When you lie about peak/trough (which is always okay) but your levels are still so good your doctors doesn't want to increase your dose.

Todo list: super fucking long, full of easy things that i want to do because theyre fun, and completely doable.

Me however, ill be in my bed thinking about how fun doing all that stuff would be instead of doing it

i didn't know you could just... change the pic after posting

I find the topic of people's children so deeply uninteresting, yet I'm in a meeting where everyone is sharing stories about children. It's really like some people lose their entire identity over time and that's all they talk about 😐

I really blame this more on cishet stuff than anything tbh. You see this loss of identity sometimes with long term couples too and I don't really see that as much with queer people. Vast generalisations, but these are my irl experiences. I can't imagine not wanting to have my own time and do my own things. I appreciate that my partner and I both value that :3

I looooove how soft my skin is

This tree picture rules. The gnarly old tree, the trans sky. Hell yeah.

The trans agenda today is obtain oreos.

::: spoiler CW idle musing, transphobia, the holocaust etc Sometimes as a trans person in Australia I wonder if this is what being an Italian Jew felt like.

(For context Italian Jews were discriminated against but active murder only happened once Mussolini fell and the Nazis occupied half of Italy)

Like my government is so strongly aligned with the Nazis and the Ustaše (USA and UK) but things are kind of okay here? Not great but like not terrible. :::

we're supposed to be in the friggin future and yet the only way I can turn my tablet off with my phone is throwing one at the other and breaking them both smdh

my transition is about a year and a half old now

i still never learned how to do my makeup

After my parents forced me to cut my hair, it's been growing back so slowly!!!

I hadn't even grown it past the "the top part of my ears are covered" phase! And yet even that progress is gone!

Instagram targeted ads, you have recognised I am a woman who likes cute dresses, your ads ARE working, however somehow you don't realise I'm a transexual, I need BIGGER dresses!

was working today at my very masculine job being very masculine masculiney and after helping a customer with a duton ranch yellowstone hat (just so you get picture the type of boomer) i think he accidently said "thanks doll" or slurred his words where that's what i heard

lol even if i heard it wrong bam i got paralyzed with gender euphoria for a few minutes. overall was kind of a weird scenerio but i'll take whatever.

nothing will ever beat my cis lesbian friends calling me pretty all the time when i was younger tho

::: spoiler electrolysis, genitals After some bottom clearing sessions, I'm still confident that the area directly under nose is the worst in terms of pain from electrolysis, but base of penis is a close second.

Only 190 hours of this left to go... :::

A lot of people canceled at the place I work at so I'm getting paid to sit in my chair and play chess on my phone for several hours. Life is good

Sometimes, I just touch my chest and realize that I have boobs now. Or like, I get pretty aware that my butt is much bigger. Even in my own internal talking and fantasies I sometimes accidentally call myself with she/her pronouns, instead of the usual dissociation or self-loathing.

The march of progress [E] is pushing against the reactionary tendencies of my body/mind. It is gaining ground, slowly but surely.

::: spoiler thinking about hormones I was hoping to just be quietly trans over here and not have to deal with HRT, but then I woke up this morning like holy shit I need some of that. Just total certainty.

I’m kinda scared to do it, which I know is silly. The terrifying nature of going through an actual no-kidding transition aside, the permanence of the HRT (that I want) and laser (that I also want) scares me, I think. Somehow the fact that I’m already dealing with the effects of testosterone and that’s actively making me unhappy right fucking now doesn’t really seem to help.

Probably the best move is to just go for it. :::

The amount of people who know my true name is manageable, makes hexes and curses less effective on me

you ever eat a burger on a wednesday?

There is a guy in college. Haven't talked to him in 2 years. But everytime we see each other we aknowledge the other's presence by raising a hand.

What a beautiful friendship.

I'm pretty well versed in yearning at this point but I'll admit tonight is the first time I've thought "I need a woman to physically reach into my heart and pull a magical sword out of my chest like I'm from Revolutionary Girl Utena"

First

When I changed my pronouns to they/them I was legally obligated to take a sledgehammer to my bathroom and remake it into a gender neutral bathroom. It was fine they said the woke government was gonna cover it but then lost and won so now I'm 113k in debt

My back is broken carrying all my wins.

....

My back hurts so much . I clearly am not sleeping and sitting in the correct posture.

I'm so worn out idk why so much more today.

Oh, something kinda funny at work though. A little kid asked why I was [job]. Told him to make money and its not too bad. He then asks if I have a better job No buddy, this is as good as it gets.

Periodic reminder that Ru Paul's Drag Race went woke apologised for all the shitty transphobic behaviour and routinely features trans and non binary contestants with multiple winners who are trans/non binary, bringing back past contestants who are now trans and non binary etc.

Even past seasons are improved when you know how many contestants are now trans. Jinkx Monsoon won it in season 5 (2013) and started estrogen last year! Adore Delano (runner up season 6) is a trans woman!

Season 9 is a great entry point. At the time it had the first (openly) trans finalist (Peppermint), but now it has in hindsight more trans women (Trinity the Tuck, Valentina, Farrah Moan, Eureka) and Non Binary people (Shea Coulee, Sasha Velour).

They are calling the crystals defective and labeling all its "flaws"! Leave the crystal alone! Poor thing is already a low energy state. If you create even more negative energy, it will become cold and distant.

You will all be happy to know that I made an appointment with my GP to get psychiatric help. I have made no lies, no delays this time. Just an appointment.

Choosing to do this was the hard part. Showing up to the appointment will be easy. I have a major fear of disappointing authority figures.

After that, it's smooth sailing into the process of being in a waiting list for multiple years.

::: spoiler cw:sui But yeah, the "end yourself" thoughts are getting too strong lately. Ain't no denying it. It's gotten bad, and I'm tired of making excuses like "what if I'm just being a bktch or am overreacting or misinterpreting" or fucking whatever the hell. All garbage. If I really don't need the help so what, it would just be a small wastage of time in the grand scheme of things.

But I've grown to hate making excuses and feeling sorry for myself. I'm not dead yet, so why do I lollygag like I am? :::

MATRIX WORKING AGAIN

Shoe company. Makes exclusively unisex shoes. In rainbow patterns. Website says they are LGBT friendly.

Women's sizes stop at 12/44.5...

45 up only in men's section.

Oh I'm making this someone's problem.

The problem with biscuits is that you eventually run out of them

Matrix update for those who use matrix.org:

https://bsky.app/profile/matrix.org/post/3lxwhw33wms23

The Matrix.org Foundation‬ ‪@matrix.org‬ · 6m Status update: we've restored the 55TB snapshot and subsequent incremental backups, and are about to replay the remaining traffic since the backup. There are still several unknowns, but if things go well the matrix.org instance should be back in 3-4 hours.

Fingers crossed it's back up soon. Tracha Aux is still running. If anyone needs a link my matrix info is in my bio.

Edit: it works now

matrix isn't working for me

Big ahh fungus (dried af) growing on fallen tree in europe. My foot for size comparison is there. If anyone knows what it's called, would be appreciated.

our version of minmaxing in bg3 is to find out how we can sneakily pickpocket a trader to get all our gold back

in our latest adventure: the trader had 2 guards behind her guarding a door, so we jumped behind the place and blew up the door with some explosive barrels, killing the guards and allowing us to pickpocket the trader for all our gold back and then some

Don't mind me, just placing my foot down in the new megathread.

My professor brought us in today for a class in the morning, so I had to wake up at 5:30 am and drag myself to uni . God I woke feeling like I had fallen down a flight of stairs.

After the lecture starts the professor tells us that all the course stuff happens online. 5 minutes after the lecture starts, we are dismissed.

I had no other reason to come to uni today.

Please take me and the professor to a nice isolated location. I promise I will not harm them

And if you are wondering why I had to wake up at 5:30 am despite classes starting almost 9 am, the answer is literally capitalism. The cause and effect chain is very direct. I love living in a neoliberal hellhole.

i think waking up in the morning is good now. i feel great and apparently i am not just manic

Mmm 😋 that delicious, consuming negativity is really hitting tonight.

Also re: my list of shit to do, I read 1 out of 3 chapters in my Rust book, didn't do my internet™️ order (can't find what I'm looking for for the life of me), and only half did my resume. Fantastic stuff.

I did pole fitness and then worked out afterwards and now im fucking paying for it. My shoulders and tiny back muscles hurt, my legs are bruised to fuck and I cut myself a bunch on my foot somehow?? And my glutes and hamstrings HURT. wtf was I thinking no booty is worth this

Woke up feeling worse :doomer:

Ok but how exactly do the funny Yakuza guys rip their shirt and top off like that, shouldn't they be tearing off the button each time

::: spoiler sadposting After all the excitement last weekend this one is looking very empty and I can't help thinking about my ex. I could've stayed at home today but why not get paid to drive around and cry? :::

::: spoiler bottom surgery I have kinda a tight timeline if I want to put any surgeries on my parents insurance, which I probably do. Also have to hope they're okay with it. or if they aren't I could just do it anyway and pay them back. But with wait times I am actually a bit worried about getting it done in time.

Honestly the more I think about all the steps the less I feel like I can get it done in that amount of time :::

::: spoiler concerns about long term side effects of medication so when i switched to CPA (cyproterone acetate) at the start of this year my doctor mentioned something about there being some risk of "benign brain tumours" as a side effect of the medication, has anyone heard of this? :::

God damn I dont remember hollow knight being this hard wtf silksong is kicking my ass

I wanna make some annoying younger friends, I wanna be a queer elder/mentor to them. I do wanna be more successful professionally/romantically first so I don't feel like a fraud trying to help them when I can barely help myself tho

::: spoiler cw: very harmful thoughts The voice in my head keep telling me to "kill yourself" and "wouldn't it be great if you died" and shit like this. I'm just tired of it. I want out. Its too much. I can't be crossing the streets and thinking to myself that I don't mind getting hit by the cars. It doesn't work when everytime I go to bed I'm thinking about how amazing sleeping is cause I don't have to exist for those hours.

And all I seem to do about it is think more thoughts and write more words. I'm at an impasse. I'm stuck. My best friend told me that he will leave forever in 6 months. I can't handle being even more alone than I already am. :::

::: spoiler oh no transphobia So I was walking today in an ostensibly progressive part of the city, looking like a pop punk princess in stunning grey and black plaid dress, with metallic purple lipstick and cool high tops.

A drunk 20-30 something at an outdoor bar with his friends made eye contact with me and as I walked past he said "what the fuck! did you see that?" I was already well past so I didn't hear anymore

And like that sucked. But it didn't suck as much as I thought it would. Like worrying a slap would be a killer one-hit punch my whole life. :::

::: spoiler spoiler Everyone probably already knows this but I don't really know how to deal with some of my common negative feelings and unfortunately I'm feeling it again tonight. I have overall been feeling much better lately, but I still have a lot of negativity surrounding this and I don't think there's anything I can really do about it. It sucks and hurts and I can't do anything. :::

In good news, my dad has been talking about possibly getting me a job with his new company. It sounds pretty easy, full time and would pay a lot better then my current job. I need a few things before I could start doing it though. I would definitely take it if I could get it, it would be actually good pay and I don't have much qualifications. The problem is my dad's industry is dominated by white, middle aged conservative men. I'd feel really uncomfortable tbh.

As the years passed, Degas became isolated, due in part to his belief that a painter could have no personal life.[28] The Dreyfus Affair controversy brought his anti-Semitic leanings to the fore and he broke with all his Jewish friends.[29] His argumentative nature was deplored by Renoir, who said of him: "What a creature he was, that Degas! All his friends had to leave him; I was one of the last to go, but even I couldn't stay till the end."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Degas

basically every painter for that time was an absolute shocker just fyi, I've never read about any and found out anything good - ymmv

Will my egg crack ? next time on Dragon Ball z

::: spoiler recent catholic school mass shooter stuff The catholic church shooter being part of 764 reminds me so much of Amygdalatropolis. Its a shock horror novel, so warning on that. But the person who did it and the people that take part of 764 and O9A sound EXACTLY like the boards the kid in the novel was obsessed with. :::

I know I'm usually in here being dorky and silly but ::: spoiler suicidal thoughts I really can't think of any reasons outside how it would affect the people I care about to not end it. :::

If I got isekaid into the omegaverse I think I would wanna do something boring like be a patent office clerk. Like be as far away from the rest of the nonsense as possible.

Finally back to seeing a therapist, we'll see how this one goes for the few months I have access.

::: spoiler therapy questions

Anyone here exactly know if there is a difference between psychiatrist and therapist?

And also, what exactly should I tell my GP when I go there? I want to see a therapist, but what kind of therapist, and what exactly would the goal be?

I didn't really think about this, I just had the vague idea "stop being useless and go to therapy" then clicked a button.

The whole reason I want a therapist is that I want to the voices in my head to stop telling me to die, but saying that to my GP will make him think I am joking or crazy. And I don't want to tell my GP that I am suicidal cause that makes it sound worse than it is. :::

::: spoiler dream/attraction musing Had a dream I was making out with Deadpool, it was real nice since we were friends. I'll admit to being a turbo mega virgin but making out with someone is probably the furthest I ever went in a dream. It might be how I handle attraction towards dudes but idk if I can call myself more when I think about them. With women I def am more horn dog though reserved about it. I guess it's just the way I am or the way I've been raised. :::

I'm positively reminiscing back to the time when I lived in a slum house, renting a 9 m^2 room from a crime lord. I looked homeless, and legally speaking, I was homeless, since I wasn't allowed tk register my address.

It was a fun time. I was in the first year of my bachelor. I was young. I tried things. I even had hope! Crazy isn't it that my current standard of novelty is to change my walking route or ride a bike. I used to ride my bike between cities back then! Now I touch the poor thing once every 2 months.

Also, funnily enough, I dressed more girly back then. I even experimented with makeup.

Now, I think about how few friends I truly have left. I only have 2 people I talk to on an occasional basis. Did you know, I can count the average number of sentences I speak per week on my hands?

And do you know why that piece of my soul died? It's because after I ran away from the crime lord, the only place I could find a room in is about 3 hours by train (there are many complications involved in why it takes me that long). I'm completely isolated from other people. I spoke 2 sentences this whole week to another person! And it was a question to a professor.

I am quite literally a displaced proletariat migrant worker student. I am going into debt in order to make myself more useful to master. I am a dog that plays tricks for the master, and then I give the master a treat if I do it right. And of course I have to do it right, cause if I don't, I get thrown away.

Perhaps it is precisely because I live the life of such a miserable dog that I also behave like one. Materialism etc bottom text. You know the drill.

I gotta be less hard on my self and more optimistic. When I put my mind to something and really let myself go all in, that shit gets done and it gets done well. "What is to be done" continues to be an evergreen question for me, but goddamn whatever it is maybe I can do it.

All the was all just a bit that didn't pan out, gonna have to move on to the next bit. Adios sonic posting

Where's the sign up to do the mega post?

Going to a cousin's wedding at the end of the month. Not out to any family but my sister, so I tried on my old suit. I look like a woman in a suit! and my butt looks really good lol.

Anyone have suggestions for easy to do hairstyles for a wedding? I've been really loving big claw clip for a voluminous pony tail, but I worried that'll read too obviously femme. I'll probably just do some sort of bun.

Let's all pretend the long and thought out musing on gender is this comment instead of me thinking it real hard and forgetting it when I finished my cabbage with beans and rice just now

::: spoiler horny "i'm not that into men" i think to myself having to stop thinking about boys for 10 seconds because if i keep thinking about how kissable they are then my computer mouse is going to shatter from how hard i've been gripping it :::

Can someone recommend me something to listen to that's super distorted and gross sounding but in a good way? I really love that kind of sound but I don't really know where to find it

Music stuff:

I was listening to J.Cole's She knows. I hate how such a banging beat/melody is used for a song with such an idiotic theme. It's not even bad. I just wish the subject matter wasn't about treating women like shit and bragging about your musical abilities, thinking you are on par with MJ.

Leap years make programming with dates so much harder it is crazy. I hate leap years. Stupid concept.

I looked in the mirror and I see a stereotypical and boyish office lady.

I'll take it. Plus, I can improve later on with longer hair.

I attribute my intelligence increase to all the library water I've consumed this week about 4 gallons of it this week

Got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night/this morning. Really need to change my phone bed habits. I found myself so angry at so many things that I couldn't really rest. I have my coffee and my ADHD meds in me so sleeping is out of the question, but given my sleep deprived state, so is driving. Thankfully I have today and tomorrow off so I think I'll be fine by the time I get back to it on the 3rd. Hoping to attend a protest for palestine tomorrow, I'll be bringing an aquaintance, I'm nervous but looking forward to it.

Click the thumbnail

Thinking about getting an altar cloth, circlet to wear on my head and candles/lighter to fit in my handbag as a bit for when I offer to do someone's Tarot.

I was not ready for the live action actresses in the man who erased his name why would sega do this to me having to make eye contact with real people I am fucked Mr SEGA I play games so I don't have to talk to people

deleted by creator

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Ive got a bulletproof heart
Youve got a hollowpoint smile