hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

the list as it stands:

Eco* (4/21 - 4/27)
EstraDoll* (4/28 - 5/4)
SadArtemis* (5/5 - 5/11)
yewler* (5/12 - 5/18)
AshenWolf* (5/19 - 5/25)
oscardejarjayes* (5/26 - 6/1)
AshenWolf* (6/2 - 6/8)
PeeNutButtHer (6/9 - 6/15)
GayTuckerCarlson (6/16 - 6/22)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

cw: suicide

::: spoiler spoiler yesterday i found out my ex girlfriend (trans) killed herself. we had a horrible breakup 10 years ago and she treated me terribly and I cut off all contact. i hate how she just became another trans suicide statistic, but despite all that I still weep for her.

:::

1 year anniversary of being trans on hexbear.net

edit: come to think of it, i was posting on the trans mega for a couple weeks before making this account. i've been trans on hexbear for a little longer than this

Cried myself to sleep last night, woke up, took meds, ate breakfast, cried myself to sleep on the couch.

Doing pretty great here

How about trans day of invisibility, where no one can see me and I can commit all the crime I want to

Cis people really don't get it do they

i don't want to have to spend my life just fighting to exist but I guess I just don't have that option

the horrors persist but so do i

Wow, it's been a while. Hi traa!

fuck im old

they should rename greece to south macedonia and macedonia to north greece

that way no one's happy

I love trans people, I love people who take their self-expression into their own hands and do what makes them happy.

I miss when the trans mega was booming

My boobs are finally affecting how my tops drape

I'm actually really worried about the future here in the US, I've got no money/skills so I can't up and move but I really don't want to end up on an RFK ""wellness""farm or in an El Salvadorian prison. It's not looking to good out here for an autistic trans woman

Am I freaking myself out over nothing? Should I be this worried? What can I even do?

Being off testosterone is so bad for my mental state yet I can’t afford it. Shit fucking sucks and I hate my life

holy fuck i'm two weeks sober now?

it's been years since I've been able to claim that

down with the cis

Holy shit, so I just randomly ran into a friend from more than a decade ago and caught up a bit and it was really sweet and crazy unlikely and I was a whole ass different person when we were last friends and he was super sweet and positive about it and I have a lot of feelings about it and am kinda overwhelmed

Got a haircut today and omg I love it I love my new bangs I love the deliberate messiness I love the way it frames my face I love the volume that I didn't think my hair could even do I love how it's short but still distinctly femme I love how it looks with my overall fashion I love it I love it I love it, been several hours and I'm still glowing

okay random as fuck but I saw a tweet which made me think about those MySpace bulletin surveys you used to do back in the day and, being the hoarder that I am, I actually found some that I had saved as text files

and holy shit, one of the first answers slapped me in the fucking face. I won't quote it verbatim on the off-chance that someone has a pre-wipe MySpace database, but it basically reads

::: spoiler internalized (?) transphobia (is this overkill pls advise)

I look female and feel female, but I have a dick so I guess I'm male :P :::

LORD SOMEONE GO TELL THIS CHILD THAT TRANS PEOPLE EXIST

that aside, I honestly had no idea I that kind of explicit eggy sentiment that early on. Sure, it's very flippant, but like--that's a weird thing for a cis guy to say, right? Wish I'd kept a diary, but I guess MySpace surveys will have to do

Shaved both my face and body with zero cuts for the first time

me after dropping one (1) progesterone pill on the ground and losing it

Oh my god fucking liberals and fucking cis people. I don't have the energy to post details but good lord I'm so frustrated rn

Mirthlessly laughing because I realised tonight I can't change the gender markers on my birth certificate even though my state in Australia would let me because I was born in a foreign country I don't even have citizenship to, my parents were just working there.

Best I can do is like an update of details certificate.

My phone autocomplete suggests “gurls” instead of “girls”

i can get on the waiting list for bottom surgery soon. i could have a pussy in (in the grand scheme of things) not too distant future holy fuck i'm getting chills just thinking about it

EDIT: okay thanks for the "congrats" everyone but i think i should clarify that i haven't even done like, anything at all to prep for this or research anything, this is just me realizing "i could probably start making those phone calls at this point in my transition". didn't mean to state that like, anything really happened to me beyond hitting the 1 year HRT mark, almost

::: spoiler waffling about sexuality, possible HRT changes or maybe just possible life changes over the past two weeks on multiple occasions I've found myself referring to myself as "straight" in my head and I can understand why. Let me be clear, I'm not straight, I'm bi. I've known I was bi since I was 16, but recently all my sexual/romantic thoughts have fallen almost exclusively towards men and I... don't really know what to feel about that at this point. I don't really think HRT "changed" my sexuality. I know perfectly well that for years of my life I spent pining after women to attain a femininity that I craved but couldn't have in myself. But as I've grown far more comfortable in my place in life as a woman, I feel like my attraction is actually what I'm looking for in a partner, and that's something that feels... like I want a man.

and I'm just not really used to any of this and don't really know what to make of it tbh.

::: spoiler extra sad i've fallen asleep every night for the past two weeks to the thoughts of men doting on me and making me feel special. making me feel like they want me and care for me. my bed remains totally empty but with a new flavor of sadness that i never really felt before :::

::: spoiler paranoia, dysphoria, transphobia, ableism, and genocide I'm extremely fucking scared right now. i had a nap earlier and there was a dream where my mom went into my room and found out (again) that I'm trans and was scolding me or whatever and i kept waking up and going back to sleep and thinking it was real, I went to sleep before that earlier thinking about what's happening in the USA and stuff and being horrified of the thought of a genocide happening. I'm so tired of my family too, all their transphobia is so tiring, and school too. I have to say nothing every time I'm called by my deadname instead of Sally and not say anything when people call me "sir" or "mr" or "young man" because if I do I'm in danger because of how fucking stupid Texas is. Brother back in March tried to literally gaslight me into thinking I'm not trans, saying "it's probably just an identity crisis" when I've identified as trans for 5 years now, he's the type that thinks you're "vulnerable" and can't decide for yourself if you're neurodivergent or something I think. I just want it to be 2027 or 2028 already so i can escape and be myself, why do I have to go through so much pain just to some day get to a point where I can hopefully be myself?

edit: i accidentally posted this suddenly and it scared tf out of me when i wasn't ready hopefully this is ok to post here though idk I'm an extremely paranoid person about everything

Oh my god I need to feel more fem/like a woman Hopefully I can do my nails soon I guess. And I'll get access to hrt soon- still worried about actually starting though. So, so worried. Going to go cry myself to sleep. Goodnight mega.

Thinking of becoming a piano girly and getting really into classical music because I have no concrete sense of identity.

Folx, I think I'm starting to develop a woman's intuition. For the last few days I've been worried that my homebrew estriadol order got cancelled, or fell through the cracks, or I got scammed for some bazingacoins, since I paid for it about a week ago and still haven't gotten a shipment tracking link. I even sent a support ticket asking them what the h*ck is going on. But on the way home, for no reason at all I thought "maybe I'll check the mailbox before going in" (not something I typically do), and lo and behold, it had arrived

::: spoiler exercise

Slowly bringing in weight lifting back into my life after years off. I did a late night 35 pound bench press 2x8 and 1x12 for the last set. Feels good to get back in it!

:::

::: spoiler current events posting just really trying to keep my shit together and praying to the gods of "nothing ever happens" that i personally will be fine in the ensuing years and won't have to think about having to do something very drastic for my own survival :::

::: spoiler sadposting, suicide Well, we're suicidal again. We had hoped that it was finally gone after starting HRT, and it was for a time, but looks like we are right back where we started mentally. *sigh*

Maybe it's just due to a bunch of traumas getting triggered today, but we doubt it given it's been like this for the last week or so and it seems to be getting worse not better.

We've also had to come to terms with the fact that trying to have a community is futile. All attempts at doing so have proved pointless and a net negative in the end. We are just too good at making everybody hate us we guess.

We guess that's kind of why we are posting this here, don't really have anywhere else to go. No community to be had. All of the friends that say "If you need me I'll be here for you" are nowhere to be found, as usual. We don't blame them, we are too much to handle and we know that. We can't even handle ourselves. Even if they were there they would just say they can't talk about this. ::: spoiler extra suicide and sadposting We really just don't see the point in being alive. Between our many disabilities and trauma we will never be functional, let alone happy. Better off just dying now than going through even more pain just to die later. Nobody would really miss us anyway.

Sorry for wasting everybody's time writing this post. We try and keep it positive but we just don't really care anymore. :::

::: spoiler current events and venting, dysphoria I'm not from the UK so I'm trying to not be too ridiculous over this. But it sounds really bad and I worry. I'm scared and I hate this. The US is following the UK's lead as far as I can tell too. And a lot of what people say on the topic strikes me as cope. Can't blame them but it doesn't help me.

So unfair. All I want now a days is to be (seen as/feel like) a woman and I don't know when I will feel like that will happen. And for some people in my life they probably never will. Like I get that you're so fucking bothered I have a dick and went through male puberty DO YOU THINK I FUCKING LIKE IT EITHER?? WHO DO YOU THINK IS MORE EFFECTED BY THIS? ::: spoiler si

life is hard/unfair

Yea and it sucks and I hate it and it makes me want to kms. Has for a while.

other people have it worse then you

Yea and that sucks for them, and I hate it, and it makes me want to die. I've felt fucking horrible about it forever but its not like I have any real power.

Why do people continue this circle of suffering. I do not understand. I would kill myself if I forced a child to suffer like this. Maybe other people are less bothered by suffering? :::

apologies to all the gay and bi guys i accidentally led on back in my EDM club days

i know things got crosswired because i was high and in femmebrain mode and twunky and probably seemed flirty and basically wasted your entire night

except for that CATO libertarian guy. i'm glad i wasted your night

this is my second week taking injections instead of drops. much preferable. never going back.

I've been thinking about RuPaul's Drag race recently and basically 2 points that might be connected or coincidence.

Firstly you never fucking hear Cishets talking about it anymore. Like a few years back it was a thing they would always bring up when someone was gay or trans (unfortunately). Despite it being on it's 17th season and having like 20 something international spin-offs. Like that's not necessarily a bad thing, except...

Secondly the show has done a real 180 on how shitty and transphobic it was. RuPaul still sucks for fracking and other reasons (but he's only on like 3 of the shows, and no one watches to see him phone it in each week), but he's basically recanted most of the transphobic shit he said. Each season has multiple trans women or non binary performers, even one trans man has competed. The top finalists of later seasons are frequently trans, several trans women/femmes have won the show (mainline and spin-offs).

The most recent show had enormous representation in Lexi Love who was/is a complete train wreck (but still a top 4 finalist). Drag Race Canada this most recent season had Jaylene Tyme a two-Spirit First Nations and Métis Indigenous trans woman, who was a sixties scoop survivor (Canadian stolen generation equivalent).

It's lib/idealist AF but this quote from Vulture is still pretty true.

But something else that is true is that there is no other program on TV, period, on which a convicted felon can come and be celebrated for his love of his gay, drag-queen son. I also can’t remember the last time I saw a transphobic mother work so hard to overcome her biases and reconnect with the daughter she threw out of the house. Even Sam Star’s mother, a deeply southern woman who has a fearsome dedication to her child, is a revolutionary figure right now. The world is terrible, corporations around the country are dropping queer people left and right, but Drag Race still exists. It’s nice.

And guess circling back around to my first point, the show got better about trans people, and then it sort of dropped off the public's radar.

::: spoiler cw: kink ig? lack of teleportation technology is fucking me right now. There's this bitch~1~ brattying up my phone and I can do nothing about it. Now if I could just hop over and give her a bite and a scratch but nooooo, laws of physic and shit.

~1~said with love :::

That’s a weird looking fruit.

::: spoiler spoilers for a 40 year old game or whatever I remember a theory once I heard growing up that zelda transforming into shiek meant a magical sex change and I thought that was don't know what the original intent in the n64 days was they most likely walked it back but when it comes to stuff like this I'd love to know what they were cooking :::

theres like a 5 minute window where the tea is not too hot and not too cold, and i always miss it

Shaved and moisturised my legs after like a month of not doing it

::: spoiler doubt/doomposting keep trying to subtly hint that I might be trans to my trans friend but she won't violate the prime directive (or more likely, my "hints" are way too subtle). god I'm such a coward. I'm so deep in the closet I'm not even out to myself. and now with everything going to hell in a handbasket I don't know if I'll ever be out, not if I'm still living here anyway. even writing this I feel like I'm committing fraud by posting in this thread :::

Update on coming out to my friend. I haven't seen much of her in a few years but still counts. She's proud of me, glad I told her, and I got to tell someone else my name. (which she loves for me and I am riding that wave, holy hell I forgot how much I like having my name complimented). She's actually got a trans member of her extended family, which I didn't know about. So yea, very nice to get to talk with her about it a bit.

I still (kind of, complicated obviously) come out to my main irl friend. Don't know when that will happen though.

::: spoiler ping @0x2640@hexbear.net I know you were worried, everything is good :cat-trans: :::

This seems to have flown under the radar

One of two FTL co-creators, Jay Ma, came out as trans somewhat recently

I both need a little pause from everything but am also hopelessly behind (no prizes for guessing why)

I need more gender I need to feel affirmed and safe and feminine...

::: spoiler gay I think I forgot how much I like butch women, how could I forget such a thing? :::

Imagine the fucking you have to be suffering from to be a trans monarchist from Russia who posts pro-fascist and pro-White Army propaganda.

woke Frostpunk be like: "we've got to build the Genderator"

I like being the cold girlfriend

Zaza got me looking at underwear online then feeling bad about my self image

caught in a weird spot right now

i'm going to have been on HRT for a year now in about 3 weeks

I always told myself "don't sweat looking into any of the big surgeries yet. you're still pretty new on HRT and won't have to worry about this for a while. this is a problem for future you"

but now i am future me. i have about reached the time to where i can do the fun t girl surgeries now. it probably is about time to start looking into getting my surgeries. that wait list isn't going to be getting any shorter

fuck i'm gonna have to start making calls now, aren't i?

fuck, now's the time...

My sad ass really wishes I had a partner to cuddle with rn

it's 4/20 in moscow

She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat except it's just me, I'm alone and I'm both of them.

I might have internalized too much had a lucid dream that I was gonna take this girl I knew to my room to "smash" but kept trying to figure out who'd she choose in melee to counter her I flew too close to the sun with this bit and don't know how to recover 😭 serious

Well, I am out at work now. Had a meeting with the director and HR, who were both supportive. Dressed full femme (with a padded bra) as well as a trans pride flag pin and pronoun pins. Didn't get any questions at the weekly coffee break thing, but everyone should be in the know.

Just noticed halfway through the workday that I definitely forgot to shave this morning 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 Ah well, guess it's trans day of visibility 2.... being stealth was lame anyways 🙂

So I met somebody in a public space and we hit it off and they were boy coded in presentation, but she felt comfortable enough to disclose that she's a trans woman over texting! Hopefully that means I'm doing a good job :')

posting thur it all to keep sane

::: spoiler sex stuff Premature ejaculation is low key kinda hot though, just a lil touch and they cum from that??? Although, I do like the embarrassment and teasing side of it - which if it was just accepted, then it wouldn't be as hot because then you can't tease and shame em for it as effectively :::

wednesdays are for the boy(moder)s

Went out today wearing a sports bra. I am 90% sure that everyone could see a conspicuous roundness in my chest area, but nobody commented.

cissy here, went to a protest against the recent UK ruling, very good turnout for the size of my city :)

God I love drugs. Thanks for helping me love myself again Ketamine 💕

Through dialectic material struggles I've come to understand the wisdom of bedtime, endless scrolling won't cure my unhappiness but a good night's rest will make me feel better especially when I got my plushies

hitting up different FFS surgeons for consultations and asking them increasingly absurd requests for what to do with my face just to see what I can get away with because I'm bored

"okay yeah, feminize everything about me EXCEPT my jaw and chin. give me a super defined, broad jawline like those gigachad meme and make my chin stick out like the crimson fucking chin"

Attended a protest here in the UK about the recent ruling. Good times, was a nice show of solidarity between trans people and local allies and other queer communities.

I hate hormones so much... It was so much easier when I was on DIY... But i have to deal with crypto... I just want some magical girl to come and smack me in the face with the estrogen wand (or just give me E vials yk that works too).

Chat there's a cute boymoder at work

Fuck

Do people ever go from prescription to DIY HRT? I'm thinking of doing so. I'm on prescription, but I already have all the stuff I need to start DIY, and I'm not happy with the prescription system rn, so I'm thinking on just switching already. There's:

• the general inconvenience of dealing with bureaucracies to sign off on your shit every few months. the very last refill involved me going back and forth with the doctor and pharmacy for a few days before I could pick it up.
• the awkwardness of picking up estrogen as someone who still presents male in public. I guess this will theoretically go away when I eventually start making more changes in how I look...
• I temporarily got cut off last week because the people running PP AZ are a bunch of hoes for trump, and I don't trust that this won't happen again in the long term. To me, this to me is the strongest reason.
• Price - I pay like $33ish per month for what I'm prescribed, but a $75 vial of injectable estradiol should last me at least 6 months, if not more.

I'm probably still going to stick with PP so I can get blood tests, and advice, and prescriptions for other things as needed (like progesterone if/when the time comes, or estradiol if my DIY sources abruptly shut down).

Also if I do switch, should I bother getting hormone levels tested right before switching? I'm due for the first one since I started only a few months ago, but I've read that switching methods can change hormone levels, so I feel like whatever measurements I might get would be meaningless in the long run if I switch.

Had a nightmare that my boobs just fell off wtf

Work was stressful, but had a great evening. Tried out a new makeup tutorial and a half-dozen outfits/tops. Shared the photos with friends/dates and got a lot of validation.

::: spoiler NSFW: Masturbation, genitals Related to a conversation in the last thread, I achieved my first stroke-free orgasm today. Used a vibrator with the thing well tucked/wearing tights, along with some other techniques to get me in the mood. Really enjoyed it. :::

I got banned from grindr 2 days after installing it and idk why. Pics weren't spicy. I talked with 2 people, like pg conversations. What gives? App is kinda awful anyway, like just the way it works is worse than all the other apps even.

::: spoiler cw: transphobia, dysphoria, anxiety, depression Parents (transphobic, not out to) visiting for Easter has fucked my mental health. Just feel dysphoric and ill for needing to boymode. The cruddy weather isn't helping. Feel too depressed and anxious to text/reach out to any of my friends or dates. Was able to slip out of their hotel and ditch them for now, but don't feel like doing anything. Just want to curl up and lay on my bed. It doesn't help that everything but the Walmart is closed down for Easter, and that was out of the pink nail polish that I specifically wanted to pick up to do trans pride colors. Cannot wait until they leave so I can paint my nails and do some makeup practice to feel better.

:::

I baked so much bread todayyyy and it turned out really nice!! But now im exhausted

oh my god, i love how soft and clear and pretty my skin is now :) E is so fucking great, i love it so much

I propose a group where we some how get together to brush each others long hair like in a circle kinda like do, I know I'm not the only one who missed out on this kinda bonding

Ok limestone recipe, heat up the limestone till you make quicklime ~900 C then add water to that to make Cal then use in your maize.

::: spoiler New hormone levels just dropped E 52 -> 92 pg/mL
T 8 -> 7 ng/dL

My T is still ridiculously low despite lowering my spiro from 100mg to 50mg. I was hoping it would be somewhere around 30-40. And my E is better but still on the lower end of "normal". I'm guessing my doctor is going to take me off spiro and I'm wondering how much my T will rebound I've been reeeaal sleepy and fatigued and would like little a T, as a treat :::

idk if this is too doxxable to post by my fashion vibe is like "Horse girl, but somehow with a distinctly lesbian flare"

The feeling of wanting to do HRT and shit but you don't wanna get kicked out of your house

i enjoy caves and being underground. used to make "mines" in my backyard.

i think i'm just a tall dwarf

Feelin' real

Spent lots of today crying over stuff i cant control and intrusive (?) thoughts

not fruity enough 😤

interesting to note that "transphobic" does not appear to be a word in the grapheneOS dictionary.

I work for a very small company, almost entirely remote, but we’re doing our yearly-ish in-office work week next week.

I am not out at work. I previously was just boymoding at work. I now have enough tiddy that they can’t be hidden with a simple sports bra and baggy shirt combo. I’m gonna have to come out at work.

anyone have advice or experience? especially for a small/tiny company?

Saw a really cool looking gendery person at the grocery store with a rad gothy punk outfit getting flowers for someone and thought it was really sweet

Have a good week everybody!

I visited my friend in [large city] and went walking/clothes shopping and got so many compliments on my fit from people just walking down the street

I ended up spending two hours in one shop chatting with the very ND owner and trying on almost everything. I think they were hitting on me but I'm also ND and kept telling myself they were just being nice because they want to sell me clothes. But then they gave me a hug when I left Next time I visit my friend I'm going back to that shop and asking for their number (maybe, idk, sounds scary).

Limestone facts:

Tasty when added to Rocamole

I watched Will & Harper, it was pretty cringey at points because Harper is not very well read seemingly, and has a lot of the i literally just came out energy so i cringed a few times, but it was pretty sweet on the whole

didnt cry as much as I did in the spice girls documentary i watched earlier tho

girl power!

The Protracted Trans People's War against the cis.

Yesterday's transfem spicy noodle challenge made me realize once more that there's two types of trans girls:

• can't handle any amount of spicy, makes me want to protect her from roaming pepper corns wandering into the area

• loves spicy and makes me want to egg her on to try more of the good stuff

Oh and then there's chili fox girl who just seems to be immune to capsaicin. I was crying and blowing my nose nonstop from my noodles and had a spot below my lips that actually got a little chemical burn and she did not only have the same amount of the hot sauce, she also put the carolina reaper powder on it that she likes to bring along and she didn't even break a sweat.

Walked into my siblings room just to declare it being stinky in there, I may be now but still got that lil bro energy in me (I did help them open up their stubborn window)

::: spoiler spoiler My happiness is locked behind things I apparently can't do and I hate myself :::

inspired by @PaX@hexbear.net

are you into forcefem because i'd love to fast fourier trans you

I've made the terrible mistake of switching text editors. I've done nothing with my free time but configure emacs for the past week

::: spoiler misgendering I think the funniest form of misgendering is when people call my skirt a kilt. I wear skirts a lot, and, to be fair, a lot of my skirts are plaid (though they definitely aren't kilts). And sometimes when strangers compliment my outfits, they say things like "I like your kilt" or "nice kilt, that's the right word, right?". Like they see me wearing what is clearly a skirt, and want to compliment my outfit, but I guess decide that I look like a man too much for me to possibly be wearing a skirt, so they call it a kilt to not insult me, I guess. But that ends up being kind of insulting, although I don't think people are doing it out of malice. Idk, kind of funny tbh :::

Had a rough exhausting day but I got a cute lil kitty reading light for my nightstand to read in bed and it's friends with my kitty plushies and real kitties now. Kitties.

I don't like being alone

can somebody turn off my anxiety i lost the remote

Brontosaurus was real 😲

So are trans women not allowed to use the ladies room in the UK anymore?

Im out here generating content and engagement

So, where (physical or online) would you all recommend a clueless tomboymoding American trans woman get feminine clothes from?

Gender

I feel especially terrible today, tired and I have a nasty headache. I also just feel indescribably lonely and it's really hard to disassociate it away for some reason.

Big shout out to limestone for nixtamalization. Makes maize yummy and ready to make masa. I've done it before since my mom wanted me to know how they did it back in mexico edit looking into it we do get cal from limestone but there's a process involved to make it. Still it is the base so I'm not super far off and spreading misinformation

music monday

what are you all listening to? ft. my actual collage now and not a meme

Made some toast

pizza. burger. candy. ice cream.

any other trans women develop an extremely limerent obsessive relationship with an exceptionally pretty girl in high school who barely gave two thoughts about you to the point where it emotionally destroyed you back when you were a repressed egg or was that just me?

::: spoiler relationship sadposting holy fuck i wish more than anything that i could have someone treat me like i fucking matter to them. like they want to be with me. like they think that i'm special. i want to be loved and venerated and cherished and treated like someone who means something to someone. i hate being alone. i hate being single. i hate only knowing the feeling of physical affection and intimacy as something in my head but for the fucking life of me i can never actually find anyone who can just fucking click with me. i feel too starved to keep going but i have to keep going anyway

:::

Limestone recipes pls

All my friends think I just like bad media but I'm a firm believer of "if you can't handle me at my cringest you don't deserve me at my based-est" I know how to love so this comes easy

vegan mac and cheese boxes are nice but same issue that regular mac and cheese in that the flavor to noodle ratio is way off, have to add more noodles to balance it out

::: spoiler cw sex

Submitting poetry to my local personals like "hey i really want to get railed into oblivion but i dont want to say that so heres a very explicit poem because somehow thats better"

Now watch no one respond lol (its always my horny poems that never get responded to... But a horny girls gotta write poetry or smth )

Limestone facts:

Limestone is the shit that you can never fucking find ever even though you've ran like a billion blocks in Vintage Story and it's fucking bullshit you have a full set of tin bronze fucking tools at this fucking point and you still have no goddamn way to treat all these hides and there's like 8 wolves outside your fucking house every day so you're just letting all these hides rot and where the fuck is the goddamn limestone???

The Bastion Enjoyer has logged on

I made a tracha valheim server and posted all the info in the tracha activities room, or just DM me if you're interested in joining.

The results are in with 2-0 Billy Joel is better than The Beach Boys!

Fuck Yes lime(stone)

Protonjon is trans now!?

::: spoiler strength, exercise Ive been playing it low and slow with weightlifting recently, been keeping my weights low and my reps high (8-12 reps per set) to adjust slowly, but today I pushed my curls to 3x8 20 pound dumbbells and fuck that felt so good. I had to push and really try to get those reps while maintaining good form, it felt amazing to challenge and push myself and really feel my body put in a lot of work to move weight. I feel so powerful pulling off harder lifts, the feeling of strength is kind of intoxicating

:::

Reminded of my dad's transphobia today. god I wish I had a real job. No idea when I'll be able to move out. Feel shitty since he brought it up.

::: spoiler genitals My balls pretty much live inside me at this point. I don’t know what caused this or if I should be concerned. :::

getting on HRT is like installing a virtual machine

getting on HRT is like installing a virtual machine

idk where I'm going with this but it's true~

ive been trying to leave my home all day most days.. its been going pretty well... less brainrot...

one problem i have is i worry like what if everything gets better and my permanent frame of reference for everything is stuck in 2025 brainrot

also please recommend me some quiet or funny or cute shows or anime as my edible will hit soon

Ive been reading a latin text book for an hour
It is how you say
difficultātem

^I^ hate ~insomnia~ and ^I^ hate ~my~ trauma ^.-^*

Im limestoned and happy

eepy and sad

Realized that a big part of my trouble with my brows is that I definitely shaped them asymmetrically, so one is higher than the other.

Going to have to go pencil thin to even them out, and then let them grow back in.

god i need something to change, anything. I don't even care if it changes to be worse, I just need something in my life to change, I'm so stagnate

up with trans

Don't like it when I mash the keyboard and happen to get a random word or two in there, makes it look I'm instead of

New megathread. Get in here nerds

Last mega you post in is usually the one your dreams are tied to I've had bad rests when I post something sleep and wake up to find that mega got locked an hour after I posted the psychic Link get severed and I'm left floating

lime(stone) mega!

Rewatching Uncle from another world, main character is a sega maniac so that's cool. On the real while it kind of sus in some moments I do like how it goes against the "beautiful people are good ugly people bad thing" not ground breaking but whatever. Lot of shows like you know who you're supposed to be sympathetic towards and who gets humanity extended towards them vs who's supposed to be a one off villain/thug. There's some overlap with racism and dehumanization there that gets explored I feel. Honestly might check out the webcomic tomorrow since I like where it's going.

I cannot regulate my emotions in a healthy way

Uncle from another world has an episode where the titular sega obsessed uncle uses magic to transform into a hot elf woman, so like that's a thing. It does handle it all tastefully and since the series takes place during 2018 it's sort of before vtubers I think. It's shown the longer one transforms themselves the less likely they'd want to go back and how a new body will affect how people think so that's cool.

All my friends have made up fake girlfriends so I think I should get in on the bit too, seriously number of them have committed to the bit to the point I worry.

am I correct in interpreting this as 100mcg/day patches being a really low dose?

(from https://estrannai.se/)

What’s beeping?

I have no idea whether I can trust these needles I bought on ebay

• I ordered them on Friday evening, and they arrived on Sunday afternoon, which is weirdly fast for something from ebay?
• The shipping label had no return address
• Today I got an email saying my packaged arrived, and the fedex tracking page shows a picture of a completely different package in front of a completely different house. the travel history doesn't show the exact destination address but it's in the same city I'm in.

what does this all mean

People should post their fun limestone recipes.

There I was doing my gender presentation in front of the whole class only to realize I was naked and so was the class

my heckin 4chinz... she's gone... the boymoder threads... yamerooooooooooo

New just dropped: I think my face is too broad...

Otoh my hair is doing better with this new shampoo and conditioner

I thought it was placebo effect at first, but these Mylan patches definitely make me sleepy immediately after applying I had a different brand prescribed between this box and the first one, and I don't recall that one ever doing this

Who is better: Billy Joel or The Beach Boys?

Been watching 06 speedruns recently, got me thinking most of the speedrun records are for the xbox360 version leaving the ps3 version (the one I play) untouched. A lot of it is because the ps3 version was the worst one but in terms of spawning objects it's slightly different and these small differences can lead to faster times in some levels.

fuck my chungus life

I got one of those knockoff smart rings for like 12 bux, I figured it'd be something fun to tinker with especially since this one has super accessible firmware. I know this thing isn't accurate for fuck since its guesstimating on sleep cycles vs pulse, oxygen, motion just like the real deal does, though heartrate reading seems pretty accurate, so I can try old school workout vids with it.

Last fun tinker project was a 5 dollar mini roomba knockoff, too bad my cats had it out for it and went full Butlerian Jihad and send that robot straight to the litter box somehow and showed that bot how they really felt about it, not sure how since the litterbox is a good 3inches off the floor. Wouldn't charge after that, also ew. They loved to swat at it and push it around the house via swats before the litter box incident, gluing googly eyes slowed them down but ultimately didn't save the machine.

Oh no I gotta sneeze

Ah ahhhhh AH

gonna cut my hair the way Mulan did in Mulan (1998)

::: spoiler complaining, dysphoria I can't do what I need to do to be perceived correctly. I barely could keep up with what I needed to do as a guy.

I am very bitter towards everyone who was born right. Who wasn't destroyed by the wrong puberty. I kind of hate them. Also like 95% of them want to have some say in our shit, mostly to defend their own from this hell.

I'm bitter, and I can't do it (even basic stuff), and I have to get up early tomorrow. Fuck waking up (early, of course). :::

::: spoiler kink

My domme had to stop our scene today right as I was getting down into subspace, and it was so abrupt and it gave me such whiplash. She sat with me a moment but left soon after. I understand why she needed to stop but fuck im just in such a weird headspace rn. Feel discarded and it hurts.

::: spoiler exercise

Moved triple digit weight today lets fuckin go

Did 1 rep of a 100 pound lat pulldown. I haven't moved triple digit weight since 2022. Feels fucking nice, enjoying the pump with a big smile on my face and E pills under the tongue

::: spoiler very mild nsfw

On my way to becoming a goth muscle mommy dommy :::

Death metal singer with sore throat stopping to take a lozge only to lose it in her next scream

often wonder how many days back is appropriate to reply to a comment or a post on hexbear? what do you feel is the unofficial answer?

huh i have 5 subscribers on youtube i guess youtube left some of my posts up

Using this tea tree oil for my dandruff but it's got castor in it, idk who thought smelling like you've just done a crap oil change was a good idea

Oi! You got a loiscense for that chippie an' mushie pea?

::: spoiler exercise curls 4 the girls :::

🎵Just la la la la la
It goes around the world
Just la la la la la
It's all around the world
Just la la la la la
It goes around the world🎶

Dreamt I was living in a house with other hexbears, it was so cringe I had to resort to playing adventure 1 to self soothe. Also I was part machine that's whatever since I found some cool bonus content in that game

I have yazidi acquaintances in my area (not gonna tell more than that for opsec) who yesterday told me they were celebrating Easter excitedly. Any comrades know much about Yazidi culture/Religion wanna help me find some sources to understand this a bit better? They're super nice, and I'm sure they'd explain if I asked, but I'm kind of embarrassed to know them so long and just now realize I know less about their religion than I thought. And Wikipedia is useless, and other sites that come up on Google are giving very conflicting information.

::: spoiler anxiety-posting So there's this song by The Offspring, don't remember which one, where the first four or five seconds is just one of the dudes yelling "Fuuuuuck... FUCK. FUCK." distantly in the background and some days my anxiety manifests by basically just repeating those four or five seconds on loop in my head just nonstop the entire day.

(today is one of those days) :::

I updated to Fedora 42 (GNOME) and it feels like they just made everything a little rounder and smoother

Veryovkina is the second deepest cave, the deepest one is Krubera cave (only by like 20m though), which lies in the same mountain range