hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

the list as it stands:

peanutbuttercupola* (7/21 - 7/27) 
oscardejarjayes* (7/28 - 8/3)   
BountifulEggnog* (8/4 - 8/10)
Seryph (8/11 - 8/17)
Shaleesh (8/18 - 8/24)
GayTuckerCarlson* (8/25 - 8/31)
Eco* (9/1 - 9/7)
nemmybun (9/8 - 9/14)
Disaster_of_Passion* (9/15 - 9/21)
Carcharodonna* (9/22 - 9/28)
sodium_nitride* (9/29 - 10/5)

Wmill (10/27 - 11/2)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

A man told me his niece transitioned and then asked me if I knew her. She is more than a decade older than me and lives in a different city.

trans women will describe themselves like lovecraftian horrors before sending you their selfie and it's literally just a cute girl

::: spoiler workplace discrimination, venting Walked out of my job today. For the last couple years at least we’ve had a side bathroom in the building that was used as the employee bathroom, and last week management decided that isn’t allowed any more with no warning and no explanation. I’m one of several trans employees who are there and we are all very upset about this, I made it explicitly clear that I don’t feel safe using a public bathroom and I know I’m not the only one. We’ve been making some efforts to continue using it anyways but after some back and forth, yesterday the key to the bathroom was either well hidden or taken out of the building completely, and then last night they literally drilled screws into the door frame to make sure we can’t use it.

That was the final straw, so this morning at a team meeting in front of everyone I read out some relevant statistics about anti-trans violence and talked about my own experiences with anti-trans violence (because I didn’t feel like they were taking my safety concerns seriously), told them again that I cannot safely work if I cannot safely use the bathroom, and then told them either they allow access to the employee bathroom again or I will not work until they do. They gave me some weasel-y answer and refused to respond when we called them out on things they said not being true or helpful, and so I left.

I wish I could have organized it as a full strike but we aren’t unionized and without going into too much detail the chances of us successfully unionizing is very low. At this point I might try anyways though cause there’s nothing left for me to lose here, I doubt I can keep my job if they wouldn’t even hear me out. I know several people are probably going to follow me and quit anyways because a lot of people are very upset both for me and themselves. Some of my coworkers were crying while talking to me after the fact. It just is so frustrating, I know that I do a good job and they know it too, I don’t want to quit, but what can I do. I’m just going to start looking for new work and stress about it until I can find something. :::

having a not great day and i made the mistake of looking at contrapoints drama shit

::: spoiler CW Abuse / transphobia So many people are saying that if you think she's a shitty person for being pro-genocide, you're transphobic/transmisogynist. Which is nothing new but, since I'm so divorced from drama nonsense most of the time I haven't seen it in a while. So it just immediately made me flashback to my abusive ex trying to convince all of our mutual friends I broke up with them because I was a transmisogynist. Bc according to them I read their actions as masculine and got scared bc men are scary, not i got scared of being publicly insulted and shit talked for mildly disagreeing on something.

I hate it here :::

Opening drink cans with my long ass nails makes me feel really femme and I love it

So I came out to my partner and somehow the world did not end?

there is no U in the Latin language, the letter V was used in its place and generally interchangably

mmhmmm, yep

the V sound in Latin is, historically speaking, a more modern invention of Ecclesiastical Latin. The Romans, more commonly spoke the letter V with what we now have as the U sound. Caesar likely would have said it like Weni, Widi, Wiki

okay? where are you going with this?

realistically, the Romans were all calling her "Weenus" and that's most likely the most authentic way of referring to her

wait wtf why

::: spoiler Update on my job shit if anyone cares I spoke on the phone with the HR rep and my walking out of the meeting was considered abandoning my post or something and so as far as the company is concerned I have quit and that was my last day. I’m gonna push for unemployment anyways but idk if there’s anything I can do about it. I’m feeling really depressed about it ngl, I didn’t like my job at all recently but I still did a good job and would have stuck around if they didn’t effectively force me out. I hope I can find a new job soon. :::

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and I was like holy shit that's a girl. Or something girl like. Girl-adjacent

I woke up this morning and it was back to tired looking guy :/ I took a few photos yesterday though so now I'm at work just going into my camera roll every so often to look at them to keep me going

up with trans :3

we got kittens

Gender affirming inconvenience?

I went outside without a bra by accident. Had to literally hold up my boobs while running down the stairs to prevent them from bouncing. Was a very awkward walk to the supermarket with my little brother who doesn't know I'm trans*. I had to hold up the shopping bag and umbrella strategically to cover up.

Sometimes, I feel like you could make a sitcom out of my life.

*Although I have been dropping incredibly subtle hints in the form of LGBT memes. It is a good sign that he responded positively, but that little fucker can't keep his mouth shut, so I'll keep my mouth shut instead.

"hey guess what nerd, you're a girl now"

me: oh no!

"but wait, there's more!"

me: oh no!

I saw some newly pasted "fuck hamas 🍉" stickers round town and was pissed. Like, seriously? In 2025 there are still idiots who try this shit?

Anyway, at least they were kind enough to post these near a trash can for easy disposal.

Finally added my trans cousin on insta, they just posted a mao meme about killing landlords and have they/it/she pronouns

We haven't talked in so long and I really badly want a friendship with her.. so bad at making new friends though..

I did it trans mega some of my classmates gave me a hug today for our graduation also check out my cool drill the school gave me as a gift

Opening cans with my long ass nails makes me feel really femme and i love it

It's not looking good for me folks. I'm beset with psychological issues I don't know how to address.

Today I told some people I'm trans for the first time, and it went really well. They were truly all so supportive and wonderful and I feel so deeply lucky to have them as friends. It still doesn't really feel real. Like, part of me doesn't believe it actually happened. Maybe that's because I got kinda drunk to do it, who can say?

It's scary too. Having a space where I can be a woman makes beginning to transition feel actually possible, but it's also overwhelming. I barely knew how to shop for men's clothes, let alone women's. Finding a doctor, starting hrt, I have no idea what that looks like or even what my goals for that are, really. I still want to do it all though.

::: spoiler suicidal thoughts, transphobia Yesterday, I felt seriously like killing myself for the first time. Not nearly as fun a first time as the other one. Despite being majorly depressed for most of my life I was lucky enough to never struggle with suicidal thoughts before. It was the article about the draft UN report talking about the "international push to erase women" and "socially contagious" gender dysphoria. Honestly embarassing that such boring, unoriginal shit from the UN of all fucking places is what did it. I will simply choose to believe it was more from the stress of preparing to tell people. :::

I don't usually post things online, it feels nice. Like journalling, but maybe some other people will read it too.

jesus returning from the dead after 3 days as a trans woman, call that an easter egg

Might as well get in here early!

I'm now realizing a pattern where I move to an area and within a year the local mall dies

Too many cuties at pride

down with cis

The sudden goth sery arc I've been on these past 2 weeks has been the most interesting unexpected experience of 2025

If the most I ever do in life is transition and take care of my pets, that really is a success tbh

There's a part of me that would love to be isekai'd away somewhere exciting, but transitioning has been exciting and life changing. Maybe that's the isekai I wanted all along

the lesbian yearning is very strong today

Holy shit I passed my comps

Does... Does anyone else hate pride? Its pride here... I really dont like it, it just feels like another opportunity to be excluded by my supposed community, another opportunity to be told "everyone fits in here (except you)". Despite what all the people around me seem to say, there is no trans community, no queer community. Theres just overlapping social groups... That im not a part of and either dont want to be a part of or am actively excluded from. I have my friends. Most are trans or queer. Thats enough. Pride is for the acceptable people, not me.

The transmasc desire to be a ladybug on a blade of grass that the wind is blowing violently 🫨

Getting a binder soon and Ive been working out more

However I'm worried about not getting enough B12 or protein. Ik it's not worth it since am eating beans and tofu about everyday but the thoughts keep coming back.

Where the fuck are all the cute trans guys at???

@EstraDoll@hexbear.net doing the hard labor researching new limits and facets of gender. Thank you for your service.

tfw to ask someone out you actually have to ask them out instead of thinking about it a bunch and hoping it happens

I just received word that hexbear admins will ban all users who don't know how to play sudoku

I don't think I'm cool but when I was in high school in 2000, a bunch of my peers were gathered excitedly around a library computer.

They said they were looking at the first image released of...and I misheard and thought they said "Snake"

I said "fuck yeah they're making a new Escape from movie?"

Then I saw Alan Rickman in robes. It was "Snape" and I deflated with disappointment.

Wait, did I post this too early?

Oh well, it's the 14th of July in my timezone ...

Euler mentioned

hit a new transfem milestone today

Dreamt I meet someone I used to know and she hugged me this shall sustain my psychically I haven't gotten a hug from anyone outside my family for over a decade

Been practicing with my tablet again after taking an extended break. It's a bit of a learning experience to draw without looking at my hand. Although the curves aren't as smooth as I'd like, I think I'm getting better.

::: spoiler tonight's practice :::

68 days until the first day of autumn

Went to Seattle, watched MCR, it was kick ass! I was so happy with how much trans pride there is there!

Had to use a burner phone, going to the states feels pretty fraught 😬. The customs guy was fine, guess it helped that I was going to a concert and leaving shortly after.

blood levels are looking good with 690pmol/L for E and 0.7nmol/L for T.

hate how having to do conversions for this shit is necessary since every fucking clinic seems to use a different measurements to calculate the levels. will probably up the E a bit to get over the 730pmol/L to be in monotherapy range and safe from the T-virus

I remember the last time my friends came around on their bikes without texting, unannounced, just to see if I was home and wanted to hang out. 2008, we had basic cell phones (parents got us them, we were out a lot alone, older teens). At the time I didnt think that would be it, but it was.

I dunno if I miss it, per se. But the spontaneity and closeness was nice. Everyone switched to text first before coming by for a reason though - it did suck to go somewhere and they weren't home or couldn't hang out and people were busy and so on and so on.

God I love being trans so much! Best thing that ever happened to me

Everywhere I go strangers come up to me to like tell me I look happy and shit like that.

Why didn't I get into T4T dating sooner? This girl is making me swoon so hard

She also thinks that it's hot that I'm a smoker lol

Feeling constantly on the verge of tears at my public facing job

::: spoiler CW porn It really annoys me when I see something that looks hot but then it's ruined by the "step sibling/ parent" shit :::

men

When you're so shonen-pilled that you literally imagine Dishwasher cleaning as the final arc of an anime.

I even had a plucky protagonist that no one has any expectations for. A glass bottle with oil stains so stubborn I couldn't remove them with a steel scrub.

Combine the main protagonist with a red colored sponge, a bottle cleaning stick, soap and the metal scrub, you have your 5 man cast.

The metal scrub is the mentor travelling with the group. "Trains" the protagonist (removes some, but not all the oil stains), then is sidelined shortly after.

The bottle cleaning stick is the comic relief character. Does not help, but provides emotional support.

The soap is the unsung MVP.

And obviously the final arc consists of the deuteragonists (sponge and bottle) discovering the power of friendship (soaking up water from sponge, then putting it in the bottle) to defeat the enemy (the leftover water stuck in the dishwasher after rinsing it).

I even had a last minute death, fakeout/drama scene. Where I accidentally dropped the sponge in the hole and cannot retrieve it, except by using the magical artifact (tweezers).

Outside the main cast, you also have the

1. Support character (gloves) 2.Love interest (bottle cap) for a love triangle between the bottle, the stick and the ... bottle cap obviously. Only one of the "girls" can file the hole of the bottle (peg him)
2. Big bad monster (dishwasher), summed by the evil mage
3. Evil mage (mom) that summoned the monster (dirtied it) and was destroyed by her own summon (she went for a walk).

Hi transgenders

::: spoiler CW: Joy killing My mom has actually figured out I am genuinely unhappy being with my parents despite my efforts to hide it. She confronted me about it and I was just, stumped. Didn't want to admit it, but my silence spoke volumes.

My little brother is in a terrible mood these days and doesn't respond well. He also has too many temper tantrums which drain the emotional energy of the family.

My dad, I just feel sorry for him, he seems to be a struggling with a family that doesn't kinda care about him.

Yeah, I'm remembering now why I was so eager to leave, and why I had to leave before my relationship with my parents healed.

I know I shouldn't blame myself, but me being trans and repressing (then hiding) it for 10 years at this point has driven the family to dysfunction. It's just a fact. Any hope for a healthy family dynamic is permanently dead. And I don't feel at all like I ever want to come out to my parents, not because I'm even afraid anymore, but because the emotional disconnect is irreparable.

Also, I will just say it. I've grown up to be a nihilistic, sadistic and self-loathing type of person. And I say none of that in a romanticised way. I'm niethzche's last man (or last woman) (I refuse to spell that fascist's name correctly)7 :::

okiiiii there was some trans gaym about like... the mc just waking up one day with an alien or something in her chest and the art was like amazing and we cannot remember the name of it at allllll so if that rings a to anymany can u tell us what gaym that issss.......

::: spoiler a combo of horny stuff and dysphoria. let's call it hornphoria.

So I used to be into "forced feminization" as both a kink and erotica. It was basically all there was to find during the dark ages of extremely fragmented and almost non-existent online trans community. Most of it never sat right with me, because the stories tended to be about degradation and I wanted empowerment. So I wrote some of my own eventually. Since I have many, many kinks beside that I really feel it set back my own realization of being transfemme. Like, thought it was purely a kink (my gender identity) which was made worse by my gender dysphoria not hitting until puberty.

Now obviously it's diversified I suppose into spheres that include empowerment, or being helped by experienced transwomen (in a dommy way!), as well as the old school degradation type stuff. Not entirely sure, I only occasionally poke around. So I don't know whether that set me back like 10 years or was helpful, or it was purely a matter of being an elder millennial that missed the boat. Plenty of RL cis women partners that were into it, which at least gave me some validation but really twisted things up and left me unsure.

So yeah, still a kink, maybe it's because i'm a butch transfemme and like the idea of doing it to all genders, more of consensual "forced" make-over/dress-up or transform someone into an aesthetic that is alien to them. I think that's more what I'm into. Still hard to square this, maybe I should just consider it a learning experience and be grateful I was able to explore with partners even if it was a "set back".

I'm happy to hear anyone else's experience with this or if it was similar. Millennials and above or Z.

:::

Please mother, I beg of you

Stew the zucchini, don't make it into a water soup with solid zucchini chunks.

I'll do it. I'll cook. I know the recipie. I've been cooking for 3 years. Have faith in my ability.

But don't soup the zucchini.

They want me to do ICB in Trauma. Kind of spooky, usually it's something you do after 6 months to a year in the job. But they said I was a fast learner and had experience from pediatrics, which I guess I do. Guess I got to get better at reading ECGs, best I know is SR, ST, asystole, bigeminy 😬

feelin' bad about gender today

i am about to do some deep gendery fuckery and exploration with my therapist this morning, i will return with my findings shortly

EDIT: EstraDoll's trans woman to bigender arc is currently about 80% complete

My brain: You aren't working even though you have so much free time and so many tasks left in your bucket list

Me: Ok, fine, I'll work

Me after 3 days of on and off debugging, having sunk like 10 hours, at midnight

still can't finish task 1 on my bucket list which was supposed to take an hour

^^^^

This shit is why I put off working.

I had no rye bread so i ate my herring with dill and butter on a tortilla, and it was very dissapointing. Not bad, just dissapointing.

Also got some leggings, my first pair of leggings! I never thought id find a pair that fit me, but i finally found some!! Make my butt look good if i do say so myself

Sometimes you think you know but then it turns out you don't know, remember this and reflect often

::: spoiler dysphoria Got a sudden surge of dysphoria about part of my face and no clue why. Normally I wouldn't post about it but weirdly this time it's a part that I normally really like, so doubly confused on why I feel so fixated on it being awful rn. Ugh :::

If you want to get better at solving variant sudoku, I would recommend watching some solve videos on the vid site of your choice. Cracking the Cryptic and Bremster on YouTube are particularly good, with the later focusing on more approachable puzzles while CtC tends to do more 1+ hour long solves that require logic that will turn your brain into a puddle. Watching other people solve will help give you insights on strategies and the sort of quirks that come with the variant rules.

A couple notes on the Logic Masters site as to make it a bit clearer: there is a button at the bottom to set it to English in case you don’t sprechen sie deutsch. When selecting a puzzle, the number of stars indicates difficulty, with one star being easy mode and five stars being genius-only territory. The % number indicates how high users have rated the puzzle, with a higher number being a better rating.

WiiU is the most annoying-ass system to emulate holy shit. botw keeps crashing as soon as I hit A to start the game and nothing is working. No log file. Wanted to play with shaders but I can't even get the stupid thing to boot. I've tried running shaders multiple times in the past and never got it working. Fucking pos computers. Also the game files are literally like 15k tiny little files instead of something decent like an iso or chd. I don't even remember struggling like this years ago with 360 emulation.

I've tried Vulkan. I've tried opengl. I've tried grabbing new gamefiles, twice. Enabling and disabling my graphics enhancements. Deleted my precious shaders. Updated Cemu.

Played a game of chess with my brother (who is pretty old). Feeling good about my overwhelming victory .

I lost a Knight and a pawn, while he lost every piece other than a single Bishop.

These aren't the casualty ratios of war. This is more like I launched a nuclear bombardment campaign at my brother's "kingdom" and lost a small amount of forces in the mop up operation afterwards to isolated bandit/post apocalyptic survivors.

Recent chapo talking about transphobia, Blanchard ::: spoiler brainworms agp hsts etc I don't like how I know these terms before this episode at least my phone wanted to autocorrect agp and hsts to ago and hats. :::

I'm goin to search for trans resources in my country. Getting only stuff for Europe and US fucking sucks, I can't really get anything shipped here from any sources. Getting a prescription is going to take too long tho. I want booba...

Self study is difficult, doing a thing where I'm trying to figure out what I don't know and studying that. Got a book on HVAC and instead of feeling like a smarty pants happy with what I know struggling with what I don't I set myself a monumental task so I can have some slack, wanna become an HVAC elite so need to fully understand 6 categories of the field

Artist I've listened to for a bit put out their first album in a while. Didn't know they were trans until I heard their voice on the new album. Guess it's time to go back and relisten to old albums and see how obvious it was or was not.

Last day at training got a final and one final test. Idk a lot of the guys doing a BBQ so just brought them some chili 🌶️ got my own lunch so it's whatever. Also nearing the end of my notebook for the class, it's kinda rare for me to get this far so feeling some things rn. Don't think my studies will end soon but I gotta get a job now, waking up early is the new normal now. Having no time for myself is the new normal, and weekends are a trade off of relaxing or getting ahead.

::: spoiler Rough family experience Went to the museum with family. Tried to hang out with my brother and their partner, and a friend that I kinda like. Other queer/neurodivergent people

But they all like slid off as a group and I was stuck by myself because I didn't want to walk around with my parents

The easiest shot I could ever have to make friends and of course it doesn't work out. Nobody even understands or cares that I felt left out. They described it later and were like "yeah the three of us did our thing" and it's like, I wanted to be part of that. They didn't even consider me.

Clearly I'm just too quiet and nice and polite to live. I care too much about others and if they're feeling good or enjoying themselves. I want things to be peaceful too much. These are flaws.

What's more I'm worried that there's more knocking around in my brain besides being gay and trans and autistic. Another secret thing that makes people not like me. Idk.

It's not going well, and I'm busy, and I'm too fucking weird for the weirdos in my life. So idk. :::

am so bad w time . More below ::: spoiler spoiler Time goes by so fast I often don't know what time it is . I want to discuss getting tested for ADHD with my therapist but I feel it's going to be the usual saying that I don't know everything about this topic. Even with passionate interest I'm finding it hard to focus on one thing without forgetting about it entirely or getting on track a few hours later. Even if I break things down into small parts, try setting alarms I still find it hard. Doesn't help that am hyperactive most of the time, I feel like I constantly have to stim. :::

Probably a weird cope but today at work someone referred to me as them as I was passing, is the long hair that powerful? And ig she didn't see my face much- very used to he/him :/

Pretty sure it's a weird cope though I can't remember the sentence exactly anymore. Felt something in the moment though..

Another day with nothing accomplished other than wrangling with the absurdities of an electronics design industry poisoned by proprietor practices.

I'm waiting to be free of this fleshy prison in this earthly existence

I need to focus and be normal today

how it feels to do 1 (easy) tryhackme

I really wanted to both do nothing today and play yakuza like a used to but couldn't do both and settled with my chores in the morning before cuddling with my plushies in bed all day listening to iceburg vids. Don't know if I wasted the day necessarily since I chose to do it but yeah. Week days are for studying some more until I find a job and weekends are my time and even spending the day on me feels good.

Been breaking away from one of my worst habits in a moment of revelation, ngl it kinda hurts to do so but I'm sure I can redirect that urge to something more creative or just better use of my brain power/time. I don't regret the habit nor am I mad at myself for falling into it so much just tired. I'm seeing this like the time I quit drinking just walking away from something that could never make me happy.

does anyone know what’s up with thallo

wrong mega whoops

uhhh how 'bout that gender?

Sega marketing out the ring sound effect through pachinco machines to gas stations is always wild to me. Nintendon't would never

Current emotion is full of beans and bread, so dreamy don't want this to ever end

I took modern algebra in college and we discussed Latin squares. That was one of my favorite subjects because of how interesting the class was.

Falling down again. I hate this shit

stickers

Been getting the urge to do a third run of disco elysium all my runs have been drug less and usually violent less (as much as I can be being a cop) think my goal is just to get the ushanka and larp as a commie as soon as possible. I really don't know how many time I can keep doing it and still entertain myself

John Twinks Booth, at the gay bar creeping up to GAYbroham Lincoln

I don't wanna carry false hope but I think maybe people might be interested in me, seen some things and haven't acted on them but idk. I wanna believe this chat

If you're interested in learning the more advanced techniques of Sudoku, there's a really great app that is iOS exclusive called Good Sudoku. You can learn all the techniques like XYZ wings and Hidden Quadruples and such. Also more basic tech like Hidden Singles and Locked Candidate. And there is a mode where it takes notes for you which I find very helpful.

There's an apple arcade version and a regular version.

great puzzle!

::: spoiler spoiler :::

Damn self esteem and self image got hammered hard today. Saw a vid the training class made of us and one was an interview I did. I look as dumb and sound as stupid as you can guess but fuck it we ball. Negative rizz mf but I don't need that to be happy

I fucking loooove Sudoku and its variants. They scratch a sort of itch few other things do

foreshadowing I'm trans to my coworkers by talking about how much I love Monster Zero

The mood when I talk to people is like those mobile game ads where the person playing get some of the choices right while while struggling. Who's ever watching me is probably banging and yelling at how someone can fumble so bad and they can do better.

Charmy the Bee is transmasc, beloved short king of Heroes and the goat in Shadow 05

what if i told you Jason Derulo is one of our staunchest allies?

::: spoiler Men Okay so I'm irl trading some of my items in this game to this random guy. We've been at it for like a week and he was messaging me about it earlier. I had told him when I got off work and I'd get on then to give him his stuff. I ended up hanging out with someone after so I was delayed.

u off yet gang?

Uh ended up hanging out with someone after, it'll be a bit later sorry

And then he proceeds to send me a bunch of really crude messages about sex and hooking up?? Like I'd just assume they were a friend. Maybe I could have been more clear but that shocked me ::: Also does anyone have advice for explaining dysphoria to someone who isn't interested in transition? (I don't know how to explain her, no desire for hrt or anything, sounds agender but doesn't like any labels other then lesbian. Says she's not nonbinary or cis). I've tried explaining and it just seems like she doesn't get it.

She kinda often boils it down to "Do you think if you had tits and a vagina you'd really be that much happier?" and like, idk- I do want those things but that's definitely not the focus for me. I want to look like a woman, be treated like a woman, sound like a woman... but I don't think she gets it. She'll also say things like not to care what other people think, and like yea that's true, but I'm still going to feel dysphoric if people see me as a man or not a woman.

Other then that its been good getting to know her. That's just going to be a point of frustration for me and any non dysphoric person I think...

Dream advice I got, if you wanna stop bug bites all you gotta do is make out with a friend this is some extreme gooner fueled advice afraid I got that terminal gooner brain now.

::: spoiler I'm generally feeling good but someone said something and it's stuck in my mind, si I was thinking about voice training and how hard it is (common thought for me, try to push it out if I can) and remembered an adult the other day telling me life is hard and gets harder. And every time one of them tells me this it just makes me think suicide is my only option. I'm so fucking done with hardness and suffering. Totally fine if you want to push through it, it's not worth it to me. I've already told this person about wanting to kill myself, idk why people tell me it's going to get harder. I will kill myself instead. Fuck things getting worse. Fuck that so much. ::: In good news, I got breath of the wild working last night. Stupid fuckin amd drivers. Hoping to get shaders working later. Even just upscaled though, botw is such a pretty game. Just imagine if it came out on PC, how much more they could have pushed it. Nintendo always does a good job with their art style and making their games look good despite hardware limitations but it'd still be better without them.

One more thought, was very tired yesterday from work. But (cis, nt, straight?? Idk which is actually responsible for this) women do this thing where they compare their exes new gf to them physically and I don't understand. This coworker was telling us about how much fatter and less attractive his new gf was and how he "downgraded". Like- simplisticly this seems like the kind of crude, shallow comments about women I'd expect to hear from men?? And like I know this is a thing, she's not the first woman to have a conversation like this with me.

Like to me being in a relationship with someone would be because I like them as a person, in a romantic way, we get along well etc. And this guy sucked anyway (cheated and would denigrate her), good riddance. But why are you trash talking the new gfs appearance? Idk why we have to do this.. I don't want to take part in shit talking some random woman.

I mean I guess maybe it's a way to say the ex made a mistake by leaving. But 🤷 girl I already knew he fucked up.

Everybody do the Michigan Rag

I've been trying to play more 3min blitz chess because that's the time control we play at work and I fucking hate losing on time. One game I literally had mate in 1 and time failed. This last game I had mate in 2 and he had 7 seconds, like that's just garbage. Chess is not a game of speed

got myself a trackball with scroll ring, currently using both my old mouse and the trackball, taking some getting used to but it's pretty neat AND easy on the wrist.

love how you can pop the ball out and it's like those ancient mouses before they lasered them all up, takes me back

::: spoiler spoiler ::: spoiler si Woke up a few hours ago. Haven't been able to stop thinking about eventually killing myself. Have tried doing other things to stay busy. I'm so tired. Not in a needing-a-nap way. I need a new life. This is so awful :::

Had another flying dream though this one was different I could barely fly, had to make do since I had a case to solve. My mom went missing so had to find her, along the way made a lot of friends, so many substories it was kinda fun. I know why I dreamt this alla lot has been going on in my life right now and this was an effort to give me some sense of agency so I thank my brain for giving me some sense of power in what otherwise feels like a turbulent time.

I am what would be considered right-wing

::: spoiler spoiler in gang of 4 era China :::

Mai thread gonna be locked soon ...

At least we got a kagurabachi chapter today (I love how when I just type the letter "k" my autocorrect suggests "kagurabachi") of yura and his twink minion pissing together and discussing philosophy.

Thinking back to I will give Unleashed some credit in the day time boss fights, if you do it just right you can shred through eggman's health in the first stage and win pretty quickly. I get the multistage boss phase is there for new players to get a hang of the game but I just wanna get through it. It reminds me of how you could shred the bosses in shadow 05 and heroes if you knew what you were doing. Those two games presumably being on the same engine I could transfer what I knew from heroes to shadow not to mention back then the homing dash was so spammable. If you got the rhythm just right some of the bosses you'd do under a minute when regular players took 5.

Gotta invent a nonverbal way to express needs

it feels like i’ve heard “the velvet underground of” like 5 times this week

lost world could have been the third storybook game, same team that made the secret rings and black knight minus the main director/writer Maekawa. So the setting would have been ancient Greek pantheon which would have been cool ngl way better than the soft reboot lost world tried to be (headcanon). Still know what would have been cooler, the other possible settings they were considering like wild west or fucking lovecraftian setting. We were hard robbed on something amazing

We out here

Need to get this out before I forget, rivals the psp game that reintroduced Silver is such an interesting game. It's jank and other than the cool ::: spoiler spoiler remake of all of sonic 3 and knuckles levels, spoiler same stages but in the future. :::

and the main writer behind shadow 05 it also has something real neat. In this game you collect cards, these cards have a lot of concept art not just for this game but it seems they pulled from everything to fill this game up. Here's the thing one of the cards is a render of Maria dying from shadow 05, at one point that game was rated T but that was removed so yeah. You don't see anything more but it's kinda wild they just have that somewhere in the sega vaults.