I woke up today… at 01:00. Although not out of the question from my already erratic sleep schedule (Ramadan does not help either) but I did have a relatively busy day and slept quite early, so a tiny bit perplexing but I decided to leave it at that.
I fell asleep again at 6:00 and got woken up by alarms at 10:30… and proceeded to sleep again. Briefly woke up at 12:30, only to fall asleep and woke up at 18:30. I am not even fasting currently but I technically did by just not eating the whole day?
This has happened before of course, but it never ends up feeling good. My head has this fatigue, my body feels like I committed a war crime and deserved to be punished. I try take things day by day, I finally got a new prescription (Lisdexamfetamine dismesylate), since the old one ended not so well (methylphenidate).
I have been described as the primarily inattentive, after being diagnosed a year ago.
I can’t help but feeling the symptoms are becoming worse even though i know objectively that has not been the case.
I am trying to not overthink and put all blame on myself. I have went to too many years of therapy to allow that anymore.
But it still feels like absolute shit.
When I am awake, I am at a constant state of restlessness and brain fog, and when asleep, it never feels restful and I often wake up anxious.
Like I said, I just got prescribed a new medication (after waiting MONTHS!) and intended to start it today morning when I wake up. Never happened of course so now I just feel like screaming into the void.
I have sometimes remarkable self-control in not feeding into negative thoughts and self-hating thought patterns nowadays, but it is times like this I can’t stop feeling slightly hopeless. Like I went through all this shit throughout my life and it still feels like I am back at square one.
I say this with restraint because another part of me, annoyingly and insistent, that says that things have changed, that things will get better because it already has. I go around in circles in trying to think straight. But it never goes to plan.
But it’s back to the basics right? Focus on what I can do right now, get some food, focus on something stimulating that can satisfy that craving in my brain and so I feel ever so slightly less terrible and not a complete failure.
“ADHD symptoms counteracted by high iq and family system while young” my ass. Great I did well in my academics and now I am thousands of kilometres away from home in a so-called world class university barely feeling human for 99.99% of my existence.
But it is what it is yeah? We move on because that’s all we can do.
Also, just found out I ran out of fruit juice (where will I get my glucose rush now?) fuck me
EnsignRedshirt [he/him] - 1.3yr
There's a lot here that is relatable to me and likely plenty of other people. I'm sorry that this is your current experience and I empathize. I have primarily inattentive ADHD and was only diagnosed in my 30s. A lot of things clicked into place, but it's also been a long road figuring out how to properly adapt.
Are you familiar with skill regression in neurodivergent people? Getting a diagnosis and coming to terms with it can actually cause you to lose capability that you once had. I don't know much about the theory behind it, but the feeling of being at square one could be a case of skill regression, which sucks to deal with, but may also represent a step towards being able to engage with the world in a healthier and more authentic way. I guess what I'm saying is that what you're experiencing might be quite real and valid, not necessarily just a manifestation of your anxiety. If so, then there's a good chance that it's temporary, and will diminish as you go through the process of relearning how to approach things with a better understanding of yourself.
I don't know if that's helpful at all, but I often feel better when the discomfort is transient and I can see a path to progress.
5
peripateticpeasant [none/use name] - 1.3yr
I think it was helpful. I didn’t hear about “skill regression” before but my previous psychiatrist did mention how my symptoms also fall into PDA and Autism. Looking through it I do feel vindicated I guess. A lot that comes with neurodiversity is self-doubt isn’t it?
The way I see it is that in certain tasks I feel worse off than before, but in other ways it is a remarkable improvement, but as a result there’s this “paradox” and difficulty to ascertain if progress has been made. Of course in reality it’s a give and take but the “all-or-nothing” approach the ADHD brain takes when dealing with feelings does not really help.
I need near constant reminders from myself about the current path I am taking.
I just re-read this article about sleep problems with ADHD and there was one section where they mention for some people setting an alarm early just to take the medicine and then falling back asleep, lets the stimulant peak right when you should be waking up and makes it easier to be alert afterwards.
I realise now that I kind of did that unintentionally in my first bout with Concerta (methylphenidate). I guess I should try that again, although it still pains me to consume things without brushing my teeth first.
peripateticpeasant in neurodiverse
ADHD and Sleep
ADHD and Sleep
I woke up today… at 01:00. Although not out of the question from my already erratic sleep schedule (Ramadan does not help either) but I did have a relatively busy day and slept quite early, so a tiny bit perplexing but I decided to leave it at that.
I fell asleep again at 6:00 and got woken up by alarms at 10:30… and proceeded to sleep again. Briefly woke up at 12:30, only to fall asleep and woke up at 18:30. I am not even fasting currently but I technically did by just not eating the whole day?
This has happened before of course, but it never ends up feeling good. My head has this fatigue, my body feels like I committed a war crime and deserved to be punished. I try take things day by day, I finally got a new prescription (Lisdexamfetamine dismesylate), since the old one ended not so well (methylphenidate).
I have been described as the primarily inattentive, after being diagnosed a year ago.
I can’t help but feeling the symptoms are becoming worse even though i know objectively that has not been the case.
I am trying to not overthink and put all blame on myself. I have went to too many years of therapy to allow that anymore.
But it still feels like absolute shit.
When I am awake, I am at a constant state of restlessness and brain fog, and when asleep, it never feels restful and I often wake up anxious.
Like I said, I just got prescribed a new medication (after waiting MONTHS!) and intended to start it today morning when I wake up. Never happened of course so now I just feel like screaming into the void.
I have sometimes remarkable self-control in not feeding into negative thoughts and self-hating thought patterns nowadays, but it is times like this I can’t stop feeling slightly hopeless. Like I went through all this shit throughout my life and it still feels like I am back at square one.
I say this with restraint because another part of me, annoyingly and insistent, that says that things have changed, that things will get better because it already has. I go around in circles in trying to think straight. But it never goes to plan.
But it’s back to the basics right? Focus on what I can do right now, get some food, focus on something stimulating that can satisfy that craving in my brain and so I feel ever so slightly less terrible and not a complete failure.
“ADHD symptoms counteracted by high iq and family system while young” my ass. Great I did well in my academics and now I am thousands of kilometres away from home in a so-called world class university barely feeling human for 99.99% of my existence.
But it is what it is yeah? We move on because that’s all we can do.
Also, just found out I ran out of fruit juice (where will I get my glucose rush now?) fuck me
There's a lot here that is relatable to me and likely plenty of other people. I'm sorry that this is your current experience and I empathize. I have primarily inattentive ADHD and was only diagnosed in my 30s. A lot of things clicked into place, but it's also been a long road figuring out how to properly adapt.
Are you familiar with skill regression in neurodivergent people? Getting a diagnosis and coming to terms with it can actually cause you to lose capability that you once had. I don't know much about the theory behind it, but the feeling of being at square one could be a case of skill regression, which sucks to deal with, but may also represent a step towards being able to engage with the world in a healthier and more authentic way. I guess what I'm saying is that what you're experiencing might be quite real and valid, not necessarily just a manifestation of your anxiety. If so, then there's a good chance that it's temporary, and will diminish as you go through the process of relearning how to approach things with a better understanding of yourself.
I don't know if that's helpful at all, but I often feel better when the discomfort is transient and I can see a path to progress.
I think it was helpful. I didn’t hear about “skill regression” before but my previous psychiatrist did mention how my symptoms also fall into PDA and Autism. Looking through it I do feel vindicated I guess. A lot that comes with neurodiversity is self-doubt isn’t it?
The way I see it is that in certain tasks I feel worse off than before, but in other ways it is a remarkable improvement, but as a result there’s this “paradox” and difficulty to ascertain if progress has been made. Of course in reality it’s a give and take but the “all-or-nothing” approach the ADHD brain takes when dealing with feelings does not really help.
I need near constant reminders from myself about the current path I am taking.
I just re-read this article about sleep problems with ADHD and there was one section where they mention for some people setting an alarm early just to take the medicine and then falling back asleep, lets the stimulant peak right when you should be waking up and makes it easier to be alert afterwards.
I realise now that I kind of did that unintentionally in my first bout with Concerta (methylphenidate). I guess I should try that again, although it still pains me to consume things without brushing my teeth first.