I managed to stumble across a person who happened to be an auDHDer like myself in a game just now out of blind luck. They had very similar academic interest to mine so we had a fabulous yap session/taking turns infodumping session.

It was pertinent to the discussion at the time so I mentioned the anarchist Ivan Illich's work to them and they were immediately very interested in his stuff. It was definitely in keeping with my "Chuck 'em leftwards and hope they land somewhere good" strategy.

Apparently I still got it in me.

Also Linux stay winning

Hello mega thread I got gay married. I am now in a rather nice municipal records office submitting my papers so that the stinking landlord legally cannot stop me from moving in with my partner.

::: spoiler cw: dysphoria fucking awful day today, staring at the workplace mirror hating my face, my hair, my skin, my shoulders just ~fuck~fuckFUCK this shit

why couldnt my transness be diagnosed before puberty ruined my life goddamnit :::

My tits really hurt. I guess this is just something that happens when I get a cold now

Edit: god this really feels like a monkey’s paw curse. Jokes on them though cause I can take it

Edit 2: KITTY NO!! DONT STEP THERE!!!

fucking white queer libs i am so fucking done i was on this nice ace kink server, with my partner partner notices a sus profile, and i autotranslate the hebrew on it, and it's a clear zionist. i even asked my friend who speaks hebrew and he told me it was an israeli nationalist slogal. i alert the mods about this, and the mod i speak to says they'll talk to the other mods.

they tell me to suck it up and they won't do anything. it's not a political space after all (LIKE FUCKING HELL IT ISN'T). this was already too far but i didn't do anything, except privately explain to the mod that this was the wrong decision and why, and ask they convey that to the rest of the mod team.

next day a mod shuts down a conversation that drifted into politics.

so i just fucking posted a song in solidarity with palestine, announced i was leaving because the server is tolerating zionists, and left. wish i'd posted screenshots of the mod convo before i left but hindsight is 20/20 i guess. i was told afterwards by a member that this guy had been much more vocal about his zionism on another server and caused a whole drama.

just. how hard is it to not include reactionaries in queer spaces? this place would boot out anyone who came in with fascist profile shit. zionism is a form of fascism but somehow that doesn't count? like no fash but sure, you support an ethnostate actively committing genocide, why don't you come into our safe space? well great, now there is no safe space. i loved that place. it was the only social space i felt safe in a sexual sense.

does anyone have a recommendation of a queer kink discord server than does not include zionists?

I need pussy

either bottom surgery or someone else's pussy i need both tbh

::: spoiler HRT Moments Just gave a woman her first injection! She has been on pills for a while, and wanted to give injections a try. I love doing this for my trans comrades. It is really intimate and fun. :::

note to self : don't use any kinda trans lingo outside trans spaces. got some dude trying to start shit elsewhere cuz i said a character was gender

Hello new trans mega

I went for two different walks today and my legs are feeling p o w e r f u l

Night walk had a pretty moon view ✨

One week of HRT today and all that's really changed is my balls hurt

I texted a couple of my local trans friends about having some sort of friendsgiving thing the weekend before regular thanksgiving. I used to get invited to those in college and I miss them. Kind of to my surprise, everyone was really excited and like 3 people volunteered to help cook. I'm honestly so happy I have queer friends who I can recreate college with lol.

Gonna and for a while, comrades. Got some things I need to do. Be back soon! Make sure to keep the cis down in my absence.

My sister is complaining I inherited our mom's hair genetics and she didn't, but like, at least you inherited her chromosomes, don't think you should complain

We need more trans fox girls!

::: spoiler sadposting, misgendering Feeling a bit depressed. Last weeks were very overwhelming. Every day of the genocide I feel more and more trapped and sick that we’re allowing it to happen and almost nobody senses the urgency to stop it. And the people that do sense the urgency are called ‘annoying’, ‘counterproductive’ or ‘radical’ while they get beat up by the police. Barely have energy left to be upset when a guy I work with keeps calling me ‘babe’. :::

If I were to ever look at myself in the mirror and see a pretty person, I'm not sure if I'd have the emotional bandwidth to be able to control what happened next.

I think my feet have changed because my winter boots from last year no longer fit. Which on one hand cool because estrogen is working, on the other hand now I need to buy new/used winter boots

transness will continue until morale improves

I have, once more, been extremely gay

Hear me out; what if we just gave everyone with treatment resistant depression and dissociation a taste of HRT and saw what happened?

::: spoiler Sinophobia, angy They erased my girl 😭 😭 😭

"first they came for the genderfeels culturefeels traumafeels character, and I said nothing..." :::

Might just eat cookies for dinner

i paid for someone's hormones cuz i accidentally got a whole bunch of money because trump winning the election made my bitcoin stash skyrocket and the person was struggling to buy crypto and i just wanted them to have the thing

Looking back I'm surprised how long it took for my egg to crack. I watched the Korra avatar and was wishing I was a lesbian, saw the Netflix Shera and wished I was able to transform into a woman and be a lesbian with Catra. Also watched some anime where a guy cross dressed for like one episode and I was wishing I could "cross dress" myself. Wild how oblivious I was

::: spoiler misgendering, dysphoria Ugh I just misgendered myself and it sucks and now I'm conceptualizing myself as a dude which is frustrating. I want to go back :( :::

The radical left has converted me from a puppygirl to a catgirl :3

Edit: my PFP was briefly slightly nsfw hope nobody saw that

unchecked transphobia! at the Irish web fishing server:( just got the game and now I never wanna play it again. im prejudiced against the country folk on this island ngl. fuck me for wandering out of overtly communist online spaces for like, 20 minutes i guess lol. it's bad out there.

::: spoiler feeling sad and lonely :( The loneliness and executive dysfunction are most noticable for me in the weekend. I have all this free time, two whole days where I can do whatever. But I have no friends to hang out with, and no motivation to do anything other than scroll through social media and think about how bad my life is :::

a second uninstall has hit tiktok

::: spoiler reason being i really thought that if i carefully curated my algo then i could avoid the shit that burnt me out in the first place.

while there's so many trans users on there i'll miss seeing, the feed equally rewards engaging in content that I like and dislike. end result being a fuck-tonne of radfems talking mad shit about anyone that's not a cis-white woman. the general uptick in 4b bullshit (australian state media even had a fucking article about it) isn't helping that either...

so i think the healthiest thing for me to do rn is to just disengage

---

:::

imma try to work past my lifelong posting anxiety and lurk less, i have gay takes that must be heard

Met a frog friend on the window of the gym outside in front of the treadmill I was using

(also I think I'm developing a crush on somebody there and it's the first time I've felt kinda like that about someone in like half a decade and idk really how to feel about it. I'm really ruminating hard about "wait we're they just being nice or was there something there?" I'm really bad at this but they're really cute and I just feel like a gross ogre talking to them by comparison and can't get a read on the tone of our interactions. Their smile seemed genuine to me though and they're friendly? Idk)

Sick of being constantly ignored by my friend whenever i try to reach out

Bureaucrat posting has been a wholesome ending to site drama

Continuing to struggle with the feeling like I don’t belong, neither as a trans person or even more broadly as a queer person. It feels like a joke—I’m just a straight cis dude in all but name.

Goodnight comrades, here's part of the code of conduct that i think about alot

Be aware of your own enjoyment of the site.

• If you find yourself no longer having fun, do something else. There are many different comms on Hexbear, and many different ways to shitpost and have fun.
• If the site as a whole is just not cutting it for you, take a break. We'll still be here when you get back. Nothing should compel you to stay.

https://hexbear.net/code_of_conduct

I've started saying "yippee" as a reaction a lot more since starting HRT

I haven't posted the last couple days, but I have been feeling good. Like myself again. Just haven't had a lot to say or talk about. There's been a couple things on my mind, but they're not really worth getting into (especially when overall I'm doing well). But, in good news, a friend reached out to me. This is the friend I came out to a little while ago, but we hadn't talked since then. Sounds like he just got busy with life stuff. Also, going to do something I've been needing to do for a little bit now but have been putting off

I love my trans comrades

!CW Venting, social dysphoria:!<

!Feeling kind of shitty and just generally lost in my transition. There's a lot of stuff about it that feels daunting and that I don't know how to move forward with. Lately I've been wishing I had a cis girl friend who could help me out, and be a kind of 'big sister' I could go to for advice. But most of the women I'm friends with are very butch, and haven't felt super equipped to help me. And the one friend I have who has been able to help, moved multiple States away, and while she's been able to help me with some stuff, the distance has impacted our friendship, and I'm just feeling sad about the whole thing!<

going outside in the same make-up i passed out in yesterday because it's brat summer

::: spoiler SA abuser mention (not towards me), panic, sad/angry/confused

Joined a gym, been going everyday and going pretty hard powering through intense simmering rage at family shit and my own feelings of inadequacy and wasted time

Been feeling a lot better physically, and already making big (returning) newbie gainz

Finishing up cardio tonight, totally gassed and take a minute to just walk around the lobby, drinking some water, catching my breath, looking around at some of the group classes stuff on the calendars and a "leaderboard" thing of members that opt in for it

See (former friend who r***d and abused his ex who I was mutual friends with like a decade plus ago's first name) (that fucker's last name's initial) on the board

Almost have a panic attack imagining running into him there, immediately imagining getting into a fight there

This gym shit has been the first thing that's given me any self improvement and confidence in YEARS and now it might backfire horribly in a way I couldn't have possibly seen coming

This isn't fucking fair

Every goddamn year that passed since I went no contact with (that fucker) after the abuse came out, I've tried forgetting all about him and tried to help his abused ex and it was like it all just kicked me in the gut all over again out of nowhere from just a first name and last name initial

What the fuck

I don't know what to do about this or how to process it

Like, there's a possibility that it's a random different (that first name) (last name initial) but it's in the same town and is definitely a possibility that it's him and aggghhhhhhhh :::

might have gotten a wee tipsy last night

Well I'm starting Naltrexone today. I really hope it's enough to keep me out of rehab

Watched part of a voice training video and now youtube thinks I'm serious. Stop reminding me of my weakness

i am constantly bullied every time i want to say something on here. people from all around the world gather to call me "pee pee girl" and push my face into the dirt...

For some reason my tax refund got super delayed this year, but I finally got it! First time in forever I don't feel broke. Time to get some cute winter outfits

I misread the "Linux" on her shirt as "Ligma" multiple times. Deadass. I keep having to double check.

My breaking bad hyperfixation is the most obsessed anyone has ever been about something

Webfishing clocked both me and my sister. The first chest she opened awarded her the pan title, and the first chest I opened awarded me the bi title. How did it know these things? This doesn't change the fact that I'm still going to run the Good Girl title though.

::: spoiler anti-volcel aktion

Yet again confirming that girldick is pretty and wonderful

:::

::: spoiler hairy dysphoria talk I feel like I'm becoming worse and worse at shaving as time goes on. Maybe now that I'm out I actively despise the hair more and have less and less patience for it. Before I came out, I had already decided to laser the hair off my face because I hated how it looked and felt on me, and found continuously shaving really annoying. But now that I know I'm trans it feels like so much more of a big deal for some reason and I'm struggling to even get myself to look into it... :::

tiddies hurting good today

Trans ppl r cool, so says the happy puppy

OH MY GOSH I almost forgot to mention some progress I made today. I was trying to set up Bluetooth in the car, and it always repeats certain phrases back at me. I dread it for this exact reason, and I've avoided setting it up until now with that being one of many reasons. However, it had to happen, so I went to do it and put on my best fem voice. Imagine my shock when it spits my voice back out at me, and it sounds like a mature woman! I don't even know how I did it, and I don't want to listen to it again in case it ruins what might be magic, but in that moment I felt such intense euphoria. I then enjoyed the convenience of having my music on Bluetooth while no longer having to deal with my static-ridden aux cable.

Lost so much shit since I started wearing women's pants. I keep not bringing a purse because I think I won't need it then I just feel my wallet slip out of my pocket after a minute of walking

girl facts I wish I knew sooner: apparently the longer your hair gets, the LESS often you're supposed to wash it wtf. i thought i was supposed to wash it more. this probably explains why my hair is always going fucking everywhere

::: spoiler vent/suffering/bad eating So much pain. I'm so hungry right now. I haven't eaten in a day and a half. I'm starting to cry. If/when I eat something the pain is going to get worse.

Why am I such a failure. Broken. A waste. :::

When I'm around new people who I've introduced myself as my chosen name to, I feel comfortable and amazing and more able to be myself. But when I'm around people I already knew before beginning this journey, I feel this weird tension and I'm not sure what to make of it.

I remember jumping into the trans coffin in dark souls 2 and never noticing the effect since I was always beef jerky in armor was in for a surpise when I used an effigy and changed armor

trans linux mascot

::: spoiler misgendering Cissies see me breasting boobily and still refer to me as a guy. Wild how oblivious they are :::

::: spoiler my cool mental health doing a good job holding in the scream right now. i have to do two things today and it is literally destroying me :::

In my wife’s Snuggie; got that girl stank going on

1. Misgendering, sexual harassment ::: spoiler spoiler I have to do a lot of interacting with the public as part of a socialist thing, and I've realized the hotter I look that day the more people go out of their way to misgender me.

So they're failing at making me feel bad about gender but I still feel icky because its literally just so fucking overtly trans coded sexual harassment :::

2. I need to find a social space to use for dating but ugh, I've gotten so picky, except the folks whove made me picky are comrades and I don't date comrades! Ugh! I have a partner but sometimes there are aches that are outside their wheelhouse.

3. Does anyone else get a really weird mix of dysphoria and euphoria while looking at Chappell Roan in drag? I'm trying to sort out my feelings there but getting swamped by "pretty gender-non-conforming lesbian ahhhh" when I try to.

Good morning TO YOU

Don’t let British people convince you they are smarter than Americans, they may be worse

The latter is a vent, the former is talking about fucking pronouns

::: spoiler transphobia Everytime I see "he or she" it tickles me, in a bad way. Why was this popularized, or used at all, when "they" is not only a better catch-all when gender and/or pronouns are unknown, AND "they" makes the sentence more fluid and feels more grammatically correct? I don't know if the cis are alright... :::

::: spoiler ableism, slurs mentioned Well, the radlib co-worker strikes again. Always get a bad feeling about him whenever he talks about certain things. It's like, he's ALMOST there, but has to ruin it with some sort of lib garbage. Or, even better, some GAMER WORDS just to spice things up, ya know? Just casually drop the r-slur, it was totally necessary to make your point known.

Like, as a queer person, why are you using ableist slurs when many queer people are neurodivergent? Why are you even using slurs in the first place when it's something you've probably been on the receiving end of? Long story short, shouldn't have expected anything less from a radlib, but these kind of things just piss me off. Why do people insist on language that has been used to hurt others (AND ME) when it's so easy NOT TO? :::

did not know about the trans Linux fox girl, ty for making my day better

Haven't painted my nails in a bit and for the best, got an interview tomorrow and I gotta look not too hot to intimidate the interviewers. I'll give it a month if I get in to secure my position before I get back to it, maybe finally get some high end nail polish and not the dollar store stuff I find.

::: spoiler intrusive thoughts Sometimes I think about using urinals in the men's room and fighting anyone who gives me shit for it. It's so much faster, I don't have to touch anything besides myself, and I think standing empties me out better.

But gawd it would cause so many fucking problems lol :::

::: spoiler sad :( My brain is so mean to me Just a constant stream of negativity towards myself. Nothing is ever good enough :::

im playing animal crossing new horizons again

can i say something?

ANTI CISGENDER AKTION

can i say something?

A friend of mine, who I dated briefly, keeps staying up late but being bossy/dommy and telling her to go to bed apparently is the secret key to her heart - and I'd rather not tread back over that same trail. But I still think she should SLEEP

British people don’t know anything

another serious storm expected, and we're usually cut off for a few days to weeks when this happens. managed to go down for supplies, food, gasoline in case we lose power again, pick up medication, take medication in order to have vaguely functioning body, and make preparations for the storm. would have liked to be able to fix the roof leaks before the storm but unfortunately that was beyond my capabilities. but i got a whole bunch of dry wood before it all gets rained on so we should be able to stay warm and dryish.

was a p successful day, especially considering how hard everything has been recently. am proud of myself. and resting by the fire and keeping warm :3

I ship her with Firefox

after three months my insurance finally gets back to me to say "we're not paying for your therapist lmao" i am going to scream

Interpersonal relationships are not helping me whatsoever so I've decided I'm simply going to stop being lame and simply become good.

TW: Discussion of health ::: spoiler spoiler A year ago I had a pilonidal abscess and had to get it drained. Now I have a cyst on the same area. :::

::: spoiler ventpost we're stuck in a shitty depressing cycle, in a lot of pain and alone so we lash out if poked > lashing out causes guilt at causing hurt > guilt prompts a desire to hide due to feeling like creatures will never forgive us (and sometimes they genuinely dont which feeds into the feeling like nobody ever will as soon as even one slip up happens) > isolation cranks up the hurt and loneliness more, repeat

we dont feel safe, we never feel safe, we never have, maybe we never will. that causes us to hurt those we care about, and it sucks.

yes our first post on the new megathread is a ventpost :3 :::

I feel like a brand new person right now

it's been like 5 years since i've wanted a tattoo and I still can't decide on what to get

i'm thinking something on my leg...

down with cis

Also hi

i've been a mac/linux person for a long long time but i've just kind of happened across the money for a macbook a couple times which has kept me from having to go full linux - i got one from a uni course a few years ago. this one is nowhere near obsolete and i'm sure i have years left with it. but helping my partner set up a linux laptop has made me feel p good about the fact that simply there is no financial way for me to continue my mac habit. i've been kinda stuck on it for so long partly due to disability because for some reason the macbooks give me way less pain to use. but money is money no matter how disabled i am, and i think i could cope with the same laptop as they have, physically, and mentally i am feeling good about a linux switch. so i'd already been thinking a lot about linux when i saw this adorable trans mascot post. so thank you!

Gonna try linux desktop again. Is there a preferred distro among people who contribute to the kernel? Not that I likely will, I just want to flatter myself lol

We should add a Xenia emoji to hexbear. (perhaps the !libre@hexbear.net logo? (or maybe some other image at https://xenia-linux-site.glitch.me/ ))

Just a dogshit intrusive thought

::: spoiler I'm gay and my dick is small posting I'm effete and my meat is petite :::

under socialism all trans people will be provided up to 5 melee weapons and a wall mount for them, paid for by the state

getting out of bed does be hard this time of year

Debian 4 lyfe

Doggirls rule, catgirls drool

I miss the good old days when men would name their sons “Gaylord”

::: spoiler injections they gave me the wrong needles at the pharmacy so now i'm just stabbing my gay butt with them to keep doing subcutaneous lol :::

speaking of lewd

::: spoiler bedroom stuff update

so uh sex is a thing now i guess? like often in a way where i suddenly feel 10 years younger. been able to do a lot of work & make a lot of progress with my issues regarding sex & am genuinely v proud

anyway yeah a certain someone got a rough awakening just before dawn

---

:::

I had quite the fun and exhausting night last night, right here on Hexbear.net all thanks to Bureaucrat. I really love this bit.

You ever think that

Next year will be the year of the Linux desktop, just you wait! :smuglord:

Started playing Deltarune recently. It's reminding me of why I enjoyed Undertale so much, in a good way, because I'm having a lot of fun with it

Also going to be using these a lot more often, didn't realize there were so many Deltarune emojis on this site until I typed in the keyword <-- These are great

I saw a gender affirming doctor the other day and it’s really funny because they were unsure about upping my finasteride to higher dose because it might have side effects, and they were like “don’t you just want oestrogen?”. And I’m like “pretty sure that would have more side effects”.

Doing baseline bloods though in case I do decide and I’ve just upped the finasteride anyway.

Thank the gods for psilocybin

am i avoiding people if i see that they've messaged me but keep putting off replying, even though i want to

how the fuck did the shipping get my dead name printed on the label of my package? this is bullshit wtf

at least i got my new shoes now. hopefully they fit

::: spoiler family shit, mental health breakthrough/down, sui baiting, raging, extremely pitch black bile vomiting bitter lizard brain fight or flight rage

::: spoiler no I'm serious, this is the angriest and most hateful screaming into the void shit I've ever posted and you'll probably regret reading it

::: spoiler okay, last warning finally snapped and fucking lost it at my piece of shit worthless disgusting scumbag dad after he got aggro at me about me going to recycle a years worth of inhaler boxes he had dumped everywhere on the floor of his disgusting shithole bathroom after I FUCKING CLEANED IT FOR HIM AT THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY I HAD TO WHEN HE LEFT HIS HOUSE TO BUY BOOZE (THE ONLY FUCKING REASON HE'LL PUT PANTS ON AND LEAVE THE HOUSE, BUT STILL REFUSES TO SHOWER FOR THREE FUCKING WEEKS) and I kinda blacked out from adrenaline and don't remember what I said verbatim, but it definitely involved telling him he's a disgusting decrepit braindead miserable piece of shit that's done nothing but unsuccessfully attempt to drink himself to death for 15 years, because he can't even do that right and just expects his family to put up with him, buy him more booze and take him to urgent care when he falls

Somehow managed to keep myself from getting physical with him other than spitting in his face and telling him everyone that's actually still in his life, ESPECIALLY him, would be immeasurably happier if he fucking killed himself and quit wasting everyone's fucking time making himself and everyone that has to actually interact with him sick

Stormed out and beat the absolute shit out of his barbecue with a baseball bat and I think I might have broken a bone in my hand and hacked the fuck out of a maple sapling out front with a machete

I'm really glad the neighbors weren't home

::: spoiler self harm I'm gonna go buy a pack of smokes, chainsmoke until I'm sick, resist the urge to put them out on myself, then go to the gym and test one rep maxes before all the adrenaline wears out and I crash :::

:::

::: :::

we finally have pones on the site !cute@hexbear.net

::: spoiler Wanna know what the most gender thing is? Getting lost on campus. Legit spent 40 minutes walking around the city trying to find out where the hell the building I needed to be was :::

Thought Complete: Poly-Transbian Underground

[Internalize]

I've obtain a bass pro shop hat from the thrift shop, gonna figure out what stats it'll confer on me later when I take it to work

Not sure what to do. High dose estrogen injections + progesterone is causing a bit of breast growth, but also mild acne and (more crucially) unwanted body hair growth.

i need to get a job with normal hours

i feel so antisocial

Getting both the flu and covid shots at the same time was probably a bad idea especially since I haven’t been feeling great anyway lately. My whole body aches and I have a fever

I just bumped into the evil version of me today. You know the one who is prettier and richer than you with a fancier sounding similar name to you with an obnoxious laugh and she's really mean and has a gaggle of obnoxious friends? Yeah that one. She's a bitch

Me, four hours ago: hmm I need to work plenty today

Me, now: WOOOOF WOOF BARK

Starting a new life in a new place and it’s going better than expected. Kindly issue is that I’m scared something will happen to sabotage it, like it’s too good to be true, or something I don’t really deserve. I guess there’s not much else I can do besides try to stop catastrophizing and make the best of it while I can.

Anyways, I know it’s been a stressful time for everyone with the elections and the struggle sessions on the site haven’t helped much. How’s everyone holding up?

Also on the topic of the election outcome, we had a good discussion in tracha (which you should all join btw, link in sidebar) about options for trans people in the US wanting to leave. I believe Canada lets in USians for up to 6 months with just a birth certificate and photo ID, which could be useful.

Anyone else have any good knowledge or strategies they might want to share for queer people who feel under threat?

cat is being ableist by not coming closer when asking for cuddles

Haven't seen music posting in a while so here's what I've been listening to this past week apparently

https://lastcollage.io/

it's been a wild ride huh

fairly glad i was on a break lol

dumbest girl alive here with another sticky & steamy update!

::: spoiler kink / bodily function stuff

so i had my partner record my peeing outside like a girl in my fishnets & skirt & having a v good time of it. & like i wasn't doing it for my partner or so that i could share the video online or whatever. i did it for myself, it all came naturally, i felt hot. like. fuck. i'm healing? lmao

---

:::

i use Arch btw

no i don't i use Fedora

You, you have won the internet. Can I just say this? My heckin' doggo and I both are applauding and tipping our collective fedora

Since Catradora_Stalinism has been gone a while that means I can now be the one true Catradora Stalinist

you can technically do t4t in Dragon Age Veilguard

If this account still exists and is functional, any chance it could host a c/traa megathread?

I kinda wanted to ask for pronouns to be added but it feels like a bad time with the ongoing upheaval

edit: If any kind soul would like to contact the pronoun wizard and add sae/saer to the list I'd really appreciate it

I was always warned when I was younger that as you get older, the years will start to fly by.

Bullshit. I'm just in my 30s but still, bullshit. Years still feel just as long as they always took. I was a different person 5 years ago, I still feel the weight of all of those 260+ weeks. It doesn't feel any shorter. I never got a "blink oops now it's 5 years in the future" moment. I have young siblings, the youngest is 18. It wasn't like I blinked and they were adults.

It's not something I've wanted to happen or even particularly dreaded, but adults of all stripes warned me at my young tender age that it would happen. Well? Just cause they were drifting along in a haze doesn't mean that's my fate. That's on them. Reminds me that there's people who say they get in a car, drive to work, and then realize they don't remember any of their drive. But doing that for everything I guess

Hey, guess I'm gonna use the anonymity the Bureaucracy affords us. I just saw the current icon of the new !cute@hexbear.net community. It's currently an animation of Fluttershy from MLP G4 vibing and I started to wonder how many people here were/are bronies (in the widest sense possible). I watched the show during its original run and I was strongly aware that I wasn't in the target-demographic, which caused me shame even if I never shared it with anyone irl. I only consciously started questioning my gender long after the show had its run, but now I start to wonder how many eggs were/are in the fandom of MLP.

In retrospective it's kind of obvious why I found great joy in watching that show and I guess I just wanted to ask if others here share a similar experience?

If dysphoria is lower, does it mean other emotions will be stronger? Like I'm feeling more lonely rn

reading a bible written in japanese to speedrun getting to heaven

If anyone else is curious

https://preview.redd.it/the-linux-mascot-v0-lv5dil5fynxc1.jpg?width=320&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=444adb0cee2efd0950a5d5a2167dc57e47de020e

After a long day at work I can see why people get a few beers but replace beer with shadow the hedgehog 2005

Did some gender yesterday, applied for a manual job so put some insoles in my shoes to get to 6' and put some suspenders on to make myself look stronger . I probably was gonna get the job anyway but wanted to impress and try something. Gender sure is stuff, I know on the other end growing up I always thought girls with eye shadow where hot as hell and then I tried eye shadow and found out I got the same stat boost honestly I can fuck with all make up other than lipstick since I like to eat stuff.

my partner is listening to chappell roan this morning while he's working and i feel like i'm missing out (i am listening to weezer instead)

Can someone tell me to but the cute dresses I've been putting off because of anxiety?

I set up Fedora on the extra PC and turned that into a media center for my partner and then shortly after I was like fuck it and switched to Fedora on my main PC too. I am now Windows free

It's been (mostly) smooth. Luckily I had already switched to a lot of open source apps last time I tried Linux so there's not much of an adjustment phase this time

I keep groceries in the back seat because the trunk is full of bodies

How do I kiss trans

A few weeks ago I realized I wasn't paying attention and going too fast while drawing my anticistaminesut of the vial. I looked at my shot and it was like half bubble. So uhhh, I stopped shooting big bubbles into my leg. I think it's week 3 of taking an actual dose. On top of that, I lost the little bit of alcoholism related weight/bloating I had on my rum tum tumbly. Feeling really cute and content right now.

BUT I've been cutting myself shaving a bunch now, so I need to step up my hair removal game. What is the consensus on cheap/easy facial hair removal? Do I want an epilator?

::: spoiler personal growth, net positive ig, tttt words

Got emotionally critical hit by a single sentence someone i know and look up to said earlier tonight and like, it was so pin point accurate that it basically made me feel all my inadequacies and spent like 30 minutes crying alone in a darkened room listening to ethel cain songs and then came out of it feeling like a new person.

Basically the upshot of this is that ive been reexaming a lot of my habits and i think im going to do away with thinking in terms of like AGP / HSTS bullshit and other tttt dumb shit. Also i deleted my twitter account. its weird, i feel very at peace rn in a way i haven't felt in a long time.

Idk i might also check out of hb after 4 years here or so ig. Imo having a single comment affect my psyche so much i reach inner peace and completely log off is honestly way, way, way funnier of a bit than adding this ⬇️ as my pfp could ever have been

It sounds pretentious and dumb but like, i get now this concept of zen inner peace now, i feel completely calm, like resentments and dislikes i felt before dont mean as much as they did before

I don't know why I'm spending so much mental energy on me being catgirl vs doggirl. And why is it stressing me out

Meow

::: spoiler dysphoria posting it's 8 pm, time to be super wistful about feeling like not being a cis girl has lead me to lose out on several life experiences that i'll never be able to have! :::

Alright y'all I caved...

Steam has been installed (thankfully Asahi has a steam build, almost failed to consider that), and I'm getting on the Webfishing grind. Should also probably play through Disco Elysium when I get the time, since I have it

Had a smut dream but I don't remember any aspect of it that was the smut. Like in my dream I was feeling as if it was really high quality (probably not)

finally got round to watching the zone of interest

::: spoiler thoughts the film was excellent, in a truly bleak way. fantastic sound design too, i don't think any film has every made me so deeply uncomfortable and sick as this does just with the juxtaposed sounds of the happy family and the death camps. i would also say that it's the only film i've seen on the matter that came close to eliciting the same feeling as did visiting auschwitz itself, a deep disgust and anger. however by being shot in a voyeuristic, detached way the film manages to humanise the höss family while not giving any opportunity to become sympathetic to them. if anything, i think their portrayal as "ordinary" makes them more monstrous than if they are portrayed as one-dimensional villains, as even ralph fiennes' portrayal of höss in schindler's list leans toward. :::

I'm thinking about leasing a new car. My car is done, 13 years old, not worth even changing the oil. The brakes are gone, the passenger front tire leaks constantly (I've rotated the tired plenty of times, this is the 3rd new set that's been on it it's always that one tire).

I'm planning on moving to a city with half-decent transit the next couple years. Hence leasing instead of buying. When I lived in the city, I had a car but didn't need it ever - I just took the train and the bus. Mostly my ex drove it to their work. We lived near a grocery story and not far from our other friends.

My time's gonna be limited going forward but getting the urge to do all 326 routes of shadow the hedgehog again, got reloaded 1.2 running on dolphin with the widescreen going. Got the added S ranks, got some tweaks, got a timer for each route and got the tab open for the library routes. It's very much a comfort game at this point

mixed martian arts

Brain is empty today

fuck this past week every which way

fuck it in the pores

::: spoiler self harm Self harm heals up, pain returns, si thoughts return. Literally just kill me Trying to be safe, trying to do okay. Sorry I keep complaining about all the same stuff. Just feel shitty and miserable I guess. Trying to resist the urge. The spiral just keeps going, I feel like I have no control over how I feel.

Why am I this way and when will it end. This constant loop is awful and I can't keep going with it. :::

PYRRHO BUDDHISM CONNECTION?

XENIA MEGA

FLOOOOOFY WOOOOOFY FOX!!!

still nomany to webfishing with :c

Uber should pay me a million dollars for my idea Uber Rainbow that is Uber Black for LGBT as you upcharges queers under the guise of increased security (which they won’t do)

Web fishing isn't on GOG :catgirl-huh:

I'm going to have to fold and install Steam again, for Webfishing, VRChat maybe, and all of the indie games that aren't on any other platforms... :catgirl-cry:

My computer was so clean, so FOSS...

Pressing "F" to pay respects right now.

It took me wayyyy too long to realize why there were no new posts in the mega every time I have refreshed today

okay wait what the fuck happened this weekend and why am i somehow a part of it

I "defeated" 60 land leeches. Mao would be proud

::: spoiler It fr hard being this dumb, naive, and hot. Some days I don't even know how I manage it if I'm being real. found some self esteem in the back of some couch cushions, feels pretty good. I'll get down this confidence stuff alongside this attribute called rizz and shock everyone who ever said I was rizzless :::

I'm watching MCR in Seattle, hell yeah

i want to say something but someone has to give me permission.

I almost forgot to do my injection today

Does anyone know if old tubeless sealant in bike tyres needs to be completely removedd or can I leave a little bit of residue before adding new sealant and re-seating the tire?

::: spoiler CW: Eating disorder, dysphoria, alcoholism

Things were really going well until I had to eat today. No drinking, no serious cravings, worked all day so I was distracted, it was great. I've been on a really good streak recently, I haven't even started Naltrexone yet and I'm feeling good on that. I didn't eat yesterday and I didn't really want to eat tonight but I made myself eat so of course I ate way too much and feel guilty about it. It makes me feel dysphoric too because like oh am I not worth transitioning for? I feel like I've gotten worse looking everyday in my transition, and much of it is my fault. Cig stains on my teeth, shitty skin from a few years of drinking and generally being malnourished yet bloated because of my vices

When I'm not sober, I am passively bullemic, no thought goes into it, but I'm vomiting all the time and eating too much, or not eating at all depending on the day. I was just like that. Now I still have to fight those habits except there's intent behind them now. Now instead of not eating because I forgot, I don't eat because I don't want to. Now instead of just naturally binging, I do it in response to stress. Maybe I was always like this and just forgot who I really was before I ever started drinking.

:::

Playing battlestar galactica with my gay friends, I'm ::: spoiler spoiler a freaking toaster no one tell them :::

:))))) new calf boots came in and they fit like a dream. Surprisingly comfortable too. Snagged them on a hell of a sale and they fit my big ass t girl feet :))))

I know I have to buy winter clothes, but I found this really pretty summer dress...

my boyfriend is listening to Chapell Roan again and he just looked at me and gave a goofy grin and said "this one is pretty gay"

::: spoiler sad I feel so alone :::

One of the back/neck/arm machines at the gym has the font on it from Sonic Rivals so I use it a lot. I quite like the rival games so I guess this works for me.

None of my friends said happy birthday to Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) today, actually messed up

YURI!!!

My fit today is so good

Sicky

how tf do i always keep walking like this. "oh yeah i'll just walk down to the stores for a bit for a little exercise", i'll do it, feel bad because i felt like i could have walked further, then check and i just walked almost 4 miles

Well, there's a metal show that I really want to go to in a few weeks, and I am not sure how I want to go. I want to dress femme, but it is in a different (relatively progressive?) city and I would be on my own. I would obviously look gender non-conforming, so I am worried about harassment. Probably not at the show itself, but just walking to and from the venue. However, I hate having gone to these shows before looking like a basic-ass white boy.

Imagine a girl with a really long and big tongue

And don't make it lewd or horny 😡

Marble Zone underrated

Does anyone else get egg vibes from reading Tatsuki Fujimoto? I feel like he writes women characters way too well to be cis, but maybe he’s just extremely thoughtful about it. Anyways, stayed up late last night reading Look Back. Was very very good and I’ll probably watch the new anime of it today. Goodbye, Eri was also great if you haven’t already read it.

Does anyone have experience getting their gender marker corrected on their social security (US)? I have the passport appointment scheduled, and will be ponying up to get that fast tracked, but I a bit confused on the SSN process, specifically when it comes to ID. It sounds like I'd need to mail in an ID if I want to do it by mail, and I am worried about documents getting lost. Is anyone familiar with the in-person process?

I have gone days laughing at the absurdity of thinking. More often the thoughts fight themselves. Today was the latter but I was reminded of the exercise to ask who is perceiving what I think I perceive. “Who thinks this, who thinks that,” makes it sound like my mind is treating me like a dog and that is fun/ny.

Idk how this is the first time I'm hearing of Xenia but I love her and her story <3

I tried switching to Linux Mint like... 5 or 6 years ago but I had some problems getting work-critical software to play nice so I ended up doing the walk of shame back to Win10.

Someone gave me their old computer so it seems like a good opportunity to experiment with Linux again since it won't be interfering with my primary PC. I don't know much about distros, is Linux Mint still the best choice for Windows refugees or do I have other options?

Fun fact, t4t doesn't just mean "trans for trans", it has "normal" definitions too. (Traning for trainers, etc.)

Gonna be hosting the Puppy Girl Poker Tournament, I still no clue how poker works and just gonna be handing everyone a participation trophy at the end. If I do well enough I might get the gig hosting cat girl mahjong another game I've no clue how it works after 7 yakuza games

I've been in such a pissed off mood the last like day or so, idk what my problem is but I'm going to end up snapping at someone. Was fighting with some computer thing earlier (I've put it aside for now, still want to get it done today though...). Anyway at least it isn't directed inward right now but I am going to fight a mfer if I get the chance.

pee pee

i am attempting a scientific experiment. i have been using a plant oil that is supposed to act as a topical antiandrogen that reduces sensitivity to androgens in the places u rub it in, leading to less hair. i have been using it on my face for a couple weeks and it feels like it's changing.

BUT

i plan to conduct an experiment on my arm hairs. i'm gonna do the exact same hair removal on each arm, but i'm gonna put the oil on one arm, for 6 months. i will report on the results.

Learning the term gender envy pretty cool, after I learned I'm pan there was still something missing when I tried to describe my attraction to some people. Normally I'm pretty but maybe I should have some thoughts especially when it means taking a more active participation in my identity (by maybe I mean I should). As much as I might lament never having been in a relationship it's on me to figure some stuff out first

just cut my hair for the second time, i cannot believe how much it grew in 2 months, like i lost a couple of handfuls of hair just to get to the same length

Where is the emoticon from?

i now understand webfishing yes it is good i caught a branch and was delighted

::: spoiler dudebroscience gender phrenology shitpost "Alpha male" this, "alpha male" that

Nary a peep about the illusive zeta (trans) female

:::

::: spoiler DA: Veilguard nsfw spoilers Taash is doing things to me, I want them to fucking destroy me. Just got the first actual romance convo and uhh they is like twice the height of my character and i'm living through her vicariously rn jfc they leans over you and almost bites your neck and ~ohgodplsyes~ :::

god i love being a switch

What's the deal with guys always wearing jeans with the worst cut possible?

FUCKING 1 TILE AWAY FROM A POTENTIAL KAZOE YAKUMAN AND NOBODY WANTED TO DISCARD THE 1 OR 5 SOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I click on one dating advice vid and now the algorithm keeps giving me more, have to stop myself from doing nothing but watch them all week. Been through that before way too many times but I keep hoping one of them will make the whole meeting people and being vulnerable part easier, got trouble expressing interest in people because of fear of rejection.

🌰

nyan

How bad is it that I accidentally injected a decent amount (0.01-0.05 ml) into my thigh? I switched needles after drawing the estrogen and forgot to push the air out. I stopped after I realized but I don’t know if any of the air came out

with all the privacy that i've had with my partner away i...

...cried endlessly for two days while watching Wandering Son.

why tf did i tell my doctor the effect i wanted most out of hrt was more feelings?? this shit's too much (jk crying is euphoric)

I enjoy the novelty of meditating in shorts and a t shirt in the cold rain in public.

Yo does anyone remember if there's a version of A Christmas Carol where there is a fade to black at the end where it's revealed that Tiny Tim dies within a year of the end of the movie

Me: "Mom, can we get Handsome Jack from Borderlands?"

Mom: "We have Handsome Jack from Borderlands at home"

Handsome Jack from Borderlands at home:

What's the connection between Linux and trans identities?

The post says it was drawn by someone who likes Linux and wanted an alternative to tux; is that the extent?

XENIA ayy

How many of you would join me for Webfishing later, assuming I actually manage to get my work done? Feel like it would be fun to run a server with you all

back to work today but not in spirit. my spirit will be webfishing and seeing how fast I can mash the meow button.

I love how there are different paths to enlightenment like Teks for growing mushrooms. Some people talk about them very similarly and it makes me happy.

::: spoiler struggle sesh discussion of 'gossip' sorry im posting this here, the thread I was responding to has been locked but not removed, I am not here for a debate, fine for mods to delete if desired

look at the root for gossip

>Old English godsibb "sponsor, godparent," from God + sibb "relative" (see sibling). The sense was extended in Middle English to "a familiar acquaintance, a friend, neighbor" (c. 1300), especially to women friends invited to attend a birth, later to "anyone engaging in familiar or idle talk" (1560s).

https://www.etymonline.com/word/gossip

because it can be used in an offensive and condescending way, does not make it so. Women talking to each other is an important part of how we keep communities safe. I have been attacked and driven out of spaces for 'gossip' wherein I was trying to remove a predator.

there are no positive connotations for the dunk tank, these arent equivalent.

If you think gossip is a misogynistic term then examine yourself. :::

Any recommendation for makeup tutorials for feminizing contour application?

Any time you question if you're trans or cis, you have to add another trans to transgender

My sister got webfishing and is grinding XP. I think she's liking the game too.

Another midnighter due to my excessive course-workload, AND Asahi's decided to start having visible glitches in the File Manager. Both are my fault, because I took on more work than I could reasonably handle, and I tried to get fancy with a security patch on Asahi that's causing the visual bugs even after I removed the patch from my system.

I'm really breaking the "I post better when I'm tired" rule, I feel like I've just reached a point where I've lapped my maximum spoon count in negative spoons

Does being nonbinary automatically make me trans?