As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.

update: 20 new signups from trans diy shenanigans

Any transmascs here? Shoutout to guys being guys, dudes being dudes. Dudes rock

New realisation: I have always needed the megathread in my life. It is not just the incredible sense of community and friendly trans comrades, but also just keepin' my head full of Gender related thoughts seems to improve my mental health and wellbeing. If I don't get enough, I get grouchy. Trans mega keeps me supplied.

Hexbear is a marxist transgender cult

already getting new signups from reddit fucking with /r/transdiy

::: spoiler I missed the struggle session and I feel bad for opening the hatch again but I also want to share my ftm perspective (that might contain brainworms? idk)

---

Firstly I guess I realised by reading all that shit how hard some trans women have it with the fucking stupid expectations society puts on women. I experience(d) it from an afab perspective and I was very sensitive to it where I was always super aware of my appearance and never comfortable if I wasn’t sure that all my hairs were in place (or removed), my skin looked smooth and my clothes were clean and proper but not too boring.

I super much relate to comparing oneself with the prettiest girls and realising that I’ll never look like that. When I look around me now I see that a lot women don’t conform to the expectations I had set for myself, and those women are just living their life being pretty and comfortable and nice. I literally felt like the world was ending anytime I had a pimple that I couldn’t hide with concealer or I realised that some part of me wasn’t shaven well. At some point I realised my fingers have hair and immediately felt like everyone around me was looking at it while thinking I’m gross, so from then on I had to shave my fucking fingers lol. I’m not really sure how me being trans masc influenced this obsession I had with conforming to all femme expectations. Maybe I thought if I reached my impossible goal of femme perfection I would finally feel more connected to my body?

I stopped shaving at all a while ago because I realised that I didn’t dislike my bodily hair, I was just scared that other people would find my hair gross. Now that I realised I’m trans I stopped doing most of the things I used to do to appear like a proper feminine women and I notice a difference in how people look at me and talk to me. I get dirty looks sometimes and people seem more hesitant to approach me. This reaction was basically my biggest fear when I was younger and now I’m just learning to live with it because letting strangers dictate how I look and behave is silly and it made me very unhappy.

I sympathise a lot with trans women who struggle with these same insecurities and high expectations and I can imagine that adding being trans to the mix can make those feelings much worse.

When I read the part about cis women being lucky for having to put in no effort to look femme I felt a bit defensive about it though because of my own struggle with appearing femme enough even though I was born with the femme hormones.

But it also made me realise that me being trans masc makes it so much easier for me to deal with that internal struggle I had because I now know that I definitely don’t have to live up to the expectations of a gender I don’t identify with, and it feels like a huge weight taken off of my shoulders.

I’ll end my long train of thoughts by adding that I’m proud of this space for having some great posters with really good views on gender constructs to help combat unhealthy gender expectations.

:::

at PP getting my blood drawn

"and your current method of STD prevention is abstinence?"

jesus fucking christ i've never been so burned in a professionally sounding way in my life

trying to pass as a cis woman online by putting she/her/hers in my bio instead of just she/her

I wish I could leave my house without feeling intimidated by everyone I pass

::: spoiler CW: internal transphobia prolly I live in constant fear of other people's judgment
That men will think I am some gay weakling who should be made fun of or beat up
That women will think I am some gross fake whose attempts at femininity are pitiful and insulting
That children will be afraid of me for being a guy
That old people will think I am some removed corrupted youth
I am in this limbo where I fear being too feminine and not enough
:::

It was not cool for Biden to pull out of his re-election campaign just so the news mega could try and top the trans mega.

People who say I'm cute are all part of a globalist conspiracy to make me feel better

Getting more in shape has really made me hate my body less.

I can't stand all the fucking doomer takes itt. I'm so fucking tired of all this brainwormed nonsense everywhere, i need to log off.

I LOVE MY TRANS COMRADES goodnight trans mega, most beloved of all internet threads.

Have a consult for bottom surgery tomorrow. Feeling so excited!

Also I read the Parenti quote for a friend who hadn’t heard it and the first thing they said is “I love your voice.” Really makes me so fucking happy whenever anyone compliments my voice after voice training.

Good lord, that girl in the mirror's lips were not that full a few weeks ago

One thing I hate hearing when I tell people I’m Guatemalan is “oh! We go there every year for missionary work!”

They always give me the “you can’t paint people with a broad brush” bullshit when they’re responsible for introducing queer phobia to communities that didn’t have any before they showed up. Fucking hate missionaries.

A win for trans people: yesterday I finally sewed belt loops onto my DIY bondage pants (a year after making them)

I have been doing a fantastic job deworming myself, truly massive progress. Thank you all for the help, and just for being awesome.

Death to society for burdening me with them for so long. Anyway I'm going to be trans girl vibing

::: spoiler menstruation dysphoria I hate that a few days a month I lose all my functions because my menstruation starts which always takes me by surprise because keeping track means thinking about it which means massive loads of dysphoria. I just can’t view myself as human anytime it happens and the pain and the grossness of it make it that I have to be aware of it every minute even at night because I often can’t sleep due to pain and feeling bloated.

Shouts out to ibuprofen and ice cream and chocolate and soda and youtube and my bed for helping me through it. :::

i took an honest to goddess selfie AND I LIKED IT first time baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Have had a rough week and a half, but I feel that things are starting to sorta come out the other side. Though who knows since I just got hit with PMS and a nasty migraine.

On the bright side, I had my consultation with my surgeon today for top surgery. Because my rib cage is colossal, they recommended we immediately start with the largest implants they've got, even with the fairly substantial breasts that have already grown on me. Kinda sucks because it seems that no matter what I would've done, unless the gods themselves intervened with my breast growth, it seems horribly unlikely I could've naturally reach a point where I would've wanted to be anyways. So be it I suppose. Implants it'll have to be.

I will say that it did feel good that the nurse who takes pictures had to ask if I had gotten breast augmentation yet or not.

I looked on reddit, i should not have looked on reddit. I am so grateful for the hexbear code of conduct 🙏

Some of you may remember, but I shaved my legs for the first time a few days ago (maybe close to a week now, yikes). I had been wanting to do that for years and years, before my egg broke. But I thought people would see it as "girly" so I didn't. I grinned and put up with it.

Chat no one has said a word about it. I have wasted years with hairy ass legs and no one even cares that they aren't hairy anymore. I mean looking back maybe I was a little too worried, but I thought for sure someone would say something. Nope.

The moral here is I am a silly girl, and am done trying to do things to appease others (they might not even care!).

news mega shutting down international travel and banking to try overtaking the trans mega in comments was not ok

>wake up

>feel like dogshit

All I do is bitch and gripe in here. Worlds whiniest trans lesbian thats me

I'm a gayed

Love arguing with other trans people on tumblr about electoralism

Spooning

::: spoiler dysphoria surrounding lack of a uterus I swear to the fucking gods I wish this shit would die. It blindsides me at the worst points for no reason whatsoever. I hope to the gods that it just eventually dies out and I stop thinking about it otherwise I'm going to have to live with it for the next 20 years until I hit menopausal years.

Yes, I want a uterus. Yes, I want to have children. No, I can never do it. Shut up brain. Get over it. There's not a fucking thing you can do about it. :::

As some of you may have seen, I recently found an old bracelet of mine. This has caused a whole flood of memories, which I would like to share. ::: spoiler sad memories but feel good about them now ::: spoiler trans person being bullied, hospital I remember making bracelets pre puberty with my sister, and loving it. I'd make rubber band bracelets and bead ones. I loved wearing them, until I was teased for wearing one (I vividly remember the color it was, my favorite at the time) and it being a girly thing to do. I stopped wearing and making them after that. Later, as a teen, I remember feeling so much (what I know now) gender envy towards girls for wearing them. I remember being in the hospital later then this, and feeling (again what I know now) gender euphoria from getting to wear one. I could not explain it at the time but I just loved wearing that thing. I might still have one somewhere around here. And now, here that old bracelet from before puberty is, as I prepare myself to come out and transition.

Also I found some of the beads I used to use to make bracelets with, plan on making another with them. :::

Anyway that's enough posting from me for tonight, good night I love all of you.

Outperforming the news mega on the same day it became officially Joever is wild

Another day of my trans girl life

Sorry for weird euphoria posting, but it's insane how nice my lips look after 6 months of estrogen.

So grateful for my trans comrades in the megathread. Really gets me thinking how our transcestors could have transitioned without community.

Updates on Lee Carter but not in the way you would expect
CW: abuse of several kinds mentioned

blahaj drama going stupid rn

I'm out tho, I can't do stupid Internet drama anymore so i left with a deez nuts joke

long live hexbear

biden dropped out to give news mega the boost it needs to overtake our big beautiful trans posting

The good:

• I took a picture of myself last week and it didn't make me feel completely terrible.

• I'm gonna be starting voice training again.

The bad:

• I still don't know what fuck-ups are keeping me from my HRT, doctor at the gender clinic says I shoulda heard back months ago, but also hasn't had word of me not attending the initial appointment to talk about prescriptions so it seems the local gender team forgot about me or something. She's asking around but, it looks like I gotta go knock some heads again (metaphorically).

The meh:

• I'm outta town for most of this week, so if the WGS tries to contact me via housephone (I've told 'em not to but they still do on occasion) there's probably gonna be some confusion from whoever answers the phone.

I slept weird and now my neck hurts this is bullshit

I think I've found a group chat where I feel like I belong :D

::: spoiler evil sex thought Cishet people just have a straight fetish. I mean you say your sex is VANILLA, Cisgender Man sir, but really you have a kink for being a big strong man with a fat dong and boinking submissive stereotypically attractive women, huh? You have a guy-kink. You're doing a performance, playing a role, it is a FETISH, sir. It's a sexualisation of your gender. Bro is autoandrophilic basically. Guy gets off on having sex as a man!!! His assigned gender!!!!!

My brain is so rotted, I was thinkin about how Actually at least many cis people be making their gender a big part of their sex life, which is wild. It also made me realise, I kind of don't. I think one of the reasons I was so uncomfortable with my ex is because she was huuuuuuge into making sex very very fucking gendered... I couldn't get down with calling it a "princess hole", wasn't for me.

I guess, further than that, I was kinda uncomfortable with being gendered during sex generally? I mean, say I'm a good girl sure, but that's actually about it. The idea of inhabiting "the role" of a woman felt weird to me. Feels weird. The Truth Of My Body Is Self-Evident; I've No Need To Involve My Gender Presentation In Sex. I'm more comfortable just being people, I guess. Maybe I wouldn't be against my partner bringing gender into the sex equation? But if so we would need to discuss that first, I guess. How much it's expected to play in.

Yes reading Gender Outlaw and then The Gender Accelerationist Manifesto has completely rotted my brain. :::

:::spoiler generational shame and dysphoria I mentioned this already in other comments over the weekend, but my once favorite living aunt, spewed the family shame all over my FB comment when I asked friends and family to use my chosen name. Which pulled a lot of old shit from my grandma to the surface and has left me feeling disassociated and dysphoric. I went out Saturday night and had a wonderful time. But since then, it seems like Saturday happened to someone else.

I see my therapist this morning. But I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Self-care feels like something I should do instead of something I want to do. And I feel ashamed for being cranky with my girlfriend the last two days. :::

::: spoiler transphobic gatekeeping sometimes I think about how insane it is that i can't even legally buy estrogen with my own money because i haven't spent time justifying my transness to some fucking clueless cis nerd doctor and I just sit in my room and seethe like a volcano. Thank fuck for grey market suppliers and trans solidarity, literally life-saving. :::

before transitioning, if I wanted to look at boobs, I had to go to www.internet.com and look up "boobs" if I wanted to see boobs

now all I have to do to look at boobs is look down! this is great!

I used to be 19 and stupid, ah memories

Now I'm 3_ (don't worry about it, I'm old enough to be your mother) and I'm still stupid

I have never felt as trans and happy about it as I am right now. I am excited to transition, on my pace.

come back after like 5 hours tops

272 new comments, some removed, two people talking about leaving

600 more comments than the news mega.

Like Christ you crucified me, but in doing so I am your savior.

got my 1 year on hormones bloodwork back today and my levels are GREAT. We love to see it, folks.

How do I know if im gay?

::: spoiler cw sex

---

I hooked up with a cis man for the first time since starting to transition. It's fair to say that he was a chaser lol, but kind of the best possible one. Like he's openly dated trans women previously, and he happily took me out in public before we did anything else (and paid even!). He wasn't excessively pushy and listened when i said I didn't want to do certain things. He was a bit older than me, but an objectively an attractive, athletic guy. Also he was very concerned with my pleasure when we actually fucked later on.

But, like, im not sure that enjoyed it very much. Like idk im not sure if i was actually attracted to him or really liked what we were doing. I think my favorite parts were cuddling before and talking after.

I've definitely been with other trans girls and not felt that way. Like I very much enjoyed the sex, and was extremely attracted to them.

Uh so maybe it was a sort of bad hookup but maybe Im a lesbian? :::

I’m glad my parents weren’t super strict about gender-specific toys growing up. I had dinosaurs, my little pony plushies, pink dragons, transformers, and superhero action figures.

Meanwhile one of my brothers says that his son will grow up to be a wimp because he doesn’t play with trucks and prefers baby dolls.

I hate hunting for a place to rent. I hate that I can't just force myself to be comfortable in a place with men since it'd be so much easier to find one if I did. I wish I could actually fucking afford a bachelor. I wish I didn't get fucking ghosted 90% of the time I mention I'm trans.

I just realized the last time trans women in sports gained this much attention was during the Cold War when NATO countries would constantly whine about how the Soviet Bloc would be entering “biological men” to compete. The accused were mostly intersex but that didn’t stop them from being transphobic.

I've honestly been feeling really good lately, I can finally just go to the store and buy hormones without having to wait a month to get the bare minimum. I think I passed well enough at work too without all the makeup, goddamn kitchen work and disallowing everything cute, and if that is possible for my 6ft tall, wide af shouldered ass then everything is definitely possible

::: spoiler cw: suicidal ideation havent been feeling suicidal for 6 months now! i think that's a new record since my puberty started. :::

i'm getting kinda anxious since things are going TOO well recently, shit is bound to hit the fan again soon

i love that even the former president getting blasted at didn't have enough staying power to surpass us

I want to at least try prog but I really don't know how I'll get my hands on it in my shitty country

Estrogen has been super easy to get via grey market sources but progesterone seems more prolematic

So! Anyone here self-medicating? (a.k.a. "DIY HRT") - I'm a moderater over on r/estrogel, I'd love to get in touch. Anyone here wanting to self-medicate, but have no idea how? Lets talk

Summer is making me feel like I am always sweating and have light girlstink.

Should I switch to body wash instead of soap?
Would that help?

gonna post in here instead of the news mega to keep our lead: it is so funny that brandon had to fake covid to get out of running for president again. it's like retail job-tier excuses to fuck off entirely. i bet if anyone challenged it he would have just said he had diarrhea or something

i have to go to bed. i'll be closer to kissing girls tomorrow

I might be developing a fear of men.
::: spoiler cw: assault I keep having nightmares were some strange man I don’t know wants to do things to me and they are too strong for me to overpower them. :::

I have no thoughts and I must post

::: spoiler wifeposting (I'm a wifeguy) (but a dyke enby) Rewifing from last thread, last night I cut my wifey's hair into a little chin length bob, which is adorable, she looks great. The way you can tell that I have Fake Autism and she has Real Organic Autism is she prefers her hair shorter (equally for style and utility/sensory reasons) whereas I just grew mine way out and it's annoying.

The first time we tried having me cut her hair, it went atrociously because I freaked out worrying I had cut it too short. (And it did end up very short) This time it apparently went pretty well, we pinned a towel around her shoulders and I just went at it. My knuckles are knobbly so I have trouble keeping hair between my fingers, but she seems very satisfied with the cut, even if it was a bit uneven and needed some revisions. I erred toward cutting not-enough over too-much.

Should do more "girls' night"-y stuff like that I guess, hanging out styling our hair or painting nails or whatever kind of rocks. Both intimate and relaxing. Thank fuck I'm not a man or I would be the most ANNOYING WIFEGUY :::

I'm on 2 mg of oral estradiol in the morning and 2 mg in the evening and my estradiol levels have gone from 146 pg/mL last year to 82 pg/mL six months ago to 71 pg/mL yesterday. I don't even have balls. We're increasing the dose to thrice daily and I'm gonna switch to injections in three months. Wtf tho.

I have to remind myself that we are a mammalian species and it's fine to have a little bit of peach fuzz on your body.

1.We surpassed 1917 yet again comrades, and it is only Friday.

2. Makes me sad to see so much doomer brainworm posting lately. Being trans fucking rules and is the best thing that happened to me.

I hereby want to formally retract my shout out to ibuprofen. She has NOT been helpful today

Me, sitting here anxious about going to the store and buying a bracelet and plushy

Trans people in history transitioning with literally no community or medical care

I'm so tired, WHY did my brain decide that it was a good idea to just not sleep?

Grrr..

Scrolling the news mega I got caught up and made a comment.

So I'm putting this one here to make up for it.

very dumb idea that just MIGHT work that i want to try later tonight: i can, in a pinch, substitute tucking underwear/a gaff under my shorts by wearing like 3-4 pairs of regular panties instead

EDIT: yeah the answer is 5 pairs lol

you know, I had a hunch that E would help my ability to read. I used to read a ton as a kid but during middle school/ high school i could never really focus long enough to get more than a few pages out of the way. Turns out I was right. Now I can actually read shit again, thanks to estrogen.

https://hexbear.net/post/3016455

decided to make a resources thread to condense things a bit

::: spoiler sad posting family stuff

I guess my mother's initial reaction to me being trans was more shock than anything. She initially seemed to take the news really well and was supportive. But I guess she's been struggling with it ever since. I called her yesterday and she told me how upset she's been all week. She's been grieving the death of her son she said, among other things.

She still wants to be a part of my life though , so I imagine that she'll get over this in time. I hope so. The only other people from my family I care about are my dad and grandma. I haven't told them yet, but I don't think either of them will take the news well at all. And I don't think they will ever accept me. But if that's what they choose then that's their choice.

This just has me feeling all blah today.

:::

Remember just a few weeks ago when we celebrated hitting 500 comments on this mega? Now we can do it in less than two days

::: spoiler state transmisogyny Did you know prisons in Washington state have mandated HSTS? Transgender women are considered men if they have lesbian sex (which is not the case for cisgender women, of course). :::

When I left you, I was but the boymoder. Now I am the Passer.

Woke up wanting nothing more than to wear a cute outfit, but I'm forced to dress masc at work since I'm not out there. 😔

Actually fuck I haven't gone out femme in a month. I haven't been going out much since I've been tighter on cash and the friend I'd usually hang out with hasn't been feeling up to it. I should probably do that soon, it might help me feel a bit less repressed.

Hopefully I’ll feel this way when I no longer wake up with any facial hair.

made myself some dinner like an adult. yumyum

::: spoiler dysphoria/envy? I just wish I could hurry up and be transitioned. Look the way I want, be in a lesbian relationship, all that. Getting there is so hard/going to keep being hard. ::: spoiler Anxiety/passing Anxiety is killing me, I feel so uncertain about the future. I want to fast forward to when I'm "resettled" so much. :::

Drunk posting in the news mega. Please forgive me trans comrades.

Since I am unable to eep late at night despite being eepy, I shall share a study as a little treat:

::: spoiler click for study and blogging https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3076785/

This is Views From Both Sides of the Bridge? and it fuckin slaps. I discovered it by punching "trans sexuality" (critical spacebar press) into Searx or something ages ago. I have also done this with "autism and sexuality" because Idk I'm weird this way. The title might sound less than promising, but the abstract is downright insightful;

The aim of this paper is to examine whether transgender people’s experiences of relationships are influenced by heteronormativity, the related concept of sexual legitimacy, and gender as a binary construct. Data from an Internet-based study of transgender people in the USA was used. Findings seem to indicate that participants were strongly influenced by heteronormative discourses. However, less rigid gender beliefs are associated with lower levels of internalised transphobia, which, in turn, are associated with higher levels of self-esteem. Transgender people can therefore find themselves in a double-bind where, on one hand, conforming to gender and sexual norms leads to validation by mainstream US. society, but could possibly entail diminished psychological well-being.

It's pretty silly and boring that it only polls Terminally Online Mostly White Binary Trans People From Burger Empire, but that's okay, it's got cool and funny observations: 'More transfem people cohabitate!' This Just In: truly, the u-haul is essential to the experience of being a dyke, since lesbians were like 30% more common than straight trans women or some shit.

It has a lot of stats I never thought I would see statistified though: Trans women are less likely to want to discuss dysphoria in a relationship, and naturally trans men are more game to talk about their junk with a partner. Funnily, 85% of both categories surveyed are chill with being touched 'down there'. One third of people surveyed are non-monogamous in some form. These statistics are amazing, even if it's just a small study group. I'd die to have more info like this freely available. Idk it's like an anthropology thing, look at the facts about my people. Qualitative and quantitative study and surveys coupled with ACTUAL FIRST PERSON TESTIMONY about trans people and their sexual/romantic lives? I'd pay for this, easily. How many stupid fucking cisnormative studies are there that are basically trash? This is gold to me.

Views also provides super concrete utterly unassailable objective proof that dogmatic, stringent, binary gender ideals are unhealthy for you:

A Pearson correlation of the selected scales, using SPSS 17.0, revealed two statistically significant correlations, as detailed below. The gender ideology scale significantly negatively correlates (r = −.347) with the internalised transphobia scale (p < .001). This means that the higher participants scored on the first, indicating more strongly held gender stereotypical construing, the lower they scored on the latter scales, implying a higher level of internalised transphobia. The internalised transphobia scale significantly positively correlates (r = .326) with the Rosenberg's self-esteem scale (p < .001). This means that the higher participants scored on the latter, indicating higher levels of self-esteem, the higher they also scored on the former, indicating a more positive transgender identity and lower levels of internalised transphobia.

That's my personal favourite stat. I cannot genuinely express how pleased I am that Views exists. It also cites Kate Bornstein (!!!!) and Julia Serano (!!!!!!!) so it truly was made for me. Its Discussion section is super good, excerpt:

Interestingly though, a closer look at the three psychological instruments used in the survey, indicates that participants experiencing lower levels of internalised transphobia not only have higher levels of self-esteem but also hold less rigidly stereotypical gender beliefs. This could be said to leave many transgender individuals in a double-bind: on one hand performing masculinity or femininity is often key to their sense of selves; yet less rigid construing of such gender binary is related to higher self-esteem and a positive transgender identity. Whereas, in fact, a non-transgender person could challenge stereotypical masculine or feminine behaviour without their gender identity being put into question, although their sexual orientation might be, a transgender person might feel far less free or safe to do so if they want to avoid harassment or even violence.

[...]

If all of us, including transgender people, are to be able to express our authentic selves, as well as to increase our capacity for intimacy and sexual autonomy, a new sexual revolution is necessary. This revolution would entail the collapse of limited, hierarchical models, and a move away from reductionist binary constructs of gender and towards the creation of pleasure-based models of sexuality encompassing the wealth and breadth of human desire and experiences.

It is an alltime banger. One of the only studies I have taken true joy in reading and I recommend you do it too. :::

I haven't smoked a pack in 10 years, my last actual smoke was 8 years ago. But I'm still getting cravings argh, I guess it gets worse with stress maybe that's why I'm jonesing.

queer people have the right to be a little weird

::: spoiler kink I bought a flogger where the tips are roses, as much as my sadist heart wants it to have thorns I don't think I'd actually get to use it much if it did, picture me as a 19th century French heiress flopping dramatically on a divan as I say this with the back of my delicate hand raised in quiet desperation to my forehead :::

Do you ever just feel like shit about how much effort you have to put in just to be a girl? I wish I could just exist.
Thinking about it is putting me back into depression.

I’m getting real boymoder vibes from this guy on this reality tv show

ok so I preface this by saying that I am not good at posting sorry, but I'm at the point where I'm feeling very confused and if anyone has any idea what my "deal" is or whatever I would be very grateful for opinions.

::: spoiler mental health questioning, vague implications about of a point in my life i was poor mental health i grew up a super-loner and couldn't really handle people, never made eye contact, got shamed and bullied a lot for being weird, skipped a lot of school, etc. i used to think this was just gender dysphoria until i started struggling at work (after transition) at a really shitty job filled with controlling people who got mad when I was 2 minutes late and ... no joke ... when I went to the bathroom "too often" or for "too long".

i ended up self-diagnosing with adhd, seeing a psyc about it and having them prescribe meds for me (and also secretly diagnose me with several other things like OCD which i only found out about because i saw the notepad he was writing in). i stopped taking them a while after because i felt they weren't really doing anything for me, i only tried one med, though. my mental state was a wreck at that point in my life, i was with a partner who didn't understand, having regular meltdowns, and not really able to find a place that worked for me.

at the time, i thought that i might have what used to be called asperger's since i played "to the moon" and it completely wrecked my sense of self. the psyc i saw was very dismissive about this so for many years i didn't consider it, since he's a professional shrug

i'm trying to figure out what my "deal" is now, because i'm starting to struggle at work again to get things done (i manage software devs, so loots of context switching), and i'm not currently able to enjoy my leisure time and i'm not really sure why. i'm having doubts about having adhd.

i'm reading unmasking autism and i sure do relate to a lot of the "masked autism" traits but i don't want to call myself anything at this stage because i'm having trouble teasing apart what might be gender issues and trauma related to that, possible adhd, maybe asd, c-pstd even maybe (a long-time friend of mine has this + adhd and it apparently looks a lot like autism), or even a combination of them. i started seeing a counsellor (who has adhd btw, so immediately this is positive) but she's like $180 a session lol so i want to at least be prepared when i'm talking to her, with as much research done as possible beforehand and some theories.

so, naturally, i did the very normal thing of doing every test on embrace-autism.com , uh and i scored very high in pretty much all of them meant for suggesting autism, well over the threshold. but like, certainly they're not adjusting for confounding factors like being trans or having adhd (although if i'm honest i'm wondering if i was mis-reading my own symptoms back in the day... do i have trouble focusing, or is it that i take a long time to context switch, etc.)

i could seek a formal diagnosis, but well, i'm not sure what the point would be? i'm feeling very lost, like i'm a chameleon who is just adapting my own life story to fit whatever's neat at the time, like i lied to the doctor who diagnosed me, like he was wrong, it's a mess. and of course, i don't want to just get told i'm borderline lol :::

Last session the laser lady was like “we are gonna try a higher setting” and I think it worked tbh.
Every time I shave it feels like it gets smoother and smoother.

Struggle session ->

Seriously, death to all brainworms. Good luck in everyone’s struggle against their own.

I thank trans God every night that I haven't met a twinky trans man, I think my heart would explode.

getting embarrassingly and unreasonably nervous asking out a girl

and by a girl i mean an NPC in stardew valley

Biden just dropped apparently. News mega is blowing up! Need more trans posting!

I'm so happy right now I'm crying (my emotions are a little all over the place lately I know). One of you she/her'd me the other day when I was doubting myself and it just felt so good, and feels good right now. Thank you all for sticking with me. I love you all.

::: spoiler I hate mtf and ftm (not a rant) I always want to put f first because I'm a girl literally every time I have to retype it. :::

First?

NEW MEGA

Also, death to summer. IT'S TOO HOT!!!

::: spoiler cw some weight and body stuff (positive though, all good!) I've been putting on a bit of weight in the past couple months, and mostly it's just made my ass or thighs massive, but also... tummy. Not a lot, like it only barely pokes out, I still wouldn't have a "muffin top" or anything cute like that. It's kinda nice though actually, soft and squishy and more substantial, I like it a lot. Little bit of soft padding ❤

Honestly someone needs to answer for starting the idea that you have to be skinny. That shit's terrible, squish is good actually :::

i feel like i just fought god and won. cis people cannot capture a tenth of the power i have amassed recently. i did mushrooms recently and i think they pulled out chakra i never knew i had like i'm freaking girl naruto over here

::: spoiler even more trauma stuff I have fallen into some kind of brainhole of thinking about sexual anatomy & horny topics. But not in like a cool or enjoyable way, in a "I'm processing my trauma and every solitary second of it hurts I wish I could stop" kinda way. It's definitely going. :::

Anyway sorry for shitting up the mega

done with work for the week

I should start playing guitar regularly again

the trans posting will continue, we will destroy the hexbear servers, we will destroy the world, we will kill god

Posting unrealistic expectations: Austin Show is my transition goal.

Looking at him makes me want to start working out but I feel like it’s a waste of effort if I’m not on T yet.

skirts are cute as hell

::: spoiler also planning on coming out to some friends tomorrow and maybe dressing femme to a venue. i'm scared of psyching myself out cause i have the perfect outfit planned and am sick of letting myself be misgendered :::

Just shaved my legs for the first time! They look so much better! I have wanted to do this for years, but was always afraid people would make comments. I'm still worried about that, but what's done is done

I will say, while I'm quite happy with how they look now (especially compared to how they looked before, yikes), I was hoping I'd like them more I don't know if its because there's still some hair, or if my skin just isn't as clean as I'd hoped, or what. Maybe they're too big? Still a big improvement though so can't be too upset

I love my trans elders

To the two people who asked what show I was watching sorry, but I’m taking what reality slop I watch to the grave.

::: spoiler bottom surgery consult, sex discussion. Consult went well, and I feel emotionally drained after how focused I was. Oof. Going to get cozy and rock climb after. I really like the surgeon’s work, he seems sweet. Surgeons are always such strange folks to interact with, lmao.

I think I will go with this doctor, but I need to put in a lot of thought about whether I want to go with minimal depth or piv. I’m personally not at all interested in receptive sex, and asexual. The idea of lifelong dilation also sounds very difficult for me personally. Going to have a long discussion with my therapist about it tomorrow, as I feel very conflicted about it. What if I change my mind, what if a future partner has an issue with my anatomy?

Any advice on your own experiences, trans comrades? :::

fuckin hell. just narrated a good chunk of game night in a rather makeshift voice trained voice. apparently wasn't bad but fuck me i don't want to talk for at least a week now

::: spoiler CW: sexual harassment Is it weird to get a sense of affirmation from being harassed? or am I just fucked in the head?

Like on one hand I think it gave me some amount of trauma because I was alone at night in a secluded location with this man who would not stop trying to come on to me and ask me these really inappropriate sexually charged questions. I was just kind of frozen in fear trying to placate him incase he reacted aggressively and also terrified he would figure out I was trans and that would set him off.
It was not fun in the moment.

But at the same time it like…connects me to pretty much every other women in the world and this shared experience/struggle.
And it’s kind of validating to pass enough (at night at least) for this dude to even make a move.

Idk am I alone in having these mixed feelings?

:::

::: spoiler bottom surgery You know, getting a vagina could be pretty cool. :::

new struggle session: what is your favorite gender? i think i would put women at the top of my list

completely and utterly consumed by the sapphic thoughts right now. stardew valley lets me live out my wildest fantasy by giving me an entire farm to grow flowers and more pretty girls than i can count to give them all to

Thank you for always reminding me to do CWs in addition to fighting the good fight for trans people. I forget to do them too often but I think these threads are helping me improve on that.

either estrogen has made me even more attracted to women or finally admitting i'm trans has gotten me to open up about my sexual and romantic attraction in a way that i haven't been able to in years. either way i literally can't go 5 minutes anymore without thinking about how much i love women

Sorry for shitting up the mega. Time to

314 comments in one day number go up for fourth consecutive week?

feeling good about life, honestly. i wish i had something to complain about

chubby transmascsssss 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

:::spoiler despair I guess I'm needing a big loan from the girl zone right now.

Went to a party with my gf last weekend. By 11 I was exhausted. Didn't drink. Smoked some weed but that's my usual. Girlfriend and our other friend wanted to stay out, so we didn't leave until after 2 and didn't get home until five.

I must have pulled my shoulder by staying up. I have chronic inflammation as it is but this last week it's been bad enough to wake me up at 2am. And now I'm worried that it might be an autoimmune disorder which would be aggravated by me going on estrogen and t blockers .

This weekend my girlfriend went camping and partying. I feel left out of her life. We tried scheduling date nights but I feel like I'm the only one actually interested in it and the time we tried it she felt like it was encroaching on her time to do chores and shit.

Feeling like giving up. And like I'm not really a priority in my gfs life, as much as she insists I am.

I can't work because of the pain condition and how it interacts with my mental health. And trying to get on disability has been a nightmare process that I'd have to start over because my last denial didn't show up in the mail, meaning I missed the time I could have appealed it.

So, I'm dependent on my girlfriend and I don't really feel like she understands my needs for intimacy. Intimacy to her is watching a show before bed and smoking weed, which by that time I'm already half asleep.

When my egg broke I woke her up because I was feeling so overwhelmed. And she basically was like oh that's nice and went back to bed.

School starts back up in less than a month. Not sure how I'm going to manage classes, trying to have a life otherwise, and my mental and physical health.

I see the gender clinic next Friday. Being out has brought me joy. But my fears of being attacked for being queer haven't gone away. And likely won't. :::

would you rather kiss super mario or super luigio

Everyone says down with the cis but I was cis once, recovery is possible.

realistic transition goals

girl kiryu

i fucked up big time and i'm going to be crashing and burning further before shit gets any better. i can't go into more details without doxxing the shit out of myself but what the actual fuck i am going to snap

I've always been sure I never wanted to have kids, but starting to maybe wonder if I it was less that and more that I really didn't want to be a dad. Maybe being a mom would be kinda nice?

TOMBOYMODER'S BLOOD TEST RESULTS

What do you think are these good levels?
The website they sent it on says they are abnormal, but I think it's because the test is treating me as a cis male despite the test kit I ordered being for transgender woman.
(the blue is what my levels are and the grey is the reference ranges)

::: spoiler weird uncomfortable sex/dysphoria/sexual anatomy posting How are you supposed to tell if or how much bottom dysphoria you have? Why do I have such dogshit interroception? Why is autism so dang silly?

I already know VERY well that I have worse than no interest in sticking everyone's least favourite external genitalia into anything or anyone, and like oral sex is also fucking terrible. I can't really tell how okay I am with treating it like a clit, I guess. I think it's okay...? maybe?

And more generally, would I even mind having it if I could tuck at all? The most common thought I have about anything below the belt is that I need to learn to tuck.

I know it also kind of bugs me that my front is not flat when pressed against a partner, even though pressing it against stuff feels pretty good. Apply pressure. Clit is definitely vastly improved after longterm ESTROGEN WITHERING at least, like low-to-zero sex fluids is cool, but I feel weird and undecided about it I guess.

I have no desire to recieve re: insertive sex, now or ever, and I can't even really picture how that would feel with a vag honestly, bad interroception again. It almost feels weird to imagine myself with different anatomy, but I think that's more because the idea of dramatically altering my body like that is unreal to my brain, since it can't happen yet, y'know.

One of the things that really destroyed my ability to even think about this subject was, again, en bee because as a teen I really wanted bottom surgery due to self hate, and then when I became less of a loser I really wanted it because my micro brain figured I was just supposed to. Removed of all the cisnormative assumptions, though... what do I actually want? How do I feel about the anatomical options available to me??? Idek.

Gee I sure do wish I could just cut my fucking balls off, though! That shit sucks. Do any of you know a good way I can cut my balls out? Hit me with that "diy orchi but you dont die of an infection" knowledge! :::

In my girlrotting era

::: spoiler bunch of stupid whiny bullshit ::: spoiler probably bad to post but I have never had good judgement anyway, cw lil bit of 4chan language Can you make a good case for why I should do anything other than never post here again? I can't. I'm really not into lecturing people from my white-gold tower of an impossibly safe city where I've almost never even been harrassed, never am afraid to go out, apparently perfectly pass and fit binary gender expectations due to having started at age 17, being tall and skinny and having long hair and all that. Yes I unironically fell for the "zero-effort youngshit passoid" meme, it kind of sickens me to think that I've been yapping at people from a position of such fucking privilege. I'm not convinced I should ever speak again, and if I did I'm not convinced that literally everyone else would not be much better suited to doing so, because painful social ineptitude is a really ugly ingredient to add to this fucking stupid cocktail. I have never improved when it comes to that shit.

I probably shouldn't be putting this on the mega so I'm sorry, I just haven't ever felt more discouraged about ever speaking up again. It's easy to brush off stupid liberals in discord servers or whatever, but I actually give a shit about this website.

:::

EDIT:

Okay I gotta work on some replies. Thank you if you've left one.

::: spoiler weird brain things and dysphoria It seems that everytime I take a step forward, I end up having bouts of "am I really trans though" that last for days.

For example, I came out to my mom this last weekend. It went great, I felt great Saturday night and most of Sunday morning. And then the thoughts start to migrate back in. "Am I really trans?" "I just look like a guy" "I think I'm being self indulgent and stupid" type shit. Plus all the hyper fixation on all the things that make me feel like a guy. It'd be nice if it would stop soon. I was enjoying vibing in skirts and being dorlypilled.

:::

::: spoiler dysphoria, but it's nbd Writing dysphoria strikes again. I hate having brainworms that my writing looks like boy writing this is such a weird thing :::

migraine please i just woke up you cant do this

I'm so weird, why do I get euphoria from the most mundane things?

You know what, I'm not complaining

::: spoiler drinking Sent my girlfriend a breakup text. Having a few shots of whiskey to numb out my feelings.

Listening to Tori Amos. Wishing I had more irl community that understand me. My friends have been accepting and also telling me about all of their gender queer feelings. Which was interesting at first but got annoying pretty quick.

I'll probably just start linking them Judith Butler instead of trying to help them sort out the gender binary.

:::

Thank you trans mega for being a light in the darkness. Even if I'm not making the healthiest decisions today.

::: spoiler more sad posting, this time about parents

I'd like to take my mom's middle and maiden name when I legally change it. But my mom is dodging using my name. Most recently she used my dead name. Now she just dodges. She's a liberal.

And my dad is caught up in his patriarchal bullshit. His pride injured because I didn't spend enough time with him because my trauma got triggered. Trauma that he caused. Through physical and emotional abuse while I was a child. Also a liberal but with a lot of conservative values. Most of the liberal values his liberal wife has instilled in him.

Said liberal wife seems quite skeptical of my transition. Which is kind of the impression I get from my mom too.

I hate to say it because I feel ageist, but fucking boomers.

And fuck whatever generation I am (x/millennial?) because most of my friends are more interested in exploring their own gender queer feelings than supporting my transition and how difficult it is to be out.

On the bright side my kid was cool as fuck about it. I have a lot of love for all of the queer cartoons that he grew up on.

And my little brother has been nothing but supportive. As well as his wife. Much love for trans allies. :::

::: spoiler talking about beanis god fucking dammit this is fucking bullshit and i hate this. i just got these really cute shorts that would look great if my dick wasn't visibly bulging out of them. I want to wear them but I have no idea how to tuck and I honestly don't even want to I just feel like I have to. why can't i wear shorts and leggings without having to think about them like the cis girls do??? :::

Just sittin' here, happy I get to be a real girl who'da thought?

Bit weird thinking of all the new groups I'm in. I'm trans, a lesbian, a woman , lgbt, queer. I don't know, feels odd to be in those groups.

Anyway I'm going to go finally read the Gender Accelerationist Manifesto.

So in terms of body modification, how many piercings and/or tattoos is equivalent to one sex reassignment surgery?

Just left the gender clinic. Going off hormone blockers. We’ll see what happens. I don’t have much dysphoria, so I figured maybe a waste of effort to medically transition? Who knows. I’m feeling nihilistic.

i like my nails

i used to get bullied for having "girlish" hands in school, but who is laughing now, fuckers!?

Reading theory

I hate that my puppy wife has gotten me into Warhammer 40k something fierce. I always thought it was just fascist nonsense, but the world is actually compelling.

Seven days until my first appointment with gender care!

I'm so excited. If anyone can share a time line on what to expect, I would appreciate it. I figure they'll have to do some hormone tests before they can prescribe anything?

Can one "crossdress" if they don't have a binary gender? Is that only for men and women?

Here is the conclusion I have reached: if you are agender you cannot crossdress, because you have no gender from which to "cross". However if you are genderqueer or nonbinary, you are always crossdressing since no article of clothing is gendered appropriately for you

I've been chilling at home by myself the last two days so I really need some social contact, but all the friends I'm close enough with to ask if they wanna hang out on a random tuesday are busy.

My sex assigned at birth in my medical records has been female for a few years now, and suddenly after my latest appointment (where they even said they're just doing organ inventory now!) it's been changed to male. I have of course changed it back.

Got some bloodwork done to get a baseline as I start my HRT (spiro and raloxifene). I have an Estradiol level of 5.8pg/mL and normal range is 11-43 pg/mL. Google says that low etradiol levels can cause: lethargy - check, low libido - check, dry skin - ...check, hot flashes - ...now that you mention it, poor memory - ......check etc.

I'm still not 100% sure about transing my gender (my treatment plan has a goal of limited irreversible changes for the time being), but I have to wonder if it is a coincidence that I came to the conclusion that transitioning and the mental/emotional changes from estrogen might be the best way to help me break out of my depression. Now I'm doubly excited for the changes that might happen.

Estrogen refill got~ 💜

finally have to make an expedition into the store to pick up more hormones, depression/anxiety meds and SOMETHING ELSE THAT I REMEMBERED YESTERDAY BUT COMPLETELY FORGOT OVER NIGHT

why am i like this

Routine endocrinologist appointment tomorrow, although I'm going to request some changes to my HRT. Wish me luck that I don't sleep in.

Went to the store. No plushies. Didn't see bracelets until I was almost out the door and was too cowardly to grab them and checkout twice. They looked crap anyway. I was so excited too. Anyway chat I'm sad always next time I guess.

edit: omg and then the gender envy. fuck.

Edit2: found an old one! I haven't seen this thing in ages. Feels very good, very happy :meow-melt:

someone HAS TO STOP THE NEWS MEGA

I need to go buy syringes so I can shoot myself up with girl drugs. But I'm also girl-tripping on mushroom. Wish me luck, chat. (It'll be fine, I can jump handcuffs)

E; the pharmacy didn't have anything close to what I needed. Guess I need to use Amazon or some shit.

I somehow survived my first grown up charge nurse shift and everybody was still breathing and all labs and tasks got done

It was awful, why do people want to be a supervisor, I get a $2 extra an hour premium for this it is so not worth it AAAAAAAA

::: spoiler surgery navelgazing I have made the decision internally to get an orchiectomy. I'm not working anymore so it's probably a good time to do it. I'm pretty excited to have any sort of concrete thoughts regarding what I want to do with my sexual anatomy. Not having balls? Sounds super cool.

Gonna call my endo on monday so he can get me hooked up regarding, I guess a surgical consult. "Hi yes, I'd like you to chop my balls out!!" Hoping the process is easy... :::

Imagine being cis and seeing this thread. What a pitiful, lonely existence that must be.

Tfw I was typing up a huge post then my phone refreshed the page when I went looking for a photo in another tab and I lost like 8 paragraphs

Transgirl named Flowwr Season Month as her legal name hanging with her ftm bf Oliver

i'm tired of being emotionally responsible and cool headed. i'm going to do something really fucking rash and stupid tonight

it's sickly amusing that barfsack ocrumbo made musk rich and now he's giving a shitload of money to trump

Wrong thread, we love our trans comrades

I have the worst tummy ache rn

::: spoiler dead name dysphoria

Well my dead name is starting to cause dysphoria. No one is dead naming me other than the internet. Seeing my dead name on my email address etc everyday.

It feels as overwhelming as cleaning all the boy clothes out of my closet felt. And part of me feels like I should start cleaning out that closet too.

:::

Damb I wanted to be first again.

anxiety is stabbing me in the brain repeatedly

The Trans DDR banner is stronger. URA!

Take a quick girl nap, with my girl blanket feeling amazing on my girl legs. Wake up, check my girl phone to see half a dozen new girl replies to my girlposting.

Nothing better!

I think all the girl juice is making me baseball crazy. Feeling v dizzy watching all these cute boys hit dingers.

My job has been going extremely well. My old team lead got promoted to my manager and now I'm leading a team. Apparently all my coworkers love me and are giving my manager positive feedback about me. Turns out that when my brain is functioning and I am not like, endlessly depressed, Im actually useful at work. I've actually been having fun for the last few weeks once I started Spiro and my brain got fixed. Like I'm realizing that I basically dragged myself along for the past 8 years in total misery while working. Really crazy

started playing tunic. no spoilers please (i'm only an hour or so in) but i really like the cute little fox

What if you just get like six balls?

::: spoiler this might sound dark but I promise I mean it in a very positive way I would like to blame you all for my recent lack of sleep. Having a reason to get up in the morning is not okay. I have consistently been getting up earlier and not being able to fall back to sleep because I need to see what's happening here. Just letting you all know that cannot stand :::

Hm I wonder what the etymology of this third gender is!

"a blend of ____ (woman) + ____ (man)"

Ah, lady boy.

Thinking about How I Beat Brainworms: Honestly seeing cis people get misgendered was kind of a humbling experience for me. Not as a "take em down a peg" thing, but it helped build toward the conclusion that "gender is a fuckin stupid construction", like there are people who're literally assigned female and still get mistaken for a guy. Conversely before my ex's egg cracked people thought she was a girl sometimes. It is kinda nice to know cis people have to deal with this shit now and then, but it's nicer to know that mistaking somebody's gender just happens regardless of their gender sometimes...

Also I really do need that orbital cannon that fires copies of Gender Outlaw.

How common is it for a trans person to dream of being a goth dominant at some point in transition?

the demon of hatred has way too much health and i have zero regrets cheesing him

down with cis

I can't break the pronoun code ^[And the other option has been patched (to be fair, this one was kinda bad)]. I just thought of a new username, but I would really like to continue with my many pronouns. Please makotech revert the .take(2) change.

I feel like there are potentially multiple doggirls who like Sonic the Hedgehog in this mega and now I’m having an identity crisis

What music has everyone been listening to? I've been listening to katatonia today :)

::: spoiler Chat, I really want to be a girl. On a scale of 1 to 10 how cute do you think I'll be? :::

hell yeah we're trans megathreading now

How long is an epilator battery supposed to last?
I swear mine is damaged, it lasts like 10 minutes at most.

::: spoiler negativity I feel like I'll never be able to be the person i want to be. :::

Interesting excerpts from cissexual radical feminist Catharine A. MacKinnon's 1979 book Sexual Harassment of Working Women I found while skimming through it:

Physical characteristics which provide indices of gender include internal and external reproductive organs and genitalia, gonads, hormone balance, and genetic and chromosomal makeup. Strictly speaking, in several of these physical senses gender is not immutable, merely highly tenacious. A transsexual operation, with hormone therapy, can largely transform gender on the physical level, with the major exception of reproductive capacity. But then many born males and females do not possess reproductive capacity for a variety of biological and social reasons. Aside from these characteristics, some evidence of physical differences between the sexes in the aggregate exists in the following areas: body shape, height and weight, muscularity, physical endurance, possibly metabolic rate, possibly some forms of sensory sensitivity, rate of maturation, longevity, susceptibility to certain physical disorders, and some behaviors at birth (irritability, type of movement, and responsiveness to touch). The scientific research stresses the wide, if not complete, mutability of even these differences by social factors such as psychological reinforcements, type of customary physical activity, and career patterns. Moreover, on the biological level, the sex difference is not a polar opposition, but a continuum of characteristics with different averages by sex grouping. (151-152).

She boldly proclaims that "biological sex" (gender, here) consists of a multitude of traits, almost all of which were malleable in the 1970s, and all of which will eventually be malleable in the 3rd millennium. Hilariously, this radical feminist has a more progressive stance on transsexuals than most of the LGBT (including the T!) community. To her, transsexual women can absolutely change their sex to become women. Yet due to the sex-gender confusion invented in the 20th century, many trans people and almost all of their allies don't think transsexual women are really women (just their brain is 🤪).

What hermaphrodism does to the concept of biological gender, transsexuality does to the concept of sex roles. The rigid exclusivity of each sex of the other is undercut in the clear presence of some of both. (154)

First, you'll have to excuse her antiquated language here; I don't think "intersex" had become mainstream until a couple decades later. Also, I find it interesting that she refers to "biological gender" and "sex roles" while today we call it "biological sex" and "gender roles." Maybe we should bring it back to emphasize how both are constructed rather than innate...

Anyway, on to the argument. So yes, the transgressive threat that intersex and transsexual people pose towards our patriarchal society's ideology of oppositional sexism needs to be reckoned with by feminists. Here the author just talks about transsexuality and gender roles, but the block quote above shows how transsexuals have the same effect on "biological" sex as hermaphrodism does. Serano talks about this in Whipping Girl when it comes to trans women, so at least it's still in the modern (serious) feminist consciousness. Society has a lot of mechanisms to minimize this transgression: arbitrarily define intersex as narrowly as possible so as to keep its official epidemiology low, insist that transsexuals do not change their sex, propaganda insisting that girls and boys are different, only allowing the most stereotypical feminine and heterosexual trans women to transition, etc.

Transsexuals experience a sense of sex identity cruelly trapped in a nonconforming body. (154)

Also, it appears she's been an outspoken trans ally in recent years as well, FYI.

Whatever the cause of this sense, it cannot be biological gender, since sex identity stands opposed to the body; nor can it be sex role conditioning alone, since sex identity is also opposed to that. (154)

Another own on the LGBT "community" (L stands for liberal here) - nowadays we have people insisting we were socialized one or the other gender, so we're not really that gender (they try to say this a bit more nicely though). But if that were the case, we'd identify with the gender that we were raised as! MacKinnon certainly expresses skepticism towards this line of logic.

The source of such a thorough rejection of standard sex role conditioning as well as physiology is obscure. But it is testimony to the power of the social correlation of sexual identity with physiology that, in order to pursue the desired behavior patterns fully, transsexuals consider it necessary to alter their bodies to accord with their gender identity. A final observation captures both meanings: first, gender identification may be better understood as a social definition of biology than as a biological definition of society, and, second, the power of that definition. (154)

Admittedly, I'm having a bit of difficulty parsing this, so my interpretation might be wrong. She's discussing gender socialization, gender identity, gendered physiology, and gendered behavior, all of which have social aspects. But then she makes the leap that transsexuals primarily seek to transition their gendered behavior/role(?), leading them to also transition their gendered physiology??? If this is what she means then I have some qualms. Wanting to be perceived as a woman and wanting to look like a woman (have secondary sexual characteristics that result from estrogen) are separate things, and they are also connected. But I'm pretty sure in the vast majority of cases, the conscious feeling of trans women is they want both, not that they want to be perceived as a woman and thus need to transition to attain this. Of course, subconsciously (and ultimately sociologically), that could be the case maybe... But it's not really possible to prove without a time machine or the ability to invent whole societies. The historical record of transgender people by definition does not predate the patriarchy. On the other hand, sex hormones and personal style do, so I'm inclined to think transsexuals would still seek transition even without sociological sex. Anyway, I wonder what her thoughts are now.

Commenting upon the justice of a proposed chromosome test for determining the femaleness of the transsexual tennis player Dr. Renee Richards, one woman observed: "I think nature is not always correct. . . . She looks like a woman, plays like a woman. She is a woman. Chromosomes make things scientific, but nature is not always a hundred percent correct." (154-155)

Nearly fifty years later and we're having the same debates, and the talking points have only regressed. 🙃

Finally got confirmation that my raws were shipped. Dragon Ordnance kinda dragged their ass on this one, but it will be worth it once I have my years' worth of sweet, sweet estrogen powder.

What stupid cringe shit should I put on my compounded estrogen vials? Thinking of just labeling them "girl juice".

::: spoiler being silly >wife is kissing me

>start making goofy-ass meowing noises

>she doesn't stop

what did she mean by this... :::

A part of me still can’t really believe my estrogen levels were so high.
I was half-expecting subq injections to not be as effective for some reason.

….is passing actually within reach?

::: spoiler cw: graham linehan actually unfathomable that he genuinely believes that "they [trans people] took my family away" when what actually happened is that his brain is broken to the point that he does nothing but get mad at random trans people on twitter :::

I mentioned Gender Outlaw to a cis comrade. “Idc I’m ace.” Then said everyone’s on the spectrum and their attention deficit and computer caused. :( just because you can complain about capitalist brain worms doesn’t mean you’re free.

::: spoiler sex, bottom surgery I absolutely want a full cavity. I'm very very toppy, but if there was a subby top I could change my mind...

I dream of having a secret room full of straps to put on... hmm what are we feeling today my darling... my old clone-a-penis, wolf penis, dragon penis, etc. There have been so many times in my life where I was eager to top and get in there but my parts were just not cooperating (especially after hrt lol). It'll be nice to just have silicone or whatever and have it be a choice I make. :::

I think Trump getting shot was a conspiracy by the news megathread to win last week.

And that anyone who agrees or even disagrees with me, or even who has no opinion at all, should feel free to share a comment saying so in reply to my comment.

i want more piercings

really need to get a full tarot deck. my current one only has the major arcana

can't believe my legs hurt. bones are literally rocks like get over yourself you're not supposed to feel pain

I had a patient with conversion disorder.

Imagine having some very bad life event (to be as euphamistic as possible) and then bam... on top of the trauma now you can't walk and it's "in your head" no physical basis like a bug or ms or whatever

I will gay you

Thinking of going to a makeup store tomorrow, but idk which one to go to.

So im non-binary and technically go by any pronouns but im realizing some gendered terms give me extreme revulsion lol. Like I present femme and one of my coworkers has taken to calling me “sis” and I actually hate it so much but he’s my boss so I feel like I just have to white knuckle it

Memory is shit so I'm trying to remember stuff and talk with family about past events and stuff. It's great, now I get to cry like three times a day as I revisit triggers or something I guess. Great.

new from Riot Games: Estradiol Valorant: the new hit E-sport made exclusively by and for trans women

Nervous for a bottom surgery consult today, hope it goes well.

Just as the “self” is made of non-self parts, the “woman” is made of non-woman parts and so on. It’s a quantity into quality thing where at a certain point something can be perceived as coherent or atomizable, as opposed to the true fragmentary and interconnected nature of existence.

I think Buddhism/Marxism/Dialectics can be very helpful for getting over brainworms, and seeing the world clearer.

::: spoiler Question for people who have finished laser or have done it for awhile. The laser people said to not shave a day before an appointment, but I’m three sessions in and shaved 24 hours ago and there isn’t a ton of growth.
There is definitely some, I can feel it, but it’s markedly less.
Would it be advisable to potentially not shave two days before, or would that mess things up some how?

Edit: or I guess I should say they say to shave 24 hours before the appointment, but then not shave until after if that makes sense. :::

It doesn't matter that biden dropped out since we have a 700+ comment lead

::: spoiler CW: dysphoria vent I found a video from a protest a while ago. I heard my voice and I was just hit with dysphoria. Before I transitioned I would have never thought my voice would be a source of dysphoria for me, but now it is probably one of the largest. In a way it makes sense (at least for me), my voice feels like who I am, it's quite literally my voice, and it doesn't sound the way I want to be interpreted or the way I want to portray myself. The fact that it's a video probably makes it worse, everything is worse on video (or in photos for physical appearance).

So many trans emotions/feelings/thoughts, it's overwhelming.

I really want some physical femme things. Like a blahaj/bracelets/that kind of thing not even clothes. Just something I can touch and feel like I'm a girl/woman. Maybe this weekend.

we've had two solid weeks of rain and very little sun and now my plants are all doing terribly

Went to bed early for once

1700 comments wtf

Reading Gender Outlaw. So eepy, but I press on. I should do my own research, but have the common surgeries changed much since whenever this book is from?

one is male until perceived otherwise… roughly four female cues to outweigh the presence of one male cue… many women today get “sirred” whereas very few men get called “ma’am.”

Is this true? I got an assumed to be a girl for having long hair when I didn’t even know trans people were a thing, and didn’t try to be fem. My impression is that rather than only masc stuff being picked up on, people are often outed for deviating for the masculine norm.

My last post got me in the 'angry about trans discourse' mood so I need to vent about something rq.

::: spoiler /tttt/ language I fucking hate the term BDD passoid so goddamn much holy shit. It's even worse to me than the usual brainwormed terms since it goes a level beyond the usual of 'does everyone think I'm (insert brainworm term here)?' into 'oh this person would absolutely call me a BDD passoid' for me and then that infects any conversation I have with someone who's a little too /tttt/ adjacent. I know that this is pretty privilege shit that doesn't really matter but the term is literally just 'you're pretty/pass so your feelings are invalid.' But then the exact shit I'm dysphoric over is stuff these same fuckers would whine endlessly about. It's the absolute peak of /tttt/'s godawful fixation on prettiness and passing as the only valid way to exist as a trans person and all the toxicity that mindset creates. Ugggghfhghdhfufhdbufhffhfj

It just makes me feel like shit anytime I see someone say it. It feels engineered to undermine trans people's self worth in such a vile way (both those who use the term and those described by it) and god damn I wish it didn't work on me because I hate giving chanlords the satisfaction. :::

Sorry I've been holding that one back ever since I first heard the term.

Reading queer lit, not to better understand myself or the wonderful lgbt people around me, but to have something to post on the hexagonal bear website.

Good morning to the Trans Megathread the best Megathread on the best website on the Internet

cope and seethe news thread

I go away for 6 days and yall do this, maybe I need to make a trans marxist cult emoji for you guys 🤔

Do I just swallow estrogen pills or do I let them dissolve under my tounge? My endo just said to take them so I assume they mean swallow but idk if dissolving is better

Ran out of prog and the sleep issues are back :( my doctor needs to get back to me asap because I can't do this for super long

you will never make me have a good taste in music NEVER

::: spoiler bitching Oh my brain is so melted actually! I forgot I had to sit and listen to dudes be very apologetic about being unable to find solutions for my fast decaying body! I had to like take my shirt off and get poked at and whatever, (not that bad kinda weird) then go think about disability support and shit? Listen to my dad talk about politics and how he thinks Kamala fucking Harris is good? I made progress on not dying or whatever but my brain became mulch and I didn't even notice. Only good thing that happened was the nurse lady said my shoulders are tense so I had my wife break every bone in both my shoulders. Banger. :::

Am I allowed to post my blood test results and get people's thoughts on them?

what if it was orc communism and it was called grommunism

throw the dog out with the dog water

Currently having a terrible week because my job is stressful and my boss is a tyrant. The good news is that I found something new and very very good, so I just need to hang in there a couple more months maybe.

On another topic, for some reason lately I can't stop thinking about learning fencing and I've been binging on sword-related youtube channels. I blame @Tervell@hexbear.net for this.

Anyone else here ever have a strange desire to fling a sword around and stab things with it? I mean, just imagine yourself wielding this beauty. I can't be the only one who finds this appealing, right?

::: spoiler weird trauma stuff, again Going to the chronic pain clinic took me up to the other side of town where I lived in highschool, with mum. It's weird now because they built a bunch of strip malls and cheap shitty overpriced houses up there, but it's the same road, the same bike paths I used to ride to get to my ex's house, the same stupid convenience store.

That was a decade ago now, and between time and the weird memory fog it almost feels like a hallucination, usually. Going back and seeing everything made if feel weirdly uncomfortably close to real though, despite my ex not living there anymore. It's all still there, shit really happened at that place, back then. The stupid suburban sprawl has subsumed the mostly empty highway, but it's all still there, I remember and I wish I didn't. :::

I need more tdick in my life 😩 More bottom growth please

Not sure if I like these shorter boyshorts more because they are shorter (and thus more like girlshorts) or less because they show more of my hairy legs (hair bad). Leaning towards more right now.

estrogen, my beloved 💗💙🤍💙💗

I have come to the realization that since being they/them'd would not feel good, I should probably remove it from my tags. So remove it I have.

Still feel weird because I'm pre transition but that was always going to be the case.

yeah i love NATO

Nventing
A
Trans
Olympics

has anyone else played around with tarot cards

Hi SnowySkyes

sussy amount of comments, gotta fix that

Damn, trans megathread at 2000+ comments.

::: spoiler I’m not scared of nightmares still wish my gf was here tho :::

::: spoiler bit idea (joking about bottom surgery) ::: spoiler The trans woman who wants an orchi, not because of dysphoria but because she doesn't want kids Its me, I'm the bit :::

how do i tell someone that i have a crush on them without sounding 15? "i like you" is too vague but i can't get more specific about it without sounding like Hank Hill

EDIT: girls i need some serious answers here. the jokes are alright but this isn't something i can be jokey about

Feeling very frustrated rn

::: spoiler Rant about makeup + dysphoria and adhd I'm so done with makeup. The amount of precision required when applying eyeliner is just too much for me. I tried using an eye pencil, and it seemed to work better than the eyeliner, until I realized it was getting spread to my lower eyelids whenever I blinked.

Nail polish removers damage my nails, even the ones that don't contain acetone. And I feel like nail polish just doesn't fit my hand shape. Whenever I've tried nail polish before my hands remind me of this one guy I knew that wore black nail polish, and it just makes me dysphoric when I should be feeling euphoria.

As if that wasn't enough, my adhd also makes me lose all motivation if I'm not immediately good at whatever new thing I'm trying out.

I know the eyeliner and eye pencil takes time and practice but I just can't. And I don't think I'll ever give nail polish another go, unless hrt does something to make my hands more feminine. :::

::: spoiler bottom surgery query True or false: orchiectomy will make vaginoplasty or other forms of bottom surgery difficult at a later date, surgeons will refuse to operate? :::

I wake up. People are posting based Sonic Adventure takes in the mega

::: spoiler I Love Amy posting How DARE Bibi slander her like this:

Amy is the missing girl protagonist from Pokemon Red and Green, outfit goes hard tbh. I adore her. :::

Visited an ikea for the first time (mostly to get some stuff for work and look at furniture with my brother and my cousin), but obviously had to grab a smol blahaj while I was there. Found out that my brother and cousin are still somehow ignorant of blahaj.

::: spoiler fears of coming out, hopelessness I need to start transitioning. Can't imagine family being supportive. Can't get a job. tf am I supposed to do. :::

::: spoiler dysphoria-referencing 'meme' involving facial hair After shaving my face:

Watching the hair come back:

Day before I shave again:

Rinse and Repeat in a cycle usually lasting 2-4 days. :::

I literally thought I was going backwards because I hadn't shaved for sooooooo loooooong (4 days). I was genuinely surprised when I saw myself afterwords. I am indeed on E and it was foolish of me to believe I could go backwards when my ADHD brain forgets a ton of stuff but remembers exactly WHAT TIME on WHAT DAY I need to take my injection. I actually thought I looked good too, especially compared to how I looked just a month ago. P R O G R E S S

Tomorrow I am going to this chronic pain clinic. Cannot wait for the nurse to read my intake form to me. I am curious to see how it goes.

Trans mega being almost a thousand posts ahead of the news mega makes me not feel so bad about shit posting in the news mega

Raws look like some of the most questionable drugs I have ever seen.

Excited to have this security though.

::: spoiler drink isnt good for you cw: horni

been drinkin some rum and watching Hasan's stream about the biden drop out. the cnn broadcast had a lady anchor with pretty eyebrows and a slender long neck and im too drunk by far dw about it fuck :::

::: spoiler talk about dating and anxieties surrounding such, discussion of mental illness included It's been almost two years since my first gf broke up with me and I haven't dated since. I'm terrified of dating again, mostly because I'm scared I'm not a "good enough" person to date. I'm scared of hurting people, and I'm scared that as the mental illness-ridden person I am I will inevitably hurt people without meaning to. I have severe OCD, horribly unmanaged ADHD, and a lot of general trauma and depression. I have texting anxiety that's so bad it might actually be some sort of anxiety disorder, and it's caused me to disappear from text conversations without warning several times. All of this does not make for great partner material.

I always thought that I was too horrible of a person to date, which is why I haven't dated since my first partner and I broke up. I was talking to one of my friends recently though, and we came to the conclusion that holding myself in this stasis chamber of forever perceiving myself as the worst being in existence and being afraid to interact with people as a result wasn't really helping me get better. I'm going to try to go to OCD therapy regularly, and I will try to get ADHD treatment as well (hopefully I'll be able to push through to the end and get a diagnosis this time, because I've tried to get a diagnosis twice and was held back by various problems.) So... I think I'm also going to try dating too. At least, I want to try to go on casual dates (my first relationship was a long-distance one so we weren't able to go on in-person dates together for the duration of the time we were together.)

I'm probably going to download some of the dating apps. I wonder if I should try dating here in my hometown first, or if I should hold off until I go back to college in the fall? Also, if anyone has tips on how to manage texting anxiety, I would appreciate it haha. (It's so bad that even opening messaging apps can give me a panic attack.) :::

::: spoiler tits Wearing this sweatshirt has made me want some. But I haven't necessarily known if I wanted them when I'm just wearing my normal t shirts.

I don't know what the point of this post is. :::

Mission accomplished. I got my partner to watch chainsaw man with me.

I just read Fucking Trans Women in one sitting. Yeah, I’m Ace, at least since blockers. Do I want to be? Did cis-ish sexuality suck that much, or was I making it worse? Does sexuality come back with E?

talked about adding us to a webring, sounds amusing