Just got gendered correctly by complete strangers at work while en masc and not putting effort into my voice. I made it. Actually almost crying now that I'm at my desk.

had a conversation the other day that's still weirding me out a little. i was walking back from the shop when this random woman called out to me, "why have you got the side of your head shaved?" i responded, "because i like it that way." and she was like, "well i don't like it."

i'm sorry for not asking you?? next time i change up my hair i'll be sure to consult some random woman on a bench

::: spoiler This week's gay post is really gay. ::: spoiler Have you made sure the volcel cops haven't tailed you? The bruises she left on my neck and my shoulder are still visible, proving that the things that happened on Saturday weren't just a dream. I wonder if the marks i left when i bit her and when the whip wrapped around her hips are still there, too. And i still get this nice, fuzzy glow when i think of how i looked across the room, checking out the girl my gal pal had just undressed, and she gave me that wonderful backwards glance, that look that said "hey, i really appreciate how you appreciate my ass" when our eyes met. I remember the smell of the coconut oil that got everywhere, i remember the soft, squishy boobs of that nice American girlthing, i remember how those of us who were still awake talked revolution until the sun was high up in the sky after we had formed that big pile of happy lesbians on the sofa. I remember waking up next to my lovely gal pal, how us talking about our crushes suddenly removed all the little insecurities i had built up over the last months. I'm so full of joy and so full of love for all these beautiful, cool as hell people i have in my life now. :::

I expect almost nothing from my dad, but he didn't even wish me happy birthday yesterday

pov you're reading a reddit comment:

as he said above, man bro dude king brother

I FUCKING HATE TRANS LIBS WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TRANS AND STILL SO FUCKING STUPID AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

buy something from ebay

check USPS tracking

Shipping Partner: AMAZON

Vote with you’re wallet

Well I think the algorithms are catching on to my transition since now they’re advertising female hair loss products instead of male hair loss products

Reached the annoying stage of healing from a surgery where you can start doing some normal returning to every day life things, but then you need to sleep for 12 hours.

The other day I held the door open for two cops my natural response to want to help people lead me to acting before I saw who I was opening the door for. My kindness is a weakness gonna go on a new arc soon

I love being trans

I love being a transmasc lesbian 🥰

So, as an update, I am planning to move in with my beau, but that's be after my current lease/job contract expires at the end of July so we have plenty of time to be completely firm on that and develop our relationship. So, it will not be after just one date (we'd been talking for weeks and had a video date as well anyways). I don't know why I feel the need to justify this, but I do.

I know it's corny, but it's fun being in love.

I'd like to spend as little time as possible talking to cis people.

DICTATORSHIP OF THE QUEER

Chat, we did it! A date is scheduled! And we talked for like 6 hours straight again today

incoherent dysphoria venting, just imagine me going off about it in your head

Why the fuck has noone ever told me how much of a gamechanger hair gel is for curly hair?
I’ve been struggling with keeping my hair under control for more than 15 years. But even though I’ve made quite some progress, I still was never able to prevent them from turning into a frizzy mess sooner than later, which has always made me pretty dysphoric.

But now, a big source of dysphoria gone, just like that. All thanks to a bit of sticky goo.

I feel so pretty now.

::: spoiler transphobia, libs God I love when I vent my frustrations about my transphobic mother and someone immediately both sideses me with a "it's so shitty that she's refusing to hear your side of things but at the end of the day the difference between sex and gender is a new theory and the decision on whether or not to use your name and pronouns is hers to make" :::

Gender 2 is gonna be released soon, need to preorder it

My Visa has been approved

I got an interview tomorrow!

It should be a breeze, its a place I was at as a nursing student. Managers still recognized my name, and my old nursing staff teachers wrote me a reference. I still gotta make sure my STAR scenarios are good and I came up with some hopefully interesting questions to ask them.

Discord bloops should be banned in videos, I start listening to whatever dumb analysis and hear a bloop and think surely it's one of my online friends only to see nothing and realize I been bamboozled

I wish I could look in the mirror and see a girl

im back

Good news: I'm closing with just me and the (suspected) boymoder.

Bad news: idk how to have conversations or make friends :kitty-cri:

E really sneaks up on you. I walked past the mirror this morning and was like “damn when did my ass get that fat?”

I experimented a bit with eyeliner. It was fun

Some random 8 year old girl was just hard staring at me while I ordered my coffee. My usual experience is that I pass very well, but now I'm starting to doubt, was I just clocked by a literal child??

Foreshadowing is a literary device

Its been about a month since I got my haircut, and now that its grown a little I've realised that rn my hair is exactly what I wanted when I was a little kid. Only took like 20 years but I got it, eventually. Nowadays I like it longer, but it's still nice to be at this length from time to time, and I love my current style regardless. It's cute and a little boyish but in a femme way and I love it.

up with trans

::: spoiler I’m gonna look at myself tomorrow tho I fear I won’t like what I’ll see and I will never want to leave the house again and I’ll feel like a fucking idiot thinking about all the times I went out in public in girlmode and want to do bad things :::

How it feels to skip lectures.

down with cis

naruto would be better if naruto was a woman and sasuke was a woman and. shikamaru was a woman and neji was a woman

Waitress complimented my hair in a very sweet way and asked if it was my natural color Very uplifting after the staring child incident

Ugh, now I gotta find a roommate and/or a new place to live cause I got hired. What a pain in the ass

I will never be as pretty as Princess Peach

Political girl power grows out of a barrel of a gun

Is it corny to get a shoulder bag with flowers the colors of the trans flag

Oh my god, she messaged me back!! She did just have a situation come up, lol.

Although I've really gotten a lot better at flirting and stuff like that recently, I remain a dumb anxious bitch lol

Was watching a tiktok where this one lady was explaining how bad hetro dating has been getting among the zoomers. Perverts/dehumanizing behavior etc I think it might have to do with all the sexism. Shit seems grim for straight women fr I do not envy them one bit

Got done with a game night with friends and just feel... really bad? Like i had a good time, and they want me there, but i also feel so unwelcome, talked over, and like i just shouldnt be there. Like i have nothing to contribute, im just a set dressing.

Lays chips fucking suck. Wy too fucking greasy for a chip, very bland flavor compared to all other brands

Any other brand of BBQ potato chip is better than lays

::: spoiler horny Well, not really. I wasn’t as lucky as EstraDoll, unfortunately.

Shoving prog up my bum just left me with this warm, fuzzy feeling, which is nice, but not what I was hoping for. Seems like my libido will continue to be shy for a while and then suddenly come at me in full force out of nowhere. But it’s been over two weeks now and I’m kinda missing my hornyness.

Oh, well. Guess I just have to be more patient then. :::

::: spoiler sad venting

I'm working on this new bit where instead of sighing and saying I want to die, I sigh and say I dont want to feel like this

so thats something :::

under communism omegaverse where the man is the alpha and the woman is the omega will be made illegal

We sentence you to a fate worse than death

You shall henceforth be a redditor, for eternity less a day.

Thinking about creating a witch coven but i don't believe in witches it just sounds cool

Oh damn I've heard of sword lesbians

Love wearing cute nails, but I definitely underestimated how much harder anything that involves using myfingers would be Like opening a soda can or doing the buttons on my blouse is kind of tricky now, hope it gets better with practice

Bought some press on nails today, can't wait to try them on tomorrow i watched like 4 tutorial videos and it doesn't seem that hard, but i'll pick up some cuticle remover before I try putting them on

Bad brain is gone!!!

All hail normal level of anxiety brain!

gold star bisexual

::: spoiler dysphoria + mentions of suicide conceptually I’d hoped if I looked in the mirror I would see a girl, but instead I saw a boygirl-thing.
I saw if Harry Potter was a boygirl-thing.

I kind of hate my lower face, I don’t think it’s anything too manish, but there is something off about it and my lips are weird and I don’t know how to rest them and I just feel like an awkward freak.

I don’t want to completely kill myself I guess…I feel like I could potentially look again. Maybe getting used to myself and learning more about make up and hair will fix things…idk.

I don’t know how to feel right now, I don’t know how confident I am to keep girlmoding or not.
I was expecting to either be blown away and happy or just want to cry and jump out a window…but instead I am just in this weird middle place and idk how to process it.

:::

Finally, a mega topic I can relate to

I'm quite worn out, but hopeful I can lock in for my interview later.

Why is Queer Eye still just gay men?
Like…I get originally, but like throw in a lesbian and a trans girl or something at this point.

day 7 of new name choosing.

reached the summit in Celeste (first playthrough, with my name in game set to one of the names i was considering), excited to play more of the game but aooaugh that means its time to decide how I feel about that name, now thats its been on some kind of journey with me. I cant say I'm certain I'll use the name forever but thats perfectly fine, and at a few points in the game realizing "oh yeah, ill have to tell my friends this name" had me sob relieved tears. so I've gone ahead and used the name for the external deadline that inspired this week of intense consideration, and next will tell my friends.

and yeah Celeste definitely joins my small list of really-important-to-me games

Watched a vid on pregnant luigi fan art, I ain't linking that very NFSW and too many CW to write out but it was very illuminating

Meant to do some shit last week but haven't had a good day so haven't done it. Not going to do it today either. Uh hopefully soon though. I'm sure any day now I'll be able to. Ignore the other shit that I haven't done in months. Any day now.

Just asked my crush out and she felt the same way! I am nervous because it complicated, as I have not done polyamory before, but think that it will be a lot of fun.

I've grown out of being ashamed of being a freak/weirdo the joy I get out of my special interests far out weigh my old inhibitions. I squealed a bit earlier when I saw a furry's paw mitts that shit is so dope

Makin' ramen, maybe itll help (idk wtf the emote is but its called soup and ramen is soup)

::: spoiler More new thoughts My brain's going through all the fantasies of having a child again. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the reason I have this baby fever now after 5 years of having no interest in kids at all might be because I stopped tutoring a month ago. Like I find teaching kids fulfilling and now that I that I'm not doing it anymore I want my own kid to fill it? Idk. I don't mind having these daydreams of having a little family since I think they're very sweet and cute, I just find it odd how they started so suddenly.

::: spoiler Specifics I really like the idea of having just one kid to pour all the love towards, but then I think about how I tend to be very busy and worry about them getting lonely, so I think two might be better. Plus if it's two then hypothetical wife and I can each hold onto one while we watch movies as a family so none of us feel left out and everyone's cozy. Maybe twins would be ideal, but obviously that's unlikely so I shouldn't hold out for it.

God and they'd be sooooooooo cute too! I was already an adorable child and I bet they'd be even cuter. Maybe one's got my dark blond and the other is a ginger like my mother. Or maybe they take after hypothetical wife and I can see her hypothetical pretty face in them all the time...

::: spoiler Sad But I also feel like all of these are kinda superficial and shitty reasons to want kids. I'd probably be a bad parent. I'm too much like my mother. Stubborn, prideful, controlling, I'd probably hurt them in some emotional way. And I don't want to. I don't want to hurt them at all. But how I am right now, it probably would happen. I'm not equipped to have kids at all, so why should I daydream about it so much.

Maybe some day I will be though. But I've still got a long way to go. And for now... The daydreams are nice. :::

You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm hot, y'all don't have to stare so much." I think to myself as people keep eyeing at me weirdly

Recent dream has showed me if I simply I'd be able to convene with the spirits and be even more powerful talked to fire btw and SHE so

i think grey hair is cool because you can dye it really easily actually

::: spoiler volcel investigation in progress I must've built up a bit of a reputation with the weekend's gay escapades. Now the GF of one of the cuties i played with is in my DMs and we're talking kink preferences and are planning a date. I mean, we always were lowkey into each other, and it was always clear that what she's into requires a kind of soft domming that's kind of my specialty, but nothing beyond a few headpats ever came off it. And then we met in VC yesterday and immediately started hitting it off super hard and i can't help but wonder what her GF told her about me lmao. :::

::: spoiler incredibly dumb shitpost, genital piercing mention took a wrong turn in Albuquerque and winded up on Prince Albert Island instead of Prince Edward Island, and boy, is my dick tired

:::

Turns out the blinding pain of change wasn't worse than the quiet torture of inertia.

I don’t think I like the shampoo/conditioner they use at the hair cutter.

i don't know how much more energy i have any more. i am so tired and being an out and open trans woman who doesn't at all pass is so very hard

It is very achievable, and desirable to many, to get a big butt. Getting a small butt? Much harder. And that is sad. Small butts must be lionised

I don’t know how to enjoy any media anymore.
I can’t watch videos, I can’t play games.
Seeing normal people makes me depressed.

For some reason I was worried that my partner wanted to stay in the town they were living in long term, and that we'd have to make tough choices if I got an out of state job offer, but they clarified that they also want to get out of this shithole state so that is one anxiety I can discard.

Now I just need to get a permanent position.

One day I swear I got a feeling my nephew is gonna trans to niece. I talked to them before about this stuff and they got a lot of signs but I don't know how soon it'll be. They alongside their younger brother and mom moved out to texas and are living with some more conservative family members. Idk if I'm just thinking too much of things that might not be there but idk.

Tonight I'm a soy drinking choccy milk having piss baby and that's... alright 😑

::: spoiler dysphoria weather's getting nice and warm and sunny and I'm just dreading needing to wear shorts and short sleeve shirts feeling awful about my body

I don't wanna have to take off my hoodies and pants that make my butt look good

I can't find the hair removal cream that actually worked for me and thinking about having to wear short sleeves and shorts with how gross I feel about my body hair makes me just wanna become a hermit again

I should just shave but it's so much and so dispiriting and uncomfortable and feeling shitty about it in the first place drains me of the energy I'd need to actually go through with it all

:::

Sees human kibble article looks inside to see it's just basic meal prep here I thought the doggirls would finally won one yall gonna have to get your bachelorette chow elsewhere

I’m currently looking for more nail stamping plates and came across this:

::: spoiler spoiler :::

Am I imagining things, or is this actually Lenin’s face on the right side?

Having a bad brain day and could really use a hug

::: spoiler anxiety starting work at a new place that'll hopefully continue after the summer vacation is over and i feel awful, i already took a pill for anxiety and that shit is working too fucking slowly. i wish i could have like normal reactions to anxiety inducing things instead of whatever the fuck this is

::: spoiler suicidal ideation just wanna die tbh, would be so much easier goddamnit

:::

::: spoiler horny Fuck I wanna pounce on a trans guy RIGHT FUCKIN NOW :::

I remember trying to get through some judith butler and thinking this is some advance gender stuff. I can appreciate nuanced discussions of course but sometimes my brain is I'll give myself some credit tho got through 1/3 of gender troubles at least when I started it. Gonna have to restart it but it'll only make my brain stronger

I played a one shot of thirsty sword lesbians, set in a steampunk setting, and really liked it. I love the "string" system, where you can have something on another player character or npc (knowledge/shared past/ etc.) and use it to "pull their strings". It can be used in a friendly, supportive way too.

::: spoiler mental health My anxiety is through the roof :( I’ve been getting a little bit more in touched with my feelings through therapy but right now I just can’t pinpoint the source of my anxiety at all. I feel completely dissociated and without emotion but there clearly is something because my body is having an extreme stress reaction. :::

we lost to the news mega, we didn't post beep hard enough

I was too sad to mention Friday Rice yesterday

::: spoiler bad mental health, suicidal ideation ::: spoiler also work stress related stuff

so found out my current limit for stress, and it was this current job. spent the last night crying in bed, eventually fell asleep and woke up with an elevated heart rate and suicidal ideations. did a tearful call to the boss to thankfully get moved into a less stressful familiar place after two days in the new place. god i wish i had like normal responses to these things and was not so messed up :::

I was so excited to finally live my life, but now I feel more lost than ever

I'm not just feeling cute. I AM cute

What do you think is the worst food you could possibly deepfry?

First full week of work just about done, feeling great now actually. Turns out, I might, shockingly, actually be good at leading people. I can't believe this. It's not like they hired me to do this or something. Nuh uh. This is totally unexpected. /s

Been watching this furry chick dance on Redbook and idk large furry masks are a lot easier to look at than not. Prob my more than anything

four today!!

::: spoiler alpha bro talk You're either a leader or a breeder. Stop pumping it in the wind and start pumping it at the gym :::

Platypus

What fictional character made you go "oh hmm hang on I'm not cis maybe"? For me it was Kris Deltarune. I saw them eating moss and being nonbinary and I was like. Hmm. Yes. I can get behind that

My tummy hurts

Tbh I have like 0 interest in Thirsty Sword Lesbians, I own it like 4 times over from various bundles but the strongest emotion it elicits in me is just a "neat" that it exists, everything else about it is just, whatever. Compared to other queer PbtA games like Flying Circus being early 20th century airplanes while somehow being crunchy despite being PbtA, TSL just doesn't really have anything beyond the queerness and Utena parallel to draw me in. Doesn't help that romantic rp is very hit or miss.

::: spoiler volcel posting genuinely shocked at how great my ass looks from HRT. holy shit, was there always this much cake back there or did all the E just move everything straight to my ass ASAP? either way I'm still genuinely a bit shocked looking at it and I know damn well it's only getting thicker from here

like wtf, i've been losing a ton of weight recently, imagine how much I'll have when I cycle back up :::

::: spoiler mention of sex/kink What is it about T4T and biting? I mean this non-derogatively: cause me and my partner are both into it and I see a lot of other people in the thread into it as well. :::

I remember looking at Thirsty Sword Lesbians when it dropped. I had just freshly watched Utena and started getting into Rose Of Versailles; but havent had a drive to play d&d much for the past 5-7 yrs -- so I ended up not trying it 😔 but I do love testing out systems with my wife.

awwww yeah shitpostin the 420th comment lol

::: spoiler spoiler I don't know what is wrong. It just hurts really badly. :::

Its a new day and I am yet again mispronouncing words intentionally and unintentionally while my wife is both concerned and amused by my antics.

::: spoiler doomer dysphoria suicide I’ve been operating on cope (hope?) for so long.
I was sure if I just lost a bit of weight, or went on a higher dose of E, got some laser or did my makeup…that’d I’d like myself.
That I would see a girl in the mirror worth fighting for.
But I don’t.

So what’s the next cope? Maybe I should gain some weight? Weight cycle. Get even better at makeup.
Maybe just a bit more laser.
Surely I just have to keep moving and eventually it will all fall into place /s

This all feels like it’s inevitably leading to the point where I’ve done everything, tried everything and I’m still just as much of a freak as I was before.
And then I know the only thing there will be left to do. :::

::: spoiler depression talk, basically just a stream of conciousness ramble its wild that i can feel myself changing, because you generally dont notice how much you change until later, but i can feel myself coming out of depression. ive only just realised how bad a place i was in. i was really socially isolated, i barely did anything with my time, i felt like i only had a few hours in a day where i could be "productive" and the rest of that was just devoted to doing or being on autopilot. and while i was going through it i didnt realise how unhealthy that was. but now i do, and i can feel myself wanting to be more productive, and more social, and have more time in the day to be a real person. im still not where i want to be. my biggest problem is my serious weed addiction. but i want to overcome that problem now, whereas before it didnt. it felt like a lifeline, now it feels like i dont need it anymore. dammit ive lived up to the depressed stoner stereotype. but i can recognise that that's bad, and i'm in a better place now! like i actually feel a lot lighter, and thats crazy! :::

Fruity, but not a fruit mega

end of an era

People asking me what I've been up to but gender is still like 95% of my brain capacity. Uh I think I played a video game yesterday?

Can someone tell me if this is something or help me understand this

::: spoiler dysphoria I feel like feeling dysphoric and unsafe in other ways is correlated somehow. I'm not sure which comes first or if its different sometimes. But like, earlier I was feeling scared/unsafe about my family potentially finding out about my being trans and then I felt my bottom dysphoria a lot more then I was before. And a lot of the time I'm feeling dysphoric, I also worry about like how I will be perceived or the general transphobia of society. I don't know, maybe I'm not making sense I'm just trying to understand this a bit- earlier it really felt like one lead to the other and idk maybe its a more generalized problem. Maybe its just gender feelings leading to other gender feelings I have.

Also things are a bit foggy right now so sorry if this is a weird post :::

It has been a week and my boss has already clocked my victorian romance lead vibes

::: spoiler weed, disordered eating, fitness Wanted to go to the gym today but my back's messed up so I didn't

Got really stoned and ate 6 mini cupcakes instead

🧁 🧁 🧁 🧁 🧁 🧁

I mean I did go for a walk earlier and did my PT so there's at least that but jfc

:::

I post on social media saying I'm hot af and people demand a photo, I say no since I got nothing to prove to them

Do you know the right way do properly test the purity of your grey market or homebrew HRT? Obvious. Ranma spectrometry.

I joked about my double serve of pronouns, but I don't know how to make it just one, I can change the second set but not delete it.

Was feeling a boundless love for my friends and family earlier, still feeling it but also sleepi I pray everyone I love has sweet dreams too

::: spoiler very horny good lord i boofed my prog instead of doing it orally for once last night and oh Venus I am fucking feeling it now :::

I feel like I should write a romance novel despite having so little experience. I feel like I'd be good at writing the coyness and angst. And it just seems fun.

::: spoiler nsfw Not to mention how apparently I'm quite good at writing smut... :::

FUCK mcr is amazing, the only reason I don't listen to them as much as I used to is because these hoes won't release NEW MUSIC

anyone else get weirdly into blaseball when that was a thing or nah?

I just stumbled on my old Hellmouth Sunbeams cap today so I'm curious

Making (chicken) noodle soup yum yum yum, the "chicken" is pressed and cooked off tofu. I dunno how to represent the stringy side of animal chicken in tofu, it being tougher is the best I got

Mirepoix base, vegetable broth, onion broth base, rotini, tofu, quinoa, little cut in half grape tomato at the end, gonna give some to my mom - she's been sick

I wish I could fall asleep before my wife

From an old interview with the Dragon Quest 3 creator:

Interviewer: In Dragon Quest III, if you select a female Hero, in the beginning your Mom says, “I’ve raised you as a boy”… I remember thinking, wow, what a crazy home. (laughs)

Horii: In Dragon Quest IV, the dialogue doesn’t change that much whether you pick a male or female character. People did complain about that in DQIII (that there weren’t enough differences), so we had intended to include more places where it differed… but I just never got around to it. (laughs)

DQ3 hero is trans confirmed.

::: spoiler New thoughts I'm starting to change my mind a little on having bio kids from a 'hopefully not, I'd rather adopt' to a 'if my partner wants one... 👉👈' and I don't know how to feel about that given I also still have my weird bottom dysphoria and I think I'd be a bad mother...

Lesbian pregancy seems kinda cute and sweet though and then having little kids and they call me maman and my hypothetical wife mommy and aaaaaaaaaa it's too cute in my head.

I may have read one too many halimede posts. :::

Scheduled intake with a psych to get eval for adhd and maybe autism and hopefully get medication or help or something.

::: spoiler cw doomer Im not made for this world. The way it moves, its colors shapes and sounds... they arent made for me, nor i them. Theres no resources for me. I cant get a job, and im just waiting it out at this point, waiting until the resources i do have are dried up and its all over. I just want out of this world. :::

::: spoiler smoking

I havent had any cigs today! But im so close to going and buying a pack. The cravings are unreal. Ive had 2 in the past 3 days, before that i was smoking ¼-½ a pack a day. Idk if i need to taper more but fuck me these cravings are going harrrdddddd :::

Most days I'm like "yeah yeah I'm gonna be all badass and butch and cool" and then an errant day will come along (today) where I'm just like "I just wanna be squishy and cute "

My face is kind of irritated so I am gonna wait to shave and apply ointment, but that means I am just in a limbo for the next day or two.

I am coping really hard imagining it’s not as bad as I think, but I have no way to confirm.

I wish I was like Mickey and could make the laundry do itself

I don’t know how to say this without it sounding like a meme, but I kind of hate my philtrum.

On Sunday I matched with a rad girl, we chatted for like 6 hours, we really hit it off. Said we were gonna talk more the next day.

And then on Monday, nothing. Chat, it's it over for me?

a lot of deeply buried childhood religious trauma resurfacing tonight 🫠

I don't know if I left the pot of soy on the stove on or not and I'm too comfy to go check... guess I'll do it for the soy tho

::: spoiler bad family stuff, bad mental health, addiction Dad had a fall (stroke?) and went to the ICU

Thought I was done with all of it already mentally since he's been awful and declining a lot for years now but I'm still more fucked up by it than I thought I'd be

Had like 3 months dry and relapsed and got cigs again too

I feel really bad about it, mostly for disappointing my best friend that's been really helpful helping me stay on the wagon

I just want this awful part of my life to finally be over

I want to be able to say I hope things will get better from here but idk

I hate how I can spend my whole life seeing the worst example of "here's why you shouldn't become an alcoholic" and still can't shake it for good

Real nurture/nature conundrum :::

::: spoiler mental health, alcohol I think drinking too much lately threw off my brain chemistry or something and now my baseline anxiety feels a lot higher and it's overwhelming and exhausting

Just having a constant ambient dread of "something bad's about to happen" that doesn't need to make sense to still make me all tense and like my heart rate is too high :::

Spooky witch players be like: I’ve hooked up 67 lesbians, including 5 polycules. Where the fuck is my fireball?

The downside to injections is your leg hurts for a day or two after

i'm turning your golf course into a park and there's nothing you can do about it

Cant go back to conventional potato chips after having enough kettle chips

::: spoiler kinda horny? Idk not really Does anyone else find some things really attractive and it's not like a fetish or particularly weird, but it's just unusual enough to raise an eyebrow.

Like yeah boobies and penis and vagina and butts and pecs and so on are hot, but a bare back? hoohoo a bare back is a very attractive thing

:::

smoke

as it turns out, snow halation is good even without any siivagunner edits

If I get reincarnated or whatever
I wanna be a horsefly
Bite people for their blood
Never give in until I die

Waiting on for the dub for season 2 of apothecary diaries to finish before I jump back in, seeing it should be done in july so I wait

Last night the only dream I can remember was one of my scripts firing and seeing the command line output. I read and and thought to myself it exceeded the rate limits and probably silently failed. When I woke up I checked and yes its working fine as far as I can tell.

When I slide in them DMs I don't ever forget about asking who I'm talking to about their opinion on it's merely a reminder that they should go play . All I'm saying had I thrown my hat into the ring earlier the console wars would have gone much more differently

Out of all my time being online I've been told to read Spinoza twice, once by some friends and once by an AI idk about this emoji it's the first thing that came up when I checked the emojis for spinoza

::: spoiler deadnaming, sort of? so I finished my voice training course, and they sent me like a little "graduation certificate" which is cute and whatever... but they got my name wrong on it, they put the incorrect last name. So now I'm sitting here anxious trying to not feel like a troublesome asshole or whatever for being like "heey, can you give me one with my actual correct name on it?" :::

::: spoiler weight I’m so close to hitting my goal weight, but I’m honestly thinking of putting some back on.I’m not completely happy with my body, but I don’t hate it and my latest cope is weight cycling.

Pretty much the entire time I’ve been on this higher dose of estrogen I’ve been losing weight and now I’m thinking maybe it’s been keeping it from being as effective as it could be, but the idea of taking even more time to reach my goal and actively getting farther away from it also makes me feel weird.

Honestly don’t really know what to do or how to do it. :::

I’m gonna have to call my bank to get this money situation sorted

My bed time is getting earlier and earlier and yet I crave more sleep. Haven't slept so much since I was a teen

Tired of feeling tired

Just worn out in general

Me being a dirtbag leftist drinking the last of the soy milk out the carton I'm such a piece of shit fr

🎶boom boom boom boom
I want you in my room
We'll spend the night together
From now until forever🎵

I don't beta read anything I write since I'm an alpha

beep

Lego star wars was probably the only thing I know that managed to answer to me what moisture farming is in any star wars media

The Truman Show is a trans allegory.

Discuss.

why do transwomen (and people) and computer go together so much?

four

nothing wrong with me

Did my 3rd injection today (IM with 1 inch needles) and uhhh I didn’t notice until after I was done that there’s a bit of blood in the syringe

::: spoiler CW for blood

:::

What are the chances I fucked up and accidentally injected into a blood vessel? strangely I didn’t see any blood coming out after removing the needle, which did happen the first couple times

we haven't had proper rain since like march

They gave a fuckin "caught washing her hair naked in the sunlight" scene. just wanted to share.

i added my mouse cursor to it :)

AI can be entertaining sometimes

Ngl chat I like my old initials. Hate the name but the initials are very asthetic and feel good. My new name is my favorite thing ever though so 🤷 can't have it all

If I could just fix the lower half of my face we would be cooking tbh

Platonic pro or Pareto patsy? Local neurotic girl with lots of friends responsible for organizing 90% of social events.

Yuri

Just learned my voice is deeper on call than real life, thought it was the opposite and I at least had a deeper voice irl thing is I get ma'am'd and Ms'd a lot on the phone so trying to process this.

So tired and feel really weak and achy today

Two body washes I got are pumpkin spice and bubble gum both pretty solid for washing my stank ass and stank bod. Got them at the dollar store, actually have a couple pumpkin spice ones since they seasonal

::: spoiler spoiler Every time I think about starting hrt I cry and I don't even know why or what emotions are there and idk how to move past it. Its not a happy cry. Its a cry that makes me want to not do it. Maybe it is just fear. But I don't know. Was just thinking about it and cried I guess. Back to not thinking. :::

I started watching Velma, I'm enjoying it.

Do people really think it was that bad? Or was it one of those things everyone watched and so everyone had an opinion on? Peeping old twitter discourse there's a lot of people who have very strong opinions on cartoons, which gives me pretty bad vibe tbh

Very much gives me the same impression that the new simpsons is bad, which I'm just discovering is moat likely because there's lots of gay shit, and episodes about women

sorry i mean: Where dog? Shaggy no eat food!

Twice now my algo has presented to me what I thought was a normal lad only for their accent to slip into italian american speak I've no clue why I'm falling down this rabbit hole

Good Mythical Morning opening:
Rhett (she/her): Can we change genders?
Link (they/she): Lets talk about that

::: spoiler Dorley Spoilers. I enjoy the humour that... ...they are like "Steph we never had a trans girl, well okay Melissa but she didn't tell us, and I guess Vicky but she didn't know, okay in hindsight Tabby too, but wait someone else in your intake is trans too?" :::

Late night yearning hits different

I had my E results for a while, but my T came in as well: 384 pg/mL E2 at midweek (i.e., peak), and 12 ng/dL T. I am currently on 5 mg/week EV IM (although I tend to err on the side of overdrawing when doing my injections, so actual dosage is probably in the 5 - 6 mg range), and on 100mg/day spiro. I get my GAC at planned parenthood, so getting ahold of my provider isn't super straightforward, but I am wondering if it makes sense to look at cutting back on the spiro (like dropping to 50 mg/day)? This was my first check-in for 3 months at this dosage, so maybe I should just wait until the next check-in to see if everything is stable.

Got some sleep

Had a weird dream

Tummy hurts still

::: spoiler spoiler Scale said I lost weight then I double checked and I gained weight then I saw my shadow and what my shoulders look like. Think I’m just gonna rot in bed. :::

I'm like a Custodes from 40k in that as I continue to live and grow stronger in power and acclaim I gain more and more titles and descriptors, except instead of like "Shield of the Emperor" or "Queller of Chaos" or something lame like that mine are like "cyborg giantess lesbian catgirl."

They brought back the hostess subgame from yakuza 0 into kiwami 2, I spent the last of my time in 0 just doing all the hostess stuff only for it to comeback here again at least getting to dress up all the hostess is still fun seeing them in their cute outfits is fun just doing it for the stats I reassure you not because I'm envious on the money issues or the fashion side of things

Chad chad's new vid on new era of alpha males is pretty enlightening, turns out I've been on that grindset this whole time minus all the bottled water. I go to sleep at 7 pm and wake up at 3 am I'm not getting old just been turning into an alpha

My partner shared pics/vids of the guillotine that their queer org made to the (kinda lib) support group/network discord I invited them to, and while I am a bit nervous that the mods might throw a fit,

Tax heaven 3000 I feel was probably just ahead of it's time, if the incels in DOGE actually wanted to help people instead of being edgelords cutting services I could have seen AI waifu/husbandos helping people with their tax returns. It would have ended in disaster because don't trust AI but I'm partial to good but stupid moves vs evil and stupid moves from the government

I need to figure out how to play music in one ear and the other ear for my wonderful lovely friends who I love dearly because I keep associating them with music.

::: spoiler depression, hopelessness, dysphoria Nothing can fix my situation. The pain. I'm ruined. There's nothing to do but accept it. I don't want to. I ha e things I want to do, to finish, to try. ::: spoiler self harm Going to cut myself and see if that helps. It's hurts so bad and is so hopeless. I just can't. There's nothing to do. Why is this my life. Just pain. Ruined. It hurts all the time. What is there to do.

I remember being like 10 or 11 and how hopeful everyone around me seemed to be for my future. A d now here I am. Hopeless. A failure. In a ruined corpse waiting to die. Why did this happen. :::

I was looking for new nail stamping plates to get a few more, but ended up buying a pack of 20 + 12 more colours because they were really cheap.

I can already feel the creativity flowing through my veins, but I think I might have overdone it a bit.

WHY IS MY FACE SO WEIRD!!??

Ate a burrito so hot I could barely handle it 😮‍💨

I need to make a Galatea to live with me in a tiny cheap apartment in the same bed and make her work a couple shifts a week to split the rent. Don't even care if she covers utilities or food.

My current favorite dystopian sci fi comedy show is watching Star Amerasu

New Gender Theft Auto trailer just dropped