sorry if this isn’t the right community but it seemed like it was either here or askchapo and i felt like it was too personal of a question for there.
basically i used to think a lot about how i wish i was born a girl when i was a kid, before i really knew transitioning was an option. more recently the idea resurfaced for a couple of reasons and i think i might want to transition.
but the idea has kind of come up before and it seems my girlfriend and i would break up if that happened. we’ve been going out for 8 years and she’s easily my best friend. i don’t really have a social life outside of that. i try to talk with coworkers or comrades in my org but generally i feel like people act like i’m off putting. tbh i think i might have schizoid personality disorder or something cause i don’t really like interacting with people generally besides my gf. idk i guess i just always pictured myself like doing girly things with my friends but i don’t think like transitioning will suddenly make it so i can connect with people and make friends to go out with. and i don’t even know if i have physical dysphoria so i worry it might not be worth it.
but on the other hand i just read the page in the gender dysphoria bible on biochemical dysphoria and identify with it 100% but it could just be depression bc of some other reason.
i love her so much i don't know if i can even make myself tell her. i think even if i make friends it's not going to be anything like how i feel talking with her. how many of you had a similar decision to make? i don't know what to do
Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them] - 1.3yr
So yeah I was in a similar position as you and I went for it. I was with my fiance for 6 years and we ended up breaking up, but it could go either way.
I went for it because I just had to. Like, I knew I was trans, and I didn't really accept the possibility that I would live a lie for the rest of my life at that point. Once I knew, I didn't feel like I had much of a choice.
We broke up a year and a half ago. I will be honest, I am socially pretty outgoing and charismatic in some ways, and I have a ton of friends now (before transition I had like, a few but they were scattered across the country, none that I saw on any regular basis). Not sure how that would work for you, but I met a lot of them through support groups and dating apps. I now engage with art music in a way I never did before and I don't know if that would have happened also, but this is marginal and really doesn't have anything to do with being trans except that I don't hate myself lol and I met a lot of cool people through this process.
I do also have a girlfriend now, we are t4t and open, and we live together. So yeah, idk, it's different for everyone. I miss my ex fiance, I do feel like we could have made it work and I think she could have been happy with me. In some weird ways, less changed about me than I expected haha.
Oh and about telling her, well, I'm not sure which way you're going to go, but this person is really close to you. She's probably eventually going to find out. It could be an intense situation though, just be warned. But like, that might just be the situation you have to deal with :/
12
starkillerfish [she/her] - 1.3yr
i also had to talk about gf about transitioning and it went well (we are still together). and while I hadnt made more friends instantly after transitioning, my social life does feel easier and comes more naturally. it took (and still takes) a lot of work not going to lie.
maybe you can discuss your thought with you gf without committing to anything? you dont have to make a decision right away
11
GaveUp [she/her] - 1.3yr
in my experience people in orgs are relatively pretty well put together mentally. if you're struggling with disorders you can definitely find your crowd elsewhere. just because people have the same interests and values as you doesn't mean you'll be a good vibe and energy fit for each other
I promise you if you try hard enough you will find friends to do girly things with, they may just be in places you haven't explored yet
9
imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her] - 1.3yr
you need to talk to her about it. like others have said it could go either way and either way it will probs be difficult and somewhat painful but keeping avoiding the issue is just going to be an endless source of torture. for my part i broke up with my bf of 5 years when i came out and it was really fucking hard but the best decision I've ever made because ultimately the relationship, while full of queer love, was still trapping me in a gender role that i hated.
kugupu in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
i feel like i should transition but idk if i can
sorry if this isn’t the right community but it seemed like it was either here or askchapo and i felt like it was too personal of a question for there.
basically i used to think a lot about how i wish i was born a girl when i was a kid, before i really knew transitioning was an option. more recently the idea resurfaced for a couple of reasons and i think i might want to transition.
but the idea has kind of come up before and it seems my girlfriend and i would break up if that happened. we’ve been going out for 8 years and she’s easily my best friend. i don’t really have a social life outside of that. i try to talk with coworkers or comrades in my org but generally i feel like people act like i’m off putting. tbh i think i might have schizoid personality disorder or something cause i don’t really like interacting with people generally besides my gf. idk i guess i just always pictured myself like doing girly things with my friends but i don’t think like transitioning will suddenly make it so i can connect with people and make friends to go out with. and i don’t even know if i have physical dysphoria so i worry it might not be worth it.
but on the other hand i just read the page in the gender dysphoria bible on biochemical dysphoria and identify with it 100% but it could just be depression bc of some other reason.
i love her so much i don't know if i can even make myself tell her. i think even if i make friends it's not going to be anything like how i feel talking with her. how many of you had a similar decision to make? i don't know what to do
So yeah I was in a similar position as you and I went for it. I was with my fiance for 6 years and we ended up breaking up, but it could go either way.
I went for it because I just had to. Like, I knew I was trans, and I didn't really accept the possibility that I would live a lie for the rest of my life at that point. Once I knew, I didn't feel like I had much of a choice.
We broke up a year and a half ago. I will be honest, I am socially pretty outgoing and charismatic in some ways, and I have a ton of friends now (before transition I had like, a few but they were scattered across the country, none that I saw on any regular basis). Not sure how that would work for you, but I met a lot of them through support groups and dating apps. I now engage with art music in a way I never did before and I don't know if that would have happened also, but this is marginal and really doesn't have anything to do with being trans except that I don't hate myself lol and I met a lot of cool people through this process.
I do also have a girlfriend now, we are t4t and open, and we live together. So yeah, idk, it's different for everyone. I miss my ex fiance, I do feel like we could have made it work and I think she could have been happy with me. In some weird ways, less changed about me than I expected haha.
Oh and about telling her, well, I'm not sure which way you're going to go, but this person is really close to you. She's probably eventually going to find out. It could be an intense situation though, just be warned. But like, that might just be the situation you have to deal with :/
i also had to talk about gf about transitioning and it went well (we are still together). and while I hadnt made more friends instantly after transitioning, my social life does feel easier and comes more naturally. it took (and still takes) a lot of work not going to lie.
maybe you can discuss your thought with you gf without committing to anything? you dont have to make a decision right away
in my experience people in orgs are relatively pretty well put together mentally. if you're struggling with disorders you can definitely find your crowd elsewhere. just because people have the same interests and values as you doesn't mean you'll be a good vibe and energy fit for each other
I promise you if you try hard enough you will find friends to do girly things with, they may just be in places you haven't explored yet
you need to talk to her about it. like others have said it could go either way and either way it will probs be difficult and somewhat painful but keeping avoiding the issue is just going to be an endless source of torture. for my part i broke up with my bf of 5 years when i came out and it was really fucking hard but the best decision I've ever made because ultimately the relationship, while full of queer love, was still trapping me in a gender role that i hated.