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hi, does anyone wanna make the mega in the upcoming weeks? if so, reply to this post and i'll add you to the list!

the list as it stands:

Luna* (9/30 - 10/6)
Eco* (10/7 - 10/13)
oscardejarjayes* (10/14 - 10/20)
HelltakerHomosexual* (10/21 - 10/27)
GayTuckerCarlson* (10/28 - 11/3)

​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

WHY DO CIS WOMEN AND ENBIES I DATE KEEP FEELING THE NEED TO TALK ABOUT CONTRAPOINTS WITH ME FUCKKKKK

::: spoiler surgery FFS tomorrow! :::

Going to a queer meetup only to find out that most people there are around 10 years younger than me sucks so much. Where are all the transfems in their mid 20s? Are they all just hanging out in online communities, not touching grass?

::: spoiler transphobia, bad friends I need better friends 😔. I came out to one of the only people that actually stayed with me after the giant falling out I had with my entire friend group after my ex went and fed them all lies about me and they believed her implicitly without talking to me.

He told me he "cares enough about me" to tell me that he doesn't think it's right for him to respect my pronouns, but that he still "loves and respects" me "despite my being trans," whatever the fuck that means.

I feel like I have virtually no one in my life that genuinely cares about me, and I don't know what to do about it with my apparent inability to meet new people. :::

I changed my name and slapped a [she/her] on my display name in the work group chat hoping everyone will eventually simply catch on 👀

I wasn't expecting an informative and potentially life saving post lol

so I'm a few years in, and the dysphoria hits a lot less than it used to. conversely so does the euphoria, it's all just very normal to me now, which is fine and cool. but when the euphoria does hit... it's a real treat. last night i was preening a bit in the mirror over my hair, which is probably my favourite physical feature of mine. it's overgrown at the moment so instead of my preferred messy short-ish bangs I've got a middle part. my fringe has grown enough to be past the awkward stage and I actually quite like the style on me now. for fun I decided to sweep my whole fringe sideways for a scene hair kinda look... i looked really cute, but I wasn't prepared for the emotional impact on my little emo heart. i just really had one of those we made it moments. I broke down happy crying, totally overwhelmed (I had been feeling fairly dysregulated throughout the day). those moments, while they might end up fewer and farther between, make it all worth it. cultivate and cherish trans joy comrades. love you all

Where the fuck are my fangs

It is transphobic that E and prog don't make you grow nice pointy canine fangs. When I say "I like biting" people should be a little scared that I'll drink their blood

this thread making me wanna unsub from every comm except this one:/ reset the hours since misogyny on hexbear counter gang. as usual the cishets are not alright

I think I'm gonna get FFS. Thinking just my forehead, brow bone and orbital. It's all kinda scary to me though :/

We had a little girl who was obsessed with axolotls. She had axolotl plushies and squeeled in delight when I brought her axolotl colouring pages for being SOOO brave by putting her nasal prongs in for oxygen

I guess that's the next big thing if you wanna break into it. No more unicorn everything (unicats, classic unicorn, unidog, etc), sequins are on their way out

I'm thinkin someone should start a service where nervous transfemmes can get a Plausible Deniability Buddy to have when they wanna go buy makeup

Gonna get this shirt

someone told me I looked beautiful <3

den, anticishet, and transenby comms are now all local only, i'm leaking important info rn, the stalinistic mods may try to silence me

Why do clothes have to cost money? 🤨

Finally got a manual razor, wow this is way better then an electric razor ever was So smooth, so hairless.

Also bought some nail polish at the store, I was very nervous the whole time but of course everything was fine and now I can do nails whenever I want!

Which one of you did this?

::: spoiler surgery FFS done! Doctor told me that the went very well. Now I am wrapped like a mummy for a week. First night inpatient after the procedure was rough, but I did it! Nearly a year of planning coming together.

I’m surprisingly still cognizant if absent minded at the moment, capable of doing basic enough tasks. :::

Pro: I cried today and I'm feeling things

Con: What I'm feeling is a mental breakdown

::: spoiler i guess this is like a public diary thing. mainly checking if anyone else feels this way i don't really feel like i belong anywhere. i'm very social in my real life, i have friends but i can't help but feel separate from them. like i'm always an outsider, an observer of people, but i don't ever allow myself the chance to be a part of a group in any meaningful way.

this happens in online spaces too; i like to float through social groups, sampling everything and everyone without ever really putting down roots. real roots require vulnerability i don't want to express to anyone except for myself.

i feel like i'm constantly wearing a mask, even now. i'm giving information that is easy to share without getting into my underlying reasons because the thought of actually sharing what causes my neuroses terrifies me to no end. i hate giving people power over me despite feeling like an island literally every day of my life. maybe it's just more comfortable than talking about something real and rolling the dice to see if people are cool with it :::

::: spoiler dating??

So I've liked this guy for a while and at a party yesterday we flirted a bit. Today he's been messaging me and hinting for me to come over to his house and I want to so bad but I also haven't been with anyone since I transitioned, and I'm simultaneously super terrified and excited and aaaaaaaaa i don't know what to do!!! :::

::: spoiler surgery Turning in early for the night for tomorrow morning's surgery! See all of you comrades on the other side.

:::

not another hexbear man thread lmao, when will these guys recognize the role misogyny plays in how men act

HOOOOOOOLY FUCKING SHIT

I was not prepared for how much I had underestimated how fun skirt go spinny was gonna be

I adore all my trans comrades in the mega here, but seriously, shout out ash and TerminalEncounter specifically for helping me to absolutely beat the shit out of my egg. Their replies to my posts are always such a potent acid that melt away the denial and doubt

first bottom surgery letter appointment done, letter should be forthcoming SOON™

one more appointment to go, then on to the joys of finding someone to hook my bits up to a car battery do the electrolysis

My nipples are very tender I keep hurting them when I buckle my seatbelt 😭

put on new sweater

tiddies visibly showing through

:) it's the little things

Someone anyone (Macklemore maybe) needs to give Chapelle Roan a copy of State and Revolution.

A lot of babies and toddlers sleep with their heads down and their butts in the air (it looks very silly), it's the fetal position just not on their sides. I don't have anything in particular to say about it but it does make my soul-ovaries squeeze in joy lol

I had a dream I was a woman! I did not look like my goals, but I got a lot of gender euphoria in my dream, and I still feel it after waking up.

"v*ush discusses the depiction of trans women in adult media"

thanks youtube algorithm, you've nailed the sort of videos i like to watch

i h8 h8 h8 every variation of

"thing will take [estimated timeframe for completion]"

• "you have [fraction of timeframe given]"

& it happens so much in star trek

like it seems to me that at best it suggests "everyone below me in the hierarchy is actively deciding to be inefficient" & at worst "threatening / harming people will give them the ability to perform superhuman acts in your service"

i want a movie that sets up a situation like that & then rapidly develops into a crime farce because Doing the Thing literally was not at all possible

i baked a thing

I give it a 50/50 chance I start using she/it pronouns in a month tbh

::: spoiler im forgetful... Sometimes i forget that hexbear users arent exclusively trans people... :::

::: spoiler misgendering Who's that? Is that your brother?

No, that's my sister. :::

I love my sibling. Sometimes it's the little things

So this isnt super trans related but it's been like 10 months on estrogen and in some ways I actually feel stronger. I started climbing and can now deadlift like 300 pounds somewhat easily, something I couldn't do while on testosterone (I also didn't climb though). My bench press has barely suffered, I used to bench like 85 pounds dumbbells for 5, I can do 70 pound dumbbells for 8 reps... My squat is steadily rising also. Idk lol I'm a bit surprised honestly

::: spoiler cw: sexual and the worst post i've ever made can't spell impregnate without mpreg :::

Women... pretty...

(telling my boss i'm quitting the job i started a week ago to take a job with better pay, more benefits and fully remote work): at will employment fucked around and bit you in the balls, didn't it?

Death to America

::: spoiler Dumb chronic pain shit Me yesterday: "Dyke lifts dyke lifts lfg, becoming powerful!!! Whatsup everybody I'm productive and powerful, today was a good day, lfg"

Me today: "Oooooooough My chest ow fuck my chronic painy nerves, even walking is hard, how joever is it "

Wow I feel so fuckin bad, I am not moving today. Cooked, washed. :::

Update: after taking the usual bullshit pill mix it's still kinda painful but I can move okay. Not like last night where I could barely get up to walk.

::: spoiler dysphoria If I ever needed any confirmation that I'm doing the right thing, I just need to let my sister show me photos from high school. Yeah, I'm not going back to that . Looking back, I was kind of a mess, and I looked a bit dead inside. Like, I could smile on the outside, but everything else about my appearance said something different.

In a strange way, despite my experience of high school ranging from the deepest depression of my life to pretty mid, I kind of wonder what it would be like to go back, to be who I am now, going through that experience in a better way. Maybe it would be something I could look back on knowing I was happy, or even just see pictures of my present self sitting with my sister at that lunch table, rather than who I was. :::

Not to brag, but my hair continues to grow obnoxiously. The longest strands are now just below my butt, which is the first time its length has changed meaningfully in like three years? If your hair seems done growing, add some jojoba oil or something, I guess.

Also I am digging this whole lifting thing. I can feel myself enstrengthifying every time I do it. I would do it several times a day if I weren't a noodle armed lil gay and I plan to become the strongest dyke lfg.

I think my posting wouldn't be so insane if I had the gentle caress of tender lover

But I've got way too much family guy to catch up on for that

Once I was in a CPR class where the instructor was heavily emphasizing how important it is to not do the compressions too fast. No more than 1/second. Instructor was walking around telling everyone who was doing it the correct speed to slow down.

Also the instructor had a big section about how you need to organize all your information if you call emergency services (like 9-1-1) so you can tell it to them all at once in a logical order. TIP FOR CALLING 9-1-1: You do not need to volunteer information. They will ask you the information they need in the order they need it. Don't even start talking until you are asked a question. Then, answer exactly the question you are asked and no more. The operator is aware they need to ask you your location, you don't need to interrupt them to do it. They actually deal with people like you all day long, every day.

I will admit to have become pretty snarky during this class.

idk why but today i feel extremely femme and pretty. it feels great!

girl jeans :)

tfw no pockets

Geeze a lot has happened since the last time I posted. It's been an eventful and transy month for me. Let's see, where to begin?

::: spoiler long winded recap of the last month

My husband told his mom and sister about me. He wanted to be the one to break the news, so I left it up to him. His sister is absolutely fine with it, but I knew she would be. His mom is I guess confused but ok with it. She's way more confused about him being ace than me being trans. His brother is another story. We aren't telling him for a while.

I confronted my mom. I came out to her a few months ago, but she keeps misgendering me and stuff on the phone. She was in town so I flat out told her this is happening and I'd like it if she got with the program. She's doing better since our talk, but she still keeps misgendering me, but I think that's more habit than malicious.

I have my second appointment with at the awesome gender clinic tomorrow. It will most likely be my last because they are closing in a few months. Which is extremely sad. However, I'm still excited to go. I had blood work last week and got my results yesterday and my levels are fantastic. E was at 213, while t was just 6. Big win for IM estrogen and bica. It's been 3 months now officially and things are coming along nicely. I'm pretty sure I have the titty growing gene cause these things are starting to be a whole situation.

And for the most memorable thing that happened in the last month is that my husband and I went and saw one of our favorite bands. He found the band back in February, right after I came out to him and he was still struggling with it. The band is a folk band called Tophouse, and almost all their songs are sappy little love songs. I absolutely love them, and my husband credits them for helping him accept me and us and our future. He got us the tickets in March as a sign of his acceptance and it's kinda been a milestone approaching that I've been looking forward to for a long time.

Anyway, we got a really cool hotel room for the night. The venue was outdoors, in the queer part of town. The weather was incredible. The band was absolutely fantastic. I ended up crying like 4 times out of pure joy because of how much the night meant to me. E is a hellofa drug because I've never cried like that in my life. Afterwards we went bowling because the hotel our room was in had a vintage bowling alley in it. We were the only ones there and it was so fun and really special. He even put my girl name on the scorecard. All in all the night was really special and I love him so much.

Beyond all of that, I've started looking for a new job. I need to get out of the blue collar trades. I don't want to work on an industrial environment around chuds anymore. What little patience I had for them has completely evaporated and I'm so tired of coming home covered in scrates and bruises from the work. There are a few data centers being built nearby, and tho I don't want to contribute to that for ethical reasons, it would be a nice way to change careers in the short term. :::

Anyway, my ramble is over. One last thing tho:

I love my trans comrades!

I'm sick and my girlfriend isn't here to take care of me, this sucks.

::: spoiler bedroom stuff / drugs / sad ok so i didn't end up playing Celeste BUT today's been really good :3 been spending quality time w/ partner. i love it when we get distracted by a thing & then suddenly we've been talking for two hours but also we've been all over each other all day hehe. excited to explore the kink stuff partner is interested in. ended up getting a touch overstimulated tho but weed & pregabby are helping w/ that.

i mean i also heard that grandpa's in hospice & i'm on the other side of the planet. i knew this would happen & it sucks. but i've actually been feeling like myself again so i'm trying to remain positive.

:::

The sun is transphobic for revealing the flaws in my skin 😖

Nice gender, did your mom pick it for you?

my grandparents are so supportive... i went to their house today and they put a little litter box in the bathroom for me. i didn't want to tell them that story was a lie so i just used it and my grandpa came in after me to scoop it out

i do this

I accidentally touched the needle after putting the E in my syringe, so I injected it into my bed before I threw it away. Will it make my mattress softer?

::: spoiler idk even know what to spoiler this tbh god she's so unbelievably cute wtf. i don't know how i always managed to stumble ass first into random bouts of infatuation like this but wtf she's so fucking cute and i'm laying in my bed clutching a pillow kicking my feet like a school girl just thinking about her what the fuck i am a grown ass woman :::

minecraft peaceful mode seems so damn creepy. minecraft is already a pretty empty world, even less than that with the occasional cow or sheep feels like actually unsettling

Gender is when you get headpets...

crazy what taking care of yourself does tbh

i'm exercising, i'm looking after my skin. mad

One of the "signs you're trans" symptoms I see often is "imagining yourself as the opposite gender". For a long time I didn't think this one applied to me, but thinking back, it kind of did. I didn't think it applies because I never imagined a feminized version of myself, but sometimes, in some situations, I imagined myself as a fictional female character, or some completely imaginary person that doesn't look anything like me (in terms of facial/body features, ethnicity, etc). Did anyone else experience "imagining yourself as the opposite gender" like this?

My fake rural fake hick fake small town is showing the fucking Matt Walsh flick. This is a town where people drive immaculate lifted trucks to get Starbucks (and can't reach down far enough to get the coffee) and slow down before driving where the road was torn up because they dont wanna damage their shocks, they were the cleanest cowboy boots you've ever seen to an office gig, it's too big to be a small town and too small and conservative to be a city, there's one museum hidden behind some kind of maze at the local library except for the museum that shows off "ancient" farming equipment like og tractors from 100 years ago

They didn't screen I Saw The TV Glow, the didn't screen Civil War, they didn't screen It Ends With Us, oh but they'll screen Matt Walsh. And they're probably right that it'll sell out.

They are screening Megalopolis though which honestly is just a weird decision given the above

it's very funny that there are people out there with the surname bourgeois

like imagine being poor and your surname is bourgeois lmao

you ever have one of those hobbies/things you get into that you can't even mention on a site like Hexbear without getting turbo doxxed?

why did no one ever mention that learning to code is fun

Death to America

starting a personal blog and i'm actually kind of having fun doing some creative writing for it. i meant it to be a fashion blog mostly, but now i think it's going to be a fashion + art + personal musings blog.

apparently i have a slight nut allergy wtf? how has this never been a problem until now

Facial Feminisation Surgery...... Yes I see, very good, however... where Facial Masculisation Surgery?

How I look in my gay lil glasses

Well chat, I did it. I went into public and bought makeup. Holy shit is it expensive. However! I survived and it turned out great! I've taken about 30 selfies since I finished it so I must have done something right!

I just had a meeting with my coworkers and they all called me my preferred name all the way through and it felt so aggressively normal? It was nice.

holy fuck i love estrogen so much i actually feel alive now

::: spoiler vent about hormones Wondering if my hrt degraded during the heat waves of summer, and so my monotherapy isnt working the same for to block T. No breast growth, fat slowly moving back to more masc places, more acne recently, and its all been very slowly getting worse over the past like month or two (to my perception at least). Im on 15 u100 units of 40mg/ml enenthate (works out to 6mg (i think)), but if it degraded idk if it still works out to that amount. Im getting levels done for the first time in 2 weeks, but idk if i should bump my injections by a couple units or not now, vs waiting for my levels to come back. I hate being my own doctor.

It took about 8 and a half months, but my left boob now fills out an A cup there's still an awkward pocket of air on the right side though

god, cis people really don't know what "the signs" are of a repressed trans child are at all

How bad is it to not do laser every month?
Would it be the end of the world if I waited 2 months for this next one?

polycule that travels coast to coast from seattle to new york, adding and removing partners along the way

Okay, so what's the process for getting on E and anti-androgens in ?

I see planned parenthood has gender affirming therapy appointments. Do I just go in there and tell them I want the girl juice?

Sometimes I’ll see a pair of characters in an anime or show and be like “lol they look so short next to the other”
But then I realize it’s like half the height difference between me and my gf

just got disqualified from the "thinking about women" competition after I failed to show up because I was too busy thinking about girls

I think I'm actually finally going to go makeup shopping today. I have a few hours to kill this afternoon between Dr appointments and I can't think of a single thing that would be a better use of my time.

fucking youtube clocked me as trans before i realized god damn

I love my trans comrades. I also love my future trans comrades who ask for hormones out of left field, lmao.

legend of korra got me working out again. result tbh

Put my insurance information into PP, and I saw they use your chosen name, and not your legal one.

I dunno why but that hit was the bit I needed to turn the nervousness into excitement. I can't fuckin wait to start HRT! <3

This site needs another purge.

Second laser session on my face this morning. Burning hair is dysphoria leaving the body!

Also a question. I don't have a lot of body hair to begin with. Will the hormones pretty much wipe out my nipple and stomach hair? The laser clinic is running a deal right now and I can get both of those done for 35 bucks a month (for like three years of payments).

Considering that's like two packs of cigarettes and I'm trying to quit smoking anyway, I'm seriously considering it. But if the estrogen is going to take care of it likely then I figure I should save my money.

Curious though what have other people's experiences been with body hair?

Before I got long covid I wished I could be at multiple places at once, now I just wish I could be at places 🥲

Been trying to go to trans support groups but every time I’m too tired to leave the house & meet people

I came out to the first time to a person outside of Hexbear. She's also a trans leftist, and an online gaming friend. I had this massive pit in my chest, but she is super supportive (which should have been obvious to expect, but I have bad anxiety).

So, I am happy, and I hope that it keeps getting easier.

I am such an eepy trans girl, I keep falling asleep without really meaning to. Maybe I'll try to go to bed earlier

::: spoiler navel gazing, journaling

I need to be talking about kink more, I think. I have the seeds of the kink special interest, maybe. Dangerous ground but the sort of uh, psychology? Mentality? Internal goings-on around and related to kink fascinate me utterly, I adore it. I also think it's stellar how it intersects with things like autism, or even trauma. It's very fucking cool, there's something deeper to it. Coincidentally I'm really glad I did all that ugly trauma processing months ago so that I can more directly talk about this stuff, and have it be relevant to me.

Also I just love (trans) people, truthfully. I don't get on with most because I'm jagged and weird socially but I love talking interpersonal stuff, especially when you and your conversation buddy can bounce back and forth between light chatter about your interests and deep, considered discussion of interpersonal or internal matters. Bonus points if you have threaded conversations and talk about both and more at once. I really feel a fast and firm connection to anyone who can do this w/me.

The trick is not to talk to allistics (or cis people lmao) so much. A few of them might be okay, but while not everyone with autism is a cool person obviously, talking to autistic people that you really click with is on suuuuuch a different level. Thank you, autistic conversation partners my beloved. :::

I started writing this, and then before posting I (for once) actually considered if this should be spoilered lol

::: spoiler weird horni thoughts In the realm of possibilities it's kind of bullshit that we have such boring courtship rituals and no rutting season.

Imagine, if you will, humans had a 4 month rutting season - the other 8 months of the year, sex doesn't matter, you don't even notice any secondary sex characteristics even. What a relief! Now combine that 4 month rutting season with bird courtship rituals. You want to mate this season? You have to build me a house. Also do a funky dance. Also put a bunch of blue around it. Hmm, okay you're cute enough and you did build me a house.

I'm not being unreasonable, of course I'd love spider habits of eating anyone's head off as a nice snack if they didn't do well enough for me (sometimes even if they did do well enough but I'm hungry). I'm not saying we should have that. I am saying we could've had something neat and weird and we ended up with dating apps. :::

This is stupid as fuck and I need to talk about this or I’m going to almost certainly be overthinking it all night.

::: spoiler heterophobia? I had a long and pleasant conversation with a guy and one of his friends tonight that went sour pretty quickly and I’m not really even sure what just happened. He was very charming all night and his friend (also a woman) was very nice. Somehow the topic of sexuality came up and we were playfully saying things like “I like tacos and cucumbers equally”, just dumb stuff like that. I was teasing him a little because he said he “didn’t like hotdogs”, to which I cheekily said “free your mind of its shackles, young padawan. there is no spoon.”

He starts going off about how he must just be different because he doesn’t “force his opinions on anyone else” and after thinking he was also still just joking around, I said, “fine, fine I’ll quit bullying you, for now”

He was completely serious! He went on about how I “give people like me (a bisexual woman) a bad name” (???) and by this point I was completely done with the conversation. I was taken aback that he was being so serious about this and told him “you must not be very confident if this is all it takes to get you riled up”, checked out and left immediately.

Listen, like I said, I know this is dumb as hell, but was I actually in the wrong? I thought I was just being a little teasing, nothing serious, but apparently I was “shoving my opinions on everyone else.”

Trans mega, was I a jerk? Or is this guy a weirdo? :::

Okay I was planning to sleep, still am, but I want to ask a dumb question about Orange Book.

::: spoiler mega spoilers Is my epub damaged, or just it just end with James H. ditching Maria, calling his girlfriend, and having him drive her home? If so, lol lmao, but also ... I'll post more thoughts tomorrow. Am literally asleep right now (I'm sure you can tell) :::

::: spoiler The RETRVN of horrifyingly weird trauma processing and sexposting!!!

I cannot express adequately the magnitude of my fucking disdain for the fact that pretty much everything sex related is going to be a trial, for the rest of my life. I'm also really incredibly bitter and salty that it's all because my ex from when I was literally 15 was more interested in using me as a sex toy than having a partner and so now I'm saddled with a very high chance to freak the fuck out if I try anything remotely spicy.

Uuuuuuugh fuck why why why

I'm really envious of people who and and do just do stuff, like engage with kink naturally (this is important because most people don't feel compelled to do fuckin research) and enjoy it, instead of even a "test the waters" type thing being a huge daylong highly emotional ordeal. I hate this so passionately, it would be cool if I could just do the neat thing! the space! but my neurotype also seems to be sabotaging me because emotional dysregulation really does not help either. Literally cannot even just chill and vibe anymore (I guess I never could lmao) because of shitty snobby bratty MIC failchildren, what the fuck.

They will pay for this, all of them :::

Ckissing

Pretty

Rgirls

I'm sick and my girlfriend went to sleep before me. Someone call the police.

Seeing the doctor this week, gonna find out if switching from 12.5 mg cypro every day to 12.5mg every other day is still working

::: spoiler surgery recovery Day 2 FFS recovery! So far, so good. Only breathing, eating and drinking through your mouth is quite challenging, but so far manageable. Never been more tired in my life, sleeping approximately 20 hrs a day. Speaking is challenging after being intubated for anesthesia for multiple hours.

Painkillers they prescribed me are making this not too bad thus far. Tis a long game of recovery though.

::: Hit me up if you have any questions! Might be slow replying due to sleeping.

funny how i think of myself as being into men and yet so far none of the masculine men on the dating apps have interested me

guess it's time to question my sexuality again...

Thanks to all the nerds on hexbear (particularly @BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net ) I am playing Minecraft Java again, really really, for the first time in almost ten years.

What's a shield? Why is there is dopey sword icon under my crosshair?

::: spoiler Kittenposting 🐈‍⬛❗🥷

Tactical espionage action :::

::: spoiler Democratic Kittens Republic of My House update 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛ The kittens' papa visited today :3

He's still very skittish but got something to eat and marked territory in the yard. The kittens always greet him and they nudge each other and groom each other's fur.

Their littermate neighbor visited today too, they all got to play together. I love her whiskers and long ear tufts :::

Did I accidentally create a micro struggle session and 3-5 threads with my comment about Chappelle Roan reading state and revolution?

Growing up, my mom would say she couldn't wait to embarass me at my wedding - after I did some cringe little kid shit. It mortified me. Jokes on her, never got married and never will at this rate sucker ha ha

Shed also, in exacerbated moments, wish that I would have a child just like me. Well, she made it sound so unappealing and having kids was the wrong decision for my parents so- I don't have any and likely never will lol

I guess for her generation and before, it was impossible to conceive of yourself as NOT married and NOT a parent after 30 but for me and my friends and their friends, the weirdos are the ones who married and had kids. I think I have 1 friend who did both. I have a friend who was married and divorced (never remarried), so that's something too I guess.

death to the amerikkkan medical system fr. the process of trying to get a diagnosis for my fatigue issues so that i can have accommodations for them is so overwhelming and frustrating (and i'm so, so sick and tired of being told that it's psychosomatic. if it is, well my mental health improving over the past few months has done nothing to get rid of it)

made some tofu scramble and toast for dinner and now I'm going to unwind with some tea and painkiller (the FPS game)

also I am on day 3 of quitting alcohol and so far it's been fine but I have a slight headache and I really hope it's not a sign that I am actually going to have withdrawals

Analyze the situation. If necessary, start

Compressions. Check the

Airway and also manage

Breathing.

Oof, I'm doin autism. Getting into the comfort-groove of watching half hour videos on Game Boy Pokemon glitches...

::: spoiler dysphoria I really need to work harder on transitioning, I think that's a lot of my problem. There's so much to change and it feels like little has. I am really hoping to push myself to take more steps this next week.

I try not to think about it much, but I really wish I had better irl support. My therapist does not understand the importance of transition to me or the impact my other issues cause me. He wants to chalk everything up to my avpd and that I don't try hard enough, basically. :::

oh wow that one girl i had a crush on DMed me on discord the other day and invited me to work on that one craft project i've been meaning to :))))))))))))))))))))))

I can't believe I feel like I already need more clothes. I thought I would be done, but I was very much not ready for the season change. Anybody have some recommendations on what looks good to wear in the fall and/or winter? I have very bad fashion sense, all I've gotten are a couple of pairs of jeans.

oh god the jehovah's witnesses are about

i am very much not interested in a home bible study, thanks

::: spoiler trauma/abuse I have been talking with my two closest friends about some of my childhood. They both think my parents were abusive.

I don't know how to process this. I have been in fight or flight for the last like, day. I didn't eat yesterday. Got like three hours of sleep at 7am. I have cried so much. After finally telling someone some of what I remember its just... so sad. They loved me... but still did things I have had trouble getting over since. I have wondered for a while. I knew it was wrong, I knew it made me feel awful, and scared, and many other things... but it felt normal. I blame(d) myself.

I feel sad. Numb. Broken. I feel/have felt for a long time that what I dealt with was not enough to be legitimate. I'm still denying it a little bit. I guess always feeling on edge/a bit scared around dad makes sense with this framework though... ::: spoiler self harm I am fighting the urges. My brain is convinced this would be easier to deal with if I did it. I am keeping myself from doing it only because I feel like other people would say its bad. ::: Thank you for reading. I am feeling a lot and I don't know how to deal with it. Advice is welcome, I'm not ready to talk about details though so please don't ask.

Just shaved my legs for the first time in a while. Usually I just epilate for the convenience of only needing to do it a couple times a month, but that perfect baby smooth feeling you get after a razor shave is just something else

Coming down with a case of gear acquisition syndrome

If I were rich I could easily see myself blowing like twenty grand on instruments and amps and pedals and recording stuff

Currently looking at basses

A Bass VI makes the most sense for me but I kinda love Mustang PJ basses and this Orange O-Bass is really neat to me and it matches most of my wardrobe and cats lmao

i dont want to run meetings today I want to chat with the people in my computer lol

watched the barbie movie. it's aight. the stuff I liked the most was costuming, set design, and choreography; the plot was pretty fucking mid. the ken discovering patriarchy stuff was kinda funny, but a pretty meh plot overall. it's just the same kinda fuax aspirational liberalism barbie has always been while integrating critiques of itself to be like 'actually, we get hyper femme perfect barbie and president barbie is unatainable. you just have to be you. and things will be not great, but ok :) ), and I found that pretty mid.

why was this movie so popular? like it's ok, it's not bad, it's just not non stop months of memes and pop cultural relevance good. is it really just the barben-himer thing?

::: spoiler surgery 3 days postop FFS recovery is slow, but not nearly as bad as I expected! Cannot wait for the day I can breathe out of my nose again. Two separate friends sent me flowers to wish me well in recovery. I have never gotten flowers before, I am getting so emotional about it.

I don’t think I have ever felt more loved than this last few months of my life. :::

my partner wouldn't haul 85 large cans of energy drink up the hill to our mountain residence. do they even really love me?

hold me chat

i'm gay and my heart has stopped

legalise breaking your coworker's phone when she's playing tiktok out loud

I feel very girly when I wake up, but all my girl energy is gone by the end of the day 😔

finished my legend of korra rewatch. love that show so much

down with cis

There are now less than 100 days left in 2024

How will you spend them?

Post harder.

Its kinda weird reading something from 1995 saying something like

There’s a lot of writing about gender now. I keep reading the magazine articles, the newspaper columns, and the text books, pre- and postmodern. I read, watch, and listen to all the ads and commercials. You can learn a lot about gender from those commercials. I’ve also been watching the talk shows, listening to the call-in programs, and browsing the electronic bulletin boards. When I was very young, growing up in the 50s, I read the medical texts, devoured the tabloids, and hoarded the pornography—because I was intensely interested in me and my people.

Like, I was too young then to be noticing such, but its still weird seeing that when I don't think I really had even a vague idea of what transsexual/transgender was until probably the late 00's or maybe even early 10's. My parents frequently took us to LGBT family events as young children, so I wonder how much representation the T's got or if it was almost exclusively the LGB at those? Doubt I'd have noticed though... I remember one time being at a church my parents had taken us to occasionally (mostly for Christmas service) and I had missed that it was largely an LGBT church until I was in the middle of high school because I simply didn't notice all the same-sex couples (suddenly it made sense why my mom went so far out of the way to go to that church). So maybe I was just oblivious.

::: spoiler weed

my partner is allergic to weed pollen but smokes anyway and my friend told me about microwaving spliffs and i figured it might destroy the pollen. it did destroy the pollen

and me

fucking blew me away. how have i gone this long without knowing about this?

:::

Piercing idea from the other thread

This but with the rings in the colors. Cute? Cheesy? Based? Cringe? All of the above? Whaddya think

Chronic pain posting, ow fuck. The fact that some human bodies are just cursed to degrade in so many ways is like, Okay I Guess. There truly had better not be a god out there if shit like this happens.

::: spoiler Kittenposting 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🍴🐟

I realized that I'm basically Ken where my job is "cats" instead of "beach" :::

I had thought of a bit, if more than 2 pronouns were allowed again, where I would set my pronouns to as many fae/faer as I could fit and comment something like "If the faeries want war, I'll give em war".

interesting post on leddit about how capitalism influenced the creation of gendered bathrooms

every woman in legend of korra is very pretty, the artists were on fire with this show

::: spoiler random yearning analysis and thoughts

Godddddd i want to be pair bonded so bad. It feels so nice and wonderful. But i know that its a really bad move for me right now. So i tell myself Im only available for casual relationships. But am I? Really? Pair bonding feels so good that I dont know that I can trust myself to not try and dive into it, or try to bring it about without realizing it. I want to fall into someone, and that desire is unhealthy for me. I want to get to a place where I want to walk beside someone, instead of fall into them. Its a moot point regardless, i dont meet new people like ever, and theres no way in hell im about to start dating my way through my friends and aquaintances, and physical attraction is often rooted in emotional attraction for me, so

Free username idea for anyone to use that popped into my head: ClassWarGreymon

image source

wordpress compressing images... why it won't let me change that unless I pay them and I don't have the budget for that rn

mike ehramtraut and mike wazowski swap places

My cat wants to sit with me, but is restless. Her solution? Just walk all over me instead.

Imagine waking up before sunrise... ha ha.....

::: spoiler Pet medical issues (not severe) Had to take in one of my cats to the vet emergency room today. He broke a tooth and had to get it removed, and the wound didn't heal properly, and I found it to be inflamed/infected. The ER vet ended up giving a two week prescription of antibiotics and cleaning instructions for the wound to see if it heals on its own, but I am utterly emotionally drained from the two hours in the waiting room. :::

I'm sick, but my gf refuses to get my water for me. This is abuse.

The UK not having mixing taps is ridiculous, I've heard of why - something to do about having seperate pipes possibly one had lead? But cmon, join us in this millennium. Mixing taps.

But they're absolutely right about having fuses in their plugs. That's inspired.

finally replaced the cartridges on my elastomeric, feeling good

I try and read every comment but I don't vote on any because they are all terrible

With all the discussion of gay kitties lately, it brings me no joy to confess that not only are my cats heterosexual, they are in a problematic age gap relationship (~3 years).

(In all seriousness, they are adorable and love each other very much.)

girl you need a shot of b12

you know you do

If I was a dumbass billionaire I would buy out a video game company I like and make them tailor games to my liking

::: spoiler Kittenposting 🧺🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛💤

⚠️🚨BREAKING🚨⚠️

Kittens SHOCK local oaf by sleeping overnight together in the baby basket instead of oaf bed, allow uninterrupted sleep for first time in recent memory :::

there's a world out there in which shiny pokemon are a gen 2 only gimmic mechanic, like so many oher gen exclusive mechanics. I dread to think of it

stressed about bills

::: spoiler spoiler they won't leave my house. please help :::

i hope the hormones i ordered come in time

i'm in a shoegazey mindspace today

gay lil’ sickly whimper

4 years we had bill Murray Steve rod and Bob job now er have no Murray bill or blob

I am glad that we have the no selfie rule so I can't share my first (failed) attempt at makeup. It felt really nice though even if I poked my eye with the mascara brush, and I failed to completely correct for the beard shadow, and I overdid the eyeliner, and I can't really tell if the tones I got for concealer/foundation make my skin tone. Just knowing that I can make my face more feminine, even prior to HRT, makes feel better about looking at the thing. Just like with the nail polish, I was super nervous and apprehensive about even trying it, and now I want to do it everyday.

Even if I don't feel comfortable having eyeliner at work, I think I can get away with concealer. It's easy enough to explain that I am frustrated with the beard shadow.

giggling as I read the word bitch in a BBC article about dogs

hi

I know it's a cliche, but the blåhaj is just a top tier plush. I always cuddle with mine when I go to bed and it's so comfy and makes me feel less anxious when I've had a bad day.

hoping that funny feeling in my pelvis is my hips getting wider

I smashed my knee on a wall last night and it still hurts

Need the HRT that makes you look like Alucard Symphony of the Night

I bought a giant mega game for vampire the masquerade.

I do not have 64 people to play vampire the masquerade LARP/boardgames in my town. There is a significant chance that there are perhaps a half dozen people in this town who would even do this, and besides me they'd probably rather play D&D anyway

I bought it because I could and I've seen it on the game store shelves for 12 months taunting me... "terminal... you want me... you need the ridiculous board game..."

Holy crap the new Zelda game is so cute and giving me that same sense of wonder the first game did when I was a kid. I'm in gamer girl heaven right now.

::: spoiler spoiler She's a wizard! You copy and then summon objects and monsters. Puts a fun twist on puzzles and combat.

Okay, I'll stop gushing now. :::

I think I have a blood clot in my leg

My partner took our cat to the emergency vet today with what we suspect is a UTI. She has never had to go to the vet before (besides routine yearly checkups). I am worried about her and I don't want her to be in pain. :(

Chronic pain and dysphoria got me down.

But ordered a new journal and going to start the gender euphoria workbook videos. Also working through a pain management workbook.

Hoping to get my physical health and dysphoria on an upward spiral. Going to bed stoned so I can sleep and waking up inflamed everyday is not the life I want.

when some loud braggart tries to put me down and says his gender's great, i tell him right away

"now what's the matter buddy, ain't you heard of my gender? number one in the state"

::: spoiler mental health, mostly positive Been working on trying to reign in my irritability and stress response lately. I'm going through some rough family shit that I might hash some of it out here later, but I've been trying to remind myself that the initial impulse of wanting to snap at a stressor and overreact is a hind brain response and not a conscious choice to feel, but the way I internalize and act after having it is and to be kinder to myself and be prouder of dealing with shit sometimes without lashing out at anyone or throwing a tantrum.

On that note, I got a recommendation to just set aside a little thing that brightened my day or I thought was neat as a mindfulness thing to try to look for positives in mundane day to day stuff even when I'm stressed and anxious or depressed.

If it's a little knickknack kinda thing like a coin or a cool looking rock I find or something and it ends up in my pocket, at the end of the day I end up putting it in the windowsill in my kitchen before I start getting ready for bed. Anyway, today I got a lil' feather from a Stellar's jay that I found while changing the water in my bird bath. It fits perfect in this little incense holder, and I just think it's neat.

:::

If I had a Twitter or whatever and just posted my random thoughts, some might do well. But I'm also obsessed with stutff like human sushi. My tumblr timeline would look... well probably not different from anyone else's lol.

::: spoiler my kinky hardcore tumblr timeline

1. Hardcore vore
2. Blood play
3. Trans rights
4. Standardized meme for mass consumption
5. Passing random thoughts like "we should have new slang for breasts, boobs, tits, knockers, fun bags are all tok played out
6. Random mini book review for something I read at work
7. More hardcore vore
8. Vampires :::

making some mushroom rissotto this evening. my wife has never made risotto before, so I wanted to show her, and she LOVES mushrooms so it seemed like a good idea

The news mega is making fools out of us! FOOLS!

Who gives a fucking shit about anything? Anyway go to a cpr class

::: spoiler mental health Managed to hold off a panic attack I felt creeping up while grocery shopping

Grounded myself with paying attention to my breathing and fidgeting with my keys in my pocket

All in all it wasn't that bad after the fact but I hate how fucking overwhelmed I can feel from mundane shit, it was crowded and noisy and I'm not feeling well and big stores and having to deal with driving in heavy traffic and squint at harsh LED headlights is exhausting to me

I hate how infantilizing the term "adulting" is but forcing myself to do shit like that makes me feel like I'm just always swimming upstream and I'm not a good swimmer, busy public places make me feel so out of place and lonely and depleted

On the plus side I got myself a little treat and found almost everything on the list and talked to a nice butch person in the checkout line and we each thought each other's shoes were cool and it was like the same hat meme but for being queer and wearing skate shoes

‎ 🛹‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 🛹

:::

@LocalOaf@hexbear.net from last thread: I do like me the odd Mellotron. I dig some keyboard synth, ngl. Also a Hammond enjoyer.

::: spoiler Kittenposting 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ 🐈‍⬛ :::

::: spoiler dysphoria I shaved all my depression scruff and moisturized and pampered myself a bit with a fancy soap and feel better, please clap

I don't know when or if laser or electrolysis will be options for me but holy fuck am I exhausted of this

It's tedious and awful feeling enough for me that I'm tempted to try the special facial depilatory cremes but I'm pretty sure those would make my face melt off like I looked in the Ark of the Covenant :::

I have an anxieety disorder and panic about shit all the time; but my actual true deepest fears tthat put me into a mind bending brain fuck? I think they're quite rational you know. I think my biggest fear is the fear of space, and of huge objects, cosmophobia I've seen it be called. and yeah, it's pretty crazy out there with quazars and roche limits and an infinite empty void of nothing in pretty much all directions. being uncomfortable at that? that's prettty damn reasonable I think for a tiny monkey on a wet dirt ball

Found a therapist at a gender center farther away from me that takes my insurance, so far so good, also found out a localish college offers voice therapy for free, so its worth getting on the long waiting list.

Moody & gay very late at night..........

I'm feeling so, incredibly, ridiculously tired.

This is cool, I've never been in a movie theater by myself. Closest was a matinee of a horror movie (the one where the bad guy was blind).

While you're off "saving the world" I'm doing real work staying at home and teaching men how to suck off better

People always talk about playing the long con

We should play more short truths

I quit dreaming at some point last year. Suppressing nightmares I think.

I started dreaming again recently. And had a very vivid one night before last that was pleasant.

Had an argument with my gf last night, we worked everything out but apparently I had some lingering emotions.

Had a nightmare last night that a very manipulative exgf was hanging out with my current gf. I think some of it's brainworms and doubts. As that was a lot of the narrative manipulative ex was pushing about me.

I need to find a gender therapist. I like my current one but she's cis and treating early transition people isn't her wheelhouse.

do cis girls achieve a "girly voice" by mainly speaking with head voice? 🤔

I am SO ready to be done work. I still picked up an extra shift this weekend and a few days ago but I'm just exhausted.

late nite bread making

::: spoiler drugs / bidya gemas / health stuff

partner's been passed out for a while. they need it my brain is still super broken, but i was comboing a lil & i can actually sorta feel it :3 like for a stretch nothing i'd take would work, which sorta sucks when you can't exist in an upright position.

long covid + risperidon withdrawal is a 0/5 experience that I cannot in good conscience recommend. like, i was disabled enough already

anyway. since this is the best i've felt in like two months, i'm kinda getting the itch to play Celeste finally :3 i dunno if my brain can handle it yet, but i think i'm gonna smoke a lil & give it a go!!!

:::

You ever feel like shit

Orb is hugboxing me smh

Just woke up

I have been having a very rough time of things lately, as you might already know. I don't want to get into it (not sure if I even should), but I could use some supportive messages right now. Thank you, and sorry for being this way.

Flying microtonal banana

no hay banda!

"Staph A, what's that? Does she have to take the antibiotics?"

Oh no, I've become one of those healthcare workers that forgot how to talk to regular people 😱 - I'm sorry, I will tell you next time it's a type of bacteria FIRST before listing the shortened nickname

This is how we got a post op kidney stone lithrotripsy lady in who didn't know they were going through her urethra, it wasnt explained in normal people language and she didnt feel she could ask questions I guess - although there were a lot of failures that happened to make it so that she didn't know her urethra and vagina were 2 different things... poor gal.

I don’t know what I am gonna say when I ask for a haircut in the UK.
I can’t tell them “I want a shag”….for obvious reasons.

guys i'm debating whether to keep putting on like 5 more pounds or if i should cycle back down to something more ideal help me decide. upbear this soon please i want to go grocery spopping soon

EDIT: alright, voting is closed because i need to go spopping now. cycle down wins 3-2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58PvljMsXnc

curious, people claim he/him lesbians aren't real, but I'm prety sure there's men on Lesbos

::: spoiler Kittenposting 🐈‍⬛ 🧺🐈‍⬛ Gay baby basket

They all got baths today and I didn't lose any blood in the process!

I wish there was a tactile version of how you can record sound and visuals to share online because I'm pretty sure they're the softest things in the world when their fur is dry after a bath omg :::

Revenge tastes best when wearing a dress

(kendrick lamar watch the party die voice) i think we're lucky he's a family guy

@GayTuckerCarlson@hexbear.net overwatch

it really feels like it's rained every day this year

::: spoiler CW mention of mental health/healthcare So, I have a psychiatric medical consult coming up. I don't know exactly how it could go, since I have never had a psychiatric appointment and I have ~15 years of untreated mental health issues to unpack, along with gender care. I am worried about HRT not coming up. I will definitely insist on discussing it, but I am curious if anyone has experiences they'd been willing to share. :::

::: spoiler gender envy I wanna look like Annie Lennox and/or Carrie-Anne Moss when I grow up

I mean, I'm already grown up chronologically, but mostly in an unfavorable way, so you get what I mean

:::

Is posting look goals or envious stuff weird and uncouth here? Sorry if it is

God, Uggs are so cute. If only it was 2009 so I could wear them

got a first aid, including CPR, certification at my last workplace. nice thing to have, never know when you might need it

do you guys go to queer bars or clubs? ive only been to one and it wasnt really my vibe, but i dont really like clubs anyway

nobody told me that the trans rat disco elysium was made by the person who made three lesbians in a barrow

::: spoiler dysphoria Lowering myself into a vat of Nair like it's the bacta tank they put Luke Skywalker in after he got fucked up by the snow monster on Hoth :::

adding noah samsen to my youtuber shitlist

50 Shades of Grey but Christian Grey is a Feeder

I keep getting email notifs for every time an author updates some unspeakable gay trans smut on Ao3.

YouTube: "HEY GIRL YOU WANT TO SEE EVERY SPOILER FOR CLASS OF 09' FLIPSIDE IN YOUR RECCOMENDEDS! HERE'S HOW EVERYTHING ENDS"

Me: "OH FUCK YOU also nice it's the 23rd, i nearly forgot!"

god i love the linux clipboard function it's just on the task manager right from the get go. windows is so awful goddamn

first real dream(s) last night about going through the whole transition process. it was sort of a series of scenes/time skips.

up until now it's only ever been "you're just a girl" or "vaguely feminine entity" in most dreams

this is how my brain finally fully comes around to this and overcomes the last of the anxiety/doubt

::: spoiler Finished Fake It by Lily Seabrooke some spoilers I dunno about this book honestly, like it didnt really carry me the whole way. I feel like the narrative as a whole took a step down and got a bit worse after they fucked for the first time.

The end interview scene was good though, if very cliche. I just skipped the last few chapters, apparentely they made love for the first time or whatever.

Also four sex scenes is EXCESSIVE for the word count and reminds me of the worst fucking fan fics I've ever read. You don't need to write them fucking every time they do! ugh anyway, the first half was good, but then it became straight up meh.

Kudos, but no bookmark. :::

Yeah my cassettes all still have their record tabs

:3

Sick again, feeling like shit. Hope it's just the flu

started reading 'The Modern World-System I: Capitalist Agriculture and the Origins of the European World-Economy in the Sixteenth Century' by Marxist Immanuel Wallerstein. it's his 4 part magnum opus on modern history, an analysis of imperialism, and all that kinda stuff. why shit is how it is. I suggested to me wife we both to read through all 4 books together, and compare notes as we go. gonna be a whole long ass thing, but it is an area I am quite well read in already and one I wanted her to read more on, as well as myself. she's far more into the value form theory than I am, but she has a sociology degree so it's not like all of this is foreign to her. the development of modern capitalism and he proliferation of capitalism is just a special interst of mine

extremely unsuspicious ways to ask a trans girl if she is poly

Driving to work and Nandemonaiya by Radwimps starts playing, so I think about Your Name/Kimi no Na wa and suddenly feel like I'm about to cry hard. Probably would have if I wasn't about to laugh at how silly that felt. E be weird sometimes.

Why does a baby shower need to be so gendered? Like, no surprise in our current culture the baby's gender is overemphasized since you know nothing except whether or not it has a penis, and I guess "It doesn't have a penis!" doesn't seem as polite as "it's a girl", but why also gender some of the activities too?

can't believe Kier Starmer personally shot Geronimo the Alpaca in the face back in 2021, what a scumbag

https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/530d7a70-8642-4e6f-a34a-b097fd3ed61c.webp

watching highlander today :)

Good mega! Everyone should learn CPR

do you ever just crack your neck and feel it rattle your entire spine a little bit

::: spoiler Kittenposting 🐈‍⬛ 💕 Felix and Goggles got to see their papa this morning! They nudged each other and he marked some territory in the yard, which I guess keeps other adult cats away? He's really sweet to them when they see him. 🐈‍⬛💕

:::

your moba isn't good unless it has a basshunter song

It aint easy being a transsexual himejoshi

It’s a miracle I’ve been able to stay on my diet as much as I have with the amount of sweets in my Uncle’s house.

when she said "pippo pappo pippo pappo pii" that really spoke to me

I have this mirror on my desk for some reason, and I just caught my reflection in it, and turns out my hair looks really nice today :3 I should probably trim a couple things but 0 regrets cutting my own hair lol

I haven't heard or seem 2 gryphon since like 2005, wonder what he's been up to

*looks him up*

Oh... well, I guess I can't say I was really surprised...

@rainn@hexbear.net & @GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net

::: spoiler Wayhaven Book One spoilers Huh, that's what I figured but I saw the "bloodtransfusion" field in the save data, wasn't sure. :::

any tips for removing pencil eye liner? normally miscellar water is my go-to for makeup removal but it just will not fully remove this stuff lol. the mini raccoon eyes are cute and all but I'd still like a better solution + to minimise irritation. i heard oil based cleanser works well?

the metaphor: refantazio mc deserves estrogen

here's to your fuck, frank

Might give Unjust Depths a go.

::: spoiler sex talk "okay chat, i think i'm about to cum. get ready to clip this" me during sex :::

it's weird to me when americans refer to american things as "victorian era"

you don't get to do that. you made your choices wrt the monarchy, live with them

this whole world's wild at heart and weird on top

::: spoiler alcohol

Meeting with some people, but they only have wine for alcohol and I don't like wine. But I've worked the whole day, and the only way I can be social when being tired and overstimulated is by alcohol. So I'll stay sober and hope I'll manage.

I want to live in mummidal in a little cottage and go on simple cozy adventures, go fishing with mumrikk, listen to hufsa on the cold wind, and eat pancakes. If there was a highspeed rail going to a larger city, that would be lovely as well, but not needed.

i think eraserhead may have broken my partner

i also think it should be required viewing in school

hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if if she was from hatsune she was hatsune miku she was from if she was from hatsune miku from hatsune miku if miku hatsune from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she was from hatsune miku if she she was from hatsune miku if she was from miku if she was from hatsune miku miku miku miku miku miku miku miku miku

It is a testament to the power of bell witch that I feel bad about pausing them

you know, I don't think we have contact with aliens, but like I totally buy the government would not tell us immediately if they did. people would totally freak out if they knew aliens were real

Need to get a notebook because I have so many gay little jokes that I think of when I'm about to get on bed to sleep, and I just forget them in the morning

She cream corn in my jeans and I get upset because those were nice jeans and now there's cream corn all over them

::: spoiler legend of korra spoilers i love how tenzin wins every time in a one on one against zaheer. shows how powerful he is as a properly trained airbending master :::

maybe watching the elephant man after my injections that were several days late wasn't such a clever idea

So like cyproterone acetate, lupin estradiol, that stuff all has half-lives longer than a day right? I ask because if I miss a day of hrt I feel like weird, out of sorts moodwise. This tracks because several medical professionals have said I would be diagnosed as a "hypochondriac" if they still diagnosed it. I want to maybe try 6mg cypro but Idk...

aw man Class of '09 Flipside was actually Class of '09 Midside

I don’t think this NyQuil is working

[VOMITS AND FARTS LOUDLY]

I'm listening to Wodos :)

trains gender

Thinking about the orange book got me thinking about Otros Valles and now I really want to finish it and write about the two.

I wish I could have had a physical copy of Otros Valles, but that's not going to happen unless I take it upon myself to make/commission a one of.

I also wanna find and read her Incomplete Short Stories and Essays as well as Nameless Women by the collective she was a part of before she withdrew from the internet.

well, what do you know, henry?

Any recommendations for products for home wax facial hair removal?

my roommate's coralled like a third of our hall to watch jeff fucking dunham in our room lmfao

I'm hubgry

Nightquil tastes horrid

new mega's up, get in here nerds! https://hexbear.net/post/3573704