Trans Megathread from July 28th, 2025 to August 3rd, 2025
Not my nails, obvs.
Some (beginner-focused) tips for painting your nails:
Lighter colors and solid colors are easier to work with. Pick a good color or few, you don't need to start too fancy.
Don't shake nail polish, that can mess it up. Roll it slowly if you ever need to mix.
Don't just do the coloration and call it a day, put clear nail polish on first, and put it over the color. That will protect your nails.
Consider getting nail polish remover when you get your nail polish, mistakes are easy.
Put your nails down on a flat surface, clean your nails (maybe with that nail polish remover?), and apply the clear base coat (doesn't need to be perfect). Stroke from the base of the nail to the top, until the nail is covered. It might get on your skin, that's normal, anything on your skin can be dealt with at the end. Let it dry, like you would any other kind of base coat.
Now that it's dry, do like what you did with your clear polish for colors. Base to tip, going from the center outwards. If you can still see through after it's covered, wait for it to dry a little, then do another layer.
Then apply your top coat to make smooth, shiny, and somewhat protected painted nails. Wait for it all to dry (very important), which could as long as normal working hours + commute. Don't mess it up. If you do, you might have to restart on some nails.
Now that it's dry the polish on your skin should act sorta like glue, where you can just peel it off, but if it's stubborn you could use a cotton swab with nail polish remover to carefully remove it (don't let it touch your nails!).
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 12mon
would anyone like to make the trans mega tomorrow? i know it's late notice but i need someone to fill the spot
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EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
guy who is trying desperately to convince his trans son not to get his legal gender marker changed to M while making it abundantly clear that while he does support his son's transition and views him as a man, they need to keep his legal gender as "F" in order to keep the car insurance payments down
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RandallThymes [undecided, comrade/them] - 12mon
Please never stop posting
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
I did it chat! I went to a show on my own and had a wonderful time! Anxious as fuck at the beginning but by the end i was doing quite well. Had way too many cigarettes unfortunately... And i had just quit smoking like a month or two ago... But it was one night, im not beating myself up, because i went out and conquored my social anxiety!!
Be proud of me hexbear, ya girl did good
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0x2640 - 12mon
good pup!!!! am so pwouds of uuuuu!!!!!!! :D
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
On the behalf of hexbear, I am proud of you š š„°
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
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inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 12mon
Yay! Good job
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
Tyyyy!!
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Wow!!! Good job, Im glad you went~ and it sounds like you didnt even get shut down
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
Yeah! Apparently the property owners dont really care.
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Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 12mon
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Last night, we had a patient who is a woman and her nurse was a dude. She wanted to be placed on a bedpan. She didnt want the guy to do it, so he came and got me š„¹. And then she said "oh Terminal! Im glad youre here, Ill need help wiping after" (gross but Im glad I passed!)
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SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them] - 12mon
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Des [she/her, they/them] - 12mon
fun facts from my neo-pagan studies:
in some mythologies the Goddess Ishtar would put on makeup and fancy clothes before battle. like she would do this instead of using armor or gearing up.
combat is the "dance of Ishtar" and basically if she blesses you it's like having a spidey sense. you don't become supernaturally strong or anything, it's like being completely in the zone and rolling natural 20s
but yeah she's a fucking queen i love it. (so paint your nails before war)
more fun facts to come i've been doing research and plan on getting some books on Mesopotamian mythology
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š Seryph (She/Her) - 12mon
She's just like me frfr
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GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 12mon
she's so cool
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Des [she/her, they/them] - 12mon
yeah lately i've been like "is this what faith feels like"
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
They gave me a firmer answer finally for bottom surgery! 8 to 12 months lol. Well, it is firmer than "eventually, hopefully within a year"
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segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
happy for you
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KrupskayaPraxis - 12mon
Sometimes I would like to retreat into a queer country, with no cishets allowed. No more bullshit.
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CrookedSerpent [she/her] - 12mon
The bullshit would follow you, even there, I do fear...
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FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 12mon
After one single generation, the straights would outnumber the queers again.
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
I dunno, straightness might be a social construct. Or maybe at least not as dominant as an orientation as its presented anyway. Way more people are somewhere between the two poles of the Kinsey scale (and in Queer Country/Commune, its only the one tick of the Kinsey scale that matters anyway). Historically, being straight wasnt like a thing. You might have had to make a family, that was a thing, but you could do whatever else. Maybe living in a queer commune your entire life makes people more likely to be bi or pan even if they can only make another generation of babies the ol fashioned way.
I think you'd have more problems with people bringing in that shit to start with, cause we can't really help but be influenced by the hegemonic culture we grew up in and that cultural inheritence has a lot of gross shit.
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
Well chat, I did it. Told my irl friends my name and asked them to use my pronouns, told them my old ones upset me, etc. One friend has been trying, correcting himself or just outright using the right ones.
She has not however :/ has not gendered or named me correctly, maybe half the time she's kinda muttered off like, oh yea.. Sorry.. After dead naming me or smth. But doesn't use the right ones after. Obviously today was only day one but idk. That's where we're at.
To make things a bit more awkward, I ha e the same name as one of her old friends, idk if that's why she doesn't want to use it or what. She's generally not super woke either. Idk.
::: spoiler spoiler
god fucking damn it I hate this ts. Need to fucking shave too. If only I'd just been born... you know...
:::
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
Im proud of you for telling them! Its super daunting and you doing it shows your courage and bravery in the face of a transphobic world
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GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 12mon
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iridaniotter [she/her] - 12mon
This is the tragedy of Carl Jungāthe woman inside of him didn't burn nearly as bright as the two guys in him.
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EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
I keep bumping into shit with my hips at work on accident. Guess I'm thicker down there than my mind realizes
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
I bought a bunch of scrubs before nursing school for prep for clinicals. That was 5 years ago, I dont fit any of em. Butt and hips and breasts too big. What a waste, wish I could have handed em off to someone going the other way.
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FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 12mon
Taking my trans woman friend shopping today. It's her first time potentially wearing/buying women's clothes. What type of store should we go to? First thought was the pro-trans vintage clothing store I like and letting her raid my male/androgynous closet (have some women's shirts in her size, as a baby step). Also the local trans org has a community closet, I thought that would be more chill than being in a public store.
Pre hormones, pre everything. She's black if it matters for recommendations, around age 30. She has not tried cosmetics yet, either.
Additional info: In men's sizes she wears large T-shirts. Approx 6 ft tall.
As far as style, she has said her eventual goal is to look/dress as feminine as possible. I haven't gotten much more info.
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š Seryph (She/Her) - 12mon
Definitely do the vintage and org, those two are great environments to start acclimating yourself in. I'd probably do a check-in after those two to ask if she'd like to try going to any actual stores in person or if she's content and then follow her lead and bring her to a mall or smth
Regarding sizing, general rule of thumb is a women's size is a men's size +1, so she's probably extra large or in the plus sizes depending on her exact measurements, so anything in those sections ought to be okay I think. Admittedly I am tiny (women's small) so I have little experience with the higher end of women's sizes so ymmv.
General unedited recommendations for clothing: if she gets any skirts make sure she tries them on high waisted (at the thinnest part of her waist, a bit above the bellybutton usually) since that helps with making a femme figure and also just looks good imo, neutral colours are a good starting place but she can do whatever she likes, avoiding 90Ā° angles in sleeves is helpful to make shoulders appear less broad, and I'd recommend pushing her to pici up some accessories along with the clothing, I neglected them for a while but they also really help with feeling euphoric.
Can't help with makeup I only just started doing mine literally last week and I started with goth makeup lol.
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FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 12mon
Thanks!
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MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 12mon
down with cis
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Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 12mon
Down with cis
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Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 12mon
Down with cis
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WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 12mon
down with cis
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
The megathread probably shouldn't be started off to such a negative tone, but I've been putting off putting my feelings into words for too long.
::: spoiler CW: sui
I've been thinking about death, and my own death way too much recently. I even had a vivid dream where I was forced go drown myself at gunpoint. I feel as if I wasn't built for living, and that I don't really care about being alive as much as I am just afraid of dying.
I genuinely believe that this is the result of all the wars and fascism in the world right now. I feel like sooner rather than later, I too will be on the chopping block. My only options are to repress myself and live, or to assert myself and die. And in either case, there are no guarantees.
I tell myself that the closet does not provide me safety. It's 4 walls surrounding my heart will not protect me from bombs or fascists. So I should just be myself. But then all I am telling myself is that my life will be short regardless of what I do. And that isn't very comforting.
Basically, in a round about sort of way, my brain is forcing me to confront my own mortality. I don't like this. I'm not even 25. My thoughts are too jumbled and I have no answers.
:::
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Get a load of this girlfailuire and her dumb hormonal outbursts
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
I don't have any advice or anything but I'm in the same boat and know how it is. I'm sorry.
:::
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Sucks that you are feeling the same way. You deserve better.
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
You too comrade :meow-hug:
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Aliveelectricwire [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
I love my gf.
Also check this shirt::
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Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Been helping my sibling with their subcutaneous injections, it's not hormones but I think I got the gist of it. My sibling is real squeamish when it comes to needles and stuff and so far they mentioned I've done a real painless job helping them.
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
So, how do you approach astrology? I have a lot of people in my life who believe in it, in more than a pop-faith way. It seems a lot of queer people are really into it. And i find it fascinating in the way that belief systems are systems and systems are really cool. But, how do i interact with this? Especially when people apply this totalizing idealist belief structure to me (e.g. my day was bad and they say its because mercury is in retrograde). Like, i dont want to offend people, but also like i dont like people applying this shit to me, and it rubs me the wrong way when e.g. scheduling doesnt work out for our group game night and its blamed on planets. Like, no, its because of the scheduling of everyones jobs, which in turn are due to the arbitrary (or nonarbitrary) decisions of management, etc. etc.
So does anyone have tactics for navigating social interactions with people who are deep into this? I dont want to go off on them, i dont want to deny them their faith, but i dont want their belief structures applied to me, and i dont feel terribly welcome when they are applied to the group as a whole because then its like idk its just difficult and alienating when im the only one who doesnt hold a faith structure within a group.
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Muinteoir_Saoirse [she/her] - 12mon
Most often people who use astrology this way are just looking for a way to assert a feeling of pattern and recognizability to what cannot be controlled. You may not be able to assert control over the universe, but you can assert that there is meaning to it, and so while scheduling conflicts (in this example) are out of your control, you can control whether you see this as an arbitrary coincidence or as the result of chartable and "predictable" as a way to wrestle a sense of non-existent control. This is pretty true of all belief systems.
Now as to your question: people will always apply their belief systems to you. It is how they structure their world. Just like you will always apply your belief systems to the world around you and the people you know. Even if your belief systems aren't spiritual or religious. If you are friends with a Christian, they will apply their understanding of God and sin to you. If you are friends with a believer in karma, they will apply that to you. Astrology believers will apply astrology to you. Marxists will apply their material/dialectic analysis to you. Feminists will apply their understanding of gender-based oppression to you. Trans people will apply their belief in the social structure of gender and cisnormativity's hegemonic strangelehold on you.
That's a part of being in relationship with other people: they will at all times apply their belief system to you as they apply it to the world at large as they attempt to understand the universe around them. And you will do the same right back. You either accept that other people order their reality differently than you, or you stop being friends with people whose belief system is too incompatible for you to spend time with them. You may have a relationship where you could ask them to not speak to you about their belief systems, and depending on how important those belief systems are they may be okay with that. But they'll not stop applying to it you either way, because that's how they make sense of the world, just like you wouldn't stop applying your belief systems to others even if you were okay about keeping it to yourself for their comfort.
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
Ok while i dont like this it makes a lot of sense, thank you. I hadnt thought about my application of materialism to other people and my application of my faith to other people. I guess this makes sense, and like you say is just part of interfacing with other people. Its just frustrating. Thanks for laying this out for me
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Not the point of your post but mercury is always in fucking retrograde. Planet means wanderer because they were weird ass stars that moved around unlike most of the rest. The ancients didnt know why the drifted across the sky or even weirder why they sometimes went backwards. Anyway, its cause we're all orbiting the sun. Mercury is close so it moves very quickly around the sun, so its the one that ends up in apparent retrograde the most often.
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FumpyAer [any, comrade/them] - 12mon
I looked it up. It happens three to four times for a year, usually for 3 weeks at a time. So like, 20% of days most years.
It's also an optical illusion caused by relative changes in perspective, so it's really hard to justify it meaning anything.
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CrookedSerpent [she/her] - 12mon
It's bullshit. But lots of people, including myself believe in some bullshit. Handle it with the care and nuance you would handle any belief your friend holds that you disagree with, or don't. There's no right or wrong way to go about disagreements about things like this with your friends, as long as you keep it respectful.
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
I just try to ignore stuff like this as much as I can.
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gayspacemarxist [comrade/them, she/her] - 12mon
I'm stuck inside the future and life is chaotic
The government is psychotically racist and robotic
The matrix of entrapment is socio-economic
Erotic conspiracy theory becomes reality
Life is war, and every day's a battle to me
I'm on the brink of insanity, between extreme intelligence and split personalities
But I elevate to the point of reversing gravity
Revolutionary conceptuality spitting out of me
Even the dead people in my family tell me they proud of me
Stupidity's not allowed by me
Cause I don't got time to play
I'm the black whole lyricist that'll take your shine away
Darkness at any time of day
I'm the Technique and your nobody so what you trying to say
this song often comes to mind, but I usually just play along. ig it could be kind of alienating to some people, but idgaf so its fine. plus they should be impressed at my delivery. i may not be able to freestyle well, but i can spit decently.
if they seem open to actually talking spirituality i'll bring up santa muerte, but it can be equally uncomfortable.
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
If youre trying to make a comment about astrology or how i interface with it through social structures it was not communicated; I dont undersrand what your comment means.
Edit: oh i just saw your edit, its a song. Ill give it a listen but tbh im still a little confused... Could you elaborate?
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gayspacemarxist [comrade/them, she/her] - 12mon
I mean basically, just be yourself. if there's spiritual stuff that you're interested get into it and share that or just play along with astrology if you aren't interested in pushing against hegemonic monotheism. I like to challenge people and push a polytheistic worldview, but I'm also comfortable with not being accepted so it isn't for everyone.
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
I mean, i avoid "being myself" quite a bit, cause it makes other people uncomfortable and they shouldnt be made uncomfortable... I express interest in astrology sometimes but mostly just stay quiet about it. I guess thats all i can do? Im not about to go off about my worldview, like you say thats not conducive to an aligned social interaction, and tbh im just now finally making some true friends and i dont want to alienate them.
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gayspacemarxist [comrade/them, she/her] - 12mon
I've had to rebuild my social circles a bunch of times in my life (my family moved around a lot and I've kept up the tradition as an adult) so I'd rather just put it all out there so I can find people I click with sooner. To each their own tho.
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HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 12mon
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
The problem with hummus is you eventually run out of other peoples chickpeas
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DragonBallZinn [he/him, they/them] - 12mon
hummus
falafels
aquafaba
roasted on its own
Chickpeas my belovedā¦
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segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
me arguing with vinyl sickos
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sictransitgloria [she/her] - 12mon
first!!!!!!!
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
If I was ever in a 3 wishes genie scenario, of course Id want world peace and world communism or even a cis body (or just a functional uterus maybe? I do think trans bodies rock as is) - but I think Id probably actually wish to be the best moral version and wisest such that the next two wishes create the best possible universe for everyone. Like the Roadside Picnic wish technique lol
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Up
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
With
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Trans
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
My Taiwanese professor constantly tells us that the information he is giving us in his lectures is stuff that even a lot of PhD students and researchers get tripped up on.
My brother in christ, how do you expect us to absorb all this information in a week?
He is explaining to us as if we were stupid, but we actually are stupid compared to this guy.
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
The CIA knows and is torturing me.
I'm exhausted, hungry and overstimulated. The garbage truck tune or whatever is playing loudly in the background. The lighting in the room is bright white. The brother is still yapping (it's been 7 hours of lectures today, so far).
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Now he's making fun of Trump's plan to shift chip production to usa lmao.
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0x2640 - 12mon
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
My man constantly switches between yapping about how much salary different electrical engineer subprofessions get in taiwan, and how you can control the poles of 2 stage op amps.
Brother. Uncle. I am dying in my chair š.
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Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I can appreciate knowledgeable professors and all but sometimes it's some of them live and breath what they teach but it's like getting a fish to describe water.
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Grace [she/her] - 12mon
This has been probably one of my most depressing summers in living memory tbh. 4 years anniversary of HRT is creeping up soon, and I have barely any satisfaction with its results. My boobs are too small, despite proper dosaging. They don't look right, and may never will. Ex broke up with me in June, and I've just been stumbling through life since, I feel like I am becoming naturally less sober and I might be having developing delusions. I saw a notification on my phone a couple days ago where someone messaged me "leave her be". But I have no proof that message exists. I feel like everything is crumbling around me. But das life baby.
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
Sad gender feels :kitty-cri: doesn't help I'm tired. I should just ask my friends to use she/her. Idk why they didn't do that on their own. Awkward af. Still haven't told them my name. Maybe after we get some rest idk. Fuck
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
Finally in bed, listening to music. It's just my thoughts. I am so deeply unhappy.
::: spoiler time/idk if this makes any older depressed folks feel bad
I think my biggest fear is this won't go away. I've heard a lot of older people, 30s and 40s, talk about how they started feeling this way when they were my age and it's never gone away. That's horrifying. I do not want to look back in a decade and think that. I can already look back half a decade or so.
I think that is going to be me. I'd rather drop dead right now then put up with another decade of unhappiness and depression. I'm broken. Being happy, not depressed... I don't know. I don't see it. Not for me. I don't want to stick around and just suffer.
::: spoiler dates
I often think about dates, how much more time I should try, you know. Honestly idk what's reasonable. I feel like a year or two is a really low amount of time to fix myself/situation/find happiness and whatever else. But I definitely don't have the patience for another 5 of suffering. Even 3 is a lot. Idk. I'm liable to just keep rambling so I guess I'll just end this comment now. I'm very unhappy and very hopeless. There's a hole inside me that can't be fixed.
:::
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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
Good night mega. Thank you all for making this most difficult time more bearable.
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
If youre like me, a lot of bad feelings or some chunk of depression can be attributed to gender dysphoria. Good news is that its treatable by transition, bad news is you gotta keep making the moves you've been doing and keep trying. Eventually, you'll be away from your family, with friends that use she/her with you and your name, maybe dating someone who really gets you, and you might still be down sure but its not nearly as bad as being young and not even knowing what was wrong or being young and having your egg cracked but stopped from taking some steps because of external circumstances. Youre trying and that counts for a lot, you've done a lot of work, you deserve so much better.
:::
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lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
On the topic of nail polish, i have been salivating over mooncat nail polishes since i found out about them. Theyre terribly expensive but theyre so coooool!!! Like this one is just one of many but the colors and the black base idk its just very fun nail polish
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shallot [she/her] - 12mon
Whoaaaa
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Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
holy shit those are awesome
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kristina [she/her] - 12mon
That's dope af š
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Moss [they/them] - 12mon
I'm having an absolutely awful body image day. I hate the way I look so much I don't want to be perceived. I can't believe I have to work and be looked at when I look so ugly
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WIIHAPPYFEW [any, any] - 12mon
One day Iāll get to be a mod here so I could negotiate emote exports for this thread
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WIIHAPPYFEW [any, any] - 12mon
omgā¦ itās a christmas miracleā¦
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kristina [she/her] - 12mon
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
I'm gonna keep posting about taiwan for a while.
I am currently listening to a white guy yap about how "stinky tofu" affected all his 5 sense and going through the entire story of how he found it.
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sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
It's a group presentation and the only topic is a deep dive into the group's only white guy's experience with tofu.
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SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 12mon
I went to a show last night and saw someone I haven't seen in almost a year (and we were really only acquaintances that had met a few times). They remembered me by my old name but they remembered me! We chatted a bit before and after the show. They were with other friends and lovers that I also got to meet and was warmly welcomed by. They were going out with a partner after the show so I took my leave in my typical awkward, autistic style. To my great surprise, they texted me this morning with a nice message that made me cry. I might have a new friend?? Which I am sorely in need of with my recent relationship troubles.
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segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
just realized that aside from rebecca from edgerunners, all the stickers on my laptop are LGBT related in some way
11
0x2640 - 12mon
opengatelabs sticker owo
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Is brace bi
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segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
he is DaGayPussyEatah
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KrupskayaPraxis - 12mon
How is the gate on the top right LGBT related?
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segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
itās the logo for open gate labs, a vendor of homebrewed estrogen and estrogen accessories
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kristina [she/her] - 12mon
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Azarova [they/them] - 12mon
The logo is also an image of the Ishtar Gate, a monument built in Babylon in honor of goddess Ishtar/Inanna, the goddess of sexuality, love, war, and political power, and divine androgyne, whose cultic personnel included a number of gender diverse roles.
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KrupskayaPraxis - 12mon
Ah so I was right. I had a feeling it was the Ishtar Gate. I saw it in person in Berlin.
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yewler [she/her] - 12mon
Where the fuck did this ass come from all of a sudden? I grabbed the back of my thigh and it felt WAY different than last time I did that. Like I was having to reach further. And all of a sudden it hit me. What is all of that cushion I'm reaching around?? Omg your girl has a butt
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EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
having a girl butt was the #1 thing i was wanting out of HRT and is still my favorite part of HRT. It's fucking great, isn't it?
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TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
I do remember sitting on a curb once and realizing it didn't hurt my ass bones anymore once lol
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EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
lmao, i realized it when i took a look in the mirror and thought "oh damn š"
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GiorgioBoymoder [she/her] - 12mon
Company picnic today and while I am not prepared to be in the sun and talk to coworkers, I am prepared to read a book in the shade.
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Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I hope you have a big hat, big hat at the park is such a mood
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GiorgioBoymoder [she/her] - 12mon
I don't! this is what I mean by unprepared. it's what I get for being slightly checked out.
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
There's always a next time or on your own time touching grass, big hats are key to finding peace in the park
7
Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 12mon
Not me thinking about getting hrt again (It's going to take a while and i'm sad).
11
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
10
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
My sisters dog favourite thing to do before he died was to rip out the squeaker in any squeaky toy. He'd do it carefully, and then rip everything out until he got the precious heart/squeaker. And then hed chomp the squeaker until it stopped working and then lost interest. Anyway, this is basically what all his toys looked like at any given time
10
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
me today
9
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Hexbear's evil twin
Hexed bear
8
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 12mon
fuckin mood
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Through memes and shit I've learned if I wanna make trans friends at a party I should bring with me a few cans of monster energy drink and hand them out, my local bulk store sells a lot of the flavors so I think this is my in haven't touched the stuff in years so I think I definitely won't drink them all.
10
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 12mon
make sure it's Ultra Zero, that's the good shit
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Zero sounds like sugar free and the kinda stuff I usually drink, if they had that growing up I'd definitely be drinking it more often
4
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
The damn monster people just HAD to get themselves put on the BDS list.
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
and like that my plan gets shut down š now I gotta figure out a new way to make friends
6
yewler [she/her] - 12mon
Sometimes I feel I won the lottery for the single most comically ridiculous parents of all time
10
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Hell yeah nail polish mega
10
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Third spaces gone but the library will remain my home away from home, I really need to see about joining a club there to make friends irl. it's kind of difficult finding people into the same things as I am so gonna have to pick up some new special interest that's common enough to engage with others.
10
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler whining, si
Fuck this. I should be happy right now. I'm just as miserable as always. Life is worthless. I want to kill myself when I get back home so bad. Dunno if I actually will. It's so hard, it hurts so much. I think I'm too far gone.
Obviously no one irl understands me. My online friends have moved on. I understand why obviously. Some had their own issues going on. I'm depressed. Not much going on ever. Don't know how to talk. I'm miserable and must be miserable to be around.
I just want to be gone. This is horrible. The most horrible pain imaginable.
:::
9
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler dysphoria / insensitive
Cisf friend looking at pictures from earlier: I look like a dude in that one!
Someone just kill me please
:::
8
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
You've lived through so much already. And yet all we can do is reassure you that we are still here.
The spaceship hasn't lost contact with mission control. So keep pinging away. For as long as you need to.
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Hippos are kinda like horses if you think about it, I think this explains my lack of love life way too much if I'm being honest.
9
nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 12mon
Hippo means "horse" in greek so I think you're on to something
10
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I knew it and now I try to console myself in this revelation.
9
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 12mon
The german word for hippo, Nilpferd, is just a compound word that means "horse from the Nile!"
9
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Nilpferd Nilp and ferd equals "horse of the Nile" Nilp prob Nile and ferd horse I guess I can see it. That whole mashing words together is kinda neat ngl
7
m532 @lemmygrad.ml - 12mon
Its nil and pferd
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I'll believe you but pferd for horse just cements german being a weird language in my mind tho
3
AcidSmiley [she/her] - 12mon
Some people even pronounce it in a way where the p isn't silent.
2
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Theres a story from my people and other groups over in Turtle Island about when the horses went away. Way back in the days juuuust after the time of the giant talking animals, people had horses. They treated them badly and took them for granted. The horses ran away into the rivers and seas and oceans and said they'd come back one day. The story is usually told way longer but hey, this is just a recap
In terms of biological history, horse-like animals were actually in North America. They evolved into horses after migrating to Asia lol. They did in fact come back during colonization.
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I like the story it's like the arc I'm on rn and I do remember hearing the trip horses have done before
5
AcidSmiley [she/her] - 12mon
I could just unironically write "so i'm done reading the comic about gay furries for research purposes"
9
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
Another miserable and just generally wasted day. I need a break from this so bad. It hasn't gotten better with time, or coming out, any of it. I dont know what my problem is getting hrt to try that. Really doubt anything is going to make this better good enough atp though.
9
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Comrades, they have this funny dick and balls shaped rock with inscriptions in taiwan. But I can't share photos due to location security reasons.
It's like this, but with massive boulders.
::: spoiler CW: 99% safe for work dick and balls
:::
You just have to trust me comrades. You wouldn't let rainbolt guess my location (he memorised all the dick and balls statues in the world) and send a CIA hit squad after me, would you??? . . .
9
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
nope. we're just friends. still single. i've lost track how many failed romantic attempts i've had years ago and i want to die
9
0x2640 - 12mon
*hugggggies*
8
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
fuck denver airport for being so long and fuck southwest for changing the terminal for my flight from one end of the building to the other last minute
9
SterlingPooper [none/use name] - 12mon
Getting emotional and fatigued every day at 2pm and needing to go home and lay down, pretty much regardless of how my day is going. Fun.
9
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
me towards any woman who's kind to me ok but real... she a baddie
9
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Shit what even is time, in that weird state rn where the present is being stretched out to a wild degree. Think I'm just hangry but like maybe I can use this to my advantage
9
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
they made olive oil into epic bacon awesomesauce
9
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
nah this really is a problem, i need to talk to my doctor about getting on some anti anxiety meds
9
RION [she/her] - 12mon
Listening to this album a girl at work recommended to me and getting increasingly flustered as every single song is about crushes or relationships or kissing is it normal to recommend an album like that to a friend?
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
okay ima fight perfectheart
ah fuck perfectheart got hands
8
Moss [they/them] - 12mon
Things that happened in my dream last night:
I got on a boat which was a weird hybrid of a kayak and a rowboat and rowed out to a rocky island.
I took my clothes off
I realized I didn't tether the boat and had to jump in the water to get back in
I rowed from the island into a river which was packed with people
I almost hit a very angry woman wearing a life vest
I got out and started walking home
I got a short from somewhere, but no bottoms
I walked through like three towns bottomless
I walked around a headway bottomless
This is the most plausible dream I've ever had. I would do all of these things
8
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
cardcaptor sakura š“š
8
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Her and Sakura have such a weird vibe. When I was a kid and watched it I thought her and Tomoyo were like, gonna be together after Sakura gets over her crush on Yukito
5
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
in the manga it's more explicit that tomoyo has a crush on sakura, but sakura doesn't feel the same way
5
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 12mon
yearning so hard I'm seeing yuri in the wood patterning on my door like what the actual fuck
8
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Now is the time to take up woodcarving and make yuri art
6
WoodScientist [she/her] - 12mon
I approve of this.
5
SterlingPooper [none/use name] - 12mon
I kinda think it'd be fun to go to one of these protests with a bunch of red, white and blue looking flags that are all from different countries. Not even to make a statement, just the pure chaos of someone squinting and realizing that while everything on my person looks vaguely patriotic to Americans, none of it is actually American.
We really act like we invented putting those colors next to each other. They're the most common flag colors worldwide.
8
yewler [she/her] - 12mon
I know I've talked about my hair a little bit on here and how much I like having it long, but it kind of all hit me again just now. Looking at myself in my mirror and realizing how freakin' right it feels. Like I simply can't imagine it being short again.
8
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 12mon
I suck at applying nail polish so I usually use press-on nails instead when I want to look good
8
SterlingPooper [none/use name] - 12mon
Finally making progress with therapy! Campus has group therapy during the school year and I got referrals to local practices
8
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
Congrats! That's so exciting~ good for you!!
3
SterlingPooper [none/use name] - 12mon
Thank you!!
2
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
The concept of high speed rail is honestly kind of terrifying. Like, have any of yall stood at an HSR platform and seen a train fly by?
I swear to God these trains are demon worms that move at the speed of Satan.
8
SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 12mon
::: spoiler relationship pain
I had an anxiety attack a couple months ago which activated my partner's avoidant tendencies and now everything's fucked. So now I get very little love and affection and I can't be as lovey dovey as I want to be or they start pulling away. It's like the bottom just dropped out of the relationship almost overnight. Talking about it just seems to reinforce the distance. Feel like shit, just want my stability back.
:::
8
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
that sucks, im sorry theres so much avoidance right now
5
SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
Highly worried it will be permanent and one of us will be forced to break it off. I really want to work towards secure attachment but it's so hard when I'm crashing out every other day.
:::
5
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
Thats such a scary place to be in, i hope you can get to a securely attached place. I wish i had like advice or wisdom but the best i have is a listening ear if you want/need to vent or talk
4
SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 12mon
::: spoiler mental health, self-harm (kinda)
I'm starting to think my partner might be going through a hypomanic episode. I've been doing self-harm by going through our texts to try and figure out where everything went wrong and they were so sweet and understanding when I had my anxiety attack and continued to be until just a couple weeks ago. Our old messages are overflowing with joy and love for sharing a life together and it hurts so much to read them now. It really brings how drastically things have changed into perspective.
Their recent behavior change seems totally unprompted on reflection. Two nights before they became distant we had watched a movie with friends and they were quite affectionate. The night before the change we had a lovely little chat on the phone before bedtime. The next day they were extremely detached, cold, not present, and unwilling to talk to me about what was going on, all very out-of-character.
It's now two weeks since then and their mood has been extremely high since at least Saturday night. I hadn't seen them for a week prior to that but it sounds like they've been flying high the whole time. I don't know if that fits hypomania but our relationship was so full of love and understanding for each others' needs and they've thrown it all away. The change was so sudden and so severe that I can't imagine it was solely an avoidant pattern being triggered. We had such good communication that they would have kindly asked for space instead of all this happening, as they had done many times before. This just seems too erratic to be anything but a mood disorder. No matter what's going on with them, I'm so worried for them but they're almost completely unresponsive to me right now and I know they would get angry at the suggestion that they need to seek help if their mood can change that much that quickly. I don't know what the fuck to do.
I saw them tonight for band practice and everything was "pleasant" but they ended practice early (they host) saying they needed to go to bed but seemed way too animated to be tired. When I was leaving they gave me and told me they loved me but it felt so hollow. We used to share such unbridled joy together but now they're (seemingly) doing so well and they share nothing with me. Fuck, why does love have to hurt so much
:::
3
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
Thats really painful, im sorry things flipped so quickly and so drastically. Do they have a history of bipolar or mood disorders? If it was sudden and rather out of character, that does imo indicate something not-"normal" going on...
Are they at all willing to talk to you about whats happened and is happening for them? Can they give any clarity to their behavior? Like, you said they are sharing nothing about their life with you, if you asked them to share something, even just little things, would you get shutdown/the runaround/etc.?
Do you have mutual friends you can talk to about this who you trust, people you can check in with and ask for help from? If this behavior is such a severe change id imagine their friends have noticed it too.
You said theyve been flying high the past week, when ive talked to people about hypomania it tends to not be as severe as that, rather, it shows up more subtly such as with pressured speech, minor increases in impulsivity, and a more mild but consistently elevated mood than what one would call "flying high". Maybe this comes down to me having different context around that word, but when i think of "flying high" i think of people on heavyduty uppers, full blown or even psychotic mania, etc. But im also not a psych and dont know these things, so its kinda not for me to say.
If this is a (hypo)manic episode, i would think that they would be happy to continue having you in their life, and that this is temporary, but thats also dependent on you being able to deal with the effects of an episode, which youre not obligated to be. Its incredibly hard not only on the person experiencing the episode but also on loved ones and the people close to them. I will say, when ive had my departures from reality (either emotional reality or rarely cognitive reality) it has been incredibly helpful to me having a safe person who still loves me when i come back, but this doesnt mitigate the damage ive done. It takes a lot to heal from that damage, and it does modify my relationships when it happens, either in the boundaries established or the ways we engage together or what have you.
Above all, im so sorry this is youre experience right now, its really painful and difficult to navigate and scary. I hope that they get to a more communicative point and you two are able to discuss what has happened.
2
SuperZutsuki [they/them] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
False alarm on the mood disorder, or at least not as bad as I thought. We had a good talk this morning. According to them, they're at a loss for how to care for my anxiety without getting overwhelmed. I brought up that maybe pulling back as far as they did was a gross overreaction that only made things worse, which they agreed with. They specifically mentioned that they were afraid of a relationship escalation situation where I just want more and more until we're married, which is not at all how I mean to come across. I've asked them vaguely about the future before, just to check in on how I can continue to show up in the most comfortable way possible but they seemed to take this as fishing for a long-term commitment, starting them on the path to overwhelm.
For my part, I have been spending more and more time with them but always with their consent. When we started dating I had a fairly busy social life outside of the relationship, which I've receded from over time to spend more time with them. Earlier in the relationship there was serious longing for each other when we couldn't be together due to work or other reasons and I did what I could to make more time for us. In doing so, I inadvertently deleted my social life and spent nearly all my free time with them, which was fine during the new relationship energy period. As that began to wane they started expressing a desire for more time apart and that activated my anxiety. I was still in the throes of love and passion but their perspective on where we were in the relationship was very different. For reference, their longest relationship was ~4 years while mine was over 15 years so 6 months seemed like a decent amount of time to them while it went by in the blink of an eye to me. I realize now that I was doing some self-harm by putting all of my social energy into one person, no matter how much I love them, and committed to getting out more on my own.
During our talk, I let them know about my weekend plans to see friends I haven't seen in a long time and get out of the house instead of wallowing in despair, overanalyzing everything. I still fear for the future of our relationship but they seem to be genuinely working on their end (they reached out to me this morning, for example) so I feel the need to reciprocate in good faith.
Thanks for all of your advice and comforting words, by the way. I wish opsec wasn't necessary so we could be friends IRL
:::
2
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
Im so glad things are moving in a more communicative direction for you two! Im sorry the response to all of this was withdrawl instead of communication but it sounds like thats getting resolved and you two are reaching a better point of understanding with each other.
For reference, their longest relationship was ~4 years while mine was over 15 years
Big fuckin mood. Ive had that with people where my longest relationship was 8 years and all of theirs were much shorter so the perception of time spend in a relationship was really different between us, it can be a bit difficult to navigate. Im glad you two are talking about it.
Thanks for all of your advice and comforting words, by the way. I wish opsec wasn't necessary so we could be friends IRL
Of course! I also wish opsec wasnt a concern, i would love to be your irl friend but im happy to be an online friend and my inbox is open if you ever want to shoot a message and chat ^^
2
BattleshipPokemon [none/use name] - 12mon
I keep saying "macha pilates in bali before the labubu rave" and "I have here the first 24 carat golden labubu" out loud irl in different voices smh
8
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 12mon
2
RandallThymes [undecided, comrade/them] - 12mon
Growing out my hair and going twink mode.
8
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I've gotten into the habit about talking to strangers about their nails polish, talking is overstating I guess more complimenting them on it and they seem happy.
7
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
No reddit means I've been watching so much stuff on my backlog and getting back into hobbies like writing and reading ttrpg shit. Honestly cutting back brainless slop scrolling has been helping me greatly. I've also cleaned my room a bit and found my rainbow blanket and my favorite old bag, the bag has a bit of a rip but I got an iron on patch I can fix it with so looking forward to using it again.
7
shallot [she/her] - 12mon
My thighs might be too thunderous for these high socks
7
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 12mon
Well, moved in with my partner and officially between jobs, so I am going to have more posting time. Hexbear wasn't working properly on my mobile browser (Android Firefox) but now my PC is setup again.
Anyways, things are going good/chill in my life, at least what I personally have control over. Will need to catch up.
7
0x2640 - 12mon
yippeeee
6
Arahnya [fae/faer, he/him] - 12mon
I heard that you can take a shower after painting your nails and the nail polish that got on the skin will peel off. Not sure how well this works but mb I will try it later and report the results.
7
SpoopyKing @lemmy.sdf.org - 12mon
Warm water will soften the polish, but that includes the polish on your nails, so be careful not to dent it or push it around. Really, just avoid anything touching your nails for a few hours. The polish on your skin will come off pretty easy even if it's totally cured, I've never really thought of it as a concern.
7
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
That's what I do lol. I paint sloppy, let it dry and then let the water take off most of the polish on my skin. And then touch up
3
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
::: spoiler cw: SI
i feel so numb i barely want to move and type this. i have to leave for work in an hour and i can't stop thinking about putting a gun in my mouth and giving it a big sloppy blowjob just to feel something. not even pulling the trigger or even loading it, just sticking a firearm into my mouth and giving it oral sex as if it were a phallus just to fucking feel something. why the fuck am i still single. why the fuck does every attempt at romance fail. i can't keep track of the number of people i've fallen for romantically and literally no one has ever reciprocated. there are poly trans women my age who have more partners than fingers and i can't find one single person who would ever think to themselves "wow EstraDoll is pretty cute I'd date him" so i might as well give oral sex to a firearm and fantasize about ending my miserable fucking existence because no one else is desperate enough to touch me with a 10 foot pole
:::
7
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Mood, I think my main thing is I've just been attracted to unavailable people hence why I've been alone so long. It does sour my mood sometimes being around happy couples and third wheeling if I'm being real or being an even wheel because poly friends. I try not to think about it since I'm prone to spiraling and this isn't something I can think my way out of so
7
gayspacemarxist [comrade/them, she/her] - 12mon
That's rough. I hope things change for you. I'm poly also and I've not had a lot of luck/success with dating in my life. It can be really demoralizing.
7
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
Maybe the reason why I like kicking knives and using them to eat food is because I too think of ending myself
:::
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Been seeing more AI girlfriend vids in my feed recently, prob has to do with the grok thing I bet. I get loneliness but my go to is just talking to myself in my head. Like everything it's a skill and the more you do it the easier it gets to the point I forget I'm not talking to myself insert description of tulpas etc
7
iridaniotter [she/her] - 12mon
By 2035 everyone will either be plural or have a chatbot girlfriend
edit:
7
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I know what path I choose then
6
0x2640 - 12mon
sigh plurality winning as usual
7
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Hello
7
oscardejarjayes [comrade/them] - 12mon
hi!
8
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I'm definitely the of my friend group, single but handsome at least. Fun fact while every dbz fan knows of his baseball career for the "Tiatans" he also later on worked at a host club like from though he got fired because he still never got over his social anxiety
7
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
My Taiwanese professor just said that my group's presentation was the best.
I will work 16 hour shifts for this man
7
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
It really do be like that, back when I was doing presentations I'd always get high praise for being through so good job you've earned it.
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I've gained a confidence where if I see 99% of people say an answer and I say the opposite I don't feel per pressured to follow along thinking I must be wrong, now I'm just like "look at these dummies"
7
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
there are some topics where I feel that pressure to follow other people's opinions, but when it comes to politics/economics and most contemporary societal issues I absolutely have the "look at these dummies" mindset
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
This is true one of the benefits of reading theory though in this case it was someone wondering why their water heater kept starting and turning off in a forum I was reading.
3
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Keep being recommend more content and streamers on yt it's nice but I do eventually worry about the algo thinking I'm a child. Remember hearing and I can fully see yt flagging me as a minor thru ai and how I'd might have to verify my age
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I used to be scared getting next to the mirror for fear of mirror me pulling me in and replacing me and now there is no used to I'm still a bit weary
6
Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 12mon
how do voice train? I'm not a great singer but I can do some stuff
6
happyfullfridge [none/use name] - 12mon
There's a lot of resources online but I honestly just got my voice to a slightly androgenous zone and stopped caring, where I'm at being clocky hasn't been a bother really and I personally don't care.
6
Alisu [she/her, they/them] - 12mon
I kinda want to control my voice well, so I wanna do it INTENSELY (and maybe get some singing lessons too).
Thank you, I'm saving these for later. I didn't know there was masculine training, I thought testosterone kinda did that on its own, it certainly did that to me
4
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
It does have an affect that's way more substantial than E, like your voice will absolutely drop, but the dude voice you hear is a learned behaviour and its something you can unlearn and change if you wanna sound more femme!
4
HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 12mon
A Reddit link was detected in your comment. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.
I feel better today. I don't know why, but today gives me hope.
6
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
Oh dang, videos can be plugged into comments.
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Ryuiji vs Kiryu was so goated imo dragon vs dragon and the dialogue was top notch in their first encounter.
Ryuiji: I'm a yakuza have been all my life and I take it you're a Yakuza 2?
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
::: spoiler Yakuza lore spoiler
but seriously wtf happened to Ryuiji and why hasn't sega just confirmed he's dead at this point, he's not in any of the spirit photography he wasn't in the mock funeral they did. What is sega planning are they gonna set up his arc from dead souls IS EVERYTHING CANON NOW?
:::
5
Moss [they/them] - 12mon
I kinda don't want to do anything. It would be nice if time stopped moving until I was ready
6
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
::: spoiler social anxiety, illegality?
Ok so im thinking of going to a show on my own. I have some pretty serious social anxiety, and im worried it will get activated hard. The show is also DIY so it may get shut down. Not terribly excited about running from the cops tbh... Any tips for not being completely socially fucking weird and dysregulated? Last show i went to like this (it wasnt diy) i got super dysregulated and did not have a good time, and im worried it will happen again. A friend offered to go with me and it was looking up but then she backed out cause the show is DIY and while the chance is slim it might get shut down... Part of me really wants to go, to have some fun, but another part of me is so anxious and scared of getting there and feeling totally alienated and alone... Going alone might be better for me, so i dont feel responsible for the enjoyment of the people im with, but it also is scarier...
Anyway yeah, any tips on how to deal with that anxiety? Also any tips on running from the cops in case it is shut down?
6
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
I also dont like crowds and big events, I never have. I get how scary it can feel. I still went to a big stadium band tour because I liked the band a lot - that'll probably be it for the rest of my life save for MAYBE Lady Gaga or Baby metal lol. Youre not weird for feeling apprehensive, you've done a big social event and felt dysregulated so it tracks that youre feeling nervous about this one! If youre like me, most of the time the worst part of anxiety is the apprehension before the event - if you get there and like it and its safe, you'll probably have a blast and be glad you went despite the anxiety at first.
Whats the fear with going alone? If youre feeling dysregulated and youre there alone, you can just leave because there's no obligation to a friend to wait it out, right? Or is it being scared for your safety? Im assuming you know the vibe of the crowd and the band, if it was a super transmysognistic band then yeah you should skip it, but Im assuming its more of a punk accepting band and vibe so that should be better. If no one will come with you, you should probably still have a friend on standby you can text in with and who wants to make sure youre safe even if they dont to go - classic femme thing if you've never done it or heard of it, same deal with first dates.
What would the cops do if they shut down the show? I actually dont know, do they bother arresting audience members or just roll up announce the closure and then people file out and the ones who refuse just stick around and presumably get escorted out or maybe get arrested.
If you wanna just get lost in the music, sing songs if you know them, dance or mosh or something - sounds like a fun time! Trust your gut when you arrive and hear the opener, if youre nervous or scared or not enjoying it. Pack up and leave early, no shame in that but some lost money. Then you'll know a solo music outing is probably not for you at the moment and its either something you can work towards being able to do or just accept it as part of who you are.
:::
5
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 12mon
::: spoiler spoiler
Im gonna go. I think. I have like 30 min to decide lol.
My main concern is just... Idk even? I guess just anxiety, feeling like i dont know what to do with my hands or my eyes or anything in between sets. I suck at striking up conversation, so like... Idk, i just dont want to be pitied, or give off the vibe of "socially incompetent transfemme who doesnt know what shes doing here".
The band is absolutely not transmisogynistic, its a bunch of queer and trans punks lol. I feel safe in that regard.
I guess i also feel akward leaving early? Like, i feel like i would be saying "i dont like yall, bye" when that isnt the case.
Regardless, i think ill go, if only to prove to myself that I can do it. Be proud of me hexbear!
:::
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TransWalterKronkite [none/use name] - 12mon
I am Walter Cronkite, and I am Trans, and this is CBS News
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Years ago an electrician advised me to change a breaker from a 20 Amp to a 30 Amp and I did but it's not like I upgraded whatever wiring was there from 12 gauge to 10 and now I'm just left wondering when my house is gonna burn down. I wish I paid better attention to which one it was and right now I'm feeling too silly and tired to think more of it
6
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
After checking a gague chart it kinda seems like you are fine. Maximum current also depends on a lot of factors, especially how well you can cool the wire in its environment.
It also depends on what kind of loads you are running. Inductive loads like motors (fans and fridges and ACs) have more risk (per watt) than resistive loads like heating and lighting. On a per watt basis, active loads like electronics and digital devices are the worst, but usually they have low wattage.
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
This puts me at ease then and I guess since nothing happened since then it's fine. It might have been for an ac since I think whatever I was doing at the time involved that or maybe something fridge related.
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Submitting my dreams as proof that I can talk to hot people like they people, I don't know where I'm going with this. Today is one of those nights where I keep waking up from vivid dreams and that was the lastest one I can remember.
5
yewler [she/her] - 12mon
Is it fair to say that trans people are probably a manifestation of something that everyone probably feels? I still haven't been able to wrap my mind around how many cis people there supposedly are. I mean we all know that gender as a concept was just kind of forced on all of us. What if everyone is some degree of dissatisfied with that, but trans people are just more in touch with those feelings? I don't want to invalidate the cis, but it is kind of a thing where I just can't accept that transness is anything but just the natural response to being born into a world with something as arbitrary as gender.
5
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
The superstar theme from Mario Odyssey is in my head and I haven't actually played that in years, its a fun jingle but I dunno WHAT made it come up
yo what the fuck??? i've listened to that song like once or twice ever in little tidbits like 3 years ago and it just popped into my head yesterday. I've never even fully listened to that song but I got the chorus popping into my head out of nowhere wtf???
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
In my darkest moments I just remember what Ms Hastune would say if I gave up
5
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 12mon
The Taiwanese wanted me to experience Taiwanese culture so much, they made me work from 9 am to 10 pm on an empty stomach
5
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
I have OCD stuff about eating at work, I work 12s too! I would NEVER insist someone else lives this way, it sucks.
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I gotta admit when I'm not being a hater mania is alright, really was sold on it when I suddenly started playing mean machine for a boss fight. Mania it's better than generations I'll give it that
5
lurker_supreme [he/him] - 12mon
What's your issue with Mania? I thought it was pretty good but it's been a while
3
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
It's alright but it reminds me too much of generations in the since of "best of sonic" idea. It does everything what it did good but I want more weird experimental stuff in my sonic games even if it crashes and burns sometimes. I'm also biased I admit to 3D over 2D sonic since I grew up on the former and the story telling and voice acting is what got me into them.
3
segfault11 [she/her, any] - 12mon
when you realize we're never getting the epstein files because warped tour is back
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Idk feeling a sense of calmness like everything happens for a reason to get me to this point right now. There's a lot of things I'd like different like not being so lonely for one but starting to feel like there's a plan or something I'm not aware of or schedule.
5
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler voice/training
Watching youtube and hear this person who's obviously trans and trying- ugh I really need to try. I really, really don't think I'm going to be happy with it. Not with it like it is or even with work. Its such miserable, horrible work and I don't even think it'll give me what I want
:::
also remembering I still don't have hrt.. god wtf... why cant i just do it... i actually need to get it ordered before there become bigger issues with getting it.
::: spoiler spoiler
idek if its worth listing all the problems but I hate being trans so much, so many terrible aspects, so much suffering. Its obviously inescapable. When I thought it was just depression there was more hope- I will never not be trans, and many/most of my issues with it won't be resolved. More si. More sh urges. More dissociating.
:::
Unrelated but whatever, underage sibling is vaping now I guess. I don't really care but I really don't need this blowing up. I'm the only one in the family who knows and my parents would not be impressed. If it does come out prolly just going to play dumb and say I forgot. Love people putting me in difficult positions like this though. I don't necessarily trust she can keep it under wraps. Not really my problem I guess if no one brings me into it
4
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 12mon
::: spoiler si
I am broken. I'm going to kill myself eventually. I really don't know why I don't right now instead of later. Why am I prolonging my suffering like this. Why do I not go through with the plan.
There really is no solution. I've told myself for a long time I'd rather die then suffer. Why don't I do it. I need to. And I just don't.
:::
4
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
idk how doxxable this is but i got bored and wrote my own disco elysium character sheet for myself IRL and what I think my stats would be
::: spoiler spoiler
nah, my logic should be a lot higher than that, actually. I'd have at least a 10 in it
:::
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
I always try to rp myself but then I hit so many roadblocks because I can't do much, I'd be on the streets if it wasn't for this beautiful man
5
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
it's probably because you're not a cop. i hope you're not a cop, anyway
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Very much not one though god damn indeed keeps sending me shit for secret service and fbi little do they know I can't keep a secret nor investigate without giving away what I'm doing
4
inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 12mon
Split Fiction is so fun. Highly recommended :3
4
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 12mon
Me and a friend played it earlier this year when it came out! Super chill and fun co-op
4
WalrusDragonOnABike [they/them] - 12mon
Was at a cosplay music thing and someone held my hand while she was saying something about my costume to me. Music loud enough that conversation is pretty much impossible, but still think its the first time someone grabbed my hand to get my attention (and continued to hold it though the brief exchange of words). Is that a common way people interact?
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Was watching a friend play blauder's gate 3 and teasing her for fumbling Shadowheart (I've never played this game before) and it did get me thinking how hard I fumble too the game do be pushing you to relationship with someone and some of them do be coming on too strong. I've had plenty of scammers try to trick me online and like anything sexual or too flirty just sets off alarm bells and I pull away. I get it prob has to do with me being though I won't lie I do have some issues I gotta work through.
4
musicenjoyer [it/its, xe/xem] - 12mon
much I want to talk about but using words is hard. I'm somewhat interested in trying pogo stick riding but also interested in tying skateboarding and weightlifting more. Idk what to pick
4
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 12mon
My city has rec centers and gyms where you pay a nominal fee (and people who are disabled, students, etc either get reduced or free) and you can weightlift. Skateboarding, I guess you could ask a stranger to let you borrow theirs if youre particularly bold - otherwise I think its something you have to buy to try, right? Pogo sticks... I dunno but you might be able to at least try that in a store before you buy.
5
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
adventure 2 modded is nice but the 60 fps is throwing me off a bit, used to 30 on console so a lot of the jumps off ramps are something I need to relearn. Trying not to break the experience too much with mods since once you start you don't really stop with cheating I find (did do the old emerald radar tho) Story wise though got a mod that shuffles the hero and dark story together to make it all make sense and it's quite nice understanding it better
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Yakuza 4 "For Faith" has to be my favorite song in the series and all because of a stupid meme I watched titled "Try not to edge to the yakuza 4 (impossible)" yakuza brainrot is so fucking real and the only thing I'd warn new fans interest in diving into the series.
3
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 12mon
THE SEFLISH DEED
IS NOT FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM...
AND THE LEAVES....
THEY FALL DOWN
4
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Um actually it's "The Selfish DICK" it's a refrence to the Selfish Dick 4 the Yakuza 4 fight at the end of the game
3
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Been watching a fan project for and the secret rings called Project reignition that looks promising. The title goes back to what the game was originally gonna be called "Wild Fire" and is different from Project Wild Fire another fan game recreation. Reignition seems to stick to more the style of secrets rings vs wild fire recreating secret rings but in the engine of P-06 (another sonic fan game this time recreating 06). Many layers of good shit gotta say, honestly just trying to post through the pain rn. Damn ankle been hurting recently and it's been almost 4 weeks since I feel and heard a crunch from it.
I think I would be excited for any fan projects for heroes and obvious shadow 05 since it uses the same engine. I know reloaded for shadow 05 exists and 1.2 finally balanced some of the missions for it but my computer can't handle it and I can't get it to run on hardware like I could 1.0. I don't think we'll ever really get any offical remakes of these so looking forward to whatever fan stuff at this point.
3
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Been thinking about it and I think all the yakuza substories are canon, main reason is how they made Amon canon to IW so that means kiryu and friends had to do every single substory in every game for the fights to trigger. That means all the paranormal shit is canon and makes the wider yakuza world more interesting.
2
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Got recommended a live stream of someone on yt playing and the secret rings, was about to turn it off when I started seeing the appeal of yelling and laughing along. Right now watching them play evil foundry it's both frustrating and endearing watching them play and try to get through it. Motion controls in this game breaks you down but it can be learned.
1
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
The breaks you down part was so on point past me, seeing it happen to someone else is really opening my eyes about games. I've invested too much of my time and passion to turn against them so I will say if you become a SEGA fan know your life will never be the same afterward, it'll isolate you from normal people who will see you as mad.
1
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Very cool streamer seen her finish secret rings but not get the true final ending. I've can attest how difficult the motion controls are so seeing someone else over come them after being broken down for hours it's kinship.
1
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 12mon
Been watching a review for RWBY Arrowfell and it looks bad, kinda of a shame since I guess it has WayForward's logo slapped on it and I love the Shantae games. Game play looks mid, story weak characters feel flat and an opportunity to flesh out Solitas more just kinda wasted. Does have an anti-union message and knowing rooster teeth I'm not the least bit surprised. I really don't think I'll ever play it and even before this review I was questioning it based off the trailer alone.
oscardejarjayes in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Trans Megathread from July 28th, 2025 to August 3rd, 2025
Not my nails, obvs.
Some (beginner-focused) tips for painting your nails:
Lighter colors and solid colors are easier to work with. Pick a good color or few, you don't need to start too fancy.
Don't shake nail polish, that can mess it up. Roll it slowly if you ever need to mix.
Don't just do the coloration and call it a day, put clear nail polish on first, and put it over the color. That will protect your nails.
Consider getting nail polish remover when you get your nail polish, mistakes are easy.
Put your nails down on a flat surface, clean your nails (maybe with that nail polish remover?), and apply the clear base coat (doesn't need to be perfect). Stroke from the base of the nail to the top, until the nail is covered. It might get on your skin, that's normal, anything on your skin can be dealt with at the end. Let it dry, like you would any other kind of base coat.
Now that it's dry, do like what you did with your clear polish for colors. Base to tip, going from the center outwards. If you can still see through after it's covered, wait for it to dry a little, then do another layer.
Then apply your top coat to make smooth, shiny, and somewhat protected painted nails. Wait for it all to dry (very important), which could as long as normal working hours + commute. Don't mess it up. If you do, you might have to restart on some nails.
Now that it's dry the polish on your skin should act sorta like glue, where you can just peel it off, but if it's stubborn you could use a cotton swab with nail polish remover to carefully remove it (don't let it touch your nails!).
Now you should have nice smooth nails.
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
would anyone like to make the trans mega tomorrow? i know it's late notice but i need someone to fill the spot
guy who is trying desperately to convince his trans son not to get his legal gender marker changed to M while making it abundantly clear that while he does support his son's transition and views him as a man, they need to keep his legal gender as "F" in order to keep the car insurance payments down
Please never stop posting
I did it chat! I went to a show on my own and had a wonderful time! Anxious as fuck at the beginning but by the end i was doing quite well. Had way too many cigarettes unfortunately... And i had just quit smoking like a month or two ago... But it was one night, im not beating myself up, because i went out and conquored my social anxiety!!
Be proud of me hexbear, ya girl did good
good pup!!!! am so pwouds of uuuuu!!!!!!! :D
On the behalf of hexbear, I am proud of you š š„°
Yay! Good job
Tyyyy!!
Wow!!! Good job, Im glad you went~ and it sounds like you didnt even get shut down
Yeah! Apparently the property owners dont really care.
Last night, we had a patient who is a woman and her nurse was a dude. She wanted to be placed on a bedpan. She didnt want the guy to do it, so he came and got me š„¹. And then she said "oh Terminal! Im glad youre here, Ill need help wiping after" (gross but Im glad I passed!)
fun facts from my neo-pagan studies:
in some mythologies the Goddess Ishtar would put on makeup and fancy clothes before battle. like she would do this instead of using armor or gearing up.
combat is the "dance of Ishtar" and basically if she blesses you it's like having a spidey sense. you don't become supernaturally strong or anything, it's like being completely in the zone and rolling natural 20s
but yeah she's a fucking queen i love it. (so paint your nails before war)
more fun facts to come i've been doing research and plan on getting some books on Mesopotamian mythology
She's just like me frfr
she's so cool
yeah lately i've been like "is this what faith feels like"
They gave me a firmer answer finally for bottom surgery! 8 to 12 months lol. Well, it is firmer than "eventually, hopefully within a year"
happy for you
Sometimes I would like to retreat into a queer country, with no cishets allowed. No more bullshit.
The bullshit would follow you, even there, I do fear...
After one single generation, the straights would outnumber the queers again.
I dunno, straightness might be a social construct. Or maybe at least not as dominant as an orientation as its presented anyway. Way more people are somewhere between the two poles of the Kinsey scale (and in Queer Country/Commune, its only the one tick of the Kinsey scale that matters anyway). Historically, being straight wasnt like a thing. You might have had to make a family, that was a thing, but you could do whatever else. Maybe living in a queer commune your entire life makes people more likely to be bi or pan even if they can only make another generation of babies the ol fashioned way.
I think you'd have more problems with people bringing in that shit to start with, cause we can't really help but be influenced by the hegemonic culture we grew up in and that cultural inheritence has a lot of gross shit.
Well chat, I did it. Told my irl friends my name and asked them to use my pronouns, told them my old ones upset me, etc. One friend has been trying, correcting himself or just outright using the right ones.
She has not however :/ has not gendered or named me correctly, maybe half the time she's kinda muttered off like, oh yea.. Sorry.. After dead naming me or smth. But doesn't use the right ones after. Obviously today was only day one but idk. That's where we're at.
To make things a bit more awkward, I ha e the same name as one of her old friends, idk if that's why she doesn't want to use it or what. She's generally not super woke either. Idk. ::: spoiler spoiler god fucking damn it I hate this ts. Need to fucking shave too. If only I'd just been born... you know... :::
Im proud of you for telling them! Its super daunting and you doing it shows your courage and bravery in the face of a transphobic world
This is the tragedy of Carl Jungāthe woman inside of him didn't burn nearly as bright as the two guys in him.
I keep bumping into shit with my hips at work on accident. Guess I'm thicker down there than my mind realizes
I bought a bunch of scrubs before nursing school for prep for clinicals. That was 5 years ago, I dont fit any of em. Butt and hips and breasts too big. What a waste, wish I could have handed em off to someone going the other way.
Taking my trans woman friend shopping today. It's her first time potentially wearing/buying women's clothes. What type of store should we go to? First thought was the pro-trans vintage clothing store I like and letting her raid my male/androgynous closet (have some women's shirts in her size, as a baby step). Also the local trans org has a community closet, I thought that would be more chill than being in a public store.
Pre hormones, pre everything. She's black if it matters for recommendations, around age 30. She has not tried cosmetics yet, either.
Additional info: In men's sizes she wears large T-shirts. Approx 6 ft tall.
As far as style, she has said her eventual goal is to look/dress as feminine as possible. I haven't gotten much more info.
Definitely do the vintage and org, those two are great environments to start acclimating yourself in. I'd probably do a check-in after those two to ask if she'd like to try going to any actual stores in person or if she's content and then follow her lead and bring her to a mall or smth
Regarding sizing, general rule of thumb is a women's size is a men's size +1, so she's probably extra large or in the plus sizes depending on her exact measurements, so anything in those sections ought to be okay I think. Admittedly I am tiny (women's small) so I have little experience with the higher end of women's sizes so ymmv.
General unedited recommendations for clothing: if she gets any skirts make sure she tries them on high waisted (at the thinnest part of her waist, a bit above the bellybutton usually) since that helps with making a femme figure and also just looks good imo, neutral colours are a good starting place but she can do whatever she likes, avoiding 90Ā° angles in sleeves is helpful to make shoulders appear less broad, and I'd recommend pushing her to pici up some accessories along with the clothing, I neglected them for a while but they also really help with feeling euphoric.
Can't help with makeup I only just started doing mine literally last week and I started with goth makeup lol.
Thanks!
down with cis
Down with cis
Down with cis
down with cis
The megathread probably shouldn't be started off to such a negative tone, but I've been putting off putting my feelings into words for too long.
::: spoiler CW: sui I've been thinking about death, and my own death way too much recently. I even had a vivid dream where I was forced go drown myself at gunpoint. I feel as if I wasn't built for living, and that I don't really care about being alive as much as I am just afraid of dying.
I genuinely believe that this is the result of all the wars and fascism in the world right now. I feel like sooner rather than later, I too will be on the chopping block. My only options are to repress myself and live, or to assert myself and die. And in either case, there are no guarantees.
I tell myself that the closet does not provide me safety. It's 4 walls surrounding my heart will not protect me from bombs or fascists. So I should just be myself. But then all I am telling myself is that my life will be short regardless of what I do. And that isn't very comforting.
Basically, in a round about sort of way, my brain is forcing me to confront my own mortality. I don't like this. I'm not even 25. My thoughts are too jumbled and I have no answers. :::
Get a load of this girlfailuire and her dumb hormonal outbursts
::: spoiler spoiler I don't have any advice or anything but I'm in the same boat and know how it is. I'm sorry. :::
Sucks that you are feeling the same way. You deserve better.
You too comrade :meow-hug:
I love my gf.
Also check this shirt::
Been helping my sibling with their subcutaneous injections, it's not hormones but I think I got the gist of it. My sibling is real squeamish when it comes to needles and stuff and so far they mentioned I've done a real painless job helping them.
So, how do you approach astrology? I have a lot of people in my life who believe in it, in more than a pop-faith way. It seems a lot of queer people are really into it. And i find it fascinating in the way that belief systems are systems and systems are really cool. But, how do i interact with this? Especially when people apply this totalizing idealist belief structure to me (e.g. my day was bad and they say its because mercury is in retrograde). Like, i dont want to offend people, but also like i dont like people applying this shit to me, and it rubs me the wrong way when e.g. scheduling doesnt work out for our group game night and its blamed on planets. Like, no, its because of the scheduling of everyones jobs, which in turn are due to the arbitrary (or nonarbitrary) decisions of management, etc. etc.
So does anyone have tactics for navigating social interactions with people who are deep into this? I dont want to go off on them, i dont want to deny them their faith, but i dont want their belief structures applied to me, and i dont feel terribly welcome when they are applied to the group as a whole because then its like idk its just difficult and alienating when im the only one who doesnt hold a faith structure within a group.
Most often people who use astrology this way are just looking for a way to assert a feeling of pattern and recognizability to what cannot be controlled. You may not be able to assert control over the universe, but you can assert that there is meaning to it, and so while scheduling conflicts (in this example) are out of your control, you can control whether you see this as an arbitrary coincidence or as the result of chartable and "predictable" as a way to wrestle a sense of non-existent control. This is pretty true of all belief systems.
Now as to your question: people will always apply their belief systems to you. It is how they structure their world. Just like you will always apply your belief systems to the world around you and the people you know. Even if your belief systems aren't spiritual or religious. If you are friends with a Christian, they will apply their understanding of God and sin to you. If you are friends with a believer in karma, they will apply that to you. Astrology believers will apply astrology to you. Marxists will apply their material/dialectic analysis to you. Feminists will apply their understanding of gender-based oppression to you. Trans people will apply their belief in the social structure of gender and cisnormativity's hegemonic strangelehold on you.
That's a part of being in relationship with other people: they will at all times apply their belief system to you as they apply it to the world at large as they attempt to understand the universe around them. And you will do the same right back. You either accept that other people order their reality differently than you, or you stop being friends with people whose belief system is too incompatible for you to spend time with them. You may have a relationship where you could ask them to not speak to you about their belief systems, and depending on how important those belief systems are they may be okay with that. But they'll not stop applying to it you either way, because that's how they make sense of the world, just like you wouldn't stop applying your belief systems to others even if you were okay about keeping it to yourself for their comfort.
Ok while i dont like this it makes a lot of sense, thank you. I hadnt thought about my application of materialism to other people and my application of my faith to other people. I guess this makes sense, and like you say is just part of interfacing with other people. Its just frustrating. Thanks for laying this out for me
Not the point of your post but mercury is always in fucking retrograde. Planet means wanderer because they were weird ass stars that moved around unlike most of the rest. The ancients didnt know why the drifted across the sky or even weirder why they sometimes went backwards. Anyway, its cause we're all orbiting the sun. Mercury is close so it moves very quickly around the sun, so its the one that ends up in apparent retrograde the most often.
I looked it up. It happens three to four times for a year, usually for 3 weeks at a time. So like, 20% of days most years.
It's also an optical illusion caused by relative changes in perspective, so it's really hard to justify it meaning anything.
It's bullshit. But lots of people, including myself believe in some bullshit. Handle it with the care and nuance you would handle any belief your friend holds that you disagree with, or don't. There's no right or wrong way to go about disagreements about things like this with your friends, as long as you keep it respectful.
I just try to ignore stuff like this as much as I can.
yt
this song often comes to mind, but I usually just play along. ig it could be kind of alienating to some people, but idgaf so its fine. plus they should be impressed at my delivery. i may not be able to freestyle well, but i can spit decently.
if they seem open to actually talking spirituality i'll bring up santa muerte, but it can be equally uncomfortable.
If youre trying to make a comment about astrology or how i interface with it through social structures it was not communicated; I dont undersrand what your comment means.
Edit: oh i just saw your edit, its a song. Ill give it a listen but tbh im still a little confused... Could you elaborate?
I mean basically, just be yourself. if there's spiritual stuff that you're interested get into it and share that or just play along with astrology if you aren't interested in pushing against hegemonic monotheism. I like to challenge people and push a polytheistic worldview, but I'm also comfortable with not being accepted so it isn't for everyone.
I mean, i avoid "being myself" quite a bit, cause it makes other people uncomfortable and they shouldnt be made uncomfortable... I express interest in astrology sometimes but mostly just stay quiet about it. I guess thats all i can do? Im not about to go off about my worldview, like you say thats not conducive to an aligned social interaction, and tbh im just now finally making some true friends and i dont want to alienate them.
I've had to rebuild my social circles a bunch of times in my life (my family moved around a lot and I've kept up the tradition as an adult) so I'd rather just put it all out there so I can find people I click with sooner. To each their own tho.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
The problem with hummus is you eventually run out of other peoples chickpeas
Chickpeas my belovedā¦
me arguing with vinyl sickos
first!!!!!!!
If I was ever in a 3 wishes genie scenario, of course Id want world peace and world communism or even a cis body (or just a functional uterus maybe? I do think trans bodies rock as is) - but I think Id probably actually wish to be the best moral version and wisest such that the next two wishes create the best possible universe for everyone. Like the Roadside Picnic wish technique lol
Up
With
Trans
My Taiwanese professor constantly tells us that the information he is giving us in his lectures is stuff that even a lot of PhD students and researchers get tripped up on.
My brother in christ, how do you expect us to absorb all this information in a week?
He is explaining to us as if we were stupid, but we actually are stupid compared to this guy.
The CIA knows and is torturing me.
I'm exhausted, hungry and overstimulated. The garbage truck tune or whatever is playing loudly in the background. The lighting in the room is bright white. The brother is still yapping (it's been 7 hours of lectures today, so far).
Now he's making fun of Trump's plan to shift chip production to usa lmao.
My man constantly switches between yapping about how much salary different electrical engineer subprofessions get in taiwan, and how you can control the poles of 2 stage op amps.
Brother. Uncle. I am dying in my chair š.
I can appreciate knowledgeable professors and all but sometimes it's
some of them live and breath what they teach but it's like getting a fish to describe water.
This has been probably one of my most depressing summers in living memory tbh. 4 years anniversary of HRT is creeping up soon, and I have barely any satisfaction with its results. My boobs are too small, despite proper dosaging. They don't look right, and may never will. Ex broke up with me in June, and I've just been stumbling through life since, I feel like I am becoming naturally less sober and I might be having developing delusions. I saw a notification on my phone a couple days ago where someone messaged me "leave her be". But I have no proof that message exists. I feel like everything is crumbling around me. But das life baby.
Sad gender feels :kitty-cri: doesn't help I'm tired. I should just ask my friends to use she/her. Idk why they didn't do that on their own. Awkward af. Still haven't told them my name. Maybe after we get some rest idk. Fuck
Finally in bed, listening to music. It's just my thoughts. I am so deeply unhappy.
::: spoiler time/idk if this makes any older depressed folks feel bad I think my biggest fear is this won't go away. I've heard a lot of older people, 30s and 40s, talk about how they started feeling this way when they were my age and it's never gone away. That's horrifying. I do not want to look back in a decade and think that. I can already look back half a decade or so.
I think that is going to be me. I'd rather drop dead right now then put up with another decade of unhappiness and depression. I'm broken. Being happy, not depressed... I don't know. I don't see it. Not for me. I don't want to stick around and just suffer. ::: spoiler dates I often think about dates, how much more time I should try, you know. Honestly idk what's reasonable. I feel like a year or two is a really low amount of time to fix myself/situation/find happiness and whatever else. But I definitely don't have the patience for another 5 of suffering. Even 3 is a lot. Idk. I'm liable to just keep rambling so I guess I'll just end this comment now. I'm very unhappy and very hopeless. There's a hole inside me that can't be fixed. :::
Good night mega. Thank you all for making this most difficult time more bearable.
::: spoiler spoiler If youre like me, a lot of bad feelings or some chunk of depression can be attributed to gender dysphoria. Good news is that its treatable by transition, bad news is you gotta keep making the moves you've been doing and keep trying. Eventually, you'll be away from your family, with friends that use she/her with you and your name, maybe dating someone who really gets you, and you might still be down sure but its not nearly as bad as being young and not even knowing what was wrong or being young and having your egg cracked but stopped from taking some steps because of external circumstances. Youre trying and that counts for a lot, you've done a lot of work, you deserve so much better. :::
On the topic of nail polish, i have been salivating over mooncat nail polishes since i found out about them. Theyre terribly expensive but theyre so coooool!!! Like this one is just one of many but the colors and the black base idk its just very fun nail polish
Whoaaaa
holy shit those are awesome
That's dope af š
I'm having an absolutely awful body image day. I hate the way I look so much I don't want to be perceived. I can't believe I have to work and be looked at when I look so ugly
One day Iāll get to be a mod here so I could negotiate emote exports for this thread
omgā¦ itās a christmas miracleā¦
I'm gonna keep posting about taiwan for a while.
I am currently listening to a white guy yap about how "stinky tofu" affected all his 5 sense and going through the entire story of how he found it.
It's a group presentation and the only topic is a deep dive into the group's only white guy's experience with tofu.
I went to a show last night and saw someone I haven't seen in almost a year (and we were really only acquaintances that had met a few times). They remembered me by my old name but they remembered me! We chatted a bit before and after the show. They were with other friends and lovers that I also got to meet and was warmly welcomed by. They were going out with a partner after the show so I took my leave in my typical awkward, autistic style. To my great surprise, they texted me this morning with a nice message that made me cry. I might have a new friend?? Which I am sorely in need of with my recent relationship troubles.
just realized that aside from rebecca from edgerunners, all the stickers on my laptop are LGBT related in some way
opengatelabs sticker owo
Is brace bi
he is DaGayPussyEatah
How is the gate on the top right LGBT related?
itās the logo for open gate labs, a vendor of homebrewed estrogen and estrogen accessories
The logo is also an image of the Ishtar Gate, a monument built in Babylon in honor of goddess Ishtar/Inanna, the goddess of sexuality, love, war, and political power, and divine androgyne, whose cultic personnel included a number of gender diverse roles.
Ah so I was right. I had a feeling it was the Ishtar Gate. I saw it in person in Berlin.
Where the fuck did this ass come from all of a sudden? I grabbed the back of my thigh and it felt WAY different than last time I did that. Like I was having to reach further. And all of a sudden it hit me. What is all of that cushion I'm reaching around?? Omg your girl has a butt
having a girl butt was the #1 thing i was wanting out of HRT and is still my favorite part of HRT. It's fucking great, isn't it?
I do remember sitting on a curb once and realizing it didn't hurt my ass bones anymore once lol
lmao, i realized it when i took a look in the mirror and thought "oh damn š"
Company picnic today and while I am not prepared to be in the sun and talk to coworkers, I am prepared to read a book in the shade.
I hope you have a big hat, big hat at the park is such a mood
There's always a next time or on your own time touching grass, big hats are key to finding peace in the park
Not me thinking about getting hrt again (It's going to take a while and i'm sad).
My sisters dog favourite thing to do before he died was to rip out the squeaker in any squeaky toy. He'd do it carefully, and then rip everything out until he got the precious heart/squeaker. And then hed chomp the squeaker until it stopped working and then lost interest. Anyway, this is basically what all his toys looked like at any given time
me today
Hexbear's evil twin
Hexed bear
fuckin mood
Through memes and shit I've learned if I wanna make trans friends at a party I should bring with me a few cans of monster energy drink and hand them out, my local bulk store sells a lot of the flavors so I think this is my in
haven't touched the stuff in years so I think I definitely won't drink them all.
make sure it's Ultra Zero, that's the good shit
Zero sounds like sugar free and the kinda stuff I usually drink, if they had that growing up I'd definitely be drinking it more often
The damn monster people just HAD to get themselves put on the BDS list.
and like that my plan gets shut down š now I gotta figure out a new way to make friends
Sometimes I feel I won the lottery for the single most comically ridiculous parents of all time
Hell yeah nail polish mega
Third spaces gone but the library will remain my home away from home, I really need to see about joining a club there to make friends irl.
it's kind of difficult finding people into the same things as I am so gonna have to pick up some new special interest that's common enough to engage with others.
::: spoiler whining, si Fuck this. I should be happy right now. I'm just as miserable as always. Life is worthless. I want to kill myself when I get back home so bad. Dunno if I actually will. It's so hard, it hurts so much. I think I'm too far gone.
Obviously no one irl understands me. My online friends have moved on. I understand why obviously. Some had their own issues going on. I'm depressed. Not much going on ever. Don't know how to talk. I'm miserable and must be miserable to be around.
I just want to be gone. This is horrible. The most horrible pain imaginable. :::
::: spoiler dysphoria / insensitive Cisf friend looking at pictures from earlier: I look like a dude in that one!
Someone just kill me please :::
You've lived through so much already. And yet all we can do is reassure you that we are still here.
The spaceship hasn't lost contact with mission control. So keep pinging away. For as long as you need to.
Hippos are kinda like horses if you think about it, I think this explains my lack of love life way too much if I'm being honest.
Hippo means "horse" in greek so I think you're on to something
The german word for hippo, Nilpferd, is just a compound word that means "horse from the Nile!"
Nilpferd Nilp and ferd equals "horse of the Nile" Nilp prob Nile and ferd horse
I guess I can see it. That whole mashing words together is kinda neat ngl
Its nil and pferd
I'll believe you but pferd for horse just cements german being a weird language in my mind tho
Some people even pronounce it in a way where the p isn't silent.
Theres a story from my people and other groups over in Turtle Island about when the horses went away. Way back in the days juuuust after the time of the giant talking animals, people had horses. They treated them badly and took them for granted. The horses ran away into the rivers and seas and oceans and said they'd come back one day. The story is usually told way longer but hey, this is just a recap
In terms of biological history, horse-like animals were actually in North America. They evolved into horses after migrating to Asia lol. They did in fact come back during colonization.
I like the story it's like the arc I'm on rn and I do remember hearing the trip horses have done before
I could just unironically write "so i'm done reading the comic about gay furries for research purposes"
Another miserable and just generally wasted day. I need a break from this so bad. It hasn't gotten better with time, or coming out, any of it. I dont know what my problem is getting hrt to try that. Really doubt anything is going to make this
bettergood enough atp though.Comrades, they have this funny dick and balls shaped rock with inscriptions in taiwan. But I can't share photos due to location security reasons.
It's like this, but with massive boulders.
::: spoiler CW: 99% safe for work dick and balls
:::
You just have to trust me comrades. You wouldn't let rainbolt guess my location (he memorised all the dick and balls statues in the world) and send a CIA hit squad after me, would you???
. 
. 
.
*hugggggies*
fuck denver airport for being so long and fuck southwest for changing the terminal for my flight from one end of the building to the other last minute
Getting emotional and fatigued every day at 2pm and needing to go home and lay down, pretty much regardless of how my day is going. Fun.
me towards any woman who's kind to me ok but real... she a baddie
Shit what even is time, in that weird state rn where the present is being stretched out to a wild degree. Think I'm just hangry but like maybe I can use this to my advantage
they made olive oil into epic bacon awesomesauce
nah this really is a problem, i need to talk to my doctor about getting on some anti anxiety meds
Listening to this album a girl at work recommended to me and getting increasingly flustered as every single song is about crushes or relationships or kissing
is it normal to recommend an album like that to a friend?
okay ima fight perfectheart
ah fuck perfectheart got hands
Things that happened in my dream last night:
I got on a boat which was a weird hybrid of a kayak and a rowboat and rowed out to a rocky island.
I took my clothes off
I realized I didn't tether the boat and had to jump in the water to get back in
I rowed from the island into a river which was packed with people
I almost hit a very angry woman wearing a life vest
I got out and started walking home
I got a short from somewhere, but no bottoms
I walked through like three towns bottomless
I walked around a headway bottomless
This is the most plausible dream I've ever had. I would do all of these things
cardcaptor sakura š“š
Her and Sakura have such a weird vibe. When I was a kid and watched it I thought her and Tomoyo were like, gonna be together after Sakura gets over her crush on Yukito
in the manga it's more explicit that tomoyo has a crush on sakura, but sakura doesn't feel the same way
yearning so hard I'm seeing yuri in the wood patterning on my door like what the actual fuck
Now is the time to take up woodcarving and make yuri art
I approve of this.
I kinda think it'd be fun to go to one of these protests with a bunch of red, white and blue looking flags that are all from different countries. Not even to make a statement, just the pure chaos of someone squinting and realizing that while everything on my person looks vaguely patriotic to Americans, none of it is actually American.
We really act like we invented putting those colors next to each other. They're the most common flag colors worldwide.
I know I've talked about my hair a little bit on here and how much I like having it long, but it kind of all hit me again just now. Looking at myself in my mirror and realizing how freakin' right it feels. Like I simply can't imagine it being short again.
I suck at applying nail polish so I usually use press-on nails instead when I want to look good
Finally making progress with therapy! Campus has group therapy during the school year and I got referrals to local practices
Congrats! That's so exciting~ good for you!!
Thank you!!
The concept of high speed rail is honestly kind of terrifying. Like, have any of yall stood at an HSR platform and seen a train fly by?
I swear to God these trains are demon worms that move at the speed of Satan.
::: spoiler relationship pain I had an anxiety attack a couple months ago which activated my partner's avoidant tendencies and now everything's fucked. So now I get very little love and affection and I can't be as lovey dovey as I want to be or they start pulling away. It's like the bottom just dropped out of the relationship almost overnight. Talking about it just seems to reinforce the distance. Feel like shit, just want my stability back.
:::
::: spoiler spoiler that sucks, im sorry theres so much avoidance right now
::: spoiler spoiler Highly worried it will be permanent and one of us will be forced to break it off. I really want to work towards secure attachment but it's so hard when I'm crashing out every other day. :::
::: spoiler spoiler
Thats such a scary place to be in, i hope you can get to a securely attached place. I wish i had like advice or wisdom but the best i have is a listening ear if you want/need to vent or talk
::: spoiler mental health, self-harm (kinda) I'm starting to think my partner might be going through a hypomanic episode. I've been doing self-harm by going through our texts to try and figure out where everything went wrong and they were so sweet and understanding when I had my anxiety attack and continued to be until just a couple weeks ago. Our old messages are overflowing with joy and love for sharing a life together and it hurts so much to read them now. It really brings how drastically things have changed into perspective.
Their recent behavior change seems totally unprompted on reflection. Two nights before they became distant we had watched a movie with friends and they were quite affectionate. The night before the change we had a lovely little chat on the phone before bedtime. The next day they were extremely detached, cold, not present, and unwilling to talk to me about what was going on, all very out-of-character.
It's now two weeks since then and their mood has been extremely high since at least Saturday night. I hadn't seen them for a week prior to that but it sounds like they've been flying high the whole time. I don't know if that fits hypomania but our relationship was so full of love and understanding for each others' needs and they've thrown it all away. The change was so sudden and so severe that I can't imagine it was solely an avoidant pattern being triggered. We had such good communication that they would have kindly asked for space instead of all this happening, as they had done many times before. This just seems too erratic to be anything but a mood disorder. No matter what's going on with them, I'm so worried for them but they're almost completely unresponsive to me right now and I know they would get angry at the suggestion that they need to seek help if their mood can change that much that quickly. I don't know what the fuck to do.
I saw them tonight for band practice and everything was "pleasant" but they ended practice early (they host) saying they needed to go to bed but seemed way too animated to be tired. When I was leaving they gave me and told me they loved me but it felt so hollow. We used to share such unbridled joy together but now they're (seemingly) doing so well and they share nothing with me. Fuck, why does love have to hurt so much
:::
::: spoiler spoiler
Thats really painful, im sorry things flipped so quickly and so drastically. Do they have a history of bipolar or mood disorders? If it was sudden and rather out of character, that does imo indicate something not-"normal" going on...
Are they at all willing to talk to you about whats happened and is happening for them? Can they give any clarity to their behavior? Like, you said they are sharing nothing about their life with you, if you asked them to share something, even just little things, would you get shutdown/the runaround/etc.?
Do you have mutual friends you can talk to about this who you trust, people you can check in with and ask for help from? If this behavior is such a severe change id imagine their friends have noticed it too.
You said theyve been flying high the past week, when ive talked to people about hypomania it tends to not be as severe as that, rather, it shows up more subtly such as with pressured speech, minor increases in impulsivity, and a more mild but consistently elevated mood than what one would call "flying high". Maybe this comes down to me having different context around that word, but when i think of "flying high" i think of people on heavyduty uppers, full blown or even psychotic mania, etc. But im also not a psych and dont know these things, so its kinda not for me to say.
If this is a (hypo)manic episode, i would think that they would be happy to continue having you in their life, and that this is temporary, but thats also dependent on you being able to deal with the effects of an episode, which youre not obligated to be. Its incredibly hard not only on the person experiencing the episode but also on loved ones and the people close to them. I will say, when ive had my departures from reality (either emotional reality or rarely cognitive reality) it has been incredibly helpful to me having a safe person who still loves me when i come back, but this doesnt mitigate the damage ive done. It takes a lot to heal from that damage, and it does modify my relationships when it happens, either in the boundaries established or the ways we engage together or what have you.
Above all, im so sorry this is youre experience right now, its really painful and difficult to navigate and scary. I hope that they get to a more communicative point and you two are able to discuss what has happened.
::: spoiler spoiler False alarm on the mood disorder, or at least not as bad as I thought. We had a good talk this morning. According to them, they're at a loss for how to care for my anxiety without getting overwhelmed. I brought up that maybe pulling back as far as they did was a gross overreaction that only made things worse, which they agreed with. They specifically mentioned that they were afraid of a relationship escalation situation where I just want more and more until we're married, which is not at all how I mean to come across. I've asked them vaguely about the future before, just to check in on how I can continue to show up in the most comfortable way possible but they seemed to take this as fishing for a long-term commitment, starting them on the path to overwhelm.
For my part, I have been spending more and more time with them but always with their consent. When we started dating I had a fairly busy social life outside of the relationship, which I've receded from over time to spend more time with them. Earlier in the relationship there was serious longing for each other when we couldn't be together due to work or other reasons and I did what I could to make more time for us. In doing so, I inadvertently deleted my social life and spent nearly all my free time with them, which was fine during the new relationship energy period. As that began to wane they started expressing a desire for more time apart and that activated my anxiety. I was still in the throes of love and passion but their perspective on where we were in the relationship was very different. For reference, their longest relationship was ~4 years while mine was over 15 years so 6 months seemed like a decent amount of time to them while it went by in the blink of an eye to me. I realize now that I was doing some self-harm by putting all of my social energy into one person, no matter how much I love them, and committed to getting out more on my own.
During our talk, I let them know about my weekend plans to see friends I haven't seen in a long time and get out of the house instead of wallowing in despair, overanalyzing everything. I still fear for the future of our relationship but they seem to be genuinely working on their end (they reached out to me this morning, for example) so I feel the need to reciprocate in good faith.
Thanks for all of your advice and comforting words, by the way. I wish opsec wasn't necessary so we could be friends IRL
:::
::: spoiler spoiler
Im so glad things are moving in a more communicative direction for you two! Im sorry the response to all of this was withdrawl instead of communication but it sounds like thats getting resolved and you two are reaching a better point of understanding with each other.
Big fuckin mood. Ive had that with people where my longest relationship was 8 years and all of theirs were much shorter so the perception of time spend in a relationship was really different between us, it can be a bit difficult to navigate. Im glad you two are talking about it.
Of course! I also wish opsec wasnt a concern, i would love to be your irl friend
but im happy to be an online friend and my inbox is open if you ever want to shoot a message and chat ^^
I keep saying "macha pilates in bali before the labubu rave" and "I have here the first 24 carat golden labubu" out loud irl in different voices smh
Growing out my hair and going twink mode.
I've gotten into the habit about talking to strangers about their nails polish, talking is overstating I guess more complimenting them on it and they seem happy.
No reddit means I've been watching so much stuff on my backlog and getting back into hobbies like writing and reading ttrpg shit. Honestly cutting back brainless slop scrolling has been helping me greatly. I've also cleaned my room a bit and found my rainbow blanket and my favorite old bag, the bag has a bit of a rip but I got an iron on patch I can fix it with so looking forward to using it again.
My thighs might be too thunderous for these high socks
Well, moved in with my partner and officially between jobs, so I am going to have more posting time. Hexbear wasn't working properly on my mobile browser (Android Firefox) but now my PC is setup again.
Anyways, things are going good/chill in my life, at least what I personally have control over. Will need to catch up.
yippeeee
I heard that you can take a shower after painting your nails and the nail polish that got on the skin will peel off. Not sure how well this works but mb I will try it later and report the results.
Warm water will soften the polish, but that includes the polish on your nails, so be careful not to dent it or push it around. Really, just avoid anything touching your nails for a few hours. The polish on your skin will come off pretty easy even if it's totally cured, I've never really thought of it as a concern.
That's what I do lol. I paint sloppy, let it dry and then let the water take off most of the polish on my skin. And then touch up
::: spoiler cw: SI i feel so numb i barely want to move and type this. i have to leave for work in an hour and i can't stop thinking about putting a gun in my mouth and giving it a big sloppy blowjob just to feel something. not even pulling the trigger or even loading it, just sticking a firearm into my mouth and giving it oral sex as if it were a phallus just to fucking feel something. why the fuck am i still single. why the fuck does every attempt at romance fail. i can't keep track of the number of people i've fallen for romantically and literally no one has ever reciprocated. there are poly trans women my age who have more partners than fingers and i can't find one single person who would ever think to themselves "wow EstraDoll is pretty cute I'd date him" so i might as well give oral sex to a firearm and fantasize about ending my miserable fucking existence because no one else is desperate enough to touch me with a 10 foot pole :::
Mood, I think my main thing is I've just been attracted to unavailable people hence why I've been alone so long. It does sour my mood sometimes being around happy couples and third wheeling if I'm being real or being an even wheel because poly friends. I try not to think about it since I'm prone to spiraling and this isn't something I can think my way out of so
That's rough. I hope things change for you. I'm poly also and I've not had a lot of luck/success with dating in my life. It can be really demoralizing.
::: spoiler spoiler Maybe the reason why I like kicking knives and using them to eat food is because I too think of ending myself
:::
Been seeing more AI girlfriend vids in my feed recently, prob has to do with the grok thing I bet. I get loneliness but my go to is just talking to myself in my head. Like everything it's a skill and the more you do it the easier it gets to the point I forget I'm not talking to myself
insert description of tulpas etc
By 2035 everyone will either be plural or have a chatbot girlfriend
edit:
I know what path I choose then
sigh plurality winning as usual
Hello
hi!
I'm definitely the
of my friend group, single but handsome at least. Fun fact while every dbz fan knows of his baseball career for the "Tiatans" he also later on worked at a host club like from 
though he got fired because he still never got over his social anxiety 
My Taiwanese professor just said that my group's presentation was the best.
I will work 16 hour shifts for this man
It really do be like that, back when I was doing presentations I'd always get high praise for being through so
good job you've earned it.
I've gained a confidence where if I see 99% of people say an answer and I say the opposite I don't feel per pressured to follow along thinking I must be wrong, now I'm just like "look at these dummies"
there are some topics where I feel that pressure to follow other people's opinions, but when it comes to politics/economics and most contemporary societal issues I absolutely have the "look at these dummies" mindset
This is true one of the benefits of reading theory
though in this case it was someone wondering why their water heater kept starting and turning off in a forum I was reading.
Keep being recommend more
content and streamers on yt it's nice but I do eventually worry about the algo thinking I'm a child. Remember hearing and I can fully see yt flagging me as a minor thru ai and how I'd might have to verify my age
I used to be scared getting next to the mirror for fear of mirror me pulling me in and replacing me and now there is no used to I'm still a bit weary
how do voice train? I'm not a great singer but I can do some stuff
There's a lot of resources online but I honestly just got my voice to a slightly androgenous zone and stopped caring, where I'm at being clocky hasn't been a bother really and I personally don't care.
I kinda want to control my voice well, so I wanna do it INTENSELY (and maybe get some singing lessons too).
Feminine training
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYJkVI7LLpknvBww07jnsxbz-_Lkynsry
Masculine training
https://www.reddit.com/r/transvoice/comments/14cquox/to_the_transmascs_and_trans_guys_ive_compiled_a/
Thank you, I'm saving these for later. I didn't know there was masculine training, I thought testosterone kinda did that on its own, it certainly did that to me
It does have an affect that's way more substantial than E, like your voice will absolutely drop, but the dude voice you hear is a learned behaviour and its something you can unlearn and change if you wanna sound more femme!
A Reddit link was detected in your comment. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.
I feel better today. I don't know why, but today gives me hope.
Oh dang, videos can be plugged into comments.
Ryuiji vs Kiryu was so goated imo dragon vs dragon and the dialogue was top notch in their first encounter.
Ryuiji: I'm a yakuza have been all my life and I take it you're a Yakuza 2?
::: spoiler Yakuza lore spoiler but seriously wtf happened to Ryuiji and why hasn't sega just confirmed he's dead at this point, he's not in any of the spirit photography he wasn't in the mock funeral they did. What is sega planning
are they gonna set up his arc from dead souls IS EVERYTHING CANON NOW?
:::
I kinda don't want to do anything. It would be nice if time stopped moving until I was ready
::: spoiler social anxiety, illegality?
Ok so im thinking of going to a show on my own. I have some pretty serious social anxiety, and im worried it will get activated hard. The show is also DIY so it may get shut down. Not terribly excited about running from the cops tbh... Any tips for not being completely socially fucking weird and dysregulated? Last show i went to like this (it wasnt diy) i got super dysregulated and did not have a good time, and im worried it will happen again. A friend offered to go with me and it was looking up but then she backed out cause the show is DIY and while the chance is slim it might get shut down... Part of me really wants to go, to have some fun, but another part of me is so anxious and scared of getting there and feeling totally alienated and alone... Going alone might be better for me, so i dont feel responsible for the enjoyment of the people im with, but it also is scarier...
Anyway yeah, any tips on how to deal with that anxiety? Also any tips on running from the cops in case it is shut down?
::: spoiler spoiler I also dont like crowds and big events, I never have. I get how scary it can feel. I still went to a big stadium band tour because I liked the band a lot - that'll probably be it for the rest of my life save for MAYBE Lady Gaga or Baby metal lol. Youre not weird for feeling apprehensive, you've done a big social event and felt dysregulated so it tracks that youre feeling nervous about this one! If youre like me, most of the time the worst part of anxiety is the apprehension before the event - if you get there and like it and its safe, you'll probably have a blast and be glad you went despite the anxiety at first.
Whats the fear with going alone? If youre feeling dysregulated and youre there alone, you can just leave because there's no obligation to a friend to wait it out, right? Or is it being scared for your safety? Im assuming you know the vibe of the crowd and the band, if it was a super transmysognistic band then yeah you should skip it, but Im assuming its more of a punk accepting band and vibe so that should be better. If no one will come with you, you should probably still have a friend on standby you can text in with and who wants to make sure youre safe even if they dont to go - classic femme thing if you've never done it or heard of it, same deal with first dates.
What would the cops do if they shut down the show? I actually dont know, do they bother arresting audience members or just roll up announce the closure and then people file out and the ones who refuse just stick around and presumably get escorted out or maybe get arrested.
If you wanna just get lost in the music, sing songs if you know them, dance or mosh or something - sounds like a fun time! Trust your gut when you arrive and hear the opener, if youre nervous or scared or not enjoying it. Pack up and leave early, no shame in that but some lost money. Then you'll know a solo music outing is probably not for you at the moment and its either something you can work towards being able to do or just accept it as part of who you are. :::
::: spoiler spoiler
Im gonna go. I think. I have like 30 min to decide lol.
My main concern is just... Idk even? I guess just anxiety, feeling like i dont know what to do with my hands or my eyes or anything in between sets. I suck at striking up conversation, so like... Idk, i just dont want to be pitied, or give off the vibe of "socially incompetent transfemme who doesnt know what shes doing here".
The band is absolutely not transmisogynistic, its a bunch of queer and trans punks lol. I feel safe in that regard.
I guess i also feel akward leaving early? Like, i feel like i would be saying "i dont like yall, bye" when that isnt the case.
Regardless, i think ill go, if only to prove to myself that I can do it. Be proud of me hexbear! :::
I am Walter Cronkite, and I am Trans, and this is CBS News
Years ago an electrician advised me to change a breaker from a 20 Amp to a 30 Amp and I did but it's not like I upgraded whatever wiring was there from 12 gauge to 10 and now I'm just left wondering when my house is gonna burn down. I wish I paid better attention to which one it was and right now I'm feeling too silly
and tired to think more of it 
After checking a gague chart it kinda seems like you are fine. Maximum current also depends on a lot of factors, especially how well you can cool the wire in its environment.
It also depends on what kind of loads you are running. Inductive loads like motors (fans and fridges and ACs) have more risk (per watt) than resistive loads like heating and lighting. On a per watt basis, active loads like electronics and digital devices are the worst, but usually they have low wattage.
This puts me at ease then and I guess since nothing happened since then it's fine. It might have been for an ac since I think whatever I was doing at the time involved that or maybe something fridge related.
Submitting my dreams as proof that I can talk to hot people like they people, I don't know where I'm going with this. Today is one of those nights where I keep waking up from vivid dreams and that was the lastest one I can remember.
Is it fair to say that trans people are probably a manifestation of something that everyone probably feels? I still haven't been able to wrap my mind around how many cis people there supposedly are. I mean we all know that gender as a concept was just kind of forced on all of us. What if everyone is some degree of dissatisfied with that, but trans people are just more in touch with those feelings? I don't want to invalidate the cis, but it is kind of a thing where I just can't accept that transness is anything but just the natural response to being born into a world with something as arbitrary as gender.
The superstar theme from Mario Odyssey is in my head and I haven't actually played that in years, its a fun jingle but I dunno WHAT made it come up
Hmm today I will listen to jump up superstar
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
yo what the fuck??? i've listened to that song like once or twice ever in little tidbits like 3 years ago and it just popped into my head yesterday. I've never even fully listened to that song but I got the chorus popping into my head out of nowhere wtf???
In my darkest moments I just remember what Ms Hastune would say if I gave up
The Taiwanese wanted me to experience Taiwanese culture so much, they made me work from 9 am to 10 pm on an empty stomach
I have OCD stuff about eating at work, I work 12s too! I would NEVER insist someone else lives this way, it sucks.
I gotta admit when I'm not being a hater
mania is alright, really was sold on it when I suddenly started playing mean 
machine for a boss fight. Mania it's better than generations I'll give it that 
What's your issue with Mania? I thought it was pretty good but it's been a while
It's alright but it reminds me too much of generations in the since of "best of sonic" idea. It does everything what it did good but I want more weird experimental stuff in my sonic games even if it crashes and burns sometimes. I'm also biased I admit to 3D over 2D sonic since I grew up on the former and the story telling and voice acting is what got me into them.
when you realize we're never getting the epstein files because warped tour is back
Idk feeling a sense of calmness like everything happens for a reason to get me to this point right now. There's a lot of things I'd like different like not being so lonely for one but starting to feel like there's a plan or something I'm not aware of or schedule.
::: spoiler voice/training Watching youtube and hear this person who's obviously trans and trying- ugh I really need to try. I really, really don't think I'm going to be happy with it. Not with it like it is or even with work. Its such miserable, horrible work and I don't even think it'll give me what I want :::
also remembering I still don't have hrt.. god wtf... why cant i just do it... i actually need to get it ordered before there become bigger issues with getting it.
::: spoiler spoiler idek if its worth listing all the problems but I hate being trans so much, so many terrible aspects, so much suffering. Its obviously inescapable. When I thought it was just depression there was more hope- I will never not be trans, and many/most of my issues with it won't be resolved. More si. More sh urges. More dissociating. :::
Unrelated but whatever, underage sibling is vaping now I guess. I don't really care but I really don't need this blowing up. I'm the only one in the family who knows and my parents would not be impressed. If it does come out prolly just going to play dumb and say I forgot. Love people putting me in difficult positions like this though. I don't necessarily trust she can keep it under wraps. Not really my problem I guess if no one brings me into it
::: spoiler si I am broken. I'm going to kill myself eventually. I really don't know why I don't right now instead of later. Why am I prolonging my suffering like this. Why do I not go through with the plan.
There really is no solution. I've told myself for a long time I'd rather die then suffer. Why don't I do it. I need to. And I just don't. :::
idk how doxxable this is but i got bored and wrote my own disco elysium character sheet for myself IRL and what I think my stats would be
::: spoiler spoiler nah, my logic should be a lot higher than that, actually. I'd have at least a 10 in it :::
I always try to rp myself but then I hit so many roadblocks because I can't do much, I'd be on the streets if it wasn't for this beautiful man
it's probably because you're not a cop. i hope you're not a cop, anyway
Very much not one though god damn indeed keeps sending me shit for secret service and fbi
little do they know I can't keep a secret nor investigate without giving away what I'm doing
Split Fiction is so fun. Highly recommended :3
Me and a friend played it earlier this year when it came out! Super chill and fun co-op
Was at a cosplay music thing and someone held my hand while she was saying something about my costume to me. Music loud enough that conversation is pretty much impossible, but still think its the first time someone grabbed my hand to get my attention (and continued to hold it though the brief exchange of words). Is that a common way people interact?
Was watching a friend play blauder's gate 3 and teasing her for fumbling Shadowheart (I've never played this game before) and it did get me thinking how hard I fumble too
the game do be pushing you to relationship with someone and some of them do be coming on too strong. I've had plenty of scammers try to trick me online and like anything sexual or too flirty just sets off alarm bells and I pull away. I get it prob has to do with me being 
though I won't lie I do have some issues I gotta work through.
much I want to talk about but using words is hard. I'm somewhat interested in trying pogo stick riding but also interested in tying skateboarding and weightlifting more. Idk what to pick
My city has rec centers and gyms where you pay a nominal fee (and people who are disabled, students, etc either get reduced or free) and you can weightlift. Skateboarding, I guess you could ask a stranger to let you borrow theirs if youre particularly bold - otherwise I think its something you have to buy to try, right? Pogo sticks... I dunno but you might be able to at least try that in a store before you buy.
Yakuza 4 "For Faith" has to be my favorite song in the series and all because of a stupid meme I watched titled "Try not to edge to the yakuza 4 (impossible)" yakuza brainrot is so fucking real and the only thing I'd warn new fans interest in diving into the series.
THE SEFLISH DEED
IS NOT FREEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM...
AND THE LEAVES....
THEY FALL DOWN
Um actually it's "The Selfish DICK" it's a refrence to the Selfish Dick 4 the Yakuza 4 fight at the end of the game
Been watching a fan project for
and the secret rings called Project reignition that looks promising. The title goes back to what the game was originally gonna be called "Wild Fire" and is different from Project Wild Fire another fan game recreation. Reignition seems to stick to more the style of secrets rings vs wild fire recreating secret rings but in the engine of P-06 (another sonic fan game this time recreating 06). Many layers of good shit gotta say, honestly just trying to 
post through the pain rn. Damn ankle been hurting recently and it's been almost 4 weeks since I feel and heard a crunch from it.
I think I would be excited for any fan projects for heroes and obvious shadow 05 since it uses the same engine. I know reloaded for shadow 05 exists and 1.2 finally balanced some of the missions for it but my computer can't handle it and I can't get it to run on hardware like I could 1.0. I don't think we'll ever really get any offical remakes of these so looking forward to whatever fan stuff at this point.
Been thinking about it and I think all the yakuza substories are canon, main reason is how they made Amon canon to IW so that means kiryu and friends had to do every single substory in every game for the fights to trigger. That means all the paranormal shit is canon and makes the wider yakuza world more interesting.
Got recommended a live stream of someone on yt playing
and the secret rings, was about to turn it off when I started seeing the appeal of yelling and laughing along. Right now watching them play evil foundry it's both frustrating and endearing watching them play and try to get through it. Motion controls in this game breaks you down but it can be learned.
The breaks you down part was so on point past me, seeing it happen to someone else is really opening my eyes about
games. I've invested too much of my time and passion to turn against them so I will say if you become a SEGA fan know your life will never be the same afterward, it'll isolate you from normal people who will see you as mad.
Very cool streamer seen her finish secret rings but not get the true final ending. I've can attest how difficult the motion controls are so seeing someone else over come them after being broken down for hours it's kinship.
Been watching a review for RWBY Arrowfell and it looks bad, kinda of a shame since I guess it has WayForward's logo slapped on it and I love the Shantae games. Game play looks mid, story weak characters feel flat and an opportunity to flesh out Solitas more just kinda wasted. Does have an anti-union message and knowing rooster teeth I'm not the least bit surprised. I really don't think I'll ever play it and even before this review I was questioning it based off the trailer alone.