As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
11
Eco [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
yeah can i possibly have the week of 2025-04-21 to 2025-04-27? thanks
10
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
fuck off
7
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
Yo can I have all of the weeks including and between 3/31 and 6/8 EXCEPT for 5/12 to 5/18? Thanks
8
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
go to the h word
7
RandallThymes [undecided, comrade/them] - 1.3yr
Hello
I got a tingly feeling inside when I started writing this message.
Still figuring myself out so not sure how much I'll post but wanted to say all of you are super inspiring and just reading your comments has helped me out
26
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
The biggest downside of being trans is that I am now technically straight. It's devastating. I'll never give up my BL manga collection!
23
Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
I some how managed to be gay both when I was “cis” and trans
2
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
They spoke of this in the legends. You are the chosen one.
1
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
Been putting nonbinary down more in my applications because I figure why not not like I'll get any less interviews anyway but I do get annoyed when I'm only present a male female option without even the opt out option present. Some of the things still have DEI some don't but hoping whatever software they have that pushes things forward because of woke was left over out of sheer laziness.
22
WittyProfileName2 [she/her] - 1.3yr
The questions at the job interview remain the same as every other, the same question is asked about laboratory experience, the same question about how to respond to a coworker being catty about a patient.
When I hand my passport to the interviewer he looks me up and down and questions how little I look like the picture. "Oestrogen'll do that to you." I say. My voice feels wrong, months of practicing and while it's less deep and masculine it still feels off, too sweet, a little condescending. There's an awkward pause, the woman observing the interview lets out a nervous laugh.
Back at the hotel, I'm catching a look of myself in the mirror wearing my job interview clothes and realising I'm starting to look like a more butch version of my mother when she was my age, I don't know how to feel about it.
22
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
I look almost exactly like a yassified version of my dad lmao
But I have all the little quirks and mannerisms of my mom
14
GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 1.3yr
I look like my grandma and have all her little quirks and mannerism, I've been told
except her cool skill at peeling a hot potato one handed
9
Angel [any] - 1.3yr
Sometimes, it feels like the only difference between your average liberal feminist and your average TERF is how mask-off they are. It really is just civility vs. rudeness.
Liberal feminists will hold the same essentialist, harmful reactionary beliefs as TERFs but just won't flat-out say it and might even feign LGBTQ+ acceptance too.
22
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.3yr
Omg , I have bottom surgery in a week!
21
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
Used the women's restroom for the first time. It was at a UU church hosting a trans lives festival, so definitely a safe place to do so.
21
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
People keeping talking about an egg shortage? From where I'm looking there's no shortage of eggs.
21
viva_la_juche [they/them, any] - 1.3yr
We’re we! Here fuck! We’re shit! Queer up!!
20
AntifaSuperWombat [she/her] - 1.3yr
First oranges, now lemons. I see a theme...
Next, you’ll say, "How’d you know about the Mango mega, asshole?"
19
Angel [any] - 1.3yr
Huge update: this woman confessed that she's actually had a crush on me this whole time...
It seemed like she really saw me making that "sweet" joke as an opportunity to steer things in a more flirty direction
And it worked for her I guess 🥴🥴🥴
Spent a lot of time complimenting and admiring each other this evening 🥴
19
viva_la_juche [they/them, any] - 1.3yr
Achieved my long term goal of benching 220lbs today
18
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
7
inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 1.3yr
I love being trans.
17
AcidSmiley [she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler So i somehow managed to play Undertale before getting spoilered and
ofc i ended up accidentally murdering Toriel. And i told my emotional support puppygirl about it and she said "you can reset the game, you know? The game remembers these things." So i was in the final corridor, at the savepoint after the flashback to the house in the ruins, and that had gotten me all teary-eyed, so i hit reset and started all over again and all this brought me even closer to crying and i did everything right and spared her this time and that fucking flower goes "i know you murdered her, you're not the only one who can change reality" and all that and i just broke down. JFC. Even Disco Elysium didn't fuck with me as hard as this.
:::
17
inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 1.3yr
I'm packing my dysphoria into a drawer and hoping nothing opens it.
17
ThermonuclearEgg - 1.3yr
down with cis
17
AntifaSuperWombat [she/her] - 1.3yr
down with cis
14
GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 1.3yr
down with the cisness
12
nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 1.3yr
pic of 2/3 of my recovery team
17
Moss [they/them] - 1.3yr
I know a lot of people have had bad experiences with therapy, but I would like to say that for me personally, finding a good therapist has really helped me.
16
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
Now that estrogen has made me pretty happy, I picked up another hobby I had before my constant depressions and spent 4 hours writing today. I expected to feel mentally tired and was ready to turn off my brain and scroll through slop afterwards, but somehow it had the opposite effect and I feel amazingly energized
16
Angel [any] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler Appointment after 1.5 years of HRT confirmed that my E is rising and my T is very very low
It's not HRT; it's actually the soy
:::
16
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
I find it kind of wild that in the Altered Carbon books it basically says "Liberal democracy will inevitably become intrenched fascism to the point where people forget the concept of infranchisement, while unrestrained capitalism in the periphery will make a new feudalism that is hell on earth for the living, the only solution is an eternal peoples wars through the science of space Maoism" and "changing your body and gender like it's a piece of clothing is cool and good".
Then the author is a huge centrist UK labor supporter and a massive TERF (literally friends with Graham Lineham).
16
retrozombi [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
7 months on HRT and I've written the first draft of a novel. I think the estradiol is working!
16
Eco [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
stop right there, scriminal cum
15
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
Taken to saying to myself "I'm eating for two" and lifting my breasts up.
15
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler misgendering
Walked into a Planned Parenthood appointment and immediately misgendered by security.
It's a trainee, and I am sitting in the waiting room and I can hear the supervisor talking with them. I hate being a fuxking "learning experience." Thought I was safe to go to an appointment and not need to be dolled up, but I guess not.
:::
15
nemmybun [she/her, sae/saer] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler 2 weeks post-ffs recovery updates
Energy levels: I can stay up about 12 hours before I start to get tired. I'm mostly watching stuff or playing games during that time so nothing too active. Not too bad considering how mediocre my sleep has been lately. I have to sleep on my back at an angle and this is a very unnatural position for me, a side sleeper.
Pain/Feeling: Just going though my day, not much. Like my lower lip is still a little tingly and my eyes get dry faster than before but it can mostly be ignored. On touch, brow area is sore, my lower lip is a little raw still. I try not to yawn because stretching out my mouth too wide hurts. Under my lips and my chin are numb but do feel pressure. Top of head feels numb with pressure as well.
Eyesight: Not at 100% yet but doing much better. First few days I could barely keep my eyes open and I everything was extremely blurry. A week ago, I could keep my eyes open for a few hours and watch something but I didn't bother wearing glasses since they didn't do anything to improve my vision. Now they actually do something, and I don't need to set everything at the very biggest font to read things! I'm at like 85% of my pre-op vision if I had to guess. They said it could take 3 weeks to fully heal so I think I'm on track
Hair: A fucking mess. They did hair grafts to change my hairline, The donor hair falls out due to shock of the transplant and what regrows is the lasting hair. Until it grows back (3-4 months min), hello forehead. Oh and due to shaving parts off for the grafts, I'm gonna have to find a new way to style my hair. Of course, no point worrying about that rn since due to all the processes done on my scalp, I'm not allowed to wash my hair for a minimum of 4 week post-op. My hair feels so gross , I know it'll be better in time but I'm feeling so skeeved thinking about it
Boredom: Off the charts. Most of my games are difficult and my vision is too poor to really play them properly. And my vision isn't really up for reading a lot of text or do a lot of menus. Also KBM games are not possible right now which cuts out a lot too... I've been watching/listening to stuff for 2 weeks straights and I just wanna DO something.
:::
15
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
trans people in chud nightmares: trying to indocrinate children, corrupt society
trans people irl: oranges. lemons
15
Kuori [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
new email
medical bill to the tune of $60,000
hmm, yeah, no.
15
Demifriend [she/her] - 1.3yr
the employee bathroom key at my work has gone missing get me the fuck out of here
15
0x2640 - 1.3yr
ono
8
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
I lost the fuckin' key to the mailbox, went to go out to check it and had them where I always do and somehow the just vanished without a trace before I went out
4
Demifriend [she/her] - 1.3yr
oof that’s so annoying. I hate when I lose things, I get so stressed out and always end up being really mean to myself over it. The bathroom key did turn up in the end. Someone just pocketed it and took it home by mistake, hopefully your mail key turns up too.
5
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
I'm gonna be so mad and feel so stupid if I have to call a locksmith ugh haha
I guarantee if I do I'll find the old ones right afterwards too
3
Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
I’ve been married for a week; when do I start to hate my wife?
15
ThermonuclearEgg - 1.3yr
up with trans
15
AntifaSuperWombat [she/her] - 1.3yr
up with trans
13
GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's] - 1.3yr
up with trans
11
GayTuckerCarlson [she/her] - 1.3yr
Lemons on a plate Vincent Van Gogh, 1887
15
iridaniotter [she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler hegemonic transphobia
spot the transphobia from the trans-inclusives
:::
15
Edie [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
Why does it need to know?
9
iridaniotter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Because hegemony of meanings imposes false association between gender assigned at birth and rib cage circumference despite the causal mechanism (androgenization) being well known
12
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
I like these kind of calculators when I grew my boobs the first time and maybe as a guide every year or so as they continue to grow, but nothing replaces actually trying a few bras on and seeing whats actually comfortable. One of my favs for a while was a Walmart bra, the cheapest one. Not even the expensive fancy underwear store ones. At least until the wire wore through and poked me all day lol
9
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
As a someone who recently started hormones, I don't know what any of these measurements even mean. However, even I can see that the existence of the UK has been mentioned, and this might be upsetting to people.
::: spoiler spoiler
/s, I actually don't know
:::
8
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
The UK existing is transphobic
11
rtstragedy - 1.3yr
that radio selection doesnt even do anything (to your measurements, for sure its saved in a database somewhere) I fucking tested it
6
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
Me with my bookmark on extreme environment citrus cultivation in the USSR when I see this mega:
15
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
Woke up, found food from yesterday still in my microwave, "sweet breakfast is ready," nuked it and ate it.
15
ElChapoDeChapo [he/him, comrade/them] - 1.3yr
6
Edie [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
That really doesn't sound like a good idea.
5
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
meh
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
It's a common misconception that FFS stands for "Facial Feminization Surgery" when it actually stands for "FOR FUCK'S SAKE (why do I look like a man?)"
14
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Top this, bottom that
I was sent here to destroy you in glorious hand to hand combat or die trying
14
KrupskayaPraxis - 1.3yr
Finally hexbear and lemmygrad are federated again so I can post here again :D.
On another note, I met up with some trans friends who I hadn't seen in a half year for a drink, which was nice. I was the one who initiated it which I'm proud about since I mostly just wait to be invited. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone
14
forcefemjdwon [she/her] - 1.3yr
At its debut, where science has been brought neither to completeness of detail nor to perfection of form, it is open to reproach. However, even if it is unjust to suppose that this reproach even touches on the essence of science, it would be just as unjust and inadmissible not to honor the demand for the further development of science.
Thank you Hegel, I will remember this for when I have to deal with anti-trans sycophants questioning immortal transsexualwissenschaft.
14
inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 1.3yr
I was walking into the bathroom today and suddenly thought about the first time I walked into the women's bathroom. I'm glad it doesn't feel as scary as it once did and the me of a few years ago was brave enough to do that. She made it much easier for the me of right now on this mundane Tuesday morning.
14
Bolshechick [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
God I know I probably sound like every person who does mushrooms, but like, they're really good! Try them!
When I see myself in the mirror on shrooms, I'm the most beautiful girl there is. For a few hours, I'm completely happy and peaceful, and lets make it through the rest of life.
14
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler lonely, but in like a weird positive way?
Took some meds and had a wonderful nap, woke up feeling so cozy and peaceful. The thought at the front of my mind was, "I wish someone was here to share this with me," but it kind of felt good having that thought?
It felt good to want someone there so I could share a positive feeling, instead of wanting someone there so I could alleviate a negative feeling. To want another person, but not to need another person, to still feel good on my own. Idk, maybe the feeling was more profound to sleepy brain me than it actually is, but it's a feeling I hope I can hold on to.
:::
14
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
buy litecoin on paypal so I can buy some estrogen
try to send it to the vendor
"not available in ur region :)"
the future of money
14
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
it's funny how I can tell the payment processor knows crypto is a pain the ass since they give you like 4 hours to complete the transaction lol
7
Zorothamya [she/her] - 1.3yr
If you weren't able to transfer the coins directly from the service that holds the coins to the vendor, try to transfer them to your personal wallet first and then to the vendor. You will be paying some extra transfer fees though.
5
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
I also tried that (using atomic wallet on desktop) and it's still not letting me
4
Zorothamya [she/her] - 1.3yr
Is it not letting you send it to your wallet or is your wallet not letting you send the coins to the vendor?
If you are using Kraken, I think depending on where you live you may have to wait 3 days before being able to use the coins you bought.
4
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
I can't send it from paypal to either atomic wallet or the vendor (they are using bitcart)
3
iridaniotter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Today I realized I'm a liberal individual so I'm rectifying this immediately
Oh also a friend asked about HRT
14
viva_la_juche [they/them, any] - 1.3yr
Stop drinking rum with the bums and come drink beers with the queers
14
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
It feels like my whole life has been a sequence of “but I don’t want that” [6-12 months later] I think I need that
13
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
Hung out with bff and met their partners and they're both rad
13
bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
when life gives you lemons, make lemon mega 🍋
13
PeeNutButtHer [she/her] - 1.3yr
did I cook with making this chart?
13
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
Double checked with the person I am seeing on Saturday (and hadn't heard back from in a couple days) if we were still on. They got back to me to confirm, and apologized for being busy/not getting back to me.
13
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 1.3yr
Im moving and its stressful
13
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 1.3yr
I moved. Its over. No more hell apartment
13
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler sad dreams/deadnaming, dysphoria
Had bad nightmares
Woke up and got deadnamed by my mom
Need to shave
Straight up not having a good time here today
:::
13
Moss [they/them] - 1.3yr
I am SO FAR from the person I want to be, and knowing that makes me depressed and discourages me from making changes. Also I get really bad anxiety and I feel like I have to justify any changes in my presentation
13
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
I struggle with the same kinda thing and I know it's easier said than done but it's good to remind yourself that you don't owe anyone else a justification for your presentation, you have the right to explore that however you want
9
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
13
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler sad
I need to be cuddled and I need attention
This dreary March weather gives me a case of the horribles
:::
13
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
would you accept cuddles from a 5'3" boymoder
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
Absolutely
::: spoiler height stuff
I am significantly taller than you but I wanna be the little spoon
:::
9
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler I uhhhh
knew that from some of your previous posts and said that jokingly but now I'm interested in seeing how that would work too bad this is just The Internet
nice avi lol, is that an actual sports team?
:::
7
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
It's from the New England Red Sox, a defunct minor league affiliate of the Boston Red Sox. I actually had a reproduction of it from Ebbets Field Flannels and tragically lost it and they don't make those anymore and that really bums me out, it was a nice hat and was enby af
An open baseball windbreaker that matched it and a white lacy women's top underneath it and some leggings and boots was A Look and I miss it, tomboy futch jock is a powerful vibe
7
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
damn, now I actually want to try this with someone much taller than me, FUCK
6
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
I assume the physically larger partner has to have the morph ball upgrade and curls into an orb and the physically smaller big spoon partner cuddles the orb
6
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
if you have true Little Spoon Energy you'll be able to do that instinctively
6
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
It's kinda like a yoda backpack or piggy-back ride deal, legs around the waist w/ arms around the shoulder... but y'know lying down.
5
Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
I’d say twinsies but I’m actively trying not to boymode anymore
1
0x2640 - 1.3yr
::: spoiler Tap for spoiler
*cudddlll*
u deserves soooo manys cuddls nn attention nodndonod
:::
7
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
3
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
4
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
I get so much utility out of 😭 and and other similar emojis. The sob is by far my most used emoji. It's not even close
13
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
Zaza got me tearing up about how much I love cats and doing a gay lil dance in the thunderstorm taking out the trash and smelling the petrichor and ozone
13
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
Well chat, good news, passed my class and am now working on applying for a job. I'm friends with the manager and have worked there before so I don't see getting hired to be a big issue. Been out of work to focus on college (failed) and my- mental health issues. It'll be good to get out of the house again and start saving.
Still no long term plan but this is at least something and a reference I can use.
13
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
considering mirroring all of my posts about communism to my real name account on linkdin
13
MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir] - 1.3yr
Thinking about that time I was at a restaurant in a notoriously crunchy city in the US and the signs on the bathrooms were she/they and he/they. They were so close to something and made the funniest kind of bathroom.
13
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
I really love the way my shadow looks when I'm wearing a dress
13
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
Hung out with friends today for the first time in a while, it was really nice just to be out again.
he compliments my "luscious locks" as soon as he sees me
try and get a quick mega scroll a bit later in the day
oh what's that uh, trans Easter egg?
don't really say anything
oh uh, bein' awfully quiet, god going to smite you or something? Or maybe its his parents..
he asks if I've played any good games recently
chat do they know
Also sorry, no I do not know how to actually write out a story
12
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
screams dysphorically
12
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
the feminine urge to say "that would fix me" multiple times per day
12
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
omg I love my physical therapists sm, they're so nice to me
I may have horrible romantic luck but I crush making friends with fun sweet middle aged and older ladies that call you dear, they love my weird fruity ass for some reason but it's nice
Like I wanna give them both Christmas cards and shit after I'm done with my pt
12
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
I'm like overflowing with gender euphoria at the moment. I have never felt this way. I'm bursting at the seams. I was on a discord call with some friends and I had my hair all cute, I was wearing cute clothes, I was practicing some girl voice things, I was wearing a bralette and it was hugging me constantly, and I felt like I was NAILING girl mannerisms out of nowhere. But not in a way where I felt like I was forcing anything. It was just happening and I was watching it just happen and it felt right. Oh my gosh. I literally had to leave the discord call and put on music and dance around my living room and sing along with it. And now I'm worn out physically but I still feel like I need to do something with the overwhelming sense of girlhood I'm feeling
12
Eco [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
friday rice
12
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
A question I would like to hear many peoples answer to
::: spoiler spoiler
What do you want?
Interpret however
:::
12
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
switching to xfce to lean more into the mousegirl bit
11
AntifaSuperWombat [she/her] - 1.3yr
I’m such a fucking idiot!
::: spoiler CW: Misgendering myself
I just ordered a couple of new pants. And now that I’ve legally changed my name, I of course updated it on my account as well, except I forgot to change the "Mr." to "Ms.".
Why am I like this?
:::
11
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
I want ice cream but that would require putting on pants to go to the store.
11
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
My winter girl rot era is over, my summer happy girl era is beginning.
11
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
I've hit a transition milestone in coding as some kind of queer to most people. I'm getting side eye from cishets. I'm getting gay men flirting with me (and complimenting my fits) and cis women including me into gossip (I think probably in a "gay man" way, but nicer to be perceived as safer). Not the area I'd necessarily want to stay perceived and contradictory at times, but overall I'm enjoying it.
The election was called in Australia and as I was leaving somewhere there was a pair of very persistent Liberal party supporters (in Australia they're the Tories) were trying to convince everyone and anyone to take their leaflets, and one of them a blonde lady around my age, just sort of looked at me and withdrew the leaflet from my direction almost subconciously.
(I did have an random episode of some sort of phobioa, not sure trans or homo a few weeks ago that was jarring because you know things suck)
11
Eco [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
"this would be a really nice idea for the garden" oh no wait i don't own this place and my landlord would hate it and make me pay out of my deposit to remove it
"oh that raised bed is literally rotting to pieces" the landlord wouldn't want to pay for it to be replaced
"i want to do this" never mind that costs money i'm not gonna spend on a place i don't own
11
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
WOKE up to my plushies all being warm from my body heat, it's cold this morning but goddamn my body is like a furnace. Only thing different is yesterday went hard (for me) on the rowing machine, if only for my plushies might keep doing that so I can be warm for them
11
Dessa [she/her] - 1.3yr
Working my way through the lemon videos, summaries of videos below. Thank you to whoever assembled these!
Day 1: Drinks
Chef John - State Fair Style Lemonade: Just your classic effort lemonade. This base is used in most of the rest of the videos. The secret is to boil the sugar and water together to make simple syrup, then add zest and stir for a bit then strain. Then make the lemonade how you normally would.
Adam Ragusea - Lemonade, six slightly different ways: This is just ideas for how to vary your lemonade. Highlights include adding cardamom pods, rosemary, and/or lavender to the simple syrup, and also try muddling berries and throwing them in pulp and all. He also points out that boiled zest (in the sguar water)and/or berry makes them both more candylike, which he prefers to carefully control.
Adam Ragusea - Homemade citrus sodas that 'glow': Try adding sparkling water instead of tap! Also a few small method tips not mebtioned elsewhere. Obviously a raw lemonade. Ive dine this and it's great.
Tasting History - The Sweet History of Lemonade: Historical lemonade is a lot like modern lemonade. Rhe historical andecdotes are fun, however. The big feature here is a method 14th century Egyptians used to make portable sugar-and-lemon balls that can be stored and dropped into drinks on the go.
Middle Eats - How Egyptians stay cool in summer: The base recipe doesn't boil the sugar and water, and instead of using a manual juicer, carefully peels the lemons and puts them in whole (which should keep more pulp in the drink, adding fiber), and adds mint. Blend it all for smooth texture.
Looks AMAZING. Part 2 has a lemon slushy. Make the standard state fair lemonade but with less water for higher concentrate, then add ice, a bit of cream and the secret ingredient: Xanthan gum, which prevents it from separating.
Lemon drop cocktail: Dip the glass rim in lemon juice, then sugar. Add vodka to juiced lemon. Add zest strip for garnish. Its not in the video, but I would try candying the zest strip before adding to sweeten this a bit more and add a tasty chaser
11
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.3yr
Will I ever get less gay or .. ?
11
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
First
11
bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
11
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler reclaimed language
Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, involuntarily thought "God, you are such a dyke," made my own damn day.
:::
11
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
That "feel like you didn't really accomplish anything today and are going to bed lonely and feeling unaccomplished" kinda sad
11
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
Too much posting about sad, not enough posting about bench press
11
sodium_nitride [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
Working for multiple weeks on the same university assignment that you cannot afford to fail (or have to delay your graduation by a year), all while making close to 0 progress (it's literally what I've been preparing for my entire degree) has amazing effects on your mind. Literally every day, all day, it's the only thing I'm focusing on and I am going crazy.
11
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler positive interaction with medical stuff actually?
I'm so lucky to get my financial assistance and health insurance shit covered and won the lottery with the physical therapists and nurses and doctors I've seen with my hand injuries
This has been one of the hardest times in my life lately but the people treating and caring for me have been so kind and genuine and good to me
Out to both pts and they're both very sweet middle aged women and the one I saw today hated on JK Rowling together with me lmao and talked about Tolkien and Dune with me and she's really funny and nice
She accidentally called me sir and apologized and it was really genuine and I could tell she means well and actually wants to get it right
Might femme up my look to go there next time a bit idk but they're good ppl
:::
11
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
Social needs are garbage. Why can't I just like hanging out and talking with people but not need to. It just hurts when I'm not getting "enough" (whatever my brain decides that means). Maybe soon my brain will break again and be okay being alone for a while. There's definitely been times where I feel like I've been fine without anyone really but that has not been the case lately :/
Also all this would be easier if I was just better at it probably why I feel this way tbh. I'm too quiet and too boring. Or maybe, even worse, I don't even know the actual issue.
11
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler vile sexual shitpost
some of you have never simmered a large carrot in water on the stovetop to 100 degrees to replicate the warmth of a real cock and it shows
🥕
:
:::
11
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
Even though I'm taking estrogen (and spironolactone) I'm still taking finasteride. I think just it's neat. I'm surprised it doesn't get used as much in gender affirming care.
Obviously it's can't be a sole anti-androgen as it only blocks DHT, but like women trans and cis are meant to have some testosterone if only for energy, libido etc. I think it makes sense to have the finasteride there to sweep in and block the DHT part that only have negative effects (hair loss on scalp, increased facial and body hair, prostate enlargement). It's actually prescribed to cis women who are losing hair or are hirsute, a demographic with a lot in common with some trans women.
The major side "negative" effects are reversible (1:100) and irreversible erectile dysfunction (1:10,000) which is a YMMV and breast growth
I pay 20 AUD for 30x5mg tablets, that I quarter, meaning I have 4 months supply at once and it costs me 5 dollar bucks a month.
Also seems like it has relevance for Trans Men who don't want hair loss from testosterone. IDK.
11
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
I live to gay another day
11
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
Bralettes acquired. I feel like I'm being gently hugged hehe. I underestimated how neat this would feel
11
Dessa [she/her] - 1.3yr
This is the best mega the site has ever posted
11
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler anxiety
That feeling when you text a someone and they don't reply back but it was kinda a non sequitur joke (and upon reflection, not very funny) so you there's no reason that they'd necessarily be expected to but now you worry if you text them again without them texting you back first it'd look clingy but you also worry that you've somehow annoyed them or lost their interest.
:::
11
Moss [they/them] - 1.3yr
I've had such a refreshingly nice day today. I ate a really good bao bun, went to a boring lecture, swam 1km in the college pool, then zoned out in the hot tub and sauna. I'm feeling very relaxed right now
10
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler sad/ridiculous, dysphoria
Last two days I've been going out irl and I remember why I hate this shit. Held back tears for like half the day. I feel like I'm dead. I hate being someone I'm not.
My life every day if I was just fucking normal:
:::
On a positive note I've been setting and meeting small goals and as long as I don't fuck up the next few days I'll have completed a big one. Don't really want to be too specific yet.
10
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
Today marks my perpetual stew's one week birthday
I added macaroni and chili beans today. I still haven't quite worked out what the optimal ratio of ingredients is, but I have decided that I need a bigger pot because every time I go to add stuff to this thing I overfill it.
10
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
Im excited about life
10
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler transphobia but my meetup-date-thing went well regardless
Met up with the girl I was talking about at a bookstore. We browsed and talked for a bit, until she noticed something and moved to check out. After we left, she said that there was a man staring us down, so we decided to chat outside until he left. We talked hobbies, a bit of personal history, plans, a bit about sex and kink (in general). She vaped, and I was being a bit cute and asked for some secondhand, and she humored me on that. I was nervous and a bit shook by the transphobe, so I definitely spent more time listening than talking and I was worried about coming off as boring. When the weather started getting bad we decided to call it, but she said that I passed the "vibe check" and she asked me out on a second meetup/first real date.
:::
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
(me waking up all groggy and confused and noticing my smooth hand and painted nails)
(has been out for like a decade plus)
"lol wtf I'm a chick? Hahaha hell yeah, tight lmao"
10
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
how do I know which of the injectable types of estradiol (valerate, cypionate, etc.) I should get for DIY? I know the dose volume is different between the different types, but tbh my impulse is to just get whatever has the longest shelf life since I'm mainly getting this as a backup in case HRT is banned in the US.
10
Babs [she/her] - 1.3yr
In order of half-life from shorter to longer it's Valerate > Cypionate > Enanthate. Generally doctors here only prescribe valerate but it's levels are really swingy - I'd get shitty mood swings if I missed injection day. I use enanthate now and it's been great.
It's easy to compound from raws, and raws probably last a lot longer than vials, so you can keep a dry stockpile and just whip up a few vials whenever you are low.
I'm on enanthate and I can confirm I don't get any mood swings that other people have described.
10
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
I hear very good things about ethanate from diyers since it has a longer half-life and avoids the weekly through of valerate. You can also do more with less (for example 4mg/week instead of 5mg/week as a reference dose). Check hrt cafe, but looking at some suppliers, you could get 400 mg of een for $80, so that's up to 100 weeks (obviously will be less due to transfer losses.)
8
WoodScientist [she/her] - 1.3yr
you could get 400 mg of een for $80
I found one supplier offering a kilogram for $1600! :P
3
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
Going to need a lot of friends to go through that before it goes bad
2
0x2640 - 1.3yr
enanthate is generally the most recommended one, though its functional identical to cypionate for most
5
shallot [she/her] - 1.3yr
Vince McMahon face meme that advances one level every time we are given new lemon art
10
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
Someone explain to me how I ended up so freakin' cute and gay out of nowhere
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler sad
Got a case of the "can't sleep and keep emotionally hurting myself ruminating and pining for unrequited love" bullshit
I'm very happy for my best friend and their two rad partners and they're very cute together and sweet and they have a good arrangement but god part of me is really jealous of them
the "feel Bill, two wieners?" meme but for your bestie having two awesome partners when you've been alone for ages and seeing them being cute together just unintentionally twisting the knife of getting ghosted by someone you felt love at first sight with
I want that kinda cute wholesome lovey dovey shit they have so bad
:::
10
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
Working on a 2 year plan rn
10
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
setting the animal crossing town theme to the soviet national anthem always makes me giggle
10
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
Holy SHIT tilting my head back and swishing my hair across the top of my bare back is the most incredible feeling ever
9
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Oh, I have you booked for... 1 hour of unrestrained happiness and feelings of self worth. Alright, you may start
9
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
can i say something
9
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
go for it
11
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
are you sure?
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
why would I not be?
10
inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 1.3yr
Why would you not be(ep)?
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
I can't believe you've done this
10
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
bazinga
3
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
I'll allow it, as long as it's not "beep"
10
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
do you mean it?
8
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
do not beep
do not beep
10
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
I'm gonna beep!
5
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
bazinga
3
rtstragedy - 1.3yr
im taking this personally
5
gaystyleJoker [she/her] - 1.3yr
bazingabee
3
rtstragedy - 1.3yr
ok I'll admit it
4
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
Citrus 2: Electric Boogaloo
9
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler sex/masturbation
I never needed to bite before E. Now I find my mouth closing on whatever closest even when I'm perking off. Why? I cannot say
:::
9
iridaniotter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Do you think there's a Transfeminization Cave in the Male-Undoing Mountains south of the Nation of Women of Western Liang
9
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
deleted by skeleton
9
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
Rats in the crawlspace scratching the floorboards
9
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
Found my missing keys and headlamp!
9
Grownbravy [they/them] - 1.3yr
Lemons are goat
9
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
9
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler religion/mention of religious trauma
Not religious/spiritual whatsoever (hardline (dialectical) materialist), but I'll admit that this Unitarian Universalist hosted fest is the first time that I haven't felt anxious presenting femme around cis people. Got a lot of compliments for my makeup from some kids. It warms my heart to see young people being raised in love and acceptance. Having been raised up evangelical/in right-wing areas, I've never seen that before in person.
:::
9
shallot [she/her] - 1.3yr
Whoa new lemons!
9
rtstragedy - 1.3yr
i played video games a bunch last night and my hands are just a little stiff. I think lower desk is helping.
9
sweet_pecan [love/loves, they/them] - 1.3yr
who wants to help me come up with discussion questions about i saw the tv glow that tie the themes of the film into a conversation about socialism? lol jk ... unless?
9
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler anxiety, piercings
I think what might finally push me to work on overcoming my anxiety with public transit is that I really really want nipple piercings, but it would feel monumentally weird and awkward to ask my sister to drive me to go get my nipples pierced.
:::
9
Tommasi [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
I don't find most guys attractive at all, but every time I start questioning if I'm even into guys I'll run into someone who makes me go
9
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
Suddenly finding myself tempted to sign up to do a mega on grapefruit...
::: spoiler spoiler
(this is a bit please do not sign me up to do a mega )
::: spoiler spoiler
(I do really love grapefruit tho)
:::
8
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
I'm channeling all the peer pressure I can muster in your direction. Grapefruitposting is based
9
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Grapefruit fucks with a lot of meds, always check if your meds are affected! Spiro is one of em, a lot of SNRIs and SSRIs are affected. It's a cyp3a4 inhibitor (a liver enzyme) which is a common enzyme for many drugs. Always double check.
8
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
This world is a prison.
Guess I'll be sticking to my Artificially Flavoured Grapefruit Energy Drinks
6
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
I'm going depeche mode
8
Angel [any] - 1.3yr
I accidentally rizzed someone up... dammit.
Okay, I should say "semi-accidentally" I guess because, though my intentions weren't necessarily flirty, I was trying to lift her mood and I'm actually very pleased by her response:
Omg your game so good 😳
The rizz (very cliché):
She posted a pic of her eating some very sugary vegan pancakes, a lot of toppings on them and whatnot, chocolate, fruit, all that.
So I said, "If you are what you eat, this explains why you're so sweet!"
And that's what got her to feel rizzed... damn. Not the first time this happened with her. One time, she kinda responded with a joyful "Thanks 🥰" a bit ago simply because I complimented her music taste, which ain't much but the 🥰 emoji said a lot more to me than just "very thankful."
I didn't even think the rizz was that good... but apparently it did something. Truthfully made my day, and I told her that I hope it made hers, and she said that is "Mega cute!"
So, I decided to lean into it and said, "Yeah, you are 🤭"
No response yet but... fuck.
Having rizz is a blessing and a curse.
Update: She felt rizzed up even more by that, lol. I shared my song with her, and she responded by saying, "That's so cool. I'd love to just sit in your room all day and listen to music and talk to you! You're so cool."
Help! 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
8
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
tbh that would work on me
8
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
As someone who is rizz illiterate, I ssume all compliments are just compliments so I'm not aware of any time anyone tried to rizz me up. On the other hand I have no idea how much of how I interact with people on a daily basis comes across as flirty? I'm very dorky irl and like complimenting people
4
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
I joke with my friends that if someone were to flirt with me they would have to explicitly tell me "I'm flirting with you btw" it's so bad
3
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
Smoking that "look at crush's pictures and make yourself sad" pack
8
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
GOOD post
8
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 1.3yr
Im awake when i should be sleeping. This always sucks. Someone send the sleepytime guy with the hammer to knock me out, i need to be not awake rn.
What a miserable day. Had multiple health appointments and had to endure some more misgendering after this morning's incident. I learned that what I thought of could be taken care of in a relatively simple procedure is going to require surgery (got a hemorrhoid in my sphincter that makes bottoming incredibly painful). So, now I have that to deal with, although the surgeon is nice enough. Not going to have the procedure until May, and then it'll take a couple weeks for complete recovery.
On a related note to the sex stuff, the play partner I was chatting and planning to meet up this weekend hasn't texted me in 72 hrs, and I feel incredibly anxious and also like a fucking clingy creep for pining like this. I know she's okay because we friended on discord and I see her account go active, but I feel like a stalker for checking that. We talked about keeping things casual and no/low attachment, but I have already failed in that aspect. Going to wait until tomorrow to text her and see if we're still on for Saturday. If she changes her mind that fine, but it's just the waiting in uncertainty that I cannot stand.
Also on a related note, once the PreP is good, I have been thinking about how I want to handle the some of the other folks I am chatting/looking to see. There's one person who I like well enough and said that I'd like to go on a date with, but wasn't really feeling any sexual or romantic chemistry. However, I am tempted to "give it up" if they make the moves due to these validation issues. I know that this is a terrible fucking idea that I would regret, one that would hurt me and ruin our friendship, but it's an intrusive thought at the back of my brain.
Also, miserable day at work. Had shit data from an expensive experiment and I can't find some expensive samples, so boss is going to kill me. Will take a second look at stuff tomorrow, but can't handle it right now.
Anyways, currently struggling with mild SI/SH urges. Please send love if you've read this far. I need it.
:::
One happy this is that I went thrift shopping and not only found some tops to try out but also a bright pink suit coat that I can mod/punkify. Already got the stuff for that on order, so should be ready in time for that party on Sunday night.
8
Ickbad [none/use name] - 1.3yr
Welp, as soon as my breasts start growing is the exact same time friends start pushing me to go swimming....
Not big enough to fill out a top, to big to go shirtless.
8
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
(hungry pumpkin voice)
🎃
I'm very lonely!
8
PorkrollPosadist [he/him, they/them] - 1.3yr
Scientists have a true specialty for writing some hideous looking code.
8
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
what language, and how bad is it
5
bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
flip a coin, it can only be R or Python
4
buh [she/her, any] - 1.3yr
well it could also be matlab or fortran depending on how old they are
5
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
I have not programmed in nearly a decade and I still randomly get angry about how ugly matlab is.
3
bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
i prefer to just ignore its existence honestly
3
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
" ~= " is a crime I can never forget and never forgive.
2
PorkrollPosadist [he/him, they/them] - 1.3yr
Thinking of two examples. SPICE which is programmed in FORTRAN with automatically generated C bindings, and GDAL which is a highly arbitrary combination of C, C++, and Python.
2
0x2640 - 1.3yr
am eeeepy
8
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
characters all having white gloves harknes back to minstral shows and therefore liking any character besides Big the Cat or Omega is problematic
8
HexReplyBot [none/use name] - 1.3yr
I found YouTube links in your post. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
(get a bunch of cool used games I've always wanted at a cool local used games store)
(play the same handful over and over)
8
EstraDoll [she/her, he/him] - 1.3yr
doing tons of exercise and chugging a ton of protein shakes. I feel stronger than I have since before starting E
8
lilypad [she/her, it/its] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler sex, kink
I just had such a wonderful impact session, with so much sting. I finally got to try my other toys, which i bought to, uh, expand my boundaries. I tend to prefer thuddy, im very much a thuddy girl, and these floggers sting like no tomorrow, and tbh the sting is growing on me... it doesnt hurt that my domme really knows how to use them (and me)
7
BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler garbage
Too afraid to do anything. Very sad day today. I don't know if its because I'm sick or what but I haven't cried like this in a while.
It feels like I'm just broken.
I don't even have a reason to be broken. My parents are kinda kooky and could have done better- both with having better opinions and with my autism. But that shouldn't be enough to ruin me like this. Obviously I'm dysphoric but again- is it really that bad to make me like this. Hopefulyl I can get E and cross that off.
::: spoiler self harm
Relapsed recently. Want to do it again. I don't even have a reason right now other then being sad. stupid fucking reason. always a stupid fucking reason though.
can it please just stop. it hurts so bad today.
how do i get unbroken
::: spoiler self hate/unhinged, genuinely unwell and venting I guess
People have come back from way worse. Do you know why? Because they aren't stupid, removed pieces of shit. They tried. They cared. APpparently I dont'. I dont know what's wrong with me. why am I not better.
:::
7
TerminalEncounter [she/her] - 1.3yr
I started playing through cyberpunk again. I forgot how much I hated femme Vs voice. But at least she made acting choices, masc V sucks worse. I can't handle the way femme Vs VA reads "let's check this factory new ride" or "whole kit and kaboodle" dunno what it is
7
Carl [he/him] - 1.3yr
Just woke up from a wild dream.
I was The Spoony One, and I had been isekai'd into a PvP MMO world. I was also gender-bent. I was fighting a succession of baddies and gaining speed-based skills, very shounen anime, with kind of a self-serving bend. Like I was an antihero.
There was this other guy though, who was a much more traditional heroic type, very paladin-coded. At first I thought he was the real hero and tried to help him, but I discovered that he was inadvertantly perpetuating some kind of cycle that was keeping everyone trapped in the isekaiverse.
I tried to tell him and he didn't believe me, we fought and he whipped my ass, leaving us to part ways. I went back on my level ground and it became apparent that if I didn't kill the paladin guy the game would never end. So with no more boss monsters left, I challenged him again.
The dream ended before the big fight, with him and his party members also believing that this was the final fight. They were talking about my (the Spoony One's) history of being edgy online and disappearing from it, and running fight simulations.
The flight was like 99% in the paladin guy's favor and one of his party members was complaining that beating me was going to be an anticlimactic final boss. There was another character named Dexterity who they thought was going to be the Big Bad but I had beat him before with a clever tactic instead of going toe to toe like the paladin guy would have preferred.
I think the dream ended right before the mid-season plot twist.
7
EllenKelly [comrade/them] - 1.3yr
I cant stop thinking about someone i know burning a book they have definitely not read, while talking about how 'problematic' the book is, how disfusting the artwork is, etc
gah! Anti-intellectualism and the 'left', name a more ivonic duo
7
CDommunist [she/her, love/loves] - 1.3yr
Ran 5k today lfg
7
Disaster_of_Passion [kit/kit's, she/her] - 1.3yr
I can tell it's officially Spring because my allergies are trying to murder me
7
gramxi [they/them] - 1.3yr
I'm an aesthete
6
iArtemis [she/her, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
🍋 another day another banger 🍋
6
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
Poasting
6
inTheShadowOf [she/her] - 1.3yr
Trying to figure out which plush to keep on my bed tonight. This is a serious decision.
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
So do my good boy points convert over to nb points or did I lose those
6
Wmill [they/them, fae/faer] - 1.3yr
Sad Enya music starts playing in my mind whenever one of plushies falls off the bed
6
shallot [she/her] - 1.3yr
So long and thanks for all the lemons
6
JohnBrownsBussy2 [she/her, they/them] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler question about injections
So, cored my first vial of E after 9 doses. I have two extra, but there's still a couple doses (3-4) left in the original bottle. I had sterilzed the top before inserting the needle (and used a sterile needle of course), so will it be safe to continue using as long as there's no signs of contamination?
:::
6
Boynomoder [she/her, pup/pup's] - 1.3yr
This girl on The Ultimatum (gay edition) is so annoying
5
XiaCobolt [she/her] - 1.3yr
Did we just lose the 80 comment fallout thread or did I dream it?
5
yewler [she/her] - 1.3yr
If the next mega isn't a fruit mega I'm actually going to cry
Think I might lower my dose. I think 10 might be a bit much.
5
LocalOaf [they/them, she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler mental health, social anxiety and avpd, addiction/booze
I feel like something changed for me personality wise
Like I went through a lot of stress lately and quit drinking and have been doing better mentally but I've always been really shy and a homebody and introvert and nervous in public and have a really hard time reaching out to people and being social but that all had been easier and I've felt less depressed but it makes me more aware of how I really need more friendly day to day interactions and friends to chat with and am feeling that inadequacy really acutely
Lonely as hell tbh
Not sure how to expand my social circle in this awkward stage of my life but I feel all sad and needy and it sucks
:::
5
PeeNutButtHer [she/her] - 1.3yr
::: spoiler (CW: Weight loss) This is a vent, not asking for advice, don’t give me advice
God dammit why does weight shit have to be so one sided. Been trying to lose weight over this past two weeks, starting at 200.2 lbs I got down to 190.5 by only eating 1 meal a day, I was a little cranky at first but I’ve gotten into the rhythm and it was going great. Yesterday I made fried rice and had a bowl of it, later in the day I got high and decided to splurge a little and had a small portion of leftovers in addition to what I already had. Well today I went up 3 lbs because of that slip up.
I try and I try and lose only like a pound or less a day and then one slip up and boom there goes multiple days worth of progress.
I feel like I’m fighting the world with everything I do. Trying to eat less, trying to smoke less, trying to take better care of myself. Days to weeks of progress can be destroyed in a single instance, it’s so one sided and bullshit. Still very determined to lose weight though, even if this fuck up has frustrated me to no end
:::
4
iridaniotter [she/her] - 1.3yr
Using egodystonicity to discover my True Self like Miss Kyuubey using her inability to lie in order to figure out what she earnestly believes.
GayTuckerCarlson in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Lemons - Trans Megathread from March 24th, 2025 to March 30th, 2025
The Lemon Edouard Manet, 1880
All recipes are vegan or easily converted
Lemon drinks:
Chef John - State Fair Style Lemonade
Adam Ragusea - Lemonade, six slightly different ways
Adam Ragusea - Homemade citrus sodas that 'glow'
Tasting History - The Sweet History of Lemonade
Middle Eats - How Egyptians stay cool in summer
Lemon drop cocktail
Lemon Deserts:
Lemon Posset
Lemon Mousse
Lemon italian ice
Lemon Cake
Lemon Meringue Pie
Lemon Curd
Lemon thumbprint cookies
Whipped Lemon Shortbread
Lemon poundcake
Korean Preserved Lemon syrup
lemon icing
Basbousa
Candied lemon peels
Lemon sponge cake
lemon entree:
Lemon Cappellini pasta
Lemon butter sauce
Lemon garlic pasta
Lemon potatoes
Greek lemon rice
Lemon rasam
Lebanese Lentil Soup
User recommended recipes:
King Arthur Flour - Lemon-Glazed Pound Cake
Townsend's 18th century Lemon Cream recipe
Lemon pig decoration
lemon resources:
How to Get 8x as Much Juice From One Citrus?
Lemon peel powder
How to store lemons
Afroman - Lemon Pound Cake (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO)
Join our public Matrix server!
https://matrix.to//#/#tracha-space:transfem.dev
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!
the list as it stands:
* after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
yeah can i possibly have the week of 2025-04-21 to 2025-04-27? thanks
fuck off
Yo can I have all of the weeks including and between 3/31 and 6/8 EXCEPT for 5/12 to 5/18? Thanks
go to the h word
Hello
I got a tingly feeling inside when I started writing this message.
Still figuring myself out so not sure how much I'll post but wanted to say all of you are super inspiring and just reading your comments has helped me out
The biggest downside of being trans is that I am now technically straight. It's devastating. I'll never give up my BL manga collection!
I some how managed to be gay both when I was “cis” and trans
They spoke of this in the legends. You are the chosen one.
Been putting nonbinary down more in my applications because I figure why not not like I'll get any less interviews anyway but I do get annoyed when I'm only present a male female option without even the opt out option present. Some of the things still have DEI some don't but hoping whatever software they have that pushes things forward because of woke was left over out of sheer laziness.
The questions at the job interview remain the same as every other, the same question is asked about laboratory experience, the same question about how to respond to a coworker being catty about a patient.
When I hand my passport to the interviewer he looks me up and down and questions how little I look like the picture. "Oestrogen'll do that to you." I say. My voice feels wrong, months of practicing and while it's less deep and masculine it still feels off, too sweet, a little condescending. There's an awkward pause, the woman observing the interview lets out a nervous laugh.
Back at the hotel, I'm catching a look of myself in the mirror wearing my job interview clothes and realising I'm starting to look like a more butch version of my mother when she was my age, I don't know how to feel about it.
I look almost exactly like a yassified version of my dad lmao
But I have all the little quirks and mannerisms of my mom
I look like my grandma and have all her little quirks and mannerism, I've been told
except her cool skill at peeling a hot potato one handed
Sometimes, it feels like the only difference between your average liberal feminist and your average TERF is how mask-off they are. It really is just civility vs. rudeness.
Liberal feminists will hold the same essentialist, harmful reactionary beliefs as TERFs but just won't flat-out say it and might even feign LGBTQ+ acceptance too.
Omg , I have bottom surgery in a week!
Used the women's restroom for the first time. It was at a UU church hosting a trans lives festival, so definitely a safe place to do so.
People keeping talking about an egg shortage? From where I'm looking there's no shortage of eggs.
We’re we! Here fuck! We’re shit! Queer up!!
Next, you’ll say, "How’d you know about the Mango mega, asshole?"
Huge update: this woman confessed that she's actually had a crush on me this whole time...
It seemed like she really saw me making that "sweet" joke as an opportunity to steer things in a more flirty direction
And it worked for her I guess 🥴🥴🥴
Spent a lot of time complimenting and admiring each other this evening 🥴
Achieved my long term goal of benching 220lbs today
I love being trans.
::: spoiler So i somehow managed to play Undertale before getting spoilered and
ofc i ended up accidentally murdering Toriel. And i told my emotional support puppygirl about it and she said "you can reset the game, you know? The game remembers these things." So i was in the final corridor, at the savepoint after the flashback to the house in the ruins, and that had gotten me all teary-eyed, so i hit reset and started all over again and all this
brought me even closer to crying and i did everything right and spared her this time and that fucking flower goes "i know you murdered her, you're not the only one who can change reality" and all that and i just broke down. JFC. Even Disco Elysium didn't fuck with me as hard as this.
:::
I'm packing my dysphoria into a drawer and hoping nothing opens it.
down with cis
down with cis
down with the cisness
pic of 2/3 of my recovery team
I know a lot of people have had bad experiences with therapy, but I would like to say that for me personally, finding a good therapist has really helped me.
Now that estrogen has made me pretty happy, I picked up another hobby I had before my constant depressions and spent 4 hours writing today. I expected to feel mentally tired and was ready to turn off my brain and scroll through slop afterwards, but somehow it had the opposite effect and I feel amazingly energized
::: spoiler Appointment after 1.5 years of HRT confirmed that my E is rising and my T is very very low It's not HRT; it's actually the soy :::
I find it kind of wild that in the Altered Carbon books it basically says "Liberal democracy will inevitably become intrenched fascism to the point where people forget the concept of infranchisement, while unrestrained capitalism in the periphery will make a new feudalism that is hell on earth for the living, the only solution is an eternal peoples wars through the science of space Maoism" and "changing your body and gender like it's a piece of clothing is cool and good".
Then the author is a huge centrist UK labor supporter and a massive TERF (literally friends with Graham Lineham).
7 months on HRT and I've written the first draft of a novel. I think the estradiol is working!
stop right there, scriminal cum
Taken to saying to myself "I'm eating for two" and lifting my breasts up.
::: spoiler misgendering Walked into a Planned Parenthood appointment and immediately misgendered by security.
It's a trainee, and I am sitting in the waiting room and I can hear the supervisor talking with them. I hate being a fuxking "learning experience." Thought I was safe to go to an appointment and not need to be dolled up, but I guess not. :::
::: spoiler 2 weeks post-ffs recovery updates Energy levels: I can stay up about 12 hours before I start to get tired. I'm mostly watching stuff or playing games during that time so nothing too active. Not too bad considering how mediocre my sleep has been lately. I have to sleep on my back at an angle and this is a very unnatural position for me, a side sleeper.
Pain/Feeling: Just going though my day, not much. Like my lower lip is still a little tingly and my eyes get dry faster than before but it can mostly be ignored. On touch, brow area is sore, my lower lip is a little raw still. I try not to yawn because stretching out my mouth too wide hurts. Under my lips and my chin are numb but do feel pressure. Top of head feels numb with pressure as well.
Eyesight: Not at 100% yet but doing much better. First few days I could barely keep my eyes open and I everything was extremely blurry. A week ago, I could keep my eyes open for a few hours and watch something but I didn't bother wearing glasses since they didn't do anything to improve my vision. Now they actually do something, and I don't need to set everything at the very biggest font to read things! I'm at like 85% of my pre-op vision if I had to guess. They said it could take 3 weeks to fully heal so I think I'm on track
Hair: A fucking mess. They did hair grafts to change my hairline, The donor hair falls out due to shock of the transplant and what regrows is the lasting hair. Until it grows back (3-4 months min), hello forehead. Oh and due to shaving parts off for the grafts, I'm gonna have to find a new way to style my hair. Of course, no point worrying about that rn since due to all the processes done on my scalp, I'm not allowed to wash my hair for a minimum of 4 week post-op. My hair feels so gross , I know it'll be better in time but I'm feeling so skeeved thinking about it
Boredom: Off the charts. Most of my games are difficult and my vision is too poor to really play them properly. And my vision isn't really up for reading a lot of text or do a lot of menus. Also KBM games are not possible right now which cuts out a lot too... I've been watching/listening to stuff for 2 weeks straights and I just wanna DO something. :::
trans people in chud nightmares: trying to indocrinate children, corrupt society
trans people irl: oranges. lemons
hmm, yeah, no.
the employee bathroom key at my work has gone missing
get me the fuck out of here
ono
I lost the fuckin' key to the mailbox, went to go out to check it and had them where I always do and somehow the just vanished without a trace before I went out
oof that’s so annoying. I hate when I lose things, I get so stressed out and always end up being really mean to myself over it. The bathroom key did turn up in the end. Someone just pocketed it and took it home by mistake, hopefully your mail key turns up too.
I'm gonna be so mad and feel so stupid if I have to call a locksmith ugh haha
I guarantee if I do I'll find the old ones right afterwards too
I’ve been married for a week; when do I start to hate my wife?
up with trans
up with trans
up with trans
Lemons on a plate Vincent Van Gogh, 1887
::: spoiler hegemonic transphobia
spot the transphobia from the trans-inclusives
:::
Why does it need to know?
Because hegemony of meanings imposes false association between gender assigned at birth and rib cage circumference despite the causal mechanism (androgenization) being well known
I like these kind of calculators when I grew my boobs the first time and maybe as a guide every year or so as they continue to grow, but nothing replaces actually trying a few bras on and seeing whats actually comfortable. One of my favs for a while was a Walmart bra, the cheapest one. Not even the expensive fancy underwear store ones. At least until the wire wore through and poked me all day lol
As a someone who recently started hormones, I don't know what any of these measurements even mean. However, even I can see that the existence of the UK has been mentioned, and this might be upsetting to people.
::: spoiler spoiler /s, I actually don't know :::
The UK existing is transphobic
that radio selection doesnt even do anything (to your measurements, for sure its saved in a database somewhere) I fucking tested it
Me with my bookmark on extreme environment citrus cultivation in the USSR when I see this mega:
Woke up, found food from yesterday still in my microwave, "sweet breakfast is ready," nuked it and ate it.
That really doesn't sound like a good idea.
meh
It's a common misconception that FFS stands for "Facial Feminization Surgery" when it actually stands for "FOR FUCK'S SAKE (why do I look like a man?)"
Top this, bottom that
I was sent here to destroy you in glorious hand to hand combat or die trying
Finally hexbear and lemmygrad are federated again so I can post here again :D.
On another note, I met up with some trans friends who I hadn't seen in a half year for a drink, which was nice. I was the one who initiated it which I'm proud about since I mostly just wait to be invited. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone
Thank you Hegel, I will remember this for when I have to deal with anti-trans sycophants questioning immortal transsexualwissenschaft.
I was walking into the bathroom today and suddenly thought about the first time I walked into the women's bathroom. I'm glad it doesn't feel as scary as it once did and the me of a few years ago was brave enough to do that. She made it much easier for the me of right now on this mundane Tuesday morning.
God I know I probably sound like every person who does mushrooms, but like, they're really good! Try them!
When I see myself in the mirror on shrooms, I'm the most beautiful girl there is. For a few hours, I'm completely happy and peaceful, and lets make it through the rest of life.
::: spoiler lonely, but in like a weird positive way? Took some meds and had a wonderful nap, woke up feeling so cozy and peaceful. The thought at the front of my mind was, "I wish someone was here to share this with me," but it kind of felt good having that thought?
It felt good to want someone there so I could share a positive feeling, instead of wanting someone there so I could alleviate a negative feeling. To want another person, but not to need another person, to still feel good on my own. Idk, maybe the feeling was more profound to sleepy brain me than it actually is, but it's a feeling I hope I can hold on to. :::
the future of money
it's funny how I can tell the payment processor knows crypto is a pain the ass since they give you like 4 hours to complete the transaction lol
If you weren't able to transfer the coins directly from the service that holds the coins to the vendor, try to transfer them to your personal wallet first and then to the vendor. You will be paying some extra transfer fees though.
I also tried that (using atomic wallet on desktop) and it's still not letting me
Is it not letting you send it to your wallet or is your wallet not letting you send the coins to the vendor?
If you are using Kraken, I think depending on where you live you may have to wait 3 days before being able to use the coins you bought.
I can't send it from paypal to either atomic wallet or the vendor (they are using bitcart)
Today I realized I'm a liberal individual so I'm rectifying this immediately
Oh also a friend asked about HRT
Stop drinking rum with the bums and come drink beers with the queers
It feels like my whole life has been a sequence of “but I don’t want that” [6-12 months later] I think I need that
Hung out with bff and met their partners and they're both rad
when life gives you lemons, make lemon mega 🍋
did I cook with making this chart?
Double checked with the person I am seeing on Saturday (and hadn't heard back from in a couple days) if we were still on. They got back to me to confirm, and apologized for being busy/not getting back to me.
Im moving and its stressful
I moved. Its over. No more hell apartment
::: spoiler sad dreams/deadnaming, dysphoria Had bad nightmares
Woke up and got deadnamed by my mom
Need to shave
Straight up not having a good time here today :::
I am SO FAR from the person I want to be, and knowing that makes me depressed and discourages me from making changes. Also I get really bad anxiety and I feel like I have to justify any changes in my presentation
I struggle with the same kinda thing and I know it's easier said than done but it's good to remind yourself that you don't owe anyone else a justification for your presentation, you have the right to explore that however you want
::: spoiler sad I need to be cuddled and I need attention
This dreary March weather gives me a case of the horribles
:::
would you accept cuddles from a 5'3" boymoder
Absolutely
::: spoiler height stuff I am significantly taller than you but I wanna be the little spoon
:::
::: spoiler I uhhhh knew that from some of your previous posts and said that jokingly but now I'm interested in seeing how that would work
too bad this is just The Internet
nice avi lol, is that an actual sports team? :::
It's from the New England Red Sox, a defunct minor league affiliate of the Boston Red Sox. I actually had a reproduction of it from Ebbets Field Flannels and tragically lost it and they don't make those anymore and that really bums me out, it was a nice hat and was enby af
An open baseball windbreaker that matched it and a white lacy women's top underneath it and some leggings and boots was A Look and I miss it, tomboy futch jock is a powerful vibe
damn, now I actually want to try this with someone much taller than me, FUCK
I assume the physically larger partner has to have the morph ball upgrade and curls into an orb and the physically smaller big spoon partner cuddles the orb
if you have true Little Spoon Energy you'll be able to do that instinctively
It's kinda like a yoda backpack or piggy-back ride deal, legs around the waist w/ arms around the shoulder... but y'know lying down.I’d say twinsies but I’m actively trying not to boymode anymore
::: spoiler Tap for spoiler *cudddlll*
u deserves soooo manys cuddls nn attention nodndonod :::
I get so much utility out of 😭 and
and other similar emojis. The sob is by far my most used emoji. It's not even close
Zaza got me tearing up about how much I love cats and doing a gay lil dance in the thunderstorm taking out the trash and smelling the petrichor and ozone
Well chat, good news, passed my class and am now working on applying for a job. I'm friends with the manager and have worked there before so I don't see getting hired to be a big issue. Been out of work to focus on college (failed) and my- mental health issues. It'll be good to get out of the house again and start saving.
Still no long term plan
but this is at least something and a reference I can use.
considering mirroring all of my posts about communism to my real name account on linkdin
Thinking about that time I was at a restaurant in a notoriously crunchy city in the US and the signs on the bathrooms were she/they and he/they. They were so close to something and made the funniest kind of bathroom.
I really love the way my shadow looks when I'm wearing a dress
Hung out with friends today for the first time in a while, it was really nice just to be out again.
chat do they know
Also sorry, no I do not know how to actually write out a storyscreams dysphorically
the feminine urge to say "that would fix me" multiple times per day
omg I love my physical therapists sm, they're so nice to me
I may have horrible romantic luck but I crush making friends with fun sweet middle aged and older ladies that call you dear, they love my weird fruity ass for some reason but it's nice
Like I wanna give them both Christmas cards and shit after I'm done with my pt
I'm like overflowing with gender euphoria at the moment. I have never felt this way. I'm bursting at the seams. I was on a discord call with some friends and I had my hair all cute, I was wearing cute clothes, I was practicing some girl voice things, I was wearing a bralette and it was hugging me constantly, and I felt like I was NAILING girl mannerisms out of nowhere. But not in a way where I felt like I was forcing anything. It was just happening and I was watching it just happen and it felt right. Oh my gosh. I literally had to leave the discord call and put on music and dance around my living room and sing along with it. And now I'm worn out physically but I still feel like I need to do something with the overwhelming sense of girlhood I'm feeling
friday rice
A question I would like to hear many peoples answer to
::: spoiler spoiler What do you want?
Interpret however :::
switching to xfce to lean more into the mousegirl bit
I’m such a fucking idiot!
::: spoiler CW: Misgendering myself I just ordered a couple of new pants. And now that I’ve legally changed my name, I of course updated it on my account as well, except I forgot to change the "Mr." to "Ms.".
Why am I like this?
:::
I want ice cream but that would require putting on pants to go to the store.
My winter girl rot era is over, my summer happy girl era is beginning.
I've hit a transition milestone in coding as some kind of queer to most people. I'm getting side eye from cishets. I'm getting gay men flirting with me (and complimenting my fits) and cis women including me into gossip (I think probably in a "gay man" way, but nicer to be perceived as safer). Not the area I'd necessarily want to stay perceived and contradictory at times, but overall I'm enjoying it.
The election was called in Australia and as I was leaving somewhere there was a pair of very persistent Liberal party supporters (in Australia they're the Tories) were trying to convince everyone and anyone to take their leaflets, and one of them a blonde lady around my age, just sort of looked at me and withdrew the leaflet from my direction almost subconciously.
(I did have an random episode of some sort of phobioa, not sure trans or homo a few weeks ago that was jarring because you know things suck)
"this would be a really nice idea for the garden" oh no wait i don't own this place and my landlord would hate it and make me pay out of my deposit to remove it
"oh that raised bed is literally rotting to pieces" the landlord wouldn't want to pay for it to be replaced
"i want to do this" never mind that costs money i'm not gonna spend on a place i don't own
WOKE up to my plushies all being warm from my body heat, it's cold this morning but goddamn my body is like a furnace. Only thing different is yesterday went hard (for me) on the rowing machine, if only for my plushies might keep doing that so I can be warm for them
Working my way through the lemon videos, summaries of videos below. Thank you to whoever assembled these!
Day 1: Drinks
Chef John - State Fair Style Lemonade: Just your classic effort lemonade. This base is used in most of the rest of the videos. The secret is to boil the sugar and water together to make simple syrup, then add zest and stir for a bit then strain. Then make the lemonade how you normally would.
Adam Ragusea - Lemonade, six slightly different ways: This is just ideas for how to vary your lemonade. Highlights include adding cardamom pods, rosemary, and/or lavender to the simple syrup, and also try muddling berries and throwing them in pulp and all. He also points out that boiled zest (in the sguar water)and/or berry makes them both more candylike, which he prefers to carefully control.
Adam Ragusea - Homemade citrus sodas that 'glow': Try adding sparkling water instead of tap! Also a few small method tips not mebtioned elsewhere. Obviously a raw lemonade. Ive dine this and it's great.
Tasting History - The Sweet History of Lemonade: Historical lemonade is a lot like modern lemonade. Rhe historical andecdotes are fun, however. The big feature here is a method 14th century Egyptians used to make portable sugar-and-lemon balls that can be stored and dropped into drinks on the go.
Middle Eats - How Egyptians stay cool in summer: The base recipe doesn't boil the sugar and water, and instead of using a manual juicer, carefully peels the lemons and puts them in whole (which should keep more pulp in the drink, adding fiber), and adds mint. Blend it all for smooth texture.
Looks AMAZING. Part 2 has a lemon slushy. Make the standard state fair lemonade but with less water for higher concentrate, then add ice, a bit of cream and the secret ingredient: Xanthan gum, which prevents it from separating.
Lemon drop cocktail: Dip the glass rim in lemon juice, then sugar. Add vodka to juiced lemon. Add zest strip for garnish. Its not in the video, but I would try candying the zest strip before adding to sweeten this a bit more and add a tasty
chaserWill I ever get less gay or .. ?
First
::: spoiler reclaimed language Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, involuntarily thought "God, you are such a dyke," made my own damn day.
:::
That "feel like you didn't really accomplish anything today and are going to bed lonely and feeling unaccomplished" kinda sad
Too much posting about sad, not enough posting about bench press
Working for multiple weeks on the same university assignment that you cannot afford to fail (or have to delay your graduation by a year), all while making close to 0 progress (it's literally what I've been preparing for my entire degree) has amazing effects on your mind. Literally every day, all day, it's the only thing I'm focusing on and I am going crazy.
::: spoiler positive interaction with medical stuff actually? I'm so lucky to get my financial assistance and health insurance shit covered and won the lottery with the physical therapists and nurses and doctors I've seen with my hand injuries
This has been one of the hardest times in my life lately but the people treating and caring for me have been so kind and genuine and good to me
Out to both pts and they're both very sweet middle aged women and the one I saw today hated on JK Rowling together with me lmao and talked about Tolkien and Dune with me and she's really funny and nice
She accidentally called me sir and apologized and it was really genuine and I could tell she means well and actually wants to get it right
Might femme up my look to go there next time a bit idk but they're good ppl :::
Social needs are garbage. Why can't I just like hanging out and talking with people but not need to. It just hurts when I'm not getting "enough" (whatever my brain decides that means). Maybe soon my brain will break again and be okay being alone for a while. There's definitely been times where I feel like I've been fine without anyone really but that has not been the case lately :/
Also all this would be easier if I was just better at it
probably why I feel this way tbh. I'm too quiet and too boring. Or maybe, even worse, I don't even know the actual issue.
::: spoiler vile sexual shitpost some of you have never simmered a large carrot in water on the stovetop to 100 degrees to replicate the warmth of a real cock and it shows
: :::
Even though I'm taking estrogen (and spironolactone) I'm still taking finasteride. I think just it's neat. I'm surprised it doesn't get used as much in gender affirming care.
Obviously it's can't be a sole anti-androgen as it only blocks DHT, but like women trans and cis are meant to have some testosterone if only for energy, libido etc. I think it makes sense to have the finasteride there to sweep in and block the DHT part that only have negative effects (hair loss on scalp, increased facial and body hair, prostate enlargement). It's actually prescribed to cis women who are losing hair or are hirsute, a demographic with a lot in common with some trans women.
The major side "negative" effects are reversible (1:100) and irreversible erectile dysfunction (1:10,000) which is a YMMV and breast growth
I pay 20 AUD for 30x5mg tablets, that I quarter, meaning I have 4 months supply at once and it costs me 5 dollar bucks a month.
Also seems like it has relevance for Trans Men who don't want hair loss from testosterone. IDK.
I live to gay another day
Bralettes acquired. I feel like I'm being gently hugged hehe. I underestimated how neat this would feel
This is the best mega the site has ever posted
::: spoiler anxiety That feeling when you text a someone and they don't reply back but it was kinda a non sequitur joke (and upon reflection, not very funny) so you there's no reason that they'd necessarily be expected to but now you worry if you text them again without them texting you back first it'd look clingy but you also worry that you've somehow annoyed them or lost their interest.
I've had such a refreshingly nice day today. I ate a really good bao bun, went to a boring lecture, swam 1km in the college pool, then zoned out in the hot tub and sauna. I'm feeling very relaxed right now
::: spoiler sad/ridiculous, dysphoria Last two days I've been going out irl and I remember why I hate this shit. Held back tears for like half the day. I feel like I'm dead. I hate being someone I'm not.
My life every day if I was just fucking normal:
:::
On a positive note I've been setting and meeting small goals and as long as I don't fuck up the next few days I'll have completed a big one. Don't really want to be too specific yet.
Today marks my perpetual stew's one week birthday
I added macaroni and chili beans today. I still haven't quite worked out what the optimal ratio of ingredients is, but I have decided that I need a bigger pot because every time I go to add stuff to this thing I overfill it.
Im excited about life
::: spoiler transphobia but my meetup-date-thing went well regardless Met up with the girl I was talking about at a bookstore. We browsed and talked for a bit, until she noticed something and moved to check out. After we left, she said that there was a man staring us down, so we decided to chat outside until he left. We talked hobbies, a bit of personal history, plans, a bit about sex and kink (in general). She vaped, and I was being a bit cute and asked for some secondhand, and she humored me on that. I was nervous and a bit shook by the transphobe, so I definitely spent more time listening than talking and I was worried about coming off as boring. When the weather started getting bad we decided to call it, but she said that I passed the "vibe check" and she asked me out on a second meetup/first real date.
:::
(me waking up all groggy and confused and noticing my smooth hand and painted nails)
(has been out for like a decade plus)
"lol wtf I'm a chick? Hahaha hell yeah, tight lmao"
how do I know which of the injectable types of estradiol (valerate, cypionate, etc.) I should get for DIY? I know the dose volume is different between the different types, but tbh my impulse is to just get whatever has the longest shelf life since I'm mainly getting this as a backup in case HRT is banned in the US.
In order of half-life from shorter to longer it's Valerate > Cypionate > Enanthate. Generally doctors here only prescribe valerate but it's levels are really swingy - I'd get shitty mood swings if I missed injection day. I use enanthate now and it's been great.
This is a neat calculator. https://transfemscience.org/misc/injectable-e2-simulator/
It's easy to compound from raws, and raws probably last a lot longer than vials, so you can keep a dry stockpile and just whip up a few vials whenever you are low.
https://www.estrannai.se/ is the new recommended calculator :3
I'm on enanthate and I can confirm I don't get any mood swings that other people have described.
I hear very good things about ethanate from diyers since it has a longer half-life and avoids the weekly through of valerate. You can also do more with less (for example 4mg/week instead of 5mg/week as a reference dose). Check hrt cafe, but looking at some suppliers, you could get 400 mg of een for $80, so that's up to 100 weeks (obviously will be less due to transfer losses.)
I found one supplier offering a kilogram for $1600! :P
Going to need a lot of friends to go through that before it goes bad
enanthate is generally the most recommended one, though its functional identical to cypionate for most
Vince McMahon face meme that advances one level every time we are given new lemon art
Someone explain to me how I ended up so freakin' cute and gay out of nowhere
::: spoiler sad Got a case of the "can't sleep and keep emotionally hurting myself ruminating and pining for unrequited love" bullshit
I'm very happy for my best friend and their two rad partners and they're very cute together and sweet and they have a good arrangement but god part of me is really jealous of them
the "feel Bill, two wieners?" meme but for your bestie having two awesome partners when you've been alone for ages and seeing them being cute together just unintentionally twisting the knife of getting ghosted by someone you felt love at first sight with
I want that kinda cute wholesome lovey dovey shit they have so bad
:::
Working on a 2 year plan rn
setting the animal crossing town theme to the soviet national anthem always makes me giggle
Holy SHIT tilting my head back and swishing my hair across the top of my bare back is the most incredible feeling ever
Oh, I have you booked for... 1 hour of unrestrained happiness and feelings of self worth. Alright, you may start
can i say something
go for it
are you sure?
why would I not be?
Why would you not be(ep)?
I can't believe you've done this
bazinga
I'll allow it, as long as it's not "beep"
do you mean it?
do not beep
do not beep
I'm gonna beep!
bazinga
im taking this personally
bazingabee
ok I'll admit it
Citrus 2: Electric Boogaloo
::: spoiler sex/masturbation I never needed to bite before E. Now I find my mouth closing on whatever closest even when I'm perking off. Why? I cannot say :::
Do you think there's a Transfeminization Cave in the Male-Undoing Mountains south of the Nation of Women of Western Liang
deleted by skeleton
Rats in the crawlspace scratching the floorboards
Found my missing keys and headlamp!
Lemons are goat
::: spoiler religion/mention of religious trauma Not religious/spiritual whatsoever (hardline (dialectical) materialist), but I'll admit that this Unitarian Universalist hosted fest is the first time that I haven't felt anxious presenting femme around cis people. Got a lot of compliments for my makeup from some kids. It warms my heart to see young people being raised in love and acceptance. Having been raised up evangelical/in right-wing areas, I've never seen that before in person. :::
Whoa new lemons!
i played video games a bunch last night and my hands are just a little stiff. I think lower desk is helping.
who wants to help me come up with discussion questions about i saw the tv glow that tie the themes of the film into a conversation about socialism? lol jk ... unless?
::: spoiler anxiety, piercings I think what might finally push me to work on overcoming my anxiety with public transit is that I really really want nipple piercings, but it would feel monumentally weird and awkward to ask my sister to drive me to go get my nipples pierced. :::
I don't find most guys attractive at all, but every time I start questioning if I'm even into guys I'll run into someone who makes me go
Suddenly finding myself tempted to sign up to do a mega on grapefruit...
::: spoiler spoiler (this is a bit please do not sign me up to do a mega
)
::: spoiler spoiler (I do really love grapefruit tho) :::
I'm channeling all the peer pressure I can muster in your direction. Grapefruitposting is based
Grapefruit fucks with a lot of meds, always check if your meds are affected! Spiro is one of em, a lot of SNRIs and SSRIs are affected. It's a cyp3a4 inhibitor (a liver enzyme) which is a common enzyme for many drugs. Always double check.
This world is a prison.
Guess I'll be sticking to my Artificially Flavoured Grapefruit Energy Drinks
I'm going depeche mode
I accidentally rizzed someone up... dammit.
Okay, I should say "semi-accidentally" I guess because, though my intentions weren't necessarily flirty, I was trying to lift her mood and I'm actually very pleased by her response:
The rizz (very cliché):
And that's what got her to feel rizzed... damn. Not the first time this happened with her. One time, she kinda responded with a joyful "Thanks 🥰" a bit ago simply because I complimented her music taste, which ain't much but the 🥰 emoji said a lot more to me than just "very thankful."
I didn't even think the rizz was that good... but apparently it did something. Truthfully made my day, and I told her that I hope it made hers, and she said that is "Mega cute!"
So, I decided to lean into it and said, "Yeah, you are 🤭"
No response yet but... fuck.
Having rizz is a blessing and a curse.
Update: She felt rizzed up even more by that, lol. I shared my song with her, and she responded by saying, "That's so cool. I'd love to just sit in your room all day and listen to music and talk to you! You're so cool."
Help! 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
tbh that would work on me
As someone who is rizz illiterate, I ssume all compliments are just compliments so I'm not aware of any time anyone tried to rizz me up. On the other hand I have no idea how much of how I interact with people on a daily basis comes across as flirty? I'm very dorky irl and like complimenting people
I joke with my friends that if someone were to flirt with me they would have to explicitly tell me "I'm flirting with you btw" it's so bad
Smoking that "look at crush's pictures and make yourself sad" pack
GOOD post
Im awake when i should be sleeping. This always sucks. Someone send the sleepytime guy with the hammer to knock me out, i need to be not awake rn.
::: spoiler pure miscellaneous ugly venting: NSFW, anxiety, relationships, SI/SH, healthcare systems, butt stuff, self-hatred
What a miserable day. Had multiple health appointments and had to endure some more misgendering after this morning's incident. I learned that what I thought of could be taken care of in a relatively simple procedure is going to require surgery (got a hemorrhoid in my sphincter that makes bottoming incredibly painful). So, now I have that to deal with, although the surgeon is nice enough. Not going to have the procedure until May, and then it'll take a couple weeks for complete recovery.
On a related note to the sex stuff, the play partner I was chatting and planning to meet up this weekend hasn't texted me in 72 hrs, and I feel incredibly anxious and also like a fucking clingy creep for pining like this. I know she's okay because we friended on discord and I see her account go active, but I feel like a stalker for checking that. We talked about keeping things casual and no/low attachment, but I have already failed in that aspect. Going to wait until tomorrow to text her and see if we're still on for Saturday. If she changes her mind that fine, but it's just the waiting in uncertainty that I cannot stand.
Also on a related note, once the PreP is good, I have been thinking about how I want to handle the some of the other folks I am chatting/looking to see. There's one person who I like well enough and said that I'd like to go on a date with, but wasn't really feeling any sexual or romantic chemistry. However, I am tempted to "give it up" if they make the moves due to these validation issues. I know that this is a terrible fucking idea that I would regret, one that would hurt me and ruin our friendship, but it's an intrusive thought at the back of my brain.
Also, miserable day at work. Had shit data from an expensive experiment and I can't find some expensive samples, so boss is going to kill me. Will take a second look at stuff tomorrow, but can't handle it right now.
Anyways, currently struggling with mild SI/SH urges. Please send love if you've read this far. I need it. :::
One happy this is that I went thrift shopping and not only found some tops to try out but also a bright pink suit coat that I can mod/punkify. Already got the stuff for that on order, so should be ready in time for that party on Sunday night.
Welp, as soon as my breasts start growing is the exact same time friends start pushing me to go swimming....
Not big enough to fill out a top, to big to go shirtless.
(hungry pumpkin voice)
🎃
I'm very lonely!
Scientists have a true specialty for writing some hideous looking code.
what language, and how bad is it
flip a coin, it can only be R or Python
well it could also be matlab or fortran depending on how old they are
I have not programmed in nearly a decade and I still randomly get angry about how ugly matlab is.
i prefer to just ignore its existence honestly
" ~= " is a crime I can never forget and never forgive.
Thinking of two examples. SPICE which is programmed in FORTRAN with automatically generated C bindings, and GDAL which is a highly arbitrary combination of C, C++, and Python.
am eeeepy
I found YouTube links in your post. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
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lol
(get a bunch of cool used games I've always wanted at a cool local used games store)
(play the same handful over and over)
::: spoiler sex, kink
I just had such a wonderful impact session, with so much sting. I finally got to try my other toys, which i bought to, uh, expand my boundaries. I tend to prefer thuddy, im very much a thuddy girl, and these floggers sting like no tomorrow, and tbh the sting is growing on me... it doesnt hurt that my domme really knows how to use them (and me)
::: spoiler garbage Too afraid to do anything. Very sad day today. I don't know if its because I'm sick or what but I haven't cried like this in a while.
It feels like I'm just broken.
I don't even have a reason to be broken. My parents are kinda kooky and could have done better- both with having better opinions and with my autism. But that shouldn't be enough to ruin me like this. Obviously I'm dysphoric but again- is it really that bad to make me like this. Hopefulyl I can get E and cross that off. ::: spoiler self harm Relapsed recently. Want to do it again. I don't even have a reason right now other then being sad. stupid fucking reason. always a stupid fucking reason though.
can it please just stop. it hurts so bad today.
how do i get unbroken ::: spoiler self hate/unhinged, genuinely unwell and venting I guess People have come back from way worse. Do you know why? Because they aren't stupid, removed pieces of shit. They tried. They cared. APpparently I dont'. I dont know what's wrong with me. why am I not better. :::
I started playing through cyberpunk again. I forgot how much I hated femme Vs voice. But at least she made acting choices, masc V sucks worse. I can't handle the way femme Vs VA reads "let's check this factory new ride" or "whole kit and kaboodle" dunno what it is
Just woke up from a wild dream.
I was The Spoony One, and I had been isekai'd into a PvP MMO world. I was also gender-bent. I was fighting a succession of baddies and gaining speed-based skills, very shounen anime, with kind of a self-serving bend. Like I was an antihero.
There was this other guy though, who was a much more traditional heroic type, very paladin-coded. At first I thought he was the real hero and tried to help him, but I discovered that he was inadvertantly perpetuating some kind of cycle that was keeping everyone trapped in the isekaiverse.
I tried to tell him and he didn't believe me, we fought and he whipped my ass, leaving us to part ways. I went back on my level ground and it became apparent that if I didn't kill the paladin guy the game would never end. So with no more boss monsters left, I challenged him again.
The dream ended before the big fight, with him and his party members also believing that this was the final fight. They were talking about my (the Spoony One's) history of being edgy online and disappearing from it, and running fight simulations.
The flight was like 99% in the paladin guy's favor and one of his party members was complaining that beating me was going to be an anticlimactic final boss. There was another character named Dexterity who they thought was going to be the Big Bad but I had beat him before with a clever tactic instead of going toe to toe like the paladin guy would have preferred.
I think the dream ended right before the mid-season plot twist.
I cant stop thinking about someone i know burning a book they have definitely not read, while talking about how 'problematic' the book is, how disfusting the artwork is, etc
gah! Anti-intellectualism and the 'left', name a more ivonic duo
Ran 5k today lfg
I can tell it's officially Spring because my allergies are trying to murder me
I'm an aesthete
🍋 another day another banger 🍋
Poasting
Trying to figure out which plush to keep on my bed tonight. This is a serious decision.
So do my good boy points convert over to nb points or did I lose those
Sad Enya music starts playing in my mind whenever one of plushies falls off the bed
So long and thanks for all the lemons
::: spoiler question about injections
So, cored my first vial of E after 9 doses. I have two extra, but there's still a couple doses (3-4) left in the original bottle. I had sterilzed the top before inserting the needle (and used a sterile needle of course), so will it be safe to continue using as long as there's no signs of contamination? :::
This girl on The Ultimatum (gay edition) is so annoying
Did we just lose the 80 comment fallout thread or did I dream it?
If the next mega isn't a fruit mega I'm actually going to cry
lemon pig
my beloved
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Think I might lower my dose. I think 10 might be a bit much.
::: spoiler mental health, social anxiety and avpd, addiction/booze I feel like something changed for me personality wise
Like I went through a lot of stress lately and quit drinking and have been doing better mentally but I've always been really shy and a homebody and introvert and nervous in public and have a really hard time reaching out to people and being social but that all had been easier and I've felt less depressed but it makes me more aware of how I really need more friendly day to day interactions and friends to chat with and am feeling that inadequacy really acutely
Lonely as hell tbh
Not sure how to expand my social circle in this awkward stage of my life but I feel all sad and needy and it sucks :::
::: spoiler (CW: Weight loss) This is a vent, not asking for advice, don’t give me advice God dammit why does weight shit have to be so one sided. Been trying to lose weight over this past two weeks, starting at 200.2 lbs I got down to 190.5 by only eating 1 meal a day, I was a little cranky at first but I’ve gotten into the rhythm and it was going great. Yesterday I made fried rice and had a bowl of it, later in the day I got high and decided to splurge a little and had a small portion of leftovers in addition to what I already had. Well today I went up 3 lbs because of that slip up.
I try and I try and lose only like a pound or less a day and then one slip up and boom there goes multiple days worth of progress.
I feel like I’m fighting the world with everything I do. Trying to eat less, trying to smoke less, trying to take better care of myself. Days to weeks of progress can be destroyed in a single instance, it’s so one sided and bullshit. Still very determined to lose weight though, even if this fuck up has frustrated me to no end :::
Using egodystonicity to discover my True Self like Miss Kyuubey using her inability to lie in order to figure out what she earnestly believes.
(Read How the Questing Beast Chased, and Caught, Her Own Tail!)
stumbled on this Amelie Lens set from 2018 and god it slaps so hard
decent list of Trans Day of Visibility events in so called australia, a lot of them happened today
https://www.tdov.org.au/
Instagram mafia post with 'community' organised protests post link
::: spoiler full list as per image (EDIT: 📍 HOBART – HAPPENING FROM 12.30 PM, MON 31ST. 📍 SYDNEY – 30 MAR, 2 PM AT PRIDE SQ, NEWTOWN.)
🏳️⚧️ FIND A LOCAL EVENT FOR TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY NEAR YOU! 🏳️⚧️
📍 ADELAIDE (SA): Monday, 31 March – 9.30 am to 9 pm, by @flindersuniqueercollective 📍 ALICE SPRINGS (NT): Monday, 31 March – 5.30 pm, Snow Kenna Park. 📍 ARMIDALE (NSW): Sunday, 30 March – 4 pm, Dumaresq Street at Dangar Street. @studentactivistcollective 📍 BRISBANE (QLD): Sunday, 30 March – 2 pm, King George Square. @magandjinpeoplespride 📍 CANBERRA (ACT): Monday, 31 March – 5.30 pm, Garema Place. 📍 GOLD COAST (QLD): Sunday, 30 March – 9 am, Hope Island Central. 📍 HOBART (TAS): Monday, 31 March – 12.30–1.30 pm, Parliament Lawns. 📍 MELBOURNE (VIC): Monday, 31 March – 5.30 pm, State Library. @tdoa.2025 📍 PERTH (WA): Sunday, 30 March – 3 pm, Pride Piazza. @queerliberationboorloo :::
uuuh new deafheaven