I’m honestly just way too concerned about what other people think and have been as long as I can remember
And it’s hitting as hard as it probably could right now. Does anyone else wish they could just live life in a vacuum, their decisions completely unperceived
blakeus12 [he/him] - 2.0yr
I relate a lot. People always say to not care about what other people think. But how can I do that when my ENTIRE LIFE is made up by my friends, family, coworkers, et cetera
16
giacomo @lemm.ee - 2.0yr
would you cease to exist it they were not apart your life? do you live for them? or is your life your own?
2
blakeus12 [he/him] - 2.0yr
That's not my point. The people around me are what make life worth living
15
giacomo @lemm.ee - 1.9yr
now that would make me sad
2
RyanGosling [none/use name] - 2.0yr
I essentially do cease to exist without certain people. On a daily basis, the only people whose opinions I care about are the ones who pay me. Otherwise, I don’t care. But then I would meet someone or some people who I seek validation from, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or just an acknowledgement of normality and competence. That becomes my life until I’m drained and realize none of them are interested in me or have the complete opposite view of me. Then, I cease to exist, jaded, directionless until the next fixation arrives.
There’s not really anything else in my life. Hobbies are not enjoyable, eating is not enjoyable, working out is not enjoyable, music is seldom enjoyable, etc. Nothing really matters to me if I’m incapable of achieving basic human relationships.
12
Ellia Plissken - 2.0yr
weed or clonazepam are the only things that help tbh
13
ihaveibs [he/him] - 2.0yr
You're not alone. When you have your behavior closely policed by parents trying to quash your outward neurodivergence and are mocked by your peers growing up, it's hard not to be. It also has led to me developing intense rejection sensitivity dysphoria. It's hard not to care about what other people think when any (perceived) negative feedback makes you feel like you've been stabbed in the stomach. Things can improve, but it's tough.
12
iie [none/use name] - 2.0yr
lol yeah me too
I realized recently, had almost an epiphany, that I almost never do or say what I want, but only ever what I think I should. It becomes a problem in writing. I've had to write essays and other things where I've agonized over wording for hours and allowed my inner self-critic to torture itself over what kind of thing I should write, what kind of tone, wording, structure, all that. With writing, there are so many endless ways to write a sentence or a paragraph or an essay, that it becomes a bottomless problem to reason your way to the right one. At some point it has to be an expression of you, but if your internal self-critic is louder than you are then it can be a challenge.
11
infuziSporg [e/em/eir] - 1.9yr
I almost never do or say what I want, but only ever what I think I should.
Everything is the Abilene Paradox.
2
iie [none/use name] - 2.0yr
Also, because I mask so hard, if I'm stressed out or events in my life are taking up a lot of mental resources, I find I don't have enough left over to mask, and I end up avoiding people.
9
RyanGosling [none/use name] - 2.0yr
I wish I was just better. Than whatever dumb thing I say or do is overlooked by my skills/attractiveness/wealth/charisma/etc.
8
Assian_Candor [comrade/them] - 2.0yr
I still think about mistakes I made in high school, over 20 years ago
Yes, this and analogous feelings are typical and part of the human condition.
8
tamagotchicowboy [he/him] - 2.0yr
Yes, I work retail for my main gig, and am outwardly so many minorities people are going to judge me as lesser right on and sometimes say stuff about it. It trips my social anxiety every which way and the only cope I know to do is try to ignore it or dissociate, but we all know how worthless those are in truly adapting.
4
Lenins_Cat_Reincarnated - 2.0yr
Definitely. I’m trying hard to change this though. I try to regularly make decisions that other people do not agree with so that I can get used to the feeling of rejection or the feeling that I disappointed someone I care about. Most of these decisions are related to my appearance because I’m trans. I know that for other people (maybe like you) this is maybe not feasible because the fear of repercussions is too big. All I can say is that I respect myself much more ever since I started doing it which helps me feel better about myself when I feel horrible for disappointing someone.
stigsbandit34z in neurodiverse
I’m honestly just way too concerned about what other people think and have been as long as I can remember
And it’s hitting as hard as it probably could right now. Does anyone else wish they could just live life in a vacuum, their decisions completely unperceived
I relate a lot. People always say to not care about what other people think. But how can I do that when my ENTIRE LIFE is made up by my friends, family, coworkers, et cetera
would you cease to exist it they were not apart your life? do you live for them? or is your life your own?
That's not my point. The people around me are what make life worth living
now that would make me sad
I essentially do cease to exist without certain people. On a daily basis, the only people whose opinions I care about are the ones who pay me. Otherwise, I don’t care. But then I would meet someone or some people who I seek validation from, whether it’s romantic, platonic, or just an acknowledgement of normality and competence. That becomes my life until I’m drained and realize none of them are interested in me or have the complete opposite view of me. Then, I cease to exist, jaded, directionless until the next fixation arrives.
There’s not really anything else in my life. Hobbies are not enjoyable, eating is not enjoyable, working out is not enjoyable, music is seldom enjoyable, etc. Nothing really matters to me if I’m incapable of achieving basic human relationships.
weed or clonazepam are the only things that help tbh
You're not alone. When you have your behavior closely policed by parents trying to quash your outward neurodivergence and are mocked by your peers growing up, it's hard not to be. It also has led to me developing intense rejection sensitivity dysphoria. It's hard not to care about what other people think when any (perceived) negative feedback makes you feel like you've been stabbed in the stomach. Things can improve, but it's tough.
lol yeah me too
I realized recently, had almost an epiphany, that I almost never do or say what I want, but only ever what I think I should. It becomes a problem in writing. I've had to write essays and other things where I've agonized over wording for hours and allowed my inner self-critic to torture itself over what kind of thing I should write, what kind of tone, wording, structure, all that. With writing, there are so many endless ways to write a sentence or a paragraph or an essay, that it becomes a bottomless problem to reason your way to the right one. At some point it has to be an expression of you, but if your internal self-critic is louder than you are then it can be a challenge.
Everything is the Abilene Paradox.
Also, because I mask so hard, if I'm stressed out or events in my life are taking up a lot of mental resources, I find I don't have enough left over to mask, and I end up avoiding people.
I wish I was just better. Than whatever dumb thing I say or do is overlooked by my skills/attractiveness/wealth/charisma/etc.
I still think about mistakes I made in high school, over 20 years ago
Pretty sure this is just normal
I envy the invisible man.
Yes, this and analogous feelings are typical and part of the human condition.
Yes, I work retail for my main gig, and am outwardly so many minorities people are going to judge me as lesser right on and sometimes say stuff about it. It trips my social anxiety every which way and the only cope I know to do is try to ignore it or dissociate, but we all know how worthless those are in truly adapting.
Definitely. I’m trying hard to change this though. I try to regularly make decisions that other people do not agree with so that I can get used to the feeling of rejection or the feeling that I disappointed someone I care about. Most of these decisions are related to my appearance because I’m trans. I know that for other people (maybe like you) this is maybe not feasible because the fear of repercussions is too big. All I can say is that I respect myself much more ever since I started doing it which helps me feel better about myself when I feel horrible for disappointing someone.
DBT helped me a lot with this