As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

Please reply here if you want to volunteer to get to post the next megathread and get your inbox exploded. I'll do a dice roll to determine who does it on the 31st. You must be able to post it Monday 5th at 4pm GMT

Also, everyone please check out our new public matrix chat! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat https://hexbear.net/post/3088303

I got a job, chat!

I love having long hair. So gender

BBC coverage of the Olympics keeps refering to Algerian boxer Imane Khelif as 'they' rather than she. vile behaviour attempting to strip a woman of colour of her womanhood, a common racist colonialist tactic. the white lady lost, go find another grift

News mega: country is at WAR and fascism is RISING and weeks are becoming DECADES!

trans mega: it is fun to be cute and take estrogen

tw: outing

::: spoiler spoiler I was recently clocked and subsequently outed in public in a busy coffee shop by another trans woman that I did not know in front of my social worker. Is it not bad form for another trans person to come up to another trans person like that? The most I ever do is silently nod/acknowledge another trans person's existence in public and go on about my day.

It would be different if she was in distress or needed help or something, but she just wanted to shoot the shit with me and talk about our transness which made things very awkward for me with my social worker. It really pissed me off that another trans person would do this to me.

Is there a Trans Code of Conduct? :::

---

:::

So I just came out to like a ton of family, and they are all taking it well which is very surprising to me.

Is it weird that I feel weird as hell? I've been thinking about this for like over a year and like, it's done, and a part of me is scared that I'm actually not trans, that I'm cis, and that I will have to go back... It's weird.

Like I've been doing this for a while now, really almost a year since I started socially transitioning.

8 months on E, I've never really felt better and like all my suicidal ideation issues are pretty much gone. I see myself for the most part. I am happy. Then why do I feel like I'm lying to myself? Why am I so scared that maybe I was all wrong? I don't wanna end my transition. But like I am so so so scared I'll be forced to for some reason... Idk this is a really confusing feeling

::: spoiler righteous fury, cishet scum discussion

lemmy is filled with SO MUCH TRASH and cishet scum intruding on trans places. this is the only fucking place that is safe and filled to the brim with trans people on any site on the internet im in. even random discord chats let cis people come in and berate the trans userbase, and of course theyre fucking wastelands with a handful of libs in charge.

i'm so fucking glad i own guns and live out in the middle of nowhere, if i ever had to deal with these transphobic cis fucks within 5 miles of me theyd be grizzly chow

anyways, how are yall doing today? 😇 :::

::: spoiler deprivation Been housing more homeless trans folks. Y'all, I'm worried. This past year has been a spike our mutual aid network hasn't seen before. We're stretched real thin :x One house is housing four trans people in two bedrooms

Fuck Biden, America, etc so on and so forth :::

'I like hanging in trans spaces just because I like the memes, I'm still cis tho. You can be cis and voluntarily surround yourself with memes about transitioning'

STATEMENTS DREAMED UP BY THE UTTERLY DERANGED

I am now a mod of /c/transgender on lemmy.ml. If you have a lemmy.ml account and are interested in modding and purging transphobes, please message me.

I hereby declare it illegal for any cis person to make "I identify as" jokes. Any violation of this rule will be met with the harshest of consequences.

Cat me on the streets: I don’t like being trans, people stare at me

Cat me on hexbear: I love being trans, it’s a privilege to be able to post on the traa mega

It can’t be a micropenis if it’s statistically above average for most women

personally? big fan of lesbians

Watching someone be really really autistic and really really trans at the same time

laniakea and other superclusters are angels. this is what angels look like

::: spoiler cw screenshots of modlog :::

new purge seems to be going swimmingly, great stuff.

fuck the news mega. here's some news: i'm fucking gay as hell and there's nothing new about that.

You (fem) HRT isn't reducing my muscle mass

Me (chad) HRT isnt reducing my muscle mass

fuck cis people, fuck the olympics, i'm doing a trans version and we're also incentivizing doping. who care

i started taking estrogen :D

i am happy, and also very eepy

Cooking together with your lovely t4t life partner really is a peak experience tbh. Gay t4t stir fry gang

Down with cis

up with trans

::: spoiler advise on family hostility My mom just made some comments on how I changed my appearance and that she hopes the changes aren’t permanent. I’m not out to her yet and I’m not sure how to navigate this conversation. I’ve said that these changes are important to me but I can’t really explain why without saying I’m trans. If I tell her I’m trans she might understand better but she will interrogate me to death basically and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet. If I don’t tell her then she’ll probably keep commenting on my appearance because I’m definitely not done yet with changing how I look.

What do 🥺 :::

Today I went out for the first time in a while, just a quick run to pick up a Craigslist buy. The person who greeted me was so friendly, and complimented my outfit. Tomorrow my best friend (who is also trans) comes over, I'm super excited.

how can i even call myself a woman if i don't even be shopping?????

i got fired

::: spoiler self medication i think i have a reputation for knowing how to get hormones. i just get random people messaging me asking for help with it, who have been put in contact by mutual friends :::

jk rowling should have another middle aged moment and die of heart disease

Sometimes I kinda miss the hopefulness and excitement of being early on hrt.

"I wonder how big my boobs will get."

"My skin so soft now~~~"

"Fat redistribution!"

Now it's like, I did it. My body did the hormone things. It's actually very cool and I'm mostly happy with my body most of the time (when I'm not dealing with Fun House Mirror Brainworms Disease) but it was really exciting when it was still happening. I miss that.

Estrogen is fucking rad. So cool hearing about y'all getting started.

watching this Blue Hair Queer™ go down the list of harmful queer media stereotypes, predatory lesbians, depraved bisexuals, and just being like

wish my boss didn't go to the only kickboxing gym in my area, i want to learn but i don't want to spend any more time in the same building as my boss

::: spoiler cw: transphobia, trans panic in the olympics feeling shitty about this most recent trans panic at the olympics. like goddamn there's no transwomen competing, but it's not enough. you have already pushed us into the fucking margins, but i guess you just have to push us right off the page to be happy. fucking phelps can be winning swimming while being a goddamn mutant, but a CIS woman having too much of the fucking satan hormone in her veins and everyone is crying about 🤯fairness🤯. im really tired :::

all the best to the two enbies and that one transman in there though. hope they win big and break chud brains

::: spoiler cw : bedroom stuff so, yeah, there's still tweaking to do w/ the injections, BUT it's been fucking years since sex felt this good. like, i actually want to be doing it, but i'm also not having a hypersexual phase. which is nice, can get rly exhausting. but yeah, i was thinking about how in like, my mid-20's sex was still enjoyable w/ the right partner & then at some point it just kinda stopped being a thing in my brain. there's Trauma™ there, for sure, but i knew something else was up, too, when it wasn't really happening w/ my partner cuz like, this is the comfiest i've ever been w/ another person. baby steps, basically; i'm just taking it as a nice, fun bonding thing for now. the kinky stuff will have to wait a bit more still. :::

Looking forward to the utter havoc and sheer hilarity that will be unleashed as a disability support case worker lady tries to parse a relationship involving two nonbinary lesbians.

Cisgendered individuals at the dawn of the second american civil war:

I work 60 hours a week, it's too fucking much. This is only sustainable because I don't have pets, nevermind children, and I refuse to have an irl social life (I ain't missing much in this town, it's a whole thing don't worry about it). It's not even sustainable, I'm only doing this for 12 more months

Need to bring the Soviet Union back so we have trans people well trained in dialectical materialist thinking.

This might be just a me thing, anyone else not celebrate their birthday? Never have when it was up to me and I always felt uncomfortable even when I was a toddler

i just got divorced the breakup was ages ago and friendly, but the divorce took so long to process. now i can marry my partner

::: spoiler positivity can't believe how much better i'm doing, mentally speaking, than my lowest point a few years ago

still getting anxiety attacks and dealing with depression but nothing that's keeping me stuck inside any more.

gotta give it up to my gf, idk if i'd have made this much progress without her :::

i miss working in a restaurant kinda sometimes, my food bill was so low because i ate two of my three meals a day at work lol. but also don't miss the 14 hour days and constant stress lmao

i do miss the opportunity to experiment with food on someone else's budget for sure though. wish i'd made copies of all the recipes though, there were some good ones. at least i still have my desserts written somewhere

How many hairs is it normal to pull/fall out during a shower?

I am walking away from the anti-vegan debate weirdo. The anti-vegan debate weirdo has no power over me. Choosing to walk away does not mean I forfeit victory to their weird anti-vegan debate.

Gonna ask my aro/ace bestie if she wants to try a queerplatonic relationship

I can't really classify my feelings as either romantic or platonic anymore and I'm hoping they're on the same page.

went into the trans sports thread and remembered why i just walk away when cis people start talking about that shit

Hello all!!! I hope everyone is having a good week and will have a good week. Much love 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️✊✊✊🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

Me talking to one of my cis guy friends:

Me: i have been feeling sad lately

Him: are you feeling hormonal?

Me: i will fucking kill you

He meant it earnestly💀💀💀

Unlimited murder on the cis

gonna manage my garden like i'm lysenko

::: spoiler i hate insurance so much/surgery Was just given a final ‘decision’ after multiple appeals and meetings with a lawyer that I have to pay for my ffs out of pocket.

I specifically paid to get on a decent insurance plan while planning out this surgery and it turns out that due to opaque laws, they have an exclusion for all “transsexual care” in my plan. I will still be getting the surgery(in two months!) but this just made me so sad to see that this is still commonly the state of care for us.

Unlimited genocide on the cis. :::

*clap claps* Good girls! Line up for your praise and a quick peck on the cheek!

pro tips: if you see someone with "t4t" on their dating profile, this means they are looking for people to play Team FourTress Two with

Flexed my arms in the mirror and realized my biceps are basically gone and I have squishy noodle arms now. First physical change in my transition I've had conflicting feelings about, but I think I mostly like it?

My mom told me I've got a more feminine figure now! ::: spoiler dysphoria, negative thoughts But then later she showed me this youtuber who's also a trans woman and almost as old as me, but she was able to figure out she was trans very early on, and got on puberty blockers before moving on to hrt when she was a teenager. Aaand now I feel like shit again :::

Sorry I keep posting about this. ::: spoiler (cw Dysphoria) Okay I'm feeling way worse than I thought, I want to just curl up in a ball on my bed and cry once I get home but I still have tutoring to do so I can't for another 3.5 hours at least.

I hate that just a bit of facial hair being worse than normal can make me spiral like this. Especially when I was and should be feeling great right now. But instead it's infecting how I feel about myself in general, I can't see the woman I normally do when I look in a reflection, I look at photos that I usually love and feel disgusted about my jaw and other features, and the nails I painted to feel a bit better during work are just making me feel worse. :::

My parents brought up the recent Olympics stuff. BUT IT WAS GOOD OMG?! They thought she had xy and still thought transphobes were being ridiculous, removed some people for sharing their bigotries. Also pointed out the media story changing. Super comforting. Was worried about how they'd react to the story, obviously.

Edit: just have been thinking about coming out a lot and this makes me feel more confident in it going well.

::: spoiler medical fears can't tell if part of my subq needle snapped off when I was doing my injection or not. :::

::: spoiler sappy posting I am so lucky to have found hexbear and this comm. Who knows how much longer I would have been lost for. I can't thank you all enough for the support and inspiration, I am so excited I get to be a girl. I've been girlvibing all day :::

ALSO if you have not joined the matrix server you should, amazing.

whats wild is we were making about 500 comments per day in the last 2 weeks or so. now we're at 400 comments per day but are getting thousands per day in the matrix

you people are hyper as fuck

i just stayed calm and didn't shake during my injection for the first time!! i used to have major needle anxiety so the fact that ive gotten over it over the last year (i have another med that i need to inject) feels huge for me and its cool lil side effect of me having a better handle on my emotions now

I'm fucking gay???

gang... this will be my last post from this account... lemmygrad is silencing me for my comedic jokes and love of laughter but also because i said the b word by existing...

i'll see you all on the other side as @gaystyleJoker@hexbear.net

Feeling legitimate is the best thing ever

Thank you all for helping me feel this way.

This has gotta be the worst time in my life to find out my parents are transphobic (they got into the Italian boxer thing)

stop thinking about painful old egg emotions from high school CHALLENGE: LEVEL: IMPOSSIBLE

Last night I smonked so much weed that I got a flood of memories of times that I felt or did something awkward, but with my newfound wisdom I instantly recognized almost all of them as times I felt gender dysphoria

Saturday night and bear website users are touching grass

made the most important step of transitioning today: officially changing my name for the customer rewards program at my local games shop

Watching an old mid-60s campus building get demolished by four excavators while listening to boards of canada. because I like mid 60s-late 70s modernism too much but also because fitting music (I’ve been staring at the whole process for ten minutes)

watching hasan yell at the transphobes in his chat when discussing this olympic trans panic bs reminds me that i'm definitely

::: spoiler even more weirder sex posting, cw trauma discussion again ::: spoiler I'm sorry for flooding the mega with all this gay sex stuff. I can stop if you want. I just like gathering my thoughts here and replies are good Idk. I love you trans mega. This whole, "being emotionally present and involved in sex" bit, it's kinda hard and kinda sucks. Nobody warned me about this!!!

Without getting into the gritty stuff, a recent volcel violation ended up not going that well, nothing serious just minor communication flubs, bit of old emotions, stuff. I completely and utterly flipped my shit though, I was like 200% mad, agitated and wanting to be alone and suffering a lot

Partly I think it's because it reminded me of every single post-sex with my ex, which always sucked and left me feeling gross and ashamed and shit. I do not ever want to be in that space again. I think I was also just utterly galled that I've put so much time and work into getting through all this stuff and being clear on what I want, and things STILL did not fucking work out! How fucking dare!! I don't fucking wanna have bad sex again goddamnit I fucking quit!!!

As wifey says, you cannot expect literally all sex to be great and go well, which makes sense. Sometimes stuff is just gonna not work. But it proves that I was right to not instantly throw myself back into it and try something super kinky or whatever; I do in fact need to take it slow, because Idk, this is the first time in my entire life that I am in my body the way I want to be, sexually, so stuff is gonna come up like this. There will probably be more instances of past baggage rearing their head as I move forward with this. Just have to take it easy.

...I really wish I had better emotional regulation, god I'm such a fucking loser when it comes to flipping out :::

i'm gonna speak for everyone here as well as trans people in general and declare war on the general and news megathreads. it doesn't matter what happens in the world, you will never beat us

My laundry basket has been full for months and just functions as storage for boy clothes I don't use aymore, while my actual laundry is just stored on my bedroom floor. I should probably do something about this.

I'm not like the other autistic trans femmes, I'm somehow not a furry

I changed my name on all of the apps I use to order lunch to my girl name. Now when I pick up my lunch, I get a little side of gender euphoria to go with it. :

I lived as a transwoman from ~2020-2022 and then detransitioned out of my own volition. My family and friends were supportive, it just didn't feel quite right. Living as a trans woman felt the same as a cis man, except it took a lot more effort to present female than male (especially since I'm quite tall), so I went back to being a cishet guy.

But I'd be lying if I said I'm 100% confident in my gender identity. I don't think I'll ever transition again, but maybe I'll try drag at some point.

I'm mad, https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/b31d4dc9-998e-45d1-a439-756d3a137712.png

I have another 12 hour day but it's the day a game I was excited for comes out and I won't be able to play it until I'm fully done work at which point I'll probably be too tired to enjoy it

ok, transpeople on my computer. I'm going to start working out again today. I expect you to hold me to this promise.

::: spoiler Question for the computer transes: Is using fedora linux instead of arch linux (as a transfem) reactionary? Asking for a friend, they really need to know. :::

Is it normal to be genderfluid in the sense that you get extreme transfeminine dysphoria due to puberty, identify as a girl/woman from like 13 to 20 or so, get nonbinary with it and even a bit masculine for a couple years, and then basically have a mental switch one day a month after graduating college where you're back to being a woman and can't imagine androgyny let alone masculinity again?

Sister might be getting back with her abusive ex and idk what to do about it.

Honestly, I know getting the mega numbers up feels good, but I like the current pace more, it feels like I can reasonably see everything again and it's a comfy pace where there's one or two new convos when I check in but not too many.

::: spoiler cw sex shit that's probably slightly tmi, playing with a brainworm concept This "autogynephilia" thing, y'know... It's kinda cool, pretty funny.........

I don't necessarily mean getting off in a mirror or similar, although I really respect those who get that invested in self love, I think it's rad. I also don't really mean the stupid pathologised thing that the colonel-sanders-lookin quack advanced and which subsequently got rekt, thank u Julia Serano!!

What I mean properly is that being present and enjoying your actual body during sex is so cool and fun. It occured to me the other day that thoughts about myself and my own form take up almost as much mindspace in my goofy running monologue as thoughts about my partner, during. I am motivated to do stuff equally for my partner and equally because I feel good, because I am incredibly hot. When I don't bother pulling up the blanket afterword, I'm luxuriating happily and observing MYSELF, because I look fucking beautiful. Oh that's so troublesome, thinking I am sexy during sex, gosh. The users in reddit threads this time a decade ago would be reduced to hysterics at my utterly "gynephillic" enjoyment of my own body. Enbyphillic? I'll work on it.

I am pretty sure that the slight dissonance between myself and my identity was what caused the problem here, 'cause I feel so good now, which I did not think I would ever say. I've come a really long way since fretting over my ribcage or whatever after that /r9k/ guy called my figure "boyish", lmao.

I like what I see, which fucks. Even though "woman" is not a binding contract that has any measurement requirements, I think brainrot was causing me to feel weird about certain things when viewed in that context. This is waaaaaaaay better. Fuckin gender. :::

hanging out w/ my friend rn. we are trans vibing

Idk how I ever stood having body hair, the little that builds up after going a week without shaving/epilating makes me feel gross.

Better now tho

I have this light green bedsheet that I got for free from my old college (they had a free room where people could bring their unused stuff and I took a Lot of clothes and fabric from there). Remembered it again the other day as I was cleaning out my sewing room, and decided that I needed to use it for something. I wanted to do a light, romantic, yet summery dress and I sketched out a bunch of possible designs.

Ofc there's no pattern out there that really fits this garment, but that's okay because I want to learn pattern drafting anyways. I have never drafted a pattern before, but I'm definitely interested in doing it even as a novice sewist. This dress might not be the first pattern that I draft because a lot of the designs I've sketched are kind of complicated, but it's definitely a project I want to do down the line.

These designs are numbered in the order I made them. I think it's obvious that I really like bishop sleeves and flared skirts, haha. I think 4 is really fun, I basically thought "what if I took a poet shirt and made it a dress". Definitely one of the top candidates for what I go with. 6 looks pretty different from the others because it's inspired by hanfu, Wei/Jin dynasty hanfu in particular. I'm not usually a fan of the asymmetrical wrap-around style, but I love it in hanfu; and I'm definitely going to try to learn how to sew some hanfu (the patterns actually look relatively simple from what I could find.) Of course, 6 is not a traditional hanfu by any means; it's a single-piece and the skirt is short. I'm also a fan of 8, I wonder how drop-sleeved bishop sleeves could work.

Anyways I had a lot of fun thinking up these designs and hopefully I can make one (or maybe more, in other colors!) of them work eventually.

forgot about the piercings and put my headphones on like normal

So, as some of you might know, I'm kinda struggling. I think starting my transition would make things easier. To do this now, unfortunately I have to come out. I don't think my family will be openly hostile but I don't expect them to understand.

How should I come out, and what questions should I plan for? What things should I not say? I don't know if I'll do it super soon but I want to prepare myself.

There should pounds for domless dog girls, cat girls too but theyre a lil more independent on account of the cat part

Wearable Collars Minecraft Mod

Add it to the modpack it will be funny.

Don't do it. What will the server owner think of it. What will the others think of me

Love to live with your new name, get it put on your legal documents and birth certificate, only to start having doubts about it after ten years.

::: spoiler spoiler Scheduled my first bottom surgery laser session! Not looking forward to the pain, but so hype for the eventual reward. :::

Guy at the store called me “honey”

Something about how the setting of every "cozy game" is some sort of pocket dimension where the concepts of society and conflict don't exist is unnerving to me.

Just had an interview for a big promotion, very nervous even though most of my coworkers have told me that they hope I get it. This shelter needs more trans people in leadership.

peer pressuring all of my AMAB friends into doing estrogen like an after school special

"What do you mean, girl? All the cool kids are doing it"

::: spoiler non binary feels/dysphoria

Increasingly realizing my non binary-ness by how much I recoil at being called “doll,” “girl,” and other cutesy terms. Like, i’m almost 30, I get why folks do it, but I find it patronizing mostly for transfems.

Like one would never refer to a cis woman as girl constantly?

This is probably me being very autistic about this, idk :::

Finally got my first shipment of girl clothes! Lacey boyshorts,cute chokers, comfy thigh-highs, and ruffley flowey floral skirt. Celebrated/prepared by shaving my thighs and surrounding area for the first time too. (Only got a shitty men's razor atm, and I was going through blades like crazy.)

Seeing myself without facial hair and that choker, I feel like I actually saw a woman in the mirror for the first time.

Can't tell what's more euphoric, doing spinnies in my pretty skirt or sitting around reading wearing nothing but stockings, panties, and a big shirt.

Still have one skirt waiting to come in, its this beautiful black pleated midi skirt that has the prettiest bow on it. I love how girly it is.

I can't believe how pretty and good I feel presenting as a woman. I don't want to go back. Before this I was still questioning my gender, but I think I feel certain now. I'm finally honestly starting to feel like an actual woman <3

Hey, I made a sad post working through some family shit about childhood upbringing being queer and assigned gender nonconforming here and would appreciate some thoughts on it for whoever's up for that kind of thing. Thanks

Goodnight mega

Years and years ago before I cracked my egg, I remember thinking if I ever grew boobs spontaneously what I'd do. I figured I'd play with them a bunch. Now I have em and I don't play with em. Guess it's different when they're actually there.

I'm gay. Gay like you wouldn't believe, gay like you haven't seen before, you simply cannot comprehend how gay i am

inspired by @ashinadash@hexbear.net curlposting i have decided to give my curls a bit more love. i ordered a nice hair care package of scrunchies, wide tooth comb, curly shampoo/conditioner and some oils and shit. i have a nice wave naturally, but i normally don't put too much work into my curls besides brushing in the shower, scromching with a towel and air drying. i need to get a trim too as my hair is well below shoulder length which isn't optimal for my curls, but i'm excited to curlmaxx some!!

in other news, i went to see I Saw the TV Glow and it was... good? i suppose it left me slightly underwhelmed because it definitely didn't resonate with me emotionally as much as i expected given what i had heard going in. it was still an enjoyable and clearly very well crafted movie, just didn't click with me in that way. i had some gripes with it, but the stuff i didn't like was largely in service of horror which i have to appreciate so my criticism is fairly soft. i think it's Good the movie exists and if it shakes some eggs out of the closet or illuminates the horror of dysphoria to some cissies, that marks it as an accomplished and transgressive work in my view. definitely better than the hot new queer story being about some gay english white boys which god knows we've seen enough of for a bit.

::: spoiler (spoilers) i guess i was a little disappointed when i realised it was going to have a tragic ending. i wouldn't reduce the movie to "just another queer tragedy", it does stand on its own and like i mentioned the tragic elements are in service of horror which makes the formula a little more fresh... but it did ultimately feel like a tragedy. in the horror context, a happy ending was never on the cards. it wouldn't have made sense i guess. not asking it to be a different movie, but it did make me yearn a bit more for new queer stories that are more radically hopeful, which is something i strongly feel we need more of. :::

Our strongest transposter @kristina@hexbear.net, congratulations on another notch on your proverbial posting rifle.

::: spoiler spoiler

:::

::: spoiler more weird nsfw noodling Man I shoulda chose a different season to do all of this trauma processing, sexual adventure, cypro dose lowering stuff. Doing anything gaysex related sucks when your bed gets coated in sweat every night, your bodies end up slick from sweat. The heat is goddamn oppressive. Plus it makes my body hurt even more, feels like my joints are deteriorating in real time or something. Weh!

Also unrelated but having your hair so long it goes down your back is so inconvenient for this. :::

I've gotten a weird case of brainworms where sometimes when I look at pics of someone completely cis I think to myself that she doesn't really pass in this.

https://old.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/1ej9uab/why_do_online_trans_spaces_suck/

Gf and I are back to being split up

::: spoiler sex stuff I want a sexual relationship and she feels pressured if I even bring it up. When she feels pressured, she doesn't communicate and I get frustrated. Yesterday I asked if I should stop bringing it up, she said yes but today she says her motivation for that was to test me.

So it's not just not having sex. It's no room to even talk about it. And she tests me We've been together four years and it feels like she's still playing games rather than communicating.

So, I broke up with her this morning. Because I need space and don't want to be cuddling, hanging out, and getting turned on when that's not what we both want and there's no room for me to talk about it.

Feeling heart broken. My body is going through changes and I hoped to explore that with her. Now I feel like I can't even talk about those changes with her. I think I'm going to hide in my room all day (we have separate bedrooms). Take my shot of E. Play SDV and listen to The Left Hand of Darkness on audio while waiting for this edible to hit me.

Any advice on the gf situation or how to handle the break up with someone who I live with would be helpful. I'm pretty poor and don't have family out here, so need to make the room mate situation work if it can.

Mostly feeling sad as I type this. :::

I'm currently at war with the bourgeois conception of high art and good taste.

Separated from my blåhaj for the next 7 days. That's okay, it's not like I have a deep emotional attachment to it or anything

Me spending 5 mins on a doodle: This is amazing I am an artistic genius

Me spending 10 hours on an illustration: This is terrible I am a fraud what am I doing with my life

I'm not giving up nor do I actually think it's bad. It's just that staring at the same work for so long makes me kinda hate it no matter the quality. I probably just need to take more breaks

I made a list for what I'd want out of a future partner and it's fucking boring 😭. Independent, supportive, empathetic, and then the lesser ones like: able to get by without smoking weed/drinking everyday, has a relatively normal regular sleep schedule.

I used to be cool. WTF happened, hit my 30s and now my soul wears a business skirt and blazer.

Caught myself in the mirror this morning and saw I got some underboob now~

::: spoiler (cw dysphoria) Then caught myself a few hours later and saw I have stubble cuz I shaved poorly this morning :::

(I know I posted these in trachat but I want extra attention now since I can't post my silly paragraphs long posts till after work)

::: spoiler genitals Honestly considering getting an orchi.
My balls pretty much live inside me anyways and it would be nice not to have to worry about anti-androgens or T production.

Edit: my gf referring to an orchi as “getting me fixed” is kinda tipping the scales ngl .-. :::

Marched at pride yesterday, met a ton of my trans friends, had a great day in the city and finally we capped it off with a drag show and lipsync battle that gave my gal pal and me the biggest dose of queer joy you can imagine. It was wonderful seeing every single letter in LGBTQIA being represented by such magnificent, radiant people. The straights have no idea what they're missing out on. If you're reading this while closeted, please make it your goal to come out here and join us. You're needed and will be welcomed with open arms and it will be beautiful.

HAHAHA! YES! MY HAIR IS FINALLY LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO FIT INTO MY MOUTH! IT GROWS!

Heard back on soy milk. Around two cups of soy a day is fine with my estrogen (about a gallon a week).

And two gallons is not. And since I get a lot of phytoestrogens elsewhere in my diet, I'm switching milks (maybe almond, oat is expensive for some reason). And switching to tea generally, since almond and oat milk in coffee doesn't do it for me.

::: spoiler more family stuff Very frustrating how my mom seems to become mentally unwell by the fact that I’m no longer dressing and acting like she wants me to. She’s dealing with other stuff that makes her more stressed and on edge but I hate seeing me changing affecting her so much.

I know that I shouldn’t really think about that too much because it’s probably one of the reasons why I never explored my gender feelings further when I was a teen and I won’t let her words affect my transition process but it’s still hard to see and it makes me wonder how she’ll react when I come out as trans.

In the past it’s been a problem that she wants to know everything that’s going on in my life bit will react badly when I explain my mental or physical unwellbeing.

I’m emotionally still dependent on my parents because I don’t have a romantic interest and my friends have their own stuff they’re dealing with and don’t want me to visit them every day (they suck for that tbh). So it’s hard to limit my contact with parents. :::

Only got 5-6 hours sleep, but I’m awake now I guess

I've never had real walking shoes before. This is a game-changer.

Whoops, accidentally napped for 4 hours instead of calling about my student loan that I'm missing the code to activate like I was planning to do today. Guess I'll just do it Friday and hopefully that won't be too late.

::: spoiler otherkin discourse

Chat, am I old and out of touch? There was a struggle session in a chat I monitor about otherkins after one came in and said they have it worse than 'other trans people do'. I personally think this is probably bait by some reactionary, but lets assume they're earnest. They're not doing hrt, anything with gender, etc. they're basically just saying their presentation (re: wearing furry stuff / doing cosplay) makes them a 'new gender'. Am I wrong in thinking otherkins are just furries and cosplayers that take it way too seriously? Like if they want to do that stuff, sure whatever, but I don't like the conflation with trans issues.

I consider otherkin to be not a trans thing. People often hate on xenogenders (re: being 'new discourse'), I obviously consider xenogenders trans, most seem genderfluid and have a 'switch' due to an outside interaction.

:::

I've been hyperfocusing on art all day again. I thought I'd share what I have so far:

::: spoiler work in progress

Line art:

This will eventually be the first boss of the shump game I'm making. Inspired by the Eucharitid Wasp. I'm slowly piecing together multiple layers so there will be lots of animation in the game. Legs, head, antenna, body, back carapace, wings, and stinger will all be separate objects that animate independently to give it life and to have multiple ways of signalling attacks

Probably would've been quicker and easier just to do pixel art but I always like to do things that hard way :::

::: spoiler TERFs, olympic BS mentioned What went on at the olympics is a prime example of how TERFs hurt all women, not just trans ones. They want to "protect" women in the same way fascists do - by regulating and policing the category of woman a social class and mandating the purity and vulnerability (and whiteness) of those within it.

Cis women who are not good enough women for them - because they're intersex, sex workers, POC, and many other things that TERFs hate - are going to end up hurt by them just as much as trans people.

Because TERFs aren't feminists, they're reactionaries coopting feminist language. :::

mfw I get the other kind of double Ds

(dysphoria & dissociation)

Back off I'll take you on - love my trans comrades more than anyone!

Just making sure again, but that "coffee will stunt you" shit your parents used to say is fake right, and it's fine to drink a lil stinky hot drink when on hormones?

@ashinadash@hexbear.net operation curly hair care is a-go and going swimmingly. Armed with my jojoba oil and wide tooth comb, my hair has never looked and felt better!

I know a while ago I said I was planning on making a bracelet, but I finally did it! There's a couple things wrong with it, but I'm still pretty happy with it. Its orange and purple.

Unfortunately I don't have pink or white so no trans bracelet for now, but this is nice Another good day of being a trans girl.

::: spoiler downer thoughts, not like super downer though Life is so short and so needlessly cruel and so completely random in how it deals out fate. I wish things made more sense. It's not even cruel enough to be a demiurge style situation or like some cthulhu crap and then everything in our modern lives is set up to bring out our worst possible instincts :::

i have not seen my parents in months. if i were to see them, they would certainly notice that my face is different in an subtle yet noticeable way. oh my

thinking about becoming evil

I love how long my hair has gotten. It's long enough to completely cover my ears, but not long enough to pull into a ponytail. I love how soft it is and how good it smells after I condition it.

Muscles: weakened and shrinking

Body hair: thinning and lightening

Tiddies: growing

Unspeakably horny thoughts: raging

Skin: softened

yep, it's estrogen time

::: spoiler body image navel gazing, cw weight stuff I was looking in the mirror after showering today and ADMIRING the small tummy I am now having. Thing is earlier in the week, I was pulling up my shirt and going 'uh oh, did my midsection gain too much weight?' No, you fucking rube, you goddamn shit idiot. My midsection actually looks great, the lil tummy rounds me out better than before, when I had a washboard-flat midriff I looked uncomfortably skinny. It's these lapses in judgement & perception that make me worry I'd be susceptible to an eating disorder... not because I do not adore my body, but because my brain tries to bully me about it anyway.

It's useful to have a partner around, you can trust their perception of you and lean on them for a second opinion when your brain is being silly. I recommend it tbh. :::

Good morning chapo dot cha--

this happens every time I post before bed, other timezones and sleep schedules are wildin

::: spoiler a bit sad I don’t think I’m ready to get into a real relationship again but I do wish I had someone to just cuddle with sometimes. :::

going to become a twitter "transvestigator" but i will just say literally everyone is trans no matter what

::: spoiler doubts, dysphoria, fears of bigotry I'm just so confused. For every advantage it feels like there's a reason not to transition. I'd love to have a girl body more then anything, but that comes with misogyny. I'd love fat redistribution, but will it even look good on my massive frame or am I still going to look "manish". My voice dysphoria is truly awful, I hate speaking and its what holds me back most from asking for she/her. Can I work on it enough to be happy with it? If I could I'd be the happiest girl in the world but... you know what if it doesn't sound the way I want. I'm scared to come out, but staying like this is hell. I feel like life is and will continue to be trudging through mud. Either dysphoria or bigotry and harassment. I can't stay where I am though.

I don't know. I'll probably give it a shot at some point and decide from there what to do. I know this sounds very downer but I'm just so confused and scared.

People say all trans women are so strong but I'm very much so that's worrying too. I have always been a quitter. :::

... should I post some of my outfit design sketches on the trans mega?

we finally did it lmao

I realise now that I would not date anybody who does not do book stuff with me. I am glad to realise this while bookclubbing with wifey, indicating that I made the right life choice

Sorry for forcing you through a shitty book though wifey

i hate my boss i hate my boss i hate my boss

if i eat a wig will my hair grow longer

I drink a lot of soy milk. Like two gallons a week. It looks like phytoestrogens can interfere with estrogen. Thinking I should switch to oat milk even though I don't like the texture.

Any pharmacology/diet nerds have any thoughts? I messaged my prescriber the same question too and will update if I hear back from her.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6390141/

all the gay people are asleep and we're losing the posting war :(

damn I can already notice my chest hair growing back in much lighter shades and far softer than it did before. nice!

I wish I had my gf to use as a pillow; all mine suck.

::: spoiler nsfw When your hair is long enough to catch on your junk in the shower not that pleasant a sensation. :::

So what're good ingredients for shampoo and conditioner to look for, oils aside? I noticed many conditioners, even the curly ones have various alcohols as the first few ingredients and that seems kinda scuffed to me.

I've been having a good time touching grass, hanging out with my best friends for the past few days, and we're making plans to do it again soon. We've been online friends for months but this is only the second time we've hung out irl (and last time we were both in significantly worse mental spaces.) It's so nice to be together irl with someone on the same autism wavelength as me haha. I'm so excited, in the coming months we'll be able to spend a lot more time together irl.

Life-changing psychological experience, Vietnamese iced coffee, and a rainy day. The vibes today are excellent.

wish i could paint my nails more often. i did it for trans pride last weekend and it was nice, but i have to remove it super quick because i work with food

down with cis

I can feel myself developing a special interest in brutalist architecture in real time. I've loved brutalism for a while now but I'm literally like, planning day trips to go see some brutalist buildings near me.

estrogen, my beloved? where have you been all my life?

::: spoiler rambling about being perceived / transphobia / downstairs been stuck at the airport all night, but at least my presence is clearly upsetting the cissies the staring isn't getting to me the way it used to. i think this is because am more curvy & androgynous now & thus, more confident i think there are many factors at play here (estrogen, political climate, my baseline gender-nebulous appearance), but i swear, have never gotten this much attention from strangers. it's kinda empowering tbh. i don't care about "passing" in the slightest. like, i could have ten vagoogles & twenty uteruses & chuds would still be chuds. also, crazy how much more i like my cock now that am transitioning. like, the idea of SRS kinda freaks me out to begin with, but now it's like, yeah, i can definitely work with this pretty thing. used to hate it sooo much lmao. :::

Today: I used one of the puppygirl emotes again. I need em.

I've had a few breakups in my life, a few as in literally 4. First one was a fucking disaster, don't want to get into it. Second one was after 5 years with an ex, then third was 5 years after we got back together. Then there was this last one with a new ex.

This one didn't hurt nearly as much! I was surprised. I've never been broken up with, I've always been the instigator, I imagine being dumped probably makes it sting more rather than being the dumpee. After how difficult it was for me, emotionally, the first 3 I'm really surprised by how fast I got over this last one. Cause those first 3 were brutal, months and months and months and months of being down and feeling regret and all that bad shit.

We weren't dating for long, like 5 months, and I guess on some level I figured it wouldn't last the whole time (not sure why, but it was always in the background). I mean, she was nice enough and it's sad it didn't work out but also... it feels so weird that I'm over it.

the only thing the bbc deserves any credit for is not having any advertisements on the tv and radio stations. laugh about the tv license all you want (i'll join you) but i physically cannot listen to radio with ads. sorry

Just boofed a prog. I expect to wake up with DDs or I will be filling a complaint

fondly remembering that brief moment where there were so many more n’s in the comm name.

::: spoiler spoiler trannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns :::

::: spoiler HRT my wife is geting fucked around by the NHS with her HRT. she moved here from anoher country while on HRT, got an NHS script for cyrpo and estradiol. then hey phone her up the other day and said 'sorry we have to cancel the cypro because a specialist has to prescribe this in britain'. now I know that high doses of cypro, of which stuff like 25mg or 50mg which most trans people take is a high dose, do have adverse long term side effects of spinal cancer and stuff like that, so that might be why? gut reacion ofc says institutional transphobia, but they didn't do anything abou the estradiol which is also ofc anti androgenising; so if it was just a transpobia thing they'd surely cancel the estradiol?

anyways, I told her to get her former doctor to forward relivant diagnoses and stuff, so we'll see. she has a doctors appoinment set up about this to plead her case. I am hoping the NHS is reasonable, because just denying somebody a medication they have been prescribed by a doctor is actually kind of fucked up regardless of transness or not :::

i'm not sure if this is just the estrogen or i was wildly more confident in my muscles before but i keep trying to do any kind of workouts and they have been completely kicking my ass in a way i've never felt before. i keep getting trying these absolute baby beginner workouts and they keep destroying me before i make it a fraction of the way through them. Is this normal on estrogen? I was rather muscular before going on HRT and it's been about 3 months now if that helps. Am I just experiencing normal things or am I just a bigger weenie than I thought?

"My husband died so I instantly fell for the first beautiful woman I saw": a romance

Gonna finally play Celeste and see what the fuss is about

Dreamt I was cheating on my ex epic gamer moment I think

major (hopefully minor) setback with my partner's job (which they don't have anymore).

the termination doesn't impact their actual driving record. it was from an AI driven algorithm linked to a camera that interpreted something as something else.

but zero tolerance instant termination bye bye six figure job.

so yeah i had a meltdown. tossed some furniture around. i wanted to cry, started to, and just lost it. i fucking hate testosterone

they should be able to find something that pays just as well within a few weeks hopefully. so im once again putting off transitioning or even getting the t blocking hair meds

sole earner once again and can't risk that status. fuck

::: spoiler transphobia/kinda venty this nutomic shit is getting me depressed. it’s really frustrating seeing liberals on other instances act smug claiming it’s a standard marxist position to be transphobic when that’s just blatantly not true! tons of us are shitting on this guy and calling for him to be banned. how are these people gonna sit around and wag their fingers at us while their instances are filled to the fuckin brim with transphobia? i know this is basically just what liberals always do, but on a smaller scale, but fuck is it annoying. i want to go argue with these people but i can’t get my thoughts together because i get too upset while typing.

it’d be a lot easier to deal with if it actually looked like anything was going to be done about this asshole but aside from the hexbear ban it kinda doesn’t seem like anything is gonna happen. there’s no talk i’ve seen on lemmygrad of banning him, and i have zero expectations that he’ll even have to step down as a lemmy.ml admin, much less be banned. i’d be surprised if he even gave an apology. day 104859204 of being disappointed with my supposed allies :::

She's that pie I've had before and know a lot about y'know what I'm sayin', she's that one pie I would ever want in my life

Oh boy, it's that time of day again!

All of y'all are NERDS. Where's all the jock trans people, I need someone to smash coconuts cranially with

Capitalist culture is like an eldritch horror that is all encompassing to the point of suffocation. A sensory blitz of advertisements, television, symbols and music all violently crashing into each other to the point of one's own mental overload.

First?

The stardew valley rant from yesterday led to me listening to an audiobook of simulation and simulacra

good morning to the little transfolks in my phone.

feel like shit, ig i can go to the store tomorrow when i feel less like dying, head hurts. shit sucks

::: spoiler autism talk ... so I'm realizing that irl, I really don't mask my autism at all, lol. I blurt things out at inappropriate times, I'm both exceedingly honest and exceedingly gullible, I don't make eye contact, I visibly act a little weird. I do not script conversations, I do not force eye contact, I do not try to copy behaviors and movements. I only fooled myself into thinking I mask because I like meeting people and I'm able to be friendly on first impression. I think I appear very neurotypical, but clearly my perception is off because if I really acted as neurotypical as I thought I did, I wouldn't have been the weird loner classmate/coworker all my life.

I also thought that infodumping was not something I did, but my friends told me the other day that yeah, I do in fact infodump. I think it's because in high school, I just... really didn't get the opportunity to infodump much. But I always thought it was because I just wasn't good enough at remembering facts and stuff. It was only until I caught myself talking about veganism and communism and art and DIY for hours that I realized that yes, I do actually infodump, at least when I'm given the space to.

Having autism realizations 3 years after first taking the tests? It's more likely than you think, folks. :::

::: spoiler more horny posting maybe it's just because i've been having extremely high estrogen levels but my god has the girl horny been making me have some completely and utterly unspeakable thoughts recently. like wtf i've never felt anything close to the need to get until i can't walk :::

Feelin disconnected and rudderless today. Did the productive things (i.e. phonecalls) and now I'm like uh, I dunno. Weird and flat.

::: spoiler dissecting some transphobia, cw transphobia n homophobia The pathetic transphobe mind does not consider t4t, does it? I mean, all of the frenzied transphobic outrage is about trans people advancing aggressions on The Cis in whatever way, "tricking" them into sex or destroying them at sports. This is also all the same type of outrage directed at gay men & lesbian women in the 1990s, all about "converting" 'innocent straights' into gays or that kids might see, that shit.

I think transphobes simply do not consider the idea that trans people would not want to fuck them. Partly it's because the transphobic propaganda shit doesn't stand to benefit much from it and bastards love playing victim, but also for whatever reason (ego? idk) this type of person just cannot imagine that trans people would have no interest in the cis. Breaks their world view. Guessing most of them do not understand what solidarity is either, the terfs in particular probably being too hateful and poisonous to enjoy their concocted "sisterhood" shit.

There's probably not a lot of point to this post but I was thinkin bout The Revolutionary T4T. I've never dated cis people and I feel like I haven't missed out, lol :::

Ngl I’m still kind of riding the gender euphoria wave of that guy calling me honey earlier.

I don’t care if it’s somewhat patronizing.
I much prefer people see me and assume I’m a “honey” than a “bro” or “dude” or whatever.

Maybe this is just weird and it isn't related to hormones, but it feels like my social needs really changed after starting E. Before I could go a couple of weeks only meeting people at work and online before I had a problem with it, now I get sad if I have a single weekend where I'm not seeing any friends.

i should have taken some chocolate from work. i want to make myself a chocolate tart or something

The Matrix chat is already going so strong that Element is unable to display all new messages after a few hours lol

Girlmanaging my girlfinances

Girloptimising my girlgroceries

I really hate tech and computers and doing IT, I thought I was able to escape it by nursing. Nope. Can't believe I cried over this pc stuff not working lol.

Anyway, I feel better now. I had some non dairy ice cream, a bath, facial mask and now I'm doing a foot mask

I have a personal connection to God. I can send any message you want to the big cheese just let me know

My upper back hurts, this is bullshit!!!

gah. my lowered E levels also lowered my girl horny. get back here, i was just starting to know you

Celeste is in a bundle on Humble rn for $6 (the four item pack) and that alone is worth it if you like tight 2d platformers and discovering speedrun mechanics. The main character is trans-fem. And some money goes to charity.

Webbed looks pretty fun and highly rated as well and you play as a spider. 2d platformer with grapple mechanic.

https://www.humblebundle.com/games/pixels-with-porpoise

i'm like if the witch-king of angmar was a girl

ah FUCK, yeah. the lack of T is really eating away at my muscles and I can feel myself becoming weaker and more tired now

<--- accurate depiction of every muscle cell in my body right now. fuck, i'm tired

I'm kind of a dense bundle of emotions this week and I don't really know how to manage it all besides just doing what I need to do to move forward. I rarely talk about personal stuff anywhere online and I'm probably terrible at it, but I'll try. Some things:

The good:

• I have a BIG life change coming up that I'm extremely excited and happy about. I wanna be careful about saying anything too revealing right now but I'll probably talk about it a little more after it happens. It's not transitioning, but will make that much easier.
• I think I finally got PC-98 games working in a browser, which is something I've been trying to get right all week. I still have yet to test if fonts show up correctly, but if they don't, I have a plan B that I'm pretty sure will fix that issue. With the set up I have now, I can also more easily port other emulator stuff to my page, including DOS games, old console games, arcade stuff, etc. so all the work I'm doing now will pay off for everything else I want to do with the site.
• I saw a post earlier this week about LGB people's views on trans people that made me feel happy because it sort of addressed a weird insecurity I have: ::: spoiler (cw: brainworms, personal weirdness) One thing that has always kind of bothered me, even before realizing I'm trans, is feeling unwelcome and excluded in women's spaces. I don't mean anything to do with sex and dating, mind you, but just being able to hang out with women socially and be welcomed as part of the group. I mean, I 100% get it because lots of cis men really are predatory creeps and it's understandable for women to be a little leery about male-presenting people, but it still always kind of bothered me, especially because I felt awkward in most masculine spaces as well for reasons that are now obvious to me. Anyways, there were 2 different polls posted both showing cis bi and lesbian women being overwhelmingly pro-trans compared to cis bi and gay men, which runs totally counter to my irrational worry about cis women being afraid of me or something. Maybe it's weird, but made me feel warm and fuzzy and even more excited to transition and officially join the girls club. Related, the absolute best part of coming out as trans so far has been being involved in trans spaces like this one, talking with other trans girls and being part of the group. Maybe it's sappy or something but I feel a sense of acceptance I'm not sure I've ever really felt and it's pretty amazing. :::

The bad:

• Regarding that "big life change" I'm being vague about, some friends and family are taking that change very poorly and one old friend is being unhinged and weird about it to the point where I had to block him for awhile. If they're taking this poorly, I can't even imagine how poorly they would take me coming out as trans. Maybe I'll just never come out to them and disappear to live my life. That seems like the best option at this point.
• This weird transphobic Olympics bullshit has me depressed. It's not even about actual trans people, yet transphobes are still using it as an excuse to spew hate and push violence. I'm not surprised, but just sad because it feels like it came out of nowhere today. I'd love to throw all these fuckers in a mineshaft and pour cement on top.
• Work is stressful and I'm tired all the time, but that's nothing new.

::: spoiler sex stuff Actually in the mood for the first time in awhile, but it’s been so long I forgot I don’t have lube
Now I have to decide if I should bother walking to the store or not. :::

::: spoiler dysphoria, money problem vent Had a great day last Friday and Saturday morning was awesome too. Then I went to the beach in a conservative neighborhood and have felt like the bearded trans woman ever since.

Monday I took out a $5k loan to get the face and pits lasered. Was already $5k in on my credit card. Another $50k in student loans for a degree that probably won't help me find gainful employment with my physical health anyway. And have no idea how to restart my disability application in a way that will get it approved. I already tried getting on disability once, it was denied. I appealed, it was denied again but I never received the notice. My intention was to appeal the second one but by the time I found out, it was too late. I really need a lawyers help but finding one that does SSI (rather than SSDI) has been difficult.

Spent some time on job boards this morning. Pretty much everything is corporate now and with my shit resume from three decades of health problems, coupled with my current health, it didn't leave me feeling any optimism.

Plus, I have other health stuff that needs to be addressed. My teeth. Glasses. I don't know where I'm going to find the time, energy, or resources to take care of those.

Feeling overwhelmed and like giving up. :::

would you rather sneeze once a minute for 3 hours or cough every 10 seconds for 10 minutes? yes this is about being trans.

So shaved my face fully for the first time since I started figuring out my identity, really first time in years.

Kitty bumps are so fuckin soft. I think I'd look a bit better after I've lost some weight though :p

Up for 4 hours, and almost 200 comments already. Dis gon b gud.

Someone I follow shared this self defense resource specifically aimed at trans femmes

I figure some of y’all would find it useful/interesting

There’s only one way to beat the news mega for once and for all. We need to do a Venezuelan election but for being trans

Hot take: the only trans novel movie adaption we need is Chef's Choice. I'm tired of the trans horror and trans depressed-people-in-NYC genres. There's no way a studio run by cis people will ever do a good job with those movies anyway. So what we need is more cute trans romcoms. Especially ones where the main couple is st4t and every character is basically an absurd stereotype.

::: spoiler dysphoria I was feeling good about myself today and wanted to take some selfies but then I ended up hating all the photos of my face and triggering mild dysphoria. I don't hate my face in the mirror. I even feel attractive most of the time but like... I dunno. The way a photo flattens my face or the way the photo captures the lighting or maybe just poor lighting conditions in general. Something makes the photos never feel right and not at all like I see myself in reflections.

At least I got a nice cleavage shot :::

nuke - (derogatory) the nuclear "family"; the patriarchal Bomb that if not defused will hump itself to death and take us all down with it.

I am actually horrible at painting my nails . Tried to do it myself so that I can actually learn how to do it and it was quite the mess, I ended up having to fix almost all of the nails with a cotton swab and some nail polish remover. I'm considering the whole thing a net-positive because I haven't had them done in a while, and I've never even tried to do them myself before.

HRT QUESTION:

so your muscles make up a LOT of calories, right? body builders have to eat a ton of protein to build more muscle, but what happens to all that muscle as it atrophies away? right now i can feel myself getting physically weaker and more tired from the estrogen, but what happens to my muscles? they don't just disappear, right? they have got to go somewhere. am i just pooping them out? am i converting them back into useable calories?

Good girl, and have a wonderfull day.

::: spoiler spoiler This is a verytallbart bit. He got Pennis Prager to say this. Yes, it lives rent free in my head. :::

morning, www dot hexbear dot net slash c slash traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns

Sometimes I wonder if there are cissies lurking the trans mega

it should be 20 degrees celsius any time i want to go outside. the weather can do what it wants the rest of the time

I'm kinda like if a trans girl and a trans girl had a baby

::: spoiler Cw sex, foreplay? Had I thought that will have repercussions for me in my dating life. Was watching star trek and they used a laser to hear a cut instantly and my immediate thought was "oh cool someone could bite me as hard as I wanted and it would just get healed". I will proceed to o nothing with this information :::

i kind of want to get a shaved side next time i get my hair cut but idk if i want to commit to losing years of hair growth

idk if it'll make my dysphoria bad

You all, I just got a couple of dresses, another skirt, some boots, and a bag. I knew I would like the other stuff, but I was worried about the dresses. ::: spoiler CW: dysphoria I had tried on dresses when I was younger, and I had a costume a couple of years ago as well. I didn't think I looked good in them, I worried about what others would think seeing me in them, and many aspects of my appearance, including my chest and the hair on it, would give me dysphoria. A couple of years ago, the dysphoria sent me into a panic attack in front of my mother while we were rushing to get to a party, so I had some "trauma" involving dresses specifically. ::: Anyway, there was nothing to worry about, the dresses are amazing, I love dresses now, and I did eye-shadow and eyeliner with my sister too. All together it looks so good, I'm actually so happy right now, almost feels like this cured my depression (for now). The boots I got were also such a great thrift, in fact, the dresses were as well. I got pretty lucky today, although I spent more than I wanted to.

meh new pc build wont turn on, so frustrating. I give up, never doing anything but pre built again. What a waste of money

owwww my ear really hurts. why did nobody warn me that getting stabbed in the ear and having metal jammed in the wound would hurt

I don't know if this is related or not, but would it be weird if I joined this community even if I'm a cis person?

P.S.: joining in the meaning of "clicking the button to get updates about the Lemmy community". I'm sorry if I'm bothering anyone with my presence, this is not my intention. I just like memes in general.

Is it true if you call your gf mommy you have to give them a Mother's Day present?

keep switching back and forth on wanting to be a frail tiny little thing and wanting to be able to crush a steel I beam with my bare hands

Just realised that I only need a pastel pink nail polish to be able to do trans flag nails

I got another round of ketamine therapy today, I felt super cozy touching my own skin and feeling how soft it is

personally i don't mind the uk not really having guns but they should let me have one anyway

::: spoiler (CW Dysphoria) Eurgh, stubble again even though I know I shaved decently this morning. I really fucking hope this doesn't mean that my slightly too high T level made my facial hair start to grow quicker. I'm gonna force myself to not shave for a few days to see if that helps since usually I can get a cleaner shave if I give my face a break every once in a while. So hopefully it's just that I haven't been giving my face a break instead of the growth speeding up. Might also have to get a new razor soon instead of my usual electric one in case that helps.

I guess it's also just possible I'm feeling more dysphoric than usual too, but idk if that's because I noticed this stubble or the other way around. :::

I did not know before this mega that people shave their faces with electric razors. I have always considered them to be a coarse, big, inaccurate tool mostly for body hair. Never even considered putting one up to my face... it seems like it wouldn't work well Idk? Fair play if you legit do not have money for disposables or other manual razors, I've always thought the lil guys got a closer shave.

Kirby 64

I loved it. It's cute.

playing stardew again and kinda don't wanna date abigail again even though she's the best and also it's t4t. idk who to go for instead

well it looks like it's music monday again. been listening to lots of cardiacs because i'm pretentious. and then honestly i've just been going through all my albums and listening to ones i haven't heard in years. good week overall

cw for mild gore maybe on one of the album covers?

Newsmega ambassador here to extend the pine branch of piss

Back no backing right now it started hurting last week but had gotten better for a few days then earlier today I just bent over and then collapsed on the floor in pain. I was bending over to put on shorts so I was just lying there half naked trying to roll from my side onto my back so I could pull them all the way up lol. I wish I knew why my back stops working every now and then; it just does and then goes back to normal after a few days anyway I just want to get in bed but I have to put new sheets on it but I’m not sure how I’ll do it with my back. It also doesn’t help that I stayed up late reading romance slop

You receive a magical power that causes one (1) instant transitioning method actually work for everyone who uses it. What do you choose?

Thinkin' 'bout the extremely famous transgender Fascist Bird game An Outcry by Quinn K. Thinkin' 'bout how everyone in the game just assumes that The Unnamed is one binary gender or the other. When I first played the game it didn't really get me, but now thinking back I'm like Oh, yeah okay. I see how it is. Huh. Those aren't the same birds as the other birds, actually. These birds smoke too, rad.

cowbob bepants

I see Michael Phelps used often as an example of an athlete with a biological advantage but I think Usain Bolt is a much better example. Phelps has had all his records broken by now except for the relays.

Usain Bolt’s 100m record is still standing and no athlete since Tyson Gay and Yohan Blake have come close to coming somewhat close. It’s a record that probably won’t be broken for several decades.

When she runs her hand through your hair

they're eating her... and then they're gonna eat me!

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Think my foil/electric razor is getting kind of dull so I tried using my safety razor on my neck and knicked myself

Crow country's actually really good :D

dragon ball z power levels but instead it's estrogen levels

Listening to gender trouble, chilling in my yard on a mild (but not micro) dose of psilocybin, watching the beach goers hike back and forth as brain worms die.

Woke up in a bad headspace. And I had to go get groceries which I hate doing. But I got candy now so I've got that going for me

Don’t have any cold drinks

youtube reccomendeds repeatedly misgendering me by recommending me f4m asmr instead of f4f

Nutomic can suck my ass.

loving hanamonogatari. old woman yuri fuck yeah

Me earlier: I want to eat lunch early today, just have to walk the dog first.

Me after foraging acorns and pecans and picking up tons of trashing and thinking about not thinking for two and a half hours: Actually I should probably shower first. These poor pockets. Should change.

Watching some popsci video on yt about fertility health and egg freezing, the host just received a huge box of injectable estrogens.

I had a mate who went through fertility treatment, and she mansplained the fuck out of what hrt is and does. I dont pass, but i,ve been taking hrt for 5 years. Anyway unrelated, but we dont talk anymore

I guess its a bit like my friend who started doing maternity photography who i told i couldnt keep seeing that cause of how upsetting it was, and she just never contacted me again (I've since lost her phone number)

sighhhhhh

::: spoiler sad, envy Chat I am so sad and envious. Just seeing all these women my age... I don't know. I feel so sad. I want to cry but literally can't. I feel like I'm looking at the world through dirty glass. And then overhearing them talk. So much envy. I don't want to leave the house ever again. I just want to eat ice cream and rot inside. I still can't cry, tears just won't come.

Also I feel like a complete pervert. And I can't talk to anyone irl about it, even if I came out. They wouldn't understand. :::

Should we have the good boys line up for their mandatory praise and peck on the cheek? Cause I'm sure there's more than one good boy on here!~ ♡

they're trying to cancel me for being a tv show with low to average ratings

Are there pet names you just can’t stand?
The term “baby” or “babe” makes me kind of sick to my stomach.

I think I just associate it with high school and seeing all the couples there constantly call each other that only to break up like a week later.
It just feels very juvenile to me.

getting darl'd at the servo is kinda nice

Getting stuck in your homo-sexual underground thought project for 12 hours is weak shit. I've been working on a thought project for over a week!

uuuugggghhhhhh fuck need to go to the store tomorrow. fucking hate how difficult this is, still.

I’m organizing the sewing cave for the first time ever basically and… I’m enjoying it? What is this new version of me that has suddenly appeared?