Closed off pride month just in time by sleeping with a trans micro-celebrity, attending a nice queer party with my friends and then taking my gal pal home for the most intense play sessions we've ever had. Pretty crazy weekend, at some point i actually cried with joy that this is my life now and that i get to meet all these wonderful, amazing people. If somebody would've shown me pics of my dates from last weekend and present-day me 3 years ago in my questioning phase, i would not have believed them that it could be real. But here i am. God, i love being trans, coming out is the best thing i ever did.

I’m not far in my transition at all, I started dressing a bit differently but due to medical reasons I can’t bind. Someone called me a young man today though and I didn’t expect it.

I’ve been gender ambiguous before so it’s not really new to me for people to assume I’m a guy but it feels differently now that I know I’m actually trans.

More and more people getting their eggs broken by the bear site

Meep meep I used to post here like 1-2yrs ago and now i am back.

Happy to report my tits have DOUBLED IN SIZE since the last time I posted. Progesterone rips, one of the greatest drugs of all time, highly recommend

The trans group chat im in is too lib :(

:yea: I really need to actually try girl stuff in real life to move forward. Just thinking about it isn't helping me understand.

Had my first face-to-face conversation with my dad after telling him I'm trans and he really wants to remind me a lot of people regret surgeries

Last injection post because I can't do this every week but 4TH INJECTION LETS GOOOOO

I've started E about 40 something days ago, I feel good about it, the mental effects are nice, and I'm seeing some physical effects already which is also good

I'm doing estrogen monotherapy using gel, homemade, and it has been working well as far as I can tell, I haven't gotten any blood work done but I'm planning on it soon

I'm also experimenting with a different form https://stickies.neocities.org/stickies buccal absorb type things, I made some without estrogen and they seem to stick on very well and dissolve slowly, but it's kind of uncomfortable, I don't know if I'd get used to it or not, so not sure whether to make dosed one or not.

Speaking of guides, I'm writing a guide on how to make gel at home, not 100% sure where I should post it when I'm done, but it's gonna be more thorough than anything I found while doing research to make my gel

I wish I had someone who could just do my makeup for me.
The idea of having to look at myself without it keeps me from doing it at all.

If you ever need to bully a cis person, you could always say something like, "Nice name... DID YOUR MOM PICK IT OUT FOR YOU??"

Happy Disability Pride Month to our disabled comrades!

In honor of current twitter trans discourse:

::: spoiler CW: a lot of text, transphobia

BRIDGET — "Um...Sorry...But I can't keep coming to the reading group. I'm leaving the country next month..."

LOGIC [Easy: Success] — Bridget was born to an aristrocratic family in Sur-la-Clef. She's probably moving back in with them.

RHETORIC — Trans-sexuals are supposed to be our comrades-in-arms. They're supposed to put their lives on the line to fight the "class war," not flee when things suddenly get too tough!

LOGIC — She's an aristocrat. An Occidental settler. Of course she flees when life becomes slightly more difficult.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Legendary: Success] — For every reál a typical Revacholian worker makes, a trans-sexual woman makes only sixty centims. The poverty rate of trans-sexual adults is twenty-nine percent. Six hundred and twenty bills that target trans-sexuals have been considered this year within the Coalition, making this year the fifth consecutive record-breaking year. In terms of gendered oppression, trans-sexual women are the women of women.

LOGIC — Hold up. Leaving the country requires a passport and a lot of money. Any trans-sexuals that are fleeing can't be that poor.

SHIVERS [Godly: Success] — Two blocks south from the Bank of the World building stands the Tricentennial headquarters. A computer engineer sits alone in her office on the fifteenth floor. Scattered papers and piles of tapes adorn her desk.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Impossible: Success] — Her bangs obscure a very subtle widow's peak, and the slight contraction of her neck muscles suggests she is raising her laryngeal protuberance to make it appear smaller. You can't know for certain, but this may well be an underground trans-sexual.

LOGIC — She's far too pretty to be a trans-sexual. You're over-analyzing her.

PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] — There's a pretty trans-sexual right in front of you, idiot!

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Trivial: Success] — After months of psychological review, a trans-sexual woman diagnosed with sexual incongruence disorder may be prescribed estradiol and a gonadotropin releasing hormone agonist in order to cause feminization of the face and body. Finasteride and facial feminization surgery can also reverse masculinization of the hairline and skull.

REACTION SPEED — Facial feminization surgery? You've looked into that. It costs tens of thousands.

LOGIC — You could buy a Fevre with that money. A member of the working class could never afford it.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] — "Innocence of Capital" argues that communists must possess as little capital as possible in order to keep their thinking uncorrupted by it.

LOGIC — Ergo, trans-sexuals who have had surgery cannot be working class.

BRIDGET — "So...yeah. Does anyone have any questions?"

PERCEPTION — Entire minutes have passed since Bridget said she was leaving the country. You have no idea what else was said.

RHETORIC — She's not coming back. This is your last chance to ask any questions about the trans-sexual underground.

YOU — (Whisper.) "Are trans-sexuals bourgeois?"

:::

Bbbbbbbbb Celeste turns me into a wistful lil gay baby for some reason, like it's not even that sad so far, Idk why. It must be the ✨ vibes ✨ , but so many things can reduce me to an emotionally melty state, which I guess is what reading too many romance novels does to a mf. Dorky and effusive.

I actually really value this because feeling feelings is fucking awesome gosh I love being trans

I feel like I can only allow myself a certain level of femininity based on how much I think others perceive me as passing.

The idea of people looking at me and seeing a crossdressing dude fills me with a dread I can’t describe.

My gf would probably say I just have really bad dsyohoria and dysmorphia and I’d like to believe that, but I can’t shake the notion that I am fundamentally ugly.

Right now I’m at the slightly fem hair and yoga pants stage, incase you were wondering.

being a trans woman is fun because using a public restroom runs legitimate threat to your safety and also you have to take pills that make you piss a ton. Fun combo!!!

How'd we almost break 1k comments this week but not last week :o were you all outside touching grass in the real world??

good for youse

>tell my wife she is cute

>"My glasses are upstairs if you need them"

Never before has "ur cute" -> "nuh-uh" rhetoric been so brutal...

i've been really feeling myself recently in terms of my physical appearance.

i feel like i've hit a point where the dysphoria days are so much less frequent, and i've really hit my stride in terms of confidence in that department. like, i don't care about passing so not gonna bring that into the equation but damn i'm hot lol

FUCK OFF, LEG HAIR. i have soft girl skin now and you and your stubble is ruining the experience

Asking the doc for some anti-androgens becuase I need to win the battle against my body hair

women....

One weird thing I've learned from talking to cis people, even sympathetic ones, is that so many think trans people are always super visibly trans and you'll always know if you're speaking to a trans person.

Which is ironic because cishets are like the easiest people to stealth mode among. The gays are usually a bit more attentive, and hiding it from other trans people is the super advanced difficulty.

well today has been an absolutely garbage fucking day, but I'm going to make it better by not drinking about it. transitioning isn't just changing my gender, it's about turning myself into someone I want to be, dammit

Bully me for my videogame ineptitude:

I liked it, I thought it was cute and comfy, breddy gud =) I feel kinda weird that the gameplay and story exist almost on seperate planes though...

I miss my gf

Me learning about Stop!! Hibari-kun!:

Wow, the only anime with a transgender girl as a protagonist is from the 80s?! Mangaka are almost always clueless when it comes to gender. Did they somehow independently come up with the concept? Cause it's not like mangaka ever research gender before writing about it... Let's see if anyone asked about it in an interview.

Oh! She's an egg born in the wrong generation. That explains it.

918 Comments (685 New)

I didn't check in for a few days and you're nearly at 1000??

Spiro has changed my life. My OCD thought patterns have nearly vanished. I can ignore my intrusive thoughts again. I had no idea this would happen, I fully expected Spiro to increase my anxiety. I feel like I have my life back 😭 trying not to get too excited since it's been less than a week but this is the most relief I've had so far.

Was T really fucking with my brain that much? I actually don't believe it. Maybe it's the blood pressure lowering effects?

It is almost impossible to find a place to live as a transwoman around here it seems. I write to the places that explicity advertise themselves as "LGBTQ+ friendly" and get consitently ghosted.

Before, when I was an Egg, I would always get replies, my message is the same,excwpt for half a paragraph about me being trans, that I added.

Maybe I will have to boymode to avoid homlessnes.

It's now illegal to be gay again.

i swear every laser technician at the place i go to has a completely different technique. some seem much more thorough than others

Idk when my sister's wedding is, but I really hope it isn't for awhile. I'm no where near ready to go to one.

Can I stop dreaming about my ex right fuckin now? She was doing an infinite money glitch on an ATM, every dream I have with her in it sucks.

Is there a special reason I was both lucky enough to transition young and cursed enough to have to do it with my first girlfriend, who would turn out to be abusive (in many ways) and also a neurotypical leave my brain you utter sludge, I do not owe you my identity

So apparently I'm what's called a vocal underdoer. I've used my voice very little in recent years, which has caused it to get much weaker. Now I need to undo the damage if I want to reach my voice goals.

::: spoiler Negativity As if regular voice training wasn't hard enough already, now I have to do several voice strengthening excercies on top of that. It's all so overwhelming, wish I could just give up and become mute :::

Everything is so damn difficult ::: spoiler complaining things are hard Being a trans person seems so hard, being a woman seems so hard, dysphoria is definitely hard, coming out is hard, figuring myself out is hard, making progress is hard, just fucking living under capitalism is hard. :::

I wake up, it's a reasonable time. (Before 10am) I lay around luxuriating and eepin and cuddling my wife until it's not a reasonable time (after 12pm) Pride month has ended, I have earned this eep

Having to shave my armpits and nethers every other day is kind of a pain.
I almost wish I didn't have such an aversion to body hair, then I could do the whole "free the bush" thing and whatever.

Fat redistribution has made my upper arms squishy :3

I may not be first but I am on time.

met up with some other trans people today at the local park that was nice. even kind of flirted with one after she said she thought she could pick me up (she could)

Going back to a family gathering in august. Going between cancelling, boymoding, or saying fuck it and wearing what I want. Only thing is that it's gonna be extremely uncomfortable no matter what.

It's fucked up my gf has a stuffed dog plushie she cuddles with in my stead.
Practically cheating tbh.

::: spoiler complaining about society's transphobia I will literally never forgive society for making me feel like I'm a pervert. :::

went to a christian coming of age party yesterday, had fun being very trans and girly

now there's going to be another one in 4 weeks, and im going to go as full on goth, with my 10cm tall platforms and disdainful look permanently applied

Sometimes I'll look down while sitting in my chair and think my body is girl-shaped.

down with cis

::: spoiler spoiler down with cis :::

I'm only a strong, independent woman by circumstance. I'm actually a very weak, dependent woman whose been through too much bullshit and has no one to depend on

see the cool thing about having the trans mega be as big as it is now is that the number of threads i want to spend time in on this site has literally doubled

I'm extremely annoyed with myself today. I went out to take care of a couple errands with my puppy wife this afternoon and I forgot my damned masks at home. I usually leave them in the car, but circumstances had them in the house for today. Anyways, it was a long drive out and we were only going to be there for a few minutes, so I went and did my thing anyways unfortunately. Hope that I didn't catch anything since I know COVID numbers are up right now.

The one thing about that occurrence that does make me happy is that I was gendered correctly even without a mask. I suppose the HRT is truly redistributing the fat in my face and confirming what I thought I saw in my progress pics. I'm so happy right now

I saw a girl in the mirror

Okay so now that we've reached 1000 comments, the admins have to give over control of the site to the Totalitarian Trans Dictatorship right? Cishets in danger??

I’ve got to stop preemptively assuming that my fatigue issues are going away when I’ve just been way less active lol. Today I weeded the garden and then crashed for the whole day.

Transitioning later in life means that when I get places lasered the white hairs (there's a lot) remain. If I was at a different point it would probably still bother me but at least they dont show as much.

I think I'm making some progress with my voice. It sounded pretty good for a few seconds, and then I had stop because it was starting to hurt my throat. Now I just need to figure out how to do it in a sustainable way

I look forward to the day I can throw out my safety razor.

I know I changed my pronouns before (and then changed them back) but this time I want it to be for real. I'm a woman damn it.

Went out shopping with my sister today so I could thrift some femme clothes (I found a really nice jean jacket and women's jeans with s p a c e!) and we went to where her boyfriend works. Was talking to her after and she was like "yeah he had a feeling you weren't cis" (I rarely see this guy). I swear everybody except for my own family somehow knew that I was probably trans , literally none of my friends were surprised.

AGHH ALMOST FORGOT TO MENTION THE FLUFFY SLIPPERS

I finally got to watch I saw the tv glow - I knew I had wanted to watch it and every trans person with good taste in movies (including here) said to watch it. I did like it, but I wish I had been warned that ::: spoiler spoiler for the tone of the movie and heavy stuff (I'll say tone was not happy cause I wished someone had told me) It's a downer and Isabel/Owen doesn't figure out that her life is a lie, even though this life that was supposedly rooted in logic includes Owen being able to support himself from... restocking balls in a ball pit??? Or that his manager never aged a day in 30 years??

I was able to trans my gender in our irl Midnight Realm so for me, I couldn't really relate as much to the inability to take that leap - it was just when I had cracked my egg, I only had one direction - no choice to go back to boy mode; because it was transition or suicide, for me. I mean, I'm certainly sympathetic. I can understand it as a survival method. I just can't relate on a personal level, that's all I'm saying.

In a TV show like The Pink Opaque, Isabel would have escaped on her own right at the last minute in a double episode length season premiere. So I imagine the reason it ended on that cliffhanger is that we didn't get to see her finally claw her wat out. :::

fucking new york twinks with their bangs, cigarettes and sleazy music - I was supposed to be a lesbian leaning bi disaster

You folks are wild. I can't keep up with the mega anymore. We're also like 80 comments behind the news mega. wtf

I fucking inhaled "Sisters of Dorley" what an amazing piece of trans fiction about the healing power of forcefem(as a solution to toxic masculinty). Not in a erotic way, it's a very non-horny story.

It is a really beautiful work about feminity, being trans, found family and what it means to grow and change as a person.

But no joke, it is actually really good, and in fact so good that it gave me a bunch of motivation to progress with my own transition, because being women and being trans and transitioning brings the characters so much happiness. It is just so uplifting to read.

I read it all on sunday and today, I almost forgot to eat and drink on sunday, because I simply couldn't stop reading.

Hello everyone I hope you are all having a great week, shame that pride ended, tbh it should be the whole summer. Anways, much love and have a great week!!! 🥰🥰🥰🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🥰🥰🥰

Today's an awesome day. Today marks 3 months since my bottom surgery and the official end of my recovery. Still a little bit of issues here and there, but nothing serious enough for me to not be able to return to normal, daily activity. So stoked to getting back to working out and getting back to working my ass and hips. Hopefully I can drop a couple pounds and make my hips BEEG just in time for the furry convention I'll be able to go to here in a bit. Though I am still sad I couldn't make it to Anthrocon again this year :< (been going every year since 2011, missed this year and last year due to mine and puppy wife's bottom surgeries)

::: spoiler sadposting i told myself i was going to pride in a skirt weeks ago and i couldn't bring myself to do it so i just wore pants instead. I had a god awful morning making my way to redactedsburgh to meet up with my friends that i felt done by the time i was at their front door. i still looked pretty cute though. also i watched I Saw the TV glow and oh wow do i now have big fucking sad syndrome :::

I'm a "binary" trans woman but the word binary is really blurry like you need glasses

t4t is the dream tbh

t4t communism ftw

The first time I actively remember hearing about someone being transgender was when Kaitlin Jenner came out and did an interview about it. Interviewer asked if her being trans and attracted to women meant she was gay and I remember her saying no and I got really confused after that. I was super fascinated by the idea of changing ones gender but at the time I kind of decided that the topic was too complicated for me to investigate further.

::: spoiler brainworms

I found it difficult to disconnect the sexuality vs gender aspect at the time, I found it weird that an afab would transition if they’re attracted to men, wouldn’t they only make it harder for themselves to find a man to date? Bad straight-normative thinking on my part and I’m glad I grew out of it. :::

Funnily enough 2 of my childhood friends are transmen who came out and transitioned after I lost contact because we went to different schools. Would have be interesting to share experiences with them when I was younger, maybe I’d have figured out my own identity sooner.

It doesn’t really matter though, I see lots of people on here who are transitioning or transitioned later in life and even though it might be a bit more difficult because we’ve been through puberty already, I’m sure we’ll all end up fine :)

I have my first appt at the gender clinic in two weeks! Are there any things I should make sure to know beforehand?

I'm hoping to get on some sort of estrogen and a SERM to prevent breast development. I am still scared of transitioning and want to take small steps and test the waters before permanent changes take effect.

Will I have to self-advocate for specific forms/names of treatment or can I generally rely on the clinician to be knowledgeable?

Is a very rare day where I am not going out full goth. Got a bunch of cute old clothes from a trans man, and wearing them out is very fun.

I have confirmation my sister's wedding will be in February.
I have so much time, thank God.

Spending my day off being eepy in bed in a skirt, life is good.

Weird/funny thing about transitioning: You know how some people like wearing masks cause it hides their face, letting them pass better? Well HRT has been very good to my face. So ironically, wearing masks makes me more likely to be misgendered.

So I think the emotional changes from the E are starting to hit me. I have had the giggles for a week (for reference, I laughed at "Bazinga") and I have noticed more mood swings (either great or really bad, I probably need antidepressants). Today was the crying. I found myself crying or on the verge of tears for most of the day, either I was feeling sad and talking about my feelings with my sister or I was so happy to be able to spend time with my sister. I legitimately haven't even been able to cry since my depression was really bad a few years ago, and it honestly feels great to be able to show those kind of feelings, both negative and positive (as it also means I'm feeling them). Starting E has to be one of the greatest things I have ever done in my life.

::: spoiler side note Apparently my face is looking softer? My family has been noticing and I looked a photo from a few months back (unshaven) and a photo pre-E (shaven) and I hadn't noticed how much has already happened. I didn't realize things could happen this fast. :::

I can't express to you all how excited I am to be able to be cute.

had a dentist appointment today and at the last moment i just said "naw" and stayed home because i couldn't deal with the possibility of them looking at my chart and saying "estradiol and spironolactone?". i don't even know if they have access to a chart like that but fuck it, i can't deal with that shit

talking with a close friend of mine about a really fun conversation we once had where at 14 i said that I didn't really feel like a man but I didn't change anything about it because it was "convenient, i guess" i guess. She was a closeted trans woman at the time and i was still thinking i was cis for a long time after

Just had a doctor's appointment, turns out my suspicion was right and my T levels were a little high. Got my spiro dose upped and hopefully that'll help fix it.

1000th Comment Acquired

found on blahaj

My girlfriend is over, she finished bottom surgery a few months ago. All I wanna do is destroy that pussy but we have to waaiiiiit ugh, I have to be satisfied with my pretty flogger 😒

I leave for two days to touch grass and y'all make 300 new comments?!

I remember wanting red hair as a kid and then I saw a boy with it and I got sad bc I thought red hair looked better on girls.

the good news is that now i have soft girl skin :)))

the bad news is that it fucking hurts to shave now OWIE

This is kind of brainwormed and kind of weird, but idk maybe writing about it will help me work through things. So in like 2018-2021 I was more involved in local organizing than any other time. I lived in a pretty rural place, and the only org we had was DSA, so I joined DSA. I can't say that we were building the revolutionary vanguard or anything, but I do think that I did a lot of good work and met really amazing people. It was a really positive thing in my life for a while for both myself and others. I stopped all of that during COVID, mostly because my own life fell apart.

Almost 4 years later I'm doing a lot better, living in a new city with a new degree and new sex hormones. But I'm not involved in the local political scene at all. I don't think I would be useful if I joined an org. For one thing, most of the work we did involved in talking to people. I don't want to go around as a non-passing trans woman talking to strangers all day. I'm probably more shy and awkward than ever these days, even though I'm happier, because I honestly have no idea how I'm perceived. I don't think even liberal people are receptive to me.

But also I'm not sure that I care. Like the local left orgs are involved in a lot of causes. They talk about queer liberation during pride month, and the next month it's on the tenant rights or whatever. Maybe Im a bad person, but I don't care that much about the other stuff. I feel that my community, as in trans people, are under significant threat right, and I want to do everything I can to keep the people I care about safe. I don't have room in my life to worry about others besides them

I know that's not intersectional, and that some members of other marginalized groups are also trans, but Im not sure that matters because honestly I don't trust most of the activists I know to do anything for me if things got really bad. Like sure, they'll use my pronouns when they're not they/theming me, and sometimes they'll be extra friendly because my existence makes them feel diverse or whatever. But they wouldn't shelter me, or break the law for me, or die for me, like I would for the other trans women in my life.

Im sure if I joined all the local orgs I would meet based queer comrades who did have my back. But that's pretty much the only draw for me. And should I really join a group who allegedly wants to do serious work only to use it as a social club?

500 comments

We made it to 910 last week LFG!!!

FIRST, also no it is fucking Wrath Month, brickthrowin time.

Good morning cute trans people in my phone~ I am feeling very eepy today

I managed to meet some local trans-ppl. I just had to go to one event, talk to the guy who seemed like an organizer, out myself to him. Get a number for a telegram account from him, write to that account and introduce myself,and then get invited to a weekly get together that's organized over whatsapp.

They were very nice, and I am happy I put in the effort. One is even looking for a roommate. One of the better things to happen to me recently.

Also: is that the normal ammount of effort required, or is this place just special?

::: spoiler cw: dysphoria, body images issues, self hatred No matter how short I am for a guy, or how slight I am for a guy; I can't help but feel like an other when I see cis girls of my height.
Like, I'll feel kind of good about myself, leave the house and see a 5'0-3 cis woman and my proportions feel so off by comparison :::

making a tierlist of medieval/melee weaponry based off of how lesbian i think it is

the trans posting squad is gonna easily break 1k comments

Finally looking at electrolysis providers like I didn't come out way back in the 2000s 🤡

Everyone's transition is different.

fuck I am so happy to be in a time and part of the world where I am going to be able to medically transition. I can't fucking wait.

::: spoiler bottom surgery talk what the actual fuck do i want between my legs? this is never a question i've really asked before nor one that needs any answer remotely soon but what the fuck? i keep looking down and not knowing what I want to see down there or what it's supposed to look like??? yes? no? get rid of that? keep this? do that? absolutely zero easy answers but the uncertainty is making me uneasy :::

I registered with a local clinic to schedule an appointment 2 weeks ago and they finally got back to me today! I was stressing out about having to call in because it was taking a long time, but turns out I just typoed my phone number....

Now I just need to talk to a doctor about what I want. Hopefully they'll have some experience with what I'm looking to acheive.

the trans megathreads are reaching a critical mass, soon the world will kneel

Fall/winter fashion: awesome mom sweaters, thigh high boots, infinity scarves, big fucking coats with buttons and stuff

Spring/summer fashion: literally the same light army jacket and jeans, a pageboy cap, desperate cope for it being 30°C and sweaty activating sensory issues

I started hrt over a year and a half ago and prog 8 months ago, which has been great! But now the clothes I bought a year ago don't fit cause my ass, tits and thighs are too rocking 😫 which, sure, is a nice problem to have but those clothes were cute...

Would you press the button?

What did xi mean by this...

::: spoiler i saw the tv glow talk and also transphobia i have no idea where to find the scene but that one bit where Owen is sitting in the back of the movie theater with his coworkers after walking in on one getting a blowjob and he gets mocked saying "so did you like what you see, huh?" while Owen is staring at the floor wanting to die? yeah that scene pops up into my mind every time I hear about how trans women are "socialized male" :::

Big news! This thread also made me break 200 comments on Lemmy https://lemmygrad.ml/pictrs/image/14b00fae-14aa-4338-9e42-d2c5d3290811.gif I know that's not much but for how little I usually post the 30ish comments here were a lot.

Inverted transsexual imperialist boomerang: after enforcing modern capitalist patriarchy (two sexes, heterosexuality, nuclear family) in its colonies, Britain now seems to be emulating precolonial forms of gender in order to reinforce the patriarchy: the third sexing of trans women

I have such bad body image issues I don’t think I’ll ever be able to even entertain the idea that I can look okay until I’m like a twig.

Epilating some places is much more painful than others

lol lmao

probably an uncontroversial take here but i think that the way people talk down about pumpkin spice lattes is somewhat sexist

What if, hypothetically, the trans mega could get more comments than the news mega

Voice training is hard I'm surprised by how much of the info is new to me, it's almost like my past experience with my voice harms me when it comes to this.

I'm a little overwhelmed right now, in a good way. I'm going to be a woman. I'm going to look like a woman. People are going to look at me and think "damn, she's cute". Maybe even be jealous envious of me. I never thought that'd be a thing for me.

I can't wait to start E

Feeling good, today was a productive day

Helped with move the other day and still able to lift things at almost 3 months into hrt. 😎 Curious how the next move will be though. 😰

Looking for recommendations for trans/queer narratives. I've recently watched I saw the TV glow and played Celeste and am looking for more.

I am unlikely to read a book, just being honest here. If there's an audiobook available maybe.

::: spoiler Edie still wants a Lada Because it's a "vintage car" insurance is completely and utterly fucking stupid

You can't drive the car more than 6000 km/year. You can't use it as your everyday car, in fact you have to register a different car as your everyday car. You have to be 25/30^[1]^ years old. You are only allowed to drive it between the 15th of March and November^[2]^. It has to be locked inside of a garage/building when not in use (exceptions for when you are on trip). It has to be historically correct and in "original condition".

This isn't a car anymore it's a self moving piece of metal you show off. LEMME DRIVE IT AS A FUCKING CAR.

1. I looked at two different companies they had different requirements. Of course I'm not that old.
2. Again different requirements for the two, either the 31th of Oct. or the 15th of Nov :::

whenever i post in this sub the two ghosts look cute together in my comment history ngl

::: spoiler kinda a downer thing about abuse also SEX MENTIONED so i broke up with my partner of about a year about a month ago

i learned that after cutting communication with them from a mutual friend that they had called me transmisogynist bc i was attributing them "standing up for themselves" as a threat because of me thinking of them as a dangerous cis man. obviously i did not think this, and the "standing up" for themselves was them yelling and insulting me, usually over perceived slights that were not what i was trying to communicate.

while we were dating they had also made a lot of transphobic comments towards me and other AFAB trans people. like saying AFAB trans people have it infinitely easier than AMAB trans people and that there was little point to me topping cos i'd have to use a strap.

so yea i dont feel great about all that lmao :::

Thinking about how much happier I was, in general and with my body pre puberty. Really peaked. I wonder if second puberty will make me feel that way again.

To be clear this is not sad posting

I had a good opportunity to come out to one of my friends last night, but didn't. "coming out" would probably have just been saying I wish I wasn't a guy sometimes and maybe asking for they/them pronouns.

:cri: like actually how am I going to be able to do this, especially with family. I just want to curl up in bed and stay there.

Trans mega just eating all the other megas at this point

Up with Trans

::: spoiler CW: depression mentioned but within a sister appreciation post My cister is letting me cuddle with her Blahaj because I am feeling so depressed. I love her so much, I couldn't have asked for a better sister. :::

I'm on week 6 of HRT, I feel like shit still boy-moding. I need to level up my girl perk tree.

now i'm doing game dev shit for fun am i legally obligated to get programming socks like i'm a meme from a decade ago?

they're really not my style and it's also quite warm atm

My sisters, we cannot allow the News Mega to overtake us!

I am now reading my university texts out loud for voice training, and it really is exhausting after a short time, but I can still manage it wthout my resonance slipping into my chest, for a paragraph or two.

Tried buying new glasses today, and the store assistant, when I ask her for help, sends me to the mens section. I do not have new glasses.

almost at 666 comments again

managed to de egg myself just enough to not wear long sleeve everything outside while in the middle of summer

bad news is that my skin that hasn't seen sunlight in several many years is fucking BORNT

::: spoiler Hi computer trans people, it's me, again, going on about my HRT, again. I contacted my doctor after posing my questions about Anti-Androgens and the possibility of mono-E therapy. Her thoughts seemed to be those of waiting until I got my E and T levels tested, and then making a decision from there (would be in two months). She clarified that Spiro is the only option for an AA, because they do not prescribe Bica due to the risks involved with the liver. My main question is: Spiro now, or wait and see what my E and T levels are? Is there any benefit to starting Spiro sooner rather than waiting (quicker and/or "better" results)? And, one last question, will I have to start buying like 3 jars of pickles each week on Spiro? (/j). ::: Again, thank you all, even if you don't have any thoughts or answers. You all helped my egg crack, and have pretty much been one of the only sources of community guiding me along the way. Just feel like I should say how appreciative I am of this comm and all of you

I was really starting to get jiggly butt and thighs, and it was nice as hell. I even got some new jorts that fit me super well.

But then I started puking every day, prolly cuz I was smoking too much weed (CHS), and I have lost 10lbs over the last month. My jorts no longer fit very well.

Love meeting other trans communists

how come there are SO MANY pretty girls out there and i am not allowed to kiss all of them

Summer is fun cause I can't tell if the people are staring at me cause I'm trans, or oggling cause I'm finally comfortable enough to show some skin. Either way it's a weird feeling.

Almost forgot to take my Cypro.

my belly is still chubby but it's looking a little more girl chubby and not boy chubby now

Good Night you all, and God Damn America

ah fuck, my bimbo ass done forgot a bralette for work today and i am feeling it owie

trans men protect me im eepy and people are bothering me

my computer is shit and i also have been avoiding work fucking again im doing it again im fucking going to fail my classes again and im probably making my friends think i don't want to spend time with them when they're some of the brightest spots in my life right now come on can the dice just role high soon

There is a sick, twisted, FUCKED UP part of me that sees a CW like this, and goes " Lets fuckin go boys, lets see ya!!!!"

I've noticed that I've been using a mix of pronouns for myself. The other day I caught myself saying "other women"

I will attempt to have a productive day today

i need to post more trans things to make the number go up but i can't think of any trans things to post :(((

3rd laser appointment completed.
The lady remembered me.
My eyes got kind of teary from the pain, but I tried to play it off as my eyes adjusting to the light.

Still felt kind of pathetic wiping away the tears while she rubbed aloe on my face.

I cleaned and redid my audiovisual setup today. It had been collecting dust for years and I finally got up and did something about it, now that I have the tape deck inregrated it feels much more complete than it did before. At this point the only thing I'm missing is a VHS player, otherwise I can play just about any of the more popular media formats aside from what I just mentioned and some of the really high end Blu-rays.

1,000 comments is totally happening this week

if i die imma be a ghost that just hugs trans ppl and tell them they look incredible and tell them its gonna be okay

fucking glad that I didn't start transition during the skinny jeans era, though I can't wait for them to feel comfy enough that I can rock them with some all black docs and a vintage jacket

Utena rlly said "I don't want a bride, I want a totally normal boy!"

Sis...

First bloodwork after nearly 3 months showing T still slightly above average for cismen. Never got a baseline right before starting, so not sure what it was beforehand. But at least I have a medical record showing it was not "low" in case people with bad opinions suggest otherwise?

Is there a better solution for curly bangs than Straightening Iron Violence? My hair is really curly by nature and it's curlier the shorter it is, so my bangs look like I left curlers in overnight.

Sometimes I can just brush em into order, but usually they stick out at absurd angles, and a straightening iron usually results in bangs being flattened or them shortly returning to utter disorganisation.

Why did I never get taught to care for my hair death to my mother for this

Today was not a good day. Maybe tomorrow will be different...

me when i look down

::: spoiler cw homophobia, transphobia, Shimanami Tasogare See, the trouble I have is that this woman is not immediately fucking burnt at the stake or something: M*nga that forces you to just sit with brainwormed queerphobia. Do not want. :::

::: spoiler clothing dysphoria? but I'm not too upset right now Taking my girlshower, doing some girlshaving, and then putting on my boy clothes

but one day I won't be putting boy clothes on! ::: This is the happiest I've been with my body in a while though, not because of what it is but because of what it will be.

I wish I could get into the recent movies with a bunch of trans hype around em. idk what the deal is but most other trans girls i know went fuckin nuts over People's Joker and I Saw The TV Glow. I could not stand the former and the latter was just kinda ok? I just don't get it. I'm jelly cuz I want that "this movie really gets me" experience about transness in film. Guess I gotta keep waiting for mine to come around.

1000 comments surpassed while I was busy dying over and over in Rain World

Speaking of hair what are ya'll doing with yours?
I'm rocking a short shag.

Are wide hips a meme? Is a wide pelvis as a feminine thing overemphasised and untrue?

I know I keep posting but it can make up for my lackluster prescence last week. I just got a new epilator in, and this time I payed a bit more for a wet/dry one. This one also swivels and sounds much less threatening. I tested it on a leg I had epi'd before, and it doesn't hurt nearly as much, meaning I now just have to get over the initial hurdle of initially removing the hair without impulsively returning the epilator (which I did last time).

It's the Braun Silk Epil 9, almost forgot to mention. Cost me a bit but I feel like it will be better than constantly going through disposable razor blades and/or seeking lazer (not covered by my insurance 😔)

My hair looks pretty cool right now 😁

Cracked the egg for good last month. Seeing a gender-affirming care Nurse Practitioner at the end of the this month. Starting on some voice training videos this morning. Cleaned out most of my boy clothes last week. Replaced most of my summer wardrobe with t-shirts that aren't boxes and skirts that I get tons of compliments on. Living in a city with a great trans/queer community. The queer joy and compliments have so far outweighed the microaggressions by a large margin. And I've discovered I feel much braver as myself than I ever did as a boy.

After 40+ years of depression and anxiety, I'm discovering the joy of radical self-expression. Still a lot of habits to work through, but, life is good :)

::: spoiler sad posting I'm tearing up. Why don't I look like that. Why did I get born into this crummy guy body. I'm never leaving the house again. :::

server went down at 1337, now its at 1389. how did it go up

can I eschew the battery and start my car with a crank arm yes/no

what am I going to do

::: spoiler depersonalization? looking at my forearms right now and they look completely foreign, like they aren't even mine.

I feel this way kind of often about my body, especially like my legs. Its a very weird feeling, especially when it isn't in an upsetting/dysphoric way. Those just don't feel like my arms. :::

Is 249 pmol/l estrogen a good value, or could it be a bit low? Before hrt I had 53 pmol/l, so at least it quintupled.

People need to post more so I can swoop in and be the 1000th comment.

I feel the egg metaphor ironically applies more to transition than pre-transition - it's a slow and beautiful process where small changes accumulate on your body as cracks in the dysphoria shell leading to an emergence of the person you wish you were in your mind as reality in your mirror

i went to a bar last night and saw a pride flag with a miller lite can on it. i think i turned into the joker for half an hour

We are almost there soldiers!

listening to my girlfriend play piano and i'm proud of her for learning

::: spoiler dating, negativity, sadposting I'm just so sad right now. I'm listening to someone talking about their experience dating 30+ and I can't guys. A lot of people have already found someone at my age, and I have no path towards meeting people. And I'm not who I want to be yet. So what do I do? I could try and find someone now (really in the next few years) but are they going to want to stay with me while I transition/get more femme? What are the odds I find someone who's bi, and likes me both ways. Doesn't seem very fucking likely. Or I wait even fucking longer, with more and more people getting matched and the ever shrinking pool of people who would date me, and I would also want to date. Then just enter the dating pool completely fresh, trying to date another woman as someone who has lived as a guy her whole life. That joke about lesbians moving things along really fast makes me nervous too, I don't want to rush right in to something and I worry that will be seen as me being noncommittal/flaky/like I don't really like her.

How do I even meet people? I'm so awkward and hate the idea of just approaching someone. ::: ::: spoiler NEGATIVITY ABOUT BEING TRANS (WORSE THEN NORMAL), genitals Let's be real, I'm not dateable now and even after I transition (if I do) I won't really be. Why would someone want to date this huge gross person with all this baggage and straight guy issues when you could just as easily date any of the other wonderful women. Some stuff I don't even want to change. I don't want bottom surgery. Why would you date a woman with a penis if you could find one without? Why would someone date this ugly, brainwormed pretender instead of someone else. They wouldn't.

And I haven't even touched on my issues surrounding sex but its bad. I'm fucked. ::: ::: spoiler doomer/si thoughts I can't live the next fucking 50 years of my life alone. I can't. I'll fucking kill myself. I am so deeply lonely and I can't stay like this. I feel like all of my issues have condemned me to this. What a fucking hallow and pathetic life. Is this all there is? :::

New and sudden observation!! If you are Estrogenised or otherwise have dummy thicc thighs, if you bring your legs up close to your body, a bunch of thigh squish will form on the outer thigh near the hips, which is now my new favourite thing to squeeze

I kind of feel like dyed hair would be cool, but my hair is also something I put a lot of work in, and I don't want to replace my working haircare routine, or damage my hair.

I really want to call someone cute right now but I feel like I shouldn't, so come here all you cuties (if you want to be called cute)

Aeons ago this dude I went to highschool with transitioned (like, in highschool) and for years now I've been like "goddamn that was the ballsiest dude I ever met." I managed to meet up with him for the first time since then and it went well! Hes still a cool dude, he told me my voice was nice and he was very suprised to find our my tits are not augmented in any way. So that was quite poggersome indeed.

finally got around to shaving my arms and now i have no more body hair that isn't just little stubs

This week there was chatter in here about becoming more giggly on estrogen, right?

This finally happened to me I guess, 'cause I've been watching Utena and laughing like a dipshit at all of its doofy gags. Nanami's OPERATION: ANTHY IS A WEIRDO made me snort. Why is estrogen a certified funnyhormone??

I do wish sf6 had a character like considering i find that game much more fun than strive.

jumpsuits are so hot, get one if you can. That is all.

This week sucks but I'm doing okay

I know I post this like every other thread but getting to just, exist at home in a femme outfit feels so, so nice

Maybe I'll do a little lolita tea party later too today, it has been a bit since the last

Idk if I am gonna do Farewell in Celeste. The crystal heart in the hotel is fucking stupid and I hate it.

riza hawkeye and roy mustang are a lesbian couple. to me...

LET'S GO TRANS MEGA HAS SURPASSED NEWS MEGA

Wow thats a lot of comments :D

laughing and loving live

holy fuck our power levels are unparalleled

Cis woman on this reality show is doing a beauty pageant in a peacocked themed outfit.
Specifically male peacocked themed.
It’s giving tr@nssexual

::: spoiler incoherent mess of a self hating rant, mention of self harm topics and SA i feel like im hiding from myself, i don't identify or i barely do. I don't try new things, i dont try to get estrogen, i don't try to change more than i am even though i know that i'd probably be happier if i just kept going.

does the mask comfort me? despite the discomfort of it, and the joy of my real gender whenever i try for it, the mask is security. autistic, adhd, trans, and communist. Surrounded by transphobic liberals, im used to having a mask. But i hide behind it even though i hate it because im more scared of being at the mercy of other's judgement and that judgement being something that would wound me to my core than I am motivated towards trying to be trans. I've gotten invitations from 2 different trans women to go shopping or try clothes in a safe space, i've ghosted them on the topic. Im hiding.

i put myself out there once, and because it went slightly bad i refuse to ever again. I accidentally outed myself to my marxist party and thats the only reason they know, and it'd be weird to correct them now, since just hiding would make everything easier to deal with (is that even true I don't think so). i hate myself, fully and truly, but im more scared of dying and the end, and i've already convinced myself that it will not bring me or anyone peace, and will just hurt the ones i love. So i disappear, i fade away. eventually they will not notice me, eventually i will escape, and when i go i can finally free everyone from worrying.

absolute bullshit, since life doesn't work like that. Life has too much potential to just leave, ill say, death is no peace its just the end, ill say. i will desperately try to convince myself of anything to keep going. As edgy as it is, im sustained by rage and indulgence in my addictions. I will not die until the US dies, and in the meantime i will do everything to ignore the specter.

i am broken, i don't think i understand how to have normal relationships. I was SA'd at a young age and that had an effect on me ig. Every relationship is sexual, love is too, even if you don't want them sexually not really. I am only just beginning to separate those i love platonically, romantically, and sexually. i am only beginning to realize that they're different at all. people only want to be around me because they want sex, they want to take it from me, like any transaction thats just the quota. I don't know how to deal with anything that isn't. Its hurting me and i hate it i hate every moment.

I want my mind to quiet but the solution they give is a lie. I wish i could just be who i know i can be, but im too afraid and self absorbed. My life is just me struggling with myself as they are my worst enemy. :::

I feel so much gender envy right right now please somebody inject E straight into my bloodstream. I have an unbelievable desire to be a woman right now. I need to trans this gender.

edit: now I feel so much like a woman! All of you, I'm a woman! A real woman!

I've picket up my oldest friendship(has been since I've been 3 or 2) and probably want to come out to him when I see him next, I've been hesitant, cause he has a lot of shit going on in his live, and I didn't wanna add to it, but it feels dishonest to not do it.

Last time I visited him he grilled asparagus over open flame on his (immaculately cleaned) gas stove, was a real dudes rock moment. Or I guess I grilled the asparagus, cause the guest gets to do the most fun part of cooking. It was fun, playing with fire always is.

There is an old picture of myself from before I started HRT that constantly plays in my head.
It was a family photo and I ripped myself out of it in a depressive episode.

I hope I no longer look like that, but I can’t bear to look at myself to see in case I confirm my worst fears.

Does "JOYRIDE" by Kesha have "tgirl swag"? Yes or no.

Feeling very gay today but it's sad lesbian gay instead of happy lesbian gay

oh waow we already almost back to 900, our posting knows no bounds

Why am I able to have a good relationship with my parents when we chat over video call and not when we're under the same roof together?

(it's the audhd)

Gratz on so many comments everyone.

Y'all surpassed the newsmega

tonight we're going har-har-hard, just like the world is our-our-ours

::: spoiler complaining about body hair Why the actual fuck is there hair on my god damn wrists. :::

Summer is making me feel like I have to wash my hair every day.

horse therapy, how bout some house therapy huh

our lead is gaining, i am proud of all of you

Comment 1198, just almost there to 1200 let's go

Chilling w/Celeste, vibing in the cave and going "damb I love Quiet Time In Evil Ambient Noise Cave, I kinda wish the game wasn't so relentlessly hard all the time so I could chill more" only to realise that I appreciate Quiet Time so much precisely because it's a breather from a relentlessly difficult game. Genious

Also eating estrogen while playing

There is a problem with dog-baiting in yuri and no one is talking about it.

::: spoiler I rate the Braun Silk Epil 9 an... OW IT STILL TAKES LIKE 5 PASSES/10. It's much quieter than the 3 and is waterproof, which is nice. It did eventually die on me though, and it can't be used plugged in, but I do take a long time to epilate since I'm a sensitive little thing. It was much easier in the places I had epilated a few weeks ago though, like much easier (1-2 passes with less pain). I just found out that my mom has an old waxing kit so I might try that for the rest of my "first-time" hair and then maintain with the epilator. Also probably not going to do my face, I saw a lot of horror stories on reddit when looking into it. :::

Looking at the website I buy raw estrogen like "I don't know what these other chemicals are. Do I want any for whatever reason?"

I think they're mostly steroids and other things I very don't want to put in my body.

new mega soon

it's time

ONCE AGAIN ASKING EVERYONE TO READ UNJUST DEPTHS

trans communists in a sub use gundams to fight fascism

We are really close to overtaking the news nerds

Cohabiting

Last night's dream: there was an audiobook version of Nevada, but it didn't actually match the book at all, like it was as if the author rewrote the entire thing very slightly.

::: spoiler lmao good to know what my subconscious mind thinks the opening chapter should sound like! :::

Uh this is a comedy series. I think I like Shimanami Tasogare okay.

Shimanari Tasogare is cute actually, I enjoyed it

ELEVEN HUNDRED BAYBEE

Question for estrogen people: has estrogen affected the amount you sweat at all, or does it just not affect sweat?

I guess this mega is expired now but ooooooooh baby

When ur granted the power to bring the world revolution!! Sure hope Utena can get into that upside down castle & do whatever it is you do in there

Hexbear back. 1 more to 14000!

she bangs by ricky martin tbh

Thank you for everything you gave us 1390+ trans megathread o7

::: spoiler Shimanami Tasogare is prerty much everything I had feared it'd be so far. I think the reason shit like this bugs me, aside from slurs and teenage angst and fitting into society narratives and Coming of Age and whatever, is that it ends up centering the people who ARENT fucking queer in the story. Tasu bitching internally about other students calling him gay. The wives at the rented house/cafe thing talking about coming out and talking to their parents. It's all fucking about how SOCIETY does or doesn't accept queer people, and man fuck you. I want angsty gay thoughts but not like this. :::

am i wishing death upon gareth southgate in a gender affirming way?