Wedding is over
(or I’m done with it at least )

Not sure how I feel about the whole experience.
I feel like most people didn’t really acknowledge I was girlmoding at all…which idk if I prefer or not.
One of my aunts asked if I changed my name and a cousin asked what my pronouns were at one point…but another cousin also called me “buddy”
a waitress also called me sweetie

Saw an old childhood friend that everyone thought I would end up with growing up, but we both seem to have ended up with butch lesbians instead
…Idk what that says about us

Had to go on the dance floor for a hot minute because of some thing with my mom and siblings…which was embarrassing.
I feel so awkward and stiff next to cis women

The question of “Do I pass or are people just being nice” remains unanswered.
…I guess we’ll see how brunch goes tomorrow.

moving this here cause i didn't realise i was posting in the final minutes of last mega lol

::: spoiler gonna gas myself up a bit, dysphoria talk but positive (hairline stuff)

recently in Good Problems to Have: my hair doesn't wanna middle part perfectly lately, because i've been lucky enough to have quite a bit of hairline regrowth over the years and it has periods of being slightly uneven. i've basically developed a lil widows peak but for good reasons, hehe. it honestly gives me so much joy, i used to not be able to look at my forehead and was obsessive about making sure it was covered by my fringe. now i'm letting my bangs grow out and i feel like i'm able to embrace it. i have a kinda big forehead but these days it's more or less in line with those on the cis women in my family. feels good gang.

:::

love my trans comrades!

Got ma’amed at the airport

The way depression robs you of anything to talk about is terrible. All I want to do is chat with people but I have nothing to say. I don't do anything, and none of my thoughts are worth repeating another time.

Last night I dreamt that I had to do standup but was completely unprepared so I just went up and insulted Margaret Thatcher and it worked

I think girlmoding at my sister’s wedding is going okay.
Can’t tell how much I pass or if people are being nice.

::: spoiler sv, ukraine

If one more lib talks about how trumps comments on Ukraine starting the war is just like victim blaming a sv victim or worse yet says awful "jokes" like "Ukraine was wearing the wrong clothes" I'm going to go INSANE. The united states was always going to pillage Ukraine from the jump, ever since the coup succeeded. It was blatant and obvious. They even act like a guy who suspended elections isnt a dictator. Jesus fucking Christ

:::

Today Tomboymoder dies; what creature will be born from its ashes I do not know.

americans have drive-thru cemeteries i cannot get over this

Cis people don't want you to know this but you can change your gender whenever you want. I've changed my gender 15 times while writing this, the cis cannot handle my power

::: spoiler venting, transphobia Whenever I have an account here for longer than a month I always get self conscious of existing here. Just imposter syndrome linked with fear of people in my life finding my gay shitposts for some reason. Just feel like afraid I guess? Afraid of people in my life finding out my queerness because it feels like I'm only put up with with respect to my queerness instead of acceptance. Like even the trans spaces I go to are just kinda queerphobic. Like I can't really be myself with them because they all gave brainworms about enbies and xenigenders, and they are extremely heteronormative and are clearly uncomfterabke with me not trying to conform to the binary women presentation they expect of me. They are also anti communists so I can't talk about the either. Just frustersting that there is no aspect of my life I can unmask. I can't unmask my queerness or my disabilties in work because I'll get fired, I can't unmask around these same issues around these so called friends because of their bigotry, and I can't just stay here posting through the pain because its unhealthy to not interact with people IRL, and I can't risk getting doxxed. Just feel trapped everywhere in my life. Unsure what to do :::

after everything, I think I might just be a femme leaning NB. I like being on estrogen, and being feminine in some ways (having long hair, removing body/facial hair, speaking with a softer voice, using feminine mannerisms), but I also don't really mind wearing men's clothing and being recognized as one by others. which might make sense considering all the women I know IRL and envy/idolize are tomboyish, while I don't have as much interest in emulating the more feminine women I know.

“So are you connected to the bride or the groom?”
“I’m one of the bride’s siblings.”
“Oh, your sister’s name’s sister”:

I've been told to post more about queer joy, so i'm just gonna get all dreamy about how the morning sunlight softly falls on my gal pal's cheekbones when i'm waking up next to her. How at peace she looks in these moments, how she sleepyly puts her arm around me and cuddles up to me when she notices i'm awake. She's such a little angel. I must also stress how important it is to me to make everybody who spends the night at my place a nice, big, vegan breakfast.

I GOT BACK INTO CONTACT WITH CRUSH AND PLAYED IT COOL LFG

I just found out that the practice I go to recently removed transgender care from their website and my appointment is tomorrow.

What's up with trans people and map games

I jokingly told someone I was shaped like a walrus, and she said that walruses are hot, and now I guess I'm a hot walrus

Literally had to explain to a coworker what an Internet Browser is, what the fuck is my life?

::: spoiler CW Sex magic So when I was in my early 20s I was really into Grant Morrison comics, in particular The Invisibles. Famously Grant Morrison asked his comics readers to think of the comic during orgasm to avoid it getting cancelled (it's sales kept going up after that point). I read everything he wrote, I watched videos of him talking about things, I even shaved my head completely (I had a great shaped skull but that was a terrible idea).

In a video he talked about "sex magic" in particular distilling a deep desire down to a couple of words, then removing the vowels and making a sigil out of the remaining letters that was indecipherable from the original message. Then whenever you had sex or masturbated to focus on that sigil. And I was for my studies posted to a random place in the middle of nowhere for like 3 months. So I decided to do that. I chose the words "bondage wife", which was condensed as I get get the idea. Deep in Comphet, I wanted to find a partner so that had to be woman, and I wanted them to be interested in the fetish/hobby I had. And like due to comphet/compcis I assumed that meant I had to be a dom, they had to be a sub.

So I made a creepy-ass sigil. Like my roomates the few times they saw it were like "the fuck is that???". And I focused on it every time I masturbated for the whole 3 months.

Then I left, and like 2 weeks later I met my now long-term partner who we've been in a relationship for over a decade and early on we were really into doing bdsm stuff. And I was like did the magic work? Did I somehow manifest this actually reasonably likely, from a statistical point of view, thing of finding a partner who had the same very common fetish as I did? Wow is magic real?

But like some years later as we were going through an almost dead bedroom, with the bdsm stuff very rusty, I starting exploring my sexuality and gender. As I became more feminine and I went through a new submissive phase our sex life kind of exploded into the crazy good one it is now. I got into the hobby fetish photography stuff I do. And sometimes I am like huh, maybe I was the "bondage wife" all along... :::

well. it only took me 9 and a half months but i finally made my fatal slip

I was one day late to my injection this week. the first ever miss for me

Looking into the history of scholastic really shows how Harry Potter took off when it did. At the time Scholastic was desperate for a new cash cow because its previous one, Goosebumps, had come to an end with legal issues revolving around R.L. Stine.

This was also around the same time that the Pokémon craze took off and everybody involved in children’s media wanted to create something with a similar cultural impact.

News had come from the UK of the success of the Harry Potter franchise and that’s when Scholastic managed to get the rights and pumped a lot into marketing. The idea of a wizard school is nothing new and I don’t believe the claims that JK Rowling “stole” the ideas from anything. It was so common that manga author Kishimoto was planning something similar for Naruto before he became aware of Harry Potter and changed the setting to ninjas.

The marketing paid off and Harry Potter was a success. There were mixed reactions. Many were happy that children were reading because of a fear that children were becoming illiterate. More conservative voices disliked that what they saw as “subpar literature” was gaining popularity, and then you had the Christian right with all their weird hangups.

There’s a lot more I left out because typing this all on a phone is hell but it shows just how powerful a good marketing campaign is.

Staring at the crossroads of monetize your hobbies or do something you can't stand for 40 hours a week. 😰

On a transgender note, I've been liking patches so far.

I’m so fucking pissed. Motherfuckers changed the name but not the gender marker on my passport. Death to Amerikkka.

::: spoiler spoiler Okay so, maybe silly question ... you're still a catgirl if you wanna be like a Big and Strong and Dominant Wildcat woman and not like a cute little kitten, right?

'cause if so... I think I might be a catgirl

idk prog's got me feeling some weird new things ya'll
:::

Working on a new combat robot (just waiting on some correctly-sized screws)

Here are some other bots I made. I'm rebuilding the right one to be more better, but I think I'm retiring Trans Fights until I design a bot worthy of such a cool name.

The robot combat scene is very trans.

Left my plushie perrito away from my bed and I'm just starting at him all wistful. Need to brave the cold and get him, wish me luck

Very excited and nervous about having bottom surgery in in a little over a month!

love is blind is shitty cishet propaganda

My girl voice is so good and I don't really have to try, only down side is I look like the incredible hulk irl feels like a joke but at least I can help my mom and sister make appointments on the phone.

I LOVE BIOLOGICALLY MODIFYING MY BODY TO MAKE MY ASS ~and~ ~boobs~ BIGGER

tfw I thought of a name I like but it’s kind of similar to my dead name, and I hate playing into the cis assumption that trans people intentionally choose their new name like that

Over the past year I have stopped drinking alcohol recently in favour of weed, and now my tolerance is absolutely nothing. It used to take three pints for me to be feeling tipsy, this evening I had one can of cider and I'm pretty buzzed.

Got my updated birth certificate finally!

They addressed it to my dead name, now cmon that's just petty. I changed my fucking name and furthermore your office knows that because that's what the whole thing was about 😑

::: spoiler me feeling sad and lonely

I've probably talked about this here before but idk how to have friends. I feel like everyone I start talking to finds out real quick that I'm not really that interesting, but idk what to do about that. I just never really feel like I have anything to talk about. I'm so sick of feeling like a half of a person and idk how everyone around me figured out how to have a personality and I'm like this empty husk that no one ever really seems to go out of their way to be around.

:::

Packing hard or hardly packing?

I’m finding unrelated bugs I wasn’t even looking for by writing bad and wrong unit tests, I’m the dumbest girl alive

CRUSH RESPONDED AND.SHE LIVES WAY CLOSER THAN I THOUGHT LFGGGGG

real film critics: talks about themes, symoblism, motifs, character development, etc.

me: I like that they repeat everyone's names multiple times in the beginning, so I remember them all and don't get confused later

DOWN WITH CIS!

::: spoiler venting cptsd freeze response is going to eventually destroy my life i swear :::

Fuck I don't want to work here anymoooore

(twirls queerly)

::: spoiler dysphoria I might think of myself as some kind of horrific sasquatch or ogre lately and a huge fuckin' gay loser dipshit that's simultaneously way too bulky and masc and gross and also a noodly armed little bitch that can somehow leg press 5x bodyweight despite still being a little chubby but like... :::

I think I'm in love??? I think she likes me back??? I think we're T4T(NB) and omfg I thought the used car deal was the best thing to ever happen to me but jfc if we become a thing I take back every self deprecating and pessimistic doomer shit I've ever said because dear lord I think I'm completely in love with her and don't wanna ever say a negative thing again because oh my god wtf how could this amazing beautiful intelligent creative kind angel woman possibly like a fucked up gremlin like me but omfg I'll ride Amtrak for like 6 hours just to see her for like 10 minutes holy fuck I'm gay as hell somebody stop me

One of the parts I'm not a fan of my job is trying to promote independence and mobilization. I hate to hurt a kid or a toddler, not a big fan of starting an IV or doing an in and out cath, but it's for the best and the better I get the less pain it causes. But getting older depressed teens to get up and walk, open their beverages or food, talk to their family and friends, or if they have a conversion disorder or psychogenic pain to get them to moblize no matter how much their brain is telling them they cant etc always makes me feel like I'm doing less than I should. I know they need the tough nurse deal and sometimes need an external push to walk or regain independence but my heart breaks because my instinct is to like wrap them up and baby them lol. They can't lay down all day if they have GI or lung issues, laying down 24/7 is the one of the worst things you can do for your guts and breathing but it's what they surface level want and my, like, maternal instinct is to let them.

Gonna zap ya with my bimbofication ray 🔫

Or, I have an array of gender affirming zappers of your choosing. But you will be -imbofied

This Wednesday I'll have been back on HRT for a month and I don't notice much of a difference, except that I've felt more emotionally closed off. Like there was a Galentine's among work folks that I wasn't invited to and I wasn't as upset as I thought I'd be

I don't know if it's a direct result but that scares me because it seems like my emotions being dulled on HRT would be a sign that I'm actually cis

::: spoiler the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all spoilers aaaaaaaaaaaaahh :::

You could not pay me enough to be willing to redo being a teenager or in my 20s again, fuck all that shit forever. Even if I figured my gender out earlier. Why people want to hold on to their youth is beyond me. I will savour my Liza Minelli Joan Rivers era

Another person just called my hair pretty

trying to figure out how much of this newfound attraction i have for men is genuine, how much is just E making me boy crazy, and how much is me feeling the weight of comphet for the first time

Dunno if this is cringe but I had a grandpa that joined up at 16 for WW2 and was a Seabee and 101st Airborne that took fucking Omaha from the Nazis and saw DOZENS of his comrades KIA and lately I've been thinking a lot about that even though he didn't have great politics personally lmao

But like, my fucking grandfather didn't sacrifice that much for this FUCKING SOUTH AFRICAN APARTHEID PIECE OF SHIT to fucking DISMANTLE everything he fought for. FUCK ELON.

LIKE, OBVIOUSLY DEATH TO AMERICA AND THE BAD GUYS WON COLD WAR 1

BUT JFC

Danger close, my command over

Final protective fire, need you to hit Whiskey Hotel with 105mm NOW

starting the day in a lovely fashion by talking with a cutie on the phone and then ending the morning by having another phone call with the unemployment office. Truly a rollercoaster of a morning.

Holy shit y'all I'm such a girl ohhhhhhh my god

Congrats on your first trans mega, been wondering on this character for a while since I know vaguely of csm so thanks for the run down.

Scared I don’t pass even tho I have to girlmode for my sister’s wedding

Fuuuuuuck I have a huge crush on this (girl?) I only see every week or two and had an opportunity to say something to ask to do something nice for her and I got too anxious and didn't say anything. Also unsure I what I was going to do was flirting I am so bad at this shit

Gender

No fate is writ, no path is set,
No change has torn you from me yet.
For though we bend, we do not break,
We hold each other, wide awake.

Why is America so cold??

Finally starting to feel somewhat better. DayQuil doses are fewer and further between.

Also starting to think my one friend has a crush on me as he's been acting a little strange lately. Might just be because it's Discord/texting and I haven't seen him in a couple weeks. idk. Guess I'll find out eventually. Don't know how I feel about this. Still not sure if I want to get out there yet.

To whoever noticed that cis and CIA were only off by one letter that are right next to each other on my keyboard:

My phone's autocorrect corrects cis to CIA lmao

Realizing I posted in the update thread instead of the mega

i didn't know it was possible for one t girl to be this eepy

Damn, I be shoppin'.

Injection 4 down. Wasted a dose and had trouble keeping the needle steady while injecting, but worst case is that some of the EV went sq instead of IM and no pain.

Boobs are also becoming more noticeable. If I don't wear a bra, then my nipples are visible with most shirts.

::: spoiler CW: Sex/masturbation Also exploring anal toys. They're fun, although I kinda want to be penetrated by a partner. Not really in the right place for either hookups or dating though. :::

::: spoiler vent I got played by a guy, but I still want to hang out with him and make him happy. Wtf is wrong with me, I didn't even like him that much. :::

I can't wait for the derivative of my ass to not be identically 0

::: spoiler PTSD mental health bad shit Lol I can't sleep anymore unless I'm completely physically exhausted to the point of passing out and/or black out drunk

Not good folks!

Requesting final protective fire, danger close, my command, over? Last mag, make it count

I'm dry! Fix bayonets and dig in, hold this position :::

::: spoiler sad and self deprecating and pathetically romantic

Lmao it's 4:30am and I can't sleep and my heart hurts thinking about how much I miss her

I've always kinda been a hopeless romantic but this has to be a high score of "how much time there was a plausible romantic interaction vs how much it effected you"

I can't get her off my mind and even as a pretty cynical materialist it's making me wonder about woo woo shit about soulmates and resonances or whatever

Like why the fuck is this effecting me so strongly? Was I just that starved for romantic attention and would've latched onto anybody I found attractive that gave me positive attention? Idk but i don't think so. I really do think she's somehow special :::

Woke up feeling worse today. What the actual fuck is this illness? I refuse to be one to shun Grandfather's gifts, but this is killing me (figuratively). It's not COVID as it doesn't have any of the telltale symptoms (and feels nothing like it from the one time I did have it), but it's pretty debilitating. I just want to get back to painting little fictional dudes in too much armor. Oh and I guess get back to working again, but they'll live. That's what PTO is for.

Saw this image on a transbian subreddit and immediately thought of hexbear because of the user pretending to be from Hex.com

I'm so excited to want to do so many things. I don't ever want to stop learning and creating.

I had a fucking dream about the trans mega and pokemon cards am I cooked?

whenever a year from 2001-2004 is mentioned, ride wit me by nelly starts playing in my head

10 5 upbears and talk about the time I did sex magic and it maybe monkey pawed me.

I know the origins of the welfare queen trope are problematic, but I feel like seeing "the troops are welfare queens" memes on 4chan in like 2008 unlocked something that helped me see how a lot of right wing rhetoric is heavily based on ingroup/outgroup dynamics and a worldview reliant on arbitrary, immutable hierarchies

Oh my god why do I fall in love so easily and strongly

I can't stop thinking about her but I learned from her that she lives like 5/6 hours away and ahhhh it hurts I just wanna see her irl again and tell her how I feel and how incredible I think she is and hopefully ask her to date

I detangled a pretty matted part of my hair and like 12 fucked up looking strands fell out, now I’m going crazy wondering if they were already shed and just caught in the tangle or if I did it wrong and accidentally pulled out some hair

::: spoiler question about booba growth is breast growth supposed to be cyclical or something? ever since I started getting chest itches/aches about 3 weeks ago, I check every day and they always seemed just slightly bigger and protrusive than the day before, but today they seem to have flattened out after "peaking" yesterday? also for better or worse, the pain has lessened, I have to really press in to feel it.

another possibility is the hormones I'm taking, about a week ago I switched to a different pharmacy because they were selling it for cheaper, and they gave the same dose (100mcg/day transdermal estradiol patches) but they gave me a different brand

I didn't even think I wanted booba when I started but this development has been a major bummer :::

::: spoiler sexuality / mild kink Uuuh... is it normal to feel more dommy after starting prog or am I just unrelatedly having a weird time? :::

::: spoiler apparently we're feeling horny today on tracha A subby top... a subby top... my kingdom for a subby top

Or, even better, trans guy where we can't even tell who's topping or bottoming ♡🥰 :::

I'm starting to get chain pulled over by the cops for little random bullshit, harassment basically, reminding me of when I lived in CA. Probably wasn't the smartest thing applying to jobs at the somewhat local uni since I know I'm on blacklists from that and work probably knows from gossip from that worker who moved into a position at the college. I don't have quite enough money to flee more rural and idk how long I'll be able to keep the jobs I do have. Being the enemy of the beast while living deep in its belly is never fun, feels like a play at being the rabbit demigod in Watership Down. Even if Balkanization happened in a month or two it would do nothing to change this.

I need to get jacked again

I miss being strong. Everyone wants to be smol cute but I want to be fucking hot

Day 2 in a row of feeling gooooood. What the hell did they put in the water?

::: spoiler cw: fanfiction dont look at this

:::

/

I am become woman, destroyer of the cis

Stressed admin job GF who has to deal with idiots all day and takes her stress out on me (but like in a good way)

You can take my life, but you can't take my love for the Kung Fu Panda soundtrack

Also i just got around to watching The People's Joker and i finally feel represented. So glad this one and I Saw the TV Glow both have 13 nominations for acedemy awards.

Gained almost 10 pounds over the last few weeks due to stress eating and not exercising. Some sports bras that I had gotten now have a too tight of a band to wear comfortably. Gotta get back on the wagon.

Tagline:

YOU! Yes, you, x87_floatingpoint. Go read One Piece

I thought One Piece was an anime? How can you read an anime?

Just spent 5 minutes fantasizing about a girl who can write code really fast

Welp hadn't planned on cycling accounts so soon but The Fates have Spoken it seems

Hey the kidnappers showed me their faces, and used their real names. Thats a good sign right?

I've been down with this flu for a week now. I still feel like garbage and it's just the worst. It feels like I'll never get better. Ugh. Also don't want to use any more PTO as it'll stretch me the rest of the year. This sucks.

Went to bed feeling like shit, woke up feeling like shit. Really not looking forward to another day if it has to be like yesterday.

I can't do any of this.

kbity my beloved

::: spoiler depressed Well I was gonna do the super secret tech of chugging an energy drink immediately before napping, wake up with the double boost y'know, but then my brain decided that instead of sleeping we needed to cry for an hour so now instead of energized I'm just jittery and my eyes hurt
:::

Went to a dinner the night before my sister’s wedding and I can’t for the life of me get a read on what the family I haven’t seen in awhile think of me.
Idk if they notice any change or what?

It’s making me nervous to girlmode.

I transitioned just so they wouldn't call me a chaser and I still fucked a cis guy

Thigh kinda hurting after injection today

I have a story idea I may actually run with and see how far I get. That's exciting.

My tummy hurts

This Vaseline looks better than anything else on my lips

::: spoiler pp talk I'm on 3 estradiol patches (equivalent to 6mg/day in pills) and 200mg/day of spiro and my dingus is getting real floppy. I started with 2 patches and 100mg/day of spiro and everything was working pretty well until last week and I upped my dose to 3 patches/200mg about a month ago. Would lowering the spiro dose back to 100mg do anything for me? I'm not against using viagra or cialis if I need to but would prefer not to add more meds. For reference, I masturbated last night and this morning as I realized I hadn't in quite a while and it was much more difficult to get hard/maintain the erection than a few weeks ago. I also wasn't particularly in the mood but just wanted to make sure things were still working. I've also been having sex once or twice a week with my partner and it's noticeably easier to get hard with them because fuck they're hot though it's still significantly floppier and easier to lose the erection than just two weeks ago. Also, I did have some ED issues before HRT but those seemed to be mainly from mental health issues like anxiety and depression e.g.: not able to get an erection when with someone for the first time. Since starting HRT I've been feeling amazing and haven't suffered from low mood so I don't think that's the issue. :::

Got complimented on my style and told it looks old money. Does this mean I get the wall when the revolution comes?

going through the ancient tomes and finding more arcane symbols to use with forbidden words

Someone hit me with the thembo-ray gun, I wanna be able to say dumb jokes and have people laugh at them and hang around me and stuff. I've had too many convos with people where I'm doing the heavy lifting in talking all the time and need a break from it fr

Today has been one of those better than average, feeling REALLY good days. I have the house to myself right now and spent the past 45 mins dancing in my living room

Dreamt I was back in college, didn't know when my class started and by the time I got there we were doing HELL mATH

::: spoiler cheesy but genuine I hope this doesn't come across as cloying or corny, but if anyone here is religious (personally don't care about your sect/tendency/whatever as long as it's genuine and you mean well, I have some unorthodox beliefs) but I would really appreciate if anyone that believes in prayer could pray for me and my family

Shit is fuckin' ROUGH lately and I'll take a hail Mary from internet people if it works at all lmao

Also not to be selfish but for my personal life? I think I'm in love and omg pls let this work out, I think I adore her and this might be the best thing that's ever happened to me if it works out, I just got a deep sense that I've always known her and we just kinda get her and she gets me and there's like only a handful of times in my life that's happened and most were platonic and I've been very much alone for more than half a decade and dear god pls let this work it could be so good for both of us I think :::

Welcome to Subway, what kind of bred would you like

I got my bloodwork done four fucking months ago. The results have been acquired today. I cast a sigil last week. In the words of Violent J: “Pure motherfuckin’ magic[k]. Right?”

It’s always kind of bohered me how the musical Chicago has a scene where Billy Flynn pretty much outs a trans woman as being a “drag queen.” I get that the character is portrayed as one but throughout the musical they’re referred to with femme pronouns and seem to be recognized by the public at large as a woman. He only exposes her to show Roxie that “not everything is as it seems.” It just sounds too much like the old cliche of, “you see that woman? She’s actually a MAN!” In fact, it’s exactly that.

:NHLrefWesMcCauley:

AFTER FURTHER REVIEW, I HAVE DECIDED I LIKE XEY/XEM AS SECONDARY PRONOUNS MORE THAN ZE/HIR

WE HAVE A GOAL

🙌🏒

Me having watched Bound 1996 again for the first time in years: gee I hope Kill James Bond covers Bound on robbery season.

::: spoiler CW: Age, death of a family member My grandma is dying. In the best case, she has months to live. In the worst case, she won't be able to live without life support, and she's made it clear she doesn't want her life prolonged if there's no hope of recovery.

Right now, she can't talk due to being on a ventilator. I just want to have a conversation with her one last time.

:::

I'm like reasonably tall and well built so like when I look at my guy crushes (currently adam ragusea) I can't help but to think he's so much smaller than me and then I'm like reconsidering. Don't know if it's the height narrative or whatever or height brainworms on my end. I haven't really done anything ever so might just be building up something unrealistic in my mind like I usually do.

Got the registered God Particle on my hip. Ready to have some hickory smoked op.

Money longer than KD's feet.

I.fuck like it's for survival.

Ribs visible, eyes bloodshot, thrustin' away

Rome wasn't built in a day, but this 9mm certainly was

Woke up in Geneva. Aw man, I did it again!

...the bugs are back.

US vs UK Year 3000

After overthrowing Harkon and establishing herself as the queen of the Vampires, I decided to give my character a quirk of marrying every Vampire she has created.

There was Uthgerd the Unbroken who was already her wife. Cairine the Breton beggar from Makarth and Haran the Innkeeper's wife from Winterhold. I used a multiple marriage mod and had 2 extra ceremonies.

Skyrim sometimes just works in funny ways. My first wife showed up at both weddings to give congratulations. So I guess compersion is a Skyrim vampire polycule trait.

But Haran's alive Husband Dagur, also turned up to the Wedding where I was literally cuckholding him and he also congratulated me (my headcanon is Haran has entralled him and he's walking around head-empty himbo mode).

Carine stays in Bloodchill Manor as a sort of caretaker. Uthgerd stays there when I'm not adventuring with her. Haran is still at the Winterhold Inn, so I can pop in and share her coffin when I visit.

Was explaining to my sibling the different characterizations that are out there. Western vs Japanese the different eras of the games vs cartoons/comics and where they start blending with each other and affecting one another and realized how much my brain lit up stronger than any stimulant I've ever taken

Been watching a making of sonic forces vid and like the script is constantly "let's tell some dumb jokes first and then maybe work in a story or whatev" I blame sega fully for setting that course tbh. Writers were like I know what will work Sonic talking to classic Sonic "It's been GENERATIONS since I seen you"

So fucked I'm rewatching RWBY

The first theme is still honestly good as hell imho

Bustin makes me feel good

::: spoiler Romance woes shorties in my dreams real cold, approach them with my superman lunch box asking them if they know any cool places I can eat my lunch and I get no responses. any psychoanalysists hanging out on hexbear.chat care to chime in on what this means please feel free to chime in, nonprofessionals welcomed too :::

God the asmr is just making me even more lonely.

Now that DEI and woke is gone we won't be getting anymore funny liberal diversity charts a la bizzard overwatch rating thing

when you hear the word fembro, what do you think that means?

It is -13°F(reedom Units) outside right now and I want my gay water from the store, but it is too cold to do anything.

AS THE SHIP IS GOING DOWN

I LOOK UPON THE CAPTAIN'S FROWN

I SEE NOTHING

I SEE NOTHING BUT A BROKEN MAN

::: spoiler cw: knife play and other kink stuff i think my knife play kink is morphing into a primal biting and scratching kink. Like I saw these wolverine type claws on etsy and they just about broke my brain they looked sharp toooo! i bet you could make someone bleed real easy with them :::

Out of curiosity,.does anyone remember what eps of KJB/WTYP/Trashfuture has the Captain Price and Soap bit(s)?

Gas keep, girl light, gate boss
(Elden Ring boss)

👉👈 does anyone know of a good place to buy a collar for myself? Like is there a good website for it or do I use etsy?

Want to order some xsnogender parches but because they have to be custom made they'd be pretty expensive even from aliexpress :/ Maybe I get into sewing as a hobby and make them myself

Edit: okay you also have to order atleast 10 at a time so I guess I have to make them myself

Listen Jack, I'm Gay

::: spoiler nerdy vidya recent little thing I thought was cool Been playing MW3 (2011) survival mode a lot lately listenin to my slop

Doing well on round 1 of the maps that start you with an FN Five-seveN and being able to buy a P90 for the beginning of round 2 is way more satisfying to me than it probably should be

I love how you can get both of the 5.7x28mm guns right off the bat, I just think it's neat :::

I was trying to get my sleep schedule turned around so that I could workout in the mornings before work, but somehow this has ended up with me staying in bed until 1pm o_o;

the "weirdie beans at" episode of mission hill is so underrated

Been binging Apothecary Diaries this weekend. It's fun/comfortable watching, even if it is effectively a pure power fantasy (albeit not a run of the mill one.)

::: spoiler spoiler In this case, the power is having a wikipedia-level know of medicine and consistently making guesses that happen to be right. :::