hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

the list as it stands:

GayTuckerCarlson* (6/23 - 6/29)
Eco* (6/30 - 7/6)
Disaster_of_Passion (7/7 - 7/13)
sodium_nitride (7/14 - 7/20)
peanutbuttercupola* (7/21 - 7/27)
BountifulEggnog* (7/28 - 8/3)    
oscardejarjayes* (8/4 - 8/10)
Seryph (8/11 - 8/17)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

It seems that all the working on my appearance has paid off because someone called me hot today! That's the first time I've ever had that happen.

Problem is I have literally no idea how to flirt so I kinda just smiled and walked away. What the fuck are you supposed to do when that happens

Some guy hit on me in the grocery store today and it was so off-putting that I'm reconsidering my sexuality

Me: I could be bi

Man: Hello

Me: Save me Sappho

gender cw : dysphoria, discussion of essentialism

::: spoiler spoiler I don't have a gender , I used to identify as transmasc but don't relate to masculinity so I think agender is right. Don't like being perceived as or being a woman but wouldn't like being a man either. I hate the 'born this way' narrative, we shouldn't have to justify why we're trans. I feel a lot of research about gender being "hardwired" just reinforces bio essentialism under the name of 'acceptance' , it's always agab language and treating sex as an absolute truth. i didn't fully realize everything until recently , like I said earlier trans people don't need justification for why they exist. :::

I should have gotten on the dating apps way sooner, I'm having such a fun time flirting with trans and queer cuties all day. Currently talking to a trans woman who's nearly twice my age because my higher power was smiling on me while I was swiping that day.

Lots of libs though. So many libs.

I'm reading Trans/Rad/Fem by Talia Bhatt and it's so good, but also how do you go about your day normally after realising by being a trans woman you're a revolutionary in a war against the heterosexual occupation of gender that has lasted over five thousand years?

Starting my classical music girlie arch

GOOD NEWS: i bought some pretty dresses :)

BAD NEWS: i can't post pics of myself in them here :(

up with trans

random trans core memory that just popped back into my head out of nowhere

i remember laying in bed very late one night in my late teens having just admit to myself that i actually did like the idea of wearing women's clothing and i was freaked the fuck out because i had zero idea what on earth to do with this information other than to sleep on it because there was nothing i could do about it at 11 pm so I decided to sleep on it. I then woke up and promptly forgot about it for years and continued to be cis for some reason

Wish I knew how to stop my brain from shutting down. I get so overwhelmed by envy and attraction and then I literally can't speak

Being around feminine people is a source of dysphoria. Like, I don't know how to handle the emotions. I just want to ask how they do that, all the time. I feel male-gazey, I feel gross.

We were a little naughty and added vegan popcorn chicken to Friday Rice

Finding jobs suuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks

impressing him on the first date by taking him to a coffee shop while i'm wearing all white and swinging around my drink recklessly without spilling a drop somehow

down with cis

Transmasc rite of passage: reusing an old glass pickle jar for a gigantic cup of drink.

me -> <- a sports bra

"is this a top?"

Still a bit sad from yesterday, but I do feel a lot better.

Went to the town center and got lost in the crowd for a while, looking at all the people and I don't think I stand out as ugly or weird like I felt yesterday. Also, watched a bunch of tiktoks of this trend where women remove their filters and make-up and stuff and it made me feel ten times better even though it's just a silly social media trend. Good to be reminded of how people actually look instead of comparing myself to perfect instagram models.

If you're seeing this shork, you have to drink a glass of water

This probably isn't new to anyone who's dated men (and hope I'm not generalizing this to just one gender etc) but damn I'm starting to see the litmus test for a lot of these guys is seeing how they react when under pressure or frustration. Seeing some of these guys who I'll admit are pretty cute in their way melt down when shit goes bad or get extremely bitter is like The course's theme I've picked out is failure all over the place but you get up and try again. Frustration is alright and shit's not gonna be perfect but it's fine. Today I learned something new that I didn't know beforehand and I'll keep learning something new going forward and testing myself.

Good morning and death to the illegitimate settler state of israel

Been trying to grow out my facial hair since I found pomemade on sale, I look like I came out of a cave and can't settle on any style, I just know sideburns won't ever be a cool thing, and obviously due to work and such I can't keep the mountain man look for that much longer before I get a talking to.

when you arent okay and your friends can tell you arent okay and they ask if youre okay but you cant talk to them about it because you dont want to bother them but then they get worried about you and then you feel bad for worrying them and then feel like youre bothering them so cant talk to them about it which then worries them more and.....

not that we would know anything about that or anything :3

Feeling anxious about one thing? Just get anxious about something else, ideally something that's a way bigger deal. Don't see me worrying about the first thing anymore do you

Follow for more anxiety management advice

There are lots of guides for diy hrt or markets for transfemmes (I am guessing because estradiol and other medications for for transfems are not controlled substances)

I've been worried lately about losing access to HRT given recent shit in the USA. Are there equivalent guides for testosterone/transmasc out there?

Day 1 of voice training again to get past my block: I am way better at this than I remembered.

Trying some of the more modern methods from that site linked last time and I can already hit a voice that I like, just getting it consistent is gonna be the issue like usual. I forgot how fun this gets though. I was mostly just doing a preliminary test of everything that was on the site for an hour with plenty of breaks to listen to the clips and let my voice rest. Overall pretty happy with it for a basically 0 effort practice. Now just to keep at it for at least 30 minutes every day.

In our training we're gonna be having a sub come in on friday, classmates were like "Wmill you should be the sub" took me a bit to realize what they were talking about ngl I was just thinking how'd they know

My therapist has been encouraging me to go to some kind of mtf support group. I've become progressively more agreeable to that idea, if only because I might get some honest opinions on if it's truly joever for me looks wise. In all the photos I've taken recently my face feels too broad. Maybe it's just the camera...

Finally out of that mixed shampoo conditioner that I was using for the past year, time to start my haircare era. Did a decent amount of research on what's good for silky straight hair and I'm hopeful that it'll help me have more consistently nice hair instead of always jumping between overly oily from too much conditioner and overly dirty from not enough shampoo

painted my nails during class, I think they came out good despite having to put so many coats on

if americans are burgers are american trans people impossible burgers?

::: spoiler sex, butt stuff Was trying to find a tapered dildo for anal dilation, and almost everything I could find looked either like a tentacle or traffic cone.

Found a bad dragon knock off though that fits the requirements and I dig.

:::

aww yis first

To the trans lesbians here, what's your dating strategy?

Fuck yeah, favorite movie that I never want to watch bc it gave me an emotional breakdown the first time around

This training full of dudes is very much old to me at times, while class is discussing love life and here I am a virgin. Ngl sexism and shit, it ain't good folxs. Some dudes my peers have teenagers like wtf

tummy hurty

It is kind of a powerful thought the idea I'm ending my genetic line by choosing celibacy ngl. It's like they say breeding ran in my family until it ran into me

so our friend called the police on us, that was fun

luckily we scored a nat 20 perception check and then two nat 20 charisma checks and everything is fine (and yes we are fine too it was very uncalled for)

we are once again solidified in our lesbianism, men is too headache

I fucking love ramen yum yum

I love fish seafood taste, dried seaweed is such a great umami booster and I love the taste!

Maybe this is a lib/naive take, but I love when people wear a rainbow wristband or pin or whatever. It's a nice assurance that they (probably) won't be weird.

::: spoiler dysphoria, regret When I think about the fact that I didn't do DIY HRT for three and a half years after I realized I was trans I feel so much regret and anger for my younger self. I thought the waiting lists wouldn't be so long and I was actively dissuaded from trying DIY by my psychologist, so it isn't completely my fault, but still. I feel like the trans achievements I made in that time don't matter because I wasn't on HRT, even if I know that's not true. :::

Fantastic. I managed to get 5 whole hours of sleep today instead of the usual 4.

::: spoiler mention of suicide NHS wait time for HRT: 8 years.
NHS wait time for killing yourself: idk a day probably.

Liberal democracies are a bane on the world and the soul of mankind :::

I keep thinking about Gale in breaking bad brewing the perfect coffee to take out the bitter taste with this advanced chemistry equipment and knowledge

The bitterness of coffee is kind of the point. Im not a "I want coffee flavored coffee damn it" style person, but I do like black coffee and I do like milk sugar lattes. When I drink a black coffee, the bitterness, the tannins, its all part of the point. Gale couldnt handle even the little bit of roughness in coffee, he was not going to last in the drug business. And he second Gus put him in finally, he fucking got merced so hard so quickly and he didnt even do anything wrong. Also, it was weird to see him in the wire when I saw it later lol

Okay chat, I finally got a chance to talk with my friend about helping me. Her big concerns were safety and legality, she wants to take me to Planned parenthood for an appointment so I talk to the doctor about everything (worried I might have some condition that makes me ineligible, tried explaining but its nbd). My only concern is I don't know how medical charts or anything works. I've let basically all my doctors talk to my parents about stuff, is this on a per doctor basis or is there one list of all my shit they can see? Or if I just don't give planned parenthood permission to share, then that's kept between me and them? And they won't tell my other doctors?

Also I still want to get diy so I have a supply and don't have to take an AA, anything I should say to her about that? Only thing I think she'd be worried about is legality and I know at least some vendors do not ship in the most professional packaging.

Also also rough idea of how much is this going to cost out of pocket?

Worst feeling of dysphoria i've felt in a year or something today, feel like shit

My wife refuses to kill the plant that attacked me because she hates me

I got the gender affirming nightgown (it's just a really sexy nightgown). Even sleeping makes me feel happy now.

wtf are you supposed to wear for summer?

People at work are finally starting to talk to me a bit. At first everyone kinda ignored me. Also (and don't ruin this for me) women complaining to me about men being creepy/pushy always feels nice, idk it feels kinda dumb now that I'm typing it out but that kind of thing has always felt like girl talk to me. Obviously sucks that men be that way,

Was bored and playing around with a gameboy camera filter and after messing with lighting and posing for awhile I accidentally took my most amazing picture ever. I look like I'm in a manga and I'm like one panel away from murdering someone in cold blood. I feel like my true soul has been captured.

Reject modernity. Embrace the gameboy camera.

im slowly approaching how i want to look. ive been losing weight and while im not super excited about gaining muscle, i prefer it to the fat. my hair also looks great, i have naturally curly textured hair and ive been cutting it in a short shag (i think? not sure about haircut names. it looks like rei ayanami's hair but not blue)

although i would like to be slimmer overall it is unfortunately not possible as far as i know. i have naturally broad shoulders and chest bones so no amount of weight loss will make me look less triangular.

I'm surprised I haven't seen any wild takes from conservatives or pro-Russia nazbols about Iran's (nuanced) trans rights, during this conflict.

::: spoiler need god I'd do anything for some real life attention. Someone to hold, to hold me... Go on dates with and love feel safe with and desired. I want it all so much right now. And I'm not getting any of it and don't know when (or if 😭) I will. ::: spoiler more explicit Really wanna sub for someone too.... Not that it's all about sex or anything... :::

awwwooooooo

Ahhhh i hate canceled plans its so upsetting when the schedule is disrupted ahhhhhh!!!! Even when its me disrupting the schedule its really upsetting ahhhhh!!!!

Idk at what point I'm allowed to start feeling awkward but asked friend for help and have been left on read for 3 hours. Feels like an easy thing to help me with out of all transition stuff idk...

edit: well, I guess not a hard no, she said it depends and she wants to talk next time we hang out. Supposedly Saturday. Guessing she won't be thrilled about diy (didn't explain much for opsec). fml etc etc

went to the thrift store and made a new friend, anyone have a good name for a llama?

People say that this is nice weather. Uh, no it isn't!

My sunscreen is melting off my face! Walking round's got me sweating like I just did a workout!

I am now a shameful owner of cryptocurrency since I want to grab a few vials of EEn as a backup. In the minutes after purchasing I have already lost 3% on my "investment." Should still have enough fine making the purchase, but I hope that the store I was going to purchase from doesn't run out of stock in the next couple of days before the hold is lifted I can actually spend it.

Buy cute hat online, ships same day, arrives next, doesn't fit.

Order correct size. 1 week radio silence. Argh!

sexual identity is weird because labels ostensibly have definitions but like, what terms to I "identify" with? what terms actually feel that, when said, represent me? somehow I identify with the terms straight, bi, and lesbian all at the same time, which just feels like being bi with extra steps, but that's just what tickles my brain in the right way

Shaved everywhere and feel great

My workplace holds a pride picnic at the office every year, but since the supreme court ruling (uk), many of the staff that attend are refusing as the company won't make a statement confirming it will not follow the "interim guidance" that would essentially ban our one (1) trans employee from using the toilets at the office, and encourage more to be at risk of harassment.

Since we WFH usually these social events are the only times many of us visit the office, but also how HR tries to lure us back since the CEO is subtly pro-RTO.

Since we're a subsidiary of a big insurance conglomerate, HR is trying to palm it off to them and saying they're "still discussing" the implications of following it or not. They've also tried to dangle a carrot in front of LGBT staff by saying they could organise a fundraiser to make the picnic "not just a token event", and avoided the reason AGAIN.

TLDR: I got added to the EDI (Bri'ish for DEI) slack channel where this was being discussed and wrote a massive statement about how the ruling was pseudoscientific bullshit that'll only make LGBT staff not wanna work here, and if they dont wanan work here neither will I.

I'm getting ma'amed by strangers more often and it's a weird feeling. Not that I'm complaining. It's great. I guess it's just very surprising to me

starting hrt technically. not the fun gender kind tho it's just supposed to give me periods which i just didnt get before. which was kinda gender affirming ngl but im kinda sick of randomly bleeding and rly dark body hair

I had a pretty amazing dream last night. I was the captain of a space crew of 5 being sent to a distant planet for the first time.

For unspecified reasons (maybe engine failure, time dilation issue, being overtaken by faster ships) we arrived later than anticipated, and other Earth humans with around our level of tech or slightly higher had already got there, only to disappear centuries before us and leave an abandoned space station in orbit and a facility on the ground.

We explored the ground station in space suits we had for the planet but got trapped and were going to die, the whole facility was suspended/perched precariously on the rim of a crater over lava. The air was toxic.

Then we were rescued by even more advanced humans and I awoke in a community in a terraformed crater with breathable air, green grass, trees and white and glass buildings.

The humans spoke English to us but stilted, as if we were talking Latin now (they had a modern language too). They gave me this sick white uniform, very Napoleonic era naval inspired.

They were kind of in awe of of us as ancient Human explorers. They had really long names and when they found out my short name (even by today standards) they were amazed.

But they absolutely lost their shit (positively) when they found out I was a trans woman. These future people had the gender binary. In fact even more than us, because they had gene therapy that could allow them to "treat" all trans and intersex in youth. (they also seemed to have a class system but not money/surplus extraction). So I was kind of like a mythical figure.

My town's Pride is happening today, which I'm excited about

The Fielder Method but for learning feminine mannerisms

the antipshycotic i take is lowering my estrogen levels, wich is good but now i want more low levels ;-;

i really hate being "they"'d but other gender neutral forms of endearment cause me to melt a little on the inside. "Honey" "Sweetie" "Dear", especially coming from an older woman is peak gender for me

Beyond that though, I really can't stand not being gendered and it's odd

Used to sign my emails "warm regards" or "kind regards", since transitioning it's "warmest regards" or "kindest regards", because you better believe those regards are kinder and warmer than when I thought I was a sad man.

I've always been a rice girl, but currently I'm in my pasta era

::: spoiler envy, dysphoria One neighbor woman who lives in the same building as me really stresses me out. The hair, the outfits, the walk... I'm pretty sure we were in school together, but I didn't see her really in the spring, so I thought she graduated and moved.

Anyway my assumption is "oh she's already heard stuff about me" because of how small the school is. Like, I know she's friends with the girlfriend of a classmate of mine. I'm like "she's heard about me, she has an opinion about me".

But she's really pretty and she always has friends hanging out and wears great outfits. I feel myself unable to speak. And like, what would I say, besides "may I have girl lessons please thank you" :::

:cat-newspaper: i should wear more futch

Went drinking after after a pride fest and ended up topless at the gay bar. First time being topless in public since growing tits. Hundreds of people saw them. It felt so good. Being seen as me is amazing

My hair kinda sucks right now, style-wise. There's not much I can do until my transplant area grows out except like get curtain bangs coming from above my hairline to hide the short hair. There's a style I wanted to try but I can't even think about for at least a whole year from now, probably longer

Could get a PP appointment this week. I'm so anxious. I'm always anxious now-a-days. I don't know what to do. Anxious about parents finding out. About more changes from T, about transitioning. About current events. I just want to lay down and give up. I clearly was not built for dealing with stress like this. I've been stressed. I don't know what I'm hoping for from people here. There's nothing to do to stop it and honestly I have no idea how I can minimize it. Goals I've been meaning to work towards but haven't I guess, not sure why I seemingly can't work on it. Fuck me. Back to stressing and survival mode I guess

Tommorow O_O

i have so many obvious grey hairs but i think they're kinda cute! they just look a bit out of place... if i'm going to dye my hair i don't just want to go brown or blonde, so i'm thinking i could lean into the grey a bit and go with like a silver vibe? i'm kinda scared that bleach will damage it but surely there's ways to avoid that?

Sonic Adventure is fr comfort gaming for me, I've no beer no money just a yt vid of the ost made in the style of a old vhs tape. One day I'll get back into sonic gaming but mean time gonna kick back and relax with the time I got

Going to a wedding next week and am trying to figure out how to make a suit more androgynous/femme. I'm out to most of my cousins, but I'm only really close to a few people in the family. Everything online suggests doing a dress, which I personally am not about

Want to learn Russian but idk where to start. I switched to F-droid and Aurora Store , so many apps relay on Play . May or may not finally buy T .

I Saw The TV Glow absolutely rules and it's been stuck in my head ever since I watched it on an airplane. I relate to it so much. The overbearing dad, being alone and unable to express or even describe your feelings about gender or identity. I really liked the moment where the main character looks back on his/her favorite childhood show only for it to seem goofy and cheesy, whereas before it seemed so raw and meaningful. Like we grow beyond stuff but it never truly leaves us, or maybe it's just leading us to deeper realizations about ourselves

Masterful film, 10/10, it fucking rips. More trans movies please.

My body frame sucks for wearing cute clothes, and yet I wear them anyway (at home).

I try to buy jewelry, but all the women's rings are the wrong sizes. There was a pretty cute butterfly ring that I wanted. But it didn't fit, and searching for sizes was getting awkward as I stood there with a friend (male) who doesn't know about me being trans in a store completely where only women were buying stuff from .

::: spoiler CW just in case: weight stuff I know I should be more accepting of my body, but I really do want to loose weight 🙃. Ain't nothing I can do about it cept getting off my bum and exercising. Ain't gonna ruin my health by going on some crazy diet. I don't stick to that shit anyways. Pointless to try. :::

::: spoiler medical stuff got referred to the cardiac ward at the hospital. the ECG nurse commented on my age falling quite significantly outside the normal demographic . the doctor was pretty nice (apart from wanting to shake my hand in the middle of flu season ), said from the get go that he didn't want to take me off any of my medications if they're working which was a big relief. had a look at my symptoms and said they all fit in the big overlapping Venn diagram of Autism+ADHD+POTS+EDS, referred me to get an echo done just in case there's anything serious, and prescribed me some shit that'll straight up just slow my heart down. i really fucking hope it works - i'm sick of doctors and specialists and waiting times and managing appointments and not knowing if i'm dying or just being a hypochondriac... i feel so burnt out but it's going to get so much worse in the next month or two :::

So looking forward for the day to end and coming back to bed cocooned with my plushies around me it's my self care routine after a long ass week of feeling dumb and embarrassed about stuff. Might dip into my clay masks and indulge in some cookies I got from the dollar store too while I'm at it.

What was the name of the gay underwater communism literature?

::: spoiler indirect genital piercing reference shitpost joke Canadian drag queen named Princess Alberta :::

Did anybody estradiol valerate go up in price recently?

I'm on a specialized anthem ppo and since 2 months ago I paid 45 for 20mg/ML for 5 mL

It just went up to 95 for me wtf

Thanks for the reminder. Plan to finally get around to watching TV glow sometime this month with my brother. Almost did yesterday, but account log-in issues. So we watched another gay movie instead. So tonight or next weekend!

mining or crafting?

Clothes shopping and nothing decent in my size 😔 there was this really cute jumperskirt and shirt combo but it was wayyyy too big for me. (like 20cm wider than my waist too big) Shame I had to leave it, but oh well, there'll be other dresses.

So I hear the passport situation is pretty fucked rn but anyone have experience getting a realid? Do I gotta change my birth certificate first, or will name change court order be fine? Idk how federal it is but I live in a blue state.

It always feels weird existing in public, at the gym rn did a plasma donation so just sticking to walking as I kill time till 3 when I got to pick up my mom. Might have to do with being in a different gym from my usual but idk

::: spoiler venting si Day ??? of wishing I was dead instead of living, survival instinct continuing to be my op. I know what all I have to go through and what I am now and it's not worth it. Can never get over the hump to actually finish it though so ig I'm just going to suffer all day at work ::: spoiler graphic I wish I could slit my wrists and bleed out

I love pretending to be okay :::

(referring to Blood in My Eye) theory is much quicker to read then I thought .

Sinc I have a sewing machine , I'm trying to thread it to make clothes but threading has so many steps.

28 Weeks Later is an allegory for the global war on terror, I won’t elaborate

::: spoiler negativity I hate my stupid life. I can't believe where and who I am. Thinking about my childhood and teen years, how was that me. How am I who I am now. What is happening. Why is this me. ::: spoiler depressing/climate change Saw this cute old couple at work today. Probably in their 70s. That will never be me. Very sad to think about. The world is going to be an inferno by that point.

Spending my best years wasting away, hating my life, dysphoric, suffering, all the things. How miserable. And then dying early, if not by myself then climate change. As if either of those are good options. :::

cw mention of dysphoria ::: spoiler spoiler I hate how I look and what my body does but am paranoid about hormones , if I buy them from RxAisle, will the packaging be discreet? :::